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This programme contains some
strong language from the start.
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OK, so...
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I'm really bad with family tree
stuff, by the way!
4
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So...
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00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:18,880
I'll start with...
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...me.
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I'd describe myself as objective,
logical,
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obsessed with specific topics.
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Like, I don't have much emotion.
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I've grown up being told
that I'm weird,
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that I'm not normal enough
for people.
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00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:49,736
So I've felt like I've not
really had anyone around,
13
00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:51,616
growing up.
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00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:56,496
I know Oli has constantly wanted
deep friendships,
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but has never been able
to achieve them.
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Sterling...
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...Sarah,
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Spencer...
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Sibling number 15.
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Oh, Melissa.
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00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:20,176
Sibling number 12. Oh, Lindsay.
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Number 20.
I think I'm sibling number 22.
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13.14.
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Number seven. Number eight.
25
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I'm so confused by this.
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Number one. Three. Two.
27
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26.
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I have 26 siblings.
That's two baseball teams!
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We're all kind of new to this.
30
00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:46,776
We're the first generation that
this situation has ever applied to.
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Is that...? Any I'm missing?
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00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:49,456
I feel like there's...
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No... No.
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00:01:55,920 --> 00:02:00,536
The plan is to fly from state
to state in America,
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00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:04,136
meeting some of these siblings,
where they live,
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00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:06,816
then have one big reunion
37
00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:09,040
at the end in California.
38
00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:14,976
I think his intention,
going into this journey,
39
00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:17,960
is definitely to feel loved.
40
00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:21,496
He feels that these siblings,
there's this shorthand,
41
00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:24,976
they're just going to go,
"Bam! I get you."
42
00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:26,456
What do you want to get out of this?
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Jesus Christ, like,
just fucking one, at least, strong,
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good, healthy relationship.
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00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:52,696
This whole thing started
because I was curious
46
00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:54,680
about my biological family.
47
00:02:56,120 --> 00:03:01,296
So I signed up to US websites
that helps children of sperm donors
48
00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:02,480
find each other.
49
00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:07,536
About six months ago, I got
this email from someone
50
00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:09,016
called Jordan, erm,
51
00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:12,776
with the subject line,
"Nice to meet you."
52
00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:15,616
Erm, "Hi, Oliver.
53
00:03:15,640 --> 00:03:18,296
"I know this must be a bit
overwhelming for you,
54
00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:20,656
"but I've lots to tell you.
55
00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:22,936
"We're all so excited to know you,
56
00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:27,816
"and when I say we, I mean
not only your donor, Daley,
57
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"who I'm in contact with,
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00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:31,616
"but - deep breaths -
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00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:33,880
"your 24 other half-siblings.
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"Hopefully we can talk soon.
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00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:38,440
"Smiley face."
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00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:46,896
I knew that my donor existed,
63
00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:51,376
but it was some mystical thing
that was in the back of my head.
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00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:53,536
I didn't know how many
siblings I had.
65
00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:55,456
I knew nothing.
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00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:57,616
And it's, like, oh, fuck, OK.
67
00:03:57,640 --> 00:04:01,200
This giant dynamic that
I was totally unaware of.
68
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,376
My first... When all this happened,
69
00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:06,616
my first thought was,
this is a joke.
70
00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:08,280
This is a wind-up.
71
00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:16,936
In a gay relationship, you try
to have the child as connected
72
00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:19,856
as you possibly
can with your partner.
73
00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:24,176
The only way that we saw it working
was to take one egg from one,
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00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:27,240
fertilise it externally
and put into the other one.
75
00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:30,080
I was the carrier.
76
00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:38,280
Oli is the first child of egg
transfer to be born in the UK.
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00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:50,240
When choosing a donor,
what was top criteria?
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00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:53,416
Anonymous.
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00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:55,216
Yep.
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00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:57,216
Glaringly obvious.
81
00:04:57,240 --> 00:04:58,680
What? Identity release.
82
00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:01,896
No.
83
00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:04,480
You don't want a third party
knocking on the door.
84
00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:09,720
We had a choice and we wanted
to protect that family unit.
85
00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:12,840
My donor.
86
00:05:14,840 --> 00:05:16,280
He was just a number.
87
00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:22,896
But he decided to take himself
off the anonymous thing
88
00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:25,240
and make himself a known donor.
89
00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:30,896
Some of the siblings,
they started to find each other
90
00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:34,320
through DNA testing and also
sibling registries.
91
00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:39,856
Pretty much almost all of them,
for years, had been meeting up,
92
00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:41,256
going to reunions.
93
00:05:41,280 --> 00:05:44,680
And it's like our lifelong dream
coming true.
94
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,296
I cannot stop smiling!
95
00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:49,496
Something New
by Axwell and Ingross.
96
00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:52,816
Cos we belong to something
97
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We belong to something
98
00:05:57,160 --> 00:06:04,560
We belong to something new.
99
00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:14,120
Oh, my gosh, I just think it would
have been amazing to be there.
100
00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:28,376
Everybody say hi to the group Insta!
Hello!
101
00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:31,416
We may be going to get impulse
tattoos at some point today.
102
00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:33,080
Cheers!
103
00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:38,456
When I met them and when I spent
time with them,
104
00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:41,696
I just got such a warm,
fuzzy feeling
105
00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:44,520
that I've never experienced before.
106
00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:51,296
It sort of felt like I actually have
these people that will have my back,
107
00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:54,520
but it sort of turned out
quite differently.
108
00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:56,720
Why?
109
00:06:57,880 --> 00:06:58,920
WhatsApp.
110
00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:06,296
In the beginning, it was great.
111
00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:08,360
It went quite well, actually.
112
00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:37,656
I think, emotionally,
113
00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:41,416
his Asperger's is very clear
in the way that he doesn't
114
00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:45,296
feel in the same way that
perhaps you or I would feel.
115
00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:47,880
I like things like
carnivorous plants...
116
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:53,440
What's in there? Oh, those are
my Madagascan hissing cockroaches.
117
00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:57,976
He's hard-wired differently.
118
00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:00,216
I've got some glass catfish.
119
00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:02,536
It's really cool.
120
00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:04,256
And why is that cool?
121
00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:07,000
Because it's unlike other,
most other fish.
122
00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:10,256
What's your favourite animal?
123
00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:11,560
Oh, tardigrades.
124
00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:15,256
I know Oli has wanted
social connections,
125
00:08:15,280 --> 00:08:18,176
but it doesn't come naturally
for him.
126
00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:19,776
That comes down to his inability
127
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:23,176
to understand another person's
situation.
128
00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:25,696
In his world,
it's very black and white.
129
00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:27,896
You have an argument,
you have a debate.
130
00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:30,800
The emotional side
doesn't come into it.
131
00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:40,600
Over the next few months,
there were a few arguments.
132
00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:10,976
When backed into a corner, Oli
will find that really hard
133
00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:13,696
to navigate,
either backwards or forwards,
134
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:16,400
and his natural instinct
is to plough on through.
135
00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:32,016
Everyone should be able to have
136
00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:34,816
rational conversations.
137
00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:38,280
The problem is a lot of them
take debate very personally.
138
00:09:41,560 --> 00:09:45,120
Oh, there was, like, the pro-life,
pro-choice debate.
139
00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:47,896
Oh, yeah, we spoke about
the wealth gap,
140
00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:51,976
systematic racism, sperm donors,
authoritarianism,
141
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:54,200
superficial gay culture...
142
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,896
What do you want from them?
143
00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:19,056
To be honest,
I just want them to accept me
144
00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:20,880
for who I am,
145
00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:25,896
and to not feel that
I'm being careless,
146
00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:28,640
just through being me.
147
00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:32,640
That's it, really, to be honest.
148
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:51,840
The fact is the majority feeling
towards me in the group is negative.
149
00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:56,600
I want to see if that can change.
150
00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:01,360
It's my family,
so obviously it's important to me.
151
00:11:02,560 --> 00:11:04,576
OK, I'm just going,
cos it's so hot,
152
00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:05,856
like, what will I really need?
153
00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:07,576
You're not going to be THAT hot.
154
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:08,720
Yeah, I will.
155
00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:16,736
This was a whammy
that I didn't see coming.
156
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,456
Is that it?
157
00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:20,216
Yep.
158
00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:22,576
It's difficult
159
00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:25,936
to protect him from... from...
Especially this scenario,
160
00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:29,096
because it's not just friends,
it's siblings.
161
00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:30,920
There is this connection.
162
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:40,336
If Oli didn't have Asperger's
and I hadn't seen him struggle
163
00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:42,736
throughout all of
his schooling years,
164
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I would hope that this would open
up more doors, more friendships.
165
00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:49,016
With the way that it's gone so far,
166
00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:51,696
I don't really know what Oli will...
167
00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:53,216
...how it will be,
168
00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:56,640
because there's
so many unknown variables.
169
00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:00,840
Yeah, I'm dreading it.
170
00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:04,936
You have to take a step back,
and just nod and go,
171
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"Isn't that lovely?",
172
00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:09,296
whereas, you know, your heart's
kind of like, "Argh!"
173
00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:11,416
Go in cautiously,
174
00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:13,416
don't wear your heart on your sleeve
175
00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:16,016
and work out where you want
to invest your time,
176
00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:18,600
and know that I'll be stalking you.
177
00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:26,920
I'm starting to realise
we're actually going to the US.
178
00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:31,960
Man On Fire by Edward
Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros.
179
00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:35,936
I'm a man on fire
180
00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:37,576
Walking through your street
181
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With one guitar
182
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And two dancing feet
183
00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:46,736
Only one desire
184
00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:49,336
That's left in me
185
00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:52,096
I want the whole damn world
186
00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:54,800
To come dance with me
187
00:12:55,880 --> 00:13:00,016
Oh...
188
00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:03,576
Come dance with me
189
00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:06,720
Over murder and pain
190
00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:12,120
Come set you free
191
00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:15,680
Over heartache and shame...
192
00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:18,416
Shoo!
193
00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:19,960
Shoo, shoo!
194
00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:46,120
I thought it was going to be warm.
195
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:55,936
How's it going?
Have you got warm enough clothes?
196
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:58,376
No, I thought it would be, like,
a tropical paradise,
197
00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:00,416
but it's freezing where I am.
198
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:03,136
We're just at the Airbnb
and we're planning to see
199
00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:04,696
Lindsay later tonight.
200
00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:06,496
All right, darling.
Well, keep me posted. OK.
201
00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:08,000
I'll speak to you soon.
202
00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:17,160
I'm Lindsay.
I am sibling number 20.
203
00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:21,776
So I would say Lindsay
is one of the more
204
00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:24,056
sort of volatile siblings.
205
00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:28,976
She can be, like, the most
empathetic and warm and fuzzy,
206
00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:31,080
but she can also be slightly scary.
207
00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:40,576
I just want to have the opportunity
208
00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:43,760
to have a one-on-one sort of
relationship with her.
209
00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:51,280
All I know is I feel quite nervous.
210
00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:55,160
You just want these things
to work out.
211
00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:59,056
Oh, my God! Hey!
212
00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:00,816
Hey. Oh, how are you?
213
00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:02,416
Good. How are you?
214
00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:03,616
Oh, I'm good, I'm good.
215
00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:05,416
I like this. Thank you.
216
00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:08,296
This is only, like, the second time
you've been around any of us.
217
00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:10,656
It's weird, I don't usually think
we, like, look a ton alike,
218
00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:12,576
but for some reason, I'm, like,
looking at you
219
00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:14,776
and I'm seeing my face,
and it's really weird. Ha-ha! Oh!
220
00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:17,336
I don't know if you're, like,
having that experience, but, like,
221
00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:21,216
it's still that, like, you expect
the craziness of it to get,
222
00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:23,736
like, less... It doesn't... like,
the magnitude of the crazy
223
00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:26,216
to decrease over time,
but it doesn't.
224
00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:28,936
Do some noises, like,
really irritate you? Yeah.
225
00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:31,856
I hate chewing. Me too! Oh, my God.
226
00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:33,216
It's called misophonia.
227
00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:35,416
A couple of us have it, actually.
228
00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:38,576
It, like... It makes me want to die.
Do you eat, like, lemons as well?
229
00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:40,656
Yeah, I'm one of the ones
that eat lemons.
230
00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:43,256
I always eat the lemons. I peel them
and I eat them like oranges.
231
00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:45,736
It's really interesting
that all of us sort of individually
232
00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:48,016
came to the conclusion that, like,
OK,
233
00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:50,976
we're going to try
and make this a family,
234
00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:54,616
and it seems to kind of have worked,
right?
235
00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:58,176
It's not going to be,
like, 100% harmonious,
236
00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:01,536
but the fact that, like, so many
people are in contact,
237
00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:05,256
and chat... Yeah, for sure.
..at all, is, like, just...
238
00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:08,056
Oh, oh, my God, that's...
Oh, very nice.
239
00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:09,736
Thank you so much.
240
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:11,976
The way I sort of describe it
is just, like, you know,
241
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:15,176
we're as dysfunctional as any other
family, right? Yeah.
242
00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:17,776
Like, every family has its...
243
00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:20,920
...its stuff, but I think it
gives it character.
244
00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:30,056
Two years ago, Mom and I were
talking, and I was, like,
245
00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:32,176
I just want to understand.
246
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:34,536
I feel like there's this thing,
and I don't know what it is,
247
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:37,176
I can't identify what it is,
248
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,976
but, like, I know it's there.
249
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,936
She told me, "We had trouble
conceiving you.
250
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:47,416
"We had to do fertility treatments
while your dad couldn't have kids,
251
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,640
"so we chose to use a sperm donor."
252
00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:53,416
I actually went through,
like, a couple of weeks
253
00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:55,616
where I, like, couldn't really
look in mirrors.
254
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:58,096
That transitioned into...
And it's still a thing now,
255
00:16:58,120 --> 00:17:00,936
where, like, I just, like,
can't stop staring at my face,
256
00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:04,480
cos it's, like, I finally
understand where it comes from.
257
00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:10,176
Nobody in my family has curly
hair like this.
258
00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:13,240
Nobody has green eyes that, like,
all of us have.
259
00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:20,896
We've been siblings
since the day we were born.
260
00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:22,680
I just didn't know them.
261
00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:28,240
Hi!
262
00:17:29,360 --> 00:17:32,096
I had all of these people that I,
like, had to get to know,
263
00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:34,176
and I wanted to do it as
fast as possible.
264
00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:36,736
Oh, my God, we're the same height!
This is so weird! I know!
265
00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:39,240
Hi! Hi! We have the same eye colour.
What the fuck?
266
00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:41,800
Do it. Go meet Kristen.
267
00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:46,616
It was so overwhelming and
so emotional.
268
00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:47,680
Oh, my God!
269
00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:54,896
It's almost like primal recognition
of something in each other,
270
00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:58,216
that, like, just transcends
anything.
271
00:17:58,240 --> 00:17:59,840
Oh, my God!
272
00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:05,776
It's understandable that there
might be more clashes,
273
00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:08,536
because the amount of us,
274
00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:10,696
and the newer siblings, like me,
275
00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:13,096
probably still have
a lot more to learn.
276
00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:16,336
Yeah, there's definitely... there's
definitely a learning curve.
277
00:18:16,360 --> 00:18:18,056
Yeah, I think so.
278
00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:20,176
I sort of think about it
like it's a mirror.
279
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:22,496
You can see the best parts
and the worst parts of yourself
280
00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:25,176
reflected in other people
in the group... Yeah, that's true.
281
00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:27,896
...and, you know, like,
you can either choose to, like,
282
00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:30,296
grow from that, or you can not,
283
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:32,936
but, I reckon it's, like,
the best growth opportunity
284
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:35,400
that anybody could
ever possibly ask for.
285
00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:43,896
I wasn't sure I'd be that excited,
286
00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:47,176
but then when I was actually sitting
there, like, waiting,
287
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:50,696
and then I, like, saw her,
I all of a sudden got, like, er,
288
00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:52,336
like, an adrenaline spike.
289
00:18:52,360 --> 00:18:55,840
All I know is I feel like a
fuzzy, warm feeling,
290
00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:00,120
I think it went well.
291
00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:03,280
I like Lindsay.
292
00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:06,920
Do you think she likes you?
293
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:10,496
I don't know. I think...
294
00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:12,120
I'm not sure, to be honest.
295
00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:17,576
I think Oliver
can be incredibly sweet.
296
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:19,536
Like, I like Oliver...
297
00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:20,800
...most of the time.
298
00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:27,376
My thing with Oliver is I feel
like I'm always so anxious
299
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:29,496
about what he's going to say.
300
00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:31,976
It almost feels like walking
on eggshells.
301
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:34,240
I think he feels the same way
about walking on eggshells.
302
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:36,200
Probably.
303
00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:45,736
The problem is, these relationships,
they're the most important thing,
304
00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:48,200
and they're delicate,
and you have to be so careful.
305
00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:53,856
This is a very complex situation.
306
00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:55,816
It's complex people.
307
00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:58,616
It's a very fragile group dynamic
308
00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:00,976
and it is upset very easily.
309
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:02,136
It's delicate.
310
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:03,976
It's a delicate thing
311
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:08,640
that we all choose to invest time
and energy into.
312
00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:15,896
These are relationships that we
have, like, nurtured to grow.
313
00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:20,376
So many of us are so socially aware.
314
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:24,136
Obviously, Oliver having Asperger's,
315
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:25,776
being, like, in that realm,
316
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,400
that changes things.
317
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:32,136
You need to get in the car, Ols.
318
00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:33,616
I know.
319
00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:35,216
All in good time.
320
00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:36,736
We haven't got good time!
321
00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:38,496
It's, like, 4:45,
the flight's at six,
322
00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:40,016
and we've got to drop off the car.
323
00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:42,136
All in good time. Patience.
324
00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:43,720
Patience is a virtue, Will.
325
00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:33,336
Hi, I'm Brooklynn,
326
00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:36,336
and I'm sibling number 13.
327
00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:37,520
What do you see?
328
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:47,616
It was always, like, something
different about me
329
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:51,256
that meant that I couldn't normally
socialise with people.
330
00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:53,376
You're going to meet your uncle,
Oliver.
331
00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:55,280
Why don't you get along
with most people?
332
00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:57,576
To be honest, I don't know.
333
00:21:57,600 --> 00:22:01,376
I feel like perhaps I miss certain
sort of, like,
334
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:03,440
in the moment social cues, maybe.
335
00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:08,136
Oh, my God! Look!
336
00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:10,056
Can you say hi?
337
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:11,176
Hello!
338
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:12,640
Say hi, Uncle Oli!
339
00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:17,976
Oh, my God!
340
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:19,896
How do you feel?
341
00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:21,616
Yeah, I don't know what...
342
00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:23,856
It's so adorable, babe.
343
00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:25,456
So cute!
344
00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:28,296
How are you, anyway? I'm good.
345
00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:30,416
I don't really know, like,
what to say.
346
00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:32,016
That's OK!
347
00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:33,120
It's very cute!
348
00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:43,456
I grew up with a mom, a dad
and then twin brother and sister,
349
00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:44,856
Spencer and Jordan.
350
00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:45,896
How's it going? Hey.
351
00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:47,456
Hello! Oh, my God!
352
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:50,496
Nice to meet you!
You are taller than I expected.
353
00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:53,856
Oh, yeah, they've never met.
I don't know what I expected.
354
00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:56,320
I'm Jordan
and I'm sibling number 14.
355
00:22:57,840 --> 00:22:59,536
I like this. Is that a scarf?
356
00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:00,936
Yeah, it is.
357
00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:03,736
Oh, it's really nice
to see you again. You too.
358
00:23:03,760 --> 00:23:06,880
I am Spencer
and I'm sibling number 15.
359
00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:12,896
I can cook really good, like,
venison or steak,
360
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:16,176
but that's not really relevant
to a vegan.
361
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:18,976
Excellent observation!
362
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:22,456
Oli catches a ton of shit
for things that he does,
363
00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:26,240
which are, erm, often times
largely his fault.
364
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:31,296
At the moment, the mood in regards
365
00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:34,456
to you is relatively negative,
366
00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:35,976
because of the...
367
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:38,696
...because of the text interaction.
368
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:42,896
Reading messages from you,
it is easy to be, like,
369
00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:44,576
"Oh, he's just being an asshole".
370
00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:46,056
On some level, in a group like this,
371
00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:47,896
you have to have some kind of filter
372
00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:51,096
if you don't want to be
constantly... Yeah... arguing.
373
00:23:51,120 --> 00:23:54,976
And being considerate obviously goes
a long way for your relationships.
374
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:57,736
Yeah. People are actually concerned
about you, to an extent.
375
00:23:57,760 --> 00:24:00,976
Some people, whenever they're
talking about something
376
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:03,936
that's maybe contentious,
they try to make it very clear
377
00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:06,176
that they're trying to be sensitive
to how other people
378
00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:07,296
feel about it... Mm.
379
00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:10,656
...and I think people get upset
with you because you're...
380
00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:12,336
...you can just be more deadpan
about it. Yeah.
381
00:24:12,360 --> 00:24:14,336
Do you know what I mean?
382
00:24:14,360 --> 00:24:18,656
For me, what has been repeated
in the group a lot is
383
00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:23,096
impact over intentions,
which doesn't make any sense,
384
00:24:23,120 --> 00:24:26,216
because the impact should also
include someone's intentions,
385
00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:28,816
and actually understanding
who they are
386
00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:31,376
and what they mean.
387
00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:33,536
He's atypical, socially,
388
00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:38,136
but it doesn't make it so that he's
absolved of responsibility
389
00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:40,936
for, like, when he says stuff
that upsets people, right?
390
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:46,416
Like, the Asperger's adds context,
but it doesn't excuse things
391
00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:49,576
to the degree that I think
he might want them to.
392
00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:51,576
If he's acting like a dick,
393
00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:55,656
people will be like, "Yeah, I mean,
I get that that's who you are,
394
00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:59,536
"but also, like,
I'm just not interested."
395
00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:04,736
It sucks, because I'd really
like to sort of just have, like,
396
00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:08,176
that opportunity just to sort of
get to know people
397
00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:11,096
on, like, a more one-on-one basis.
398
00:25:11,120 --> 00:25:14,376
I'm not, like, the easiest
person to have a relationship with
399
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:16,136
for some people,
400
00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:17,336
and, like, I understand that,
401
00:25:17,360 --> 00:25:21,336
but, you know, it is still
upsetting for me, sometimes,
402
00:25:21,360 --> 00:25:26,216
sort of having, sort of, like, the
same issues, like, over and over.
403
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:28,656
Erm... Yeah.
404
00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:31,256
I hope you know that,
the three of us,
405
00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:34,896
we will always listen to how
you're feeling and try to help
406
00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:37,616
and... Yeah... we know that
we're not perfect, like,
407
00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:39,576
we can all get frustrated, too.
408
00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:43,576
But I do hope that you feel
that you at least have some kind of
409
00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:46,656
support system, if you ever do need
to talk about something.
410
00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:50,096
Mm, just, like, having three people,
like, face-to-face,
411
00:25:50,120 --> 00:25:52,976
it's a lot less scary
and unpredictable and, like,
412
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:57,816
everyone's on the same page more,
sort of, if that makes sense?
413
00:25:57,840 --> 00:26:00,696
Well, maybe not on the same page,
but at least in the same boat.
414
00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:02,280
You know what I mean?
415
00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:10,736
Me and Brooklynn and Jordan,
416
00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:14,416
we've been so close
for our whole lives.
417
00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:18,216
My dad had some substance abuse
problems when we were really little
418
00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:23,256
and then lasted throughout
most of my childhood
419
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:25,096
from there on.
420
00:26:25,120 --> 00:26:27,416
I remember so many times,
growing up,
421
00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:31,816
when I just was so hurt and appalled
by the things that he would do
422
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:33,096
that I would say, like,
423
00:26:33,120 --> 00:26:36,856
"You might be my father,
but you're not my dad."
424
00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:39,496
And I meant that,
425
00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:42,896
and it must have hit him
so much harder
426
00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:46,016
than I could have possibly imagined.
427
00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:49,416
Three years ago, sitting at home
on the couch, watching TV,
428
00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:51,056
and my phone started ringing,
429
00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:56,376
and it was my dad, which was weird,
because he does not call often.
430
00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:59,936
He called me and I thought
we would just have a conversation,
431
00:26:59,960 --> 00:27:01,336
and he's like...
432
00:27:01,360 --> 00:27:05,976
"There's something that I've been
wanting to tell you for a long time
433
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:09,056
"and I just can't keep it a secret
any more."
434
00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:12,600
He was crying and he said,
"I'm not your real dad."
435
00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:17,960
I don't know, it's so crazy, like...
436
00:27:19,120 --> 00:27:21,680
...it really felt like
a movie moment.
437
00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:25,816
You've come to believe
one thing your whole life.
438
00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:28,336
It was sort of this flood
of realisation.
439
00:27:28,360 --> 00:27:30,256
Every conflict we had had before,
440
00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:32,736
this was something that was
probably, like,
441
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:34,976
this fact was running
in the background for him.
442
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:37,016
I immediately called my mom.
443
00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:39,856
She was just like,
"I can't believe he told you".
444
00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:44,536
She had been, like, actively trying
to keep this a secret forever.
445
00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:49,936
I think it's actually quite
possible that a massive amount
446
00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:53,296
of our childhood trauma was rooted
in the fact
447
00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:56,040
that they kept this a secret
from us.
448
00:27:59,960 --> 00:28:02,136
I think it's a fear
that a lot of parents have
449
00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:05,656
that maybe their kids
will see them as less them,
450
00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:09,080
once they know that their genetics
aren't the same.
451
00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:14,576
My parents, they were told
the best thing for the child
452
00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:18,376
was to never tell them and pretend
that everything was "normal".
453
00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:21,520
They say that the doctors
told them not to.
454
00:28:23,920 --> 00:28:27,336
They were worried
that I would feel different.
455
00:28:27,360 --> 00:28:31,936
The most important people in your
early life have been lying to you
456
00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:34,256
about the very nature
of your existence
457
00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:35,840
for your entire life.
458
00:28:37,360 --> 00:28:40,240
My eyes are unlike anyone's
in my family.
459
00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:45,656
Last year, for Christmas,
I bought myself a genetic test.
460
00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:50,760
I was hoping to find more about,
you know, am I German, am I Irish?
461
00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:56,776
I had no clue that my dad
wasn't my biological father.
462
00:28:56,800 --> 00:29:02,256
My cousin knew, my aunts and uncles
knew, my grandma knew,
463
00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:06,616
my parents knew, my stepmother knew,
464
00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:08,616
my mum's fiancee knew.
465
00:29:08,640 --> 00:29:11,280
I was the only one who didn't know
about my biology.
466
00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:16,040
My life has changed drastically.
467
00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:19,456
I went from being an only child
468
00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:23,296
to talking to one of my siblings now
every single day.
469
00:29:23,320 --> 00:29:25,896
They've really been, like,
the light and the silver lining
470
00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:30,400
to the negative that was this
big secret of my whole life.
471
00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:35,576
Come over here, quickly.
472
00:29:35,600 --> 00:29:38,760
There's a, er, like, a hummingbird.
473
00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:44,800
Look how cute that is.
474
00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:54,896
How are you feeling
after yesterday?
475
00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:58,416
I feel like it went a lot better
than I thought it would.
476
00:29:58,440 --> 00:30:01,600
In person, like, I think it went
really well, to be honest.
477
00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:08,376
Just, like, hanging out
and doing nothing, like,
478
00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:10,896
those small things, I think,
479
00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:14,120
really matter a lot more
than I thought they would.
480
00:30:51,760 --> 00:30:55,776
Of all of the siblings, Spencer's
probably one of my top priorities
481
00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:58,120
in terms of who I want
to have a relationship with.
482
00:31:00,320 --> 00:31:03,136
I mean, he's just very,
very intelligent,
483
00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:05,816
very, very intellectually
stimulating.
484
00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:10,456
I want to open a gateway to perhaps
him thinking about
485
00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:13,280
wanting to have
a closer relationship with me.
486
00:31:16,480 --> 00:31:19,136
These are my best friends.
I've known them for so long.
487
00:31:19,160 --> 00:31:21,496
I told them about you a little bit.
I was, like...
488
00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:23,976
I told them that you're British,
but they're excited to meet you.
489
00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:26,336
You're actually the first
of any of my half-siblings
490
00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:28,056
they've met before. Really?!
491
00:31:28,080 --> 00:31:30,336
Yeah, these are, like, my best
friends, so... I'm honoured!
492
00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:31,680
Yeah.
493
00:31:33,360 --> 00:31:35,536
Hi! Hello. Hey. Nice to meet you.
I'm Tyler.
494
00:31:35,560 --> 00:31:38,616
I'm Oli. Hi. Nice to meet you.
495
00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:40,976
Nice to meet you. I'm Cam.
496
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:43,776
I'm one of his half-relatives.
497
00:31:43,800 --> 00:31:44,840
Yeah. Wonderful.
498
00:31:49,960 --> 00:31:51,560
Oh, my gosh!
499
00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:55,376
Hi.
500
00:31:55,400 --> 00:31:58,000
Buckskin Stallion Blues
by Townes Van Zandt.
501
00:32:00,720 --> 00:32:05,096
I heard her sing
in tongues of silver
502
00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:09,136
I heard her cry on a summer storm
503
00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:12,896
I loved her,
but she did not know it...
504
00:32:12,920 --> 00:32:16,136
Have you tried any, like, food
places that you've really liked?
505
00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:18,536
Mm... I mean, no, not yet.
506
00:32:18,560 --> 00:32:19,936
We've been, like... OK.
507
00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:25,056
...at really trashy, like, sort of
drive-through places, like...
508
00:32:25,080 --> 00:32:28,176
OK. That's the American experience
right there.
509
00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:32,656
If three and four
were seven only
510
00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:36,656
Where would that leave
one and two?
511
00:32:36,680 --> 00:32:40,856
If love can be
and still be lonely
512
00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:44,656
Where does that leave me and you?
513
00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:49,056
Time there was
and time there will be
514
00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:52,880
Where does that leave
me and you?
515
00:32:56,160 --> 00:32:58,136
Do you have your own bowling ball?
516
00:32:58,160 --> 00:33:00,856
Yeah. Yeah, he's had that
since sixth grade.
517
00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:02,176
Interesting.
518
00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:05,056
You know, it's good, but then
if I don't bowl for a long time
519
00:33:05,080 --> 00:33:07,856
and then I go bowl
and I have, like, all this gear,
520
00:33:07,880 --> 00:33:09,080
and then I do absolute shit...
521
00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:11,616
I feel like, "Oh..." Posing?
522
00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:13,240
Yeah, like, "Oh, wow, nice!"
523
00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:23,496
On the one hand,
Oli is so socially confident,
524
00:33:23,520 --> 00:33:28,216
but the funny thing about it is
he never really has had, you know,
525
00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:29,560
a friend.
526
00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:36,096
If I had a flyin' schooner
527
00:33:36,120 --> 00:33:40,056
I'd sail into the light of day
528
00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:43,896
If I had your love forever
529
00:33:43,920 --> 00:33:47,440
Sail into the light of day.
530
00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:55,336
He never makes very strong
relationships with people.
531
00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:57,976
His relationships are transient.
532
00:33:58,000 --> 00:33:59,296
But now he's getting older,
533
00:33:59,320 --> 00:34:01,336
he wants to make his mark
with friendships
534
00:34:01,360 --> 00:34:03,936
and have people who care about him.
535
00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:07,976
I find it really interesting how,
like, temperature affects the sex
536
00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:11,896
of, like, baby turtles
and tortoises and other reptiles.
537
00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:16,616
It does? Yeah, so, like, I can't
remember which way it is, but
538
00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:18,016
depending on the temperature...
539
00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:22,256
Oli's looking for this
Eureka connection,
540
00:34:22,280 --> 00:34:25,376
and I think having this perceived
genetic links,
541
00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:27,616
he thinks that there's
this shorthand
542
00:34:27,640 --> 00:34:31,376
and he feels that they're
just going to go, "Bam! I get you."
543
00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:34,336
And this gets you a good view...
It does actually.
544
00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:35,720
...of the whole courtyard.
545
00:34:37,440 --> 00:34:42,896
Well, I enjoy having a one-on-one
relationship with you, erm...
546
00:34:42,920 --> 00:34:45,816
I think you do piss people off,
and I... I do piss people off!
547
00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:49,216
...but like you're saying, I do...
I do try to, like,
548
00:34:49,240 --> 00:34:50,896
stay objective about it.
549
00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:53,056
I get why people get upset with you.
550
00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:55,376
Sometimes I've been upset with you,
551
00:34:55,400 --> 00:34:58,896
but I think your personality
meshes with mine.
552
00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:02,056
Like, the type
of conversationalist I am,
553
00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:05,816
I could just go round and round
about a subject for hours,
554
00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:07,896
and, like, not lose stamina
about it.
555
00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:10,736
We do have, like, good debates
and, like, conversations.
556
00:35:10,760 --> 00:35:14,896
Yeah, and, like, in that way, like,
that's a personality trait
557
00:35:14,920 --> 00:35:17,736
that we share,
that I'm glad we share.
558
00:35:17,760 --> 00:35:21,176
Yeah. How would you describe
your sort of relationship with me,
559
00:35:21,200 --> 00:35:23,616
and, like, is it a sort of
brotherly thing,
560
00:35:23,640 --> 00:35:27,120
is it like a more cousin-like...
Yeah... relationship, or...?
561
00:35:28,360 --> 00:35:32,176
I am closer to you
than I am to my cousins,
562
00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:35,096
and whenever I'm describing
you to people,
563
00:35:35,120 --> 00:35:37,736
I describe you as my brother... Aw!
564
00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:39,176
...because...
565
00:35:39,200 --> 00:35:41,016
...because you ARE my brother, right?
566
00:35:41,040 --> 00:35:44,216
But, like, growing up
with full siblings,
567
00:35:44,240 --> 00:35:46,496
I probably am...
568
00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:49,656
Like, I've already felt the
connection of being full siblings
569
00:35:49,680 --> 00:35:51,496
or being siblings
with someone before,
570
00:35:51,520 --> 00:35:53,016
so it's not as novel to me... Yeah.
571
00:35:53,040 --> 00:35:55,616
...whereas for you, you're, like,
meeting someone that's a sibling,
572
00:35:55,640 --> 00:35:58,856
and you're, like... Yeah, no,
I do feel like I feel,
573
00:35:58,880 --> 00:36:00,880
like, closer to you
than you feel to me.
574
00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:05,936
I think if you probably take
some aspect of any relationship
575
00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:08,456
between two people and then
you compare the feelings
576
00:36:08,480 --> 00:36:09,576
between two people,
577
00:36:09,600 --> 00:36:13,416
it's very unlikely that they're
going to be exactly the same.
578
00:36:13,440 --> 00:36:16,136
So, if you ask me,
579
00:36:16,160 --> 00:36:19,296
do I think that we
feel exactly as...
580
00:36:19,320 --> 00:36:22,896
...I feel as close to you
as you feel to me, er,
581
00:36:22,920 --> 00:36:25,976
like, probably not, right,
582
00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:28,000
because that's almost
never the case.
583
00:36:32,840 --> 00:36:35,416
That's not me saying that...
Yeah, I know.
584
00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:38,776
...you like me and I'm done with you.
Yeah, I know.
585
00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:39,920
I know.
586
00:36:41,720 --> 00:36:44,576
I think there's actually still
a lot of room for us
587
00:36:44,600 --> 00:36:47,016
to get to know each other more.
588
00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:50,616
It's still something to grow
into, right? Yeah.
589
00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:52,416
And we'll know each other
for a long time,
590
00:36:52,440 --> 00:36:54,416
and you think about
how much longer...
591
00:36:54,440 --> 00:36:55,736
I mean, we're still so young.
592
00:36:55,760 --> 00:36:57,936
There's a lot of time to grow into
it, still.
593
00:36:57,960 --> 00:36:59,696
Mm. We've only known each other
for...
594
00:36:59,720 --> 00:37:02,440
I mean, how long HAVE we known each
other? Less than a year.
595
00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:13,936
I always have wanted, like,
an older brother type figure,
596
00:37:13,960 --> 00:37:17,896
someone who can tell me off
if I'm being inappropriate,
597
00:37:17,920 --> 00:37:23,616
or help me feel better about myself
if I'm feeling a bit down,
598
00:37:23,640 --> 00:37:27,696
and to show that person
that I care about them.
599
00:37:27,720 --> 00:37:29,656
But why an older BROTHER?
600
00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:32,200
Why not, like, an older sister...
I don't know why.
601
00:37:33,520 --> 00:37:38,216
I never thought that I would care
about the gender of anyone
602
00:37:38,240 --> 00:37:40,336
that... of any of the siblings,
603
00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:43,216
and I still feel close to
a lot of the female siblings,
604
00:37:43,240 --> 00:37:48,896
but there's something about
having an older brother specifically
605
00:37:48,920 --> 00:37:52,440
that makes me feel a certain way.
606
00:37:56,720 --> 00:37:59,296
I waited until I was about 45,
607
00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:01,056
which is a little late,
608
00:38:01,080 --> 00:38:03,736
and I went to the doctor to find out
609
00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:07,056
if I was in good physical shape,
610
00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:09,456
and she said I could have a child
611
00:38:09,480 --> 00:38:12,176
but my eggs were not viable,
612
00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:14,616
so I would need donors.
613
00:38:14,640 --> 00:38:17,080
On January 21st 1995...
614
00:38:19,640 --> 00:38:22,016
...I had a boy,
615
00:38:22,040 --> 00:38:25,576
and I named him
Sterling Alexander Knight,
616
00:38:25,600 --> 00:38:28,240
and he's grown up to be
a wonderful young man.
617
00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:38,216
I used to be very close
with Sterling.
618
00:38:38,240 --> 00:38:39,656
My name's Sterling,
619
00:38:39,680 --> 00:38:43,776
and I was the 16th sibling
to be found.
620
00:38:43,800 --> 00:38:46,416
The first sibling
I ever met in person.
621
00:38:46,440 --> 00:38:47,976
Hello.
622
00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:49,216
What's happening?
623
00:38:49,240 --> 00:38:51,296
We didn't really get, you know,
624
00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:55,376
a video. There's no-one else here,
so... Yeah.
625
00:38:55,400 --> 00:38:57,456
Sterling came to England.
626
00:38:57,480 --> 00:39:00,296
Oh, God, it was amazing.
627
00:39:00,320 --> 00:39:02,216
And Oli was SO thrilled.
628
00:39:02,240 --> 00:39:04,256
I mean, that was the first
time, probably, I'd seen him
629
00:39:04,280 --> 00:39:07,760
really express proper emotions.
630
00:39:09,880 --> 00:39:12,736
And Sterling was AMAZING with Oli.
631
00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:16,256
It was really strange for me to see,
after, you know, my 20-year-old son
632
00:39:16,280 --> 00:39:19,416
for the first time having this
massive connection with someone,
633
00:39:19,440 --> 00:39:21,696
and I think then, when Sterling
flew out,
634
00:39:21,720 --> 00:39:24,696
I think that's when Oli
just lost it.
635
00:39:24,720 --> 00:39:27,536
He cried and cried
and cried and cried,
636
00:39:27,560 --> 00:39:29,776
and he had never... I don't know,
637
00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:32,440
felt something in that way before.
638
00:39:38,240 --> 00:39:40,976
I mean, what are the emotions
that you're feeling?
639
00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:44,696
Like, why do YOU get emotional
when you think of that?
640
00:39:44,720 --> 00:39:47,496
Because he's my son, and I've
always wanted, like any mother,
641
00:39:47,520 --> 00:39:50,416
you want your child to, you know,
642
00:39:50,440 --> 00:39:53,616
have connections that are positive
643
00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:57,336
and rewarding and full of depth,
644
00:39:57,360 --> 00:40:02,096
where you really feel something
for somebody, you know,
645
00:40:02,120 --> 00:40:04,216
and that's amazing.
646
00:40:04,240 --> 00:40:05,400
So, yeah.
647
00:40:06,920 --> 00:40:09,496
Oh, my God. We do have similar eyes,
don't we?
648
00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:11,976
Which direction is it facing? You.
Oh, OK.
649
00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:14,576
I would not have the camera
this close to my double chin.
650
00:40:14,600 --> 00:40:17,360
All right, well...
651
00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:35,776
The fact that I had
this big brother figure,
652
00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:38,976
you know, I felt so close to him,
653
00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:43,376
and it all sort of just went
to shit, really.
654
00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:45,160
And what caused that turn?
655
00:40:46,560 --> 00:40:50,336
Erm, because I told him
I was checking my eligibility
656
00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:51,920
to be a sperm donor.
657
00:41:03,160 --> 00:41:07,976
I think the big reason for this was
because he has always struggled
658
00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:10,736
and been an outsider
all of his life.
659
00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:15,176
Him being chosen by somebody
as a sperm donor,
660
00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:19,680
for them to have their family, would
be the ultimate acceptance for him.
661
00:41:26,920 --> 00:41:30,296
When I told some of the siblings,
662
00:41:30,320 --> 00:41:33,800
the way that they reacted
was just...
663
00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:36,440
...absolutely unreal.
664
00:41:38,440 --> 00:41:42,736
I was told that the idea of me
donating is offensive
665
00:41:42,760 --> 00:41:44,680
because I have Asperger's.
666
00:41:47,680 --> 00:41:50,896
Why were you particularly upset
with Sterling?
667
00:41:50,920 --> 00:41:53,216
Cos Sterling, you know,
at the beginning,
668
00:41:53,240 --> 00:41:56,040
flew down to London
to come and see me.
669
00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:08,280
What was it that turned it with Oli?
Was it the sperm donation thing?
670
00:42:10,320 --> 00:42:13,280
I'm actually not sure
if I want to get into that.
671
00:42:15,440 --> 00:42:18,160
He thinks I've lied about having
Asperger's to the bank.
672
00:42:19,800 --> 00:42:22,216
Because I didn't tell them
at the very beginning,
673
00:42:22,240 --> 00:42:25,336
he thought that
that was an issue.
674
00:42:25,360 --> 00:42:26,736
The first test they do,
675
00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:29,536
they don't actually require you
to fill out a form beforehand.
676
00:42:29,560 --> 00:42:31,496
They do the freeze test first,
677
00:42:31,520 --> 00:42:34,176
after that they then proceed
to go through your medical history
678
00:42:34,200 --> 00:42:35,496
and so on.
679
00:42:35,520 --> 00:42:38,680
Of course, I would disclose
all of my medical information.
680
00:42:55,400 --> 00:43:00,736
He phrased it as if I've put myself
in this position and it's my fault.
681
00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:03,296
But what do you want from him?
682
00:43:03,320 --> 00:43:08,096
I want him to be
my big brother again,
683
00:43:08,120 --> 00:43:10,240
and I want him to
look out for me again.
684
00:43:13,440 --> 00:43:17,400
And I want to... And I want to
show him that I care about him.
685
00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:28,656
You have reached the voicemail...
686
00:43:28,680 --> 00:43:29,960
Nope.
687
00:43:37,840 --> 00:43:40,616
I'm just wondering if everything
was OK, you know?
688
00:43:40,640 --> 00:43:42,096
Oh, yeah, don't worry.
689
00:43:42,120 --> 00:43:44,176
I think that he needs
a night of rest
690
00:43:44,200 --> 00:43:46,936
and he has to get
through that migraine.
691
00:43:46,960 --> 00:43:49,856
Yeah. I don't know what he can
actually do about it,
692
00:43:49,880 --> 00:43:52,080
because they last quite a while.
Yeah.
693
00:43:53,600 --> 00:43:55,336
Ooh, that's him!
694
00:43:55,360 --> 00:43:57,256
Hello?
695
00:43:57,280 --> 00:43:59,800
Do you want, like,
soup and painkillers, or...
696
00:44:01,040 --> 00:44:03,216
Let's do it properly.
Let's just do it tomorrow
697
00:44:03,240 --> 00:44:06,400
when you're feeling a bit more
bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
698
00:44:18,640 --> 00:44:20,960
You have reached
the voice mailbox of...
699
00:44:22,560 --> 00:44:24,760
He's now over an hour late.
700
00:44:26,320 --> 00:44:28,056
I'm going to call him on Skype.
701
00:44:28,080 --> 00:44:30,600
Has he said anything back? No.
702
00:44:34,280 --> 00:44:36,856
I've been forwarded
to an automated
703
00:44:36,880 --> 00:44:38,720
voice messaging system.
704
00:44:40,720 --> 00:44:44,056
He's on another call, apparently,
705
00:44:44,080 --> 00:44:47,456
and he's not messaged me to let me
know he'll be late
706
00:44:47,480 --> 00:44:49,080
or anything like that.
707
00:44:51,760 --> 00:44:55,216
I miss my relationship with him
that I had,
708
00:44:55,240 --> 00:44:57,776
and the time we spent in the UK
709
00:44:57,800 --> 00:45:02,120
was probably one of the most
meaningful weeks of my entire life.
710
00:45:03,160 --> 00:45:07,120
I really enjoyed the relationship
that he wanted to have with me...
711
00:45:08,440 --> 00:45:10,680
...and he's just fucked me over.
712
00:45:46,800 --> 00:45:48,240
You OK? No.
713
00:45:49,800 --> 00:45:52,576
So, what's happening?
714
00:45:52,600 --> 00:45:54,640
I don't know.
715
00:46:02,800 --> 00:46:05,776
I don't even want to talk about
it, to be honest.
716
00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:07,440
I'm just really pissed...
717
00:46:09,800 --> 00:46:15,336
I randomly bought three bags
of, like, sandwiches and shit
718
00:46:15,360 --> 00:46:18,656
and was just dropping them off at
random people,
719
00:46:18,680 --> 00:46:22,696
which is... felt like a big
"fuck you" to Sterling.
720
00:46:22,720 --> 00:46:25,160
I don't know why!
721
00:46:28,480 --> 00:46:29,520
Don't know.
722
00:46:32,440 --> 00:46:34,280
I'm done. I just don't...
723
00:46:35,680 --> 00:46:39,960
To be honest, I just want to get out
and just go somewhere else.
724
00:46:54,160 --> 00:46:55,776
Hope they like it.
725
00:46:55,800 --> 00:46:58,256
What if I've gotten them, like,
a flavour that they... like, a
726
00:46:58,280 --> 00:47:00,056
sandwich they really hate?
727
00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:03,376
Summer Sun
by Cari Cari.
728
00:47:03,400 --> 00:47:06,576
Summer sun
729
00:47:06,600 --> 00:47:10,320
Wash away the troubles
730
00:47:11,800 --> 00:47:13,600
Summer sun
731
00:47:14,840 --> 00:47:18,280
Like diamonds in the water
732
00:47:20,040 --> 00:47:23,096
Let the rain
733
00:47:23,120 --> 00:47:26,720
The lightning and the thunder
734
00:47:28,560 --> 00:47:31,696
Ease my pain
735
00:47:31,720 --> 00:47:36,240
And wash it all away
736
00:47:54,080 --> 00:47:55,856
Summer sun...
737
00:47:55,880 --> 00:47:57,640
April 1998.
738
00:48:00,200 --> 00:48:03,600
Um, my ex... That's what we
wanted the sperm donor to look like.
739
00:48:06,160 --> 00:48:08,560
Must be handsome in a cute
way and not with a big jaw.
740
00:48:09,600 --> 00:48:12,096
Oh, my God, who were we? Um...
741
00:48:12,120 --> 00:48:16,216
"Small nose, fine features, well-proportioned,
similar to Brad Pitt, Rob Lowe...
742
00:48:16,240 --> 00:48:19,856
"No migraines or acne."
743
00:48:19,880 --> 00:48:22,456
Choosing the sperm became a
minefield.
744
00:48:22,480 --> 00:48:25,680
You know, pages
and pages of stuff to us.
745
00:48:27,720 --> 00:48:29,496
Summer sun...
746
00:48:29,520 --> 00:48:32,096
Eye colour, height, no photos.
747
00:48:32,120 --> 00:48:34,216
So my parents just went
through and they found
748
00:48:34,240 --> 00:48:37,536
the people that sounded like my dad
on paper and just, I think...
749
00:48:37,560 --> 00:48:40,376
...put a finger down and said,
"That one."
750
00:48:40,400 --> 00:48:43,296
..With your sunshine...
751
00:48:43,320 --> 00:48:47,016
I still have the catalogue. Like, my
mom kept it and she gave it to me.
752
00:48:47,040 --> 00:48:49,536
It, like, has pencil numbers on
their top five choices,
753
00:48:49,560 --> 00:48:51,216
and I was like,
754
00:48:51,240 --> 00:48:54,936
"Hm, I wonder what I'd have been
like if I'd been from donor number four."
755
00:48:54,960 --> 00:48:58,136
The vials are stored in these big
tanks here and then we ship them
756
00:48:58,160 --> 00:48:59,536
in these little tanks.
757
00:48:59,560 --> 00:49:01,696
How old are these tanks?
These tanks?
758
00:49:01,720 --> 00:49:06,936
This tank over here... is probably
about 25 years old, maybe older.
759
00:49:06,960 --> 00:49:10,376
Oh, wow. Could have been the tank
that I was in...
760
00:49:10,400 --> 00:49:12,576
Well... One of these older ones.
..half of me.
761
00:49:12,600 --> 00:49:14,216
Possibly!
762
00:49:14,240 --> 00:49:15,496
Not you...
763
00:49:15,520 --> 00:49:17,400
...but a potential to be you.
764
00:49:18,400 --> 00:49:20,000
Here are the frozen vials.
765
00:49:21,560 --> 00:49:24,336
They're labelled with the number of
the donor
766
00:49:24,360 --> 00:49:27,520
and the date that they were
collected. What's the date on that?
767
00:49:29,640 --> 00:49:32,776
November 13, 2008.
768
00:49:32,800 --> 00:49:34,936
How long can you store it for?
769
00:49:34,960 --> 00:49:36,616
Pretty much indefinitely.
770
00:49:36,640 --> 00:49:39,176
We have a limit on the number
of families per donor.
771
00:49:39,200 --> 00:49:41,496
We try to limit all of our
donors to ten families.
772
00:49:41,520 --> 00:49:44,296
Was that the limit in
Daley's case? My donor?
773
00:49:44,320 --> 00:49:46,896
Back then, we weren't as
computerised as we are now...
774
00:49:46,920 --> 00:49:49,816
Right, yeah... so we do have a
handful of donors who went over.
775
00:49:49,840 --> 00:49:52,296
We also have had some donors
who are donors elsewhere.
776
00:49:52,320 --> 00:49:54,336
I think some donors weren't
straightforward
777
00:49:54,360 --> 00:49:55,816
and didn't tell us that information
778
00:49:55,840 --> 00:49:58,496
and I think there were periods
of our history where we didn't ask.
779
00:49:58,520 --> 00:50:01,216
Yeah, cos he went to a couple of
sperm banks. Yeah.
780
00:50:01,240 --> 00:50:03,736
Since the record-keeping in the US,
particularly in the '90s,
781
00:50:03,760 --> 00:50:05,840
for cryobanks was so-o-o-o
atrocious...
782
00:50:07,560 --> 00:50:10,976
...we don't have a definitive number
of how many of us there are,
783
00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:14,176
especially because we're across two
banks and, like, one bank had better
784
00:50:14,200 --> 00:50:15,856
record-keeping than the other.
785
00:50:15,880 --> 00:50:19,120
Because there are so many women and
maybe five guys, six guys...
786
00:50:21,000 --> 00:50:23,576
...or something, we suspect we have
at least, you know,
787
00:50:23,600 --> 00:50:25,656
another ten or something.
788
00:50:25,680 --> 00:50:28,336
Honestly, we might never know,
789
00:50:28,360 --> 00:50:31,336
just because there are, you know,
families
790
00:50:31,360 --> 00:50:34,776
with mothers and fathers that never
intend on telling their children.
791
00:50:34,800 --> 00:50:38,656
It breaks my heart, like, every day.
792
00:50:38,680 --> 00:50:41,240
And I think about it constantly
that there are, like...
793
00:50:42,440 --> 00:50:44,816
...siblings out there that I'm never
going to know.
794
00:50:44,840 --> 00:50:48,176
Like, there are people out there
walking around that are my brothers
795
00:50:48,200 --> 00:50:51,440
and sisters that I am never
going to be allowed to know.
796
00:50:52,520 --> 00:50:56,656
And for, like, ethical reasons,
we should be allowed to know
797
00:50:56,680 --> 00:50:58,136
who our siblings are.
798
00:50:58,160 --> 00:51:01,616
A couple people in our group went
to high school together.
799
00:51:01,640 --> 00:51:05,976
Nobody wants to accidentally
date their brother!
800
00:51:06,000 --> 00:51:08,560
We never did!
801
00:51:09,840 --> 00:51:13,256
I, like, typically don't date people
who are, like, under 26
802
00:51:13,280 --> 00:51:17,800
and then... Why? Cos then they could
be a sibling.
803
00:51:18,920 --> 00:51:21,216
We would not have a sibling that's
older than 26,
804
00:51:21,240 --> 00:51:23,576
just based on when Daley donated.
805
00:51:23,600 --> 00:51:25,440
So, Daley would have come in here?
806
00:51:26,480 --> 00:51:29,536
This is one of the collection rooms.
807
00:51:29,560 --> 00:51:32,576
So this is where Daley would
have come. That is... remarkable.
808
00:51:32,600 --> 00:51:34,136
Yeah. Pardon the pun!
809
00:51:34,160 --> 00:51:36,256
Oh, my God!
810
00:51:36,280 --> 00:51:38,936
We have magazines, we also have
Wi-Fi,
811
00:51:38,960 --> 00:51:42,280
so most of the donors bring
their own "supplies". Right.
812
00:51:44,280 --> 00:51:46,296
Has that been there since the '90s?
813
00:51:46,320 --> 00:51:49,080
No. Oh, that's not bad-looking.
814
00:51:51,640 --> 00:51:54,736
How does it make you feel that your
life kind of started
815
00:51:54,760 --> 00:51:57,016
with Daley in a small room?
816
00:51:57,040 --> 00:51:59,136
I mean, you didn't have to put
it like that!
817
00:51:59,160 --> 00:52:01,680
You know, you don't have to
put it that way!
818
00:52:08,280 --> 00:52:11,280
Golly, gosh, this is the one
we chose!
819
00:52:13,920 --> 00:52:17,856
When no-one else can
understand me...
820
00:52:17,880 --> 00:52:19,816
I had most of Daley's profile
821
00:52:19,840 --> 00:52:23,336
memorised as a kid cos my mom
still had a hard copy
822
00:52:23,360 --> 00:52:27,096
and that was the only thing
I had of his.
823
00:52:27,120 --> 00:52:30,336
You give me hope and
consolation...
824
00:52:30,360 --> 00:52:32,536
But at that age I wasn't thinking
825
00:52:32,560 --> 00:52:35,096
of him as a singular, tangible
person.
826
00:52:35,120 --> 00:52:40,696
He was just kind of
this... like, abstract figure,
827
00:52:40,720 --> 00:52:42,696
this father...
828
00:52:42,720 --> 00:52:46,936
A general gut feeling of loss or
getting sad on Father's Day
829
00:52:46,960 --> 00:52:49,520
cos everyone else
had a dad and I didn't.
830
00:52:50,640 --> 00:52:54,640
That's the wonder
831
00:52:55,720 --> 00:52:59,456
The wonder of you...
832
00:52:59,480 --> 00:53:02,976
Your donor had originally
participated as an anonymous donor
833
00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:04,536
and he changed his mind.
834
00:53:04,560 --> 00:53:07,336
And so, when we have a donor who
says he wants to change his mind,
835
00:53:07,360 --> 00:53:09,936
then we reach out to the families
and we let them know.
836
00:53:09,960 --> 00:53:12,616
Spencer and I both had a lot
going on at the time
837
00:53:12,640 --> 00:53:15,856
and we were just like,
"Well, we'll get to it later."
838
00:53:15,880 --> 00:53:20,176
I was working at a restaurant
and I started to notice...
839
00:53:20,200 --> 00:53:24,056
...I would be serving a table
and there would be a man
840
00:53:24,080 --> 00:53:28,376
in his mid-40s and I would kind
of like stare at him a little extra.
841
00:53:28,400 --> 00:53:31,536
And I didn't even realise
I was doing it for a while,
842
00:53:31,560 --> 00:53:35,320
and then I was like, "OK, maybe I
really do want to know who this is."
843
00:53:37,880 --> 00:53:42,416
I don't want to have to wonder
forever if every random guy
844
00:53:42,440 --> 00:53:45,056
that passes me on the street
might actually be my dad.
845
00:53:45,080 --> 00:53:47,416
Your love for me
is everything...
846
00:53:47,440 --> 00:53:50,176
So we met up with him for the first
time with my mom,
847
00:53:50,200 --> 00:53:52,776
cos I was like, "I cannot do this
by myself.
848
00:53:52,800 --> 00:53:55,040
"I need you by my side."
She said, "Yeah, of course."
849
00:53:56,080 --> 00:53:57,736
You love me as...
850
00:53:57,760 --> 00:54:01,296
Taking that next step,
actually seeing him face-to-face,
851
00:54:01,320 --> 00:54:04,296
it felt like my whole life
had been leading up to this.
852
00:54:04,320 --> 00:54:06,096
OK.
853
00:54:06,120 --> 00:54:09,240
The wonder of you.
854
00:54:15,000 --> 00:54:20,000
My name's Daley and I am part
of a very special family situation.
855
00:54:23,280 --> 00:54:25,736
There was a clinic down the street.
856
00:54:25,760 --> 00:54:28,896
Some attractive young woman
was, like, strolling by and she knew
857
00:54:28,920 --> 00:54:32,376
what the clinic was and saw me
walking in and just
858
00:54:32,400 --> 00:54:34,856
gave me a wink and said,
"I hear they give out free cookies."
859
00:54:34,880 --> 00:54:36,000
Like...
860
00:54:38,560 --> 00:54:41,656
I had this choice - either
be an anonymous donor
861
00:54:41,680 --> 00:54:43,960
or an identity-released donor.
862
00:54:45,760 --> 00:54:49,296
Being at that age, I said anonymous.
863
00:54:49,320 --> 00:54:51,536
What made you change your mind?
864
00:54:51,560 --> 00:54:54,576
McKenzie looked me up,
went through the bank.
865
00:54:54,600 --> 00:54:57,056
They said, "Oh, this person's
anonymous, but we'll reach out
866
00:54:57,080 --> 00:54:59,616
"and ask him anyway."
There was really no question.
867
00:54:59,640 --> 00:55:01,976
How could I deny her that
information?
868
00:55:02,000 --> 00:55:06,256
I called the two banks and had them
change me from anonymous
869
00:55:06,280 --> 00:55:08,080
to identity release.
870
00:55:10,280 --> 00:55:13,800
When this whole thing started,
I was aware that there were four.
871
00:55:15,160 --> 00:55:17,336
Four seemed like a big number,
but manageable.
872
00:55:17,360 --> 00:55:19,336
And then it was six.
873
00:55:19,360 --> 00:55:22,496
Then it was eight, then it was ten.
874
00:55:22,520 --> 00:55:24,760
And then it would get bigger.
875
00:55:26,160 --> 00:55:27,696
What does that feel like?
876
00:55:27,720 --> 00:55:30,056
You meet them as adults,
and you're their dad?
877
00:55:30,080 --> 00:55:32,296
How did those first meetings go?
878
00:55:32,320 --> 00:55:34,816
I was shaking, thinking
about meeting him.
879
00:55:34,840 --> 00:55:39,256
I just got off, like, a 13-hour
shift, I was, like, all sweaty.
880
00:55:39,280 --> 00:55:43,056
On the one hand, I didn't
want to be too familiar.
881
00:55:43,080 --> 00:55:45,176
Daley is not a parental figure to me
882
00:55:45,200 --> 00:55:47,176
and he's not really a paternal
figure to me.
883
00:55:47,200 --> 00:55:49,216
"Who is this guy? Why is he being so
presumptuous?
884
00:55:49,240 --> 00:55:51,216
"This is not my dad -
he didn't raise me."
885
00:55:51,240 --> 00:55:54,576
I honestly think that if he never
came forward or we never found him,
886
00:55:54,600 --> 00:55:56,936
I don't think I would have thought
twice about it.
887
00:55:56,960 --> 00:55:59,936
I also didn't want to be too
distant and have them feel like,
888
00:55:59,960 --> 00:56:02,376
"Why doesn't he want to know me?"
or, "Why doesn't he want
889
00:56:02,400 --> 00:56:04,816
"to be connected to me? Is he
ashamed he of me?" or something.
890
00:56:04,840 --> 00:56:07,296
I was just kind of in awe for,
like, the first hour
891
00:56:07,320 --> 00:56:10,016
and... but just, like... the pure joy.
892
00:56:10,040 --> 00:56:12,176
He was wearing sunglasses,
actually, when I met him.
893
00:56:12,200 --> 00:56:15,496
And then when he took off his
sunglasses, it really hit me
894
00:56:15,520 --> 00:56:18,056
and I was like,
"Those are my eyes!"
895
00:56:18,080 --> 00:56:20,896
I mean, I guess, technically,
my eyes are his eyes.
896
00:56:20,920 --> 00:56:23,736
Is it possible to have a
relationship with 26 kids?
897
00:56:23,760 --> 00:56:25,000
Of course it is.
898
00:56:28,240 --> 00:56:32,360
We belong to something new.
899
00:56:34,520 --> 00:56:38,016
You know, a lot of people have this
experience when they have kids,
900
00:56:38,040 --> 00:56:39,376
when they have children, right?
901
00:56:39,400 --> 00:56:41,576
You have a newborn baby
and you look at this baby
902
00:56:41,600 --> 00:56:46,656
and you're so overwhelmed with love,
it's just this bottomless pit
903
00:56:46,680 --> 00:56:50,736
of all of your positive emotions
and you can't imagine sharing it
904
00:56:50,760 --> 00:56:52,400
with anyone else.
905
00:56:53,640 --> 00:56:56,696
And then you have another and you
realise, you know, your heart
906
00:56:56,720 --> 00:56:58,440
just cracks up and it gets bigger.
907
00:56:59,960 --> 00:57:01,000
What about Oli?
908
00:57:02,160 --> 00:57:05,760
Uh, Oli, I've really enjoyed
meeting Oli.
909
00:57:06,840 --> 00:57:12,136
Oli, I think, has, I would say,
among all of those that have wanted
910
00:57:12,160 --> 00:57:17,760
to come into the group and kind
of get acclimated and...
911
00:57:18,800 --> 00:57:21,056
...get into the...group dynamic,
912
00:57:21,080 --> 00:57:24,200
I think he's struggled
probably the most.
913
00:57:28,040 --> 00:57:31,536
So, how are you feeling
about seeing Daley again?
914
00:57:31,560 --> 00:57:33,600
I mean, it's complicated.
915
00:57:34,640 --> 00:57:38,280
The first time I met him,
we just didn't connect.
916
00:57:41,280 --> 00:57:43,680
Jesus Christ.
Why does he have to live up a hill?
917
00:57:46,800 --> 00:57:52,696
He says, "Oli, you don't understand
still, you need to learn the tools
918
00:57:52,720 --> 00:57:55,600
"of life to get along with people."
919
00:57:56,800 --> 00:57:59,176
Essentially, what he means
by that is,
920
00:57:59,200 --> 00:58:02,176
"You don't have the right
to be yourself."
921
00:58:02,200 --> 00:58:03,880
And that's quite hurtful.
922
00:58:06,360 --> 00:58:09,816
I've tried to give some advice here
and there about how to navigate.
923
00:58:09,840 --> 00:58:13,640
I'm not sure he's 100% receptive
to advice.
924
00:58:22,320 --> 00:58:25,320
Oliver and I have had
some spirited conversations.
925
00:58:26,840 --> 00:58:31,800
I see my relationship with him
as having room for lots of growth.
926
00:58:33,240 --> 00:58:36,536
What would you say, specifically,
you connect with me on?
927
00:58:36,560 --> 00:58:39,936
We have... You know, I think there's
a lot of family traits.
928
00:58:39,960 --> 00:58:42,216
That... you know, verbal acuity.
929
00:58:42,240 --> 00:58:46,176
There's a lot of no dummies
in the... in the group, right?
930
00:58:46,200 --> 00:58:49,080
Yeah. Anything unique to you and me?
931
00:58:50,800 --> 00:58:53,216
I don't know, Oliver.
I feel like our ability to get to
932
00:58:53,240 --> 00:58:57,216
know one another's been, you know,
it's been in fits and starts.
933
00:58:57,240 --> 00:58:59,816
Yeah. As we've, let's be honest...
I've had... we've had
934
00:58:59,840 --> 00:59:03,096
our struggles in the way some of the
group interactions have gone and...
935
00:59:03,120 --> 00:59:07,256
Mm-hm. How do I figure in your
life these days?
936
00:59:07,280 --> 00:59:09,256
I do feel, like, a closeness to you.
937
00:59:09,280 --> 00:59:12,840
And I do want a healthy
relationship, but...
938
00:59:14,160 --> 00:59:17,736
...sometimes it feels like
I'm not sort of...
939
00:59:17,760 --> 00:59:19,936
Like I'm sort of insufficient.
940
00:59:19,960 --> 00:59:24,136
No, you've told me that before.
I know. It's not true.
941
00:59:24,160 --> 00:59:26,176
It's not about that. Mm-hm.
942
00:59:26,200 --> 00:59:30,736
And, I mean, I have tried to help
you, side-message you in the middle
943
00:59:30,760 --> 00:59:33,256
of these conversations where things
seem like they're going
944
00:59:33,280 --> 00:59:36,496
off the rails and I recognise that
you may not fully understand
945
00:59:36,520 --> 00:59:41,256
why people are reacting the way they
are. Like, I mean, I'm...
946
00:59:41,280 --> 00:59:44,016
...I'm trying, you know?
947
00:59:44,040 --> 00:59:47,920
So, for me, that comes
across as I'm insufficient.
948
00:59:49,160 --> 00:59:52,536
Growing up, I had that constant
949
00:59:52,560 --> 00:59:55,936
message that I wasn't behaving
950
00:59:55,960 --> 00:59:58,416
the way that people needed me to,
951
00:59:58,440 --> 01:00:01,576
and that sort of just drilled
the message in my head
952
01:00:01,600 --> 01:00:05,336
that I'm just not... I'm not normal
and I'm not good enough.
953
01:00:05,360 --> 01:00:08,216
It's contextual.
It's, like, a skill and judgment.
954
01:00:08,240 --> 01:00:10,416
And these are people who I know
better than you do,
955
01:00:10,440 --> 01:00:12,176
cos I've known them for a long time.
956
01:00:12,200 --> 01:00:14,856
And you came into the group
with a whole bunch of women,
957
01:00:14,880 --> 01:00:19,216
a lot of them are... have been in
this space for a long time and...
958
01:00:19,240 --> 01:00:22,016
Mm-hm... are comfortable
talking about certain things.
959
01:00:22,040 --> 01:00:24,536
And you came in and started
using the word "bitch".
960
01:00:24,560 --> 01:00:28,416
To describe a celebrity as a bitch.
To just use the word, right?
961
01:00:28,440 --> 01:00:31,136
Right. And... Because I'm a
guy? ..It created...
962
01:00:31,160 --> 01:00:33,416
No, for anyone.
963
01:00:33,440 --> 01:00:36,176
The girls use it several times...
And it created... This is exactly
964
01:00:36,200 --> 01:00:38,856
what I'm talking about - you're
turning it into identity politics
965
01:00:38,880 --> 01:00:41,456
and a political and a, like,
rational... And you want to talk
966
01:00:41,480 --> 01:00:43,456
about it in those terms.
That's not what it is.
967
01:00:43,480 --> 01:00:45,656
It's just about respect.
No, but the girls use it.
968
01:00:45,680 --> 01:00:47,376
It's not about that.
969
01:00:47,400 --> 01:00:49,976
This is rehashing one of
the very first fights that caused
970
01:00:50,000 --> 01:00:51,696
a lot of alienation.
971
01:00:51,720 --> 01:00:54,056
And I'm telling you again,
it was about respect.
972
01:00:54,080 --> 01:00:58,376
So, I can't use a certain
word because people have
973
01:00:58,400 --> 01:01:00,816
a trauma response
when a man uses it?
974
01:01:00,840 --> 01:01:03,256
For me, it's very much more
about intentions.
975
01:01:03,280 --> 01:01:05,416
It's about how...
976
01:01:05,440 --> 01:01:08,360
It's about knowing people and it's
about knowing their intentions...
977
01:01:10,360 --> 01:01:14,536
Years ago, before he was diagnosed
with Asperger's, I thought,
978
01:01:14,560 --> 01:01:17,096
"Well, maybe I'm not strict enough,
maybe I was...", you know.
979
01:01:17,120 --> 01:01:19,376
So I spent a year shouting
at him, you know...
980
01:01:19,400 --> 01:01:21,976
So you think you have more
entitlement to disrespect people
981
01:01:22,000 --> 01:01:24,576
that you know? It's not disrespect.
982
01:01:24,600 --> 01:01:29,016
For people who really know me,
I just want to be myself.
983
01:01:29,040 --> 01:01:32,520
You're asking the entire world
to accommodate just you.
984
01:01:33,600 --> 01:01:35,696
Oh, no, I'm not. So, what... is it?
985
01:01:35,720 --> 01:01:38,856
You can never really get through to
Oli because he'll be thinking
986
01:01:38,880 --> 01:01:41,800
exactly what he thinks
and he won't be able to...
987
01:01:42,800 --> 01:01:45,296
...see someone else's point of view.
988
01:01:45,320 --> 01:01:48,096
You can't parent
an Asperger's child,
989
01:01:48,120 --> 01:01:51,520
you're there to just buffer them
throughout life.
990
01:01:59,400 --> 01:02:03,736
Any parent, if a third party came
into the picture,
991
01:02:03,760 --> 01:02:07,216
a strange man, who you made a
decision about 20 years ago,
992
01:02:07,240 --> 01:02:11,256
then pops up and has an influence
over your child's life,
993
01:02:11,280 --> 01:02:14,816
that's a difficult pill
to swallow, isn't it?
994
01:02:14,840 --> 01:02:18,456
Cos Daley's Oli's dad.
He's not.
995
01:02:18,480 --> 01:02:24,256
To me, a dad is someone who has been
there, kicked a ball, played a part.
996
01:02:24,280 --> 01:02:27,856
A donor is something
that is a donation.
997
01:02:27,880 --> 01:02:29,376
It's not a role.
998
01:02:29,400 --> 01:02:33,320
I don't know. It makes me wonder if
there's a way that we...
999
01:02:34,840 --> 01:02:37,696
...could have a better relationship.
1000
01:02:37,720 --> 01:02:41,096
If it was more just the two of us,
not in the context
1001
01:02:41,120 --> 01:02:43,576
of this other family group,
1002
01:02:43,600 --> 01:02:46,080
because I'm defensive for everyone.
1003
01:02:47,520 --> 01:02:50,656
It'd be nice to have a scenario
where it would be just us,
1004
01:02:50,680 --> 01:02:54,536
sort of, in our mutual
habitats. You know?
1005
01:02:54,560 --> 01:02:57,816
In the most unpleasant of exchanges,
I've said the same thing, right?
1006
01:02:57,840 --> 01:03:00,080
Like, I'm not going to
write you off.
1007
01:03:07,240 --> 01:03:10,160
I mean, he's not my dad
because he didn't raise me.
1008
01:03:11,800 --> 01:03:15,376
I think there's potential
for another type of relationship,
1009
01:03:15,400 --> 01:03:18,160
like a more uncle-type
relationship...
1010
01:03:19,160 --> 01:03:22,616
...but he can't open his mind
1011
01:03:22,640 --> 01:03:25,256
to the fact that, perhaps, I'm quite
1012
01:03:25,280 --> 01:03:27,816
a different person to most people.
1013
01:03:27,840 --> 01:03:32,816
I think he sort of wants me
to... mold myself
1014
01:03:32,840 --> 01:03:34,616
and to be someone I'm not.
1015
01:03:34,640 --> 01:03:38,176
It's actually very sad for me
because it means that it's almost
1016
01:03:38,200 --> 01:03:41,520
impossible for me to actually
have a close relationship with him.
1017
01:03:44,360 --> 01:03:47,136
Ladies and gentlemen, if we could
have your attention one more time,
1018
01:03:47,160 --> 01:03:48,440
we'd like to announce...
1019
01:04:22,720 --> 01:04:26,016
...our home of LA. This is a
city where dreams become reality,
1020
01:04:26,040 --> 01:04:29,296
so no matter what your story is or
where your dreams may take you,
1021
01:04:29,320 --> 01:04:31,440
there's a place in Los Angeles
just for you.
1022
01:04:39,160 --> 01:04:40,840
Well, the meet-up, for me...
1023
01:04:41,880 --> 01:04:44,920
You know, it's my family,
so obviously it's...
1024
01:04:46,520 --> 01:04:48,360
...it's important to me, but...
1025
01:04:50,120 --> 01:04:52,400
...I don't want to get my
expectations up.
1026
01:04:54,960 --> 01:04:59,416
Occasionally, when people,
sort of, get to the real me,
1027
01:04:59,440 --> 01:05:04,496
they really like it, but more often
than not they don't like it.
1028
01:05:04,520 --> 01:05:07,376
And, like, I get... end up
being rejected.
1029
01:05:07,400 --> 01:05:08,696
So...
1030
01:05:08,720 --> 01:05:11,520
...it is quite sort of scary.
1031
01:05:13,600 --> 01:05:15,736
I always think, going into
a relationship,
1032
01:05:15,760 --> 01:05:18,896
"Am I going to do or say something?"
1033
01:05:18,920 --> 01:05:21,416
Or "Are they going to get to
know me better
1034
01:05:21,440 --> 01:05:24,376
"and then back off and reject me?"
1035
01:05:24,400 --> 01:05:25,760
I don't know.
1036
01:05:27,760 --> 01:05:31,216
There's just been such a consistent
pattern of a lot
1037
01:05:31,240 --> 01:05:32,960
of people rejecting me.
1038
01:05:34,800 --> 01:05:38,216
What if they're just hanging out
and they just don't want me there?
1039
01:05:38,240 --> 01:05:39,960
Like, what if they don't want me?
1040
01:05:47,880 --> 01:05:49,416
Hello! Hey!
1041
01:05:49,440 --> 01:05:52,496
Oh, my gosh, you look amazing!
Hey, what's up?
1042
01:05:52,520 --> 01:05:55,376
You guys look fantastic.
1043
01:05:55,400 --> 01:05:58,056
Riding in style. Oh, my God!
1044
01:05:58,080 --> 01:06:00,520
Oliver! Melissa, hey!
1045
01:06:01,920 --> 01:06:04,896
This is like the perfect
setting for a murder mystery.
1046
01:06:04,920 --> 01:06:06,720
I need this fire going ASAP.
1047
01:06:07,960 --> 01:06:10,280
Whoa, Jesus! Fucking hell!
1048
01:06:12,120 --> 01:06:13,760
Why did you turn it off?!
1049
01:06:16,560 --> 01:06:20,576
Holiday, oh, a holiday
And the best one of the year...
1050
01:06:20,600 --> 01:06:23,896
Oh, my gosh! I didn't even think
they were coming!
1051
01:06:23,920 --> 01:06:25,480
Oh, my gosh! Yeah!
1052
01:06:27,440 --> 01:06:28,760
Hello!
1053
01:06:33,320 --> 01:06:34,720
Hello, again.
1054
01:06:42,040 --> 01:06:43,200
Yes!
1055
01:06:45,520 --> 01:06:48,496
Yes! You're getting owned by your
little brother.
1056
01:06:48,520 --> 01:06:51,320
Humiliating, Spencer.
1057
01:06:57,400 --> 01:06:58,520
Hello!
1058
01:07:03,160 --> 01:07:06,056
The siblings that I'm related to,
that I have these really close
1059
01:07:06,080 --> 01:07:09,176
relationships to, I chose to have
really close relationships to.
1060
01:07:09,200 --> 01:07:12,776
I didn't... It wasn't forced upon
me because we're blood-related.
1061
01:07:12,800 --> 01:07:15,136
Who looks...? Who do...?
Like, the three of us...
1062
01:07:15,160 --> 01:07:17,216
I think you guys look so much
alike. Yeah?
1063
01:07:17,240 --> 01:07:20,576
One of the things that irritates me,
someone will be like,
1064
01:07:20,600 --> 01:07:22,296
"Oh, I like spicy food."
1065
01:07:22,320 --> 01:07:24,456
And then someone else will be like,
"Oh, my God,
1066
01:07:24,480 --> 01:07:27,216
"I like spicy food, too.
We're so related!
1067
01:07:27,240 --> 01:07:30,440
But I'm like, "No, you just both
fucking like spicy food." Like...
1068
01:07:37,520 --> 01:07:40,296
Kelly, I haven't talked about boy
things. Lay it on me.
1069
01:07:40,320 --> 01:07:42,160
That's my favourite conversation.
1070
01:07:43,960 --> 01:07:46,896
I mean, it's amazing that we've all
been brought together by biology,
1071
01:07:46,920 --> 01:07:48,560
but at the same time...
1072
01:07:51,160 --> 01:07:54,176
...you know, I am going to bond
more and hang out more with people
1073
01:07:54,200 --> 01:07:56,776
that I actually have
things in common with.
1074
01:07:56,800 --> 01:07:58,520
Asking the important questions!
1075
01:08:01,440 --> 01:08:03,776
It's kind of like two
and a half maybe.
1076
01:08:03,800 --> 01:08:06,376
I'm going to pop inside for water or
something. OK! Cool!
1077
01:08:06,400 --> 01:08:07,936
Wait, so you saw Emily and Hannah?
1078
01:08:07,960 --> 01:08:09,656
Yeah. Today?
1079
01:08:09,680 --> 01:08:12,120
Kind of. Are they coming? Yeah,
they're coming.
1080
01:08:13,720 --> 01:08:15,296
Doing all right?
1081
01:08:15,320 --> 01:08:17,840
Anxious, uh... Yeah.
1082
01:08:28,120 --> 01:08:31,176
I've always managed Oli's life in
a way where I know
1083
01:08:31,200 --> 01:08:33,376
what he can cope with
and when he can't.
1084
01:08:33,400 --> 01:08:34,960
Where's the loo here? It's like...
1085
01:08:36,920 --> 01:08:39,616
A doctor did say to me
years and years ago
1086
01:08:39,640 --> 01:08:41,816
that Oli will... that the Asperger's
1087
01:08:41,840 --> 01:08:44,616
will definitely show up in
emotional states.
1088
01:08:44,640 --> 01:08:45,880
Anxious.
1089
01:08:47,000 --> 01:08:49,240
And I need something to take
the edge off.
1090
01:08:50,720 --> 01:08:52,416
Oh, it's been nine hours. Hey!
1091
01:08:52,440 --> 01:08:54,256
How are you? Good, how are you?
1092
01:08:54,280 --> 01:08:57,416
I'm going to, like, dish out
the rest of these hugs.
1093
01:08:57,440 --> 01:08:58,600
Hey!
1094
01:09:02,200 --> 01:09:03,680
Fuck's sake.
1095
01:09:05,120 --> 01:09:07,280
I love it so much. Oh, my God!
1096
01:09:08,520 --> 01:09:09,800
Knock, knock!
1097
01:09:12,440 --> 01:09:13,960
Hi! Hey.
1098
01:09:17,080 --> 01:09:18,520
Hello!
1099
01:09:21,320 --> 01:09:23,656
I didn't know that Jordan
and Sterling hadn't met
1100
01:09:23,680 --> 01:09:26,456
until, like, five minutes ago.
Like, it just hasn't happened!
1101
01:09:26,480 --> 01:09:29,136
It's like you actually exist now!
I know! Oh, my gosh!
1102
01:09:29,160 --> 01:09:31,320
Look at you, you're a real
human being!
1103
01:09:37,800 --> 01:09:39,640
From a social setting...
1104
01:09:41,640 --> 01:09:45,496
...it all comes down to his inability
to process what's going
1105
01:09:45,520 --> 01:09:46,896
on around him.
1106
01:09:46,920 --> 01:09:49,656
And in a heightened emotional
situation where there's
1107
01:09:49,680 --> 01:09:51,096
26 other people,
1108
01:09:51,120 --> 01:09:54,056
all with their backstories,
all with their feeling, for Oliver,
1109
01:09:54,080 --> 01:09:57,096
it's like putting him
into a minefield.
1110
01:09:57,120 --> 01:10:01,776
There is no way that Oliver
can navigate a situation
1111
01:10:01,800 --> 01:10:04,120
like that.
Just never going to happen.
1112
01:10:11,040 --> 01:10:12,800
What is happening, Oli?
1113
01:10:27,320 --> 01:10:28,560
Oli, what's happening?
1114
01:10:31,680 --> 01:10:33,216
I can make one wrong move,
1115
01:10:33,240 --> 01:10:37,176
say one wrong thing and then I'm
fucked and then everyone's pissed
1116
01:10:37,200 --> 01:10:39,376
off with me, so I don't...
1117
01:10:39,400 --> 01:10:44,056
But is that true? Yes,
unfortunately. I wish it wasn't.
1118
01:10:44,080 --> 01:10:45,936
Should we just try it?
1119
01:10:45,960 --> 01:10:49,696
No. It's not something I can just
get into. I'm not in the headspace.
1120
01:10:49,720 --> 01:10:51,960
I just... I'm too anxious.
I just need to...
1121
01:10:55,600 --> 01:10:58,936
So fucking stressed, honestly.
1122
01:10:58,960 --> 01:11:01,456
I get you. Honestly, I think
1123
01:11:01,480 --> 01:11:04,496
you're probably overthinking it
to a degree.
1124
01:11:04,520 --> 01:11:06,856
A lot of the time, like in the group
chat where you feel
1125
01:11:06,880 --> 01:11:08,696
like you need to watch what
you're saying,
1126
01:11:08,720 --> 01:11:11,696
it's when the content of
conversations is, like,
1127
01:11:11,720 --> 01:11:15,576
particularly heavy or, like,
political or something about ethics
1128
01:11:15,600 --> 01:11:17,176
or something like that, right?
1129
01:11:17,200 --> 01:11:20,536
But, you know, as of right now,
1130
01:11:20,560 --> 01:11:22,656
since everything is, like,
particularly
1131
01:11:22,680 --> 01:11:25,256
light-hearted, I don't think
there's anything you could say.
1132
01:11:25,280 --> 01:11:27,536
I didn't realise I'd be
this anxious.
1133
01:11:27,560 --> 01:11:32,056
I hope I'm not leaning on you too
much and just being annoying and...
1134
01:11:32,080 --> 01:11:34,216
No... sort of emotionally draining.
No, no.
1135
01:11:34,240 --> 01:11:37,376
I mean, I don't want you going
through this whole thing feeling
1136
01:11:37,400 --> 01:11:39,816
like you're drowning and you have
no-one to talk to about it.
1137
01:11:39,840 --> 01:11:41,936
You know? I want to talk
to you about it.
1138
01:11:41,960 --> 01:11:43,816
I don't want you to feel like you
can't talk to me
1139
01:11:43,840 --> 01:11:46,256
cos you're annoying me or anything,
because that's not the case.
1140
01:11:46,280 --> 01:11:49,456
So, yeah, just focus
on the positivity with all
1141
01:11:49,480 --> 01:11:52,160
the cool people here
who you... You know. OK.
1142
01:11:59,200 --> 01:12:03,376
People have different views about
whether or not you owe someone,
1143
01:12:03,400 --> 01:12:06,096
like, your time, based only
on the fact
1144
01:12:06,120 --> 01:12:07,536
that they're related to you.
1145
01:12:07,560 --> 01:12:12,216
But I feel like there is a ton
of potential for really deep
1146
01:12:12,240 --> 01:12:16,480
friendships by virtue of the fact
that we are family.
1147
01:12:18,880 --> 01:12:22,256
Oli, he started getting really
close with Sterling. Sterling
1148
01:12:22,280 --> 01:12:24,016
went and visited him in London.
1149
01:12:24,040 --> 01:12:26,456
I suggest to Oli all the time
that he should try
1150
01:12:26,480 --> 01:12:28,096
and mend their relationship.
1151
01:12:28,120 --> 01:12:30,520
I think he would
benefit from it a lot.
1152
01:12:42,840 --> 01:12:45,016
I was waiting outside of your house.
1153
01:12:45,040 --> 01:12:48,056
Then I stay in the hotel the next
day, and I'm waiting
1154
01:12:48,080 --> 01:12:49,360
for you for hours.
1155
01:12:50,520 --> 01:12:54,176
You're online. You're having
conversations with people,
1156
01:12:54,200 --> 01:12:57,736
ignoring me, ignoring my messages,
my calls,
1157
01:12:57,760 --> 01:13:03,256
and not turning up for three hours.
I... That was so hurtful.
1158
01:13:03,280 --> 01:13:08,576
I had such a close relationship to
you, and then it really fucking
1159
01:13:08,600 --> 01:13:10,256
affected me, Sterling.
1160
01:13:10,280 --> 01:13:12,696
I see that you're hurt,
and I understand that.
1161
01:13:12,720 --> 01:13:14,736
You fucking hurt me.
Oliver, let me talk.
1162
01:13:14,760 --> 01:13:17,376
No, you don't care, though!
You think that you're the victim...
1163
01:13:17,400 --> 01:13:20,176
I do care. I'm trying to talk to you
about this,
1164
01:13:20,200 --> 01:13:21,496
and you're not letting me.
1165
01:13:21,520 --> 01:13:25,216
I have a right to be angry with you
after all your shit, Sterling.
1166
01:13:25,240 --> 01:13:26,976
You have the right to be angry,
1167
01:13:27,000 --> 01:13:30,416
but I also have the right to explain
why I think I distanced
1168
01:13:30,440 --> 01:13:32,160
myself from you.
1169
01:13:34,720 --> 01:13:39,256
You did something that hurt a lot
of people in this group,
1170
01:13:39,280 --> 01:13:42,736
talking about the donation thing.
Tested my own fertility...
1171
01:13:42,760 --> 01:13:46,576
And that... because I'm thinking
about potentially, later
1172
01:13:46,600 --> 01:13:49,656
down the line, becoming a donor.
But you know that you can't.
1173
01:13:49,680 --> 01:13:51,376
Why?
1174
01:13:51,400 --> 01:13:53,616
Because you have Asperger's.
1175
01:13:53,640 --> 01:13:56,456
Why can't you just fucking
accept me for me?! Because
1176
01:13:56,480 --> 01:13:58,736
you don't seem to... What's wrong
with me, Sterling?
1177
01:13:58,760 --> 01:14:01,416
Like, I didn't fucking get it!
Because you don't seem to care.
1178
01:14:01,440 --> 01:14:03,056
But you've pissed me off sometimes
1179
01:14:03,080 --> 01:14:05,536
and I'm happy that you have
the freedom to be you.
1180
01:14:05,560 --> 01:14:07,536
I don't want to edit you or
change you.
1181
01:14:07,560 --> 01:14:09,216
Do you know how many times
you've hurt me
1182
01:14:09,240 --> 01:14:13,336
and I've just eaten it because
I've tried to let you just be you?
1183
01:14:13,360 --> 01:14:15,296
I don't want you to be hurt.
1184
01:14:15,320 --> 01:14:17,856
I know that you feel you've had to
budge your entire life.
1185
01:14:17,880 --> 01:14:20,096
You've had to shift and move
farther and farther away
1186
01:14:20,120 --> 01:14:22,376
from who you feel you are.
1187
01:14:22,400 --> 01:14:27,056
But you and your identity
is not your behaviour.
1188
01:14:27,080 --> 01:14:30,296
You don't seem to accept
responsibility for your actions.
1189
01:14:30,320 --> 01:14:33,856
You don't believe what other people
say, as you think that others'
1190
01:14:33,880 --> 01:14:37,096
reactions aren't reasonable.
1191
01:14:37,120 --> 01:14:38,296
A lot of them aren't.
1192
01:14:38,320 --> 01:14:40,536
They are, though, because that's
what they feel.
1193
01:14:40,560 --> 01:14:44,056
I genuinely just don't show
affection in the way
1194
01:14:44,080 --> 01:14:45,936
that you want me to, Sterling.
1195
01:14:45,960 --> 01:14:48,696
I... It's just not natural to me.
1196
01:14:48,720 --> 01:14:52,736
I... I don't know what you want
from me. At this point, I don't...
1197
01:14:52,760 --> 01:14:54,400
I don't know either. I...
1198
01:14:55,800 --> 01:14:57,080
I know...
1199
01:14:59,240 --> 01:15:02,256
I know you look up to me as a big
brother type.
1200
01:15:02,280 --> 01:15:05,216
What I imagine, and I can't speak
for you, but what I imagine it looks
1201
01:15:05,240 --> 01:15:08,016
like is that you were given this
wonderful opportunity
1202
01:15:08,040 --> 01:15:12,656
of all these people that, in a way,
like, you can't change blood.
1203
01:15:12,680 --> 01:15:17,256
In a way that these people should
just love me
1204
01:15:17,280 --> 01:15:19,016
or should accept me automatically,
1205
01:15:19,040 --> 01:15:20,800
and it's been really challenging.
1206
01:15:24,560 --> 01:15:28,936
I just want us to be as open with
each other as possible.
1207
01:15:28,960 --> 01:15:31,256
I think we should move forward.
1208
01:15:31,280 --> 01:15:34,576
But because of the way you spoke
1209
01:15:34,600 --> 01:15:38,096
to me about the fertility thing,
1210
01:15:38,120 --> 01:15:40,680
I still think I'm going to
be hurt for a while.
1211
01:15:42,440 --> 01:15:43,736
I get that. And you know that I...
1212
01:15:43,760 --> 01:15:46,160
I'm sorry. I honestly can't.
1213
01:15:57,960 --> 01:16:01,000
I don't know why that one thing
is such a point of contention.
1214
01:16:02,240 --> 01:16:03,800
I really don't.
1215
01:16:06,160 --> 01:16:10,000
His Master's Voice
by Monsters of Folk.
1216
01:16:13,160 --> 01:16:20,200
Mohammed rolling dice
with Christ at twilight
1217
01:16:22,720 --> 01:16:27,176
And they hear their master's voice
1218
01:16:27,200 --> 01:16:31,496
They run to do their chores
1219
01:16:31,520 --> 01:16:33,920
At Master's calling...
1220
01:16:37,920 --> 01:16:42,496
You know what, I've been in this for
a few years and it took me probably
1221
01:16:42,520 --> 01:16:46,416
at least a full year to be able
to move past a little bit
1222
01:16:46,440 --> 01:16:48,536
of the pain I think that I felt
1223
01:16:48,560 --> 01:16:50,056
when it wasn't maybe
1224
01:16:50,080 --> 01:16:51,416
what I expected going into
1225
01:16:51,440 --> 01:16:52,680
it initially.
1226
01:16:54,240 --> 01:16:56,736
Even though we are related,
1227
01:16:56,760 --> 01:17:00,440
this is a random sample
of strangers.
1228
01:17:03,120 --> 01:17:06,016
The connection comes
from the fact that we are
1229
01:17:06,040 --> 01:17:08,656
in a very unique situation.
1230
01:17:08,680 --> 01:17:12,016
The bond that we might feel with
the other people in this group
1231
01:17:12,040 --> 01:17:14,256
doesn't have to be because
we're family.
1232
01:17:14,280 --> 01:17:18,376
Genetics is sort of just the door
to relationships
1233
01:17:18,400 --> 01:17:20,856
with people, and you don't
necessarily have to
1234
01:17:20,880 --> 01:17:24,176
go through it, right? That is a very
good way of putting it. Yeah?
1235
01:17:24,200 --> 01:17:28,336
I have come to such a peaceful
spot with the place
1236
01:17:28,360 --> 01:17:31,536
that I have in this group, even
though it is distance, not even
1237
01:17:31,560 --> 01:17:33,816
necessarily age... I think that
might be the right
1238
01:17:33,840 --> 01:17:36,240
sort of path for me as well,
to be honest.
1239
01:17:38,760 --> 01:17:40,736
There's so much to be gained.
1240
01:17:40,760 --> 01:17:43,616
My best friends are in that room.
Yeah. You know?
1241
01:17:43,640 --> 01:17:48,656
I don't know who you have interacted
with a lot or a little, but maybe
1242
01:17:48,680 --> 01:17:51,256
the people you've hardly talked
to at all are going to end up
1243
01:17:51,280 --> 01:17:54,096
being the most important
relationships you've had.
1244
01:17:54,120 --> 01:17:56,336
It evolves with time and there
are going to be always
1245
01:17:56,360 --> 01:17:58,696
more people coming in this group.
We're never even going to know
1246
01:17:58,720 --> 01:18:01,416
if we've found everyone, so
the minute you think
1247
01:18:01,440 --> 01:18:04,320
that you maybe have got it,
it might change again.
1248
01:18:10,560 --> 01:18:12,800
Coming in new and having just
found out...
1249
01:18:14,360 --> 01:18:15,520
Sorry, I'm so nervous.
1250
01:18:23,560 --> 01:18:25,480
Am I ever going to be 100% ready?
1251
01:18:28,600 --> 01:18:31,936
In a way, like, so much is about
to change.
1252
01:18:31,960 --> 01:18:34,936
Like, a lifetime of connections
1253
01:18:34,960 --> 01:18:36,480
is starting now.
1254
01:18:40,640 --> 01:18:42,320
Hi! New people, hi! Yes!
1255
01:18:43,320 --> 01:18:45,296
Wait, do you know who I am?
1256
01:18:45,320 --> 01:18:48,416
Um, I know it. It's Sterling.
1257
01:18:48,440 --> 01:18:51,256
It's nice to meet you, finally,
officially.
1258
01:18:51,280 --> 01:18:53,696
Who is this? I literally don't
know who this person is.
1259
01:18:53,720 --> 01:18:55,040
Is she related to me?
1260
01:18:56,160 --> 01:18:58,080
Hey! Alysse? Yeah.
1261
01:19:05,480 --> 01:19:09,376
I'm so happy to meet you! And you
have the eyes as well. Mm-mm!
1262
01:19:09,400 --> 01:19:10,736
Hi! Hi!
1263
01:19:10,760 --> 01:19:13,840
It's great to meet you.
1264
01:19:18,840 --> 01:19:22,176
Sorry, this is a lot.
All of them and me, too. Yeah.
1265
01:19:22,200 --> 01:19:24,040
I mean, welcome to the circus.
1266
01:19:25,480 --> 01:19:27,976
It's funny, I was asked
the other day,
1267
01:19:28,000 --> 01:19:31,016
"Well, you must just mix them up
all the time because there's
1268
01:19:31,040 --> 01:19:34,456
so many. Like, confuse who lives
where and..."
1269
01:19:34,480 --> 01:19:36,536
I was like, "No, actually,
not at all."
1270
01:19:36,560 --> 01:19:39,256
This kind of information sticks
on a totally different level.
1271
01:19:39,280 --> 01:19:42,936
It's not in the same league as
friends or acquaintances.
1272
01:19:42,960 --> 01:19:45,096
They are family ties.
1273
01:19:45,120 --> 01:19:47,216
I've been following her on Facebook.
1274
01:19:47,240 --> 01:19:51,056
Pretty intently. This is something
that doesn't go away.
1275
01:19:51,080 --> 01:19:52,696
We're genetically related.
1276
01:19:52,720 --> 01:19:55,456
Oh, yeah, baby smell!
1277
01:19:55,480 --> 01:19:58,896
They're family to me. That's how
I engage with them.
1278
01:19:58,920 --> 01:20:01,600
That's how I treat them.
That's how I feel about them.
1279
01:20:03,040 --> 01:20:06,440
Are you going to try and go up
further? Yeah, just one more.
1280
01:20:08,000 --> 01:20:11,816
So silly. I don't know how Hannah is
higher than Spencer.
1281
01:20:11,840 --> 01:20:14,520
Why? Because I'm a girl!
You got up there so fast!
1282
01:20:16,200 --> 01:20:18,400
We're going to need to talk
about feminism!
1283
01:20:20,760 --> 01:20:23,920
Aw, there's a family tree
metaphor in there somewhere.
1284
01:20:25,560 --> 01:20:27,496
You just have to sit, like, at
the bottom.
1285
01:20:27,520 --> 01:20:30,416
That's right. That'd be really
funny. Can we make that happen?
1286
01:20:30,440 --> 01:20:32,816
I will. I'll come stand underneath
it to get a quick picture.
1287
01:20:32,840 --> 01:20:36,040
Sterling, can you help wrangle
him for a second, so he doesn't...?
1288
01:20:38,040 --> 01:20:40,616
Hey, Oliver! Oliver.
1289
01:20:40,640 --> 01:20:42,336
Will you take a picture?
1290
01:20:42,360 --> 01:20:43,616
Yeah.
1291
01:20:43,640 --> 01:20:46,080
Can you please not kill yourselves?
1292
01:20:47,480 --> 01:20:48,936
Are you getting Daley in it, too?
1293
01:20:48,960 --> 01:20:51,616
No, I think the idea is to come down
here. I'm going to do him as well.
1294
01:20:51,640 --> 01:20:53,896
No, but to get all of us in
the shot, cos it's a family tree
1295
01:20:53,920 --> 01:20:56,400
metaphor. Oh, right, OK, I got it!
1296
01:20:58,840 --> 01:21:02,096
Say 26 of us have two kids.
1297
01:21:02,120 --> 01:21:04,656
That's 50 kids, plus 20 sets,
1298
01:21:04,680 --> 01:21:06,976
like a 75-person family reunion.
1299
01:21:07,000 --> 01:21:09,176
Do you think I'll break this if
I try to walk down on it?
1300
01:21:09,200 --> 01:21:13,776
The family tree will become so
extensive, like our kids' kids'
1301
01:21:13,800 --> 01:21:16,776
kids in the future, like, if they
want to get into genealogy,
1302
01:21:16,800 --> 01:21:18,096
it's going to be a mess.
1303
01:21:18,120 --> 01:21:19,616
It's going to be a mess for them.
1304
01:21:19,640 --> 01:21:20,816
Like...
1305
01:21:20,840 --> 01:21:23,576
As people start having kids
and stuff and getting married,
1306
01:21:23,600 --> 01:21:26,616
like, when people continue to be
there through, like, these
1307
01:21:26,640 --> 01:21:29,840
huge life events, I think that it's
just going to make us closer.
1308
01:21:33,200 --> 01:21:35,816
I don't know how I'm going to
handle bridesmaids,
1309
01:21:35,840 --> 01:21:38,816
because I can't include everyone.
1310
01:21:38,840 --> 01:21:40,240
But where do I cut it off?
1311
01:21:43,200 --> 01:21:45,616
Once we all have kids, if we want to
do this, like, we're going to
1312
01:21:45,640 --> 01:21:48,976
have to, like, rent out a whole
summer camp and, like, everyone will
1313
01:21:49,000 --> 01:21:52,200
be in cabins, we're going to have,
like, activities scheduled.
1314
01:21:54,160 --> 01:21:57,256
Unpopular opinion. I'm not getting
all these kids birthday presents.
1315
01:21:57,280 --> 01:21:59,256
I'm sorry. There's too many of you.
1316
01:21:59,280 --> 01:22:01,496
No, I'm not even going to remember
their names.
1317
01:22:01,520 --> 01:22:04,656
I don't even remember all my
half-siblings' names!
1318
01:22:04,680 --> 01:22:07,736
Every once in a while I, like, stop
and, like, sit back and think
1319
01:22:07,760 --> 01:22:09,640
how, like, truly...
1320
01:22:11,200 --> 01:22:14,056
...amazing everything is. Like,
how the last ten years...
1321
01:22:14,080 --> 01:22:17,360
Like, what would my life be like if
I hadn't found siblings?
1322
01:22:21,720 --> 01:22:24,976
I just... They're always going to
be there. Like, I have no sense
1323
01:22:25,000 --> 01:22:28,256
of rush. And no-one's going to judge
anyone for how fast or slow
1324
01:22:28,280 --> 01:22:29,616
they feel like going.
1325
01:22:29,640 --> 01:22:32,056
Well, OK, so you're orangey,
and then Carolyn's
1326
01:22:32,080 --> 01:22:33,800
going to be over there.
Maybe, like...
1327
01:22:36,160 --> 01:22:40,776
Well, Oli's 20. I'm 22.
You know, in ten years
1328
01:22:40,800 --> 01:22:42,816
we'll be in our early thirties.
1329
01:22:42,840 --> 01:22:45,896
There's still so much time.
I care about Oli,
1330
01:22:45,920 --> 01:22:49,376
and I want for him to be happy,
and I want what's best for him.
1331
01:22:49,400 --> 01:22:52,136
And I'm going to stick
around, right?
1332
01:22:52,160 --> 01:22:54,856
OK. Everyone, here we go.
Let's do it!
1333
01:22:54,880 --> 01:22:56,736
Tree, two, one. Smile!
1334
01:22:56,760 --> 01:22:58,920
One, two, three, Sperm Man!
1335
01:23:00,800 --> 01:23:03,296
Right up into your face!
I'm not in the photo.
1336
01:23:03,320 --> 01:23:05,160
Yeah, we're not in this photo
at all.
1337
01:23:10,520 --> 01:23:12,480
Yeah. I mean, it's over now.
1338
01:23:15,200 --> 01:23:18,536
I'm so grateful for the fact that
I even have one relationship
1339
01:23:18,560 --> 01:23:20,216
with a sibling.
1340
01:23:20,240 --> 01:23:26,096
The idea that I could have, like,
four or five is just insane,
1341
01:23:26,120 --> 01:23:30,416
and I'm going to pursue one-on-one
relationships,
1342
01:23:30,440 --> 01:23:35,376
but I can't be involved
in the group dynamic again.
1343
01:23:35,400 --> 01:23:37,040
It's too stressful for me.
1344
01:23:38,280 --> 01:23:41,096
Are you going to change, Ols?
1345
01:23:41,120 --> 01:23:43,736
What would I change into?
1346
01:23:43,760 --> 01:23:46,840
What would I do?
What will I change into?
1347
01:23:50,040 --> 01:23:52,040
What is there for me to change into?
1348
01:23:54,920 --> 01:23:56,360
Tell me.
1349
01:24:02,920 --> 01:24:07,816
The answer is that I can't expect
people to see me a certain way.
1350
01:24:07,840 --> 01:24:11,016
I can't expect everyone
to see me for me.
1351
01:24:11,040 --> 01:24:14,176
I can't expect everyone
to not require
1352
01:24:14,200 --> 01:24:16,936
that I behave
like a different person.
1353
01:24:16,960 --> 01:24:18,600
I can't expect that from people.
1354
01:24:22,360 --> 01:24:25,456
I think just through me being me,
there are people
1355
01:24:25,480 --> 01:24:26,960
that won't like me...
1356
01:24:28,280 --> 01:24:29,800
...and I think that's OK.
1357
01:24:36,680 --> 01:24:39,600
All This Love
by Angus & Julia Stone.
1358
01:24:56,400 --> 01:25:01,376
You find the way there
and I will never ask
1359
01:25:01,400 --> 01:25:03,880
I will follow you
1360
01:25:05,560 --> 01:25:07,880
I will follow you
1361
01:25:10,280 --> 01:25:16,056
You be the night sky
and I will be the stars
1362
01:25:16,080 --> 01:25:18,120
I will follow you
1363
01:25:19,640 --> 01:25:21,880
I will follow you
1364
01:25:24,400 --> 01:25:26,960
There's all this love
if you need it
1365
01:25:31,280 --> 01:25:33,760
There's all this love
if you need it
1366
01:25:37,840 --> 01:25:40,840
There's all this love
if you need it
1367
01:25:45,080 --> 01:25:47,480
There's all this love
if you need it
1368
01:25:48,680 --> 01:25:49,880
Yeah...
110831
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