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1
00:00:02,461 --> 00:00:03,504
- Hello, everyone.
2
00:00:03,795 --> 00:00:05,088
I'm so happy to see all of you
3
00:00:05,380 --> 00:00:08,217
and to welcome
you to season four...
4
00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:10,361
Which is, of course, the
name of this restaurant,
5
00:00:10,385 --> 00:00:12,385
the number one Asian
fusion restaurant in New York,
6
00:00:12,638 --> 00:00:14,723
where we will be eating
the number-one-selling food
7
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:18,560
in the rest of america.
8
00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:19,853
- What is this?
9
00:00:20,145 --> 00:00:22,022
- All right! Cheesy blasters.
10
00:00:22,314 --> 00:00:23,315
♪ You take a hot dog ♪
11
00:00:23,607 --> 00:00:24,918
♪ stuff it with some
Jack cheese ♪
12
00:00:24,942 --> 00:00:26,401
♪ fold it in a pizza ♪
13
00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:28,278
♪ you got cheesy blasters ♪
14
00:00:28,570 --> 00:00:30,340
And then all the kids
say, "thanks, meat cat."
15
00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:33,075
And then meat cat flies
away on his, um, skateboard.
16
00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:34,826
- I can't eat
this. I'm a foodie.
17
00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:37,996
- These cheesy blasters
are here to teach us a lesson.
18
00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:39,581
The economy is struggling
19
00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:42,543
and your parent company
is struggling with it, why?
20
00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:45,546
Because we've lost touch
with the heartland, consumers,
21
00:00:45,837 --> 00:00:46,880
with the real america.
22
00:00:47,172 --> 00:00:48,358
- Okay, that's a nonsense term.
23
00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:49,716
All of america is america.
24
00:00:50,008 --> 00:00:52,219
- Like it or not, you
are all part of the elite.
25
00:00:52,511 --> 00:00:55,889
When was the last time any of
you worked for the minimum wage?
26
00:00:56,181 --> 00:00:57,701
- Well, before I
made it as a stand-up,
27
00:00:57,933 --> 00:00:59,893
I was a bucket
drummer in the subway.
28
00:01:00,185 --> 00:01:01,585
- That's not a real job.
- Oh, yeah?
29
00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:04,481
Then how come I got sued
for sexual harassment at it?
30
00:01:04,773 --> 00:01:06,608
- Tracy, you may come
from humble beginnings,
31
00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:08,610
but you've been
rich for a long time.
32
00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:10,988
I think it's affecting your act.
33
00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:12,680
- You know how
on St. barth's people
34
00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:14,366
be eating they
lobster like this?
35
00:01:14,658 --> 00:01:19,246
[Murmuring]
36
00:01:19,538 --> 00:01:20,698
Don't look at me in the eyes!
37
00:01:20,956 --> 00:01:23,875
Have I lost touch with my roots?
38
00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:26,545
I better talk to rabbi
Shmuley about this.
39
00:01:26,837 --> 00:01:27,546
- Jack, if it would
help the show,
40
00:01:27,838 --> 00:01:30,465
I would be willing
to "go country."
41
00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:31,258
- Really?
- "Go country"?
42
00:01:31,550 --> 00:01:32,843
What does that mean?
43
00:01:33,135 --> 00:01:34,362
- It's a totally legitimate
career move, Liz.
44
00:01:34,386 --> 00:01:35,746
The best way for
a lady to get heat
45
00:01:35,846 --> 00:01:37,886
in this industry is to either
record a country album
46
00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:39,808
or have a lesbian relationship.
47
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,476
- We'll start with
going country.
48
00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:42,768
To "TGS."
49
00:01:42,853 --> 00:01:44,896
We'll trick those
racecar-loving wide loads
50
00:01:45,188 --> 00:01:46,588
into watching your
lefty, homoerotic
51
00:01:46,857 --> 00:01:48,442
propaganda hour yet.
52
00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:50,902
- You just don't like
anybody, do you?
53
00:01:51,194 --> 00:01:53,113
- Well...
54
00:01:53,405 --> 00:01:55,657
[Exciting jazz music]
55
00:01:55,949 --> 00:02:03,949
♪ ♪
56
00:02:15,010 --> 00:02:18,055
- Lemon, how soon can
you start the talent search?
57
00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:19,389
- What talent search?
58
00:02:19,681 --> 00:02:21,401
- "TGS" needs to find
someone who can appeal
59
00:02:21,516 --> 00:02:22,516
to a broader audience.
60
00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:25,896
Those two do not test
well outside the cities.
61
00:02:26,188 --> 00:02:28,357
[Cell phone rings]
- Oh, he's burning money again.
62
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:29,858
- [Sighs]
63
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,360
What about Josh?
64
00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,278
- Right, Josh. I
forgot about that guy.
65
00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:34,631
You think that's a good sign?
66
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:35,655
- Oh, Jack, please don't
67
00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:37,366
make me look for
a new cast member.
68
00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:40,058
You make these pronouncements
on a whim and then I have to...
69
00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:41,870
- Lemon, this is a
financial necessity.
70
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:43,922
Every division of the
company is reaching out
71
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:44,748
to the middle of the country.
72
00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:46,400
Our new mammogram
machine is called
73
00:02:46,458 --> 00:02:48,126
the "git 'er done 2000."
74
00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:49,127
- [Sighs]
75
00:02:49,419 --> 00:02:51,338
- Another actor? Why?
76
00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:53,507
They have so many
feelings and opinions.
77
00:02:53,799 --> 00:02:55,050
All right, fine.
78
00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:57,761
I'll make reservations for
us at some stand-up clubs.
79
00:02:58,053 --> 00:02:59,930
But don't tell anyone.
80
00:03:00,222 --> 00:03:01,223
- Are you kidding me?
81
00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:02,992
Remember when Jenna
thought that blonde intern
82
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:04,476
wanted to be an actress?
83
00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:06,228
- I'm studying
acting and singing
84
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,730
and someday I'm
gonna be just like you.
85
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,107
- [Chuckles]
86
00:03:10,399 --> 00:03:11,399
- [Screams]
87
00:03:11,483 --> 00:03:13,777
- I never did find her earlobe.
88
00:03:14,069 --> 00:03:15,229
- No one can know about this.
89
00:03:15,487 --> 00:03:16,822
- Know about what?
90
00:03:17,114 --> 00:03:19,783
- Pete's stealing money.
- Liz's uterus fell out.
91
00:03:20,075 --> 00:03:21,118
- Oh.
92
00:03:21,410 --> 00:03:23,620
I think I already knew that.
93
00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:29,876
- Thank you, Kenneth.
94
00:03:30,168 --> 00:03:32,087
- Sir, I have a problem
with my time card.
95
00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:33,539
- So naturally you came to me
96
00:03:33,672 --> 00:03:35,841
because this company
is just the two of us.
97
00:03:36,133 --> 00:03:37,926
- I received a memo
saying that pages
98
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:40,387
are no longer allowed to
work more than 16 hours a day.
99
00:03:40,679 --> 00:03:41,930
- Yes, Kenneth.
100
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:43,616
Thanks to comrade
Obama's recession,
101
00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,726
we've had to cut
overtime for pages.
102
00:03:46,017 --> 00:03:47,686
- Oh, it's not the money, sir.
103
00:03:47,978 --> 00:03:50,814
It's just that I always
work more than 16 hours.
104
00:03:51,106 --> 00:03:53,316
So I would be signing
my name to a lie.
105
00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:57,362
The Parcell name is
synonymous with honesty.
106
00:03:57,654 --> 00:03:59,239
As the hill people say,
107
00:03:59,531 --> 00:04:04,619
"Parcell, gon' say del
go up del saw say."
108
00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:07,205
- We've all had to make
sacrifices, Kenneth.
109
00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:09,291
I had to downsize
the payroll department
110
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:12,169
to one guy and an
envelope-stuffing machine.
111
00:04:12,461 --> 00:04:15,255
- Today's my birthday.
112
00:04:15,547 --> 00:04:17,382
- You can hand in
an accurate time card
113
00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:18,383
as soon as we can pay for it.
114
00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:21,344
But trust me, we literally
have no extra money.
115
00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:22,846
So do your part.
116
00:04:23,138 --> 00:04:24,890
Sign your time card.
117
00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:33,857
- "Dah Don say da bay ton daw."
118
00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:40,197
- Kenneth. Boop.
119
00:04:40,489 --> 00:04:41,865
- Thank you, sir.
120
00:04:42,157 --> 00:04:43,700
- Elizabeth, I have
your paycheck.
121
00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:45,869
- Thank you, Peter.
122
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,411
- All right, we're on for
8:00 at the stand-up cellar,
123
00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:55,420
then we're going to NYU
to see that improv troupe.
124
00:04:55,670 --> 00:04:57,870
- Okay, I guess we leave
separately and then meet there?
125
00:04:58,131 --> 00:04:58,840
I hate being sneaky.
126
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:00,592
- Luckily everybody here is dumb
127
00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:02,677
and you and I are good at lying.
128
00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:04,846
- What are you two
lovebirds whispering about?
129
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:06,218
- Nothing.
- Uterus nothing.
130
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,183
- Geez. I was just joking.
131
00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:12,646
[Laughing]
132
00:05:12,938 --> 00:05:14,189
- I blame you and Dotcom.
133
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:16,321
You two have built a
protective shell around me
134
00:05:16,525 --> 00:05:19,027
like a hermit crab
or a mermaid booby.
135
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:21,655
And now I've lost touch
with the common man.
136
00:05:21,947 --> 00:05:22,948
[Door opens]
137
00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:24,240
Eek! Who's that?
138
00:05:24,282 --> 00:05:26,034
- This is Rolly the custodian.
139
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,620
You said you wanted an
ordinary person to reconnect with.
140
00:05:28,912 --> 00:05:33,542
- Oh, hey, guy. Come on in.
141
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:34,960
So, Rolly, where you from?
142
00:05:35,252 --> 00:05:37,629
- Brooklyn.
- Right on, my brother.
143
00:05:37,921 --> 00:05:40,507
My dear friend Moby opened
up a tea house in park slope.
144
00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:42,509
Does he know you?
145
00:05:45,554 --> 00:05:49,599
Hey, Rolly, you ever
lose your remote control?
146
00:05:49,891 --> 00:05:51,852
- Yeah.
[Laughs]
147
00:05:52,143 --> 00:05:54,062
- And then your wife
start getting all mad
148
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:55,456
because the roof won't close
149
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:56,720
and the bed that's in the shape
150
00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:58,900
of your face is
getting rained on?
151
00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:01,695
[Laughs]
152
00:06:01,987 --> 00:06:03,238
I like you, Rolly.
153
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:06,700
Can I feel the rough
skin on your hands?
154
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:11,997
- Sorry about that.
155
00:06:12,289 --> 00:06:14,207
- What do you
mean that was weird?
156
00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:16,459
You've sheltered me too much.
157
00:06:16,751 --> 00:06:18,104
I'm going out on the
street and I don't want
158
00:06:18,128 --> 00:06:19,629
nobody to follow me.
159
00:06:19,921 --> 00:06:21,214
Nobody!
160
00:06:21,506 --> 00:06:26,303
Um, which one is the
elevator I'm not afraid of?
161
00:06:26,595 --> 00:06:28,263
Right!
162
00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:36,938
- Oopsies.
163
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:40,191
I think the machine gave
me someone else's paycheck.
164
00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:42,861
"John Francis Donaghy."
165
00:06:43,153 --> 00:06:46,615
Hey, he's got a girl's
middle name too.
166
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:54,497
But he said sacrifice...
And no overtime.
167
00:06:54,789 --> 00:06:58,168
So many zeros.
168
00:06:58,460 --> 00:06:59,669
[Squeals]
169
00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:01,046
- Oh!
- Oh!
170
00:07:01,338 --> 00:07:04,007
- I thought you were leaving
ten minutes ago of me.
171
00:07:04,299 --> 00:07:05,318
Oh, well, we're going
two separate places,
172
00:07:05,342 --> 00:07:06,885
so it's not weird.
173
00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:11,598
- No, nothing's ever weird now.
174
00:07:11,890 --> 00:07:13,934
- Oh, hey, Liz. You
want to share a cab?
175
00:07:14,225 --> 00:07:14,809
- I can't.
176
00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:17,020
I'm picking up my nutritionist
177
00:07:17,312 --> 00:07:21,232
and his elderly son, so.
178
00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:22,764
- Pete, are you driving uptown?
179
00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:25,445
- Love you too! Bye!
180
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:30,450
[Horns honking]
181
00:07:30,742 --> 00:07:32,869
[Elevator dings]
182
00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:34,496
- Good morning, Mr. Donaghy.
183
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:36,223
I would like to speak
to you on behalf
184
00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:37,582
of all the NBC pages.
185
00:07:37,874 --> 00:07:38,541
- I'll give you a
New York minute.
186
00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:39,833
That's seven seconds.
187
00:07:40,085 --> 00:07:42,796
- Well, sir, we pages and I
188
00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:45,632
feel that me and they
are not being treated fairly
189
00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:47,175
as regards paychecking.
190
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:48,885
I'm nervous.
191
00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:50,937
We demand that you
give us back our overtime.
192
00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:52,239
- We went over this
yesterday, Kenneth.
193
00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:53,473
There's no money.
194
00:07:53,765 --> 00:07:56,851
- Sir, I accidentally
saw your paycheck.
195
00:07:57,143 --> 00:07:59,688
- Well, I hope it
was inspirational.
196
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,314
- All those zeros.
197
00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:02,983
It's downright UN-American.
198
00:08:03,274 --> 00:08:04,818
- That's where you're
wrong, Kenneth.
199
00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:06,361
It's extremely American.
200
00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:08,321
My talents are more
valuable than yours,
201
00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:09,656
so I'm paid accordingly.
202
00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:11,658
Therefore, I'm
entitled to my bonus.
203
00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:13,326
- That's a bonus check?
204
00:08:13,618 --> 00:08:15,620
You said there
was no extra money.
205
00:08:15,912 --> 00:08:17,622
"Bonus" means "extra."
206
00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:19,666
I know that from game shows.
207
00:08:19,958 --> 00:08:21,793
You lied to me.
208
00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:23,420
- I didn't lie, Kenneth.
209
00:08:23,712 --> 00:08:26,381
I massaged the truth.
210
00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:28,033
What do you need
to move past this?
211
00:08:28,258 --> 00:08:30,885
- Well, sir, you
made a liar out of me
212
00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:33,596
by making me
sign that time card.
213
00:08:33,888 --> 00:08:35,515
I would like you
to sign your name
214
00:08:35,807 --> 00:08:37,600
to a piece of paper that says,
215
00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:38,935
"I'm a big ol' liar."
216
00:08:39,227 --> 00:08:41,354
- I'm not doing that.
217
00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:43,046
- Well, then we
pages have no choice
218
00:08:43,231 --> 00:08:44,899
but to go on strike!
219
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:46,651
- I like you, Kenneth,
but you do not
220
00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:47,569
want to mess with me right now.
221
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:50,905
I am in the middle
of a raging period...
222
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:52,449
Of economic turmoil.
223
00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:53,741
- Too late, sir!
224
00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:55,744
Page strike!
225
00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:01,499
I will wait.
226
00:09:01,791 --> 00:09:02,791
- Ken!
227
00:09:02,917 --> 00:09:05,420
How do I get out
of this building?
228
00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:07,547
[Elevator bell dings]
229
00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:13,112
- What do we want? All:
To get you sandwiches.
230
00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:13,803
- When do we want it?
231
00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:15,573
All: Whenever would
be convenient for you.
232
00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:16,597
- What do we want?
233
00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:17,825
All: To get you sandwiches.
234
00:09:17,849 --> 00:09:18,849
- When do we want it?
235
00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:20,740
All: Whenever would
be convenient for you.
236
00:09:20,852 --> 00:09:21,561
- What do we want?
237
00:09:21,853 --> 00:09:22,933
All: To get you sandwiches.
238
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:24,063
- When do we want it?
239
00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:25,912
All: Whenever would
be convenient for you.
240
00:09:26,191 --> 00:09:27,191
- What do we want?
241
00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:29,652
All: To get you sandwiches.
242
00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:31,255
- Lemon, how's our
talent search going?
243
00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:31,863
- The worst.
244
00:09:32,155 --> 00:09:33,635
I'm lying to everybody
about something
245
00:09:33,865 --> 00:09:35,051
I don't even want to be doing.
246
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:36,868
Pete and I keep
accidentally touching knees
247
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:38,787
under those little
comedy club tables.
248
00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:40,955
What is a new cast member...
249
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:42,957
Shut up! Shut up! Here it comes.
250
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:44,375
- Good morning, y'all.
251
00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:45,936
- Well, who's this
southern peach?
252
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:46,961
- [Giggles]
253
00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:49,231
- Do you know the song are
you ready for some football?
254
00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:50,632
- Do I?
255
00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:52,151
That's what my phone plays
whenever Ray Lewis calls me.
256
00:09:52,175 --> 00:09:53,510
- Well, you are going to record
257
00:09:53,802 --> 00:09:56,554
a rollicking new southern
rock theme for NBC sports.
258
00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:58,306
- Yee haw!
259
00:09:58,598 --> 00:09:59,992
- What sports does
NBC have these days?
260
00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:00,683
- Off-season tennis.
261
00:10:00,975 --> 00:10:02,977
Liz, I'm going to need
Jenna all day today.
262
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:04,479
- No.
263
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:08,358
Wednesday is a very
important rehearsal day.
264
00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:09,651
Where's Kenneth?
265
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:11,170
- Picketing the building.
[Phone rings]
266
00:10:11,194 --> 00:10:13,863
Whatever religious undergarment
Kenneth wears is in a twist
267
00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:15,490
'cause I took my
bonus this year.
268
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:16,491
- Ooh.
269
00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,618
They lost their overtime
and you took a bonus?
270
00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:21,746
- Is someone going to
answer these phones?
271
00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:23,665
Studio 6h.
272
00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:24,957
Hello?
- Hello...
273
00:10:25,166 --> 00:10:26,334
- Hello?
274
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:28,146
- Why don't you give
them some overtime
275
00:10:28,211 --> 00:10:29,211
out of your giant bonus?
276
00:10:29,254 --> 00:10:31,214
Aren't you trying to be
Johnny america right now?
277
00:10:31,506 --> 00:10:35,718
- I am Johnny america
and this strike ends now.
278
00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:38,763
- Hello? Is anyone there?
279
00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:40,348
I'm in sort of a tunnel
280
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,976
and I see a man
with a Blue uniform.
281
00:10:43,268 --> 00:10:44,853
I think he's a friend.
282
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:46,145
Oh, never mind.
283
00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:47,730
There's a door. I'm out.
284
00:10:48,022 --> 00:10:50,316
Oh, it's sunny!
285
00:10:53,027 --> 00:10:54,696
Hello, fellow human being.
286
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:57,740
Would you like to
ask me what time it is?
287
00:10:58,032 --> 00:10:59,784
Are you a large
child or a small adult?
288
00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:01,369
You look regular.
289
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,496
Can I get your name?
290
00:11:03,788 --> 00:11:04,789
Is it Pedro?
291
00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:06,624
Is it craigford? Is it swimming?
292
00:11:06,916 --> 00:11:09,627
Are you a pre-op trans-centaur?
293
00:11:11,379 --> 00:11:13,673
Excuse me, do you have
change for a $10,000 bill?
294
00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:15,717
I would like some
chicken nuggets,
295
00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:18,678
a beer, and some of
my wife's rice to stay.
296
00:11:18,970 --> 00:11:19,970
Excuse me, sir.
297
00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:22,098
Do you want to hold hands
with a black millionaire?
298
00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:26,352
Does anyone want
to be my friend?
299
00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:28,897
I'm normal!
300
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:33,151
- Len, this page strike
is an embarrassment
301
00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:34,443
to the company.
302
00:11:34,652 --> 00:11:35,778
- I get it.
303
00:11:36,070 --> 00:11:36,613
It's like I tell my assistant,
304
00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:39,240
"your weight is a
reflection on me."
305
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,868
- I can't have that
apple-cheeked goon
306
00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:44,621
outside screaming
about my bonus.
307
00:11:44,913 --> 00:11:45,496
What are my options?
308
00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:47,498
- Let me ask you a
question, Mr. Donaghy.
309
00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:49,250
How do you kill a snake?
310
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:50,835
- Cut off the head.
311
00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:53,546
- Of course! Thank you.
312
00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:57,592
Now I won't be afraid
to go into my garage.
313
00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:59,612
All right, here's how
we play this page thing.
314
00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:01,262
I go undercover,
infiltrate the union,
315
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:03,556
take this Parcell guy
down from the inside.
316
00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:04,474
- Very well.
317
00:12:04,766 --> 00:12:06,643
And you have
undercover experience?
318
00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:09,229
- They used to call
me "the chameleon."
319
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:13,775
Because of my slender
frame and my big wet eyes.
320
00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:18,321
- Has anybody seen my wallet?
321
00:12:18,613 --> 00:12:21,616
It's an L.L. Bean child's
wallet from the 1970s.
322
00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:23,576
There's no money in it,
323
00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:25,119
but I was one hole-punch away
324
00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:26,621
from a free tasty d-lite.
325
00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:28,373
Damn it to hell! I hate my life!
326
00:12:28,665 --> 00:12:30,291
- Liz, maybe you
left your wallet
327
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,585
in a friend's car last night.
328
00:12:32,877 --> 00:12:33,544
- Maybe.
329
00:12:33,836 --> 00:12:36,506
And maybe I will run into
that friend again tonight
330
00:12:36,798 --> 00:12:39,425
and then I will get
it back from her.
331
00:12:39,717 --> 00:12:42,178
- Yes, she will
give it back to you
332
00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:46,099
when he goes home
and gets it from her wife.
333
00:12:46,391 --> 00:12:47,517
- What's up with you two?
334
00:12:47,809 --> 00:12:49,519
You've been acting
weird all week.
335
00:12:49,811 --> 00:12:51,562
- [Scoffs] Weird?
336
00:12:51,854 --> 00:12:53,094
- You left together last night.
337
00:12:53,356 --> 00:12:54,607
And then later, I saw you
338
00:12:54,899 --> 00:12:55,358
in front of a comedy club.
339
00:12:55,650 --> 00:12:56,650
- Oh, boy.
- Uterus, oh.
340
00:12:56,818 --> 00:13:01,364
- Are you guys doing it?
341
00:13:01,656 --> 00:13:02,656
- Yes. Yes.
342
00:13:02,824 --> 00:13:05,034
We are doing it.
343
00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:06,536
- Eww!
- That's disgusting.
344
00:13:06,828 --> 00:13:08,496
- So there you go. Case closed.
345
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:13,126
Pete and I are
intercoursing each other.
346
00:13:13,418 --> 00:13:14,961
- Hi, honey.
- [Gasps]
347
00:13:15,253 --> 00:13:17,380
- Liz, I found your wallet
348
00:13:17,672 --> 00:13:20,633
in what our children
call, "big wed cawr."
349
00:13:20,925 --> 00:13:22,135
- No, Paula. No.
350
00:13:22,427 --> 00:13:26,431
- Let me get through this.
351
00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:30,601
If this is what Pete needs...
352
00:13:30,893 --> 00:13:33,229
I would be willing to welcome
you into our lovemaking.
353
00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:34,647
- No. It's... no.
354
00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:36,259
- Pete, I know
that I haven't been
355
00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:37,721
very sexual since
my mother died.
356
00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:40,111
- No! Stop! Paula, stop!
357
00:13:40,403 --> 00:13:41,446
Okay, now look. We...
358
00:13:41,738 --> 00:13:44,032
Pete and I have
been sneaking around
359
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:47,118
because Jack is making us
look for a new cast member.
360
00:13:47,410 --> 00:13:49,620
- No! I hate that!
- Lutz want to smash!
361
00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:53,541
- Yeah, but you can't
tell any of the actors.
362
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,251
- Do you not see me?
363
00:13:55,543 --> 00:13:56,085
- Oh, dang it.
364
00:13:56,377 --> 00:13:57,754
I keep forgetting about you.
365
00:13:58,046 --> 00:13:59,380
- You know what?
366
00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:01,215
I've had it with this place.
367
00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:03,593
I don't need this show
because I could get a job
368
00:14:03,885 --> 00:14:07,096
tomorrow in the air force.
369
00:14:07,388 --> 00:14:08,598
I quit!
370
00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:10,350
[Grunts]
371
00:14:10,641 --> 00:14:13,186
- Oh, somebody help
him out, for god's sake.
372
00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:15,021
- You got to use
your lower back.
373
00:14:15,313 --> 00:14:18,983
- That's incorrect.
Lift with your legs.
374
00:14:20,651 --> 00:14:21,837
- Attention!
Attention, everyone!
375
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:22,861
Strike update!
376
00:14:22,904 --> 00:14:27,450
I am happy to
report that local 415
377
00:14:27,742 --> 00:14:29,243
has joined our cause!
378
00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:30,578
[Cheering]
379
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:31,496
- I think we
should just give up.
380
00:14:31,788 --> 00:14:33,081
"Yeah, Brandon's right."
381
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:34,413
- They are a blanket union
382
00:14:34,499 --> 00:14:36,084
that includes mall santas,
383
00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:38,294
horse whisperers,
and bucket drummers.
384
00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:41,214
- Hey, dudes, I'm
organizing a viral protest
385
00:14:41,506 --> 00:14:42,924
on tweeter and youtubes.
386
00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:44,592
Anyone wants to get in on that,
387
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:46,677
just write down your
social security numbers.
388
00:14:46,969 --> 00:14:48,429
- I'm sorry, Brandon,
389
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,431
what show are you
assigned to again?
390
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:53,935
- Donahue.
391
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:54,602
- Hey, tray.
392
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:57,313
How's the connecting to
the common man going?
393
00:14:57,605 --> 00:15:00,066
- It's going super
great, Dotcom.
394
00:15:00,358 --> 00:15:01,401
Meet my new friends,
395
00:15:01,692 --> 00:15:05,029
nobody and his wife Susan
Walters-hyphen-nobody.
396
00:15:05,321 --> 00:15:06,531
I'm so far from my roots,
397
00:15:06,823 --> 00:15:08,449
I don't think I'll
ever get back.
398
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:11,494
[Drumming]
399
00:15:11,786 --> 00:15:15,164
What's that sound?
400
00:15:15,456 --> 00:15:18,918
Bucket drummers!
401
00:15:19,210 --> 00:15:23,172
- Once I'm vested,
I'm out of here.
402
00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:25,550
- Who are we?
- Pages.
403
00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:26,884
- Mall santas.
404
00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:28,219
- And what do we want?
405
00:15:28,511 --> 00:15:29,846
- Overtime.
406
00:15:30,138 --> 00:15:30,847
- Cleaner beards.
407
00:15:31,139 --> 00:15:32,223
- Who are we?
- These!
408
00:15:32,515 --> 00:15:33,515
These are my people.
409
00:15:33,683 --> 00:15:36,811
Bucket drummers, if
you're striking, so am I.
410
00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:41,399
2, 4, 6, 8, 10,
12, 14, 16, 18...
411
00:15:41,691 --> 00:15:43,985
- ♪ It's tennis
night in america ♪
412
00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:45,557
♪ grab some buds
and some brews ♪
413
00:15:45,695 --> 00:15:47,071
♪ it's gonna be a fight ♪
414
00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:48,963
- Okay, I have to
tell her that Josh quit
415
00:15:49,198 --> 00:15:51,409
without her getting wind of
the "new cast member" part.
416
00:15:51,701 --> 00:15:53,512
- Well, do it now while
she's drunk on attention.
417
00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:55,580
Or in an hour when
she's just drunk.
418
00:15:55,872 --> 00:15:56,914
- Cut! Good.
419
00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:58,206
Let's take five.
420
00:15:58,374 --> 00:15:59,876
- You look pretty.
421
00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:01,919
- Did you hear what
happened? I am so upset.
422
00:16:02,211 --> 00:16:03,796
- Oh, no. Okay, let me explain.
423
00:16:04,088 --> 00:16:05,732
- I came in here to
shoot these tennis promos
424
00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:07,151
and they had Blue
gels on the lights.
425
00:16:07,175 --> 00:16:09,343
You know that makes
my teeth look see-through.
426
00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:11,762
You weren't here
to do your job, Liz.
427
00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:13,598
- Okay, well, Josh quit.
428
00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:15,141
- Who?
429
00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:17,286
Jack's counting on country
Jenna to save the show,
430
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:18,870
but I just want to
understand what it is
431
00:16:18,936 --> 00:16:20,414
that's distracting
you from the one thing
432
00:16:20,438 --> 00:16:20,938
you've been told to do.
433
00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:22,523
- Really?
434
00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,126
You want to know
what I've been doing?
435
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:24,775
- Yes, Liz. Enlighten me.
436
00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:27,653
- Jack is hiring a
new cast member.
437
00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:30,907
- If it is a blonde
woman, I will kill myself!
438
00:16:31,199 --> 00:16:32,825
[Screams]
439
00:16:33,117 --> 00:16:34,243
Jenna Maroney is great!
440
00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:36,037
No new cast member!
441
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:37,830
- New what?
442
00:16:38,122 --> 00:16:40,875
If it's a blonde
woman, I'ma kill myself!
443
00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:43,002
- I don't know what to
tell you, Mr. Donaghy.
444
00:16:43,294 --> 00:16:46,756
Sympathy strikers,
celebrities, clever signs.
445
00:16:47,048 --> 00:16:48,400
This strike is
getting out of control.
446
00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:50,468
- Then step up
the pressure, len.
447
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:52,094
Take Parcell down.
448
00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:53,387
- I can't.
449
00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:56,057
The man is incorruptible.
450
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:58,809
He was impervious to the
charms of the nympho coed
451
00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:03,856
charlene larue.
452
00:17:04,148 --> 00:17:04,815
- Guide me.
453
00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:08,236
Tell me what to do...
454
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:11,864
Nixon.
455
00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:14,033
[Knock on door]
456
00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:19,747
May I come in, Kenneth?
457
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:23,876
- Of course, sir.
458
00:17:24,168 --> 00:17:25,836
Would you like something to eat?
459
00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:28,506
I have some leftover
turtle meat from dinner.
460
00:17:28,798 --> 00:17:31,717
Or as you would call
it, "bonus" turtle meat.
461
00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:34,009
- I'll just make myself a
drink, if you don't mind.
462
00:17:34,095 --> 00:17:34,804
Where's the bar?
463
00:17:35,096 --> 00:17:36,806
- Well, there's a
bar in the shower
464
00:17:37,098 --> 00:17:39,433
that the previous tenant
installed to keep from slipping.
465
00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:43,938
He still died in there though.
466
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:45,982
- We're not so different...
467
00:17:46,274 --> 00:17:47,316
You and I.
468
00:17:47,608 --> 00:17:49,048
- Those glasses
are for display only.
469
00:17:49,318 --> 00:17:52,071
- We both grew up poor.
470
00:17:52,363 --> 00:17:56,742
We both put work above all else.
471
00:17:57,034 --> 00:17:59,245
And yet when people look at you,
472
00:17:59,537 --> 00:18:01,664
they see who they want to be.
473
00:18:01,956 --> 00:18:03,676
When they look at me,
they see who they are.
474
00:18:03,958 --> 00:18:06,627
- Sir, you sound
like the mall santas
475
00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:08,212
when they come back from lunch.
476
00:18:08,504 --> 00:18:11,465
- You win, Kenneth.
477
00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:13,676
[Slurps] Ahh.
478
00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:16,679
You have the moral high
ground. I can't change that.
479
00:18:16,971 --> 00:18:19,348
But I can destroy you.
480
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:21,493
If the pages are not back
at work tomorrow morning,
481
00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:25,354
I am shutting down the
page program... forever.
482
00:18:25,646 --> 00:18:26,646
- You wouldn't.
483
00:18:26,814 --> 00:18:30,943
- [Chuckles]
484
00:18:31,235 --> 00:18:32,945
[Drumming]
485
00:18:33,237 --> 00:18:34,506
- Okay, Josh refuses to UN-quit.
486
00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:36,115
Jenna and Tracy are on strike.
487
00:18:36,407 --> 00:18:37,407
We have no actors.
488
00:18:37,491 --> 00:18:38,200
Now we could rerun episode 214.
489
00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:39,994
- No, no, no.
490
00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:41,597
That's the one where Tracy
tore up that picture of the pope.
491
00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:43,473
- In his defense, it was
pope innocent the fourth
492
00:18:43,497 --> 00:18:45,225
because he increased
taxation in the papal states.
493
00:18:45,249 --> 00:18:45,833
- Mm-mmm. No.
494
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,845
- Well, where are your
solutions, Liz Lemon?
495
00:18:47,918 --> 00:18:48,979
You know, this whole
thing is your fault.
496
00:18:49,003 --> 00:18:50,212
- It's not my fault.
497
00:18:50,504 --> 00:18:52,256
Blame Jack or Kenneth
or Tracy or meat cat,
498
00:18:52,548 --> 00:18:54,548
'cause I've had the cheesy
blasters for three days.
499
00:18:54,759 --> 00:18:55,759
- We have no show, Liz.
500
00:18:56,010 --> 00:18:57,362
You better hope
that strike ends soon.
501
00:18:57,386 --> 00:18:58,447
- Why, so they can all go back
502
00:18:58,471 --> 00:18:59,751
to making my life a living hell?
503
00:18:59,889 --> 00:19:01,557
I hope they stay
on strike forever!
504
00:19:01,849 --> 00:19:04,977
Is this really our
first week back?
505
00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:07,813
All: Whenever would
be convenient for you.
506
00:19:08,105 --> 00:19:09,857
- Who are we? All: Pages.
507
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:11,400
- And what do we want?
508
00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:12,794
- What are you still
doing here, Kenneth?
509
00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:13,861
I made myself clear.
510
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:16,113
- Well, sir, now that
I know you're a liar,
511
00:19:16,405 --> 00:19:17,685
I was wondering
if you were lying
512
00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:19,103
about canceling
the page program.
513
00:19:19,367 --> 00:19:21,744
And then I thought if
there were no pages,
514
00:19:22,036 --> 00:19:24,080
you'd have to pay somebody
real money to do our jobs
515
00:19:24,372 --> 00:19:25,831
and give them health insurance.
516
00:19:26,123 --> 00:19:28,876
And if you don't even have
money to pay our overtime,
517
00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:33,047
then you certainly
can't afford all that.
518
00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:34,799
- What do you want?
519
00:19:35,091 --> 00:19:37,301
- You know what I want, sir.
520
00:19:43,099 --> 00:19:48,688
- "I am a big ol' liar."
521
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:55,236
- The strike is over!
522
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:56,070
[Cheering]
523
00:19:56,362 --> 00:19:57,697
- What did we get?
524
00:19:57,988 --> 00:20:00,616
- A piece of paper that I
can't really tell you about!
525
00:20:00,908 --> 00:20:01,951
- Wait.
526
00:20:02,243 --> 00:20:03,953
Was this strike just
over a personal thing
527
00:20:04,245 --> 00:20:08,999
between you and Mr. Donaghy?
528
00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:12,086
- Massage it, Kenneth.
529
00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:15,047
- No, it wasn't!
530
00:20:15,339 --> 00:20:16,339
[Cheering]
531
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:27,920
- ♪ It's tennis
night in america ♪
532
00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:29,270
♪ grab some buds and brews ♪
533
00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:30,771
♪ it's gonna be a fight ♪
534
00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:32,106
♪ so put down your meth ♪
535
00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:33,607
♪ slip on your whites ♪
536
00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:35,317
♪ 'cause here in real america ♪
537
00:20:35,609 --> 00:20:38,696
♪ it's tennis night ♪
538
00:20:38,988 --> 00:20:41,866
♪ well, it's tennis night
when the sun goes down ♪
539
00:20:42,158 --> 00:20:44,827
♪ take the car off the
blocks and pull it on around ♪
540
00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:47,747
♪ where the volleys are hot
and the Robins are round ♪
541
00:20:48,038 --> 00:20:52,668
♪ the way they wear them
short shorts is out of bounds ♪
542
00:20:53,544 --> 00:20:55,129
♪ serve it up and smash it ♪
543
00:20:55,421 --> 00:20:58,048
♪ the American way ♪
544
00:20:58,340 --> 00:20:59,425
♪ are ready to play ♪
545
00:20:59,717 --> 00:21:01,427
- In the barnett cup semifinal.
546
00:21:01,719 --> 00:21:02,344
In the what?
547
00:21:02,636 --> 00:21:04,036
- ♪ Got my lawn
chair and my truck ♪
548
00:21:04,138 --> 00:21:05,181
♪ not an ocean in sight ♪
549
00:21:05,473 --> 00:21:10,644
♪ so kiss my ass New York,
'cause it's tennis night, hee-haw ♪
38873
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