All language subtitles for 30.Rock.S04E10.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE.SDH

[Dance music]

- Good show tonight, Mr. Jordan.

- Hey, Kenneth, why
aren't your teeth glowing

in the black light?

- You'll have to ask the
fella who whittled 'em for me.

♪ ♪

- It's her, isn't it?

- I don't kiss and tell, Jack.

- Ahh, because you're
a gentleman, Danny.

It's good to finally have
another one of us around here.

- I'm just happy to be here.

A month ago I was doing
a robot act on the street,

so I know my place.

I want to be TGS' Steve Nash.

Come down from
Canada, work hard,

make the black guy look good.

- Did you just make
a sports reference?

You know how little
of that I get here?

- Look at me in the black light.

It's tron.

Watch out, sark. It's me, Flynn.

[Imitates light cycle]

[Chuckles] Light bike.

Good job tonight, Danny.

Robot Lorenzo lamas was funny.

As was robot Ryan Seacrest
and David Hasselbot.

- Hey, it's the writing.

- It's really not.

So now that Danny's here,

you actually come
to the after-parties?

- It's nice to have another
man around for once.

- Oh, there are other men...

♪ ♪

Oh, boy.

- It's not what you think!

It's something I need to
wear to support my breasts!

- Lemon, I have season
tickets to every sports team

in New York.

So close to the
action, you'll feel

like you're sitting in
front of an hd television

and they're wasted on
you and your co-workers.

- Why won't they put
me on the Jumbotron?

I've been doing
cool stuff all game.

Whoo!

- But my biggest
problem with quiddich is,

if the snitch is 150 points,

why does anyone
bother with the quaffle?

[Cheering]

- Hey, jeter! Are you jealous?

I'm with my new boyfriend!

- But now that Danny's here,

I have someone
to do guy stuff with.

Have actual male conversations.

You know, he confided in
me he's got a little something

going with one
of the girls here.

Maybe it's that Russian
dancer with the tattoos,

which is the crazy sex trifecta.

- That girl has a name, Jack.

We call her "Skankovitch."

- I'm sure you disapprove.

But the workplace
has a hierarchy,

and Danny is a star.

All the pretty little
things down here

always want to be
with the people up here.

- Whatever.

As long as he's
discreet about it.

- It's a younger
man's game, Lemon.

But I can't say
that I don't miss it.

You'd be in your
office late at night.

The new girl would come
in with some flimsy excuse

to be there.

[Imitating woman]
"Oh, Mr. Donaghy.

I forgot to give you the
factory worker death rates."

Then she'd laugh
at your lame joke.

A touch on the arm...

[Inhales deeply]

And you take your reward.

[Inhales sharply]

You take your reward.

- How drunk are you?

- A lot to very.

- Boy, that robot body
paint does not wash off.

- Is it the body paint
or is Danny just glowing

like a beacon of
manly camaraderie?

Oh, god.

I'm extremely drunk.

- Oh, my.

[Exciting jazz music]

♪ ♪

- Hey.

We got to get Danny
out by 5:00 today.

I guess Jack's taking
him to the Knicks game.

- Liz, I can't do
girls' lunch today.

- We've never done that.

- Because I have an
audition for gossip girl.

- Oh, I love that show.

- I play Tartine Gramercy,

an heiress to a vermouth fortune

and a freshman at NYU.

- Really? A college freshman?

- That's right. In this
scene they gave me,

I'm fighting with my mother,

a washed-up
actress who's clinging

to her last scraps
of faded glamour.

- Uh-huh.

It's interesting that they
highlighted the mother's lines.

- Well, that's so I'll know
what part not to read.

As if the word "mother"
didn't tip me off already.

[Chuckles]

Wish me luck.

- We really should
have said something.

What happens when she gets there

and finds out she's the mom?

- Oh, Pete, that's later.

Maybe we'll be dead by then.

- Oh, that'd be great.

- Sue, you're probably
wondering why we asked you

to join the entourage.

Well, over the years, I've
had a complicated relationship

with women, from my
treatment of the dancers here

to my remarks about
Madeleine albright

at the 1996 white house
correspondents' dinner.

What? It's true.

She does look like one of those.

- Now that Mr. Jordan's
having a daughter,

he wants to learn
to give all women

the respect they deserve.

Even you foreigners.

- That's why I'm
adding a daughter

to the entourage family.

Now what's on the
schedule for today?

- "10:00 A.M. Dotcom
shows up pictures

from his trip to Greece."

- I think I'm gonna go
ahead and cancel that.

- Okay, I'll
reschedule... Again.

"11:00 A.M. go to strip club."

- I'll get the car.

- Hang on! No.

I don't think we should
go to a strip club.

It just doesn't feel right.

I think we should
let the new member

choose an activity.

- I like to go to Tasti D-Lite.

- I said we're not
going to a strip club.

- Pinkberry?

- What don't you understand?

I don't want to take
you to a strip club.

- Oh, come on, you hoser!

- Hoser!

So what did you do after
the party the other night?

- Well, my work friend
and I went to her office.

- Ooh, she has an office.

Hey, is it that chick
lawyer who does

the sexual harassment
presentation?

Because she's asking for it.

Okay, no more guesses. Continue.

- All right, so
we're getting into it,

and she takes off her glasses.

Real sexy.
- Nice.

- But she never
takes off her shoes,

which I kind of like.

Even though the reason is

she's never let a
man see her feet.

- What?

- And she's kind of a tease.

Mostly we just kiss
and then she makes me

go down to the deli
to get her a sandwich.

So we haven't gone too
far, but under that dress,

I can tell she's wearing
some weird underwear.

I want to see it.

- They're called Spanx.

- Hello.
- Jenna, thanks so much

for coming in.

This is Archeria.

She'll be reading with you.
- Hi.

- Okay, Tartine
has just discovered

videos of her boyfriend on
her mother's online sex diary.

Both: "Mother, is there
something I don't know

about you and Wainwright?"

[Laughter]

- What are you doing?

- Sorry. Let's start over.

Both: "Mother, is there
something I don't..."

- Jenna, you're
reading the wrong lines.

- What do you mean?

I'm not playing the mo...

[laughter]

- [Maniacal laughter]

[Screams]

- You wanted to see me?

- Close the door, Lemon.

So we haven't talked about
your personal life lately.

Anything new going on there?

- No. Same old nothing.

- Nothing? Really?

That's too bad.

'Cause you know
what I always say,

black light attack!

- What?

Oh, boy.

That stuff does not wash off.

- You and Danny?

I would have
guessed anyone else.

Jenna, Sue...

- all right, come on.

- How is this possible?

- Well, I don't know
if you know this, Jack,

but the workplace
is a hierarchy,

and I am Danny's boss.

Sometimes all
the... [Imitating Jack]

Pretty little things
down here want to be

with the people up here.

And they come into
your office late one night

with some flimsy excuse.

- [Knocks on door] Hey, Liz.

I just want to show you
this new iPhone app.

You shake it and it
sounds like an empty can.

Huh?
- [Chuckles]

My favorite apps are the
ones before my entree.

- [Hearty laugh]

Oh, my god.

That is the funniest
thing I've ever heard.

So what are you up to right now?

- And I took my reward.

- Lemon, you need
to end this now.

- What? No.

Jack, you were
just talking about

how you miss office hook-ups.

That is a double standard.

- Calm down.
- I won't calm down.

Women are allowed
to get angrier than men

about double standards.

- It's not about that.

Yes, I've had office
relationships in the past,

but always with people
that I could transfer

to another city or introduce
to Nicolas Sarkozy.

Danny is on your show.

- Yeah, but it's not serious.

- It's not serious yet.

End it before it starts
affecting the show.

- [Sighs] Fine.

I'll talk to him
when he gets in.

- What did he do to
the back of your knees?

- A lady never tells.

- Hey, buddy,
you like Italian ice?

- Hey, watch your mouth!

She's only 34 years old!

K?

What's wrong with me?

First, I don't want
to go to strip clubs,

and then I get angry
at the hilarious dude

that says something awesome.

- There's nothing
wrong with you, sir.

It's just you're treating
Sue like family now.

That makes you
feel protective of her.

- But I'm not like
that with my sons.

When they were
little, I threw them

in the deep end of
our pool to help them

get over their fear of sharks.

- Well, it's
different with girls.

You want to protect
them from the world.

I'm proud of you, sir.

It's like a whole new part
of your heart has opened up.

- Thank god, 'cause the
doctors keep telling me

it's pretty clogged.

- The mother.

They wanted me
to play the... Mother.

- Oh, boy. Okay, here we go.

Pete! Jenna just got the...

[scoffs]

- A mother?

I'm not a mother.

Would a mother be
planning a sex tour

of Vietnam this spring?

- Just... just come on.

Look, you're a beautiful woman,

but you can't play prom queens
and murdered runaways forever.

- But those were my majors
at the royal tampa academy

of dramatic tricks.

- You can try to
fight getting older.

You can be like Madonna
and cling to youth

with your Gollum
arms or you can be

like Meryl Streep and
embrace your age with elegance.

- So you're saying it's a choice

between the
dignity of middle age

and the illusion of youth.

- Two paths.

Meryl Streep or Madonna.

- Very well.

I will emulate my
acting inspiration.

A woman of profound
poise whose career

is what we all aspire to.

- Okay, this build-up
is making me nervous.

- A woman whose feminine
grace and normal outfits

are an inspiration.

- Just say who it
is and I'll feel better.

- Someone whose very name stands

for enduring beauty and
the wonder of womanhood.

- Please don't say...
- Madonna!

- [Sighs]

Hey, Danny.

- Hey, Liz.

Look, I know we're
supposed to pretape

that robot v. Wade
cold open tonight,

but Jack said I
can skip it and go

to the rangers game with him.

- Yeah, sure, you can go,

but, um, we have to talk.

- Okay.

- Richard, would you
excuse us please?

- What's up?

- Meet me in my
office in five minutes.

- Well, just let me change.

- Ah! Mmm, no. That
won't be necessary...

Officer.

[Whistling]

- What are you happy about?

[Gasps] Did we get canceled?

- Can't a girl just be happy?

Oh, no. Jenna, don't do this.

- Hang on.

I'm just tweeting
that I ran into you.

This is so tandem.

- "Random," Jenna.

Those kids are saying
the word "random."

- Ow! Come on,
you guys! Stop it!

Turn it off, Frank.
- [Chuckles]

- What's going on?

What are you doing to Cerie?

- Frank downloaded
this high-pitched tone

that can only be
heard by young ears.

- They use it in
Japan to keep kids

from loitering outside
of convenience stores.

- Cerie's the only
one that can hear it.

The rest of us are too old.

- Oh! Not me!

I can hear it!

Oh! My ears are, like, dying.

Ahh! Facebook!

- Um, I already turned it off.

[Laughter]

I also have this
low-frequency tone

that can only be heard
by people over 40.

- Have you started
playing it yet?

[Laughter]

- Ah!

Lemon, can I speak
with you for a moment?

- What is happening to me?

- Danny and I were
supposed to have lunch today.

Why didn't he show up?
- I don't know.

Maybe he had
something better to do.

- Well, I had a
porterhouse for two alone.

I am very angry and sleepy.

This is from Danny's
chips costume.

What is it doing here?

- Officer, what's
going on up there?

- It's an accident.

A really bad one.

- [Gasps]
- Mmm.

- This badge is a
symbol of dignity, honor,

and dramatized 1970s
inter-ethnic California

daytime motorcycle
highway justice.

- I'm sorry, Jack. I
changed my mind.

- I'm trying to look out
for the show here, Lemon.

- Yeah, I don't think you are.

While stuck in a pile-up

on the pacific coast
highway earlier,

I realized something.

You take Danny away from work

whenever you want to hang out.

I don't think this
is about the show.

I think you have
some sort of problem

with the fact that
Danny is with me.

- For four years
I've had to make do

with what passes
for men in this place.

With their untucked
shirts, boneless faces,

their stars, both wars and trek.

I needed a man around
here and I finally have one.

- No, I finally have one.

Liz Lemon has a
handsome, goof-around,

make-out buddy.

- And that's the problem.

Danny can't be my
Alpha-male wingman

and his boss'...

Little scrump nugget.

They're incompatible.

- Well, then I guess it's on.

May the best man win.

- Oh, he will.

[Door closes]

- Where you going?

It's board game night.

- Out.
- Out with whom?

- This guy Doug.

- Well, does Doug
have a last name?

- Okay, everybody. Let's just...

- you can't make me stay here!

- You are a part
of this entourage.

- I didn't ask to be
in this entourage!

- Look! I know you
didn't mean that.

- I do mean it.
I'm not like you!

I'll never be like you!

[Door closes]

- And now I'm at the point
where I love just kissing.

We kiss for an hour, and
it's totally enough for me.

- Uh-huh.

This is good guy talk.

- She has really thin
lips, but she makes up

for it with tongue girth.

- Okay, maybe we
just watch the game,

forget about girls for a night.

- Yeah!
[Cheering]

- Whoo!

- You know, my little cuddlebaby

loves to watch figure skating,

and I'm really
starting to get into that.

- And now turning
to women's health.

Our latest information
on women's sexuality finds

female libido does tend to peak

in those years just
before perimenopause

in what scientists
and doctors like myself

are calling their dirty 30s.

Women are also
looking at the latest...

- I got to go, Jack.

- What?

You're leaving?

It's only zero-zero.

- I'll talk to you
in the morning.

- Liz Lemon.

Wow!

- That was a low
blow last night, Lemon.

- What can I say, Jack?

I guess I'm getting
a second wind here

at the tail end of my dirty 30s.

- This whole week has
been such a bummer.

- Hey, when did we add
this grizzly Adams sketch?

- I wrote it last night... Late.

The shirt should be... Filthier.

- If you were a man,
you would have to register

yourself as a sex criminal.

I'm taking Danny back.
- Oh, good luck with that.

Remember, if it
doesn't work out,

there's always Lutz.

- [Screams]

- ♪ Forever young ♪

♪ I want to be ♪

♪ forever young ♪

- Jenna, stop it!

- Ow.

- Look, you claimed that
you want to be happy,

but that's never gonna happen

until you are honest
about who you are.

- That's easy for you to say.

I've built my career
on a certain image

and you have no idea what
I go through to maintain it.

The workouts, the
lotions, pretending I wasn't

fourth runner-up at the miss
teen bicentennial pageant.

- Ooh, that's...

- and you don't understand
the fear I live with.

The fear of people
ever seeing the real me.

- Yes, I do.

We all have secrets.

You know that I have
something I've been hiding

from the world for 20 years.

- What are you talking about?

- If you come out
as your real age,

I will reveal my friend Tom.

- [Gasps]

You would do that for me?

How long would it take?

- Well, if I do nothing,

he'll be here within 48 hours.

- Ow.

- Good morning, li...

- [gasps]

- [Gasps]

- Oh... my... god.

- I'd like you all to meet Tom.

Tom Selleck.

He's my moustache.

- Thank you, Liz.

It's funny.

All my "a-ha" moments end with
a moustache pressed against me.

- There you are!

Kenneth and I were
worried sick about you.

- I think Doug put something in
my drink and I don't remember...

- that's not important anymore.

I want to talk to you about
our fight the other night.

Look, having a girl
in your life is different.

You want to protect her, and
the best that you can hope for

is that someday a
nice man will come

and take her from you.

That's it.

- Hey, Sue, I need
you in the writer's room.

- [Tearfully] I knew
this day would come.

I just didn't think it
would be so soon.

You take good care of her.

[Alphaville's forever young]

- ♪ Forever young ♪

♪ I want to be forever young ♪

♪ do you really
want to live forever ♪

♪ forever ♪

♪ and ever ♪

♪ forever young ♪

♪ I want to be forever young ♪

- I don't know if I
can go through this

with a real daughter.

- Yes, you can.

I know that was hard, but I bet

you wouldn't give up this week

with miss Laroche
Vanderhoot for anything.

- No, I wouldn't.

Not for a billion doll hairs.

- I'm sorry. Did
you say "doll hairs"?

- Yeah, they're
not worth nothing.

You could probably sell
'em to a doll company

and get maybe 40 grand for 'em.

- [Chuckles]

- Danny.

Danny, I know.

I know Liz is your
secret work girlfriend.

- [Sighs]

I wanted to tell
you, but she thought

we should be discreet.

I mean, we're just having fun.

- I know.

You need to end it now.

- What? Why?

- I never told anyone this.

And that's why if you
ask people about it,

they won't know what
you're talking about,

because it's a secret,
not because it's a lie.

- Okay, I understand.
- Good.

Now here's my secret.

My secret is...

I'm in love with Liz Lemon.

- What?

- It's true.

It was love at first sight.

I ache for her sexually.

How could I not?

I'm entranced by
those mud-colored eyes,

set back in... That skin.

And her laugh.

Her walk.

That splay-footed walk.

And that...

Whole situation right there.

And...

Oh.

Moustache?

Good god, Lemon.

- Jack, I had no idea.

I mean, the last thing I want
to do is screw up our friendship.

Me and Liz, I'll end it today.

- You'd do that for me?

- Mmm!
- Whoa!

- Yeah, I think I'll be okay.

- Oh, mother.

I can't believe you're
dying of old age.

- Don't cry for me, Tartine.

I've had a full life.

Oh, the things I've seen.

The first Clinton
administration.

The Nagano Olympics.

Microsoft windows '95.

But I'm 41 now.

Time to die.

- [Sobbing]

- And cut!

[Applause]

[Dance music]

- So Danny says that he
and I can't hook up anymore.

- And I am taking
him to the fight

at the garden tomorrow night.

I guess the best man won.

- Uh-huh.

Well, the reason that
he gave me was that

someone else here
is in love with me.

- It was my only move, Lemon,
and it was hard, believe me.

- What did you say
you loved about me?

Did you talk about my body?

Did you say how you
like to watch me dance?

Yeah. You like that?

- You're embarrassing
yourself, Lemon.

- Mm-hmm. It
started out as a joke,

but it's becoming real.

♪ ♪

I don't care!

I'm having a good time!

[Dance music]

♪ ♪

All: [Chanting] Go, Lutz!

Go, Lutz! Go, Lutz! Go,
Lutz! Go, Lutz! Go, Lutz!

Go, Lutz! Go, Lutz! Go,
Lutz! Go, Lutz! Go, Lutz!

Go, Lutz! Go, Lutz!
Go, Lutz! Go, Lutz!

[Laughter]

- Go to work, Lutz!
Go to work, Lutz!