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1
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:09,843
Good evening, ladies.
2
00:00:10,478 --> 00:00:11,945
No.
3
00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:13,481
What are you doing?
4
00:00:13,581 --> 00:00:15,083
I know this neighborhood
is a circus,
5
00:00:15,216 --> 00:00:16,784
but our window's
becoming a freak show.
6
00:00:17,051 --> 00:00:19,420
Max, I don't think
that bearded lady earlier
7
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:20,654
was doing it on purpose.
8
00:00:20,754 --> 00:00:22,856
It's more
of a menopause thing.
9
00:00:22,956 --> 00:00:26,060
He can't afford a cupcake.
He can't even afford two wheels.
10
00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:30,030
Hi. What can I get you?
11
00:00:30,098 --> 00:00:32,200
-I'll take one vanilla.
-That'll be four dollars.
12
00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:35,569
Actually, madam, tonight
I'll be paying with a poem.
13
00:00:37,238 --> 00:00:39,440
He'll be paying
with a poem, madam.
14
00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:43,144
"I pull.
Shadows push.
15
00:00:43,244 --> 00:00:45,413
I was a child then.
16
00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:47,581
(WHISPERS) I was a child then."
17
00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:49,883
Spit it out.
18
00:00:51,985 --> 00:00:52,986
Hey, you want a poem?
19
00:00:53,087 --> 00:00:54,622
Roses are red,
violets are blue...
20
00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:56,056
Get a job!
21
00:00:56,157 --> 00:00:57,925
And another wheel!
22
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:01,162
That felt good.
I get why you do that.
23
00:01:01,262 --> 00:01:03,531
Wait till you get actual
fist-to-face contact.
24
00:01:03,631 --> 00:01:05,433
That's a real high.
25
00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:08,602
♪ (THEME SONG) ♪
26
00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:10,003
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)
27
00:01:17,145 --> 00:01:18,546
Welcome to
the Williamsburg Diner, Deke.
28
00:01:18,646 --> 00:01:21,515
Where'd you hear about us?
Kitchen Nightmares?
29
00:01:22,783 --> 00:01:24,518
Okay, Max,
let's get to it.
30
00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:26,086
We have to decide what
we're each gonna make
31
00:01:26,387 --> 00:01:27,388
for our pastry school
homework.
32
00:01:27,488 --> 00:01:28,822
Or true to form,
I'll blow it off,
33
00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:30,758
beat you up,
and take yours.
34
00:01:30,858 --> 00:01:34,762
Of the top of my giant head,
I'm thinking sticky buns.
35
00:01:34,862 --> 00:01:37,431
Deke's dark sticky buns.
36
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:39,167
We're talking about dessert,
37
00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:42,136
not what's going on
in your pants.
38
00:01:42,236 --> 00:01:43,804
Well, I would've
baked brownies,
39
00:01:44,071 --> 00:01:46,840
until I remembered I smoked
all the ingredients.
40
00:01:49,009 --> 00:01:51,512
Oh, my God,
guess who texted me again.
41
00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:52,713
Dame Judi Dench?
42
00:01:52,813 --> 00:01:54,182
Dame Judes texts me all the time.
43
00:01:54,482 --> 00:01:56,049
She's thirsty!
44
00:01:57,751 --> 00:02:00,454
More like,
damn, Judi Dench.
45
00:02:00,821 --> 00:02:02,055
Oh, hi, Deke.
46
00:02:02,190 --> 00:02:03,191
Didn't know you were here.
47
00:02:03,291 --> 00:02:04,392
You're everywhere.
48
00:02:04,492 --> 00:02:05,493
Pastry school,
49
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:08,095
on the phone with Max talking
about pastry school,
50
00:02:08,196 --> 00:02:10,664
and now here at the counter
talking about elder sex
51
00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:13,667
with a beloved star
of stage and screen.
52
00:02:13,767 --> 00:02:14,768
-You're like--
-What...
53
00:02:14,868 --> 00:02:17,838
Denzel Washington trapped
in Channing Tatum's body?
54
00:02:22,710 --> 00:02:24,345
I get that a lot.
55
00:02:24,445 --> 00:02:28,882
Anyway, Max, this is the fourth
time Chef Nicolas has texted me
56
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:29,983
outside of school.
57
00:02:30,083 --> 00:02:31,519
And this time
he sent me a video.
58
00:02:31,619 --> 00:02:33,053
Look.
59
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:34,522
CHEF NICOLAS: Then, Caroline,
you spoon the fat
60
00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:35,589
from the pan....
61
00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:37,658
CAROLINE: It's him making breakfast
with his shirt open.
62
00:02:37,725 --> 00:02:39,493
What do you think it means?
63
00:02:41,695 --> 00:02:44,798
That he doesn't have a fear
of bacon splatters?
64
00:02:44,898 --> 00:02:47,335
He's totally flirting
with me, right?
65
00:02:47,435 --> 00:02:49,303
Totally. Chef Nicolas
is hot for you.
66
00:02:49,437 --> 00:02:51,805
He has to double up on aprons
when you're around,
67
00:02:51,939 --> 00:02:53,441
know what I'm sayin'?
68
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:56,577
Deke, this is just
private best friend stuff
69
00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:59,280
between girls, you know,
that you're not a part of.
70
00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:01,882
Can I not be a part of it?
71
00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:03,617
And since Chef Nicolas
is your teacher
72
00:03:03,751 --> 00:03:04,818
and I work at the school,
73
00:03:04,918 --> 00:03:07,255
I'd appreciate it if we kept
this just between us three.
74
00:03:07,555 --> 00:03:09,823
And me.
I saw it over your shoulder.
75
00:03:09,923 --> 00:03:10,924
Doesn't hold a candle
76
00:03:11,058 --> 00:03:13,461
to my series of pantless
meatloaf videos.
77
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:15,496
Meatloaf. Pick up.
78
00:03:17,998 --> 00:03:19,733
Okay, okay, Max,
if you have time to lean,
79
00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:21,569
you have time to clean.
80
00:03:21,669 --> 00:03:23,304
And if I have time
to give you a punch,
81
00:03:23,437 --> 00:03:25,539
we have time
to have lunch.
82
00:03:26,374 --> 00:03:28,942
Max, should we help him
find his mom?
83
00:03:34,014 --> 00:03:36,850
Oh, no, now there's
two of them.
84
00:03:36,984 --> 00:03:38,952
Like gremlins.
85
00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:44,292
Now, come on, this is a diner,
not study hall.
86
00:03:44,425 --> 00:03:45,459
You're working.
87
00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:47,127
I call it spiritually dying,
88
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:49,530
but working is a good word
for what we do here, too.
89
00:03:49,630 --> 00:03:52,400
We could figure it out tomorrow
night over some drinks.
90
00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:54,768
Couple of white wine spritzers.
Know what I'm sayin'?
91
00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:56,236
That you're
a recently-widowed woman
92
00:03:56,537 --> 00:03:58,306
on a girls' trip in Boca?
93
00:03:58,606 --> 00:04:01,375
Well, I already ate my water,
so I'm good to go.
94
00:04:01,475 --> 00:04:04,011
I am out the door.
95
00:04:04,144 --> 00:04:05,313
Hi, I'm Deke.
96
00:04:05,446 --> 00:04:06,880
Bye, Max.
97
00:04:08,282 --> 00:04:09,583
Oh, he's your friend?
98
00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:11,485
For a minute I thought
he was that kid
99
00:04:11,619 --> 00:04:13,754
I had out of wedlock
with Linda Evans.
100
00:04:15,656 --> 00:04:17,325
Okay, why are you
in here not working?
101
00:04:17,425 --> 00:04:19,192
And why are you
doing it without me?
102
00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:21,228
Look, I've been texting
with Nicolas.
103
00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:23,764
He "thirs-ty."
104
00:04:24,732 --> 00:04:26,133
He wants me to meet him
for a drink
105
00:04:26,233 --> 00:04:27,801
after his dinner tomorrow.
106
00:04:27,901 --> 00:04:30,404
"After" his dinner.
You know what that means.
107
00:04:30,504 --> 00:04:32,005
So he thinks he doesn't
have to buy you dinner
108
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:34,475
before he makes you
his slam piece?
109
00:04:34,575 --> 00:04:36,477
After dinner
is a booty call.
110
00:04:36,577 --> 00:04:37,578
Or as they say in France,
111
00:04:37,678 --> 00:04:40,948
a call du bootay.
112
00:04:41,048 --> 00:04:42,416
So I need you to hang
out with me,
113
00:04:42,516 --> 00:04:44,418
because if I don't have anything
else to do at that time,
114
00:04:44,585 --> 00:04:45,919
I won't be able
to resist him.
115
00:04:46,019 --> 00:04:47,187
I don't see it.
116
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:48,889
Maybe because he never
pulled a knife on me,
117
00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:52,159
but to me he's, like, asexual.
118
00:04:52,259 --> 00:04:55,896
Yeah, like "a sexual object."
119
00:04:55,996 --> 00:04:58,499
Okay, well, I told Deke
I'd help him with his homework,
120
00:04:58,666 --> 00:04:59,667
so you can hang
out with us.
121
00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:01,268
Hang out with Deke?
122
00:05:01,402 --> 00:05:04,372
I didn't even like
The Muppets on TV.
123
00:05:04,505 --> 00:05:05,706
But fine, it'll...
124
00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:07,441
It'll keep me busy
because, Max,
125
00:05:07,575 --> 00:05:10,711
when Nicolas looks at me,
it does something to my insides,
126
00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:12,713
and I want this to be
a relationship
127
00:05:12,846 --> 00:05:15,883
before he does something
to my insides.
128
00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:18,352
If you keep talking
about your insides,
129
00:05:18,452 --> 00:05:20,253
I'm gonna kick you
on your outsides.
130
00:05:23,256 --> 00:05:25,559
Okay, so as far
as my dessert homework goes--
131
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:26,727
He just texted me again.
132
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:29,329
Ou es-tu?
Where are you?
133
00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:31,965
And he used tu,
not vous.
134
00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:33,634
We've gone there.
135
00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:37,204
Then why are you
still here?
136
00:05:37,304 --> 00:05:39,907
Because I can't go there,
Max, I'm not ready.
137
00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:42,275
Oh, wax situation?
138
00:05:43,644 --> 00:05:46,046
Guys don't care about that.
139
00:05:46,146 --> 00:05:48,348
So, as far as my dessert goes,
I went all-out
140
00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:50,183
and actually did some
real research.
141
00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:51,885
You Googled desserts
with dirty names?
142
00:05:51,985 --> 00:05:53,587
Correct-o.
143
00:05:53,721 --> 00:05:55,623
And it was harder
to pick one than I thought.
144
00:05:55,723 --> 00:05:57,057
I mean, you got
your bundt cake,
145
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:58,926
your lady fingers,
146
00:05:59,059 --> 00:06:00,928
kumquat pie....
147
00:06:01,995 --> 00:06:03,330
Cum and quat.
148
00:06:03,431 --> 00:06:04,798
It was right there
the whole time.
149
00:06:04,898 --> 00:06:05,966
How could I not see it?
150
00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:09,069
So I dug deep,
and I have the winner.
151
00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:11,739
Croquembouche.
152
00:06:12,005 --> 00:06:15,576
I don't know what that is,
but she sounds like a whore.
153
00:06:16,544 --> 00:06:18,479
It's a traditional
French wedding cake
154
00:06:18,579 --> 00:06:20,414
with vanilla cream-filled
profiteroles
155
00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:21,915
dipped in hand-made caramel.
156
00:06:22,015 --> 00:06:25,285
Said the only person here
not in pastry school.
157
00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:27,220
Oh, cool.
I didn't know what it was.
158
00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:28,355
Maybe I can help.
159
00:06:28,456 --> 00:06:31,992
I happen to know Nicolas loves
a pear tarte tatin.
160
00:06:36,163 --> 00:06:38,265
Tarte tatin!
No.
161
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:42,603
I thought I'd distract myself
by going out with you guys,
162
00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:44,505
but it feels like the day
in high school I hung out
163
00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:47,040
with the smokers
for street cred.
164
00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:49,009
And I used to hang out
with rich geeks like you
165
00:06:49,109 --> 00:06:50,844
when I needed lunch money.
166
00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:52,813
I'm texting Nicolas.
167
00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:54,882
What? You said you didn't
want him to think you were up
168
00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:58,218
for a wham-bam,
thank you, mademoiselle.
169
00:06:58,318 --> 00:07:00,621
You're right, Max.
I shouldn't text him.
170
00:07:00,721 --> 00:07:01,755
(PHONE VIBRATES)
171
00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:03,891
He just texted me again.
What's one drink?
172
00:07:04,157 --> 00:07:06,760
$18.
173
00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:07,995
It is?
174
00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:09,362
Yeah, you better text him.
175
00:07:09,463 --> 00:07:11,899
We need a grown-up
to pay for the drinks.
176
00:07:11,999 --> 00:07:13,701
I'll just say
I'm with friends,
177
00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:15,035
and he can join
for a drink.
178
00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:17,237
Isn't that what people do?
I forget.
179
00:07:17,337 --> 00:07:20,240
I haven't been a person
or done anything in so long.
180
00:07:20,340 --> 00:07:22,910
Or done a person in so long.
181
00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:26,213
I won't let it get that far.
182
00:07:26,379 --> 00:07:27,848
And by that,
I mean you won't.
183
00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:29,850
I'll give you a signal and then
you'll say we have to go.
184
00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:32,653
What's the signal?
Full penetration?
185
00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:38,158
No, before that.
186
00:07:38,258 --> 00:07:40,961
So, just the tip?
187
00:07:51,905 --> 00:07:53,974
I think I'll just wink.
188
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:08,188
So, croquembouche?
189
00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:11,258
I can't pretend to talk.
190
00:08:11,391 --> 00:08:14,261
I hope his tongue
is wearing protection.
191
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:20,634
Hey.
192
00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:22,335
Are we making you
uncomfortable?
193
00:08:22,435 --> 00:08:25,005
No, no, it's just that
I usually like to fast-forward
194
00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:27,541
through the kissing parts
when I watch porn.
195
00:08:29,076 --> 00:08:31,912
Come on, relax, Max.
We're just having some fun.
196
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,413
It's just that
you're our teacher,
197
00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:36,183
and your spittle
is all over her mouth.
198
00:08:36,283 --> 00:08:37,618
We're not in class.
199
00:08:37,918 --> 00:08:39,553
Do you see batter
or bowls?
200
00:08:39,653 --> 00:08:42,522
Well, we're hoping
not to see any balls.
201
00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:47,460
I see the outline
of one of 'em.
202
00:08:50,598 --> 00:08:53,000
Just don't think of me
as a teacher right now.
203
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:55,402
Well, I'm kind
of learning a lot.
204
00:08:58,271 --> 00:09:00,841
You know, for someone
who wasn't gonna have sex...
205
00:09:00,941 --> 00:09:03,310
she's having sex.
206
00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:04,778
I'm leaving.
207
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:07,214
I haven't felt this awkward
since my mom had sex
208
00:09:07,314 --> 00:09:09,917
with my prom date in the limo
and made me drive.
209
00:09:11,018 --> 00:09:13,520
Your mom sounds cool.
210
00:09:13,687 --> 00:09:16,189
Come on, you can't leave.
We just got here.
211
00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:19,727
Well, she's about to get there,
and I don't wanna see it.
212
00:09:20,994 --> 00:09:22,362
Well, we can make out.
213
00:09:22,462 --> 00:09:25,465
Ha! You wanna make out?
With me?
214
00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:27,735
No, a comedy make out.
215
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:30,604
You know, like...
(BABBLING)
216
00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:39,012
Well, you make it
look so tempting.
217
00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:42,149
(LAUGHS)
Come on, it'll be hilarious.
218
00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:45,418
Let my mouth be your tongue's
panic room.
219
00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:47,354
And Chef Nicolas
could use a few pointers.
220
00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:50,523
(CAROLINE MOANING)
221
00:09:54,494 --> 00:09:57,464
Yeah, he's really bad at it.
222
00:09:57,564 --> 00:09:58,565
All right, why not?
223
00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:00,267
It might even get
their attention.
224
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:03,003
On the count of three.
One, two....
225
00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:06,106
(BOTH BABBLING)
226
00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:07,607
Did they look?
227
00:10:07,741 --> 00:10:10,844
No, he's busy rounding third.
228
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:12,212
My turn.
229
00:10:12,345 --> 00:10:14,347
(BABBLING)
230
00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:17,685
Max, what's happening?
231
00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:20,587
Hey.
232
00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:25,525
(DEKE BABBLING)
233
00:10:27,194 --> 00:10:30,163
He's licking your face.
234
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:31,799
Leave them alone.
235
00:10:31,899 --> 00:10:34,101
Deke seems to know
what he's doing.
236
00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:36,069
Respect.
237
00:10:37,437 --> 00:10:41,441
Well, hate to comedy
make out and run, but, well,
238
00:10:41,541 --> 00:10:44,211
I'm already mentally at Yummy
Donuts trying to binge eat
239
00:10:44,311 --> 00:10:46,880
this image out of my mind.
240
00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:53,921
Hold on, Max.
The signal.
241
00:10:54,021 --> 00:10:57,991
See, this is why
I don't do "girlfriend."
242
00:10:58,091 --> 00:10:59,793
Come on, we have somewhere
to go or be,
243
00:10:59,893 --> 00:11:01,394
something like that.
244
00:11:03,530 --> 00:11:07,134
Well....
(CHUCKLES)
245
00:11:09,602 --> 00:11:10,838
We have to go.
246
00:11:10,938 --> 00:11:13,741
See you later.
Au revoir.
247
00:11:23,917 --> 00:11:25,452
'Sup?
248
00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:28,555
Not much.
249
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:31,324
'Sup with you?
250
00:11:31,491 --> 00:11:33,761
(CELL PHONE RINGS)
251
00:11:33,894 --> 00:11:36,363
Sorry, I have to get this.
It's my wife.
252
00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:37,497
Hello?
253
00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:42,035
(PROLONGED) Girl....
254
00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:51,478
Oh, I totally forgot
to tell you.
255
00:11:51,578 --> 00:11:54,314
You're terrible at making out.
256
00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:57,284
Well, I never had
a father to teach me.
257
00:11:57,417 --> 00:11:58,618
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
258
00:11:59,286 --> 00:12:00,287
Hey, Big Mary.
259
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:03,991
Hallway lunch.
Love that for you.
260
00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:05,725
And you...
261
00:12:05,793 --> 00:12:08,128
This could've been your walk
of shame right now
262
00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:10,864
if I hadn't stepped in, Winky.
263
00:12:10,964 --> 00:12:13,100
Yes, last night got
a little out of hand.
264
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:16,103
Oh, it was pretty much
in your hand.
265
00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:18,471
No, it was not, Max.
266
00:12:18,605 --> 00:12:20,373
Yes, there might have been
a tasteful graze
267
00:12:20,507 --> 00:12:22,843
just to figure out how
European he was down there.
268
00:12:23,143 --> 00:12:25,512
Good news, it's not wearing
a floppy beret.
269
00:12:25,612 --> 00:12:28,581
So we are right on track for
a perfect fairy-tale romance.
270
00:12:28,681 --> 00:12:30,683
Yeah, "The Princess
and the Penis."
271
00:12:30,784 --> 00:12:32,185
See you at the diner, Max.
272
00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:34,321
Au revoir, mes amis.
273
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,957
I have to kinda
tell you something
274
00:12:37,057 --> 00:12:38,191
that you have to promise
275
00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:40,327
you kind of definitely
won't tell Caroline.
276
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:42,495
Are you about to tell me
that when she speaks French
277
00:12:42,629 --> 00:12:43,730
it makes you want
to slam your head
278
00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:45,365
through that plate-glass
window, too?
279
00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:46,433
Heh.
280
00:12:46,499 --> 00:12:48,568
Well, the thing is
he's married.
281
00:12:48,668 --> 00:12:50,703
-He's married?
-Uh-huh.
282
00:12:50,838 --> 00:12:51,839
How do you know?
283
00:12:51,939 --> 00:12:54,975
He's not wearing a ring,
and he doesn't seem dead inside.
284
00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:57,544
His wife called him
after you guys left.
285
00:12:57,610 --> 00:13:00,280
-How could he do that?
-He's French?
286
00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:03,583
-And not tell Caroline.
-He's French?
287
00:13:03,884 --> 00:13:05,085
What a jerk.
288
00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:07,720
"Fronch?"
289
00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:09,689
I'm telling her
right now.
290
00:13:09,823 --> 00:13:11,925
Wait, wait, wait, Max,
do me a favor.
291
00:13:12,225 --> 00:13:14,794
Can you just wait until after
I turn in my croquembouche?
292
00:13:14,895 --> 00:13:18,131
I'm already on thin ice
with au-bon-pain-in-my-ass.
293
00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:19,867
This sucks.
294
00:13:19,967 --> 00:13:21,201
He's married, and Caroline
has this weird thing
295
00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:23,270
in her head that she has
to marry somebody
296
00:13:23,336 --> 00:13:24,737
that wasn't married.
297
00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:30,043
Bonjour, Bebe.
Ca va?
298
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:31,979
Oh, boy!
299
00:13:32,112 --> 00:13:33,546
I'm not really good
with any languages.
300
00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:36,516
They think it's because
I got hit by three cars.
301
00:13:37,717 --> 00:13:40,854
FYI, if you ever get hit,
just stay down.
302
00:13:42,455 --> 00:13:44,457
Well, guess what?
303
00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:46,994
I got you and me salads.
Girls' lunch.
304
00:13:47,094 --> 00:13:48,295
Well, I usually just have
305
00:13:48,395 --> 00:13:50,763
peanut butter and crackers
in the dark.
306
00:13:52,099 --> 00:13:54,601
I hear so much about salad
I've always wanted to try it.
307
00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:58,738
Sure. Sit.
Have some salad.
308
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:00,740
You and me,
me and you.
309
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,575
Getting to know
more about each other.
310
00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:05,745
So Bebe, tell me
everything about Nicolas.
311
00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:07,047
Oh, he's the best.
312
00:14:07,147 --> 00:14:10,717
He has the heart
and eyes of a dog.
313
00:14:12,252 --> 00:14:14,187
So, Nicolas,
where do you think he is?
314
00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:16,156
He just said
he had a lunch date.
315
00:14:16,256 --> 00:14:17,424
Date?
316
00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:19,026
Did he use the word "date,"
317
00:14:19,126 --> 00:14:20,527
or are you just using
the word "date"?
318
00:14:20,660 --> 00:14:23,663
I mean, it's not like
he's dating anyone, is he?
319
00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:26,166
No, why would he be
dating anyone?
320
00:14:26,266 --> 00:14:28,435
Exactly, why would he
be dating anyone?
321
00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:30,603
Yeah, I mean,
he's married.
322
00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:32,039
(SPITTING)
323
00:14:32,906 --> 00:14:34,975
Married?
324
00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:38,411
You know, salad tastes
just like lettuce.
325
00:14:43,650 --> 00:14:45,718
You are not going
to believe this.
326
00:14:45,818 --> 00:14:48,188
Kendall Jenner is applying
to colleges?
327
00:14:49,957 --> 00:14:51,524
Come on, Max, no.
328
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:53,760
Nicolas is...
And get ready...
329
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:54,894
Married.
330
00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:57,330
I kissed a married man.
I'm so mortified.
331
00:14:57,430 --> 00:14:59,532
Please don't ever tell anyone
I kissed a married man.
332
00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:01,801
(POLISH ACCENT)
Okay, I won't tell anyone.
333
00:15:03,070 --> 00:15:04,104
Tell anyone what?
334
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:08,141
Caroline kissed a married man.
But don't tell anyone.
335
00:15:09,642 --> 00:15:12,045
All right, I want to go on
the record that I didn't know.
336
00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:14,547
Kissing a married man
has never been in my life plan.
337
00:15:14,814 --> 00:15:16,916
It's not on my vision board
or in my dreamscape.
338
00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:18,218
I am not that
kind of person.
339
00:15:18,318 --> 00:15:20,320
But she is the kind of person
who has a vision board
340
00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:22,922
and says "dreamscape,"
so let's judge her on that.
341
00:15:23,156 --> 00:15:24,657
I won't judge you, Caroline.
342
00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:26,526
I once went out
with a married woman.
343
00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:27,794
I didn't know
she was married
344
00:15:27,894 --> 00:15:29,662
until her spouse came
and beat me up.
345
00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:31,965
Lesbians are strong!
346
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:39,439
Listen, married, not married,
don't be so American.
347
00:15:39,539 --> 00:15:42,275
You know, in Poland,
the wedding vows say,
348
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:44,011
"Do you take this woman...
349
00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:46,646
...and maybe some others?"
350
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:51,484
Well, not Polish,
and not a lesbian yet.
351
00:15:51,584 --> 00:15:53,086
So, I'm very upset.
352
00:15:53,386 --> 00:15:55,055
And, Max, why are you
just standing there?
353
00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:56,189
Why haven't you
said anything?
354
00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:58,025
Eh...
355
00:15:58,125 --> 00:15:59,226
Um...
356
00:15:59,359 --> 00:16:00,793
I kind of knew.
357
00:16:02,562 --> 00:16:06,033
Wait. You kind of knew
he was married?
358
00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:08,135
You kind of knew
and didn't kind of tell me?
359
00:16:08,235 --> 00:16:10,737
-What kind of friend are you?
-I just found out myself.
360
00:16:10,837 --> 00:16:12,172
Well, then why
didn't you tell me?
361
00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:14,241
I was going to, but then
Deke asked me not to
362
00:16:14,374 --> 00:16:15,508
until he handed in
his homework.
363
00:16:15,608 --> 00:16:17,010
And also I thought
you might cry.
364
00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:19,246
Oh, and you didn't
want to upset me?
365
00:16:19,546 --> 00:16:21,748
Nah, I didn't want
to deal with it.
366
00:16:22,882 --> 00:16:24,684
'Cause when you cry,
you don't just cry once.
367
00:16:24,784 --> 00:16:25,785
It's like a six-cry thing.
368
00:16:25,885 --> 00:16:27,987
You've got the first shock cry,
the silent cry,
369
00:16:28,088 --> 00:16:29,656
the ugly cry,
the cry because you're crying,
370
00:16:29,922 --> 00:16:31,524
the cry after you say
you're not gonna cry anymore,
371
00:16:31,624 --> 00:16:34,061
and then the final cry,
which is probably my fault.
372
00:16:36,363 --> 00:16:38,565
Well, you're wrong, Max,
I'm not gonna cry over this,
373
00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:40,767
because I haven't gone
far enough down the road.
374
00:16:40,867 --> 00:16:42,902
Yes, I was just beginning
to think about our future,
375
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:44,171
but I'm not that invested.
376
00:16:44,271 --> 00:16:45,272
Oh.
377
00:16:45,538 --> 00:16:48,007
-Then what's this?
-My "do" pad.
378
00:16:48,108 --> 00:16:49,276
That's right.
379
00:16:49,409 --> 00:16:51,478
And look what I found
written on the back.
380
00:16:51,578 --> 00:16:54,081
"Caroline and Nicolas Saintcroix."
381
00:16:54,181 --> 00:16:58,118
"Mr. and Mrs. Saintcroix.
Caroline Saintcroix."
382
00:16:58,218 --> 00:17:00,887
That's just being silly.
Every girl does that.
383
00:17:01,188 --> 00:17:03,356
You're 40.
384
00:17:05,058 --> 00:17:06,559
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
385
00:17:06,726 --> 00:17:09,729
-Oh, man! This is heavy.
-I know, very heavy.
386
00:17:09,829 --> 00:17:11,198
We're back here, and I have
to deal with the fact
387
00:17:11,298 --> 00:17:14,401
that I was dry humped
by a married man.
388
00:17:15,768 --> 00:17:17,637
No, I think he meant
his dessert is heavy.
389
00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:20,273
But, yeah, you got
a lot going on.
390
00:17:20,407 --> 00:17:22,609
So, what do you want us to do?
Should we throw down?
391
00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:25,445
Mess his ass up?
Kick him in the face?
392
00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:28,681
Or just ignore it so I don't
get kicked out of school?
393
00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:30,683
No, I'll deal with Nicolas later.
394
00:17:30,783 --> 00:17:34,987
You sure? 'Cause I've always
wanted to kill a French person.
395
00:17:36,789 --> 00:17:38,391
Again.
396
00:17:40,493 --> 00:17:43,363
Thanks, but stay out of it.
I've got this.
397
00:17:43,463 --> 00:17:46,233
I'm gonna rip him
a new one.
398
00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:48,435
-Bonjour, Caroline.
-Bonjour, Nicolas.
399
00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:52,372
That wasn't a rip.
Wasn't even a tear.
400
00:17:53,473 --> 00:17:54,874
Go, go, you two.
401
00:17:54,974 --> 00:17:57,210
Got a big, hot bundt here.
402
00:17:57,477 --> 00:17:59,712
Go, go, don't be late.
403
00:17:59,812 --> 00:18:01,114
You sure that's
a croquembouche?
404
00:18:01,248 --> 00:18:03,816
'Cause it looks like
a coyote poop tree.
405
00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:07,254
Caroline, can you watch
the phones for me
406
00:18:07,354 --> 00:18:10,357
while I give Chef Nicolas
this note from his wife?
407
00:18:10,457 --> 00:18:11,758
You know what?
I'll give it to him.
408
00:18:11,858 --> 00:18:13,326
I have something I have
to say to him anyway.
409
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:15,695
Oh, for next girls' lunch,
410
00:18:15,795 --> 00:18:17,364
have you ever had sandwiches?
411
00:18:17,464 --> 00:18:18,798
'Cause I'm thinking
of trying one.
412
00:18:22,702 --> 00:18:23,836
(KNOCKING ON WINDOW)
413
00:18:24,804 --> 00:18:26,973
Not you.
414
00:18:28,841 --> 00:18:31,144
You have got this.
You have got this.
415
00:18:31,244 --> 00:18:32,579
You broke up
with a Kennedy cousin.
416
00:18:32,679 --> 00:18:35,047
You can do this.
417
00:18:35,182 --> 00:18:36,683
Caroline, do you need something?
418
00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:39,686
I just wanted to give you this
phone message you just got.
419
00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:42,088
From your "wife."
420
00:18:43,089 --> 00:18:45,091
From your "wife"...
421
00:18:45,225 --> 00:18:47,327
-Juliette?
-Uh, I know her name.
422
00:18:47,594 --> 00:18:48,795
You're married.
423
00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:51,431
Yes, you just got
a message from my wife.
424
00:18:52,999 --> 00:18:56,569
I feel like something's getting
lost in the translation here,
425
00:18:56,669 --> 00:18:58,171
so let me be clear.
426
00:18:58,271 --> 00:18:59,739
It's over between us.
427
00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:01,874
Why?
428
00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:05,745
Why?
Because you're married.
429
00:19:05,845 --> 00:19:09,081
Again, I know that.
But why?
430
00:19:09,182 --> 00:19:11,784
What-- What do you mean why?
431
00:19:11,884 --> 00:19:13,820
Why?
Because you are married.
432
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:15,922
Vous est marie!
433
00:19:17,089 --> 00:19:19,091
And note, I did not use tu
434
00:19:19,192 --> 00:19:22,695
because we are back on
the more formal "vous" terms.
435
00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:25,598
Look, Caroline,
my wife is in France,
436
00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:27,700
and we have
an understanding.
437
00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:31,738
Well, I'm having a hard time
understanding any of this.
438
00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:33,740
And whatever arrangement
you and Juliette have,
439
00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:35,107
it's over between you and me.
440
00:19:35,208 --> 00:19:37,109
Here.
441
00:19:39,979 --> 00:19:42,549
You are very cute
when you're angry.
442
00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:44,050
I am?
443
00:19:44,150 --> 00:19:46,453
Actually, you are very cute
all the time.
444
00:19:46,553 --> 00:19:47,720
Cute and sexy.
445
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:49,689
From the moment I saw you,
I wanted to...
446
00:19:50,623 --> 00:19:53,526
-...put my lips onto yours.
-You did?
447
00:19:53,626 --> 00:19:54,727
Yes.
448
00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:58,631
Caroline, you are a smart,
sexy, delicious woman.
449
00:19:58,765 --> 00:20:00,267
And now that I've kissed--
450
00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:02,101
Do you have something
in your eye?
451
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:04,804
No, no, no.
No, no.
452
00:20:06,939 --> 00:20:09,208
It's never you!
453
00:20:12,111 --> 00:20:13,446
I'm sorry,
what is happening?
454
00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:16,148
Chef Nicolas, uh, you need
to get back in there
455
00:20:16,283 --> 00:20:17,350
because the chef
with the neck tattoo
456
00:20:17,450 --> 00:20:19,486
is trying to pass off
a store-bought tiramisu.
457
00:20:19,619 --> 00:20:21,854
There is one every year.
458
00:20:24,156 --> 00:20:25,958
Caroline.
459
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,796
Are you okay?
What did he say?
460
00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:31,931
He said he's married,
and it's confusing,
461
00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:33,433
and I'm delicious.
462
00:20:33,533 --> 00:20:34,701
Okay, well, he's married,
463
00:20:35,001 --> 00:20:36,002
it's confusing,
and you're delicious.
464
00:20:36,135 --> 00:20:38,638
So you're
Mrs. Delicious Saintcroix.
465
00:20:39,606 --> 00:20:42,475
-So it's over, right?
-Yeah, of course, it's over.
466
00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:43,943
No drama, no more crying.
467
00:20:44,043 --> 00:20:45,645
I would never be
with a married man.
468
00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:47,647
Yeah, that's more my thing.
469
00:20:49,215 --> 00:20:52,018
Oh, my God, Max, you know
what I just realized?
470
00:20:52,151 --> 00:20:55,187
I once said I would
never be a waitress.
471
00:20:55,288 --> 00:20:58,024
(PROLONGED) Girl....
472
00:21:01,127 --> 00:21:02,695
(CASH REGISTER DINGS)
473
00:21:27,787 --> 00:21:28,788
(English US - SDH)
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