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1
00:00:01,459 --> 00:00:02,793
Now, Robot, kick 'em
in the knees.
2
00:00:03,085 --> 00:00:04,837
Bears have weak knees.
3
00:00:05,129 --> 00:00:07,024
And you should vibrate, 'cause
the robot's full of radiation.
4
00:00:07,048 --> 00:00:08,048
Yeah, that's it.
Frank.
5
00:00:08,174 --> 00:00:11,135
How many bears did I
say you could have? One.
6
00:00:11,427 --> 00:00:14,222
And how many do you see here?
7
00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:16,182
Um, four?
8
00:00:16,474 --> 00:00:18,274
Save a little money
for the rest of us, Frank.
9
00:00:18,559 --> 00:00:20,120
You can't spend a bunch
of money on bear suits
10
00:00:20,144 --> 00:00:23,105
that are only gonna be seen
for, like, 25 seconds.
11
00:00:23,397 --> 00:00:25,274
Liz, nobody's gonna believe
that a killer robot
12
00:00:25,566 --> 00:00:26,877
can get his ass kicked
by one bear.
13
00:00:26,901 --> 00:00:28,027
It doesn't make any sense.
14
00:00:28,319 --> 00:00:31,280
You're trying to bring logic
to the robot-bear sketch?
15
00:00:31,572 --> 00:00:33,032
You can't have four bears.
16
00:00:33,324 --> 00:00:34,450
Well, how many can I keep?
17
00:00:34,742 --> 00:00:36,953
One!
18
00:00:37,245 --> 00:00:38,996
Sorry, guys.
19
00:00:39,288 --> 00:00:41,832
Uh, who did my Sudoku puzzle?
20
00:00:42,124 --> 00:00:44,669
I have been looking forward
to this puzzle all morning.
21
00:00:44,961 --> 00:00:46,587
Hey, Liz, could you
come up to my office
22
00:00:46,879 --> 00:00:47,940
when you have a free moment?
23
00:00:47,964 --> 00:00:49,191
I never have a free moment,
Jack.
24
00:00:49,215 --> 00:00:52,134
Never, ever.
25
00:00:52,426 --> 00:00:55,388
Really punch him.
Like karate.
26
00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:58,349
Are you familiar with
the Japanese art of Reiki?
27
00:00:58,641 --> 00:01:00,643
No.
28
00:01:00,935 --> 00:01:04,313
It is the laying-on of hands
in order to improve one's life.
29
00:01:04,605 --> 00:01:06,107
Hm, how does your life improve?
30
00:01:06,399 --> 00:01:07,679
Do the hands have money in them?
31
00:01:07,858 --> 00:01:10,319
Human contact
is important, Lemon.
32
00:01:10,611 --> 00:01:11,755
I can tell from
your stress level
33
00:01:11,779 --> 00:01:14,240
that you have not been touched
in any way in quite some time.
34
00:01:14,532 --> 00:01:15,741
Not caressed.
Not massaged.
35
00:01:16,033 --> 00:01:17,094
Not even groped on the subway.
36
00:01:17,118 --> 00:01:19,912
Where are you headed
with this? Your mood affects
37
00:01:20,204 --> 00:01:22,140
the quality of your work,
which, in turn, affects me.
38
00:01:22,164 --> 00:01:23,833
I would like to become
a resource to you
39
00:01:24,125 --> 00:01:25,835
for improving
your personal life.
40
00:01:26,127 --> 00:01:28,546
Do you agree that you need
someone in your life, Lemon?
41
00:01:28,838 --> 00:01:30,381
No, I have bigger things
to worry about
42
00:01:30,673 --> 00:01:31,841
than my personal life.
43
00:01:32,133 --> 00:01:33,860
I would think that a single
woman's biggest worry
44
00:01:33,884 --> 00:01:35,804
would be choking to death
alone in her apartment.
45
00:01:37,471 --> 00:01:39,408
I have a friend in town
I'd like to set you up with.
46
00:01:39,432 --> 00:01:40,600
No, thank you.
47
00:01:40,891 --> 00:01:42,828
Thomas is very bright,
has a wonderful sense of humor.
48
00:01:42,852 --> 00:01:44,580
I think it's a good match.
Are you free on Thursday?
49
00:01:44,604 --> 00:01:46,355
No, Thursday is poker night.
50
00:01:46,647 --> 00:01:49,275
And by the way,
it is completely inappropriate
51
00:01:49,567 --> 00:01:51,652
for you to be questioning me
about my private life,
52
00:01:51,944 --> 00:01:53,544
and then trying to set me up
with someone
53
00:01:53,654 --> 00:01:55,448
when you don't even know
anything about me.
54
00:01:55,740 --> 00:01:58,534
Poker night?
Who plays?
55
00:01:58,826 --> 00:02:00,870
Really?
That's all you got out of that?
56
00:02:01,162 --> 00:02:02,562
I enjoy poker,
and I'd be interested
57
00:02:02,830 --> 00:02:05,249
in seeing my new employees
under that kind of pressure.
58
00:02:05,541 --> 00:02:07,741
You're not gonna come to our
crappy poker game, are you?
59
00:02:07,835 --> 00:02:09,378
No, I'm not.
Good.
60
00:02:09,670 --> 00:02:12,840
I bluffed.
Yes, I am coming.
61
00:02:14,884 --> 00:02:15,884
Three can't go here.
62
00:02:16,135 --> 00:02:19,722
Three can't go here.
63
00:02:20,014 --> 00:02:21,014
It can go here.
64
00:02:24,018 --> 00:02:30,566
♪♪
65
00:02:45,748 --> 00:02:47,583
Uh!
66
00:02:48,876 --> 00:02:51,879
Fine, I'll meet your friend.
67
00:02:57,176 --> 00:02:59,345
♪♪
68
00:03:03,015 --> 00:03:08,437
♪♪
69
00:03:14,819 --> 00:03:16,821
So who is this Thomas guy?
70
00:03:17,113 --> 00:03:19,573
Oh, I don't know.
He's one of Jack's friends.
71
00:03:19,865 --> 00:03:22,118
Oh, my God, isn't Jack
friends with Tom DeLay?
72
00:03:22,410 --> 00:03:24,620
Am I going on a date
with Tom Delay?
73
00:03:24,912 --> 00:03:27,623
Ugh, why did I say
I would do this?
74
00:03:27,915 --> 00:03:30,126
I haven't been on a date
since Dennis and I broke up,
75
00:03:30,418 --> 00:03:31,836
and that was almost a year ago.
76
00:03:32,128 --> 00:03:35,131
It's gonna be a complete
disaster. It's just one date.
77
00:03:35,423 --> 00:03:37,883
But if it is Tom DeLay
and you do go home with him,
78
00:03:38,175 --> 00:03:39,844
be prepared for it to get weird.
79
00:03:40,136 --> 00:03:43,180
Josh, you and me.
Thursday night.
80
00:03:43,472 --> 00:03:45,512
I know this guy that runs
an underground bird fight.
81
00:03:45,766 --> 00:03:48,602
Oh, yeah.
I can't do that.
82
00:03:48,894 --> 00:03:50,146
Thursday's poker night here.
83
00:03:50,438 --> 00:03:52,398
Guys, we just need to try
the green screen stuff
84
00:03:52,690 --> 00:03:53,690
one more time.
85
00:03:53,774 --> 00:03:56,152
Poker night?
I love poker.
86
00:03:56,444 --> 00:03:58,696
I used to play all kinds
of poker with my aunt.
87
00:03:58,988 --> 00:04:02,158
Crazy Seven.
Albuquerque Freakout.
88
00:04:02,450 --> 00:04:04,076
One Card Stud.
89
00:04:04,368 --> 00:04:05,968
Yeah, I don't think
those are real games.
90
00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:07,329
Whatever.
91
00:04:07,621 --> 00:04:10,833
Get ready to get took.
92
00:04:11,125 --> 00:04:12,543
No, Mom, I can't make it Friday.
93
00:04:12,835 --> 00:04:14,670
I gotta work.
94
00:04:14,962 --> 00:04:15,962
Hey, Frank?
Hold on.
95
00:04:16,005 --> 00:04:17,005
Yeah.
96
00:04:17,131 --> 00:04:18,591
What do guys like?
97
00:04:18,883 --> 00:04:20,509
Uh, porn.
98
00:04:20,801 --> 00:04:23,471
No, I mean, if you were gonna
go on a date with a woman,
99
00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:25,097
how would you want her to act?
100
00:04:25,389 --> 00:04:27,183
Like she was in a porn.
101
00:04:31,771 --> 00:04:33,189
Hey, Lemon.
102
00:04:33,481 --> 00:04:35,191
You're on for 8:00
103
00:04:35,483 --> 00:04:36,763
for dinner at Café des Artistes.
104
00:04:36,859 --> 00:04:39,403
Really?
Wow.
105
00:04:39,695 --> 00:04:42,198
What? What are you gonna wear?
106
00:04:42,490 --> 00:04:43,842
This, probably.
I don't have time to go home.
107
00:04:43,866 --> 00:04:47,453
No, that won't do.
108
00:04:47,745 --> 00:04:49,538
I want you to go out
on your lunch hour,
109
00:04:49,830 --> 00:04:52,249
and find something.
110
00:04:52,541 --> 00:04:54,877
At a women's clothing store.
111
00:04:59,423 --> 00:05:00,508
Remind me what's better.
112
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,760
A pair of black Aces
or a pair of red Aces?
113
00:05:04,970 --> 00:05:06,222
You guys, I'm leaving.
114
00:05:06,514 --> 00:05:08,224
Whoo! Ow.
115
00:05:08,516 --> 00:05:10,142
All right.
All right.
116
00:05:10,434 --> 00:05:11,620
Check out the valley.
Look at that.
117
00:05:11,644 --> 00:05:13,646
Hey, look at you!
118
00:05:13,938 --> 00:05:17,358
You look like
a fancy prostitute.
119
00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:20,361
Okay, I got my chair.
120
00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:21,653
I got my beer.
121
00:05:21,821 --> 00:05:23,197
I got my lucky donut.
122
00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:24,729
Oh, is there room for one more?
123
00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:26,158
Yeah, sure.
Really?
124
00:05:26,450 --> 00:05:28,160
That's fantastic.
Could we just, uh...
125
00:05:28,452 --> 00:05:30,246
Yes, yes, yes.
126
00:05:30,538 --> 00:05:32,414
Donaghy, what up?
127
00:05:32,706 --> 00:05:33,207
What up, Tray?
128
00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:35,835
This round, Texas Doozy.
Face cards are wild.
129
00:05:36,126 --> 00:05:37,545
Threes are jinx.
130
00:05:37,837 --> 00:05:38,462
Fives are twos.
131
00:05:38,754 --> 00:05:40,234
Tray, do you mind if I deal
this hand?
132
00:05:40,381 --> 00:05:41,549
Be my guest.
Show me love.
133
00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:44,385
Ladies and gentlemen, the
minimum bet in this game is $25.
134
00:05:44,677 --> 00:05:46,397
Oh, Jack, we usually just play
for quarters.
135
00:05:46,679 --> 00:05:49,265
Well, then you best go home and
put on your daddy's shoes, boy.
136
00:05:49,557 --> 00:05:51,767
'Cause this is a man's game.
137
00:06:27,094 --> 00:06:29,179
I call.
138
00:06:32,725 --> 00:06:35,519
And I'll see that with...
139
00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:40,691
This thing.
140
00:06:43,527 --> 00:06:44,527
I call.
141
00:06:44,612 --> 00:06:45,195
Pair of Jacks.
142
00:06:45,487 --> 00:06:46,488
Ace high.
143
00:06:46,780 --> 00:06:48,198
Three cowboys.
144
00:06:48,490 --> 00:06:52,411
Oh, my God.
My wedding ring.
145
00:06:52,703 --> 00:06:55,497
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
146
00:06:55,789 --> 00:06:58,167
Now, you should all learn
from Pete's mistake.
147
00:06:58,459 --> 00:06:59,501
My wife's gonna kill me!
148
00:06:59,793 --> 00:07:01,211
You see, in
poker as in business,
149
00:07:01,503 --> 00:07:02,823
the key to success
is to determine
150
00:07:02,963 --> 00:07:05,424
your opponent's strength and,
more importantly,
151
00:07:05,716 --> 00:07:06,425
his weaknesses.
152
00:07:06,717 --> 00:07:09,345
Everyone has a tell...
A weakness of character
153
00:07:09,637 --> 00:07:11,513
that manifests itself
physically.
154
00:07:11,805 --> 00:07:12,264
Oh.
155
00:07:12,556 --> 00:07:16,518
Like when Lutz here has
a good hand, he stops eating.
156
00:07:16,810 --> 00:07:19,396
When Frank is bluffing, he asks
a series of inane questions
157
00:07:19,688 --> 00:07:20,189
to hide his nervousness.
158
00:07:20,481 --> 00:07:21,750
Oh, really?
Is that what you think?
159
00:07:21,774 --> 00:07:22,191
Is that what I do?
160
00:07:22,483 --> 00:07:25,235
Am I doing that right now?
Yeah, I'm out.
161
00:07:25,527 --> 00:07:27,404
Okay, Rainman,
tell me what I got.
162
00:07:27,696 --> 00:07:31,158
Well, you have two of your
cards backwards actually.
163
00:07:31,450 --> 00:07:33,243
I'm out.
164
00:07:33,535 --> 00:07:35,287
Hi.
165
00:07:35,579 --> 00:07:38,374
Pinot grigio, please.
166
00:07:45,339 --> 00:07:47,091
This is beyond the pale.
167
00:07:47,383 --> 00:07:49,385
Donaghy took me for $200.
168
00:07:49,677 --> 00:07:51,178
Yeah, well I bet my rent money.
169
00:07:51,470 --> 00:07:53,865
And if I don't pay by the tenth,
my mom's gonna throw me out.
170
00:07:53,889 --> 00:07:55,391
I'm all in.
Anybody else?
171
00:07:55,683 --> 00:07:58,352
Oh, I'll play with you,
Mr. Donaghy.
172
00:08:00,437 --> 00:08:01,665
Kenneth, how long you been
sitting there?
173
00:08:01,689 --> 00:08:04,441
I'm taking Pete's place, 'cause
he's busy in the bathroom,
174
00:08:04,733 --> 00:08:06,402
laying in his own sick.
175
00:08:10,823 --> 00:08:12,574
Oh, my God.
176
00:08:12,866 --> 00:08:15,119
He can't read Kenneth.
177
00:08:15,411 --> 00:08:16,411
He's a blank slate.
178
00:08:16,453 --> 00:08:19,206
Okay, what do you got?
179
00:08:19,498 --> 00:08:23,210
I think I have what they refer
to as a royal flush.
180
00:08:23,502 --> 00:08:25,421
Looks like I'm the big winner.
181
00:08:34,972 --> 00:08:36,849
Thank you.
182
00:08:39,518 --> 00:08:41,145
Liz, hi.
183
00:08:41,437 --> 00:08:43,397
I'm Gretchen Thomas.
Jack's friend.
184
00:08:45,983 --> 00:08:46,984
Hey.
185
00:08:47,276 --> 00:08:49,194
Great to meet you.
186
00:08:53,532 --> 00:08:56,160
Why would Jack just assume
that we're lesbians?
187
00:08:56,452 --> 00:08:57,453
I am a lesbian.
188
00:08:57,745 --> 00:08:59,621
Mm, that's awesome.
189
00:08:59,913 --> 00:09:00,913
Is this the first time
190
00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:03,459
somebody's made that
assumption about you?
191
00:09:03,751 --> 00:09:05,627
Lemon, don't let these girls
192
00:09:05,919 --> 00:09:09,298
give you a hard time
about who you are.
193
00:09:09,590 --> 00:09:12,593
You know, you need to brush
your teeth more, young man.
194
00:09:12,885 --> 00:09:14,136
Oh, my.
195
00:09:14,428 --> 00:09:17,181
What an adorable little lesbian.
196
00:09:17,473 --> 00:09:19,141
What?
I don't know.
197
00:09:19,433 --> 00:09:21,060
Who remembers
that kind of thing?
198
00:09:21,351 --> 00:09:24,313
Well, look, obviously
this is a miss-communication.
199
00:09:24,605 --> 00:09:26,445
I mean, I'm certainly not
interested in chasing
200
00:09:26,690 --> 00:09:27,970
a straight girl.
Of course, yeah.
201
00:09:28,025 --> 00:09:28,734
I completely understand
202
00:09:29,026 --> 00:09:30,152
if you just want to go home.
203
00:09:30,444 --> 00:09:32,154
No, it's fine.
I'll stay.
204
00:09:32,446 --> 00:09:33,446
Jack is ridiculous.
205
00:09:33,655 --> 00:09:35,324
Oh, I worked with Jack
in Plastics.
206
00:09:35,616 --> 00:09:37,701
He tends to approach
everything the same way.
207
00:09:37,993 --> 00:09:39,661
Locate the problem.
Isolate the problem.
208
00:09:39,953 --> 00:09:40,496
Set the problem up
with a lesbian.
209
00:09:40,788 --> 00:09:44,249
That's a pretty good joke
for somebody from Plastics.
210
00:09:44,541 --> 00:09:45,602
Well, I wasn't always
in Plastics.
211
00:09:45,626 --> 00:09:48,337
I used to work in Water
and Process Technologies.
212
00:09:48,629 --> 00:09:49,909
Working mainly
in primary metals.
213
00:09:50,047 --> 00:09:52,466
Oh, so you have
a comedy background.
214
00:09:59,556 --> 00:10:01,183
How was your evening
with Thomas?
215
00:10:01,475 --> 00:10:02,518
You mean, Gretchen Thomas?
216
00:10:02,810 --> 00:10:05,604
The brilliant plastics
engineer/lesbian?
217
00:10:05,896 --> 00:10:07,856
What made you think I was gay?
218
00:10:08,148 --> 00:10:09,191
Your shoes.
219
00:10:09,483 --> 00:10:11,318
Well, I'm straight.
220
00:10:11,610 --> 00:10:13,237
Those shoes are definitely
bi-curious.
221
00:10:13,529 --> 00:10:15,197
Regardless, I am straight.
222
00:10:15,489 --> 00:10:17,866
100% completely straight.
223
00:10:18,158 --> 00:10:19,618
Well, I'm sorry
if I offended you.
224
00:10:19,910 --> 00:10:21,370
No, I'm not offended... Good.
225
00:10:21,662 --> 00:10:23,539
What do you know
about Kenneth the page?
226
00:10:23,831 --> 00:10:25,541
I don't know. He's
a sweet kid. Yes.
227
00:10:25,833 --> 00:10:27,292
And a surprisingly good
poker player.
228
00:10:27,584 --> 00:10:28,603
Did you know that
his middle name is Ellen?
229
00:10:28,627 --> 00:10:29,795
No, that's weird.
230
00:10:30,087 --> 00:10:32,148
And that his Myers-Briggs
psychological testing shows
231
00:10:32,172 --> 00:10:33,172
shows a rare combination
232
00:10:33,298 --> 00:10:35,342
of extroverted, intuitive
and aggressive? Really?
233
00:10:35,634 --> 00:10:36,343
The same as mine.
234
00:10:36,635 --> 00:10:38,315
He could be trouble
down the line. Kenneth.
235
00:10:38,595 --> 00:10:40,472
Kenneth Ellen.
236
00:10:40,764 --> 00:10:42,158
All right then.
You're not a lesbian.
237
00:10:42,182 --> 00:10:44,309
Duly noted.
I'll correct that on your file.
238
00:10:44,601 --> 00:10:45,601
It's too bad, though.
239
00:10:45,686 --> 00:10:46,886
Thomas thought you were great.
240
00:10:47,104 --> 00:10:48,814
She did?
Yes.
241
00:10:49,106 --> 00:10:51,126
She said she thought you looked
like Jennifer Jason Leigh.
242
00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:52,359
Really?
She said that?
243
00:10:52,651 --> 00:10:53,777
Yes, I made her repeat it.
244
00:10:54,069 --> 00:10:55,571
I was sure she meant Jason Lee.
245
00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:06,165
Miss Lemon. Yeah.
246
00:11:06,456 --> 00:11:08,250
This is Pete's wedding ring.
247
00:11:08,542 --> 00:11:10,520
I won it last night, but I don't
think I should keep it.
248
00:11:10,544 --> 00:11:13,255
Could you give it back to
him for me? Yeah, okay.
249
00:11:13,547 --> 00:11:14,590
Did you win this, too?
250
00:11:14,882 --> 00:11:15,882
I did.
251
00:11:16,091 --> 00:11:17,891
I love how the light
catches it like diamonds.
252
00:11:18,051 --> 00:11:19,595
Kenneth, it ls diamonds.
253
00:11:22,389 --> 00:11:23,389
Ah.
254
00:11:23,473 --> 00:11:25,267
Hi, Mr. Donaghy.
255
00:11:25,559 --> 00:11:26,661
Can I help you with something?
256
00:11:26,685 --> 00:11:28,687
You are a puzzle...
257
00:11:28,979 --> 00:11:31,648
Kenneth Ellen.
258
00:11:31,940 --> 00:11:33,775
And I'm going to solve you.
259
00:11:36,069 --> 00:11:38,697
Yes, I am.
260
00:11:38,989 --> 00:11:42,159
I can't believe you bet
your wedding ring. I know.
261
00:11:42,451 --> 00:11:44,328
The weird thing is
I had money left.
262
00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:47,831
Hey, um, what famous person
would you say I look like?
263
00:11:48,123 --> 00:11:49,458
Uh, present day Linda Ronstadt.
264
00:11:49,750 --> 00:11:51,543
No, Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
Tootsie.
265
00:11:51,835 --> 00:11:53,295
Never mind.
266
00:11:53,587 --> 00:11:56,381
So how was your date?
It wasn't a good match.
267
00:11:56,673 --> 00:11:58,151
What happened?
Did he notice your facial tic?
268
00:11:58,175 --> 00:12:00,385
Did you wear sandals?
269
00:12:00,677 --> 00:12:01,677
Did he see your toes?
No.
270
00:12:01,762 --> 00:12:02,762
You blew it, didn't you?
271
00:12:02,930 --> 00:12:04,348
Good job, Liz. Way to go.
272
00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:05,849
Another one bites the dust.
273
00:12:06,141 --> 00:12:07,434
Ah, look at your little face.
274
00:12:07,726 --> 00:12:09,102
It was a lady.
275
00:12:12,981 --> 00:12:13,690
Are you serious?
276
00:12:13,982 --> 00:12:16,568
Oh!
277
00:12:20,614 --> 00:12:22,783
Where is my Emmy?
278
00:12:44,554 --> 00:12:45,806
Hello?
279
00:12:46,098 --> 00:12:47,683
Hi, Gretchen.
It's Liz Lemon.
280
00:12:47,975 --> 00:12:49,893
Oh, hi.
281
00:12:50,185 --> 00:12:53,313
Look, this is gonna sound
really weird, but, um,
282
00:12:53,605 --> 00:12:55,565
do you every worry about
choking to death
283
00:12:55,857 --> 00:12:57,192
alone in your apartment?
284
00:12:57,484 --> 00:12:59,361
Oh, it's so weird
you would say that.
285
00:12:59,653 --> 00:13:01,154
I think about it all the time.
286
00:13:01,446 --> 00:13:03,206
I mean, you'd die,
and they wouldn't find you
287
00:13:03,365 --> 00:13:05,525
until your neighbor's dog
smelled you from the hallway.
288
00:13:05,784 --> 00:13:07,424
Ugh, yes, and they'd show
a picture of you
289
00:13:07,661 --> 00:13:08,661
on New York One.
290
00:13:08,787 --> 00:13:09,454
And it's not just choking.
291
00:13:09,746 --> 00:13:11,206
Ever since I turned 30,
292
00:13:11,498 --> 00:13:13,138
every time I get in or out
of the bathtub,
293
00:13:13,417 --> 00:13:15,127
I think in my head,
"Careful, careful."
294
00:13:15,419 --> 00:13:17,254
Yes!
Ash.
295
00:13:17,546 --> 00:13:18,546
Everything's the worst.
296
00:13:20,048 --> 00:13:21,192
Do you want to get some dinner?
297
00:13:21,216 --> 00:13:22,216
Sure.
298
00:13:22,259 --> 00:13:24,136
See you in 20 at Neptune.
Yeah, okay.
299
00:13:24,428 --> 00:13:25,554
Perfect, yeah.
Oh!
300
00:13:25,846 --> 00:13:28,807
Ow, ow, ow!
301
00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:32,144
I did not die.
302
00:13:35,439 --> 00:13:39,985
♪♪
303
00:13:40,277 --> 00:13:42,612
Man, this is amazing.
304
00:13:42,904 --> 00:13:43,322
Oh, hey, Jack.
305
00:13:43,613 --> 00:13:45,198
Welcome.
Welcome, everybody.
306
00:13:45,490 --> 00:13:47,117
Damn, Jack, you went all out.
307
00:13:47,409 --> 00:13:48,409
That's a giant shrimp.
308
00:13:48,493 --> 00:13:50,871
Made out of shrimp and diving
into a bowl of shrimp.
309
00:13:51,163 --> 00:13:52,331
Please, enjoy it, Tracy.
310
00:13:52,622 --> 00:13:53,902
Hey, Pete, good to see you.
Jack.
311
00:13:54,041 --> 00:13:55,041
Is Kenneth here?
312
00:13:55,083 --> 00:13:58,295
I will check.
313
00:14:01,089 --> 00:14:02,591
I've been playing for two hours.
314
00:14:02,883 --> 00:14:05,135
I'm tired of losing.
315
00:14:05,427 --> 00:14:07,846
I'm gonna let my boy, Dotcom,
play a hand for me.
316
00:14:08,138 --> 00:14:12,100
So, hey, Dotcom, are we going
to those three clubs tonight?
317
00:14:14,436 --> 00:14:17,439
You know the doctor said
I have four hearts in my body?
318
00:14:17,731 --> 00:14:18,731
All right.
Great.
319
00:14:18,857 --> 00:14:19,983
Of course he did.
Come on.
320
00:14:20,275 --> 00:14:21,568
Damn it.
321
00:14:24,363 --> 00:14:26,114
Hey, everybody,
this is Gretchen.
322
00:14:26,406 --> 00:14:27,115
Oh, hey.
323
00:14:27,407 --> 00:14:29,785
Oh, Thomas.
Jack.
324
00:14:30,077 --> 00:14:32,621
How's everybody up there
in Pittsfield?
Oh, we miss you.
325
00:14:32,913 --> 00:14:34,539
I love this woman.
326
00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:41,797
Let's play some poker.
327
00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:52,015
I call.
What have you got, Kenneth?
328
00:14:52,307 --> 00:14:55,268
All clovers.
I win.
329
00:14:56,561 --> 00:14:58,063
Very clever boy, Kenneth.
330
00:14:58,355 --> 00:15:00,357
But the curtain has been
drawn back now,
331
00:15:00,649 --> 00:15:02,484
and I know the real you.
332
00:15:05,362 --> 00:15:07,489
I think he's
confusing me with someone else.
333
00:15:09,866 --> 00:15:12,077
Liz, are you sure
you're not gay?
334
00:15:12,369 --> 00:15:13,369
'Cause that chick is hot.
335
00:15:13,578 --> 00:15:16,331
We're just friends,
like Oprah and Gayle.
336
00:15:16,623 --> 00:15:18,383
Why is that so hard
for everybody to believe?
337
00:15:24,464 --> 00:15:26,258
She's great.
You should marry that girl.
338
00:15:26,550 --> 00:15:27,968
One problem.
339
00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:29,845
I'm not gay.
340
00:15:30,137 --> 00:15:32,764
Oh, Lemon, in the ten years
that I've known you,
341
00:15:33,056 --> 00:15:35,517
you've had some really
terrible boyfriends. I have.
342
00:15:35,809 --> 00:15:37,036
There was the guy
who was obsessed
343
00:15:37,060 --> 00:15:38,100
with Charlie Chaplin.
Neil.
344
00:15:38,145 --> 00:15:39,414
There was the guy
who played Halo
345
00:15:39,438 --> 00:15:40,623
under the name
Slutbanger.
Dennis.
346
00:15:40,647 --> 00:15:41,999
There was a tall,
gangly, red-haired guy
347
00:15:42,023 --> 00:15:44,067
who played guitar
all the time. Conan.
348
00:15:44,359 --> 00:15:45,639
You're more relaxed
with Gretchen
349
00:15:45,902 --> 00:15:46,611
than you were with any
of those guys.
350
00:15:46,903 --> 00:15:48,280
So what are you saying, Pete?
351
00:15:48,572 --> 00:15:49,823
I should just be a lesbian?
352
00:15:50,115 --> 00:15:50,657
Well, I'm not saying
it'll be easy.
353
00:15:50,949 --> 00:15:52,159
You know, get drunk first.
354
00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:55,704
Why do guys think women can
just flip a switch like that?
355
00:15:55,996 --> 00:15:58,498
Like, what if I said to you,
"Go be with Frank now"?
356
00:15:58,790 --> 00:15:59,790
Ah, I would be honored.
357
00:15:59,916 --> 00:16:02,127
Frank is a very tender,
358
00:16:02,419 --> 00:16:04,546
beautiful man.
359
00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:14,389
He's awesome.
360
00:16:14,681 --> 00:16:16,975
You can't read his thoughts,
'cause he doesn't have any.
361
00:16:18,518 --> 00:16:20,937
I raise you 200.
362
00:16:22,522 --> 00:16:26,109
And I see your 200
and raise you 300.
363
00:16:29,988 --> 00:16:33,158
Will you, little Kenneth
Ellen Parcell
364
00:16:33,450 --> 00:16:34,610
from Stone Mountain, Georgia?
365
00:16:34,659 --> 00:16:35,911
Growing up
366
00:16:36,203 --> 00:16:38,055
in your momma's tract house,
dreaming of working
367
00:16:38,079 --> 00:16:39,247
on a TV show?
368
00:16:39,539 --> 00:16:43,084
Dreaming of making it
all the way to the NBC.
369
00:16:43,376 --> 00:16:45,712
You're scaring me,
Mr. Donaghy.
370
00:16:46,004 --> 00:16:47,004
You've come a long way,
371
00:16:47,130 --> 00:16:48,298
haven't you, Kenneth Ellen?
372
00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:51,218
With your cheap loafers
and your page jacket,
373
00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:53,270
but you'll always be
a pig farmer's son, boy.
374
00:16:53,553 --> 00:16:56,723
'Cause I smell fried bologna
all over you.
375
00:16:59,976 --> 00:17:00,976
I'm all in.
376
00:17:02,437 --> 00:17:04,022
I'm out of chips, Mr. Donaghy.
377
00:17:04,314 --> 00:17:05,732
Hey, I got a fun idea.
378
00:17:06,024 --> 00:17:07,776
You put your page jacket
on the table,
379
00:17:08,068 --> 00:17:09,694
and if you win,
you can get it back.
380
00:17:09,986 --> 00:17:12,739
If you lose, you go on home.
381
00:17:13,031 --> 00:17:15,534
You go on home,
little Kenneth Ellen.
382
00:17:15,825 --> 00:17:17,953
All the way to Stone Mountain.
383
00:17:18,245 --> 00:17:19,246
He's bluffing. Go for it.
384
00:17:19,538 --> 00:17:20,538
He's bluffing.
385
00:17:20,747 --> 00:17:22,415
Come on, trust yourself.
386
00:17:22,707 --> 00:17:25,252
Trust yourself.
Don't do it
387
00:17:25,544 --> 00:17:26,544
No!
You can do it.
388
00:17:26,586 --> 00:17:28,338
Okay, okay.
Come on.
389
00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:30,024
Use your instincts.
You've got good instincts.
390
00:17:30,048 --> 00:17:32,968
Do it, Kenneth.
391
00:17:33,260 --> 00:17:35,303
I've got a pair of twos.
392
00:17:35,595 --> 00:17:38,306
Well, let's just seeby-weeby
here.
393
00:17:38,598 --> 00:17:40,809
I've got a two, a four,
394
00:17:41,101 --> 00:17:43,895
a nine, a six, and a King.
395
00:17:49,025 --> 00:17:50,819
That means I win.
396
00:18:02,289 --> 00:18:03,331
Kenneth.
397
00:18:03,623 --> 00:18:06,084
Why did you bet
that terrible hand?
398
00:18:06,376 --> 00:18:07,376
Why?
399
00:18:07,544 --> 00:18:10,630
Because... I believe
that life is for the living.
400
00:18:10,922 --> 00:18:12,132
I believe in taking risks
401
00:18:12,424 --> 00:18:14,134
and biting off more
than you can chew.
402
00:18:14,426 --> 00:18:15,626
And also, people were yelling,
403
00:18:15,885 --> 00:18:19,723
and I got confused
about the rules.
404
00:18:20,015 --> 00:18:22,142
Kenneth.
405
00:18:24,060 --> 00:18:25,520
I wasn't really
going to fire you.
406
00:18:25,812 --> 00:18:28,356
I just wanted to remind you
that I could.
407
00:18:28,648 --> 00:18:31,276
I want you back here
at 6:00 in the morning sharp
408
00:18:31,568 --> 00:18:33,194
SO you can sweep up
these shrimp tails.
409
00:18:33,486 --> 00:18:35,155
Yes, sir, Mr. Donaghy.
410
00:18:35,447 --> 00:18:38,158
Uh, I'm gonna have my eye
on you, Kenneth.
411
00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:42,078
You will not be
disappointed, sir.
412
00:18:45,707 --> 00:18:48,168
Well, it was nice of you
to let him keep his job.
413
00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:50,378
The Italians
have a saying, Lemon.
414
00:18:50,670 --> 00:18:52,630
"Keep your friends close
and your enemies closer."
415
00:18:52,672 --> 00:18:54,108
And although they've
never won a war,
416
00:18:54,132 --> 00:18:55,634
or mass-produced a decent car,
417
00:18:55,925 --> 00:18:58,219
in this area, they are correct.
418
00:18:58,511 --> 00:19:00,591
In five years, we'll all
either be working for him...
419
00:19:03,099 --> 00:19:04,517
or be dead by his hand.
420
00:19:10,690 --> 00:19:11,690
Hey, after Ikea tomorrow,
421
00:19:11,858 --> 00:19:14,569
you wanna go see Margaret
Cho at the Beacon? Oh, boy.
422
00:19:14,861 --> 00:19:16,988
Um, Oprah?
Yes, Gayle.
423
00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:18,341
I think we need to take a break.
424
00:19:18,365 --> 00:19:20,742
Is this because I wanted to
submit us for The Amazing Race?
425
00:19:21,034 --> 00:19:23,119
Because I was 80% joking
about that.
426
00:19:23,411 --> 00:19:25,080
No, it's...
427
00:19:25,372 --> 00:19:27,582
You know, I said I'm not
into chasing straight girls.
428
00:19:27,874 --> 00:19:30,543
And I kinda think that's
what's starting to happen here.
429
00:19:30,835 --> 00:19:32,337
So...
430
00:19:32,629 --> 00:19:33,939
unless you're ready to make
a big life change,
431
00:19:33,963 --> 00:19:36,549
I need to move on,
find my Steadman.
432
00:19:36,841 --> 00:19:38,635
I thought I was Oprah
in this metaphor.
433
00:19:38,927 --> 00:19:41,137
Also, you're gay,
so that's a little confusing.
434
00:19:41,429 --> 00:19:43,473
You should say, like,
"My lady Steadman."
Okay.
435
00:19:43,765 --> 00:19:44,909
I'm going out on a limb here.
436
00:19:44,933 --> 00:19:47,519
Okay, sorry.
Um, it's just...
437
00:19:47,811 --> 00:19:50,480
If I try to imagine
us being together,
438
00:19:50,772 --> 00:19:53,483
I think, "Yeah, okay,
this could be fun, you know?
439
00:19:53,775 --> 00:19:56,444
"Picking out furniture
and making flower beds
440
00:19:56,736 --> 00:19:57,904
out of old railroad ties."
441
00:19:58,196 --> 00:20:00,198
But the thing is,
442
00:20:00,490 --> 00:20:03,910
if I'm gonna be with someone,
it has to be a guy.
443
00:20:04,202 --> 00:20:06,079
You sound pretty sure
about that.
444
00:20:06,371 --> 00:20:07,371
What can I say?
445
00:20:07,580 --> 00:20:09,541
I love a bald spot
and a hairy back.
446
00:20:09,833 --> 00:20:11,835
You're alone there.
447
00:20:12,127 --> 00:20:14,212
I should go.
448
00:20:14,504 --> 00:20:16,214
I'll see you around.
Okay, wait.
449
00:20:16,506 --> 00:20:18,258
Um, what if we made a pact?
450
00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:20,343
What if we say
that in, like, 25 years,
451
00:20:20,635 --> 00:20:21,795
if neither of us has someone,
452
00:20:22,053 --> 00:20:24,222
we'll move in together
and be roommates.
453
00:20:24,514 --> 00:20:25,514
And even though
454
00:20:25,598 --> 00:20:27,767
I am not into the sex stuff,
455
00:20:28,059 --> 00:20:29,644
if it helps you...
456
00:20:29,936 --> 00:20:31,479
I would let you...
457
00:20:31,771 --> 00:20:33,648
do stuff to me.
458
00:20:33,940 --> 00:20:35,650
I can't be around you anymore.
459
00:20:35,942 --> 00:20:37,652
Bye, Liz.
460
00:20:37,944 --> 00:20:40,655
That's funny.
That's what the guys always say.
461
00:20:42,490 --> 00:20:44,570
Who's gonna go with me
to cooking class next weekend?
462
00:20:44,743 --> 00:20:46,578
Well, if by "cooking class"
you mean your bed,
463
00:20:46,870 --> 00:20:47,870
and by "next weekend"
464
00:20:48,079 --> 00:20:50,165
you mean tonight... Oh, shut up.
465
00:20:52,542 --> 00:20:54,419
I can see your wedding ring.
Idiot.
32890
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