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1
00:00:02,070 --> 00:00:03,537
Welcome to the Williamsburg Diner,
2
00:00:03,604 --> 00:00:04,738
my name is Max 'cause the hospital
3
00:00:04,805 --> 00:00:06,640
wouldn't let my mother
name me "Oops."
4
00:00:08,876 --> 00:00:11,779
Uh, I've been out of town all summer.
Anything new?
5
00:00:11,945 --> 00:00:14,348
Anything new?
Let's see, well...
6
00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:17,151
Facebook went public
and Edward Snowden went private.
7
00:00:17,318 --> 00:00:18,952
Kim and Kanye had a baby,
8
00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:21,955
so now there's another Kardashian
to not keep up with.
9
00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:26,127
Paula Deen is out,
gay marriage is in,
10
00:00:26,294 --> 00:00:28,996
and a teacher in California's out
for letting her students get it in.
11
00:00:31,199 --> 00:00:33,867
Justin Bieber got a hit-and-run,
Chris Brown got a hit-and-run,
12
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:35,803
Rihanna got hit and still didn't run.
13
00:00:36,737 --> 00:00:38,206
Oprah gave Lindsay
two million dollars,
14
00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:40,241
cunnilingus gave
Michael Douglas throat cancer,
15
00:00:40,408 --> 00:00:42,042
and Michael Douglas
gave guys everywhere
16
00:00:42,210 --> 00:00:43,977
another excuse not to do that.
17
00:00:45,012 --> 00:00:47,348
Egypt went crazy,
Amanda Bynes went crazier,
18
00:00:47,515 --> 00:00:50,084
and the NSA checks our phone
like a crazy ex-girlfriend.
19
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:52,820
Oh, and Texas hates women,
Florida hates blacks,
20
00:00:52,986 --> 00:00:55,256
and everybody hates everything
with the exception of Angelina Jolie,
21
00:00:55,423 --> 00:00:57,258
who is totally awesome.
22
00:00:59,260 --> 00:01:02,430
I meant on the menu.
Anything new on the menu?
23
00:01:02,930 --> 00:01:04,665
I have no idea.
Let me check.
24
00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:07,368
Hey, Caroline, anything new
I should know about?
25
00:01:07,535 --> 00:01:09,703
The royal baby smiled at the queen.
26
00:01:10,738 --> 00:01:12,673
I meant at the diner.
27
00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:15,443
Oh, I think we're maybe
washing the forks now?
28
00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:17,178
Let me check.
29
00:01:21,048 --> 00:01:23,016
♪ (THEME MUSIC) ♪
30
00:01:23,284 --> 00:01:24,418
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)
31
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:34,462
See, Max, one quick change,
32
00:01:34,628 --> 00:01:37,465
and we went from polyester
and pitiful to powerful and proud.
33
00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:39,433
Just like Superman.
34
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,469
Except that Superman changed
in a phone booth,
35
00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:45,105
not a stall that says,
"For a good time, call Max."
36
00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:48,142
Well, if you have a problem with it,
why did you write it?
37
00:01:49,710 --> 00:01:51,645
'Cause I didn't have
enough eyeliner to write,
38
00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:54,148
"for an interesting time,
call Caroline."
39
00:01:56,884 --> 00:01:58,051
Look.
40
00:01:58,219 --> 00:02:00,654
Look, Earl, we're wearing our "Max's
Homemade Cupcakes" T-shirts again.
41
00:02:00,821 --> 00:02:01,889
See the logo?
42
00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:06,260
Well, actually, I try never to look
you ladies in the "chestal" area.
43
00:02:07,495 --> 00:02:10,063
It keeps things on the up and up.
44
00:02:10,598 --> 00:02:13,467
Oh, Earl, you are
one in a million, literally,
45
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:18,506
'cause 999,999 men have only
looked me in that area.
46
00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:21,475
Well, I got to go home.
47
00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:24,077
I'm binge-watching
Dharma & Greg on Hulu.
48
00:02:25,246 --> 00:02:28,249
Oh, I missed so much
growing up in Korea.
49
00:02:29,016 --> 00:02:30,784
What, like puberty?
50
00:02:32,253 --> 00:02:35,523
Max, in my country,
I'm average height.
51
00:02:35,689 --> 00:02:37,825
And in my mind, I'm still rich,
and my health care plan
52
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:39,960
isn't Flintstones chewables.
53
00:02:41,262 --> 00:02:43,431
So, who wants to go in the back
54
00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:46,166
and see how amazing
our brand-new cupcake shop is?
55
00:02:46,334 --> 00:02:49,437
Bring down the enthusiasm,
Rachael Ray.
56
00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:51,639
Right, we're not supposed
to get all excited
57
00:02:51,805 --> 00:02:53,974
about this opening tonight.
Last time, we made a big deal,
58
00:02:54,141 --> 00:02:55,443
and the shop didn't do so well.
59
00:02:55,609 --> 00:02:56,977
That's like saying
60
00:02:57,110 --> 00:03:00,180
the people near the nuclear explosion
didn't do so well.
61
00:03:03,451 --> 00:03:06,987
Girls, I am so proud of you two,
62
00:03:07,154 --> 00:03:09,290
getting back up on that horse.
63
00:03:09,457 --> 00:03:12,059
After my first jazz record
didn't sell,
64
00:03:12,226 --> 00:03:16,564
I took to a life of drinks, drugs,
and loose women.
65
00:03:16,730 --> 00:03:20,033
Funny how sometimes
things just work out right.
66
00:03:24,572 --> 00:03:27,074
But how can you be opening
your cupcake window right now?
67
00:03:27,241 --> 00:03:29,209
-It's 2:00am!
-Our hours are 2:00 to 4:00.
68
00:03:29,377 --> 00:03:30,811
We're targeting
the "post bars" demographic.
69
00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:32,580
Drunk Williamsburg guys.
70
00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:34,482
That's my target
when I'm by myself
71
00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:36,817
and now my target
at the new shop.
72
00:03:36,984 --> 00:03:39,687
Funny how sometimes
things just work out right.
73
00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:43,223
We have no big expectations
about the opening tonight.
74
00:03:43,391 --> 00:03:44,492
It's a soft opening.
75
00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:48,095
What's the difference between
a soft one and a hard one?
76
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,533
You want me to show him?
77
00:03:58,238 --> 00:03:59,940
Thanks, but we're cool.
78
00:04:00,107 --> 00:04:02,776
Seriously, it won't
take me a minute.
79
00:04:02,943 --> 00:04:04,512
It's fine, Oleg.
80
00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:07,214
Just so you know,
I'm already there.
81
00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:12,386
Get ready, this room's had
an amazing transformation.
82
00:04:12,553 --> 00:04:14,355
-Rachael Ray?
-I mean, it's fine, whatever.
83
00:04:14,522 --> 00:04:16,390
Han, before we go in,
close your eyes.
84
00:04:16,557 --> 00:04:17,725
I want you to get
the full effect.
85
00:04:17,891 --> 00:04:19,393
Yeah, and I want to trip you.
86
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:21,261
-She's kidding.
-No, she's not.
87
00:04:21,429 --> 00:04:22,696
Yeah, I'm not.
88
00:04:22,863 --> 00:04:24,197
Han, I promise,
I won't let her trip you.
89
00:04:24,365 --> 00:04:25,966
Now, close your eyes.
90
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:29,470
(SHRIEKS)
91
00:04:31,972 --> 00:04:32,973
What?
92
00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:35,309
Now, I thought
she was going to hit me.
93
00:04:35,476 --> 00:04:38,211
-She was not.
-Yeah, I was.
94
00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:40,648
Okay, no more blind eye bull crap.
95
00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:42,883
Just show me
the damn smelly back room.
96
00:04:43,050 --> 00:04:46,654
Let me turn off the lights
for a more dramatic impact.
97
00:04:46,887 --> 00:04:48,255
(HAN SCREAMS)
98
00:04:51,559 --> 00:04:54,161
-What? I didn't do anything.
-OLEG: It was me.
99
00:04:59,066 --> 00:05:01,569
He now knows what hard is.
100
00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:10,778
I cannot believe my eyes.
101
00:05:10,944 --> 00:05:13,447
I felt the same way
when I first saw you.
102
00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:16,784
Original tin,
original tile, original too.
103
00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:19,587
-What do you think, Oleg?
-Nice.
104
00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:22,756
"Nice"?
All you got is "nice"?
105
00:05:22,923 --> 00:05:25,793
This place was like
Great Adventure for rats!
106
00:05:26,494 --> 00:05:28,195
They were waiting in line
to bite us.
107
00:05:28,362 --> 00:05:30,664
Caroline, show them
your bite marks.
108
00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:32,933
-I'd rather not.
-Nice?
109
00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:37,805
It used to smell like the place
poop comes to die.
110
00:05:37,971 --> 00:05:40,808
Or death comes to poop.
111
00:05:40,974 --> 00:05:42,776
And look what we did!
We created
112
00:05:42,943 --> 00:05:46,447
the greatest, coolest, chic-est
cupcake shop, and I love it!
113
00:05:46,614 --> 00:05:49,316
But you know, no enthusiasm.
Just soft opening.
114
00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:51,218
And, Han, this was all possible
115
00:05:51,385 --> 00:05:53,153
because you gave us
the space rent-free.
116
00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:55,789
Rent-free?
Now, refresh my memory.
117
00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:58,291
When exactly did I say
"rent-free?"
118
00:05:58,459 --> 00:06:02,062
On the 27th, 4:15pm, you said,
119
00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:04,732
"I don't care about that dump,
you can have it for free.
120
00:06:04,898 --> 00:06:07,234
Burn it to the ground,
for all I care."
121
00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:12,139
I knew learning English would
come back to bite me in the ass.
122
00:06:13,541 --> 00:06:14,575
(BANGING ON WINDOW)
123
00:06:15,075 --> 00:06:18,245
Somebody's already knocking?
That's a really great sign, Max.
124
00:06:18,412 --> 00:06:19,647
CAROLINE: Time to open.
125
00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:21,482
(BLOWS PARTY HORN)
126
00:06:24,685 --> 00:06:28,989
(POLISH ACCENT) Look, girls,
I'm blowing this party horn for you.
127
00:06:29,156 --> 00:06:30,758
Thanks, Sophie, but we didn't
want to make a big deal.
128
00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:34,662
-It's a soft opening.
-Oh, I love a soft opening.
129
00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:36,730
(BLOWS HORN)
130
00:06:38,065 --> 00:06:41,735
-Hello, Sophie.
-Oh, hello, Oleg.
131
00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:43,837
Sorry, Sophie, about this
uncomfortable meeting.
132
00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:45,439
If we had known
you were gonna surprise us,
133
00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:47,207
-we wouldn't have invited Oleg.
-Yeah, I was there
134
00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:50,578
when you two broke up and
I'm still suffering from PTSD.
135
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:53,581
"Post-traumatic Sophie drama."
136
00:06:54,347 --> 00:06:56,349
There's no drama.
137
00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:59,853
And the award
for the best drama goes to...
138
00:07:00,854 --> 00:07:02,690
...not us.
Right, Oleg?
139
00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:04,892
Yes, we're friends now.
140
00:07:05,058 --> 00:07:06,894
See, girls, I cheated on her,
141
00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:09,463
so she smashed in
my car windows.
142
00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:11,064
And my apartment windows.
143
00:07:11,231 --> 00:07:13,701
And your stereo
and your flat screen.
144
00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:16,737
And my brother's flat screen
and his daughter's computer.
145
00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:18,071
(SOPHIE LAUGHS)
146
00:07:18,405 --> 00:07:22,075
Yeah, she surprised me.
She wasn't supposed to be home.
147
00:07:22,743 --> 00:07:26,313
We got it out of our systems.
Good night, friend.
148
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:29,983
Good night, friend!
And, Oleg?
149
00:07:36,389 --> 00:07:37,891
(BLOWS HORN)
150
00:07:41,094 --> 00:07:44,498
Wow.
That is one lucky horn.
151
00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:50,403
Honey, look.
Look, some customers.
152
00:07:50,571 --> 00:07:52,439
Hey, cool guys!
153
00:07:52,606 --> 00:07:55,976
Come over here and eat something
from the girls' soft opening!
154
00:07:57,645 --> 00:08:00,814
That is so not the way
I would've gone, but I'll take it.
155
00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:04,852
(BRITISH ACCENT) Hello, hello.
What have we got here?
156
00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:06,920
Welcome to
Max's Homemade Cupcakes.
157
00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:09,456
In England we call 'em
"fairy cakes."
158
00:08:09,623 --> 00:08:12,960
Fairy cakes?
Damn it.
159
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:15,929
Why are the hot ones always gay?
160
00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:20,200
Here you go, darling,
give us the whole lot.
161
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:23,771
(WHISPERING) Oh, my God!
162
00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:26,039
A black American Express card?
163
00:08:26,206 --> 00:08:29,509
I haven't held a black one
in my hands in years.
164
00:08:33,947 --> 00:08:36,617
I would've guessed you hadn't
held a black one ever.
165
00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:40,621
Sorry, it's our first night.
Cash only.
166
00:08:42,389 --> 00:08:44,524
Oh, wow.
He is really out of it.
167
00:08:44,692 --> 00:08:47,360
-What is he on?
-Besides me later?
168
00:08:48,395 --> 00:08:50,631
Do not know, but am jealous.
169
00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:52,733
(CAROLINE GASPS)
170
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:55,569
And now I'm really jealous.
171
00:08:55,736 --> 00:08:57,838
I'm sure he'll be fine.
172
00:08:58,005 --> 00:08:59,406
Oh, I'd say
he's more than fine.
173
00:08:59,573 --> 00:09:01,575
I'd say he's my next boyfriend.
174
00:09:01,742 --> 00:09:03,577
Roland, mate. Wake up.
175
00:09:03,744 --> 00:09:05,478
MAN: He's not breathing.
176
00:09:05,646 --> 00:09:07,147
I can't wake him, call 911!
177
00:09:07,314 --> 00:09:09,082
Call 911!
178
00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:13,587
Let's all just calm down.
I have seen this happen a lot.
179
00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:17,324
One summer I had a part-time job,
I was a life guard at a crack house.
180
00:09:17,490 --> 00:09:19,092
He'll come to in a second.
181
00:09:19,259 --> 00:09:20,661
He's dead.
182
00:09:20,828 --> 00:09:22,495
Called that wrong.
183
00:09:26,867 --> 00:09:29,236
Max, the guy who died
in front of our shop last night
184
00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:32,205
was a rock star.
He used to date Kate Moss.
185
00:09:32,372 --> 00:09:37,044
No offense, but dating Kate Moss
is like a law in England.
186
00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:39,379
Everyone has to do it
when they turn 21.
187
00:09:39,546 --> 00:09:43,717
His name was Roland Glass,
and he has two gold records.
188
00:09:43,884 --> 00:09:45,385
I can't believe
I've never heard of him.
189
00:09:45,552 --> 00:09:49,823
I can. Your go-to jam
is the soundtrack from Newsies.
190
00:09:50,624 --> 00:09:53,593
Yesterday a rock star,
and today he's gone.
191
00:09:53,761 --> 00:09:56,429
You never know.
That's why I ordered us breakfast
192
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,265
from the fancy breakfast place
on the corner.
193
00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:01,501
You ordered
from "Magna Cum Latte?
194
00:10:01,669 --> 00:10:04,271
Everyday when I pass by it,
I think two things:
195
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,740
One, I wish I had a gun.
196
00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:10,343
And, two, someday I'm gonna
order breakfast to be delivered
197
00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:12,179
with one of their
fancy-ass croissants.
198
00:10:12,345 --> 00:10:14,281
Who knows, tonight
I could do too much heroin
199
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:16,183
and die an unexpected death.
200
00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:19,419
But at least then I'd die
doing something my mother loved.
201
00:10:19,586 --> 00:10:21,254
You're right, Max.
You only live once.
202
00:10:21,421 --> 00:10:23,090
YOLO.
203
00:10:23,256 --> 00:10:26,660
And you only live till
the next time you say "YOLO."
204
00:10:30,530 --> 00:10:31,431
(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
205
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,367
Oh, no. More bad news.
206
00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:36,770
According to my Google alert
for Max's Homemade Cupcakes--
207
00:10:36,937 --> 00:10:38,706
You have a Google alert
for our business?
208
00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:41,775
I only have a Google alert
for "Oprah goes topless."
209
00:10:41,942 --> 00:10:43,777
I'm not saying
it's gonna happen,
210
00:10:43,944 --> 00:10:46,880
but I'm saying, if it does,
I'm gonna be the first one to know.
211
00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:51,151
Look, it's online that Roland Glass
died in front of our shop.
212
00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:54,554
And now my phone just died.
It's an epidemic.
213
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:57,791
Oleg, what are you still doing
with the arrow from our shop?
214
00:10:57,958 --> 00:10:59,292
I thought that you said
that was hung.
215
00:10:59,459 --> 00:11:01,628
No, I said I was hung.
216
00:11:02,529 --> 00:11:03,864
And I can't put it up now,
217
00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:06,333
with that crowd of people
in front of your window.
218
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:08,969
There are people
in front of our window?
219
00:11:10,470 --> 00:11:13,306
Dude, is this
where my man Roland died?
220
00:11:13,473 --> 00:11:15,342
Yeah, right over there.
221
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:18,578
Then I'm gonna put this here,
next to Paddington bear.
222
00:11:18,746 --> 00:11:20,748
I caught this at his last concert.
223
00:11:20,914 --> 00:11:23,150
And I also caught this.
224
00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:27,220
So, like, what, dude?
He just dropped to the ground?
225
00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:30,190
Actually, he hit right here
first, smiled, then fell.
226
00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:33,761
He smiled? Dude.
227
00:11:33,927 --> 00:11:35,829
Max, can I see you over here?
228
00:11:35,996 --> 00:11:38,331
Sorry for your loss and dope hat.
229
00:11:38,498 --> 00:11:41,168
Thanks. I found it in a dumpster.
230
00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:43,871
Max, what are you doing?
Don't tell them he hit our counter.
231
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:46,406
We need to distance ourselves
from the entire event.
232
00:11:46,573 --> 00:11:48,608
This spells disaster
for our new business.
233
00:11:48,776 --> 00:11:51,678
Dude, can I get
three dozen cupcakes?
234
00:11:51,845 --> 00:11:54,414
Or it spells success.
235
00:11:54,581 --> 00:11:57,584
I have beaucoup friends coming
here for the midnight vigil.
236
00:11:57,751 --> 00:11:59,887
How much are your cupcakes?
237
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,722
-Seven dollars.
-That's a lot.
238
00:12:02,890 --> 00:12:06,259
Dude. Roland would've
wanted it that way.
239
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,766
♪ (SINGING "KNOCKING
ON HEAVEN'S DOOR") ♪
240
00:12:17,370 --> 00:12:20,273
And he hit right here
before he fell.
241
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:24,812
And as he fell,
he looked up at me and smiled.
242
00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:28,315
Content. Peaceful.
243
00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:30,818
That'll be seven dollars, cash only.
244
00:12:30,984 --> 00:12:32,920
Mira, can you break a 50?
245
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:36,723
-Max!
-Yeah, what do you need?
246
00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:39,559
-Change for a 50.
-Got it.
247
00:12:39,726 --> 00:12:41,261
I mean, why, God, why?
248
00:12:41,661 --> 00:12:42,629
MAN: Everybody!
249
00:12:42,830 --> 00:12:44,731
(SINGING)
250
00:12:46,733 --> 00:12:48,635
Ten, ten, ten, ten.
251
00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:52,139
Max, we're almost
sold out in here.
252
00:12:52,305 --> 00:12:53,340
I need more cupcakes
from the kitchen.
253
00:12:53,506 --> 00:12:55,809
Got it. I'll come right in. Earl?
254
00:12:55,976 --> 00:12:57,410
Yo!
255
00:12:57,577 --> 00:13:00,881
Same split as before.
30 cents on every dollar you sell.
256
00:13:01,048 --> 00:13:03,083
What a waste.
257
00:13:03,250 --> 00:13:06,086
You know how much money
we could make if we sold pot?
258
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:09,089
You want in on that too?
Same split.
259
00:13:11,859 --> 00:13:14,094
Oh, man,
that hippie patchouli smell
260
00:13:14,261 --> 00:13:16,063
is worse than the poop was.
261
00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:20,167
Han! These people are in mourning.
Show some respect.
262
00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:22,069
Me? Me show some respect?
263
00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:25,072
What will you two do next,
sell cupcakes at the diabetes wing
264
00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:27,074
at the children's hospital?
265
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:29,209
How dare you doubt my sincerity?
266
00:13:29,376 --> 00:13:31,111
I personally have shooed
a homeless man
267
00:13:31,278 --> 00:13:32,880
away from peeing
on that shrine twice.
268
00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:35,182
I don't care what
I may or may not have said
269
00:13:35,348 --> 00:13:37,250
on the 27th at 4:15pm.
270
00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:39,953
Your business is booming,
and now I want rent.
271
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,956
No way, Han.
That man could've overdosed anywhere.
272
00:13:43,123 --> 00:13:46,093
But God made him overdose
in front of our window as a gift.
273
00:13:46,259 --> 00:13:49,262
And, yes, we are accepting that gift
because you only live once.
274
00:13:49,429 --> 00:13:50,463
YOLO.
275
00:13:51,899 --> 00:13:53,867
This isn't "YOLO" it's "HODO."
276
00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:55,302
"He Only Died Once."
277
00:13:55,468 --> 00:13:58,538
I'm surprised you aren't
selling "HODO" t-shirts.
278
00:13:58,705 --> 00:14:00,273
How dare you again?
279
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,209
We are simply providing
some comfort food
280
00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:04,044
to people who need comfort.
281
00:14:04,211 --> 00:14:07,814
And, I might add, we are doing it
with the utmost respect.
282
00:14:07,981 --> 00:14:11,885
♪ (SINGING) Knock, knock, knocking
on the Apple Store's door ♪
283
00:14:12,052 --> 00:14:15,155
That's it, your business is booming,
I want rent. Two hundred.
284
00:14:15,322 --> 00:14:16,723
A year?
285
00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:20,060
A month, and it's a bargain
for my beautiful space.
286
00:14:20,227 --> 00:14:22,996
This space is only beautiful
because we made it beautiful.
287
00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:25,565
-Yeah, show 'em your bite marks!
-Max, I'd rather not.
288
00:14:25,732 --> 00:14:27,567
You will pay me $200 a month,
289
00:14:27,734 --> 00:14:29,569
and there is nothing
you can do to change my mind!
290
00:14:29,736 --> 00:14:31,404
-Show him your bite marks!
-Fine!
291
00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:34,574
A rat bit her ass?
292
00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:36,643
Okay, 195.
293
00:14:36,809 --> 00:14:39,646
No rent, Han.
That wasn't the deal you made us.
294
00:14:39,812 --> 00:14:41,848
This is not personal,
it's business.
295
00:14:42,015 --> 00:14:44,584
I want a slice of grief pie!
296
00:14:44,751 --> 00:14:47,988
-Show him your front bites!
-No! That's too personal.
297
00:14:50,290 --> 00:14:52,525
-Sorry you had to do that.
-So am I.
298
00:14:52,692 --> 00:14:54,928
-It's healing nicely.
-Don't lie to me.
299
00:14:58,431 --> 00:15:00,600
I think it's nice of us to add
our flowers to the others.
300
00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:02,002
Shows respect.
301
00:15:02,169 --> 00:15:04,104
You're acting
like you didn't steal them.
302
00:15:04,271 --> 00:15:06,139
Max, it's the thought that counts.
303
00:15:06,306 --> 00:15:07,474
And I thought it'd be cheaper
304
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:09,309
to pull them out of someone's garden.
305
00:15:09,476 --> 00:15:12,212
Wait, where's the shrine?
306
00:15:12,379 --> 00:15:16,116
CAROLINE: Look, Han moved it
over to the diner door.
307
00:15:16,883 --> 00:15:19,386
That insolent charlatan!
308
00:15:19,552 --> 00:15:21,688
Whatever that means.
309
00:15:22,956 --> 00:15:25,625
♪ (SINGING "KNOCKING ON
HEAVEN'S DOOR") ♪
310
00:15:28,628 --> 00:15:30,797
Can you believe this, girls?
311
00:15:30,964 --> 00:15:32,899
He's cashing in on a man's death.
312
00:15:33,066 --> 00:15:35,302
Without us.
313
00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:38,805
And in his honor, tonight
we a serving chicken à la Roland!
314
00:15:38,972 --> 00:15:41,641
At a mourner's discount of just 8.95.
315
00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:45,212
Looks like Jiminy Cricket
turned to the dark side.
316
00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:48,481
I also have rock star pudding.
317
00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:54,187
Nope. No way, Max.
This is our shrine.
318
00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:55,855
Grab a handful of bears.
319
00:15:56,823 --> 00:15:58,591
We're moving
the dead guy's shrine back?
320
00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:01,061
Wait, let me just
light a candle for my dignity.
321
00:16:01,228 --> 00:16:02,595
It died here, too.
322
00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:06,066
Max, do you want
to be successful or not?
323
00:16:06,233 --> 00:16:08,435
Because if you do,
grab one of these poems
324
00:16:08,601 --> 00:16:10,870
that doesn't follow
any of the rules of poetry,
325
00:16:11,038 --> 00:16:13,340
and move it back
to the cupcake window.
326
00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:16,109
Because this is our death.
327
00:16:17,077 --> 00:16:19,346
I think maybe
you're being a little harsh.
328
00:16:19,512 --> 00:16:22,049
"Rock out in heaven.
Love, Kevin."
329
00:16:22,215 --> 00:16:24,384
That is gold.
330
00:16:24,551 --> 00:16:29,056
Oops, knocked over a candle.
Small fire! Small fire!
331
00:16:29,222 --> 00:16:31,124
Fire on my shoe.
332
00:16:31,291 --> 00:16:33,693
If I don't get this out, it's
gonna be my memorial service.
333
00:16:35,128 --> 00:16:39,532
Look, look! Those girls are
disrupting the shrine of a dead man!
334
00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:43,403
Look, look, a roach got out
of the diner! Quick, step on it!
335
00:16:43,570 --> 00:16:45,938
Look, hippies, look!
Put down those bongs and look.
336
00:16:46,106 --> 00:16:47,940
They're moving the place
where a man died
337
00:16:48,108 --> 00:16:49,376
for their own financial gain!
338
00:16:49,542 --> 00:16:54,047
-Hey, that's so not cool, man.
-Yeah, come on.
339
00:16:54,214 --> 00:16:57,250
-He's the not cool one.
-Yeah, look at him!
340
00:16:59,919 --> 00:17:02,622
Roland Glass died a horrible death
341
00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:04,757
in front of our
adorable cupcake window.
342
00:17:04,924 --> 00:17:06,259
See? "Horrible, adorable"?
343
00:17:06,426 --> 00:17:08,895
That rhyme just came
right off the top of my head.
344
00:17:09,062 --> 00:17:12,432
Hey! Hi. Hi. He knows!
345
00:17:12,599 --> 00:17:15,835
I told him to stop peeing on the
shrine when it was still over there!
346
00:17:16,002 --> 00:17:18,571
-Isn't that right?
-Yep. That's the bitch.
347
00:17:18,738 --> 00:17:20,607
Yes! Yes! I'm the bitch!
348
00:17:20,773 --> 00:17:24,244
So not cool, dude.
Let's get him out of here.
349
00:17:24,644 --> 00:17:26,513
(CROWD CLAMORING)
350
00:17:26,946 --> 00:17:29,349
No! Stop!
That's my wallet!
351
00:17:29,516 --> 00:17:31,951
Stop! That's not my wallet.
352
00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:35,088
Stop! Stop!
353
00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:37,424
Cast of Rock of Ages, stop!
354
00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:40,593
Put him down. He's cool.
355
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:42,529
Even with those clothes
and that head.
356
00:17:44,431 --> 00:17:47,200
I mean, really.
Are we that desperate for success?
357
00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:49,836
We'd let Han be torn apart?
358
00:17:51,271 --> 00:17:52,439
I'm thinking.
359
00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:57,444
-Caroline--
-(SLOWLY) Max, I'm... thinking.
360
00:18:01,948 --> 00:18:04,984
Well, no one's knock, knock,
knocking on our door now.
361
00:18:05,552 --> 00:18:08,621
It's more dead out there than when
there was a dead guy out there.
362
00:18:08,788 --> 00:18:11,391
I'm having second thoughts
about how we behaved today.
363
00:18:11,558 --> 00:18:13,693
I mean, how could we
have let Han live?
364
00:18:14,994 --> 00:18:16,663
Hello.
365
00:18:16,829 --> 00:18:20,300
I brought you some rock star pudding
to say thank you.
366
00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:23,203
Rock star pudding.
What's in it, pills?
367
00:18:23,370 --> 00:18:26,873
Broken dreams?
Tear-stained panties?
368
00:18:27,039 --> 00:18:30,643
-Caroline?
-I'm not as easy as Max.
369
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:33,880
Said every girl
in my seventh grade class.
370
00:18:34,046 --> 00:18:36,149
Look, I was wrong.
371
00:18:36,316 --> 00:18:39,085
No, Han, I was.
We should pay rent.
372
00:18:39,252 --> 00:18:40,820
I wasn't talking about the rent.
373
00:18:40,987 --> 00:18:43,423
Rent?
Who said anything about rent?
374
00:18:44,924 --> 00:18:47,994
I was wrong when I said
it wasn't personal, it was business.
375
00:18:48,161 --> 00:18:49,862
After Max stopped me
from being torn
376
00:18:50,029 --> 00:18:51,998
limb from limb
by the smelly hippies,
377
00:18:52,165 --> 00:18:55,835
I realized, with us,
it is mostly personal.
378
00:18:56,002 --> 00:18:57,604
And a little business.
379
00:18:57,770 --> 00:19:01,007
A little business?
What other kind could you have?
380
00:19:01,174 --> 00:19:03,276
Max, let's not be hard on Han.
381
00:19:03,443 --> 00:19:05,077
He's giving us
this space rent-free.
382
00:19:05,245 --> 00:19:07,247
No one said "rent-free."
383
00:19:08,348 --> 00:19:10,417
But I came up with a number
I think is fair.
384
00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:13,620
-$250,000.
-Yeah, sounds fair.
385
00:19:13,786 --> 00:19:17,224
I remembered that was
your original cupcake shop goal.
386
00:19:17,390 --> 00:19:20,793
So when you hit that amount,
we can talk rent.
387
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:24,063
Han, that is so sweet.
388
00:19:24,231 --> 00:19:25,865
And I'm not gonna ruin it
by bringing up the fact
389
00:19:26,032 --> 00:19:28,235
that she just said "hard on Han."
390
00:19:28,401 --> 00:19:31,371
Really, Han, it's so, so generous.
391
00:19:31,538 --> 00:19:33,573
But I don't know
if we're comfortable with it.
392
00:19:33,740 --> 00:19:35,708
What if we offered you
a small piece of the business?
393
00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:39,045
I'll wait for the rent.
You two are good friends.
394
00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:46,152
A woman finally offers Han a piece,
and he turns it down.
395
00:19:46,419 --> 00:19:47,487
(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
396
00:19:49,556 --> 00:19:52,725
-Max. Google alert.
-Oprah's topless?
397
00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:55,662
Max, let that go.
It's never gonna happen.
398
00:19:55,828 --> 00:19:57,630
Not with that attitude.
399
00:19:58,231 --> 00:20:01,167
No, the autopsy
says Roland Glass
400
00:20:01,334 --> 00:20:02,735
choked
on a Max's homemade cupcake.
401
00:20:02,902 --> 00:20:04,304
This is a disaster.
402
00:20:04,471 --> 00:20:08,074
Hey, where's your enthusiasm now,
Miss Rachael Ray?
403
00:20:08,241 --> 00:20:10,076
This place is the balls!
404
00:20:10,243 --> 00:20:11,978
And it's just a matter of time
405
00:20:12,144 --> 00:20:13,746
till those sicko hipsters
are lining up
406
00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:16,416
for "one of those cupcakes
that killed that dude."
407
00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:19,118
Open the window!
We're back, baby!
408
00:20:20,587 --> 00:20:22,922
But we can't count
on a guy dying every week.
409
00:20:23,089 --> 00:20:25,792
I mean, I have a positive attitude,
but that's too Pollyanna.
410
00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:27,527
We don't have to.
411
00:20:27,694 --> 00:20:29,095
That's what's so great
about this window.
412
00:20:29,262 --> 00:20:30,497
Who knows what'll happen?
413
00:20:30,663 --> 00:20:32,665
Right, and we won't
have to chase business down,
414
00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:34,434
because we'll be
right here on the street
415
00:20:34,601 --> 00:20:36,035
waiting for it to come to us.
416
00:20:36,603 --> 00:20:39,939
Max, I feel so good
about the possibilities.
417
00:20:40,106 --> 00:20:42,041
One night it could be
a black American Express card,
418
00:20:42,208 --> 00:20:43,510
-and the...
-(LIQUID SPRAYING)
419
00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:48,981
Max, is it--?
420
00:20:49,181 --> 00:20:50,016
(ZIPPING PANTS)
421
00:20:53,219 --> 00:20:56,456
Other nights, it's a friendly
little visit from our homeless guy.
422
00:20:56,723 --> 00:20:58,024
(CAROLINE SCREAMS)
423
00:21:01,728 --> 00:21:02,695
(CASH REGISTER DINGS)
424
00:21:26,052 --> 00:21:27,053
(English US - SDH)
32885
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