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1
00:00:02,359 --> 00:00:04,795
Evening, ladies.
Gals' night out?
2
00:00:04,796 --> 00:00:07,285
Chasing guys, eating pie,
having fun.
3
00:00:07,405 --> 00:00:12,406
This table is sticky!
Run a damp rag across it!
4
00:00:12,526 --> 00:00:14,071
Would it kill you
to clean a little?
5
00:00:14,072 --> 00:00:15,639
What kinda place is this?
6
00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:17,985
The kind that serves soup cold.
7
00:00:18,105 --> 00:00:20,106
And what's with
your crazy earrings?
8
00:00:20,107 --> 00:00:22,008
What are you, some kinda gypsy?
9
00:00:22,009 --> 00:00:24,310
Whoa!
Hold up, ladies.
10
00:00:24,311 --> 00:00:26,413
You don't get a bitch pass
just 'cause you're old.
11
00:00:28,849 --> 00:00:31,750
Yes, that's right.
I said it.
12
00:00:31,751 --> 00:00:34,019
You come in here with
your gangster granny attitude,
13
00:00:34,020 --> 00:00:35,754
think you can get away
14
00:00:35,755 --> 00:00:37,923
with dumping all over
the lowly gypsy waitress.
15
00:00:37,924 --> 00:00:41,159
No way. At this diner, we don't
discriminate due to age.
16
00:00:41,160 --> 00:00:42,661
If you're gonna act
like an ass,
17
00:00:42,662 --> 00:00:45,163
I'm gonna treat you
like an ass...
18
00:00:45,164 --> 00:00:50,535
No matter how close that ass
is riding to the floor.
19
00:00:50,536 --> 00:00:55,005
Now, I'll wipe off the table
we'll take it from the top.
20
00:00:55,006 --> 00:00:58,476
Hi, I'm Max.
Who wants tapioca?
21
00:00:59,912 --> 00:01:01,678
That's more like it.
22
00:01:01,679 --> 00:01:03,661
Save the disappointment
for the grandkids.
23
00:01:16,357 --> 00:01:18,374
Earl, I need another book
of checks.
24
00:01:18,494 --> 00:01:20,729
The last one fell between
the refrigerator and the oven.
25
00:01:20,730 --> 00:01:22,464
I'd reach for it,
but that falls between
26
00:01:22,465 --> 00:01:24,525
"I don't do that"
and "Oh, hell no."
27
00:01:25,791 --> 00:01:29,405
Look overthere, Max.
Men and women in suits.
28
00:01:29,583 --> 00:01:31,767
This neighborhood is
definitely on the rise.
29
00:01:31,769 --> 00:01:33,402
I remember a time when a black man
30
00:01:33,404 --> 00:01:35,070
couldn't get a cab around here.
31
00:01:35,072 --> 00:01:38,123
And that time was Wednesday.
32
00:01:38,125 --> 00:01:41,226
Max, I was just talking to
the smart couples in booth two.
33
00:01:41,228 --> 00:01:43,429
I know they're smart because
they're the first people in here
34
00:01:43,431 --> 00:01:44,963
who ever ordered the croque monsieur
35
00:01:44,965 --> 00:01:48,450
as croque monsieur and
not "crock monster."
36
00:01:50,737 --> 00:01:52,454
They wanna meet the woman
who made the cupcakes.
37
00:01:52,456 --> 00:01:53,955
I told them you'd be right over.
38
00:01:53,957 --> 00:01:56,392
- Go! They're so nice.
- No, they're not nice.
39
00:01:56,394 --> 00:01:58,510
They're trendy, blood-sucking locusts
40
00:01:58,512 --> 00:02:00,763
who come into this neighborhood
to pillage and destroy
41
00:02:04,134 --> 00:02:06,568
crashed my 21st birthday.
42
00:02:06,570 --> 00:02:09,905
What?
43
00:02:09,907 --> 00:02:11,774
You made these cupcakes?
44
00:02:11,776 --> 00:02:15,110
Yeah, what's the problem?
Spit it out, I've got a life.
45
00:02:15,112 --> 00:02:18,113
We just wanted to tell you
that your flavor palate is...
46
00:02:18,115 --> 00:02:19,648
amazing.
47
00:02:19,650 --> 00:02:21,917
I don't know who you are
or where you came from--
48
00:02:21,919 --> 00:02:23,952
Neither do I.
49
00:02:23,954 --> 00:02:26,705
But these are fabulous.
50
00:02:26,707 --> 00:02:29,591
Well, welcome to the neighborhood.
51
00:02:29,593 --> 00:02:31,093
I knew I liked you guys.
52
00:02:33,513 --> 00:02:35,964
So what did the trendy locusts want?
53
00:02:35,966 --> 00:02:38,667
You are so judgmental, you know that?
54
00:02:38,669 --> 00:02:42,137
They wanted to tell me the
cupcakes are "fabulous."
55
00:02:42,139 --> 00:02:43,305
Thank you.
56
00:02:43,307 --> 00:02:44,807
Maybe now you'll finally start to get it
57
00:02:44,809 --> 00:02:47,059
if someone besides me
tells you how good they are.
58
00:02:47,061 --> 00:02:50,446
I believe the word was "fabulous."
59
00:02:50,448 --> 00:02:52,281
Pick up, Max.
60
00:02:52,283 --> 00:02:54,850
Oleg, from now on, you
may call me Countess Max
61
00:02:54,852 --> 00:02:56,652
of the Fabulous Cupcakes.
62
00:02:56,654 --> 00:02:58,120
And you may call me Sir Oleg
63
00:02:58,122 --> 00:03:02,207
of the Amazing Party in My Pants.
64
00:03:05,945 --> 00:03:08,163
Caroline, the happy,
shiny people in suits
65
00:03:08,165 --> 00:03:09,832
asked me to give you this note.
66
00:03:09,834 --> 00:03:11,834
Oh, what a great idea!
67
00:03:11,836 --> 00:03:13,702
They suggested we sell Max's cupcakes
68
00:03:13,704 --> 00:03:15,921
at the cool new coffee
place in their building.
69
00:03:15,923 --> 00:03:19,591
But you already sell
cupcakes here in my diner.
70
00:03:19,593 --> 00:03:22,043
Han, we're building a cupcake
business that will one day
71
00:03:22,045 --> 00:03:23,345
get us out of here.
72
00:03:23,347 --> 00:03:25,063
That's what we're trying
to do with our lives.
73
00:03:25,065 --> 00:03:29,551
But I thought we
had something special.
74
00:03:29,553 --> 00:03:32,053
Yes, but we're not exclusive.
75
00:03:32,055 --> 00:03:36,024
The diner's cute, but
I want more than this.
76
00:03:36,026 --> 00:03:38,043
Oof.
77
00:03:38,045 --> 00:03:40,779
First girlfriend all over again.
78
00:03:44,411 --> 00:03:45,611
Hey, Johnny.
79
00:03:45,613 --> 00:03:46,779
Max has the tables against the wall.
80
00:03:46,781 --> 00:03:48,381
Oh, we're good in your section.
81
00:03:48,383 --> 00:03:52,902
Caroline, I want you
to meet my buddy Carlos.
82
00:03:52,904 --> 00:03:55,237
Hi.
83
00:03:55,239 --> 00:03:57,757
Well, I'm working the counter.
84
00:03:57,759 --> 00:03:59,325
What's happenin'? Come on, dude.
85
00:03:59,327 --> 00:04:01,010
You have a literature degree from NYU.
86
00:04:01,012 --> 00:04:02,845
I didn't mean to say
that, but when I get nervous,
87
00:04:02,847 --> 00:04:04,580
my Rico Suave comes out.
88
00:04:04,582 --> 00:04:07,082
It won't happen again.
89
00:04:07,084 --> 00:04:08,551
And here's two menus.
90
00:04:08,553 --> 00:04:12,188
What's happenin'?
91
00:04:12,190 --> 00:04:15,141
Dude, I'm nervous.
92
00:04:15,143 --> 00:04:16,926
Hey, guys, I'm in
that section over there.
93
00:04:16,928 --> 00:04:18,728
Oh, we're good in Caroline's area.
94
00:04:18,730 --> 00:04:21,697
Well, if you like hot
coffee in your pants area,
95
00:04:21,699 --> 00:04:23,699
you're in the right place.
96
00:04:23,701 --> 00:04:26,285
Actually, I like that.
97
00:04:26,287 --> 00:04:29,271
Coming right at you.
98
00:04:31,625 --> 00:04:32,942
Johnny's in your section.
99
00:04:32,944 --> 00:04:34,076
Yeah, why?
100
00:04:34,078 --> 00:04:35,661
He comes in here every night to see you.
101
00:04:35,663 --> 00:04:37,547
He's your friends
or...crush or whatever he is.
102
00:04:37,549 --> 00:04:40,282
Shh! He's not a crush. He's a...
103
00:04:40,284 --> 00:04:41,584
I don't know what he
is, but whatever he is,
104
00:04:41,586 --> 00:04:44,954
he's in your section.
105
00:04:47,457 --> 00:04:49,342
- Max!
- Ooh! What are you doing?
106
00:04:49,344 --> 00:04:50,560
You're not supposed to be in here.
107
00:04:50,562 --> 00:04:54,263
I know, I'm a bad boy.
108
00:04:54,265 --> 00:04:56,315
Look, the reason I'm not
sitting in your section
109
00:04:56,317 --> 00:04:59,235
is because my buddy Carlos is
crushing pretty hard on Caroline
110
00:04:59,237 --> 00:05:01,070
and he asked me to do
what I can to hook them up.
111
00:05:01,072 --> 00:05:03,439
Oh. So now you're a bartender,
112
00:05:03,441 --> 00:05:05,307
a street artist, and a pimp.
113
00:05:05,309 --> 00:05:07,994
Ain't nuttin' wrong with me
pimpin' some boy on the side.
114
00:05:07,996 --> 00:05:10,446
Keeps me in spray paint and whatnot.
115
00:05:10,448 --> 00:05:11,998
So?
116
00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:15,651
From pimp to pimp...
117
00:05:15,653 --> 00:05:17,169
Help me out with your girl.
118
00:05:17,171 --> 00:05:21,340
My girl don't come cheap.
119
00:05:22,392 --> 00:05:26,679
Is it hot in here?
120
00:05:27,481 --> 00:05:29,715
Yes, and we're in a freezer.
121
00:05:29,717 --> 00:05:32,501
Yes. My freezer.
122
00:05:32,503 --> 00:05:35,337
I was, uh, just talking to Max.
123
00:05:35,339 --> 00:05:38,474
Um, I'll see you out there.
124
00:05:42,396 --> 00:05:46,565
So is this what you like in the men?
125
00:05:46,567 --> 00:05:49,619
No. He's just a
customer that went rogue.
126
00:05:49,621 --> 00:05:52,688
He is weak and girlish.
127
00:05:52,690 --> 00:05:55,241
A woman like you needs a real man.
128
00:05:55,243 --> 00:05:56,459
You know what they say.
129
00:05:56,461 --> 00:06:00,463
Once you go Ukraine, you
will scream with sex pain.
130
00:06:04,751 --> 00:06:07,420
That probably lost
some of its sensual appeal
131
00:06:07,422 --> 00:06:10,973
in the translation, but
thanks for the offer, Oleg.
132
00:06:13,226 --> 00:06:16,812
Cute, but I'm not interested.
Besides, he's not my type.
133
00:06:16,814 --> 00:06:18,264
Just say it.
134
00:06:18,266 --> 00:06:20,683
You're not interested in him
because he's Puerto Rican.
135
00:06:20,685 --> 00:06:22,018
Where did you get this idea
136
00:06:22,020 --> 00:06:23,519
that I would only date white guys?
137
00:06:23,521 --> 00:06:26,656
For your information, I've
dated all kinds of men.
138
00:06:26,658 --> 00:06:29,642
I once had a Spaniard in Monte Carlo.
139
00:06:29,644 --> 00:06:32,328
Isn't the title of an Abba song?
140
00:06:32,330 --> 00:06:35,414
Are you sure about this? He's cute.
141
00:06:35,416 --> 00:06:39,401
And trust me, you could use a
little salsa in your white rice.
142
00:06:39,403 --> 00:06:41,537
Max, I just lost every dollar I had.
143
00:06:41,539 --> 00:06:43,923
The last thing on my
mind right now is guys--
144
00:06:43,925 --> 00:06:46,092
any type of guy.
145
00:06:46,094 --> 00:06:47,960
Except this guy.
146
00:06:47,962 --> 00:06:49,762
Hi, Chestnut.
147
00:06:49,764 --> 00:06:52,465
I'm much more concerned
with our business
148
00:06:52,467 --> 00:06:54,266
and getting my head back above water.
149
00:06:54,268 --> 00:06:56,102
Men will come sooner or later.
150
00:06:56,104 --> 00:07:01,023
Well, according to my
research most men come sooner.
151
00:07:01,025 --> 00:07:02,274
Oh, I thought we should stop by
152
00:07:02,276 --> 00:07:04,060
that new coffee place tomorrow
and introduce ourselves
153
00:07:04,062 --> 00:07:05,561
and your cupcakes.
154
00:07:05,563 --> 00:07:08,030
I'm not gonna walk in there.
I feel like I'm selling out.
155
00:07:08,032 --> 00:07:11,200
Okay, let's reframe
the phrase selling out
156
00:07:11,202 --> 00:07:12,902
and make it sold out,
157
00:07:12,904 --> 00:07:15,071
as in "Max, we sold out of the cupcakes"
158
00:07:15,073 --> 00:07:16,706
and are now successful."
159
00:07:16,708 --> 00:07:18,074
What's that you say?
160
00:07:18,076 --> 00:07:20,960
I can now afford to buy
the wax dental floss again?
161
00:07:20,962 --> 00:07:22,962
Fine.
162
00:07:22,964 --> 00:07:24,947
But I'm only doing it so
you'll eventually get your mind
163
00:07:24,949 --> 00:07:26,415
off the business and get laid.
164
00:07:26,417 --> 00:07:28,551
Why do you think I
need to get laid so badly?
165
00:07:28,553 --> 00:07:31,087
If I'd just gone through
all the tension and trauma
166
00:07:31,089 --> 00:07:32,722
that just happened to you,
167
00:07:32,724 --> 00:07:34,673
I'd be climbing telephone
polls to take the edge off.
168
00:07:34,675 --> 00:07:38,144
Trust me, sex is the last
thing on my mind right now.
169
00:07:38,146 --> 00:07:40,563
Oh, and speaking of reframing things,
170
00:07:40,565 --> 00:07:42,148
I have a surprise.
171
00:07:42,150 --> 00:07:43,649
I redecorated my room.
172
00:07:43,651 --> 00:07:46,102
I scoped out some cheap
fabric in bedding places
173
00:07:46,104 --> 00:07:48,020
down on Houston Street.
174
00:07:48,022 --> 00:07:51,907
What do you think?
175
00:07:51,909 --> 00:07:55,444
I think you've made a vagina.
176
00:07:57,781 --> 00:07:59,031
What?
177
00:07:59,033 --> 00:08:02,585
Sister, you may think
that sex is the last thing
178
00:08:02,587 --> 00:08:06,455
on your mind, but you turned
your bed into a vagina.
179
00:08:07,541 --> 00:08:09,208
Do you think my vagina has curtains?
180
00:08:09,210 --> 00:08:13,129
I don't know how long it's been.
181
00:08:13,131 --> 00:08:14,964
I'm tired. I'm going to bed.
182
00:08:14,966 --> 00:08:16,165
Okay, but I still
have to make the cupcakes
183
00:08:16,167 --> 00:08:17,633
to bring by that place tomorrow.
184
00:08:17,635 --> 00:08:19,001
I don't wanna keep you awake
185
00:08:19,003 --> 00:08:20,352
so why don't you sleep in my bed tonight
186
00:08:20,354 --> 00:08:22,054
and I'll pass out on your vagina?
187
00:08:22,056 --> 00:08:25,691
Okay, but you better buy
me breakfast in the morning.
188
00:08:31,014 --> 00:08:34,633
I love this place. Looks
like Paris in the '20s.
189
00:08:34,635 --> 00:08:37,903
More like poseurs in their 20s.
190
00:08:37,905 --> 00:08:39,872
Man, they've really
cleaned this place up.
191
00:08:39,874 --> 00:08:41,574
You've been here before?
192
00:08:41,576 --> 00:08:42,908
Yeah, it used to be a liquor store
193
00:08:42,910 --> 00:08:44,076
owned by this old Irish guy
194
00:08:44,078 --> 00:08:46,662
who had freckles on his penis.
195
00:08:46,664 --> 00:08:48,530
Sometimes he'd corner you and flash it,
196
00:08:48,532 --> 00:08:51,200
but then he'd always comp
you a free lotto ticket.
197
00:08:51,202 --> 00:08:52,501
Okay, well, let's try and keep
198
00:08:52,503 --> 00:08:54,036
that sort of charming nostalgia
199
00:08:54,038 --> 00:08:55,754
out of our sales pitch.
200
00:08:55,756 --> 00:08:57,723
Oh, that's the owner.
201
00:08:57,725 --> 00:08:59,225
I scoped it out before you got here.
202
00:08:59,227 --> 00:09:01,310
And remember, I'll do the talking.
203
00:09:01,312 --> 00:09:02,478
Why don't I get to talk?
204
00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:05,181
Freckled penis.
205
00:09:05,183 --> 00:09:06,515
And besides, I have more experience.
206
00:09:06,517 --> 00:09:08,567
All those who pitched business
models to Warren Buffett
207
00:09:08,569 --> 00:09:10,552
as a member of the Phillips
Exeter Entrepreneurs Club
208
00:09:10,554 --> 00:09:13,388
raise their hands. Holla!
209
00:09:13,390 --> 00:09:15,724
Well, if you care enough
to raise your arms about it,
210
00:09:15,726 --> 00:09:18,744
fine. You talk. I won't say anything.
211
00:09:18,746 --> 00:09:21,697
Hi, what can I get for you?
212
00:09:21,699 --> 00:09:24,900
Hi, I'm Caroline and this
is my business partner Max.
213
00:09:24,902 --> 00:09:26,702
- And you are?
- Semhar.
214
00:09:26,704 --> 00:09:29,255
- Oh, jeez.
- Such a pretty name.
215
00:09:29,257 --> 00:09:32,041
It means "light of
the tiger" in Sanskrit.
216
00:09:32,043 --> 00:09:33,626
Oh, jeez.
217
00:09:33,628 --> 00:09:35,244
It's my yoga name.
218
00:09:35,246 --> 00:09:37,429
Help me, God.
219
00:09:37,431 --> 00:09:39,181
Well, Semhar, we just opened
220
00:09:39,183 --> 00:09:41,100
a local neighborhood cupcake company.
221
00:09:41,102 --> 00:09:42,218
Our card.
222
00:09:42,220 --> 00:09:44,019
We're introducing our exciting product
223
00:09:44,021 --> 00:09:45,271
to local boulangeries.
224
00:09:45,273 --> 00:09:47,923
Please try a sample. Max.
225
00:09:47,925 --> 00:09:50,192
Would you like
coconut-coffee, chocolate-curry,
226
00:09:50,194 --> 00:09:52,278
or blueberry-lemon zest?
227
00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:54,563
My absolute fave is the coconut-coffee.
228
00:09:54,565 --> 00:09:55,814
Let's start with that, shall we?
229
00:09:55,816 --> 00:09:59,785
Thank you, but no thank you.
230
00:09:59,787 --> 00:10:02,238
Well, can I ask you why?
231
00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:04,907
They're not pretty enough.
232
00:10:04,909 --> 00:10:06,375
Excuse me?
233
00:10:06,377 --> 00:10:09,411
They're not pretty enough.
234
00:10:09,413 --> 00:10:11,580
Perhaps if you tried one,
235
00:10:11,582 --> 00:10:13,883
you'd see how amazing
our flavor palate is.
236
00:10:13,885 --> 00:10:16,051
Hold off, Flava Flav.
237
00:10:16,053 --> 00:10:17,670
What do you mean,
they're not pretty enough?
238
00:10:17,672 --> 00:10:20,639
They have a charming homemade look,
239
00:10:20,641 --> 00:10:22,007
but my customer would prefer
240
00:10:22,009 --> 00:10:24,476
a more upscale, prettier product.
241
00:10:24,478 --> 00:10:27,146
Just FYI, some upscale residents
242
00:10:27,148 --> 00:10:28,847
in this very upscale building
243
00:10:28,849 --> 00:10:30,649
where your upscale
store actually is located
244
00:10:30,651 --> 00:10:32,634
recently told us they were fabulous.
245
00:10:32,636 --> 00:10:34,486
I understand.
246
00:10:34,488 --> 00:10:36,739
But they're not pretty enough.
247
00:10:36,741 --> 00:10:39,441
Listen, battlefield earth.
248
00:10:43,863 --> 00:10:46,699
This is Williamsburg, Brooklyn,
249
00:10:46,701 --> 00:10:48,650
and no amount of exposed brick and paint
250
00:10:48,652 --> 00:10:51,587
can change the fact that,
right where you're standing,
251
00:10:51,589 --> 00:10:53,822
I've seen Tommy O'Hanlon's wing-wang
252
00:10:53,824 --> 00:10:55,758
more times than I care to remember.
253
00:10:55,760 --> 00:10:59,094
And I must say, it was way less
offensive than your attitude.
254
00:10:59,096 --> 00:11:01,263
And you can shove that up your upscale.
255
00:11:01,265 --> 00:11:04,133
Let's go.
256
00:11:04,135 --> 00:11:06,051
- Namaste.
- Namaste.
257
00:11:11,956 --> 00:11:13,473
What's with the empty hands, Max?
258
00:11:13,475 --> 00:11:14,874
No cupcakes tonight?
259
00:11:14,876 --> 00:11:17,410
No, they're bugging me. I
decided to take the night off.
260
00:11:17,412 --> 00:11:19,529
Be careful with decisions like that.
261
00:11:19,531 --> 00:11:22,632
In 1987, I took a night off
from earth, wind, and fire
262
00:11:22,634 --> 00:11:26,720
and the next day, they
earth, wind, and fired my ass.
263
00:11:29,674 --> 00:11:31,758
Hi. Sorry I'm late.
264
00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:34,177
Mid-afternoon nap in your vagina?
265
00:11:34,179 --> 00:11:36,045
I wish! No.
266
00:11:36,047 --> 00:11:38,231
I went to a cheap bakery
supply store in Greenpoint
267
00:11:38,233 --> 00:11:39,649
and got us some supplies.
268
00:11:39,651 --> 00:11:40,900
Here.
269
00:11:40,902 --> 00:11:42,652
It's the basic cake decorating kit.
270
00:11:42,654 --> 00:11:44,354
And best of all I found us a fun,
271
00:11:44,356 --> 00:11:46,489
reasonable two-session
cupcake decorating class
272
00:11:46,491 --> 00:11:47,657
at a bakery.
273
00:11:47,659 --> 00:11:49,492
We can learn how to make pretty roses.
274
00:11:49,494 --> 00:11:50,694
No way.
275
00:11:50,696 --> 00:11:52,195
The cupcakes don't need to be pretty.
276
00:11:52,197 --> 00:11:54,897
They compensate by having
a great sense of humor.
277
00:11:54,899 --> 00:11:58,034
Pretty cupcakes is just
another option for our business.
278
00:11:58,036 --> 00:11:59,252
People want pretty, we do pretty.
279
00:11:59,254 --> 00:12:01,621
Or people want
homemade, we do--
280
00:12:01,623 --> 00:12:05,008
- Wait, where is our homemade?
- I didn't make any tonight.
281
00:12:05,010 --> 00:12:07,010
You didn't make any?
282
00:12:07,012 --> 00:12:09,295
What, you get one piece
of constructive criticism
283
00:12:09,297 --> 00:12:11,631
and you stop making them?
284
00:12:11,633 --> 00:12:13,400
Max, it's business.
285
00:12:13,402 --> 00:12:15,552
And maybe Semhar has a point
about making them pretty.
286
00:12:15,554 --> 00:12:17,637
First of all, what does
she know about pretty?
287
00:12:17,639 --> 00:12:20,923
The woman has dreadlocks.
288
00:12:20,925 --> 00:12:22,759
Her head looks like the stuff
289
00:12:22,761 --> 00:12:24,277
you empty out of a vacuum cleaner bag.
290
00:12:24,279 --> 00:12:25,445
Not pretty.
291
00:12:25,447 --> 00:12:27,781
Forget her.
292
00:12:27,783 --> 00:12:29,115
What's happening with you?
293
00:12:29,117 --> 00:12:30,767
What's your problem with pretty?
294
00:12:30,769 --> 00:12:35,572
Don't wave your
divas live hand at me.
295
00:12:35,574 --> 00:12:37,490
I just think society's way too concerned
296
00:12:37,492 --> 00:12:39,325
with other people's
idea of what's pretty.
297
00:12:39,327 --> 00:12:41,944
You don't think you can do it.
298
00:12:41,946 --> 00:12:43,446
That's what this is about.
299
00:12:43,448 --> 00:12:44,664
This isn't about society.
300
00:12:44,666 --> 00:12:46,082
You're afraid you can't do pretty.
301
00:12:46,084 --> 00:12:47,834
Look, I don't do pretty
302
00:12:47,836 --> 00:12:50,220
the way you don't do Puerto Ricans.
303
00:12:50,222 --> 00:12:52,005
What are you talking about?
304
00:12:52,007 --> 00:12:53,840
I'll do Puerto Ricans.
305
00:12:53,842 --> 00:12:55,291
All right.
306
00:12:55,293 --> 00:12:57,927
Then go do one and leave me alone.
307
00:12:57,929 --> 00:13:00,980
Max, it's a skill. That's all.
308
00:13:00,982 --> 00:13:03,016
It's not shameful to not
know how to do something.
309
00:13:03,018 --> 00:13:05,602
Didn't you have piano
lessons growing up?
310
00:13:05,604 --> 00:13:07,721
Seriously?
311
00:13:07,723 --> 00:13:09,572
Ice skating?
312
00:13:09,574 --> 00:13:11,825
Closest I've come to blades on ice
313
00:13:11,827 --> 00:13:13,276
was when a pregnant
girl pulled a knife on me
314
00:13:13,278 --> 00:13:15,028
at a hockey game.
315
00:13:15,030 --> 00:13:17,080
Look, you and I have a business,
316
00:13:17,082 --> 00:13:18,948
and this is a skill we need.
317
00:13:18,950 --> 00:13:20,784
We're going to that class
318
00:13:20,786 --> 00:13:22,368
and we are gonna master
how to make pretty roses.
319
00:13:22,370 --> 00:13:23,986
And I know how much you
hate anything trendy,
320
00:13:23,988 --> 00:13:27,340
so I found us a family-owned
Italian bakery in Brooklyn.
321
00:13:27,342 --> 00:13:29,042
Italian's good.
322
00:13:29,044 --> 00:13:30,427
Maybe they'll know how to dump the body
323
00:13:30,429 --> 00:13:31,711
after I kill you.
324
00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:39,803
First of all, welcome
to Spice and Sugar.
325
00:13:39,805 --> 00:13:42,689
We did a little twist on the
traditional sugar and spice
326
00:13:42,691 --> 00:13:44,974
putting spice first because...
327
00:13:44,976 --> 00:13:47,694
We're Italian.
328
00:13:47,696 --> 00:13:49,395
And we always got the spice up front
329
00:13:49,397 --> 00:13:50,847
and a little in the rear.
330
00:13:50,849 --> 00:13:52,899
Holla!
331
00:13:52,901 --> 00:13:56,119
Now are you embarrassed
you ever said holla?
332
00:13:56,121 --> 00:13:59,188
My name is Stephanie, and
this is my cousin Serena,
333
00:13:59,190 --> 00:14:01,658
and this bakery has been
in our family for years
334
00:14:01,660 --> 00:14:03,993
and then we took it over and made it...
335
00:14:03,995 --> 00:14:07,380
Hot.
336
00:14:07,382 --> 00:14:09,082
All right, let's go around
and introduce ourselves
337
00:14:09,084 --> 00:14:10,800
and tell us why you came tonight.
338
00:14:10,802 --> 00:14:12,385
Let's start with the cute guys.
339
00:14:12,387 --> 00:14:14,871
Always!
340
00:14:14,873 --> 00:14:16,372
I'm Steve, I thought this would be
341
00:14:16,374 --> 00:14:18,174
a fun idea for my bachelor party.
342
00:14:18,176 --> 00:14:21,177
I'm getting married to
Michael...right there.
343
00:14:21,179 --> 00:14:22,929
So cute. God bless!
344
00:14:22,931 --> 00:14:24,046
And I'm Michael.
345
00:14:24,048 --> 00:14:28,151
- I'm Michael as well.
- Michael.
346
00:14:28,153 --> 00:14:31,654
Oh...So many Michaels.
347
00:14:31,656 --> 00:14:34,557
- And you are?
- Michael.
348
00:14:34,559 --> 00:14:35,692
No, I'm Max.
349
00:14:35,694 --> 00:14:38,611
Oh, she's funny. So cute, God bless!
350
00:14:38,613 --> 00:14:40,914
And I'm Caroline. I'm Max's partner.
351
00:14:40,916 --> 00:14:44,000
- Oh, so many gays tonight.
- I know.
352
00:14:44,002 --> 00:14:46,369
No, I'm her business partner.
353
00:14:46,371 --> 00:14:48,955
We actually have our own cupcake
business over in Williamsburg,
354
00:14:48,957 --> 00:14:51,257
and I must say, we're doing very well.
355
00:14:51,259 --> 00:14:53,626
Max is the baker and
I'm the business head
356
00:14:53,628 --> 00:14:55,545
and we're here tonight to
increase our skill level
357
00:14:55,547 --> 00:14:57,580
and take our business
up to a level that's...
358
00:14:57,582 --> 00:15:00,383
Hot as well.
359
00:15:00,385 --> 00:15:01,751
If you're gonna talk that much,
360
00:15:01,753 --> 00:15:05,254
no one will have time to learn anything.
361
00:15:05,256 --> 00:15:06,773
I know, right?
362
00:15:06,775 --> 00:15:08,257
So, uh, where's your shop?
363
00:15:08,259 --> 00:15:11,093
Well, right now, we're just
working out of our apartment.
364
00:15:11,095 --> 00:15:13,112
- So no shop.
- Oh, that's sweet.
365
00:15:13,114 --> 00:15:15,949
- Cute.
- Yeah, good luck, God bless.
366
00:15:15,951 --> 00:15:18,368
Can you say jealous?
367
00:15:18,370 --> 00:15:19,786
All right, let's start simple
368
00:15:19,788 --> 00:15:20,987
with a pretty little icing flower.
369
00:15:20,989 --> 00:15:23,105
Everybody pick up your piping bags,
370
00:15:23,107 --> 00:15:24,741
and with a
straight-edge tip--
371
00:15:24,743 --> 00:15:27,961
But you guys can use your gay-edge tip.
372
00:15:27,963 --> 00:15:31,080
All right, everybody watch Stephanie.
373
00:15:31,082 --> 00:15:32,332
You're gonna take the nail head
374
00:15:32,334 --> 00:15:33,499
and you're gonna make a little "U"
375
00:15:33,501 --> 00:15:34,551
so that you get little petals.
376
00:15:34,553 --> 00:15:35,835
And we'll do this five times.
377
00:15:35,837 --> 00:15:38,087
And then, you have a pretty
little five-petal flower.
378
00:15:38,089 --> 00:15:41,641
- Simple.
- So cute. How fun!
379
00:15:41,643 --> 00:15:44,310
No, no. You gotta
start by making a "U".
380
00:15:44,312 --> 00:15:45,678
I did. That's a "U".
381
00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:50,567
- Serena, is that a "U"?
- Not a "U".
382
00:15:50,569 --> 00:15:52,752
Fine, I'll start over.
383
00:15:52,754 --> 00:15:54,320
That was a "U".
384
00:15:54,322 --> 00:15:56,189
And what, just because I
don't have a quote-unquote shop
385
00:15:56,191 --> 00:15:57,574
I don't know a "U"?
386
00:15:57,576 --> 00:15:58,741
What's with the attitude?
387
00:15:58,743 --> 00:16:00,142
All right, let's leave.
388
00:16:00,144 --> 00:16:02,195
Next time the gays giggle,
we'll just slide out.
389
00:16:02,197 --> 00:16:04,664
No, we're here to learn.
390
00:16:04,666 --> 00:16:06,148
That looks good.
391
00:16:06,150 --> 00:16:08,201
I suck. I'm starting over.
392
00:16:08,203 --> 00:16:10,336
Max, why'd you do that? It was good.
393
00:16:10,338 --> 00:16:11,588
Not good enough.
394
00:16:11,590 --> 00:16:13,172
You two not done yet?
395
00:16:13,174 --> 00:16:15,341
You have to master the little flower,
396
00:16:15,343 --> 00:16:17,677
or when we move on to
roses you'll be screwed.
397
00:16:17,679 --> 00:16:19,829
- Right, cuz?
- Oh, totally screwed.
398
00:16:19,831 --> 00:16:22,966
Screwed and not in the good way.
399
00:16:22,968 --> 00:16:24,884
Do you think we can convince them
400
00:16:24,886 --> 00:16:28,838
that slapping each other's
face is the new high five?
401
00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:33,393
Steve, oh, my God.
That rose is gorgeous.
402
00:16:33,395 --> 00:16:34,861
Good for you.
403
00:16:34,863 --> 00:16:37,847
All right, one more minute
and we'll display our roses.
404
00:16:37,849 --> 00:16:41,317
Psst. Steve. Little help.
405
00:16:41,319 --> 00:16:45,488
I choke at timed tests. I
got like a 40 on my SATs.
406
00:16:45,490 --> 00:16:48,157
Damn it, Steve!
407
00:16:48,159 --> 00:16:49,409
Look at this place.
408
00:16:49,411 --> 00:16:50,660
There's no way these girls
409
00:16:50,662 --> 00:16:52,829
could have this much cupcake
success in this economy.
410
00:16:52,831 --> 00:16:54,998
I mean, the overhead
on this building alone--
411
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:56,215
What are you saying?
412
00:16:56,217 --> 00:16:57,533
Not saying mob money,
413
00:16:57,535 --> 00:16:59,201
just saying maybe we'd have a shop too
414
00:16:59,203 --> 00:17:00,887
- if we had mob money.
- Shh.
415
00:17:00,889 --> 00:17:02,171
Keep it down.
416
00:17:02,173 --> 00:17:03,806
You wanna wake up tomorrow
with Chestnut's head
417
00:17:03,808 --> 00:17:06,426
in your vagina bed?
418
00:17:06,428 --> 00:17:09,996
Okay, time's up.
Let's see what you got.
419
00:17:09,998 --> 00:17:12,231
What is that? There's
like nothing there.
420
00:17:12,233 --> 00:17:13,349
That's not a rose.
421
00:17:13,351 --> 00:17:15,985
- It's minimalist.
- Whatev.
422
00:17:15,987 --> 00:17:18,271
No, not "whatev". It's brilliant.
423
00:17:18,273 --> 00:17:20,723
And I would know because,
when I was in Tokyo,
424
00:17:20,725 --> 00:17:22,859
I had a private Japanese
flower arranging class
425
00:17:22,861 --> 00:17:25,194
with the head of the Ikebana institute.
426
00:17:25,196 --> 00:17:26,696
And he said I had a gift.
427
00:17:26,698 --> 00:17:33,402
In his words,
"Caroline..."
428
00:17:35,005 --> 00:17:37,507
Whatev. Okay, what
about your friend there?
429
00:17:37,509 --> 00:17:39,375
I kinda ran out of time.
430
00:17:39,377 --> 00:17:41,094
You had 20 minutes.
431
00:17:41,096 --> 00:17:42,578
I thought she said you were the baker.
432
00:17:42,580 --> 00:17:45,581
No, you need to be able to whip
these out in like 20 seconds
433
00:17:45,583 --> 00:17:47,300
if you wanna be successful
in your little bakery.
434
00:17:47,302 --> 00:17:51,754
"Um, I'd like a cupcake."
"That'll be 12 hours."
435
00:17:51,756 --> 00:17:53,556
- Right?
- Right.
436
00:17:53,558 --> 00:17:55,108
And they have to be prettier than that.
437
00:17:55,110 --> 00:17:56,943
Well, maybe you'll
do better tomorrow.
438
00:17:56,945 --> 00:18:00,113
Remember. Your homework assignment
439
00:18:00,115 --> 00:18:03,733
is to bring in a cupcake
with a pretty rose on it.
440
00:18:03,735 --> 00:18:05,284
Right.
441
00:18:05,286 --> 00:18:06,602
Like we're gonna come back here
442
00:18:06,604 --> 00:18:10,456
and spend time with
these Robert de Nir-hos.
443
00:18:14,177 --> 00:18:16,846
Ugh! That one stinks too. Damn it!
444
00:18:18,716 --> 00:18:21,367
Max, forget it.
445
00:18:21,369 --> 00:18:23,352
It's 3:00 A.M.
Go to bed.
446
00:18:23,354 --> 00:18:25,137
Don't. Don't say anything to me.
447
00:18:25,139 --> 00:18:27,023
I am so mad at you right now.
448
00:18:27,025 --> 00:18:29,158
- What did I do?
- Everything.
449
00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:30,726
I used to love making cupcakes.
450
00:18:30,728 --> 00:18:32,594
It was the one thing
I could zone out and do
451
00:18:32,596 --> 00:18:33,779
without thinking.
452
00:18:33,781 --> 00:18:35,147
And now all I'm doing is thinking.
453
00:18:35,149 --> 00:18:37,149
Thinking that I stink
at making cupcakes.
454
00:18:37,151 --> 00:18:38,600
Well, stop it.
455
00:18:38,602 --> 00:18:42,788
Who cares what they think?
They're bitchy baking bullies.
456
00:18:42,790 --> 00:18:44,457
We don't have to go back there.
457
00:18:44,459 --> 00:18:45,941
Oh, and then what?
458
00:18:45,943 --> 00:18:47,576
I'm gonna think my
cupcakes weren't good enough
459
00:18:47,578 --> 00:18:48,828
for the rest of my life?
460
00:18:48,830 --> 00:18:51,297
You said we need the skill,
then we need the skill.
461
00:18:51,299 --> 00:18:53,749
I'm a lot of things,
but I'm not a quitter.
462
00:18:53,751 --> 00:18:56,785
I'm gonna make a stupid,
pretty cupcake if it kills me.
463
00:18:56,787 --> 00:18:59,004
Or you.
464
00:18:59,006 --> 00:19:00,756
And you are going back there with me.
465
00:19:00,758 --> 00:19:02,258
And we're gonna shove our pretty cupcake
466
00:19:02,260 --> 00:19:05,561
right up Snooki and her cousin's asses.
467
00:19:05,563 --> 00:19:08,397
Now, shut up, don't talk to me,
468
00:19:08,399 --> 00:19:12,351
and go back in your vagina.
469
00:19:12,353 --> 00:19:15,354
Sorry you had to see that, Chestnut.
470
00:19:19,848 --> 00:19:21,816
Oh, not very pretty.
471
00:19:21,818 --> 00:19:23,918
But at least you tried, Michael.
472
00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:25,202
Just one question.
473
00:19:25,204 --> 00:19:27,438
Are you sure that you're gay?
474
00:19:31,510 --> 00:19:33,744
Oh, okay, Caroline.
Let's see your pretty rose.
475
00:19:33,746 --> 00:19:35,045
I didn't do one.
476
00:19:35,047 --> 00:19:36,347
Society is way too concerned
with other people's idea
477
00:19:36,349 --> 00:19:37,631
of what's pretty.
478
00:19:37,633 --> 00:19:39,717
Whatevs.
479
00:19:39,719 --> 00:19:41,302
Okay, what about your baker there?
480
00:19:41,304 --> 00:19:42,603
She bail too?
481
00:19:42,605 --> 00:19:45,088
No, here it is.
482
00:19:46,975 --> 00:19:49,443
- Mm-hmm.
- Max, that's so pretty.
483
00:19:49,445 --> 00:19:51,445
I'm so proud of you.
484
00:19:51,447 --> 00:19:53,197
Good work, God bless. Good for you.
485
00:19:53,199 --> 00:19:54,532
How long did it take you?
486
00:19:54,534 --> 00:19:56,700
About three hours and 40 minutes.
487
00:19:56,702 --> 00:19:58,118
But I did it!
488
00:19:58,120 --> 00:19:59,870
I just wanted to prove to you and myself
489
00:19:59,872 --> 00:20:01,405
I can make something pretty.
490
00:20:01,407 --> 00:20:03,123
And now
that I have--
491
00:20:03,125 --> 00:20:04,124
Mm!
492
00:20:11,550 --> 00:20:14,885
That cupcake wasn't
me. I don't do pretty.
493
00:20:14,887 --> 00:20:17,471
But I did make each of you
a cupcake that I think says
494
00:20:17,473 --> 00:20:20,457
what I feel about this
whole cupcake class.
495
00:20:20,459 --> 00:20:24,428
This one says "Bite me".
496
00:20:24,430 --> 00:20:27,314
This one says "Screw U".
497
00:20:27,316 --> 00:20:30,017
You see that "U"? That's a "U".
498
00:20:30,019 --> 00:20:32,436
Holla!
499
00:20:37,692 --> 00:20:38,976
Well, good luck with that.
500
00:20:38,978 --> 00:20:43,247
People don't want
cupcakes that insult them.
501
00:20:43,249 --> 00:20:45,583
Oh, my God, Max. That's our thing.
502
00:20:45,585 --> 00:20:46,784
I was wrong. You were right.
503
00:20:46,786 --> 00:20:48,118
We don't need to make pretty cupcakes.
504
00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:49,370
Everybody does pretty.
505
00:20:49,372 --> 00:20:50,921
We have to do what you do best.
506
00:20:50,923 --> 00:20:53,924
Insult people.
507
00:20:53,926 --> 00:20:55,509
Yeah, who's gonna buy that?
508
00:20:55,511 --> 00:20:57,795
We will. For our shower.
509
00:20:57,797 --> 00:21:00,464
And really let us bitches have it!
37170
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