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1
00:00:05,922 --> 00:00:07,089
Why is there hair everywhere?
2
00:00:07,381 --> 00:00:08,716
Did you shave in the kitchen?
3
00:00:09,008 --> 00:00:11,135
The water in here is softer.
4
00:00:11,427 --> 00:00:13,846
Look at this ski-jumping idiot,
Bode Miller.
5
00:00:14,138 --> 00:00:16,098
What kind of
a fruity name is Bode?
6
00:00:16,390 --> 00:00:17,767
That cereal has
the Olympics on it?
7
00:00:18,059 --> 00:00:19,227
It must be eight months old.
8
00:00:19,519 --> 00:00:20,559
When you and me have kids,
9
00:00:20,686 --> 00:00:22,581
we're gonna give them good
names, like Shannon or Rick.
10
00:00:22,605 --> 00:00:23,605
When we what?
11
00:00:23,648 --> 00:00:25,483
When we have kids, dummy.
Come on.
12
00:00:29,278 --> 00:00:32,573
Yeah, I gotta go.
Uh...
13
00:00:32,865 --> 00:00:33,991
Are you gonna be home later?
14
00:00:34,283 --> 00:00:35,552
I gotta talk to you
about something.
15
00:00:35,576 --> 00:00:36,744
I'll be right here.
16
00:00:37,036 --> 00:00:38,276
Look at this maze.
It's so easy.
17
00:00:38,496 --> 00:00:39,848
You have to go in here,
and out there.
18
00:00:39,872 --> 00:00:41,666
Be home early, okay?
19
00:00:41,958 --> 00:00:42,625
Come here, sweetheart.
20
00:00:42,917 --> 00:00:44,377
Oh, Dennis.
I just did my hair.
21
00:00:44,669 --> 00:00:45,753
Oh, that's my girl.
22
00:00:46,045 --> 00:00:47,045
There you go.
Bye.
23
00:00:51,551 --> 00:00:53,151
Now make sure you drink
plenty of fluids,
24
00:00:53,302 --> 00:00:54,303
and get something to eat.
25
00:00:54,595 --> 00:00:56,389
Don't do anything strenuous
tonight.
26
00:00:56,681 --> 00:00:57,807
Don't hit the clubs.
27
00:00:58,099 --> 00:00:59,725
No, I'm going straight home,
actually.
28
00:01:00,017 --> 00:01:01,657
I'm breaking up
with my boyfriend tonight.
29
00:01:01,894 --> 00:01:03,229
I can't take it anymore.
30
00:01:03,521 --> 00:01:06,148
Hmm, 35, single, no children.
31
00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:09,068
Three sexual partners
in the last ten years.
32
00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:12,113
I don't know, doll.
Maybe it's time to settle.
33
00:01:13,739 --> 00:01:15,825
Chocolate chip,
or butter crunch?
34
00:01:18,286 --> 00:01:20,705
I can't believe
that this is happening to me.
35
00:01:20,997 --> 00:01:22,039
It's just not fair.
36
00:01:22,331 --> 00:01:23,040
You're right.
37
00:01:23,332 --> 00:01:24,332
This business is unfair.
38
00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:25,626
What happened?
39
00:01:25,918 --> 00:01:26,918
Jenna was supposed to be
40
00:01:27,128 --> 00:01:29,088
on the Conan show
tonight, but... I got bumped.
41
00:01:29,380 --> 00:01:30,980
Oh, you know,
that kind of thing happens.
42
00:01:31,257 --> 00:01:33,968
Jack bumped her and
put Tracy on instead.
43
00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:36,345
Jenna, you can't let
this kind of thing get to you.
44
00:01:36,637 --> 00:01:37,637
I just feel like
45
00:01:37,763 --> 00:01:39,890
everything always
gets taken away from me.
46
00:01:40,182 --> 00:01:41,350
No, that's not true.
47
00:01:41,642 --> 00:01:42,995
What about that movie
you did last summer?
48
00:01:43,019 --> 00:01:43,686
"The Rural Juror"?
49
00:01:43,978 --> 00:01:46,939
Yeah, The Rur... That one.
50
00:01:47,231 --> 00:01:50,318
Rural Juror, apple three,
take one. Mark!
51
00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:52,236
A terrible title.
Action!
52
00:01:52,528 --> 00:01:53,863
When does that come out?
53
00:01:54,155 --> 00:01:55,841
"The Rural Juror"
opens in selected theaters
54
00:01:55,865 --> 00:01:57,992
December 18th.
55
00:01:58,284 --> 00:02:00,578
Does Jack Donaghy even know
I'm in The Rural Juror?
56
00:02:00,870 --> 00:02:02,496
Maybe if he knew
I have a film career,
57
00:02:02,788 --> 00:02:04,057
he would treat me
with more respect.
58
00:02:04,081 --> 00:02:05,583
Jenna to the set, please.
59
00:02:05,875 --> 00:02:08,711
Jenna to the set for Rodney
Stink Confirmed Bachelor.
60
00:02:09,003 --> 00:02:09,712
I will tell him.
61
00:02:10,004 --> 00:02:12,298
I will tell him that
you are in a feature film
62
00:02:12,590 --> 00:02:15,217
called The Rrr Jrr.
63
00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:21,015
What the hell's
her movie called?
64
00:02:21,307 --> 00:02:21,849
I don't know.
65
00:02:22,141 --> 00:02:23,368
She's been talking
about it for a year.
66
00:02:23,392 --> 00:02:24,477
I can't ask her now.
67
00:02:24,769 --> 00:02:26,228
I can't believe
Jack did this to her.
68
00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:27,840
I can't believe
Conan's gonna have
69
00:02:28,105 --> 00:02:29,145
Tracy on as a guest again,
70
00:02:29,357 --> 00:02:30,375
considering what happened
the last time.
71
00:02:30,399 --> 00:02:31,108
You seem like you have
72
00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:33,361
a nice chemistry...
I am a stabbing robot.
73
00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:34,695
I will stab you.
74
00:02:34,987 --> 00:02:36,238
Oh, jeez.
All right, no, okay.
75
00:02:36,530 --> 00:02:38,170
All right, all right.
That's great, Tracy.
76
00:02:38,449 --> 00:02:39,635
We'll take a break.
We'll be right back.
77
00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:42,536
Hey, Clariss, can I
see Stone Phillips wig?
78
00:02:42,828 --> 00:02:43,828
Oh, great.
79
00:02:43,954 --> 00:02:45,554
Do you mind if I pop it
on you, actually?
80
00:02:45,831 --> 00:02:47,031
I want to see the shape of it.
81
00:02:47,208 --> 00:02:50,169
Please, it would make
my wife's dream come true.
82
00:02:50,461 --> 00:02:51,629
Yeah?
Oh.
83
00:02:51,921 --> 00:02:52,546
Handsome?
84
00:02:52,838 --> 00:02:53,838
Yes.
85
00:02:54,048 --> 00:02:55,549
You find me handsome?
Yes, very much.
86
00:02:55,841 --> 00:02:59,845
You know,
I used to be very rich.
87
00:03:00,137 --> 00:03:01,137
Hello.
88
00:03:01,347 --> 00:03:02,390
Oh, hi.
Sorry.
89
00:03:02,682 --> 00:03:04,558
I know you're wearing
that as a joke,
90
00:03:04,850 --> 00:03:06,227
but it makes you look younger,
91
00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:07,519
and more confident,
92
00:03:07,603 --> 00:03:08,979
and I think
you should consider it.
93
00:03:10,398 --> 00:03:11,774
Can I see you in my office?
94
00:03:12,066 --> 00:03:13,943
Yeah, hang on a second,
actually.
95
00:03:14,235 --> 00:03:16,779
Why did you bump
Jenna from Conan?
96
00:03:17,071 --> 00:03:18,364
Because if I have a choice
97
00:03:18,656 --> 00:03:20,008
between an international
movie star,
98
00:03:20,032 --> 00:03:21,301
and a woman who does
commercials for ShopRite...
99
00:03:21,325 --> 00:03:22,368
No, no, no.
100
00:03:22,660 --> 00:03:24,012
Jenna doesn't do those
commercials anymore.
101
00:03:24,036 --> 00:03:24,745
She got fired.
102
00:03:25,037 --> 00:03:26,038
I don't do these things
103
00:03:26,330 --> 00:03:27,665
just to drive you crazy, Lemon.
104
00:03:27,957 --> 00:03:29,583
I do them for the good
of the show.
105
00:03:29,875 --> 00:03:32,503
I'm the one that always has
to clean up the mess afterwards.
106
00:03:32,795 --> 00:03:35,005
That's why my job
is way better than yours.
107
00:03:35,297 --> 00:03:36,549
Way better.
108
00:03:41,762 --> 00:03:49,478
♪♪
109
00:04:00,906 --> 00:04:02,116
Conan.
110
00:04:02,408 --> 00:04:04,577
Tracy's really excited
to be back on your show.
111
00:04:04,869 --> 00:04:05,536
I don't know, Jack.
112
00:04:05,828 --> 00:04:06,948
He's kind of a loose cannon,
113
00:04:07,163 --> 00:04:08,265
and I like to surround myself
114
00:04:08,289 --> 00:04:09,769
with people that
don't try to stab me.
115
00:04:09,999 --> 00:04:10,708
Tracy's feeling
a lot better now.
116
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:12,168
He's under a doctor's care.
117
00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:13,687
That's what they said
about Hasselhoff,
118
00:04:13,711 --> 00:04:14,991
then he tried
to make out with me
119
00:04:15,171 --> 00:04:16,211
during a commercial break.
120
00:04:16,422 --> 00:04:17,757
Conan, this is important to me.
121
00:04:18,048 --> 00:04:19,800
So we can either
do this the easy way,
122
00:04:20,092 --> 00:04:21,092
or the hard way.
123
00:04:21,260 --> 00:04:22,260
What's the hard way?
124
00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:24,096
You do a live
Christmas Eve special
125
00:04:24,388 --> 00:04:26,974
from Kabul every year
until the war on terror is won.
126
00:04:27,266 --> 00:04:30,060
Tell Tracy I'll see him tonight.
127
00:04:30,352 --> 00:04:31,979
You, black Irish bastard.
128
00:04:32,271 --> 00:04:34,523
Back at you, man.
129
00:04:34,815 --> 00:04:37,318
I have to be charming
on Conan tonight.
130
00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:39,028
This is my chance
to redeem myself
131
00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:40,320
with mainstream America.
132
00:04:40,404 --> 00:04:42,448
Okay, well just tell us
some things about your life,
133
00:04:42,740 --> 00:04:44,760
and we'll try to punch it up
and make it talk show-worthy.
134
00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:46,344
Maybe something
about you and your wife.
135
00:04:46,452 --> 00:04:47,953
Me and my wife
like to play "rape."
136
00:04:48,245 --> 00:04:49,681
She go in the bathroom
and do her hair.
137
00:04:49,705 --> 00:04:51,141
Then I put on a ski mask...
Okay, not that.
138
00:04:51,165 --> 00:04:54,126
Hey, uh, you got anything
about being a dad?
139
00:04:54,418 --> 00:04:55,544
People eat that garbage up.
140
00:04:55,836 --> 00:04:57,588
I like to walk
around my house naked,
141
00:04:57,880 --> 00:04:58,880
to remind my oldest son
142
00:04:59,048 --> 00:05:00,525
who's still got
the biggest ding dong.
143
00:05:00,549 --> 00:05:01,217
No.
144
00:05:01,509 --> 00:05:02,509
I can tell the story
145
00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:03,779
of how I met Sharon Stone.
146
00:05:03,803 --> 00:05:04,803
Oh, what was that?
147
00:05:04,970 --> 00:05:06,250
I was pooping
in the ladies' room
148
00:05:06,472 --> 00:05:07,765
at the Ivy... No.
149
00:05:11,185 --> 00:05:12,686
My hair hurts.
150
00:05:12,978 --> 00:05:14,218
Anybody gonna answer the phone?
151
00:05:14,355 --> 00:05:15,564
What phone?
152
00:05:15,856 --> 00:05:16,856
Is anybody gonna
153
00:05:16,982 --> 00:05:18,067
answer the phone?
The phone!
154
00:05:18,359 --> 00:05:20,069
It's ringing!
155
00:05:20,361 --> 00:05:21,570
Ring! Ring!
156
00:05:21,862 --> 00:05:23,697
So you wanted to see me?
157
00:05:23,989 --> 00:05:25,616
Oh, Lemon, wonderful.
158
00:05:25,908 --> 00:05:28,108
I'm introducing Jack Welch
with a dinner at the Waldorf.
159
00:05:28,327 --> 00:05:30,371
What's a funny little quip
I could open with?
160
00:05:30,663 --> 00:05:32,248
That's why you
called me up here?
161
00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:34,041
Okay.
162
00:05:34,333 --> 00:05:36,001
Uh... "Good evening.
It's great to be here
163
00:05:36,293 --> 00:05:38,087
"at the beautiful
Waldorf Astoria.
164
00:05:38,379 --> 00:05:40,381
"I haven't seen this many
white people in tuxedos
165
00:05:40,673 --> 00:05:41,673
since the Titanic."
166
00:05:41,757 --> 00:05:45,094
Lemon, this is not
open mike night
167
00:05:45,386 --> 00:05:46,971
at the Bryn Mawr student union.
168
00:05:47,263 --> 00:05:49,974
This is a $1,000
a plate fund raiser.
169
00:05:50,266 --> 00:05:50,933
Okay, uh...
170
00:05:51,225 --> 00:05:52,434
How about,
171
00:05:52,726 --> 00:05:54,186
"Wow, $1,000 a plate.
172
00:05:54,478 --> 00:05:56,564
"For that kind of money
this stuffed chicken breast
173
00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:58,649
better paint my house."
174
00:05:58,941 --> 00:06:01,777
Let me tell you what
I was thinking of saying.
175
00:06:02,069 --> 00:06:04,613
"Jack Welch has such
unparalleled management skills,
176
00:06:04,905 --> 00:06:06,866
"they named Welch's
grape juice after him.
177
00:06:07,157 --> 00:06:08,677
"Because he squeezes
the sweetest juice
178
00:06:08,826 --> 00:06:10,661
out of his workers'
mind grapes."
179
00:06:10,953 --> 00:06:12,113
That doesn't even make sense.
180
00:06:12,371 --> 00:06:13,371
No, it doesn't, does it?
181
00:06:13,539 --> 00:06:15,058
I wrote it down
in the middle of the night.
182
00:06:15,082 --> 00:06:16,726
Listen, I'll try to come up
with something for you,
183
00:06:16,750 --> 00:06:18,127
but I gotta get back downstairs.
184
00:06:18,419 --> 00:06:20,671
Lizzie needs help.
185
00:06:20,963 --> 00:06:22,243
Cookie in the middle of the day?
186
00:06:22,381 --> 00:06:24,258
I gave blood.
187
00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:25,885
Does that burn calories?
188
00:06:27,511 --> 00:06:28,511
What else?
189
00:06:28,554 --> 00:06:30,264
What else is on my mind grapes?
190
00:06:30,556 --> 00:06:33,517
I could talk about how the moon
is a spy satellite
191
00:06:33,809 --> 00:06:35,853
put there by Oprah
and minister Farrakhan.
192
00:06:36,145 --> 00:06:38,147
And not the minister Farrakhan
you're thinking of.
193
00:06:39,773 --> 00:06:42,192
Who's that dude?
194
00:06:42,484 --> 00:06:43,861
Uh, what dude?
195
00:06:45,446 --> 00:06:47,156
The blue dude.
196
00:06:47,448 --> 00:06:49,241
Tell him to stop staring at me.
197
00:06:49,533 --> 00:06:51,368
I don't like that dude.
198
00:06:53,829 --> 00:06:55,372
I don't like that dude.
199
00:06:55,664 --> 00:06:57,041
Meep.
200
00:07:01,587 --> 00:07:03,130
Hey, guys.
201
00:07:03,422 --> 00:07:04,465
That was weird.
202
00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:05,466
Hi.
203
00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:06,300
You missed it.
204
00:07:06,592 --> 00:07:07,992
Tracy was acting
old-school bananas.
205
00:07:08,093 --> 00:07:09,094
He's always bananas.
206
00:07:09,386 --> 00:07:10,387
No, this was different.
207
00:07:10,679 --> 00:07:11,305
Yeah.
208
00:07:11,597 --> 00:07:13,182
Like Conan-should-be-afraid
different.
209
00:07:13,474 --> 00:07:14,600
Really?
210
00:07:14,892 --> 00:07:16,560
Where did he go?
211
00:07:16,852 --> 00:07:18,812
Yes. I am having problems
212
00:07:19,104 --> 00:07:20,731
with my cable television.
213
00:07:21,023 --> 00:07:24,234
Yes, I will hold.
214
00:07:25,945 --> 00:07:27,947
Excuse me, I have another call.
215
00:07:28,238 --> 00:07:31,116
Hi, mom.
I am doing fine.
216
00:07:31,408 --> 00:07:34,036
Oh, that's not good.
217
00:07:34,328 --> 00:07:35,608
Frank, that was my blood cookie.
218
00:07:35,788 --> 00:07:39,208
Ew, what?
219
00:07:40,918 --> 00:07:42,378
Hey, Jack Attack.
220
00:07:42,670 --> 00:07:43,879
Sorry, I should have
221
00:07:44,171 --> 00:07:46,256
kept that one
in the old brain box.
222
00:07:46,548 --> 00:07:48,175
Could you sign that
for me, please?
223
00:07:48,467 --> 00:07:50,552
Pete, where is your charisma?
224
00:07:50,844 --> 00:07:51,971
What?
225
00:07:52,262 --> 00:07:53,681
The wig.
226
00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:55,099
I prefer that you wear it.
227
00:07:55,391 --> 00:07:57,601
Well, I thought you were joking.
228
00:07:57,893 --> 00:08:00,104
Well, let me clarify:
I'm not joking.
229
00:08:00,396 --> 00:08:01,897
Pete, did you know
230
00:08:02,189 --> 00:08:03,816
that men with full heads of hair
231
00:08:04,108 --> 00:08:05,317
on average earn 17% more
232
00:08:05,609 --> 00:08:06,777
than their bald counterparts?
233
00:08:07,069 --> 00:08:08,237
I did not know that.
234
00:08:08,529 --> 00:08:09,071
Perhaps it's because
235
00:08:09,363 --> 00:08:10,864
bald men are
generally less informed
236
00:08:11,156 --> 00:08:12,574
than men with full
heads of hair.
237
00:08:12,866 --> 00:08:14,535
But here's what I
want you to do.
238
00:08:14,827 --> 00:08:16,161
Wear the wig for a week.
239
00:08:16,453 --> 00:08:17,514
And experience
your full potential.
240
00:08:17,538 --> 00:08:20,082
I think this is
my full potential.
241
00:08:20,374 --> 00:08:21,854
I know you're skeptical,
Pete, I know.
242
00:08:22,084 --> 00:08:23,460
Here, I want you
to do something.
243
00:08:23,752 --> 00:08:25,421
Pull my hair.
244
00:08:25,713 --> 00:08:27,033
Right now, go ahead.
Pull my hair.
245
00:08:28,507 --> 00:08:31,218
I'm just kidding.
246
00:08:31,510 --> 00:08:32,553
It's real.
247
00:08:32,845 --> 00:08:35,055
I'm not like you.
248
00:08:35,347 --> 00:08:37,641
So, be honest with me.
What did Jack say?
249
00:08:37,933 --> 00:08:39,977
I guess he thinks that
Tracy is a movie star.
250
00:08:40,269 --> 00:08:43,897
And he doesn't love it
that you did those commercials.
251
00:08:44,189 --> 00:08:45,983
Well, you tell him
that those commercials
252
00:08:46,275 --> 00:08:47,443
paid for my vacation home.
253
00:08:47,735 --> 00:08:49,403
So, unless he would
like to buy me
254
00:08:49,695 --> 00:08:51,015
a condo in Clearwater, Florida...
255
00:08:51,071 --> 00:08:52,071
Jenna, I'm sorry.
256
00:08:52,114 --> 00:08:53,114
Just let it go.
257
00:08:53,157 --> 00:08:54,575
Tracy's doing Conan tonight.
258
00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:58,120
Liz Lemon, we got a problem.
259
00:09:01,290 --> 00:09:04,168
♪♪
260
00:09:04,460 --> 00:09:06,420
Grizz and Dotcom
say Tracy's doctor
261
00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:07,952
put him on some new medication.
262
00:09:08,130 --> 00:09:09,733
I guess he's having
some sort of reaction.
263
00:09:09,757 --> 00:09:11,883
Boy, Conan tapes in...
Less than two hours.
264
00:09:12,134 --> 00:09:12,593
Call me if you need me.
265
00:09:12,885 --> 00:09:17,264
♪♪
266
00:09:17,556 --> 00:09:19,683
Tray?
Can ll come in?
267
00:09:23,812 --> 00:09:25,522
I'm bugging out!
268
00:09:25,814 --> 00:09:27,816
I'm bugging out.
269
00:09:28,692 --> 00:09:30,569
I'm bugging out!
270
00:09:32,112 --> 00:09:33,155
Tracy! on
271
00:09:33,447 --> 00:09:34,156
Who is your doctor?
272
00:09:34,448 --> 00:09:36,700
Dr. Spaceman!
Dr. Spaceman!
273
00:09:36,992 --> 00:09:37,701
Oh, brother.
Look around.
274
00:09:37,993 --> 00:09:39,828
We have to find his medication.
275
00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:43,707
Dr. Spaceman. Dr. Spaceman.
276
00:09:43,999 --> 00:09:46,627
Wow, Dr. Spaceman.
277
00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:48,545
I owe you an apology, Tray.
278
00:09:50,547 --> 00:09:52,549
This is Dr. Leo Spa-Che-men.
279
00:09:52,841 --> 00:09:54,861
Hi, I work with Tracy Jordan,
and I think he's having
280
00:09:54,885 --> 00:09:56,925
a reaction to some of
the medication you put him on.
281
00:09:57,012 --> 00:09:58,931
Ah, I was afraid
this might happen.
282
00:09:59,223 --> 00:10:01,143
You know, he's on so many
different neuroleptics,
283
00:10:01,183 --> 00:10:04,645
and tricyclics, that there's
no telling how they'll mix.
284
00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:06,230
But what can you do?
285
00:10:06,522 --> 00:10:07,940
Medicine's not a science.
286
00:10:08,232 --> 00:10:09,775
What exactly are you
treating him for?
287
00:10:10,067 --> 00:10:12,027
There's not really a name
288
00:10:12,319 --> 00:10:13,529
for what Tracy has.
289
00:10:13,821 --> 00:10:16,490
Basically it's erratic
tendencies, and delusions,
290
00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:18,909
brought on by
excessive notoriety.
291
00:10:19,201 --> 00:10:19,618
And certainly not helped
292
00:10:19,910 --> 00:10:22,454
by my wildly
experimental treatments.
293
00:10:22,746 --> 00:10:24,540
Boy, I'm being
awfully open with you, miss.
294
00:10:24,832 --> 00:10:27,334
I should not have taken
those blue things.
295
00:10:27,626 --> 00:10:28,335
So, is he dangerous?
296
00:10:28,627 --> 00:10:29,878
No,
297
00:10:30,170 --> 00:10:31,810
he should be fine,
so long as you keep him
298
00:10:32,047 --> 00:10:33,441
away from bright lights,
loud music and crowds.
299
00:10:33,465 --> 00:10:35,092
I'll call in a prescription
300
00:10:35,384 --> 00:10:36,718
for something
to settle him down,
301
00:10:37,010 --> 00:10:38,637
as soon as possible.
302
00:10:38,929 --> 00:10:42,391
Uh... do you need anything
for yourself?
303
00:10:42,683 --> 00:10:43,683
What? No.
304
00:10:43,892 --> 00:10:45,453
Just, where can I pick up
Tracy's prescription?
305
00:10:45,477 --> 00:10:46,746
Ms. Lemon,
they need you upstairs
306
00:10:46,770 --> 00:10:48,039
in Mr. Donaghy's office
immediately.
307
00:10:48,063 --> 00:10:49,773
Kenneth, I need you
to go to RiteDrug,
308
00:10:50,065 --> 00:10:52,317
46th and 8th, pick up
Tracy's medicine fast, okay?
309
00:10:52,609 --> 00:10:53,609
Yes, sir.
310
00:10:56,738 --> 00:11:01,743
♪♪
311
00:11:02,035 --> 00:11:03,035
What is it?
312
00:11:03,078 --> 00:11:04,621
What's the emergency?
313
00:11:04,913 --> 00:11:06,248
How's this for an opening line?
314
00:11:06,540 --> 00:11:07,660
When I first met Jack Welch,
315
00:11:07,875 --> 00:11:09,227
I thought he was
such a great golfer,
316
00:11:09,251 --> 00:11:10,812
he made Bob Darnell
look like Randy Barnes.
317
00:11:10,836 --> 00:11:13,505
That's fine.
Do that.
318
00:11:13,797 --> 00:11:14,797
I don't know.
319
00:11:14,923 --> 00:11:15,632
Might be distasteful
320
00:11:15,924 --> 00:11:17,026
if Randy's widow's
in the audience.
321
00:11:17,050 --> 00:11:18,218
What did you come up with?
322
00:11:18,510 --> 00:11:19,529
I have a bigger problem, Jack.
323
00:11:19,553 --> 00:11:21,113
I don't think Tracy's
ready to do Conan.
324
00:11:21,221 --> 00:11:22,598
I think you should let
Jenna do it,
325
00:11:22,890 --> 00:11:24,810
and maybe Tracy could do it
in a couple of weeks.
326
00:11:24,933 --> 00:11:25,933
Jenna's not a star.
327
00:11:26,185 --> 00:11:27,585
She's capable,
but she's not a star.
328
00:11:27,853 --> 00:11:28,872
She's got a movie
coming out next month.
329
00:11:28,896 --> 00:11:29,896
What movie?
330
00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:32,441
"The Rrr Jrr."
331
00:11:32,733 --> 00:11:33,733
The what?
332
00:11:33,859 --> 00:11:34,859
Tracy's acting nuts.
333
00:11:34,985 --> 00:11:36,862
He's having problems
with his medication.
334
00:11:37,154 --> 00:11:38,655
Did you call Dr. Spa-Che-men?
335
00:11:38,947 --> 00:11:40,490
Yeah, I did.
Then he'll be fine.
336
00:11:40,782 --> 00:11:41,942
Leo's an excellent physician.
337
00:11:41,992 --> 00:11:43,827
And a pretty good dentist.
338
00:11:46,955 --> 00:11:48,832
Is that rehearsal?
Oh no... Oh!
339
00:11:49,124 --> 00:11:50,709
No, this Tracy situation
340
00:11:51,001 --> 00:11:52,001
is really...
341
00:11:52,127 --> 00:11:52,544
Are we still talking about that?
342
00:11:52,836 --> 00:11:54,421
Do I have to come in
and run your show?
343
00:11:54,713 --> 00:11:56,065
Or could you take
this one thing off my plate?
344
00:11:56,089 --> 00:11:57,089
No, I got it.
345
00:11:58,133 --> 00:11:59,301
I'll figure it out.
346
00:11:59,593 --> 00:12:00,969
What?
Don't ask.
347
00:12:04,973 --> 00:12:07,434
Who is this leader of men?
348
00:12:07,726 --> 00:12:09,728
What can I do for you, handsome?
349
00:12:12,856 --> 00:12:18,070
♪♪
350
00:12:18,362 --> 00:12:19,362
Liz...
351
00:12:19,446 --> 00:12:20,886
I wanted you to be
the first to know.
352
00:12:21,114 --> 00:12:22,300
After the way Jack
treated me today,
353
00:12:22,324 --> 00:12:23,644
I can't work here anymore.
I quit.
354
00:12:23,784 --> 00:12:25,577
Oh, Jenna, I really
don't have time for this.
355
00:12:25,869 --> 00:12:28,455
Then, I guess this is goodbye.
356
00:12:28,747 --> 00:12:30,582
Okay.
Jenna don't quit.
357
00:12:30,874 --> 00:12:32,154
The show can't go on
without you.
358
00:12:32,376 --> 00:12:33,978
You're my muse, you're
a modern-day Lucille Ball.
359
00:12:34,002 --> 00:12:35,021
You're prettier
than Deborah Messing.
360
00:12:35,045 --> 00:12:35,587
Please don't quit.
361
00:12:35,879 --> 00:12:37,673
Well, if that's
the way you feel,
362
00:12:37,965 --> 00:12:39,174
I'll stay.
Okay.
363
00:12:40,676 --> 00:12:42,511
Oh, it's Dennis.
Oh.
364
00:12:42,803 --> 00:12:43,803
Do you have any food?
365
00:12:43,845 --> 00:12:44,554
I'm getting
really low blood sugar.
366
00:12:44,846 --> 00:12:47,266
Are you dieting finally?
What are you doing?
367
00:12:47,557 --> 00:12:48,677
South Beach, Master Cleanse?
368
00:12:50,894 --> 00:12:51,894
Hello?
369
00:12:52,104 --> 00:12:53,730
Whoa, gimme, gimme.
Shoo.
370
00:12:54,022 --> 00:12:55,732
Liz, hey.
It's me, Dennis.
371
00:12:56,024 --> 00:12:56,650
Dennis, what do you want?
372
00:12:56,942 --> 00:12:58,235
Do me a huge favor.
373
00:12:58,527 --> 00:12:59,236
Call Ticketmaster right away.
374
00:12:59,528 --> 00:13:01,089
Nickleback just added
another date, right?
375
00:13:01,113 --> 00:13:02,739
I would do it on your computer,
376
00:13:03,031 --> 00:13:03,740
but I'm downloading
a game right now.
377
00:13:04,032 --> 00:13:05,659
No, I can't do that for you.
378
00:13:05,951 --> 00:13:07,744
Just be home tonight
when I get there, okay?
379
00:13:08,036 --> 00:13:09,663
I need to talk to you
about something.
380
00:13:09,955 --> 00:13:11,790
Word.
381
00:13:12,082 --> 00:13:13,500
Blue man!
382
00:13:13,792 --> 00:13:15,752
That blue dude
keeps following me!
383
00:13:17,045 --> 00:13:18,755
Meek, eep.
384
00:13:19,047 --> 00:13:20,207
All right, let's get him down
385
00:13:20,340 --> 00:13:21,425
to Conan's hair and make-up
386
00:13:21,717 --> 00:13:23,719
and hopefully Kenneth
will be back any minute.
387
00:13:26,888 --> 00:13:32,686
♪♪
388
00:13:32,978 --> 00:13:34,021
Oh, my.
389
00:13:35,814 --> 00:13:38,775
No! No! Agh!
390
00:13:39,067 --> 00:13:41,320
No! No!
391
00:13:41,611 --> 00:13:43,405
The blue man
is runnin' up on me.
392
00:13:43,697 --> 00:13:44,697
There's no blue man.
393
00:13:44,865 --> 00:13:48,702
I can't take the blue man.
I don't want the blue man.
394
00:13:48,994 --> 00:13:50,495
All right, all right.
395
00:13:50,787 --> 00:13:51,787
Hey, Liz.
396
00:13:51,955 --> 00:13:52,539
What's up?
397
00:13:52,831 --> 00:13:54,291
Oh, hi, Conan.
How are you?
398
00:13:54,583 --> 00:13:55,042
Good.
399
00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:55,917
You still going out
400
00:13:56,209 --> 00:13:57,569
with that guy
from the pager store?
401
00:13:57,836 --> 00:13:59,755
Who, Dennis?
402
00:14:00,047 --> 00:14:01,131
Yeah.
403
00:14:01,423 --> 00:14:03,175
You still, um...
404
00:14:03,467 --> 00:14:04,843
How's your wife?
405
00:14:05,135 --> 00:14:07,346
Let's not do this, Elizabeth.
406
00:14:07,637 --> 00:14:08,637
Okay.
407
00:14:08,847 --> 00:14:09,847
Nyah, nyah, nyah.
408
00:14:09,890 --> 00:14:11,641
Nah!
409
00:14:11,933 --> 00:14:12,476
Vocal warm-ups.
410
00:14:12,768 --> 00:14:15,270
I'll tell him you came by.
411
00:14:15,562 --> 00:14:17,647
Okay.
412
00:14:26,907 --> 00:14:28,784
Whoa, he licked all of those.
413
00:14:35,749 --> 00:14:42,839
♪♪
414
00:14:43,131 --> 00:14:45,175
After you, ma'am.
415
00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:50,055
Chewbacca, may I
speak to Tracy, please?
416
00:14:51,807 --> 00:14:52,807
How's it going?
417
00:14:52,974 --> 00:14:53,475
No!
418
00:14:53,767 --> 00:14:55,685
Past Pete is here
to kill Future Pete!
419
00:14:56,812 --> 00:14:58,271
It's going great.
420
00:14:58,563 --> 00:15:00,690
No!
421
00:15:00,982 --> 00:15:02,776
It's all right,
Tracy. Come back.
422
00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:04,403
Yes, ma'am.
423
00:15:04,694 --> 00:15:05,734
Do you have a prescription
424
00:15:05,779 --> 00:15:07,864
for Mr. Tracy Jordan?
425
00:15:13,912 --> 00:15:15,288
Come on out of there, buddy.
426
00:15:15,580 --> 00:15:16,581
Oh, I almost forgot.
427
00:15:16,873 --> 00:15:18,593
Jack would like to see you
up in his office.
428
00:15:18,875 --> 00:15:22,462
Oh, I don't have time for this.
429
00:15:22,754 --> 00:15:23,754
Yes, Jonathan tell him
430
00:15:23,964 --> 00:15:25,298
I've got my hands full
with Tracy.
431
00:15:25,590 --> 00:15:26,299
You sound upset.
432
00:15:26,591 --> 00:15:27,259
I am upset.
433
00:15:27,551 --> 00:15:28,911
Come on up and
we'll talk about it.
434
00:15:36,601 --> 00:15:42,774
♪♪
435
00:15:44,151 --> 00:15:46,528
Fine.
I will try the other location.
436
00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:48,530
But frankly, LaDonica,
437
00:15:48,822 --> 00:15:50,782
you have not been real helpful.
438
00:15:56,997 --> 00:15:58,707
We'll get to your problem
in a minute.
439
00:15:58,999 --> 00:16:01,418
Have you had a chance
to think of my zinger?
440
00:16:01,710 --> 00:16:04,129
"Well, it's almost
Thanksgiving, everybody.
441
00:16:04,421 --> 00:16:06,673
"And I know what this
crowd's giving thanks for.
442
00:16:06,965 --> 00:16:08,341
Estate tax reform."
443
00:16:11,303 --> 00:16:13,346
That is terrific.
I really enjoyed that.
444
00:16:13,638 --> 00:16:15,765
But, do you think
it's too topical?
445
00:16:16,057 --> 00:16:17,601
Damn, I wish
this event were tonight.
446
00:16:17,893 --> 00:16:20,395
It's not tonight?
When is it?
447
00:16:20,687 --> 00:16:21,730
February.
448
00:16:22,022 --> 00:16:23,565
Why are you wearing a tux?
449
00:16:25,275 --> 00:16:26,275
It's after 6:00.
450
00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:27,694
What am I, a farmer?
451
00:16:30,655 --> 00:16:34,326
It's 6:00.
452
00:16:37,370 --> 00:16:43,543
♪♪
453
00:16:43,835 --> 00:16:46,254
You are right
after this commercial, Mr. Jordan.
454
00:16:46,546 --> 00:16:48,215
You can do this.
455
00:16:50,634 --> 00:16:51,635
Mr. Blue man.
456
00:16:51,927 --> 00:16:53,720
You're gonna tell me
my feet stink?
457
00:16:54,012 --> 00:16:56,223
You don't even have feet.
Blue man!
458
00:16:57,516 --> 00:16:59,184
Blue man, where your feet at?
459
00:16:59,476 --> 00:17:00,516
This is home to Late Night
460
00:17:00,769 --> 00:17:03,438
with Conan O'Brien.
461
00:17:03,730 --> 00:17:05,023
That's right.
462
00:17:05,315 --> 00:17:06,775
Now we are on the...
463
00:17:08,109 --> 00:17:09,236
I'm sorry.
Excuse me.
464
00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:10,728
This is a page coming through.
465
00:17:10,987 --> 00:17:11,987
I'm sorry.
466
00:17:12,113 --> 00:17:15,742
Let me just... Let him through!
467
00:17:18,954 --> 00:17:26,628
♪♪
468
00:17:27,837 --> 00:17:29,005
Please.
469
00:17:30,632 --> 00:17:31,841
Here it is!
470
00:17:32,133 --> 00:17:33,760
No.
471
00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:37,680
Pete!
I'm trying.
472
00:17:37,847 --> 00:17:39,391
Give me his pills!
473
00:17:39,683 --> 00:17:40,683
Here.
474
00:17:42,727 --> 00:17:43,979
They're from Dr. Spaceman.
475
00:17:44,271 --> 00:17:46,106
My first guest tonight
476
00:17:46,398 --> 00:17:47,792
from his numerous
hit releases including
477
00:17:47,816 --> 00:17:48,816
"President Homeboy"
478
00:17:48,858 --> 00:17:50,098
and "Honky Grandma
Be Tripping.”
479
00:17:50,193 --> 00:17:52,988
Or you may know him from his
last appearance on this show,
480
00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:55,532
when he tried
to stab me in the face.
481
00:17:55,824 --> 00:17:57,158
Gotta go! Excuse me.
482
00:17:57,450 --> 00:18:00,078
Tracy.
483
00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:01,830
Please welcome Tracy Jordan.
484
00:18:05,041 --> 00:18:09,838
♪♪
485
00:18:10,130 --> 00:18:11,130
You know,
486
00:18:11,172 --> 00:18:12,900
you really went above
and beyond for that guy today.
487
00:18:12,924 --> 00:18:14,259
I just hope we get away with it.
488
00:18:16,428 --> 00:18:24,311
♪♪
489
00:18:25,979 --> 00:18:28,148
This is going on a little long.
490
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:30,734
Don't, don't.
Don't do that.
491
00:18:31,026 --> 00:18:31,610
Pants on.
Pants on.
492
00:18:31,901 --> 00:18:33,236
Sit in the chair, buddy.
493
00:18:33,528 --> 00:18:34,195
Sit in the chair.
Sit down.
494
00:18:34,487 --> 00:18:35,487
Sit. Oh!
495
00:18:35,697 --> 00:18:37,407
Sit down!
496
00:18:37,699 --> 00:18:44,914
♪♪
497
00:18:45,206 --> 00:18:46,207
That a boy.
498
00:18:46,499 --> 00:18:47,499
Good to have you here.
499
00:18:47,667 --> 00:18:49,169
That was great, and you're...
500
00:18:50,253 --> 00:18:51,588
And he's asleep.
501
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:53,673
Which... is okay,
'cause at least
502
00:18:53,965 --> 00:18:55,342
he didn't murder me.
503
00:18:55,634 --> 00:18:57,844
We'll take a break, and...
504
00:18:58,136 --> 00:18:59,304
Tracy Jordan, everybody!
505
00:18:59,596 --> 00:19:00,972
Hey, you did good, kid.
506
00:19:01,264 --> 00:19:02,682
Give me that.
507
00:19:02,974 --> 00:19:04,059
Rip!
Ow!
508
00:19:11,107 --> 00:19:13,610
I really gotta eat something.
509
00:19:16,905 --> 00:19:24,704
♪♪
510
00:19:24,996 --> 00:19:26,247
I've lost track of it!
511
00:19:29,250 --> 00:19:30,377
Hey.
512
00:19:30,669 --> 00:19:32,671
Hey. What's up?
513
00:19:32,962 --> 00:19:34,162
I didn't know what you wanted,
514
00:19:34,381 --> 00:19:35,799
so I ordered you a cheeseburger.
515
00:19:36,091 --> 00:19:37,801
Oh, Dennis.
Thank you.
516
00:19:38,093 --> 00:19:41,596
Oh, thank you, thank you.
Thank you so much.
517
00:19:41,888 --> 00:19:43,688
So what did you want
to talk to me about, huh?
518
00:19:43,765 --> 00:19:46,017
Nothing. I forget.
519
00:19:46,309 --> 00:19:48,728
I just want to listen
to you play Halo
520
00:19:49,020 --> 00:19:50,020
'til I fall asleep.
521
00:19:50,105 --> 00:19:50,563
Ah, that's baloney!
522
00:19:50,855 --> 00:19:52,273
How did the grenade
not kill him?
523
00:19:52,565 --> 00:19:53,845
He was standing
right next to it.
524
00:19:54,109 --> 00:19:56,528
You know what, Liz?
This controller's defective.
525
00:19:56,820 --> 00:19:58,446
Liz?
526
00:20:10,917 --> 00:20:13,545
Well, I got started
in the NBC page program.
527
00:20:13,837 --> 00:20:16,172
And before you know it,
I'm making hit movies
528
00:20:16,464 --> 00:20:17,882
with my good friend,
and roommate,
529
00:20:18,174 --> 00:20:19,718
Zach Braff.
530
00:20:22,345 --> 00:20:22,971
What?
531
00:20:23,263 --> 00:20:25,014
Who told you that?
532
00:20:25,306 --> 00:20:28,268
Well, yes.
I do know how to clog.
533
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:31,896
But I don't think anybody
wants to see me do that.
534
00:20:32,188 --> 00:20:35,358
You do?
Really?
535
00:20:35,650 --> 00:20:36,651
Okay.
536
00:20:42,365 --> 00:20:43,742
You're a weird guy, Kenneth.
537
00:20:44,033 --> 00:20:45,285
See you tomorrow,
Mr. O'Brien.
36049
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