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1
00:00:06,339 --> 00:00:08,799
It's so sweet of you
to walk me to work today.
2
00:00:09,091 --> 00:00:09,509
You're my girl, right?
3
00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:11,135
And I take care of you, huh?
4
00:00:11,427 --> 00:00:12,427
Who knows?
5
00:00:12,553 --> 00:00:14,514
Maybe we'll see
Natalie Morales, you know?
6
00:00:14,805 --> 00:00:15,473
That little firecracker,
7
00:00:15,765 --> 00:00:17,565
she gets my blood running
south of the border.
8
00:00:17,808 --> 00:00:19,560
That is less sweet.
9
00:00:19,852 --> 00:00:20,394
I'm gonna stop by tonight.
10
00:00:20,686 --> 00:00:23,606
Maybe I'll, uh, pick up
some Chinese.
11
00:00:23,898 --> 00:00:25,834
Aw, you said "Chinese"
instead of something offensive.
12
00:00:25,858 --> 00:00:27,568
I told you,
losing you last year,
13
00:00:27,860 --> 00:00:29,237
changed me, huh?
14
00:00:29,529 --> 00:00:32,448
It made me more,
um... more mature.
15
00:00:35,243 --> 00:00:36,243
Come here.
16
00:00:36,285 --> 00:00:39,038
Ow, that really hurts, Dennis.
17
00:00:44,293 --> 00:00:45,545
You're back with Dennis?
18
00:00:45,836 --> 00:00:47,505
Yeah, I'm back with Dennis.
19
00:00:47,797 --> 00:00:49,882
Don't look at me
with your eyebrows all up.
20
00:00:50,174 --> 00:00:51,175
It's so annoying.
21
00:00:51,467 --> 00:00:52,885
Oh, yes, I'm annoying,
not the man
22
00:00:53,177 --> 00:00:54,817
who honked your boobs
on the jumbo screen.
23
00:00:54,929 --> 00:00:55,638
That was before.
24
00:00:55,930 --> 00:00:57,056
And it was the playoffs.
25
00:00:57,348 --> 00:00:59,892
Does he still work
at that beeper store?
26
00:01:00,184 --> 00:01:00,810
What is it, "Beeper King"?
27
00:01:01,102 --> 00:01:02,102
He is the King now.
28
00:01:02,186 --> 00:01:03,479
The old Beeper King retired...
29
00:01:03,771 --> 00:01:05,273
Well, technically
he shot himself.
30
00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:06,565
But Dennis took over,
31
00:01:06,691 --> 00:01:08,359
and now he's the only
beeper salesman
32
00:01:08,651 --> 00:01:10,861
left in Manhattan,
which is cool in a way.
33
00:01:11,153 --> 00:01:12,589
You're doing
the eyebrow thing again.
34
00:01:12,613 --> 00:01:13,613
Because it's Dennis.
35
00:01:13,739 --> 00:01:14,758
Who are you trying to fool?
36
00:01:14,782 --> 00:01:15,283
This is me.
Exactly.
37
00:01:15,575 --> 00:01:17,577
You don't get to give
dating advice.
38
00:01:17,868 --> 00:01:20,162
You sent a letter
to Scott Peterson.
39
00:01:20,454 --> 00:01:21,454
After he dyed his hair
40
00:01:21,706 --> 00:01:23,457
and got super thin
from all the stress.
41
00:01:23,749 --> 00:01:25,585
Are you kidding me?
He was smokin'.
42
00:01:25,876 --> 00:01:27,461
Dennis is a good guy, okay?
43
00:01:27,753 --> 00:01:28,462
Not really.
44
00:01:28,754 --> 00:01:30,006
So when did this happen?
45
00:01:30,298 --> 00:01:31,924
Well, last week was my birthday,
46
00:01:32,216 --> 00:01:34,427
And everyone forgot
except Dennis.
47
00:01:34,719 --> 00:01:36,137
And he called, and we went out,
48
00:01:36,429 --> 00:01:37,555
and it wasn't too weird.
49
00:01:37,847 --> 00:01:39,015
And how is the sex?
50
00:01:39,307 --> 00:01:40,516
Fast and only on Saturdays.
51
00:01:40,808 --> 00:01:41,892
It's perfect.
52
00:01:45,396 --> 00:01:53,279
♪♪
53
00:02:04,832 --> 00:02:06,417
Did you see this?
54
00:02:06,709 --> 00:02:07,918
It's horrible.
55
00:02:08,210 --> 00:02:10,296
They're printing libel
about me again.
56
00:02:10,588 --> 00:02:12,381
Libel, Liz Lemon!
57
00:02:14,508 --> 00:02:17,386
Oh..."Normal."
58
00:02:17,678 --> 00:02:18,846
How dare they?
59
00:02:19,138 --> 00:02:20,138
That's what I'm saying.
60
00:02:20,222 --> 00:02:21,932
That's character assassination.
61
00:02:22,224 --> 00:02:23,267
That's not normal!
62
00:02:23,559 --> 00:02:25,479
It only looks like
I'm walking out of a Starbucks
63
00:02:25,686 --> 00:02:27,063
when, actually,
I'm doing the robot
64
00:02:27,355 --> 00:02:29,607
goin' backwards
into a Starbucks.
65
00:02:29,899 --> 00:02:31,233
And I don't even know
66
00:02:31,525 --> 00:02:32,525
whose dog that is.
67
00:02:32,652 --> 00:02:33,944
Yes, I steal dogs.
68
00:02:34,236 --> 00:02:35,529
What is the problem?
69
00:02:35,821 --> 00:02:36,822
I can't be normal
70
00:02:37,114 --> 00:02:38,866
If I'm normal, I'm boring.
71
00:02:39,158 --> 00:02:40,826
If I'm boring,
I'm not a movie star.
72
00:02:41,118 --> 00:02:43,496
If I'm not a movie
star, then I'm poor.
73
00:02:43,788 --> 00:02:46,499
And poor people can't afford
to pay back the $75,000 in cash
74
00:02:46,791 --> 00:02:48,668
they owe Quincy Jones!
75
00:02:55,341 --> 00:02:57,176
Wow... Talking to
that guy,
76
00:02:57,468 --> 00:03:00,012
it's like looking
in a mirror, huh?
77
00:03:00,304 --> 00:03:02,390
Well, my armpit rash is back.
78
00:03:02,682 --> 00:03:04,576
Oh, my God, Jack.
What are you doing in wardrobe?
79
00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:05,640
The latest research is in.
80
00:03:05,768 --> 00:03:07,048
Our audience doesn't like green.
81
00:03:07,311 --> 00:03:08,591
Oh, that's too bad.
I like green.
82
00:03:08,771 --> 00:03:10,022
Research doesn't lie, Jenna.
83
00:03:10,314 --> 00:03:11,714
It lets us know
what we're thinking:
84
00:03:11,774 --> 00:03:13,585
what's too boring,
what's too gay, what's too old.
85
00:03:13,609 --> 00:03:14,985
What's too old?
86
00:03:15,277 --> 00:03:17,357
That's a very good question.
How old are you? I'm 29.
87
00:03:17,446 --> 00:03:18,646
What year were you born? 1977.
88
00:03:18,739 --> 00:03:20,258
When did you graduate
high school? '94.
89
00:03:20,282 --> 00:03:21,325
When do you turn 407?
2017.
90
00:03:21,617 --> 00:03:22,326
Junior high crush?
Kirk Cameron.
91
00:03:22,618 --> 00:03:24,495
Prom theme?
Motownphilly, Boyz II Men.
92
00:03:24,787 --> 00:03:26,598
What movie did you lose your
virginity at? Arachnophobia.
93
00:03:26,622 --> 00:03:28,332
Theater or drive-in?
94
00:03:28,624 --> 00:03:30,084
What's a drive-in?
95
00:03:30,376 --> 00:03:32,503
Of course.
96
00:03:32,795 --> 00:03:34,839
I don't know why
I bothered to ask.
97
00:03:35,131 --> 00:03:36,692
I can tell just from
your physical appearance
98
00:03:36,716 --> 00:03:38,509
that you're obviously...
99
00:03:38,801 --> 00:03:40,469
29.
100
00:03:43,639 --> 00:03:45,182
So these page numbers,
101
00:03:45,474 --> 00:03:47,393
when done correctly,
should be sequential.
102
00:03:47,685 --> 00:03:48,894
Oh.
Oh, Josh!
103
00:03:49,186 --> 00:03:51,188
Liz Taylor's assistant called.
104
00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:53,524
They wanted the address here
to send you something.
105
00:03:53,816 --> 00:03:55,401
That's awesome.
106
00:03:55,693 --> 00:03:57,319
She must have seen
my impression of her.
107
00:03:57,611 --> 00:03:58,797
Sounds like someone
loves Liz Taylor.
108
00:03:58,821 --> 00:04:00,322
I do.
109
00:04:00,614 --> 00:04:01,073
No, we mean love love.
110
00:04:01,365 --> 00:04:03,492
Yeah, like if
she walked in right now
111
00:04:03,784 --> 00:04:05,554
and said she wanted to
do it with you, you would.
112
00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:06,871
I definitely would.
113
00:04:07,163 --> 00:04:08,247
What?
114
00:04:08,539 --> 00:04:09,539
Liz.
115
00:04:09,707 --> 00:04:10,291
No, I'm totally serious.
116
00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:11,623
I mean, wouldn't you guys?
117
00:04:11,709 --> 00:04:13,377
Uh, Jack asked me how old I am.
118
00:04:13,669 --> 00:04:14,879
What did you say?
119
00:04:15,171 --> 00:04:17,089
29.
120
00:04:17,381 --> 00:04:19,049
Ahem.
121
00:04:19,341 --> 00:04:20,426
Jenna, relax.
122
00:04:20,718 --> 00:04:23,012
I cannot
and will not relax, Liz.
123
00:04:23,304 --> 00:04:24,304
I am an actress.
124
00:04:24,472 --> 00:04:26,223
And when someone asks an actress
125
00:04:26,515 --> 00:04:28,475
how old she is, it's
more statement than question.
126
00:04:28,559 --> 00:04:30,144
When my mom's feeling old,
127
00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:31,538
she goes to this guy
on 71st Street.
128
00:04:31,562 --> 00:04:33,939
But she's old.
129
00:04:34,231 --> 00:04:36,525
She's like 38.
130
00:04:36,817 --> 00:04:39,278
I'm gonna be sick.
131
00:04:43,115 --> 00:04:46,494
♪ Betcha he reads ♪
♪ betcha she sews ♪
132
00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:48,120
♪ Betcha they've made me ♪
133
00:04:48,412 --> 00:04:50,247
♪ A closet ♪
134
00:04:50,539 --> 00:04:51,749
♪ Of clothes ♪
135
00:04:54,084 --> 00:04:55,920
Lemon, what tragedy
happened in your life
136
00:04:56,212 --> 00:04:57,732
that you insist upon
punishing yourself
137
00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:00,132
with all this...
mediocrity?
138
00:05:00,424 --> 00:05:02,259
What? 'Cause I'm
eating a turkey sub?
139
00:05:02,551 --> 00:05:04,594
Your turkey sub, your clothes,
140
00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:06,698
the fact that a woman of
your resources and position
141
00:05:06,722 --> 00:05:09,058
lives like some boxcar hobo.
142
00:05:09,350 --> 00:05:10,351
Or maybe it's the fact
143
00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:11,894
that while I'm saying all this,
144
00:05:12,186 --> 00:05:16,315
you have a piece of lettuce
stuck in your hair.
145
00:05:18,150 --> 00:05:20,986
This is the unlisted number..
146
00:05:21,278 --> 00:05:22,278
Of Stone,
147
00:05:22,404 --> 00:05:24,323
the most exclusive restaurant
in the city,
148
00:05:24,615 --> 00:05:26,408
currently.
149
00:05:26,700 --> 00:05:28,410
I think it's time that you start
150
00:05:28,702 --> 00:05:31,121
enjoying some of
the finer things in life.
151
00:05:31,413 --> 00:05:33,958
Completely unsolicited
and inappropriate.
152
00:05:34,250 --> 00:05:36,961
I will only accept it
because I love food.
153
00:05:37,253 --> 00:05:38,462
Do you know why Jack Welch
154
00:05:38,754 --> 00:05:42,132
is the greatest leader
since the pharaohs?
155
00:05:42,424 --> 00:05:43,443
Because he didn't
only involve himself
156
00:05:43,467 --> 00:05:47,263
in our work lives,
but our personal lives as well.
157
00:05:47,555 --> 00:05:49,139
He introduced us
to the finest booze,
158
00:05:49,431 --> 00:05:50,975
the most restrictive
country clubs.
159
00:05:51,267 --> 00:05:52,267
He gave us the names
160
00:05:52,476 --> 00:05:54,116
of the most discreet
private investigators
161
00:05:54,311 --> 00:05:55,396
to spy on our ex-wives.
162
00:05:55,688 --> 00:05:57,982
He held our hands
during our triumphs
163
00:05:58,274 --> 00:05:59,984
and our Senate hearings.
164
00:06:00,276 --> 00:06:03,112
I want to hold your hand, Lemon.
165
00:06:03,404 --> 00:06:04,404
Yikes.
166
00:06:04,655 --> 00:06:05,990
This is a perfect example.
167
00:06:06,282 --> 00:06:08,117
You have a million-dollar view,
168
00:06:08,409 --> 00:06:09,827
yet you refuse to acknowledge
169
00:06:10,119 --> 00:06:12,037
that there's
a whole world out there.
170
00:06:12,329 --> 00:06:13,330
Oh, my.
171
00:06:13,622 --> 00:06:15,165
There appears to be a gentleman
172
00:06:15,457 --> 00:06:17,918
making passionate,
angry, love to himself.
173
00:06:18,210 --> 00:06:19,336
Yeah, I know.
174
00:06:19,628 --> 00:06:21,439
That's why I closed the blinds
in the first place.
175
00:06:21,463 --> 00:06:22,172
Right in his office.
176
00:06:22,464 --> 00:06:24,884
Huh.
177
00:06:25,175 --> 00:06:26,969
Lemon, I like to
think of myself as a winner.
178
00:06:27,261 --> 00:06:29,179
I like to surround myself
with winners.
179
00:06:29,471 --> 00:06:30,471
I see potential in you.
180
00:06:30,639 --> 00:06:33,183
Let me be... your Jack Welch.
181
00:06:33,475 --> 00:06:35,519
Let me be... your mentor.
182
00:06:35,811 --> 00:06:37,021
No, thank you.
183
00:06:37,313 --> 00:06:39,189
That is unfortunate.
184
00:06:39,481 --> 00:06:40,858
You've, uh...
185
00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:43,861
got to admire his persistence
and stamina, though.
186
00:06:44,153 --> 00:06:45,154
Am I wrong,
187
00:06:45,446 --> 00:06:47,323
or is he in the middle
of a staff meeting?
188
00:06:47,615 --> 00:06:49,867
Maybe you should be his mentor.
189
00:06:50,159 --> 00:06:52,077
Obviously, he doesn't need one.
190
00:06:52,369 --> 00:06:54,830
He's got it all figured out.
191
00:07:00,127 --> 00:07:01,127
I got one for ya.
192
00:07:01,295 --> 00:07:03,005
See the old guy over there
with the girl?
193
00:07:03,297 --> 00:07:05,382
Mistress or daughter?
194
00:07:05,674 --> 00:07:07,114
Oh, my God, I hope
it's his daughter.
195
00:07:07,301 --> 00:07:09,345
Yeah, me too.
196
00:07:09,637 --> 00:07:10,971
Oh!
Oh, my God!
197
00:07:11,263 --> 00:07:13,140
God, I hope it's his mistress.
198
00:07:13,432 --> 00:07:15,309
Oh, that is just wrong.
199
00:07:15,601 --> 00:07:17,895
Hey, 007, how about
some more rolls over here, huh?
200
00:07:18,187 --> 00:07:19,187
Oh, my, my,
201
00:07:19,229 --> 00:07:20,898
what a pleasant surprise...
Lemon.
202
00:07:21,190 --> 00:07:21,899
And you brought a man.
203
00:07:22,191 --> 00:07:23,359
Jack Donaghy.
204
00:07:23,651 --> 00:07:25,091
And, uh, this is
my friend Anastasia.
205
00:07:25,235 --> 00:07:25,945
How are you?
206
00:07:26,236 --> 00:07:28,280
Hi. Dennis Duffy,
Beeper King.
207
00:07:28,572 --> 00:07:30,282
The Beeper King, really?
208
00:07:30,574 --> 00:07:31,843
Uh, Dennis has his own business.
209
00:07:31,867 --> 00:07:33,118
Yes, he's an entrepreneur.
210
00:07:33,410 --> 00:07:35,330
He's very successful.
You've probably seen my ads
211
00:07:35,371 --> 00:07:36,080
on the 7 train, right?
212
00:07:36,372 --> 00:07:38,248
I didn't know
they served chicken nuggets
213
00:07:38,540 --> 00:07:39,166
at this restaurant.
214
00:07:39,458 --> 00:07:40,793
It's cod.
It's, uh...
215
00:07:41,085 --> 00:07:41,627
They made it special.
216
00:07:41,919 --> 00:07:43,359
Dennis has some
dietary restrictions.
217
00:07:43,545 --> 00:07:46,298
Actually,
I'm allergic to all fish
218
00:07:46,590 --> 00:07:47,590
unless it's fried.
219
00:07:47,633 --> 00:07:48,926
You know?
220
00:07:49,218 --> 00:07:50,278
That's a sharp tie
you've got there, Dennis.
221
00:07:50,302 --> 00:07:51,571
That douche bag up front
made me wear it.
222
00:07:51,595 --> 00:07:53,013
Does he know
you're the Beeper King?
223
00:07:53,305 --> 00:07:54,305
I don't think so.
224
00:07:54,556 --> 00:07:55,265
Anyway, thanks for the hook-up.
225
00:07:55,557 --> 00:07:57,226
This is clearly
the nicest restaurant
226
00:07:57,518 --> 00:07:58,102
we've ever been to.
227
00:07:58,394 --> 00:07:59,478
Hold on a second.
228
00:07:59,770 --> 00:08:01,081
This place ain't that nice,
all right?
229
00:08:01,105 --> 00:08:02,916
It's got rats and roaches
like every other restaurant.
230
00:08:02,940 --> 00:08:04,024
No rat talk tonight, okay?
231
00:08:04,316 --> 00:08:06,316
You know there are 17 rats
per person in Manhattan?
232
00:08:06,527 --> 00:08:07,607
You eat a pound of rat crap
233
00:08:07,695 --> 00:08:09,255
every year
without even knowing it, huh?
234
00:08:09,405 --> 00:08:11,125
I think I read about that
in The New Yorker.
235
00:08:11,323 --> 00:08:13,117
Anyway, we'll leave you
to your meal.
236
00:08:13,409 --> 00:08:17,955
I hope you enjoy the, uh,
choices that you've made.
237
00:08:23,419 --> 00:08:25,045
Stop it.
238
00:08:28,549 --> 00:08:29,967
And that former call girl
239
00:08:30,259 --> 00:08:33,387
went on to become one of
NBC's biggest news anchors.
240
00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:34,680
Star coming!
241
00:08:34,972 --> 00:08:36,098
Wall hug, everybody.
242
00:08:36,390 --> 00:08:38,183
That's Tracy Jordan.
243
00:08:38,475 --> 00:08:39,515
He seems like such a nice,
244
00:08:39,685 --> 00:08:42,938
normal young man.
245
00:08:43,230 --> 00:08:44,273
No!
246
00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:47,109
Let's keep going, you guys.
247
00:08:47,401 --> 00:08:48,944
Let's keep goin'.
248
00:09:02,249 --> 00:09:05,627
I enjoyed the restaurant.
Thank you.
249
00:09:07,254 --> 00:09:08,254
Just say it.
250
00:09:08,505 --> 00:09:12,009
Just say what
you're dying to say.
251
00:09:12,301 --> 00:09:13,719
Dennis is nice to me, okay?
252
00:09:14,011 --> 00:09:15,429
He fixed my toilet.
253
00:09:15,721 --> 00:09:17,222
He broke it first,
but he fixed it.
254
00:09:17,514 --> 00:09:21,101
And he loves hockey,
and I'm... figuring it out.
255
00:09:21,393 --> 00:09:24,063
And it's easy...
I get a lot of work done.
256
00:09:24,354 --> 00:09:24,980
I don't have time
257
00:09:25,272 --> 00:09:26,312
for a personal life, okay?
258
00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:27,107
I can't just go to Central Park
259
00:09:27,399 --> 00:09:30,110
and join the singles
touch football league.
260
00:09:30,402 --> 00:09:31,862
Like I'd want to anyway.
261
00:09:32,154 --> 00:09:33,154
People in those posters,
262
00:09:33,238 --> 00:09:34,558
always laughing
in their sweaters.
263
00:09:34,782 --> 00:09:37,159
Who are they foolin'?
264
00:09:37,451 --> 00:09:39,912
Oh, okay, you're not
going to say anything to me
265
00:09:40,204 --> 00:09:41,564
because I rejected you
as a mentor?
266
00:09:41,789 --> 00:09:42,789
Who cares?
267
00:09:42,873 --> 00:09:45,167
I have a lot of friends
I can talk to about my life.
268
00:09:46,668 --> 00:09:49,129
The bottom line is,
Dennis is my boyfriend
269
00:09:49,421 --> 00:09:50,421
because he inquired.
270
00:09:50,547 --> 00:09:54,093
He was the only applicant,
and ll am not...
271
00:09:55,344 --> 00:09:56,929
Doin' great.
272
00:10:00,015 --> 00:10:01,015
Come in.
273
00:10:01,225 --> 00:10:02,265
Hey, do you have a minute?
274
00:10:02,309 --> 00:10:03,669
I need to talk to you
about this...
275
00:10:03,811 --> 00:10:05,938
Ah! What did you do
to yourself?
276
00:10:06,230 --> 00:10:07,230
Me?
277
00:10:07,356 --> 00:10:08,357
Nothing.
278
00:10:08,649 --> 00:10:10,943
Just getting more rest,
drinking more water.
279
00:10:11,235 --> 00:10:12,236
Really? This water...
280
00:10:12,528 --> 00:10:14,696
Does someone boil it first,
then throw it in your face?
281
00:10:14,988 --> 00:10:17,825
Okay, I had a little Botox
and some collagen,
282
00:10:18,117 --> 00:10:18,742
and a chemical peel,
283
00:10:19,034 --> 00:10:20,828
and something with shark DNA.
284
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:24,498
Admit it,
I look ten years younger.
285
00:10:24,790 --> 00:10:26,917
No, younger even.
You look like a fetus.
286
00:10:27,209 --> 00:10:28,489
Look, I came here to talk to you
287
00:10:28,544 --> 00:10:30,379
about my problems with Dennis.
288
00:10:30,671 --> 00:10:32,089
Oh, I can't right now, honey.
289
00:10:32,381 --> 00:10:33,924
If I don't
do my facial exercises,
290
00:10:34,216 --> 00:10:36,176
I could wind up looking weird.
291
00:10:36,468 --> 00:10:38,668
I just mentioned Dennis,
and your eyebrows didn't go up.
292
00:10:38,887 --> 00:10:39,596
They didn't?
293
00:10:39,888 --> 00:10:41,098
No.
294
00:10:41,390 --> 00:10:42,391
How about now?
295
00:10:42,683 --> 00:10:44,852
Unh-uh.
296
00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:46,144
Anything?
297
00:10:47,354 --> 00:10:50,107
Hey, what's up, baby?
Liz around?
298
00:10:50,399 --> 00:10:51,399
She should be back soon.
299
00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:52,607
Is that a present for her?
300
00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:54,378
Yeah. If she doesn't
get back here soon,
301
00:10:54,403 --> 00:10:55,421
I'm pokin' air holes in it.
302
00:10:55,445 --> 00:10:56,445
Excuse me.
303
00:10:56,655 --> 00:10:58,007
I couldn't help
but notice that uh,
304
00:10:58,031 --> 00:11:00,742
none of you are wearing beepers.
305
00:11:01,034 --> 00:11:01,743
You sell beepers?
306
00:11:02,035 --> 00:11:03,579
I sell a way of life, my friend.
307
00:11:03,871 --> 00:11:06,957
Cool. I can use
some ironic accessories.
308
00:11:07,249 --> 00:11:08,249
What are you doing here?
309
00:11:08,417 --> 00:11:09,519
Hey, I bought you a present.
310
00:11:09,543 --> 00:11:10,543
Oh?
311
00:11:10,586 --> 00:11:13,005
Uh-oh.
312
00:11:13,297 --> 00:11:14,548
Oh, no.
It got out.
313
00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:16,633
If anyone sees a salamander,
it's Liz's.
314
00:11:16,925 --> 00:11:18,093
No. I don't
want a salamander!
315
00:11:18,385 --> 00:11:19,988
And I don't want you here
selling beepers.
316
00:11:20,012 --> 00:11:21,239
Why not? I mean,
you work in a business.
317
00:11:21,263 --> 00:11:22,423
Business people need beepers.
318
00:11:22,514 --> 00:11:23,554
No, they need cell phones.
319
00:11:23,765 --> 00:11:24,892
Oh, yeah, for now.
320
00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:26,327
But the beeper's
gonna be making a comeback.
321
00:11:26,351 --> 00:11:27,351
Technology's cyclical.
322
00:11:27,561 --> 00:11:29,188
No technology is not cyclical.
323
00:11:29,479 --> 00:11:31,899
I thought I
recognized that voice.
324
00:11:32,191 --> 00:11:33,334
Dennis, how the heck are you?
325
00:11:33,358 --> 00:11:33,984
Did you enjoy that restaurant?
326
00:11:34,276 --> 00:11:34,818
Nah, I think I was right
about that place.
327
00:11:35,110 --> 00:11:36,510
We actually saw
a whole nest of rats
328
00:11:36,612 --> 00:11:38,012
when we were leaving.
No, we didn't.
329
00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:39,382
I just didn't want to tell you
330
00:11:39,406 --> 00:11:40,606
'cause I knew you'd freak out.
331
00:11:40,699 --> 00:11:42,010
Actually, I think
I saw a rat king.
332
00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:43,368
Aren't rat kings a myth?
333
00:11:43,660 --> 00:11:45,454
What's a rat king?
334
00:11:45,746 --> 00:11:48,106
Oh, it's when a bunch of rats
are crammed into a tiny space,
335
00:11:48,332 --> 00:11:50,334
and their tails
get all tangled up,
336
00:11:50,626 --> 00:11:51,335
and they can't even pull apart.
337
00:11:51,627 --> 00:11:53,003
And then it gets awesome.
338
00:11:53,295 --> 00:11:54,564
Eventually,
their bodies fuse together
339
00:11:54,588 --> 00:11:56,065
and they form
a multi-headed live rat king.
340
00:11:56,089 --> 00:11:57,674
And we saw one.
341
00:11:57,966 --> 00:11:59,402
Gosh, I hope you got
a picture of that
342
00:11:59,426 --> 00:12:00,653
with the camera on your beeper.
343
00:12:00,677 --> 00:12:02,317
Actually, my beeper
doesn't have a camera,
344
00:12:02,554 --> 00:12:03,714
but it does have a pedometer.
345
00:12:03,805 --> 00:12:06,099
Actually, not this one.
346
00:12:06,391 --> 00:12:07,559
I love him.
347
00:12:07,851 --> 00:12:10,771
Listen, I need to talk to you
in my office, please.
348
00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:11,688
Why?
Now.
349
00:12:11,980 --> 00:12:13,690
What's up?
350
00:12:13,982 --> 00:12:15,359
Is that a tattoo?
351
00:12:15,651 --> 00:12:16,360
Uh-huh.
352
00:12:16,652 --> 00:12:19,112
Who normal now?
You hear me, America?
353
00:12:19,404 --> 00:12:21,031
Who's normal now?
354
00:12:25,661 --> 00:12:27,037
How could you
do this to the show?
355
00:12:27,329 --> 00:12:29,009
I got this tattoo
for the good of the show.
356
00:12:29,164 --> 00:12:30,164
It gives us an edge...
357
00:12:30,290 --> 00:12:32,918
The reason why
you brought me on.
358
00:12:33,210 --> 00:12:34,570
And when you
purchase Tracy Jordan,
359
00:12:34,836 --> 00:12:35,879
he comes with a tattoo
360
00:12:36,171 --> 00:12:37,881
of a biblical dragon
from outer space.
361
00:12:38,173 --> 00:12:39,651
It's gonna take forever
to cover this thing with makeup.
362
00:12:39,675 --> 00:12:40,926
You can't put makeup
363
00:12:41,218 --> 00:12:42,218
on my tattoo, Liz Lemon.
364
00:12:42,427 --> 00:12:44,596
It's in my contract.
365
00:12:44,888 --> 00:12:45,555
No, it's not.
366
00:12:45,847 --> 00:12:48,934
Actually, he's got
a pretty weird contract.
367
00:12:49,226 --> 00:12:51,853
Great. Jenna looks like
a porn star burn victim,
368
00:12:52,145 --> 00:12:53,145
and now this idiot.
369
00:12:53,355 --> 00:12:53,772
What am I gonna do?
370
00:12:54,064 --> 00:12:57,150
It's gonna be Josh's
busiest show ever.
371
00:12:57,442 --> 00:12:58,527
Oof...
372
00:13:03,073 --> 00:13:05,909
Josh.
373
00:13:06,201 --> 00:13:07,911
Miss Taylor.
374
00:13:08,203 --> 00:13:09,913
When your office said you were
375
00:13:10,205 --> 00:13:11,205
sending me something,
376
00:13:11,373 --> 00:13:12,916
I didn't realize
it would be you.
377
00:13:13,208 --> 00:13:15,919
But I had to give you this gift
378
00:13:16,211 --> 00:13:18,547
in person, Josh.
379
00:13:18,839 --> 00:13:19,839
Oh.
380
00:13:19,965 --> 00:13:22,843
I'm just glad you weren't
offended by my impression.
381
00:13:23,135 --> 00:13:24,428
Oh...
382
00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:26,138
but I was...
383
00:13:26,430 --> 00:13:26,930
deeply.
384
00:13:27,222 --> 00:13:30,309
I'm here to give
you the gift... of pain.
385
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:32,853
The gift of what?
386
00:13:33,145 --> 00:13:34,229
White diamonds!
387
00:13:34,521 --> 00:13:35,897
Ha ha!
388
00:13:39,067 --> 00:13:41,236
Okay, very funny.
389
00:13:41,528 --> 00:13:42,988
You bought a pager from Dennis.
390
00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:44,560
Will you
take it off now, please?
391
00:13:44,740 --> 00:13:47,159
Oh, I can't.
I'm expecting a call from 1983.
392
00:13:47,451 --> 00:13:49,244
Look, Dennis
takes care of me, okay?
393
00:13:49,536 --> 00:13:51,997
Liz, I'd like you
to meet Howard Jorgensen.
394
00:13:52,289 --> 00:13:52,789
Liz, how do you do?
395
00:13:53,081 --> 00:13:54,559
He's the vice president
of locomotives,
396
00:13:54,583 --> 00:13:56,001
and a rising star at GE.
397
00:13:56,293 --> 00:13:58,053
I thought the two of you
had a lot in common.
398
00:13:58,295 --> 00:14:00,797
You are relentless.
399
00:14:01,089 --> 00:14:02,174
Look, uh, Howard,
400
00:14:02,466 --> 00:14:05,135
you're obviously an attractive
and confident guy,
401
00:14:05,427 --> 00:14:06,136
and at a different time
in my life,
402
00:14:06,428 --> 00:14:08,228
I could definitely see
the two of us together.
403
00:14:08,263 --> 00:14:10,974
I'm married
with two beautiful kids
404
00:14:11,266 --> 00:14:12,266
and a pool.
405
00:14:12,434 --> 00:14:13,810
Liz, I wasn't
406
00:14:14,102 --> 00:14:15,102
trying to set you up.
407
00:14:15,187 --> 00:14:16,507
I wanted to
show you my handiwork.
408
00:14:16,730 --> 00:14:17,939
I used to mentor Howard.
409
00:14:18,231 --> 00:14:19,816
I was a lot like you.
410
00:14:20,108 --> 00:14:21,818
I dressed poorly,
411
00:14:22,110 --> 00:14:23,236
had bad posture,
412
00:14:23,528 --> 00:14:25,113
walked around with lettuce
in my hair.
413
00:14:25,405 --> 00:14:26,448
Oh, son of a bitch.
414
00:14:26,740 --> 00:14:28,492
And I cursed like a sailor.
415
00:14:28,784 --> 00:14:30,035
But Jack saw potential in me.
416
00:14:30,327 --> 00:14:31,328
He changed my life.
417
00:14:31,620 --> 00:14:33,955
Now Howard's earning
seven figures,
418
00:14:34,247 --> 00:14:35,475
and he's married to
a swell Filipino gal.
419
00:14:35,499 --> 00:14:36,917
Oh, thanks, Jack.
420
00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:40,670
Look, I told you,
I don't need a mentor.
421
00:14:41,296 --> 00:14:42,881
Fine.
422
00:14:45,133 --> 00:14:46,413
Liz Taylor really messed him up.
423
00:14:46,551 --> 00:14:47,631
He might have brain damage.
424
00:14:47,761 --> 00:14:48,761
Oh, my God.
425
00:14:48,970 --> 00:14:51,807
Maybe the musical guest can
do some extra songs this week.
426
00:14:52,099 --> 00:14:52,599
Who is it?
427
00:14:52,891 --> 00:14:54,017
James Blunt.
428
00:14:54,309 --> 00:14:55,394
Oh.
429
00:14:55,685 --> 00:14:57,396
No, I said no lettuce.
430
00:14:57,687 --> 00:14:59,564
Are you at that
crappy sandwich place again?
431
00:14:59,856 --> 00:15:00,856
Yeah... why is everybody
432
00:15:01,066 --> 00:15:02,984
judging all
of my choices lately?
433
00:15:03,276 --> 00:15:04,276
This place is fine.
434
00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:06,321
It's convenient,
it's consistent,
435
00:15:06,613 --> 00:15:07,613
I know what I'm getting,
436
00:15:07,781 --> 00:15:09,421
it doesn't make me
feel bad about my body.
437
00:15:09,658 --> 00:15:10,367
And you know what?
438
00:15:10,659 --> 00:15:12,077
Maybe I'm at an age
439
00:15:12,369 --> 00:15:12,869
where it's okay for me
to settle for this.
440
00:15:13,161 --> 00:15:17,374
Are we still talking
about the sandwich place?
441
00:15:17,666 --> 00:15:20,335
No, sadly, I don't think we are.
442
00:15:20,627 --> 00:15:22,003
Okay.
443
00:15:22,295 --> 00:15:24,005
I admit it.
444
00:15:24,297 --> 00:15:25,691
Dennis isn't a sandwich
I want to eat
445
00:15:25,715 --> 00:15:27,050
every day
for the rest of my life.
446
00:15:27,342 --> 00:15:28,468
I'm clueless about men.
447
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:29,970
I'm clueless about everything
448
00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:30,971
that isn't this show.
449
00:15:31,263 --> 00:15:32,532
Maybe you can tell me
how to live,
450
00:15:32,556 --> 00:15:34,325
because, sadly, you may be
the most stable person
451
00:15:34,349 --> 00:15:35,809
I know right now.
452
00:15:37,144 --> 00:15:37,769
Gentlemen,
453
00:15:38,061 --> 00:15:39,247
we'll have to continue
this conference
454
00:15:39,271 --> 00:15:40,564
some other time.
455
00:15:40,856 --> 00:15:42,232
That's her again, isn't it?
456
00:15:42,524 --> 00:15:43,859
Hi, Howard.
457
00:15:44,151 --> 00:15:45,795
Lemon, today is the first day
of the rest of your life,
458
00:15:45,819 --> 00:15:47,904
and what is the first thing
you need to do?
459
00:15:48,196 --> 00:15:49,436
I have to break up with Dennis.
460
00:15:49,573 --> 00:15:51,158
And why is that?
461
00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:52,117
Because he wears shirts
462
00:15:52,409 --> 00:15:54,049
with the Looney Tunes
embroidered on them.
463
00:15:54,202 --> 00:15:55,495
Because he cuts his own hair.
464
00:15:55,787 --> 00:15:57,956
Because that one little
nice thing that he does
465
00:15:58,248 --> 00:15:59,368
doesn't make up for the fact
466
00:15:59,624 --> 00:16:01,185
that I don't want to be seen
with him in public.
467
00:16:01,209 --> 00:16:02,520
And if you don't break up
with him now?
468
00:16:02,544 --> 00:16:04,544
He'll just keep showing up
at work to sell beepers.
469
00:16:04,754 --> 00:16:07,299
He'll just keep calling
my mother to borrow money.
470
00:16:07,591 --> 00:16:10,010
We'll just get more and more
tangled up in each other's lives
471
00:16:10,302 --> 00:16:11,582
until I just can't even get away
472
00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:15,015
and we're just like...
Oh, my God.
473
00:16:15,307 --> 00:16:15,557
That's right.
474
00:16:15,849 --> 00:16:18,310
He's the rat king.
475
00:16:18,602 --> 00:16:20,413
And there's only one way
to break up with a rat.
476
00:16:20,437 --> 00:16:21,813
You have to cut him off
completely.
477
00:16:22,105 --> 00:16:23,105
I know.
478
00:16:23,315 --> 00:16:23,565
You have to stuff your heart
479
00:16:23,857 --> 00:16:25,275
with steel wool and tinfoil.
480
00:16:25,567 --> 00:16:27,235
You must be ruthless.
481
00:16:27,527 --> 00:16:28,778
You must be absolute.
482
00:16:29,070 --> 00:16:30,423
Remember always,
you are The Exterminator.
483
00:16:30,447 --> 00:16:31,156
Say it.
484
00:16:31,448 --> 00:16:32,157
I am The Exterminator.
485
00:16:32,449 --> 00:16:33,158
Say it like you mean it.
486
00:16:33,450 --> 00:16:34,610
I am The Exterminator!
Louder!
487
00:16:34,743 --> 00:16:35,827
I am the Exterminator!
488
00:16:36,119 --> 00:16:37,454
Okay, not that loud.
489
00:16:37,746 --> 00:16:39,956
People are trying
to work around here, okay?
490
00:16:40,248 --> 00:16:41,848
30 minutes
to dress rehearsal, everybody.
491
00:16:42,709 --> 00:16:45,086
Tracy, they need you
in wardrobe.
492
00:16:45,378 --> 00:16:48,590
That's 30 minutes to dress.
493
00:16:50,342 --> 00:16:52,886
Why is part of your face
still on the pillow?
494
00:16:53,178 --> 00:16:55,263
Damn it.
Where's my Sharpie?
495
00:16:55,555 --> 00:16:57,015
Oh, it is fake!
496
00:16:57,307 --> 00:16:59,601
Look, I'm crazy, not stupid.
497
00:16:59,893 --> 00:17:02,093
A movie star can't have a big
old permanent face tattoo.
498
00:17:02,312 --> 00:17:04,192
I just need to walk around
with this for a week,
499
00:17:04,481 --> 00:17:05,708
get my picture on the interweb,
500
00:17:05,732 --> 00:17:07,150
show the world
I'm still dangerous.
501
00:17:07,442 --> 00:17:08,586
And then what about next week
502
00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:09,712
when you don't have it anymore?
503
00:17:09,736 --> 00:17:10,736
You're gonna look like...
504
00:17:10,820 --> 00:17:13,782
I had extreme plastic surgery
to have it removed.
505
00:17:14,074 --> 00:17:15,074
Ba-boom!
506
00:17:15,116 --> 00:17:16,493
That's another
"Not Normal."
507
00:17:16,785 --> 00:17:21,164
You know this is very, very,
very bad for me, right?
508
00:17:21,456 --> 00:17:23,124
I need to protect my reputation.
509
00:17:23,416 --> 00:17:26,211
You take away my street cred,
and I am Wayne Brady.
510
00:17:26,503 --> 00:17:27,503
Nuh-uh.
511
00:17:27,712 --> 00:17:28,964
Wayne Brady has three Emmys.
512
00:17:29,256 --> 00:17:30,840
You have a People's Choice Award
513
00:17:31,132 --> 00:17:33,301
that you stole from Wayne Brady.
514
00:17:33,593 --> 00:17:36,846
I shouldn't expect
a white woman from Whiteville
515
00:17:37,138 --> 00:17:39,432
to understand street cred.
516
00:17:39,724 --> 00:17:42,519
First of all,
I'm not from Whiteville.
517
00:17:42,811 --> 00:17:44,020
I'm from White Haven,
518
00:17:44,312 --> 00:17:47,524
and it's not as nice
as it sounds.
519
00:17:47,816 --> 00:17:49,359
Oh.. fine!
520
00:17:49,651 --> 00:17:51,444
You can keep the tattoo.
521
00:17:51,736 --> 00:17:54,072
For this week only.
522
00:17:56,366 --> 00:17:57,576
Okay, here we go.
523
00:17:57,867 --> 00:17:58,868
Quiet, please!
524
00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:00,579
Rehearsing!
525
00:18:00,870 --> 00:18:02,372
And now, a word
526
00:18:02,664 --> 00:18:04,499
from the White House.
527
00:18:04,791 --> 00:18:07,043
Good evening.
I'm Laura Bush.
528
00:18:07,335 --> 00:18:09,546
And I'm Condoleezza Rice.
529
00:18:09,838 --> 00:18:11,548
And I'm John Kerry.
530
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:13,425
Well, we had a good run.
531
00:18:13,717 --> 00:18:15,385
What the hell happened here?
532
00:18:15,677 --> 00:18:17,345
The cast had a rough week.
533
00:18:17,637 --> 00:18:20,807
These people cannot be
on television.
534
00:18:21,099 --> 00:18:22,851
What is your contingency plan
535
00:18:23,143 --> 00:18:24,811
for a crap-storm
of this magnitude?
536
00:18:25,103 --> 00:18:26,103
There is none.
537
00:18:26,146 --> 00:18:27,439
We go live in a half an hour.
538
00:18:27,731 --> 00:18:29,291
No wonder your career
is being held back
539
00:18:29,524 --> 00:18:30,025
by a lack of foresight
540
00:18:30,317 --> 00:18:33,278
and an addiction
to dysfunctional relationships.
541
00:18:33,570 --> 00:18:36,114
You have no exit strategies.
542
00:18:37,407 --> 00:18:39,242
He knows about my marriage?
543
00:18:39,534 --> 00:18:42,120
No. This is gonna be
a bad show.
544
00:18:42,412 --> 00:18:43,692
Worse than the time we let Tracy
545
00:18:43,788 --> 00:18:45,016
do that tribute
to August Wilson?
546
00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:46,040
That was my fault.
547
00:18:46,207 --> 00:18:48,102
I should have made sure
he knew who August Wilson was.
548
00:18:48,126 --> 00:18:50,378
Maybe we'll be pre-empted
by some national news event.
549
00:18:50,670 --> 00:18:52,964
How's Gerald Ford's health?
550
00:18:55,383 --> 00:18:56,551
Oh, a blackout.
That'll work.
551
00:18:56,843 --> 00:18:58,261
All right, Nobody panic!
552
00:18:58,553 --> 00:18:59,888
The backup generator
will kick in
553
00:19:00,180 --> 00:19:01,473
in just a few seconds.
554
00:19:02,557 --> 00:19:04,976
Turn the lights back on.
555
00:19:05,268 --> 00:19:06,478
Okay, you can panic.
556
00:19:07,812 --> 00:19:08,271
This is real.
557
00:19:08,563 --> 00:19:11,441
We dodged a bullet
here tonight, Lemon.
558
00:19:11,733 --> 00:19:14,277
Yes, this blackout
is a fortunate coincidence.
559
00:19:14,569 --> 00:19:15,569
You didn't do it, right?
560
00:19:15,820 --> 00:19:17,460
What, do you think
I control the universe?
561
00:19:17,614 --> 00:19:20,742
Yo, this blackout messed me up.
562
00:19:21,034 --> 00:19:23,119
I didn't get to
debut my dragon face.
563
00:19:23,411 --> 00:19:25,080
Could I do
the Today Show tomorrow?
564
00:19:25,372 --> 00:19:26,724
No, you're on a plane
to Boston tomorrow, Tray.
565
00:19:26,748 --> 00:19:27,832
We have a laboratory.
566
00:19:28,124 --> 00:19:29,684
They're experimenting
in tattoo removal.
567
00:19:29,751 --> 00:19:31,687
It promises to be one of
our biggest profit centers
568
00:19:31,711 --> 00:19:33,838
once today's generation
finally sobers up.
569
00:19:34,130 --> 00:19:35,131
Tattoo's fake, Donaghy.
570
00:19:35,423 --> 00:19:36,925
Fake.
571
00:19:39,135 --> 00:19:41,096
Street cred.
He's a genius.
572
00:19:41,388 --> 00:19:43,098
Flashlight, $20!
573
00:19:43,390 --> 00:19:45,058
Flashlight, $20!
574
00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:46,870
Can I give you a ride?
Flashlight, $20!
575
00:19:46,935 --> 00:19:49,854
No. I wouldn't
want to crowd you.
576
00:19:50,146 --> 00:19:51,231
Be strong, Lemon.
577
00:19:51,523 --> 00:19:53,817
Don't let Dennis
chew his way out of this one.
578
00:19:54,109 --> 00:19:55,819
Flashlight, $20!
579
00:19:56,111 --> 00:19:57,153
Can I borrow 20 bucks?
580
00:19:57,445 --> 00:20:00,365
Flashlight, $20!
581
00:20:07,247 --> 00:20:10,250
Dennis, wake up.
582
00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:11,542
Huh? What?
583
00:20:11,668 --> 00:20:13,336
You could've burned
the place down.
584
00:20:15,463 --> 00:20:19,175
I wish I had
burned the place down.
585
00:20:19,467 --> 00:20:22,178
There's no reason
to live anymore.
586
00:20:22,470 --> 00:20:23,054
What happened?
587
00:20:23,346 --> 00:20:25,974
The Islanders lost tonight.
588
00:20:27,350 --> 00:20:29,686
Doesn't that happen a lot?
589
00:20:31,104 --> 00:20:34,023
I knew you wouldn't understand.
590
00:20:50,582 --> 00:20:52,208
So how did it go?
591
00:20:52,500 --> 00:20:53,500
He moved in with me.
592
00:20:53,626 --> 00:20:55,128
Well, of course he did.
40596
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