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1
00:00:01,660 --> 00:00:03,270
Max! Caroline!
2
00:00:03,430 --> 00:00:05,070
Look, here comes Han
carrying an iPad Mini.
3
00:00:05,230 --> 00:00:07,270
Or is it an iPad carrying a mini Han?
4
00:00:09,910 --> 00:00:11,610
Han has a mini iPad?
5
00:00:11,770 --> 00:00:13,740
We can't even afford a maxi pad.
6
00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:19,610
I am so upset.
I'm stuck in a lie.
7
00:00:19,780 --> 00:00:22,280
Well, it's better than the time
you got stuck in that backpack.
8
00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:25,690
Seriously, you guys. I'm in trouble.
9
00:00:25,850 --> 00:00:29,520
I just opened this email
and my mother is coming to visit.
10
00:00:29,690 --> 00:00:31,160
You have a mother?
11
00:00:32,630 --> 00:00:35,760
I thought you came to life after
a kid in a toy store made a wish.
12
00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:40,440
♪ (THEME MUSIC) ♪
13
00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:41,840
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)
14
00:00:48,810 --> 00:00:51,110
Han, your mother's coming
all the way from Korea to see you.
15
00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:54,280
-Isn't that great news?
-Is this the face of great news?
16
00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:59,320
See, my mother thinks
I have a girlfriend.
17
00:00:59,650 --> 00:01:01,620
My father still thinks
I wasn't in the car
18
00:01:01,790 --> 00:01:04,230
when my friend hit that grifter
in the Hamptons.
19
00:01:06,130 --> 00:01:09,160
She thinks I have a girlfriend
because I might have told her I did.
20
00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:11,800
Did you or didn't you?
21
00:01:11,970 --> 00:01:13,900
I... I might have.
22
00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:18,040
And I might have sent
my mother pictures of someone
23
00:01:18,210 --> 00:01:20,340
and told her
she was the woman I'm dating.
24
00:01:20,910 --> 00:01:25,550
Han, you might
have catfished your mom?
25
00:01:26,350 --> 00:01:27,850
I might have.
26
00:01:29,350 --> 00:01:30,650
Catfishing. Right.
27
00:01:30,820 --> 00:01:32,190
That's when you pick up
a woman in a bar
28
00:01:32,350 --> 00:01:35,490
and when you get her in the light,
you realize she has whiskers.
29
00:01:37,530 --> 00:01:40,060
PS. Doesn't bother me.
30
00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:43,330
No, catfishing is when you pretend
31
00:01:43,500 --> 00:01:45,370
to be someone you're not
on the Internet.
32
00:01:45,530 --> 00:01:47,170
You know,
like everyone on the Internet.
33
00:01:49,570 --> 00:01:51,840
All my mother wants
is for me to be happily married,
34
00:01:52,010 --> 00:01:53,380
like my father and her.
35
00:01:53,540 --> 00:01:56,180
All my mother wants
is a cure for Hep C.
36
00:01:59,580 --> 00:02:00,850
Look, here she is.
37
00:02:01,550 --> 00:02:05,120
"Korean beauty June Kim,
aka Sapphire"?
38
00:02:05,290 --> 00:02:07,190
Han, you chose a prostitute?
39
00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:12,030
She's not a prostitute.
She has a website.
40
00:02:13,930 --> 00:02:16,530
Yeah, and I know a guy
with business cards
41
00:02:16,700 --> 00:02:19,730
whose "job" it is
to relax your rectum.
42
00:02:21,470 --> 00:02:24,710
It says she's an exotic dancer at
this gentlemen's club in Manhattan.
43
00:02:24,870 --> 00:02:28,040
So just go there and hire the hooker
to pretend to be your girlfriend.
44
00:02:28,210 --> 00:02:30,710
And there's a sentence
I never thought I'd say!
45
00:02:31,450 --> 00:02:34,380
I tried, but the bouncer told me
to wait in the alley for my mother
46
00:02:34,550 --> 00:02:36,120
like all the other children.
47
00:02:41,290 --> 00:02:43,490
So I was hoping you guys
could go for me.
48
00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:45,390
Han, we are not doing that.
49
00:02:45,490 --> 00:02:47,760
Strip clubs, lies.
That's not my scene.
50
00:02:48,430 --> 00:02:50,270
That's not your "scene"?
51
00:02:51,300 --> 00:02:53,140
You have a scene?
52
00:02:53,300 --> 00:02:56,170
What is your scene, Caroline?
I haven't seen your scene.
53
00:02:56,340 --> 00:02:58,570
In fact, you haven't seen
your scene in two years.
54
00:02:58,740 --> 00:03:01,080
Trust me, this is your scene now!
55
00:03:03,510 --> 00:03:06,310
Oh, I understand.
Just one question.
56
00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:10,350
Did I or did I not let you have
the cupcake window rent-free?
57
00:03:11,790 --> 00:03:13,490
Wow, Han.
That's a cheap shot.
58
00:03:13,660 --> 00:03:16,520
Low. Bitchy. I respect that.
59
00:03:18,290 --> 00:03:20,330
We'll go to the strip club,
but if it's nude, nude, nude,
60
00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:22,100
I am leaving, leaving, leaving.
61
00:03:24,530 --> 00:03:26,100
That's the first time
Han's ever been able
62
00:03:26,270 --> 00:03:28,100
to hold something
over someone's head.
63
00:03:34,170 --> 00:03:36,480
Sapphire
will be right with you, ladies.
64
00:03:36,580 --> 00:03:39,080
Thank you, my good man.
Give me a 20 from Han.
65
00:03:39,250 --> 00:03:41,450
You gotta tip at these places
or they'll murder you.
66
00:03:43,420 --> 00:03:45,990
Thanks, doll. Yous twos
can have a seat on that couch.
67
00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:49,490
Oh, no.
No, thank you.
68
00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:53,160
I'm not catching....
69
00:03:56,660 --> 00:03:59,930
Not catching
"sypha-gonna-titus" today.
70
00:04:04,940 --> 00:04:08,370
Well, if a whore's bath
is appropriate anywhere, it's here.
71
00:04:09,380 --> 00:04:11,510
Max, please be professional
when she comes in.
72
00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:13,250
No sexual comments.
73
00:04:13,410 --> 00:04:15,350
Considering she's used
to walking in on dudes
74
00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:18,250
who have their junk in their hand
like a sad present...
75
00:04:19,890 --> 00:04:22,720
...I am sure I can manage
to not offend her.
76
00:04:22,890 --> 00:04:24,730
I'm just saying
that despite where we are,
77
00:04:24,890 --> 00:04:27,190
let's remember
she's a businesswoman like us.
78
00:04:31,260 --> 00:04:32,970
The chairman of the board is here.
79
00:04:34,940 --> 00:04:36,800
Hi, ladies.
You ready for a good time?
80
00:04:36,970 --> 00:04:39,140
Been waitin' my whole life.
81
00:04:39,310 --> 00:04:40,540
Hello. It's a pleasure to meet you.
82
00:04:40,710 --> 00:04:43,880
I'm Caroline Channing
and this is my colleague, Max Black.
83
00:04:47,750 --> 00:04:49,150
Yo, how's this gonna work?
I don't do two at a time.
84
00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:50,980
So who wants to watch,
who wants to ride?
85
00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:55,490
Oh, right.
Neither of us will be riding, per se.
86
00:04:55,660 --> 00:04:58,660
Hold your roll, girl. We're spending
a lot of Han's money here.
87
00:05:00,060 --> 00:05:02,060
If I want a ride, I'm getting a ride.
88
00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:04,500
Um, is it June or Sapphire?
89
00:05:04,670 --> 00:05:06,830
You can call me Paul if you pay me.
90
00:05:08,840 --> 00:05:12,010
June, we're not here for a dance
or any of the other things you do
91
00:05:12,170 --> 00:05:14,270
that I don't judge you for
because I'm very open-minded.
92
00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:16,180
I've been to Amsterdam.
93
00:05:17,840 --> 00:05:20,780
I'm on camera so I gotta dance for
someone or my bosses will fire me.
94
00:05:20,950 --> 00:05:22,220
And then it's back to waiting tables.
95
00:05:22,380 --> 00:05:24,520
Told myself
I'd never sink that low again.
96
00:05:27,250 --> 00:05:29,860
Yeah, we say that every day
when we get dressed for work.
97
00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:32,130
Okay, sit. Let's do this.
98
00:05:32,290 --> 00:05:34,190
It's fine.
I think I got all the stains.
99
00:05:37,630 --> 00:05:38,430
(GASPS)
100
00:05:51,880 --> 00:05:54,450
It's official!
We've paid Han back.
101
00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:58,220
Um, could you turn
the other lights on?
102
00:05:58,380 --> 00:05:59,890
She's allergic to the truth.
103
00:06:01,550 --> 00:06:02,590
♪ (DANCE MUSIC STARTS) ♪
104
00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:05,460
So, June, here's the thing.
We have this boss--
105
00:06:05,630 --> 00:06:07,330
Yeah, girl, work that!
106
00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:12,170
I'm being encouraging,
businesswoman to businesswoman.
107
00:06:13,070 --> 00:06:16,570
Anyway, his name is Han Lee and,
see, his mother is coming to visit.
108
00:06:18,140 --> 00:06:19,240
Oh, nice move there.
109
00:06:20,970 --> 00:06:22,080
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
110
00:06:22,140 --> 00:06:23,910
I wasn't encouraging.
Just commenting.
111
00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:25,610
Oh, peek-a-boo!
There's your head.
112
00:06:27,650 --> 00:06:29,280
Anyway, he needs a girlfriend,
113
00:06:29,450 --> 00:06:32,120
so he sent his mother pictures of you
and said you were his girlfriend.
114
00:06:32,290 --> 00:06:33,450
(NERVOUS LAUGH)
I think it's her turn!
115
00:06:36,090 --> 00:06:40,790
So, the gist is he's willing to pay
you to pretend to be his girlfriend.
116
00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:43,760
And I'm willing to pay you to show me
how to do that with my hips.
117
00:06:45,700 --> 00:06:47,300
Ooh, you would make a great stripper.
118
00:06:47,470 --> 00:06:50,170
I know.
I just have a fear of success thing.
119
00:06:51,970 --> 00:06:53,710
-Can we turn the music off?
-(MUSIC STOPS)
120
00:06:53,870 --> 00:06:58,310
'Cause I'm getting disoriented and,
in all honesty, a little turned on.
121
00:06:58,480 --> 00:07:01,310
And... I cannot be a latent bisexual
122
00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:03,680
with everything else
already on my plate.
123
00:07:05,150 --> 00:07:06,150
How much?
124
00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:08,920
Whatever your rate is for sex,
but you won't even have to have sex.
125
00:07:09,090 --> 00:07:10,260
At the most, just kissing.
126
00:07:10,420 --> 00:07:12,630
-Kissing is 500.
-I love you.
127
00:07:12,790 --> 00:07:15,660
Okay. I can give him
the Girlfriend Experience package.
128
00:07:16,300 --> 00:07:18,100
He has no girlfriend,
no experience and no package,
129
00:07:18,260 --> 00:07:19,430
so that sounds perfect.
130
00:07:24,700 --> 00:07:27,770
Here, Earl, when my mother comes in,
pretend you are reading this.
131
00:07:27,940 --> 00:07:30,510
Ooh, The Bible.
132
00:07:32,450 --> 00:07:35,350
You know, I remember
when this first came out.
133
00:07:40,590 --> 00:07:42,920
Didn't think it would be a hit.
134
00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:47,260
Earl, we're talking about
our Lord, Jesus Christ!
135
00:07:49,860 --> 00:07:53,370
So no sign of
mama-say-mama-sah-ma-mama-Han?
136
00:07:53,530 --> 00:07:55,440
I don't know.
I don't know what she looks like.
137
00:07:58,740 --> 00:08:00,470
She's here.
138
00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:04,380
-Oh, Ma!
-Han!
139
00:08:08,150 --> 00:08:11,880
I can't tell if she's a smaller him
or if he's a smaller her.
140
00:08:13,750 --> 00:08:17,120
(SPEAKING KOREAN)
141
00:08:25,970 --> 00:08:29,500
You must be Han's mother.
I'm Earl.
142
00:08:30,100 --> 00:08:32,340
I was just reading The Bible.
143
00:08:34,270 --> 00:08:36,010
'Cause when am I not?
144
00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:38,640
Mother, this is Caroline.
145
00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:41,250
(SPEAKING KOREAN)
146
00:08:43,450 --> 00:08:44,620
Hey-oh!
147
00:08:47,890 --> 00:08:49,690
Caroline,
I didn't know you spoke Korean.
148
00:08:49,860 --> 00:08:52,190
I took it as an elective
after I mastered Japanese.
149
00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:54,030
I had a hunch Asia
was gonna take over the world.
150
00:08:54,190 --> 00:08:56,360
And congratulations!
Right on track!
151
00:08:58,460 --> 00:09:01,200
Caroline, your Korean is very good.
152
00:09:02,030 --> 00:09:03,400
And this is Max.
153
00:09:03,570 --> 00:09:05,410
Nice to meet you, Mrs. Lee.
154
00:09:11,740 --> 00:09:13,310
What does that face mean in Korean?
155
00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:15,220
It means zip up your top.
156
00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:19,050
Here, Mother, sit.
You must be hungry.
157
00:09:19,220 --> 00:09:20,320
I'll get you a menu.
158
00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:26,760
That's weird. These usually
bring joy to the people.
159
00:09:29,430 --> 00:09:31,460
Han Lee, where is your girlfriend?
160
00:09:31,630 --> 00:09:33,230
You'll meet her at dinner tomorrow.
161
00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:34,570
She wanted to be here,
162
00:09:34,730 --> 00:09:37,100
but with church
and all her work in brain surgery,
163
00:09:37,270 --> 00:09:38,600
she's very busy.
164
00:09:40,740 --> 00:09:42,110
And I thought it was unrealistic
165
00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:44,980
when you had a girlfriend
that didn't need an air pump.
166
00:09:46,750 --> 00:09:49,750
Han, what are you thinking?
How are you ever gonna pull this off?
167
00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:52,290
With the help of my two best friends?
168
00:09:52,920 --> 00:09:54,450
Oh, good.
Who are they?
169
00:09:57,090 --> 00:09:59,960
Please, have June come to
your apartment and we can brief her.
170
00:10:00,130 --> 00:10:02,200
Well, if it's with you,
it's gonna be brief.
171
00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:04,430
Remember, you owe me.
172
00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:08,100
No, Han. At that club,
I saw a pregnant wall, so....
173
00:10:13,510 --> 00:10:15,440
I think we're even.
174
00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:20,640
(KEYS JANGLING)
175
00:10:20,710 --> 00:10:23,680
If I'm here to meet June,
why am I blindfolded?
176
00:10:23,750 --> 00:10:26,380
So you can never find your way
back to our apartment again.
177
00:10:28,020 --> 00:10:30,190
But I have your address
on your work forms.
178
00:10:30,690 --> 00:10:32,290
No, you don't.
179
00:10:33,830 --> 00:10:35,460
Max, I think he can take it off now.
180
00:10:35,630 --> 00:10:38,200
It's been an hour
and we spun him around three times.
181
00:10:40,700 --> 00:10:43,300
Well, someone's been
to a flea market.
182
00:10:44,970 --> 00:10:47,010
And it smells like pot in here.
183
00:10:47,170 --> 00:10:50,040
So I smoked up a little before work.
I got to.
184
00:10:50,210 --> 00:10:52,240
My boss is a real butt munch.
185
00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:53,710
(BUZZER)
186
00:10:53,980 --> 00:10:55,480
Okay, our call girl is here.
187
00:10:55,650 --> 00:10:57,850
Another sentence
I never thought I'd say.
188
00:10:58,850 --> 00:11:01,590
I look like I've had a call girl
before, right?
189
00:11:02,420 --> 00:11:05,090
Han, you don't look like
you've called a girl before.
190
00:11:06,690 --> 00:11:10,030
I need to calm down.
Do you have any chamomile tea?
191
00:11:10,730 --> 00:11:14,170
No, because I'm not a divorced woman
on a balcony in the fall.
192
00:11:15,370 --> 00:11:17,400
But I do have something
that will help you relax.
193
00:11:17,570 --> 00:11:19,340
Ooh, you mean....
194
00:11:20,670 --> 00:11:23,910
Yes, I'm gonna lull you to sleep
with a tiny, invisible whistle.
195
00:11:29,710 --> 00:11:32,920
So, June, are you working your way
through graduate school or something?
196
00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:35,390
No, I like getting paid for sex.
197
00:11:35,550 --> 00:11:37,560
I mean, what's a handy
every now and then
198
00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:40,760
if it pays the mortgage on my
Parkview Terrace apartment, right?
199
00:11:41,930 --> 00:11:44,700
Life is so funny sometimes.
200
00:11:44,860 --> 00:11:47,870
Just when you think you're better
than someone, you're not.
201
00:11:55,770 --> 00:11:57,610
Here we are, all relaxed.
202
00:11:57,780 --> 00:12:00,280
And that was wild,
like getting your hamster stoned.
203
00:12:03,210 --> 00:12:06,380
Okay, June, this has all the details
that Han sent his mom about you.
204
00:12:07,390 --> 00:12:10,150
You told your mom I'm a
Harvard-educated Christian doctor
205
00:12:10,250 --> 00:12:12,590
and also
a renowned classical pianist?
206
00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:15,830
Yes, we met at church
and are crazy in love,
207
00:12:15,990 --> 00:12:17,500
but we're waiting till marriage.
208
00:12:17,660 --> 00:12:20,360
Oh, well, the Virgin Experience
is a thousand.
209
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:24,400
-Will you take 800?
-Max!
210
00:12:24,570 --> 00:12:28,170
What? I was unconscious when I lost
mine. I wanna see what it's like.
211
00:12:29,510 --> 00:12:30,340
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
212
00:12:30,570 --> 00:12:33,280
Oh, I hope that's pizza
'cause I could go to third base
213
00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:35,550
on some crazy bread right now.
214
00:12:36,750 --> 00:12:38,350
No! It's Sophie.
215
00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:40,550
I asked her to bring down
some crosses for June to wear
216
00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:42,020
when she meets your mom.
217
00:12:42,190 --> 00:12:45,190
What? Sophie knows I hired
a prostitute to be my girlfriend?
218
00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:46,360
No, I didn't tell her anything.
219
00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:48,760
But this will be a good test
to see if you two pass as a couple.
220
00:12:48,930 --> 00:12:51,760
Hey! What's Han
doing with that hooker?
221
00:12:53,430 --> 00:12:54,870
Sophie, this is June.
222
00:12:55,030 --> 00:12:57,470
We hired her to pretend to be Han's
girlfriend while his mom's in town.
223
00:12:57,870 --> 00:12:59,470
(LAUGHS)
224
00:13:01,570 --> 00:13:05,780
(POLISH ACCENT) Oh, wait, so his mom
is supposed to believe
225
00:13:05,940 --> 00:13:08,550
that their parts match up somehow
226
00:13:08,710 --> 00:13:11,280
and that's a fun thing for her?
227
00:13:11,450 --> 00:13:13,580
(LAUGHS)
228
00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:16,890
Oh, LOL!
229
00:13:17,060 --> 00:13:21,060
Oh, that's one of those things that
you think about later and you laugh.
230
00:13:21,430 --> 00:13:23,390
(CONTINUES LAUGHING)
231
00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:27,630
Look, look, Caroline, look.
I brought you your crosses.
232
00:13:28,930 --> 00:13:33,100
Sophie, do you have anything smaller?
It's a date, not an exorcism.
233
00:13:33,270 --> 00:13:36,170
Oh, well, then you gotta say that.
234
00:13:36,340 --> 00:13:38,080
All right, I'll be right back.
235
00:13:38,310 --> 00:13:40,110
(LAUGHS)
236
00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:44,780
You see? I'm thinking about it later
and I'm LOL'ing!
237
00:13:47,420 --> 00:13:49,590
Well, I gotta go. I got this.
238
00:13:49,750 --> 00:13:52,460
But that's a lot of material.
You don't wanna stay and cram it?
239
00:13:52,620 --> 00:13:54,430
How much for that?
240
00:13:54,590 --> 00:13:56,430
No, it's cool.
I can fake it.
241
00:13:56,590 --> 00:13:58,100
You're sure you can fake it?
242
00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:00,100
Can I fake it?
243
00:14:00,260 --> 00:14:04,170
(SEXY VOICE)
Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God!
244
00:14:04,340 --> 00:14:06,940
(FAKING ORGASM) Oh, God! Oh, God!
245
00:14:07,870 --> 00:14:08,800
She's sure.
246
00:14:21,950 --> 00:14:24,790
I wonder why Han
and his girlfriend are late?
247
00:14:24,950 --> 00:14:28,020
Maybe something came up
and she had to take care of it.
248
00:14:28,190 --> 00:14:30,130
That's actually probably exactly
what happened.
249
00:14:31,830 --> 00:14:35,900
I hope my hair looks all right.
I'm wearing it the other way.
250
00:14:38,330 --> 00:14:41,040
-It looks pretty.
-Yes. Very pretty.
251
00:14:45,670 --> 00:14:50,180
I am just so excited that my Han
finally found the perfect girlfriend.
252
00:14:50,350 --> 00:14:54,050
Oh, you know, his June is
a brilliant brain surgeon.
253
00:14:54,750 --> 00:14:57,490
Well, she certainly knows
a lot about head.
254
00:15:00,420 --> 00:15:02,890
And she also goes to church
every Sunday.
255
00:15:03,060 --> 00:15:05,660
Yep, that girl
is always on her knees.
256
00:15:08,500 --> 00:15:13,200
Oh, and she is a classical pianist.
257
00:15:13,870 --> 00:15:15,740
She is making this too easy.
258
00:15:17,340 --> 00:15:21,180
Oh, there they are.
Han! Han!
259
00:15:21,340 --> 00:15:23,210
And girlfriend of Han.
260
00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:27,250
Mother, may I present June?
261
00:15:27,420 --> 00:15:29,720
June, this is my mother, Su-Min Lee.
262
00:15:29,890 --> 00:15:32,520
Please, call me Su-Min Lee.
263
00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:36,630
Which means, "so mean to me."
264
00:15:41,030 --> 00:15:42,460
(STIFF SPEECH)
It's a pleasure to meet you.
265
00:15:42,630 --> 00:15:45,770
I've heard
such a great deal about you.
266
00:15:45,940 --> 00:15:49,310
Oh, and Han has told me
how you two met.
267
00:15:49,470 --> 00:15:51,410
What a beautiful story.
268
00:15:51,570 --> 00:15:56,480
Oh, yes.
That was beautiful when we met at....
269
00:15:56,650 --> 00:15:59,050
-Upstairs on the roof....
-Church!
270
00:15:59,220 --> 00:16:01,780
We met in church.
Upstairs on the roof of church.
271
00:16:01,950 --> 00:16:05,390
We wanted to be closer to God.
We are both so holy!
272
00:16:07,490 --> 00:16:10,430
Is it hot in here
or is it just the situation?
273
00:16:12,260 --> 00:16:15,460
Oh, look, the appetizers
Mrs. Lee is paying for are here.
274
00:16:16,470 --> 00:16:21,000
Before we start on the appetizers,
June, please pray.
275
00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:22,940
-I don't know any prayers.
-No, no.
276
00:16:23,110 --> 00:16:27,080
I'll do it, Mother. But first,
please, can I get a Moscow Mule?
277
00:16:29,450 --> 00:16:31,850
Go, June. Please, pray.
278
00:16:33,180 --> 00:16:34,620
Oh, God.
279
00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:40,760
(SEXY VOICE)
Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God!
280
00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:42,960
ALL: (LOUDLY) Oh, God! Oh, God!
281
00:16:43,130 --> 00:16:44,590
(SHOUTS) And amen!
282
00:16:51,300 --> 00:16:54,440
Oh, okay.
I-I don't know that one.
283
00:16:55,740 --> 00:16:58,240
Hey, I am starving.
284
00:17:02,740 --> 00:17:04,650
That's quality.
285
00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:10,620
Such a good appetite.
You ate the whole thing.
286
00:17:11,490 --> 00:17:13,290
Didn't even chew.
287
00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:18,760
(APPLAUSE)
288
00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:24,200
June, the piano is free.
Oh, you must play something for us.
289
00:17:24,370 --> 00:17:27,040
-No, she can't play.
-Yes, but you told me that she was--
290
00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:30,110
I mean, now.
I mean, she can't play the piano now.
291
00:17:30,270 --> 00:17:31,670
Look, look, Mrs. Lee.
292
00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:34,340
The Chrysler Building.
It has the word "Christ" in it.
293
00:17:35,540 --> 00:17:37,510
Hey, Han, you dropped your knife.
294
00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:38,950
You better calm down.
You're gonna blow it.
295
00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:40,850
You can't afford to blow it.
You can't even afford to kiss it!
296
00:17:42,350 --> 00:17:44,990
I'm getting tense all over again.
Help a brother out.
297
00:17:48,190 --> 00:17:50,630
What, you think I just carry
that stuff around with me in my purse
298
00:17:50,790 --> 00:17:53,960
in an Altoids container with
a Lisa Frank unicorn sticker on it?
299
00:17:57,570 --> 00:17:59,500
Max, what is going to happen?
300
00:17:59,670 --> 00:18:01,640
I've got a more pressing question.
301
00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:05,170
How does someone with a mouth
so small get a joint so wet?
302
00:18:05,340 --> 00:18:08,680
When June cannot play the piano,
Mother will discover my lie.
303
00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:11,650
It will be a big, big disappointment.
304
00:18:11,810 --> 00:18:13,580
I am the star of my family.
305
00:18:13,750 --> 00:18:16,420
So, if your family were the Jacksons,
you'd be Michael?
306
00:18:16,590 --> 00:18:18,590
'Cause I see you more as a Tito.
307
00:18:18,750 --> 00:18:21,020
Actually, Petit-o.
308
00:18:21,990 --> 00:18:24,360
Han's mom is right behind me.
She saw you two come in here.
309
00:18:24,530 --> 00:18:27,830
I tried to stop her, but she has
strength and it is all core.
310
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:29,430
Han, hide!
311
00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:32,170
I'm sweating through the price tag
and I have to return this.
312
00:18:32,330 --> 00:18:34,700
If I'm going down,
I'm going down high.
313
00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:38,270
If it's 500 for kissing,
you can't afford to go down.
314
00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:42,240
What is going on
between you and my Han?
315
00:18:42,410 --> 00:18:46,050
You two have been whispering
all night. Poor June.
316
00:18:46,220 --> 00:18:49,850
Poor June? Poor June
lives in a doorman building.
317
00:18:50,020 --> 00:18:52,520
Mrs. Lee, I think you might have
gotten the wrong impression of Max.
318
00:18:52,690 --> 00:18:56,560
No, she is after my son
for his big successful diner.
319
00:18:57,190 --> 00:18:59,300
Oh, you have another son?
320
00:19:00,730 --> 00:19:02,730
I am on to you.
321
00:19:02,900 --> 00:19:09,410
You are just a... a money-grubbing,
big-booby, dirty, nasty girl!
322
00:19:10,770 --> 00:19:13,080
Well, I wish I could say
you were wrong.
323
00:19:13,780 --> 00:19:16,750
Mother, stop!
You cannot talk to Max like that.
324
00:19:16,910 --> 00:19:20,050
-She is a good girl and a friend.
-Wha..?
325
00:19:21,220 --> 00:19:24,290
Okay, yes, you caught me.
I smoke weed.
326
00:19:24,450 --> 00:19:27,320
Yes, I'm living the fast life
in New York City just as you feared.
327
00:19:27,490 --> 00:19:28,890
Wha..?
328
00:19:30,290 --> 00:19:33,130
But I only toke up
when I am under a lot of pressure.
329
00:19:33,730 --> 00:19:37,830
See, Mother,
I don't have a girlfriend.
330
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:40,000
June is a prostitute
I paid to pretend,
331
00:19:40,170 --> 00:19:43,410
so you would think
we were happy as you and father.
332
00:19:44,170 --> 00:19:45,670
Give me that.
333
00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:48,810
Wha..?
334
00:19:51,010 --> 00:19:53,250
I too am
under a lot of pressure, son.
335
00:19:55,020 --> 00:19:59,090
The truth is your father and I
are no longer together.
336
00:19:59,260 --> 00:20:03,360
He had an affair with another woman
who has big fake ones like her!
337
00:20:04,430 --> 00:20:06,300
Max's breasts are real, Mrs. Lee.
338
00:20:06,460 --> 00:20:08,500
Mm. God bless.
339
00:20:11,100 --> 00:20:12,470
Mine are too,
in case you were wondering.
340
00:20:12,630 --> 00:20:14,270
I wasn't.
341
00:20:16,940 --> 00:20:19,810
Son, are you disappointed in me?
342
00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:22,680
Mother, are you disappointed in me?
343
00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:27,620
No, Han. You are the star
of our family and my heart.
344
00:20:27,780 --> 00:20:28,980
I love you.
345
00:20:29,150 --> 00:20:31,790
Aw, me too.
Okay, that's enough.
346
00:20:33,460 --> 00:20:35,790
And another problem solved by weed.
347
00:20:36,660 --> 00:20:38,460
Hey, Han's mom, it's puff-puff-pass.
348
00:20:42,900 --> 00:20:46,640
(PLAYING PIANO CONCERTO)
349
00:20:52,810 --> 00:20:56,680
Am I super high
or is that whore playing the piano?
350
00:21:02,250 --> 00:21:04,320
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)
351
00:21:29,450 --> 00:21:30,450
(English US - SDH)
27871
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