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1
00:00:01,918 --> 00:00:03,211
Look, Jack, I'm not blaming you,
2
00:00:03,503 --> 00:00:05,338
but everybody got food
poisoning.
3
00:00:05,630 --> 00:00:08,049
Food poisoning?
That isn't possible.
4
00:00:08,341 --> 00:00:09,860
That seafood was a gift
from my friend,
5
00:00:09,884 --> 00:00:12,345
the owner
of the Cleveland Browns.
6
00:00:12,637 --> 00:00:14,931
They're very expensive
freshwater clams
7
00:00:15,223 --> 00:00:15,932
from the Cuyahoga River.
8
00:00:16,224 --> 00:00:18,267
My whole staff
has been blorching
9
00:00:18,559 --> 00:00:20,228
for three days,
so if there's any way
10
00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:21,729
that we could show a rerun...
11
00:00:22,021 --> 00:00:23,261
I wish I could help you, Lemon,
12
00:00:23,439 --> 00:00:24,875
but I've already sold
the ad time to the army.
13
00:00:24,899 --> 00:00:26,651
Now, do the best you can,
I need a live show
14
00:00:26,943 --> 00:00:28,361
from you in two days.
15
00:00:28,653 --> 00:00:29,320
Uh, no, no, no, no.
16
00:00:29,612 --> 00:00:31,197
That's not for you.
Bianca's coming.
17
00:00:31,489 --> 00:00:34,033
Crazy Bianca is coming here?
18
00:00:34,325 --> 00:00:37,620
You make me wanna vomit.
19
00:00:37,912 --> 00:00:38,955
Why?
20
00:00:39,247 --> 00:00:40,367
Because she wants something.
21
00:00:40,581 --> 00:00:42,381
She only contacts me
when she wants something,
22
00:00:42,625 --> 00:00:43,960
and she's bringing her lawyer.
23
00:00:44,252 --> 00:00:46,230
Which means she's gonna try
to bleed something else
24
00:00:46,254 --> 00:00:47,356
out of me
in our divorce proceedings.
25
00:00:47,380 --> 00:00:49,966
You're not all the way divorced?
26
00:00:50,258 --> 00:00:52,058
Well, we've been
legally separated since 1989.
27
00:00:52,343 --> 00:00:53,362
It's been a nightmare, Lemon.
28
00:00:53,386 --> 00:00:54,488
I mean, one minute
you're newlyweds
29
00:00:54,512 --> 00:00:56,347
making love on the floor
of the Concorde,
30
00:00:56,639 --> 00:00:58,307
and the next your lawyers
are fighting
31
00:00:58,599 --> 00:01:00,639
over who gets to keep the box
your dog defecates in.
32
00:01:00,768 --> 00:01:02,208
You taught your dog
to poop in a box?
33
00:01:02,478 --> 00:01:04,146
Bianca did, but I want that box.
34
00:01:04,438 --> 00:01:05,147
Ugh.
35
00:01:05,439 --> 00:01:07,316
It's gonna take all day
and into the night
36
00:01:07,608 --> 00:01:08,808
to deal with that crazy woman.
37
00:01:08,859 --> 00:01:11,320
Fighting, conniving,
clawing at each other.
38
00:01:11,612 --> 00:01:13,322
Are you angry or excited
right now?
39
00:01:13,614 --> 00:01:14,614
I can't tell.
40
00:01:14,699 --> 00:01:19,287
Mrs. Donaghy and her lawyer
are here.
41
00:01:19,579 --> 00:01:23,082
I'm sorry, Johnny.
I'm a little early.
42
00:01:30,214 --> 00:01:32,383
This would work on Ugly Betty.
43
00:01:35,803 --> 00:01:43,803
♪♪
44
00:01:45,855 --> 00:01:53,195
♪♪
45
00:01:53,487 --> 00:01:54,487
Hey, guys.
46
00:01:54,697 --> 00:01:56,407
I'm sorry, but we're
gonna have to work
47
00:01:56,699 --> 00:01:57,408
all night tonight
48
00:01:57,700 --> 00:01:59,118
till we get caught up.
49
00:01:59,410 --> 00:02:01,162
What? Liz...
50
00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:02,556
I can't believe you're
gonna make us work
51
00:02:02,580 --> 00:02:04,332
all night on Valentine's Day.
52
00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:05,958
Is it Valentine's Day?
53
00:02:06,250 --> 00:02:07,250
Oh, I totally forgot.
54
00:02:07,501 --> 00:02:08,501
Hells, yes, Liz Lemon.
55
00:02:08,669 --> 00:02:09,378
And I had plans.
56
00:02:09,670 --> 00:02:11,213
Me and Angie rented
the penthouse
57
00:02:11,505 --> 00:02:13,507
at the SoHo Grand
where we will drink wine
58
00:02:13,799 --> 00:02:14,799
and pleasure each other.
59
00:02:14,842 --> 00:02:15,384
Gross.
60
00:02:15,676 --> 00:02:16,969
When you been married 17 years,
61
00:02:17,261 --> 00:02:18,346
you have to keep it spicy.
62
00:02:18,638 --> 00:02:20,556
That's why me and my wife
role-play.
63
00:02:20,848 --> 00:02:23,392
She put on a Girl Scout outfit
with a box of cookies,
64
00:02:23,684 --> 00:02:25,084
and ll answer the door
IN My boxers.
65
00:02:25,353 --> 00:02:27,647
Or I rent out a wheelchair,
and she pretends
66
00:02:27,938 --> 00:02:29,231
to be my caseworker.
67
00:02:29,523 --> 00:02:30,900
And in a way, she is.
68
00:02:31,192 --> 00:02:31,859
Well, what about me?
69
00:02:32,151 --> 00:02:33,569
I just took a whole bunch
of Cialis
70
00:02:33,861 --> 00:02:35,581
'cause I have
big Valentine's plans tonight.
71
00:02:35,863 --> 00:02:36,863
With who?
72
00:02:36,947 --> 00:02:38,032
Uh, nobody.
73
00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:40,201
Okay, you know,
I'm sorry, you guys,
74
00:02:40,493 --> 00:02:42,119
but we have to get this done.
75
00:02:42,411 --> 00:02:44,038
Let's order some dinner.
76
00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:46,499
Cerie, do you mind working late
on Valentine's Day?
77
00:02:46,791 --> 00:02:48,084
No, I don't care.
78
00:02:48,376 --> 00:02:50,086
Aris and I are
in a huge fight anyway.
79
00:02:50,378 --> 00:02:52,672
Well... Aris?
Is that your fiancé, Aris?
80
00:02:52,963 --> 00:02:56,175
Yeah, he keeps sending me
all these flowers to apologize,
81
00:02:56,467 --> 00:02:57,968
but he's still insisting
on having
82
00:02:58,260 --> 00:03:00,388
a Greek Orthodox wedding,
but I really disagree
83
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:02,139
with the church's stance
on Cyprus.
84
00:03:02,431 --> 00:03:05,309
Mm, so, um, Chinese?
Or not?
85
00:03:05,601 --> 00:03:07,436
Liz, these are actually for you.
86
00:03:07,728 --> 00:03:08,437
Who are they from?
87
00:03:08,729 --> 00:03:10,064
I don't know, it doesn't say.
88
00:03:10,356 --> 00:03:12,525
Secret admirer!
89
00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:21,951
Too bad you gotta work
all night!
90
00:03:22,243 --> 00:03:24,620
Johnny, thank you for speaking
to me in person.
91
00:03:24,912 --> 00:03:27,081
If this is about the dog box,
I'm not giving in.
92
00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:28,708
Oh, no, Johnny.
93
00:03:28,999 --> 00:03:30,960
I feel so terrible
for what happened
94
00:03:31,252 --> 00:03:32,503
at Gerhardt's party.
95
00:03:36,006 --> 00:03:38,217
Really? I had a fabulous time
at that party.
96
00:03:38,509 --> 00:03:40,094
I want our divorce to be final.
97
00:03:40,386 --> 00:03:42,972
All right.
98
00:03:43,264 --> 00:03:45,558
I want back all the jewelry
I ever bought you.
99
00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:46,850
Fine.
100
00:03:47,059 --> 00:03:50,104
I want the art supplies that
I gave you on your 40th birthday
101
00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:52,290
and any subsequent art projects
you made with them.
102
00:03:52,314 --> 00:03:53,314
Fine.
103
00:03:53,357 --> 00:03:54,543
I want all of our love letters.
104
00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:55,567
Fine.
105
00:03:55,776 --> 00:03:57,376
I want all
of your parents' love letters.
106
00:03:57,486 --> 00:03:58,154
Fine.
107
00:03:58,446 --> 00:04:00,072
I want full stake
in the Arby's franchise
108
00:04:00,364 --> 00:04:01,466
we bought outside of Telluride.
109
00:04:01,490 --> 00:04:02,908
Oh, damn it, Johnny,
you know I love
110
00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:05,911
my big beef and cheddar.
111
00:04:06,203 --> 00:04:07,538
Take it all.
112
00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:10,166
Take the Arby's,
take the house in Amagansett,
113
00:04:10,458 --> 00:04:11,917
take the Otto Dix paintings.
114
00:04:12,209 --> 00:04:13,209
I don't care anymore.
115
00:04:13,294 --> 00:04:14,294
I wanna move on.
116
00:04:14,336 --> 00:04:16,088
Mrs. Donaghy
intends to relinquish
117
00:04:16,380 --> 00:04:17,380
all communal property.
118
00:04:17,465 --> 00:04:20,634
We should have the papers
for you to sign tomorrow.
119
00:04:20,926 --> 00:04:22,470
Then I suppose we're done.
120
00:04:22,762 --> 00:04:25,264
We're done.
121
00:04:34,690 --> 00:04:35,959
Break out a bottle of champagne,
122
00:04:35,983 --> 00:04:38,152
but not the one that came
with the shellfish.
123
00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:40,362
Get some other bottle
of champagne.
124
00:04:41,906 --> 00:04:42,615
Hey.
125
00:04:42,907 --> 00:04:43,907
Hey.
126
00:04:43,991 --> 00:04:45,451
Did you send me these
to be nice?
127
00:04:45,743 --> 00:04:47,077
Why would I send you flowers?
128
00:04:47,369 --> 00:04:49,205
Because it's Valentine's Day...
129
00:04:49,497 --> 00:04:50,497
Oh, no! It's what?
130
00:04:50,581 --> 00:04:51,957
It's Valentine's Day?
131
00:04:52,249 --> 00:04:53,249
Again?
132
00:04:53,334 --> 00:04:55,044
Oh, did you blow it
with your wife?
133
00:04:55,336 --> 00:04:57,171
It's too late,
it's too late, I blew it.
134
00:04:57,463 --> 00:04:59,274
Well, who cares, you know,
it's just Valentine's Day.
135
00:04:59,298 --> 00:05:00,298
It's also her birthday.
136
00:05:00,508 --> 00:05:01,508
Ah.
137
00:05:03,260 --> 00:05:05,387
Oh, I got the turkey club.
138
00:05:05,679 --> 00:05:06,388
Hey.
139
00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:07,389
Hey, what's up?
140
00:05:07,681 --> 00:05:08,349
Did you just come
141
00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:10,518
from a Suzanne Somers
look-alike contest?
142
00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:11,810
Hilarious, Frank.
143
00:05:11,936 --> 00:05:15,064
Actually, I just came
from performing at Vagina Day.
144
00:05:15,356 --> 00:05:17,156
Is that an off-shoot
of The Vagina Monologues?
145
00:05:17,399 --> 00:05:19,068
No, we are in no way affiliated
146
00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:20,027
with The Vagina Monologues.
147
00:05:20,319 --> 00:05:21,987
Vagina Day ls a charity event
148
00:05:22,279 --> 00:05:22,988
founded by a group
of celebrities
149
00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:25,491
who have, for whatever reason,
never been asked
150
00:05:25,783 --> 00:05:27,343
to participate
in The Vagina Monologues.
151
00:05:27,451 --> 00:05:29,245
Every February 14,
we improvise monologues
152
00:05:29,537 --> 00:05:31,413
about our lady parts
for the homeless.
153
00:05:31,705 --> 00:05:33,123
Oh, to benefit the homeless?
154
00:05:33,415 --> 00:05:35,584
No, just for them.
155
00:05:37,419 --> 00:05:38,921
My vagina is a flower.
156
00:05:39,213 --> 00:05:40,923
A weird ugly flower.
157
00:05:41,215 --> 00:05:43,217
I remember the night
I lost my virginity.
158
00:05:43,509 --> 00:05:46,720
It was 1968, during
the Democratic Convention.
159
00:05:48,556 --> 00:05:49,556
Lemon, it's done.
160
00:05:49,598 --> 00:05:50,598
What's done?
161
00:05:50,683 --> 00:05:53,102
My divorce, it's final.
162
00:05:53,394 --> 00:05:54,728
Mwah!
163
00:05:55,020 --> 00:05:56,272
I'm divorced, everyone!
164
00:05:56,564 --> 00:05:57,604
Who wants to grab a drink?
165
00:05:57,773 --> 00:05:59,233
Yeah, I really can't, Jack.
166
00:05:59,525 --> 00:06:00,627
You're making us work
all night, remember?
167
00:06:00,651 --> 00:06:01,651
Oh.
168
00:06:01,819 --> 00:06:05,030
Hey, did you send me these
because you feel bad?
169
00:06:05,322 --> 00:06:09,159
I did not and I do not.
170
00:06:09,451 --> 00:06:11,287
Hey, Pete, you up
for a quick cocktail?
171
00:06:11,579 --> 00:06:13,348
Sorry, I gotta duck out,
I just found a Hallmark store
172
00:06:13,372 --> 00:06:14,957
open 70 blocks from here!
173
00:06:15,249 --> 00:06:17,293
Oh, Tracy, what do you say?
174
00:06:17,585 --> 00:06:19,065
A quick drink
to celebrate my freedom?
175
00:06:19,253 --> 00:06:21,213
Aw, Jackie D., any other time,
but I made plans
176
00:06:21,505 --> 00:06:22,505
with my wife tonight.
177
00:06:22,631 --> 00:06:23,173
Just one quick one.
178
00:06:23,465 --> 00:06:24,776
This is the best night
of my life!
179
00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:27,261
All right... just one!
180
00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:29,513
I gotta be downtown
dressed as a ninja by 10:00.
181
00:06:29,805 --> 00:06:32,516
Let's go.
182
00:06:32,808 --> 00:06:35,311
Hey, Frank, marry, boff, kill.
183
00:06:35,603 --> 00:06:38,147
Beyoncé, Paula Abdul, and Oprah.
184
00:06:38,439 --> 00:06:39,982
Dude, that's beyond easy.
185
00:06:40,274 --> 00:06:43,152
Boff Beyoncé,
Kill Paula, marry Oprah.
186
00:06:43,444 --> 00:06:45,654
Okay, marry, Boff, Kill.
187
00:06:45,946 --> 00:06:47,448
Cerie, Liz, and Jenna.
188
00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:49,033
Once again, no-brainer.
189
00:06:49,325 --> 00:06:51,452
Marry Liz, get with Cerie,
kill Jenna.
190
00:06:51,744 --> 00:06:53,329
I can hear you!
191
00:06:53,621 --> 00:06:54,663
Frank, knock it off.
192
00:06:54,955 --> 00:06:56,235
Don't play that game
about people
193
00:06:56,332 --> 00:06:57,332
who are in the room.
194
00:06:57,374 --> 00:06:57,917
Why not?
195
00:06:58,208 --> 00:07:00,669
Because it always starts out fun
and then it gets weird.
196
00:07:00,961 --> 00:07:04,590
But thank you for saying
that you would marry me.
197
00:07:04,882 --> 00:07:06,026
You didn't send me these, right?
198
00:07:06,050 --> 00:07:08,510
No.
Are you kidding me?
199
00:07:10,638 --> 00:07:11,798
Hi, um, my name is Liz Lemon,
200
00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:13,974
and I received flowers
from your shop tonight.
201
00:07:14,266 --> 00:07:17,269
And I can't tell who
they're from.
202
00:07:17,561 --> 00:07:20,689
No, no, I did read the card,
but it's not signed.
203
00:07:20,981 --> 00:07:24,526
No, I'm not with so many men
that it's impossible
204
00:07:24,818 --> 00:07:26,028
for me to guess.
205
00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:29,323
Well, that is just...
Oh, oh, well, you know what?
206
00:07:29,615 --> 00:07:31,575
I found the card, actually,
they're from your mom.
207
00:07:31,742 --> 00:07:34,370
Yeah, so tell your gay mom
I said thanks.
208
00:07:38,290 --> 00:07:40,542
We gotta order
some more champagne,
209
00:07:40,834 --> 00:07:43,170
go and jump on my helicopter,
and buzz Trump Tower
210
00:07:43,462 --> 00:07:45,589
until Don comes out on the roof
and begs us to stop.
211
00:07:45,881 --> 00:07:48,050
Yeah, sounds good!
212
00:07:48,342 --> 00:07:49,862
I just gotta call my wife,
let her know
213
00:07:50,010 --> 00:07:51,345
I'm gonna be late.
214
00:07:51,637 --> 00:07:54,306
Hey, Angie, listen,
I'm gonna be...
215
00:07:54,598 --> 00:07:55,683
Right.
216
00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:57,267
I have to go.
217
00:07:57,559 --> 00:07:58,560
No, no, no, no, no, no.
218
00:07:58,852 --> 00:08:01,313
That is the weak married man
inside you talking.
219
00:08:01,605 --> 00:08:02,982
I used to be like you.
220
00:08:03,273 --> 00:08:05,609
Always remember,
marriage is a competition,
221
00:08:05,901 --> 00:08:08,070
and after 18 years of overtime,
222
00:08:08,362 --> 00:08:10,406
I am finally going
to claim victory!
223
00:08:10,698 --> 00:08:12,449
You live it up, J.D.
224
00:08:12,741 --> 00:08:16,578
You know where to find me
if you need me.
225
00:08:16,870 --> 00:08:18,330
Okay, I got a hard one.
226
00:08:18,622 --> 00:08:22,084
Osama bin Laden,
Martha Stewart, Jenna.
227
00:08:22,376 --> 00:08:23,816
Bone Osama bin Laden,
it'd shame him,
228
00:08:23,877 --> 00:08:25,921
and then his own people
would murder him.
229
00:08:26,213 --> 00:08:28,215
Marry Martha Stewart 'cause,
you know,
230
00:08:28,507 --> 00:08:29,627
she seems like a dirty bird.
231
00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:30,800
And kill Jenna.
232
00:08:32,469 --> 00:08:34,513
Cerie, marry, Boff, kill.
233
00:08:34,805 --> 00:08:37,599
Lutz, Toofer, or Kenneth.
234
00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:43,063
I'd marry Toofer
'cause he's classy.
235
00:08:43,355 --> 00:08:45,399
I'd kill Lutz.
Sorry, Lutz.
236
00:08:45,691 --> 00:08:48,444
The thought that you would
do anything to me is awesome.
237
00:08:48,736 --> 00:08:49,403
And I'd Boff Kenneth.
238
00:08:49,695 --> 00:08:50,695
What?
239
00:08:50,821 --> 00:08:52,448
Really?
240
00:08:52,740 --> 00:08:54,050
Okay, what's your problem
with me?
241
00:08:54,074 --> 00:08:55,074
What?
242
00:08:55,325 --> 00:08:55,743
You're always making
rude comments.
243
00:08:56,035 --> 00:08:57,202
You never wanna work with me.
244
00:08:57,494 --> 00:08:58,037
Why don't you like me?
245
00:08:58,328 --> 00:08:59,413
'Cause you're a big phony.
246
00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:00,705
What?
247
00:09:00,789 --> 00:09:01,949
Everything about you is fake.
248
00:09:02,207 --> 00:09:03,527
Your tan's fake,
your hair's fake.
249
00:09:03,625 --> 00:09:05,044
Not the front!
250
00:09:05,335 --> 00:09:07,504
You've never done or said
anything real or genuine
251
00:09:07,796 --> 00:09:08,996
the whole time I've known you.
252
00:09:09,089 --> 00:09:10,089
Oh, really?
253
00:09:10,257 --> 00:09:12,468
And does a phony
bare her soul for the homeless?
254
00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:14,094
Because that comes from in here.
255
00:09:14,386 --> 00:09:16,513
My vagina
IS a convenience store.
256
00:09:16,805 --> 00:09:18,223
Clean and reliable.
257
00:09:18,515 --> 00:09:20,142
And closed on Christmas.
258
00:09:20,434 --> 00:09:22,770
Fake... and weird.
259
00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:26,148
Now I would like to propose
a toast to my ex-wife
260
00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:28,525
who tomorrow I'm going
to be saying good-bye to
261
00:09:28,817 --> 00:09:29,943
for the very last time.
262
00:09:30,235 --> 00:09:31,235
Aww.
263
00:09:31,487 --> 00:09:32,487
No, no. No, no, no.
264
00:09:32,613 --> 00:09:35,365
She is very, very mentally sick.
265
00:09:35,657 --> 00:09:37,242
I mean, if you met her,
you might think
266
00:09:37,534 --> 00:09:39,078
she's wonderful, but believe me,
267
00:09:39,369 --> 00:09:43,082
she is the succubus
from the bowels of hell.
268
00:09:43,373 --> 00:09:45,334
I mean, if I were forced
to remember her
269
00:09:45,626 --> 00:09:47,771
as I first met her, when I
first fell in love with her,
270
00:09:47,795 --> 00:09:50,172
then, yes, I-1, you know,
suppose empirically
271
00:09:50,464 --> 00:09:52,466
she is very, very beautiful,
but, uh...
272
00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:56,762
But it's what's inside her that
really makes her disgusting.
273
00:09:59,973 --> 00:10:02,684
I wish I could touch
her boobs again.
274
00:10:02,976 --> 00:10:05,437
She really had
a fabulous pair of boobs.
275
00:10:05,729 --> 00:10:07,481
Ah.
276
00:10:07,773 --> 00:10:09,358
I admit...
277
00:10:10,901 --> 00:10:12,945
Sometimes I would fantasize
about her getting
278
00:10:13,237 --> 00:10:16,657
various terminal illnesses,
and... I would nurse her.
279
00:10:18,826 --> 00:10:20,494
To her death.
280
00:10:20,786 --> 00:10:24,623
And she would say,
"Johnny, I'm in so much pain!"
281
00:10:25,916 --> 00:10:27,543
And I would say,
"Just hang in there
282
00:10:27,835 --> 00:10:29,128
a little longer, Bianca."
283
00:10:30,921 --> 00:10:33,507
Love.
284
00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:36,218
They say that lightning
never strikes twice.
285
00:10:36,510 --> 00:10:39,429
But I know
that I will love again.
286
00:10:39,721 --> 00:10:43,267
And I'm never gonna be happy
until I find that woman.
287
00:10:46,728 --> 00:10:50,524
I think what I'm saying
to you is...
288
00:10:50,816 --> 00:10:52,484
what are you doing tonight?
289
00:10:55,904 --> 00:10:57,531
Shh.
290
00:11:00,909 --> 00:11:02,244
Kenneth.
291
00:11:02,536 --> 00:11:03,536
This is your chance.
292
00:11:03,787 --> 00:11:04,787
Cerie digs you.
293
00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:09,668
Excuse me?
294
00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:11,253
And she's upset with her fiancé.
295
00:11:11,545 --> 00:11:12,945
Cerie said she
would do it with you.
296
00:11:13,130 --> 00:11:16,300
Well, that just makes me
perspire.
297
00:11:16,592 --> 00:11:19,928
In fact, I think we need
you and Cerie
298
00:11:20,220 --> 00:11:21,513
to go on a candy run.
299
00:11:21,805 --> 00:11:23,348
Okay.
300
00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:25,392
But I need to... She
can't go by herself.
302
00:11:25,684 --> 00:11:27,060
It's 1:00 in the morning.
303
00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:41,283
Can I help you?
304
00:11:41,575 --> 00:11:42,575
Yes, sir.
305
00:11:42,743 --> 00:11:44,203
We have reports
of a nitrogen leak
306
00:11:44,494 --> 00:11:45,494
on this floor.
307
00:11:45,746 --> 00:11:46,746
Oh, no, our room is fine.
308
00:11:46,872 --> 00:11:47,912
I mean, we don't smell it.
309
00:11:47,956 --> 00:11:49,583
Oh, it's odorless, sir.
310
00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:51,835
I really need to check
this room.
311
00:11:52,127 --> 00:11:53,212
Well, could you hurry up?
312
00:11:53,503 --> 00:11:54,731
Because my wife and I
are planning
313
00:11:54,755 --> 00:11:55,940
a really special night tonight.
314
00:11:55,964 --> 00:11:57,591
Oh, it's
for your own safety, sir.
315
00:11:59,259 --> 00:12:00,259
Mm.
316
00:12:00,344 --> 00:12:02,012
I'm detecting a lot of heat
over here.
317
00:12:02,304 --> 00:12:03,347
Is it dangerous?
318
00:12:03,639 --> 00:12:05,224
I don't know.
319
00:12:05,515 --> 00:12:07,476
I think it's coming...
320
00:12:07,768 --> 00:12:08,768
from my butt.
321
00:12:09,978 --> 00:12:11,647
Oh, no, I'm married!
322
00:12:11,939 --> 00:12:12,939
That's how I like 'em.
323
00:12:12,981 --> 00:12:13,690
Ah!
324
00:12:13,982 --> 00:12:17,486
What? Oh! Role-play, baby!
325
00:12:17,778 --> 00:12:18,862
Give it to me, baby!
Whoo!
326
00:12:19,154 --> 00:12:21,073
Oh, oh, yeah.
327
00:12:23,784 --> 00:12:25,410
Okay.
328
00:12:25,702 --> 00:12:27,329
I don't know who that is,
but we done
329
00:12:27,621 --> 00:12:29,122
'cause I'm not Velcro-ing up
again.
330
00:12:29,414 --> 00:12:31,416
Just be cool.
Just be... be cool.
331
00:12:31,708 --> 00:12:32,708
Hold on tight.
332
00:12:32,834 --> 00:12:33,834
Who is it?
333
00:12:33,961 --> 00:12:36,004
Oh, Tracy.
334
00:12:36,296 --> 00:12:38,090
We couldn't find
a hotel room anywhere.
335
00:12:38,382 --> 00:12:39,508
The whole city is booked.
336
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:42,886
We were hoping we could
come here and party with you.
337
00:12:43,178 --> 00:12:44,554
Happy Valentimes!
338
00:12:52,646 --> 00:12:54,356
Baby, I'm sorry.
339
00:12:54,648 --> 00:12:56,441
But he's going
through some stuff.
340
00:12:56,733 --> 00:12:57,893
Angie, do you like champagne?
341
00:12:57,985 --> 00:12:59,528
No, it gives me a headache.
342
00:12:59,820 --> 00:13:01,321
This is a Krug Clos de Mesnil.
343
00:13:01,613 --> 00:13:03,365
I was saving it
for a special occasion.
344
00:13:03,657 --> 00:13:06,368
And I thought to myself,
my God, this is it, am I right?
345
00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:07,703
Good news, good friends.
346
00:13:07,995 --> 00:13:11,039
I clean this too, or, uh,
just the sex?
347
00:13:11,331 --> 00:13:12,040
Isn't she precious?
348
00:13:12,332 --> 00:13:13,041
Hey, fun fact about Vlem,
349
00:13:13,333 --> 00:13:15,133
she originally came here
to study engineering.
350
00:13:15,419 --> 00:13:18,338
Come on, doll.
351
00:13:18,630 --> 00:13:22,175
You tell GE light bulb man
I want Sophie's Choice
352
00:13:22,467 --> 00:13:23,677
out of my suite!
353
00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:25,220
Babe!
354
00:13:33,729 --> 00:13:35,480
Lemon!
355
00:13:43,655 --> 00:13:44,364
Are you coming?
356
00:13:44,656 --> 00:13:46,241
Let's stall for a minute.
357
00:13:46,533 --> 00:13:48,744
It's so boring up there anyway.
358
00:13:49,036 --> 00:13:51,580
You know, Aris
is just so immature sometimes.
359
00:13:51,872 --> 00:13:53,665
That's why I like you, Kenneth.
360
00:13:53,957 --> 00:13:55,250
You're an old soul.
361
00:13:55,542 --> 00:13:56,168
Thank you.
362
00:13:56,460 --> 00:13:58,253
My momma thinks so too.
363
00:13:58,545 --> 00:14:00,440
In fact, she's pretty sure
I'm the reincarnated soul
364
00:14:00,464 --> 00:14:02,132
of Adren Twyford.
365
00:14:02,424 --> 00:14:04,468
He was our town minister
who died in an organ fire.
366
00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:05,385
Ugh.
367
00:14:05,677 --> 00:14:07,596
He keeps texting me
to meet him downtown
368
00:14:07,888 --> 00:14:10,265
at his club, even though
he knows I'm working.
369
00:14:10,557 --> 00:14:13,101
Well, it's like
Dr. Laura Schlessinger says,
370
00:14:13,393 --> 00:14:15,604
"Women should be
more accommodating to their men
371
00:14:15,896 --> 00:14:17,272
for the health
of the marriage."
372
00:14:17,564 --> 00:14:19,316
She sounds smart.
373
00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:20,192
Is she really a doctor?
374
00:14:20,484 --> 00:14:23,111
No, I think she's
kinda like Dr. Pepper.
375
00:14:23,403 --> 00:14:24,403
Well.
376
00:14:24,529 --> 00:14:26,615
I'm gonna go meet him
downtown then.
377
00:14:26,907 --> 00:14:27,949
Thanks, Kenneth.
378
00:14:28,241 --> 00:14:29,951
You give really good advice.
379
00:14:32,913 --> 00:14:35,165
Kenneth.
380
00:14:35,457 --> 00:14:36,958
What? How dare you?
381
00:14:38,543 --> 00:14:40,170
You're so weird.
382
00:14:40,462 --> 00:14:41,462
Tell Liz I left, okay?
383
00:14:41,713 --> 00:14:42,713
All right.
384
00:14:42,964 --> 00:14:44,724
Oh, and if you wanna tell
those guys upstairs
385
00:14:45,008 --> 00:14:47,469
that we made out,
it's all right with me.
386
00:14:53,600 --> 00:15:01,233
♪♪
387
00:15:05,278 --> 00:15:06,405
Ooh, video games.
388
00:15:06,696 --> 00:15:07,736
We could play video games.
389
00:15:10,450 --> 00:15:14,329
This is the second-worst
Valentine's Day we ever had.
390
00:15:16,623 --> 00:15:19,209
Hi, is Mr. Donaghy here?
391
00:15:19,501 --> 00:15:22,337
Another prostitute?
392
00:15:22,629 --> 00:15:24,923
Lemon, what do you say?
393
00:15:25,215 --> 00:15:26,383
You and me, Atlantic City.
394
00:15:26,675 --> 00:15:29,386
We can be in the crepe line
at The Borgata by dawn.
395
00:15:29,678 --> 00:15:31,012
No, Jack.
396
00:15:31,304 --> 00:15:32,304
What are you doing?
397
00:15:34,933 --> 00:15:37,185
I'm celebrating.
398
00:15:37,477 --> 00:15:39,104
I want Bianca to see
that I'm moving on.
399
00:15:39,396 --> 00:15:41,648
Well then maybe you should call
Bianca to help you carry
400
00:15:41,940 --> 00:15:43,316
your prostitute out of the hotel
401
00:15:43,608 --> 00:15:44,943
you were just ejected from.
402
00:15:45,235 --> 00:15:46,235
You think I should?
403
00:15:46,319 --> 00:15:47,547
She'd probably come
right down here.
404
00:15:47,571 --> 00:15:49,114
You two are sick!
405
00:15:49,406 --> 00:15:50,446
This relationship is sick!
406
00:15:50,699 --> 00:15:53,201
You just don't understand,
it's complicated!
407
00:15:53,493 --> 00:15:54,494
No, I don't understand!
408
00:15:54,786 --> 00:15:55,826
Let me ask you a question.
409
00:15:55,996 --> 00:15:58,039
Marry, Boff, kill.
Bianca.
410
00:15:58,331 --> 00:15:59,499
Which do you wanna do?
411
00:15:59,791 --> 00:16:02,544
All of them.
412
00:16:02,836 --> 00:16:04,087
All of them.
413
00:16:04,379 --> 00:16:07,048
You've gotta get out
of each other's lives, Jack,
414
00:16:07,340 --> 00:16:08,925
or you will never be happy.
415
00:16:09,217 --> 00:16:11,428
Between the two of you,
you are 100 years old,
416
00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:13,555
and this is not a dignified way
417
00:16:13,847 --> 00:16:15,247
for a 100-year-old couple
to behave.
418
00:16:15,432 --> 00:16:17,142
I know.
419
00:16:17,434 --> 00:16:18,434
I know.
420
00:16:19,519 --> 00:16:21,605
Uh, oh, leave her there.
421
00:16:21,897 --> 00:16:24,316
It's nicer than where
I found her.
422
00:16:24,608 --> 00:16:27,068
Come on.
423
00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:29,571
Happy Valentimes!
424
00:16:29,863 --> 00:16:31,490
You know what, friend?
425
00:16:31,781 --> 00:16:33,450
You got a lot of nerve,
calling me a fake.
426
00:16:33,742 --> 00:16:35,102
You wear
your thrift store T-shirts
427
00:16:35,368 --> 00:16:36,578
and your big weird glasses,
428
00:16:36,870 --> 00:16:38,955
and everybody says, "Oh,
look at Frank, he's so cool.
429
00:16:39,247 --> 00:16:42,083
He has a hat that says
Extra Cheese."
430
00:16:42,375 --> 00:16:43,627
What does that even mean?
431
00:16:43,919 --> 00:16:46,505
It's pretty self-explanatory.
432
00:16:46,796 --> 00:16:49,257
Admit it, you spend
just as much time and energy
433
00:16:49,549 --> 00:16:51,669
trying to look weird as I do
trying to look beautiful.
434
00:16:51,885 --> 00:16:53,165
And you can act
like you hate me,
435
00:16:53,345 --> 00:16:54,785
but if I tried to kiss you
right now,
436
00:16:55,013 --> 00:16:56,014
you would totally do it.
437
00:16:56,306 --> 00:16:58,058
'Cause you're a big phony jerk!
438
00:17:02,187 --> 00:17:05,565
And I just wanted
to tell you that.
439
00:17:06,816 --> 00:17:08,109
Okay, fine!
440
00:17:08,401 --> 00:17:09,401
I pooted.
441
00:17:09,569 --> 00:17:10,569
It's 3:00 in the morning.
442
00:17:10,779 --> 00:17:11,779
Are you happy?
443
00:17:11,988 --> 00:17:13,716
Yeah, I'm happy,
because that's the first time
444
00:17:13,740 --> 00:17:15,540
you've ever done something
like a real person.
445
00:17:15,825 --> 00:17:17,035
It's pretty cool.
446
00:17:17,327 --> 00:17:21,122
I-I could do it again,
but I wouldn't wanna show off.
447
00:17:22,457 --> 00:17:23,959
Jenna.
448
00:17:24,251 --> 00:17:26,002
I'm sorry I said
I would kill you.
449
00:17:26,294 --> 00:17:27,294
Thank you.
450
00:17:28,713 --> 00:17:29,965
Snacks!
451
00:17:30,257 --> 00:17:32,092
What happened?
452
00:17:32,384 --> 00:17:32,968
So? Tell us?
453
00:17:33,260 --> 00:17:34,970
None of your beeswax.
454
00:17:35,262 --> 00:17:35,971
He blew it.
455
00:17:36,263 --> 00:17:37,430
Way to go, loser.
456
00:17:37,722 --> 00:17:38,431
Oh, yeah?
457
00:17:38,723 --> 00:17:42,310
If I blew it, then how did I get
her underpants?
458
00:17:51,319 --> 00:17:52,959
Just this last one,
and then your marriage
459
00:17:53,238 --> 00:17:54,990
is officially dissolved.
460
00:17:55,282 --> 00:17:57,075
It's almost like
it never happened.
461
00:17:57,367 --> 00:17:59,167
I wouldn't be surprised
if that five-inch scar
462
00:17:59,244 --> 00:18:00,996
across my abdomen
was suddenly gone.
463
00:18:01,288 --> 00:18:03,248
Johnny.
464
00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:06,334
Promise me you won't sell
the Arby's.
465
00:18:06,626 --> 00:18:08,378
No, I won't.
466
00:18:08,670 --> 00:18:09,670
I'm gonna shut it down.
467
00:18:09,796 --> 00:18:11,131
Leave it vacant.
468
00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:13,633
Open the windows
and let nature have at it.
469
00:18:13,925 --> 00:18:16,136
This is the stupidest thing
I've ever heard.
470
00:18:16,428 --> 00:18:18,722
That's prime property
on Highway 145.
471
00:18:19,014 --> 00:18:20,774
Yes, there's not a thing
you can do about it.
472
00:18:21,016 --> 00:18:23,560
But it is irresponsible
to the community.
473
00:18:23,852 --> 00:18:24,936
They should sue you.
474
00:18:25,228 --> 00:18:25,937
I hope they do.
475
00:18:26,229 --> 00:18:27,229
Oh, I'll see to it.
476
00:18:27,272 --> 00:18:30,567
I'll go right to the Telluride
Chamber of Commerce.
477
00:18:30,859 --> 00:18:31,985
Do it.
478
00:18:32,277 --> 00:18:33,504
The case could be
in court for months.
479
00:18:33,528 --> 00:18:35,572
Maybe years.
480
00:18:35,864 --> 00:18:37,490
Damn it, Johnny!
481
00:19:00,388 --> 00:19:00,930
Whoops. Hello.
482
00:19:01,222 --> 00:19:03,391
I'm sorry.
Can I help you?
483
00:19:03,683 --> 00:19:05,060
Hey, that's cool?
484
00:19:05,352 --> 00:19:07,062
Is that a French
Planet of the Apes poster?
485
00:19:07,354 --> 00:19:09,064
Yeah.
Wow.
486
00:19:09,356 --> 00:19:10,583
You know, I've heard
that in Greece
487
00:19:10,607 --> 00:19:11,917
they have to change
Charlton Heston's name
488
00:19:11,941 --> 00:19:14,152
on movie posters
to Charlton Easton.
489
00:19:14,444 --> 00:19:15,921
Because in Greek
the word "Heston" means
490
00:19:15,945 --> 00:19:16,571
to poop yourself.
491
00:19:16,863 --> 00:19:18,114
I'm sorry, do I know you?
492
00:19:18,406 --> 00:19:19,949
No, I don't think so.
493
00:19:20,241 --> 00:19:20,784
Uh, you're Liz Lemon, right?
494
00:19:21,076 --> 00:19:22,327
Yeah.
Okay.
495
00:19:22,619 --> 00:19:24,621
Uh, this is super awkward,
but did you get
496
00:19:24,913 --> 00:19:27,207
two dozen pink roses last night?
497
00:19:27,499 --> 00:19:29,042
Yep, there they are.
498
00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:30,334
Those are from you?
499
00:19:30,585 --> 00:19:32,045
Yes.
500
00:19:32,337 --> 00:19:32,754
Uh, I work up in legal, and...
501
00:19:33,046 --> 00:19:34,046
You're a lawyer?
502
00:19:34,255 --> 00:19:36,216
I prefer law stylist.
503
00:19:38,468 --> 00:19:40,512
Uh, anyway, I meant
to send these to my girlfriend,
504
00:19:40,804 --> 00:19:42,514
Liz Lemler,
who works in accounting.
505
00:19:42,806 --> 00:19:43,806
Oh.
506
00:19:43,848 --> 00:19:44,933
Yeah.
507
00:19:45,225 --> 00:19:46,243
There's actually supposed to be
a box
508
00:19:46,267 --> 00:19:47,328
of chocolate-covered cherries
with this, did you...
509
00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:48,853
I don't know anything
about that.
510
00:19:49,145 --> 00:19:50,980
Fair enough.
511
00:19:51,272 --> 00:19:52,416
She pouted all night
because she thought I forgot
512
00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:53,441
to send her something.
513
00:19:53,733 --> 00:19:55,378
I told her I did,
but she didn't believe me.
514
00:19:55,402 --> 00:19:56,986
She sounds great.
515
00:19:59,489 --> 00:20:01,991
Yeah, she is.
516
00:20:02,283 --> 00:20:04,619
Well... good for you.
517
00:20:04,911 --> 00:20:05,954
Here you go.
518
00:20:06,246 --> 00:20:07,246
Sorry about the mix up.
519
00:20:07,497 --> 00:20:08,497
N-no, no!
520
00:20:08,581 --> 00:20:10,709
They were delivered to you,
they're yours now.
521
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:12,335
Thank you.
522
00:20:12,627 --> 00:20:14,045
You're welcome.
523
00:20:14,337 --> 00:20:16,381
But could I possibly get
a photo?
524
00:20:16,673 --> 00:20:17,673
Of you with the flowers?
525
00:20:17,882 --> 00:20:18,882
Like with your ID?
526
00:20:19,050 --> 00:20:20,301
Oh, okay.
527
00:20:20,593 --> 00:20:21,302
Is that all right?
528
00:20:21,594 --> 00:20:25,390
You know, just as proof.
529
00:20:25,682 --> 00:20:27,016
All right.
530
00:20:27,308 --> 00:20:30,061
There we go.
531
00:20:30,353 --> 00:20:32,063
Aw, that's a cute one.
532
00:20:32,355 --> 00:20:35,024
Thanks.
533
00:20:37,402 --> 00:20:38,445
Sorry to bother you.
534
00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:42,490
Happy Valentine's Day.
535
00:20:55,170 --> 00:20:57,255
Happy Valentimes!
36468
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