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1
00:00:05,550 --> 00:00:08,844
Ahh, smokinghot.com/deborah.
2
00:00:08,845 --> 00:00:10,763
Gorgeous! Gorgeous!
3
00:00:10,764 --> 00:00:12,348
Someone get me a bloody spoon,
4
00:00:12,349 --> 00:00:14,308
'cause I'm eating up
what you're serving.
5
00:00:14,309 --> 00:00:15,684
Look at that. Yummy.
6
00:00:15,685 --> 00:00:17,394
That's fucking tasty.
7
00:00:17,395 --> 00:00:18,854
Just give us five minutes, OK?
8
00:00:18,855 --> 00:00:20,230
We're just gonna adjust
for the next setup.
9
00:00:20,231 --> 00:00:21,732
- Whoo!
- Thank you.
10
00:00:21,733 --> 00:00:23,400
OK, fierce.
11
00:00:23,401 --> 00:00:25,653
You gotta teach me how
to take a photo like that.
12
00:00:25,654 --> 00:00:28,489
Chin down, ears forward, eyes up.
13
00:00:28,490 --> 00:00:30,908
And hum the national anthem.
It keeps the jowls tight.
14
00:00:30,909 --> 00:00:32,618
OK, think I'm just gonna stick with,
15
00:00:32,619 --> 00:00:34,078
"Here, let me take it."
16
00:00:34,079 --> 00:00:35,829
OK. I got great news.
17
00:00:35,830 --> 00:00:37,665
We are officially on the
books for your test show
18
00:00:37,666 --> 00:00:39,750
- two weeks from Friday.
- Great.
19
00:00:39,751 --> 00:00:41,377
We shouldn't even
have to do a test show.
20
00:00:41,378 --> 00:00:43,379
I mean, I say we force
the network's hand.
21
00:00:43,380 --> 00:00:46,423
What if I tweeted something
like "Deborah got the job"?
22
00:00:46,424 --> 00:00:47,883
I mean, the network's
never gonna backtrack
23
00:00:47,884 --> 00:00:48,926
if it's already out there.
24
00:00:48,927 --> 00:00:50,678
OK, that's genius.
25
00:00:52,973 --> 00:00:55,224
Kayla, do not tweet anything, OK?
26
00:00:55,225 --> 00:00:56,767
We are so close to the finish line here.
27
00:00:56,768 --> 00:00:58,352
It's down to Deborah
and the X Games guy.
28
00:00:58,353 --> 00:01:00,062
- You know that.
- OK, calm your nuts.
29
00:01:00,063 --> 00:01:02,398
Anyway, it's perfect
timing for the test show
30
00:01:02,399 --> 00:01:05,526
because it's exactly when the
Meena Elahi piece will run.
31
00:01:05,527 --> 00:01:06,652
- That's right.
- Wait.
32
00:01:06,653 --> 00:01:08,654
Meena Elahi's the journalist
you've been talking to?
33
00:01:08,655 --> 00:01:10,030
She's amazing.
34
00:01:10,031 --> 00:01:11,783
She's taken so many people down.
35
00:01:13,285 --> 00:01:16,288
But you, you, she will lift up.
36
00:01:17,789 --> 00:01:19,707
She... she's going to Berkeley, right?
37
00:01:19,708 --> 00:01:21,083
Yep. She's gonna meet you Friday.
38
00:01:21,084 --> 00:01:22,793
She's gonna be with
you the whole weekend.
39
00:01:22,794 --> 00:01:24,211
Hold on.
40
00:01:24,212 --> 00:01:25,629
This weekend is Palm Springs.
41
00:01:25,630 --> 00:01:27,464
No, this weekend, Deborah's getting
42
00:01:27,465 --> 00:01:28,799
her honorary doctorate from Berkeley.
43
00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:30,259
- No.
- Yes.
44
00:01:30,260 --> 00:01:32,219
- No.
- Am I double booked?
45
00:01:32,220 --> 00:01:34,888
It... it was not in the
shared Google Cal, see?
46
00:01:34,889 --> 00:01:36,265
It was not in the shared Google Cal!
47
00:01:36,266 --> 00:01:37,474
I texted you about it, dork.
48
00:01:37,475 --> 00:01:38,892
- No, you didn't.
- Yeah, I did.
49
00:01:38,893 --> 00:01:41,395
It's right... OK, shit. All right.
50
00:01:41,396 --> 00:01:43,897
I texted Damien Plumber,
51
00:01:43,898 --> 00:01:45,107
who I think is a plumber I used,
52
00:01:45,108 --> 00:01:46,400
because I'm scrolling up,
53
00:01:46,401 --> 00:01:48,235
and I'm seeing a clogged toilet.
54
00:01:48,236 --> 00:01:51,113
- There it is.
- I... I was sick, but you know.
55
00:01:51,114 --> 00:01:54,283
Deborah, you headline Palm
Springs Pride every year.
56
00:01:54,284 --> 00:01:56,744
And this year, we have the
House of Vance activation.
57
00:01:56,745 --> 00:01:58,120
Yeah, but she can't miss Berkeley.
58
00:01:58,121 --> 00:01:59,496
It's a huge deal.
59
00:01:59,497 --> 00:02:01,875
And "The New Yorker's" gonna be there.
60
00:02:04,294 --> 00:02:05,628
You're gonna handle the activation.
61
00:02:05,629 --> 00:02:06,712
I will go to Berkeley.
62
00:02:06,713 --> 00:02:08,672
I'll fly back in time for the show.
63
00:02:08,673 --> 00:02:09,715
And we'll do both.
64
00:02:09,716 --> 00:02:11,176
- It'll be great.
- OK.
65
00:02:12,052 --> 00:02:13,135
OK, that can work.
66
00:02:13,136 --> 00:02:15,095
Works for us too, as well.
67
00:02:15,096 --> 00:02:16,513
It'll be fun.
68
00:02:16,514 --> 00:02:18,098
You can bring a friend.
69
00:02:18,099 --> 00:02:19,642
OK, Deb. Ready for you, mama.
70
00:02:19,643 --> 00:02:21,143
OK.
71
00:02:23,355 --> 00:02:24,480
All right, let's do it.
72
00:02:24,481 --> 00:02:25,648
Sensational.
73
00:02:25,649 --> 00:02:27,358
Oh.
74
00:02:27,359 --> 00:02:28,817
Boom.
75
00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:40,579
It was just a really
exciting and stimulating place
76
00:02:40,580 --> 00:02:42,373
to go to school, you know,
77
00:02:42,374 --> 00:02:44,792
especially at that time with
all the anti-war protests
78
00:02:44,793 --> 00:02:48,505
and that sort of thing.
79
00:02:49,714 --> 00:02:51,006
Oh, that building there,
80
00:02:51,007 --> 00:02:52,549
that is the first place
I was ever on stage.
81
00:02:52,550 --> 00:02:54,551
At that Jamba Juice?
82
00:02:54,552 --> 00:02:56,011
Well, it was a blackbox theater then.
83
00:02:56,012 --> 00:02:57,221
But there were a lot of fruits!
84
00:02:59,266 --> 00:03:00,724
Oops.
85
00:03:00,725 --> 00:03:03,811
Uh, oh, Meena, I meant to
ask you, with this profile,
86
00:03:03,812 --> 00:03:05,020
are you including one of your famous
87
00:03:05,021 --> 00:03:06,647
caricature illustrations?
88
00:03:06,648 --> 00:03:08,148
I love those.
89
00:03:08,149 --> 00:03:09,858
I always wanted a giant
head and a tiny body.
90
00:03:09,859 --> 00:03:11,485
- Ha!
- Well, that's art department.
91
00:03:11,486 --> 00:03:12,778
It's not my purview.
92
00:03:12,779 --> 00:03:14,239
Ah.
93
00:03:15,407 --> 00:03:16,782
Uh, Meena, I just want to say,
94
00:03:16,783 --> 00:03:19,243
I loved your piece
about how white people
95
00:03:19,244 --> 00:03:21,370
have gentrified jokes
about white people.
96
00:03:21,371 --> 00:03:23,080
So 2012 me.
97
00:03:24,416 --> 00:03:26,583
I found that fabulous as well.
98
00:03:26,584 --> 00:03:27,751
Oh, thank you.
99
00:03:27,752 --> 00:03:30,588
A lot of white people liked
it, which is interesting.
100
00:03:30,589 --> 00:03:32,381
Mm. Mm-hmm.
101
00:03:32,382 --> 00:03:35,050
Yo, are you... are you Deborah Vance?
102
00:03:35,051 --> 00:03:36,927
Why, yes I am.
103
00:03:36,928 --> 00:03:38,220
No cap?
104
00:03:38,221 --> 00:03:39,638
None at all.
105
00:03:39,639 --> 00:03:41,890
Dude, I told you.
106
00:03:41,891 --> 00:03:43,017
You're, like, mad cute.
107
00:03:43,018 --> 00:03:45,185
Like, you should come to
Chi Phi Beta's party tonight.
108
00:03:45,186 --> 00:03:48,188
We got a keg and, like,
six couches in one room.
109
00:03:48,189 --> 00:03:49,565
Uh, I think my Jell-O shot days
110
00:03:49,566 --> 00:03:51,025
are behind me, boys... sorry.
111
00:03:51,026 --> 00:03:52,901
Well, let me know if
you change your mind.
112
00:03:52,902 --> 00:03:53,902
My name's Chris,
113
00:03:53,903 --> 00:03:55,237
and I'm trying to show you a good time.
114
00:03:55,238 --> 00:03:57,531
Oh, Chris.
115
00:03:59,743 --> 00:04:01,952
I could be their age, right?
116
00:04:01,953 --> 00:04:04,080
Well, you do own the same shorts.
117
00:04:05,957 --> 00:04:07,666
I'm just playing with you!
118
00:04:07,667 --> 00:04:08,709
- Oh.
- Oh.
119
00:04:08,710 --> 00:04:10,377
Love this girl.
120
00:04:10,378 --> 00:04:12,379
Yeah, we're kidding.
121
00:04:12,380 --> 00:04:13,797
Oh, that's me.
122
00:04:13,798 --> 00:04:15,049
Yeah, I gotta go do that interview
123
00:04:15,050 --> 00:04:16,759
at the college radio station.
124
00:04:16,760 --> 00:04:18,135
Meena, I'd ask you to tag along,
125
00:04:18,136 --> 00:04:19,261
but I don't want you to get jealous,
126
00:04:19,262 --> 00:04:21,096
me talking to another reporter.
127
00:04:21,097 --> 00:04:23,850
Would you say jealousy plays
a big role in your life?
128
00:04:25,477 --> 00:04:26,644
No.
129
00:04:26,645 --> 00:04:29,146
Um, OK, I'll see you guys.
130
00:04:29,147 --> 00:04:31,231
I'm gonna hit the dining hall.
131
00:04:31,232 --> 00:04:32,608
Hey, do you mind if I tag along?
132
00:04:32,609 --> 00:04:34,151
Maybe we could talk?
133
00:04:34,152 --> 00:04:36,570
Oh, um, yeah, sure.
134
00:04:36,571 --> 00:04:38,697
Great.
135
00:04:42,327 --> 00:04:44,620
So yeah, after the special came out,
136
00:04:44,621 --> 00:04:46,163
I left and went to LA.
137
00:04:46,164 --> 00:04:48,374
Oh, so you left and then you came back?
138
00:04:48,375 --> 00:04:50,292
Well, I'm just here temporarily.
139
00:04:50,293 --> 00:04:52,169
Deborah freed me to pursue other work.
140
00:04:52,170 --> 00:04:53,170
Freed you?
141
00:04:53,171 --> 00:04:54,171
Sounds like you were her prisoner.
142
00:04:54,172 --> 00:04:55,297
Oh, no. No.
143
00:04:55,298 --> 00:04:57,174
It was actually really
cool and selfless of her.
144
00:04:57,175 --> 00:04:58,509
I mean, she pushed me,
145
00:04:58,510 --> 00:05:01,136
and that led to me getting
a job at "On The Contrary."
146
00:05:01,137 --> 00:05:02,972
I'm co-producer now.
147
00:05:02,973 --> 00:05:06,016
Oh, but if I get a title bump
before this goes to print,
148
00:05:06,017 --> 00:05:07,351
how would I get in touch?
149
00:05:07,352 --> 00:05:09,853
Shoot you an email or...
150
00:05:09,854 --> 00:05:11,731
Can we get off the record here a sec?
151
00:05:13,650 --> 00:05:15,026
Sure.
152
00:05:15,860 --> 00:05:17,903
Look, Ava, I don't have an agenda here.
153
00:05:17,904 --> 00:05:20,364
I don't go into a piece with an angle,
154
00:05:20,365 --> 00:05:22,491
and I want to portray Deborah
155
00:05:22,492 --> 00:05:24,034
as the complicated person she is.
156
00:05:24,035 --> 00:05:26,537
But a lot of what I've
found out about her
157
00:05:26,538 --> 00:05:29,873
does indicate she is not the
easiest person to work for.
158
00:05:29,874 --> 00:05:31,375
Did you talk to the elves?
159
00:05:31,376 --> 00:05:33,377
- What?
- What?
160
00:05:33,378 --> 00:05:34,670
No, I don't... I don't know.
161
00:05:34,671 --> 00:05:36,547
Uh, I talked to a hairdresser
162
00:05:36,548 --> 00:05:38,382
who requested time off for his wedding,
163
00:05:38,383 --> 00:05:40,092
but Deborah couldn't guarantee his job
164
00:05:40,093 --> 00:05:43,763
because she "couldn't
predict the market."
165
00:05:45,015 --> 00:05:47,224
Yeah, um... look.
166
00:05:47,225 --> 00:05:49,059
Deborah can be tough, for sure.
167
00:05:49,060 --> 00:05:50,686
But that's 'cause she
has really high standards
168
00:05:50,687 --> 00:05:52,771
for herself and everyone else.
169
00:05:52,772 --> 00:05:55,691
But if you can meet those standards,
170
00:05:55,692 --> 00:05:57,402
she'll take care of you.
171
00:05:58,320 --> 00:05:59,779
OK.
172
00:06:01,573 --> 00:06:03,824
Do you think Naomi Fry would like me?
173
00:06:03,825 --> 00:06:05,409
It's "Nomi," so...
174
00:06:05,410 --> 00:06:07,411
"Nomi."
175
00:06:07,412 --> 00:06:09,246
"Nomi," get to know me. OK.
176
00:06:11,291 --> 00:06:12,708
But all sales are electronic,
177
00:06:12,709 --> 00:06:14,627
and so we cannot accept quarters.
178
00:06:14,628 --> 00:06:16,254
Thank you, king.
179
00:06:17,756 --> 00:06:20,507
OK, that clip-on bidet in
the bathroom turned me out,
180
00:06:20,508 --> 00:06:22,593
- so I will be needing one.
- Got it.
181
00:06:22,594 --> 00:06:24,470
Listen, you don't have to
stay here while I'm working.
182
00:06:24,471 --> 00:06:25,804
I can meet you afterward.
183
00:06:25,805 --> 00:06:27,389
It's actually kind of fun.
184
00:06:27,390 --> 00:06:28,933
- Hey.
- Hi.
185
00:06:28,934 --> 00:06:31,894
Would Deborah sign
my bottle of Fen-Phen?
186
00:06:31,895 --> 00:06:35,272
I've had it since the '90s
from when she used to sell it.
187
00:06:35,273 --> 00:06:36,273
To the best of my recollection,
188
00:06:36,274 --> 00:06:37,942
Deborah never sold
Fen-Phen and is therefore
189
00:06:37,943 --> 00:06:39,860
not liable for any
cardiovascular complications
190
00:06:39,861 --> 00:06:41,820
or issues you may or
may not have experienced.
191
00:06:41,821 --> 00:06:44,156
And unfortunately, she's not here today.
192
00:06:44,157 --> 00:06:45,950
- What?
- Oh, no.
193
00:06:45,951 --> 00:06:47,743
I thought the whole fucking
point was that this was
194
00:06:47,744 --> 00:06:49,328
a shoppable house and
she was gonna be here
195
00:06:49,329 --> 00:06:50,871
to sign anything that we purchased.
196
00:06:50,872 --> 00:06:52,414
I know. It was my idea.
197
00:06:52,415 --> 00:06:53,916
And again, my apologies.
198
00:06:53,917 --> 00:06:55,292
But if you come to the show tomorrow,
199
00:06:55,293 --> 00:06:57,419
I'm making sure she does a
signing session afterward.
200
00:06:57,420 --> 00:06:58,963
I'm gonna be on G then,
201
00:06:58,964 --> 00:07:00,798
and I don't want to meet her like that.
202
00:07:00,799 --> 00:07:02,634
Can't you just not do G?
203
00:07:03,635 --> 00:07:04,928
No.
204
00:07:07,138 --> 00:07:08,639
Happy Pride.
205
00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:10,307
Yeah, sorry about him.
206
00:07:10,308 --> 00:07:12,059
But I think we're gonna go to the Ace
207
00:07:12,060 --> 00:07:14,228
if you want to come.
208
00:07:14,229 --> 00:07:15,980
Oh.
209
00:07:15,981 --> 00:07:19,441
I'm... I'm actually here
for work, but thank you.
210
00:07:19,442 --> 00:07:21,819
Yeah, OK.
211
00:07:21,820 --> 00:07:23,321
Maybe next time.
212
00:07:24,531 --> 00:07:25,864
- Have fun.
- Yeah, you too.
213
00:07:25,865 --> 00:07:27,325
Watch out.
214
00:07:29,369 --> 00:07:30,494
If you need me to run the iPad
215
00:07:30,495 --> 00:07:31,662
so you can go catch a dick,
216
00:07:31,663 --> 00:07:33,247
- please let me know.
- No. No. No.
217
00:07:33,248 --> 00:07:34,790
- Ooh.
- I can't go there.
218
00:07:34,791 --> 00:07:36,500
I do not hook up with Deborah fans.
219
00:07:36,501 --> 00:07:38,335
It's... it's too weird.
220
00:07:38,336 --> 00:07:40,337
Mm, right. Don't shit where you eat ass.
221
00:07:40,338 --> 00:07:42,799
Exactly.
222
00:07:43,883 --> 00:07:46,093
Forgot the beauty of unlimited refills.
223
00:07:46,094 --> 00:07:48,721
Love a freeze-dried fruit,
you know what I mean?
224
00:07:48,722 --> 00:07:50,682
I have a boyfriend.
225
00:07:52,475 --> 00:07:54,060
OK.
226
00:07:55,812 --> 00:07:56,812
What?
227
00:07:56,813 --> 00:07:57,938
If we're gonna leave water at the border
228
00:07:57,939 --> 00:07:59,815
for these people, we might as well
229
00:07:59,816 --> 00:08:01,483
leave Spanish-to-English
dictionaries too.
230
00:08:01,484 --> 00:08:03,360
Hey, hey, my peers. What you watching?
231
00:08:03,361 --> 00:08:05,029
Uh, this stand-up.
232
00:08:05,030 --> 00:08:06,989
- Deborah Vance.
- Love her.
233
00:08:06,990 --> 00:08:08,365
I guess someone made a supercut
234
00:08:08,366 --> 00:08:10,159
of all her shitty, racist jokes.
235
00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:11,535
What?
236
00:08:11,536 --> 00:08:13,037
Hey, Berkeley, is this your girl?
237
00:08:13,038 --> 00:08:16,165
A majority of cars sold in
America are made in Asia.
238
00:08:16,166 --> 00:08:17,958
Asians making cars?
239
00:08:17,959 --> 00:08:20,377
That's like Polish
people making light bulbs.
240
00:08:20,378 --> 00:08:22,880
- Shit.
- Oh, my God, she sucks.
241
00:08:22,881 --> 00:08:25,007
So fucked up they're giving
her an honorary degree.
242
00:08:25,008 --> 00:08:26,008
Right?
243
00:08:26,009 --> 00:08:28,761
Mm, nasty, nasty stuff.
244
00:08:28,762 --> 00:08:31,680
I heard the new stuff is
good, though, randomly.
245
00:08:31,681 --> 00:08:33,057
Where did I... yeah.
246
00:08:33,058 --> 00:08:34,516
There... was any of
the, like, progressive,
247
00:08:34,517 --> 00:08:35,893
feminist stuff in there, or no?
248
00:08:35,894 --> 00:08:37,728
- No.
- No, no.
249
00:08:37,729 --> 00:08:38,729
I think they have that coming.
250
00:08:38,730 --> 00:08:39,813
She's doing that.
251
00:08:39,814 --> 00:08:42,192
That's... but would you guys excuse me?
252
00:08:44,319 --> 00:08:47,571
Oh, well, I certainly
wasn't conservative,
253
00:08:47,572 --> 00:08:50,157
but I didn't love living with hippies.
254
00:08:50,158 --> 00:08:51,200
However, I do love a
good alfalfa sprout.
255
00:08:51,201 --> 00:08:52,743
Hey, Deborah!
256
00:08:52,744 --> 00:08:54,370
Sorry, can I just grab you for a second?
257
00:08:54,371 --> 00:08:56,330
Just want to ask you
something about your speech.
258
00:08:56,331 --> 00:08:58,248
Sorry. Work thing.
259
00:08:58,249 --> 00:09:00,209
Please excuse us for... for a minute.
260
00:09:00,210 --> 00:09:02,253
What is the matter with you?
261
00:09:02,254 --> 00:09:03,963
Hello? Hello? Hello?
262
00:09:03,964 --> 00:09:05,464
- OK, come on.
- What are you doing?
263
00:09:05,465 --> 00:09:06,882
- Let go of me.
- Hey, listen to me.
264
00:09:06,883 --> 00:09:08,425
So little problem.
265
00:09:08,426 --> 00:09:10,386
Someone made a supercut of some of your
266
00:09:10,387 --> 00:09:12,763
more problematic older material,
267
00:09:12,764 --> 00:09:14,723
and it's gaining
traction, and apparently,
268
00:09:14,724 --> 00:09:17,101
some students are planning
to protest your ceremony.
269
00:09:18,687 --> 00:09:20,521
OK, which minority group is upset?
270
00:09:20,522 --> 00:09:23,148
OK, not great that you have to ask that.
271
00:09:23,149 --> 00:09:24,817
And also, I don't think "minority"
272
00:09:24,818 --> 00:09:26,652
is the proper term anymore.
273
00:09:26,653 --> 00:09:28,779
- What are they called?
- No, don't say "they."
274
00:09:28,780 --> 00:09:30,281
Oh, I thought everybody was "they" now!
275
00:09:30,282 --> 00:09:31,865
No, that's a different thing.
276
00:09:31,866 --> 00:09:33,617
OK, just...
277
00:09:33,618 --> 00:09:36,203
oh, God, this is just
the worst possible timing.
278
00:09:36,204 --> 00:09:38,539
For you to be held
accountable for your actions?
279
00:09:38,540 --> 00:09:40,124
Yes!
280
00:09:40,125 --> 00:09:42,418
I am inches away from
my fucking dream job.
281
00:09:42,419 --> 00:09:44,962
Hey, I think you're
getting off pretty easy, OK?
282
00:09:44,963 --> 00:09:48,257
You're lucky that Zsa Zsa Gabor
shit is only available on VHS.
283
00:09:48,258 --> 00:09:49,883
I mean, it was textbook slut-shaming.
284
00:09:49,884 --> 00:09:51,135
Well, she was a slut.
285
00:09:51,136 --> 00:09:53,554
Oh, my... well, and
that's... but that's fine.
286
00:09:53,555 --> 00:09:55,097
Oh, God. OK, look.
287
00:09:55,098 --> 00:09:57,224
Just... we gotta squash this.
288
00:09:57,225 --> 00:09:58,767
I guess.
289
00:09:58,768 --> 00:10:01,395
Or you could just apologize.
290
00:10:01,396 --> 00:10:02,646
Uh, no.
291
00:10:02,647 --> 00:10:04,273
Deborah, the jokes weren't great.
292
00:10:04,274 --> 00:10:05,524
You wouldn't do them today.
293
00:10:05,525 --> 00:10:08,485
No. You never apologize for a joke.
294
00:10:08,486 --> 00:10:10,154
I'm a comedian.
295
00:10:10,155 --> 00:10:12,157
I was just doing my job.
296
00:10:12,824 --> 00:10:13,907
OK, OK.
297
00:10:13,908 --> 00:10:16,035
Look, it's just some
of the students, right?
298
00:10:16,036 --> 00:10:17,286
Yeah.
299
00:10:17,287 --> 00:10:18,329
OK, OK.
300
00:10:18,330 --> 00:10:19,747
Then all I have to do is, you know,
301
00:10:19,748 --> 00:10:22,166
curry favor on campus
with the other students.
302
00:10:22,167 --> 00:10:23,917
You know, drown out the dissenters.
303
00:10:23,918 --> 00:10:26,128
Make the minority voices a minority.
304
00:10:26,129 --> 00:10:27,922
That could go right in the supercut.
305
00:10:27,923 --> 00:10:29,715
I'll tell you what we're gonna do.
306
00:10:29,716 --> 00:10:31,759
We will go to that
fraternity party tonight.
307
00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:33,177
I'll buy them supplies.
308
00:10:33,178 --> 00:10:35,429
And I will do that student improv show
309
00:10:35,430 --> 00:10:36,847
that I was invited to do.
310
00:10:36,848 --> 00:10:38,682
It's the perfect opportunity
to make myself look good.
311
00:10:38,683 --> 00:10:40,017
OK.
312
00:10:40,018 --> 00:10:45,774
Deborah, improv has never
made anyone look good, OK?
313
00:10:47,108 --> 00:10:48,484
Write that down.
314
00:10:53,865 --> 00:10:56,200
♪ Top down with the wind blowing ♪
315
00:10:56,201 --> 00:10:58,327
♪ Pop on the wave motion ♪
316
00:11:02,207 --> 00:11:03,457
Jimmy.
317
00:11:03,458 --> 00:11:04,625
Hey, sorry I have to
be a little bit quiet.
318
00:11:04,626 --> 00:11:05,960
I'm in a cancer center.
319
00:11:05,961 --> 00:11:08,504
I'm about to run lines with
a client who's getting chemo.
320
00:11:08,505 --> 00:11:10,089
He booked a role, which is cool.
321
00:11:10,090 --> 00:11:11,090
It's on the CW show.
322
00:11:11,091 --> 00:11:12,258
We hope it's gonna recur.
323
00:11:12,259 --> 00:11:14,260
The role, not the cancer.
324
00:11:14,261 --> 00:11:15,261
OK.
325
00:11:15,262 --> 00:11:16,637
So first, I just wanted to call
326
00:11:16,638 --> 00:11:18,722
and apologize again about Kayla.
327
00:11:18,723 --> 00:11:20,891
I gave her a stern talking to.
328
00:11:20,892 --> 00:11:24,561
She was wearing earbuds
the whole time, but I tried.
329
00:11:24,562 --> 00:11:27,189
You know, what else can I do?
330
00:11:27,190 --> 00:11:29,650
I also wanted to let
you know about something
331
00:11:29,651 --> 00:11:32,778
the network flagged about
Deborah's merchandising deals.
332
00:11:32,779 --> 00:11:34,238
What do you mean?
333
00:11:34,239 --> 00:11:35,864
Obviously, they're extremely protective
334
00:11:35,865 --> 00:11:37,157
of their advertisers,
335
00:11:37,158 --> 00:11:40,369
and they're concerned that if
Deborah were to become host,
336
00:11:40,370 --> 00:11:42,579
she might be the face
of a competing product,
337
00:11:42,580 --> 00:11:44,415
whether that be through a one-off deal
338
00:11:44,416 --> 00:11:47,669
or anything on QVC.
339
00:11:49,421 --> 00:11:51,422
Wow.
340
00:11:51,423 --> 00:11:53,007
OK.
341
00:11:53,008 --> 00:11:54,550
And obviously, that might
not even be an issue,
342
00:11:54,551 --> 00:11:56,385
but I just wanted to give
you the heads-up in case.
343
00:11:56,386 --> 00:11:57,928
And I appreciate that, Jimmy.
344
00:11:57,929 --> 00:11:59,763
I actually have my hands full over here,
345
00:11:59,764 --> 00:12:00,848
so I'm gonna have to jet.
346
00:12:00,849 --> 00:12:01,932
OK. Cool.
347
00:12:01,933 --> 00:12:05,603
Well, have a fun, safe,
and very queer weekend.
348
00:12:05,604 --> 00:12:07,063
Thank you.
349
00:12:09,232 --> 00:12:10,983
All right, everyone, may I
have your attention, please?
350
00:12:10,984 --> 00:12:13,569
We will be ending the
activation a little bit early.
351
00:12:13,570 --> 00:12:16,071
This is now the official afterparty.
352
00:12:16,072 --> 00:12:17,156
Tell all your friends.
353
00:12:17,157 --> 00:12:18,574
Turn up the music.
354
00:12:18,575 --> 00:12:20,409
A drink. A drink.
355
00:12:20,410 --> 00:12:21,410
Thank you.
356
00:12:21,411 --> 00:12:23,162
Got you.
357
00:12:23,163 --> 00:12:25,456
Oh.
358
00:12:25,457 --> 00:12:27,042
- All right.
- I need eight more.
359
00:12:28,668 --> 00:12:30,336
Don't throw things on the floor.
360
00:12:32,797 --> 00:12:34,673
Hello?
361
00:12:34,674 --> 00:12:36,884
Ms. Vance, it is such an honor.
362
00:12:36,885 --> 00:12:38,761
- I'm Zed.
- Hi, Zed.
363
00:12:38,762 --> 00:12:42,139
And this is Marvelous
Maddie, Gregarious Greg,
364
00:12:42,140 --> 00:12:44,725
Jolly John, Coolio Caroline,
365
00:12:44,726 --> 00:12:49,229
- Raunchy Rain, and Sacrilegious Sarah.
- OK.
366
00:12:49,230 --> 00:12:50,606
You done improv before?
367
00:12:50,607 --> 00:12:52,816
- No.
- Totally fine.
368
00:12:52,817 --> 00:12:54,568
So how this is gonna work is basically,
369
00:12:54,569 --> 00:12:56,320
we're gonna get a
suggestion from the audience,
370
00:12:56,321 --> 00:12:57,446
and then you're gonna tell a story
371
00:12:57,447 --> 00:12:58,822
based on that suggestion,
372
00:12:58,823 --> 00:13:01,325
and then we're gonna improvise
scenes based on that story.
373
00:13:01,326 --> 00:13:03,619
And feel free to jump in
and join the fun at any time.
374
00:13:03,620 --> 00:13:05,287
Fun.
375
00:13:05,288 --> 00:13:06,997
So whenever you're ready, we'll warm up.
376
00:13:06,998 --> 00:13:08,248
OK. Great, great.
377
00:13:08,249 --> 00:13:10,167
I'll just be right there.
378
00:13:10,168 --> 00:13:11,669
OK.
379
00:13:11,670 --> 00:13:13,712
When they ask for audience suggestions,
380
00:13:13,713 --> 00:13:16,049
I want you to say "pediatric AIDS."
381
00:13:16,883 --> 00:13:18,133
What?
382
00:13:18,134 --> 00:13:20,302
I want you to yell "pediatric AIDS."
383
00:13:20,303 --> 00:13:22,054
See, this way I can talk
about my charity work
384
00:13:22,055 --> 00:13:24,431
in front of Meena without
sounding self-aggrandizing.
385
00:13:24,432 --> 00:13:26,350
You just gotta set me up.
386
00:13:26,351 --> 00:13:28,143
OK, here. Take my purse.
387
00:13:28,144 --> 00:13:30,271
And do not use my lipstick.
388
00:13:30,272 --> 00:13:32,314
I know you're using reverse psychology
389
00:13:32,315 --> 00:13:34,025
to get me to wear lipstick.
390
00:13:35,193 --> 00:13:36,861
Well, it was worth a shot.
391
00:13:37,862 --> 00:13:40,114
Oh, have you played Big Booty before?
392
00:13:40,115 --> 00:13:42,199
- Can't say as I have.
- Totally fine.
393
00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:45,035
Uh, we'll just do a little Zip Zap Zop.
394
00:13:45,036 --> 00:13:46,662
- Zip.
- Zap.
395
00:13:46,663 --> 00:13:47,663
- Zop.
- Zip.
396
00:13:47,664 --> 00:13:49,665
Zap.
397
00:13:49,666 --> 00:13:51,875
The answer is no.
398
00:13:51,876 --> 00:13:56,130
OK, so the thing with improv
is we try not to say no.
399
00:13:56,131 --> 00:13:58,882
Instead we say "yes and"
'cause improv's all about
400
00:13:58,883 --> 00:14:02,553
listening and respecting
your fellow improvisers, so...
401
00:14:02,554 --> 00:14:06,223
Well, are there any other
warm-ups maybe we could try?
402
00:14:06,224 --> 00:14:08,392
Oh, yeah.
403
00:14:08,393 --> 00:14:10,185
Eight, seven, six, five,
four, three, two, one.
404
00:14:10,186 --> 00:14:11,562
Six, five, four, three, two, one.
405
00:14:11,563 --> 00:14:12,855
Three, two, one, three,
two, one, three, two, one.
406
00:14:12,856 --> 00:14:14,607
Farm!
407
00:14:17,736 --> 00:14:19,903
Take your hands off my princess!
408
00:14:19,904 --> 00:14:22,865
- Arr, shiver me timbers.
- Wild Wild West.
409
00:14:22,866 --> 00:14:24,825
OK. OK. OK! OK!
410
00:14:24,826 --> 00:14:26,744
High.
411
00:14:26,745 --> 00:14:28,037
Camp.
412
00:14:28,038 --> 00:14:29,914
High camp Ba Da Da!
413
00:14:31,124 --> 00:14:33,000
Deborah, is it worth it?
414
00:14:33,001 --> 00:14:35,169
Is it worth it?
415
00:14:35,170 --> 00:14:37,171
Is it worth it? Is it worth it?
Is it worth it? Is it worth it?
416
00:14:37,172 --> 00:14:39,632
Is it worth it? Is it
worth it? Is it worth it?
417
00:14:41,217 --> 00:14:43,135
♪ Who let the dogs out ♪
418
00:14:43,136 --> 00:14:44,929
♪ Who, who, who, who ♪
419
00:14:44,930 --> 00:14:46,680
♪ Who let the dogs out ♪
420
00:14:46,681 --> 00:14:48,933
♪ Who, who, who, who ♪
421
00:14:48,934 --> 00:14:50,935
♪ Who let the dogs out, who ♪
422
00:14:52,103 --> 00:14:54,855
OK, everybody. We are Bearprov.
423
00:14:54,856 --> 00:14:56,440
How you feeling tonight?
424
00:14:56,441 --> 00:14:59,443
OK, make some noise
for our guest monologist
425
00:14:59,444 --> 00:15:04,907
and comedy legend, Deborah Vance!
426
00:15:06,952 --> 00:15:08,452
Whoo-hoo! Whoo!
427
00:15:08,453 --> 00:15:11,705
Yeah!
428
00:15:11,706 --> 00:15:13,248
OK, I just need a suggestion.
429
00:15:13,249 --> 00:15:14,792
- Problematic comedian.
- Pineapple.
430
00:15:14,793 --> 00:15:16,377
Oh, AIDS.
431
00:15:16,378 --> 00:15:18,129
I heard pineapple.
432
00:15:21,091 --> 00:15:22,467
Pineapple.
433
00:15:24,177 --> 00:15:27,471
Pineapple reminds me of
another prickly subject...
434
00:15:27,472 --> 00:15:29,181
pediatric AIDS.
435
00:15:34,854 --> 00:15:36,605
♪ Baby, keep heating me up ♪
436
00:15:36,606 --> 00:15:38,649
♪ Oh, no, don't you go cool me down ♪
437
00:15:38,650 --> 00:15:40,401
♪ Baby, keep heating me up ♪
438
00:15:40,402 --> 00:15:42,653
♪ Oh, no, don't you go cool me down ♪
439
00:15:42,654 --> 00:15:44,405
♪ Baby, keep heating me up ♪
440
00:15:44,406 --> 00:15:46,031
♪ Oh, no, don't you go cool me down ♪
441
00:15:46,032 --> 00:15:48,158
- Hey.
- Hey.
442
00:15:48,159 --> 00:15:50,661
♪ Uh-uh, freak me now ♪
443
00:15:50,662 --> 00:15:51,996
♪ Baby, keep heating me up ♪
444
00:15:51,997 --> 00:15:54,164
♪ Oh, no, don't you go cool me down ♪
445
00:15:54,165 --> 00:15:55,666
♪ Baby, keep heating me up ♪
446
00:15:57,669 --> 00:15:59,963
This is already better than improv.
447
00:16:01,673 --> 00:16:03,841
Ooh, uh, 5 bucks each.
448
00:16:03,842 --> 00:16:06,468
OK, this is for me, her,
449
00:16:06,469 --> 00:16:09,013
and everybody in line behind us!
450
00:16:11,766 --> 00:16:14,101
Deborah Vance loves to party.
451
00:16:14,102 --> 00:16:15,853
Thank you. Oh, and they're with us too.
452
00:16:15,854 --> 00:16:17,105
Come on, fellas.
453
00:16:18,815 --> 00:16:20,024
Hi. Hi. Oh, watch out.
454
00:16:20,025 --> 00:16:21,900
Your mother's here. Ha.
455
00:16:21,901 --> 00:16:23,319
Look who fucking came.
456
00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:25,070
- Deborah fucking Vance.
- Ooh, hi.
457
00:16:25,071 --> 00:16:26,488
You look amazing.
458
00:16:26,489 --> 00:16:27,698
This is my friend Ava.
459
00:16:27,699 --> 00:16:29,366
Oh, hey, cool. What's up?
460
00:16:29,367 --> 00:16:31,035
What are you drinking tonight, huh?
461
00:16:31,036 --> 00:16:32,161
Come on.
462
00:16:32,162 --> 00:16:33,787
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
463
00:16:33,788 --> 00:16:35,914
♪ Yuh, errybody win the lottery ♪
464
00:16:35,915 --> 00:16:37,708
♪ If it's glitter and it's gold ♪
465
00:16:37,709 --> 00:16:38,834
♪ Then it's something that I gotta see ♪
466
00:16:38,835 --> 00:16:40,961
- Go, Deborah!
- Yeah!
467
00:16:40,962 --> 00:16:43,005
Go, go, go, go, go.
468
00:16:44,758 --> 00:16:47,217
Who wants to order pizza? On me!
469
00:16:47,218 --> 00:16:50,554
Or should we just say fuck
it and order Chez Panisse?
470
00:16:50,555 --> 00:16:51,639
No, no, no. Pizza, pizza.
471
00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:54,475
I hope to see you at
my ceremony tomorrow.
472
00:16:54,476 --> 00:16:55,726
♪ It's true when I say it ♪
473
00:16:55,727 --> 00:16:58,520
♪ I'ma win 'cause I know who I am ♪
474
00:16:58,521 --> 00:16:59,730
How old do you think I am?
475
00:16:59,731 --> 00:17:01,523
I have a boyfriend.
476
00:17:01,524 --> 00:17:03,484
♪ Got the whole city swaying, yeah ♪
477
00:17:03,485 --> 00:17:05,694
Love it.
478
00:17:05,695 --> 00:17:07,571
I love it.
479
00:17:07,572 --> 00:17:08,864
Hold my wig.
480
00:17:08,865 --> 00:17:10,741
All right.
481
00:17:10,742 --> 00:17:12,910
♪ Gonna win 'cause I know who I am ♪
482
00:17:12,911 --> 00:17:14,745
Chug, chug, chug, chug,
483
00:17:14,746 --> 00:17:18,040
chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug!
484
00:17:44,651 --> 00:17:46,777
I know all four of you are graduating,
485
00:17:46,778 --> 00:17:49,196
so you need to learn about wines.
486
00:17:49,197 --> 00:17:51,407
There's Brunello.
487
00:17:51,408 --> 00:17:53,617
There's Barbaresco.
488
00:17:53,618 --> 00:17:57,998
And then there's the king
of Italian reds, Barolo.
489
00:17:58,999 --> 00:18:01,959
Huh? Nice mouthfeel, right?
490
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:03,419
You know, Chris knows a little something
491
00:18:03,420 --> 00:18:04,962
about mouthfeel, huh?
492
00:18:04,963 --> 00:18:08,132
Oh, oh! Yes! Yes!
493
00:18:08,133 --> 00:18:10,301
See? We all make jokes, right?
494
00:18:11,303 --> 00:18:12,428
Ooh! Oh.
495
00:18:12,429 --> 00:18:13,971
It's Jimmy on the phone. Jimmy Junior.
496
00:18:13,972 --> 00:18:15,764
He used to be with Latitude.
497
00:18:15,765 --> 00:18:17,141
He's very good.
498
00:18:17,142 --> 00:18:18,809
Hey, it's our manager!
499
00:18:18,810 --> 00:18:20,477
Jimmy!
500
00:18:20,478 --> 00:18:22,438
Oh, gosh.
501
00:18:22,439 --> 00:18:24,440
There's nobody in there. OK, Jimmy.
502
00:18:24,441 --> 00:18:25,774
I'm sorry for the late-night call,
503
00:18:25,775 --> 00:18:26,942
but something's going on at the network,
504
00:18:26,943 --> 00:18:28,694
and they canceled your test show.
505
00:18:28,695 --> 00:18:30,362
- What?
- Yeah.
506
00:18:30,363 --> 00:18:31,822
- Fuck.
- No. No. Why?
507
00:18:31,823 --> 00:18:33,324
- Did they say why?
- I don't know.
508
00:18:33,325 --> 00:18:34,533
It could be because of this supercut
509
00:18:34,534 --> 00:18:35,618
a bunch of people have sent to me.
510
00:18:35,619 --> 00:18:36,702
But I'm trying to get
to the bottom of it,
511
00:18:36,703 --> 00:18:38,078
and I'll call you as soon as I do.
512
00:18:38,079 --> 00:18:40,205
OK, call... call me as soon as you know.
513
00:18:40,206 --> 00:18:41,582
Yeah, I just said I would.
514
00:18:41,583 --> 00:18:44,001
And then get me the info
for that crisis PR woman
515
00:18:44,002 --> 00:18:45,711
I used when I groped Elmo.
516
00:18:45,712 --> 00:18:47,129
OK, to the best of my knowledge,
517
00:18:47,130 --> 00:18:48,881
you did not grope any
"Sesame Street" characters.
518
00:18:48,882 --> 00:18:51,175
But yeah, I'll send you Jana's info, OK?
519
00:18:51,176 --> 00:18:52,217
Call me!
520
00:18:52,218 --> 00:18:54,595
OK. I'll call you. Bye.
521
00:18:54,596 --> 00:18:56,764
Can't believe this is happening now!
522
00:18:56,765 --> 00:18:59,016
I know. It's really bad timing.
523
00:18:59,017 --> 00:19:01,143
I finally get an ounce of relevance.
524
00:19:01,144 --> 00:19:03,270
I'm this close.
525
00:19:03,271 --> 00:19:06,023
And they just want to
take it away from me again.
526
00:19:06,024 --> 00:19:08,025
I'm... I'm sorry to say this,
527
00:19:08,026 --> 00:19:11,695
but, I mean, you're not
the only victim here.
528
00:19:11,696 --> 00:19:13,030
Oh? Oh, really?
529
00:19:13,031 --> 00:19:14,490
Who's the other victim?
530
00:19:14,491 --> 00:19:16,533
Someone who was offended by a joke?
531
00:19:16,534 --> 00:19:18,535
- Many jokes.
- I'm sorry.
532
00:19:18,536 --> 00:19:20,371
People are too easily offended now.
533
00:19:20,372 --> 00:19:23,332
If you don't like a joke, don't laugh!
534
00:19:23,333 --> 00:19:24,667
They're not.
535
00:19:24,668 --> 00:19:25,751
This is insane.
536
00:19:25,752 --> 00:19:28,629
Me! I'm being taken
down by a liberal mob.
537
00:19:28,630 --> 00:19:31,590
Me, who was the first
person to be fined by the FCC
538
00:19:31,591 --> 00:19:34,551
for saying the word "abortion" on TV!
539
00:19:34,552 --> 00:19:36,345
- Why come after me?
- Hey, hey.
540
00:19:36,346 --> 00:19:38,973
This is not a value judgment
on your entire being.
541
00:19:38,974 --> 00:19:39,974
Oh, really?
542
00:19:39,975 --> 00:19:40,975
They're... they're just upset
543
00:19:40,976 --> 00:19:42,518
about some mistakes you made.
544
00:19:42,519 --> 00:19:44,061
Jokes I made.
545
00:19:44,062 --> 00:19:46,188
Jokes that everybody
was doing at the time.
546
00:19:46,189 --> 00:19:50,401
Yes, and the jokes
were hurtful and shitty.
547
00:19:50,402 --> 00:19:52,111
Both things can be true.
548
00:19:52,112 --> 00:19:54,488
You get to be rich and
famous for making jokes,
549
00:19:54,489 --> 00:19:57,074
and people are allowed to
have their reactions to them.
550
00:19:57,075 --> 00:19:58,742
I mean, why not use your comedian brain
551
00:19:58,743 --> 00:20:00,744
to fight through your defensiveness
552
00:20:00,745 --> 00:20:02,329
and think outside of yourself?
553
00:20:02,330 --> 00:20:04,374
Isn't that what good comics do?
554
00:20:05,166 --> 00:20:06,709
Why don't you just apologize?
555
00:20:06,710 --> 00:20:08,544
No.
556
00:20:08,545 --> 00:20:10,337
Never apologize for a joke.
557
00:20:10,338 --> 00:20:13,340
Yeah, you keep saying that, but why not?
558
00:20:13,341 --> 00:20:16,093
Because...
559
00:20:16,094 --> 00:20:17,886
you just don't, OK?
560
00:20:17,887 --> 00:20:19,096
Good one.
561
00:20:19,097 --> 00:20:20,431
Besides, if I apologize,
562
00:20:20,432 --> 00:20:22,099
it'll just add fuel to the fire.
563
00:20:22,100 --> 00:20:23,267
Deborah...
564
00:20:23,268 --> 00:20:24,852
I can't be woke.
565
00:20:24,853 --> 00:20:27,271
- I'm exhausted!
- OK.
566
00:20:27,272 --> 00:20:29,940
I know this feels like
the end of the world,
567
00:20:29,941 --> 00:20:31,817
but it really isn't.
568
00:20:31,818 --> 00:20:33,736
No one's actually canceled.
569
00:20:33,737 --> 00:20:37,031
Don't you lecture me.
570
00:20:37,032 --> 00:20:39,575
I was canceled before there
was even a name for it.
571
00:20:39,576 --> 00:20:40,993
They only gave it a name after
572
00:20:40,994 --> 00:20:43,287
it started happening to powerful men.
573
00:20:43,288 --> 00:20:44,788
Problem is, I don't have the time
574
00:20:44,789 --> 00:20:47,583
to go to Europe and wait it out.
575
00:20:47,584 --> 00:20:50,044
I don't have any time!
576
00:20:50,045 --> 00:20:51,587
And I certainly don't
have the time to stand here
577
00:20:51,588 --> 00:20:54,256
debating it with you.
578
00:20:54,257 --> 00:20:57,052
I have a Barolo decanting downstairs.
579
00:20:58,345 --> 00:20:59,970
Deborah, I just think apologizing
580
00:20:59,971 --> 00:21:01,263
is the right thing to do.
581
00:21:01,264 --> 00:21:03,223
Hello?
582
00:21:03,224 --> 00:21:06,060
It's so easy for you to
say what's right or wrong.
583
00:21:06,061 --> 00:21:08,270
It's never that simple.
584
00:21:08,271 --> 00:21:09,897
One day, you'll understand that.
585
00:21:09,898 --> 00:21:11,398
Can someone open the door?
586
00:21:17,739 --> 00:21:18,907
Nice.
587
00:21:22,494 --> 00:21:23,953
Up, up, up, up!
588
00:21:23,954 --> 00:21:26,497
Time to get up. The day looks fabulous!
589
00:21:26,498 --> 00:21:27,874
Up, up, up, up...
590
00:21:32,420 --> 00:21:34,296
Contacts...
591
00:21:34,297 --> 00:21:36,215
D, D, D, D, D.
592
00:21:36,216 --> 00:21:37,967
Deborah.
593
00:21:41,096 --> 00:21:42,096
Deborah, yes.
594
00:21:42,097 --> 00:21:43,722
What are you doing?
595
00:21:43,723 --> 00:21:44,765
Are you going through my phone?
596
00:21:44,766 --> 00:21:45,766
Nope.
597
00:21:45,767 --> 00:21:47,518
725840392...
598
00:21:47,519 --> 00:21:49,853
Oh, my God, are you trying
to memorize Deborah's number?
599
00:21:49,854 --> 00:21:51,563
3972584...
600
00:21:51,564 --> 00:21:54,483
- 22, 19, 500.
- Stop. Stop it.
601
00:21:54,484 --> 00:21:57,236
- 25,600...
- No, 725...
602
00:21:57,237 --> 00:22:00,281
8, 6, 7, 5, 3, 0, 99.
603
00:22:00,282 --> 00:22:01,657
- Stop! Please, just stop.
- Seven, purple...
604
00:22:01,658 --> 00:22:03,367
Why are you ruining this for me?
605
00:22:03,368 --> 00:22:04,994
This is why I don't hook
up with Little Debbies.
606
00:22:04,995 --> 00:22:06,328
Oh.
607
00:22:06,329 --> 00:22:07,830
You're a monster.
608
00:22:07,831 --> 00:22:10,708
And there is no way that these
are 800 thread count sheets.
609
00:22:10,709 --> 00:22:12,919
- Goodbye.
- Oh, you little bitch.
610
00:22:14,879 --> 00:22:16,881
Oh, my God!
611
00:22:17,591 --> 00:22:19,509
I'm never drinking again.
612
00:22:20,969 --> 00:22:22,053
Ms. Vance.
613
00:22:23,763 --> 00:22:25,222
Hi. Gloria from the dean's office.
614
00:22:25,223 --> 00:22:27,182
- Oh, hi.
- Hi.
615
00:22:27,183 --> 00:22:29,393
Um, I am so sorry,
616
00:22:29,394 --> 00:22:32,021
but we are going to have
to cancel the ceremony.
617
00:22:32,022 --> 00:22:33,732
What? Why?
618
00:22:34,441 --> 00:22:37,484
There are a number of groups
that are planning on protesting
619
00:22:37,485 --> 00:22:40,696
due to a video of your material
that's been circulating.
620
00:22:40,697 --> 00:22:42,824
Well, this is the first
I'm hearing of this.
621
00:22:43,450 --> 00:22:44,992
After the Condoleezza Rice incident,
622
00:22:44,993 --> 00:22:46,785
we realized it was better to cancel
623
00:22:46,786 --> 00:22:48,579
to avoid any potential violence.
624
00:22:48,580 --> 00:22:50,748
Smart. She might kill someone.
625
00:22:50,749 --> 00:22:52,958
We do still plan to
offer you the degree,
626
00:22:52,959 --> 00:22:55,586
just in a closed-door ceremony.
627
00:22:55,587 --> 00:22:56,837
At some point.
628
00:22:56,838 --> 00:22:58,339
Fantastic.
629
00:22:58,340 --> 00:23:01,383
Also, you have been
invited to a town hall
630
00:23:01,384 --> 00:23:03,719
being hosted by a coalition
of students tomorrow.
631
00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:04,845
You can go if you like.
632
00:23:04,846 --> 00:23:07,515
Could be a good opportunity
to hear their grievances.
633
00:23:09,017 --> 00:23:10,685
Again, I'm so sorry.
634
00:23:13,104 --> 00:23:15,773
I don't know, town hall
could be a good idea.
635
00:23:15,774 --> 00:23:17,566
Absolutely not.
636
00:23:17,567 --> 00:23:19,443
I spoke to my crisis
PR woman this morning.
637
00:23:19,444 --> 00:23:21,236
She said do not engage at all.
638
00:23:21,237 --> 00:23:23,948
OK, OK. Please, stop yelling at me.
639
00:23:23,949 --> 00:23:25,825
I'm too hungover to argue.
640
00:23:34,209 --> 00:23:37,003
Deborah. I'm not gonna
make it to Pride.*
641
00:23:37,671 --> 00:23:40,339
- What?
- No, no, there's just too much going on.
642
00:23:40,340 --> 00:23:43,467
And you know, apparently,
I need to lay low.
643
00:23:43,468 --> 00:23:45,970
All right, I told, like,
200 gay men you were coming.
644
00:23:45,971 --> 00:23:47,554
It's fine. They'll get over it.
645
00:23:47,555 --> 00:23:49,014
No, they won't, actually.
646
00:23:49,015 --> 00:23:50,474
I told you this was important.
647
00:23:50,475 --> 00:23:52,559
Marcus, I do not need this right now.
648
00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:53,644
This weekend has been a...
649
00:23:53,645 --> 00:23:54,728
I don't want to hear it.
650
00:23:54,729 --> 00:23:56,897
OK, I want you to hear me,
but of course you don't,
651
00:23:56,898 --> 00:23:58,316
because you don't fucking listen.
652
00:24:01,945 --> 00:24:02,987
You know what? Forget it.
653
00:24:02,988 --> 00:24:04,698
I'll cancel. Bye.
654
00:24:19,504 --> 00:24:21,422
- Can I grab a lemon?
- Go for it.
655
00:24:23,341 --> 00:24:25,968
Oh, hey.
656
00:24:25,969 --> 00:24:27,761
Deborah's not gonna be
able to sign anything.
657
00:24:27,762 --> 00:24:29,346
She's not coming at all.
658
00:24:29,347 --> 00:24:30,431
Really?
659
00:24:30,432 --> 00:24:32,349
She never misses Pride.
660
00:24:32,350 --> 00:24:35,185
Well, can't blame her.
661
00:24:35,186 --> 00:24:37,229
She's had a hell of a year.
662
00:24:37,230 --> 00:24:38,314
Cheers to that.
663
00:24:38,315 --> 00:24:39,774
You can kind of blame her.
664
00:24:41,568 --> 00:24:43,152
You OK?
665
00:24:43,153 --> 00:24:44,528
I mean, I don't know you.
666
00:24:44,529 --> 00:24:46,071
This could be your personality.
667
00:24:46,072 --> 00:24:47,323
I'm just pissed off.
668
00:24:47,324 --> 00:24:48,741
She owes us so much,
669
00:24:48,742 --> 00:24:50,409
and she's letting everyone down, again.
670
00:24:50,410 --> 00:24:54,204
Well, this is what happens.
671
00:24:54,205 --> 00:24:58,626
You can't stop being a fan now
that she's got more of them.
672
00:24:58,627 --> 00:25:01,503
We loved her before anybody else did,
673
00:25:01,504 --> 00:25:04,048
and she loved us
before anybody else did.
674
00:25:04,049 --> 00:25:06,467
That's not nothing.
675
00:25:06,468 --> 00:25:09,220
We... we just have to share her now.
676
00:25:10,096 --> 00:25:11,847
But doesn't that make you mad?
677
00:25:11,848 --> 00:25:13,015
No.
678
00:25:13,016 --> 00:25:16,061
It just means we were right all along.
679
00:25:17,062 --> 00:25:20,356
But nobody's ever gonna
know Deborah like we do.
680
00:25:20,357 --> 00:25:22,983
She's a survivor, like us.
681
00:25:22,984 --> 00:25:25,695
Well, she's always looking
out for herself, so yeah.
682
00:25:28,615 --> 00:25:31,825
You know, first time I saw her,
683
00:25:31,826 --> 00:25:34,662
she was performing at a bowling alley.
684
00:25:34,663 --> 00:25:38,374
It was right after the divorce,
but she was so funny about it.
685
00:25:38,375 --> 00:25:40,584
And I... I was howling.
686
00:25:40,585 --> 00:25:41,919
She was at rock bottom,
687
00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:45,172
but somehow, it felt like
she was on top of the world.
688
00:25:45,173 --> 00:25:50,261
She made me feel like I
could be on top, like...
689
00:25:50,262 --> 00:25:53,389
like I could laugh at all the...
690
00:25:53,390 --> 00:25:56,101
sad things that were
happening to me too.
691
00:25:57,269 --> 00:25:59,144
Yeah, when I first saw her,
692
00:25:59,145 --> 00:26:01,106
my dad had just died.
693
00:26:03,108 --> 00:26:05,317
I'm sorry.
694
00:26:05,318 --> 00:26:08,362
Well, I'm glad you
don't feel left behind.
695
00:26:08,363 --> 00:26:11,115
Sometimes, left behind is good.
696
00:26:11,116 --> 00:26:13,951
Cher wrote the "Believe" album at 55.
697
00:26:13,952 --> 00:26:16,412
Did she show up at Pride that year?
698
00:26:16,413 --> 00:26:18,956
No.
699
00:26:18,957 --> 00:26:21,625
But we got the "Believe" album.
700
00:26:21,626 --> 00:26:25,255
Sometimes good things
come from letting go.
701
00:26:26,256 --> 00:26:29,133
And letting go is actually
702
00:26:29,134 --> 00:26:32,928
the theme of "Strong Enough"
from the "Believe" album.
703
00:26:36,474 --> 00:26:37,933
Snap out of it!
704
00:26:41,271 --> 00:26:44,023
At the tone, please record your message.
705
00:26:44,024 --> 00:26:46,025
Roy, it's Marcus.
706
00:26:46,026 --> 00:26:47,276
Give me a call when you get this.
707
00:26:47,277 --> 00:26:49,486
I'll be coming to QVC next week,
708
00:26:49,487 --> 00:26:51,364
and I'd like to talk.
709
00:26:57,120 --> 00:26:58,621
If we're gonna leave water
710
00:26:58,622 --> 00:27:00,205
at the border for these people,
711
00:27:00,206 --> 00:27:01,248
we might as well leave
712
00:27:01,249 --> 00:27:02,875
Spanish-to-English dictionaries too.
713
00:27:04,210 --> 00:27:06,003
Clarence Thomas put a pubic hair
714
00:27:06,004 --> 00:27:07,838
on Anita Hill's can of Coca-Cola,
715
00:27:07,839 --> 00:27:09,340
which I find disgusting.
716
00:27:09,341 --> 00:27:11,133
She should be drinking Diet Coke.
717
00:27:12,928 --> 00:27:15,179
An NBA player had sex with 6,000...
718
00:27:22,354 --> 00:27:24,438
All right, let's all begin.
719
00:27:24,439 --> 00:27:26,357
Thank you for joining us.
720
00:27:26,358 --> 00:27:29,109
Sharing this marketplace
of ideas, right.
721
00:27:29,110 --> 00:27:32,696
Hey, are you in my
foreign policy section?
722
00:27:32,697 --> 00:27:34,865
No, but oh, my God,
723
00:27:34,866 --> 00:27:37,117
I cannot tell you how
much that means to me.
724
00:27:37,118 --> 00:27:39,286
I have a girlfriend.
725
00:27:39,287 --> 00:27:40,287
What?
726
00:27:40,288 --> 00:27:42,373
Damn. Y'all are wifed up.
727
00:27:42,374 --> 00:27:44,458
Uh, ma'am, please.
728
00:27:44,459 --> 00:27:46,293
- Let's get started.
- Sorry.
729
00:27:46,294 --> 00:27:49,588
Now, this isn't a public flogging.
730
00:27:49,589 --> 00:27:52,383
This is a dialogue
for acknowledging harm
731
00:27:52,384 --> 00:27:54,134
and fostering empathy.
732
00:27:54,135 --> 00:27:58,013
But first, Deborah, would
you like to start us off?
733
00:27:58,014 --> 00:27:59,014
Sure.
734
00:28:02,769 --> 00:28:04,937
Thank you for coming.
735
00:28:04,938 --> 00:28:07,648
I... I had a speech prepared,
736
00:28:07,649 --> 00:28:11,319
but I think I owe you
more than my explanations.
737
00:28:12,737 --> 00:28:14,739
I am sorry.
738
00:28:16,324 --> 00:28:20,035
I looked back at those
jokes, and I'm embarrassed.
739
00:28:20,036 --> 00:28:22,246
I wish I could donate a library
740
00:28:22,247 --> 00:28:25,833
or buy you all ice cream or something.
741
00:28:25,834 --> 00:28:27,876
Make it all go away.
742
00:28:27,877 --> 00:28:30,671
But I can't.
743
00:28:30,672 --> 00:28:31,840
Right?
744
00:28:35,093 --> 00:28:37,553
OK, um...
745
00:28:37,554 --> 00:28:39,598
I think I'll just listen.
746
00:28:40,765 --> 00:28:42,600
Because I've said enough.
747
00:28:42,601 --> 00:28:46,312
And to be totally honest,
748
00:28:46,313 --> 00:28:49,148
I'm really afraid of
saying the wrong thing.
749
00:28:49,149 --> 00:28:51,650
Good.
750
00:28:51,651 --> 00:28:53,820
OK, then.
751
00:28:54,654 --> 00:28:56,196
Let's open up the floor.
752
00:28:56,197 --> 00:28:57,866
Would anyone like to share?
753
00:28:59,409 --> 00:29:00,619
You in the striped sweater.
754
00:29:02,120 --> 00:29:03,871
What's up, Deborah?
755
00:29:03,872 --> 00:29:05,456
You don't know me, but we actually
756
00:29:05,457 --> 00:29:06,790
have some stuff in common.
757
00:29:06,791 --> 00:29:09,001
We're both obsessed with 9/11.
758
00:29:09,002 --> 00:29:11,211
Yeah.
759
00:29:11,212 --> 00:29:13,005
You got about 20 minutes' worth
760
00:29:13,006 --> 00:29:15,174
of raghead and terrorist
jokes out of it,
761
00:29:15,175 --> 00:29:18,136
and what my family got was harassed.
762
00:29:18,970 --> 00:29:21,472
9/11's the reason my elbow's ashy.
763
00:29:21,473 --> 00:29:24,391
'Cause TSA still confiscates my lotion.
764
00:29:26,311 --> 00:29:28,395
Here's the thing. I'm not even Arab.
765
00:29:28,396 --> 00:29:29,730
My family's Punjabi.
766
00:29:29,731 --> 00:29:33,317
So on the one hand, it
does take the edge off
767
00:29:33,318 --> 00:29:36,904
when you realize how
dumb racists really are.
768
00:29:36,905 --> 00:29:39,907
But on the other,
it's like, damn, dudes,
769
00:29:39,908 --> 00:29:42,451
buy a shower curtain with the
world map on it or something.
770
00:29:43,954 --> 00:29:46,163
Anyway, just thought you should know.
771
00:29:46,164 --> 00:29:47,164
Thank you.
772
00:29:47,165 --> 00:29:48,375
Anyone else?
773
00:29:49,542 --> 00:29:51,169
Uh, you in the grey shirt.
774
00:29:52,045 --> 00:29:53,170
Hi. Uh, yeah.
775
00:29:53,171 --> 00:29:54,421
I just wondered if you could address
776
00:29:54,422 --> 00:29:57,008
some of your ableist material.
777
00:29:57,717 --> 00:29:58,717
I... I'm sorry.
778
00:29:58,718 --> 00:30:00,010
What is ableist?
779
00:30:00,011 --> 00:30:02,805
Why do I write the emails
if she doesn't read 'em?
780
00:30:04,015 --> 00:30:07,768
Your jokes that made fun
of people with disabilities.
781
00:30:07,769 --> 00:30:09,436
Oh, right, yes.
782
00:30:09,437 --> 00:30:11,897
As someone that has dyslexia,
783
00:30:11,898 --> 00:30:15,693
or as you called it, "lysdexia,"
784
00:30:15,694 --> 00:30:18,362
yeah, I just thought maybe
you'd like to speak on that.
785
00:30:18,363 --> 00:30:22,659
Oh, to be honest, I didn't
realize dyslexia was a disability.
786
00:30:23,410 --> 00:30:25,995
"Deborah Vance is by no means
787
00:30:25,996 --> 00:30:28,622
the obvious choice for late night.
788
00:30:28,623 --> 00:30:32,209
Her missteps are numerous
and not entirely forgivable.
789
00:30:32,210 --> 00:30:34,295
No doubt there will be more.
790
00:30:34,296 --> 00:30:37,965
But for all Vance's typical boomer-ness,
791
00:30:37,966 --> 00:30:40,801
there's a curiosity that goes beyond age
792
00:30:40,802 --> 00:30:44,179
and taps into something more human:
793
00:30:44,180 --> 00:30:47,224
our desire to understand each other.
794
00:30:47,225 --> 00:30:53,480
Or as her writer Ava Daniels put it,
795
00:30:53,481 --> 00:30:57,359
'A hack is someone who does
the same thing over and over.
796
00:30:57,360 --> 00:30:59,653
Deborah is the opposite.
797
00:30:59,654 --> 00:31:03,115
She keeps evolving and getting better.'
798
00:31:03,116 --> 00:31:04,950
Watching Vance say the wrong thing
799
00:31:04,951 --> 00:31:07,953
makes for entertaining TV,
800
00:31:07,954 --> 00:31:11,457
but watching her engage is even better.
801
00:31:11,458 --> 00:31:14,460
It's hard to say if she
would be the perfect host.
802
00:31:14,461 --> 00:31:18,589
But what she may offer us is
something more interesting,
803
00:31:18,590 --> 00:31:21,383
someone trying to connect with humanity
804
00:31:21,384 --> 00:31:24,929
in her attempt to connect with her own.
805
00:31:24,930 --> 00:31:26,890
And that's worth watching."
806
00:31:27,766 --> 00:31:30,601
I mean, for a Meena Elahi article,
807
00:31:30,602 --> 00:31:32,728
that's like a rave.
808
00:31:32,729 --> 00:31:35,064
- Is it?
- Yeah.
809
00:31:35,065 --> 00:31:38,026
Um, what... what are people saying?
810
00:31:38,693 --> 00:31:39,986
Let's see.
811
00:31:42,781 --> 00:31:45,074
This one guy wants you to
talk to his parents for him.
812
00:31:46,618 --> 00:31:48,786
Ooh. OK.
813
00:31:48,787 --> 00:31:53,165
This one woman is saying
you're a nasty, racist bitch.
814
00:31:53,166 --> 00:31:55,209
Couple of those.
815
00:31:55,210 --> 00:31:56,293
Lot of engagement, though.
816
00:31:56,294 --> 00:31:59,005
That's good. That's really... wait.
817
00:31:59,923 --> 00:32:01,298
Shit.
818
00:32:01,299 --> 00:32:03,968
What?
819
00:32:03,969 --> 00:32:06,345
Looks like Kayla...
820
00:32:06,346 --> 00:32:08,305
did actually tweet
that you got late night.
821
00:32:08,306 --> 00:32:10,517
No. No...
822
00:32:12,185 --> 00:32:13,727
It's really blowing up.
823
00:32:13,728 --> 00:32:15,854
Jimmy, what the hell happened?
824
00:32:15,855 --> 00:32:17,273
I fucking told her not to do that!
825
00:32:17,274 --> 00:32:18,649
She's not gonna force their hand!
826
00:32:18,650 --> 00:32:20,025
This is just gonna backfire!
827
00:32:20,026 --> 00:32:21,485
I'm actually pulling up
to your house right now.
828
00:32:21,486 --> 00:32:22,820
- You're here?
- Yes.
829
00:32:25,740 --> 00:32:26,907
Is she insane?
830
00:32:26,908 --> 00:32:28,409
I know. I'm so sorry.
831
00:32:28,410 --> 00:32:30,077
If I wasn't fucked before, I am now.
832
00:32:30,078 --> 00:32:31,161
She shouldn't have tweeted that.
833
00:32:31,162 --> 00:32:32,579
The hell was she thinking?
I'm gonna kill her!
834
00:32:32,580 --> 00:32:33,789
Listen.
835
00:32:33,790 --> 00:32:35,332
The network canceled your test show
836
00:32:35,333 --> 00:32:38,168
because they realized the
guest spot was the test.
837
00:32:39,671 --> 00:32:42,172
It's you, Deborah.
838
00:32:42,173 --> 00:32:43,924
You got late night.
839
00:32:45,677 --> 00:32:46,677
What's going on?
840
00:32:46,678 --> 00:32:48,762
You're scaring the dogs.
841
00:32:50,348 --> 00:32:52,308
I got it.
842
00:32:52,309 --> 00:32:54,476
I got... I got late night.
843
00:32:54,477 --> 00:32:56,061
- What?
- What?
844
00:32:56,062 --> 00:32:57,479
- Oh, my fucking God!
- Oh, my God!
845
00:32:57,480 --> 00:32:58,814
Oh, my God!
846
00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:20,000
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
59114
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