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1
00:00:04,529 --> 00:00:06,490
Evening, hot chocolate.
2
00:00:07,144 --> 00:00:09,840
Max, we got big trouble from Little China.
3
00:00:10,447 --> 00:00:11,533
Hi, Max.
4
00:00:12,597 --> 00:00:13,508
Big trouble?
5
00:00:13,628 --> 00:00:16,998
There's nothing big about him. He looks
like they won him in a bear claw machine.
6
00:00:18,002 --> 00:00:21,702
Max, what is the worst sentence you
ever want to come out of Han's mouth?
7
00:00:22,041 --> 00:00:23,337
I got you pregnant?
8
00:00:26,069 --> 00:00:28,007
Come on, bad, bad.
9
00:00:28,127 --> 00:00:29,746
I got you pregnant again?
10
00:00:31,637 --> 00:00:33,566
I'm putting in karaoke.
11
00:00:33,686 --> 00:00:35,387
No! No!
12
00:00:37,173 --> 00:00:38,130
Han...
13
00:00:38,574 --> 00:00:42,741
Those guys better be up there because we're
officially putting ass crack on the menu.
14
00:00:44,229 --> 00:00:47,182
I am adding a TV to bring
in more customers.
15
00:00:47,302 --> 00:00:50,089
We can have theme nights,
Ultimate Fighter nights,
16
00:00:50,209 --> 00:00:52,827
Real Desperate Housewives of Bravo City nights,
17
00:00:52,947 --> 00:00:55,845
and best of all, karaoke night.
18
00:00:56,917 --> 00:00:58,843
You can't give hispters a microphone.
19
00:00:58,963 --> 00:01:01,896
That's like throwing gasoline
on a pretentious fire.
20
00:01:03,266 --> 00:01:05,495
Hipsters like karaoke.
21
00:01:05,615 --> 00:01:07,508
Replace the word "like"
22
00:01:07,628 --> 00:01:08,652
with the word "Hitler"
23
00:01:08,772 --> 00:01:10,650
and you got the three
worst things in history.
24
00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:13,913
Max, I hear what you say, but
25
00:01:14,033 --> 00:01:16,720
everybody else say "he-ey!"
26
00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:18,434
All my single ladies!
27
00:01:32,169 --> 00:01:34,165
Okay. Next person
is going to sing
28
00:01:34,285 --> 00:01:36,137
Teenage Dream by Katy Perry,
29
00:01:36,257 --> 00:01:38,974
who is pretty now but used to
have very horrible acne.
30
00:01:38,976 --> 00:01:43,091
This is the third
Teenage Dream in 45 minutes.
31
00:01:43,211 --> 00:01:45,647
Why don't I just close my nuts
in the cashier's drawer?
32
00:01:48,659 --> 00:01:51,060
Come on up now,
girl named "Stacey."
33
00:01:51,062 --> 00:01:53,029
I got this.
34
00:01:53,031 --> 00:01:55,498
Look, I don't know you,
but I like you.
35
00:01:55,500 --> 00:01:57,116
And I respect both hair choices.
36
00:01:57,118 --> 00:01:59,869
I hate karaoke.
37
00:01:59,871 --> 00:02:02,588
I can't afford to have
any more hate in my head.
38
00:02:02,590 --> 00:02:05,008
My hate is at capacity.
39
00:02:05,010 --> 00:02:10,663
Sit this one out,
I'll comp your cobbler.
40
00:02:10,665 --> 00:02:12,465
What did you do?
41
00:02:18,890 --> 00:02:19,922
Calm your bells down, Oleg.
42
00:02:19,924 --> 00:02:21,424
Not my stations.
43
00:02:21,426 --> 00:02:22,425
Where's Caroline?
44
00:02:22,427 --> 00:02:23,592
Would it make you jealous
45
00:02:23,594 --> 00:02:26,479
if I said she was
back here with me?
46
00:02:26,481 --> 00:02:28,231
Jealous?
No.
47
00:02:28,233 --> 00:02:29,615
Pissed?
Probably, because we're busy
48
00:02:29,617 --> 00:02:31,117
and it would take me
all that time
49
00:02:31,119 --> 00:02:34,370
to get the duct tape
off her mouth and hands.
50
00:02:34,372 --> 00:02:36,939
What are you doin' in here,
snow white?
51
00:02:36,941 --> 00:02:38,107
If you're lookin'
for one of your dwarves,
52
00:02:38,109 --> 00:02:40,126
he's out there,
holding the mic.
53
00:02:40,128 --> 00:02:41,711
Look, my bite is off.
54
00:02:41,713 --> 00:02:42,996
See, I did the bite test.
55
00:02:42,998 --> 00:02:44,964
The number seven incisor is
crossing over number nine.
56
00:02:44,966 --> 00:02:47,500
Hold up. You know
the names of your teeth?
57
00:02:47,502 --> 00:02:49,068
Don't you?
58
00:02:49,070 --> 00:02:51,087
I don't even know
the name of my father.
59
00:02:51,089 --> 00:02:52,955
Ow, I just bit my tongue.
60
00:02:52,957 --> 00:02:55,842
Ah! Number 12 just joined
the party.
61
00:02:55,844 --> 00:02:58,227
I'd stop doing that right now.
62
00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:09,972
You just made it
into Oleg's spank bank.
63
00:03:09,974 --> 00:03:12,608
Congratulations.
64
00:03:15,329 --> 00:03:17,447
What am I gonna do
without my bite guard?
65
00:03:17,449 --> 00:03:19,265
My teeth don't know where to go.
66
00:03:19,267 --> 00:03:21,451
Well, maybe the should just
backpack for a couple of years,
67
00:03:21,453 --> 00:03:22,818
so they figure it out.
68
00:03:22,820 --> 00:03:25,588
Listen, perfect teeth,
69
00:03:25,590 --> 00:03:26,956
this is a nightmare for me.
70
00:03:26,958 --> 00:03:29,592
The technical term for this is
"advanced bruxism."
71
00:03:29,594 --> 00:03:32,378
And the technical term for you
is "overly dramatic."
72
00:03:32,380 --> 00:03:35,181
Yesterday you freaked out 'cause
we were out of toilet paper.
73
00:03:35,183 --> 00:03:38,468
Just hold it till you get
to work like everybody else.
74
00:03:40,187 --> 00:03:42,688
Now, maybe I sing
while others wait.
75
00:03:42,690 --> 00:03:44,941
Uh-oh.
We got real problems now.
76
00:03:44,943 --> 00:03:47,193
I choose Susan Boyle
popular song
77
00:03:47,195 --> 00:03:48,478
from all clips on Internet.
78
00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:53,015
It's called I Dream--
79
00:03:53,017 --> 00:03:56,302
Keep dreaming.
80
00:04:02,376 --> 00:04:03,459
Oh, you're back.
81
00:04:03,461 --> 00:04:05,128
We thought you ran away.
82
00:04:05,130 --> 00:04:06,862
Chestnut and I were
just about to pick out
83
00:04:06,864 --> 00:04:09,715
another human from the shelter.
84
00:04:09,717 --> 00:04:11,667
I had quite a day.
85
00:04:11,669 --> 00:04:13,519
8:00 to 10:00...
Grind, grind, pain.
86
00:04:13,521 --> 00:04:15,671
10:00 to 11:00...
Pain, pain, grind.
87
00:04:15,673 --> 00:04:16,705
So I went to the drug store
88
00:04:16,707 --> 00:04:17,974
and bought an $8 bite guard,
89
00:04:17,976 --> 00:04:20,726
which didn't fit
my freaky Tim Burton mouth.
90
00:04:20,728 --> 00:04:22,562
And when I tried to return it,
91
00:04:22,564 --> 00:04:23,646
the cashier, Rhonda,
92
00:04:23,648 --> 00:04:25,231
whose nametag said
she was happy to help,
93
00:04:25,233 --> 00:04:27,716
but who was neither happy
nor helpful,
94
00:04:27,718 --> 00:04:29,385
said that I couldn't return it
95
00:04:29,387 --> 00:04:31,988
because it had already
touched my "teef."
96
00:04:31,990 --> 00:04:34,440
For someone whose jaw
is about to unhinge,
97
00:04:34,442 --> 00:04:36,442
you're sure flapping it a lot.
98
00:04:36,444 --> 00:04:40,062
Why is this rag
with my father on it here?
99
00:04:40,064 --> 00:04:42,832
Don't look at me.
Chestnut bought it.
100
00:04:42,834 --> 00:04:46,735
He likes it when I read him
his daily horse-oscope.
101
00:04:46,737 --> 00:04:49,172
Why is everybody so obsessed
with the fact that
102
00:04:49,174 --> 00:04:50,373
he hasn't said anything?
103
00:04:50,375 --> 00:04:52,408
Haven't you ever been
at a loss for words?
104
00:04:52,410 --> 00:04:55,511
Tampons, yes.
Words, nah.
105
00:04:55,513 --> 00:04:57,797
Well, this will
make me feel better.
106
00:04:57,799 --> 00:05:00,082
Whenever I'm in pain,
I need a treat.
107
00:05:00,084 --> 00:05:02,602
You know, whenever you're
in pain, that is my treat.
108
00:05:02,604 --> 00:05:07,423
Sushi!
I hope you like crab roll.
109
00:05:07,425 --> 00:05:08,924
I never had sushi.
110
00:05:08,926 --> 00:05:12,395
That doesn't even make sense.
111
00:05:12,397 --> 00:05:16,199
No sushi, no dentist...
Who are you?
112
00:05:16,201 --> 00:05:19,268
A poor person.
113
00:05:19,270 --> 00:05:21,537
Sushi's lazy.
114
00:05:21,539 --> 00:05:22,738
If I come to your restaurant,
115
00:05:22,740 --> 00:05:25,992
get up off your ass
and cook the damn fish.
116
00:05:25,994 --> 00:05:28,744
I wish we could afford to go
to this little sushi place
117
00:05:28,746 --> 00:05:31,430
in Tribeca where
my father always took me.
118
00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:32,715
We had this little joke.
119
00:05:32,717 --> 00:05:34,667
Every time we'd walk in,
I'd always say...
120
00:05:38,339 --> 00:05:41,257
And we would just laugh!
121
00:05:41,259 --> 00:05:45,478
So you're not funny
in Japanese either.
122
00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:48,231
I got this at a corner deli.
123
00:05:48,233 --> 00:05:49,232
The cashier was Japanese.
124
00:05:49,234 --> 00:05:50,466
She said it was good.
125
00:05:50,468 --> 00:05:52,101
Oh,
I'm sure it's great.
126
00:05:52,103 --> 00:05:53,736
'Cause
the disenfranchised immigrant
127
00:05:53,738 --> 00:05:55,137
serving the spoiled white girl
128
00:05:55,139 --> 00:05:57,440
would have no reason to lie.
129
00:05:57,442 --> 00:06:00,109
Get ready
for something heavenly!
130
00:06:04,581 --> 00:06:05,698
That's not heaven.
131
00:06:05,700 --> 00:06:06,815
- Spit it out.
- Ugh!
132
00:06:06,817 --> 00:06:09,035
Ugh!
133
00:06:09,037 --> 00:06:10,152
What a disappointment.
134
00:06:10,154 --> 00:06:11,671
Your first time.
135
00:06:11,673 --> 00:06:15,841
Well, that's kinda the way
it goes with me and first times.
136
00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:18,094
Here, clean yourself off.
137
00:06:18,096 --> 00:06:20,161
That's exactly the way it goes!
138
00:06:31,361 --> 00:06:32,878
It's not that bad.
139
00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:34,840
It's not that bad.
It's not that bad.
140
00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:35,844
No.
141
00:06:35,964 --> 00:06:37,560
For a dentist office
in the subway,
142
00:06:37,692 --> 00:06:39,148
it's pretty good.
143
00:06:40,105 --> 00:06:42,812
Seriously, how are you
not running out of here?
144
00:06:42,814 --> 00:06:44,447
I have no choice.
145
00:06:44,449 --> 00:06:46,365
Now that I have no money
or health insurance,
146
00:06:46,367 --> 00:06:49,368
I have to get used to
this third-world situation.
147
00:06:49,370 --> 00:06:51,353
Third-world situation?
148
00:06:51,355 --> 00:06:54,623
This is an underworld situation.
149
00:06:54,625 --> 00:06:55,875
Okay,
there's bulletproof glass.
150
00:06:55,877 --> 00:06:58,844
With a bullet in it.
151
00:06:58,846 --> 00:07:01,630
All right, so the glass works.
152
00:07:03,417 --> 00:07:06,135
It says to sign in.
153
00:07:08,872 --> 00:07:09,872
Look, why don't you just
154
00:07:09,874 --> 00:07:11,640
take some of our
cupcake business savings
155
00:07:11,642 --> 00:07:13,559
and go to a good dentist office?
156
00:07:13,561 --> 00:07:15,227
You know, one where you
won't get a staph infection
157
00:07:15,229 --> 00:07:17,045
just from looking at the floor.
158
00:07:17,047 --> 00:07:18,681
No, we can't do that.
159
00:07:18,683 --> 00:07:19,682
That's our future.
160
00:07:19,684 --> 00:07:20,683
Once we start doing that,
161
00:07:20,685 --> 00:07:24,270
it's a slippery slope.
162
00:07:24,272 --> 00:07:27,055
"Nicole Richie"?
163
00:07:30,059 --> 00:07:33,913
I don't want anyone to know
I was here.
164
00:07:33,915 --> 00:07:36,365
I know this situation
is less than ideal,
165
00:07:36,367 --> 00:07:38,751
but I am having
a dental emergency.
166
00:07:41,339 --> 00:07:46,425
No, he's having
a dental emergency.
167
00:07:48,628 --> 00:07:51,130
Come on, let's go over here
and see if this man can help me.
168
00:08:06,947 --> 00:08:10,733
Hi.
169
00:08:10,735 --> 00:08:13,569
Welcome to Subway Smiles.
170
00:08:15,289 --> 00:08:21,293
I told ya, we'll get to ya.
171
00:08:21,295 --> 00:08:22,828
I'm sorry, girls.
172
00:08:22,830 --> 00:08:24,880
I'm a little shaky.
173
00:08:24,882 --> 00:08:26,799
I was just shot at.
174
00:08:26,801 --> 00:08:30,452
I have a problem
with my teeth migrating.
175
00:08:30,454 --> 00:08:31,837
I have advanced bruxism.
176
00:08:31,839 --> 00:08:36,642
Ah.
I have hep C.
177
00:08:36,644 --> 00:08:40,980
Everybody's got
their something.
178
00:08:40,982 --> 00:08:42,014
What do you need?
179
00:08:42,016 --> 00:08:43,399
We need to be leaving.
180
00:08:43,401 --> 00:08:45,184
I just need a bite guard.
181
00:08:45,186 --> 00:08:47,686
Oh!
I can do that.
182
00:08:47,688 --> 00:08:50,406
That's where I squirt foam
into your mouth
183
00:08:50,408 --> 00:08:52,191
and make a mold.
184
00:08:52,193 --> 00:08:53,308
Come in the back.
185
00:08:53,310 --> 00:08:55,494
If you go back there with him,
186
00:08:55,496 --> 00:08:58,781
you'll need a bite guard
and a rape guard.
187
00:08:58,783 --> 00:09:00,165
You want the gas?
188
00:09:00,167 --> 00:09:01,700
Is that necessary?
189
00:09:01,702 --> 00:09:05,538
You're gonna want the gas,
sweetheart.
190
00:09:05,540 --> 00:09:08,824
Let's get outta here.
191
00:09:13,296 --> 00:09:15,014
One more song before we close.
192
00:09:15,016 --> 00:09:16,549
I sing Spice Girls'
193
00:09:16,551 --> 00:09:18,000
Aww, tell me what you want,
194
00:09:18,002 --> 00:09:21,220
what you really, really want.
195
00:09:21,222 --> 00:09:23,355
That boy's more stiff
196
00:09:23,357 --> 00:09:27,175
than Michele Bachmann's husband
at a Chippendales.
197
00:09:27,177 --> 00:09:31,063
I will give you the money
for trip to fancy dentist.
198
00:09:31,065 --> 00:09:33,399
Really?
Oleg, you would do that?
199
00:09:33,401 --> 00:09:35,067
It's favor I do for you.
200
00:09:35,069 --> 00:09:37,236
And at some point,
when I come to you for favor,
201
00:09:37,238 --> 00:09:39,822
you will say yes,
like I say yes now.
202
00:09:39,824 --> 00:09:43,125
Well, I'd need to know
what that favor might be.
203
00:09:43,127 --> 00:09:44,994
I can't say for sure.
204
00:09:44,996 --> 00:09:47,046
Will it be in a week
or a month?
205
00:09:47,048 --> 00:09:49,064
I can't say for sure.
206
00:09:49,066 --> 00:09:50,198
Will it be sexual?
207
00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:53,586
Yes, it will be.
208
00:09:53,588 --> 00:09:55,554
This I can say for sure.
209
00:09:55,556 --> 00:10:00,092
Thank you, but no.
210
00:10:00,094 --> 00:10:02,645
I am such an idiot.
211
00:10:02,647 --> 00:10:05,380
I like it.
Keep going.
212
00:10:05,382 --> 00:10:07,266
My bite guard is
just sitting in the bathroom
213
00:10:07,268 --> 00:10:08,216
of my townhouse.
214
00:10:08,218 --> 00:10:09,652
If I could only
get up on the roof,
215
00:10:09,654 --> 00:10:11,153
then I could break in
through the skylight
216
00:10:11,155 --> 00:10:13,188
like I used to when I snuck out
in high school.
217
00:10:13,190 --> 00:10:16,525
Hello, I'm Max.
Have we met?
218
00:10:16,527 --> 00:10:19,028
When I was 15, I paid
the security system guys extra
219
00:10:19,030 --> 00:10:20,529
to not wire the skylight,
220
00:10:20,531 --> 00:10:23,198
and then I snuck out and went
to Ilana Shapiro's Sweet 16...
221
00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:25,200
- Cute.
- In Greece.
222
00:10:25,202 --> 00:10:27,736
Hardcore.
223
00:10:27,738 --> 00:10:29,338
I used to sneak
out of the house
224
00:10:29,340 --> 00:10:32,508
and huff spray paint
with an ex-marine.
225
00:10:32,510 --> 00:10:34,760
And sometimes,
I'd just sneak out,
226
00:10:34,762 --> 00:10:37,913
look up at the stars,
and dream.
227
00:10:37,915 --> 00:10:39,497
And then you said that.
228
00:10:45,113 --> 00:10:47,459
See, I told you I can get this skylight open.
229
00:10:47,579 --> 00:10:48,685
Turn on a light!
230
00:10:48,805 --> 00:10:51,918
Wait till I close
the closet door.
231
00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:54,070
Why are the floors so bouncy?
232
00:10:54,072 --> 00:10:56,589
It's called "carpet."
233
00:10:58,426 --> 00:11:00,176
What?
234
00:11:00,178 --> 00:11:03,346
No way.
No way.
235
00:11:03,348 --> 00:11:06,599
Is this Narnia?
236
00:11:06,601 --> 00:11:09,269
I'm about to say something
I swore I'd never say.
237
00:11:09,271 --> 00:11:12,572
O.M.G.
238
00:11:12,574 --> 00:11:14,107
Again...O.M.G.
239
00:11:14,109 --> 00:11:16,159
It's lame, but nothing else
really nails it.
240
00:11:16,161 --> 00:11:19,946
This is the room that O.M.G.
was born for.
241
00:11:19,948 --> 00:11:21,831
Max, it's just my closet.
242
00:11:21,833 --> 00:11:23,733
Your clothes have a house!
243
00:11:23,735 --> 00:11:26,086
Look, look!
244
00:11:26,088 --> 00:11:27,670
You are rich!
245
00:11:27,672 --> 00:11:29,322
Like, I know you've said
you were rich,
246
00:11:29,324 --> 00:11:32,125
but you are rich.
247
00:11:32,127 --> 00:11:33,877
You're embarrassing me.
248
00:11:33,879 --> 00:11:34,844
Are you crazy?
249
00:11:34,846 --> 00:11:36,963
This is nothing
to be embarrassed about.
250
00:11:36,965 --> 00:11:41,167
What's this do?
251
00:11:41,169 --> 00:11:43,303
Oh, my God.
252
00:11:43,305 --> 00:11:45,555
You have a shoe rotisserie.
253
00:11:45,557 --> 00:11:46,973
I designed it.
254
00:11:46,975 --> 00:11:49,859
I call it my
"Ferris Heels."
255
00:11:49,861 --> 00:11:52,645
I'd judge you
if that wasn't exactly what
256
00:11:52,647 --> 00:11:54,864
I'd call it if I had one.
257
00:11:54,866 --> 00:11:55,982
Okay, we should really go now.
258
00:11:55,984 --> 00:11:57,700
Lemme just grab my bite guard.
259
00:12:00,205 --> 00:12:03,990
What?
260
00:12:03,992 --> 00:12:07,127
You have a museum
in your closet?
261
00:12:07,129 --> 00:12:09,195
Come on, it's just a bathroom.
262
00:12:09,197 --> 00:12:10,914
Just a bathroom?
263
00:12:10,916 --> 00:12:14,467
It's the Louvre of pooping.
264
00:12:14,469 --> 00:12:18,221
Here it is.
265
00:12:21,008 --> 00:12:25,478
Ow. Ow. Ow.
266
00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:27,981
Oh, yeah.
267
00:12:27,983 --> 00:12:31,317
Do you two need
to be left alone?
268
00:12:31,319 --> 00:12:32,368
We have to go.
269
00:12:32,370 --> 00:12:34,320
Can't risk staying much longer.
270
00:12:34,322 --> 00:12:36,439
Wow.
Just when I thought your voice
271
00:12:36,441 --> 00:12:37,890
couldn't get any more grating.
272
00:12:37,892 --> 00:12:40,276
It'll loosen up.
273
00:12:40,278 --> 00:12:42,562
Oh.
274
00:12:45,399 --> 00:12:48,001
Seriously, we should go.
275
00:12:48,003 --> 00:12:51,921
Oh, um, I just have to do
one more thing before we go.
276
00:12:58,712 --> 00:13:01,347
I think me and your tub
are going steady.
277
00:13:01,349 --> 00:13:04,300
Oh, you found
the jacuzzi button.
278
00:13:04,302 --> 00:13:05,768
I don't know who found who,
279
00:13:05,770 --> 00:13:08,721
but we're together now.
280
00:13:08,723 --> 00:13:12,275
I'm totally stealing some
of these ridonculous bath soaps.
281
00:13:12,277 --> 00:13:14,110
This one's shaped like a vagina.
282
00:13:14,112 --> 00:13:15,895
Seashell.
283
00:13:15,897 --> 00:13:19,265
Sister, this is
a mint green vagina.
284
00:13:21,986 --> 00:13:24,287
Did you go to the prom
with your dad?
285
00:13:24,289 --> 00:13:26,272
That's my debutante dance,
286
00:13:26,274 --> 00:13:27,490
when I came out.
287
00:13:27,492 --> 00:13:28,774
Out?
288
00:13:28,776 --> 00:13:31,294
Like you came out
that you were dating your dad?
289
00:13:31,296 --> 00:13:32,912
Gross.
290
00:13:32,914 --> 00:13:37,734
I think I can still fit
a goose feather pillow in.
291
00:13:37,736 --> 00:13:41,787
Hey, what's this one of you
and Chestnut and your dad?
292
00:13:41,789 --> 00:13:43,139
Oh, that's when my dad
293
00:13:43,141 --> 00:13:44,641
bought Chestnut for me.
294
00:13:44,643 --> 00:13:47,477
It was my first-period present.
295
00:13:47,479 --> 00:13:50,796
Your dad got you a horse
for getting your period?
296
00:13:50,798 --> 00:13:53,933
O.M.G.
297
00:13:53,935 --> 00:13:56,135
Know how I celebrated
getting my period?
298
00:13:56,137 --> 00:13:57,854
Stole a painkiller
and half a beer
299
00:13:57,856 --> 00:13:59,989
from my mom's boyfriend.
300
00:13:59,991 --> 00:14:03,443
Wasn't a horse,
but it was pretty awesome.
301
00:14:04,445 --> 00:14:06,746
How come there are no pictures
of your mom?
302
00:14:06,748 --> 00:14:08,581
'Cause there aren't any.
303
00:14:08,583 --> 00:14:10,617
She cheated on my dad
when I was five,
304
00:14:10,619 --> 00:14:13,036
and my grandmother
got rid of her.
305
00:14:13,038 --> 00:14:14,420
Not in, like, a mob way.
306
00:14:14,422 --> 00:14:16,956
In a society way,
which is worse.
307
00:14:16,958 --> 00:14:18,591
So who raised you?
308
00:14:18,593 --> 00:14:23,162
Well, Estella from 1989 to '96.
309
00:14:23,164 --> 00:14:28,218
Then, Dominica from '97 until
she went back to Guatemala.
310
00:14:28,220 --> 00:14:31,003
Then no one.
311
00:14:31,005 --> 00:14:32,772
Funny.
312
00:14:32,774 --> 00:14:35,191
You didn't have a father, and I
didn't have a mother. So we're--
313
00:14:35,193 --> 00:14:37,143
Oh, we're alike?
314
00:14:37,145 --> 00:14:41,731
Look around.
We have nothing in common.
315
00:14:41,733 --> 00:14:43,199
Hey, what's this button for?
316
00:14:43,201 --> 00:14:44,817
Music.
317
00:14:44,819 --> 00:14:46,903
Oh, lemme guess.
Show tunes? Boy bands?
318
00:14:49,124 --> 00:14:52,458
Both: I love this song!
319
00:14:53,745 --> 00:14:56,079
♪ You are the girl ♪
320
00:14:56,081 --> 00:14:58,248
♪ that I've been dreamin' of ♪
321
00:14:58,250 --> 00:15:01,417
♪ ever since
I was a little girl ♪
322
00:15:01,419 --> 00:15:03,803
♪ you are the girl ♪
323
00:15:03,805 --> 00:15:05,989
♪ that I've been dreamin' of ♪
324
00:15:05,991 --> 00:15:09,292
♪ ever since
I was a little girl ♪
325
00:15:09,294 --> 00:15:12,028
♪ One!
I'm bitin' my tongue ♪
326
00:15:12,030 --> 00:15:13,646
♪ Two!
He's kissin' on you ♪
327
00:15:13,648 --> 00:15:15,381
♪ Three!
Oh, why can't you see? ♪
328
00:15:15,383 --> 00:15:16,966
♪ do do do do do do do ♪
329
00:15:16,968 --> 00:15:19,535
♪ do do do do do do do ♪
330
00:15:19,537 --> 00:15:21,337
♪ do do do do do do do ♪
331
00:15:21,339 --> 00:15:23,189
♪ Dance! Dance! Dance! Dance! ♪
332
00:15:23,191 --> 00:15:26,542
♪ Dance! Dance! Dance!
Dance! Dance! ♪
333
00:15:31,199 --> 00:15:32,699
See?
334
00:15:32,701 --> 00:15:35,585
I knew what we had
in common wouldn't last.
335
00:15:35,587 --> 00:15:37,036
Were you crumping for a second?
336
00:15:37,038 --> 00:15:40,790
Maybe. Were you
tootsie-rolling for a second?
337
00:15:40,792 --> 00:15:44,560
Yes.
338
00:15:44,562 --> 00:15:46,029
Okay, get dressed.
339
00:15:46,031 --> 00:15:48,331
We really should go now.
340
00:15:48,333 --> 00:15:49,682
I have all the essentials.
341
00:15:49,684 --> 00:15:52,685
Tampons, toilet paper,
comforter, body shimmer.
342
00:15:52,687 --> 00:15:54,437
Wait, what about the clothes?
343
00:15:54,439 --> 00:15:55,538
Oh, what am I gonna do?
344
00:15:55,540 --> 00:15:57,807
Walk around Williamsburg
in a $3000 gown?
345
00:15:57,809 --> 00:16:00,560
Oh, my God.
346
00:16:00,562 --> 00:16:01,561
Wait a minute.
347
00:16:01,563 --> 00:16:03,363
Grab everything
with a price tag on it
348
00:16:03,365 --> 00:16:04,731
that we can resell.
349
00:16:04,733 --> 00:16:08,484
Or that you think
I'd look amazing in.
350
00:16:09,437 --> 00:16:11,321
Not the furs!
They're wired!
351
00:16:11,323 --> 00:16:13,072
Why would you wire the furs?
352
00:16:13,074 --> 00:16:16,743
Everybody wires the furs,
bitch!
353
00:16:16,745 --> 00:16:18,277
Security's gonna be here
in ten minutes.
354
00:16:18,279 --> 00:16:21,214
Just grab everything you can.
355
00:16:21,216 --> 00:16:25,284
Wait! How are we going to
carry it all back to Brooklyn?
356
00:16:34,127 --> 00:16:36,979
Jealous?
357
00:16:36,981 --> 00:16:39,899
Look, two seats.
358
00:16:49,660 --> 00:16:51,611
I think you got more stuff
than me.
359
00:16:51,613 --> 00:16:54,997
Well, you spent five minutes
saying good-bye to the tub.
360
00:16:56,784 --> 00:17:00,486
This was my fa purse
to take dancing.
361
00:17:00,488 --> 00:17:01,954
How'd you keep it
on your shoulder
362
00:17:01,956 --> 00:17:04,640
when you went all mad crump?
363
00:17:04,642 --> 00:17:07,794
Look.
$200!
364
00:17:07,796 --> 00:17:10,430
It's not enough we're sitting
on the subway in furs...
365
00:17:10,432 --> 00:17:12,265
You gotta make it rain?
366
00:17:12,267 --> 00:17:13,366
This is so exciting.
367
00:17:13,368 --> 00:17:15,835
It's going right
into our cupcake fund.
368
00:17:15,837 --> 00:17:18,688
- Or--
- Or what?
369
00:17:18,690 --> 00:17:21,391
Where was that place you
always went with your dad?
370
00:17:21,393 --> 00:17:24,527
Toro with black truffle.
371
00:17:24,529 --> 00:17:27,230
You are about to have
a sushi toro-gasm.
372
00:17:27,232 --> 00:17:29,482
Will you calm down?
It's just--
373
00:17:29,484 --> 00:17:34,120
Oh, sweet bejesus,
that's delicious!
374
00:17:34,122 --> 00:17:36,021
If this is sushi,
375
00:17:36,023 --> 00:17:37,356
what was that other stuff
we ate?
376
00:17:37,358 --> 00:17:39,909
Wrong.
On every level.
377
00:17:39,911 --> 00:17:41,577
We need more of this.
378
00:17:41,579 --> 00:17:42,578
Like, all of it.
379
00:17:42,580 --> 00:17:43,863
Can we have some more toro?
380
00:17:43,865 --> 00:17:44,864
Thank you so much.
381
00:17:44,866 --> 00:17:46,382
And, uh...
382
00:17:56,594 --> 00:17:59,211
I get it now 'cause I'm rich.
383
00:18:00,981 --> 00:18:04,183
I don't know how
you're pulling it off.
384
00:18:04,185 --> 00:18:05,184
What do you mean?
385
00:18:05,186 --> 00:18:08,104
Giving up everything
that you had.
386
00:18:08,106 --> 00:18:11,491
The maids, the closet,
the dentist, the sushi, the tub.
387
00:18:11,493 --> 00:18:15,111
All of it.
The tub.
388
00:18:15,113 --> 00:18:16,195
I almost can't give it up,
389
00:18:16,197 --> 00:18:18,748
but I only had it for an hour.
390
00:18:18,750 --> 00:18:21,033
You're kind of a badass.
391
00:18:21,035 --> 00:18:23,703
Max, you just called me
a badass.
392
00:18:23,705 --> 00:18:28,124
I'm drunk on black truffle.
393
00:18:30,929 --> 00:18:32,094
It's my dad!
394
00:18:32,096 --> 00:18:34,263
Wait, he actually exists?
395
00:18:34,265 --> 00:18:35,932
Like the townhouse and the tub?
396
00:18:35,934 --> 00:18:37,717
The tub.
397
00:18:37,719 --> 00:18:40,052
Hi, daddy.
How are you?
398
00:18:40,054 --> 00:18:42,522
I miss you so much.
399
00:18:42,524 --> 00:18:44,223
I'm good.
No, really.
400
00:18:44,225 --> 00:18:47,143
I'm still staying in Brooklyn
with my friend, Max.
401
00:18:47,145 --> 00:18:49,145
She's great.
402
00:18:49,147 --> 00:18:52,031
Oh!
403
00:18:52,033 --> 00:18:53,783
Oh, okay.
Hold on.
404
00:18:53,785 --> 00:18:55,100
Love you, daddy.
405
00:18:55,102 --> 00:18:56,285
He wants to talk to you.
406
00:18:56,287 --> 00:18:58,154
Me? Why?
407
00:18:58,156 --> 00:18:59,705
I wouldn't know what to say.
408
00:18:59,707 --> 00:19:04,327
Take it!
He's only allowed five minutes.
409
00:19:04,329 --> 00:19:10,049
Yo, what's up, Martin Channing?
410
00:19:10,051 --> 00:19:11,951
Oh.
411
00:19:11,953 --> 00:19:14,837
You're welcome, but I di--
412
00:19:14,839 --> 00:19:17,673
Well, thank you.
413
00:19:17,675 --> 00:19:19,175
Yeah, she's great.
414
00:19:19,177 --> 00:19:21,394
Real trooper.
415
00:19:21,396 --> 00:19:25,181
Well, bye.
What?
416
00:19:25,183 --> 00:19:28,351
Okay, I'll tell her.
417
00:19:28,353 --> 00:19:30,803
Daddy?
418
00:19:30,805 --> 00:19:32,805
He's gone.
419
00:19:32,807 --> 00:19:35,274
So that's what a father
sounds like.
420
00:19:35,276 --> 00:19:36,642
What did he say?
421
00:19:36,644 --> 00:19:40,780
He wanted me to remind you
to wear your bite guard.
422
00:19:40,782 --> 00:19:45,084
See, he can't be
as bad as everyone says.
423
00:19:45,086 --> 00:19:46,986
He just can't be.
424
00:19:51,759 --> 00:19:53,209
Oh, my God.
425
00:19:53,211 --> 00:19:55,511
The 200 didn't cover it.
426
00:19:55,513 --> 00:19:58,330
Start checking the purses!
427
00:19:58,332 --> 00:20:01,601
Oh, hey.
Do you take hats?
428
00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:07,139
Any cougars in the house?
429
00:20:07,141 --> 00:20:09,225
And in case you don't know,
430
00:20:09,227 --> 00:20:13,279
"cougar" means older lady
with a large sexual appetite.
431
00:20:13,281 --> 00:20:15,180
Lady past prime
with tight clothes
432
00:20:15,182 --> 00:20:18,183
who wants sex from young men.
433
00:20:18,185 --> 00:20:21,020
Max, what is the one thing
worse than karaoke?
434
00:20:21,022 --> 00:20:22,238
Oh, no.
435
00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:24,490
That's right.
Open mic night.
436
00:20:24,492 --> 00:20:26,409
Cougar also have face lift.
437
00:20:26,411 --> 00:20:28,127
From behind, look 22.
438
00:20:28,129 --> 00:20:29,879
She turn around, 72.
439
00:20:31,416 --> 00:20:32,865
It's true!
440
00:20:32,867 --> 00:20:36,168
It's funny 'cause it's true.
441
00:20:36,170 --> 00:20:37,420
Bad news.
442
00:20:37,422 --> 00:20:39,672
They heightened security
because we tripped the alarm.
443
00:20:39,674 --> 00:20:41,707
The entire townhouse
is locked down.
444
00:20:41,709 --> 00:20:42,708
We can never go back!
445
00:20:42,710 --> 00:20:44,093
My tub!
446
00:20:44,095 --> 00:20:48,014
Why does anything that gives me
pleasure wind up behind bars?
447
00:20:48,016 --> 00:20:49,214
Forget about the tub.
448
00:20:49,216 --> 00:20:50,733
Everything was inventoried.
449
00:20:50,735 --> 00:20:51,901
We can't sell the furs.
450
00:20:51,903 --> 00:20:52,902
I should've thought of that!
451
00:20:52,904 --> 00:20:53,932
Yeah, you should've.
452
00:20:54,052 --> 00:20:56,906
'Cause you know they always
inventory the furs, bitch!
31380
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