All language subtitles for 30.Rock.S04E14.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE.SDH

- [Sighs]

[Cell phone buzzes]

- Lemon.

- When you were watching
me after my oral surgery,

did I put a toaster waffle
into my DVD player?

- You did. You watched
it for about an hour,

said Nicole Kidman
should get an Oscar for it,

then you turned it off.
- Yikes.

Thanks for babysitting me.

- I did my best, but
you were pretty far gone.

You kept trying to order
home massages off of craigslist.

- [Gasps] Good
thing you were here.

[Knock at door]

- Hey, somebody order a massage?

- Oh, brother.

[Masculine voice]
You're too late!

I already killed her!

- [Groans]

- Well played, Lemon.

[Door opens]

You went running?
I thought you'd left.

Who else is out
there this early?

- Almost exclusively
women that look like me.

If the pervert community
gets wind of morning jogging,

[grunts] God help us.

Have you seen this?

They keep talking about
Sheinhardt selling NBC

to, uh, Kabletown.
- That's never gonna happen.

How could a company
from Philadelphia

buy a company from New York?

That would be like Vietnam
defeating the United States

in a ground war.

- I don't know,
Jack. My sources...

- Well, I'm telling you
that Don Geiss and I

spoke about this,
and that sale is dead.

- Look, I read his
autobiography,

Geiss cubes,
whatever that means.

- It means the book is filled
with cubes of knowledge.

It's a good title.

The principles in
this book are timeless.

I could open to any page...

"Because a woman's
brain has fewer folds..."

Okay, hang on.

"The negroid musculature..."

Nobody's buying anybody.

- Hey. Where is Frank?

He still hasn't rewritten
the olympic sketch

about the Lindsey Vonn who
won the gold medal for skiing.

- Oh, Mr. Rossitano
called to say he overslept,

and I should make
up an excuse for him.

So here goes...

On his way to work, he
found some magic beans,

and because he
believed in them...

- ship up.

Frank, Frank, Frank.

What is this?

- "Future husband"?

Who did you put in
your address book

as "future husband"?

- I have absolutely no idea.

- Well, whenever I
find something weird

in my cell phone, I
can usually trace it back

to the last time I was drunk.

- Oh, my god,
the dentist's office.

- Oh, your dentist gets
drunk with you too?

- No! When I was
under the anesthesia,

I did a bunch of stuff
I don't remember.

- [Gasps] Including meeting
the man of your dreams?

Oh, miss Lemon,
it's so romantic,

just like that movie I only
saw the first ten minutes of,

fatal attraction.

- Liz, you have to call him.

- What? No. I was out
of my mind on painkillers.

I have zero memory of this guy.

I don't know what he looks
like. He could be a serial killer.

[Gasps] He could
wear a thumb ring.

- Miss Lemon, you're
such a pessimist.

You know what my motto is?

Everything always
works out for the best.

Watch this.

[Tires screech, crash]

I just threw my
wallet out the window,

but I'm not worried.

Why? Because everything
always works out for the best.

- I'm sorry.

How is that supposed
to make me call this guy?

- Be an optimist, miss Lemon.

[Tires screech, crash]

[Exciting jazz music]

♪ ♪

- Watch TGS this Friday...

- [Coughs violently]
- On...

On...

- I think we got it.

- Okay. Good first take.

Maybe we go one more time.

- Excuse me?

Do you know who
you're talking to?

A future Tony-nominated actor.

That's right.

It is Tony-eligibility season.

And I'm going for
the "t" in my Egot.

- Really? You've been
cast on Broadway?

- I'm doing a one-man show.

- You are? When?
- Tonight.

- Have you prepared anything?

- What am I, a nerd?

I'm gonna keep it
loose, Liz Lemon.

- Jonathan!

Jonathan, why is
it so quiet in here?

Why aren't the phones ringing?

Is it senior executive skip day?

That's usually in the spring,

so we can go to
an amusement park.

- No, sir, I don't understand.

Maybe we're the
last people on earth.

Maybe we are legend.

You're will Smith,
and I'm the dog.

[Phone rings]
- Hello?

- Answering your own
phone on the first ring?

It's all hands on
deck over there, huh?

- What do you mean?
- Come on.

The NBC buyout.
What's happening today?

- I'm sorry. You're
calling me as a source?

How are you going to explain

your unnamed executive
to your producer?

- I'll tell him it's a guy
I'm having sex with.

It's a 24-hour news
cycle here, Jack.

We really don't have
time to do it right anymore.

- So what do you want to know?

- Okay, I know the
deal is happening today.

The board's having
a secret meeting.

I just need a confirmation.

- Wait, what? No.

I already told you this morning.

There's no deal.
- Oh, my god.

You really don't
know what's going on.

They cut you out
of the loop, Jack,

because you're against it.

- No, no, no, I'm
not out of the loop.

I just can't talk about it.

I'm actually finishing
up a meeting right now.

- Rhubarb, rhubarb,
golf, prostate.

- I'm gonna have
to call you back.

[Phone clicks]

Jonathan, I want you to go down

into your little
assistant underworld

and find out where everybody is.

I don't care what it takes.

This is a matter of life...

Or death.

- Yes, sir. But if anything
should happen to me,

I want you to read
oh, the places you'll go!

At my funeral.

- I'm not doing that.

- Rinse, please.

Well, you're
healing very nicely.

You may continue to experience
sensitivity for a few more days.

- When can I start eating
hard cheeses again, doctor?

- I've had this
pamphlet printed up.

It was expensive,
but I'm really tired

of discussing this with you.

- Huh.

Dr. Kaplan, the
last time I was here,

I think I made a
gentleman friend.

But because of the
anesthesia, I can't remember

where or how.

- Well, there was
another patient

in the recovery room with you.

And I remember you were
both laughing quite a bit.

- Okay. So, uh, who is he?

What does he look like?

- He has some gum recession...
Four pockets on 14 and 15,

but, overall, very good teeth,
especially for an englishman.

- Ooh, he's English?
- I've said too much.

I really can't tell you
anything about him...

You know, doctor-patient
confidentiality.

- Ah, come on. I mean,
you're not really a doctor.

- Well, if that's how you feel,

then you're not
really a patient.

And people who aren't patients

don't get toys from
the treat bucket.

- But there's a Batman in there!
- Yeah.

And if you wind him
up, he swims in the bath.

- Damn you, Kaplan!

- Who's here? I need
someone to be outraged to.

- Oh. I'm here, miss Maroney.

I actually slept here, because
my house keys are in my wallet.

It wasn't too bad.

Late at night, these two
little twin girls told me

they wanted to
play with me forever.

- Have you seen this?

- Is that a Macy's
Thanksgiving day parade pun?

In march?

- It's a rave review...

For Tracy.

It's as if claps-giving
yay ha-rade

has lost all meaning.

- I did it. I'm a Broadway star.

Jenna, could you accept
my Tony on my behalf?

June is a tough month for me

because I begin
lifeguarding again.

- You know, renting
a theater for one night

and babbling on
Stage for an hour...

- five hours.

- Doesn't make you an actor.

- I don't know.
People seem to like it.

- Well, it certainly doesn't
get you a Tony award.

I know the Tony rules,

because I've been petitioning
for them to add a category

for living theatrically
in normal life.

And I know for a fact
you have to do your show

a minimum of eight
times to be eligible.

- Wait. The same show?

- [Laughing] Of
course the same show.

- But I can't do that.
I'm a spontaneous actor.

I never do the same thing twice.

- Action.

- Honey, I'm home.

Pac-man, I'm Jewish.

Jeffrey, we lost the tournament.

I can't do seven
more performances.

- Well, then you better
think of something else

that starts with "t"
for your little necklace.

- Do they give an award
for tarantula misplacement?

- ♪ Jonathan downloads
Geiss' schedule ♪

♪ Mr. Donaghy will be grateful ♪

♪ da-na-na ♪

♪ da-na-na ♪

♪ da-na-na ♪

- Oh, good morning, miss Lemon.

- Still haven't found
your wallet, huh?

- No. And I realized there
was a prescription in there

I should have filled yesterday.

It keeps me from...

[Grunts, brays like a donkey]

Don't worry. It's
just a donkey spell.

- Well, I went to the
dentist yesterday,

and I actually
found out a little bit

about my mystery guy.

- And?

- And I now know
that he is English,

and he made me laugh.

- That's wonderful,

even if he does
come from a country

that's nothing more than the
dried Husk america came out of.

So are you gonna call him?

- And say what, that
you're my future husband?

I'd like to at least know
what this guy looks like

before I put myself out there.

- Then we need to find
a way for you to see him

through trickery.
- Kenneth.

- We all know deceit is
okay if it's done for love,

like when lot's
daughters got him drunk

to repopulate the
world through incest

or when screech went to the
masquerade ball in disguise

so Lisa would kiss him.

[Line trilling]

- This is Wesley.

- [Jamaican accent]
This is nurse Jamakiah

from Dr. Kaplan's office.

So here's the ting.

You need to come in today

so the doctor can
check dem teeth, mon.

- Oh. Is there something wrong?

My checkup isn't
for another week.

- He tinks dat tooth might have
some bad mojo in it, ya see.

[Irish accent] Might you
be available to come in

around 1:30, me lad?

- [Whispering]
You're going Irish.

- Okay. 1:30 is fine.

- Cool runnings, mon. Bobsled.

- [Normal voice] See?
Miss Lemon, I told you.

Everything... [Grunts,
brays like a donkey]

Stay away! I will bite you!

[Continues braying]

- Jack, what brings
you down to news?

- Hey, cnbc, nightly news rules.

- Go break a story, Williams!

- Nightly rules.

- Avery, I have some
information for you,

but in exchange, I need
you to do something for me.

- Okay. I told
you last night, no.

Why would you even
want to braid my hair?

- Because it's romantic,
and I'm really good at it.

But this is strictly
professional.

I saw Don Geiss'
schedule, and you're right.

There is something going on...

And I know where.

- This is Jack Welch's
address in Connecticut.

But Don Geiss
was seen last night

at the ritz-Carlton
in Philadelphia.

- Decoys.

Or he could have
driven back by now.

- Oh, thanks for the tip.

- In return, here's how
you're gonna report it.

Geiss fights off buyout,
keeps company intact,

makes this gesture.

- Jack, I can't do that,

because this deal is happening,

and if Don Geiss is fighting it,

you should start
distancing yourself from him.

- Distancing myself?

That man is my mentor.

He taught me how to
command a room with my voice!

- Back to work.

All I'm saying is, the
writing's on the wall.

Do you think it was
easy for me to cut ties

from my old mentor, Pat O'Brien,
after he shaved his mustache?

- So this is what
you do to people...

You use them, and then
you throw them aside?

- That is not fair.
This is not about us.

- This is about us.

I came here asking
you to help me.

- And I'm trying to help you.

Being Don Geiss' guy
just became a liability.

- I spent the last 30
years trying to be that guy.

- Well, you're never
gonna be, 'cause no one is!

That world doesn't
exist anymore!

[Gasps] You're making me
sound just like my mother!

- Someone like you
couldn't possibly understand.

- Jack.
- I'm going to Connecticut.

I'm gonna stand by my man,

which is the song that I sang
to Don at his promotion dinner.

- Excuse me, miss Maroney.

Would you be interested in
going to Mr. Jordan's show tonight?

I know he could
use your support.

- I don't think so.

If I wanted to see a black
guy make a fool of himself,

I'd have sex with k-fed again.

- I'm just worried
Mr. Jordan may not Egot.

He has no idea what he
did in his show last night.

And without my wallet, I don't
even have my lucky rabbit spine.

I don't know what's
gonna happen.

- I'll tell you what's
gonna happen.

It's gonna be a disaster.

The man is not an actor

and has no business
being on the Stage.

Why, with a curtain
five hours from now,

it would take the
greatest acting coach

the world has ever seen to
make his show a success.

Fine, I'll do it!

- Sign in. We're
running behind today.

We'll be with you as
soon as we can. Bobsled.

[Cell phone rings]

- This is Wesley.

Hello?

[Dance-music ringtone plays]

♪ ♪

[Ringtone stops]

Can you tell me why you come
up on my phone as future wife?

- Would you like to get coffee?

Mine was actually an
infection in the right rear molar

caused by some loose bristles
from an off-brand toothbrush

that I had to buy
over Christmas,

'cause my mom threw
away my old snoopy one.

Wow, this is not interesting.

[Chuckles nervously]

- [Chuckles]

I don't know what caused
my root-canal situation.

[Laughs]

- Well, British people
have notoriously bad teeth,

so...

- I've never heard that.

- Really?

You've never heard people
make jokes about British teeth?

- None of the brits I know
have a situation with their teeth.

- Well, it's just a
thing people say.

- Like when they say older
women have bread back.

- What's bread back?

- A loaf of back fat
between a woman's bra

and her giant underwear.

- No, that's not a thing.
People don't say that.

- Not to you, no.

- I think we're getting off
on the wrong foot here.

- It's turned into
a bit of a situation.

- You use that word too much.

Both: So any siblings?

- Wow.

- God.

- Mr. Welch, it's
good to see you again.

- Please, John, call me Jack.

- I actually go by Jack as well.

- I don't think so.

- Well, I'd like to talk to Don.

I know he's here.

- He is here. But he's dead.

- [Gasps] What?

- He died three weeks ago.

The company
wanted to keep it quiet

until the deal went
through, so I've been...

- hiding him in your freezer,

just like we did with
hiram Sheinhardt

during the rca deal.

- Look, I know how
much Don meant to you,

and if you need to
pass some eye water,

I'll be happy to go out and get
you some weakness tissues.

- No, I'm not crying in
front of Jack Welch...

Neutron Jack, and
I'm not giving up.

Don Geiss wanted this
company kept intact.

And these people
are from Philadelphia.

- Let it go, John!

It's over.

- Miss Lemon, how did
the dentist's office go?

Did you meet Wesley?
- I did meet him.

We even went out for coffee.

- And?

- And it was a disaster.

We were so awkward
that the waitress gave us

separate checks without asking.

And a priest came over
and asked us who we'd lost.

- But it has to work out.

- Does it? Do you
have your wallet back?

Did I find my future husband?

Sometimes everything
is just the worst, Kenneth.

[Door opens]

[Sighs]

Jack?
- It's over, Lemon.

It's all over.

- What? What's wrong?

- Don Geiss is dead.

- Oh, my god.

- They're selling NBC to a
company called Kabletown,

with a "k."

- Oh, yeah.

My parents have Kabletown
down in Pennsylvania.

It's a fine and
generous company.

- My dream, the dream I've
had since I was a child, is gone.

I'll never be the
CEO of the general.

- Oh, Jack, I'm so sorry.

Will I still be able to
turn in old cab receipts,

or do you think... I'm sorry.

I don't know what to say.

Maybe you should talk to Avery.

- I don't know about
Avery anymore.

She's probably distancing
herself from me as we speak.

I'm alone.

I'm the protege of a dead man

at a company that
no longer exists.

Wait. Did you hear that?

That's the sound of me
being erased from contact lists

all around the world.

- Yeah, well, I hear
something else.

It's the hug plane
coming in for a landing.

- You're cleared for approach.

- Acting is about
consistency and control.

- Got it... no farting.

- I'm gonna teach you the skills

that will allow you to
perform your show every night.

Let us begin with elocution.

Repeat after me.

- After me.
- No, Tracy.

- No, Tracy.
- No, stop it.

Not this part.
- No, stop it.

Uh, we got to
start over. I farted.

- To sit in solemn
silence in a dull, dark dock

awaiting the sensation
of a short, sharp shock.

- To sit in darkness
in a sharp, sharp shop

in darkness and
sitting in the sharp.

This is stupid.
- This is not stupid.

These are the building
blocks of the craft of acting...

Something I have
dedicated my life to

ever since my very first
job as baby stuck in well

in a commercial for well guards.

[Clears throat]

Well guards...

Guard your well...

Well.

- I remember that commercial.

You were a fat baby.

- Well, maybe we're
just gonna have to agree

to disagree on
the acting process.

- You have no process.

Acting is the discipline
of being someone else

at all times.

- I don't know.

When I'm acting, I just do me,

and people seem to love it.

- Well, then I guess
you don't need my help.

Go out there and be yourself.

Go onstage and read the
damn phone book for all I care.

- What are you
gonna do, Mr. Jordan?

Do you think you can
repeat your performance?

- Your performance.

- Liz...

Do you work here?
- Yeah.

Remember, at coffee,

you said you hadn't
seen the show,

but you'd heard bad things.

- Uh-huh.
- What are you doing here?

- I'm supposed to
meet Kenneth Parcell.

I found his wallet.

- What?

- You must be my wallet angel.

- No. This is not possible.

- But it is.

I knew my wallet would turn up.

And it did.

- No, Kenneth, this is Wesley
from the dentist's office.

- Oh, my goodness.

This is the guy from
the dentist's office.

He found my wallet.

[Chuckles, grunts]

I'm either very happy right now,

or I'm having a pretty
bad donkey spell.

[Brays like a donkey]

I'm okay. It'll pass.

- This is crazy.

I guess we have to
give it another shot.

- I guess we do.

- Dinner tonight?
- Perfect.

Do you like Tex-mex?

- No, I don't.

See you there.

- The fcc will now investigate

this large-scale,
multimillion-dollar sale

to Kabletown.

And now the $5.6
billion question...

Who will take the reins

of the cable giant's
new acquisition?

According to my sources,
the clear frontrunner...

Current G.E. executive
Jack Donaghy.

The people I'm talking to
say he's the only guy out there

with the programming
experience, business savvy,

and piercing Blue
eyes of a siberian husky

that the job requires.

[Phones buzzing and ringing]

I'm told Donaghy
was instrumental

in making this deal happen,
and I spoke to him earlier.

He refused to speculate but
did say, and I'm quoting here,

"I'm going to celebrate
by buying my lady friend

"that necklace she pointed out

and then cooking
her a western omelet."

End quote.

- And then I'm
gonna braid your hair.

[Phones ringing]
- Jack Donaghy's office,

please hold.

Jack Donaghy's
office, please hold.

Jack Donaghy's
office, please hold.

Jack Donaghy's
office, please hold.

- "Karsfeld, Ruben m.

"Klarvat, Yuri.

"Klausen, Igor.

"Klesteren, Robert.

"Kletzko, Harold.

Kluber, Tatiana."

- I'm his acting teacher.

- "Mordenay, Lorenzo.

"Jinlo, Martin.

"Rodman, Gill.

"Takahamo, Jessica.

"Thermopolis, Dorothy.

Lipowitz, Lauren."

[Cheers and applause]

- Bravo! Triumph!