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1
00:00:03,169 --> 00:00:04,253
Hey.
2
00:00:04,545 --> 00:00:05,588
Hi, babe.
3
00:00:07,507 --> 00:00:08,841
Dennis, what are you doing?
4
00:00:09,133 --> 00:00:10,468
I'm gonna mount a TV
on your wall.
5
00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:12,053
I just can't find a stud.
6
00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:14,847
So you made nine holes
in my wall?
7
00:00:15,139 --> 00:00:16,408
No, those are
for the shelves, dummy.
8
00:00:16,432 --> 00:00:17,767
The TV is gonna go right here.
9
00:00:18,059 --> 00:00:19,536
It's gonna be awesome.
It's gonna be...
10
00:00:19,560 --> 00:00:20,811
It's gonna be like a hospital.
11
00:00:21,103 --> 00:00:23,940
Oh, Dennis, I don't
want a hospital TV.
12
00:00:24,232 --> 00:00:25,232
I don't want a shelf...
13
00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:28,194
Whose horse is that?
14
00:00:28,486 --> 00:00:30,321
That's my cousin Teddy's
Great Dane.
15
00:00:30,613 --> 00:00:32,216
I told him I'd watch him
for a couple weeks.
16
00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:34,343
'Cause Teddy broke his ankle
running from some black guys
17
00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:35,367
that pulled a gun on him.
18
00:00:35,409 --> 00:00:36,769
Now, why is it important
to tell me
19
00:00:36,827 --> 00:00:37,947
that the muggers were black?
20
00:00:37,995 --> 00:00:39,097
They weren't muggers.
They were cops.
21
00:00:39,121 --> 00:00:41,749
So why don't you just say
he was running from some cops?
22
00:00:42,041 --> 00:00:43,042
I don't know, I mean,
23
00:00:43,334 --> 00:00:45,374
you're a racist for assuming
that they weren't cops.
24
00:00:45,628 --> 00:00:46,629
Uhh!
25
00:00:46,921 --> 00:00:48,464
You know I'm allergic to dogs.
26
00:00:48,756 --> 00:00:50,091
Ack, allergies are all mental.
27
00:00:52,301 --> 00:00:53,301
Hey.
28
00:00:53,511 --> 00:00:54,637
Who the hell is this?
29
00:00:54,929 --> 00:00:55,555
That's Teddy.
30
00:00:55,846 --> 00:00:58,266
Get out.
I want you out of here!
31
00:00:58,558 --> 00:00:59,878
You can't kick me out.
I love you!
32
00:01:00,142 --> 00:01:01,644
No, no, get your stuff
and get out.
33
00:01:01,936 --> 00:01:03,479
I'm not doing this anymore.
34
00:01:03,771 --> 00:01:05,611
You can't kick me out.
I got squatter's rights.
35
00:01:05,690 --> 00:01:07,793
Which is it: you love me
or you got squatter's rights?
36
00:01:07,817 --> 00:01:09,610
I don't see why
they're mutually exclusive!
37
00:01:09,902 --> 00:01:10,528
Ohm
38
00:01:10,820 --> 00:01:12,196
Thank you.
Mm-hmm.
39
00:01:12,488 --> 00:01:13,656
Oh, Liz, finally.
40
00:01:13,948 --> 00:01:15,658
It's about time
you broke up with him.
41
00:01:15,950 --> 00:01:16,993
He's a complete loser.
42
00:01:17,285 --> 00:01:18,327
Oh, Jenna, don't say that.
43
00:01:18,619 --> 00:01:20,705
You know, he had
some good moments.
44
00:01:20,997 --> 00:01:22,081
Hi.
45
00:01:22,373 --> 00:01:23,749
I got donuts.
46
00:01:25,334 --> 00:01:26,794
What's up, brown eyes?
47
00:01:27,086 --> 00:01:28,588
I made chili.
48
00:01:28,879 --> 00:01:30,548
Hey...
49
00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:32,508
You wanna...
50
00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:34,427
wanna order cheese steaks?
51
00:01:35,886 --> 00:01:38,180
I guess they were mostly
food related.
52
00:01:38,472 --> 00:01:40,516
But he was always nice to me.
53
00:01:40,808 --> 00:01:41,808
Oh, that's okay.
54
00:01:41,976 --> 00:01:43,519
Cry it out, sister.
55
00:01:43,811 --> 00:01:44,811
No, I'm not crying.
56
00:01:44,895 --> 00:01:46,647
I'm allergic
to the stupid Great Dane.
57
00:01:46,939 --> 00:01:47,648
That thing
licked my eyes this morning.
58
00:01:47,940 --> 00:01:48,649
Wait a minute.
59
00:01:48,941 --> 00:01:50,781
Dennis and the dog
are still in your apartment?
60
00:01:50,985 --> 00:01:52,987
I gave him a week
to find a new place.
61
00:01:53,279 --> 00:01:54,279
Ugh.
62
00:01:54,488 --> 00:01:55,615
We're completely broken up.
63
00:01:55,906 --> 00:01:57,884
If that's true, then I'm
taking you out to celebrate.
64
00:01:57,908 --> 00:01:59,588
A girls' night.
We'll meet some new people.
65
00:01:59,827 --> 00:02:01,495
Oh, you mean like
at a discotheque?
66
00:02:01,787 --> 00:02:03,539
Oh, boy.
67
00:02:06,375 --> 00:02:08,461
♪♪
68
00:02:26,312 --> 00:02:27,712
So when can we
see each other again?
69
00:02:29,023 --> 00:02:30,316
What are you wearing?
70
00:02:30,608 --> 00:02:33,319
Black dress?
71
00:02:33,611 --> 00:02:35,488
Black stockings?
72
00:02:35,780 --> 00:02:36,947
A funeral, oh.
73
00:02:37,239 --> 00:02:38,574
I'm sorry, okay.
74
00:02:38,866 --> 00:02:40,626
Let me call you back
in an hour... yeah, bye.
75
00:02:40,743 --> 00:02:42,161
Why are you crying?
76
00:02:42,453 --> 00:02:43,555
The Liberty lose
again last night?
77
00:02:43,579 --> 00:02:45,498
I'm not crying.
I have allergies.
78
00:02:45,790 --> 00:02:47,017
Allergies are all
in the mind, Lemon.
79
00:02:47,041 --> 00:02:48,521
I use to have a wicked
peanut allergy.
80
00:02:48,709 --> 00:02:50,544
And now, witness.
81
00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:54,440
As I'm sure you surmised
from that call,
82
00:02:54,507 --> 00:02:55,587
I'm seeing a woman of late.
83
00:02:55,716 --> 00:02:56,300
Yeah, who's the lucky lady?
84
00:02:56,592 --> 00:02:57,952
Let's just say she's
a high-ranking
85
00:02:58,010 --> 00:03:00,010
African-American member
of the Bush administration.
86
00:03:00,262 --> 00:03:02,098
Are you dating Condoleeza Rice?
87
00:03:03,557 --> 00:03:04,597
I'm not at liberty to say.
88
00:03:04,725 --> 00:03:05,725
The point is,
89
00:03:05,851 --> 00:03:07,771
my lady friend is an egghead,
much like yourself.
90
00:03:07,812 --> 00:03:10,147
Not my usual thing,
and I need your advice.
91
00:03:10,439 --> 00:03:11,958
We're having a lot of trouble
connecting lately.
92
00:03:11,982 --> 00:03:13,102
She does a lot of traveling.
93
00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:15,587
Yeah, and it must be hard for
her to get cell phone reception
94
00:03:15,611 --> 00:03:17,279
when she's so far up
the president's butt.
95
00:03:17,571 --> 00:03:19,115
I'm choosing
to ignore that remark
96
00:03:19,407 --> 00:03:20,807
on the basis
that you are a godless,
97
00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:22,451
glassy-eyed Clintonista.
98
00:03:22,743 --> 00:03:24,286
Now, I wanted to get my friend
99
00:03:24,578 --> 00:03:25,578
something personal.
100
00:03:25,705 --> 00:03:27,745
Do you think she would prefer
this handsome attaché,
101
00:03:27,998 --> 00:03:29,351
which says,
"You are a woman of substance,
102
00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:30,375
and I respect you,"
103
00:03:30,459 --> 00:03:31,627
of...
104
00:03:31,919 --> 00:03:33,313
this collection
of ladies' unmentionables
105
00:03:33,337 --> 00:03:34,940
with snaps and openings
all over the place?
106
00:03:34,964 --> 00:03:36,048
Attaché!
107
00:03:36,340 --> 00:03:37,341
I see, okay.
108
00:03:37,633 --> 00:03:38,713
Jenna to the floor, please.
109
00:03:38,759 --> 00:03:40,469
Yeah, it's pretty good.
110
00:03:40,761 --> 00:03:42,430
But I think the boobs
should swing more.
111
00:03:42,722 --> 00:03:44,140
Yeah, then I could go:
112
00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:46,350
Rodney, don't
make me come over there
113
00:03:46,642 --> 00:03:49,103
and beat you in the head
with one of my boom-booms!"
114
00:03:49,395 --> 00:03:50,395
Yeah.
115
00:03:50,438 --> 00:03:51,480
This is just appalling.
116
00:03:51,772 --> 00:03:53,190
What's your problem?
117
00:03:53,482 --> 00:03:56,360
I just think it's demeaning
for a black man to do drag.
118
00:03:56,652 --> 00:03:58,904
What? Everybody loves
a dude in a dress.
119
00:03:59,196 --> 00:04:00,948
I mean, those are the best
Bugs Bunnies.
120
00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:02,440
Frank, there are large pockets
121
00:04:02,616 --> 00:04:03,200
of African-American culture
122
00:04:03,492 --> 00:04:05,202
that Caucasians
know nothing about.
123
00:04:05,494 --> 00:04:06,954
The stigma of drag
is one of them.
124
00:04:07,246 --> 00:04:09,206
Whatever.
I've played a woman before.
125
00:04:09,498 --> 00:04:12,501
Hunky Grandma Be Trippin'
made $96 million.
126
00:04:12,793 --> 00:04:14,420
All I'm saying is...
127
00:04:14,712 --> 00:04:17,214
Is drag is a way for Caucasians
to emasculate you
128
00:04:17,506 --> 00:04:19,091
and make you seem
non-threatening.
129
00:04:19,383 --> 00:04:21,469
We never would have stooped
so low on Black Frasier.
130
00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:22,178
Black Frasier?
131
00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:25,639
Niles, this Beaujolais
is impeccable.
132
00:04:25,931 --> 00:04:28,684
It's both fruity and precocious.
133
00:04:28,976 --> 00:04:30,416
That's not the only thing
around here
134
00:04:30,519 --> 00:04:32,354
that's fruity and precocious.
135
00:04:34,523 --> 00:04:35,763
I never heard of Black Frasier.
136
00:04:35,858 --> 00:04:37,359
What?
It was huge on BET.
137
00:04:37,651 --> 00:04:40,196
Every Thursday night
at about 9:00 or 9:15.
138
00:04:40,488 --> 00:04:41,030
Think about it, Tracy.
139
00:04:41,322 --> 00:04:43,073
All the best
African-American comedians
140
00:04:43,365 --> 00:04:44,365
refuse to do drag.
141
00:04:44,408 --> 00:04:46,702
Chris Rock doesn't do it.
Dr. Cosby doesn't do it.
142
00:04:46,994 --> 00:04:50,080
Bernie Mac doesn't do it
'cause he'd be ugly as hell.
143
00:04:52,208 --> 00:04:54,293
Forget it.
I'm not wearing this dress.
144
00:04:54,585 --> 00:04:56,712
It's prejudicial.
145
00:04:57,004 --> 00:04:58,214
Thanks a lot.
146
00:04:58,506 --> 00:05:00,192
Now what am I supposed to do
with this sketch?
147
00:05:00,216 --> 00:05:01,216
I'll do it.
148
00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:03,827
I mean, my parents raised me
as a girl for, like, ten years.
149
00:05:07,306 --> 00:05:08,682
What?
I told you guys that.
150
00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:12,102
That's our show for tonight!
151
00:05:12,394 --> 00:05:13,395
See you next week!
152
00:05:13,687 --> 00:05:14,687
Good night!
153
00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:22,446
That's okay,
we'll think of something.
154
00:05:22,738 --> 00:05:24,490
All right, I'll see you.
Okay.
155
00:05:24,782 --> 00:05:26,492
Monday night is girls' night.
156
00:05:26,784 --> 00:05:28,202
I'm taking you out, 9:30.
157
00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:30,162
I know this great karaoke place
158
00:05:30,454 --> 00:05:31,640
where you can get a pedicure
while you sing.
159
00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:32,998
Oh, Jenna, I'll go anywhere.
160
00:05:33,290 --> 00:05:34,490
Just, please, no more karaoke.
161
00:05:34,667 --> 00:05:35,667
Not after our last duet.
162
00:05:35,918 --> 00:05:37,336
♪ When I'm right here ♪
163
00:05:37,628 --> 00:05:39,255
♪ You need to be here ♪
164
00:05:39,547 --> 00:05:40,547
♪ Not here ♪
165
00:05:40,714 --> 00:05:42,341
♪ Here is embarrassing ♪
Okay, fine.
166
00:05:42,633 --> 00:05:44,486
I didn't say that.
I said you're a beautiful woman.
167
00:05:44,510 --> 00:05:45,510
It wouldn't hurt to try
168
00:05:45,553 --> 00:05:46,929
something different
with your hair.
169
00:05:47,221 --> 00:05:47,930
Check this out.
170
00:05:48,222 --> 00:05:49,533
I think Jack
is dating Condi Rice.
171
00:05:49,557 --> 00:05:51,308
Oh, God, that's huge!
172
00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:52,828
Oh, no, no.
I never said braces.
173
00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:54,144
I said bonding.
174
00:05:54,436 --> 00:05:55,596
Dude, that Shamanda character
175
00:05:55,771 --> 00:05:57,106
was the best thing
of the night..
176
00:05:57,398 --> 00:05:59,108
What was her line?
Say it again.
177
00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:00,568
Rodney!
178
00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:02,152
Don't make me come over there
179
00:06:02,444 --> 00:06:04,405
and beat on you
with my boom-booms!
180
00:06:08,409 --> 00:06:09,618
You burned me!
181
00:06:09,910 --> 00:06:10,494
There's nothing wrong
182
00:06:10,786 --> 00:06:12,913
with a black comedian
wearing a dress.
183
00:06:13,205 --> 00:06:15,165
Eddie does it, Martin does it,
184
00:06:15,457 --> 00:06:16,457
Jamie Foxx, Flip Wilson.
185
00:06:16,667 --> 00:06:19,003
Whoopi Goldberg
does it every day!
186
00:06:19,295 --> 00:06:20,629
You stole a franchise from me!
187
00:06:20,921 --> 00:06:23,173
Shamanda could have
been a movie!
188
00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:27,136
Okay, you need to write
something great for him
189
00:06:27,428 --> 00:06:29,138
before this becomes a problem.
190
00:06:29,430 --> 00:06:30,448
I wouldn't even
know where to begin
191
00:06:30,472 --> 00:06:31,974
writing for a guy like that.
192
00:06:32,266 --> 00:06:34,310
Then write something with him.
193
00:06:37,771 --> 00:06:39,148
Ohh.
194
00:06:40,941 --> 00:06:43,152
Our comedy gotta do more
than make people laugh.
195
00:06:43,444 --> 00:06:44,653
Gotta make people think.
196
00:06:44,945 --> 00:06:47,406
I wanna hold a mirror
up to society,
197
00:06:47,698 --> 00:06:50,075
and then win world record
for biggest mirror.
198
00:06:50,367 --> 00:06:51,660
He's totally right.
199
00:06:52,786 --> 00:06:53,996
Gotta be raw!
200
00:06:54,288 --> 00:06:55,331
Uh-huh.
201
00:06:55,623 --> 00:06:57,663
I got a concept for a sketch
I think you might like.
202
00:06:57,708 --> 00:07:01,045
You and Jenna play Sleestaks
from Land of the Lost
203
00:07:01,337 --> 00:07:02,898
and you're trying to get
a small business loan.
204
00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:04,506
What?
205
00:07:04,798 --> 00:07:06,478
Because you want to
open up a pancake house
206
00:07:06,634 --> 00:07:09,136
called Slee's Stacks.
207
00:07:10,888 --> 00:07:13,015
Are you black?
208
00:07:18,312 --> 00:07:20,189
♪♪
209
00:07:20,481 --> 00:07:22,066
Jack, is everything all right?
210
00:07:22,358 --> 00:07:23,919
I think I figured out
why things have been so rocky
211
00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:24,943
with my lady friend.
212
00:07:24,985 --> 00:07:26,195
I'm on the street.
213
00:07:26,487 --> 00:07:27,487
I can barely hear you.
214
00:07:27,696 --> 00:07:29,949
She's cheating on me, Liz.
215
00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:32,076
I think there's
another man in the picture.
216
00:07:32,368 --> 00:07:33,577
Are you sure, Jack?
217
00:07:33,869 --> 00:07:35,629
'Cause she kind of seems
like an honest lady.
218
00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:39,083
I know what I know.
219
00:07:39,375 --> 00:07:40,375
Next time I see Putin,
220
00:07:40,501 --> 00:07:42,711
I'm gonna kick his teeth in.
221
00:07:44,463 --> 00:07:46,465
Oh, here it is!
Izzle.
222
00:07:46,757 --> 00:07:49,176
"A suffix that can be used
to take the place of anything."
223
00:07:49,468 --> 00:07:51,303
Well, now you're just
being patronizzle.
224
00:07:51,595 --> 00:07:53,138
You know who would
love this argument?
225
00:07:53,430 --> 00:07:57,226
My racist grandfather.
226
00:07:57,518 --> 00:07:59,704
I thought writing with you
was gonna be like two brothers
227
00:07:59,728 --> 00:08:00,896
writing together.
228
00:08:01,188 --> 00:08:02,828
We're not even speaking
the same language.
229
00:08:02,856 --> 00:08:04,358
That's right.
I'm speaking English.
230
00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:05,901
Just listen, just listen.
231
00:08:06,193 --> 00:08:06,568
Come on, who raised you?
232
00:08:06,860 --> 00:08:09,405
Standing there
with your pants that fit.
233
00:08:09,697 --> 00:08:11,448
Using a wallet.
Drinking Starbucks.
234
00:08:11,740 --> 00:08:13,450
And what is this?
235
00:08:13,742 --> 00:08:15,512
That's my Harvard acappella
group the Crocodillos.
236
00:08:15,536 --> 00:08:17,079
I had a solo in Like A Prayer.
237
00:08:17,371 --> 00:08:19,915
Come on!
Where's your heritage?
238
00:08:20,207 --> 00:08:22,459
My brother!
My homeboy!
239
00:08:22,751 --> 00:08:25,045
My n...
240
00:08:29,216 --> 00:08:30,259
Hey, sorry I'm late.
241
00:08:30,551 --> 00:08:31,551
Thank God you're here.
242
00:08:31,677 --> 00:08:32,821
This place is creeping me out.
243
00:08:32,845 --> 00:08:33,947
I don't think I can do this.
244
00:08:33,971 --> 00:08:35,639
You're gonna be great.
245
00:08:35,931 --> 00:08:36,515
They're cute.
246
00:08:36,807 --> 00:08:39,059
Do you think
they're Wall Street guys?
247
00:08:39,351 --> 00:08:40,019
Yeah, I think
they're from the firm
248
00:08:40,310 --> 00:08:42,938
of Date-Rape, Coke-ington
Cheeseball, and Jag.
249
00:08:43,230 --> 00:08:45,274
You've got to give
this a chance.
250
00:08:45,566 --> 00:08:47,609
Excuse me.
Is this seat taken?
251
00:08:47,901 --> 00:08:50,070
Oh, really, dude?
252
00:08:50,362 --> 00:08:51,947
I gotta move my coat?
253
00:08:52,239 --> 00:08:53,717
There's like four empty seats
down there.
254
00:08:53,741 --> 00:08:55,409
Can't you just be cool?
255
00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:57,286
Ugh.
256
00:08:57,578 --> 00:08:59,580
That guy wanted
to buy you a drink.
257
00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:01,040
Really?
258
00:09:01,331 --> 00:09:02,331
I already have a drink.
259
00:09:02,458 --> 00:09:03,601
Do you think he'd buy me
mozzarella sticks?
260
00:09:03,625 --> 00:09:05,878
What is the matter with you?
261
00:09:06,170 --> 00:09:06,587
I don't know!
262
00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:07,959
I'm just nervous and rusty.
263
00:09:08,130 --> 00:09:11,050
Well, just relax
and be yourself.
264
00:09:11,341 --> 00:09:13,635
Can I have a martini, please?
265
00:09:13,927 --> 00:09:15,554
Hi.
266
00:09:15,846 --> 00:09:18,974
Oh, he knows where
Bin Laden is, come on!
267
00:09:19,266 --> 00:09:21,852
The Carlyle Group.
The Unocal Pipeline.
268
00:09:22,144 --> 00:09:23,896
The assassination of Olof Palme.
269
00:09:24,188 --> 00:09:26,440
Come on, the proof
is in the pudding.
270
00:09:26,732 --> 00:09:27,983
Ooh, these are good.
271
00:09:28,275 --> 00:09:30,360
Really, you think she looks
like Jessica Simpson?
272
00:09:30,652 --> 00:09:32,654
You could put a long,
blonde wig on a ferret
273
00:09:32,946 --> 00:09:34,281
and it would like
Jessica Simpson.
274
00:09:34,573 --> 00:09:36,492
And by the way,
Jessica Simpson would think
275
00:09:36,784 --> 00:09:38,160
that you are old and gross.
276
00:09:38,452 --> 00:09:40,287
So good luck with that.
277
00:09:40,579 --> 00:09:42,739
I really didn't think I was
gonna meet anybody tonight,
278
00:09:42,873 --> 00:09:45,000
but you and I have
so much in common.
279
00:09:47,544 --> 00:09:49,046
Also, you have
really pretty eyes.
280
00:09:49,338 --> 00:09:50,338
Oh, hi.
281
00:09:50,589 --> 00:09:54,593
♪ I learned the truth
at seventeen ♪
282
00:09:54,885 --> 00:09:57,513
♪ That love was meant
for beauty queens ♪
283
00:09:57,805 --> 00:09:58,972
Hey, you're bumming us out.
284
00:09:59,264 --> 00:10:02,559
♪ And high school girls
with clear skin smiles ♪
285
00:10:02,851 --> 00:10:06,188
♪ Who married young
and then retired ♪
286
00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:09,274
♪ Whoa ♪
287
00:10:09,566 --> 00:10:12,444
I thought bars
were open till 4:00.
288
00:10:12,736 --> 00:10:14,571
Nope, 11:30.
Let's get you to bed.
289
00:10:17,741 --> 00:10:19,661
I see you've all met Norman
from Human Resources.
290
00:10:19,827 --> 00:10:21,203
He tells me that Toofer
291
00:10:21,495 --> 00:10:22,806
has filed a harassment
complaint against Tracy.
292
00:10:22,830 --> 00:10:24,957
What?
293
00:10:25,249 --> 00:10:26,601
Now I have to attend
sensitivity training.
294
00:10:26,625 --> 00:10:28,210
What seems to be
the problem, Toofer?
295
00:10:28,502 --> 00:10:32,381
Mr. Jordan called me...
296
00:10:32,673 --> 00:10:33,673
the N-word.
297
00:10:33,841 --> 00:10:35,050
And?
298
00:10:35,342 --> 00:10:37,386
And I was really offended.
299
00:10:37,678 --> 00:10:39,555
Because...
300
00:10:39,847 --> 00:10:41,515
Because it's a racial slur.
301
00:10:41,807 --> 00:10:44,143
Brothers talk
to other brothers like that.
302
00:10:44,434 --> 00:10:45,102
I was being friendly.
303
00:10:45,394 --> 00:10:46,603
Yes, Toofer.
304
00:10:46,895 --> 00:10:48,480
You see, in the last
decade or so
305
00:10:48,772 --> 00:10:51,400
the African-American community
has re-appropriated that word
306
00:10:51,692 --> 00:10:54,069
as a way of depriving it
of its meaning.
307
00:10:54,361 --> 00:10:56,321
Just don't try
to tell my girlfriend that.
308
00:10:56,613 --> 00:10:59,449
Yeah, Toofer,
I really don't think
309
00:10:59,741 --> 00:11:01,326
Tracy was trying to offend you.
310
00:11:01,618 --> 00:11:03,620
It's okay for us
to use it with each other.
311
00:11:03,912 --> 00:11:06,665
You can call me that.
It's a term of endearment.
312
00:11:10,294 --> 00:11:13,046
Look, I'm not trying
to cause any trouble.
313
00:11:13,338 --> 00:11:15,465
And I confess I appreciate
what you do for the show.
314
00:11:15,757 --> 00:11:17,467
I want you to be my brother,
315
00:11:17,759 --> 00:11:18,759
my homeboy, my n...
316
00:11:19,678 --> 00:11:21,388
Whoa!
317
00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:23,432
This meeting is adjourned.
No cool, homie!
318
00:11:23,724 --> 00:11:25,684
You might as well spread me
down with a fire hose.
319
00:11:25,726 --> 00:11:28,228
Just sounds so hateful
coming from you! Ugh!
320
00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:29,938
I wish to file a complaint.
321
00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:34,943
Hey.
322
00:11:35,235 --> 00:11:37,279
Dennis, what are you doing here?
323
00:11:37,571 --> 00:11:39,281
Hey, I'm moving into
my new apartment.
324
00:11:39,573 --> 00:11:41,617
So I got one last thing
to say to you,
325
00:11:41,909 --> 00:11:44,328
and then I'll be
out of your life forever.
326
00:11:46,330 --> 00:11:48,290
"Dear Liz Lemon,
327
00:11:48,582 --> 00:11:50,382
"While other women
have bigger boobs than you,
328
00:11:50,459 --> 00:11:53,545
"no woman has as big a heart.
329
00:11:53,837 --> 00:11:54,856
"When I saw you getting ready
to go out
330
00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:56,680
"and get nailed by a bunch
of guys last night,
331
00:11:56,965 --> 00:11:58,759
"I knew for sure
it was over between us.
332
00:11:59,051 --> 00:12:00,052
"And for the first time
333
00:12:00,344 --> 00:12:03,639
"since the '86 World Series,
I cried.
334
00:12:03,931 --> 00:12:05,390
"I cried like a big dumb homo.
335
00:12:05,682 --> 00:12:09,186
"And if it was up to me,
we would be together forever.
336
00:12:09,478 --> 00:12:11,518
"But there's a new thing
called 'women's liberation'
337
00:12:11,647 --> 00:12:13,523
"which gives you women
the right to choose,
338
00:12:13,815 --> 00:12:15,095
"and you have chosen
to abort me.
339
00:12:15,359 --> 00:12:17,319
"And that I must live with.
340
00:12:17,611 --> 00:12:19,488
"So tonight when you arrive
home, I'll be gone.
341
00:12:19,780 --> 00:12:25,661
I officially renounced
my squatter's rights."
342
00:12:25,953 --> 00:12:27,079
I'll always love you.
343
00:12:27,371 --> 00:12:28,622
Good-bye and good luck.
344
00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:31,250
I'll never forget you.
345
00:12:35,754 --> 00:12:38,632
And that is why
we are no longer a couple.
346
00:12:38,924 --> 00:12:41,134
The guy just came in here
and bared his soul to you.
347
00:12:41,426 --> 00:12:42,010
What are you,
348
00:12:42,302 --> 00:12:43,302
made of stone?
349
00:12:43,470 --> 00:12:44,513
Am I crazy?
350
00:12:44,805 --> 00:12:46,181
The guy's a disaster, right?
351
00:12:46,473 --> 00:12:47,516
Well, I don't know.
352
00:12:47,808 --> 00:12:49,688
I mean, yeah, he's a little
"bridge and tunnel,"
353
00:12:49,935 --> 00:12:51,520
but you did say
you had some good times.
354
00:12:51,812 --> 00:12:54,231
No, no, no, he had
his bad moments too.
355
00:12:55,232 --> 00:12:57,192
Hey.
Threesome?
356
00:12:57,484 --> 00:12:59,528
How about it, huh?
Mmm!
357
00:12:59,820 --> 00:13:03,031
I'm just saying...
after last night...
358
00:13:03,323 --> 00:13:04,603
maybe he's not such
a bad choice.
359
00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:08,078
You are suggesting
that I get back with Dennis.
360
00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:09,370
Maybe.
361
00:13:09,496 --> 00:13:10,496
Look, you're a writer.
362
00:13:10,706 --> 00:13:12,499
Write a list of Dennis'
pros and cons.
363
00:13:12,791 --> 00:13:14,334
It's a very helpful exercise.
364
00:13:14,626 --> 00:13:15,626
It's how I decided
365
00:13:15,669 --> 00:13:16,813
to get a scooter
instead of a bike.
366
00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:19,172
Ah.
367
00:13:19,464 --> 00:13:20,924
Well, you have to admit
368
00:13:21,216 --> 00:13:22,527
there's always time
for Tony Blair.
369
00:13:22,551 --> 00:13:24,219
There's always time
for Bashar Al-Assad.
370
00:13:24,511 --> 00:13:25,822
But there's never any time
for Jack Donaghy,
371
00:13:25,846 --> 00:13:28,140
and that's a problem.
372
00:13:28,432 --> 00:13:30,392
Go ahead, take the call, yeah.
373
00:13:33,687 --> 00:13:35,522
Hey, Dennis, you drop by
to say hi to Liz?
374
00:13:35,814 --> 00:13:37,691
You mean the ex-future
Mrs. Dennis?
375
00:13:37,983 --> 00:13:39,151
She dumped me again.
376
00:13:39,443 --> 00:13:40,569
I'm sorry to hear that.
377
00:13:40,861 --> 00:13:41,570
Yeah, you know,
378
00:13:41,862 --> 00:13:42,321
you try to make
some people happy,
379
00:13:42,612 --> 00:13:44,406
but it doesn't work
all the time.
380
00:13:44,698 --> 00:13:45,698
Tell me about it.
381
00:13:45,949 --> 00:13:47,200
What, you?
382
00:13:47,492 --> 00:13:49,369
I really can't go into detail.
383
00:13:49,661 --> 00:13:51,381
It's about when my woman and I
are together,
384
00:13:51,413 --> 00:13:52,581
it's mind-blowing.
385
00:13:52,873 --> 00:13:54,333
It's, uh...
386
00:13:54,624 --> 00:13:55,624
It's filthy, really.
387
00:13:55,792 --> 00:13:56,251
So what's the problem?
388
00:13:56,543 --> 00:13:57,711
Well, she works all the time.
389
00:13:58,003 --> 00:13:59,230
She's always traveling,
it's a headache.
390
00:13:59,254 --> 00:14:00,255
Who needs that?
391
00:14:00,547 --> 00:14:01,858
That's why I'm always dating
20-year-olds.
392
00:14:01,882 --> 00:14:04,343
Nah, let me tell you about
20-year-olds, my friend.
393
00:14:04,634 --> 00:14:05,634
Half of them are 16.
394
00:14:05,802 --> 00:14:07,304
You want some advice?
395
00:14:07,596 --> 00:14:09,196
It's hard for alpha males
like you and me
396
00:14:09,264 --> 00:14:10,432
to put our egos aside,
397
00:14:10,724 --> 00:14:12,201
but if she's worth it,
you make it work.
398
00:14:12,225 --> 00:14:14,561
It's like my cousin Teddy's dog.
399
00:14:14,853 --> 00:14:17,147
Sometimes he just
doesn't wanna lick my feet.
400
00:14:17,439 --> 00:14:18,440
So what I do is,
401
00:14:18,732 --> 00:14:20,984
I hide my feet from him
for a couple of days,
402
00:14:21,276 --> 00:14:22,879
and then when he sees them,
he goes bananas.
403
00:14:22,903 --> 00:14:24,404
So Jack,
404
00:14:24,696 --> 00:14:28,367
in this example, Liz is the dog.
405
00:14:28,658 --> 00:14:30,118
And I am my feet.
406
00:14:30,410 --> 00:14:32,662
You see what I'm saying?
407
00:14:32,954 --> 00:14:34,331
Yes, I believe I do.
408
00:14:34,623 --> 00:14:35,999
Each of you is here
409
00:14:36,291 --> 00:14:39,252
because you are insensitive
to a co-worker, okay?
410
00:14:39,544 --> 00:14:40,855
You might've used
one of the words
411
00:14:40,879 --> 00:14:42,589
I call the "uh-oh" words.
412
00:14:42,881 --> 00:14:44,383
Such as, slut.
413
00:14:44,674 --> 00:14:45,967
Ho.
414
00:14:46,259 --> 00:14:48,387
Uh, bitch.
415
00:14:48,678 --> 00:14:51,306
Biyatch.
Queerburger.
416
00:14:51,598 --> 00:14:52,598
Faggotron.
417
00:14:52,641 --> 00:14:54,559
Gaybird.
418
00:14:54,851 --> 00:14:56,371
Uh, the word for black
in any language,
419
00:14:56,603 --> 00:14:59,272
Nero, noir, Schwartz,
420
00:14:59,564 --> 00:15:01,525
negro, kam-an-sek.
421
00:15:01,817 --> 00:15:03,151
Hmm?
422
00:15:03,443 --> 00:15:05,237
So.
What else?
423
00:15:05,529 --> 00:15:07,364
What else can we not call
each other?
424
00:15:07,656 --> 00:15:08,907
How 'bout sweaty grease-ball?
425
00:15:09,199 --> 00:15:11,034
Ooh, very good.
That's highly offensive.
426
00:15:11,326 --> 00:15:12,494
Person of color.
427
00:15:12,786 --> 00:15:14,287
Guess if you say it like that.
428
00:15:15,705 --> 00:15:18,208
Sneaky Taiwanese tranny
who stole my watch.
429
00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:19,209
Ho-ho!
430
00:15:19,501 --> 00:15:20,501
Yes!
431
00:15:21,795 --> 00:15:23,088
These words are terrible.
432
00:15:23,380 --> 00:15:26,049
But today, we are going
to learn to communicate
433
00:15:26,341 --> 00:15:27,384
in a different way.
434
00:15:27,676 --> 00:15:31,096
And I would like to start
with Tracy
435
00:15:31,388 --> 00:15:32,389
and James.
436
00:15:32,681 --> 00:15:33,056
Guys?
437
00:15:33,348 --> 00:15:35,267
Now, I understand
that the two of you
438
00:15:35,559 --> 00:15:37,978
got into a big 'ol conflict
yesterday.
439
00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:40,355
And... let's work this out.
440
00:15:40,647 --> 00:15:41,189
Tracy.
441
00:15:41,481 --> 00:15:43,525
What did you really want
to say to James?
442
00:15:43,817 --> 00:15:45,337
I'm tryin' to tell him
he's my brother.
443
00:15:45,402 --> 00:15:46,462
We're the only two blacks
on the show.
444
00:15:46,486 --> 00:15:48,405
We have to figure out
a way to work together.
445
00:15:48,697 --> 00:15:51,199
Like professor
Martin Luther King said,
446
00:15:51,491 --> 00:15:52,951
I have a feeling.
447
00:15:53,243 --> 00:15:55,203
It's Dr. Martin Luther King,
448
00:15:55,495 --> 00:15:58,206
and he did not have a feeling,
he had a dream.
449
00:15:58,498 --> 00:16:00,667
Ah, dude wear khakis.
450
00:16:00,959 --> 00:16:02,043
Uncle Tom, party of one.
451
00:16:02,335 --> 00:16:03,879
Uncle Tom, party of one.
452
00:16:04,171 --> 00:16:06,452
You can't call someone that
if you've never read the book!
453
00:16:06,548 --> 00:16:08,133
What book?
454
00:16:08,425 --> 00:16:09,425
You know what I think?
455
00:16:09,676 --> 00:16:11,156
I think you're ashamed
of being black,
456
00:16:11,344 --> 00:16:12,572
and you're an embarrassment
to your community!
457
00:16:12,596 --> 00:16:14,055
I embarrass you.
458
00:16:14,347 --> 00:16:16,183
You embarrass me,
and you know why?
459
00:16:16,475 --> 00:16:18,275
Because there are racist people
in this world,
460
00:16:18,477 --> 00:16:20,145
and when they see you
act like a fool,
461
00:16:20,437 --> 00:16:21,563
they assume we're all fools.
462
00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:23,231
That's it!
463
00:16:23,523 --> 00:16:25,567
This is it.
464
00:16:25,859 --> 00:16:27,139
This is the sketch we should do.
465
00:16:27,194 --> 00:16:28,320
What?
466
00:16:28,612 --> 00:16:30,238
Right here, you and me!
467
00:16:30,530 --> 00:16:32,908
This is deep stuff goin' on.
We gotta write this.
468
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:34,993
You're right.
469
00:16:35,285 --> 00:16:35,994
Ah-ha-ha!
470
00:16:36,286 --> 00:16:38,038
Dr. Snoo,
thank you very much!
471
00:16:38,330 --> 00:16:39,330
Smew.
Oh. Oh.
472
00:16:39,414 --> 00:16:41,124
Okay.
473
00:16:41,416 --> 00:16:42,856
That's really against
the rules. Mmm.
474
00:16:44,336 --> 00:16:46,671
Dennis?
475
00:17:03,355 --> 00:17:05,273
"I know this might be emotional
for you,
476
00:17:05,565 --> 00:17:09,110
so there's a meatball sub
in the fridge."
477
00:17:09,402 --> 00:17:10,402
Oh!
478
00:17:18,745 --> 00:17:20,080
"Pro.
479
00:17:20,372 --> 00:17:23,375
Fixed TV."
480
00:17:24,751 --> 00:17:25,751
Huh.
481
00:17:27,462 --> 00:17:28,964
Hello, I'm Star Jones.
482
00:17:29,256 --> 00:17:31,091
And welcome to the Star Jones
483
00:17:31,383 --> 00:17:33,969
Gastric Bypass Cooking Show.
484
00:17:34,261 --> 00:17:34,761
Mmm.
485
00:17:35,053 --> 00:17:38,056
Liz, what happened to
the race relations sketch
486
00:17:38,348 --> 00:17:38,932
Tracy and I wrote?
487
00:17:39,224 --> 00:17:40,976
Oh, we only had time
for one more bit,
488
00:17:41,268 --> 00:17:42,578
and Tracy picked this one,
I'm sorry.
489
00:17:42,602 --> 00:17:43,144
Now you know,
490
00:17:43,436 --> 00:17:46,856
I can only eat small portions.
491
00:17:48,775 --> 00:17:49,775
Oh, my goodness!
492
00:17:49,859 --> 00:17:52,404
Dessert.
493
00:17:55,782 --> 00:17:57,158
Okay, he's right,
this is funnier.
494
00:18:09,713 --> 00:18:10,880
Guess where I was last night.
495
00:18:11,172 --> 00:18:13,049
Mark Foley's pajama party.
496
00:18:13,341 --> 00:18:15,176
No.
Kandahar.
497
00:18:15,468 --> 00:18:16,761
Afghanistan?
Yeah.
498
00:18:17,053 --> 00:18:18,053
Took the corporate jet
499
00:18:18,221 --> 00:18:19,681
to hook up with
my Neo-con inamorata.
500
00:18:19,973 --> 00:18:21,975
Well, I'm glad things
are working out
501
00:18:22,267 --> 00:18:23,602
for you and your mystery lady.
502
00:18:23,893 --> 00:18:25,538
Well actually, they're not.
I broke up with her.
503
00:18:25,562 --> 00:18:27,355
Really?
What happened?
504
00:18:27,647 --> 00:18:29,333
Well, I finally realized
that we're not compatible.
505
00:18:29,357 --> 00:18:32,277
I mean, I'm all for fantasy
role-play, but Abu-Ghraib?
506
00:18:32,569 --> 00:18:34,362
Well, you know,
relationships end.
507
00:18:34,654 --> 00:18:35,947
People... move on.
508
00:18:36,239 --> 00:18:37,341
But I'm glad at least
I gave it a shot.
509
00:18:37,365 --> 00:18:39,451
Thank Dennis
for making me do that.
510
00:18:39,743 --> 00:18:41,828
Dennis?
Yep.
511
00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:45,040
You know, I might've been
too hard on that guy.
512
00:18:45,332 --> 00:18:47,500
He's okay.
513
00:18:47,792 --> 00:18:48,792
Hmm.
514
00:18:52,881 --> 00:18:56,134
"Jack likes Dennis.
515
00:18:58,762 --> 00:19:00,847
"Jack likes
516
00:19:01,139 --> 00:19:04,100
Dennis."
517
00:19:06,686 --> 00:19:08,229
At Snapple,
when young fruit ripens,
518
00:19:08,521 --> 00:19:10,398
they may want to combine
with other fruit.
519
00:19:10,690 --> 00:19:11,399
Hey.
520
00:19:11,691 --> 00:19:13,068
Hey.
521
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:14,444
I just, um,
522
00:19:14,736 --> 00:19:16,422
just wanted to drop off
your Christmas present.
523
00:19:16,446 --> 00:19:17,757
I had already bought it
for you, so...
524
00:19:17,781 --> 00:19:20,950
Oh... It's a fancy
briefcase, you know,
525
00:19:21,242 --> 00:19:22,553
'cause you're classy
and important.
526
00:19:22,577 --> 00:19:23,577
Like a dude.
527
00:19:23,620 --> 00:19:24,788
Thank you, Dennis.
528
00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:28,416
I, uh, also got you
some antihistamine.
529
00:19:28,708 --> 00:19:29,417
In case the next guy
you're with,
530
00:19:29,709 --> 00:19:31,020
you know, has a dog
and you wanna stay with him.
531
00:19:31,044 --> 00:19:33,338
Anyway.
532
00:19:33,630 --> 00:19:35,131
Do wanna eat?
533
00:19:35,423 --> 00:19:37,092
What?
534
00:19:37,384 --> 00:19:38,504
I got all this Chinese food.
535
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:40,400
I'm never gonna finish it
by myself, so...
536
00:19:40,595 --> 00:19:41,763
For real?
537
00:19:45,850 --> 00:19:47,102
Should I, um, grab a plate?
538
00:19:47,394 --> 00:19:48,394
Yeah.
539
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:50,188
Get me a diet soda.
Okay.
540
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:51,606
We now continue with
541
00:19:51,898 --> 00:19:53,733
Dateline, with Stone Phillips.
542
00:19:54,025 --> 00:19:55,465
Good evening and welcome
to Dateline.
543
00:19:55,568 --> 00:19:56,569
I'm Stone Phillips.
544
00:19:56,861 --> 00:19:58,613
Chris Hansen has our latest
investigation...
545
00:19:58,905 --> 00:20:01,658
Hello?
546
00:20:01,950 --> 00:20:03,410
Good evening, sir.
547
00:20:03,702 --> 00:20:05,062
I'm Chris Hansen
with Dateline NBC.
548
00:20:05,328 --> 00:20:06,972
Can I ask you what
you're doing here tonight?
549
00:20:06,996 --> 00:20:08,891
Oh, yeah, I'm here to boff
some chick named Mary.
550
00:20:08,915 --> 00:20:09,624
Boff some chick...
551
00:20:09,916 --> 00:20:11,126
Oh, my God.
552
00:20:11,418 --> 00:20:12,538
Do you know how old Mary is?
553
00:20:12,669 --> 00:20:14,129
Yeah, uh, 22.
I think.
554
00:20:14,421 --> 00:20:16,214
You wanna fry again?
555
00:20:16,506 --> 00:20:17,716
Crap.
556
00:20:18,007 --> 00:20:18,633
That girl said she was 106,
557
00:20:18,925 --> 00:20:20,802
but I swear to God
I could tell she was 22.
558
00:20:21,094 --> 00:20:23,346
Get out of my apartment!
559
00:20:23,638 --> 00:20:24,907
This happened while
we were broken up.
560
00:20:24,931 --> 00:20:26,182
No, no, no, no.
561
00:20:26,474 --> 00:20:29,102
I was right about you!
This is a con, by the way.
562
00:20:29,394 --> 00:20:30,645
You on Dateline is a con!
563
00:20:30,937 --> 00:20:32,021
You know what?
564
00:20:32,313 --> 00:20:33,457
I knew you wouldn't be cool
about this.
565
00:20:33,481 --> 00:20:34,858
We're finished.
566
00:20:35,150 --> 00:20:36,919
You can't break up with me.
I already broke up with you!
567
00:20:36,943 --> 00:20:39,028
Fine!
Then we agree to disagree!
39106
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