All language subtitles for Freaky Stories - 3x06 - Loch Ness Incident At the Circus_Legendas01.ENG

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MAURICE: Roses are red,
Violets are blue,

The most talented host...

is me and not you.

What d'ya think
you're up to now?

I'm reading from
my book of poetry.

You wrote a poetry book?

Yes, I did.

And you think
somebody's gonna publish it?

I'm waiting for a
call from a publisher.

You know how long you're gonna
have to wait for that call?

Forever!
That's how long!

A challenge from
you I do not fear,

Because you and I
no one can com...

com...
com...

No one can com-peer?

This is a true story.

It happened to a friend
of a friend of mine...

Well, actually he wasn't
really a friend -

more like a tormentor.

His name was Bruno.

He was the only kid in Miss
Shmendrick's Second Grade

class who shaved.

He had more hair on his
upper lip than I have

on my entire body.

When he walked, his knuckles
dragged on the ground.

And watching him eat was
like being in the midst -

but 'scuse me, I digress...

Bruno had two great loves.

His first, was torturing me.

Every morning on
the way to class,

he would snatch my glasses
and fling them

into the girls' washroom.

At lunchtime he would
force-feed me my

tuna sandwich.

And after school there
was the daily puddle dunk.

My therapist says that I
have "issues" with Bruno.

But enough about me,
let's talk about him.

Because, you see -- Bruno's
other great love was -

The Circus.

Once a month there was a
Circus on TV - the high-wire

aerialists, the strongmen
and the inevitable elephant

dancing a mambo.

Finally, they would
get to what for Bruno

was the main event.

The house lights dimmed and
Congo drums filled the air...

The Ringmaster told a
tale of jungle explorers

and their quest to
capture the most evil,

the most feared - the most
dangerous predator of all...

The Rogue Gorilla!

A group of burly stevedores
would come out carrying

a large cage with
a Gorilla inside.

Now, you know, we may have
been in the Second Grade

but we weren't stupid.

Everyone knew it was a
man in a Gorilla suit.

Everyone...
but Bruno.

He never quite got it.

Y'see, whenever the
Circus was on TV,

the Gorilla act went
EXACTLY like this...

The Ringmaster would tell us
how dangerous this Gorilla

was - and
within two seconds,

it would escape
from its cage.

The Gorilla would roam
around terrorizing people.

But the strange thing
was it was always

the same people.

First, the Gorilla
would find a lady in a

polka-dotted dress.

He'd grab her.

She'd scream and run - and
her dress would come off

in his hands.

Now the thing that I
found suspect was that her

undergarments were strangely
similar to my Aunt Helen's.

And in my entire life, I've
only known two women who

wore that brand of
underwear: Aunt Helen and

the circus lady.

Then the Gorilla would
find a man wearing a hat.

He'd pull off the hat and
rub the guy's bald head.

And well that was the act.

Then the Gorilla would get
back to his cage and they'd

carry him away.

Now, if I were a fearsome
king of the jungle - I would

at least visit the
concession stand for some

caramel corn, or maybe ask
a pretty stenographer

out for coffee.

But, but you know, in our
deepest heart of hearts we

secretly wished it was real.

And one day our
wishes came true...

The day the
circus came to town!

We were abuzz
with excitement.

All Bruno could talk
about was the Gorilla.

And how - in the event that
it escaped captivity again -

he was prepared to
wrestle it into submission.

Greco-Roman style.

Bruno never grasped the
fact that this was a mere

Gorilla forgery.

Needless to say, that night
the Gardens were packed.

I saw Bruno with his mother
as they crept to their seats

in the nosebleed section.

Finally, the main event...

The Ringmaster
announced the Gorilla Act.

The house lights
dimmed and the Congo drums,

they Congo'd.

And then stevedores
brought the cage out as the

Ringmaster described
how fearsome

and dangerous it was.

Then like clockwork,
the cage door swings open!

The Gorilla rummaged around
in the audience until he

found the lady in
the polka dot dress.

She screams.

He grabbed - and she ran
off in my Aunt Helen's

underwear.

You could hear Bruno
laughing all the way from

his perch in the
nosebleed section -

but then the laughter stopped.

The Gorilla was supposed
to get back in his cage.

But NO.!

He was coming through
the stands -

closer and closer to Bruno!

He tried to scream - but
it caught in his throat.

He tried to run - but his
Mother grabbed hold of him.

She didn't want to chase
him all over the Gardens.

The Gorilla reared up
right in front of him.

It screamed and
beat its chest.

Bruno screamed - then
fainted into the soggy

popcorn and soda
under his seat.

He missed the
end of the show.

Then the Gorilla went back
to the cage and a pretty

girl took off its mask.

And the Circus Strongman
was inside the Gorilla suit.

The audience cheered while
Bruno's mom dragged him down

to the subway - and home.

This is a true story.

It happened to a
friend of a friend of mine.

And the funny thing is, from
that time on Bruno never

bothered me again.

You see, I discovered a
secret weapon to use

against him.

Some people
want to be in the ballet,

And dance upon their toes.

I want to be an elephant,

And squirt water
through my nose.

We'll take care of him, right
after this Freaky Story.

This is a true story.

It happened to a friend
of a friend of mine...

three years ago when we were
in high school together.

Duane was a total dufus.

His mom was a judge, his dad
was a university professor.

His twelve year old sister was
in the "advanced" class...

a certified, actual genius.

And Duane...

let's just say he
was a long-haired,

nose-pierced numskull.

His brain was a total waste
of the electrical impulses

it takes to run a brain.

But the weird thing is,
Duane aced every exam

he ever took.

Duane made it all the way
through high school like he

had no clue what was
going on in any class.

When the teacher would
ask, "Who knows the answer?"

Duane would hide
behind his book.

When he had to go up to
the blackboard to do a math

problem, he'd claim
his finger was broken,

so he couldn't
hold the chalk.

But when it came to the
mid-term or final exam,

Duane got an A.

Oh sure, everyone
thought Duane was cheating.

By the time he
reached his senior year,

he was thoroughly searched
before he'd enter

the exam room.

No crib notes
were ever found.

His arms and legs were
examined for written answers.

Even the bottom of his
feet were free and clear...

except, of course, for
the toe rings and the

one-little-piggie,
two-little-piggie tattoos.

Okay. So it was the last
final high school exam Duane

would ever have to take.

English was the subject and
Miss Steinmeister was the

teacher, the toughest
teacher in the school.

Maybe in the whole country.

Steinmeister
means stern master.

No one was more stern
that this old battle-axe.

And on the day of
the final exam,

she was so stern she
radiated an aura of

"You mess with me, I'll
rip your head off!"

You see, Miss Steinmeister
had just come from having

extensive, painful dental work
done on her stern teeth.

I mean, that day, she
was like a pit bull

with a migraine.

One girl asked if she could
hold her hankie during the

exam because she had
this terrible running nose.

Miss Steinmeister
barked at her so furiously,

the girl's nose
was afraid to run.

So the exam begins.

The students open
up their test books,

take one look at the test
and there's a group moan.

The questions are the
hardest they've ever seen.

Sweat began to roll down the
brows of all the students.

All the
students except Duane.

He got right into it.

Answering one
question after the other.

He'd look at the question, take
a minute to think about it,

then write down the answer.

And then the next
question, and the next.

Without missing a beat,
Duane was acing this test

just like he did
all the others.

At least
that's how it looked.

But here's what
was really going on.

That's right.

Duane had a
teeny tiny camera...

you know, the kind you
can buy in one of those

security/spy shops.

He'd pretend to think while
the camera transmitted

the question to...

Mary Margaret...

who would transmit
the answers to...Duane.

Even when Miss
Steinmeister would stand

next to Duane and
glower at him suspiciously,

she had no clue how
this nincompoop

was answering the questions.

She could do nothing more
than gape in total amazement

when Duane got to the
question she put on the test

for the express
purpose of stumping Duane.

But suddenly, Miss
Steinmeister perked up.

Like a dog -- I told you she
resembled a pit bull --

who is hearing something
only a dog can hear.

But this dog...
I mean teacher...

started to wander around the
room like she was in some

kind of trance.

It was a totally
weird sight to see.

Miss Steinmeister wandered
up and down the aisles,

then would suddenly
stop and wander off

in another direction.

She finally came to
stop right at Duane's desk,

pulled the pen
out of his hand,

pointed it at
her face and said,

"Gotcha!" Then she
held out her hand.

Duane tried to play dumb...

not a stretch for Duane.

But Miss Steinmeister
just stood there,

it seemed like forever.

And Duane finally folded.

He took out his mini ear
piece and dropped it in

Miss Steinmeister's palm.

Duane didn't have to speak.

The totally confused
look on his face...

more totally
confused than usual,

asked the question,
How did you know?

Miss
Steinmeister leaned over,

opened her mouth
next to Duane's ear.

And he could hear
Mary Margaret saying,

"Duane?
What's going on?

Did the pit bull catch you?"

That's right.

Miss Steinmeister was
receiving the transmission

from Duane's sister on the
extensive dental work

she just had done.

This is a true story.

It happened to a
friend of a friend of mine.

Duane had to start
high school all over.

And now, when he
takes an exam,

he's surrounded by a
static field to prevent any

transmission of answers.

Oh yeah, Duane's
a freshman again.

He's been one for
three years now.

Let's give the guy a hand!

I had a bunny named Nigel.

He had soft fluffy fur.

I have got sixteen now.

I guess he was a her.

This is a true story.

It happened to a friend of
a friend of mine. Sam.

Her actual
name was Samantha.

And she was a friend
back when we both were ten.

I liked Samantha
because she was always

full of surprises.

She was "different".

I mean, in a lot of
ways she was regular,

but in some ways she
was really, really...

"different".

Like when the new kid
moved in next door to her.

Devlin was his name.

Nasty little guy.

When Samantha would
go out on her bike,

Devlin would zip by
on his skateboard.

Real close.

So Samantha would get
startled and swerve and bump

into a tree or
something, and fall.

And what would Samantha do?

Nothing.

She didn't run home crying.

Didn't tell Devlin's mother.

Like I said, she
was "different".

And when Devlin had one of
his nasty pals at his house,

Devlin would swipe
something of Samantha's,

like her hat, or her scarf.

And then Devlin and his
pal would play Monkey

in the Middle.

You know, they'd toss
it back and forth while

Samantha would make pitiful
attempts at grabbing it.

And Devlin thought
that was hysterical.

He'd laugh and tease
and act like a jerk.

Still,
Samantha did nothing.

It could have been
a good strategy,

if Devlin was a regular
kid and just gave up when he

didn't get Samantha's
goat or make her cry.

But no.

Devlin kept being annoying.

And Samantha
kept doing nothing.

But everybody has a limit
of how much they can take.

And Devlin pushed Samantha
past that limit the day he

went after Samantha's
cat with a water gun.

Samantha went ballistic.

It was time to get even.

Which was not too much of
a challenge for Samantha,

since she was a witch.

Samantha, went into her witch
mode, conjured up a bolt of

lightning and sent it... ZAP!

Right toward Devlin's house.

And ZAP!

It came right back at her.

She thought it must
have hit something.

Maybe Devlin's house
had aluminum siding.

No problem.

Samantha was way more
than a one-trick witch.

Samantha flipped
through witch books,

found a recipe for fire
balls and before you could

say, "Trouble,
trouble, boil and bubble,

she had a fire ball
the size of a Buick.

With all her might, she
hurled it at Devlin's house.

And what came back at Samantha

was a huge torrent of water.

It doused the fire ball
and nearly drowned Samantha.

She figured someone must
have been watering the lawn

or washing the car.

Whatever.

Samantha had a whole
bunch of witch books

full of tricks.

And it was time to pull
out some of the really scary

stuff...actually, the scariest
of all the big snakes.

Snakes always work.

Even small ones
can be scary.

But the one Samantha
conjured up was a monster.

A mega-snake.

So over goes the giant snake,
slithering across the yard.

Samantha sat back and
waited for Devlin's

pitiful scream...

which never came.

What did come was
her giant snake...

in a panic.

And no wonder.

Right behind the snake was a
great big saber tooth tiger.

That giant jungle cat chased
the snake across Samantha's

yard, crashing
through the fence,

disappearing
down the street.

Well, she had to find
out what was going on.

So that night, when
she was sure everyone in

Devlin's house
would be asleep,

she snuck across the yard.

She crept up to the window of
Devlin's room and peeked in.

No one was in the room.

Then Samantha
smelled something.

Something familiar.

She couldn't quite
figure out what it was.

It was just...
familiar.

Familiar in a nice way.

Like when a boy remembers
exactly where he was when he

smelled his first pizza.

Suddenly it hit her.

It was the smell of school.

Witch school.

Boiling gnats' wings
and powdered bat nails.

All that magic potion
stuff she knew so well.

In Devlin's house?

"Hi", said Devlin,
suddenly standing

right behind Samantha.

"How did you get
here?" she asked

even though she already
knew the answer.

Devlin was a warlock.

This was a true story.

It happened to a
friend of a friend of mine.

Samantha.

She got to know Devlin.
Got to like him.

Eventually married him.

And they had a
child, who could be

YOUR next door neighbor.

Beneath the
spreading chestnut tree,

The village smithy stands.

The smith a
mighty man is he,

With large and sinewy hands.

He goes to church each Sunday

He sits down in his pew.

His friends come
and sit next to him,

And say, "Does that
PEE-UWW belong to you?"

[phone rings]

That must be my publisher.

Tsk.
Poor guy.

I hate to be here
when he comes back

all sad and disappointed.

That was him! They're
going to publish my poems!

I have to
go take a meeting.

I mean, do lunch...

Hey!
What's gonna happen here?

Well, I'll have my
people call your people.

This is a true story.

It happened to a friend
of a friend of mine...

Thomas and James were a
couple of old timers.

They spent their retirement
years running a tourist boat

on historic Loch Ness.

Their sailboat, The Nessie
II had seen better days

but she was still a
fine seaworthy craft.

It was past the tourist
season and Thomas and James

were just about to get
Nessie ready for the winter

when a new customer
turned up at the docks.

She was a college student,
her name was Heather.

And she was looking for an
inexpensive boat and crew

so she could do research
for her masters thesis.

Well, they knew they
had a live one here.

She had lots of books and
gear - probably be able to

provide them with the
nest egg they'd need

to tide them over the winter.

They agreed on a price, then
the two old salts proceeded

to help Heather load her
gear aboard Nessie II.

Although it was
late in the season,

a warm breeze gently pushed
the little boat on its way,

out into the Loch.

"Ye wouldn't be looking for
the Monster, now. Would ye?"

asked Thomas who
loved monster lore.

It seems that Heather was
a Marine Biology student

searching for evidence to
either prove or disprove

the monster's existence.

Well, James and
Thomas had a field day,

telling tall sea tales about
boogie-men and monsters

until the wee small
hours of the morning...

It was late at night and
Heather was finally alone

with her equipment.

"Hrrrmph", she thought,
"Two old salts and their

fish-tales."

So, Heather was
alone on deck,

playing solitaire and enjoying
the still night air.

The water was smooth as
glass with nary a ripple and

a low fog hung
over the loch.

She had just started
to play a new hand

when something 'blipped'.

Heather glanced over
at a flashing light

on the sensor array.

There was
something in the water.

She flicked a
switch on the monitor.

"Probably a sunken
log", she thought.

They floated up from
the bottom all the time.

She glanced into the still
water as she flipped another

switch, muting the speaker.

Just then the log broke
the surface of the lake.

"Aaah.
Just as I thought".

Down, below, Thomas and
James slept the sleep

of angels...

A few minutes later, something
went 'bleep' again.

Heather looked over
at the sonar array.

She was sure it must be one
of those old codgers down

below trying to put
a scare into her.

She'd just settled back in
her seat when the array

lit up like Christmas Eve.

Heather leapt
to the console.

She switched on
the fish finder.

There was
something on the screen.

Something big!

And it was coming up FAST!

She heard a bubbling sound.

She looked over the side.

The water was foaming
all 'round the boat -

and it was starting to glow!

Then there was a
titanic CRASH.

They'd hit something -
or something hit them!

James and Thomas were
pitched from their bunks

and stumbled through
the darkened cabin.

Nessie II was listing.

She was flooding with water.

They scrambled up the
ladder onto the deck.

Thomas hit the switch, flipping
on the mast spotlights.

The boat was going down!

They'd hit
something all right.

But the boat was
still anchored,

the water calm and there are
no submerged rocks in the

middle of Loch Ness.

They found her
clinging to the mast,

water swirling
about her feet.

"WHAT HAVE YOU
DONE, GIRLIE!?!"

screamed Thomas.

"WHAT HAVE YOU
DONE TO OUR BOAT!?!"

yelled James.

But she clung to the
mast - white as a ghost.

"Lassie!
You okay?"

But she just gasped and
fainted onto the deck.

They rushed
over to help her.

Thomas turned to get
the first aid kit.

Then he froze.

"Laddie...
You'd better see this..."

Slowly, James turned 'round
to see what Thomas meant.

There was a moment of silence
while it all sunk in.

A bite was missing out
from the boat's stern -

a bite about 6 feet wide.

This is a true story.

It happened to a
friend of a friend of mine.

And Heather's still
searching Loch Ness.

But now she pays attention
to the old stories,

and she never... ever...
takes the night shift.

There once was a Maggot,
Maurice.

Hauled off to
the jail by police.

The cops'
stomach all soured,

When Maurice devoured [INHALE]

Smelly Tuna, stink sludge,
drain crust, rotten grapes,

decayed prunes, moldy bread,
curdled cream and old garbage

[INHALE] all covered with
grease.

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