All language subtitles for 2.Broke.Girls.S01E20.And.the.Drug.Money.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.DD5.1.h-264-BTN.eng

Look at that.
Dogs in the diner.

Where are we, Paris?

'Cause if we are, I'm gonna
stop wearing deodorant.

Did you guys see
that adorable dog?

You mean the one leaking
rabies all over the table

while people
are trying to eat?

She said
he's allowed to be in here.

He's her registered
emotional companion.

Her registered
full-of-crap what?

He's got one of those
official vests that says

"don't pet me,
I'm working."

I have a shirt that says
"federal bikini inspector,"

but there is simply no such
branch of the U.S. government.

Hi, so, uh,
what the hell is this?

Excuse me?
I don't understand.

Dogs aren't allowed
in the diner.

Oh, he's legally allowed
to be here.

He's my registered
emotional companion.

You mean you don't
have a boyfriend.

No,
I suffer from anxiety.

You mean you don't
want to eat alone.

No, I have a note
from a doctor.

You mean you have a printer
and the Internet.

Admit it,
and the dog can stay.

It's really hard
meeting guys.

There's a good boy.
I'll get you a cookie.

Is it just me,
or does Han sound kind of sexy

when he speaks korean?

Looks like Han,
sounds like Barry White.

Who was that, Han?

Do you have a hot,
new korean girlfriend?

Yeah, someone
who really likes you

and is $1.50
for the first minute

and $2 for each
additional minute?

I was talking
to my mother!

So... yes?

I was not talking hot.
I was apologizing.

She's still angry
I left home.

Does she know you buy
your sweaters at build-a-bear?

Well, I don't know
a lot about the korean culture,

but maybe you should
stand up for yourself

and stop apologizing
to your mother.

Yeah, what do you
even have to apologize for?

You must have been
the easiest birth ever.

She could've coughed you
into a catcher's mitt.

I'm making a cappuccino,
you want one?

Nope, I can't have
any caffeine.

I have to keep my system clean.
I'm doing a drug trial tomorrow.

Max,
not one of those places

where they use you
as a Guinea pig

to test for side effects
of new drugs

that go on the market?

Or, as I like to call it,
getting paid $500

to, uh, roll
the side effects dice

and hope it lands
on hallucinations.

I would never
do something like that.

I consider
my body a temple.

Didn't I see
your "temple" eat a bag

of flaming hot cheetos
two nights ago?

And that
was a huge mistake.

I still have a little...

Burny heinie.

And besides, think of
all the people who are

lowering their cholesterol
safely because of me.

Or the people who aren't
taking klamitra because of me.

I never
heard of klamitra.

You're welcome.

I know klamitra.

Sexy black woman
who teaches my spin class.

Uh, hello, uh,
maybe you can help me.

I'm looking
for Caroline channing.

I have a legal matter
to discuss with her.

Never heard of her.
Never seen her.

- Mr. hutchinson?
- Never took an oath.

Oh, my God,
Mr. hutchinson, hi.

I haven't seen you
since my father's scandal broke

and they were dragging you
out of your law offices.

Can I hug you?
I mean, it's been so long

since I've seen anyone
from my old life.

But, uh,
not too hard.

Ever since the scandal,
I've had acid reflux.

Didn't you
used to be taller?

No, uh, prouder.

Oh, uh, Mr. hutchinson,
this is my friend, Max.

Max, this is Leo hutchinson,
one of my father's attorneys.

Oh, I've never
known a lawyer

who wasn't
court-appointed for me.

Well, except for
the ones on law & order.

Have you ever
been on that show?

No,
I'm a real lawyer.

You look like someone
who was on that show.

Are you sure
you didn't represent

the woman
who ate her child?

I've never represented
anyone who ate their child.

On law & order.

Caroline, I'm sorry
to drag you into this,

but the prosecutor is asking
for you to give a deposition

regarding
your father's case.

Anything I can do to help?
I'm pretty courtroom savvy.

I mean, I haven't seen
every episode of law & order,

just, like, 400 of them.

For instance,
the, uh, judge's hammer?

Not called a hammer.

Reflux! Oh!

Sorry.

I just... I need to
take a rylindia.

Ah, rylindia.
Does that work?

- Hmm.
- You're welcome.

Well, thank you for coming
all the way out here.

I know I'm in good hands
with you representing me.

Uh, well, Caroline, as much
as I would love to help you

and your
legal associate here,

uh, the firm won't let me
do it for free.

I mean, your father's case
bankrupted us practically,

and my standard rate
is $1,100 an hour.

You know I don't have
that kind of money.

Last week,
I gave myself a bikini wax

with duct tape
I stole from the diner.

I'm gonna need
another rylindia.

Oh, don't take two of those
in under an hour

unless you want to have
an orgasm every time you yawn.

You're welcome again.

Mr. hutchinson,
I need you to do this.

You can make this go away
as easily as possible.

Please don't
make me beg.

The floor's gross,
and my skirt's too short.

Counselor,
at this juncture,

I am going to need to
take miss channing

and have a sidebar
over near the bar bar.

How fun is this,
by the way?

I'm, like,
your lawyer now.

Oh, real fun.
About as fun as that bikini wax.

And then I had to spend $14
on neosporin.

Don't worry, I know how you
can make $500 in one night.

I've been telling her that
since she got here.

Max, I am not
doing a drug trial.

Besides,
it's not enough money anyway.

No, but after
I put in my $500,

plus we take $100
from the cupcake fund.

You would do that
for me?

You know, I always thought
we'd have to use

the cupcake money to get us
out of a legal problem.

I just thought
it'd be for you.

Me too!

Welcome aboard,
drug buddy.

I can't believe
I'm doing a drug trial.

I won't even use stevia.

It'll be fun!

Just think of it as
a middle-school sleepover.

But with drugs.

Yeah,
a middle-school sleepover.

So when
you did this before,

you never got
any side effects, right?

Well, no negative ones.
I used to be an "a" cup.

Wow, everybody
looks so normal.

This is more like
sorority row than skid row.

Hi!
I'm Katie.

Just found out
there's three to a room,

and I was wondering if you guys
have chosen a roomie yet.

Wait, there's three
in a room?

Yeah, I know.

You want to be careful
who you get.

Anyways,
I'm a self-mutilator,

and, um, I was wondering if
you could keep an eye on me.

Just wrestle anything
out of my hands that's sharp.

Uh,
you know what, Katie?

We are
self-mutilators too.

So, uh, we kind of
have our hands full.

Yeah,
we're gonna be super-busy

self-mutilating ourselves.

No worries.

Max, you should have told me
about the bed situation.

Untested experimental drugs
is one thing,

but three to a room?
That's barbaric!

It'll be fine!

We just have to pick
the right girl.

What about, uh,
the one in the raincoat?

She looks stuck-up,

like she'd talk
about herself all night.

Yeah, we already
got one of those.

What about, uh...

What about
Bob Marley shirt?

She looks like
she smells.

- Confirmed.
- Right there.

That's who we want.
She looks smart

and like she'd
mind her own business.

Hey!
What are you up to?

Nothing.
Just minding my own business.

Hey, want to be
our roommate?

Oh, I just said yes
to a self-mutilator,

but I can get out of it.

She probably
loves rejection.

All right,
ladies, listen up!

- Hey, Max!
- Hi, Toby.

Heads-up,
me, her, and, uh...

Excuse me,
what's your name?

Oh, it's cool,

we don't have to do,
like, the name thing.

A girl after my own heart!

- We're roommates.
- Got it.

Now, since most of you
have done this before,

I'll make it quick.

Half of you
will get a placebo.

The other half will be a testing
a new drug called gladiva,

and no, that's not my stage name
down at the clubs.

Okay,
possible side effects

may occur over
the next 24 to 48 hours.

They are...
Drum roll please...

Headaches,
vomiting, flatulence,

tongue-swelling,
suicidal thoughts...

I'm having some
right now.

- Itw...
- Inability to walk.

Mm, I hope we get that
'cause that's the only thing

that's gonna keep me here.

And ru...

Relentless urination.

Fatigue, seizures...

Camel toe.

I'm kidding.
That's my joke.

That's his joke.

Good,
'cause I was out the door.

Also, tg,
eb, ccs...

You want me
to explain those to you?

Not until you see one
happening to me.

And A.L.

Anal leakage.

The Grande Dame
of side effects.

Well, bottoms up.

Max, don't say that
after "anal leakage."

See? This is fun!

Getting paid to eat cookies
and play the game of life.

- Your turn.
- What's the point?

Clearly, I've already
lost the game of life

'cause I'm sitting
in a drug trial

waiting for
my "A" to "L".

Well, if your "A"
does start to "L,"

you're on the bottom bunk.

I gotta pee.

Ruh-roh.

What?

Mm,
it's probably nothing,

but she might be
experiencing ru.

What's that again?

Relentless urination.

She just said
she had to pee.

Yeah,
that's relentless.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

"Ru" sure?

Okay,
your turn to spin.

No more games.

I really want to be prepared
for this deposition.

Can you read me the questions
Mr. hutchinson sent?

Mm-hmm.

"State your full name."

Caroline Wesbox Channing.

Your middle name
is "Wesbox"?

It was
my grandfather's name.

It also might be
a side effect.

"I just slept with a dude
who gave me Wesbox!"

Max, can you just ask me
the next question?

Do you have any owledge
of investor capital

from the channing
investment group

being transferred
to offshore banks?

I had
no knowledge of it.

- You're boring.
- I'm boring?

I'm just saying,
I'd change the channel.

This is a bad one.

Max,
it's not law & order.

I'll say it isn't.

Look, tomorrow,
you gotta give them something.

Open your shirt,
hike up your skirt,

show them your Wesbox.

"Did you know anything
about your father

- "illegally siphoning funds?"
- No.

"Have you ever had
any conversations

with your father regarding
said transactions?"

No.

"Is your ass leaking
right now?"

No.

Ruh-roh.

Nope.

How we doing, ladies?

Any side effects?

Max, are you awake?

Max!

Quiet, you're gonna
wake up pissy spacek.

I can't sleep.
My hearts keeps racing.

You should tell Toby.
It's probably a side effect.

No, I'm nervous.

I can't stop thinking
about the deposition

and about my father.
Can I come down and talk?

Not a great time.
I kind of have people over.

Get in here.
What's wrong?

I'm scared
about tomorrow.

I'm scared I'm gonna say
the wrong thing

and make things worse
for my father.

Look, all you have to do
is answer the questions

as carefully as they suggested
and then throw in a wink,

forget to wear panties.
He'll be fine.

But that's the thing.

The questions don't say
anything about my father.

They're so cut and dry.

They're only asking me
details about things

I know nothing about,

and they're not interested in
the things I do know about him.

That he's warm, and funny,
and generous, and loving.

Like when I was little,
and he and I

would take our plane
to our chalet in deer valley.

Stop. You might as well
rephrase that to

"when he and I
would take our guilty

to our guilty
in guilty valley."

Every morning,
before we went skiing,

he would get up
really early and make me

his snowflake
cinnamon french toast.

Sounds amazing.

And as he dusted
the cinnamon and sugar on top,

he'd say,
"look, sweetheart, it's snowing,

snowing just for you."

And then he'd cut it
into these little pieces...

See? I can't even
get the words out.

No one will ever hear them.
No one will know.

I'll know.
I heard them.

Another round?

Yeah, I'm just gonna
bring my pillow in there.

I don't think Gladiva's
gonna make it to the market.

We'll be doing
the deposition in here.

Oh, wow, this is exactly
how it looks on law & order!

Ooh! Ooh!

There's the tiny
typewriter thing

where the actress
who never gets to speak sits!

Leo, Leo, take my picture
near the tiny typewriter.

Ladies, ladies.
We only have an hour.

We're already behind
because you were late.

Sorry, we had to stop
at the check-cashing place.

Yeah, and then a store
to get diapers for a friend.

There, $1,000.

No fuss,
and luckily, no muss.

Max, do you have
the $100 from the cupcakes?

Yeah.

Uh, 40... 60...
80... 90...

5, 6, 7, and...

100.

Mr. hutchinson,
are you having reflux?

No, I-it just became clear
to me what I do for a living.

Okay, uh, Caroline,

if you're ready,
I can bring them in.

Remember,
just stick to the questions

and don't embellish.

I prepped her
last night, Leo.

All right,
let's go, Max.

Actually,
I want her to stay.

I'm nervous,
and she makes me feel better.

Yes, I'm her registered
emotional companion.

Well, this is
a legal proceeding,

and that's
a highly unusual request.

But not improbable.
We googled it.

Yeah, she's allowed to have
an emotional companion,

as long as
both attorneys agree.

Well, I graduated
top of my class at Harvard,

but since you googled it,
I'll try to make that happen.

No, I am unaware
of any of the transactions

you just mentioned.

Thank you,
miss channing.

Now, if you'll just bear with me
a little while longer,

I only have a couple more
pertinent questions.

Your voice
is unbelievable.

You could be
on law & order.

Max!

Withdrawn.

Miss channing,
do you have any knowledge

of embezzlement
of any kind taking place

at the channing
investment group?

No,
I had no knowl...

Of any su...

Could you repeat that?

Ruh-roh.

You're having
a side effect!

Tongue swelling.
Ts!

Uh, counselor,
give us one second.

What is going on?

We took drugs.

Did she just say
"we took drugs"?

Very good, Leo.
You must play charades.

Look, we did a drug trial
to get money for this.

What's the holdup,
counselor?

Just give her some water.
I had this once.

It goes away in an hour.

You said you never had

any side effects!

Oh, please.
I died once.

I just didn't want
to scare you.

Miss channing,
are you aware of any accounts

opened under any names
other than your father's?

Just drink the water.

One sec.

Uh, does anyone have
a napkin or a bib?

$1,100, you gotta have a bib
around here somewhere.

All right,
what's going on here?

I was just, uh,
informed my client

was part of a drug test
within the last 24 hours.

Drug test, Leo?
That's a good one.

Just another
rich girl on drugs.

Get her into rehab,
and we'll have to reschedule.

We'll have to do this
another time.

No, no, no, no, no, no!

No, no!
She's right!

We don't have the money
to do this another Tim

look, I can tell you right now,
she does not know anything.

She doesn't know
about the money,

she doesn't know
about transactions.

She doesn't know
anything about anything.

We are paid up
for three more minutes,

and we are going to
use them!

She can't talk, but I know
what she would want to say.

Ladies and gentlemen
of the... room,

she would want you to know
who her father really is.

He used to make her
snow toast!

And in her words,
he was funny, smart,

and a generous lover.

Generous and loving!

Oh, sorry, yes, yes.
Generous and loving.

Now, I don't know her father,
and I have never met him...

And I would like you
to put that on the record,

actress who's never
allowed to talk...

But I do know her,
and she's an amazing person.

And her father
raised her alone,

so he must be
an amazing person too.

Well...

That accomplished nothing.

Counselor,
what do we do here?

We take a short recess
until she can speak,

and resume
the deposition, on me,

because her father
is an amazing guy, and...

That's what they would do
on law & order.

Fine,
we'll break for an hour.

Seriously, you sound like
a superhero's boss.

Max, you're the best.

I know.
I did pretty good, right?

I should've gone
to law school.

Or High School.

Permission to enter
the judge's chambers?

Permission granted.
Excuse the tubs of bleu cheese.

They're being held
as evidence

in the case
against eating here.

I wanted to thank you
for everything you did.

And I know you were gonna
buy yourself a treat

with the drug money...

Yeah, like drugs.

So I got you
a little something.

It's the complete
law & order box set!

No way!

That's not a little something.
That's, like, $500.

Or $30 on the subway.

And the guy said
most of them are in english.

Awesome!

Freezer adjourned.