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1
00:00:04,754 --> 00:00:07,757
♪♪
2
00:00:08,049 --> 00:00:10,718
The flowers are lovely.
Thank you.
3
00:00:11,010 --> 00:00:13,304
No, you hang up first.
4
00:00:13,596 --> 00:00:14,656
Okay, on the count of three.
5
00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:16,974
One, two, three...
6
00:00:17,266 --> 00:00:18,601
No, I didn't hang up either.
7
00:00:19,936 --> 00:00:21,312
Donaghy, I need your help.
8
00:00:22,522 --> 00:00:24,398
I miss you too.
9
00:00:24,690 --> 00:00:26,126
I said I miss you too.
You're breaking up.
10
00:00:26,150 --> 00:00:27,150
Maureen?
11
00:00:27,193 --> 00:00:28,819
She cut out.
12
00:00:29,111 --> 00:00:31,322
I need $60,000,
or I'm gonna lose my house.
13
00:00:31,614 --> 00:00:33,407
Which house?
14
00:00:33,699 --> 00:00:36,494
I need $100,000, or I'm gonna
lose both my houses!
15
00:00:36,786 --> 00:00:37,826
Tracy, I don't understand.
16
00:00:38,079 --> 00:00:39,413
You've starred in 14 films.
17
00:00:39,705 --> 00:00:40,945
You don't have any money saved?
18
00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:42,542
Nah, I lost all of it.
19
00:00:42,833 --> 00:00:44,377
Really?
Who's your money manager?
20
00:00:44,669 --> 00:00:45,669
Grizz.
21
00:00:45,795 --> 00:00:48,214
Worldcom, man.
Worldcom.
22
00:00:48,506 --> 00:00:51,050
Look, Tracy,
I can't just give you money.
23
00:00:51,342 --> 00:00:52,502
But what I can do is show you
24
00:00:52,677 --> 00:00:54,637
how you can earn
all the money you need.
25
00:00:54,929 --> 00:00:56,305
You must know Arsenio.
26
00:00:56,597 --> 00:00:57,306
Hall or Billingham?
27
00:00:57,598 --> 00:00:59,642
You know someone named
Arsenio Billingham?
28
00:00:59,934 --> 00:01:02,395
No.
29
00:01:02,687 --> 00:01:03,687
A few years ago,
30
00:01:03,729 --> 00:01:05,523
Arsenio Hall came
to a colleague of mine
31
00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:07,400
with a similar problem.
32
00:01:07,692 --> 00:01:09,412
My friend suggested
that we brand Arsenio...
33
00:01:09,485 --> 00:01:11,362
Put his name and face
on a product.
34
00:01:11,654 --> 00:01:13,447
Because of Arsenio's
"woof-woof" catchphrase,
35
00:01:13,739 --> 00:01:15,283
we settled on dog food.
36
00:01:15,575 --> 00:01:17,034
The product was
a runaway success.
37
00:01:17,326 --> 00:01:19,453
The company and Arsenio
made millions.
38
00:01:19,745 --> 00:01:21,747
I like that.
39
00:01:22,039 --> 00:01:24,333
Put my name on something.
40
00:01:24,625 --> 00:01:26,335
But what would I sell?
41
00:01:26,627 --> 00:01:27,253
The product is irrelevant.
42
00:01:27,545 --> 00:01:28,838
The people aren't buying that.
43
00:01:29,130 --> 00:01:29,839
They're buying you.
44
00:01:30,131 --> 00:01:31,371
Now, you come back with an idea
45
00:01:31,507 --> 00:01:32,987
of a product you'd be
willing to sell,
46
00:01:33,092 --> 00:01:34,218
anything at all,
47
00:01:34,510 --> 00:01:37,638
and you'll have all the money
you can dream of.
48
00:01:39,515 --> 00:01:41,434
I'm on it.
49
00:01:41,726 --> 00:01:43,477
I forgot about
that Worldcom mess.
50
00:01:43,769 --> 00:01:45,849
Why you gotta be so obsessed
with telecommunications?
51
00:01:46,063 --> 00:01:48,274
Get me Maureen Dowd
back on the phone, please.
52
00:01:51,611 --> 00:01:57,199
♪♪
53
00:02:14,634 --> 00:02:15,801
Hey, I've got to miss
54
00:02:16,093 --> 00:02:16,761
an hour of rehearsal today
55
00:02:17,053 --> 00:02:18,572
because I just found out
from my publicist
56
00:02:18,596 --> 00:02:19,013
I've been booked on The View.
57
00:02:19,305 --> 00:02:20,514
Oh, Jenna, that's great.
58
00:02:20,806 --> 00:02:21,908
For the first time in your life,
59
00:02:21,932 --> 00:02:22,993
you'll be in a room
full of women
60
00:02:23,017 --> 00:02:24,161
and you'll be
the least crazy one.
61
00:02:24,185 --> 00:02:25,603
I know.
62
00:02:25,895 --> 00:02:26,437
Oh, you know what
clip you should show?
63
00:02:26,729 --> 00:02:27,897
Darfur.
64
00:02:28,189 --> 00:02:29,749
You and Tracy
were really funny in that.
65
00:02:29,815 --> 00:02:32,652
Oh, this isn't for TGS.
It's for my movie.
66
00:02:32,943 --> 00:02:35,363
The Rurr-Jurr has
a limited release next week.
67
00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:36,781
Oh, congratulations!
68
00:02:37,073 --> 00:02:39,113
I didn't know they had
a release date for The Run...
69
00:02:39,241 --> 00:02:40,284
For that movie.
70
00:02:41,911 --> 00:02:42,929
Oh, sorry.
Gotta take this.
71
00:02:42,953 --> 00:02:43,953
Hello?
72
00:02:44,205 --> 00:02:45,725
You still don't know
what the title is?
73
00:02:45,873 --> 00:02:46,582
No!
No one does.
74
00:02:46,874 --> 00:02:48,226
It's gone on way too long
to ask her about it.
75
00:02:48,250 --> 00:02:49,250
Okay.
76
00:02:50,711 --> 00:02:52,391
This title isn't hard
to understand, right?
77
00:02:52,588 --> 00:02:54,215
No, it's awesome!
78
00:02:54,507 --> 00:02:57,218
I love that we can work
while we're on cocaine!
79
00:02:57,510 --> 00:03:00,388
Could it be Roar Her, Gem Her?
80
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:01,782
No, that doesn't make any sense.
81
00:03:01,806 --> 00:03:03,683
It's got to be Oral Germ Whore.
82
00:03:03,974 --> 00:03:05,726
Okay, bye.
83
00:03:06,018 --> 00:03:07,520
Sorry, that was my publicist.
84
00:03:07,812 --> 00:03:08,979
You know, I have to admit,
85
00:03:09,271 --> 00:03:11,031
I kind of like that
Tracy Jordan is no longer
86
00:03:11,107 --> 00:03:13,317
the only movie star on TGS.
87
00:03:13,609 --> 00:03:14,711
Maybe I'll finally start getting
88
00:03:14,735 --> 00:03:15,778
some respect around here.
89
00:03:16,070 --> 00:03:17,113
What's up, flabby butt?
90
00:03:17,405 --> 00:03:18,698
You look weird today.
91
00:03:18,989 --> 00:03:20,429
Hey, Pete, you wanna see
a comic book
92
00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:21,826
with pregnant zombie nuns?
93
00:03:22,118 --> 00:03:23,536
Yes, I do.
94
00:03:23,828 --> 00:03:25,663
Cool.
95
00:03:25,955 --> 00:03:27,635
And I have a screener
of the movie for you.
96
00:03:27,665 --> 00:03:30,084
I want you to watch it.
97
00:03:30,376 --> 00:03:33,587
Ah, The Rural Juror!
98
00:03:33,879 --> 00:03:36,465
That is something.
99
00:03:36,757 --> 00:03:37,216
I can't wait to watch it.
100
00:03:37,508 --> 00:03:38,718
Oh, you won't be disappointed.
101
00:03:39,009 --> 00:03:40,302
The source material was amazing.
102
00:03:40,594 --> 00:03:42,638
It's hard to go wrong
with a Kevin Grisham novel.
103
00:03:42,930 --> 00:03:44,306
You mean John Grisham.
Oh, no.
104
00:03:44,598 --> 00:03:45,975
Kevin, John's brother.
105
00:03:46,267 --> 00:03:48,602
Did you know that
before Kevin was a novelist,
106
00:03:48,894 --> 00:03:50,354
he worked at a recycling center?
107
00:03:50,646 --> 00:03:51,646
Wow.
108
00:03:51,897 --> 00:03:53,617
Yeah, and he just finished
writing a sequel.
109
00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:55,067
It's called Urban Fervor.
110
00:03:55,359 --> 00:03:58,529
Boy, these titles...
They really make you think.
111
00:04:00,156 --> 00:04:02,575
Oh, wow!
112
00:04:02,867 --> 00:04:04,452
Doesn't it seem like
just yesterday
113
00:04:04,744 --> 00:04:06,221
we were doing the show
back in Chicago,
114
00:04:06,245 --> 00:04:07,605
dreaming about
being in the movies?
115
00:04:07,872 --> 00:04:08,872
We've come a long way
116
00:04:09,123 --> 00:04:10,142
from that apartment we shared
117
00:04:10,166 --> 00:04:11,250
in Little Armenia.
118
00:04:11,542 --> 00:04:12,835
Oh, it was so weird there.
119
00:04:13,127 --> 00:04:14,438
You remember
that neighborhood festival
120
00:04:14,462 --> 00:04:15,647
where they killed a goat
in the street?
121
00:04:15,671 --> 00:04:16,672
Yes!
122
00:04:16,964 --> 00:04:18,316
But we did have
really good luck that year.
123
00:04:18,340 --> 00:04:19,925
Yeah.
124
00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:23,905
I need to come up with
a big idea
125
00:04:23,929 --> 00:04:25,209
for a product to put my name on.
126
00:04:25,389 --> 00:04:26,807
Something no one has thought of.
127
00:04:27,099 --> 00:04:28,225
Something crazy.
128
00:04:28,517 --> 00:04:30,978
I know a gentleman
who had a lot of crazy ideas.
129
00:04:31,270 --> 00:04:32,270
He was a carpenter.
130
00:04:32,313 --> 00:04:33,832
He wanted everyone
to love one another.
131
00:04:33,856 --> 00:04:34,857
Oh, you mean Jesus?
132
00:04:35,149 --> 00:04:37,193
No... Miguel from set design.
133
00:04:37,485 --> 00:04:38,485
He's over there.
134
00:04:45,701 --> 00:04:48,037
Eurek-o!
135
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:56,170
Hey.
136
00:04:56,462 --> 00:04:57,622
What are you doing back here?
137
00:04:57,713 --> 00:04:58,857
They're rehearsing
your Paris Hilton sketch.
138
00:04:58,881 --> 00:04:59,921
I'm trying to avoid Jenna.
139
00:05:00,007 --> 00:05:01,276
She gave me a screener
of her movie.
140
00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:01,842
And?
141
00:05:02,134 --> 00:05:04,345
Oh, Pete, it's awful!
142
00:05:04,637 --> 00:05:05,781
I couldn't believe
how bad it was.
143
00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:07,848
Although, I guess
it's no surprise that
144
00:05:08,140 --> 00:05:09,767
Tony Hawk can't play blind.
145
00:05:10,059 --> 00:05:11,769
So you must know the title!
146
00:05:12,061 --> 00:05:14,396
Yes, yes... The Rural Juror.
147
00:05:14,688 --> 00:05:15,688
The Rrr... Rural.
148
00:05:15,940 --> 00:05:16,607
The Ruh... Rural.
149
00:05:16,899 --> 00:05:18,108
Eh.
150
00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:19,503
So, what are you
gonna do about Jenna?
151
00:05:19,527 --> 00:05:20,607
Same thing I've always done
152
00:05:20,861 --> 00:05:21,570
when she's done something
terrible.
153
00:05:21,862 --> 00:05:23,062
Think of one thing nice to say
154
00:05:23,113 --> 00:05:24,113
and then hug her.
155
00:05:27,952 --> 00:05:29,537
So, what did you think?
156
00:05:29,829 --> 00:05:30,371
Oh, my God!
157
00:05:30,663 --> 00:05:34,542
You looked so beautiful.
158
00:05:38,003 --> 00:05:42,466
The lighting was really neat.
159
00:05:46,512 --> 00:05:47,596
Ethan and I both thought
160
00:05:47,888 --> 00:05:51,016
the programs were
really easy to read.
161
00:05:51,308 --> 00:05:53,310
So, what nice thing
are you going to say
162
00:05:53,602 --> 00:05:54,602
about The Roaring Junior?
163
00:05:54,687 --> 00:05:55,847
Uh, I don't know.
It's a mess.
164
00:05:59,066 --> 00:06:00,252
No, you've got to tell them
that when Paris Hilton
165
00:06:00,276 --> 00:06:01,503
tries to make out with the bear,
166
00:06:01,527 --> 00:06:02,754
the bear has to act
like he's into it.
167
00:06:02,778 --> 00:06:03,778
All right.
168
00:06:05,781 --> 00:06:08,158
Mr. Donaghy,
stop what you're doing
169
00:06:08,450 --> 00:06:10,619
because I'm about
to blow your mind!
170
00:06:10,911 --> 00:06:11,911
Hit it!
171
00:06:13,163 --> 00:06:15,624
Tired of your sandwich
making you angry?
172
00:06:15,916 --> 00:06:19,420
Then behold
the Tracy Jordan Meat Machine!
173
00:06:19,712 --> 00:06:21,463
Stick any three meats...
174
00:06:21,755 --> 00:06:22,755
Whatever you want!
175
00:06:22,798 --> 00:06:24,341
Bologna, salami, boar...
176
00:06:24,633 --> 00:06:25,885
Whatever!
177
00:06:26,176 --> 00:06:27,928
Into this sexy lady
178
00:06:28,220 --> 00:06:29,638
and she will melt them
all together
179
00:06:29,930 --> 00:06:31,515
into one delicious food ball.
180
00:06:31,807 --> 00:06:33,601
Never again will you
have to suffer
181
00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:35,477
through the bread part
of your sandwich.
182
00:06:35,769 --> 00:06:39,523
I give you
the Tracy Jordan Meat Machine!
183
00:06:39,815 --> 00:06:42,610
Meat is the
new bread! Uh-huh!
184
00:06:44,653 --> 00:06:45,696
What do you think?
185
00:06:45,988 --> 00:06:47,740
Well, it's certainly
not the worst
186
00:06:48,032 --> 00:06:50,409
celebrity product idea
I've ever heard.
187
00:06:50,701 --> 00:06:52,077
Hi, I'm Whoopi Goldberg.
188
00:06:52,369 --> 00:06:56,332
And you're
Working Out With Whoopi.
189
00:06:56,624 --> 00:06:58,792
With Tracy Jordan behind this,
it just might work.
190
00:06:59,084 --> 00:07:00,644
We'll roll it out
in time for Christmas.
191
00:07:00,753 --> 00:07:02,338
Manufacture it for four bucks,
192
00:07:02,630 --> 00:07:03,982
slap your name on it,
and sell it for 50.
193
00:07:04,006 --> 00:07:06,425
So GE will produce
the Tracy Jordan Meat Machine?
194
00:07:06,717 --> 00:07:08,385
Oh, no.
195
00:07:08,677 --> 00:07:11,305
GE could never
make something so, um...
196
00:07:11,597 --> 00:07:13,015
Unique.
197
00:07:13,307 --> 00:07:15,517
We'll have to pass this off
to one of our subsidiaries.
198
00:07:17,645 --> 00:07:21,148
You see, GE owns KitchenAll
of Colorado,
199
00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:22,751
which, in turn, owns JMI
of Stanford,
200
00:07:22,775 --> 00:07:24,026
which is a majority shareholder
201
00:07:24,318 --> 00:07:25,318
in Pokerfastlane.com,
202
00:07:25,527 --> 00:07:27,821
which recently acquired
the Sheinhardt Wig Company,
203
00:07:28,113 --> 00:07:28,697
which owns NBC outright.
204
00:07:28,989 --> 00:07:30,115
NBC owns Winnipeg Iron Works
205
00:07:30,407 --> 00:07:32,618
which owns the Ahp Chanagi
Party Meats corporation
206
00:07:32,910 --> 00:07:34,203
of Pyongyang, North Korea.
207
00:07:34,495 --> 00:07:37,581
And they will make
the Meat Machine.
208
00:07:41,585 --> 00:07:43,253
Jack Donaghy, you are the best.
209
00:07:43,545 --> 00:07:45,089
You know what?
210
00:07:45,381 --> 00:07:47,216
I'm gonna make you a mix tape.
211
00:07:47,508 --> 00:07:48,508
You like Phil Collins?
212
00:07:48,717 --> 00:07:50,719
I've got two ears
and a heart, don't I?
213
00:07:51,011 --> 00:07:53,055
All right, Jenna's on next.
214
00:07:53,347 --> 00:07:54,866
Everyone shut up
so we can hear the title
215
00:07:54,890 --> 00:07:56,100
of this stupid movie.
216
00:07:56,392 --> 00:07:57,434
And coming up,
217
00:07:57,726 --> 00:07:59,520
I'll be talking
to The Girlie Show star
218
00:07:59,812 --> 00:08:02,147
Jenna Maroney about
her upcoming project,
219
00:08:02,439 --> 00:08:04,316
The Rrr-Jrr.
220
00:08:04,608 --> 00:08:07,778
That is not helpful.
221
00:08:08,070 --> 00:08:09,381
Hey, do you know the name
of Jenna's movie yet?
222
00:08:09,405 --> 00:08:11,031
Oh, yeah, she gave me
a screener.
223
00:08:11,323 --> 00:08:12,700
Okay! No, no, no...
224
00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:14,472
I'm not telling you
anything about it.
225
00:08:14,618 --> 00:08:15,762
I'm not giving you
more ammunition
226
00:08:15,786 --> 00:08:16,286
to make fun of her with.
227
00:08:16,578 --> 00:08:17,579
So it's bad.
228
00:08:19,331 --> 00:08:20,541
How bad?
229
00:08:20,833 --> 00:08:22,626
Please!
Just give us one detail.
230
00:08:22,918 --> 00:08:24,128
Okay, fine.
231
00:08:24,420 --> 00:08:26,380
Jenna plays a southern lawyer
232
00:08:26,672 --> 00:08:28,924
named Constance Justice.
233
00:08:31,885 --> 00:08:32,594
You gotta let us see this.
234
00:08:32,886 --> 00:08:33,595
No!
Come on, Liz!
235
00:08:33,887 --> 00:08:34,304
No!
236
00:08:34,596 --> 00:08:36,348
Oh, man.
237
00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:38,058
Constance Justice.
238
00:08:38,350 --> 00:08:40,102
Justice has been served.
Good stuff.
239
00:08:40,394 --> 00:08:44,106
Tracy to the stage
please for Pull Your Own Wisdom Teeth.
240
00:08:44,398 --> 00:08:45,107
Oh, excuse me.
241
00:08:45,399 --> 00:08:47,026
Hey, there you are.
242
00:08:47,317 --> 00:08:48,717
So, what did you think
of the movie?
243
00:08:48,986 --> 00:08:50,195
Oh, my God, Jenna!
244
00:08:50,487 --> 00:08:52,573
The soundtrack was so moody.
245
00:08:54,783 --> 00:08:56,011
What else did you like about it?
246
00:08:56,035 --> 00:08:57,911
What?
Oh, um...
247
00:08:58,203 --> 00:08:59,203
You were good!
248
00:08:59,371 --> 00:09:02,624
Your face was very expressive.
249
00:09:02,916 --> 00:09:07,379
And another cool part
was... the trees.
250
00:09:07,671 --> 00:09:08,964
I gotta get back to work.
251
00:09:09,256 --> 00:09:10,507
You didn't like the movie.
252
00:09:10,799 --> 00:09:12,051
What?
253
00:09:12,342 --> 00:09:13,486
Yes, I just said
I like the movie.
254
00:09:13,510 --> 00:09:14,510
No, you didn't.
255
00:09:14,762 --> 00:09:16,442
You did that
condescending compliment thing
256
00:09:16,472 --> 00:09:16,972
you always do.
257
00:09:17,264 --> 00:09:18,932
What?
When have I ever done that?
258
00:09:21,477 --> 00:09:23,103
So, what did you think?
259
00:09:23,395 --> 00:09:26,273
Oh, my God...
You looked beautiful.
260
00:09:30,027 --> 00:09:31,612
The lighting was really neat.
261
00:09:33,864 --> 00:09:34,490
Ethan and I both thought
262
00:09:34,782 --> 00:09:38,619
the programs
were really easy to read.
263
00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:40,913
Well, that's not how
I remember any of that.
264
00:09:41,205 --> 00:09:42,247
Look, Liz,
265
00:09:42,539 --> 00:09:43,641
for once, be honest with me.
266
00:09:43,665 --> 00:09:44,208
I want your real opinion.
267
00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:48,545
Okay, I thought the story
was preposterous.
268
00:09:48,837 --> 00:09:50,631
I thought the acting
was way over the top.
269
00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:52,442
And I thought it was
about an hour too long.
270
00:09:52,466 --> 00:09:54,676
It's only 90 minutes.
271
00:09:54,968 --> 00:09:56,595
It's kind of a train wreck.
272
00:09:56,887 --> 00:09:58,806
A train wreck?
Okay.
273
00:09:59,098 --> 00:10:00,557
I'm not trying
to be a jerk here.
274
00:10:00,849 --> 00:10:01,969
You asked me for my opinion.
275
00:10:02,142 --> 00:10:03,936
No, no... I understand.
276
00:10:04,228 --> 00:10:06,313
Thank you.
277
00:10:06,605 --> 00:10:09,191
I wasn't kidding about how cool
those trees were, though.
278
00:10:09,483 --> 00:10:10,901
What were they?
Oaks?
279
00:10:11,193 --> 00:10:13,779
Damn it!
280
00:10:14,071 --> 00:10:15,697
Where are my car keys?
281
00:10:17,658 --> 00:10:19,535
Jack, Tracy...
What can I do for you?
282
00:10:19,827 --> 00:10:20,827
Leo, we have a product
283
00:10:20,869 --> 00:10:22,430
we want you to give
a medical endorsement to.
284
00:10:22,454 --> 00:10:23,497
I'll do it!
285
00:10:23,789 --> 00:10:24,498
What is it?
286
00:10:24,790 --> 00:10:27,126
It's called
the Tracy Jordan Meat Machine.
287
00:10:27,417 --> 00:10:29,336
It's a dual-press grill.
288
00:10:29,628 --> 00:10:30,628
Say no more.
289
00:10:30,879 --> 00:10:33,173
If it's giving people meat,
then I'm on board.
290
00:10:33,465 --> 00:10:34,465
I've always said
291
00:10:34,591 --> 00:10:36,635
humans need more animal blood.
292
00:10:36,927 --> 00:10:38,047
It keeps the spine straight.
293
00:10:38,220 --> 00:10:39,513
We appreciate it, Leo.
294
00:10:39,805 --> 00:10:41,405
You boys need anything
while you're here?
295
00:10:41,598 --> 00:10:43,392
Some reds, yellows...
296
00:10:43,684 --> 00:10:45,044
Just got some purples in
from Peru.
297
00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:46,144
No, I'm good.
298
00:10:46,353 --> 00:10:49,606
Well, it would be rude
not to take, uh...
299
00:10:49,898 --> 00:10:50,898
One or two.
300
00:10:52,025 --> 00:10:53,569
Now, The Rrr Jrr
301
00:10:53,861 --> 00:10:55,571
is the true story
of Rory Jerner,
302
00:10:55,863 --> 00:10:59,825
whose pure furor ensures
a terrible murder...
303
00:11:00,117 --> 00:11:01,243
Excuse me.
304
00:11:02,786 --> 00:11:05,289
I feel like I'm getting
further away from it.
305
00:11:05,581 --> 00:11:08,625
Hey, last night
I broke into Liz's office.
306
00:11:08,917 --> 00:11:09,917
I got Jenna's movie.
307
00:11:10,043 --> 00:11:11,123
Oh, how'd you get in there?
308
00:11:11,253 --> 00:11:12,853
That weird security guard Tony
let me in.
309
00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:15,132
I also looked on Liz's computer.
310
00:11:15,424 --> 00:11:16,675
Her last two Google searches
311
00:11:16,967 --> 00:11:19,553
were for singles yoga
and scalp pain.
312
00:11:19,845 --> 00:11:20,846
That is grim.
313
00:11:24,641 --> 00:11:26,101
The Rural Juror?
314
00:11:26,393 --> 00:11:28,478
Man, that's disappointing.
315
00:11:28,770 --> 00:11:29,873
I had to let Tony watch me pee
316
00:11:29,897 --> 00:11:32,107
to get that tape.
317
00:11:32,399 --> 00:11:33,692
What?
318
00:11:33,984 --> 00:11:35,861
Hey, you wanted to see me?
319
00:11:36,153 --> 00:11:39,031
Yeah, I don't want to wear
this Paris Hilton nose.
320
00:11:39,323 --> 00:11:39,907
I'm sorry.
321
00:11:40,199 --> 00:11:41,239
You have to wear the nose.
322
00:11:41,366 --> 00:11:42,385
There's a whole bunch of jokes
323
00:11:42,409 --> 00:11:43,428
in the sketch about the nose.
324
00:11:43,452 --> 00:11:44,870
Well, to be perfectly honest,
325
00:11:45,162 --> 00:11:47,331
I think the entire sketch
is a train wreck.
326
00:11:47,623 --> 00:11:49,208
Oh, I see.
327
00:11:49,499 --> 00:11:50,779
We're not talking
about the nose.
328
00:11:50,959 --> 00:11:52,419
We're talking about the movie.
329
00:11:52,711 --> 00:11:54,421
You're wrong about it, Liz.
330
00:11:54,713 --> 00:11:56,513
It's getting some very positive
early reviews.
331
00:11:56,715 --> 00:11:59,176
Teenmoviescene.com gave it
five out of five iPods.
332
00:11:59,468 --> 00:12:01,178
Jenna, believe what you want.
333
00:12:01,470 --> 00:12:03,597
I'm your friend.
I'm telling you the truth.
334
00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:04,389
Please...
335
00:12:04,681 --> 00:12:06,600
Here's what's really going on.
336
00:12:06,892 --> 00:12:08,572
It's killing you
that I'm in something good
337
00:12:08,810 --> 00:12:10,090
that you had nothing to do with.
338
00:12:10,145 --> 00:12:11,456
And now you're
taking it out on me.
339
00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:12,481
Oh, come on!
340
00:12:12,773 --> 00:12:14,483
Well, enjoy kicking me around
for now, Liz.
341
00:12:14,775 --> 00:12:16,502
Because I won't be on
your crappy little show forever.
342
00:12:16,526 --> 00:12:17,819
Really?
343
00:12:18,111 --> 00:12:19,111
Really.
344
00:12:19,363 --> 00:12:20,363
Really?
345
00:12:20,447 --> 00:12:21,447
Really.
346
00:12:21,657 --> 00:12:22,324
Really?
347
00:12:22,616 --> 00:12:23,992
Really.
348
00:12:24,284 --> 00:12:26,870
Well, Jenna,
I'm sorry you feel that way.
349
00:12:28,956 --> 00:12:30,374
Ow! What the hell?
350
00:12:30,666 --> 00:12:31,291
Oh, God, I'm sorry!
351
00:12:31,583 --> 00:12:33,794
I didn't know
there was a person in there!
352
00:12:36,505 --> 00:12:37,714
Pete, could you tell Liz Lemon
353
00:12:38,006 --> 00:12:40,425
not to stand in my eye-line
while I'm rehearsing, please?
354
00:12:40,717 --> 00:12:44,680
Pete, could you tell Jenna
she smells like a stripper?
355
00:12:44,972 --> 00:12:46,848
So, uh...
356
00:12:47,140 --> 00:12:48,260
Are you guys still fighting?
357
00:12:48,350 --> 00:12:50,227
We've reached kind of
an understanding.
358
00:12:50,519 --> 00:12:51,519
She's not talking to me.
359
00:12:51,770 --> 00:12:52,896
And to retaliate,
360
00:12:53,188 --> 00:12:55,148
I'm writing impressions for her
that she can't do.
361
00:12:55,190 --> 00:12:57,901
I did not have sexual relations
362
00:12:58,193 --> 00:12:58,694
with that woman.
363
00:12:58,986 --> 00:13:00,946
You guys can't go on like this.
364
00:13:01,238 --> 00:13:02,406
You have to apologize to her.
365
00:13:02,698 --> 00:13:03,778
I didn't do anything wrong!
366
00:13:04,032 --> 00:13:05,232
She insisted on me telling her
367
00:13:05,492 --> 00:13:06,868
what I thought
of her crappy movie.
368
00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:08,160
And then she attacked me.
369
00:13:08,328 --> 00:13:09,608
Liz, I can't have
the head writer
370
00:13:09,705 --> 00:13:11,915
and one of the stars
of the show fighting.
371
00:13:12,207 --> 00:13:12,916
I can barely keep a lid
on the feud
372
00:13:13,208 --> 00:13:15,048
going on between Kenneth
and Dougie from props.
373
00:13:26,305 --> 00:13:27,532
Audience,
let me ask you a question.
374
00:13:27,556 --> 00:13:29,808
How many times
has this happened to you?
375
00:13:34,688 --> 00:13:35,688
Or this:
376
00:13:38,025 --> 00:13:41,069
Seem familiar?
377
00:13:41,361 --> 00:13:43,161
Bread is one of the worst things
in the world.
378
00:13:43,363 --> 00:13:44,443
But we've always needed it.
379
00:13:44,614 --> 00:13:45,991
Until now!
380
00:13:46,283 --> 00:13:48,493
By burning three different types
of meat together,
381
00:13:48,785 --> 00:13:50,162
The Tracy Jordan Meat Machine
382
00:13:50,454 --> 00:13:51,955
takes bread out of the equation!
383
00:13:52,247 --> 00:13:55,292
Now your sandwich
is all of the good stuff.
384
00:13:59,588 --> 00:14:00,672
That's delicious!
385
00:14:00,964 --> 00:14:02,758
And it's healthy.
386
00:14:03,050 --> 00:14:04,843
Hi, I'm Doctor Leo Spaceman.
387
00:14:05,135 --> 00:14:06,970
I'm a working physician
with a degree
388
00:14:07,262 --> 00:14:09,848
from the Ho Chi Minh City
School of Medicine.
389
00:14:10,140 --> 00:14:10,849
Doctor Space-man,
390
00:14:11,141 --> 00:14:13,101
is it true that bread
eats away at your brain?
391
00:14:13,393 --> 00:14:15,312
We have no way of knowing
392
00:14:15,604 --> 00:14:16,884
because the powerful bread lobby
393
00:14:17,064 --> 00:14:18,815
keeps stopping my research!
394
00:14:20,359 --> 00:14:21,068
Well folks,
395
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,737
bread will never maybe attack
your brain again!
396
00:14:24,029 --> 00:14:25,947
Because with the
Tracy Jordan Meat Machine...
397
00:14:26,239 --> 00:14:26,823
Say it with me now!
398
00:14:27,115 --> 00:14:29,910
Meat is the new bread!
399
00:14:37,876 --> 00:14:39,145
Where did you guys
get this tape?
400
00:14:39,169 --> 00:14:41,338
Oh, Josh broke into your office.
401
00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:43,548
You went in my office
without permission?
402
00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:45,967
Because I'm worried about
your scalp pain.
403
00:14:46,259 --> 00:14:46,885
Hello, everyone.
404
00:14:47,177 --> 00:14:48,970
Frank, could you tell Liz...
405
00:14:49,262 --> 00:14:51,973
Nope, not interested.
406
00:14:52,265 --> 00:14:54,105
Girl writer, could you tell Liz
that I don't...
407
00:14:54,184 --> 00:14:55,852
Jenna, stop this.
It's stupid.
408
00:14:56,144 --> 00:14:57,288
Let's just go in my office
and talk.
409
00:14:57,312 --> 00:14:58,664
Oh, there is nothing
to talk about.
410
00:14:58,688 --> 00:15:00,088
Stop making this
something it isn't.
411
00:15:00,357 --> 00:15:01,066
I just didn't like the movie
412
00:15:01,358 --> 00:15:02,859
because it's bad.
413
00:15:03,151 --> 00:15:05,028
These guys watched it.
They'll tell you.
414
00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:07,030
Actually, we all
kind of liked it.
415
00:15:07,322 --> 00:15:07,864
What?
No, you didn't.
416
00:15:08,156 --> 00:15:09,658
Yeah, we all did.
417
00:15:09,950 --> 00:15:11,135
It's not the best thing
in the world,
418
00:15:11,159 --> 00:15:13,870
but it's solid
and Jenna's really good in it.
419
00:15:14,162 --> 00:15:14,830
Thank you, Frank.
420
00:15:15,122 --> 00:15:16,873
Look!
Look at her!
421
00:15:17,165 --> 00:15:19,042
She can't stand that
I'm in something good.
422
00:15:19,334 --> 00:15:19,918
It's probably because
423
00:15:20,210 --> 00:15:20,752
of her own intellectual
insecurities.
424
00:15:21,044 --> 00:15:22,462
What?
Frank, shut up.
425
00:15:22,754 --> 00:15:23,213
Fine, dismiss me.
426
00:15:23,505 --> 00:15:24,840
I guess because I look weird,
427
00:15:25,132 --> 00:15:26,132
I can't be perceptive.
428
00:15:26,216 --> 00:15:28,009
I can't believe
you like this movie!
429
00:15:28,301 --> 00:15:29,302
Oh!
430
00:15:31,638 --> 00:15:34,474
Jeez, I hope those two
work it out.
431
00:15:34,766 --> 00:15:35,976
Relax, man.
432
00:15:36,268 --> 00:15:37,868
As long as they're
yapping at each other,
433
00:15:38,145 --> 00:15:39,145
we're not working.
434
00:15:39,187 --> 00:15:40,187
Enjoy it.
435
00:15:40,230 --> 00:15:41,857
I want these everywhere!
436
00:15:42,149 --> 00:15:42,774
I want every person here
437
00:15:43,066 --> 00:15:46,862
eating from
a Tracy Jordan Meat Machine.
438
00:15:48,363 --> 00:15:49,489
Ow, ah!
439
00:15:49,781 --> 00:15:51,575
Cheese and crackers,
that smarts!
440
00:15:51,867 --> 00:15:52,867
What happened?
441
00:15:52,909 --> 00:15:54,189
The grease burned me,
Mr. Jordan.
442
00:15:54,369 --> 00:15:55,745
The machine must be broken.
443
00:15:56,037 --> 00:15:58,123
That one must be defective.
444
00:16:00,375 --> 00:16:03,086
Oh, ow!
My face!
445
00:16:03,378 --> 00:16:04,378
My page jacket!
446
00:16:04,546 --> 00:16:06,381
They all must be like that!
447
00:16:06,673 --> 00:16:07,841
Where's Donaghy?
448
00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:10,385
Ah!
449
00:16:10,677 --> 00:16:12,137
Can somebody take me
to a hospital?
450
00:16:12,429 --> 00:16:13,638
Jenna, stop.
451
00:16:13,930 --> 00:16:15,090
I just want to get past this.
452
00:16:15,265 --> 00:16:16,305
What do you need me to do?
453
00:16:16,516 --> 00:16:18,894
Well, you can start
by saying you're sorry.
454
00:16:19,186 --> 00:16:21,021
To... Fine.
455
00:16:21,313 --> 00:16:23,482
I am sorry that I assumed
other people
456
00:16:23,773 --> 00:16:26,026
would hate the movie
just because I hate it.
457
00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:27,402
That was wrong.
458
00:16:27,694 --> 00:16:28,278
That's it?
That's your apology?
459
00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:29,988
Yeah.
Are we good?
460
00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:31,781
We're good.
Great.
461
00:16:32,073 --> 00:16:32,782
So, do I have to wear the nose
tonight?
462
00:16:33,074 --> 00:16:34,074
Yes, you do.
463
00:16:34,117 --> 00:16:36,077
Okay, well then I hope
you get bird flu and die.
464
00:16:36,369 --> 00:16:38,330
What did you just say to me?
465
00:16:38,622 --> 00:16:40,142
You are a big fake,
you know that, Liz?
466
00:16:40,290 --> 00:16:41,917
She doesn't even need
those glasses.
467
00:16:42,209 --> 00:16:43,710
Really, I'm a fake, Blondie?
468
00:16:44,002 --> 00:16:45,754
I'm a fake?
469
00:16:46,046 --> 00:16:48,798
Burning jets of grease, huh?
470
00:16:49,090 --> 00:16:50,210
Were any of our people hurt?
471
00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:51,885
Only Kenneth.
Good.
472
00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:53,777
What are we gonna do?
We can't sell this.
473
00:16:54,012 --> 00:16:55,847
You're right,
we can't sell this...
474
00:16:56,139 --> 00:16:57,516
in the United States.
475
00:16:57,807 --> 00:16:59,017
What?
476
00:16:59,309 --> 00:17:00,549
We simply have to find a market
477
00:17:00,644 --> 00:17:01,937
with lax safety regulations.
478
00:17:02,229 --> 00:17:03,664
With your international appeal,
we can go anywhere.
479
00:17:03,688 --> 00:17:04,105
How about the Ukraine?
480
00:17:04,397 --> 00:17:06,066
Not the Ukraine.
481
00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:07,793
I own some property
on the Dnieper River.
482
00:17:07,817 --> 00:17:08,902
In Volyn?
483
00:17:09,194 --> 00:17:09,903
Closer to Cherkasy.
484
00:17:10,195 --> 00:17:11,738
Well, we'll find
another country then.
485
00:17:12,030 --> 00:17:12,697
How do you feel about Venezuela?
486
00:17:12,989 --> 00:17:14,741
Can't do it, Donaghy.
487
00:17:15,033 --> 00:17:16,313
I can't put my name on a product
488
00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:17,744
that's gonna hurt people.
489
00:17:18,036 --> 00:17:19,036
That's disappointing.
490
00:17:19,246 --> 00:17:20,526
Although I admire
your integrity.
491
00:17:22,165 --> 00:17:24,125
Mr. Donaghy, they need you
on stage immediately.
492
00:17:24,417 --> 00:17:25,877
Some kind of emergency.
493
00:17:26,169 --> 00:17:27,169
For crying out loud.
494
00:17:30,090 --> 00:17:31,567
I'm sorry that we're not all
weeping with gratitude
495
00:17:31,591 --> 00:17:32,259
at getting to read your words.
496
00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:35,053
I am so glad I studied voice
at Northwestern
497
00:17:35,345 --> 00:17:37,138
so I could do raps
about Suri Cruise.
498
00:17:37,430 --> 00:17:38,139
Oh, please!
499
00:17:38,431 --> 00:17:39,431
If it wasn't for me,
500
00:17:39,599 --> 00:17:41,160
you'd still be slutting it up
for car dealership owners
501
00:17:41,184 --> 00:17:41,685
so they'd put you
in their commercial.
502
00:17:41,977 --> 00:17:43,979
Oh, so now I'm a slut?
Yeah.
503
00:17:44,271 --> 00:17:44,604
Let me tell you something.
504
00:17:44,896 --> 00:17:46,731
This slut slept with
your brother!
505
00:17:47,023 --> 00:17:48,023
Mitch?
506
00:17:48,108 --> 00:17:49,627
Yeah, and let me
tell you something about Mitch.
507
00:17:49,651 --> 00:17:50,735
He is disgusting in bed.
508
00:17:51,027 --> 00:17:52,404
You know he's not right.
509
00:17:52,696 --> 00:17:54,447
He was in a really bad
skiing accident!
510
00:17:54,739 --> 00:17:55,739
Ladies.
511
00:18:01,329 --> 00:18:04,583
♪♪
512
00:18:04,874 --> 00:18:06,001
Sit down.
513
00:18:10,297 --> 00:18:10,964
Now, what is this about?
514
00:18:11,256 --> 00:18:13,174
It's about my movie,
The Rrr Jrr.
515
00:18:13,466 --> 00:18:15,343
They've adapted The Rural Juror?
516
00:18:15,635 --> 00:18:16,795
I'm a huge Kevin Grisham fan.
517
00:18:17,012 --> 00:18:18,012
Jenna has taken the fact
518
00:18:18,221 --> 00:18:19,806
that I don't like her movie
519
00:18:20,098 --> 00:18:22,017
and blown it completely
out of proportion.
520
00:18:22,309 --> 00:18:23,727
She twisted my boob.
521
00:18:24,019 --> 00:18:25,854
Liz, you wanted the movie
to be bad.
522
00:18:26,146 --> 00:18:26,813
You wanted me to fail.
523
00:18:27,105 --> 00:18:28,624
Okay, let me tell you something,
Jenna.
524
00:18:28,648 --> 00:18:29,808
Liz has always supported you.
525
00:18:29,899 --> 00:18:31,259
Even when I wanted you
out of here,
526
00:18:31,359 --> 00:18:31,985
she wouldn't give in.
527
00:18:32,277 --> 00:18:33,296
I've never seen her
so worked up.
528
00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:33,862
She came at me with that
529
00:18:34,154 --> 00:18:34,738
angry little
badger face of hers...
530
00:18:35,030 --> 00:18:36,030
There it is right now.
531
00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:37,991
The point is,
she went to the mat for you.
532
00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:38,992
And she was right.
533
00:18:39,284 --> 00:18:40,364
I know, but... But nothing.
534
00:18:40,535 --> 00:18:42,138
Now you're accusing Liz
of undermining you?
535
00:18:42,162 --> 00:18:43,788
They did warn me
those diet pills
536
00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:44,748
were mood altering.
537
00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:45,749
Yeah?
538
00:18:46,041 --> 00:18:47,059
I think you owe her an apology.
539
00:18:47,083 --> 00:18:50,253
Oh, Liz...
540
00:18:50,545 --> 00:18:51,588
I'm sorry.
541
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,924
No, don't be.
542
00:18:55,216 --> 00:18:56,216
You're right.
543
00:18:56,384 --> 00:18:57,636
I did want the movie to be bad.
544
00:18:57,927 --> 00:18:58,927
Wow.
545
00:18:59,012 --> 00:19:00,732
The one time I try
to take your side, Lemon,
546
00:19:00,972 --> 00:19:01,972
and you sandbag me.
547
00:19:02,015 --> 00:19:03,015
I'm sorry, Jenna.
548
00:19:03,099 --> 00:19:05,019
I smelled crazy in here
and I assumed it was you.
549
00:19:05,226 --> 00:19:06,936
God, Liz, I mean...
550
00:19:07,228 --> 00:19:08,855
I wish you had written
my movie too.
551
00:19:09,147 --> 00:19:11,733
No, it's not that.
It's just...
552
00:19:12,025 --> 00:19:14,861
The dream that we had
in Chicago of getting famous...
553
00:19:15,153 --> 00:19:16,363
We had it.
554
00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:17,906
It was my dream too, Jenna.
555
00:19:18,198 --> 00:19:19,991
Yeah, but you couldn't
have been serious
556
00:19:20,283 --> 00:19:22,035
about acting for a living.
557
00:19:22,327 --> 00:19:22,661
You have brown hair.
558
00:19:22,952 --> 00:19:25,747
Look, I like what I do now.
559
00:19:26,039 --> 00:19:28,291
But there's still this
sad little part of me
560
00:19:28,583 --> 00:19:30,061
that wants to be
the center of attention.
561
00:19:30,085 --> 00:19:31,961
That wants to get my hair done
562
00:19:32,253 --> 00:19:33,922
and get free clothes.
563
00:19:34,214 --> 00:19:37,842
That wants to be you, I guess.
564
00:19:38,134 --> 00:19:40,071
And your movie just brought
all that stuff up again.
565
00:19:40,095 --> 00:19:42,889
This is boring.
I'm bored now.
566
00:19:43,181 --> 00:19:44,933
Oh, God, Liz.
I had no idea.
567
00:19:45,225 --> 00:19:47,185
I'm sorry.
I'm a jackass.
568
00:19:47,477 --> 00:19:49,896
No, I'm sorry.
569
00:19:50,188 --> 00:19:51,332
So you really think
I'm beautiful?
570
00:19:51,356 --> 00:19:52,399
I never said that.
571
00:19:54,609 --> 00:19:55,819
Oh, I'm sorry.
572
00:19:59,030 --> 00:20:00,323
Feed me, Whoopi!
573
00:20:02,992 --> 00:20:06,287
Whoopi!
574
00:20:06,579 --> 00:20:08,373
What's this?
575
00:20:08,665 --> 00:20:10,166
I gave the Meat Machine
to Whoopi.
576
00:20:10,458 --> 00:20:12,460
Goldberg or Billingham?
577
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:23,000
Looks like Whoopi's made herself
578
00:20:23,263 --> 00:20:25,223
another billion grivka.
579
00:20:25,515 --> 00:20:27,183
Food ball?
580
00:20:28,727 --> 00:20:30,061
Let's get personal.
581
00:20:30,353 --> 00:20:31,833
Your father Werner
was a burger server
582
00:20:31,980 --> 00:20:33,148
in suburban Santa Barbara...
583
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:34,440
Yes, that's right.
584
00:20:34,649 --> 00:20:36,901
When he spurned
your mother Verna
585
00:20:37,193 --> 00:20:39,988
for a curly-haired server
named Roberta,
586
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:41,280
did that hurt her?
587
00:20:41,406 --> 00:20:44,367
It was hard on all of us, yes.
588
00:20:51,791 --> 00:20:54,252
I'll always be his little girl.
39955
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