All language subtitles for 30.Rock.S04E17.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE.SDH

- And I think we
can both conclude

that we finished q1 with
better than expected results.

And I can promise that my
performance will improve,

especially if you're a little
more flexible on your end.

- I love it when
you talk dirty to me.

I cannot wait to
see you tonight.

- What are you going to wear?
- To the museum gala?

Think slutty grace Kelly.

- Oh, god bless you.
I'm picturing it right now.

And the opposite
of that just walked in.

- Tell Liz I said hi.
- I will.

- Happy birthday,
Jack. I got you a card.

It's one of those new ones
where you can record a message.

[Liz's voice on
card] Test, test, test.

This is a test for Jack's card.

[Emphatic falsetto]
♪ wonder woman ♪

Excuse me, how do you
re-record on these things?

Whatever. I'll
definitely figure it out.

- Thank you, Lemon.

But my true present is
that exquisite ensemble.

You look like a
prison weed dealer.

- I'm coming back from a
singles dodgeball match, okay?

- Good god.
- The ymca near my apartment

offers a variety of
singles activities,

and I am forcing myself
to go to all of them.

- Well, I'm glad you're trying,

but I wish you didn't have to...

Lemon, are you wearing a cup?

- Oh, I forgot, only
guys can get hurt there.

- I just wish it
were easier for you.

You need an Avery...
Simple, fun, uncomplicated.

As my good friend
and fox-hunting partner

Mary J. Blige would
say, "no more drama."

- Happy birthday!

- Nancy, what are
you doing here?

- It's done, Jack.

I'm divorced!

- [Imitating Scooby doo] Ruh-ro!

[Exciting jazz music]

♪ ♪

- Hey, how did your
dodgeball thing go?

Did you meet anyone?

- Not really.

I mean, there was one okay guy.

[Overlapping shouts]

Eat it, bitch!

- What is wrong with
you? He was flirting.

Did you ever even talk to him?

- I yelled at him
about a rule violation.

- Oh...
- His foot was over the line.

- How many more of these
things are you going to?

- Line dancing this afternoon,

then tomorrow is the
wine and cheese tasting.

Or, as I like to call it,
singles fart suppression.

- Maybe I should go with
you, be your wingman.

- Oh, thanks, Jenna, but
you don't want to do that.

- No, it would be good
acting research for me.

I'm up for a role

in national lampoon's
Van Wilder's wingman, inc.

- I look forward to not
watching that on an airplane.

- And this is our
wardrobe department.

Uh, Nancy, this is the star
of our show, Tracy Jordan.

Tracy, this is...
- Not now, Jackie D.

I heard on the walkie-talkies

that there's a redheaded
MILF walking around

with some executive.

- You know what,
that felt really good.

- [Chuckles] So
I'll see you at lunch.

- All right.

- Kenneth, would you
please show Mrs. Dougherty...

I'm sorry, um, Ms.
Donovan, to the elevator?

[Laughter]

- Have we met before?

- You shut your mouth!

- Now you're having lunch?
Does Avery know about this?

- Lemon, the
grown-up dating world

is like your haircut.

Sometimes awkward
triangles occur.

- I feel like you've
been saving that one.

- Obviously, this is unexpected.

I really didn't think that
Nancy would ever get divorced.

- Why would a lady
get divorced at 50?

Stick it out!

Men die first, then you
have two wonderful years,

then you die.

- Yes, Nancy showing
up is a game changer.

But if I blow this up now,
all three of us will suffer.

- So what are you gonna do?

- I'm going to make the most

of this opportunity.

I'm going to pursue
both relationships,

see how they develop,

and then make an
informed decision.

- You're gonna juggle them? No.

Even you can't
pull this off, Jack.

Mrs. Doubtfire shimself
could not do this.

You are gonna blow it, and
you're gonna end up alone,

and you're gonna have
to go to singles dodgeball.

Put on these rec specs.

This is your future. Put 'em on.

- Lemon, no. Lemon...

Oh, god! The band is soaking!

Ugh...

- You will not believe
what just happened to me.

A guy on the subway just
called me a biggledeeboo.

- What's a biggledeeboo?

- It's an 18th-century word

for "dark-skinned moor."

I've learned the word
"black" in every language,

just so I'll know
when to be offended.

Russian, chernyi.
Korean, hoog-een.

Dolphin... Eeeeeeeeeeeee!

Eeeee-eeeee-ee-eee-eee-eee!

- Well, I'm sure it was
just an isolated incident.

- Nuh-uh, I'm
telling you, Dotcom,

old-school racism is back.

- How can racism be back

when we elected
a black president?

- Barry Obams is the
one who brought it back!

- So you're saying
that racism is back

because white people
no longer feel sorry for us?

- Hey, something's going on.

You know what I seen last night?

A slovin shield commercial
with a black burglar!

[Suspenseful music]

- Aah!

Black man!

- That's not good.

- Come to think of
it, I saw a white judge

on law & order last night.

- Oh, yeah, it's back on!

Get ready, son.

All you've ever known is
your affirmative-action job

and queen latifah
covergirl commercials.

- And one, two, and hip, four,

five, six, and seven, eight.

- I'm sorry, are we
expecting more men?

- I'm Jerem! I collect posters.

- Look at me, Jerem.
I know all the steps.

- Kind of.

♪ ♪

[Soft jazz music]

- So I know you're, like,
the man who has everything.

You know, two of
everything, in fact.

- [Laughs] Right. Hilarious.

- But I, um... I got
you a birthday present.

It's goofy. It's nothing.

- [Gasps] Schwitzer's
saltwater Taffy!

I haven't had this
since that summer

we worked on cape bilge.

- I didn't have the heart
to tell Mrs. Schwitzer

that you've moved to New York,

so I told her you were
in jail for manslaughter.

- Oh...

- I even got them to
make you that flavor

we invented.

- Peanut butter
and Miller high life.

[Sniffs]

Oh, Nancy, thank you.

I love it.

- Mmm.

- So I'm, uh...

I'm only in town
a couple of days.

Do you have to go to this
black-tie thingy tonight?

Is it really better than me?

- It's not better.
It's different.

There's no way of
knowing at this point

which is better.

- What?

You're a wackadoo, Donaghy.

- Well, I want to
spend as much time

with you as possible.

So why don't we
meet for drinks after?

- You sure?

- Yes. Definitely.

[Upbeat jazz music]

- You always know
you're at the right party

when it feels like the
Riddler is about to attack.

Look at this guest list.

Harvey weinstein, Glenn
Beck, Ashley Olsen.

- These are the people
that make New York great.

- Come on, let's do
the red carpet together.

The post will love it!

"Money bunny Avery
Jessup steps out

with sexecutive Jack Donaghy."

- Well, no, I can't have
my picture taken with you.

Someone might see it.

- What's that supposed to mean?

- Um, I'm just saying
you're a business reporter,

and I'm trying to
get fcc approval

for the Kabletown deal...
It wouldn't look right.

Like Santa claus
taking a shower.

- Okay, I think I get that.

- You go ahead. I'll meet you

on the other side with a drink.

- Okay.

- Avery, over here!
- I'm Jarem!

- Chelsea, hey, Chelsea
handler, over here!

- Liz, I work here because
I'm hilarious, right?

- Is this a trap?

- Earlier today, Tracy
made the accusation

that I am the beneficiary
of affirmative action.

- Yeah, well,
Tracy is a buffoon.

- That is a 15th-century
term for a black pirate! Racist!

- Is my presence on
this staff tokenism?

- Toofer, you are an
invaluable member of our team.

- Then why are my paychecks
a different color than Frank's?

- Because your salary
does not come out

of our budget.

Look, Toof, you provide

a point of view
that is essential

to keeping the diversity
guy from bothering us.

- I do not want a
job I did not earn.

I am about to utter two words
a Harvard man never says.

- "I'm cool"? No, I'm sorry.

You can't set me up
like that. Don't quit.

- I quit!

[Knock on door]

- Wow, you look
like Mr. Monopoly.

- And you look like
you won second prize

in a beauty
contest... Collect $10.

- [Laughs]

You sure you don't mind
just having a drink up here?

I walked all the way
to battery park today

in high-heeled
boots, like a moron.

- No, I prefer it. Something
from the minibar?

- Oh, no, are you kidding
me? At those prices?

Left over from my amtrak ride.

- That's my Donovan.

- So listen, uh,

I know we've waited a long time

for me to be single,

and I really want our
first evening together

to be special and...

Oh, god, this is so queer.

I guess what I'm
trying to say is

can we wait until the
morning to fool around?

'Cause I'm exhausted,
and I got the night bloats.

- Yes, the morning.
I'm exhausted too.

Let's just watch TV.

- There's a Lee Marvin
marathon on Turner classics.

- I thought you said this
wasn't going to be sexual.

[Music and effects on TV]

Oh, this is perfect.

[Cell phone buzzing]

I should take this.

Is everything okay?

- Is everything okay?

Here are the bullet
points: Jeter's apartment.

We're playing beer pong.

It's New York Yankees
versus former mayors.

I got 10 grand on the
mayors. Get down here.

Oh, come on, dinkins!
You're killin' me!

- Oh...
- What's going on?

- It's work. I've gotta go.

[Music and effects on TV]

Uh, no. I have to go. I'm sorry.

I'll call you.

- Don't work too hard.

- How's your episode of
three's company going?

- Like three's
company, it's titillating,

yet anxiety-producing.

I need your help, Janet.

- Aw, man, being Janet sucks!

- After the party last night, I
went to Nancy's hotel room.

Then Avery called and
made an offer I couldn't refuse.

- Ew, were you with
both of them on one night?

You are officially a John
Mayer-style garbage...

- I didn't have
sex with anybody.

You were right, Lemon.
I don't think I can do this.

Whichever one I'm
with, I think she's the one.

How do you choose between
Lee Marvin and Derek jeter?

- On looks, Lee Marvin.

- I feel like I'm
being pulled apart,

and I need your help.

Today I'm going to the
boat show with Nancy.

Tonight is my birthday
dinner with Avery.

I hate the idea of Nancy
having dinner alone

at the hotel tonight,

so I told her that you
wanted to take her out.

- No, I have singles
wine and cheese tonight.

- Then take Nancy with you.

- You know what, this
whole thing is unfair.

You're juggling
two beautiful women

while I have to pay to have
kickballs whipped at me.

This is gender
inequity out the Yang!

- This has nothing to do

with the slight
difference in our genders.

- Yes, it does.

The older you get, the
more distinguished you are.

Meanwhile, I'm
reading a book called

hiding your arms,
hiding your anger. Ff'

da ting over 35.

- Lemon, I am
successful romantically

because I am confident,
open, and positive.

You are negative, pessimistic,

and in danger of
becoming permanently sour.

- Is this you asking
me for a favor?

- Look, if I don't handle
this situation right,

I'm going to lose
both of these women.

And even worse, they're
both going to lose me.

- Okay, fine. I'll do it.

Ugh... ow, my eyes are stuck.

Help me! [Sighs]

Okay.

- I can't believe Toofer quit!

Do you have any idea
how much paperwork

I have to fill out
because of this?

He left with his I.D.

Tracy! Tracy, Trey.

Buddy, will you call Toofer
and talk some sense into him?

- Oh, yeah, just
ask the black guy,

'cause we all know each other.

Pete, could you
tell a bald eagle

to stop scaring me at zoos?

You know, I've been
wanting to say this

for a few seconds now.

This workplace has
become a hotbed

of old-school racism.

- Come on, Trey,
no one here is racist.

- Oh, yeah? How come
I'm always forced to play

ridicarus characters that
don't enununcia tewell.

- Uh...

- So what? Look at Italians.

We're always portrayed
either as goombahs or guidos,

but we don't care because we're
successful members of society.

So maybe your problem is
that you're finally being treated

like everybody else.

- Nah, you could play it off,

but I know you're
all secretly mad

'cause we finally have
a black Disney Princess.

- You know, there actually
hasn't been a white Princess

since 1991.

- Tiana, Mulan, Pocahontas,
Jasmine... wow, she's right!

- There are little blonde
girls in this country

who have no idea
they can be beautiful.

That's why I started
"Jenna's kids."

It's a summer camp that
teaches pretty blonde girls

how to be mean.

- You, call Toofer.
Beg him to come back.

- Absolutely not.
- Of course not.

The Aryan hates and
fears the African man,

as we so clearly saw
in the blade movies.

- What? No, I didn't
want Toofer to quit,

but I respect his decision.

As a woman in this business...

- Oh, stop that!
- Shut up, Liz.

- In this world, I have never
received special treatment,

at work or in love.

So why should anybody else?

Oh, Liz... [Groans]

- I love coming here. You know,

this is one of the only
restaurants in america

with a veal tank.

- It just tastes better
when you pick your own.

- You know, Jack,

I think I know the real
reason you were acting weird

about doing the
red carpet with me.

- Okay.

- You're self-conscious
about our age difference,

and you thought you'd
look old standing next to me.

- I see. You're very perceptive.

- I get why it's on your mind,

what, with your birthday
and my amazing skin.

And sure, people
in this restaurant

might think you're my dad...

- Or that you're my prostitute.

- Exactly. But
what does it matter?

- Uh, maybe it does matter.

I mean, yeah, if I'd
met you 20 years ago...

Well, not you, because
you would have been 16,

which is, of course... Wrong.

I'm just saying, are we
kidding ourselves with this?

I'm 51 years old.

Do you even know
who Lee Marvin is?

- The sportscaster
who bites ladies.

Who cares?

- Then again, if I were
with someone my own age,

I'd miss out on a
lot of things I want.

I'd never have a family...
- Jack?

Relax.

We've only been
together a month.

We don't need to worry
about this stuff now.

Especially not on your birthday.

- Are these the cufflinks...

- Reagan was buried in.

Don't ask how I got them.

But I do know the access
code to his pyramid.

- Oh, Avery, this is too much.

- No, it's perfect, Jack.

Someday you'll be as a
great a man as he was.

- I do like jelly beans.

- Look at me, I'm at a
singles event in New York City.

La-di-dah.

I mean, sure, it's a
little Bright in here,

and they could have rescheduled
that youth karate class...

All: Yes, sensei.

- But this is fun!

- Oh, come on, it's pathetic.

Why am I doing this?

- 'Cause you're living life.

Hey, how you doing?
You see Avatar?

- Yeah. That new 3-D is amazing.

- Yeah, I don't know,
I found myself rooting

for our boys in uniform,
not those Blue hippies.

But full disclosure,

I had a couple
of drinks prior to.

You know Liz?

- Yeah, I thought that
marine robot thing...

- they weren't marines.

Some of them
were former marines,

but they were mercenaries

working for a space
mining company.

- All right. See you later.

- What are you doing?

I was warming him up for you,

and you start talking
about space mining?

- What, do you just want
to sit around and be wrong?

- Come on, Liz, every
man in this room is single.

Who do you want to meet?

- [Straining] Nobody.

I mean, that guy has a beard.
Who knows what's under there?

Tattoo guy, too promiscuous.

T-shirt tucked
into jeans... Pbbbt!

Oh, that guy looks like
he'd just be mean to me.

- God, Liz, you're so negative.

- Oh, now you just
sound like Jack.

- Hey, I'm no
relationship expert.

The last time I used
a birth control device,

it was the '70s, and it
looked like soap on a rope.

But every time you
say what you don't want,

you sound like a cranky
cow, and you're not that.

You're smart and you're fun.

So stop talking about
what you don't want,

and start figuring
out what you do want.

And then go get it.

- [Slurred speech] Jerem,
look how drunk I am,

and how full of
cheese my mouth is!

- That's not that much cheese.

[Whistle blows,
players shouting]

- No, no, don't.

- No, it's okay. I
don't want to hurt you.

But I'll tell you
what I do want.

I want someone who
will be monogamous

and nice to his mother.

And I want someone
who likes musicals,

but knows to just shut his
mouth when I'm watching lost.

And I want someone who thinks
being really into cars is lame,

and strip clubs are gross.

I want someone who will
actually empty the dishwasher

instead of just taking
out forks as needed,

like I do.

I want someone with
clean hands and feet,

and beefy forearms, like
a damn Disney prince.

And I want him to
genuinely like me,

even when I'm old.

And that's what I want.

- [European accent] You
making much English.

This is fun alcoholics meeting!

- Yeah.

[Grunts]

- Well, well, well.

Never got a hand up...
Is that right, Liz Lemon?

- What? Come on,
Pete, I'm in a good mood.

- And it's over!

While trying to find Toofer's
dental records in personnel,

down on the basement mezzanine,

I pulled your file.

"Elizabeth"...

I don't know how to
pronounce your middle name...

"Lemon."

- [Speaks indistinct name]

- You attended the
university of Maryland

on a partial competitive
jazz dance scholarship.

[Perky jazz melody]

- So?

- So ncaa competitive
jazz dance was created

as part of title ix.

You were able to pay for
college because of a program

that favored women.

- Favored women to
correct an imbalance.

- There's more.

You were only hired
by the second city

because they needed
someone who could remember

to feed the theater cat!

- Oh, no... Otis.

- And you're
gonna hate this one.

The only reason NBC
picked up the girlie show

is because of the flak they
got from women's groups

after airing the action
drama bitch hunter.

- Happy birthday, bitches!

[Gunshot]

- Oh, my god!

I'm no better than Toofer...

Or Lutz, with his
Bs inuit ancestry,

or you, whose dad
was in the masons

with Dave Garroway.

I shouldn't be here.

- This is america.

None of us are
supposed to be here.

- I need to dance this out.

Jack, would TGS have
gotten on TV if I was a dude?

- No, it was affirmative action.

Why do you think your
checks aren't the same color

as Howie mandel's?

[Sighs]

Two amazing gifts from
two amazing women.

- Each gift symbolic of the
woman who gave it to you.

One, the past...

A connection to home
and the man that you were.

- The other, the
future... The promise...

- yes, Lemon, I get it.

I can't let this
go on any longer.

I choose... Avery!

Right? Yes.

- Okay, but are you
sure it's not just because

you saw Avery last?

- No. Well...

- Hey, Liz, how'd it go
with the guys at dodgeball?

You let one in?

Into your heart, I mean. God.

- Oh. It actually went okay.

- I'm sorry you and I
couldn't get together last night.

- Yeah, me too.
But now I gotta run.

But what do you say I come
back in a couple of weeks,

I cook you a pot roast,
we drink too much wine,

and see how it goes?

- That sounds amazing.

[Mouthing words silently]

- We'll be keeping an eye
on this story as it develops,

but it's clearly a
conflict of interests.

And at the risk
of editorializing,

I am personally outraged.

[Mouthing words]

- But you gotta count Princess
Giselle from enchanted.

- Hey, what are you doing here?

- Liz has invited me back
as a budgeted employee.

Apparently, I am the
only one among us

who can spell.

- Welcome back, James.

- Hang on, who's James?

- As a condition of
my re-employment,

I have requested that I no
longer be called "Toofer."

- Great! New nickname
suggestions. Go!

- Victoria Q. Nerdballs.

- Kanye east.
- Super virgin!

- Splock. Short
for "black Spock."

- Three-fer, 'cause
you're also gay.

- Okay, fine, fine! Toofer.

I'll just go back to Toofer.

- Yay! Welcome back!