All language subtitles for 30.Rock.S04E09.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE.SDH

- Hey, Jack.

Did you dye your hair?
- No.

No.

- So how was your new year's?

- Wonderful. My dear friend,

the deep-sea
explorer Bob Ballard,

brought over a
2,000-year-old amphora of wine

from a sunken
phoenician trading vessel.

[Chuckles]

The wine turned
out to be quite toxic.

[Coughing]

My guests and I spent
the stroke of midnight

in my garden... Vomiting.

- Oh, my god, sorry.
- Don't be.

The whole night... The
purging, the new year,

the vivid hallucinations
of Astarte...

The phoenician
goddess of sex and war...

It all wiped the slate clean.

- So... nancy Donovan...

- What happened before
Christmas was a mistake.

She hasn't contacted me since,
so clearly she agrees it's over.

- Well, that's healthy.
A clean break.

- Exactly. A clean break.

So what about you, Lemon?

Is your 2010 off
to a good start?

- Well, I spent new
year's Eve with my family,

which was actually very special.

My cousin Randy,

this kid from this
rural coal mining town,

came out to us.

And I think old Liz Lemon
had a little something

to do with that.

Randy's gay,
everybody! He's gay.

I think everyone
knew. [Elevator dings]

- Finally!

Over the break, I forgot
what floor I worked on.

- Six, Tracy.

- Six! I knew it was a
character from blossom,

but I couldn't find the
Joey Russo button.

- Hold the door!

You guys, I had the
most amazing new year's.

I met James Franco's
Manager. It was like a fairy tale.

- My client, James
Franco, he's actively looking

for a relationship
with a human woman

to dispel certain
unsavory rumors.

Are you available for a fake
romance with a movie star?

- Does chewing on a sponge
trick your brain's hunger center?

Yes! Yes! A million times yes!

- So this is some arranged
Hollywood relationship?

- With James Franco.

Can you believe they went to me

before ayiiia from the
real world: Cancun?

- I think it's great.

The exposure will do
wonders for you and TGS.

Lemon, I want you and
Jenna to have a meeting

with James Franco and make
sure his Manager doesn't screw her.

- Too late!

Wait, which way
did you mean that?

- I had a pretty
amazing new year's too.

My wife and I are
trying for a daughter,

and on new year's Eve I
think I got Angie pregnant.

All: No, no, no, no.

- Okay, but I was gonna
describe it real good.

[Elevator dings]

[Exciting jazz music]

♪ ♪

- How was your new year's, sir?

- Perfect.

Oh, my god!

- As you know, on new year's,

I finally met my birth parents.

So... thank you for
asking about that!

- I called her, Lemon.
- What?

- I called Nancy on new
year's Eve at 3:42 A.M.

Damn that phoenician wine!

- And you don't
remember doing it?

- The last thing I remember
is going into a closet

and switching clothes
with Bob Ballard.

- Look, I don't think you
actually spoke to her.

You hit pound after the number.

I think you left a message.

- Cerie, get on
her YouFace page.

Lemon, do you mind?
- No.

- One second. Okay.

[Typing quickly]

Okay, her YouFace page
says they're on vacation.

They're borrowing a
friend's condo in Florida.

- Oh, what have I done?

The woman is on vacation
with her husband as we speak,

probably having beach sex,
which is the third best sex

after elevator and white house.

- Is there any chance
that she hasn't heard it yet?

As a frequent leaver
of drunken messages,

I can tell you no
good can come of this.

- As a frequent receiver
of drunk messages,

they are not cute, even
when they're from Liz.

- Da da da...

- Good lord,

I've lemoned the
situation with Nancy!

I've got to erase that message.

- "Lemoned"? That's not a thing

people are saying now, is it?

Cerie?

[Scoffs] Lemoned.

Doing it awesome.

- Here's the
general idea, Jenna.

You and I pretend that we
met while filming a movie

called space attack.

My title.

This movie will
never be released

because my performance
will be deemed

"too provocative for america."

- Oh, I wish I lived in France.

- But out of this experience,

we found each other,
et cetera, et cetera.

Five dates a week,
one fight a month.

And because of a product
placement deal with Jamba Juice,

the fight will be
in a Jamba Juice.

- I love Jamba Juice!

And this is the
non-disclosure agreement

regarding anything you two
may learn about each other

during the course
of the relationship.

- Yeah, what exactly is
Mr. Franco covering up here?

- Liz, are you familiar with
Japanese moe relationships,

where socially
dysfunctional men develop

deep emotional
attachments to body pillows

with women painted on them?

- I am not, James.

- Neither am I, Liz!

Which is why it's so weird

the tabloids are
running all these stories

saying I'm in love
with a body pillow.

I mean, it's crazy!

[Laughter]

- Then why is that here?

- Why?

I mean, why is this table here?

I mean, why is that lamp here?

Kimiko is...

It is here like
any other object.

Objects are made by men
and used for many purposes.

But we never love objects.

- Where do I sign?

[Cell phone vibrating]

- Hello?

- Liz? It's Randy Randy Lemon.

- Oh, hey, Randy. What's up?

- Well, my parents and I
are kind of fighting right now.

- Because you spilled
orange soda on the couch?

- No, because of the gay thing.

So now I'm here in New York.
- Wait, you're in New York?

- Yeah, I figured I'd come
stay with my cool cousin Liz.

Besides, what better
place for me to be

now that I'm a homo?

Is that the one
we call ourselves?

- Nope. Get a cab,
okay? Go to my apartment.

168 riverside drive.

- Okay. Uh, actually
there's a guy here

who offered to drive me if
I helped him move a couch

into a Van.

- Nope. That's a serial killer.

Just get a cab. I'll pay for it.

- You have amish here?

- Just get in the house, Randy.

- Kenneth, Jonathan, I
need one of you to help me

with a very special assignment.

- [Excited gasp]

- I hope it's me.

But I'm honored just to
be standing here with you.

- I'm going to drive up to
waltham, Massachusetts,

break into a woman's home,

and erase a potentially
embarrassing and destructive

answering machine message.

The home in questions
has a doggy door.

That will be our way in...

Using these hangers.

Prove that you are lithe enough
to accompany me to waltham.

It's Kenneth!

You sicken me.

- I did it!

Angie just called.
She's pregnant.

- That's awesome.
- Congratulations.

- Yes. And it gets
better. I just had a burrito!

- Well, now you just
have to hope that it's a girl.

- I know it's a girl, Liz Lemon,

because I yelled
"Susan B. Anthony"

at the moment of conception.
- Well, that'll do it.

- We're gonna name
her after the place

that she was conceived.

It was a pretty wild night.

So we gonna name
her either Virginia,

NetJet, or bathroom
at Teterboro Airport.

- Virginia is nice.

- Oh, Liz, I'm in love.

- You're really not.

- James and I just had
lunch at the spotted pig.

The paparazzi were everywhere.

The gossip blogs
are calling us "James."

It's a combination
of Jenna and James.

- Jenna, look, I'm glad
that you're having fun,

but is this really
all that you want?

I mean, you and I are
not getting any younger.

- You don't know that
thing I sleep in isn't working.

- Don't you want more
than some fake boyfriend?

Don't you want to be happy?

- Liz, I am happy.

All this attention,
getting my picture taken,

having ice-cold diarrhea from
drinking too much Jamba Juice...

It's everything I ever wanted.

[Giddy chuckles]

- Sorry, sir.

That happens sometimes
when I unhinge my pelvis.

- Oh, I was afraid of this.

It's not an answering
machine, it's a voice mail.

- Okay, well, we just
need to look for clues

to her password.

It'll be like the Da Vinci code.

Ehh... albino monk!

- That's a mirror, Kenneth.

She must have written
it down somewhere.

Try on the computer.

- Okay.

Search...

Oops!

I just took my picture
with that little camera thing.

- Kenneth!
- All right.

I just need to
erase that picture.

Whoops, I just made
it the desktop image.

How did I do that?

- Wait a minute.

Wait a minute!

Ah!

Nancy's husband has
been sleeping on the couch.

"Emailing image
to address book"?

What is wrong with me?

- Hey, Liz.
- Oh, thank god.

Randall Lemon, where were you?

- I'm sorry, I met
these two guys

and they just dropped me off.

- Well, I'm glad they
brought you home, but...

- that's where I'm
meeting them later...

A bar called "home butt."
- No, you're not.

You came to New York
to see your cool cousin,

not run around with
strange gentlemen.

- You don't have to
be so protective of me.

- This is New York City, Randy.

- Liz, you know how
hard it was growing up gay

in Methenburg, Pennsylvania?

The local TV station edited
will & grace down so much

that it was just called Karen.

Being in New York,
this is the first time

I've ever felt like myself.

And I want to go out
and enjoy it, have fun.

- Oh, we're gonna have fun.

We're gonna stay
here and make nachos

and see who can
fall asleep the earliest.

Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun!

- This is nice.

Your hand feels like a pillow
that's been in the microwave.

- Thanks.

Okay, well... I'll
see you tomorrow.

- Wait.

Oh, it's okay. You can stop.

I was wrong.
- What?

- I thought it was a paparazzo,

but it's just some loser
taking a picture of his kid.

- Oh... right. Of course.

That was fake.

- Did you know "paparazzo"
is singular to "paparazzi"?

Kimiko taught me that.

I'll see you at dawn
so you can get caught

coming out of my apartment.

I'll loan you a shirt.

Try to look like
you just got drilled.

You know the deal.

- Sir, this computer is not
helping with our search.

If you type "Nancy's
secrets" into the Internet,

do you have any
idea what comes up?

A store that sells
wig extensions.

- I've seen all this
before, Kenneth.

The separate beds,
the empty closets,

the brave public face.

[Chuckles]

This is just another
Irish catholic couple

who won't admit to the world
that their marriage is over.

- Sir, you don't know that.

They're on vacation
together right now.

- Are they?

Nancy Donovan,
still so organized.

In German class,
Mr. Kruger always chose her

to sort the students.

He was eventually arrested
by Israeli commandos.

- Hmm.

- Look.

On the 30th she took
flight 1470 to RSW.

He left the next day for CVG.

They have to
be different cities.

- Uh, fort Myers in Cincinnati.

Did you not learn your
nation's airport codes

in high school?

- She's at the
beach house alone!

That's the most divorced
sentence I've ever heard.

Mr. Donaghy, this
snooping has to stop.

We came here to erase... oh!

I just took a
picture of both of us.

- Good morning.

Oh, my god, did
you go out last night

after I won the
sleeping contest?

- I forgot to wash
my face, didn't I?

I meant to do it at the club,

but when I got
into the bathroom,

everything started up again.

- Okay, that's it,
I am taking you

to the port authority.

To get on a bus home,
not to meet people!

God!

Look, you've had your
fun. You've seen New York.

You've made some
really neat friends.

Maybe that's enough
for a first step. Okay?

- Yeah. Okay, you're right.

But I'm not going home

until I give my cool
cousin a makeover!

- Is it gonna be fierce?

- It would be if it was 2006.

- [Uncertain chuckle]

Well, I do have
this one cardigan

that I've been kind
of afraid to wear.

- Well, let's see it, girl.

I'm not going back
to Methenburg!

- Randy Lemon, you
open this door right now!

[Doorknob rattling]

Okay, I do appreciate the irony

that I'm the one stuck
in the closet now.

Is that irony?
- Not really.

[Doorknob rattling]

- The sun is up and we are
still in these people's home.

God can see us now.

We have to find
that voice mail code.

- It's on the dry-erase
board above the phone.

- What?

- I saw it there
a few hours ago.

But I wasn't done
looking around.

I'm ready to hear
the message now.

- Sir, I don't mean to swear,

but I am irritated right now.

[Lifts phone from cradle]

5-5-2-8-7.

- Thursday, December 30...

[beep] Thursday.

[Beep] Friday, January 1st.

3:42 A.M.

- [Sexy voice]
Meine liebe, Gretta,

it's Klaus.

Remember Mr. Kruger's
German class?

I took it to be with you.

Sat behind you so
I could talk to you

and try to see the
top of your underwear.

You were Gretta
and I was Klaus...

- Jack, are you coming in?

- I'm on the phone!
Get back in the hot tub.

Ballard, don't let them
put their tops back on.

[Sexy voice] I'm
going to say good night

with help from the poet Rilke.

Because only German can capture

what seeing you again
has made me feel.

Aus unendlichen sehnsuchten

steigen endliche taten
wie schwache fontanen.

Auf wiedersehen, Gretta.

- To erase, press seven.
To save, press nine.

For more options, press four.

- Sir, what are
you doing? Erase it.

- I don't know.

I thought I wanted
a clean break,

but if that message
is how I really feel,

maybe she was
supposed to hear it.

Her marriage is falling apart.

We meet again
after all these years.

[Beep]
- Message deleted.

Next message. [Beep]

- Mr. Donaghy,
whatever's happening here,

it is not your
place to interfere.

If Mrs. Dougherty
wanted you in her life,

she would have called,
given you some sign.

But she hasn't. Let it go, sir.

- You're right, Kenneth.

But you are leaving
through the doggy door.

- Yes, sir.

- Hey, Liz, we're playing
the today showdrinking game.

You do a shot every time
they give a dumb travel tip.

- I like to take the shampoo

and put it in the little
travel-size bottles.

Then I take the original bottle

and put it back in the shower...

For later. All: Yeah.

- Great.

- Liz, relationship emergency.

- Why are you wearing a
man's shirt and no pants?

- Last night, James kissed me.

And for a second,
I forgot it was fake.

And it was incredible.

Now having lunch with James
and the actress who plays my mom

somehow seems hollow.

What's wrong with me?

- Jenna, what
you're feeling is good.

This thing with James
is fun and exciting,

but it isn't real.

Deep down I think you want to be

with someone you really love,

and who can love you back.

- More friends on the
Plaza this morning.

- Hi, guys. You celebrating?
- We're in love!

Trent's quitting the Navy,
and we're going to get married

in Massachusetts.

[Crowd cheers]
- Wow. Congratulations.

- Oh, boy.

- If you want to save
money on the trip,

consider taking a sandwich.

Give 'em a hand. All: Yeah.

[Crowd cheers]

- Hey, baby, you new here?

- Yeah, this is my first show.
- Uh-huh.

And before you worked here,
were you an ass scientist?

Because your ass...

Blah, blah, blah.
You get the point.

So what's your name?
- Virginia.

- Virginia?

But that's gonna be
my daughter's name.

Are you also someone's daughter?
- Uh, yeah.

- Is every woman
someone's daughter?

- Of course.
- Uh-oh!

- No... way.

I was wrong, sir.
There is a sign.

She's been thinking
about you for years!

- Why can't you be more
like Kenneth? Go on.

- Her code... 5-5-2-8-7.

Do you know what it means?

- Well, it's not a date.

The first numbers are too high.

- It's not the numbers, sir.

It's the letters.
They spell "Klaus."

Your name in German class.

The class you were in
with Nancy... In high school.

Back in Massachu...
- I get it, Kenneth!

I'm just trying to figure
out my next move.

I have to play it cool.

- You should buy
a leather jacket!

- Get Cerie in here. Not you.

- Pack your stuff.

- You know, I don't think this
is about you protecting me.

I think you have a problem
with people enjoying themselves.

Why did you even
leave white haven, Liz?

When was the last time
you watched the sun rise?

- Sometimes at work...

- Or kissed a boy you just met?
- Gross.

- Or went dancing?
I'm not going home

until I make you
appreciate living here.

Tonight we are gonna
do that makeover for real.

And then I'm taking you out.

- Yeah, okay. Fine.

I mean, who am I to tell Jenna

that she doesn't
know how to be happy

when I can't even figure out...
- Stop. So bored.

Did I do that right?

- Yeah. That was super bitchy.

- You can't just
break up with me.

I'll Sue you for
breach of contract!

Oh, you're being such
a non-pillow right now!

- But don't you understand?

I just want something
real in my life for once.

I want what you
have with Kimiko.

- [Quietly] Oh, Kimiko-tan...

What am I doing, Jenna?

Pretending to be
something I'm not.

Making myself miserable
when I've got happiness

waiting for me at home.

Unless Kimiko's
jealous of the ottoman.

There's nothing going on there.
That's a business relationship.

- Don't Lemon your life, James.

Be happy.

- I'm the actor James
Franco, damn it!

And I'm in love with
and common-law married

to a Japanese body pillow!

- And I hope you had
a good new year's.

Let me know the next time
you and Mark are in New York,

and we'll all grab dinner.

Auf wiedersehen.

[House music booming]

♪ ♪

- Liz.

- James.
- Wow.

You look great.

- Is Jenna here?

- No, Jenna and I
broke up, actually.

We both decided it
was time to be happy.

- Me too. I'm
saying yes to life!

- Okay.

♪ ♪

- Let's do this.

- Hey, you got home late.

- Yeah, I, um...

Randy, this is James Franco

and our friend Kimiko-tan.

- Hey, Randy.

- I'm gonna go
to the bus station.

- I think that's for the best.

- I blame you three for
my unhealthy attitude

towards women!

You have created an atmosphere

of hostility and intolerance

that everyone talks
about all the time.

Grizz, when was the last
time you told your fiancee

you loved her...

Since the phone
call I interrupted

to make this announcement!

Kenneth, your haircut is
disrespectful to lesbians!

Dotcom, do you ever
read books by women?

- But George eliot was a woman.

- Enough! I've made a decision.

And starting next week,
I'm adding a woman

to the entourage.

- Really?