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1
00:00:05,254 --> 00:00:08,382
Wow, this is an honor.
2
00:00:08,674 --> 00:00:10,176
I am friends with number four
3
00:00:10,468 --> 00:00:13,638
on Maxim's list
of the sexiest women in comedy.
4
00:00:13,930 --> 00:00:14,639
Thanks.
5
00:00:14,931 --> 00:00:16,158
At first I was mad
that Jessica Simpson
6
00:00:16,182 --> 00:00:17,182
was ahead of me.
7
00:00:17,433 --> 00:00:18,660
But then I saw
the Dukes of Hazzard.
8
00:00:18,684 --> 00:00:20,394
Funny!
9
00:00:20,686 --> 00:00:22,146
What is that, baby oil?
10
00:00:22,438 --> 00:00:23,856
Actually, they use
salad dressing,
11
00:00:24,148 --> 00:00:26,025
'cause it gets a better sheen.
12
00:00:26,317 --> 00:00:26,943
This is ridiculous.
13
00:00:27,235 --> 00:00:28,995
What does any of this
have to do with comedy?
14
00:00:29,237 --> 00:00:30,237
Ya burnt!
15
00:00:30,488 --> 00:00:31,614
Listen, I just...
16
00:00:31,906 --> 00:00:33,592
I wanna make sure you're not
gonna regret this, you know?
17
00:00:33,616 --> 00:00:35,284
Because it's not just cute guys
18
00:00:35,576 --> 00:00:36,619
that buy these magazines,
19
00:00:36,911 --> 00:00:39,247
it's teenage boys
with weird rashes
20
00:00:39,539 --> 00:00:41,207
and old guys that live at the Y.
21
00:00:41,499 --> 00:00:43,334
Liz, posing in Maxim
is a great career move.
22
00:00:43,626 --> 00:00:44,752
There's no shame in it.
23
00:00:45,044 --> 00:00:46,837
I'm laughin', I'm horny,
let's do this!
24
00:00:48,714 --> 00:00:50,394
♪ All I wanna do
is zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoom ♪
25
00:00:50,633 --> 00:00:51,902
Put the chicken near your mouth.
26
00:00:51,926 --> 00:00:52,926
♪ Just shake your rump ♪
27
00:00:52,969 --> 00:00:53,969
♪ All I wanna do ♪
28
00:00:54,136 --> 00:00:55,256
♪ Is zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoom ♪
29
00:00:55,346 --> 00:00:56,346
♪ In a poom poom ♪
30
00:00:56,514 --> 00:00:57,098
Awesome.
31
00:00:57,390 --> 00:00:59,141
Oh!
32
00:01:05,398 --> 00:01:07,400
Well, you look happy.
33
00:01:07,692 --> 00:01:09,527
Somebody just have
a root beer float?
34
00:01:09,819 --> 00:01:12,280
No, Josh's contract is up,
which means
35
00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:14,216
it's time for my favorite
thing in the world,
36
00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:15,700
negotiation.
37
00:01:15,992 --> 00:01:17,159
The essence of capitalism.
38
00:01:17,451 --> 00:01:18,619
There's nothing like it.
39
00:01:18,911 --> 00:01:20,222
God, I wish there was
something I could negotiate with
40
00:01:20,246 --> 00:01:21,497
right now.
Hey, Jack?
41
00:01:22,915 --> 00:01:23,541
Just a reminder,
I need a couple minutes
42
00:01:23,833 --> 00:01:25,418
to go over breakage today...
How's noon?
43
00:01:25,710 --> 00:01:26,910
Can't do that.
Make it 4:00 AM.
44
00:01:27,003 --> 00:01:28,564
That's no good.
What about after rehearsal?
45
00:01:28,588 --> 00:01:29,588
10:00.
46
00:01:29,755 --> 00:01:31,007
Stop insulting me.
3:00 AM.
47
00:01:31,299 --> 00:01:32,484
Midnight.
You bring the coffee.
48
00:01:32,508 --> 00:01:33,217
2:30, you bring the coffee.
49
00:01:33,509 --> 00:01:34,509
That's my final.
50
00:01:34,719 --> 00:01:35,719
Done.
51
00:01:38,723 --> 00:01:39,932
Wow, you do have a talent.
52
00:01:40,224 --> 00:01:42,184
I can't wait
to go mano a mano with Josh.
53
00:01:42,476 --> 00:01:45,396
Right, I think you mean
mano a toddler.
54
00:01:45,688 --> 00:01:47,857
Josh is a very sweet,
very dumb kid.
55
00:01:48,149 --> 00:01:49,358
Please go easy on him.
56
00:01:49,650 --> 00:01:50,961
I'll try to remember that
when you and I
57
00:01:50,985 --> 00:01:51,985
meet with him later.
58
00:01:52,153 --> 00:01:52,862
What, me?
59
00:01:53,154 --> 00:01:54,354
Don't make me be part of this.
60
00:01:54,614 --> 00:01:55,966
Lemon, I would like
to teach you something.
61
00:01:55,990 --> 00:01:57,390
I would like to be
Michelle Pfeiffer
62
00:01:57,533 --> 00:01:59,577
to your angry black kid
who learns that poetry
63
00:01:59,869 --> 00:02:01,662
is just another way to rap.
64
00:02:01,954 --> 00:02:03,765
No, Jack, I don't wanna
learn about negotiation.
65
00:02:03,789 --> 00:02:06,042
I just want Josh to stay.
The show needs him.
66
00:02:06,334 --> 00:02:08,878
Lesson number one,
you don't need anyone.
67
00:02:09,170 --> 00:02:11,380
Sure, Josh tests well
with female viewers 12 to 24,
68
00:02:11,672 --> 00:02:12,992
which is important
to advertisers,
69
00:02:13,174 --> 00:02:15,027
because young women will buy
just about anything.
70
00:02:15,051 --> 00:02:16,844
These sunglasses
have a chip in them
71
00:02:17,136 --> 00:02:18,846
that makes the lenses
change color
72
00:02:19,138 --> 00:02:21,057
as my iPod loses power.
73
00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:22,784
But whatever Josh
brings to the show,
74
00:02:22,808 --> 00:02:24,894
he's still replaceable.
75
00:02:25,186 --> 00:02:26,604
He's not replaceable
as my friend.
76
00:02:26,896 --> 00:02:28,898
He's not your friend now,
he's your opponent.
77
00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:30,830
He's going to try
to grab all the marbles,
78
00:02:31,108 --> 00:02:32,693
and it's our job to hide them.
79
00:02:32,985 --> 00:02:34,465
That's not how
you play marbles, Jack.
80
00:02:34,570 --> 00:02:35,730
But that's how you keep them.
81
00:02:39,909 --> 00:02:41,911
Yo, remember that email we got
82
00:02:42,203 --> 00:02:43,803
from those Nigerians
that needed our help
83
00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:46,290
gettin' all that money
out of Africa?
84
00:02:46,582 --> 00:02:48,959
We did it!
I got the check today.
85
00:02:49,251 --> 00:02:50,251
Say word?
86
00:02:50,378 --> 00:02:51,629
Word is bond.
87
00:02:51,921 --> 00:02:53,148
I would have been happy
if our only reward
88
00:02:53,172 --> 00:02:54,652
was just helping
that dethroned prince
89
00:02:54,924 --> 00:02:56,109
of Nigeria, but this is great!
90
00:02:56,133 --> 00:02:57,173
We should treat ourselves.
91
00:02:57,259 --> 00:02:59,219
Want to go to Vegas
and buy a bunch of sarcophagi?
92
00:02:59,470 --> 00:03:00,470
Nah.
93
00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:01,972
I don't even use
the ones I have.
94
00:03:02,264 --> 00:03:03,974
We could add someone else
to the entourage.
95
00:03:04,266 --> 00:03:05,851
That's a good idea.
96
00:03:06,143 --> 00:03:07,537
Yo, what's young Larry
doing these days?
97
00:03:07,561 --> 00:03:08,854
He's in Jay-Z's entourage.
98
00:03:09,146 --> 00:03:09,772
What about Cheese?
99
00:03:10,064 --> 00:03:11,458
He's rolling
with Ghostface Killer now.
100
00:03:11,482 --> 00:03:11,982
Fatballz?
101
00:03:12,274 --> 00:03:14,402
Studying hotel administration
at Cornell.
102
00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:18,114
Well, go ahead, Fatballz!
That's a good program.
103
00:03:18,406 --> 00:03:19,782
Hello there, Mr. Jordan.
104
00:03:20,074 --> 00:03:21,154
Mr. Slattery, Mr. Griswold.
105
00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:22,660
I picked up your lunch
from Sylvia's.
106
00:03:22,952 --> 00:03:24,429
Extra cornbread
because I know you like it.
107
00:03:24,453 --> 00:03:26,288
Like it?
I love it!
108
00:03:26,580 --> 00:03:27,748
I love this cornbread so much
109
00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:29,309
I wanna take it
behind a middle school
110
00:03:29,333 --> 00:03:30,584
and get it pregnant.
111
00:03:32,753 --> 00:03:33,963
Pregnant cornbread.
112
00:03:34,255 --> 00:03:36,924
K, you like doing stuff
for me, right?
113
00:03:37,216 --> 00:03:39,593
How would you like to be
in my entourage?
114
00:03:39,885 --> 00:03:41,605
Well, that sounds like fun!
What would I do?
115
00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:42,972
Well, let's see.
116
00:03:43,264 --> 00:03:44,824
Dotcom does the driving
and the cooking.
117
00:03:44,849 --> 00:03:47,143
Grizz is in charge
of sitting on me
118
00:03:47,435 --> 00:03:48,515
when I get over stimulated.
119
00:03:48,769 --> 00:03:50,187
But I have been
looking for someone
120
00:03:50,479 --> 00:03:52,273
to harmonize with me.
121
00:03:52,565 --> 00:03:53,941
♪ The sun'll come out ♪
122
00:03:54,233 --> 00:03:56,026
♪ Tomorrow ♪
♪ Tomorrow ♪
123
00:03:56,318 --> 00:03:59,029
♪ Bet your bottom dollar
that tomorrow ♪
124
00:03:59,321 --> 00:04:01,031
♪ Fa la la la ♪
125
00:04:01,323 --> 00:04:03,492
♪ There'll be sun ♪
126
00:04:03,784 --> 00:04:05,745
This is a really special day.
127
00:04:06,036 --> 00:04:08,330
♪ Just thinking
about to... ♪
128
00:04:12,334 --> 00:04:20,050
♪♪
129
00:04:28,517 --> 00:04:29,517
Nice.
Yowza.
130
00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:30,853
Isn't it great?
131
00:04:31,145 --> 00:04:33,814
These are the sexiest women
in comedy?
132
00:04:34,106 --> 00:04:36,525
Where's Jackée?
133
00:04:36,817 --> 00:04:37,878
Jenna, have you read
your interview yet?
134
00:04:37,902 --> 00:04:38,444
Oh, no.
135
00:04:38,736 --> 00:04:40,112
Did I come across
as interesting?
136
00:04:40,404 --> 00:04:42,090
'Cause I tried to mention Bono
as much as possible.
137
00:04:42,114 --> 00:04:43,824
No, you come across as crazy.
138
00:04:44,116 --> 00:04:46,911
Why did you tell the reporter
that you hate the troops?
139
00:04:47,203 --> 00:04:47,870
What?
140
00:04:48,162 --> 00:04:49,402
I didn't say I hate the troops.
141
00:05:04,595 --> 00:05:06,388
But it's just
a bunch of gay guys
142
00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:09,141
that like to get in
silly costumes
143
00:05:09,433 --> 00:05:10,433
and prance around.
144
00:05:10,684 --> 00:05:12,561
No, Liz, he heard me wrong.
145
00:05:12,853 --> 00:05:14,313
You know that I love the troops.
146
00:05:14,605 --> 00:05:15,624
Do you remember that fleet week
147
00:05:15,648 --> 00:05:16,774
after I broke up with David?
148
00:05:17,066 --> 00:05:18,901
Oh, God, this is bad.
149
00:05:19,193 --> 00:05:20,796
Nobody reads the articles
in these things, right?
150
00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:22,655
Maybe no one'll pick it up?
151
00:05:22,947 --> 00:05:27,034
These Hollyweirdos
from La La Land
152
00:05:27,326 --> 00:05:29,995
like Jenna Moron-ey
are just un-American!
153
00:05:30,287 --> 00:05:32,039
So we are calling for a boycott
154
00:05:32,331 --> 00:05:35,084
of NBC, General Electric,
155
00:05:35,376 --> 00:05:36,836
and their parent company
156
00:05:37,127 --> 00:05:38,712
the Sheinhardt Wig Corporation.
157
00:05:39,004 --> 00:05:40,005
Jack, I was misquoted.
158
00:05:40,297 --> 00:05:41,297
This is my fault.
159
00:05:41,507 --> 00:05:42,943
I never should have
let her do this Maxim thing
160
00:05:42,967 --> 00:05:43,967
in the first place.
161
00:05:44,218 --> 00:05:45,818
We're going to nip this thing
in the bud.
162
00:05:46,011 --> 00:05:47,531
Jenna is going
to make a public apology
163
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:49,557
tomorrow on Hardball.
164
00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:50,558
You know what that is,
don't you?
165
00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:52,518
Yes.
Should I prepare a song?
166
00:05:52,810 --> 00:05:55,563
I really can't wait
to renegotiate your contract.
167
00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:57,439
Thank you, sir.
168
00:06:01,861 --> 00:06:02,861
What?
169
00:06:03,028 --> 00:06:03,696
Hey.
170
00:06:03,988 --> 00:06:05,865
Does my vulva look swollen?
171
00:06:06,156 --> 00:06:07,950
Come here.
172
00:06:08,242 --> 00:06:09,702
I just wanna warn you
as a friend
173
00:06:09,994 --> 00:06:11,453
about this contract thing.
174
00:06:11,745 --> 00:06:13,122
Jack is gunning for you.
175
00:06:13,414 --> 00:06:14,790
Really?
176
00:06:15,082 --> 00:06:16,434
Don't worry,
you're not going anywhere.
177
00:06:16,458 --> 00:06:18,085
Jack said advertisers love you,
178
00:06:18,377 --> 00:06:20,421
because you test great
with women 12 to 24.
179
00:06:20,713 --> 00:06:21,797
Which advertisers?
180
00:06:22,089 --> 00:06:23,716
Could I get free Choco Sticks?
181
00:06:24,008 --> 00:06:25,676
Just don't be pushy
about your contract,
182
00:06:25,968 --> 00:06:27,488
and I promise
we will get through this.
183
00:06:27,595 --> 00:06:29,847
Yeah, um...
184
00:06:30,139 --> 00:06:32,516
Alan actually told me
not to talk to anybody
185
00:06:32,808 --> 00:06:34,143
about this.
186
00:06:34,435 --> 00:06:35,853
Alan?
Who's Alan?
187
00:06:36,145 --> 00:06:37,855
Jacuzzi, the whole nine yards.
188
00:06:38,147 --> 00:06:40,274
Jack.
Jack Donaghy.
189
00:06:40,566 --> 00:06:42,359
Alan Steiner.
Good to see ya.
190
00:06:42,651 --> 00:06:43,651
I'm Josh Gerard's agent.
191
00:06:43,861 --> 00:06:45,029
Oh, really?
192
00:06:45,321 --> 00:06:47,865
Listen, I'd love to grab
a little face time with you
193
00:06:48,157 --> 00:06:49,825
re: Josh's contract offer.
194
00:06:50,117 --> 00:06:51,744
We've got some
serious troubs, my friend.
195
00:06:52,036 --> 00:06:53,621
We are not smiles-times.
196
00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:56,290
I'm sorry to hear that, Alan.
197
00:06:56,582 --> 00:06:58,709
What your skedge manana?
198
00:06:59,001 --> 00:07:02,129
'Cause this is gonna be
one serious negosh.
199
00:07:02,421 --> 00:07:03,839
My skedge is wide open, Alan.
200
00:07:04,131 --> 00:07:08,802
Hasta manana.
201
00:07:09,094 --> 00:07:11,472
♪ What a man, what a man
what a mighty good man ♪
202
00:07:11,764 --> 00:07:12,473
♪ Mighty mighty good man ♪
203
00:07:12,765 --> 00:07:13,765
Yeah!
204
00:07:15,893 --> 00:07:17,728
So, entourage,
what's on the schedule
205
00:07:18,020 --> 00:07:18,562
for today?
206
00:07:18,854 --> 00:07:19,956
I have us penciled in for Halo.
207
00:07:19,980 --> 00:07:21,523
I love Halo!
208
00:07:21,815 --> 00:07:23,375
I love Halo so much,
I wanna take it out
209
00:07:23,442 --> 00:07:25,778
behind a middle school
and get it pregnant!
210
00:07:28,530 --> 00:07:29,850
Why are you
guys laughing so hard?
211
00:07:30,074 --> 00:07:31,408
That's the same joke
212
00:07:31,700 --> 00:07:32,701
Mr. Jordan said earlier.
213
00:07:32,993 --> 00:07:34,370
I don't think so, K.
214
00:07:34,662 --> 00:07:36,455
'Cause I like
to keep my material fresh.
215
00:07:36,747 --> 00:07:38,147
I like to keep things fresh
SO much,
216
00:07:38,248 --> 00:07:39,935
that I wanna take it out
behind the middle school
217
00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:40,959
and get it pregnant.
218
00:07:47,091 --> 00:07:48,634
Whoa, who just killed me?
219
00:07:48,926 --> 00:07:49,635
That's never happened before.
220
00:07:49,927 --> 00:07:50,928
I did, Mr. Jordan!
221
00:07:51,220 --> 00:07:52,596
That's impossible!
222
00:07:52,888 --> 00:07:54,765
I've beat
all the world's best players.
223
00:07:55,057 --> 00:07:57,810
Grizz, Dotcom, my
publicist, my stylist...
224
00:07:58,102 --> 00:07:59,228
Oh, well...
225
00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:00,229
I just killed you again!
226
00:08:00,521 --> 00:08:01,605
You're cheating!
227
00:08:01,897 --> 00:08:03,190
And I don't wanna play no more!
228
00:08:03,482 --> 00:08:04,525
I hate this!
229
00:08:04,817 --> 00:08:05,817
Grizz!
230
00:08:05,985 --> 00:08:07,820
I think it's best
you come sit on me.
231
00:08:13,701 --> 00:08:15,381
And I just want the troops
to kill everyone
232
00:08:15,411 --> 00:08:16,662
and come on home.
233
00:08:16,954 --> 00:08:18,580
Pretty good.
234
00:08:18,872 --> 00:08:20,332
But this is Hardball, Jenna,
235
00:08:20,624 --> 00:08:21,977
SO you might wanna
be more specific.
236
00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:24,420
You could say
that you support the troops,
237
00:08:24,712 --> 00:08:26,588
but you feel that the war
was poorly planned
238
00:08:26,880 --> 00:08:28,757
and started
under false pretenses.
239
00:08:29,049 --> 00:08:30,318
And that we should have
used those resources
240
00:08:30,342 --> 00:08:31,552
to hunt down Osama Bin Laden.
241
00:08:31,844 --> 00:08:33,113
Liz, I'm just worried
that I'm gonna
242
00:08:33,137 --> 00:08:34,977
sound like I don't know
what I'm talking about.
243
00:08:35,097 --> 00:08:37,599
Hey, would Sharon Stone
worry about that?
244
00:08:37,891 --> 00:08:38,600
Mm-mm.
245
00:08:38,892 --> 00:08:39,892
Would Richard Gere?
246
00:08:40,019 --> 00:08:41,019
No.
247
00:08:41,061 --> 00:08:43,439
Then you go out there
and you voice your opinions
248
00:08:43,731 --> 00:08:46,358
like a star.
249
00:08:46,650 --> 00:08:48,086
Okay, what are you gonna do
if they ask about '087
250
00:08:48,110 --> 00:08:50,213
Well, of course I want Hillary
to be the first woman president.
251
00:08:50,237 --> 00:08:51,822
Ugh.
No, Obama.
252
00:08:52,114 --> 00:08:52,740
You support Barrack Obama.
253
00:08:53,032 --> 00:08:54,867
Remember, you liked
those pictures of him
254
00:08:55,159 --> 00:08:55,826
at the beach?
255
00:08:56,118 --> 00:08:57,453
Oh, right.
256
00:08:57,745 --> 00:08:59,830
Obama, what is he, Hispanic?
257
00:09:00,122 --> 00:09:00,748
No, he's black.
258
00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:02,100
And he's running for President?
259
00:09:02,124 --> 00:09:03,333
Good luck.
260
00:09:06,336 --> 00:09:08,630
♪♪
261
00:09:08,922 --> 00:09:10,799
Is this new furniture?
262
00:09:11,091 --> 00:09:12,593
This is my negotiation set.
263
00:09:12,885 --> 00:09:13,885
What?
264
00:09:13,969 --> 00:09:17,639
Gentlemen, please sit down.
265
00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:26,482
All right, let's skip
the foreplay
266
00:09:26,774 --> 00:09:28,054
and get right to the penetraish.
267
00:09:28,192 --> 00:09:29,985
Josh is looking for
268
00:09:30,277 --> 00:09:31,695
a 15% raise,
269
00:09:31,987 --> 00:09:32,654
a two-pic guarantee
from Universal,
270
00:09:32,946 --> 00:09:34,573
and time off
for every Jewish holiday
271
00:09:34,865 --> 00:09:35,865
no matter how ridiculous.
272
00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:37,826
I mean, Yaznach is coming up.
273
00:09:38,118 --> 00:09:38,660
That seems pretty reasonable,
274
00:09:38,952 --> 00:09:39,952
right, Jack?
275
00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:42,956
Here's my counteroffer.
276
00:09:43,248 --> 00:09:44,248
One dollar.
277
00:09:45,501 --> 00:09:46,501
What?
278
00:09:46,585 --> 00:09:47,585
Oh, boy.
279
00:09:47,711 --> 00:09:48,711
That's absurd.
280
00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:49,754
You know what's absurd?
281
00:09:49,922 --> 00:09:51,632
These photos I found of Josh
282
00:09:51,924 --> 00:09:53,550
roughhousing with Lance Bass
at Sea World.
283
00:09:53,842 --> 00:09:56,595
What, we were just being silly.
284
00:09:56,887 --> 00:09:58,347
My offer is now 75 cents.
285
00:09:58,639 --> 00:10:01,058
Tic toc tic toc tic toc.
286
00:10:01,350 --> 00:10:04,186
It keeps getting lower.
I think we should take it.
287
00:10:04,478 --> 00:10:05,604
Relax.
288
00:10:05,896 --> 00:10:08,690
Look, Jack...
we know about the testing.
289
00:10:08,982 --> 00:10:10,651
Women from 12 to 24...
290
00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:12,861
love my guy.
291
00:10:13,153 --> 00:10:14,196
Who told you that?
292
00:10:15,906 --> 00:10:16,323
Oh, Liz did.
293
00:10:16,615 --> 00:10:17,615
What? Shut up.
294
00:10:17,825 --> 00:10:19,868
That was privileged information.
295
00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:20,661
That's what I thought.
296
00:10:20,953 --> 00:10:22,496
Awse.
297
00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:25,249
We are back in the game.
298
00:10:25,541 --> 00:10:26,959
I knew you weren't ready
299
00:10:27,251 --> 00:10:29,002
for a big chair.
300
00:10:36,009 --> 00:10:37,803
Yo, Kenneth,
we need to talk, man.
301
00:10:38,095 --> 00:10:40,681
Oh, I've had
this conversation before.
302
00:10:40,973 --> 00:10:42,599
You're marrying my mom,
aren't you?
303
00:10:42,891 --> 00:10:44,017
No.
304
00:10:44,309 --> 00:10:46,103
It's about
how you're treating Tracy.
305
00:10:46,395 --> 00:10:47,521
You're beating him at Halo,
306
00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:49,093
you're not laughing
at his jokes.
307
00:10:49,314 --> 00:10:50,649
He's the king around here.
308
00:10:50,941 --> 00:10:51,567
You gotta respect that.
309
00:10:51,859 --> 00:10:53,235
Oh, my gosh.
310
00:10:53,527 --> 00:10:54,963
I had no idea
I was causing a problem.
311
00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:58,532
Hey, I got next game.
312
00:10:58,824 --> 00:11:00,534
Hold up.
313
00:11:00,826 --> 00:11:02,578
How are you
beating Kenneth, Grizz?
314
00:11:02,870 --> 00:11:03,537
I don't know.
315
00:11:03,829 --> 00:11:04,829
If Kenneth can beat me,
316
00:11:04,913 --> 00:11:06,331
and you can beat Kenneth,
317
00:11:06,623 --> 00:11:07,642
then by the transitive property,
318
00:11:07,666 --> 00:11:09,626
you should beat me too!
319
00:11:09,918 --> 00:11:11,503
Have you been letting me win?
320
00:11:11,795 --> 00:11:13,672
Just at some things.
321
00:11:13,964 --> 00:11:15,716
Things?
Plural?
322
00:11:18,427 --> 00:11:22,139
What is the world's
only egg-laying mammal?
323
00:11:22,431 --> 00:11:23,849
The Easter bunny!
324
00:11:24,141 --> 00:11:25,350
Right again!
325
00:11:25,642 --> 00:11:26,768
That's a green pie piece.
326
00:11:27,060 --> 00:11:28,687
Amazed.
327
00:11:28,979 --> 00:11:30,189
Raaah!
328
00:11:32,441 --> 00:11:33,441
Yeah, what, cat?
329
00:11:33,525 --> 00:11:35,110
Yeah, Dotcom!
Yeah, Grizz!
330
00:11:35,402 --> 00:11:36,612
Have you two been treating me
331
00:11:36,904 --> 00:11:38,030
like this all this time?
332
00:11:38,322 --> 00:11:39,322
Like a child?
333
00:11:39,364 --> 00:11:41,909
No no no,
I won't stand for this.
334
00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:43,869
Entourage disbanded!
335
00:11:49,917 --> 00:11:50,917
Oh, my.
336
00:11:51,084 --> 00:11:53,462
Tucker Carlson, you heard
what Jenna Maroney had to say.
337
00:11:53,754 --> 00:11:54,754
She supports the troops.
338
00:11:54,796 --> 00:11:55,815
Well, here's a question, Chris.
339
00:11:55,839 --> 00:11:57,525
Why do we care
what she thinks about anything?
340
00:11:57,549 --> 00:11:59,309
This woman strikes me
as another empty-headed
341
00:11:59,593 --> 00:12:01,803
self-involved member
of the Hollywood ignorati.
342
00:12:02,095 --> 00:12:03,889
You know, for someone
who's super super hot,
343
00:12:04,181 --> 00:12:05,390
you're really cranky.
344
00:12:05,682 --> 00:12:07,202
I have just as much right
to my opinion
345
00:12:07,226 --> 00:12:08,268
as you or Chris.
346
00:12:08,560 --> 00:12:09,728
I'm not sure you do.
347
00:12:10,020 --> 00:12:11,855
You've been on the show
for 20 minutes now.
348
00:12:12,147 --> 00:12:13,958
You sang six bars of something
called Muffin Top.
349
00:12:13,982 --> 00:12:14,691
Thank you.
350
00:12:14,983 --> 00:12:16,610
And then told a disgusting story
351
00:12:16,902 --> 00:12:18,612
about Fleet Week.
352
00:12:18,904 --> 00:12:20,048
I guess this is the state
of political discourse
353
00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:20,447
in this country nowadays.
354
00:12:20,739 --> 00:12:22,091
And that's fine,
let's just embrace it.
355
00:12:22,115 --> 00:12:23,435
Let's have our policies
determined
356
00:12:23,533 --> 00:12:25,702
by former Cable Ace Award
nominees.
357
00:12:25,994 --> 00:12:28,038
First, I was great
in that Arliss.
358
00:12:28,330 --> 00:12:30,624
Second of all,
if they president is so serious
359
00:12:30,916 --> 00:12:31,916
about the war of terror,
360
00:12:32,125 --> 00:12:33,669
why doesn't he
hunt down and capture
361
00:12:33,961 --> 00:12:36,630
Barrack Obama
before he strikes again?
362
00:12:36,922 --> 00:12:38,202
It's time for a change, America.
363
00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:41,176
That's why I'm voting
for Osama in 2008.
364
00:12:43,553 --> 00:12:46,098
Oh, no comeback?
Ya burnt!
365
00:12:54,606 --> 00:12:56,608
Hey, Jack, I was totally
gonna call you.
366
00:12:56,900 --> 00:12:58,140
Which of your massive screw-ups
367
00:12:58,193 --> 00:12:59,611
should we discuss first?
368
00:12:59,903 --> 00:13:01,446
How about the Jenna situation?
369
00:13:01,738 --> 00:13:03,031
That is taken care of.
370
00:13:03,323 --> 00:13:04,483
I have written an op ed piece
371
00:13:04,574 --> 00:13:06,201
for the New York Times
under Jenna's name
372
00:13:06,493 --> 00:13:08,745
in which I put the media
on trial.
373
00:13:09,037 --> 00:13:10,205
Boo!
Here's the plan.
374
00:13:10,497 --> 00:13:12,392
We're gonna take Jenna,
put some flags behind her,
375
00:13:12,416 --> 00:13:14,334
have her sing a song
that rhymes USA
376
00:13:14,626 --> 00:13:16,271
with "Make them pay,"
dress her in an eagle costume,
377
00:13:16,295 --> 00:13:17,689
and we're gonna call it
a salute to the troops episode.
378
00:13:17,713 --> 00:13:18,380
Okay.
379
00:13:18,672 --> 00:13:20,340
Moving on, Josh Gerard.
380
00:13:20,632 --> 00:13:22,843
I had him
right where I wanted him.
381
00:13:23,135 --> 00:13:24,695
Until my partner
stabbed me in the back.
382
00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:26,471
I didn't mean to do that.
I'm sorry.
383
00:13:26,763 --> 00:13:28,765
I was just trying
to give my friend a head's up.
384
00:13:29,057 --> 00:13:30,350
Why can't we all just sit down
385
00:13:30,642 --> 00:13:31,642
in normal chairs
386
00:13:31,893 --> 00:13:33,687
and figure this out?
387
00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:36,273
Cerie, is Josh in yet?
388
00:13:36,565 --> 00:13:38,358
Josh isn't coming in today.
He's sick.
389
00:13:38,650 --> 00:13:39,877
He said he was
throwing up all night.
390
00:13:39,901 --> 00:13:40,986
A sick out?
391
00:13:41,278 --> 00:13:42,654
I didn't think he had it in him.
392
00:13:42,946 --> 00:13:44,031
What are you talking about?
393
00:13:44,323 --> 00:13:45,323
He's faking.
394
00:13:45,449 --> 00:13:46,509
He's gonna stay home
until we give in
395
00:13:46,533 --> 00:13:47,533
to his demands.
396
00:13:47,784 --> 00:13:49,544
No, Josh could not
come up with a sneaky plan
397
00:13:49,828 --> 00:13:51,204
like that.
398
00:13:51,496 --> 00:13:52,640
He told me he was a pallbearer
399
00:13:52,664 --> 00:13:53,664
at his brother's wedding.
400
00:13:53,749 --> 00:13:55,435
He's probably just sick
because he's stressed out
401
00:13:55,459 --> 00:13:56,084
about his job.
402
00:13:56,376 --> 00:13:57,856
Lemon, what happened
in your childhood
403
00:13:57,961 --> 00:13:59,561
to make you believe
that people are good?
404
00:13:59,629 --> 00:14:00,672
You know what?
405
00:14:00,964 --> 00:14:02,132
If my friendships and my job
406
00:14:02,424 --> 00:14:04,217
are in compatible,
I choose my friends.
407
00:14:04,509 --> 00:14:04,885
And right now,
408
00:14:05,177 --> 00:14:07,763
I am going
to get some chicken soup
409
00:14:08,055 --> 00:14:09,699
from Josh's favorite place
and take it to him
410
00:14:09,723 --> 00:14:11,123
and say that I hope
he feels better.
411
00:14:13,977 --> 00:14:16,057
Do you ever get any emails
other than from match.com?
412
00:14:16,188 --> 00:14:18,315
No no, don't look at that.
413
00:14:20,525 --> 00:14:21,525
Aaah!
414
00:14:21,568 --> 00:14:24,154
Damn it!
415
00:14:24,446 --> 00:14:25,864
Close, right?
416
00:14:26,156 --> 00:14:27,407
Feel like I'm above the rim.
417
00:14:27,699 --> 00:14:29,201
Can't palm the ball.
418
00:14:29,493 --> 00:14:32,287
Sir, I think you made a mistake
firing Grizz and Dotcom.
419
00:14:32,579 --> 00:14:34,223
They just wanna make you
feel better about yourself.
420
00:14:34,247 --> 00:14:35,957
They disrespected me.
421
00:14:36,249 --> 00:14:37,249
But don't you miss them?
422
00:14:37,376 --> 00:14:39,252
You're the only one
I can trust, K.
423
00:14:39,544 --> 00:14:41,338
You're my whole entourage now.
424
00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:43,548
Oh, I'm not so sure
I can handle that.
425
00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:44,883
Yes, you can.
426
00:14:45,175 --> 00:14:46,455
Because you were honest with me.
427
00:14:46,593 --> 00:14:47,820
I don't need
a couple of yes-men.
428
00:14:47,844 --> 00:14:49,012
I need the truth.
429
00:14:49,304 --> 00:14:51,348
Well, if that's the case...
430
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:52,766
then you should know
431
00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:55,310
that you're never
gonna dunk this basketball.
432
00:14:55,602 --> 00:14:57,646
Also, that Oscar you have
is made of chocolate.
433
00:14:57,938 --> 00:14:59,658
And that lady
you European kissed last night
434
00:14:59,731 --> 00:15:00,750
was actually a gentleman...
435
00:15:00,774 --> 00:15:02,567
Okay, that's enough.
436
00:15:04,945 --> 00:15:07,239
Oh, here comes one right now.
437
00:15:07,531 --> 00:15:09,241
Excuse me, do you work for NBC?
438
00:15:09,533 --> 00:15:10,593
Oh, no, I was just
passing through there
439
00:15:10,617 --> 00:15:11,617
on my way to church.
440
00:15:11,701 --> 00:15:13,638
Well, are you interested
in taking back your country?
441
00:15:13,662 --> 00:15:14,704
Am I!
442
00:15:14,996 --> 00:15:16,706
Then join here tomorrow
night for a protest
443
00:15:16,998 --> 00:15:21,378
against the freedom-hating
Jenna Maroney and TGS!
444
00:15:21,670 --> 00:15:23,463
There will be snacks!
445
00:15:23,755 --> 00:15:25,507
I will definitely be there.
446
00:15:25,799 --> 00:15:28,802
Large chicken soup
to go, please.
447
00:15:29,094 --> 00:15:30,613
John and I saw your tape.
Very very impressed.
448
00:15:30,637 --> 00:15:33,598
You seem like a perfect match
for The Daily Show.
449
00:15:33,890 --> 00:15:36,518
We are always looking
for new correspondents.
450
00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:38,061
Josh?
451
00:15:38,353 --> 00:15:40,188
You stupid turd.
452
00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:42,858
Hey!
Liz.
453
00:15:43,150 --> 00:15:44,943
This is...
454
00:15:45,235 --> 00:15:46,379
Yeah, I can guess who this is.
455
00:15:46,403 --> 00:15:48,196
Are you trying
to get on another show?
456
00:15:48,488 --> 00:15:48,989
Behind my back?
457
00:15:49,281 --> 00:15:51,867
Look, Liz, I'm sorry.
It's just business.
458
00:15:52,159 --> 00:15:55,287
No, it's not business.
I stood up for you.
459
00:15:55,579 --> 00:15:58,415
You were opening for a puppet
when I found you.
460
00:15:58,707 --> 00:16:01,042
How could you
betray me like this?
461
00:16:01,334 --> 00:16:02,562
You know, that's not even
the worst part.
462
00:16:02,586 --> 00:16:03,866
You know what the worst part is?
463
00:16:03,962 --> 00:16:07,090
You proved Jack Donaghy right!
464
00:16:07,382 --> 00:16:08,758
Again!
465
00:16:10,552 --> 00:16:12,262
And by the way,
what kind of moron
466
00:16:12,554 --> 00:16:13,990
calls out sick
and then comes to work
467
00:16:14,014 --> 00:16:15,014
to have a meeting?
468
00:16:15,223 --> 00:16:16,433
I get an NBC discount here.
469
00:16:16,725 --> 00:16:17,851
Idiot!
470
00:16:18,143 --> 00:16:20,604
I'm a big fan of your show.
471
00:16:22,898 --> 00:16:26,401
♪♪
472
00:16:26,693 --> 00:16:27,944
I want you to crush Josh.
473
00:16:28,236 --> 00:16:29,905
I want you to crush him.
474
00:16:30,197 --> 00:16:32,449
♪♪
475
00:16:35,076 --> 00:16:36,556
Mr. Jordan, Keith called
on your cell.
476
00:16:36,703 --> 00:16:37,983
He said they were "at the thing,
477
00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:39,789
and Lil' Zay
just end up running."
478
00:16:40,081 --> 00:16:41,081
What did you tell him?
479
00:16:41,333 --> 00:16:42,518
Well, he wanted
Dwayne Jr.'s number,
480
00:16:42,542 --> 00:16:43,542
so I gave it to him.
481
00:16:43,627 --> 00:16:44,294
You did what?
482
00:16:44,586 --> 00:16:46,338
Damn it, K, now I have to hear
483
00:16:46,630 --> 00:16:48,965
from Tanisha's mom on how
they both mad at the twins.
484
00:16:49,257 --> 00:16:50,526
You have to handle
this stuff better.
485
00:16:50,550 --> 00:16:52,719
Mr. Jordan, I don't know
any of these people.
486
00:16:53,011 --> 00:16:54,513
But Grizz would have...
487
00:16:54,804 --> 00:16:56,890
Damn it, turn on the TV for me.
488
00:16:57,182 --> 00:16:59,518
Dotcom set this up.
489
00:16:59,809 --> 00:17:02,479
I don't know how it works.
490
00:17:02,771 --> 00:17:05,148
Television on!
491
00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:07,484
Pornography!
492
00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:10,361
Good, you're here.
493
00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:12,322
Josh and his agent
are on their way up.
494
00:17:12,614 --> 00:17:13,198
Ha ha, yeah.
495
00:17:13,490 --> 00:17:15,659
Then they're gonna be
on their way down.
496
00:17:15,951 --> 00:17:17,327
Um, you know, that was weak.
497
00:17:17,619 --> 00:17:18,328
But you're in the mix,
you're having fun.
498
00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:19,329
I like that.
499
00:17:19,621 --> 00:17:20,830
Gentlemen!
500
00:17:21,122 --> 00:17:23,375
Make yourselves comfortable.
501
00:17:27,170 --> 00:17:29,381
What are all
these head-shots for?
502
00:17:29,673 --> 00:17:30,382
Nothing.
503
00:17:30,674 --> 00:17:32,342
Just some meetings we're taking.
504
00:17:32,634 --> 00:17:33,634
Meetings?
505
00:17:33,677 --> 00:17:35,095
And if...
506
00:17:35,387 --> 00:17:36,822
Look, Jack,
I think I should tell you,
507
00:17:36,846 --> 00:17:38,515
Josh has an offer
from The Daily Show.
508
00:17:38,807 --> 00:17:39,807
Yes, Liz mentioned that.
509
00:17:40,058 --> 00:17:41,434
I don't think
that's gonna pan out.
510
00:17:41,726 --> 00:17:42,828
What, are you kidding?
What happened?
511
00:17:42,852 --> 00:17:44,229
What'd you do to our offer?
512
00:17:44,521 --> 00:17:45,665
I called my friend
Saul Sheinhardt
513
00:17:45,689 --> 00:17:47,148
at our parent company
Sheinhardt Wigs
514
00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:48,876
who called his nephew
Morty Sheinhardt
515
00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:50,819
who called his son,
John Stewart.
516
00:17:51,111 --> 00:17:52,362
♪ Ah ha ♪
517
00:17:52,654 --> 00:17:53,321
Ya burnt!
518
00:17:53,613 --> 00:17:55,373
Let's get down to brass tacks.
Josh can stay.
519
00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:56,116
Thank God!
520
00:17:56,408 --> 00:17:57,742
But no raise, no movies.
521
00:17:58,034 --> 00:17:59,154
And only one Jewish holiday.
522
00:17:59,327 --> 00:18:00,471
What's the one
where they go into the tent?
523
00:18:00,495 --> 00:18:01,079
Sukkot.
That's the one.
524
00:18:01,371 --> 00:18:02,789
We have a deal?
Deal, thank you.
525
00:18:03,081 --> 00:18:04,081
I need this money.
526
00:18:04,291 --> 00:18:05,917
I have a really bad
sex addiction.
527
00:18:06,209 --> 00:18:07,586
Sorry.
528
00:18:07,877 --> 00:18:09,296
That's it?
529
00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:10,606
I thought you said
we could crush him.
530
00:18:10,630 --> 00:18:11,214
What are you talking about?
531
00:18:11,506 --> 00:18:13,216
I took away everything.
That's crushing.
532
00:18:13,508 --> 00:18:14,884
No, do more stuff!
533
00:18:15,176 --> 00:18:16,416
You made me look like an idiot.
534
00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:18,013
You have to pay.
535
00:18:18,305 --> 00:18:19,505
Liz, he's not getting a raise.
536
00:18:19,556 --> 00:18:20,682
Do the worm!
537
00:18:22,642 --> 00:18:23,935
Do the worm!
538
00:18:28,523 --> 00:18:29,523
Good Lord, the worm!
539
00:18:29,733 --> 00:18:31,359
That's so degrading.
540
00:18:31,651 --> 00:18:32,651
Are its origins German?
541
00:18:32,902 --> 00:18:34,529
Now say five reasons
I'm better than you!
542
00:18:34,821 --> 00:18:35,530
Smarter than me.
543
00:18:35,822 --> 00:18:36,364
One!
544
00:18:36,656 --> 00:18:37,842
You can beat me
in arm wrestling.
545
00:18:37,866 --> 00:18:38,866
Two!
546
00:18:39,075 --> 00:18:40,118
You read the paper.
547
00:18:40,410 --> 00:18:41,786
Yeah, suck it,
I do read the paper.
548
00:18:42,078 --> 00:18:42,704
You want me to do anything?
549
00:18:42,996 --> 00:18:43,455
Be a crab!
550
00:18:43,747 --> 00:18:46,166
Crab.
551
00:18:46,458 --> 00:18:47,584
Fight the worm!
552
00:18:47,876 --> 00:18:49,294
Wow!
553
00:18:49,586 --> 00:18:51,026
Liz, you took to this
like a natural.
554
00:18:51,171 --> 00:18:52,213
More than I ever...
555
00:18:52,505 --> 00:18:54,257
Okay, now, the crab
is getting aroused.
556
00:18:54,549 --> 00:18:56,343
Shut it down.
Shut it down.
557
00:18:57,385 --> 00:18:59,429
> Small town worn fatigues
558
00:18:59,721 --> 00:19:01,723
♪ Big dreams
and little leagues ♪
559
00:19:02,015 --> 00:19:06,436
♪ Gigantic star-spangled
fireworks ♪
560
00:19:06,728 --> 00:19:09,272
♪ Light up the night ♪
561
00:19:09,564 --> 00:19:11,250
You know, you actually
did a good job on this.
562
00:19:11,274 --> 00:19:12,335
Why do you sound so surprised?
563
00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:13,485
I love America.
564
00:19:13,777 --> 00:19:14,319
Just because I think gay dudes
565
00:19:14,611 --> 00:19:15,987
should be allowed to adopt kids
566
00:19:16,279 --> 00:19:17,639
and we should all
have hybrid cars,
567
00:19:17,697 --> 00:19:19,017
doesn't mean
I don't love America.
568
00:19:20,742 --> 00:19:22,452
♪ I said America ♪
569
00:19:22,744 --> 00:19:25,914
♪ She said America ♪
570
00:19:26,206 --> 00:19:28,958
♪ I said Ameri... ♪
571
00:19:29,250 --> 00:19:30,377
And cue the pinwheels.
572
00:19:30,669 --> 00:19:32,212
♪ Ca ♪
573
00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:33,522
Okay, the pinwheels are lit,
574
00:19:33,546 --> 00:19:34,546
but they're not spinning.
575
00:19:34,756 --> 00:19:36,216
When they're not spinning,
576
00:19:36,508 --> 00:19:37,842
they look exactly like...
577
00:19:38,134 --> 00:19:39,134
Swastikas.
578
00:19:50,814 --> 00:19:54,109
TGS, Totally Godless Suckers.
579
00:19:54,401 --> 00:19:55,881
Or Satanists.
Ooh, that's even better.
580
00:19:57,487 --> 00:19:58,487
Hi!
581
00:20:04,577 --> 00:20:05,577
Entourage...
582
00:20:05,829 --> 00:20:07,622
Oh!
583
00:20:07,914 --> 00:20:09,074
You gotta get me out of here!
584
00:20:09,249 --> 00:20:11,251
Make a path, please!
585
00:20:11,543 --> 00:20:13,795
Help!
586
00:20:17,132 --> 00:20:23,388
♪♪
587
00:20:30,270 --> 00:20:32,313
Wow, Tray, you really saved us
from that crowd, yo.
588
00:20:32,605 --> 00:20:34,816
You sure did, man.
You sure did.
589
00:20:35,108 --> 00:20:36,109
Yeah.
Of course I did!
590
00:20:36,401 --> 00:20:37,986
I love you guys.
591
00:20:38,278 --> 00:20:39,821
I love you so much,
592
00:20:40,113 --> 00:20:42,323
I'm gonna take you
behind the middle school
593
00:20:42,615 --> 00:20:43,616
and get you pregnant.
594
00:20:45,910 --> 00:20:49,122
I love you, Dotcom.
I love you, Grizz.
595
00:20:49,414 --> 00:20:54,627
♪ And I will always love you ♪
596
00:20:54,919 --> 00:20:56,755
♪ And I will always love you ♪
40563
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