Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:11,637
Hey, how was your summer?
2
00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:13,430
Hi, Gary, how was your summer?
3
00:00:13,722 --> 00:00:15,307
Hey, how was your summer?
4
00:00:15,599 --> 00:00:17,392
Hey, Jack, there's my buddy!
5
00:00:18,644 --> 00:00:20,229
Walk with me, Lemon.
6
00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:22,272
Well, you look great.
7
00:00:22,564 --> 00:00:25,043
I can't believe I haven't spoken
to you since your heart attack.
8
00:00:25,067 --> 00:00:26,294
That's what I wanted
to talk to you about.
9
00:00:26,318 --> 00:00:28,737
Nobody from corporate
knows about my cardiac event,
10
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,309
and I want to leave it that way.
11
00:00:30,405 --> 00:00:31,405
I'm back, Lemon.
12
00:00:31,573 --> 00:00:33,510
I've had the most productive
summer of my life. Me too.
13
00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:35,869
All of my summer replacement
shows were big hits.
14
00:00:36,161 --> 00:00:38,622
America's next top pirate,
are you stronger than a dog,
15
00:00:38,914 --> 00:00:39,914
MILF island.
16
00:00:39,957 --> 00:00:40,957
MILF island?
17
00:00:40,999 --> 00:00:44,253
25 super-hot moms, 50
eighth grade boys, no rules.
18
00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:45,545
Oh, yeah.
19
00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:47,965
Didn't one of those women
turn out to be a prostitute?
20
00:00:48,257 --> 00:00:51,134
That doesn't mean she's
not a wonderful, caring MILF.
21
00:00:51,426 --> 00:00:53,220
Well, uh, I had a
great summer too.
22
00:00:53,512 --> 00:00:54,512
And, um...
23
00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:56,431
Did you... redecorate or...
24
00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:59,268
Sir, I have all the latest
Seinfeldvision promos.
25
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:00,227
Oh, wonderful!
26
00:01:00,519 --> 00:01:02,563
What's Seinfeldvision?
27
00:01:02,854 --> 00:01:04,314
Well, I realized that NBC owns
28
00:01:04,606 --> 00:01:06,942
hundreds of hours
of footage of Seinfeld
29
00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:10,070
from his massively successful
television series Seinfeld.
30
00:01:10,362 --> 00:01:13,156
So my old tech guys were
able to digitally capture Seinfeld,
31
00:01:13,448 --> 00:01:17,369
and now we can basically make
him do or say whatever we want.
32
00:01:17,661 --> 00:01:19,806
So for the month of October,
all of our prime time shows
33
00:01:19,830 --> 00:01:22,249
will feature a computerized
guest appearance from...
34
00:01:22,541 --> 00:01:23,041
Mr. Jerry...
35
00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:24,626
Seinfeld.
36
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:26,962
If you didn't kill her,
why didn't you stay?
37
00:01:27,254 --> 00:01:28,505
Quit grillin' me!
38
00:01:28,797 --> 00:01:30,132
♪ Seinfeldvision ♪
39
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:32,175
Save the cheerleader.
Save the world.
40
00:01:34,636 --> 00:01:36,638
Yah! That's what I said.
41
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,056
♪ Seinfeldvision ♪
42
00:01:38,348 --> 00:01:41,059
Deal... or no deal?
43
00:01:42,227 --> 00:01:43,437
I'll take that deal!
44
00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:48,025
Does Jerry Seinfeld
know you're doing this?
45
00:01:48,317 --> 00:01:50,068
Jerry's in Europe with
his family right now.
46
00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:50,986
But by the time he gets back,
47
00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:52,779
Seinfeldvision will
be a monster hit,
48
00:01:53,071 --> 00:01:54,966
and his kids'll go to school,
and their friends'll say
49
00:01:54,990 --> 00:01:57,618
I really loved your dad in that
episode of medium last night,
50
00:01:57,909 --> 00:01:59,286
and he's... he's gonna love it.
51
00:01:59,578 --> 00:02:01,204
Uh-huh.
52
00:02:01,496 --> 00:02:03,040
Well, I had a great summer too.
53
00:02:03,332 --> 00:02:04,332
I started a quilt.
54
00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:06,001
I did yoga twice a week.
55
00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:07,628
I wore flip-flops in public.
56
00:02:07,919 --> 00:02:09,639
I really feel like this
is gonna be my year.
57
00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:11,006
Biggest loser.
58
00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:12,299
So what's up with Floyd?
59
00:02:12,591 --> 00:02:14,259
Uh, we broke up.
60
00:02:14,551 --> 00:02:17,012
We agreed that it was
crazy to try it long-distance,
61
00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:18,344
and I feel great about it.
62
00:02:18,513 --> 00:02:19,598
Oh, come on, Lemon.
63
00:02:19,890 --> 00:02:21,330
If there's two
things I'm certain of,
64
00:02:21,516 --> 00:02:23,396
one is you will never
finish that quilt, I know.
65
00:02:23,685 --> 00:02:24,765
And you are not over Floyd.
66
00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:26,063
No, I really am, Jack.
67
00:02:26,355 --> 00:02:27,898
I'm telling you,
this is my year.
68
00:02:28,190 --> 00:02:29,983
I feel like the show's
gonna be great,
69
00:02:30,275 --> 00:02:32,435
and I'm very positive that
I'm gonna meet someone else.
70
00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:33,654
Lemon, women your age
71
00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:36,239
are more likely to be mauled
at the zoo than get married.
72
00:02:36,531 --> 00:02:38,909
Good to see you. Bye.
73
00:02:39,201 --> 00:02:40,994
Glad we're both doing so great.
74
00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:42,704
Put Floyd's name on that quilt.
75
00:02:46,124 --> 00:02:54,124
♪ ♪
76
00:03:03,141 --> 00:03:04,142
Yo, Ken, I'm gonna use
77
00:03:04,434 --> 00:03:05,954
this whole kitchen
area as my bathroom.
78
00:03:06,144 --> 00:03:06,728
Spread the word.
79
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:08,146
What is this?
80
00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:09,718
Mr. Jordan's wife
kicked him out.
81
00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:11,566
She froze my credit
cards, Liz Lemon.
82
00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:13,568
And she got custody of Grizz.
83
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:15,380
Can I keep my
cockatiel in your office?
84
00:03:15,654 --> 00:03:17,739
No. Go home and
apologize to your wife.
85
00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:20,158
What? I'm not apologizing!
86
00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:22,731
'Cause for once in my life, I
haven't done anything wrong.
87
00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:24,597
How many years have
you known me, Liz Lemon?
88
00:03:24,621 --> 00:03:25,247
One.
89
00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:26,832
So you know I like to minister
90
00:03:27,124 --> 00:03:28,291
to transvestite prostitutes.
91
00:03:28,583 --> 00:03:30,085
I don't think I
did know that, no.
92
00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:31,777
It's true. He doesn't
mess with 'em.
93
00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:33,731
He just tries to get 'em
into computer school.
94
00:03:33,755 --> 00:03:36,466
So labor day weekend, I
see this young she-dude
95
00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:38,301
at the dumpster by 40/40.
96
00:03:38,593 --> 00:03:39,845
I pull over and I say,
97
00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:42,556
"you don't have to
live your life like this.
98
00:03:42,848 --> 00:03:44,975
"You can be a freaky
deeky and do data entry.
99
00:03:45,267 --> 00:03:47,602
Sure. "What about
court reporting?"
100
00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:50,021
Believe in yourself.'! Right.
101
00:03:50,313 --> 00:03:52,774
So as I reach in the trash
and pull this dude out,
102
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,318
a paparazzo jumps out
and takes a picture of me.
103
00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:57,487
Tracy Jordan and his wife Angie.
104
00:03:57,779 --> 00:03:59,197
Oops. So not only are you
105
00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:00,758
holding a transvestite
prostitute...
106
00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:03,034
They confused "shim" with
Mrs. Jordan, yes, ma'am.
107
00:04:03,326 --> 00:04:04,828
And they think she
looks better here
108
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:06,400
than she did at
the 2004 grammys.
109
00:04:06,455 --> 00:04:07,873
Who's gonna do my banking?
110
00:04:08,165 --> 00:04:09,499
Who's gonna write my blogs?
111
00:04:09,791 --> 00:04:11,591
Who's gonna do the
cooking on taco wednesdays?
112
00:04:11,668 --> 00:04:13,587
Okay, well, Kenneth,
you are now in charge
113
00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:16,047
of helping Tracy with any
of the nonsexual things
114
00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:17,459
that Angie would do for him.
115
00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:19,801
So he's, like, my office wife?
116
00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:22,053
Sure. Let's go with that.
117
00:04:23,054 --> 00:04:24,556
Kenneth Parcell,
118
00:04:24,848 --> 00:04:27,851
will you take this ring...
119
00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:29,811
And sell it in the
Jewish part of midtown,
120
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:31,813
and use the money to
get us a Nintendo Wii?
121
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:35,066
Yes. Yes. A thousand times yes!
122
00:04:39,196 --> 00:04:40,906
Liz, how was your summer?
123
00:04:41,198 --> 00:04:42,198
Good. Floyd and I...
124
00:04:42,324 --> 00:04:43,384
'Cause my play was amazing.
125
00:04:43,408 --> 00:04:44,510
There is nothing like the thrill
126
00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:46,995
of doing a live
show on Broadway.
127
00:04:49,164 --> 00:04:50,373
You know, Jojo,
128
00:04:50,665 --> 00:04:54,044
♪ when life keeps
handing you anchovies ♪
129
00:04:54,336 --> 00:04:57,130
♪ just cover them up
with some extra cheese ♪
130
00:04:57,422 --> 00:04:59,132
♪ and make a pizza ♪ ♪
131
00:04:59,424 --> 00:05:00,759
Well, I'm sorry I missed it.
132
00:05:01,051 --> 00:05:02,451
It sounds just like
the movie and...
133
00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:03,863
What happened to you?
134
00:05:03,887 --> 00:05:05,514
Do I look fat?
135
00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:08,366
Liz, I had to eat four slices of
pizza on Stage, each performance
136
00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:10,435
Jenna, that's 32
pieces of pizza a week!
137
00:05:10,727 --> 00:05:11,727
No, that can't be right.
138
00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:13,480
Liz, it's like I flipped
139
00:05:13,772 --> 00:05:15,492
the eating switch,
and I can't flip it back.
140
00:05:15,607 --> 00:05:16,942
You have to help me.
141
00:05:17,234 --> 00:05:19,474
Well, how am I supposed
to... oh! It's worse from behind.
142
00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:22,781
I'm on it.
143
00:05:23,073 --> 00:05:24,741
She needs to lose
30 pounds or gain 60.
144
00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:26,910
Anything in between
has no place in television.
145
00:05:27,202 --> 00:05:28,870
I can't believe I missed you.
146
00:05:32,290 --> 00:05:33,834
Did Jack say anything
about my weight?
147
00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:35,377
No, he didn't even mention it.
148
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:37,149
He's not noticing.
No one is noticing.
149
00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:38,755
Yowza! Oh! Oh!
150
00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:41,424
Mr. Michelin, I love your tires.
151
00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:44,052
Okay, everyone, welcome back.
152
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,012
Some of you may be
wondering what happened
153
00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:48,223
between me and my
boyfriend Floyd this summer.
154
00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:51,101
The answer is we did
break up, but I am doing fine.
155
00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:52,393
Is Floyd the black guy?
156
00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:55,230
Okay, you don't care.
I don't care either.
157
00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:56,522
So, great. Um...
158
00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:57,816
I want a packet of 50 ideas
159
00:05:58,108 --> 00:05:59,418
from each of you by
tomorrow morning.
160
00:05:59,442 --> 00:06:01,486
Boo! What... oh!
161
00:06:03,947 --> 00:06:05,341
Hey, I need to ask
you guys something.
162
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:08,994
Move away from me.
Don't stand near me.
163
00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:10,966
Will you guys be
bridesmaids in my wedding?
164
00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:13,123
Oh! That is very sweet,
165
00:06:13,415 --> 00:06:17,043
but I think I might be
past bridesmaid age.
166
00:06:17,335 --> 00:06:18,335
Oh, I'm sorry.
167
00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:19,420
Is it hard for you
168
00:06:19,671 --> 00:06:21,148
because you just broke
up with that Floyd guy?
169
00:06:21,172 --> 00:06:22,924
No! What? No!
170
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:24,216
That's...
171
00:06:24,259 --> 00:06:25,427
You know, I would love...
172
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,470
We would love to
be your bridesmaids.
173
00:06:27,762 --> 00:06:30,015
Great. We need to go dress
shopping tomorrow then.
174
00:06:30,307 --> 00:06:32,475
So meet me at les
fesses at 10:00 A.M.
175
00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:34,060
Yay! Yay.
176
00:06:35,687 --> 00:06:38,231
Oh! Now I have my something old.
177
00:06:47,032 --> 00:06:48,450
Rise and shine, Mr. Jordan.
178
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:51,328
I couldn't sleep
at all last night.
179
00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:53,496
Angie kept my sharper image
180
00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:55,665
white noise
aromatherapy machine.
181
00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:58,077
She knows I can't sleep
without the sound of the ocean
182
00:06:58,251 --> 00:06:59,586
and the smell of bacon.
183
00:06:59,878 --> 00:07:01,838
Well, hurry up and
get your second wind,
184
00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:04,633
'cause I've got our
day all planned out.
185
00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:06,760
We'll start at bed,
bath & beyond,
186
00:07:07,052 --> 00:07:09,172
and get all the things that
you're gonna need in here.
187
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:10,847
Then an old friend
of mine from college
188
00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:12,742
is having her baby
shower out on long island.
189
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,059
So we'll swing by there.
190
00:07:14,351 --> 00:07:16,191
And for dinner, I thought
we could just stay in
191
00:07:16,311 --> 00:07:18,391
and have the rest of that
soup that I made yesterday.
192
00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:20,941
I'm not doing any of that!
193
00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:23,360
Okay. Fine.
194
00:07:23,652 --> 00:07:25,737
I went with youto your
black vampire movie.
195
00:07:26,029 --> 00:07:27,469
But I guess I'll
just tell my friends
196
00:07:27,656 --> 00:07:28,657
that you have a migraine.
197
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:31,242
Great compromise, office wife.
198
00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:55,934
Hey, you know where I
can find that Jack Donaghy?
199
00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:58,019
I got a bone to
pick with that guy.
200
00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:00,271
I don't know which
bone I'm gonna pick,
201
00:08:00,563 --> 00:08:02,941
but he's got some bones,
and I'm gonna pick one.
202
00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:09,406
Really?
203
00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:17,580
Weddings are so weird.
204
00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:19,874
This veil costs
more than my couch.
205
00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:23,169
Is that comedy, or do you
really have a $300 couch?
206
00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:24,713
Both.
207
00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:26,798
What, you never pretended
208
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:28,883
to be a bride when
you were a little girl?
209
00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:31,553
I did. I just never
romanticized it.
210
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:35,140
This is my husband,
Saul Rosenbear,
211
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:37,142
and this is his son Richard
212
00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:39,019
from a previous marriage.
213
00:08:39,310 --> 00:08:41,938
And then he cheated
on me with a lamb.
214
00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:42,939
Oh...
215
00:08:43,231 --> 00:08:44,941
Liz, this dress is amazing.
216
00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:46,609
But they don't
have it in my size.
217
00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:49,029
Can you try it on for me
so I can see how it hangs?
218
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:51,197
Yes. You're closer, Liz.
219
00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:51,948
You do it.
220
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,075
I mean, I could do it, but...
221
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:57,120
Fun... this is fun.
222
00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:01,017
Sir, Jerry Seinfeld
is here to see you.
223
00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:02,834
You told me he was in Europe!
224
00:09:03,126 --> 00:09:04,919
Does he look upset?
225
00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:05,879
He looks the way you did
226
00:09:06,171 --> 00:09:07,881
when I tried to hold
your hand on the jet.
227
00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:09,653
Stall him for a few
minutes, Jonathan,
228
00:09:09,758 --> 00:09:10,967
till I get my ducks in a row.
229
00:09:11,259 --> 00:09:12,469
And get me legal on the phone.
230
00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:18,348
Oh, my god.
231
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:21,019
If I cover my good eye, you
look just like Courtney Cox.
232
00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:24,064
This one is really nice,
Cerie. And it's 40% off.
233
00:09:24,355 --> 00:09:25,440
Oh, no.
234
00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:28,276
Aris would kill me if I ever
bought a dress on sale.
235
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:29,568
I can't.
236
00:09:33,156 --> 00:09:34,908
It really is nice, isn't it?
237
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:37,994
You should buy it and
save it for your wedding.
238
00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:40,914
No, no. I'm single. Doin' great.
239
00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:44,167
But don't you think you will
ever get married to anyone?
240
00:09:44,459 --> 00:09:47,087
You are trying to make a sale.
241
00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:51,883
I know how this
works. Oh, thank you.
242
00:09:52,175 --> 00:09:53,551
Hi. Jack?
243
00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:56,054
No, of course I'm
at the office. Yeah.
244
00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:57,347
Stall who?
245
00:09:57,639 --> 00:09:59,182
This is our control room.
246
00:09:59,474 --> 00:10:00,474
Uh-huh!
247
00:10:00,642 --> 00:10:02,745
There's... nobody in there.
Sorry there's nothing to see.
248
00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:04,938
We just got back from
summer hiatus yesterday.
249
00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:06,373
Yeah. Everybody's summer good?
250
00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:08,691
Oh, mine was great. I
read, like, two books.
251
00:10:08,983 --> 00:10:10,143
I broke up with my boyfriend.
252
00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:11,903
But I'm doing great.
I'm totally over it.
253
00:10:12,195 --> 00:10:13,195
Mm-hmm. Still talking?
254
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:13,822
Oh, no, no, no, no.
255
00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:15,824
I haven't talked to
him since... whew!
256
00:10:17,325 --> 00:10:18,618
August... 9th?
257
00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:20,161
4:17 P.M.?
258
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:21,037
Mm-hmm. It's not over.
259
00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:23,164
Oh, no, it's over. I'm over it.
260
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:25,458
No, it's not over till
you pick up the phone,
261
00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:27,230
you say, "I don't
love you anymore, '!
262
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,180
They say, "I don't love
you anymore either."
263
00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:31,214
You go, "great, I'll
pick you up in 20.
264
00:10:31,506 --> 00:10:32,173
Let's grab a scone."
265
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:34,259
A scone... yes! I want that!
266
00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:36,344
- I'm gonna call him.
- Liz Lemon.
267
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:38,388
I need you to go to my house
268
00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:41,099
and pretend you're doing a
survey for the Ranford Group.
269
00:10:41,391 --> 00:10:44,018
And then ask my wife if she's
sleeping with D.L. Hughley!
270
00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:45,510
No. I'm not doing any of that.
271
00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:46,562
J.s.!
272
00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:47,856
Oh, Tracy.
273
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:49,482
What's up?
274
00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:51,974
Liz Lemon, me and this dude
used to do standup together.
275
00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:55,071
Remember that night we had a
three-way with Elayne Boosler?
276
00:10:55,363 --> 00:10:57,157
I don't think that was me.
277
00:10:57,448 --> 00:10:58,950
Oh, yeah. You know what?
278
00:10:59,242 --> 00:11:00,326
I think that was a mirror.
279
00:11:00,618 --> 00:11:01,661
Ah.
280
00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:04,789
J.s., this is my Kenneth.
281
00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:05,665
Ah, yeah. You again.
282
00:11:05,957 --> 00:11:07,709
Hello.
283
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,681
Jonathan, when is he
gonna meet with Jerry?
284
00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:10,961
This is taking forever.
285
00:11:11,129 --> 00:11:12,231
Mr. Donaghy left.
286
00:11:12,255 --> 00:11:13,255
What? When?
287
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:14,506
Just a few minutes ago.
288
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:18,803
Jack?
289
00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:22,932
Jack?
290
00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:24,934
Jack.
291
00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:27,145
Derry? Is that you?
292
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:29,731
Nobody told me you were here.
293
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:31,023
Oh, I'm here, Jack.
294
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:33,271
Kenneth, why didn't you
tell me Mr. Seinfeld is here?
295
00:11:34,652 --> 00:11:36,905
What's wrong with him?
296
00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:48,374
Hello?
297
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:51,711
Hello, I'm sorry. May I
speak to Floyd, please?
298
00:11:52,003 --> 00:11:53,588
Oh, he's in the... shower.
299
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:57,800
I am conducting a survey
for the Ranford Group.
300
00:11:58,092 --> 00:11:59,969
And, uh... how old are you?
301
00:12:00,261 --> 00:12:02,055
And your weight?
302
00:12:02,347 --> 00:12:04,933
And when was the last
time you had intercourse?
303
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:07,810
Who is this? Who are you?
304
00:12:08,102 --> 00:12:10,772
I'm your worst
nightmare, is who I is!
305
00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:15,151
He's got some girl
over there already!
306
00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:16,443
Wow.
307
00:12:16,486 --> 00:12:18,696
That is so embarrassing for you.
308
00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:21,616
So how can I help you, Jerry?
309
00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:23,952
Jack, I was vacationing
with my family in Europe
310
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:25,912
in a country only rich
people know about.
311
00:12:26,204 --> 00:12:27,204
Svenborgia?
312
00:12:27,455 --> 00:12:29,165
No. Better.
313
00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:30,124
But I can't tell you.
314
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:31,960
Anyway, my mother called
315
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:34,254
to tell me that I'm gonna
be on la wand order!
316
00:12:34,545 --> 00:12:35,546
And E.R.
317
00:12:35,838 --> 00:12:37,590
So I called my agent to find out
318
00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:39,342
when did I shoot these things?
319
00:12:39,634 --> 00:12:41,177
That's the beauty
of this, Jerry.
320
00:12:41,469 --> 00:12:42,053
It's all done with computers.
321
00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:43,846
When you see it,
you're gonna love it.
322
00:12:44,138 --> 00:12:45,223
25 sexy moms.
323
00:12:45,515 --> 00:12:47,016
50 sweaty eighth-grade boys.
324
00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:49,143
And one beloved
American comedy star.
325
00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:51,062
This Wednesday on MILF island...
326
00:12:51,354 --> 00:12:54,148
Really? Is that
really your pitch?
327
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:55,984
Okay. I get it.
328
00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:58,069
This is a two-way street.
329
00:12:58,361 --> 00:12:59,696
All right, Jerry, what NBC shows
330
00:12:59,988 --> 00:13:02,115
do you want to be
digitally inserted into?
331
00:13:02,407 --> 00:13:04,242
I like lost. Is that you guys?
332
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:08,288
Jerry, don't be difficult.
333
00:13:08,579 --> 00:13:10,206
The fact of the matter is
334
00:13:10,498 --> 00:13:12,018
that Seinfeldvision
is perfectly legal,
335
00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:13,723
and there's nothing
you can do to stop us.
336
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,962
I'm sorry, but... it's business.
337
00:13:16,254 --> 00:13:16,921
Here's some business.
338
00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:19,007
How 'bout I buy NBC
339
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:22,051
and turn it into the biggest
Lane Bryant in midtown?
340
00:13:24,595 --> 00:13:25,847
Jerry, come on.
341
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:27,307
You're gonna buy NBC,
342
00:13:27,598 --> 00:13:30,435
like you've got $4 million
just laying around...
343
00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:32,687
Jerry, I'm sorry.
344
00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:34,314
Give me two days...
345
00:13:34,605 --> 00:13:36,886
And I'll come up with something
you'll really be proud of.
346
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,150
Besides, you owe me.
347
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,212
Remember, St. barts, I
saved your life from that shark?
348
00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:41,696
All right, Jack.
349
00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:43,740
I'll come back.
350
00:13:44,032 --> 00:13:46,534
But I still think
you shot a dolphin.
351
00:13:53,416 --> 00:13:55,001
Hi. I'm here to drop off
352
00:13:55,293 --> 00:13:56,293
the inspiration photos.
353
00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:57,336
And you are the mother.
354
00:13:57,462 --> 00:13:58,755
Bridesmaid, yes.
355
00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:01,716
That's my dress.
356
00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:05,845
Don't buy that. That
looks ugly on you.
357
00:14:06,137 --> 00:14:07,137
Yeah, you'll thank me.
358
00:14:07,263 --> 00:14:08,931
Is that dress still on sale?
359
00:14:09,223 --> 00:14:10,224
Yes.
360
00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:13,102
You know, a lot of women
buy their perfect dress
361
00:14:13,394 --> 00:14:14,896
when they see it,
362
00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:17,291
and then just trust the fact
that the husband will come.
363
00:14:17,315 --> 00:14:19,275
Yeah. Well, this is my year.
364
00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:21,778
I mean, Floyd's moving
on. I'm moving on too.
365
00:14:22,070 --> 00:14:24,238
I'm just doing it
in my own order.
366
00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:26,074
I'm gonna get the wedding dress,
367
00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:27,468
and then I'm gonna have a baby,
368
00:14:27,492 --> 00:14:28,785
and then I'm gonna die,
369
00:14:29,077 --> 00:14:30,679
and then I'm gonna meet
a super-cute guy in heaven.
370
00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:32,914
Yeah.
371
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:36,042
I'm not kidding, blondie.
Get out of the dress.
372
00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:39,332
I'll need to spread it over
373
00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:41,047
a couple of
different credit cards.
374
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:45,363
Lemon, I am in
full-blown crisis mode.
375
00:14:45,510 --> 00:14:46,945
I've already sold 20
million dollars' worth
376
00:14:46,969 --> 00:14:48,169
of ad time for Seinfeldvision,
377
00:14:48,346 --> 00:14:49,786
and now Jerry
wants to pull the plug.
378
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,033
But I don't care, because
I thrive in crisis mode.
379
00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:52,809
That's when I'm
really at my best.
380
00:14:53,101 --> 00:14:55,162
And the fact that I do not
have one idea how to solve this
381
00:14:55,186 --> 00:14:56,186
only energizes me more.
382
00:14:56,437 --> 00:14:58,123
I've been brainstorming
all night... here we go.
383
00:14:58,147 --> 00:14:59,440
Number one... kill Seinfeld.
384
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:01,460
Number two... kill
Seinfeld, then kill myself.
385
00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:03,444
Number three... kill
Seinfeld, flee to Svenborgia,
386
00:15:03,528 --> 00:15:04,528
then kill myself.
387
00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:06,131
Jack, I'm not having
the best day either.
388
00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:07,466
Number 70... you
seduce Seinfeld.
389
00:15:07,490 --> 00:15:09,826
Now, why is me seducing
Seinfeld all the way at 70?
390
00:15:10,118 --> 00:15:11,398
Number 71... I fake a hurricane,
391
00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:13,180
and all regularly scheduled
programming is preempted.
392
00:15:13,204 --> 00:15:14,831
These are terrible ideas.
393
00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:17,208
There are no bad ideas
in brainstorming, Lemon.
394
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:19,561
I'm sure I'll come up with
something at the 11th hour.
395
00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:21,879
I always do, 'cause
I'm just that good.
396
00:15:25,216 --> 00:15:26,216
Mm.
397
00:15:32,014 --> 00:15:33,307
It was on sale.
398
00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:37,854
I'm mad at you, Ken.
399
00:15:38,146 --> 00:15:39,981
I seen the way you
was lookin' at Seinfeld.
400
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,024
You used to look
at me like that.
401
00:15:42,316 --> 00:15:45,361
What, am I not a big
enough star for you anymore?
402
00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:48,322
I am not even gonna
dignify that with an answer.
403
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:50,950
Especially after I picked out
404
00:15:51,242 --> 00:15:52,660
all these throw
pillows for in here,
405
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,620
and you didn't even notice!
406
00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:57,957
Hey, everyone.
407
00:15:58,249 --> 00:15:59,750
I know what you're thinking.
408
00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:02,003
How did I lose 25
pounds in one day?
409
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:04,088
I didn't. It's visual trickery.
410
00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:06,007
Drawing the eye up.
411
00:16:07,758 --> 00:16:09,886
Hey, Liz, you gotta see this.
412
00:16:10,178 --> 00:16:11,762
Jenna looks bananas...
413
00:16:13,347 --> 00:16:16,142
Nope, the real crazy is in here.
414
00:16:16,434 --> 00:16:17,894
Liz lost it.
415
00:16:18,186 --> 00:16:19,186
It was on sale.
416
00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:19,729
I thought you and
Floyd broke up.
417
00:16:20,021 --> 00:16:23,024
We did, and I am
doing great with it.
418
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:24,316
I just bought a dress.
419
00:16:24,525 --> 00:16:26,861
Because, you know, I don't
need society's permission
420
00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:28,529
to buy a white dress.
421
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,674
I mean, who says this is
a wedding dress anyway?
422
00:16:30,698 --> 00:16:32,092
In Korea, they wear
white to funerals.
423
00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:33,993
All right, uh, I'm
in charge now.
424
00:16:34,285 --> 00:16:34,994
Everyone go home.
425
00:16:35,286 --> 00:16:37,788
I'm not crazy, Frank.
I'm making a statement.
426
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:39,080
That, if need be,
427
00:16:39,207 --> 00:16:40,333
I will marry myself.
428
00:16:40,625 --> 00:16:42,418
And I am not embarrassed
429
00:16:42,710 --> 00:16:44,310
that you guys are
seeing me wearing this.
430
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:47,757
So you're intending
to wear that... all day.
431
00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:50,134
Yeah, chocolate
rain, maybe I am.
432
00:16:50,426 --> 00:16:52,094
Liz, um, Seinfeld's here,
433
00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:53,554
and Jack's not ready for him.
434
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:55,515
So you need to give
him another tour.
435
00:16:58,142 --> 00:16:59,142
Wonderful.
436
00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:06,943
Hello, Jerry.
437
00:17:07,235 --> 00:17:08,819
Well, well, well.
438
00:17:09,111 --> 00:17:10,271
So you called that boyfriend.
439
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:11,363
Yes, I did.
440
00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:12,114
And it went well?
441
00:17:12,406 --> 00:17:13,824
No, it didn't, jer.
442
00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:15,243
A woman answered.
443
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:17,828
Another woman already?
What did you say to her?
444
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:19,121
I did a fake survey.
445
00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:20,790
You did the fake survey?
446
00:17:21,082 --> 00:17:22,375
I know. I'm not over it!
447
00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:23,709
And now I'm wearing this!
448
00:17:24,001 --> 00:17:26,128
What is the deal with my life?
449
00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:27,755
Are you imitating me?
450
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:31,050
No! This is what I
sound like when I cry!
451
00:17:31,342 --> 00:17:32,677
I think I'm a little insulted!
452
00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:35,179
You're insulted? I'm crying!
453
00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:48,234
Ow.
454
00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:51,862
I got nothin'.
455
00:17:52,154 --> 00:17:53,614
Mr. Seinfeld's here.
456
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:55,449
I got nothing.
457
00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:56,951
Oh, Jerry, wonderful.
458
00:17:57,243 --> 00:17:58,411
Please, come in, come in.
459
00:17:58,703 --> 00:18:00,079
Can I get you some water?
460
00:18:00,371 --> 00:18:01,664
No, thank you.
461
00:18:01,956 --> 00:18:03,850
Would you like some tea,
some coffee, some ice coffee,
462
00:18:03,874 --> 00:18:05,418
we have ice tea,
we have some juice...
463
00:18:05,710 --> 00:18:06,752
All right, I'll just...
464
00:18:07,044 --> 00:18:08,484
Gimme a water if
that moves it along.
465
00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:10,506
Okay. Boy, have I got
a presentation for you.
466
00:18:10,798 --> 00:18:12,592
This presentation
is going to, uh,
467
00:18:12,883 --> 00:18:14,135
knock your socks off.
468
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:15,886
Here, let me close this window
469
00:18:16,178 --> 00:18:17,818
so we don't have any
glare on the monitor.
470
00:18:17,888 --> 00:18:19,390
How was your
weekend? It's Thursday.
471
00:18:19,682 --> 00:18:20,975
Well, I mean last weekend.
472
00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:22,267
It was very nice.
473
00:18:22,393 --> 00:18:24,687
Can we just move this
presentation along, please?
474
00:18:24,979 --> 00:18:25,438
It's Seinfeldvision.
475
00:18:25,730 --> 00:18:27,940
I'm giving america...
476
00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:29,942
The programs they like...
477
00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:31,986
With a star that they love.
478
00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:35,114
For one... incredible month...
479
00:18:35,406 --> 00:18:36,406
Of television.
480
00:18:36,574 --> 00:18:37,950
What the hell are you doing?
481
00:18:38,242 --> 00:18:40,745
God... oh, god, Jerry!
482
00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:42,079
I got nothing!
483
00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:43,371
I got nothing!
484
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,791
You've got to do
this for me, please!
485
00:18:46,083 --> 00:18:48,085
Oh, god, I've already
sold the ad time!
486
00:18:48,377 --> 00:18:49,670
What is wrong with you people?
487
00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:52,173
What's happened to this network?
488
00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:56,010
Call off your goons!
489
00:18:57,386 --> 00:18:57,928
All right, Kenneth.
490
00:18:58,220 --> 00:19:00,014
All right, listen, Seinfeld.
491
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:01,932
I'll give you $1 million
492
00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:05,269
and five free commercials for
your animated feature bee movie,
493
00:19:05,561 --> 00:19:07,104
and you let me run
this for one week.
494
00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:09,732
$2 million to the
charity of my choice,
495
00:19:10,024 --> 00:19:11,384
ten free commercials
for bee movie,
496
00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:13,778
opening November
2nd, and I do nothing.
497
00:19:14,070 --> 00:19:15,988
You let me run
Seinfeldvision for three nights,
498
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:18,550
I'll give you $1 .5 million
for the charity of your choice,
499
00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:20,951
unlimited free promotions
on the today show,
500
00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:24,330
and you give me the name
of that country you went to.
501
00:19:24,622 --> 00:19:25,623
One night.
502
00:19:25,915 --> 00:19:26,916
Doctors without borders.
503
00:19:27,208 --> 00:19:29,210
Roker in a bee costume.
504
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:32,963
Grenyarnia.
505
00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:36,384
Oh, god!
506
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:44,767
Oh, no!
507
00:19:45,059 --> 00:19:47,228
Did a Korean person die?
508
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:50,439
No, Tracy. It's a wedding dress.
509
00:19:52,149 --> 00:19:53,901
Don't do it, Liz Lemon.
510
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,487
I know what me and Kenneth have
511
00:19:56,779 --> 00:19:58,239
looks perfect on the outside,
512
00:19:58,531 --> 00:19:59,907
but it's work, damn it.
513
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:01,659
It's work.
514
00:20:12,169 --> 00:20:13,629
How'd it go with Seinfeld?
515
00:20:13,921 --> 00:20:16,048
I think I pulled it off.
516
00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:18,551
Good god, Lemon,
what's happened to you?
517
00:20:18,843 --> 00:20:20,443
I thought this was
going to be your year.
518
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,513
I couldn't even hold
it together one week.
519
00:20:22,805 --> 00:20:23,806
I'm not you, Jack.
520
00:20:24,098 --> 00:20:26,326
I can't have a heart attack and
pretend like it never happened.
521
00:20:26,350 --> 00:20:28,561
I can't break up with someone
and immediately recover.
522
00:20:28,853 --> 00:20:31,021
I'm not you. I'm just me.
523
00:20:31,313 --> 00:20:33,107
Lemon, don't ever
say you're just you.
524
00:20:33,399 --> 00:20:34,679
Because you are better than you.
525
00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:37,069
And I am not going
to let you give up.
526
00:20:37,361 --> 00:20:39,321
This is going to be our year.
527
00:20:41,282 --> 00:20:42,658
Now, give me the ham.
528
00:20:44,368 --> 00:20:46,036
I like the ham. Come on.
529
00:20:53,335 --> 00:20:55,921
$4,000 ham napkin.
530
00:21:00,217 --> 00:21:01,377
I look pretty, though, right?
531
00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:02,594
Don't push it, Lemon.
532
00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:12,271
♪ When life keeps
handing you anchovies ♪
533
00:21:12,563 --> 00:21:15,065
♪ just cover them up
with some extra cheese ♪
534
00:21:15,357 --> 00:21:17,151
♪ and make a pizza ♪
535
00:21:17,443 --> 00:21:18,652
♪ with what you've got ♪
536
00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:20,654
♪ life is a pizza ♪
537
00:21:20,946 --> 00:21:23,199
♪ with everything on top ♪
538
00:21:23,491 --> 00:21:24,992
♪ pizza ♪
539
00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:26,327
♪ with what you've got ♪
540
00:21:26,619 --> 00:21:28,412
♪ life is a pizza ♪
541
00:21:28,704 --> 00:21:30,706
♪ with everything on top ♪
542
00:21:30,998 --> 00:21:32,792
♪ pizza ♪
543
00:21:33,083 --> 00:21:34,919
♪ what you've got ♪
544
00:21:35,211 --> 00:21:36,253
♪ pizza ♪
545
00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:38,380
♪ with everything on top ♪ ♪
39100
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Filipino
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian (Nynorsk)
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof