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1
00:00:03,461 --> 00:00:07,507
Well, I don't know why
they need you in the studio.
2
00:00:07,798 --> 00:00:09,425
Surprise!
3
00:00:09,717 --> 00:00:12,470
Oh, my God!
Is this for me?
4
00:00:12,762 --> 00:00:14,388
I can't believe
you made all this fuss
5
00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:15,680
over my birthday.
6
00:00:15,806 --> 00:00:18,100
It's so incredibly thoughtful.
7
00:00:18,392 --> 00:00:20,895
Let me give something back
to you guys.
8
00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:24,273
♪ I believe the children
are our future ♪
9
00:00:24,565 --> 00:00:27,193
♪ Teach them well
and let them lead the way ♪
10
00:00:27,485 --> 00:00:29,445
Hey, guess what, everyone?
11
00:00:29,737 --> 00:00:30,780
I'm engaged.
12
00:00:32,615 --> 00:00:34,325
Engaged?
13
00:00:34,617 --> 00:00:35,969
Hey, this isn't gonna
change the way you dress
14
00:00:35,993 --> 00:00:36,994
or eat lollipops, is it?
15
00:00:37,286 --> 00:00:38,286
No.
16
00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:39,997
Oh, then congratulations.
17
00:00:40,289 --> 00:00:43,543
This is for you, Cerie.
18
00:00:43,834 --> 00:00:46,712
♪ I believe the children
are our future ♪
19
00:00:47,004 --> 00:00:50,841
♪ Teach them well
and let them lead the way ♪
20
00:00:51,133 --> 00:00:51,676
♪ Show them... ♪
21
00:00:51,968 --> 00:00:54,095
♪ All the beauty
they possess... ♪
22
00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:55,387
Everyone, guess what?
23
00:00:55,638 --> 00:00:57,398
There's an antique car show
out in the plaza!
24
00:01:06,607 --> 00:01:07,647
How long is Jack gonna be?
25
00:01:07,817 --> 00:01:09,986
He's still on the phone.
26
00:01:10,278 --> 00:01:12,613
Area code 4077 Oh, no.
27
00:01:12,905 --> 00:01:13,905
When did this happen?
28
00:01:13,990 --> 00:01:15,032
407 Is that bad?
29
00:01:15,324 --> 00:01:16,033
It's fine.
30
00:01:16,325 --> 00:01:17,325
It's gonna be just fine.
31
00:01:20,913 --> 00:01:24,667
Jonathan, these cheap
phones keep on shattering!
32
00:01:24,959 --> 00:01:25,959
You can go in now.
33
00:01:26,043 --> 00:01:27,545
No.
34
00:01:30,131 --> 00:01:31,716
Who let 407 through?
35
00:01:32,008 --> 00:01:33,718
Jonathan, we have drills
for this!
36
00:01:34,010 --> 00:01:35,010
Liz distracted me.
37
00:01:35,094 --> 00:01:36,094
No, I didn't.
38
00:01:36,262 --> 00:01:37,847
What's going on?
39
00:01:38,139 --> 00:01:39,139
Business got you down?
40
00:01:39,390 --> 00:01:40,600
Business doesn't get me down.
41
00:01:40,891 --> 00:01:41,517
Business gets me off.
42
00:01:41,809 --> 00:01:44,979
Now, what is
your urgent problem this time?
43
00:01:45,271 --> 00:01:48,649
Well, the writers and I
wanted to get TGS jackets,
44
00:01:48,941 --> 00:01:49,483
but the guy in accounting
says that
45
00:01:49,775 --> 00:01:50,815
we can't have the jackets.
46
00:01:50,860 --> 00:01:51,986
But Dateline has jackets.
47
00:01:52,278 --> 00:01:53,362
Jackets?
48
00:01:53,654 --> 00:01:55,007
Is this what
you're talking about now?
49
00:01:55,031 --> 00:01:56,574
Jackets?
50
00:01:56,866 --> 00:01:58,135
Lemon, do you realize
that your little show
51
00:01:58,159 --> 00:01:59,577
accounts for 3% of our revenue
52
00:01:59,869 --> 00:02:01,537
but takes up 90% of my time?
53
00:02:01,829 --> 00:02:02,997
Hello?!
54
00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:06,500
Now, would you do me
a kindness, please?
55
00:02:06,792 --> 00:02:07,936
And handle
your problems yourself
56
00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:09,587
and stop bothering me.
57
00:02:09,879 --> 00:02:11,505
Is that too much to ask?
58
00:02:11,797 --> 00:02:13,090
Absolutely!
Forget it.
59
00:02:13,382 --> 00:02:15,801
I won't bother you
about anything anymore.
60
00:02:30,232 --> 00:02:32,032
Wow, he's a little bit
of a stress eater, huh?
61
00:02:32,068 --> 00:02:33,778
He puts up with so much.
62
00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:36,614
All right.
63
00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:03,057
Liz, you shoulda seen this guy
at the club last night.
64
00:03:03,349 --> 00:03:05,434
Everybody at this party
is a Jedi.
65
00:03:05,726 --> 00:03:07,645
We must get our freak on
66
00:03:07,937 --> 00:03:10,022
while our fruit is a-plentiful.
67
00:03:10,314 --> 00:03:12,525
Oh, naw!
68
00:03:12,817 --> 00:03:14,360
Oh, sounds like
another great party
69
00:03:14,652 --> 00:03:15,653
I wasn't invited to.
70
00:03:17,738 --> 00:03:19,132
Tracy, thank you
for the funnest night
71
00:03:19,156 --> 00:03:19,865
of my life!
72
00:03:20,157 --> 00:03:21,157
Love you, man.
73
00:03:21,283 --> 00:03:23,035
I love you too, J Bird!
74
00:03:23,327 --> 00:03:25,413
Yo, I don't like that dude.
75
00:03:25,705 --> 00:03:26,330
It's disrespectful
76
00:03:26,622 --> 00:03:27,665
when he imitates me.
77
00:03:27,957 --> 00:03:29,333
I want him fired.
78
00:03:29,625 --> 00:03:31,585
Oh, come on, it's a goof.
79
00:03:33,337 --> 00:03:35,057
How would you like it
if I did an impression
80
00:03:35,131 --> 00:03:36,465
of you, Liz Lemon?
81
00:03:36,757 --> 00:03:38,384
Hi, I'm Liz Lemon!
82
00:03:38,676 --> 00:03:41,429
I like to wear man shirts.
Watch me skateboard.
83
00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:43,097
I don't skateboard.
84
00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:44,557
Hurts, doesn't it?
85
00:03:44,849 --> 00:03:46,600
I'm not firing Josh.
86
00:03:46,892 --> 00:03:48,853
You always take his side.
87
00:03:51,814 --> 00:03:53,858
Tracy, stop tasering him.
88
00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:54,692
See?
89
00:03:54,984 --> 00:03:56,360
I need to be respected,
Liz Lemon.
90
00:03:56,652 --> 00:03:57,892
What do you know about respect?
91
00:03:57,945 --> 00:03:59,697
Please, Tracy, just let it go.
92
00:03:59,989 --> 00:04:01,258
Well, if you won't
do anything about it,
93
00:04:01,282 --> 00:04:03,451
then I'll just
go over your head to Donaghy.
94
00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:04,952
No, no no, do not do that.
95
00:04:05,244 --> 00:04:07,037
Don't bother him.
96
00:04:07,329 --> 00:04:09,373
I'll talk to Josh.
97
00:04:13,127 --> 00:04:15,045
Hey, Cerie, what are you doing?
98
00:04:15,337 --> 00:04:17,339
Oh, I let them
do my make-up sometimes.
99
00:04:17,631 --> 00:04:18,711
They say it's fun for them.
100
00:04:18,883 --> 00:04:19,883
She's like a Barbie.
101
00:04:21,218 --> 00:04:23,637
Oh, sorry, my babysitter
got jury duty.
102
00:04:23,929 --> 00:04:25,806
I think I'm going
to kill myself.
103
00:04:28,851 --> 00:04:30,895
So, Cerie, how long
have you known this guy
104
00:04:31,187 --> 00:04:31,896
that you're marrying?
105
00:04:32,188 --> 00:04:33,898
It'll be two months in...
106
00:04:34,190 --> 00:04:35,316
three weeks.
107
00:04:35,608 --> 00:04:37,902
You'd love him, Liz.
He's so funny.
108
00:04:38,194 --> 00:04:43,032
He does this thing where
he screams at limo drivers.
109
00:04:43,324 --> 00:04:45,010
Yeah, it just kind of seems
like you're rushing into it
110
00:04:45,034 --> 00:04:46,034
a little bit.
I guess.
111
00:04:46,118 --> 00:04:49,413
But we both wanna have babies
while it's still cool.
112
00:04:49,705 --> 00:04:51,415
I already have
all the names picked out.
113
00:04:51,707 --> 00:04:54,460
If it's a girl, Bookcase.
Or Sandstorm.
114
00:04:54,752 --> 00:04:55,752
Or maybe Hat.
115
00:04:55,878 --> 00:04:57,158
But that's more of a boy's name.
116
00:04:57,213 --> 00:04:59,548
Yeah, I was gonna say.
117
00:04:59,840 --> 00:05:02,009
It's just,
you're so young, Cerie.
118
00:05:02,301 --> 00:05:02,843
There's no big hurry
to have babies.
119
00:05:03,135 --> 00:05:05,596
I mean, there are other things
in life.
120
00:05:05,888 --> 00:05:06,931
Like having a career.
121
00:05:07,223 --> 00:05:07,848
And working.
122
00:05:08,140 --> 00:05:11,936
And... having a job.
And working.
123
00:05:12,228 --> 00:05:14,355
You can have a career anytime.
124
00:05:14,647 --> 00:05:16,167
But you only have
a really short period
125
00:05:16,232 --> 00:05:17,691
where you can be
a young, hot mom.
126
00:05:17,983 --> 00:05:19,127
If you wait too long,
you could be like...
127
00:05:19,151 --> 00:05:22,363
50 at your kid's graduation.
128
00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:24,615
50's not that old, Cerie.
129
00:05:26,116 --> 00:05:27,701
Oh, I'm sorry.
Are you 50 now?
130
00:05:31,121 --> 00:05:34,875
Paul Newman or Robert Redford?
131
00:05:35,167 --> 00:05:36,752
I've told you 1,000 times,
Newman.
132
00:05:37,044 --> 00:05:38,420
Because I enjoy
his salad dressings
133
00:05:38,712 --> 00:05:39,922
and lemonade.
134
00:05:40,214 --> 00:05:40,923
Me too.
135
00:05:41,215 --> 00:05:44,009
Okay, uh, Brad Pitt...
136
00:05:44,301 --> 00:05:45,636
or George Clooney?
137
00:05:45,928 --> 00:05:47,763
Do you think
I'd be a good mother?
138
00:05:48,055 --> 00:05:48,472
What?
139
00:05:48,764 --> 00:05:50,808
Something is kicking in.
140
00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:52,828
And the last few months
I've just started wondering
141
00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:54,052
if I'm ever gonna have a baby.
142
00:05:54,270 --> 00:05:57,314
I mean, I'm so many steps away
from being able to do it.
143
00:05:57,606 --> 00:05:59,525
And I panic that maybe
I waited too long.
144
00:05:59,817 --> 00:06:01,735
What if my junk goes bad?
145
00:06:02,027 --> 00:06:03,821
What if Cerie is right?
146
00:06:04,113 --> 00:06:05,906
Wow, red wine is not your drink.
147
00:06:06,198 --> 00:06:08,325
I'm sorry.
I'm in my right mind.
148
00:06:08,617 --> 00:06:10,828
I just... it comes
in waves, you know?
149
00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:13,706
And I love my job
and I love my friends.
150
00:06:13,998 --> 00:06:15,499
And if I am meant
to crank out a kid,
151
00:06:15,791 --> 00:06:17,835
then I have plenty of time.
152
00:06:18,127 --> 00:06:19,420
Uh, not really.
153
00:06:19,712 --> 00:06:20,421
Jenna! I
154
00:06:20,713 --> 00:06:21,130
No, Liz, I'm just saying.
155
00:06:21,422 --> 00:06:22,862
If this is something
you really want,
156
00:06:23,090 --> 00:06:24,090
let's go for it.
157
00:06:24,216 --> 00:06:25,593
I'll help you.
158
00:06:25,885 --> 00:06:27,028
Please, let me help you
for once.
159
00:06:27,052 --> 00:06:28,345
We'll get you a guy.
160
00:06:28,637 --> 00:06:30,597
Like that hot dancer
Madonna used to have Lourdes.
161
00:06:30,681 --> 00:06:32,641
No no no.
That is not how I roll.
162
00:06:32,933 --> 00:06:34,852
Forget I said anything.
163
00:06:36,604 --> 00:06:37,897
Because you agreed to this.
164
00:06:38,188 --> 00:06:40,399
I did not
make you sign anything.
165
00:06:40,691 --> 00:06:41,971
I will not
be intimidated by you!
166
00:06:42,026 --> 00:06:43,066
Good morning, Mr. Donaghy!
167
00:06:43,152 --> 00:06:44,152
Go to hell.
168
00:06:44,194 --> 00:06:46,989
No, thank you.
169
00:06:52,119 --> 00:06:52,745
Kenneth, I'm sorry.
170
00:06:53,037 --> 00:06:54,496
How do you do it, Kenneth?
171
00:06:54,788 --> 00:06:57,374
How do you sit here every day
taking crap from people
172
00:06:57,666 --> 00:06:58,250
and you keep smiling?
173
00:06:58,542 --> 00:06:59,960
My mother always told me
174
00:07:00,252 --> 00:07:02,254
that even
when things seemed bad...
175
00:07:02,546 --> 00:07:04,190
there's someone else
who's having a worse day.
176
00:07:04,214 --> 00:07:06,050
Like being stung by a bee
177
00:07:06,342 --> 00:07:08,052
or getting a splinter.
178
00:07:08,344 --> 00:07:11,263
Or being chained to a wall
in someone's sex dungeon.
179
00:07:11,555 --> 00:07:13,315
Isn't that a kick
in the soft stuff, Kenneth?
180
00:07:13,599 --> 00:07:14,993
I mean, you gain strength
from your mother
181
00:07:15,017 --> 00:07:16,617
while mine
is sucking the life out of me.
182
00:07:16,894 --> 00:07:19,063
She calls me constantly.
That was her.
183
00:07:19,355 --> 00:07:20,356
That was her.
184
00:07:20,648 --> 00:07:22,042
Complaining about
where she's living.
185
00:07:22,066 --> 00:07:22,775
Threatening to move in with me.
186
00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:24,360
Oh, how wonderful.
187
00:07:24,652 --> 00:07:25,277
No no no, that's not wonderful.
188
00:07:25,569 --> 00:07:27,738
I run companies.
Plural.
189
00:07:28,030 --> 00:07:29,531
But to that woman...
190
00:07:29,823 --> 00:07:31,463
I'm always gonna be
the punk kid who cried
191
00:07:31,742 --> 00:07:32,969
when Pop was run over
by a mail truck.
192
00:07:32,993 --> 00:07:35,371
Oh my,
a mailman killed your dad?
193
00:07:35,663 --> 00:07:36,663
No, Pop was my dog.
194
00:07:36,914 --> 00:07:38,074
My dad left when I was two...
195
00:07:38,165 --> 00:07:39,525
so I grew up
calling my Collie Pop.
196
00:07:41,168 --> 00:07:42,419
My mother is my best friend.
197
00:07:42,711 --> 00:07:44,755
My mother tried to send me
to Vietnam
198
00:07:45,047 --> 00:07:47,549
to make a man out of me.
199
00:07:47,841 --> 00:07:48,550
I was 12.
200
00:07:48,842 --> 00:07:51,428
Well, my mother
has her dark times too.
201
00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:52,805
But that's when I tell her,
202
00:07:53,097 --> 00:07:55,599
"Mama, you carried me
for nine months.
203
00:07:55,891 --> 00:07:57,267
Let me carry you now."
204
00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:02,523
You are a remarkable
human being, Kenneth.
205
00:08:02,815 --> 00:08:04,334
I bought my mother
a lovely retirement home.
206
00:08:04,358 --> 00:08:06,860
In Florida.
207
00:08:07,152 --> 00:08:08,946
With a tea garden
and fake rocks made of foam
208
00:08:09,238 --> 00:08:10,398
because she falls down a lot.
209
00:08:10,572 --> 00:08:12,616
Got everything she needs
except a phone.
210
00:08:12,908 --> 00:08:13,969
I told those people,
I made it clear,
211
00:08:13,993 --> 00:08:15,035
do not give her a phone.
212
00:08:19,915 --> 00:08:21,125
It's her.
213
00:08:21,417 --> 00:08:22,751
It's always her.
214
00:08:27,256 --> 00:08:29,133
Hello?
215
00:08:35,806 --> 00:08:37,516
This is Dr. Leo Spaceman.
216
00:08:37,808 --> 00:08:39,643
Oh, hi, I'm sorry.
217
00:08:39,935 --> 00:08:41,520
I got this number
under fertility
218
00:08:41,812 --> 00:08:43,212
in the Writer's Guild
Health Manual.
219
00:08:43,272 --> 00:08:44,773
I'm also listed
under meth addiction
220
00:08:45,065 --> 00:08:46,316
and child psychiatry.
221
00:08:46,608 --> 00:08:48,193
So what can I help you with?
222
00:08:48,485 --> 00:08:51,613
I should start by saying
that I can't personally
223
00:08:51,905 --> 00:08:53,532
help you conceive.
224
00:08:53,824 --> 00:08:55,544
Something happened to me
while scuba diving.
225
00:08:58,120 --> 00:08:59,580
Hey, so Jenna tells us
226
00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:01,099
you're looking for a baby-daddy.
227
00:09:01,123 --> 00:09:02,123
She what?
228
00:09:02,374 --> 00:09:04,084
Yeah.
So?
229
00:09:04,376 --> 00:09:05,711
So...
230
00:09:07,421 --> 00:09:08,630
Are you kidding me?
231
00:09:08,922 --> 00:09:10,025
Now, okay, before you say no...
232
00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:11,049
I just wanna say...
233
00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:12,009
our child would have a leg up
234
00:09:12,301 --> 00:09:13,302
getting into Harvard.
235
00:09:13,594 --> 00:09:14,904
Oh, really?
Did you go to Harvard?
236
00:09:14,928 --> 00:09:15,637
'Cause you haven't mentioned it
237
00:09:15,929 --> 00:09:16,430
in like three hours.
238
00:09:16,722 --> 00:09:20,017
Our kid would have
strong, flat feet.
239
00:09:20,309 --> 00:09:21,310
And if you choose me,
240
00:09:21,602 --> 00:09:23,312
I agree
not to take my shirt off.
241
00:09:23,604 --> 00:09:24,914
But I do like to
get yelled at during sex.
242
00:09:24,938 --> 00:09:25,981
You're disgusting.
243
00:09:26,273 --> 00:09:27,566
Yeah, that's a good start.
244
00:09:27,858 --> 00:09:28,858
Ugh.
245
00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:29,985
Get out of here.
246
00:09:30,277 --> 00:09:32,696
Jenna had no business
telling you guys that.
247
00:09:32,988 --> 00:09:35,032
Oh, hey, blue pages.
248
00:09:35,324 --> 00:09:36,366
What?
What's wrong?
249
00:09:36,658 --> 00:09:37,844
Jenna told the writers
that I'm looking for
250
00:09:37,868 --> 00:09:39,495
a guy to get me pregnant.
251
00:09:39,787 --> 00:09:40,787
Can you believe her?
252
00:09:40,996 --> 00:09:42,539
I know.
It's so uncool.
253
00:09:42,831 --> 00:09:44,111
I mean, why would she
go to them?
254
00:09:44,333 --> 00:09:45,709
Who do you know better than me?
255
00:09:46,001 --> 00:09:47,002
Oh, come on.
256
00:09:47,294 --> 00:09:48,545
Didn't you have a vasectomy?
257
00:09:48,837 --> 00:09:50,047
No, I just told my wife I did.
258
00:09:50,339 --> 00:09:51,619
And she doesn't
get pregnant how?
259
00:09:51,757 --> 00:09:54,009
I fake it.
260
00:09:54,301 --> 00:09:55,653
Is Jenna out here?
Is she rehearsing?
261
00:09:55,677 --> 00:09:57,012
She's onstage.
262
00:09:57,304 --> 00:09:58,514
Excuse me, Ms. Lemon?
263
00:09:58,806 --> 00:09:59,848
Uh...
264
00:10:00,140 --> 00:10:02,518
I'm not usually this formal,
nor this bold,
265
00:10:02,810 --> 00:10:05,521
but I figure time is on
neither one of our sides.
266
00:10:05,813 --> 00:10:08,398
Uh, could you excuse us
for a second?
267
00:10:08,690 --> 00:10:10,567
I'd kind of like him to stay.
268
00:10:10,859 --> 00:10:12,402
Very well.
269
00:10:12,694 --> 00:10:15,405
Ms. Lemon..
Liz...
270
00:10:15,697 --> 00:10:17,783
I'd like to carry your child
if I might.
271
00:10:18,075 --> 00:10:19,409
I have a small ferret farm
272
00:10:19,701 --> 00:10:20,845
about 60 miles
north of the city.
273
00:10:20,869 --> 00:10:22,579
It's not much,
but it is self-sufficient.
274
00:10:22,871 --> 00:10:24,581
I can get cable if you want,
275
00:10:24,873 --> 00:10:26,708
'cause I know how much
you like the TV.
276
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:29,086
Sometimes I watch you
watching it.
277
00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:35,133
Think about it.
278
00:10:35,175 --> 00:10:37,845
Jenna.
279
00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:39,137
Stop telling everyone
280
00:10:39,221 --> 00:10:40,764
I need someone
to get me pregnant.
281
00:10:41,056 --> 00:10:42,599
I'm not telling everyone.
282
00:10:48,605 --> 00:10:50,440
All right, guys, check this out.
283
00:10:50,732 --> 00:10:52,359
Oprah
and Steadman are the same person.
284
00:10:52,651 --> 00:10:53,651
You know what?
285
00:10:53,861 --> 00:10:54,963
I don't have time
for this conversation.
286
00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:57,364
I don't have time for anything.
287
00:10:57,656 --> 00:10:59,992
That's why he/she
won't run for president.
288
00:11:00,284 --> 00:11:01,924
Hey, you gotta stop
doing that impression.
289
00:11:02,161 --> 00:11:02,870
Tracy hates it.
290
00:11:03,162 --> 00:11:04,454
What?
But it's funny.
291
00:11:05,789 --> 00:11:06,415
These guys like it.
292
00:11:06,707 --> 00:11:07,958
The Mars probe didn't brake.
293
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:10,627
It was attacked
by a Martian cougar.
294
00:11:12,087 --> 00:11:13,547
This is how
you take care of things,
295
00:11:13,839 --> 00:11:14,923
Liz Lemon?
296
00:11:15,215 --> 00:11:16,508
I'm going to Jack Donaghy.
297
00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:18,594
No, no Tracy,
please don't do that.
298
00:11:18,886 --> 00:11:21,388
Too late.
This is untoward.
299
00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:24,433
This is not toward!
300
00:11:25,893 --> 00:11:27,936
You better fix this, nerd.
301
00:11:28,228 --> 00:11:29,747
Otherwise, Jack Donaghy
is gonna kill me
302
00:11:29,771 --> 00:11:30,931
and then he's gonna kill you.
303
00:11:31,148 --> 00:11:32,667
And then he's gonna
fold us up in a pizza
304
00:11:32,691 --> 00:11:33,691
and eat us.
305
00:11:33,942 --> 00:11:34,568
What?
306
00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:35,860
Hey Liz!
307
00:11:35,903 --> 00:11:37,213
I heard you're looking
for a hook-up.
308
00:11:37,237 --> 00:11:38,906
Oh, you know what?
309
00:11:39,198 --> 00:11:42,326
Everybody, stop working
right now!
310
00:11:42,618 --> 00:11:45,370
I don't wanna have sex
with any of you.
311
00:11:45,662 --> 00:11:47,706
I have plenty of time
to have a baby.
312
00:11:47,998 --> 00:11:52,002
And I am not looking
for sperm donors.
313
00:11:54,796 --> 00:11:55,796
Okay.
314
00:11:56,006 --> 00:11:57,446
But do you still
want a sound hook-up
315
00:11:57,674 --> 00:11:59,968
SO you can listen to rehearsal?
316
00:12:00,260 --> 00:12:03,013
Yeah, thanks.
317
00:12:03,305 --> 00:12:07,017
How are you, Bobby?
Good?
318
00:12:07,309 --> 00:12:09,478
Great.
319
00:12:16,818 --> 00:12:17,527
Yo!
320
00:12:17,819 --> 00:12:18,862
Tracy.
It's Jack Donaghy.
321
00:12:19,154 --> 00:12:20,794
I hear we have a problem
with Josh Gerard.
322
00:12:20,822 --> 00:12:21,822
Damn right!
323
00:12:21,907 --> 00:12:23,533
Keeps impersonating me.
324
00:12:23,825 --> 00:12:24,534
Making me into a caricature.
325
00:12:24,826 --> 00:12:27,454
Well, I would
take care of this if I could.
326
00:12:27,746 --> 00:12:28,746
But it's tricky.
327
00:12:28,872 --> 00:12:30,099
You see, Josh's father's
an assassin
328
00:12:30,123 --> 00:12:31,123
with the Russian mafia.
329
00:12:31,208 --> 00:12:33,710
They call him El Matador.
330
00:12:34,002 --> 00:12:36,004
Whoa.
Those dudes are crazy.
331
00:12:36,296 --> 00:12:38,423
Forget it, I don't need
any of that noise.
332
00:12:38,715 --> 00:12:40,467
It happys me
to hear you say that.
333
00:12:40,759 --> 00:12:41,839
For being so understanding.
334
00:12:42,052 --> 00:12:43,612
I'm sending you
our new super top secret
335
00:12:43,887 --> 00:12:45,389
invisible motorcycle.
336
00:12:45,681 --> 00:12:46,807
For reals?
337
00:12:47,099 --> 00:12:48,558
For realses.
338
00:12:48,850 --> 00:12:50,662
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I need to see a doctor.
339
00:12:50,686 --> 00:12:52,062
I keep pooping during sex.
340
00:12:57,067 --> 00:12:58,777
Lemon, we have a problem.
341
00:12:59,069 --> 00:13:01,405
I have this whole
Tracy/Josh thing under control.
342
00:13:01,697 --> 00:13:02,757
What are you talking about?
343
00:13:02,781 --> 00:13:05,409
Nothing.
What are you talking about?
344
00:13:05,701 --> 00:13:07,077
You.
You yelling at the crew.
345
00:13:07,369 --> 00:13:08,787
You trolling for seed.
346
00:13:09,079 --> 00:13:11,373
Oh, it's a big misunderstanding.
347
00:13:11,665 --> 00:13:13,667
Jenna thinks that
I want to have a baby.
348
00:13:13,959 --> 00:13:15,919
I should have known
this was going to be a problem
349
00:13:16,003 --> 00:13:17,879
when I decided
to mentor a woman.
350
00:13:18,171 --> 00:13:18,755
No, in fact, what I said was
351
00:13:19,047 --> 00:13:20,567
that my body is trying
to make me think
352
00:13:20,632 --> 00:13:21,174
I wanna have a baby.
353
00:13:21,466 --> 00:13:23,302
But my body
is not the boss of me.
354
00:13:23,593 --> 00:13:24,594
My brain is.
355
00:13:24,886 --> 00:13:26,990
All right, if you insist upon
going all Murphy Brown on me,
356
00:13:27,014 --> 00:13:28,223
let me give you a tip.
357
00:13:28,515 --> 00:13:29,909
Don't smother your child
with affection
358
00:13:29,933 --> 00:13:32,019
to compensate for
not having a man in your life.
359
00:13:32,311 --> 00:13:33,621
Don't say you're the only man
I'll ever love.
360
00:13:33,645 --> 00:13:34,354
Even babies know that's creepy.
361
00:13:34,646 --> 00:13:35,646
Of course.
362
00:13:35,856 --> 00:13:37,041
Don't put little notes
in their lunch bag
363
00:13:37,065 --> 00:13:37,774
that say,
"Mommy's watching you."
364
00:13:38,066 --> 00:13:39,066
People find those things.
365
00:13:39,151 --> 00:13:40,944
I bet you behaved yourself,
though.
366
00:13:41,236 --> 00:13:42,797
If your child
is a terrific hockey player
367
00:13:42,821 --> 00:13:44,132
and a gifted flautist,
don't make them
368
00:13:44,156 --> 00:13:45,596
play the National Anthem
on the flute
369
00:13:45,824 --> 00:13:46,533
in front of their teammates.
370
00:13:46,825 --> 00:13:47,825
Your mother did that?
371
00:13:47,951 --> 00:13:50,579
Now she wants
to move in with me.
372
00:13:50,871 --> 00:13:51,580
I can't have that, Lemon.
373
00:13:51,872 --> 00:13:53,582
Then be an adult and call her
374
00:13:53,874 --> 00:13:55,709
and say you love her very much.
375
00:13:56,001 --> 00:13:57,729
But that living together
is not going to work for you.
376
00:13:57,753 --> 00:13:59,963
Oh, no.
You don't know my mother.
377
00:14:00,255 --> 00:14:02,507
This is a woman that actually
had a heart attack
378
00:14:02,799 --> 00:14:05,302
to prevent me from going
on my honeymoon.
379
00:14:05,594 --> 00:14:07,238
Maybe her heart broke
because she spent 20 years
380
00:14:07,262 --> 00:14:08,782
raising you
and you're a total ingrate.
381
00:14:08,930 --> 00:14:11,641
That's exactly what she said.
382
00:14:11,933 --> 00:14:13,560
Is this what you want, Lemon,
383
00:14:13,852 --> 00:14:16,063
to breathe life
into another human being
384
00:14:16,355 --> 00:14:17,623
just to spend
the rest of your days
385
00:14:17,647 --> 00:14:19,316
slowly sucking it out of them?
386
00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:22,069
No, that's why
my brain is the boss.
387
00:14:23,779 --> 00:14:26,073
Speak of the devil.
388
00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:29,076
Take a breath.
Be nice.
389
00:14:31,995 --> 00:14:34,706
Hello, Mother.
So nice to hear your voice.
390
00:14:34,998 --> 00:14:36,458
No, I am not on anything.
391
00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:38,835
I know that things have been
difficult for you lately
392
00:14:39,127 --> 00:14:42,798
and I was thinking
you carried me for nine months.
393
00:14:43,090 --> 00:14:45,342
Let me carry you now.
394
00:14:45,634 --> 00:14:48,470
Well, right back at you,
Colleen!
395
00:14:48,762 --> 00:14:49,471
Yeah, that's right!
396
00:14:49,763 --> 00:14:51,014
You cut Pop's balls off!
397
00:14:51,306 --> 00:14:53,642
And left him
in the street to die!
398
00:14:56,311 --> 00:14:58,522
Liz, check out my wedding dress.
399
00:14:58,814 --> 00:15:00,941
Absolutely not, young lady.
400
00:15:01,233 --> 00:15:02,818
Kenneth,
get Donaghy on the phone.
401
00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:05,028
Jonathan, I have Tracy Jordan
for Mr. Donaghy.
402
00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:08,407
No.
No no no no.
403
00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:12,702
Tracy, please.
Do not bother Jack.
404
00:15:12,994 --> 00:15:14,538
He is in
a weird place right now.
405
00:15:14,830 --> 00:15:15,872
Bebe Jackson's condo?
406
00:15:16,164 --> 00:15:16,748
No.
407
00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:18,480
A children's clothing store
in Dubai?
408
00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:19,084
Stop guessing!
409
00:15:19,376 --> 00:15:20,794
What I'm saying is,
410
00:15:21,086 --> 00:15:22,879
leave Jack alone.
411
00:15:23,171 --> 00:15:24,756
Too late, Liz Lemon.
412
00:15:25,048 --> 00:15:26,150
He called me five minutes ago.
413
00:15:26,174 --> 00:15:30,011
Five minutes ago I was with him.
414
00:15:30,303 --> 00:15:31,721
How did he sound?
415
00:15:32,013 --> 00:15:33,013
What did he say?
416
00:15:33,181 --> 00:15:33,598
Nothing unusual.
417
00:15:33,890 --> 00:15:35,892
Russian mobs,
invisible motorcycles...
418
00:15:36,184 --> 00:15:37,184
Sex pooping.
419
00:15:43,650 --> 00:15:44,901
Are you insane?
420
00:15:45,193 --> 00:15:46,833
What are you gonna do
when Tracy asks Jack
421
00:15:47,070 --> 00:15:48,697
for his invisible motorcycle?
422
00:15:48,989 --> 00:15:50,782
Yeah, dummy.
423
00:15:51,074 --> 00:15:52,492
Here's what you're gonna do.
424
00:15:57,038 --> 00:16:00,041
It's not your mother.
425
00:16:02,544 --> 00:16:03,544
Hello?
426
00:16:03,587 --> 00:16:04,587
Donaghy!
What up?
427
00:16:04,796 --> 00:16:05,505
What's up, Tray?
428
00:16:05,797 --> 00:16:06,298
If in the future...
429
00:16:06,590 --> 00:16:07,841
In the future...
430
00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:09,360
If I mention anything crazy...
If I mention anything crazy...
431
00:16:09,384 --> 00:16:11,654
Like an invisible motorcycle...
Like an invisible motorcycle...
432
00:16:11,678 --> 00:16:13,698
It means I'm off my meds...
It means I'm off my meds...
433
00:16:13,722 --> 00:16:15,724
and should be ignored.
And should be ignored.
434
00:16:17,267 --> 00:16:20,395
Also, I think Josh Gerard
is a young Alex Guinness.
435
00:16:20,687 --> 00:16:21,980
Go back on your meds, Tracy.
436
00:16:22,272 --> 00:16:23,690
Hang up. Hang up.
437
00:16:23,982 --> 00:16:24,983
What?
What?
438
00:16:25,275 --> 00:16:26,275
Idiot.
Idiot.
439
00:16:26,401 --> 00:16:28,278
Tracy, I've gotta go.
440
00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:29,570
Idiot.
441
00:16:32,199 --> 00:16:32,616
I think that went well.
442
00:16:32,908 --> 00:16:36,536
Now you gotta
call Tracy as Jack.
443
00:16:36,828 --> 00:16:38,330
Or...
444
00:16:38,622 --> 00:16:41,333
I could call him...
as Christopher Walken.
445
00:16:41,625 --> 00:16:43,145
Do you not understand
what we're doing?
446
00:16:47,130 --> 00:16:48,507
Jenna, did you tell
Life and Style
447
00:16:48,798 --> 00:16:50,342
that your favorite book
is the Koran?
448
00:16:50,634 --> 00:16:51,927
I just wanted to sound smart.
449
00:16:53,178 --> 00:16:54,638
Oh, hi, baby!
450
00:16:54,930 --> 00:16:56,115
Would you take her for a second?
451
00:16:56,139 --> 00:16:57,432
I'm trying to finish her eyes.
452
00:16:57,724 --> 00:16:59,476
Oh, I'm actually really busy.
453
00:16:59,768 --> 00:17:01,603
I heard you were baby crazy.
454
00:17:01,895 --> 00:17:02,437
No.
455
00:17:02,729 --> 00:17:03,729
Yes, she is.
456
00:17:03,897 --> 00:17:04,981
Please.
457
00:17:05,273 --> 00:17:07,275
Oh, for the love of... nuts.
458
00:17:07,567 --> 00:17:09,319
Okay.
459
00:17:09,611 --> 00:17:10,654
Hi!
460
00:17:10,946 --> 00:17:11,947
How about that, huh?
461
00:17:12,239 --> 00:17:13,740
Yeah, she likes you.
462
00:17:14,032 --> 00:17:15,659
Go ahead, walk her around.
463
00:17:15,951 --> 00:17:18,662
Oh, okay.
464
00:17:18,954 --> 00:17:19,954
Look how pretty I look.
465
00:17:20,163 --> 00:17:23,500
Who's the cutest baby
in the world?
466
00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:25,152
In the world?
Who's the cutest baby
467
00:17:25,293 --> 00:17:29,798
Who's the cutest baby
in the world?
468
00:17:31,841 --> 00:17:32,841
How did I get home?
469
00:17:33,009 --> 00:17:36,012
Why didn't you say something?
470
00:17:38,598 --> 00:17:40,642
Jack Donaghy.
471
00:17:40,934 --> 00:17:43,520
Now, I know you asked me
not to say anything.
472
00:17:43,812 --> 00:17:45,647
But I think I know somebody
that can help you
473
00:17:45,939 --> 00:17:47,399
with your sex poop problem.
474
00:17:49,985 --> 00:17:51,820
Hi.
475
00:17:53,196 --> 00:17:54,196
Please don't hurt me.
476
00:17:54,281 --> 00:17:55,281
I can't help it.
477
00:17:55,407 --> 00:17:56,741
It just pours out of me.
478
00:17:57,033 --> 00:17:58,994
I'm Jack Donaghy.
I'm important.
479
00:17:59,286 --> 00:18:00,620
I just bought the moon.
480
00:18:00,912 --> 00:18:02,706
Oh, my God.
I'm doing it again.
481
00:18:07,168 --> 00:18:08,295
What?
482
00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:11,590
Mother, I love you too.
483
00:18:11,881 --> 00:18:15,760
But living together
is not gonna work out for me.
484
00:18:16,052 --> 00:18:18,513
Yes, I went this morning.
485
00:18:18,805 --> 00:18:21,725
I don't know,
regular consistency?
486
00:18:22,017 --> 00:18:22,642
I can't do this.
487
00:18:22,934 --> 00:18:26,605
Every day for the rest
of your or her life.
488
00:18:26,896 --> 00:18:28,857
And she will outlive you.
She's like Castro.
489
00:18:29,149 --> 00:18:30,525
And when you're done with that,
490
00:18:30,817 --> 00:18:32,336
call my wife and tell her
I'm sorry about
491
00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:34,404
what happened with me
and Keith and them.
492
00:18:34,696 --> 00:18:36,072
Wait, who?
493
00:18:40,827 --> 00:18:41,828
Oh, God!
494
00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:43,180
It's true that you had the baby.
495
00:18:43,204 --> 00:18:43,913
I don't know what happened.
496
00:18:44,205 --> 00:18:45,749
One minute
I was holding the baby
497
00:18:46,041 --> 00:18:47,292
in make-up and then suddenly...
498
00:18:47,584 --> 00:18:48,744
It was like highway hypnosis.
499
00:18:48,918 --> 00:18:49,937
You know, when you
pull into your driveway
500
00:18:49,961 --> 00:18:51,314
but you don't remember
driving home?
501
00:18:51,338 --> 00:18:52,338
Oh, right right.
502
00:18:52,547 --> 00:18:54,549
And you have someone else's
baby in your car.
503
00:18:54,841 --> 00:18:55,550
I feel so terrible.
504
00:18:55,842 --> 00:18:56,842
Give me the baby.
505
00:18:56,926 --> 00:18:57,636
I'll try to smooth things over.
506
00:18:57,927 --> 00:18:58,928
What's her name?
507
00:18:59,220 --> 00:19:00,239
Well, Anna calls her Isobel,
508
00:19:00,263 --> 00:19:01,765
but I call her Nancy.
509
00:19:02,057 --> 00:19:02,724
I think it might be a good idea
510
00:19:03,016 --> 00:19:04,643
if I give Anna
the rest of the week off.
511
00:19:04,934 --> 00:19:06,728
Seriously?
We're really busy.
512
00:19:07,020 --> 00:19:08,605
No, of course.
Of course.
513
00:19:08,897 --> 00:19:09,606
Stealing a baby?
Really?
514
00:19:09,898 --> 00:19:12,609
Hey, I found Isobel!
515
00:19:12,901 --> 00:19:14,277
I'm a hero.
516
00:19:14,569 --> 00:19:15,779
Hi, baby.
517
00:19:19,991 --> 00:19:22,035
Hi, muffin.
518
00:19:22,327 --> 00:19:24,829
Oh, I'm so glad you're back.
519
00:19:25,121 --> 00:19:26,581
You're loving this, aren't you?
520
00:19:26,873 --> 00:19:27,916
Oh, yes.
521
00:19:28,208 --> 00:19:29,417
I'm a big fan of kidnapping.
522
00:19:29,709 --> 00:19:31,069
Especially by
my middle management.
523
00:19:32,921 --> 00:19:34,732
So the thing you were saying
about listening to your mind
524
00:19:34,756 --> 00:19:36,633
and not your body,
how's that going for you?
525
00:19:36,925 --> 00:19:38,510
My body's telling me
several things.
526
00:19:38,802 --> 00:19:40,442
First of all,
I need to start working out.
527
00:19:40,595 --> 00:19:42,389
That kid was killing my arms.
528
00:19:42,681 --> 00:19:43,908
Number two,
I could be very happy
529
00:19:43,932 --> 00:19:45,475
with a baby
that looks nothing like me
530
00:19:45,767 --> 00:19:47,394
and didn't bake in my oven.
531
00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:50,438
Three, I gotta let myself
have a personal life.
532
00:19:50,730 --> 00:19:51,749
What I've been telling you
for five months.
533
00:19:51,773 --> 00:19:53,483
Well, you're right again.
534
00:19:53,775 --> 00:19:55,655
Right it down in your little
"I'm Awesome" book.
535
00:19:55,819 --> 00:19:56,361
Where are you going?
536
00:19:56,653 --> 00:19:58,053
You have a rehearsal
about to start.
537
00:19:58,113 --> 00:20:00,657
I stole a baby, Jack.
I'm taking a half day.
538
00:20:00,949 --> 00:20:02,659
Fair enough.
539
00:20:02,951 --> 00:20:04,494
I have to do some thinking.
540
00:20:04,786 --> 00:20:07,038
Maybe it's impossible
to have it all.
541
00:20:07,330 --> 00:20:08,832
Career, the family...
542
00:20:09,124 --> 00:20:11,751
But if anybody can figure out
how to do it, it's me.
543
00:20:12,043 --> 00:20:13,169
That's going up.
544
00:20:13,461 --> 00:20:14,546
Oh, nerds!
545
00:20:21,636 --> 00:20:24,472
I was talking about you
at work today, Mother.
546
00:20:24,764 --> 00:20:26,084
I think my boss,
Mr. Jack Donaghy,
547
00:20:26,307 --> 00:20:28,351
wishes you were his mother.
548
00:20:28,643 --> 00:20:30,562
Isn't that something, mother?
549
00:20:30,854 --> 00:20:33,022
Yes, Kenneth, that's sweet.
550
00:20:33,314 --> 00:20:34,794
Do you have me
on speaker phone again?
551
00:20:34,899 --> 00:20:35,525
Yes, Ma'am!
552
00:20:35,817 --> 00:20:37,235
It's just like Charlie's Angels!
553
00:20:37,527 --> 00:20:38,987
Oh, by the way,
did you get your old
554
00:20:39,279 --> 00:20:41,573
Halloween decorations
I sent you?
555
00:20:41,865 --> 00:20:42,865
Oh, yes, thank you!
556
00:20:43,074 --> 00:20:45,118
I'm looking at the
kooky skeleton right now.
557
00:20:45,410 --> 00:20:46,870
I love it!
558
00:20:47,162 --> 00:20:48,639
You're the best mother
in the whole world!
559
00:20:48,663 --> 00:20:50,874
Okay, calm down, dear.
560
00:20:51,166 --> 00:20:53,084
Yes, Mother.
38268
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