All language subtitles for 30.Rock.S04E18.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE.SDH

- Hey!

Did you know that everybody here

went out last night without us?

Oh, nerds!

Nerds?

Nerds.

- Yeah, Thursday night thunder.

That's been going on for years.

- You know about it? How
come I've never been invited?

Don't you think
that's a little bit rude?

- Well, I yelled "baba booey"

at Walter Cronkite's funeral,

so I actually have no
idea of what's rude or not.

- Yeah, well, let me...

- but I couldn't
thunder last night,

because I had to
take Angie to the er.

She had some complications
with her pregnancy,

so that kind of trumps
your little problem.

- Ah, yeah, you're
right. How is she?

- Well, she's fine,
and the baby's fine,

but they put her on bed rest

till her blood
pressure goes down.

- Well, listen, tray, if
there's anything I can do,

please let me know.

- There's one thing.

Could you take care
of Angie like a husband

until this whole
ass-ache blows over?

- Absolutely not.

- What about you, k?

- I'm on it, sir!

[Exciting jazz music]

♪ ♪

- Oh, my.

I haven't seen your
brow that furrowed

since you saw that picture
of Helen Mirren in a bikini.

- How is it possible?
Is she a wizard?

- A question for
another time, Lemon.

I was with Avery last night,

and I almost had a
Nancy-related incident.

- Oh, Jack.

- Oh, nan...

Na.

- What?

- I was saying, "oh, Nana."

Have I not told you about
my grandmother fetish?

Avery actually
tried to get on board.

Later that night,

she put some mothballs
behind her ears

and fed me peppermints.

- She is in it to win it.

- This can't go on.

I'm making a decision
about Nancy and Avery today.

I'm going in the bunker.

No distractions.

I had Jonathan remove the bar

and my collection of 18th
century French erotica.

- I've had to make some
tough calls over the years,

switching Sheinhardt's
wig production

to 100% Chinese cadaver hair,

turning down dick Cheney's
offer to become King of Iraq,

selecting the
brand-new logo for NBC.

[NBC chime plays] It's fresh.

But this Nancy-Avery thing

is the toughest decision
I've ever had to make.

- Well, I'm glad you're
taking it seriously.

Although, sometimes when
you try so hard to find love,

you can't see that it's
been standing in front of you

the whole time.
- Oh, good god.

- [Laughing]

- What did you come in here for?

- [Sighs]

Last night, I saw my
entire staff out at a bar.

They go out every week
and I'm never invited.

Do they not even like me?

- Oh, don't worry. It's healthy.

Bosses need to
keep their distance

from their subordinates.

- Mr. Donaghy, I have to
run out to Mr. Jordan's house.

I'll call you when I get
there so you know I'm safe.

- No! I don't care
if you're safe!

- I love you!

- After four years,

I thought I was close
with these people.

I thought we were a family.

- Don't say family.

- Then I see them out
at a bar without me,

giving each other
windmill high-fives?

- Like in top gun.

But this is your staff.
You can't let it bother you.

You could always come up
here and have a drink with me,

a fellow Manager.

- Oh, great, that
sounds really fun.

I'll just pour myself a drink.

Oh, I dropped my glass!

- Is that supposed
to be a broom?

Anchor the handle.

Yeah.

There it is.

[Cell phone vibrates]

- This better be
important. I'm in a meeting.

- Mr. Jordan,

the situation here
has deteriorated.

- Great update, Ken.

Thanks for checking
in. Talk to you later.

- Actually, sir,

I think you should come home.

Mrs. Jordan said she's
going to turn her rings around

if she sees me again.

She wants you to come help her.

- What? But why?

You're much better at
that serving stuff than I am.

- Well, your wife thinks

taking care of her
should be your job

and I have to agree, sir.

You made a promise
to care for her

in sickness and in health.

Don't you remember
your wedding vows?

- To be honest, I couldn't
really understand anything

Rick James was saying.

- Come home, Mr. Jordan.

Mrs. Jordan needs you.

- Fine, I'll be there soon.

And if you get hungry,

you can help yourself
to anything in the fridge,

and once I'm there,

I'll determine how
much to charge you.

[Phone beeps]

- [Exhales]

- Hey, buddies.

Anybody do anything
fun last night?

What about you,
Frank? What did you do?

- I, uh, had a...

Doctor's appointment.

- Oh, really? For what?

- Oh, uh...

- Oh, god, it looks like the
underside of an octopus!

- Hey, Liz, can I talk
to you and Jenna in...

The office where everyone
clips their toenails?

- Not cool, guys.

- As you guys know,

I'm getting married on may 22nd.

- You are? Still?

- Well, it was off for a while,

because my fiance
was on his dad's yacht

and got captured by pirates,

but now, thanks to
the a-team, he's back.

- Sure.

- He has a different energy now.

He's quieter.

But we're getting married.

- And are we still
in the wedding?

- Of course.

The bridesmaids are you
guys, Andy Roddick's wife,

my Dutch cousins,

and Penelope Cruz's
hotter sister Monica.

- You're gonna be
so out of place, Liz.

- Anyway, my mom
said that if you guys

are gonna throw me a work party,

it has to be this week.

- Oh, no! Really?
- Yeah, I know. I'm sorry.

It's just that the
schedule's really filling up

now that Aris is
finally getting over

his Stockholm syndrome.

Oh, that reminds me.

You guys may have
to walk down the aisle

with some pirates.

- It's just, I don't think I
can plan a party this week.

I'm doing a juice fast,

and it's making
me really grouchy.

Aah!

- You know what?
This is perfect.

I'll have that party... Tonight,

and it'll be fun,

and you'll all see that I'm fun.

So screw both of you!

And screw everybody out here!

Liz Lemon is having a party!

[Rapping] ♪ and
they're ain't no party ♪

♪ like a Liz Lemon party ♪

♪ 'cause a Liz Lemon
party is mandatory ♪

- All right, Donaghy,

follow your heart.

"Hard equations
and rational thinking."

Damn you, heart.

- [Panting]

I'm sorry, sir.

There's a minor janitor problem.

I apologize for
letting a kashmiri

into your office.

- I just need five minutes
of your time, Mr. Donaghy.

- [Speaking hindi]

- Now would be a
good time, actually,

to handle the janitor situation.

- But, sir, what about...

- I always say
bosses should stay

deeply involved with
their subordinates.

- Does this mean you're
coming to my cabaret?

- Jonathan, close the door.

- Please.

So what can I do for you?

- It has been a week,

and I've heard
nothing from you, sir.

Have you forgotten our agreement

about me taking over 11:30?

- I'm sorry. What?

- Five years ago,
I threatened to quit

unless you got me out
of the late night shift.

- Wow, other than some
notable recent exceptions,

NBC never guarantees
employment terms

five years in advance.

- I have a contract.

- That is my signature.

- You signed it
on April 22, 2005.

- Okay, in my defense,
every April 22nd,

I honor Richard Nixon's
death by getting drunk

and making some
unpopular decisions.

- Well, I want
the earlier shift.

It's better pay and
more prestigious.

Ever since I am a little boy,

I am dreaming of
hosing the tonight shift.

- Okay. Uh, calm down,

uh, Khonani.

I understand that I
made you a promise,

and we're going to keep
it, because this is NBC...

[NBC chime plays] The
biggest loser network.

- So you'll fix this? Today?

- Well, this is a
janitor emergency,

and I really have no choice

but to make it my
number one priority.

- Good. Thank you.

Can I have those pictures

for a special book
the janitors keep?

- Absolutely not.

[Dog snarling]
- Aah!

Good monster!

Good scary monster!

- Hey, Ken, isn't that
a fun place to stand?

Oh, I forgot to warn you
about my dog, Tracy senior.

I trained him to
hate white people,

because, not to profile,

but most ghosts are white.

This is my boy here.

And look what Angie did to him.

She set up an invisible fence.

He gets shocked if he
tries to leave the property,

just because he'd run away
and cause car accidents

and impregnate
neighbors' horses.

He's trapped here just like me!

- Sir, you're not trapped.

Mrs. Jordan just wants
you to be here for her.

- I'm trying, Ken,

and I want to be responsible,

but I've been me
for a long time.

- Well, Mrs. Jordan
isn't asking for a lot.

Right now, she
just has a craving

for a peanut butter
and jelly sandwich.

- No, we're not supposed
to do any sex stuff

while she's on bed rest.

Oh! Like a real one!

I'm on it!

Maybe this'll get Angie

to stop calling
me irresponsible.

Just stay focused

and take this
sandwich to my wife.

Nope!

I'm in a strip club! My bad!

- Hey, Jenna, if I'm expecting
about 20 people tonight,

how much ice should I get?

- Oh, you don't want to
mess with that stuff, Liz.

Ice has caused a lot of
ods in the porn community.

Oh, you mean frozen
water? I don't know.

- Well, I just don't
want to forget anything.

- Don't worry. No
one's expecting a lot.

- No, tonight is
gonna be different.

There's gonna be booze
and a karaoke machine

and that Black Eyed Peas song

they wrote for bar mitzvahs.

- [On speaker] Jenna
Maroney to the floor.

- Sure, it will.

- Hello?

- Lemon, you know Subhas,

the current first-shift janitor?

- Uh, kind of.

- According to the
janitor community,

you call him frequently

regarding home
toilet situations.

- No, it's not
that. We're dating.

- Lemon, please.

Look, I just need
his phone number.

- What does this have to
do with Avery and Nancy?

- That is taking a backseat

to this janitor
situation right now.

I need Subhas to step down.

- But Subhas does a great job.

- Look, five years ago,

I promised Khonani
the earlier shift.

- Why would you
ever promise that?

- Honestly, these
immigrants have a tough life,

no health care,

and I kind of just
thought he'd die

before it became a thing.

- Are you sure that
you're not just using this

as an excuse to avoid
your real problem?

- Lemon, this is a
janitor emergency.

I need that phone number.

- Okay, let me find it.

Subhas... scrolling.

- I know you know it by heart.
- 917...

- All right, Khonani,

if I've learned anything
from recent experience

it's that we have to
handle this next step

with Subhas very delicately.

- Oh, don't worry.

Subhas will want to leave,

spend time on his hobbies.

He collects classic
car... [Coughing]

Cardboard.

Classic cardboard.

[Dog growling]

- Ken!

Why did you let me
go to a strip club?

- I tried to stop you, sir,

but you threw your dog at me!

- This is bad,
because I can't change!

I'm like a chameleon,
always a lizard!

[Cell phone vibrates]

This better be a meeting,
'cause I'm important!

- Tracy, it's Liz.

I want you to know
that at my party tonight,

you're off the leash.

I want to see the behavior

that got you kicked
out of the inaugural ball.

- I can't, L.L.

First of all, the secret service

never gave me back
my t-shirt Cannon,

and second of all,

I gotta stay home
and take care of Angie!

- What? No!

Come on, you have
to come. I need you.

This party has
to be off the hook.

- People don't say that anymore.

They say "surf party, usa."

- Tracy, this is important.

I have to prove to my co-workers

that I am not some
angry, UN-fun woman,

who doesn't deserve
to be included.

[Speaking German]

- Look, Liz Lemon, I
know your feelings are hurt,

but parties are like frisbees.

If you throw them the wrong way,

they'll veer off
in a bad direction,

and then your kid
will fall into a quarry.

- What?

- Don't throw a
party for vengeance.

It will turn on you,

like your wife after your
kid has fallen into a quarry.

- You know what?
Fine. I don't need you.

I am gonna crush this
party Liz-Lemon style.

- I don't know what to do.

A party's in trouble,

and I'm the only
one that can save it,

- but your wife and unborn
daughter need you here.

- I'm torn, K-Pax.

I know I should be here,

but my body's gonna
take me to Liz Lemon's.

What do I do?

[Dog whining]

Put the electric
dog collar on me.

- It would be my honor.

- Subhas, thank
you for coming in

and for showing me
your, uh, special book.

More men in it than I
would have expected.

- Book is book.

- Indeed.

Uh, Subhas, you've
been with us a long time,

and you've done great work here,

but we need some new blood.

I've decided that it's
time for you to step aside,

and Khonani will
take over at 11:30.

- No! I'm in a union!

- Well, I have a contract!

- Meeting over!

- No, no, hold on.

There's always another option.

What of we re-invent
the way people

think about their
nightly trash removal?

- No, thank you.

- What if the night shift
just got a whole lot earlier?

Gentlemen, there is a way

for everybody to
get what they want

and for me to look like
a genius and a hero.

- You're bullcrapping us.

- No, I am not. I
am "innoventing."

A word that I just innovented.

[Laughs]

NBC.

[NBC chime plays]

It's fresh.

- Man, Tracy
senior took off fast.

He did not want to live here.

- Sir, far be it from me

to question a plan
this well thought out,

but what's going to keep you
from just taking the collar off?

- You're gonna
pour glue in the lock.

That's how my kids keep
me out of the liquor cabinet.

- And, of course,
I'll be here to help.

- No, Ken, there's something
else you have to do...

For all of us.

Unfortunately, there's
only one Tracy Jordan,

but sometimes he's
needed in two places.

You're Tracy Jordan now.

Go.

Go save that party.

- Yes, sir!

- Wait. I don't walk that well.

- There he is.

How's your first day going?

- Oh, I don't know. You tell me.

- Khonani, I don't know
enough about being a janitor

to understand what
you're trying to tell me.

- There's no trash, Jack.

Ever since you moved
Subhas to 10:00,

he takes all the trash.

No trash left for Khonani.

- Okay, well, there's
a solution to this.

What if you and
Subhas share 11:30?

- No, I wouldn't
do that to 11:30.

- What are you talking about?

- What are you talking about?

There are two people
who want the same thing.

They can't both have it.

You need to make a decision.

- I can't. Damn it, I can't.

Don't you think I
know what it's like

to have two amazing people

who both want the
same thing? I do!

And with Nancy and
Avery, I'm the thing, Khonani.

I'm the trash shift.

- That sounds very difficult.

- It's impossible.
It's paralyzed me.

I just want everyone
to be happy.

- It doesn't work that way.

One person's heart
is going to be broken.

You have to choose.

- I'm sticking with
Subhas, Khonani.

I'm sorry.

- Okay. I know that
was hard for you.

And don't worry.

I have a job for me
at fox... [Coughing]

Woods.

Foxwoods casino.

My cousin is head janitor there.

- You ought to get
that cough checked out.

[Telephone rings]

- This better be
meetment, I'm importing.

- Mr. Jordan, it's
Kenneth Parcell,

from work and friendship.

- Key, Ken.

- With all the excitement,

I forgot that Mrs. Jordan

had asked me to get her
blood pressure medicine.

She left it in her car.

But, sir, her car is
parked out on the street.

- Oh, my god.

- I know. It's outside
the electric fence.

- Oh, my god!

I just didn't want
to go outside!

It's chilly!

- I can come back.
This is all my fault.

- No. This is something
I have to do myself.

- You're a good
husband, Mr. Jordan.

[Dog barking]

Sir, is there any chance

your dog followed me here?

- Yes. He probably
picked up your scent

and is hunting you.

I suggest you cut off a finger

and throw it in the river.

[Dog barking]

- Wow, Liz.

Good work.

This looks like
the post-coital suite

at the NBA all-star game.

- Thanks, Jenna.

- Well, so now that
everyone's here,

maybe someone
should say a few words.

- [Amplified] Absolutely.

♪ Jimmy crack corn
and I don't care ♪

♪ Jimmy crack corn
and I don't care ♪

- What are you doing?
- Juice fast delirium, Liz.

- Um, I'm glad you
could all make it

to Cerie's party.

I don't have a lot to say,

just that the bar is open

and the karaoke
machine is ready to go.

- Karaoke, awesome. Yeah.

- You think I don't
know what that is?

I know about
Thursday night thunder

and I know that I'm not invited!

- Uh-oh.

- I deserve to be loved!

- Oh, no, she's going wide.

- I am a proud, single woman!

- How did it become about this?

- Go out the window!
Save yourselves!

- I may not have a real family,

but I thought at least
I had one at work,

which is not what I wanted
for myself, by the way.

You think when I was a kid,

I dreamed of
someday paying $1,200

for a karaoke machine

to impress a bunch
of pasty losers?

- And a professional singer,

who's beautiful,
but doesn't know it.

- So now let's all
go around the room

and apologize to me!

- Oh, my god,
this is the worst...

- [whimpering] I had
nowhere else to go!

- [Barking]
- Dog!

Dog attack!

[Screaming]

- [Exhales]

Hmm.

Maybe this doesn't
work on people.

Aah! Aah!

Oh, my neck!

My swan-like neck! Aah!

Oh!

Must... fight... through it.

Also must... Weed... Lawn!

[Gasping]

I made it.

I'm on the other side.

I'm free.

I can go anywhere I want...

Like Liz's party

or one of those places

where you skydive
over a huge fan.

[Soft music]

[Truck door closes]

Hmm... maybe it doesn't
work on people any...

Aah! It still does!

Aah!

[Screaming and dog barking]

- Why is that thing
following you?

- Hunting me!

Electric collar!

[Dog barking, door thuds]

- There's no fire
escape in this room!

- Why are we even here?

You make us show
up, you start yelling,

and then we get
attacked by a dog!

- And Cerie didn't even come.

That's just a
cardboard cutout of her.

- But I rescued her.

[Door thuds and screaming]

- Quiet! Quiet!
Everybody shut up!

We need to figure out
what we're gonna do.

[Dog growling]

- Oh, really? Now I'm
a part of the group?

Now you like me
because you're in trouble

and you need
someone to bail you out?

- Yes, that's exactly
why we like you.

- We love you. You
solve our problems.

That's what you're good at.

So what if you're
not fun at parties?

- Yeah. You know
who's fun at parties?

Paris Hilton, Andy dick, Tracy,

and they're all
gonna burn in hell.

- Oh, god!

If you deliver me from this,

I promise every Sunday
for the rest of my life,

I'll go to...

Huh?

I'm through it.

Pizza hut.

I'll go to pizza hut. Ha!

- Look, if this is a family,

that makes you the mom,

and you don't want to go
out drinking with your mom.

- You want mommy to
make the monsters go away.

[Door thuds and screaming]

- Oh, please - come on!

[Dog barking]

- Everything's
gonna be all right.

Oh. Okay, Tracy senior,

let's see what you've got.

[Gasps]

[Dog barking]

Aah!

Oh! Aah!

Run! Run, my losers!

[Panting]

Aah!

- Great party, Liz.

- Everybody take some cupcakes!

[Dog barking] Aah!

- Hi, Subhas.

I have an extra headshot
I was gonna throw out,

unless you want
it for something.

- No! You're not book!

- Why? What am I doing wrong?

- Wanting to be
book is not book.

- Mm...

- So you solved
your janitor thing.

Now back to Nancy and Avery?

Top gun high-five for courage?

- Only because you look
like you need it so badly.

- I'm fine with that.