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1
00:00:04,700 --> 00:00:05,930
-Max?
-No.
2
00:00:06,070 --> 00:00:07,970
Don't come over here with that
"I'm the boss,
3
00:00:08,140 --> 00:00:10,140
you're the waitress" look, 'cause
I could just as easily give you
4
00:00:10,270 --> 00:00:13,180
the "I'm the murderer,
you're the victim" look.
5
00:00:14,410 --> 00:00:17,550
The muscular woman at table two
is sending her bagel back.
6
00:00:17,850 --> 00:00:19,280
She said she ordered a plain one.
7
00:00:19,410 --> 00:00:21,950
I'm sorry, did you say
she wanted a multi-grain?
8
00:00:22,080 --> 00:00:23,550
-No, plain.
-Whole grain?
9
00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:24,750
No, plain.
10
00:00:24,890 --> 00:00:28,520
-Garlic?
-No. The plain! The plain!
11
00:00:32,730 --> 00:00:36,330
It took me two years,
but I finally got him to say it.
12
00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:40,870
♪ (THEME MUSIC) ♪
13
00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:42,370
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)
14
00:00:51,950 --> 00:00:54,650
(CAT MEOWING)
15
00:00:56,650 --> 00:00:58,620
Are you telling me
you don't hear that cat?
16
00:00:58,750 --> 00:01:01,520
We have to let it in.
It's clearly a stray,
17
00:01:01,660 --> 00:01:04,090
or this marine I met last week
at a blood drive.
18
00:01:06,590 --> 00:01:08,900
Last week there was a man
outside our door screaming,
19
00:01:09,030 --> 00:01:12,470
"I've been stabbed," and all you did
was yell, "Shut up."
20
00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:19,710
Because he said,
"I think I've been stabbed."
21
00:01:20,870 --> 00:01:23,640
You're either stabbed,
or you're not stabbed, my friend.
22
00:01:24,210 --> 00:01:26,050
(CAT CONTINUES)
23
00:01:26,350 --> 00:01:28,650
Listen, it sounds like
the cat's saying hello.
24
00:01:29,550 --> 00:01:30,780
(MEOWING)
25
00:01:32,790 --> 00:01:35,690
Hello, hello.
26
00:01:36,020 --> 00:01:37,220
(MEOWING CONTINUES)
27
00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:39,290
Listen, it's talking.
28
00:01:39,430 --> 00:01:42,700
It's saying,
"Help. Can I come in?"
29
00:01:43,030 --> 00:01:45,130
Really?
'Cause I think it's saying,
30
00:01:45,270 --> 00:01:47,870
"I'm fine. Go back to sleep."
31
00:01:48,370 --> 00:01:49,540
(MEOWING)
32
00:01:50,140 --> 00:01:52,070
Come on, it clearly just said,
33
00:01:52,210 --> 00:01:55,840
"Let me in. Ignore the blonde.
She's a bitch."
34
00:01:56,740 --> 00:01:58,180
Look, you can't just
let in everything
35
00:01:58,340 --> 00:02:00,050
that shows up at our door
and says hello.
36
00:02:00,180 --> 00:02:01,980
Yeah, I can. I've done it.
37
00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:05,550
Max, we can't.
We can't become cat ladies.
38
00:02:05,690 --> 00:02:08,790
And it always starts out innocently,
rescuing a stray,
39
00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:10,390
but then you have
to get another one
40
00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:12,390
so that they can entertain each other
while you're at work.
41
00:02:12,530 --> 00:02:15,000
And then somewhere along the line,
four more sneak in, and you think,
42
00:02:15,130 --> 00:02:18,060
"We're good. We're cool.
We're the cute girls with six cats."
43
00:02:18,230 --> 00:02:21,200
And then, one day, there
you are on Animal Cops,
44
00:02:21,330 --> 00:02:24,500
screaming, "Don't take my babies!
45
00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:28,410
These 27 angels is all I got!"
46
00:02:31,210 --> 00:02:34,580
That's how it goes, Max.
Once you get one, you get 27.
47
00:02:35,580 --> 00:02:37,420
-Not true.
-Really?
48
00:02:37,550 --> 00:02:39,750
How many garden gnomes
do you have under your bed?
49
00:02:39,920 --> 00:02:41,820
Twenty-seven.
50
00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:45,230
What? They understand I'm only
keeping them there
51
00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:47,160
until I get a yard.
52
00:02:48,260 --> 00:02:50,230
Come on. I want a kitty.
53
00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:52,130
Kitty for Max!
Kitty for Max!
54
00:02:52,270 --> 00:02:55,770
Max, we already have a horse.
We can't afford another animal.
55
00:02:56,070 --> 00:02:57,700
-We're broke.
-Come on.
56
00:02:57,840 --> 00:02:59,440
Chestnut needs a friend.
57
00:02:59,570 --> 00:03:01,610
He is dying to
trash us to someone,
58
00:03:01,740 --> 00:03:04,710
and all he's got is that rat,
who is super self-involved.
59
00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:05,980
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
60
00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:08,250
Who the hell is that?
It's so late.
61
00:03:08,380 --> 00:03:10,920
It's probably the cat, or the guy
who's raping girls in Brooklyn.
62
00:03:11,050 --> 00:03:12,550
Open the door,
and roll the dice.
63
00:03:14,890 --> 00:03:17,320
Oh, please.
64
00:03:20,930 --> 00:03:24,770
(POLISH ACCENT) Please, somebody
tell me they killed that damn cat.
65
00:03:25,770 --> 00:03:28,940
And where did it learn
how to say hello?
66
00:03:29,570 --> 00:03:30,870
Told you.
67
00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:33,470
It's been keeping me up all night.
68
00:03:33,610 --> 00:03:35,980
This poor cat has been
crying at our door
69
00:03:36,110 --> 00:03:38,910
every night trying to get in,
trying to get a little warm milk,
70
00:03:39,050 --> 00:03:40,880
maybe a skosh of tuna.
71
00:03:41,010 --> 00:03:43,650
Max, that's our dinner tomorrow.
72
00:03:43,980 --> 00:03:46,190
Wait. Be careful.
73
00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:48,760
A cat is not always a cat.
74
00:03:49,090 --> 00:03:51,620
Oh, please continue.
75
00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:54,960
In Poland, we believe
if you die outside,
76
00:03:55,100 --> 00:03:57,660
you're reincarnated as a cat.
77
00:03:59,070 --> 00:04:02,740
Am I the only one who thinks Poland
sounds like a real freak show?
78
00:04:03,300 --> 00:04:04,770
So never let a cat in,
79
00:04:04,910 --> 00:04:07,610
because it's just a person
that's been reincarnated
80
00:04:07,910 --> 00:04:11,210
and will bring in all the bad jus.
81
00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:15,280
I think you mean juju.
82
00:04:15,420 --> 00:04:17,880
Oh, do I?
83
00:04:18,020 --> 00:04:19,690
Nighty-night.
84
00:04:19,990 --> 00:04:21,720
(CAT CONTINUES)
85
00:04:21,860 --> 00:04:23,660
Look, we just have to
put up with it,
86
00:04:23,790 --> 00:04:25,730
and after a while,
it'll go away on its own.
87
00:04:25,860 --> 00:04:27,330
Go away on its own?
88
00:04:27,460 --> 00:04:29,500
It's a stray cat, not my father.
89
00:04:29,830 --> 00:04:31,500
Good night, Max.
90
00:04:31,630 --> 00:04:34,670
Fine. No kitty for Max.
No kitty for Max.
91
00:04:38,070 --> 00:04:40,640
See, Max, I told you
the cat would stop.
92
00:04:41,670 --> 00:04:43,480
Max?
93
00:04:46,210 --> 00:04:47,480
Max!
94
00:04:47,610 --> 00:04:49,620
Can we keep it, Ma?
Can we keep it?
95
00:04:54,290 --> 00:04:56,160
Earl, you don't want a cat,
do you?
96
00:04:56,290 --> 00:04:59,430
A cat? God, no.
Cats steal your weed.
97
00:05:00,830 --> 00:05:03,460
See, Caroline?
Nobody wants the cat.
98
00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:06,870
We're keeping it, and I think we
should start celebrating right meow.
99
00:05:07,700 --> 00:05:09,870
Max, you didn't even try
to convince him.
100
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:12,070
Come on, Earl.
Don't you want a cat?
101
00:05:12,210 --> 00:05:14,610
Kitty for Earl.
Kitty for Earl.
102
00:05:14,740 --> 00:05:16,280
I'm too old to have a cat.
103
00:05:16,410 --> 00:05:20,050
I'm about six months away
from crapping in a box myself.
104
00:05:23,380 --> 00:05:25,150
Oleg, how do you feel about cats?
105
00:05:25,290 --> 00:05:28,650
Loved it.
Saw it nine times on Broadway.
106
00:05:29,890 --> 00:05:32,490
Very clever show,
but a little expensive.
107
00:05:32,630 --> 00:05:36,030
The most I've ever paid
to see a pussy dance.
108
00:05:40,170 --> 00:05:42,840
So far, we're keeping the cat.
109
00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:45,070
Hey, Han, do you want a cat?
110
00:05:45,210 --> 00:05:47,310
You could finally have
a friend your own size.
111
00:05:48,110 --> 00:05:50,210
Come on, you could
ride it to work.
112
00:05:50,340 --> 00:05:51,980
No, I can't have a cat.
113
00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:53,610
They're lazy, moody,
and judgmental.
114
00:05:53,950 --> 00:05:55,680
I don't need another you.
115
00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:02,060
-Plus, they don't show affection.
-Sure they do.
116
00:06:02,190 --> 00:06:04,160
You just have to know
how to get it out of them.
117
00:06:04,290 --> 00:06:06,590
Cats love to be lightly
spanked on their bottom.
118
00:06:06,730 --> 00:06:09,460
I don't understand why
a cat would like that.
119
00:06:09,630 --> 00:06:10,830
It's so mysterious.
120
00:06:11,930 --> 00:06:13,800
Kitty. Kitty.
Kitty-kitty-kitty.
121
00:06:13,930 --> 00:06:16,670
Kitty. Kitty.
Kitty-kitty-kitty.
122
00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:19,170
Hmm...
123
00:06:19,510 --> 00:06:21,840
Well, I can't have a cat.
I work all the time.
124
00:06:23,540 --> 00:06:25,810
Why did I like that so much?
125
00:06:26,310 --> 00:06:29,280
I don't know, something
with boobs was touching you?
126
00:06:29,420 --> 00:06:33,290
-People with boobs touch me.
-She means aside from your mom.
127
00:06:33,450 --> 00:06:34,720
Then, no.
128
00:06:36,760 --> 00:06:38,760
Well, we've asked
everyone we know,
129
00:06:38,890 --> 00:06:42,700
and now I'm depressed,
because this is everyone we know.
130
00:06:42,830 --> 00:06:44,400
Let's start asking people
in the diner.
131
00:06:44,530 --> 00:06:45,770
We need to find it
a place to live.
132
00:06:45,930 --> 00:06:48,730
Why? Why can't it live
right here in my arm
133
00:06:48,870 --> 00:06:51,070
in between my hot naturals?
134
00:06:52,310 --> 00:06:54,440
Kitty. Kitty.
Kitty-kitty-kitty.
135
00:06:54,570 --> 00:06:57,710
I have to admit,
that does feel kind of good.
136
00:06:58,010 --> 00:07:02,350
Excuse me. I overheard you two
asking people if they want a cat.
137
00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:05,390
And I'd really love one.
138
00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:07,090
Really?
Well, we have your cat.
139
00:07:07,390 --> 00:07:10,120
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Not so fast.
I got a couple of questions first.
140
00:07:10,260 --> 00:07:11,990
-Do you smoke?
-Yes.
141
00:07:12,130 --> 00:07:13,160
-Drink?
-Yes.
142
00:07:13,290 --> 00:07:15,430
-Prescription drugs?
-Occasionally.
143
00:07:16,430 --> 00:07:18,800
Forget the cat.
Will you take me home?
144
00:07:24,140 --> 00:07:26,200
Kitty, you're gonna
love this lady.
145
00:07:26,340 --> 00:07:28,640
She smokes, drinks,
does prescription drugs,
146
00:07:28,770 --> 00:07:30,470
which we all know means oxy.
147
00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:32,440
Hi.
148
00:07:32,610 --> 00:07:34,910
Oh, my God.
There she is.
149
00:07:35,050 --> 00:07:36,950
She's purr-fect.
150
00:07:38,380 --> 00:07:40,990
Come in.
Welcome home, you.
151
00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:42,820
See, Max?
It's great.
152
00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:44,020
(LOUD MEOWING)
153
00:07:45,020 --> 00:07:47,030
What the hell is
going on in here?
154
00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:49,890
Look at all these cats
crammed in this little space.
155
00:07:50,030 --> 00:07:51,330
It's so sad.
156
00:07:51,460 --> 00:07:52,400
The only thing missing is
157
00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:54,230
Sarah McLachlan
singing in the corner.
158
00:07:55,500 --> 00:07:57,340
What? It's fine.
There's not that many.
159
00:07:57,470 --> 00:07:58,840
They're attacking!
160
00:08:00,470 --> 00:08:02,440
Sorry.
He loves blondes.
161
00:08:02,570 --> 00:08:04,740
And apparently pooping
on the carpet.
162
00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:06,340
No, Twinkles, no.
163
00:08:07,650 --> 00:08:09,050
Okay, quick introductions.
164
00:08:09,180 --> 00:08:12,580
That's Bethany, Radford, Sellers,
Franklin, Eleanor,
165
00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:16,390
Pudding, Mustachio,
Mitzi, Meredith, Baxter, Birney.
166
00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:18,720
She remembers
all of their names?
167
00:08:18,860 --> 00:08:21,730
I don't even remember the name
of the guy I lost my virginity to.
168
00:08:21,890 --> 00:08:23,800
Best I can do
is "Coach" something.
169
00:08:23,930 --> 00:08:25,800
Well, Catherine,
I think it's lovely
170
00:08:25,930 --> 00:08:28,930
that you have such a big,
loving, hairy family.
171
00:08:29,070 --> 00:08:31,340
Kind of like the Kardashians.
172
00:08:32,100 --> 00:08:34,040
There's only 24.
173
00:08:37,980 --> 00:08:39,540
Thirty-one.
174
00:08:39,680 --> 00:08:42,810
Let's go before one of
these rabid cats bites us
175
00:08:43,110 --> 00:08:44,880
and we become half-human,
half-cat hybrids
176
00:08:45,220 --> 00:08:47,550
who wander the streets
but are never cold.
177
00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:50,690
We're just gonna go have
a little conversation in the hall.
178
00:08:50,820 --> 00:08:54,060
And FYI, the mother looks
like she's eating the little one.
179
00:08:54,190 --> 00:08:57,160
Just a thought. I'm only saying that
'cause it's in her mouth.
180
00:08:57,930 --> 00:08:59,760
Mitzi, release!
181
00:09:00,460 --> 00:09:01,470
Let's go!
182
00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:03,970
In less than five minutes,
it went from 24 to 31,
183
00:09:04,100 --> 00:09:06,370
and I saw two cats in the corner
doing it doggie style,
184
00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:09,110
so in two months,
we could be looking at 50 cats.
185
00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:11,880
Max, you can't get pregnant
doggie style.
186
00:09:12,710 --> 00:09:14,450
Right?
187
00:09:18,820 --> 00:09:21,190
We can't go back in.
There's so much hair in there,
188
00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:23,890
I saw a cat using a lint roller.
189
00:09:25,090 --> 00:09:27,530
Okay, but if we don't leave her here,
we only have one other option.
190
00:09:27,660 --> 00:09:30,090
No, Kitty is not
going to a shelter.
191
00:09:30,260 --> 00:09:33,760
Why? Lots of cats get adopted
and end up in beautiful homes.
192
00:09:33,900 --> 00:09:38,670
Look, I didn't want to say this,
but she's not pretty enough.
193
00:09:39,470 --> 00:09:43,170
-What are you talking about?
-She's not pretty enough.
194
00:09:45,010 --> 00:09:47,480
Come on, she doesn't have
classic good looks,
195
00:09:47,810 --> 00:09:49,250
but she's adorkable.
196
00:09:49,410 --> 00:09:52,450
We cannot take her to a shelter.
She'll die there.
197
00:09:52,580 --> 00:09:55,320
And, yeah, everyone says they
want one with a nice personality,
198
00:09:55,450 --> 00:09:57,690
but they really just want
a hot, sexy, young kitten
199
00:09:57,860 --> 00:09:59,790
who still gets excited
about balls in her face.
200
00:10:03,490 --> 00:10:04,960
Everything okay, ladies?
201
00:10:05,100 --> 00:10:07,700
No, everything is far from okay.
202
00:10:07,870 --> 00:10:10,400
My boots are now UGGs,
thanks to all the cat hair in there.
203
00:10:11,340 --> 00:10:14,240
Ow! Stop it!
Sorry, that's Gina.
204
00:10:14,370 --> 00:10:16,610
She's bipolar, and she refuses
to take her meds.
205
00:10:16,940 --> 00:10:18,740
Stop it, Gina!
206
00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:21,110
I'm sorry, Catherine.
This isn't gonna work out.
207
00:10:21,250 --> 00:10:23,410
It's nothing personal.
It's just that you're crazy.
208
00:10:24,180 --> 00:10:26,350
Truly, I'm heartbroken.
Ow. Ow!
209
00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:30,020
I already have a name
picked out for her. Veronica Two.
210
00:10:30,150 --> 00:10:31,260
Ow! Stop it!
211
00:10:31,520 --> 00:10:33,060
(SCREAMS IN PAIN)
212
00:10:33,190 --> 00:10:36,430
I got to go!
Who wants treats?
213
00:10:37,830 --> 00:10:42,130
Um, just so we all know, Veronica One
committed suicide, right?
214
00:10:43,430 --> 00:10:45,600
Kitty, we're gonna
find you a nice home.
215
00:10:51,310 --> 00:10:53,510
Psst! Want a cat?
216
00:10:55,210 --> 00:10:56,780
Free cat?
217
00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:00,050
Want a cat?
218
00:11:02,050 --> 00:11:03,490
You are going to love it here.
219
00:11:03,820 --> 00:11:06,660
Park Slope is like the
Beverly Hills of Brooklyn.
220
00:11:08,130 --> 00:11:09,690
Here comes a good one.
221
00:11:09,830 --> 00:11:11,930
Hey. Want a cat.
222
00:11:12,260 --> 00:11:15,070
-Excuse me?
-Cat?
223
00:11:16,100 --> 00:11:18,600
Yeah, I'll take some crack.
224
00:11:18,770 --> 00:11:20,000
She said "cat."
225
00:11:20,140 --> 00:11:22,210
We're looking for
a nice home for a cat.
226
00:11:22,340 --> 00:11:24,440
-Oh, so no crack?
-No.
227
00:11:24,780 --> 00:11:27,780
Well, why would I want a cat?
I'm a crackhead.
228
00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:33,480
Well, Kitty, as hard as this is,
229
00:11:33,620 --> 00:11:36,190
I think it's time to let you
back out there into the world.
230
00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:37,890
At least if we leave you
in a rich neighborhood
231
00:11:38,020 --> 00:11:39,620
you'll have a better shot at life.
232
00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:41,490
Max, you are okay with this?
233
00:11:41,630 --> 00:11:44,660
Well, I was more okay when
I did this with my cousin's baby.
234
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:50,400
There you go.
235
00:11:54,070 --> 00:11:56,010
Oh, yeah.
Move him to the next house.
236
00:11:56,140 --> 00:11:58,880
South-facing sun.
Pre-war building. She'll love it.
237
00:11:59,180 --> 00:12:00,540
There you go.
238
00:12:01,810 --> 00:12:03,710
You live in Park Slope now.
239
00:12:03,850 --> 00:12:08,490
You can adopt an African baby and
wheel it around in a $900 stroller.
240
00:12:08,620 --> 00:12:11,620
Can you believe
that was my plan B?
241
00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:13,920
Run! Run away.
242
00:12:14,060 --> 00:12:15,430
Go.
243
00:12:16,290 --> 00:12:18,400
Oh, screw it.
She lives here now.
244
00:12:22,630 --> 00:12:24,870
Ooh, look, they have a piano!
245
00:12:25,170 --> 00:12:29,040
You can make videos.
You'll be a YouTube star.
246
00:12:30,670 --> 00:12:32,680
Bye, Kitty.
247
00:12:34,710 --> 00:12:36,910
Wow, I'm shocked
you didn't stop me.
248
00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:39,350
Stop you?
If I had known that was an option,
249
00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:41,120
I would have had you
stuff me in there.
250
00:12:45,220 --> 00:12:48,330
I wonder what Kitty's doing
in her fancy townhouse right now.
251
00:12:48,460 --> 00:12:51,830
She's probably snuggling with
an older gay guy who likes to read.
252
00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:54,700
You know, 'cause gay guys
are the only ones who still read.
253
00:12:54,830 --> 00:12:58,100
They're probably on the couch right
now with A Tale of Two Kitties.
254
00:12:59,870 --> 00:13:02,940
I'm proud of us. We selflessly
gave that cat a better life
255
00:13:03,070 --> 00:13:04,440
than we could ever
afford for ourselves.
256
00:13:04,780 --> 00:13:07,410
Don't try to get in on that.
I did the right thing.
257
00:13:07,550 --> 00:13:11,050
You tried to leave her
at that crazy lady's pussy riot.
258
00:13:12,050 --> 00:13:13,380
Hi. Excuse me.
259
00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:15,550
Would it be okay if I put this
flier next to your window?
260
00:13:15,690 --> 00:13:17,560
-No.
-Sure.
261
00:13:17,690 --> 00:13:20,690
We lost our cat, Jinxy, like,
a week ago in this neighborhood.
262
00:13:20,820 --> 00:13:22,590
Have you seen her?
263
00:13:22,730 --> 00:13:24,100
No. No.
264
00:13:24,230 --> 00:13:26,430
I haven't seen a cat in a long time.
I was just saying to her yesterday,
265
00:13:26,730 --> 00:13:28,400
"I haven't seen a cat
in a long time."
266
00:13:29,500 --> 00:13:30,870
Um...
267
00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:33,140
How come you didn't
have a collar on her?
268
00:13:33,270 --> 00:13:34,540
And where's her ID tag?
269
00:13:34,710 --> 00:13:36,670
Even my mother had
an ID tag on me.
270
00:13:36,810 --> 00:13:38,680
Well, it was a flea collar, but...
271
00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:41,980
Why did it take you so long
to put the signs up?
272
00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:45,080
Um, what's happening?
273
00:13:45,220 --> 00:13:46,650
Um, here's what's happening.
274
00:13:46,780 --> 00:13:49,190
We are more than happy
to put up this flier of your cat,
275
00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:50,820
which we have never, ever seen.
276
00:13:50,950 --> 00:13:53,190
I mean, seriously,
where did all the cats go?
277
00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:54,990
Queens?
Staten Island?
278
00:13:55,130 --> 00:13:57,230
'Cause they're not
in this neighborhood.
279
00:13:57,360 --> 00:14:00,260
Okay. This was weird.
280
00:14:02,700 --> 00:14:05,000
Is there any way
this cat isn't Kitty?
281
00:14:05,300 --> 00:14:08,370
Nope, that's her. Same green eyes,
same notch in the ear.
282
00:14:08,510 --> 00:14:10,770
Hello.
Hello.
283
00:14:10,910 --> 00:14:13,580
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
284
00:14:13,710 --> 00:14:15,780
Hey, girls.
What's shaking?
285
00:14:15,910 --> 00:14:17,820
Not me, 'cause I'm all held in.
286
00:14:19,850 --> 00:14:22,350
Sorry, Sophie, the cupcake window
isn't open during the day.
287
00:14:22,490 --> 00:14:25,820
I don't need your life story.
I just need a damn cupcake.
288
00:14:27,260 --> 00:14:29,860
Sophie, do you remember that cat
that was crying outside our building?
289
00:14:29,990 --> 00:14:33,700
-Yeah, you put it down?
-We thought it was a stray,
290
00:14:33,860 --> 00:14:36,070
so we tried to find a home for it,
but couldn't.
291
00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:39,370
-So you put it down.
-No.
292
00:14:39,700 --> 00:14:41,440
We left it in a really
nice neighborhood.
293
00:14:41,740 --> 00:14:44,480
So a rich person put it down?
294
00:14:44,610 --> 00:14:46,640
It turns out
it wasn't a stray at all.
295
00:14:46,940 --> 00:14:50,350
-We just met its owner.
-This is the cat, Sophie.
296
00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:51,750
Her name's Jinxy.
297
00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:55,490
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
298
00:14:56,690 --> 00:14:59,760
You remember how I told you
that if you die outside in Poland,
299
00:14:59,890 --> 00:15:01,630
you come back as a cat?
300
00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:03,630
Yeah, that's kind of hard to forget.
301
00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:07,570
That's not Jinxy.
That's my friend, Nancy.
302
00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:11,470
Look at her.
303
00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:14,340
Same green eyes,
same notch in the ear.
304
00:15:14,470 --> 00:15:16,510
Same whiskers.
305
00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:19,080
-I don't think that this is Nancy.
-Oh, yes.
306
00:15:19,380 --> 00:15:21,450
She and I got in a big fight
307
00:15:21,580 --> 00:15:23,850
and how she's come back
to haunt me.
308
00:15:24,010 --> 00:15:26,920
She died waiting
for an apology from me,
309
00:15:27,050 --> 00:15:28,850
and now she's back.
310
00:15:29,020 --> 00:15:30,890
Guess what?
311
00:15:31,020 --> 00:15:33,420
She's not gonna get it.
312
00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:44,800
Jinxy!
Jinxy!
313
00:15:44,970 --> 00:15:46,840
Jinxy, come on, girl.
314
00:15:46,970 --> 00:15:50,610
Look, I said on the phone, this area
is where we randomly spotted her.
315
00:15:51,570 --> 00:15:54,080
I wonder how Jinxy got
all the way to Park Slope.
316
00:15:54,210 --> 00:15:55,840
Just wait.
She's here, I promise.
317
00:15:55,980 --> 00:15:59,020
Jinxy! Jinxy!
318
00:15:59,180 --> 00:16:00,980
Nancy.
319
00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:03,790
-Nancy!
-Nancy!
320
00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:05,550
-Nancy!
-Nancy!
321
00:16:05,690 --> 00:16:07,860
Come on, Nancy!
322
00:16:07,990 --> 00:16:12,660
(IMITATING SOPHIE'S ACCENT) Nancy,
it's Sophie! I'm here to apologize!
323
00:16:14,460 --> 00:16:16,670
Um, what's happening?
324
00:16:17,970 --> 00:16:20,600
Oh, my God, it's Nancy!
I mean, Jinxy.
325
00:16:20,740 --> 00:16:22,140
I mean, Kitty.
326
00:16:24,870 --> 00:16:27,010
Hello.
Hello.
327
00:16:27,140 --> 00:16:29,350
Hi, baby.
328
00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:31,710
Kitty, kitty.
Kitty-kitty-kitty.
329
00:16:32,010 --> 00:16:34,820
What she's doing, they like it.
I know, because I liked it.
330
00:16:34,950 --> 00:16:37,920
Anyway, we found your cat.
Isn't that great?
331
00:16:38,050 --> 00:16:41,860
-Actually, she's my boyfriend's cat.
-I'm keeping her.
332
00:16:41,990 --> 00:16:43,790
Max, just close your
eyes and look away,
333
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:45,560
like you do whenever
those people ask you
334
00:16:45,730 --> 00:16:47,430
if you have a minute
to save the Earth.
335
00:16:50,900 --> 00:16:52,000
Just stick it in here.
336
00:16:52,130 --> 00:16:53,640
"Just stick it in here"?
337
00:16:53,970 --> 00:16:56,170
That's what I say when
my hand gets tired.
338
00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:11,650
Maxy. Maxy.
339
00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:14,820
Maxy, Maxy, Maxy.
340
00:17:27,770 --> 00:17:29,510
Now, do me.
341
00:17:31,770 --> 00:17:35,340
First of all, I own the diner now.
342
00:17:37,750 --> 00:17:40,980
Secondly, don't ever do that again.
343
00:17:42,250 --> 00:17:45,020
I guess I'll just
have to spank myself.
344
00:17:45,790 --> 00:17:48,290
No surprise there.
345
00:17:50,590 --> 00:17:51,830
I hope you're happy.
346
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:53,630
I found Jinxy's owners on Facebook.
347
00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:55,030
Not one pic of Kitty,
348
00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:57,170
not even a status update saying,
"We found our cat."
349
00:17:57,300 --> 00:17:58,770
But she is more than willing
350
00:17:58,900 --> 00:18:00,240
to talk about her
reverse French manicure
351
00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:01,970
and posts pictures of a meal
352
00:18:02,100 --> 00:18:03,840
I know she's gonna make
herself throw up later.
353
00:18:04,310 --> 00:18:07,080
Come on, Max.
There's got to be one photo of Kitty.
354
00:18:07,210 --> 00:18:09,150
(GASPS)
Oh, wow!
355
00:18:09,210 --> 00:18:11,610
-You found one?
-No, that manicure is heaven.
356
00:18:12,450 --> 00:18:15,480
Max, photos or not,
we need to focus on the fact
357
00:18:15,620 --> 00:18:17,520
that the cat is back with
the guy who loves her.
358
00:18:17,650 --> 00:18:19,820
The guy who loves her?
He doesn't love Kitty.
359
00:18:19,990 --> 00:18:22,960
If he did, why aren't there any
pictures of her at his first wedding?
360
00:18:23,090 --> 00:18:25,830
What, he couldn't spring
for a cat tuxedo?
361
00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:27,960
They're, like, 20 bucks.
362
00:18:28,100 --> 00:18:30,170
I know because I have one
on my garden gnome.
363
00:18:31,030 --> 00:18:33,670
This is not a loving home.
Pics, or it didn't happen.
364
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:35,570
Okay, Max. Okay, just say it.
365
00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:37,140
I put the cat
in an abusive home.
366
00:18:37,270 --> 00:18:38,770
You put the cat
in an abusive home.
367
00:18:44,010 --> 00:18:46,120
I have a gift for you.
368
00:18:46,820 --> 00:18:48,150
(KITTY MEOWS "HELLO")
369
00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:50,350
No way!
No way!
370
00:18:50,490 --> 00:18:52,590
Oh, yeah, it's Jinxy.
371
00:18:52,890 --> 00:18:54,960
It's Nancy.
Jinxy was her slave name.
372
00:18:57,330 --> 00:18:59,760
Oh, Nancy, I missed you.
373
00:19:00,100 --> 00:19:01,900
I missed you so much.
374
00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:04,030
What did you do?
How did you get her?
375
00:19:04,370 --> 00:19:06,000
Well, it was really complicated.
376
00:19:06,140 --> 00:19:08,870
I went to their apartment, and
I said, "You don't love that cat,"
377
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:10,910
and they said,
"You're right. Take it."
378
00:19:13,410 --> 00:19:16,410
Oh, my God!
Is this what happiness feels like?
379
00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:19,950
So what made you
change your mind?
380
00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:22,580
Because two years ago
I was outside your door,
381
00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:25,890
saying,
(MIMICS MEOWING) "Hello. Hello."
382
00:19:27,390 --> 00:19:29,730
And you let me in,
and it changed my life.
383
00:19:29,860 --> 00:19:32,590
That's kind of different, though,
because I didn't want to let you in,
384
00:19:32,730 --> 00:19:34,960
and I did want to let the cat in.
385
00:19:36,030 --> 00:19:37,670
But you did let me in.
386
00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:40,400
You let me in, and you gave me food
and shelter and love.
387
00:19:40,540 --> 00:19:42,540
Not the way I wanted
to give to the cat.
388
00:19:43,610 --> 00:19:46,440
Max, are you trying to equate
a person's love with a cat's love?
389
00:19:46,580 --> 00:19:48,810
Not really.
A cat's love is eternal.
390
00:19:49,510 --> 00:19:50,950
Hey, girls.
391
00:19:51,250 --> 00:19:53,520
I'm heading over to
the bodega salad bar.
392
00:19:53,650 --> 00:19:55,550
They just added hot ribs
and a sneeze guard.
393
00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:57,690
You need anything?
394
00:19:57,820 --> 00:19:59,760
Sophie, we got the cat back.
395
00:19:59,890 --> 00:20:02,120
She was in a house
where she wasn't wanted.
396
00:20:02,260 --> 00:20:06,260
Oh, yeah.
That is so Nancy.
397
00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:10,570
Sophie, do you want
to see the cat?
398
00:20:11,830 --> 00:20:13,640
She's in the apartment?
399
00:20:16,410 --> 00:20:18,740
No, no, no.
400
00:20:18,870 --> 00:20:21,580
No, no.
I can't see her right now!
401
00:20:21,740 --> 00:20:23,710
It's too much!
402
00:20:23,850 --> 00:20:25,980
I'm happy for you, Nancy!
403
00:20:26,110 --> 00:20:28,080
But I can't do this right now!
404
00:20:28,150 --> 00:20:30,050
(SCREAMING)
405
00:20:36,060 --> 00:20:37,730
Wait, where did the cat go?
406
00:20:37,860 --> 00:20:41,030
Oh, no, Chestnut.
I left the back door open.
407
00:20:45,070 --> 00:20:49,000
Oh, my God, look!
She's on top of Chestnut.
408
00:20:49,140 --> 00:20:51,940
-They like each other.
-Why wouldn't they?
409
00:20:52,070 --> 00:20:54,540
She's a foxy redhead,
and he's a stud.
410
00:20:55,510 --> 00:20:57,010
You did the right thing.
411
00:20:57,150 --> 00:20:59,280
Kitty, kitty.
Kitty-kitty-kitty.
412
00:20:59,420 --> 00:21:01,580
Why do I like that so much?
413
00:21:01,750 --> 00:21:04,150
'Cause something with boobs
is touching you?
414
00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:08,390
(CASH REGISTER DINGS)
415
00:21:34,450 --> 00:21:35,450
(English US - SDH)
31294
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