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1
00:00:01,085 --> 00:00:02,461
Oh, I closed out
the cupcake register.
2
00:00:02,586 --> 00:00:03,546
Here's our rent money.
3
00:00:03,712 --> 00:00:06,590
Give me back the envelope, though,
'cause it's also my jewelry box.
4
00:00:06,757 --> 00:00:10,261
No, I closed out the register.
I have our rent money.
5
00:00:10,428 --> 00:00:11,762
Max, do you know what this means?
6
00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:14,223
Unless I was hit in the head
by a piece of farm equipment,
7
00:00:14,390 --> 00:00:16,267
it means we have extra money.
8
00:00:16,434 --> 00:00:17,976
I wanna do the extra money dance,
9
00:00:18,144 --> 00:00:21,105
but we don't have one because
we've never had extra money!
10
00:00:22,148 --> 00:00:23,732
The only extra money dance I know
11
00:00:23,899 --> 00:00:26,610
involves ping-pong balls
and I'm really out of practice.
12
00:00:27,653 --> 00:00:29,488
♪ (THEME MUSIC) ♪
13
00:00:29,988 --> 00:00:31,240
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)
14
00:00:38,081 --> 00:00:39,748
Earl, I brought you your favorite.
15
00:00:39,915 --> 00:00:42,626
A half-black, half-Chinese
belly dancer?
16
00:00:43,461 --> 00:00:44,795
A coconut cupcake.
17
00:00:44,962 --> 00:00:46,464
Look at Caroline over there.
18
00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:50,426
She's flirting harder with him
than I flirt with heart disease.
19
00:00:50,593 --> 00:00:55,181
Stop, stop! I'm only on episode two
of Season One. I will kill you!
20
00:00:56,307 --> 00:00:58,184
Then... to be continued.
21
00:00:58,351 --> 00:01:00,936
Oh, it's gonna be continued.
22
00:01:01,104 --> 00:01:05,649
Well, then, we will continue this
when we continue this.
23
00:01:05,858 --> 00:01:06,484
(GIGGLES)
24
00:01:09,695 --> 00:01:13,031
If that's your game, you're gonna
be living with me forever, Fran.
25
00:01:13,199 --> 00:01:16,119
He's been in my section three nights
in a row for the Turkey Club.
26
00:01:16,285 --> 00:01:17,995
I'm calling him
"The Turkey Club Cutie."
27
00:01:18,162 --> 00:01:20,289
I'm calling Poison Control.
28
00:01:21,290 --> 00:01:23,000
I think he's getting ready
to ask me out.
29
00:01:23,167 --> 00:01:25,461
He wanted to know if I live
around here and what time I get off.
30
00:01:25,628 --> 00:01:29,173
If a man's gonna wait
for you to get off, he's a keeper.
31
00:01:31,634 --> 00:01:34,303
So... see you next time.
32
00:01:34,470 --> 00:01:39,683
-I will see you next time as well.
-Bye.
33
00:01:46,815 --> 00:01:48,859
-What's that?
-I don't know. How would I know?
34
00:01:49,026 --> 00:01:51,195
Because it came out of your head?
35
00:01:52,363 --> 00:01:54,240
I don't have hair extensions, Max.
36
00:01:54,990 --> 00:01:58,369
-(SCOFFS) Okay, I'll throw it out.
-No! I'll keep it for the story.
37
00:01:59,412 --> 00:02:00,496
What story?
38
00:02:00,663 --> 00:02:03,499
The story about how we found
a blonde hair extension
39
00:02:03,666 --> 00:02:05,418
out of nowhere that night.
40
00:02:05,543 --> 00:02:06,502
(CACKLES)
41
00:02:06,669 --> 00:02:08,712
It's hilarious!
42
00:02:08,879 --> 00:02:11,882
Well, it's already funnier
than most of your stories.
43
00:02:13,384 --> 00:02:15,844
Oh, look,
there's another hilarious story.
44
00:02:16,887 --> 00:02:19,182
Okay, Max,
I have a confession to make.
45
00:02:21,016 --> 00:02:23,227
I have hair extensions.
46
00:02:24,061 --> 00:02:25,563
I also have a confession to make.
47
00:02:25,729 --> 00:02:28,023
I murdered a man in Rhode Island.
48
00:02:28,941 --> 00:02:30,901
I just have a few.
It gives me volume.
49
00:02:31,068 --> 00:02:32,903
Too bad it doesn't give you depth.
50
00:02:34,572 --> 00:02:36,949
Now I have to go
and try and reattach these.
51
00:02:37,115 --> 00:02:40,578
These weaves are supposed to last.
This is unbe-weave-able!
52
00:02:43,747 --> 00:02:46,584
I found this in the lettuce.
53
00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:49,712
Any sign of a NuvaRing in there?
'Cause I can't find mine.
54
00:02:51,129 --> 00:02:54,217
Caroline's losing her hair,
isn't she? Is she sick?
55
00:02:54,383 --> 00:02:56,302
Does she have cancer, the Big "C"?
56
00:02:56,469 --> 00:02:58,136
No, Little You.
57
00:02:59,888 --> 00:03:03,392
She doesn't have the Big "C".
She barely has the double As.
58
00:03:06,312 --> 00:03:09,315
-Han found more of your hair.
-He knows about the extensions?
59
00:03:09,482 --> 00:03:11,900
No, he thinks you have cancer.
60
00:03:12,067 --> 00:03:13,736
Oh, good!
So no one knows.
61
00:03:15,571 --> 00:03:18,907
Hola, ladies!
Your night just got sexier.
62
00:03:20,075 --> 00:03:21,619
Luis, you punched out hours ago.
63
00:03:21,785 --> 00:03:24,622
What are you doing here so late?
On your way homo?
64
00:03:24,830 --> 00:03:25,956
(LAUGHS)
65
00:03:26,249 --> 00:03:27,791
Good one, hooker!
66
00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:30,127
No, I'm between clubs.
67
00:03:30,294 --> 00:03:32,087
"Circus" just became a straight club,
68
00:03:32,255 --> 00:03:34,840
and "Satellite" doesn't become
a gay club for a half hour.
69
00:03:35,674 --> 00:03:38,802
So, I'm here to have a cocktail
with my bro Oleg.
70
00:03:39,345 --> 00:03:41,472
Luis, we told you.
Oleg is straight.
71
00:03:41,639 --> 00:03:43,932
Oh, please!
So am I in Alabama.
72
00:03:47,603 --> 00:03:48,812
Well, he left already.
73
00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:53,609
But I told him I was gonna stop by.
Typical man. Fear of intimacy.
74
00:03:54,443 --> 00:03:57,488
Oh, Carolina, while I'm here,
this is yours.
75
00:03:57,530 --> 00:03:58,656
I found it during my shift.
76
00:03:58,822 --> 00:04:00,699
Ooh, tips from my tables?
77
00:04:00,866 --> 00:04:02,285
More like hair from your head.
78
00:04:03,494 --> 00:04:05,162
I knew this was
all too good to be true.
79
00:04:05,329 --> 00:04:06,830
You have extensions.
80
00:04:07,498 --> 00:04:09,124
No, I have cancer.
81
00:04:18,133 --> 00:04:20,010
No, you have extensions.
Good try.
82
00:04:20,177 --> 00:04:21,554
Later!
83
00:04:25,683 --> 00:04:27,976
Hey. Notice anything different?
84
00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:30,979
I took some of the extra money
and got new hair extensions.
85
00:04:31,146 --> 00:04:35,067
And I also got you a surprise.
I put it in your room. Go look!
86
00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:37,403
I'm not interested
unless it's a potbelly pig
87
00:04:37,570 --> 00:04:39,322
or a potbelly pig
in a pilgrim costume
88
00:04:39,488 --> 00:04:41,865
or a pilgrim in a potbelly pig
costume or just pot.
89
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:46,370
Hint, hint. I put it on your bed.
What do you think? Do you love?
90
00:04:46,537 --> 00:04:50,749
Okay, why is all this crap on my bed?
And what the hell is it?
91
00:04:50,916 --> 00:04:52,084
That's a bed skirt.
92
00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:55,128
My bed doesn't wear skirts.
It's a dude!
93
00:04:57,297 --> 00:05:00,509
I know because it pokes me
in the back while I'm asleep.
94
00:05:00,676 --> 00:05:03,971
I got you new bedding
and me some cute new flannel jammies.
95
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:05,598
They have Eiffel Towers on them.
96
00:05:05,764 --> 00:05:07,766
They were marked down because
everybody hates French people.
97
00:05:10,769 --> 00:05:12,270
These don't even have stains!
98
00:05:12,438 --> 00:05:14,982
How am I gonna know
which is the top now?
99
00:05:15,899 --> 00:05:17,109
Max, what's the problem?
100
00:05:17,275 --> 00:05:20,112
You've had those old sheets forever.
You don't even have a spare set.
101
00:05:20,278 --> 00:05:24,367
A spare set of sheets?
Who am I, the Queen of England?
102
00:05:25,283 --> 00:05:27,285
You're so frustrating,
I'd pull my hair out,
103
00:05:27,453 --> 00:05:29,538
but I'm not sure
which of it is mine.
104
00:05:29,955 --> 00:05:31,957
-Look! Look! Are you happy?
-(HORSE NICKERS)
105
00:05:32,124 --> 00:05:34,084
Chestnut's upset.
He knows we're fighting.
106
00:05:34,627 --> 00:05:37,337
Good, he should know that
if he goes out for a bag of chips,
107
00:05:37,505 --> 00:05:40,841
he could come home to find you
replaced his saddle with a thong.
108
00:05:41,634 --> 00:05:44,762
I got you a present. Would you
be this angry at Santa Claus?
109
00:05:44,928 --> 00:05:46,430
Who's that?
110
00:05:47,890 --> 00:05:51,309
Max, please. Just for a change,
try sleeping on something nice.
111
00:05:51,810 --> 00:05:52,811
Fine!
112
00:05:52,978 --> 00:05:54,522
But if I wanted
to sleep on something nice,
113
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:55,939
I would have hooked up with that guy
114
00:05:56,106 --> 00:05:57,858
who moved home
to take care of his sick mother.
115
00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:02,488
Watch your back, Chestnut.
Watch your back.
116
00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:08,786
(CLICK)
117
00:06:08,994 --> 00:06:11,204
Where are my old sheets, bitch?
118
00:06:12,164 --> 00:06:17,294
(WHINING) Why? Why are
you calling me a "bitch" at night?
119
00:06:17,461 --> 00:06:20,255
I was sleeping in my new jammies.
120
00:06:20,423 --> 00:06:23,133
Well, I can't sleep without
those sheets, so where are they?
121
00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:24,718
I checked all your drawers.
122
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:29,598
And by the way, who hides
their vibrator in a Starbucks cup?
123
00:06:30,599 --> 00:06:32,935
You already know the answer,
so I'm going back to sleep.
124
00:06:36,772 --> 00:06:39,024
(WHINING) Why?
125
00:06:39,191 --> 00:06:42,027
Why am I on the floor
in my new jammies?
126
00:06:42,653 --> 00:06:43,821
Where are they?
127
00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:46,364
I don't have them.
I gave them to the poor.
128
00:06:46,532 --> 00:06:50,703
You took them from the poor!
And the poor wants them back.
129
00:06:50,869 --> 00:06:54,206
Well, it's too late. I put them in
the Salvation Army donation bin.
130
00:06:54,372 --> 00:06:57,835
Well, get up.
You're going to the army, bitch.
131
00:07:00,629 --> 00:07:04,758
(WHINING) Why? Why are we here
in the middle of the night?
132
00:07:04,883 --> 00:07:06,343
What are we doing?
133
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:09,221
There it is. Come on.
Follow me.
134
00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:10,889
Max, is this where you kill me?
135
00:07:11,056 --> 00:07:14,059
'Cause I always knew it was gonna
happen, I just didn't know when.
136
00:07:14,643 --> 00:07:16,436
This feels right, though.
137
00:07:16,604 --> 00:07:20,398
I should kill you. Those sheets
were really special to me, okay?
138
00:07:20,566 --> 00:07:23,569
Oh, did you lose
your virginities on them?
139
00:07:23,694 --> 00:07:27,990
I don't have sex in beds.
That's where I eat.
140
00:07:28,156 --> 00:07:29,324
Caroline, I have a confession.
141
00:07:29,492 --> 00:07:32,495
-What is it?
-You have hair extensions.
142
00:07:32,661 --> 00:07:34,788
Okay, I'll tell you, but look away.
143
00:07:35,914 --> 00:07:38,501
It's the pillowcase.
I've had it since I was a kid.
144
00:07:42,254 --> 00:07:45,966
It's like soft and nubby and
it had this edge that I'd like rub
145
00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:49,261
and it relaxed me when things
were crappy, which was all the time.
146
00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:52,848
I guess I still need
that pillowcase to sleep or whatever.
147
00:07:53,015 --> 00:07:54,767
Max, that's so sad.
148
00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:58,521
Of course it's sad!
When has it ever been a happy tale?
149
00:07:58,646 --> 00:08:00,689
All right, I need to crawl in here.
150
00:08:00,856 --> 00:08:03,358
Max, you're just gonna crawl
into that dirty box?
151
00:08:03,526 --> 00:08:05,861
We don't know where that bin's been.
152
00:08:06,028 --> 00:08:10,448
By the way, "Dirty Box" was
my nickname in continuation school.
153
00:08:10,616 --> 00:08:13,118
I need help. Would you rather I step
on your back or your head?
154
00:08:13,285 --> 00:08:16,955
My head? Hardly.
Not at these prices.
155
00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:18,123
Come on.
Gimme ten fingers.
156
00:08:18,290 --> 00:08:20,584
I already did. Behind your back
while we were walking here.
157
00:08:20,751 --> 00:08:23,837
No, like this, so I can step into it.
You know, like a finger basket.
158
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:27,132
Finger basket?
Is that another nickname of yours?
159
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,928
No, but for one summer,
it could've been.
160
00:08:31,053 --> 00:08:34,139
Forget this.
Just help me pull this stuff over.
161
00:08:34,472 --> 00:08:35,849
-Ew. Ew
-Ew. Ew.
162
00:08:37,726 --> 00:08:41,146
Max, I feel like we're not even
acknowledging our low points anymore.
163
00:08:41,313 --> 00:08:44,650
Okay, Max, now be very careful.
And on the count of....
164
00:08:46,777 --> 00:08:48,737
Wow, you could've been
a great gymnast,
165
00:08:48,904 --> 00:08:52,407
if you'd had money, coaches
and a breast reduction.
166
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:53,742
Are you okay?
167
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:55,535
CAROLINE: Max?
168
00:08:55,703 --> 00:08:57,788
Gonna need some voice contact.
169
00:08:57,955 --> 00:09:00,415
MAX: I'm not in here alone.
170
00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:05,253
What do you mean you're not alone?
171
00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:08,966
MAX: I mean I'm not in here alone.
172
00:09:09,132 --> 00:09:12,970
CAROLINE: Stay calm! I will
get you out of there! No, I won't!
173
00:09:15,138 --> 00:09:17,140
MAX: I'm looking for a lever
on the inside.
174
00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:18,058
(LEVER CLICKS)
175
00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:21,394
(SHOUTS) Get outta my house!
176
00:09:22,980 --> 00:09:25,608
Okay, I just wanna check
and see if you're on my pillowcase.
177
00:09:25,774 --> 00:09:28,151
-Max, no!
-I need my sweet sheets!
178
00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:31,739
Let it go. And if your sheets are
under there, they're no long sweet.
179
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:34,617
(SHOUTING) Get outta my house!
And close the door!
180
00:09:34,783 --> 00:09:37,077
Okay! Okay! God!
181
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:39,830
Jeez!
You'd think we'd slept together!
182
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:43,416
What am I gonna do?
I can't sleep without those sheets!
183
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:44,668
MAX: I'm so angry at you!
184
00:09:44,835 --> 00:09:47,921
I'd be even angrier
if I hadn't found this great bra.
185
00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:54,637
Why are you going to Sophie's
if you're trying to sleep?
186
00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:56,847
She's the loudest person we know.
187
00:09:57,014 --> 00:10:00,142
Even black people at the movies
tell Sophie to be quiet.
188
00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:04,312
I am going to Sophie's
to get a sleeping pill.
189
00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:06,982
Or as she likes to call them,
"night candy."
190
00:10:07,149 --> 00:10:08,441
You don't need a pill.
191
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:11,194
Listen, I've a great sleep technique
that my sleep coach taught me.
192
00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:13,363
I have slept
with my fair share of coaches
193
00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:15,699
and if anything, they kept me awake.
194
00:10:15,866 --> 00:10:19,119
Max, it's 3:00am. Any normal person
is sleeping right now.
195
00:10:21,705 --> 00:10:23,206
(POLISH ACCENT) Hi, girls.
196
00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:27,169
Just doing a puzzle
and listening to Elvis.
197
00:10:27,335 --> 00:10:30,839
You two want a Mai Tai
before you get too Ti-Ti?
198
00:10:31,882 --> 00:10:33,717
No, thanks, but speaking of Ti-Ti,
199
00:10:33,884 --> 00:10:36,053
I was hoping I could snag
one of your sleeping pills.
200
00:10:36,219 --> 00:10:39,639
Oh, sure, I can hook you up.
I never use them.
201
00:10:39,807 --> 00:10:43,060
I only need three hours of sleep
at night and six during the day.
202
00:10:43,226 --> 00:10:44,352
Come on.
203
00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:50,067
Sophie, notice anything new?
204
00:10:50,233 --> 00:10:55,030
Oh, yeah! You planted more hair
on your head. I heard.
205
00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:58,909
Max! You told her?
206
00:10:59,076 --> 00:11:00,828
No, it was on CNN.
207
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:04,915
They led with Syria and then
did a solid five on your hair.
208
00:11:05,082 --> 00:11:07,334
Here we go! Pills and spices!
209
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:12,214
You have a spice rack full of pills?
You gotta cook me dinner sometime.
210
00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:14,424
Let's see.
211
00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:19,763
Fish oil, penicillin, amoxicillin.
Skittles.
212
00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:24,184
Oh, and this is my German pill,
213
00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:28,188
in case they release the bombs,
or I'm ever abandoned in space.
214
00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:32,609
Here you go, Max.
Nighty-night.
215
00:11:33,276 --> 00:11:35,570
Oh, you know what? What the hell!
216
00:11:35,738 --> 00:11:38,949
I'm gonna have one too.
It's a slumber party!
217
00:11:41,243 --> 00:11:42,244
Uh-oh.
218
00:11:42,786 --> 00:11:45,873
Oh, now you got
another rack full of pills.
219
00:11:47,624 --> 00:11:49,918
Oh, you know what?
220
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:53,964
Don't wait for me, Max.
This might be a while.
221
00:11:55,966 --> 00:11:57,592
Max, do you really need to take that?
222
00:11:57,760 --> 00:11:59,970
People do weird things
on sleeping pills.
223
00:12:00,137 --> 00:12:02,555
My friend Candice Travelstead
buttered a wallet
224
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,224
and tried to eat it.
225
00:12:05,142 --> 00:12:06,894
Don't worry.
I don't have a wallet.
226
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:08,478
Wait a minute!
Wait a minute.
227
00:12:08,645 --> 00:12:10,272
Is that the sleeping pill
228
00:12:10,438 --> 00:12:13,316
or is that my emergency space pill
that kills you?
229
00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:16,153
Either way, I'll get some shut-eye.
230
00:12:16,319 --> 00:12:18,906
Max, no! You are not gonna die
and leave me here alone.
231
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:22,159
I still don't know how to go east
on the "L" train without a chaperone.
232
00:12:23,994 --> 00:12:25,495
Max, it's 3:30am
233
00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:30,250
and sleep coach Caroline here will
have you asleep by 3:45 the latest.
234
00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:33,003
You're supposed
to be taking a hot bath.
235
00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:36,464
I was, but when I put the stopper in,
something pushed it back out again.
236
00:12:36,631 --> 00:12:37,674
Now where's that pill?
237
00:12:37,841 --> 00:12:41,469
I've got it on my person and if this
doesn't work I'll give it to you.
238
00:12:41,636 --> 00:12:44,472
Oh, I'll go elbow-deep for that pill
and don't think I won't.
239
00:12:44,639 --> 00:12:48,351
Max, meet your new sheets.
New sheets, meet--
240
00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:51,354
Don't make me meet the sheets.
I'm not a mental patient.
241
00:12:51,521 --> 00:12:54,107
If I was,
I'd be living in a much nicer place.
242
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:56,151
And all my pillowcases
would have edges.
243
00:12:56,318 --> 00:12:58,695
Wow, even your pillowcase
had an edge.
244
00:12:58,821 --> 00:13:00,155
What was it like anyway?
245
00:13:00,322 --> 00:13:02,365
It was kinda like
the end of your new PJs
246
00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:06,036
but not the queerest thing
I've ever seen.
247
00:13:06,203 --> 00:13:09,206
A candle?
What are we, witches?
248
00:13:09,331 --> 00:13:13,668
Now, imagine yourself
in a relaxed, beautiful place.
249
00:13:13,836 --> 00:13:17,214
Breathe in and out.
250
00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:19,216
In and out.
251
00:13:19,382 --> 00:13:22,344
Look, if there's one thing
old "Finger Basket" knows how to do,
252
00:13:22,510 --> 00:13:23,887
it's in and out.
253
00:13:24,054 --> 00:13:26,556
-Gimme the pill.
-I'm not finished yet.
254
00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:27,724
But just so you know,
255
00:13:27,891 --> 00:13:30,227
that pill has changed colors
three times in the last hour.
256
00:13:30,393 --> 00:13:33,688
So it's either deadly,
or an Everlasting Gobstopper.
257
00:13:33,856 --> 00:13:36,483
I am so mad at you.
You took my one thing.
258
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:38,735
That pillowcase
was my one special thing.
259
00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:40,737
In my whole life of people
taking things away from me,
260
00:13:40,904 --> 00:13:42,530
that was the one thing no one took.
261
00:13:42,697 --> 00:13:45,325
And now I'm never gonna sleep again.
And I love sleeping.
262
00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:48,536
Dreaming is the closest thing
I have to cable TV.
263
00:13:49,204 --> 00:13:50,205
Enough, Max!
264
00:13:50,372 --> 00:13:53,250
I've been very patient
with this weird attachment you have
265
00:13:53,416 --> 00:13:55,335
to this little piece of sheet.
266
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:57,670
You're a piece of sheet!
267
00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:01,884
Listen, if I learned anything
when I lost everything,
268
00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:03,593
it's that, A, there's no wiggle room
269
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:05,845
when it comes
to cottage cheese expiration dates,
270
00:14:06,013 --> 00:14:09,016
and, B, you can't get attached
to material things.
271
00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:11,726
(SCOFFS)
Oh! Okay, Extensions!
272
00:14:11,894 --> 00:14:13,103
What does that mean?
273
00:14:13,270 --> 00:14:17,107
It means that your material things
are literally attached to your head.
274
00:14:17,274 --> 00:14:18,400
Not the same thing at all.
275
00:14:18,566 --> 00:14:21,444
Your dependency on that pillowcase is
all in your head. You don't need it.
276
00:14:21,611 --> 00:14:23,280
Oh. You don't need this.
277
00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:28,576
You owe me $14.
278
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:30,203
Run a tab.
279
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:32,289
I'm not about to sit here
and take this abuse
280
00:14:32,455 --> 00:14:35,250
because you have an unhealthy
attachment to a pillowcase!
281
00:14:35,417 --> 00:14:36,584
Good night, Malibu Barbie.
282
00:14:36,751 --> 00:14:40,088
I hope you're not trying to insult me
because she's gorgeous!
283
00:14:40,255 --> 00:14:43,591
And for the record, I do not have
an unhealthy attachment to my hair.
284
00:14:43,758 --> 00:14:45,468
Oh, really?
285
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:49,056
You're a monster!
286
00:14:52,267 --> 00:14:54,102
I'm sorry. I can't sleep.
287
00:14:54,269 --> 00:14:55,979
I'll be fine.
Just give me the pill.
288
00:14:56,146 --> 00:14:58,231
CAROLINE: No! It's all in your head!
Go to sleep!
289
00:14:58,440 --> 00:14:59,482
(DOOR JOSTLES)
290
00:14:59,649 --> 00:15:01,276
I tied the doorknob
to my bed with a rope
291
00:15:01,443 --> 00:15:03,236
and locked all the bedroom windows.
292
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:05,322
Are you trying to hurt me
or turn me on?
293
00:15:11,203 --> 00:15:12,204
Brace yourself, Earl.
294
00:15:12,370 --> 00:15:14,747
When Max gets here,
she will not be in a good mood.
295
00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:17,375
Caroline, if I wanted
to work around people in a good mood,
296
00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:20,545
I'd go work at Google.
297
00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:23,340
She hasn't slept since yesterday
and is furious
298
00:15:23,506 --> 00:15:24,882
because I won't give her
a sleeping pill.
299
00:15:25,092 --> 00:15:28,553
Smart move.
Sleeping pills mess you up.
300
00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:29,804
I took one once,
301
00:15:29,972 --> 00:15:34,226
woke up a day later on the
roller coaster ride in Coney Island.
302
00:15:34,392 --> 00:15:38,313
-I love roller coasters.
-Me too, when I'm in a seat.
303
00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:43,026
Oh, hello!
How are you two tonight?
304
00:15:43,485 --> 00:15:46,029
Oh, no. She's nice.
She must've gotten a pill somewhere.
305
00:15:46,196 --> 00:15:49,824
No. No pills. Just had some clarity.
Follow me, please.
306
00:15:49,992 --> 00:15:53,203
Oh, okay.
Did you smoke or snort this clarity?
307
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:57,249
Now, since you were nice enough
to get me new sheets,
308
00:15:57,415 --> 00:15:59,751
I got you something in return .
Here.
309
00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:03,338
Oh, is this like an apology,
thank you kind of thing?
310
00:16:03,505 --> 00:16:07,550
Now watch. This is how
one graciously accepts a gift.
311
00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:09,886
What the hell is this?
312
00:16:12,347 --> 00:16:13,598
A wig?
313
00:16:13,765 --> 00:16:17,977
Either that or you scalped a lesbian
from the '80s.
314
00:16:18,145 --> 00:16:22,399
Yep, I grabbed her bolo tie and
climbed up on her shoulder pads.
315
00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:25,152
You took away my security thing,
the pillowcase.
316
00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:28,155
So now I'm taking away
your security thing, your hair.
317
00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:29,656
You can wear
that on your head tonight
318
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,491
and then tell me again
how this is all in my head.
319
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:33,618
Did you have to get
the ugliest one they had?
320
00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:37,164
What do you want for 37 cents?
321
00:16:37,289 --> 00:16:40,375
Fine,
I'll put this roadkill on my head
322
00:16:40,542 --> 00:16:43,045
just to prove to you
that I am so much more than my hair.
323
00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:46,964
I am my attitude, my spirit,
my brain, my bravery--
324
00:16:47,132 --> 00:16:48,966
-Put it on.
-Max, I'm scared.
325
00:16:49,134 --> 00:16:51,636
Go. The bangs go in the back.
326
00:16:52,262 --> 00:16:54,389
That's my kinda woman.
327
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:57,850
-Cobb salad, pick-up!
-(BELL RINGS)
328
00:17:01,313 --> 00:17:04,149
Uh, hey, Sophie.
329
00:17:04,316 --> 00:17:08,070
Are you here
for the Mafia widow discount?
330
00:17:09,612 --> 00:17:14,117
(WHISPERING) Earl, I'm incognito.
I'm making a drug drop for Max.
331
00:17:15,660 --> 00:17:17,995
(SHOUTING) Hey, Max!
I got your drugs!
332
00:17:19,956 --> 00:17:20,957
Thanks.
333
00:17:21,124 --> 00:17:24,211
And I love that you have an outfit
for everything I ask you to do.
334
00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:27,589
Hey, where's the blonde narc fan?
335
00:17:32,469 --> 00:17:34,011
(SOPHIE LAUGHS)
336
00:17:34,429 --> 00:17:36,514
Oh, my God!
337
00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:39,851
Did Caroline join a bowling team?
338
00:17:41,436 --> 00:17:42,437
Max! No!
339
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:46,691
Aw, crap!
Rod Stewart just busted us!
340
00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:51,070
Let her have some fun.
What's the big deal, square?
341
00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:53,865
The big deal is that Max
thinks she needs these pills
342
00:17:54,031 --> 00:17:55,742
because I threw away her blankie.
343
00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:58,328
It was a pillowcase
and I need it to sleep.
344
00:17:58,495 --> 00:17:59,954
She has to rub it.
345
00:18:00,122 --> 00:18:02,999
In Poland, I had this little thing
346
00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:06,461
that I liked to tickle
before I went to sleep.
347
00:18:06,628 --> 00:18:09,172
But my aunt threw it away.
348
00:18:09,339 --> 00:18:10,507
What was it?
349
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:13,468
My cousin, Nora.
350
00:18:16,138 --> 00:18:17,180
Give me the pills.
351
00:18:17,347 --> 00:18:20,350
Nope. And, Max, you were wrong.
See? I'm not attached to my hair.
352
00:18:20,517 --> 00:18:22,769
In fact, I am loving my new look.
353
00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:25,522
Am I a single mom
trying to keep it simple?
354
00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:28,275
Am I an Assistant DA in over my head?
355
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:32,904
Or am I Charlize Theron
in The Jon Bon Jovi Story?
356
00:18:35,365 --> 00:18:38,451
Maybe, and I'm fine with it
'cause I am not my hair.
357
00:18:39,994 --> 00:18:42,038
Oh, my God!
Turkey Club Cutie! Hide me!
358
00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:47,794
On your knees in a bad wig.
359
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,297
Listen, girl, I've been there.
360
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,006
No, I just don't wanna be seen--
361
00:18:52,174 --> 00:18:54,467
Caroline, Caroline, I love you,
but I can't hear anymore.
362
00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:57,053
That hair was hard enough to look at
in the '70s.
363
00:19:01,183 --> 00:19:02,934
Fine! You were right, I was wrong.
364
00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:05,187
Now help me get this off.
He can't see me like this.
365
00:19:05,353 --> 00:19:06,938
That's right.
Gimme the pills.
366
00:19:07,104 --> 00:19:09,607
Max, no. You don't need them.
We don't know where they've been.
367
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,777
Fine!
I'm going home to try to sleep.
368
00:19:12,944 --> 00:19:15,363
Since this is all your fault,
you can finish my shift.
369
00:19:15,530 --> 00:19:18,074
You're on your own, lady who lived
across the street from Al Bundy.
370
00:19:24,789 --> 00:19:27,124
I gotta say,
I'm pretty impressed I can do this.
371
00:19:27,292 --> 00:19:30,920
It's not so hard. I don't know what
Chanice is always bitching about.
372
00:19:31,087 --> 00:19:33,215
I guess that's who she is.
373
00:19:33,381 --> 00:19:35,758
I can't believe
I still haven't slept.
374
00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:37,510
I'm gonna be awake forever.
375
00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:41,180
It's gonna be like that movie
Awakenings, but not at all.
376
00:19:41,348 --> 00:19:45,101
Max, you can rub me.
377
00:19:46,102 --> 00:19:49,356
Wow, that wig changed you.
378
00:19:49,439 --> 00:19:50,607
No, here.
379
00:19:50,773 --> 00:19:53,067
Rub the edge on the bottom of my
jammie top like it's your pillowcase.
380
00:19:53,235 --> 00:19:58,197
No. If I rub the bottom of your
jammies, that would be my bottom.
381
00:19:58,323 --> 00:20:00,242
Turkey Club Cutie didn't ask me out.
382
00:20:00,408 --> 00:20:02,577
Probably 'cause my hair
was so messed up from the wig.
383
00:20:02,744 --> 00:20:04,287
Don't be so hard on yourself.
384
00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:06,623
It could've been
your personality too.
385
00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:09,917
You really think
he only liked you for your hair?
386
00:20:10,084 --> 00:20:12,169
I only like me for my hair.
387
00:20:12,295 --> 00:20:14,881
-Told you. You're attached to it.
-So attached to it!
388
00:20:15,131 --> 00:20:17,717
Twirling it, tossing it, flipping it.
389
00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:20,803
Feeling it on my neck,
on my shoulders, on my back.
390
00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:22,972
Caroline Channing
without the option of a sleek updo
391
00:20:23,139 --> 00:20:25,725
is not Caroline Channing.
392
00:20:25,808 --> 00:20:27,310
And I'm sorry.
393
00:20:27,477 --> 00:20:29,646
I'm sorry I judged you
for having an attachment to something
394
00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:31,689
when I'm no better.
395
00:20:31,856 --> 00:20:34,651
And I'm sorry
I got rid of your sweet sheets.
396
00:20:34,817 --> 00:20:35,985
Max.
397
00:20:36,152 --> 00:20:38,070
Max?
398
00:20:39,656 --> 00:20:40,740
Night, Max.
399
00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:51,626
(WHINING) Why?
400
00:20:51,709 --> 00:20:55,087
Why can't I ever have anything nice?
401
00:20:58,425 --> 00:20:59,676
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)
402
00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:26,786
(English US - SDH)
32202
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