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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,240 --> 00:00:06,816 This programme contains some strong language from the start. 2 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:08,600 OK, so... 3 00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:14,096 I'm really bad with family tree stuff, by the way! 4 00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:15,200 So... 5 00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:18,880 I'll start with... 6 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:22,600 ...me. 7 00:00:27,480 --> 00:00:31,696 I'd describe myself as objective, logical, 8 00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:34,096 obsessed with specific topics. 9 00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:35,920 Like, I don't have much emotion. 10 00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:42,296 I've grown up being told that I'm weird, 11 00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:45,136 that I'm not normal enough for people. 12 00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:49,736 So I've felt like I've not really had anyone around, 13 00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:51,616 growing up. 14 00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:56,496 I know Oli has constantly wanted deep friendships, 15 00:00:56,520 --> 00:00:58,800 but has never been able to achieve them. 16 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:10,800 Sterling... 17 00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:13,896 ...Sarah, 18 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:15,536 Spencer... 19 00:01:15,560 --> 00:01:17,216 Sibling number 15. 20 00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:18,536 Oh, Melissa. 21 00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:20,176 Sibling number 12. Oh, Lindsay. 22 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:23,096 Number 20. I think I'm sibling number 22. 23 00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:24,536 13.14. 24 00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:26,336 Number seven. Number eight. 25 00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:28,136 I'm so confused by this. 26 00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:29,616 Number one. Three. Two. 27 00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:30,680 26. 28 00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:39,936 I have 26 siblings. That's two baseball teams! 29 00:01:39,960 --> 00:01:41,896 We're all kind of new to this. 30 00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:46,776 We're the first generation that this situation has ever applied to. 31 00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:48,096 Is that...? Any I'm missing? 32 00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:49,456 I feel like there's... 33 00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:50,520 No... No. 34 00:01:55,920 --> 00:02:00,536 The plan is to fly from state to state in America, 35 00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:04,136 meeting some of these siblings, where they live, 36 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:06,816 then have one big reunion 37 00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:09,040 at the end in California. 38 00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:14,976 I think his intention, going into this journey, 39 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:17,960 is definitely to feel loved. 40 00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:21,496 He feels that these siblings, there's this shorthand, 41 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:24,976 they're just going to go, "Bam! I get you." 42 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:26,456 What do you want to get out of this? 43 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:31,216 Jesus Christ, like, just fucking one, at least, strong, 44 00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:32,760 good, healthy relationship. 45 00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:52,696 This whole thing started because I was curious 46 00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:54,680 about my biological family. 47 00:02:56,120 --> 00:03:01,296 So I signed up to US websites that helps children of sperm donors 48 00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:02,480 find each other. 49 00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:07,536 About six months ago, I got this email from someone 50 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:09,016 called Jordan, erm, 51 00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:12,776 with the subject line, "Nice to meet you." 52 00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:15,616 Erm, "Hi, Oliver. 53 00:03:15,640 --> 00:03:18,296 "I know this must be a bit overwhelming for you, 54 00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:20,656 "but I've lots to tell you. 55 00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:22,936 "We're all so excited to know you, 56 00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:27,816 "and when I say we, I mean not only your donor, Daley, 57 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:29,696 "who I'm in contact with, 58 00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:31,616 "but - deep breaths - 59 00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:33,880 "your 24 other half-siblings. 60 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:37,376 "Hopefully we can talk soon. 61 00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:38,440 "Smiley face." 62 00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:46,896 I knew that my donor existed, 63 00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:51,376 but it was some mystical thing that was in the back of my head. 64 00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:53,536 I didn't know how many siblings I had. 65 00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:55,456 I knew nothing. 66 00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:57,616 And it's, like, oh, fuck, OK. 67 00:03:57,640 --> 00:04:01,200 This giant dynamic that I was totally unaware of. 68 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,376 My first... When all this happened, 69 00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:06,616 my first thought was, this is a joke. 70 00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:08,280 This is a wind-up. 71 00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:16,936 In a gay relationship, you try to have the child as connected 72 00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:19,856 as you possibly can with your partner. 73 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:24,176 The only way that we saw it working was to take one egg from one, 74 00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:27,240 fertilise it externally and put into the other one. 75 00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:30,080 I was the carrier. 76 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:38,280 Oli is the first child of egg transfer to be born in the UK. 77 00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:50,240 When choosing a donor, what was top criteria? 78 00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:53,416 Anonymous. 79 00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:55,216 Yep. 80 00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:57,216 Glaringly obvious. 81 00:04:57,240 --> 00:04:58,680 What? Identity release. 82 00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:01,896 No. 83 00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:04,480 You don't want a third party knocking on the door. 84 00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:09,720 We had a choice and we wanted to protect that family unit. 85 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:12,840 My donor. 86 00:05:14,840 --> 00:05:16,280 He was just a number. 87 00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:22,896 But he decided to take himself off the anonymous thing 88 00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:25,240 and make himself a known donor. 89 00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:30,896 Some of the siblings, they started to find each other 90 00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:34,320 through DNA testing and also sibling registries. 91 00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:39,856 Pretty much almost all of them, for years, had been meeting up, 92 00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:41,256 going to reunions. 93 00:05:41,280 --> 00:05:44,680 And it's like our lifelong dream coming true. 94 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,296 I cannot stop smiling! 95 00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:49,496 Something New by Axwell and Ingross. 96 00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:52,816 Cos we belong to something 97 00:05:52,840 --> 00:05:57,136 We belong to something 98 00:05:57,160 --> 00:06:04,560 We belong to something new. 99 00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:14,120 Oh, my gosh, I just think it would have been amazing to be there. 100 00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:28,376 Everybody say hi to the group Insta! Hello! 101 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:31,416 We may be going to get impulse tattoos at some point today. 102 00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:33,080 Cheers! 103 00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:38,456 When I met them and when I spent time with them, 104 00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:41,696 I just got such a warm, fuzzy feeling 105 00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:44,520 that I've never experienced before. 106 00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:51,296 It sort of felt like I actually have these people that will have my back, 107 00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:54,520 but it sort of turned out quite differently. 108 00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:56,720 Why? 109 00:06:57,880 --> 00:06:58,920 WhatsApp. 110 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:06,296 In the beginning, it was great. 111 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:08,360 It went quite well, actually. 112 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:37,656 I think, emotionally, 113 00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:41,416 his Asperger's is very clear in the way that he doesn't 114 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:45,296 feel in the same way that perhaps you or I would feel. 115 00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:47,880 I like things like carnivorous plants... 116 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:53,440 What's in there? Oh, those are my Madagascan hissing cockroaches. 117 00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:57,976 He's hard-wired differently. 118 00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:00,216 I've got some glass catfish. 119 00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:02,536 It's really cool. 120 00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:04,256 And why is that cool? 121 00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:07,000 Because it's unlike other, most other fish. 122 00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:10,256 What's your favourite animal? 123 00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:11,560 Oh, tardigrades. 124 00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:15,256 I know Oli has wanted social connections, 125 00:08:15,280 --> 00:08:18,176 but it doesn't come naturally for him. 126 00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:19,776 That comes down to his inability 127 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:23,176 to understand another person's situation. 128 00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:25,696 In his world, it's very black and white. 129 00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:27,896 You have an argument, you have a debate. 130 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:30,800 The emotional side doesn't come into it. 131 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:40,600 Over the next few months, there were a few arguments. 132 00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:10,976 When backed into a corner, Oli will find that really hard 133 00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:13,696 to navigate, either backwards or forwards, 134 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:16,400 and his natural instinct is to plough on through. 135 00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:32,016 Everyone should be able to have 136 00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:34,816 rational conversations. 137 00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:38,280 The problem is a lot of them take debate very personally. 138 00:09:41,560 --> 00:09:45,120 Oh, there was, like, the pro-life, pro-choice debate. 139 00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:47,896 Oh, yeah, we spoke about the wealth gap, 140 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:51,976 systematic racism, sperm donors, authoritarianism, 141 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:54,200 superficial gay culture... 142 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,896 What do you want from them? 143 00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:19,056 To be honest, I just want them to accept me 144 00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:20,880 for who I am, 145 00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:25,896 and to not feel that I'm being careless, 146 00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:28,640 just through being me. 147 00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:32,640 That's it, really, to be honest. 148 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:51,840 The fact is the majority feeling towards me in the group is negative. 149 00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:56,600 I want to see if that can change. 150 00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:01,360 It's my family, so obviously it's important to me. 151 00:11:02,560 --> 00:11:04,576 OK, I'm just going, cos it's so hot, 152 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:05,856 like, what will I really need? 153 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:07,576 You're not going to be THAT hot. 154 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:08,720 Yeah, I will. 155 00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:16,736 This was a whammy that I didn't see coming. 156 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,456 Is that it? 157 00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:20,216 Yep. 158 00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:22,576 It's difficult 159 00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:25,936 to protect him from... from... Especially this scenario, 160 00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:29,096 because it's not just friends, it's siblings. 161 00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:30,920 There is this connection. 162 00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:40,336 If Oli didn't have Asperger's and I hadn't seen him struggle 163 00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:42,736 throughout all of his schooling years, 164 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:46,456 I would hope that this would open up more doors, more friendships. 165 00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:49,016 With the way that it's gone so far, 166 00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:51,696 I don't really know what Oli will... 167 00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:53,216 ...how it will be, 168 00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:56,640 because there's so many unknown variables. 169 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:00,840 Yeah, I'm dreading it. 170 00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:04,936 You have to take a step back, and just nod and go, 171 00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:06,656 "Isn't that lovely?", 172 00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:09,296 whereas, you know, your heart's kind of like, "Argh!" 173 00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:11,416 Go in cautiously, 174 00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:13,416 don't wear your heart on your sleeve 175 00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:16,016 and work out where you want to invest your time, 176 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:18,600 and know that I'll be stalking you. 177 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:26,920 I'm starting to realise we're actually going to the US. 178 00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:31,960 Man On Fire by Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros. 179 00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:35,936 I'm a man on fire 180 00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:37,576 Walking through your street 181 00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:39,840 With one guitar 182 00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:42,920 And two dancing feet 183 00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:46,736 Only one desire 184 00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:49,336 That's left in me 185 00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:52,096 I want the whole damn world 186 00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:54,800 To come dance with me 187 00:12:55,880 --> 00:13:00,016 Oh... 188 00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:03,576 Come dance with me 189 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:06,720 Over murder and pain 190 00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:12,120 Come set you free 191 00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:15,680 Over heartache and shame... 192 00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:18,416 Shoo! 193 00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:19,960 Shoo, shoo! 194 00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:46,120 I thought it was going to be warm. 195 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:55,936 How's it going? Have you got warm enough clothes? 196 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:58,376 No, I thought it would be, like, a tropical paradise, 197 00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:00,416 but it's freezing where I am. 198 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:03,136 We're just at the Airbnb and we're planning to see 199 00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:04,696 Lindsay later tonight. 200 00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:06,496 All right, darling. Well, keep me posted. OK. 201 00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:08,000 I'll speak to you soon. 202 00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:17,160 I'm Lindsay. I am sibling number 20. 203 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:21,776 So I would say Lindsay is one of the more 204 00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:24,056 sort of volatile siblings. 205 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:28,976 She can be, like, the most empathetic and warm and fuzzy, 206 00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:31,080 but she can also be slightly scary. 207 00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:40,576 I just want to have the opportunity 208 00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:43,760 to have a one-on-one sort of relationship with her. 209 00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:51,280 All I know is I feel quite nervous. 210 00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:55,160 You just want these things to work out. 211 00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:59,056 Oh, my God! Hey! 212 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:00,816 Hey. Oh, how are you? 213 00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:02,416 Good. How are you? 214 00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:03,616 Oh, I'm good, I'm good. 215 00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:05,416 I like this. Thank you. 216 00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:08,296 This is only, like, the second time you've been around any of us. 217 00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:10,656 It's weird, I don't usually think we, like, look a ton alike, 218 00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:12,576 but for some reason, I'm, like, looking at you 219 00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:14,776 and I'm seeing my face, and it's really weird. Ha-ha! Oh! 220 00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:17,336 I don't know if you're, like, having that experience, but, like, 221 00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:21,216 it's still that, like, you expect the craziness of it to get, 222 00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:23,736 like, less... It doesn't... like, the magnitude of the crazy 223 00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:26,216 to decrease over time, but it doesn't. 224 00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:28,936 Do some noises, like, really irritate you? Yeah. 225 00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:31,856 I hate chewing. Me too! Oh, my God. 226 00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:33,216 It's called misophonia. 227 00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:35,416 A couple of us have it, actually. 228 00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:38,576 It, like... It makes me want to die. Do you eat, like, lemons as well? 229 00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:40,656 Yeah, I'm one of the ones that eat lemons. 230 00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:43,256 I always eat the lemons. I peel them and I eat them like oranges. 231 00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:45,736 It's really interesting that all of us sort of individually 232 00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:48,016 came to the conclusion that, like, OK, 233 00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:50,976 we're going to try and make this a family, 234 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:54,616 and it seems to kind of have worked, right? 235 00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:58,176 It's not going to be, like, 100% harmonious, 236 00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:01,536 but the fact that, like, so many people are in contact, 237 00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:05,256 and chat... Yeah, for sure. ..at all, is, like, just... 238 00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:08,056 Oh, oh, my God, that's... Oh, very nice. 239 00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:09,736 Thank you so much. 240 00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:11,976 The way I sort of describe it is just, like, you know, 241 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:15,176 we're as dysfunctional as any other family, right? Yeah. 242 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:17,776 Like, every family has its... 243 00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:20,920 ...its stuff, but I think it gives it character. 244 00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:30,056 Two years ago, Mom and I were talking, and I was, like, 245 00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:32,176 I just want to understand. 246 00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:34,536 I feel like there's this thing, and I don't know what it is, 247 00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:37,176 I can't identify what it is, 248 00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,976 but, like, I know it's there. 249 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,936 She told me, "We had trouble conceiving you. 250 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:47,416 "We had to do fertility treatments while your dad couldn't have kids, 251 00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,640 "so we chose to use a sperm donor." 252 00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:53,416 I actually went through, like, a couple of weeks 253 00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:55,616 where I, like, couldn't really look in mirrors. 254 00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:58,096 That transitioned into... And it's still a thing now, 255 00:16:58,120 --> 00:17:00,936 where, like, I just, like, can't stop staring at my face, 256 00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:04,480 cos it's, like, I finally understand where it comes from. 257 00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:10,176 Nobody in my family has curly hair like this. 258 00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:13,240 Nobody has green eyes that, like, all of us have. 259 00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:20,896 We've been siblings since the day we were born. 260 00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:22,680 I just didn't know them. 261 00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:28,240 Hi! 262 00:17:29,360 --> 00:17:32,096 I had all of these people that I, like, had to get to know, 263 00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:34,176 and I wanted to do it as fast as possible. 264 00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:36,736 Oh, my God, we're the same height! This is so weird! I know! 265 00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:39,240 Hi! Hi! We have the same eye colour. What the fuck? 266 00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:41,800 Do it. Go meet Kristen. 267 00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:46,616 It was so overwhelming and so emotional. 268 00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:47,680 Oh, my God! 269 00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:54,896 It's almost like primal recognition of something in each other, 270 00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:58,216 that, like, just transcends anything. 271 00:17:58,240 --> 00:17:59,840 Oh, my God! 272 00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:05,776 It's understandable that there might be more clashes, 273 00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:08,536 because the amount of us, 274 00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:10,696 and the newer siblings, like me, 275 00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:13,096 probably still have a lot more to learn. 276 00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:16,336 Yeah, there's definitely... there's definitely a learning curve. 277 00:18:16,360 --> 00:18:18,056 Yeah, I think so. 278 00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:20,176 I sort of think about it like it's a mirror. 279 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:22,496 You can see the best parts and the worst parts of yourself 280 00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:25,176 reflected in other people in the group... Yeah, that's true. 281 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:27,896 ...and, you know, like, you can either choose to, like, 282 00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:30,296 grow from that, or you can not, 283 00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:32,936 but, I reckon it's, like, the best growth opportunity 284 00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:35,400 that anybody could ever possibly ask for. 285 00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:43,896 I wasn't sure I'd be that excited, 286 00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:47,176 but then when I was actually sitting there, like, waiting, 287 00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:50,696 and then I, like, saw her, I all of a sudden got, like, er, 288 00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:52,336 like, an adrenaline spike. 289 00:18:52,360 --> 00:18:55,840 All I know is I feel like a fuzzy, warm feeling, 290 00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:00,120 I think it went well. 291 00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:03,280 I like Lindsay. 292 00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:06,920 Do you think she likes you? 293 00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:10,496 I don't know. I think... 294 00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:12,120 I'm not sure, to be honest. 295 00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:17,576 I think Oliver can be incredibly sweet. 296 00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:19,536 Like, I like Oliver... 297 00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:20,800 ...most of the time. 298 00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:27,376 My thing with Oliver is I feel like I'm always so anxious 299 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:29,496 about what he's going to say. 300 00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:31,976 It almost feels like walking on eggshells. 301 00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:34,240 I think he feels the same way about walking on eggshells. 302 00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:36,200 Probably. 303 00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:45,736 The problem is, these relationships, they're the most important thing, 304 00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:48,200 and they're delicate, and you have to be so careful. 305 00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:53,856 This is a very complex situation. 306 00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:55,816 It's complex people. 307 00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:58,616 It's a very fragile group dynamic 308 00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:00,976 and it is upset very easily. 309 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:02,136 It's delicate. 310 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:03,976 It's a delicate thing 311 00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:08,640 that we all choose to invest time and energy into. 312 00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:15,896 These are relationships that we have, like, nurtured to grow. 313 00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:20,376 So many of us are so socially aware. 314 00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:24,136 Obviously, Oliver having Asperger's, 315 00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:25,776 being, like, in that realm, 316 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,400 that changes things. 317 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:32,136 You need to get in the car, Ols. 318 00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:33,616 I know. 319 00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:35,216 All in good time. 320 00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:36,736 We haven't got good time! 321 00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:38,496 It's, like, 4:45, the flight's at six, 322 00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:40,016 and we've got to drop off the car. 323 00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:42,136 All in good time. Patience. 324 00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:43,720 Patience is a virtue, Will. 325 00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:33,336 Hi, I'm Brooklynn, 326 00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:36,336 and I'm sibling number 13. 327 00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:37,520 What do you see? 328 00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:47,616 It was always, like, something different about me 329 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:51,256 that meant that I couldn't normally socialise with people. 330 00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:53,376 You're going to meet your uncle, Oliver. 331 00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:55,280 Why don't you get along with most people? 332 00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:57,576 To be honest, I don't know. 333 00:21:57,600 --> 00:22:01,376 I feel like perhaps I miss certain sort of, like, 334 00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:03,440 in the moment social cues, maybe. 335 00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:08,136 Oh, my God! Look! 336 00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:10,056 Can you say hi? 337 00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:11,176 Hello! 338 00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:12,640 Say hi, Uncle Oli! 339 00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:17,976 Oh, my God! 340 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:19,896 How do you feel? 341 00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:21,616 Yeah, I don't know what... 342 00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:23,856 It's so adorable, babe. 343 00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:25,456 So cute! 344 00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:28,296 How are you, anyway? I'm good. 345 00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:30,416 I don't really know, like, what to say. 346 00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:32,016 That's OK! 347 00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:33,120 It's very cute! 348 00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:43,456 I grew up with a mom, a dad and then twin brother and sister, 349 00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:44,856 Spencer and Jordan. 350 00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:45,896 How's it going? Hey. 351 00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:47,456 Hello! Oh, my God! 352 00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:50,496 Nice to meet you! You are taller than I expected. 353 00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:53,856 Oh, yeah, they've never met. I don't know what I expected. 354 00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:56,320 I'm Jordan and I'm sibling number 14. 355 00:22:57,840 --> 00:22:59,536 I like this. Is that a scarf? 356 00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:00,936 Yeah, it is. 357 00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:03,736 Oh, it's really nice to see you again. You too. 358 00:23:03,760 --> 00:23:06,880 I am Spencer and I'm sibling number 15. 359 00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:12,896 I can cook really good, like, venison or steak, 360 00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:16,176 but that's not really relevant to a vegan. 361 00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:18,976 Excellent observation! 362 00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:22,456 Oli catches a ton of shit for things that he does, 363 00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:26,240 which are, erm, often times largely his fault. 364 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:31,296 At the moment, the mood in regards 365 00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:34,456 to you is relatively negative, 366 00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:35,976 because of the... 367 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:38,696 ...because of the text interaction. 368 00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:42,896 Reading messages from you, it is easy to be, like, 369 00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:44,576 "Oh, he's just being an asshole". 370 00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:46,056 On some level, in a group like this, 371 00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:47,896 you have to have some kind of filter 372 00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:51,096 if you don't want to be constantly... Yeah... arguing. 373 00:23:51,120 --> 00:23:54,976 And being considerate obviously goes a long way for your relationships. 374 00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:57,736 Yeah. People are actually concerned about you, to an extent. 375 00:23:57,760 --> 00:24:00,976 Some people, whenever they're talking about something 376 00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:03,936 that's maybe contentious, they try to make it very clear 377 00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:06,176 that they're trying to be sensitive to how other people 378 00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:07,296 feel about it... Mm. 379 00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:10,656 ...and I think people get upset with you because you're... 380 00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:12,336 ...you can just be more deadpan about it. Yeah. 381 00:24:12,360 --> 00:24:14,336 Do you know what I mean? 382 00:24:14,360 --> 00:24:18,656 For me, what has been repeated in the group a lot is 383 00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:23,096 impact over intentions, which doesn't make any sense, 384 00:24:23,120 --> 00:24:26,216 because the impact should also include someone's intentions, 385 00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:28,816 and actually understanding who they are 386 00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:31,376 and what they mean. 387 00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:33,536 He's atypical, socially, 388 00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:38,136 but it doesn't make it so that he's absolved of responsibility 389 00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:40,936 for, like, when he says stuff that upsets people, right? 390 00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:46,416 Like, the Asperger's adds context, but it doesn't excuse things 391 00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:49,576 to the degree that I think he might want them to. 392 00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:51,576 If he's acting like a dick, 393 00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:55,656 people will be like, "Yeah, I mean, I get that that's who you are, 394 00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:59,536 "but also, like, I'm just not interested." 395 00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:04,736 It sucks, because I'd really like to sort of just have, like, 396 00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:08,176 that opportunity just to sort of get to know people 397 00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:11,096 on, like, a more one-on-one basis. 398 00:25:11,120 --> 00:25:14,376 I'm not, like, the easiest person to have a relationship with 399 00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:16,136 for some people, 400 00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:17,336 and, like, I understand that, 401 00:25:17,360 --> 00:25:21,336 but, you know, it is still upsetting for me, sometimes, 402 00:25:21,360 --> 00:25:26,216 sort of having, sort of, like, the same issues, like, over and over. 403 00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:28,656 Erm... Yeah. 404 00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:31,256 I hope you know that, the three of us, 405 00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:34,896 we will always listen to how you're feeling and try to help 406 00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:37,616 and... Yeah... we know that we're not perfect, like, 407 00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:39,576 we can all get frustrated, too. 408 00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:43,576 But I do hope that you feel that you at least have some kind of 409 00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:46,656 support system, if you ever do need to talk about something. 410 00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:50,096 Mm, just, like, having three people, like, face-to-face, 411 00:25:50,120 --> 00:25:52,976 it's a lot less scary and unpredictable and, like, 412 00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:57,816 everyone's on the same page more, sort of, if that makes sense? 413 00:25:57,840 --> 00:26:00,696 Well, maybe not on the same page, but at least in the same boat. 414 00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:02,280 You know what I mean? 415 00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:10,736 Me and Brooklynn and Jordan, 416 00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:14,416 we've been so close for our whole lives. 417 00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:18,216 My dad had some substance abuse problems when we were really little 418 00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:23,256 and then lasted throughout most of my childhood 419 00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:25,096 from there on. 420 00:26:25,120 --> 00:26:27,416 I remember so many times, growing up, 421 00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:31,816 when I just was so hurt and appalled by the things that he would do 422 00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:33,096 that I would say, like, 423 00:26:33,120 --> 00:26:36,856 "You might be my father, but you're not my dad." 424 00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:39,496 And I meant that, 425 00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:42,896 and it must have hit him so much harder 426 00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:46,016 than I could have possibly imagined. 427 00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:49,416 Three years ago, sitting at home on the couch, watching TV, 428 00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:51,056 and my phone started ringing, 429 00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:56,376 and it was my dad, which was weird, because he does not call often. 430 00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:59,936 He called me and I thought we would just have a conversation, 431 00:26:59,960 --> 00:27:01,336 and he's like... 432 00:27:01,360 --> 00:27:05,976 "There's something that I've been wanting to tell you for a long time 433 00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:09,056 "and I just can't keep it a secret any more." 434 00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:12,600 He was crying and he said, "I'm not your real dad." 435 00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:17,960 I don't know, it's so crazy, like... 436 00:27:19,120 --> 00:27:21,680 ...it really felt like a movie moment. 437 00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:25,816 You've come to believe one thing your whole life. 438 00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:28,336 It was sort of this flood of realisation. 439 00:27:28,360 --> 00:27:30,256 Every conflict we had had before, 440 00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:32,736 this was something that was probably, like, 441 00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:34,976 this fact was running in the background for him. 442 00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:37,016 I immediately called my mom. 443 00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:39,856 She was just like, "I can't believe he told you". 444 00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:44,536 She had been, like, actively trying to keep this a secret forever. 445 00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:49,936 I think it's actually quite possible that a massive amount 446 00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:53,296 of our childhood trauma was rooted in the fact 447 00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:56,040 that they kept this a secret from us. 448 00:27:59,960 --> 00:28:02,136 I think it's a fear that a lot of parents have 449 00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:05,656 that maybe their kids will see them as less them, 450 00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:09,080 once they know that their genetics aren't the same. 451 00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:14,576 My parents, they were told the best thing for the child 452 00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:18,376 was to never tell them and pretend that everything was "normal". 453 00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:21,520 They say that the doctors told them not to. 454 00:28:23,920 --> 00:28:27,336 They were worried that I would feel different. 455 00:28:27,360 --> 00:28:31,936 The most important people in your early life have been lying to you 456 00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:34,256 about the very nature of your existence 457 00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:35,840 for your entire life. 458 00:28:37,360 --> 00:28:40,240 My eyes are unlike anyone's in my family. 459 00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:45,656 Last year, for Christmas, I bought myself a genetic test. 460 00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:50,760 I was hoping to find more about, you know, am I German, am I Irish? 461 00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:56,776 I had no clue that my dad wasn't my biological father. 462 00:28:56,800 --> 00:29:02,256 My cousin knew, my aunts and uncles knew, my grandma knew, 463 00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:06,616 my parents knew, my stepmother knew, 464 00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:08,616 my mum's fiancee knew. 465 00:29:08,640 --> 00:29:11,280 I was the only one who didn't know about my biology. 466 00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:16,040 My life has changed drastically. 467 00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:19,456 I went from being an only child 468 00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:23,296 to talking to one of my siblings now every single day. 469 00:29:23,320 --> 00:29:25,896 They've really been, like, the light and the silver lining 470 00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:30,400 to the negative that was this big secret of my whole life. 471 00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:35,576 Come over here, quickly. 472 00:29:35,600 --> 00:29:38,760 There's a, er, like, a hummingbird. 473 00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:44,800 Look how cute that is. 474 00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:54,896 How are you feeling after yesterday? 475 00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:58,416 I feel like it went a lot better than I thought it would. 476 00:29:58,440 --> 00:30:01,600 In person, like, I think it went really well, to be honest. 477 00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:08,376 Just, like, hanging out and doing nothing, like, 478 00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:10,896 those small things, I think, 479 00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:14,120 really matter a lot more than I thought they would. 480 00:30:51,760 --> 00:30:55,776 Of all of the siblings, Spencer's probably one of my top priorities 481 00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:58,120 in terms of who I want to have a relationship with. 482 00:31:00,320 --> 00:31:03,136 I mean, he's just very, very intelligent, 483 00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:05,816 very, very intellectually stimulating. 484 00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:10,456 I want to open a gateway to perhaps him thinking about 485 00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:13,280 wanting to have a closer relationship with me. 486 00:31:16,480 --> 00:31:19,136 These are my best friends. I've known them for so long. 487 00:31:19,160 --> 00:31:21,496 I told them about you a little bit. I was, like... 488 00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:23,976 I told them that you're British, but they're excited to meet you. 489 00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:26,336 You're actually the first of any of my half-siblings 490 00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:28,056 they've met before. Really?! 491 00:31:28,080 --> 00:31:30,336 Yeah, these are, like, my best friends, so... I'm honoured! 492 00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:31,680 Yeah. 493 00:31:33,360 --> 00:31:35,536 Hi! Hello. Hey. Nice to meet you. I'm Tyler. 494 00:31:35,560 --> 00:31:38,616 I'm Oli. Hi. Nice to meet you. 495 00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:40,976 Nice to meet you. I'm Cam. 496 00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:43,776 I'm one of his half-relatives. 497 00:31:43,800 --> 00:31:44,840 Yeah. Wonderful. 498 00:31:49,960 --> 00:31:51,560 Oh, my gosh! 499 00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:55,376 Hi. 500 00:31:55,400 --> 00:31:58,000 Buckskin Stallion Blues by Townes Van Zandt. 501 00:32:00,720 --> 00:32:05,096 I heard her sing in tongues of silver 502 00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:09,136 I heard her cry on a summer storm 503 00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:12,896 I loved her, but she did not know it... 504 00:32:12,920 --> 00:32:16,136 Have you tried any, like, food places that you've really liked? 505 00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:18,536 Mm... I mean, no, not yet. 506 00:32:18,560 --> 00:32:19,936 We've been, like... OK. 507 00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:25,056 ...at really trashy, like, sort of drive-through places, like... 508 00:32:25,080 --> 00:32:28,176 OK. That's the American experience right there. 509 00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:32,656 If three and four were seven only 510 00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:36,656 Where would that leave one and two? 511 00:32:36,680 --> 00:32:40,856 If love can be and still be lonely 512 00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:44,656 Where does that leave me and you? 513 00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:49,056 Time there was and time there will be 514 00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:52,880 Where does that leave me and you? 515 00:32:56,160 --> 00:32:58,136 Do you have your own bowling ball? 516 00:32:58,160 --> 00:33:00,856 Yeah. Yeah, he's had that since sixth grade. 517 00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:02,176 Interesting. 518 00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:05,056 You know, it's good, but then if I don't bowl for a long time 519 00:33:05,080 --> 00:33:07,856 and then I go bowl and I have, like, all this gear, 520 00:33:07,880 --> 00:33:09,080 and then I do absolute shit... 521 00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:11,616 I feel like, "Oh..." Posing? 522 00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:13,240 Yeah, like, "Oh, wow, nice!" 523 00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:23,496 On the one hand, Oli is so socially confident, 524 00:33:23,520 --> 00:33:28,216 but the funny thing about it is he never really has had, you know, 525 00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:29,560 a friend. 526 00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:36,096 If I had a flyin' schooner 527 00:33:36,120 --> 00:33:40,056 I'd sail into the light of day 528 00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:43,896 If I had your love forever 529 00:33:43,920 --> 00:33:47,440 Sail into the light of day. 530 00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:55,336 He never makes very strong relationships with people. 531 00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:57,976 His relationships are transient. 532 00:33:58,000 --> 00:33:59,296 But now he's getting older, 533 00:33:59,320 --> 00:34:01,336 he wants to make his mark with friendships 534 00:34:01,360 --> 00:34:03,936 and have people who care about him. 535 00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:07,976 I find it really interesting how, like, temperature affects the sex 536 00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:11,896 of, like, baby turtles and tortoises and other reptiles. 537 00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:16,616 It does? Yeah, so, like, I can't remember which way it is, but 538 00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:18,016 depending on the temperature... 539 00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:22,256 Oli's looking for this Eureka connection, 540 00:34:22,280 --> 00:34:25,376 and I think having this perceived genetic links, 541 00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:27,616 he thinks that there's this shorthand 542 00:34:27,640 --> 00:34:31,376 and he feels that they're just going to go, "Bam! I get you." 543 00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:34,336 And this gets you a good view... It does actually. 544 00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:35,720 ...of the whole courtyard. 545 00:34:37,440 --> 00:34:42,896 Well, I enjoy having a one-on-one relationship with you, erm... 546 00:34:42,920 --> 00:34:45,816 I think you do piss people off, and I... I do piss people off! 547 00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:49,216 ...but like you're saying, I do... I do try to, like, 548 00:34:49,240 --> 00:34:50,896 stay objective about it. 549 00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:53,056 I get why people get upset with you. 550 00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:55,376 Sometimes I've been upset with you, 551 00:34:55,400 --> 00:34:58,896 but I think your personality meshes with mine. 552 00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:02,056 Like, the type of conversationalist I am, 553 00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:05,816 I could just go round and round about a subject for hours, 554 00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:07,896 and, like, not lose stamina about it. 555 00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:10,736 We do have, like, good debates and, like, conversations. 556 00:35:10,760 --> 00:35:14,896 Yeah, and, like, in that way, like, that's a personality trait 557 00:35:14,920 --> 00:35:17,736 that we share, that I'm glad we share. 558 00:35:17,760 --> 00:35:21,176 Yeah. How would you describe your sort of relationship with me, 559 00:35:21,200 --> 00:35:23,616 and, like, is it a sort of brotherly thing, 560 00:35:23,640 --> 00:35:27,120 is it like a more cousin-like... Yeah... relationship, or...? 561 00:35:28,360 --> 00:35:32,176 I am closer to you than I am to my cousins, 562 00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:35,096 and whenever I'm describing you to people, 563 00:35:35,120 --> 00:35:37,736 I describe you as my brother... Aw! 564 00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:39,176 ...because... 565 00:35:39,200 --> 00:35:41,016 ...because you ARE my brother, right? 566 00:35:41,040 --> 00:35:44,216 But, like, growing up with full siblings, 567 00:35:44,240 --> 00:35:46,496 I probably am... 568 00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:49,656 Like, I've already felt the connection of being full siblings 569 00:35:49,680 --> 00:35:51,496 or being siblings with someone before, 570 00:35:51,520 --> 00:35:53,016 so it's not as novel to me... Yeah. 571 00:35:53,040 --> 00:35:55,616 ...whereas for you, you're, like, meeting someone that's a sibling, 572 00:35:55,640 --> 00:35:58,856 and you're, like... Yeah, no, I do feel like I feel, 573 00:35:58,880 --> 00:36:00,880 like, closer to you than you feel to me. 574 00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:05,936 I think if you probably take some aspect of any relationship 575 00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:08,456 between two people and then you compare the feelings 576 00:36:08,480 --> 00:36:09,576 between two people, 577 00:36:09,600 --> 00:36:13,416 it's very unlikely that they're going to be exactly the same. 578 00:36:13,440 --> 00:36:16,136 So, if you ask me, 579 00:36:16,160 --> 00:36:19,296 do I think that we feel exactly as... 580 00:36:19,320 --> 00:36:22,896 ...I feel as close to you as you feel to me, er, 581 00:36:22,920 --> 00:36:25,976 like, probably not, right, 582 00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:28,000 because that's almost never the case. 583 00:36:32,840 --> 00:36:35,416 That's not me saying that... Yeah, I know. 584 00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:38,776 ...you like me and I'm done with you. Yeah, I know. 585 00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:39,920 I know. 586 00:36:41,720 --> 00:36:44,576 I think there's actually still a lot of room for us 587 00:36:44,600 --> 00:36:47,016 to get to know each other more. 588 00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:50,616 It's still something to grow into, right? Yeah. 589 00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:52,416 And we'll know each other for a long time, 590 00:36:52,440 --> 00:36:54,416 and you think about how much longer... 591 00:36:54,440 --> 00:36:55,736 I mean, we're still so young. 592 00:36:55,760 --> 00:36:57,936 There's a lot of time to grow into it, still. 593 00:36:57,960 --> 00:36:59,696 Mm. We've only known each other for... 594 00:36:59,720 --> 00:37:02,440 I mean, how long HAVE we known each other? Less than a year. 595 00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:13,936 I always have wanted, like, an older brother type figure, 596 00:37:13,960 --> 00:37:17,896 someone who can tell me off if I'm being inappropriate, 597 00:37:17,920 --> 00:37:23,616 or help me feel better about myself if I'm feeling a bit down, 598 00:37:23,640 --> 00:37:27,696 and to show that person that I care about them. 599 00:37:27,720 --> 00:37:29,656 But why an older BROTHER? 600 00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:32,200 Why not, like, an older sister... I don't know why. 601 00:37:33,520 --> 00:37:38,216 I never thought that I would care about the gender of anyone 602 00:37:38,240 --> 00:37:40,336 that... of any of the siblings, 603 00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:43,216 and I still feel close to a lot of the female siblings, 604 00:37:43,240 --> 00:37:48,896 but there's something about having an older brother specifically 605 00:37:48,920 --> 00:37:52,440 that makes me feel a certain way. 606 00:37:56,720 --> 00:37:59,296 I waited until I was about 45, 607 00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:01,056 which is a little late, 608 00:38:01,080 --> 00:38:03,736 and I went to the doctor to find out 609 00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:07,056 if I was in good physical shape, 610 00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:09,456 and she said I could have a child 611 00:38:09,480 --> 00:38:12,176 but my eggs were not viable, 612 00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:14,616 so I would need donors. 613 00:38:14,640 --> 00:38:17,080 On January 21st 1995... 614 00:38:19,640 --> 00:38:22,016 ...I had a boy, 615 00:38:22,040 --> 00:38:25,576 and I named him Sterling Alexander Knight, 616 00:38:25,600 --> 00:38:28,240 and he's grown up to be a wonderful young man. 617 00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:38,216 I used to be very close with Sterling. 618 00:38:38,240 --> 00:38:39,656 My name's Sterling, 619 00:38:39,680 --> 00:38:43,776 and I was the 16th sibling to be found. 620 00:38:43,800 --> 00:38:46,416 The first sibling I ever met in person. 621 00:38:46,440 --> 00:38:47,976 Hello. 622 00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:49,216 What's happening? 623 00:38:49,240 --> 00:38:51,296 We didn't really get, you know, 624 00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:55,376 a video. There's no-one else here, so... Yeah. 625 00:38:55,400 --> 00:38:57,456 Sterling came to England. 626 00:38:57,480 --> 00:39:00,296 Oh, God, it was amazing. 627 00:39:00,320 --> 00:39:02,216 And Oli was SO thrilled. 628 00:39:02,240 --> 00:39:04,256 I mean, that was the first time, probably, I'd seen him 629 00:39:04,280 --> 00:39:07,760 really express proper emotions. 630 00:39:09,880 --> 00:39:12,736 And Sterling was AMAZING with Oli. 631 00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:16,256 It was really strange for me to see, after, you know, my 20-year-old son 632 00:39:16,280 --> 00:39:19,416 for the first time having this massive connection with someone, 633 00:39:19,440 --> 00:39:21,696 and I think then, when Sterling flew out, 634 00:39:21,720 --> 00:39:24,696 I think that's when Oli just lost it. 635 00:39:24,720 --> 00:39:27,536 He cried and cried and cried and cried, 636 00:39:27,560 --> 00:39:29,776 and he had never... I don't know, 637 00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:32,440 felt something in that way before. 638 00:39:38,240 --> 00:39:40,976 I mean, what are the emotions that you're feeling? 639 00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:44,696 Like, why do YOU get emotional when you think of that? 640 00:39:44,720 --> 00:39:47,496 Because he's my son, and I've always wanted, like any mother, 641 00:39:47,520 --> 00:39:50,416 you want your child to, you know, 642 00:39:50,440 --> 00:39:53,616 have connections that are positive 643 00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:57,336 and rewarding and full of depth, 644 00:39:57,360 --> 00:40:02,096 where you really feel something for somebody, you know, 645 00:40:02,120 --> 00:40:04,216 and that's amazing. 646 00:40:04,240 --> 00:40:05,400 So, yeah. 647 00:40:06,920 --> 00:40:09,496 Oh, my God. We do have similar eyes, don't we? 648 00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:11,976 Which direction is it facing? You. Oh, OK. 649 00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:14,576 I would not have the camera this close to my double chin. 650 00:40:14,600 --> 00:40:17,360 All right, well... 651 00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:35,776 The fact that I had this big brother figure, 652 00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:38,976 you know, I felt so close to him, 653 00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:43,376 and it all sort of just went to shit, really. 654 00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:45,160 And what caused that turn? 655 00:40:46,560 --> 00:40:50,336 Erm, because I told him I was checking my eligibility 656 00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:51,920 to be a sperm donor. 657 00:41:03,160 --> 00:41:07,976 I think the big reason for this was because he has always struggled 658 00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:10,736 and been an outsider all of his life. 659 00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:15,176 Him being chosen by somebody as a sperm donor, 660 00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:19,680 for them to have their family, would be the ultimate acceptance for him. 661 00:41:26,920 --> 00:41:30,296 When I told some of the siblings, 662 00:41:30,320 --> 00:41:33,800 the way that they reacted was just... 663 00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:36,440 ...absolutely unreal. 664 00:41:38,440 --> 00:41:42,736 I was told that the idea of me donating is offensive 665 00:41:42,760 --> 00:41:44,680 because I have Asperger's. 666 00:41:47,680 --> 00:41:50,896 Why were you particularly upset with Sterling? 667 00:41:50,920 --> 00:41:53,216 Cos Sterling, you know, at the beginning, 668 00:41:53,240 --> 00:41:56,040 flew down to London to come and see me. 669 00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:08,280 What was it that turned it with Oli? Was it the sperm donation thing? 670 00:42:10,320 --> 00:42:13,280 I'm actually not sure if I want to get into that. 671 00:42:15,440 --> 00:42:18,160 He thinks I've lied about having Asperger's to the bank. 672 00:42:19,800 --> 00:42:22,216 Because I didn't tell them at the very beginning, 673 00:42:22,240 --> 00:42:25,336 he thought that that was an issue. 674 00:42:25,360 --> 00:42:26,736 The first test they do, 675 00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:29,536 they don't actually require you to fill out a form beforehand. 676 00:42:29,560 --> 00:42:31,496 They do the freeze test first, 677 00:42:31,520 --> 00:42:34,176 after that they then proceed to go through your medical history 678 00:42:34,200 --> 00:42:35,496 and so on. 679 00:42:35,520 --> 00:42:38,680 Of course, I would disclose all of my medical information. 680 00:42:55,400 --> 00:43:00,736 He phrased it as if I've put myself in this position and it's my fault. 681 00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:03,296 But what do you want from him? 682 00:43:03,320 --> 00:43:08,096 I want him to be my big brother again, 683 00:43:08,120 --> 00:43:10,240 and I want him to look out for me again. 684 00:43:13,440 --> 00:43:17,400 And I want to... And I want to show him that I care about him. 685 00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:28,656 You have reached the voicemail... 686 00:43:28,680 --> 00:43:29,960 Nope. 687 00:43:37,840 --> 00:43:40,616 I'm just wondering if everything was OK, you know? 688 00:43:40,640 --> 00:43:42,096 Oh, yeah, don't worry. 689 00:43:42,120 --> 00:43:44,176 I think that he needs a night of rest 690 00:43:44,200 --> 00:43:46,936 and he has to get through that migraine. 691 00:43:46,960 --> 00:43:49,856 Yeah. I don't know what he can actually do about it, 692 00:43:49,880 --> 00:43:52,080 because they last quite a while. Yeah. 693 00:43:53,600 --> 00:43:55,336 Ooh, that's him! 694 00:43:55,360 --> 00:43:57,256 Hello? 695 00:43:57,280 --> 00:43:59,800 Do you want, like, soup and painkillers, or... 696 00:44:01,040 --> 00:44:03,216 Let's do it properly. Let's just do it tomorrow 697 00:44:03,240 --> 00:44:06,400 when you're feeling a bit more bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. 698 00:44:18,640 --> 00:44:20,960 You have reached the voice mailbox of... 699 00:44:22,560 --> 00:44:24,760 He's now over an hour late. 700 00:44:26,320 --> 00:44:28,056 I'm going to call him on Skype. 701 00:44:28,080 --> 00:44:30,600 Has he said anything back? No. 702 00:44:34,280 --> 00:44:36,856 I've been forwarded to an automated 703 00:44:36,880 --> 00:44:38,720 voice messaging system. 704 00:44:40,720 --> 00:44:44,056 He's on another call, apparently, 705 00:44:44,080 --> 00:44:47,456 and he's not messaged me to let me know he'll be late 706 00:44:47,480 --> 00:44:49,080 or anything like that. 707 00:44:51,760 --> 00:44:55,216 I miss my relationship with him that I had, 708 00:44:55,240 --> 00:44:57,776 and the time we spent in the UK 709 00:44:57,800 --> 00:45:02,120 was probably one of the most meaningful weeks of my entire life. 710 00:45:03,160 --> 00:45:07,120 I really enjoyed the relationship that he wanted to have with me... 711 00:45:08,440 --> 00:45:10,680 ...and he's just fucked me over. 712 00:45:46,800 --> 00:45:48,240 You OK? No. 713 00:45:49,800 --> 00:45:52,576 So, what's happening? 714 00:45:52,600 --> 00:45:54,640 I don't know. 715 00:46:02,800 --> 00:46:05,776 I don't even want to talk about it, to be honest. 716 00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:07,440 I'm just really pissed... 717 00:46:09,800 --> 00:46:15,336 I randomly bought three bags of, like, sandwiches and shit 718 00:46:15,360 --> 00:46:18,656 and was just dropping them off at random people, 719 00:46:18,680 --> 00:46:22,696 which is... felt like a big "fuck you" to Sterling. 720 00:46:22,720 --> 00:46:25,160 I don't know why! 721 00:46:28,480 --> 00:46:29,520 Don't know. 722 00:46:32,440 --> 00:46:34,280 I'm done. I just don't... 723 00:46:35,680 --> 00:46:39,960 To be honest, I just want to get out and just go somewhere else. 724 00:46:54,160 --> 00:46:55,776 Hope they like it. 725 00:46:55,800 --> 00:46:58,256 What if I've gotten them, like, a flavour that they... like, a 726 00:46:58,280 --> 00:47:00,056 sandwich they really hate? 727 00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:03,376 Summer Sun by Cari Cari. 728 00:47:03,400 --> 00:47:06,576 Summer sun 729 00:47:06,600 --> 00:47:10,320 Wash away the troubles 730 00:47:11,800 --> 00:47:13,600 Summer sun 731 00:47:14,840 --> 00:47:18,280 Like diamonds in the water 732 00:47:20,040 --> 00:47:23,096 Let the rain 733 00:47:23,120 --> 00:47:26,720 The lightning and the thunder 734 00:47:28,560 --> 00:47:31,696 Ease my pain 735 00:47:31,720 --> 00:47:36,240 And wash it all away 736 00:47:54,080 --> 00:47:55,856 Summer sun... 737 00:47:55,880 --> 00:47:57,640 April 1998. 738 00:48:00,200 --> 00:48:03,600 Um, my ex... That's what we wanted the sperm donor to look like. 739 00:48:06,160 --> 00:48:08,560 Must be handsome in a cute way and not with a big jaw. 740 00:48:09,600 --> 00:48:12,096 Oh, my God, who were we? Um... 741 00:48:12,120 --> 00:48:16,216 "Small nose, fine features, well-proportioned, similar to Brad Pitt, Rob Lowe... 742 00:48:16,240 --> 00:48:19,856 "No migraines or acne." 743 00:48:19,880 --> 00:48:22,456 Choosing the sperm became a minefield. 744 00:48:22,480 --> 00:48:25,680 You know, pages and pages of stuff to us. 745 00:48:27,720 --> 00:48:29,496 Summer sun... 746 00:48:29,520 --> 00:48:32,096 Eye colour, height, no photos. 747 00:48:32,120 --> 00:48:34,216 So my parents just went through and they found 748 00:48:34,240 --> 00:48:37,536 the people that sounded like my dad on paper and just, I think... 749 00:48:37,560 --> 00:48:40,376 ...put a finger down and said, "That one." 750 00:48:40,400 --> 00:48:43,296 ..With your sunshine... 751 00:48:43,320 --> 00:48:47,016 I still have the catalogue. Like, my mom kept it and she gave it to me. 752 00:48:47,040 --> 00:48:49,536 It, like, has pencil numbers on their top five choices, 753 00:48:49,560 --> 00:48:51,216 and I was like, 754 00:48:51,240 --> 00:48:54,936 "Hm, I wonder what I'd have been like if I'd been from donor number four." 755 00:48:54,960 --> 00:48:58,136 The vials are stored in these big tanks here and then we ship them 756 00:48:58,160 --> 00:48:59,536 in these little tanks. 757 00:48:59,560 --> 00:49:01,696 How old are these tanks? These tanks? 758 00:49:01,720 --> 00:49:06,936 This tank over here... is probably about 25 years old, maybe older. 759 00:49:06,960 --> 00:49:10,376 Oh, wow. Could have been the tank that I was in... 760 00:49:10,400 --> 00:49:12,576 Well... One of these older ones. ..half of me. 761 00:49:12,600 --> 00:49:14,216 Possibly! 762 00:49:14,240 --> 00:49:15,496 Not you... 763 00:49:15,520 --> 00:49:17,400 ...but a potential to be you. 764 00:49:18,400 --> 00:49:20,000 Here are the frozen vials. 765 00:49:21,560 --> 00:49:24,336 They're labelled with the number of the donor 766 00:49:24,360 --> 00:49:27,520 and the date that they were collected. What's the date on that? 767 00:49:29,640 --> 00:49:32,776 November 13, 2008. 768 00:49:32,800 --> 00:49:34,936 How long can you store it for? 769 00:49:34,960 --> 00:49:36,616 Pretty much indefinitely. 770 00:49:36,640 --> 00:49:39,176 We have a limit on the number of families per donor. 771 00:49:39,200 --> 00:49:41,496 We try to limit all of our donors to ten families. 772 00:49:41,520 --> 00:49:44,296 Was that the limit in Daley's case? My donor? 773 00:49:44,320 --> 00:49:46,896 Back then, we weren't as computerised as we are now... 774 00:49:46,920 --> 00:49:49,816 Right, yeah... so we do have a handful of donors who went over. 775 00:49:49,840 --> 00:49:52,296 We also have had some donors who are donors elsewhere. 776 00:49:52,320 --> 00:49:54,336 I think some donors weren't straightforward 777 00:49:54,360 --> 00:49:55,816 and didn't tell us that information 778 00:49:55,840 --> 00:49:58,496 and I think there were periods of our history where we didn't ask. 779 00:49:58,520 --> 00:50:01,216 Yeah, cos he went to a couple of sperm banks. Yeah. 780 00:50:01,240 --> 00:50:03,736 Since the record-keeping in the US, particularly in the '90s, 781 00:50:03,760 --> 00:50:05,840 for cryobanks was so-o-o-o atrocious... 782 00:50:07,560 --> 00:50:10,976 ...we don't have a definitive number of how many of us there are, 783 00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:14,176 especially because we're across two banks and, like, one bank had better 784 00:50:14,200 --> 00:50:15,856 record-keeping than the other. 785 00:50:15,880 --> 00:50:19,120 Because there are so many women and maybe five guys, six guys... 786 00:50:21,000 --> 00:50:23,576 ...or something, we suspect we have at least, you know, 787 00:50:23,600 --> 00:50:25,656 another ten or something. 788 00:50:25,680 --> 00:50:28,336 Honestly, we might never know, 789 00:50:28,360 --> 00:50:31,336 just because there are, you know, families 790 00:50:31,360 --> 00:50:34,776 with mothers and fathers that never intend on telling their children. 791 00:50:34,800 --> 00:50:38,656 It breaks my heart, like, every day. 792 00:50:38,680 --> 00:50:41,240 And I think about it constantly that there are, like... 793 00:50:42,440 --> 00:50:44,816 ...siblings out there that I'm never going to know. 794 00:50:44,840 --> 00:50:48,176 Like, there are people out there walking around that are my brothers 795 00:50:48,200 --> 00:50:51,440 and sisters that I am never going to be allowed to know. 796 00:50:52,520 --> 00:50:56,656 And for, like, ethical reasons, we should be allowed to know 797 00:50:56,680 --> 00:50:58,136 who our siblings are. 798 00:50:58,160 --> 00:51:01,616 A couple people in our group went to high school together. 799 00:51:01,640 --> 00:51:05,976 Nobody wants to accidentally date their brother! 800 00:51:06,000 --> 00:51:08,560 We never did! 801 00:51:09,840 --> 00:51:13,256 I, like, typically don't date people who are, like, under 26 802 00:51:13,280 --> 00:51:17,800 and then... Why? Cos then they could be a sibling. 803 00:51:18,920 --> 00:51:21,216 We would not have a sibling that's older than 26, 804 00:51:21,240 --> 00:51:23,576 just based on when Daley donated. 805 00:51:23,600 --> 00:51:25,440 So, Daley would have come in here? 806 00:51:26,480 --> 00:51:29,536 This is one of the collection rooms. 807 00:51:29,560 --> 00:51:32,576 So this is where Daley would have come. That is... remarkable. 808 00:51:32,600 --> 00:51:34,136 Yeah. Pardon the pun! 809 00:51:34,160 --> 00:51:36,256 Oh, my God! 810 00:51:36,280 --> 00:51:38,936 We have magazines, we also have Wi-Fi, 811 00:51:38,960 --> 00:51:42,280 so most of the donors bring their own "supplies". Right. 812 00:51:44,280 --> 00:51:46,296 Has that been there since the '90s? 813 00:51:46,320 --> 00:51:49,080 No. Oh, that's not bad-looking. 814 00:51:51,640 --> 00:51:54,736 How does it make you feel that your life kind of started 815 00:51:54,760 --> 00:51:57,016 with Daley in a small room? 816 00:51:57,040 --> 00:51:59,136 I mean, you didn't have to put it like that! 817 00:51:59,160 --> 00:52:01,680 You know, you don't have to put it that way! 818 00:52:08,280 --> 00:52:11,280 Golly, gosh, this is the one we chose! 819 00:52:13,920 --> 00:52:17,856 When no-one else can understand me... 820 00:52:17,880 --> 00:52:19,816 I had most of Daley's profile 821 00:52:19,840 --> 00:52:23,336 memorised as a kid cos my mom still had a hard copy 822 00:52:23,360 --> 00:52:27,096 and that was the only thing I had of his. 823 00:52:27,120 --> 00:52:30,336 You give me hope and consolation... 824 00:52:30,360 --> 00:52:32,536 But at that age I wasn't thinking 825 00:52:32,560 --> 00:52:35,096 of him as a singular, tangible person. 826 00:52:35,120 --> 00:52:40,696 He was just kind of this... like, abstract figure, 827 00:52:40,720 --> 00:52:42,696 this father... 828 00:52:42,720 --> 00:52:46,936 A general gut feeling of loss or getting sad on Father's Day 829 00:52:46,960 --> 00:52:49,520 cos everyone else had a dad and I didn't. 830 00:52:50,640 --> 00:52:54,640 That's the wonder 831 00:52:55,720 --> 00:52:59,456 The wonder of you... 832 00:52:59,480 --> 00:53:02,976 Your donor had originally participated as an anonymous donor 833 00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:04,536 and he changed his mind. 834 00:53:04,560 --> 00:53:07,336 And so, when we have a donor who says he wants to change his mind, 835 00:53:07,360 --> 00:53:09,936 then we reach out to the families and we let them know. 836 00:53:09,960 --> 00:53:12,616 Spencer and I both had a lot going on at the time 837 00:53:12,640 --> 00:53:15,856 and we were just like, "Well, we'll get to it later." 838 00:53:15,880 --> 00:53:20,176 I was working at a restaurant and I started to notice... 839 00:53:20,200 --> 00:53:24,056 ...I would be serving a table and there would be a man 840 00:53:24,080 --> 00:53:28,376 in his mid-40s and I would kind of like stare at him a little extra. 841 00:53:28,400 --> 00:53:31,536 And I didn't even realise I was doing it for a while, 842 00:53:31,560 --> 00:53:35,320 and then I was like, "OK, maybe I really do want to know who this is." 843 00:53:37,880 --> 00:53:42,416 I don't want to have to wonder forever if every random guy 844 00:53:42,440 --> 00:53:45,056 that passes me on the street might actually be my dad. 845 00:53:45,080 --> 00:53:47,416 Your love for me is everything... 846 00:53:47,440 --> 00:53:50,176 So we met up with him for the first time with my mom, 847 00:53:50,200 --> 00:53:52,776 cos I was like, "I cannot do this by myself. 848 00:53:52,800 --> 00:53:55,040 "I need you by my side." She said, "Yeah, of course." 849 00:53:56,080 --> 00:53:57,736 You love me as... 850 00:53:57,760 --> 00:54:01,296 Taking that next step, actually seeing him face-to-face, 851 00:54:01,320 --> 00:54:04,296 it felt like my whole life had been leading up to this. 852 00:54:04,320 --> 00:54:06,096 OK. 853 00:54:06,120 --> 00:54:09,240 The wonder of you. 854 00:54:15,000 --> 00:54:20,000 My name's Daley and I am part of a very special family situation. 855 00:54:23,280 --> 00:54:25,736 There was a clinic down the street. 856 00:54:25,760 --> 00:54:28,896 Some attractive young woman was, like, strolling by and she knew 857 00:54:28,920 --> 00:54:32,376 what the clinic was and saw me walking in and just 858 00:54:32,400 --> 00:54:34,856 gave me a wink and said, "I hear they give out free cookies." 859 00:54:34,880 --> 00:54:36,000 Like... 860 00:54:38,560 --> 00:54:41,656 I had this choice - either be an anonymous donor 861 00:54:41,680 --> 00:54:43,960 or an identity-released donor. 862 00:54:45,760 --> 00:54:49,296 Being at that age, I said anonymous. 863 00:54:49,320 --> 00:54:51,536 What made you change your mind? 864 00:54:51,560 --> 00:54:54,576 McKenzie looked me up, went through the bank. 865 00:54:54,600 --> 00:54:57,056 They said, "Oh, this person's anonymous, but we'll reach out 866 00:54:57,080 --> 00:54:59,616 "and ask him anyway." There was really no question. 867 00:54:59,640 --> 00:55:01,976 How could I deny her that information? 868 00:55:02,000 --> 00:55:06,256 I called the two banks and had them change me from anonymous 869 00:55:06,280 --> 00:55:08,080 to identity release. 870 00:55:10,280 --> 00:55:13,800 When this whole thing started, I was aware that there were four. 871 00:55:15,160 --> 00:55:17,336 Four seemed like a big number, but manageable. 872 00:55:17,360 --> 00:55:19,336 And then it was six. 873 00:55:19,360 --> 00:55:22,496 Then it was eight, then it was ten. 874 00:55:22,520 --> 00:55:24,760 And then it would get bigger. 875 00:55:26,160 --> 00:55:27,696 What does that feel like? 876 00:55:27,720 --> 00:55:30,056 You meet them as adults, and you're their dad? 877 00:55:30,080 --> 00:55:32,296 How did those first meetings go? 878 00:55:32,320 --> 00:55:34,816 I was shaking, thinking about meeting him. 879 00:55:34,840 --> 00:55:39,256 I just got off, like, a 13-hour shift, I was, like, all sweaty. 880 00:55:39,280 --> 00:55:43,056 On the one hand, I didn't want to be too familiar. 881 00:55:43,080 --> 00:55:45,176 Daley is not a parental figure to me 882 00:55:45,200 --> 00:55:47,176 and he's not really a paternal figure to me. 883 00:55:47,200 --> 00:55:49,216 "Who is this guy? Why is he being so presumptuous? 884 00:55:49,240 --> 00:55:51,216 "This is not my dad - he didn't raise me." 885 00:55:51,240 --> 00:55:54,576 I honestly think that if he never came forward or we never found him, 886 00:55:54,600 --> 00:55:56,936 I don't think I would have thought twice about it. 887 00:55:56,960 --> 00:55:59,936 I also didn't want to be too distant and have them feel like, 888 00:55:59,960 --> 00:56:02,376 "Why doesn't he want to know me?" or, "Why doesn't he want 889 00:56:02,400 --> 00:56:04,816 "to be connected to me? Is he ashamed he of me?" or something. 890 00:56:04,840 --> 00:56:07,296 I was just kind of in awe for, like, the first hour 891 00:56:07,320 --> 00:56:10,016 and... but just, like... the pure joy. 892 00:56:10,040 --> 00:56:12,176 He was wearing sunglasses, actually, when I met him. 893 00:56:12,200 --> 00:56:15,496 And then when he took off his sunglasses, it really hit me 894 00:56:15,520 --> 00:56:18,056 and I was like, "Those are my eyes!" 895 00:56:18,080 --> 00:56:20,896 I mean, I guess, technically, my eyes are his eyes. 896 00:56:20,920 --> 00:56:23,736 Is it possible to have a relationship with 26 kids? 897 00:56:23,760 --> 00:56:25,000 Of course it is. 898 00:56:28,240 --> 00:56:32,360 We belong to something new. 899 00:56:34,520 --> 00:56:38,016 You know, a lot of people have this experience when they have kids, 900 00:56:38,040 --> 00:56:39,376 when they have children, right? 901 00:56:39,400 --> 00:56:41,576 You have a newborn baby and you look at this baby 902 00:56:41,600 --> 00:56:46,656 and you're so overwhelmed with love, it's just this bottomless pit 903 00:56:46,680 --> 00:56:50,736 of all of your positive emotions and you can't imagine sharing it 904 00:56:50,760 --> 00:56:52,400 with anyone else. 905 00:56:53,640 --> 00:56:56,696 And then you have another and you realise, you know, your heart 906 00:56:56,720 --> 00:56:58,440 just cracks up and it gets bigger. 907 00:56:59,960 --> 00:57:01,000 What about Oli? 908 00:57:02,160 --> 00:57:05,760 Uh, Oli, I've really enjoyed meeting Oli. 909 00:57:06,840 --> 00:57:12,136 Oli, I think, has, I would say, among all of those that have wanted 910 00:57:12,160 --> 00:57:17,760 to come into the group and kind of get acclimated and... 911 00:57:18,800 --> 00:57:21,056 ...get into the...group dynamic, 912 00:57:21,080 --> 00:57:24,200 I think he's struggled probably the most. 913 00:57:28,040 --> 00:57:31,536 So, how are you feeling about seeing Daley again? 914 00:57:31,560 --> 00:57:33,600 I mean, it's complicated. 915 00:57:34,640 --> 00:57:38,280 The first time I met him, we just didn't connect. 916 00:57:41,280 --> 00:57:43,680 Jesus Christ. Why does he have to live up a hill? 917 00:57:46,800 --> 00:57:52,696 He says, "Oli, you don't understand still, you need to learn the tools 918 00:57:52,720 --> 00:57:55,600 "of life to get along with people." 919 00:57:56,800 --> 00:57:59,176 Essentially, what he means by that is, 920 00:57:59,200 --> 00:58:02,176 "You don't have the right to be yourself." 921 00:58:02,200 --> 00:58:03,880 And that's quite hurtful. 922 00:58:06,360 --> 00:58:09,816 I've tried to give some advice here and there about how to navigate. 923 00:58:09,840 --> 00:58:13,640 I'm not sure he's 100% receptive to advice. 924 00:58:22,320 --> 00:58:25,320 Oliver and I have had some spirited conversations. 925 00:58:26,840 --> 00:58:31,800 I see my relationship with him as having room for lots of growth. 926 00:58:33,240 --> 00:58:36,536 What would you say, specifically, you connect with me on? 927 00:58:36,560 --> 00:58:39,936 We have... You know, I think there's a lot of family traits. 928 00:58:39,960 --> 00:58:42,216 That... you know, verbal acuity. 929 00:58:42,240 --> 00:58:46,176 There's a lot of no dummies in the... in the group, right? 930 00:58:46,200 --> 00:58:49,080 Yeah. Anything unique to you and me? 931 00:58:50,800 --> 00:58:53,216 I don't know, Oliver. I feel like our ability to get to 932 00:58:53,240 --> 00:58:57,216 know one another's been, you know, it's been in fits and starts. 933 00:58:57,240 --> 00:58:59,816 Yeah. As we've, let's be honest... I've had... we've had 934 00:58:59,840 --> 00:59:03,096 our struggles in the way some of the group interactions have gone and... 935 00:59:03,120 --> 00:59:07,256 Mm-hm. How do I figure in your life these days? 936 00:59:07,280 --> 00:59:09,256 I do feel, like, a closeness to you. 937 00:59:09,280 --> 00:59:12,840 And I do want a healthy relationship, but... 938 00:59:14,160 --> 00:59:17,736 ...sometimes it feels like I'm not sort of... 939 00:59:17,760 --> 00:59:19,936 Like I'm sort of insufficient. 940 00:59:19,960 --> 00:59:24,136 No, you've told me that before. I know. It's not true. 941 00:59:24,160 --> 00:59:26,176 It's not about that. Mm-hm. 942 00:59:26,200 --> 00:59:30,736 And, I mean, I have tried to help you, side-message you in the middle 943 00:59:30,760 --> 00:59:33,256 of these conversations where things seem like they're going 944 00:59:33,280 --> 00:59:36,496 off the rails and I recognise that you may not fully understand 945 00:59:36,520 --> 00:59:41,256 why people are reacting the way they are. Like, I mean, I'm... 946 00:59:41,280 --> 00:59:44,016 ...I'm trying, you know? 947 00:59:44,040 --> 00:59:47,920 So, for me, that comes across as I'm insufficient. 948 00:59:49,160 --> 00:59:52,536 Growing up, I had that constant 949 00:59:52,560 --> 00:59:55,936 message that I wasn't behaving 950 00:59:55,960 --> 00:59:58,416 the way that people needed me to, 951 00:59:58,440 --> 01:00:01,576 and that sort of just drilled the message in my head 952 01:00:01,600 --> 01:00:05,336 that I'm just not... I'm not normal and I'm not good enough. 953 01:00:05,360 --> 01:00:08,216 It's contextual. It's, like, a skill and judgment. 954 01:00:08,240 --> 01:00:10,416 And these are people who I know better than you do, 955 01:00:10,440 --> 01:00:12,176 cos I've known them for a long time. 956 01:00:12,200 --> 01:00:14,856 And you came into the group with a whole bunch of women, 957 01:00:14,880 --> 01:00:19,216 a lot of them are... have been in this space for a long time and... 958 01:00:19,240 --> 01:00:22,016 Mm-hm... are comfortable talking about certain things. 959 01:00:22,040 --> 01:00:24,536 And you came in and started using the word "bitch". 960 01:00:24,560 --> 01:00:28,416 To describe a celebrity as a bitch. To just use the word, right? 961 01:00:28,440 --> 01:00:31,136 Right. And... Because I'm a guy? ..It created... 962 01:00:31,160 --> 01:00:33,416 No, for anyone. 963 01:00:33,440 --> 01:00:36,176 The girls use it several times... And it created... This is exactly 964 01:00:36,200 --> 01:00:38,856 what I'm talking about - you're turning it into identity politics 965 01:00:38,880 --> 01:00:41,456 and a political and a, like, rational... And you want to talk 966 01:00:41,480 --> 01:00:43,456 about it in those terms. That's not what it is. 967 01:00:43,480 --> 01:00:45,656 It's just about respect. No, but the girls use it. 968 01:00:45,680 --> 01:00:47,376 It's not about that. 969 01:00:47,400 --> 01:00:49,976 This is rehashing one of the very first fights that caused 970 01:00:50,000 --> 01:00:51,696 a lot of alienation. 971 01:00:51,720 --> 01:00:54,056 And I'm telling you again, it was about respect. 972 01:00:54,080 --> 01:00:58,376 So, I can't use a certain word because people have 973 01:00:58,400 --> 01:01:00,816 a trauma response when a man uses it? 974 01:01:00,840 --> 01:01:03,256 For me, it's very much more about intentions. 975 01:01:03,280 --> 01:01:05,416 It's about how... 976 01:01:05,440 --> 01:01:08,360 It's about knowing people and it's about knowing their intentions... 977 01:01:10,360 --> 01:01:14,536 Years ago, before he was diagnosed with Asperger's, I thought, 978 01:01:14,560 --> 01:01:17,096 "Well, maybe I'm not strict enough, maybe I was...", you know. 979 01:01:17,120 --> 01:01:19,376 So I spent a year shouting at him, you know... 980 01:01:19,400 --> 01:01:21,976 So you think you have more entitlement to disrespect people 981 01:01:22,000 --> 01:01:24,576 that you know? It's not disrespect. 982 01:01:24,600 --> 01:01:29,016 For people who really know me, I just want to be myself. 983 01:01:29,040 --> 01:01:32,520 You're asking the entire world to accommodate just you. 984 01:01:33,600 --> 01:01:35,696 Oh, no, I'm not. So, what... is it? 985 01:01:35,720 --> 01:01:38,856 You can never really get through to Oli because he'll be thinking 986 01:01:38,880 --> 01:01:41,800 exactly what he thinks and he won't be able to... 987 01:01:42,800 --> 01:01:45,296 ...see someone else's point of view. 988 01:01:45,320 --> 01:01:48,096 You can't parent an Asperger's child, 989 01:01:48,120 --> 01:01:51,520 you're there to just buffer them throughout life. 990 01:01:59,400 --> 01:02:03,736 Any parent, if a third party came into the picture, 991 01:02:03,760 --> 01:02:07,216 a strange man, who you made a decision about 20 years ago, 992 01:02:07,240 --> 01:02:11,256 then pops up and has an influence over your child's life, 993 01:02:11,280 --> 01:02:14,816 that's a difficult pill to swallow, isn't it? 994 01:02:14,840 --> 01:02:18,456 Cos Daley's Oli's dad. He's not. 995 01:02:18,480 --> 01:02:24,256 To me, a dad is someone who has been there, kicked a ball, played a part. 996 01:02:24,280 --> 01:02:27,856 A donor is something that is a donation. 997 01:02:27,880 --> 01:02:29,376 It's not a role. 998 01:02:29,400 --> 01:02:33,320 I don't know. It makes me wonder if there's a way that we... 999 01:02:34,840 --> 01:02:37,696 ...could have a better relationship. 1000 01:02:37,720 --> 01:02:41,096 If it was more just the two of us, not in the context 1001 01:02:41,120 --> 01:02:43,576 of this other family group, 1002 01:02:43,600 --> 01:02:46,080 because I'm defensive for everyone. 1003 01:02:47,520 --> 01:02:50,656 It'd be nice to have a scenario where it would be just us, 1004 01:02:50,680 --> 01:02:54,536 sort of, in our mutual habitats. You know? 1005 01:02:54,560 --> 01:02:57,816 In the most unpleasant of exchanges, I've said the same thing, right? 1006 01:02:57,840 --> 01:03:00,080 Like, I'm not going to write you off. 1007 01:03:07,240 --> 01:03:10,160 I mean, he's not my dad because he didn't raise me. 1008 01:03:11,800 --> 01:03:15,376 I think there's potential for another type of relationship, 1009 01:03:15,400 --> 01:03:18,160 like a more uncle-type relationship... 1010 01:03:19,160 --> 01:03:22,616 ...but he can't open his mind 1011 01:03:22,640 --> 01:03:25,256 to the fact that, perhaps, I'm quite 1012 01:03:25,280 --> 01:03:27,816 a different person to most people. 1013 01:03:27,840 --> 01:03:32,816 I think he sort of wants me to... mold myself 1014 01:03:32,840 --> 01:03:34,616 and to be someone I'm not. 1015 01:03:34,640 --> 01:03:38,176 It's actually very sad for me because it means that it's almost 1016 01:03:38,200 --> 01:03:41,520 impossible for me to actually have a close relationship with him. 1017 01:03:44,360 --> 01:03:47,136 Ladies and gentlemen, if we could have your attention one more time, 1018 01:03:47,160 --> 01:03:48,440 we'd like to announce... 1019 01:04:22,720 --> 01:04:26,016 ...our home of LA. This is a city where dreams become reality, 1020 01:04:26,040 --> 01:04:29,296 so no matter what your story is or where your dreams may take you, 1021 01:04:29,320 --> 01:04:31,440 there's a place in Los Angeles just for you. 1022 01:04:39,160 --> 01:04:40,840 Well, the meet-up, for me... 1023 01:04:41,880 --> 01:04:44,920 You know, it's my family, so obviously it's... 1024 01:04:46,520 --> 01:04:48,360 ...it's important to me, but... 1025 01:04:50,120 --> 01:04:52,400 ...I don't want to get my expectations up. 1026 01:04:54,960 --> 01:04:59,416 Occasionally, when people, sort of, get to the real me, 1027 01:04:59,440 --> 01:05:04,496 they really like it, but more often than not they don't like it. 1028 01:05:04,520 --> 01:05:07,376 And, like, I get... end up being rejected. 1029 01:05:07,400 --> 01:05:08,696 So... 1030 01:05:08,720 --> 01:05:11,520 ...it is quite sort of scary. 1031 01:05:13,600 --> 01:05:15,736 I always think, going into a relationship, 1032 01:05:15,760 --> 01:05:18,896 "Am I going to do or say something?" 1033 01:05:18,920 --> 01:05:21,416 Or "Are they going to get to know me better 1034 01:05:21,440 --> 01:05:24,376 "and then back off and reject me?" 1035 01:05:24,400 --> 01:05:25,760 I don't know. 1036 01:05:27,760 --> 01:05:31,216 There's just been such a consistent pattern of a lot 1037 01:05:31,240 --> 01:05:32,960 of people rejecting me. 1038 01:05:34,800 --> 01:05:38,216 What if they're just hanging out and they just don't want me there? 1039 01:05:38,240 --> 01:05:39,960 Like, what if they don't want me? 1040 01:05:47,880 --> 01:05:49,416 Hello! Hey! 1041 01:05:49,440 --> 01:05:52,496 Oh, my gosh, you look amazing! Hey, what's up? 1042 01:05:52,520 --> 01:05:55,376 You guys look fantastic. 1043 01:05:55,400 --> 01:05:58,056 Riding in style. Oh, my God! 1044 01:05:58,080 --> 01:06:00,520 Oliver! Melissa, hey! 1045 01:06:01,920 --> 01:06:04,896 This is like the perfect setting for a murder mystery. 1046 01:06:04,920 --> 01:06:06,720 I need this fire going ASAP. 1047 01:06:07,960 --> 01:06:10,280 Whoa, Jesus! Fucking hell! 1048 01:06:12,120 --> 01:06:13,760 Why did you turn it off?! 1049 01:06:16,560 --> 01:06:20,576 Holiday, oh, a holiday And the best one of the year... 1050 01:06:20,600 --> 01:06:23,896 Oh, my gosh! I didn't even think they were coming! 1051 01:06:23,920 --> 01:06:25,480 Oh, my gosh! Yeah! 1052 01:06:27,440 --> 01:06:28,760 Hello! 1053 01:06:33,320 --> 01:06:34,720 Hello, again. 1054 01:06:42,040 --> 01:06:43,200 Yes! 1055 01:06:45,520 --> 01:06:48,496 Yes! You're getting owned by your little brother. 1056 01:06:48,520 --> 01:06:51,320 Humiliating, Spencer. 1057 01:06:57,400 --> 01:06:58,520 Hello! 1058 01:07:03,160 --> 01:07:06,056 The siblings that I'm related to, that I have these really close 1059 01:07:06,080 --> 01:07:09,176 relationships to, I chose to have really close relationships to. 1060 01:07:09,200 --> 01:07:12,776 I didn't... It wasn't forced upon me because we're blood-related. 1061 01:07:12,800 --> 01:07:15,136 Who looks...? Who do...? Like, the three of us... 1062 01:07:15,160 --> 01:07:17,216 I think you guys look so much alike. Yeah? 1063 01:07:17,240 --> 01:07:20,576 One of the things that irritates me, someone will be like, 1064 01:07:20,600 --> 01:07:22,296 "Oh, I like spicy food." 1065 01:07:22,320 --> 01:07:24,456 And then someone else will be like, "Oh, my God, 1066 01:07:24,480 --> 01:07:27,216 "I like spicy food, too. We're so related! 1067 01:07:27,240 --> 01:07:30,440 But I'm like, "No, you just both fucking like spicy food." Like... 1068 01:07:37,520 --> 01:07:40,296 Kelly, I haven't talked about boy things. Lay it on me. 1069 01:07:40,320 --> 01:07:42,160 That's my favourite conversation. 1070 01:07:43,960 --> 01:07:46,896 I mean, it's amazing that we've all been brought together by biology, 1071 01:07:46,920 --> 01:07:48,560 but at the same time... 1072 01:07:51,160 --> 01:07:54,176 ...you know, I am going to bond more and hang out more with people 1073 01:07:54,200 --> 01:07:56,776 that I actually have things in common with. 1074 01:07:56,800 --> 01:07:58,520 Asking the important questions! 1075 01:08:01,440 --> 01:08:03,776 It's kind of like two and a half maybe. 1076 01:08:03,800 --> 01:08:06,376 I'm going to pop inside for water or something. OK! Cool! 1077 01:08:06,400 --> 01:08:07,936 Wait, so you saw Emily and Hannah? 1078 01:08:07,960 --> 01:08:09,656 Yeah. Today? 1079 01:08:09,680 --> 01:08:12,120 Kind of. Are they coming? Yeah, they're coming. 1080 01:08:13,720 --> 01:08:15,296 Doing all right? 1081 01:08:15,320 --> 01:08:17,840 Anxious, uh... Yeah. 1082 01:08:28,120 --> 01:08:31,176 I've always managed Oli's life in a way where I know 1083 01:08:31,200 --> 01:08:33,376 what he can cope with and when he can't. 1084 01:08:33,400 --> 01:08:34,960 Where's the loo here? It's like... 1085 01:08:36,920 --> 01:08:39,616 A doctor did say to me years and years ago 1086 01:08:39,640 --> 01:08:41,816 that Oli will... that the Asperger's 1087 01:08:41,840 --> 01:08:44,616 will definitely show up in emotional states. 1088 01:08:44,640 --> 01:08:45,880 Anxious. 1089 01:08:47,000 --> 01:08:49,240 And I need something to take the edge off. 1090 01:08:50,720 --> 01:08:52,416 Oh, it's been nine hours. Hey! 1091 01:08:52,440 --> 01:08:54,256 How are you? Good, how are you? 1092 01:08:54,280 --> 01:08:57,416 I'm going to, like, dish out the rest of these hugs. 1093 01:08:57,440 --> 01:08:58,600 Hey! 1094 01:09:02,200 --> 01:09:03,680 Fuck's sake. 1095 01:09:05,120 --> 01:09:07,280 I love it so much. Oh, my God! 1096 01:09:08,520 --> 01:09:09,800 Knock, knock! 1097 01:09:12,440 --> 01:09:13,960 Hi! Hey. 1098 01:09:17,080 --> 01:09:18,520 Hello! 1099 01:09:21,320 --> 01:09:23,656 I didn't know that Jordan and Sterling hadn't met 1100 01:09:23,680 --> 01:09:26,456 until, like, five minutes ago. Like, it just hasn't happened! 1101 01:09:26,480 --> 01:09:29,136 It's like you actually exist now! I know! Oh, my gosh! 1102 01:09:29,160 --> 01:09:31,320 Look at you, you're a real human being! 1103 01:09:37,800 --> 01:09:39,640 From a social setting... 1104 01:09:41,640 --> 01:09:45,496 ...it all comes down to his inability to process what's going 1105 01:09:45,520 --> 01:09:46,896 on around him. 1106 01:09:46,920 --> 01:09:49,656 And in a heightened emotional situation where there's 1107 01:09:49,680 --> 01:09:51,096 26 other people, 1108 01:09:51,120 --> 01:09:54,056 all with their backstories, all with their feeling, for Oliver, 1109 01:09:54,080 --> 01:09:57,096 it's like putting him into a minefield. 1110 01:09:57,120 --> 01:10:01,776 There is no way that Oliver can navigate a situation 1111 01:10:01,800 --> 01:10:04,120 like that. Just never going to happen. 1112 01:10:11,040 --> 01:10:12,800 What is happening, Oli? 1113 01:10:27,320 --> 01:10:28,560 Oli, what's happening? 1114 01:10:31,680 --> 01:10:33,216 I can make one wrong move, 1115 01:10:33,240 --> 01:10:37,176 say one wrong thing and then I'm fucked and then everyone's pissed 1116 01:10:37,200 --> 01:10:39,376 off with me, so I don't... 1117 01:10:39,400 --> 01:10:44,056 But is that true? Yes, unfortunately. I wish it wasn't. 1118 01:10:44,080 --> 01:10:45,936 Should we just try it? 1119 01:10:45,960 --> 01:10:49,696 No. It's not something I can just get into. I'm not in the headspace. 1120 01:10:49,720 --> 01:10:51,960 I just... I'm too anxious. I just need to... 1121 01:10:55,600 --> 01:10:58,936 So fucking stressed, honestly. 1122 01:10:58,960 --> 01:11:01,456 I get you. Honestly, I think 1123 01:11:01,480 --> 01:11:04,496 you're probably overthinking it to a degree. 1124 01:11:04,520 --> 01:11:06,856 A lot of the time, like in the group chat where you feel 1125 01:11:06,880 --> 01:11:08,696 like you need to watch what you're saying, 1126 01:11:08,720 --> 01:11:11,696 it's when the content of conversations is, like, 1127 01:11:11,720 --> 01:11:15,576 particularly heavy or, like, political or something about ethics 1128 01:11:15,600 --> 01:11:17,176 or something like that, right? 1129 01:11:17,200 --> 01:11:20,536 But, you know, as of right now, 1130 01:11:20,560 --> 01:11:22,656 since everything is, like, particularly 1131 01:11:22,680 --> 01:11:25,256 light-hearted, I don't think there's anything you could say. 1132 01:11:25,280 --> 01:11:27,536 I didn't realise I'd be this anxious. 1133 01:11:27,560 --> 01:11:32,056 I hope I'm not leaning on you too much and just being annoying and... 1134 01:11:32,080 --> 01:11:34,216 No... sort of emotionally draining. No, no. 1135 01:11:34,240 --> 01:11:37,376 I mean, I don't want you going through this whole thing feeling 1136 01:11:37,400 --> 01:11:39,816 like you're drowning and you have no-one to talk to about it. 1137 01:11:39,840 --> 01:11:41,936 You know? I want to talk to you about it. 1138 01:11:41,960 --> 01:11:43,816 I don't want you to feel like you can't talk to me 1139 01:11:43,840 --> 01:11:46,256 cos you're annoying me or anything, because that's not the case. 1140 01:11:46,280 --> 01:11:49,456 So, yeah, just focus on the positivity with all 1141 01:11:49,480 --> 01:11:52,160 the cool people here who you... You know. OK. 1142 01:11:59,200 --> 01:12:03,376 People have different views about whether or not you owe someone, 1143 01:12:03,400 --> 01:12:06,096 like, your time, based only on the fact 1144 01:12:06,120 --> 01:12:07,536 that they're related to you. 1145 01:12:07,560 --> 01:12:12,216 But I feel like there is a ton of potential for really deep 1146 01:12:12,240 --> 01:12:16,480 friendships by virtue of the fact that we are family. 1147 01:12:18,880 --> 01:12:22,256 Oli, he started getting really close with Sterling. Sterling 1148 01:12:22,280 --> 01:12:24,016 went and visited him in London. 1149 01:12:24,040 --> 01:12:26,456 I suggest to Oli all the time that he should try 1150 01:12:26,480 --> 01:12:28,096 and mend their relationship. 1151 01:12:28,120 --> 01:12:30,520 I think he would benefit from it a lot. 1152 01:12:42,840 --> 01:12:45,016 I was waiting outside of your house. 1153 01:12:45,040 --> 01:12:48,056 Then I stay in the hotel the next day, and I'm waiting 1154 01:12:48,080 --> 01:12:49,360 for you for hours. 1155 01:12:50,520 --> 01:12:54,176 You're online. You're having conversations with people, 1156 01:12:54,200 --> 01:12:57,736 ignoring me, ignoring my messages, my calls, 1157 01:12:57,760 --> 01:13:03,256 and not turning up for three hours. I... That was so hurtful. 1158 01:13:03,280 --> 01:13:08,576 I had such a close relationship to you, and then it really fucking 1159 01:13:08,600 --> 01:13:10,256 affected me, Sterling. 1160 01:13:10,280 --> 01:13:12,696 I see that you're hurt, and I understand that. 1161 01:13:12,720 --> 01:13:14,736 You fucking hurt me. Oliver, let me talk. 1162 01:13:14,760 --> 01:13:17,376 No, you don't care, though! You think that you're the victim... 1163 01:13:17,400 --> 01:13:20,176 I do care. I'm trying to talk to you about this, 1164 01:13:20,200 --> 01:13:21,496 and you're not letting me. 1165 01:13:21,520 --> 01:13:25,216 I have a right to be angry with you after all your shit, Sterling. 1166 01:13:25,240 --> 01:13:26,976 You have the right to be angry, 1167 01:13:27,000 --> 01:13:30,416 but I also have the right to explain why I think I distanced 1168 01:13:30,440 --> 01:13:32,160 myself from you. 1169 01:13:34,720 --> 01:13:39,256 You did something that hurt a lot of people in this group, 1170 01:13:39,280 --> 01:13:42,736 talking about the donation thing. Tested my own fertility... 1171 01:13:42,760 --> 01:13:46,576 And that... because I'm thinking about potentially, later 1172 01:13:46,600 --> 01:13:49,656 down the line, becoming a donor. But you know that you can't. 1173 01:13:49,680 --> 01:13:51,376 Why? 1174 01:13:51,400 --> 01:13:53,616 Because you have Asperger's. 1175 01:13:53,640 --> 01:13:56,456 Why can't you just fucking accept me for me?! Because 1176 01:13:56,480 --> 01:13:58,736 you don't seem to... What's wrong with me, Sterling? 1177 01:13:58,760 --> 01:14:01,416 Like, I didn't fucking get it! Because you don't seem to care. 1178 01:14:01,440 --> 01:14:03,056 But you've pissed me off sometimes 1179 01:14:03,080 --> 01:14:05,536 and I'm happy that you have the freedom to be you. 1180 01:14:05,560 --> 01:14:07,536 I don't want to edit you or change you. 1181 01:14:07,560 --> 01:14:09,216 Do you know how many times you've hurt me 1182 01:14:09,240 --> 01:14:13,336 and I've just eaten it because I've tried to let you just be you? 1183 01:14:13,360 --> 01:14:15,296 I don't want you to be hurt. 1184 01:14:15,320 --> 01:14:17,856 I know that you feel you've had to budge your entire life. 1185 01:14:17,880 --> 01:14:20,096 You've had to shift and move farther and farther away 1186 01:14:20,120 --> 01:14:22,376 from who you feel you are. 1187 01:14:22,400 --> 01:14:27,056 But you and your identity is not your behaviour. 1188 01:14:27,080 --> 01:14:30,296 You don't seem to accept responsibility for your actions. 1189 01:14:30,320 --> 01:14:33,856 You don't believe what other people say, as you think that others' 1190 01:14:33,880 --> 01:14:37,096 reactions aren't reasonable. 1191 01:14:37,120 --> 01:14:38,296 A lot of them aren't. 1192 01:14:38,320 --> 01:14:40,536 They are, though, because that's what they feel. 1193 01:14:40,560 --> 01:14:44,056 I genuinely just don't show affection in the way 1194 01:14:44,080 --> 01:14:45,936 that you want me to, Sterling. 1195 01:14:45,960 --> 01:14:48,696 I... It's just not natural to me. 1196 01:14:48,720 --> 01:14:52,736 I... I don't know what you want from me. At this point, I don't... 1197 01:14:52,760 --> 01:14:54,400 I don't know either. I... 1198 01:14:55,800 --> 01:14:57,080 I know... 1199 01:14:59,240 --> 01:15:02,256 I know you look up to me as a big brother type. 1200 01:15:02,280 --> 01:15:05,216 What I imagine, and I can't speak for you, but what I imagine it looks 1201 01:15:05,240 --> 01:15:08,016 like is that you were given this wonderful opportunity 1202 01:15:08,040 --> 01:15:12,656 of all these people that, in a way, like, you can't change blood. 1203 01:15:12,680 --> 01:15:17,256 In a way that these people should just love me 1204 01:15:17,280 --> 01:15:19,016 or should accept me automatically, 1205 01:15:19,040 --> 01:15:20,800 and it's been really challenging. 1206 01:15:24,560 --> 01:15:28,936 I just want us to be as open with each other as possible. 1207 01:15:28,960 --> 01:15:31,256 I think we should move forward. 1208 01:15:31,280 --> 01:15:34,576 But because of the way you spoke 1209 01:15:34,600 --> 01:15:38,096 to me about the fertility thing, 1210 01:15:38,120 --> 01:15:40,680 I still think I'm going to be hurt for a while. 1211 01:15:42,440 --> 01:15:43,736 I get that. And you know that I... 1212 01:15:43,760 --> 01:15:46,160 I'm sorry. I honestly can't. 1213 01:15:57,960 --> 01:16:01,000 I don't know why that one thing is such a point of contention. 1214 01:16:02,240 --> 01:16:03,800 I really don't. 1215 01:16:06,160 --> 01:16:10,000 His Master's Voice by Monsters of Folk. 1216 01:16:13,160 --> 01:16:20,200 Mohammed rolling dice with Christ at twilight 1217 01:16:22,720 --> 01:16:27,176 And they hear their master's voice 1218 01:16:27,200 --> 01:16:31,496 They run to do their chores 1219 01:16:31,520 --> 01:16:33,920 At Master's calling... 1220 01:16:37,920 --> 01:16:42,496 You know what, I've been in this for a few years and it took me probably 1221 01:16:42,520 --> 01:16:46,416 at least a full year to be able to move past a little bit 1222 01:16:46,440 --> 01:16:48,536 of the pain I think that I felt 1223 01:16:48,560 --> 01:16:50,056 when it wasn't maybe 1224 01:16:50,080 --> 01:16:51,416 what I expected going into 1225 01:16:51,440 --> 01:16:52,680 it initially. 1226 01:16:54,240 --> 01:16:56,736 Even though we are related, 1227 01:16:56,760 --> 01:17:00,440 this is a random sample of strangers. 1228 01:17:03,120 --> 01:17:06,016 The connection comes from the fact that we are 1229 01:17:06,040 --> 01:17:08,656 in a very unique situation. 1230 01:17:08,680 --> 01:17:12,016 The bond that we might feel with the other people in this group 1231 01:17:12,040 --> 01:17:14,256 doesn't have to be because we're family. 1232 01:17:14,280 --> 01:17:18,376 Genetics is sort of just the door to relationships 1233 01:17:18,400 --> 01:17:20,856 with people, and you don't necessarily have to 1234 01:17:20,880 --> 01:17:24,176 go through it, right? That is a very good way of putting it. Yeah? 1235 01:17:24,200 --> 01:17:28,336 I have come to such a peaceful spot with the place 1236 01:17:28,360 --> 01:17:31,536 that I have in this group, even though it is distance, not even 1237 01:17:31,560 --> 01:17:33,816 necessarily age... I think that might be the right 1238 01:17:33,840 --> 01:17:36,240 sort of path for me as well, to be honest. 1239 01:17:38,760 --> 01:17:40,736 There's so much to be gained. 1240 01:17:40,760 --> 01:17:43,616 My best friends are in that room. Yeah. You know? 1241 01:17:43,640 --> 01:17:48,656 I don't know who you have interacted with a lot or a little, but maybe 1242 01:17:48,680 --> 01:17:51,256 the people you've hardly talked to at all are going to end up 1243 01:17:51,280 --> 01:17:54,096 being the most important relationships you've had. 1244 01:17:54,120 --> 01:17:56,336 It evolves with time and there are going to be always 1245 01:17:56,360 --> 01:17:58,696 more people coming in this group. We're never even going to know 1246 01:17:58,720 --> 01:18:01,416 if we've found everyone, so the minute you think 1247 01:18:01,440 --> 01:18:04,320 that you maybe have got it, it might change again. 1248 01:18:10,560 --> 01:18:12,800 Coming in new and having just found out... 1249 01:18:14,360 --> 01:18:15,520 Sorry, I'm so nervous. 1250 01:18:23,560 --> 01:18:25,480 Am I ever going to be 100% ready? 1251 01:18:28,600 --> 01:18:31,936 In a way, like, so much is about to change. 1252 01:18:31,960 --> 01:18:34,936 Like, a lifetime of connections 1253 01:18:34,960 --> 01:18:36,480 is starting now. 1254 01:18:40,640 --> 01:18:42,320 Hi! New people, hi! Yes! 1255 01:18:43,320 --> 01:18:45,296 Wait, do you know who I am? 1256 01:18:45,320 --> 01:18:48,416 Um, I know it. It's Sterling. 1257 01:18:48,440 --> 01:18:51,256 It's nice to meet you, finally, officially. 1258 01:18:51,280 --> 01:18:53,696 Who is this? I literally don't know who this person is. 1259 01:18:53,720 --> 01:18:55,040 Is she related to me? 1260 01:18:56,160 --> 01:18:58,080 Hey! Alysse? Yeah. 1261 01:19:05,480 --> 01:19:09,376 I'm so happy to meet you! And you have the eyes as well. Mm-mm! 1262 01:19:09,400 --> 01:19:10,736 Hi! Hi! 1263 01:19:10,760 --> 01:19:13,840 It's great to meet you. 1264 01:19:18,840 --> 01:19:22,176 Sorry, this is a lot. All of them and me, too. Yeah. 1265 01:19:22,200 --> 01:19:24,040 I mean, welcome to the circus. 1266 01:19:25,480 --> 01:19:27,976 It's funny, I was asked the other day, 1267 01:19:28,000 --> 01:19:31,016 "Well, you must just mix them up all the time because there's 1268 01:19:31,040 --> 01:19:34,456 so many. Like, confuse who lives where and..." 1269 01:19:34,480 --> 01:19:36,536 I was like, "No, actually, not at all." 1270 01:19:36,560 --> 01:19:39,256 This kind of information sticks on a totally different level. 1271 01:19:39,280 --> 01:19:42,936 It's not in the same league as friends or acquaintances. 1272 01:19:42,960 --> 01:19:45,096 They are family ties. 1273 01:19:45,120 --> 01:19:47,216 I've been following her on Facebook. 1274 01:19:47,240 --> 01:19:51,056 Pretty intently. This is something that doesn't go away. 1275 01:19:51,080 --> 01:19:52,696 We're genetically related. 1276 01:19:52,720 --> 01:19:55,456 Oh, yeah, baby smell! 1277 01:19:55,480 --> 01:19:58,896 They're family to me. That's how I engage with them. 1278 01:19:58,920 --> 01:20:01,600 That's how I treat them. That's how I feel about them. 1279 01:20:03,040 --> 01:20:06,440 Are you going to try and go up further? Yeah, just one more. 1280 01:20:08,000 --> 01:20:11,816 So silly. I don't know how Hannah is higher than Spencer. 1281 01:20:11,840 --> 01:20:14,520 Why? Because I'm a girl! You got up there so fast! 1282 01:20:16,200 --> 01:20:18,400 We're going to need to talk about feminism! 1283 01:20:20,760 --> 01:20:23,920 Aw, there's a family tree metaphor in there somewhere. 1284 01:20:25,560 --> 01:20:27,496 You just have to sit, like, at the bottom. 1285 01:20:27,520 --> 01:20:30,416 That's right. That'd be really funny. Can we make that happen? 1286 01:20:30,440 --> 01:20:32,816 I will. I'll come stand underneath it to get a quick picture. 1287 01:20:32,840 --> 01:20:36,040 Sterling, can you help wrangle him for a second, so he doesn't...? 1288 01:20:38,040 --> 01:20:40,616 Hey, Oliver! Oliver. 1289 01:20:40,640 --> 01:20:42,336 Will you take a picture? 1290 01:20:42,360 --> 01:20:43,616 Yeah. 1291 01:20:43,640 --> 01:20:46,080 Can you please not kill yourselves? 1292 01:20:47,480 --> 01:20:48,936 Are you getting Daley in it, too? 1293 01:20:48,960 --> 01:20:51,616 No, I think the idea is to come down here. I'm going to do him as well. 1294 01:20:51,640 --> 01:20:53,896 No, but to get all of us in the shot, cos it's a family tree 1295 01:20:53,920 --> 01:20:56,400 metaphor. Oh, right, OK, I got it! 1296 01:20:58,840 --> 01:21:02,096 Say 26 of us have two kids. 1297 01:21:02,120 --> 01:21:04,656 That's 50 kids, plus 20 sets, 1298 01:21:04,680 --> 01:21:06,976 like a 75-person family reunion. 1299 01:21:07,000 --> 01:21:09,176 Do you think I'll break this if I try to walk down on it? 1300 01:21:09,200 --> 01:21:13,776 The family tree will become so extensive, like our kids' kids' 1301 01:21:13,800 --> 01:21:16,776 kids in the future, like, if they want to get into genealogy, 1302 01:21:16,800 --> 01:21:18,096 it's going to be a mess. 1303 01:21:18,120 --> 01:21:19,616 It's going to be a mess for them. 1304 01:21:19,640 --> 01:21:20,816 Like... 1305 01:21:20,840 --> 01:21:23,576 As people start having kids and stuff and getting married, 1306 01:21:23,600 --> 01:21:26,616 like, when people continue to be there through, like, these 1307 01:21:26,640 --> 01:21:29,840 huge life events, I think that it's just going to make us closer. 1308 01:21:33,200 --> 01:21:35,816 I don't know how I'm going to handle bridesmaids, 1309 01:21:35,840 --> 01:21:38,816 because I can't include everyone. 1310 01:21:38,840 --> 01:21:40,240 But where do I cut it off? 1311 01:21:43,200 --> 01:21:45,616 Once we all have kids, if we want to do this, like, we're going to 1312 01:21:45,640 --> 01:21:48,976 have to, like, rent out a whole summer camp and, like, everyone will 1313 01:21:49,000 --> 01:21:52,200 be in cabins, we're going to have, like, activities scheduled. 1314 01:21:54,160 --> 01:21:57,256 Unpopular opinion. I'm not getting all these kids birthday presents. 1315 01:21:57,280 --> 01:21:59,256 I'm sorry. There's too many of you. 1316 01:21:59,280 --> 01:22:01,496 No, I'm not even going to remember their names. 1317 01:22:01,520 --> 01:22:04,656 I don't even remember all my half-siblings' names! 1318 01:22:04,680 --> 01:22:07,736 Every once in a while I, like, stop and, like, sit back and think 1319 01:22:07,760 --> 01:22:09,640 how, like, truly... 1320 01:22:11,200 --> 01:22:14,056 ...amazing everything is. Like, how the last ten years... 1321 01:22:14,080 --> 01:22:17,360 Like, what would my life be like if I hadn't found siblings? 1322 01:22:21,720 --> 01:22:24,976 I just... They're always going to be there. Like, I have no sense 1323 01:22:25,000 --> 01:22:28,256 of rush. And no-one's going to judge anyone for how fast or slow 1324 01:22:28,280 --> 01:22:29,616 they feel like going. 1325 01:22:29,640 --> 01:22:32,056 Well, OK, so you're orangey, and then Carolyn's 1326 01:22:32,080 --> 01:22:33,800 going to be over there. Maybe, like... 1327 01:22:36,160 --> 01:22:40,776 Well, Oli's 20. I'm 22. You know, in ten years 1328 01:22:40,800 --> 01:22:42,816 we'll be in our early thirties. 1329 01:22:42,840 --> 01:22:45,896 There's still so much time. I care about Oli, 1330 01:22:45,920 --> 01:22:49,376 and I want for him to be happy, and I want what's best for him. 1331 01:22:49,400 --> 01:22:52,136 And I'm going to stick around, right? 1332 01:22:52,160 --> 01:22:54,856 OK. Everyone, here we go. Let's do it! 1333 01:22:54,880 --> 01:22:56,736 Tree, two, one. Smile! 1334 01:22:56,760 --> 01:22:58,920 One, two, three, Sperm Man! 1335 01:23:00,800 --> 01:23:03,296 Right up into your face! I'm not in the photo. 1336 01:23:03,320 --> 01:23:05,160 Yeah, we're not in this photo at all. 1337 01:23:10,520 --> 01:23:12,480 Yeah. I mean, it's over now. 1338 01:23:15,200 --> 01:23:18,536 I'm so grateful for the fact that I even have one relationship 1339 01:23:18,560 --> 01:23:20,216 with a sibling. 1340 01:23:20,240 --> 01:23:26,096 The idea that I could have, like, four or five is just insane, 1341 01:23:26,120 --> 01:23:30,416 and I'm going to pursue one-on-one relationships, 1342 01:23:30,440 --> 01:23:35,376 but I can't be involved in the group dynamic again. 1343 01:23:35,400 --> 01:23:37,040 It's too stressful for me. 1344 01:23:38,280 --> 01:23:41,096 Are you going to change, Ols? 1345 01:23:41,120 --> 01:23:43,736 What would I change into? 1346 01:23:43,760 --> 01:23:46,840 What would I do? What will I change into? 1347 01:23:50,040 --> 01:23:52,040 What is there for me to change into? 1348 01:23:54,920 --> 01:23:56,360 Tell me. 1349 01:24:02,920 --> 01:24:07,816 The answer is that I can't expect people to see me a certain way. 1350 01:24:07,840 --> 01:24:11,016 I can't expect everyone to see me for me. 1351 01:24:11,040 --> 01:24:14,176 I can't expect everyone to not require 1352 01:24:14,200 --> 01:24:16,936 that I behave like a different person. 1353 01:24:16,960 --> 01:24:18,600 I can't expect that from people. 1354 01:24:22,360 --> 01:24:25,456 I think just through me being me, there are people 1355 01:24:25,480 --> 01:24:26,960 that won't like me... 1356 01:24:28,280 --> 01:24:29,800 ...and I think that's OK. 1357 01:24:36,680 --> 01:24:39,600 All This Love by Angus & Julia Stone. 1358 01:24:56,400 --> 01:25:01,376 You find the way there and I will never ask 1359 01:25:01,400 --> 01:25:03,880 I will follow you 1360 01:25:05,560 --> 01:25:07,880 I will follow you 1361 01:25:10,280 --> 01:25:16,056 You be the night sky and I will be the stars 1362 01:25:16,080 --> 01:25:18,120 I will follow you 1363 01:25:19,640 --> 01:25:21,880 I will follow you 1364 01:25:24,400 --> 01:25:26,960 There's all this love if you need it 1365 01:25:31,280 --> 01:25:33,760 There's all this love if you need it 1366 01:25:37,840 --> 01:25:40,840 There's all this love if you need it 1367 01:25:45,080 --> 01:25:47,480 There's all this love if you need it 1368 01:25:48,680 --> 01:25:49,880 Yeah... 110831

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