All language subtitles for 30.Rock.S04E20.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE.SDH

- Hey.

Could I get your
lucretia mott on this?

- What is this?

- Budget approval

for travel and
hotels for the moms.

- The moms? What moms?

- The staff moms

that are gonna be on
the mother's day show

that NBC is making us do

after their ill-fated decision

to re-air the pilot
of bitch hunter.

- Put the mimosas down!
[Gun cocks]

Bitch.

- Wait, it's mother's
day already?

- Did you forget?
Colleen is gonna kill you.

- There's still time. Jonathan.

Jonathan, call the florist,
and order a dozen... no.

- Necktie.
- Too late, Jackie.

[Exciting jazz music]

♪ ♪

- Hey, why isn't my beautiful
Frank up on the wall?

- Ma, come on, that's
just for the actors.

- Oh, here's a
picture you can use.

It's little Frankie
in the bathtub,

getting ready for
the senior prom.

- Thank you.

Mom, what are you doing?

You don't have
to pay for the food.

- Honey, nothing is free.

You remember that

when a man buys
you an expensive meal.

- Yeah, that's happening a lot.

Hey, Verna.

Well, you must remember
my mom, Margaret.

- Oh, yes, we met
a few years ago

when the girls lived in Chicago.

- You must have me
confused with someone else.

I have never been to Chicago.

I sexually assaulted
Scottie Pippen in 1997.

There's my baby!

- Oh, mommy!

- Look, Tracy, this mother's
day show is tomorrow,

and we haven't been able
to track down your mom.

- I gave Kenneth
her information.

- "Her name might be Cheryl,

and she was wearing
a red shirt in 1984."

Look, I don't want you
to be alone up there

with all the families,

so what if I hire an
actress to play your mom?

- Okay.

But whoever she is

needs to be someone
as amazing as I am.

I want to see a list of names.

Like when they was looking
for John McCain's running mate.

[Laughs]

I'm kidding.

This needs to be
taken seriously.

- Happy mother's day, Colleen.

- I'm not here about
mother's day, John Francis.

You know who's in
my water aerobics class

down in Florida?

- Yes, mother, I've
memorized the names

of everyone in your
water aerobics class.

- Patricia Goodband,

whose sister runs the
Friday night bingo game

at our lady of
reluctant integration

in waltham.

Turns out last week

that the game was
won by Anne o'Connor,

who mentioned that her niece,

Nancy Donovan, got divorced

and was running around

with a hotshot in New York City

who pours scotch like a woman.

- If I don't always share

my personal life
with you, Colleen,

it's because you've never
approved of any woman

I've shown an interest in.

- Now, that's not true.

- I'm not having this
conversation with you right now.

I have work to do, and
I'll be joining you for lunch.

In the meantime, Kenneth
here will entertain you.

- Okay, Kenneth, entertain me.

- ♪ Oh, the fiddle's
in the creek ♪

♪ and the frog's
in the kitchen ♪

I apologize, ma'am.
That is not a song.

You make me very nervous.
- Oh, my god.

[Laughs]

- Hey, Lutz, this
is my mom, Miho.

- Oh, hi.

I didn't know you were adopted.

- What?

- Thanks a lot, Lutz.

[Both argue in Japanese]

- Mom, this is Lee.

He's the head of our
wardrobe department.

- Well, hello, Lee.

- Wrong tree, mom.
- Gotcha.

- So Lee's gonna take care
of your clothes for the show.

- Oh, no, no, that
won't be necessary.

I brought some real cute duds.

I made us both rompers to wear.

- Excuse me.

My... friend has to go
strangle her anxiety pillow.

- Lee, it's the
bridesmaid's dress.

I can't breathe.

I'm gonna die in here.

- Bridesmaid?

It's bad luck for a married
woman to be a bridesmaid.

It brings fever and disease.

- Yeah, well, I'm not
actually married, so...

- Not even common law?

How do you get credit
at a mattress store?

- You know, my Johnny's single,

and he gives excellent backrubs,

I can assure you.

- Thank you, Mrs. Lutz,

and thank you,
moms, for your interest,

but I just haven't
met the one yet.

- Oh, for crying out loud, Liz.

You see? That's
what feminism does.

It makes smart girls
with nice birthing shapes

believe in fairytales.

Stop waiting for
your prince, Liz.

- I'm not waiting for a prince.

I'm waiting for
astronaut Mike Dexter.

- Oh, sweet lord in heaven.

- Who turns out to be
the secret King of Monaco.

- Liz, you're almost 40.

You're not gonna find
some new kind of man.

Whoever the one is,

you probably already met him.

- You're 40?

John is looking for a...

Greener banana, so...

- Hello, Verna.

Glad to see you're here,

upholding your
end of our bargain.

- Oh, yeah.

I'm being a great mother...

Listening, giving advice,

asking stupid
questions during movies.

But I need you to
hold up your end.

That money order you sent,

that was only for half.

- That was a down
payment, Verna.

You'll get the rest

after you've fulfilled
your mother's day duties.

- That's kind of
a problem for me,

'cause I already spent
that down payment

on the first half
of my boob job.

It's not an implant.

It's just a little
yank up, you know?

I mean, I got the meat, Jack.

Go ahead. Feel 'em.
Feel the difference.

- Very different indeed.

Like a cantaloupe

and a ziploc bag
of mushroom soup.

But you're not getting
the rest of that money

until you give Jenna all the
mother's day love she deserves.

- Whatever.

Narc.

- Good news, tray.

We found a great mom for you.

Her name is novella Nelson.

- Novella Nelson?

Oh, wait, is she
Aquaman's girlfriend?

- No. She's a great actress
who lives in Brooklyn.

She looks like you.

- That could be anyone!

We all look the same to me.

Is she famous?

- You'd probably know her best

from a commercial they air a lot

during the 3:30
A.M. sportscenter.

- Ugh, these
overalls are chafing.

I can't wear these
pajamas fishing!

Female announcer: Pajamaralls.

Pajamaralways.

- What about the
list I gave you?

Phylicia Rashad.
Serena Williams.

- They're too
recognizable, Tracy.

And Serena Williams
is younger than you.

- Who cares? She's
awesome, and so am I.

I want Serena Williams
to be my mother.

- We've already booked novella.

The woman's been in
the business for 40 years.

I think she's good enough
for the star of Sherlock homie.

- I know what you're
thinking, mother,

and we are not talking
about Nancy Donovan.

- I don't want to talk
about Nancy Donovan.

I want to talk about
the little blonde girl

that you are sleeping with.

- What?

- A mother knows, Jackie.

- Oh, hi. Are you going up?

- Down, actually.

- Ugh, I forgot my phone.

[Elevator bell dings]

- Two women, Jack,
at the same time.

What are you, Italian?

- I didn't choose for
it to happen like this.

- Be a man and pick one.

- I can't. They both
give me different things.

One connects me
to the man I was.

The other...

Inspires.

- Just listen to yourself, Jack.

- I know it's gay, but
it's my gay problem,

and I'm handling it.

We're ready to order now.

- Just bring my son
one of everything.

That way, he doesn't
have to choose.

[Laughs]

- Hey.

Um, why was I given
this to wear on the show?

- Well, I loved your idea

that we both wear
the same outfit.

I just thought this one
might be more... Tv friendly.

- You mean instead
of the rompers

that your mother slaved over.

- Mom, this isn't Florida.

- You're damn right it isn't.

In Florida, everybody's
always asking me,

"where did you get
that? You made it?

Holy crap! Where do
I commission one?"

- Oh. This is about you
making money selling junk.

- [Groans]

- Verna, this is my job,

and I know you
don't understand that,

'cause you haven't
had a job in 15 years.

- Because of my back.

Because of the
trampoline accident.

- But I need to look
a certain way on TV.

- You are nothing
but a spoiled brat.

You know what?

Here's what I think of you

and your fancy clothes.

That is quality stitching.

Damn the tiny, Brown
hands that made this.

- Oh, there you are.

- Just thought I'd tidy up.

- That's my computer.

- Oh, no, honey.

A computer is a great big
thing with a green screen.

- Mom, do you think it's weird

that I'm still single?

- Well, your standards
are very high.

As they should be.

I remember someone
who got a three

on her history ap test.

- But do I expect too much?

Maybe the moms were right.

Maybe I should
have just settled.

- I can't tell you
what to do, Liz,

but I know from
experience that that guy,

that perfect guy, is out there.

'Cause I know I found mine.

- See, that's all I want.

What you and dad have.

- Oh, I'm not talking
about your father.

- What?

- What do you mean
you're not talking about dad?

You love dad.
- Of course I do,

but dick Lemon isn't ed.

- Ed? Who's ed?

- Ed was my true
love, sweetheart.

He was my steady
at montclair high.

The night before he
was shipped off to Korea,

I repeatedly lost
my virginity to him,

while Waldo, the town perv,

watched from the bushes.

- Wait, what?

- Nothing, younger
me. It's fine.

He wanted to get married,

but when he was
invited to Houston

for his astronaut training...

- he was an astronaut?

You could have been
an astronaut's wife?

- It wasn't that simple, Liz.

I had just graduated
from secretary school,

and I got a job at
sterling Cooper.

I couldn't just
pick up and move.

I was already 26, an old maid.

- Different times. Octomom.

- So I settled for
a wonderful man,

and I have never regretted it.

Not even when I watched
ed aldrin walk on the moon.

- Wait, your ed is buzz aldrin?

- Yeah, but I
always called him ed,

because our town
had, like, five buzzes.

- You could have
married buzz aldrin?

You should regret that, mom.

You should have followed him.

Laura linney could
have played you

in the HBO original
movie moon wives!

- Where are you going, Verna?

- Oh, I quit.

I've been working my ass off

pretending to be a good mom,

but Jenna doesn't appreciate it.

- I see.

Well, then good luck
paying for that other implant.

- It's not an implant, Jack.

I mean, I got the meat.

- Of course. I apologize.

Verna, you have a very
simple decision to make...

Quit, don't get paid,

and drive around
with one headlight out,

or, swallow your pride,

and get the money
you need tomorrow.

- They said they were gonna
put a wig on me or something

so that nobody
would recognize me

as the pajamarall lady.

- Like anyone would
recognize you anyway.

- I'm sorry. What did you say?

- You are way
beneath me, novella.

I am a movie star,
a television actor,

and a guinness book
of world record holder

for most car accidents
in a single year.

- Maybe you wanted
someone more high-profile,

but I am what you got,

so, Tracy, you
better watch yourself,

or you may wind up
with no mother at all.

- Fine. I'd rather be up
on that Stage all alone

than to be with someone

whose resume has "black
judge" on it nine times.

- And you think I
wanted a fake son

who recorded an anti-condom psa?

- I saved a lot of
kids from lame sex!

- Little ingrate.

- All right, start with taxes,

then insurance, and change
this to "Latin America."

I can't say Nicaragua.

Gah!

- You must be Avery.

- Yes?

- I am so sorry, miss Jessup.

Mrs. Donaghy keeps
tricking me and running away,

but not anymore.

- Carl, they need
you out in the hall.

- Yes, ma'am!

- Mrs. Donaghy.

You must be Jack's mother.

- Indeed, I am.

And Jack has told
me so much about you.

You're going to have
to work your backside,

because chest-wise

you have the
measurements of an altar boy.

- I wish Jack had told
me you were in town.

- Well, men have their
little secrets, don't they?

Especially Jack.

- Secrets?

- What I'm trying to say is,

if you're serious about Jackie,

let him know now.

A man like Jack has
other irons in the fire.

- I beg your pardon?

- Oh! Look at the time.

I've got to get back to
calling Kenneth "Carl"

to see if he ever corrects me.

Carl!

- Yes, ma'am?

- [Laughs]

- Lemon, have you seen Colleen?

Kenneth was supposed
to be watching her,

but I just saw him
with his eyes closed

counting to infinity.

- You want to talk
about moms, Jack?

Listen to this.

My mother could have
married buzz aldrin.

- Oh, really? I know buzz.

We met at a photo shoot

for vanity fair's annual
awesome gentleman issue.

- My mom blew it, Jack.

She had true love,
and she threw it away

just because it
was inconvenient.

- Well, Lemon, if your mom
had ended up with buzz,

you would have never been born.

- Or I would have
been born Peter aldrin.

And I'd wait for a
woman with the right stuff.

Now, remember, in this scenario,

I'm a man and my
father is an astronaut.

- Well, Lemon, if
you'd like to see

what your mom's
life would have been,

I can arrange for
you to meet buzz.

- Are you serious?
- He's in town.

I saw him last night at
Rupert Murdoch's twister party.

I mean, uh, regular party.

- Tracy, this mother's
day thing is a disaster.

- I hear you.

Because you're
talking in the ear

that I didn't lose a button in.

- I thought Verna and I
had made this breakthrough,

but now we're just back

to fighting about
money and clothes.

Thank god Terry's dead,

or we'd be fighting
over him again too.

- Boy, I thought I had it
bad with my fake mom.

- Are you kidding?

At least your fake mom

has to act like she
cares about you.

- Yeah, it's true.

And she is a good actress.

I bought those pajamaralls.

- And you got to choose her.

- No, Jenna, no one gets
to choose their mom...

Even when they're fake.

For good or bad,

we're stuck with them.

And you know what?

They don't get to choose
who we are, either.

And god knows we're not perfect.

- It's true.

Sometimes I sing
too beautifully.

- What a nice surpri...

- is there another woman?

- What? How did you...? Colleen.

- Don't blame your mother, Jack.

This is about us.

- Oh, my god. Look,
Avery, you know how I feel.

So I'm gonna skip the
part where I deny anything.

Then you skip the part
where you yell at me.

And then we both move
on to the, uh, make-up sex.

- Wow.

That is a swing.

Look, I assumed you
and I were exclusive,

but we never talked about it,

so maybe this
is partly my fault.

- And I forgive you. Come here.

I'm sorry.

But these tactics have
worked on stupider women.

- If we're going
to move forward,

you better figure out
what it is you want.

Soon.

- Excuse me, Dr. Aldrin.

I'm sorry. There
wasn't a door, so I just...

- I don't believe in barriers,

because I always break them.

You must be Liz.

- Yes, sir.

I actually came about my
mother, Margaret Lemon.

Well, you would have known
her as Margaret Freeman.

- Maggie Freeman? Of
course I remember her.

- Well, I'm sorry to bother you,

but I can't help but
wonder what my mom lost

by giving up on you,

her perfect man.

- Perfect? Sure, I'm
a famous astronaut,

decorated fighter
pilot, doctorate from mit,

but even I sometimes...

I see you. I see
what you're doing.

Return to the night.
You've no business here.

- Are you yelling at the moon?

- I'm sorry. She and I just...

I get mad sometimes.

- Sure.

- Look, you want to know
what your mother missed?

Years of drinking,
depression, cheating.

I flipped over a saab in
the San Fernando valley.

I once woke up in the
air and space museum

with a revolver in the
waistband of my Jean shorts.

- Oh, my god. But you're...

- a human being.

But I'm at peace now.

Sober almost 32 years.

But I would have put
Maggie Freeman through hell.

- [Sighs]

The moms were right.

There's no such thing
as astronaut Mike Dexter.

What am I doing?

- I'm sorry if I've
disappointed you.

Would you like to yell at
the moon with buzz aldrin?

- Yes, please.

- I own you!

- You dumb moon!

- I walked on your face!

- Don't you know it's day?

Idiot!

- Well, I'm ready for the show.

- Mom, you're wearing my outfit.

- Well, a mother
makes sacrifices.

Like those 16 hours
I spent in labor,

even though it was
Margarita Monday

at dockside Joe's.

- Daughters make sacrifices too.

- Why are you wearing
that? Who's paying you?

- No one.

I'm wearing it for the same
reason you're wearing mine.

Because I love you.

- I love you too, baby girl. Oh.

- Why does your
chest feel weird?

- Uh, because I
love you so much.

- ♪ Sincerely ♪

♪ oh yes sincerely ♪

♪ 'cause I love you so dearly ♪

- You look beautiful... Mom.

- Thank you.

Son.

- I think I'm ready
for the sex talk.

- ♪ Oh you know how I love you ♪

- Mom, you were right to settle.

I'm glad you married dad.

- So am I, dear.

Now, would you please
find yourself someone

and start a family

before my hereditary
dementia sets in?

- Wait, what?

- ♪ Please say ♪

♪ you'll be mine ♪

- You.

What is wrong with you?

I am 51 years old.

Do you not think I can take care

of my own personal life?

- Think? I know you can't.

You do a lot of things well...

Make money, choose
wine, wear ties.

But you and women? Disaster.

Divorce. Broken engagements.

I assume herpes.

- And I wonder
why I'm like that.

Maybe it's because
you can't let go

of your precious Jackie,

so you undermine
me at every turn.

- I'm not gonna
be around forever.

- Don't pull that out, Colleen.

- And if I don't do something,

you will never make a decision.

You'll just froufrou around
with Nancy and Avery

until they're both gone.

And then where will I be?

I'll be circling the globe
in my coffin rocket.

Something I saw on TV.

It's very expensive.

I'm done disapproving, Jackie.

I'm just trying to help.

I need to know that someone

is looking out
for my little boy.

- All right, Colleen.

Then I'm asking you,
for the first time in my life,

tell me what to do.

- And I'm going to tell you,

for the first time in my life,

I can't!

[Door opens]

- I... I did not lose her, sir.

Carl would never let you down.

Carl, that does not sound right.

Kevin... no.

Who am I?

Is it Keith?

No, that's not...
yes, I'm Keith.

- That's our show.
Thanks for watching.

- But before you go to bed,

our moms are gonna tuck
you in with a special song.

- ♪ Don't go to sleep with
a frown in your pocket ♪

- ♪ take it to the yard
and tie it to a rocket ♪

- ♪ shoot it to the moon ♪

♪ you'll feel better soon ♪

- ♪ don't go to
bed with a frown ♪

All: ♪ don't go to
bed with a frown ♪

- Good night.

Stay tuned for a special
mother's day edition

of bitch hunter.