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1
00:00:10,320 --> 00:00:13,140
The time now is five o'clock.
2
00:00:20,740 --> 00:00:22,840
Trevor, it's on!
3
00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:26,300
- Hello.
- Hello.
4
00:00:26,380 --> 00:00:29,940
Avast ye landlubbers.
5
00:00:30,140 --> 00:00:32,380
Today we are going to be
looking at making jelly eggs.
6
00:00:36,140 --> 00:00:39,940
And finally finish off
with a lovely dollop of cream.
7
00:00:40,140 --> 00:00:41,500
It looks very splendid, I think.
8
00:00:41,700 --> 00:00:43,180
And so does Bill's
by the looks of it.
9
00:00:43,380 --> 00:00:45,380
Treasure. Argh.
10
00:00:45,580 --> 00:00:47,700
And can we get
a close-up of Danny's?
11
00:00:47,900 --> 00:00:49,580
And camera one, close-up.
12
00:00:49,780 --> 00:00:52,420
Or in my case a jelly omelette.
13
00:00:52,620 --> 00:00:56,540
Walk the plank,
you scurvy knave.
14
00:00:56,740 --> 00:00:58,460
Oh, that's quite enough of this!
15
00:00:58,660 --> 00:01:00,620
Dinah!
16
00:01:00,820 --> 00:01:02,700
Finish now and go
to the telecine.
17
00:01:02,900 --> 00:01:04,420
And there we are.
18
00:01:04,620 --> 00:01:07,300
A very delicious idea
for a tea party.
19
00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:10,380
On Monday,
I went to Silverstone race track
20
00:01:10,580 --> 00:01:14,500
to try out the latest
Formula One racing car.
21
00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:17,140
Run telecine.
22
00:01:17,340 --> 00:01:19,260
- And cut.
- I'm gone for a few weeks
23
00:01:19,460 --> 00:01:22,100
- and while the cat's away?
- Thank you, Sandy.
24
00:01:22,300 --> 00:01:24,620
What were you thinking,
letting the boys do the cooking?
25
00:01:24,820 --> 00:01:27,580
The children love it.
We've had lots of letters.
26
00:01:27,780 --> 00:01:30,420
Children don't want to see
grownups playing silly billies.
27
00:01:30,620 --> 00:01:32,700
And talking of letters,
care to explain?
28
00:01:32,900 --> 00:01:34,100
It's for the summer road show.
29
00:01:34,300 --> 00:01:35,420
Didn't you edit them?
30
00:01:35,620 --> 00:01:37,260
I just assumed
all of them went in.
31
00:01:37,460 --> 00:01:40,100
No, dear.
Because then we run the risk
32
00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:41,860
of ending up
in some godforsaken place
33
00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:44,100
in the middle of nowhere
with nothing to film.
34
00:01:44,300 --> 00:01:46,660
On air in 5, 4...
35
00:01:46,860 --> 00:01:48,420
Sit up straight.
36
00:01:48,620 --> 00:01:50,400
You'd better just hope
for your sake.
37
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:56,220
As you know, our Summer
Roadshow is next month,
38
00:01:56,420 --> 00:01:59,220
and we've received
hundreds of letters from you
39
00:01:59,420 --> 00:02:02,620
asking us to come stay
in your neck of the woods.
40
00:02:02,820 --> 00:02:04,900
So if Bill will do the honours?
41
00:02:05,100 --> 00:02:06,260
Aye aye.
42
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:07,540
In here somewhere.
43
00:02:07,740 --> 00:02:10,020
Not this one.
44
00:02:10,220 --> 00:02:12,660
Ah-ha!
45
00:02:12,860 --> 00:02:15,220
- Thank you, Bill.
- Aye aye.
46
00:02:15,420 --> 00:02:17,740
And this letter is from Trevor,
47
00:02:17,940 --> 00:02:19,740
- aged 7...
- It's mine. Mum! Mum! It's mine!
48
00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:21,540
Who lives in...
49
00:02:25,260 --> 00:02:27,140
Great Slaughter.
50
00:02:58,020 --> 00:02:59,380
Quiet, please.
51
00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:02,380
Run camera, action.
52
00:03:02,580 --> 00:03:04,350
The exciting thing about
the summer road show
53
00:03:04,380 --> 00:03:06,740
is we never know
what we will find.
54
00:03:06,940 --> 00:03:09,380
But we certainly
weren't expecting this.
55
00:03:09,580 --> 00:03:11,980
Now, I expect you think
Nuns spend all day praying
56
00:03:12,180 --> 00:03:13,900
and eating fish on Fridays.
57
00:03:14,100 --> 00:03:16,100
But here
at St Vincent's convent,
58
00:03:16,300 --> 00:03:17,980
they do something
very different.
59
00:03:18,180 --> 00:03:21,180
Yo, ho, ho and a bottle of rum.
60
00:03:21,380 --> 00:03:23,380
- It isn't rum, Bill.
- Aw.
61
00:03:23,580 --> 00:03:26,100
Later on, Sister Boniface
will be showing you
62
00:03:26,300 --> 00:03:28,660
how she turns these...
63
00:03:28,860 --> 00:03:30,860
into wine.
64
00:03:31,060 --> 00:03:32,740
A simple chemical reaction.
65
00:03:32,940 --> 00:03:35,420
Anthocyanins malvidin,
3 glucoside flavone,
66
00:03:35,620 --> 00:03:38,100
3 Catechin, 86% water,
12% ethanol,
67
00:03:38,300 --> 00:03:41,600
1% glycerol, 0.4%
organic acids.
68
00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:45,340
Was I supposed to
do that bit later?
69
00:03:45,540 --> 00:03:47,420
Here's one we made earlier.
70
00:03:47,620 --> 00:03:50,140
Only 5/6 a bottle
with a 5% case discount
71
00:03:50,340 --> 00:03:51,500
and 10% on bulk orders.
72
00:03:51,700 --> 00:03:52,900
Very good.
73
00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:55,620
Cut. Thank you.
74
00:03:55,820 --> 00:03:57,940
How was that?
Did I come in too early?
75
00:04:00,260 --> 00:04:01,620
Our grand cru.
76
00:04:01,820 --> 00:04:03,300
A light bodied red
77
00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:05,620
with a subtle hint
of raspberries and black pepper.
78
00:04:05,820 --> 00:04:07,820
That is a lot of wine.
79
00:04:08,020 --> 00:04:10,180
Yeah.
Six thousand bottles a year.
80
00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:12,900
90% we sell retail.
The rest...
81
00:04:13,100 --> 00:04:14,820
"Gifts and services."
82
00:04:15,020 --> 00:04:16,980
- Gifts and services?
- Yeah.
83
00:04:17,180 --> 00:04:20,380
Put simply,
say we get a burst pipe.
84
00:04:20,580 --> 00:04:23,100
You're a plumber.
You fix my pipe.
85
00:04:23,300 --> 00:04:27,460
I "gift" you a crate
of grand cru to say "thank you."
86
00:04:27,660 --> 00:04:30,140
Meaning the taxman
don't get a sniff either side,
87
00:04:30,340 --> 00:04:32,500
so it's a win-win.
88
00:04:32,700 --> 00:04:35,060
And don't worry, kids, because
it's all perfectly legal.
89
00:04:37,380 --> 00:04:38,580
Cut!
90
00:04:38,780 --> 00:04:40,540
We'll wrap this, thank you.
91
00:04:40,740 --> 00:04:42,280
A word.
92
00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:48,060
Finish up, then I want you
93
00:04:48,260 --> 00:04:50,300
and the presenters
at the "studio" for a meeting.
94
00:04:50,500 --> 00:04:52,270
Although why you couldn't find
anywhere more suitable
95
00:04:52,300 --> 00:04:53,300
than a village hall is...
96
00:04:53,340 --> 00:04:55,900
We were limited for choice.
97
00:04:56,100 --> 00:04:57,900
How was your meeting
with the Controller?
98
00:04:58,100 --> 00:05:00,180
Not a happy chappy.
99
00:05:00,380 --> 00:05:01,820
Viewing figures
are in free fall.
100
00:05:02,020 --> 00:05:03,580
Hardly a surprise
given your shenanigans
101
00:05:03,660 --> 00:05:05,190
- in my absence.
- Actually they rose while I...
102
00:05:05,220 --> 00:05:07,540
And will be even unhappier
103
00:05:07,740 --> 00:05:10,100
when we give the kiddies
a crash course in tax evasion.
104
00:05:10,300 --> 00:05:11,820
Obviously we're not
gonna use that...
105
00:05:11,860 --> 00:05:15,260
When this week
is mercifully over,
106
00:05:15,460 --> 00:05:19,140
I think you should look
for a nice little job in Radio.
107
00:05:19,340 --> 00:05:21,020
No need for a gloomy face.
108
00:05:21,220 --> 00:05:22,900
It's for the best.
109
00:05:23,100 --> 00:05:25,920
Some people just aren't cut out
for children's television.
110
00:05:44,820 --> 00:05:46,180
Go on. In.
111
00:05:54,060 --> 00:05:57,140
Dinah's not here. She's late.
She is never late.
112
00:05:57,340 --> 00:05:59,110
Let's just hope she not been
stuck in a car accident.
113
00:05:59,140 --> 00:06:00,740
Nice to see you.
114
00:06:00,940 --> 00:06:03,780
Dead women tell no tales.
115
00:06:03,980 --> 00:06:05,780
Dead women tell no tales.
116
00:06:05,980 --> 00:06:06,980
On air in 10.
117
00:06:07,180 --> 00:06:08,460
Can we get him out, please?
118
00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:09,660
He can't go on like this.
119
00:06:09,700 --> 00:06:13,260
Dead women tell no tales.
120
00:06:13,460 --> 00:06:15,820
- Quiet, please. Thank you.
- Okay. Ready?
121
00:06:16,020 --> 00:06:17,940
Good.
122
00:06:18,140 --> 00:06:21,560
On air in five, four...
123
00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:39,920
- Hello.
- Hello.
124
00:06:39,980 --> 00:06:42,140
Yo, ho, ho.
125
00:06:42,340 --> 00:06:45,100
You may have noticed
we're not in our usual studio.
126
00:06:45,300 --> 00:06:47,140
We're in our temporary
road show studio
127
00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:49,580
here in Great Slaughter.
128
00:06:49,780 --> 00:06:51,540
And what a week
we've got lined up for you.
129
00:06:51,740 --> 00:06:53,860
Including a very
exciting announcement
130
00:06:54,060 --> 00:06:58,700
where Danny and I will be
explaining what these are for.
131
00:06:58,900 --> 00:07:01,180
Coming to two.
132
00:07:01,380 --> 00:07:04,060
You'd never believe it was made
of lolly sticks, would you?
133
00:07:04,260 --> 00:07:06,420
And now it only
needs varnishing.
134
00:07:06,620 --> 00:07:10,500
But as the glue on this
hasn't had time to dry yet,
135
00:07:10,700 --> 00:07:12,080
here's one we made earlier.
136
00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:18,500
At least we hope there's one
we made earlier.
137
00:07:18,700 --> 00:07:21,700
Danny appears to be
having trouble finding it.
138
00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:22,900
Is that a...?
139
00:07:23,060 --> 00:07:25,420
I think I need a "hand."
140
00:07:29,580 --> 00:07:31,260
Stay off camera two.
Off camera two!
141
00:07:31,460 --> 00:07:35,340
Maybe some "body" hid it.
142
00:07:35,540 --> 00:07:37,740
They'd be "dead" if they did!
143
00:07:37,940 --> 00:07:40,180
Oh! There we are.
144
00:07:40,380 --> 00:07:41,660
Found it.
145
00:07:44,940 --> 00:07:46,580
Finish up now!
146
00:07:50,780 --> 00:07:53,540
A lovely lolly stick pipe rack
147
00:07:53,740 --> 00:07:56,100
which I'm sure any father
would be delighted
148
00:07:56,300 --> 00:07:58,300
- to receive as a present.
- Go to telecine!
149
00:07:58,500 --> 00:08:00,860
But unfortunately
we've run out of time.
150
00:08:01,060 --> 00:08:03,700
So now over to Jono to tell us
more about what we found
151
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:05,900
in Great Slaughter yesterday.
152
00:08:08,940 --> 00:08:13,260
Yesterday we visited
St Vincent's convent
153
00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:18,260
where we met a group
of very unusual Nuns.
154
00:08:18,460 --> 00:08:20,460
Run telecine!
155
00:08:35,980 --> 00:08:37,180
What have you got?
156
00:08:37,380 --> 00:08:39,580
A button. Lodged in her teeth.
157
00:08:39,780 --> 00:08:41,420
We'll have to wait
for the post mortem,
158
00:08:41,620 --> 00:08:44,900
but I'm 99.98 percent certain
cause of death was asphyxiation.
159
00:08:45,100 --> 00:08:46,220
She was smothered.
160
00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:51,740
Anything else?
161
00:08:51,940 --> 00:08:53,500
A forensic nightmare.
162
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:55,750
The corpse was moved, thus
rendering all trace evidence
163
00:08:55,780 --> 00:08:58,980
contaminated by Uncle Tom Cobley
and a television crew.
164
00:08:59,180 --> 00:09:00,900
A veritable pig's ear
of a crime scene.
165
00:09:01,100 --> 00:09:03,420
Yes. So, on balance.
166
00:09:03,620 --> 00:09:05,340
Not the most propitious news.
167
00:09:05,540 --> 00:09:06,860
The set was prepared last night.
168
00:09:06,900 --> 00:09:08,140
It wasn't until during filming
169
00:09:08,340 --> 00:09:09,790
when they pulled back
the curtain and...
170
00:09:09,820 --> 00:09:11,940
Noticed the deceased body
under the workbench.
171
00:09:12,140 --> 00:09:14,700
Yeah. Dinah Morgan.
172
00:09:14,900 --> 00:09:16,140
She's the show's editor.
173
00:09:16,240 --> 00:09:17,510
She called a meeting here
last night
174
00:09:17,540 --> 00:09:20,180
at which only
four people were present,
175
00:09:20,380 --> 00:09:24,060
three of the presenters
and the producer, Fliss Forsyth.
176
00:09:24,260 --> 00:09:26,300
Can you and Button
do a search for me?
177
00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:29,140
Keep your eyes peeled for...
178
00:09:29,340 --> 00:09:30,860
Something short of a button.
179
00:09:31,060 --> 00:09:33,780
Perhaps a pair of gloves.
180
00:09:33,980 --> 00:09:35,500
Meanwhile, let's start
181
00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:38,100
with the last four people
to see her alive.
182
00:09:38,300 --> 00:09:39,780
Do you know what happened?
183
00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:42,500
We'd have a better idea
if you hadn't moved the body.
184
00:09:42,700 --> 00:09:45,020
You do realise that willfully
disturbing a crime scene
185
00:09:45,220 --> 00:09:46,740
is an offence?
186
00:09:46,940 --> 00:09:48,830
Not as offensive as presenting
to the nation's children
187
00:09:48,860 --> 00:09:50,020
with a corpse at our feet.
188
00:09:50,220 --> 00:09:51,980
Morality versus pragmatism.
189
00:09:52,180 --> 00:09:54,900
Quite a philosophical conundrum.
190
00:09:55,100 --> 00:09:57,260
Miss Morgan called the four
of you here last night.
191
00:09:57,460 --> 00:09:58,820
Why was that?
192
00:09:59,020 --> 00:10:01,500
Dinah made an addition
to the shooting schedule.
193
00:10:01,700 --> 00:10:02,700
It's not unusual.
194
00:10:02,860 --> 00:10:04,020
So apart from some
195
00:10:04,220 --> 00:10:06,300
highly unsuitable
alcohol producing Nuns,
196
00:10:06,500 --> 00:10:08,700
we have what exactly?
197
00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:11,540
Oh, a local farmer
who found a Roman amphora
198
00:10:11,740 --> 00:10:14,140
in a field of mangold wurzels.
199
00:10:14,340 --> 00:10:16,540
The children will be
on the edge of their seats.
200
00:10:16,740 --> 00:10:19,660
And you managed to miss the one
thing of note in the vicinity.
201
00:10:19,860 --> 00:10:21,380
Broadway Tower.
202
00:10:21,580 --> 00:10:25,100
The highest man-made structure
in the Cotswolds.
203
00:10:25,300 --> 00:10:27,700
Sounds as exciting
as a geography school trip.
204
00:10:27,900 --> 00:10:30,860
The boys are going
to do a stunt.
205
00:10:31,060 --> 00:10:32,740
- A stunt?
- Yes, Daniel.
206
00:10:32,940 --> 00:10:35,140
A dangerous deed of derring-do.
207
00:10:35,340 --> 00:10:37,940
You're going to abseil
off the tower.
208
00:10:38,140 --> 00:10:39,220
You lost me at dangerous.
209
00:10:39,420 --> 00:10:40,900
I can do heights.
210
00:10:41,100 --> 00:10:43,940
Hardly the example we want
to set to young girls.
211
00:10:44,140 --> 00:10:45,540
It's perfectly safe.
Tell him, Jono.
212
00:10:45,660 --> 00:10:47,900
I'm sure you did it all the time
in the army.
213
00:10:48,100 --> 00:10:50,180
Yeah. Piece of cake.
214
00:10:50,380 --> 00:10:52,060
Jono's an ex-marine.
215
00:10:52,260 --> 00:10:55,020
"Danny" spent 2 years national
service, spud bashing duty.
216
00:10:55,220 --> 00:10:56,830
We'll do a feature
to announce it tomorrow.
217
00:10:56,860 --> 00:10:58,940
Cut Sandy's dolls' house.
218
00:10:59,140 --> 00:11:00,900
But that's my only segment.
219
00:11:01,100 --> 00:11:04,780
Well...
help Danny with the pipe rack.
220
00:11:04,980 --> 00:11:06,420
Children are bored of dolls.
221
00:11:06,620 --> 00:11:08,940
Less make and bake,
more derring-do.
222
00:11:09,140 --> 00:11:11,300
Even if it does mean
changes to the line-up.
223
00:11:13,500 --> 00:11:17,020
Dressing rooms. Chop-chop.
224
00:11:17,220 --> 00:11:18,900
No going home
till they're learnt.
225
00:11:19,100 --> 00:11:22,060
Now turn those frowns
upside down
226
00:11:22,260 --> 00:11:27,260
and remember it's all
about the children.
227
00:11:27,460 --> 00:11:30,860
These changes would have
made you somewhat redundant?
228
00:11:31,060 --> 00:11:32,380
Perhaps my ambitions extend
229
00:11:32,580 --> 00:11:34,700
beyond playing housewife
in front of a camera.
230
00:11:34,900 --> 00:11:37,820
Yeah, I heard there's a vacancy
at the 9 O'clock News.
231
00:11:38,020 --> 00:11:39,940
You never know.
232
00:11:40,140 --> 00:11:41,460
And at least "I"
won't be typecast
233
00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:42,700
as a children's presenter.
234
00:11:42,780 --> 00:11:43,940
Lip it.
235
00:11:44,140 --> 00:11:45,460
They'll be thinking all sorts.
236
00:11:45,660 --> 00:11:47,700
They are thinking all sorts.
237
00:11:47,900 --> 00:11:49,660
They think one of us killed her.
238
00:11:49,860 --> 00:11:51,180
That's absurd.
239
00:11:51,380 --> 00:11:53,220
Surely someone
must have broken in.
240
00:11:53,420 --> 00:11:54,940
Perhaps she disturbed
an intruder?
241
00:11:55,140 --> 00:11:57,580
That's what we're trying
to ascertain.
242
00:11:57,780 --> 00:11:59,300
What happened after the meeting?
243
00:11:59,500 --> 00:12:01,380
Dinah and I went to
the production studio
244
00:12:01,580 --> 00:12:03,500
to draw up a new schedule.
245
00:12:03,700 --> 00:12:05,460
She left for home first.
246
00:12:05,660 --> 00:12:08,940
She was driving back to London,
so left around 9:30.
247
00:12:09,140 --> 00:12:10,940
She'd left her handbag
in the studio
248
00:12:11,140 --> 00:12:11,780
and went back to fetch it.
249
00:12:11,980 --> 00:12:14,740
Is that when it happened?
250
00:12:14,940 --> 00:12:17,500
That would fit
with the rigor mortis.
251
00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:18,780
And the rest of you?
252
00:12:18,980 --> 00:12:20,540
We did as we were told.
253
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,820
Went back to our dressing rooms
to learn our scripts.
254
00:12:23,020 --> 00:12:25,580
Fliss called taxis at 10 o'clock
and we went back to the hotel.
255
00:12:25,780 --> 00:12:27,100
Cowardly custard.
256
00:12:27,300 --> 00:12:29,380
Dead women tell.
Cowardly custard.
257
00:12:29,580 --> 00:12:31,780
Dead women tell no tales.
258
00:12:31,980 --> 00:12:33,600
Can you get him out?
259
00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:46,980
I presume that isn't Police
issue uniform, WPC Button?
260
00:12:47,180 --> 00:12:48,700
It's my Jolly Roger badge.
261
00:12:48,900 --> 00:12:50,700
I got it for collecting
8,000 milk bottle tops
262
00:12:50,860 --> 00:12:53,700
for the African famine.
263
00:12:53,900 --> 00:12:55,150
Would it not have been
more preferable
264
00:12:55,180 --> 00:12:57,580
to send them the milk?
265
00:13:01,140 --> 00:13:03,740
It's a bit early in the day
for an Irish coffee, no?
266
00:13:03,940 --> 00:13:05,670
You can't post milk
with a second class stamp
267
00:13:05,700 --> 00:13:07,020
and an envelope.
268
00:13:23,300 --> 00:13:24,820
Sarge.
269
00:13:25,020 --> 00:13:26,500
Is this what we're looking for?
270
00:13:26,700 --> 00:13:29,940
We found empty whisky bottles
in your dressing room.
271
00:13:30,140 --> 00:13:31,350
I like a drink.
It's not a crime.
272
00:13:31,380 --> 00:13:32,620
Thankfully not.
273
00:13:32,820 --> 00:13:34,860
But presenting drunk
to the nation's children
274
00:13:35,060 --> 00:13:36,060
is a different matter.
275
00:13:36,140 --> 00:13:37,980
I've never.
276
00:13:38,180 --> 00:13:39,720
It's just...
277
00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:45,460
It's just enough
to take the edge off.
278
00:13:45,660 --> 00:13:47,350
And for the most part,
I can keep the beast at bay.
279
00:13:47,380 --> 00:13:49,500
Only every so often, it pounces.
280
00:13:49,700 --> 00:13:52,020
Call it a souvenir from Korea.
281
00:13:52,220 --> 00:13:54,460
- Military?
- Marines.
282
00:13:54,660 --> 00:13:58,500
I was invalided out after
a botched raid in Pyongyang.
283
00:13:58,700 --> 00:14:02,340
War has driven better men
than me to drink.
284
00:14:02,540 --> 00:14:03,940
In my experience, ex-soldiers
285
00:14:04,140 --> 00:14:06,040
all find their own ways
to forget.
286
00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:13,220
You, uh, have a button missing.
287
00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:15,660
Well, that certainly
isn't a crime.
288
00:14:15,860 --> 00:14:17,020
Oh, I see.
289
00:14:17,220 --> 00:14:18,380
You think I killed Dinah
290
00:14:18,580 --> 00:14:20,260
cos she found out
I was drinking?
291
00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:22,020
Well, the thought
has crossed my mind.
292
00:14:22,180 --> 00:14:24,740
Trust me. If Dinah had found
out, it wouldn't be a secret.
293
00:14:24,940 --> 00:14:26,710
She'd have hauled me in irons
in front of the whole crew
294
00:14:26,740 --> 00:14:28,440
and forced me to walk the plank.
295
00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:34,860
Ask anyone.
296
00:14:35,060 --> 00:14:36,620
I certainly will.
297
00:14:40,860 --> 00:14:42,300
Dinah Morgan.
298
00:14:42,500 --> 00:14:45,540
Editor of Britain's most
popular children's TV show.
299
00:14:45,740 --> 00:14:47,620
The building was
surrounded by fences.
300
00:14:47,820 --> 00:14:50,620
The security guard
didn't see any intruders,
301
00:14:50,820 --> 00:14:54,380
so that leaves us with four
with known opportunity.
302
00:14:54,580 --> 00:14:58,180
Danny Lemon. A club comedian
and ventriloquist.
303
00:14:58,380 --> 00:15:00,740
He shot to fame
when he won New Talent.
304
00:15:00,940 --> 00:15:02,500
Sandy Shanks.
305
00:15:02,700 --> 00:15:05,380
She started her career
as a circus trapeze act
306
00:15:05,580 --> 00:15:07,540
then a dancer for
the black and white Minstrels
307
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:10,340
before going into
television presenting.
308
00:15:10,540 --> 00:15:13,300
Dinah planned a re-jig
at the show.
309
00:15:13,500 --> 00:15:15,540
That made her job redundant.
310
00:15:15,740 --> 00:15:17,040
Jono Hardy?
311
00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:22,980
Jono Hardy, ex-marine turned
children's television presenter
312
00:15:23,180 --> 00:15:26,620
and also the longest serving
member of the cast.
313
00:15:26,820 --> 00:15:28,540
What shall we do
with a drunken sailor?
314
00:15:28,740 --> 00:15:30,740
* Hosepipes in the scuppers *
315
00:15:30,940 --> 00:15:32,540
Very good.
316
00:15:32,740 --> 00:15:36,100
Erm, Dinah ran a "tight" ship
by all accounts.
317
00:15:36,300 --> 00:15:37,700
Any news on the button?
318
00:15:37,900 --> 00:15:40,700
Negative, I'm afraid.
They aren't a match.
319
00:15:40,900 --> 00:15:44,580
And finally, Fliss Forsyth,
the show's producer.
320
00:15:44,780 --> 00:15:47,300
Ex-producer.
321
00:15:47,500 --> 00:15:49,780
The boss gave her
her marching orders yesterday.
322
00:15:49,980 --> 00:15:51,220
Oh, right.
323
00:15:51,420 --> 00:15:52,940
Reverend Mother is enquiring
324
00:15:53,140 --> 00:15:55,860
if you will be gracing us
with your presence for compline.
325
00:15:56,060 --> 00:15:58,740
Oh, right, yes, of course.
Erm...
326
00:15:58,940 --> 00:16:00,260
Are you sure about this?
327
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:02,260
Just cos my ears
are covered in a wimple
328
00:16:02,460 --> 00:16:04,100
- don't mean I'm deaf.
- "Hear hear!"
329
00:16:04,300 --> 00:16:05,300
Thanks, Reg.
330
00:16:05,500 --> 00:16:07,220
Don't mention it.
331
00:16:07,420 --> 00:16:09,500
Move it or she'll be
chewing up the pews.
332
00:16:09,700 --> 00:16:11,340
- Could you do the honours?
- Oh, oh, yes.
333
00:16:11,540 --> 00:16:14,340
- Just pull the, erm...
- Yeah, of course.
334
00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:15,700
Right, no time. No time.
335
00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:29,420
- I didn't think it was relevant.
- Not relevant?
336
00:16:29,620 --> 00:16:32,380
She sacked you a few hours
before she was murdered.
337
00:16:32,580 --> 00:16:34,660
We'd had a bad day's
filming, is all.
338
00:16:34,860 --> 00:16:36,020
She didn't mean it.
339
00:16:36,220 --> 00:16:38,260
It's television.
Things get heated.
340
00:16:38,460 --> 00:16:40,780
Can you tell us
what you argued about?
341
00:16:40,980 --> 00:16:44,220
Professional differences.
342
00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:46,740
I took over while Dinah was
on Jury service for 3 months,
343
00:16:46,940 --> 00:16:49,740
and she didn't approve
of some of my changes.
344
00:16:49,940 --> 00:16:51,260
Namely?
345
00:16:51,460 --> 00:16:53,020
Dinah's of a
different generation.
346
00:16:53,220 --> 00:16:55,020
The world's changed.
347
00:16:55,220 --> 00:16:56,830
Children don't want
to be like their parents
348
00:16:56,860 --> 00:16:59,180
or to be lectured to by adults.
349
00:16:59,380 --> 00:17:01,300
They want to do things
their own way.
350
00:17:01,500 --> 00:17:03,620
Or your way
now you're the one in charge.
351
00:17:03,820 --> 00:17:05,540
Miss Forsyth?
352
00:17:05,740 --> 00:17:06,740
What's up, Neil?
353
00:17:06,820 --> 00:17:08,300
Pete's escaped.
354
00:17:22,260 --> 00:17:24,540
What are you doing?
355
00:17:24,740 --> 00:17:26,940
The Sisters collected it
for this year's appeal.
356
00:17:27,140 --> 00:17:28,860
A log cabin
for old aged pensioners
357
00:17:29,060 --> 00:17:32,180
which Reverend Mother
deemed worthy of...
358
00:17:32,380 --> 00:17:35,300
Oh, I see. Yes, right.
359
00:17:35,500 --> 00:17:37,500
Well, either by chance
or divine intervention,
360
00:17:37,700 --> 00:17:40,140
my arrival coincided
with the discovery
361
00:17:40,340 --> 00:17:43,020
of Poopdeck Pete's
break for freedom.
362
00:17:43,220 --> 00:17:46,660
Or rather, I suspect,
this was no escape.
363
00:17:46,860 --> 00:17:49,780
It was attempted parrotcide.
364
00:17:49,980 --> 00:17:51,060
You must be joking.
365
00:17:51,260 --> 00:17:53,100
Sniff.
366
00:17:53,300 --> 00:17:55,300
Sodium hypochlorite
mixed with acetic acid.
367
00:17:55,500 --> 00:17:58,180
One that most definitely
should not be tried at home.
368
00:17:58,380 --> 00:17:59,580
No?
369
00:17:59,780 --> 00:18:02,340
In laymen's terms,
bleach and vinegar,
370
00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:04,460
AKA homemade chlorine gas,
371
00:18:04,660 --> 00:18:06,380
which Pete
strenuously protested to,
372
00:18:06,580 --> 00:18:08,620
judging by the blood
and tissue on the calamus
373
00:18:08,820 --> 00:18:10,940
which was obviously
wrested with some force.
374
00:18:11,140 --> 00:18:13,220
Poor chap, it seems,
fled for his life.
375
00:18:13,420 --> 00:18:14,780
Have you a theory as to why?
376
00:18:14,980 --> 00:18:16,300
Recall as you will
377
00:18:16,500 --> 00:18:19,060
his behaviour
the day after the murder.
378
00:18:19,260 --> 00:18:22,020
Dead women tell no tales.
379
00:18:22,220 --> 00:18:24,300
"Dead women
tell no tales."
380
00:18:24,500 --> 00:18:26,260
Parrots are gifted mimics.
381
00:18:26,460 --> 00:18:30,220
I think Pete was recounting the
final moments of Dinah Morgan.
382
00:18:39,700 --> 00:18:41,580
Take your time, Mr. Pete.
383
00:18:41,780 --> 00:18:45,380
If you recognise the person
you saw, you let me know.
384
00:18:46,980 --> 00:18:49,500
Sister!
385
00:18:49,700 --> 00:18:51,180
Sister?
386
00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:55,060
Still. Some good news,
at least.
387
00:18:55,260 --> 00:18:57,180
Our only eyewitness
is an escaped parrot.
388
00:18:57,380 --> 00:18:59,940
I fail to see how that could be
filed under "good."
389
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:02,100
Yes, well,
when you put it like that...
390
00:19:02,300 --> 00:19:03,820
We did discover
one thing, though.
391
00:19:04,020 --> 00:19:07,380
Dinah Morgan had just returned
from Jury service.
392
00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:10,420
For three months, so it
wasn't a shoplifting case.
393
00:19:10,620 --> 00:19:13,460
Exactly. It's a long shot,
but it's worth checking out.
394
00:19:16,460 --> 00:19:18,340
Right. I must fly.
395
00:19:18,540 --> 00:19:20,820
The sisters' moment
of glory beckons.
396
00:19:23,620 --> 00:19:27,020
The Nuns here all take the name
of male saints.
397
00:19:27,220 --> 00:19:29,540
And the Reverend Mother
of St Vincent's namesake
398
00:19:29,740 --> 00:19:32,620
has a rather interesting story
involving a lion,
399
00:19:32,820 --> 00:19:34,780
which Sister Reginald
and Sister Peter have come
400
00:19:34,980 --> 00:19:37,180
to tell us all about.
401
00:19:37,380 --> 00:19:39,780
St Adrian of Nicomedia.
402
00:19:39,980 --> 00:19:42,660
An officer in Imperial Rome who,
403
00:19:42,860 --> 00:19:45,900
whilst watching the Christians
being cruelly tortured to death,
404
00:19:46,100 --> 00:19:48,460
was so struck by their fortitude
405
00:19:48,660 --> 00:19:50,660
converted to Christianity
on the spot.
406
00:19:50,860 --> 00:19:52,860
An inspiring story.
407
00:19:53,060 --> 00:19:55,460
He was promptly arrested
and sentenced to death
408
00:19:55,660 --> 00:19:58,140
by being thrown to a lion.
409
00:19:58,340 --> 00:20:00,780
But, like Daniel
in the lion's den,
410
00:20:00,980 --> 00:20:04,220
the vicious beast refused
to touch a hair on his head.
411
00:20:04,420 --> 00:20:07,540
So a happy ending.
412
00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:09,540
Well, not likely.
Being eaten by lions
413
00:20:09,740 --> 00:20:10,980
would have been a blessing.
414
00:20:11,180 --> 00:20:13,940
Instead, he was hacked to pieces
with a sword
415
00:20:14,140 --> 00:20:15,140
and thrown on the fire.
416
00:20:15,340 --> 00:20:17,220
A glorious martyr's death.
417
00:20:17,420 --> 00:20:18,780
If you say so.
418
00:20:18,980 --> 00:20:21,100
Of course, that was
thousands of years ago,
419
00:20:21,300 --> 00:20:24,600
and lucky for us, these things
don't happen these days.
420
00:20:27,120 --> 00:20:28,780
- Well, Sister?
- Yo, ho, ho.
421
00:20:28,980 --> 00:20:29,980
Avast, ye landlubbers.
422
00:20:30,180 --> 00:20:32,740
Yes, well, that was
423
00:20:32,940 --> 00:20:35,980
certainly very, erm...
educational.
424
00:20:36,180 --> 00:20:38,300
Tomorrow, Danny and I
will be attempting
425
00:20:38,500 --> 00:20:41,260
Jolly Roger's first-ever stunt.
426
00:20:41,460 --> 00:20:43,580
I thought about joining
the Teaching Order,
427
00:20:43,780 --> 00:20:46,540
but the thought of all those
kids was way too off-putting.
428
00:20:46,740 --> 00:20:48,220
Aye-aye.
429
00:20:48,420 --> 00:20:51,220
Make sure to tune in,
and until then, it's goodbye
430
00:20:51,420 --> 00:20:53,940
from our Summer studio
in Great Slaughter.
431
00:20:54,140 --> 00:20:56,300
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
432
00:21:05,660 --> 00:21:07,580
Eye.
433
00:21:07,780 --> 00:21:10,740
I wonder.
434
00:21:10,940 --> 00:21:12,620
Excuse me. Duty calls.
435
00:21:35,820 --> 00:21:37,300
Bingo.
436
00:21:49,620 --> 00:21:51,780
Hello?
What time do you call this?
437
00:21:51,980 --> 00:21:54,260
Who is this? Declare yourself!
438
00:21:54,460 --> 00:21:58,500
This is a respectable
establishment, not a night...
439
00:22:20,860 --> 00:22:22,340
Run camera.
440
00:22:22,540 --> 00:22:26,420
Marker. Slate 32, take 2.
441
00:22:26,620 --> 00:22:27,620
Action!
442
00:22:27,700 --> 00:22:28,860
Lady Coventry wondered
443
00:22:29,060 --> 00:22:31,100
whether a beacon
from the top of this hill
444
00:22:31,300 --> 00:22:33,900
could be seen from her house
22 miles away
445
00:22:34,100 --> 00:22:37,660
and ordered the construction
of this tower to find out,
446
00:22:37,860 --> 00:22:40,180
over a thousand feet
above sea level.
447
00:22:40,380 --> 00:22:44,260
I'm getting a crick in my neck
just looking up at it.
448
00:22:44,460 --> 00:22:45,500
And cut.
449
00:22:45,700 --> 00:22:47,160
Thank you, Sandy.
450
00:22:50,360 --> 00:22:51,980
Rather them.
451
00:22:52,180 --> 00:22:55,260
It's just controlled falling
using friction and a rope.
452
00:22:55,460 --> 00:22:57,380
A child could do it.
453
00:23:02,300 --> 00:23:03,840
Could I have a word?
454
00:23:06,360 --> 00:23:09,140
Don't mind me.
Just having a quick shufti.
455
00:23:09,340 --> 00:23:12,380
Don't tell me
he's a murder suspect.
456
00:23:12,580 --> 00:23:15,460
You have to be joking.
457
00:23:15,660 --> 00:23:16,980
Aye-aye.
458
00:23:17,180 --> 00:23:20,660
Or rather just one eye.
459
00:23:20,860 --> 00:23:23,580
Its companion was recovered
from the body.
460
00:23:23,780 --> 00:23:25,180
He's a puppet.
461
00:23:25,380 --> 00:23:26,940
We aren't attached at the wrist.
462
00:23:27,140 --> 00:23:27,780
The minute the cameras
are turned off,
463
00:23:27,980 --> 00:23:29,260
he goes in the prop box.
464
00:23:29,460 --> 00:23:31,900
Danny Lemon.
It's a stage name, isn't it?
465
00:23:32,100 --> 00:23:33,420
Your real name is Liam Quinn.
466
00:23:33,620 --> 00:23:34,780
So what?
467
00:23:34,980 --> 00:23:36,540
Quite a clan, the Quinns.
468
00:23:36,740 --> 00:23:38,660
Liverpool's answer to the Krays.
469
00:23:38,860 --> 00:23:41,540
Extortion, racketeering,
money laundering.
470
00:23:41,740 --> 00:23:43,060
They have a wide portfolio.
471
00:23:43,260 --> 00:23:44,940
Had. A month ago,
472
00:23:45,140 --> 00:23:48,140
your father and uncle
were sentenced to 20 years.
473
00:23:48,340 --> 00:23:52,020
Dinah Morgan
was the foreman of the jury.
474
00:23:52,220 --> 00:23:53,940
There's irony.
475
00:23:54,140 --> 00:23:56,660
You're honestly telling me
you had no idea?
476
00:23:56,860 --> 00:23:59,740
The last time we spoke
was on my 16th birthday,
477
00:23:59,940 --> 00:24:01,780
I turned down a job
with the family firm.
478
00:24:01,980 --> 00:24:04,030
They didn't appreciate that
I wanted to make people laugh
479
00:24:04,060 --> 00:24:05,540
instead of weep.
480
00:24:05,740 --> 00:24:08,540
You're saying you've had
no contact with them at all?
481
00:24:08,740 --> 00:24:10,660
If I'd shown my face,
it'd be me they served up
482
00:24:10,860 --> 00:24:11,900
as the fatted calf.
483
00:24:12,100 --> 00:24:14,140
Very good.
484
00:24:14,340 --> 00:24:15,590
And if I'd known
Dinah had put them away,
485
00:24:15,620 --> 00:24:17,500
I'd have shaken her hand.
486
00:24:17,700 --> 00:24:18,900
The world owes her a favour
487
00:24:19,100 --> 00:24:21,740
for locking up
those bunch of psychos.
488
00:24:21,940 --> 00:24:25,940
But feel free to arrest me.
489
00:24:26,140 --> 00:24:29,100
Fancy my chances more in a
nice, warm police cell than up there.
490
00:24:29,300 --> 00:24:31,060
That won't be necessary.
491
00:24:31,260 --> 00:24:34,020
Though we will have to take
Barnacle Bill "into custody."
492
00:24:34,220 --> 00:24:35,580
Good riddance.
493
00:24:35,780 --> 00:24:37,140
You think I like
being a mouthpiece
494
00:24:37,180 --> 00:24:39,500
to a piece of felt
with a nasty streak?
495
00:24:39,700 --> 00:24:42,500
Gives me the creeps.
Rightly, it turns out.
496
00:24:42,700 --> 00:24:44,420
"The hand puppet of death."
497
00:24:47,620 --> 00:24:49,380
Right.
498
00:24:55,060 --> 00:24:56,740
You coming, Sister?
499
00:24:56,940 --> 00:24:59,920
Actually, I thought I might
stay and watch the fun.
500
00:25:11,580 --> 00:25:14,420
Quiet, please. Thank you.
501
00:25:14,620 --> 00:25:16,580
Run camera.
502
00:25:16,780 --> 00:25:18,620
Action.
503
00:25:18,820 --> 00:25:23,740
We'll be falling approximately
60 feet in 25 seconds.
504
00:25:23,940 --> 00:25:26,140
And it will feel like
25 minutes!
505
00:25:26,340 --> 00:25:29,000
And here we go. Anchors away.
506
00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:34,780
Bloody fiasco!
507
00:25:34,980 --> 00:25:37,060
I thought you said the equipment
was safety-checked!
508
00:25:37,260 --> 00:25:40,540
- It was!
- By who? The factory cat?!
509
00:25:40,740 --> 00:25:44,100
You do realise I was 10 seconds
away from certain death.
510
00:25:44,300 --> 00:25:45,670
I know, and I'm sorry.
And I promise you,
511
00:25:45,700 --> 00:25:47,780
next time, everything
will be triple-checked.
512
00:25:47,980 --> 00:25:50,340
There will not be a next time.
513
00:25:50,540 --> 00:25:53,940
Speak to my agent!
514
00:26:03,220 --> 00:26:05,500
Something to share,
Constable Button?
515
00:26:25,180 --> 00:26:26,460
Bravo, Peggy.
516
00:26:26,660 --> 00:26:29,820
It appears your suspicions
are correct.
517
00:26:32,500 --> 00:26:33,700
Is anyone hurt?
518
00:26:35,740 --> 00:26:37,460
WPC Button, erm,
519
00:26:37,660 --> 00:26:39,190
a plane has just gone down
in the village.
520
00:26:39,220 --> 00:26:40,470
We need to alert
the fire brigade
521
00:26:40,500 --> 00:26:41,780
and the ambulance right away.
522
00:26:41,980 --> 00:26:43,820
That's not a plane.
That's Poopdeck Pete.
523
00:26:46,260 --> 00:26:48,140
Okay, thanks, love.
That's good news.
524
00:26:48,340 --> 00:26:50,020
Good news? My favourite type.
525
00:26:50,220 --> 00:26:52,420
- Yeah, I've foun' a para'!
- Excellent.
526
00:26:52,620 --> 00:26:54,380
The bad news is
he's at the Cavalier Oak.
527
00:26:54,580 --> 00:26:57,580
Ah. That's the large oak tree
next to the village hall?
528
00:26:57,780 --> 00:27:00,100
- Great Slaughter constabulary?
- It must be 100 feet high.
529
00:27:00,180 --> 00:27:01,180
Sister Boniface, sir.
530
00:27:01,340 --> 00:27:02,860
- Oh. Hallo?
- No.
531
00:27:03,060 --> 00:27:04,980
- Hello?
- Yes, could you come over?
532
00:27:05,180 --> 00:27:06,420
I think I've found something.
533
00:27:06,620 --> 00:27:07,980
Okay. I'll be right there.
534
00:27:08,180 --> 00:27:09,260
I'm needed at the lab.
535
00:27:09,460 --> 00:27:11,180
But I assume
I can leave you three
536
00:27:11,380 --> 00:27:12,660
on operation capture the parrot?
537
00:27:12,740 --> 00:27:13,780
No problem, sir.
538
00:27:13,980 --> 00:27:15,620
Good man, Button.
539
00:27:15,820 --> 00:27:17,380
"No problem, sir."
540
00:27:17,580 --> 00:27:19,780
Wel', com' on th'n!
Warra' get away flyin' away...
541
00:27:41,900 --> 00:27:42,980
What have you got?
542
00:27:43,180 --> 00:27:44,980
Fact.
543
00:27:45,180 --> 00:27:47,780
This was filed to a sharp edge
on the inside.
544
00:27:47,980 --> 00:27:49,180
Invisib... No!
545
00:27:49,380 --> 00:27:51,780
- Sorry.
- Invisible to the naked eye
546
00:27:51,980 --> 00:27:55,780
but, when gravity is exerted,
would slice through the rope.
547
00:27:55,980 --> 00:27:57,620
This was sabotage,
548
00:27:57,820 --> 00:27:59,590
and by someone who knew their
way around a safety harness,
549
00:27:59,620 --> 00:28:01,300
according to WPC Button.
550
00:28:01,500 --> 00:28:03,820
Like an ex-trapeze artist,
Sandy Shanks?
551
00:28:04,020 --> 00:28:05,460
But the exciting news is...
552
00:28:05,660 --> 00:28:07,780
I think we have our motive
for murder.
553
00:28:07,980 --> 00:28:11,300
Drum roll, please.
554
00:28:11,500 --> 00:28:13,260
Iron filing samples
from the carabiner
555
00:28:13,460 --> 00:28:15,540
match those found
on the victim's shoes.
556
00:28:15,740 --> 00:28:18,300
Deduction. Dinah caught the
killer in the act of sabotage,
557
00:28:18,500 --> 00:28:19,620
and they killed her.
558
00:28:19,820 --> 00:28:21,780
Top job, Sister.
559
00:28:21,980 --> 00:28:24,540
The question is, was it
an attempt on Jono Hardy's life
560
00:28:24,740 --> 00:28:26,060
or, eeny meeny minie mo,
561
00:28:26,260 --> 00:28:28,580
random sabotage,
and he drew the short straw?
562
00:28:28,780 --> 00:28:30,620
Yes, that has rather
obfuscated things.
563
00:28:30,820 --> 00:28:34,500
Right. It's one step forward
and three paces back.
564
00:28:34,700 --> 00:28:37,260
Then let's pray that
Poopdeck Pete comes up trumps.
565
00:28:43,860 --> 00:28:45,020
They're having a laugh.
566
00:28:45,220 --> 00:28:48,380
It'll be great.
The children will love it.
567
00:28:48,580 --> 00:28:51,220
- Are you sure about this?
- Oh, yes, Sarge.
568
00:28:51,420 --> 00:28:53,660
Winner of the talent show
five years in a row.
569
00:28:53,860 --> 00:28:57,020
Make way! Make way.
Let her through!
570
00:28:57,220 --> 00:28:58,700
Interview her now.
571
00:28:58,900 --> 00:29:01,420
And has an impressive
track record in escaped budgies.
572
00:29:01,620 --> 00:29:02,660
Can I grab a word?
573
00:29:02,860 --> 00:29:04,580
Not now, thank you.
574
00:29:04,780 --> 00:29:06,660
The artiste needs quiet.
575
00:29:06,860 --> 00:29:08,620
Deep breaths, now, Dottie.
576
00:29:08,820 --> 00:29:12,460
Red leather, yellow leather,
red leather, yellow leather.
577
00:29:12,660 --> 00:29:14,300
Red leather, yellow feather...
578
00:29:14,500 --> 00:29:16,740
red weather, yellow sun.
579
00:29:16,940 --> 00:29:18,500
Primed and ready.
580
00:29:18,700 --> 00:29:21,700
"I wandered lonely
as a cloud..."
581
00:29:21,900 --> 00:29:23,620
Bird song, Dottie.
582
00:29:23,820 --> 00:29:25,780
Green-winged macaw.
583
00:29:25,980 --> 00:29:27,860
We might as well pack up now.
584
00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:36,260
That's very odd.
585
00:29:36,460 --> 00:29:38,070
That was the mating call
of a Scarlet macaw,
586
00:29:38,100 --> 00:29:39,300
and they always respond.
587
00:29:39,500 --> 00:29:42,540
Green-winged macaw, Dottie.
588
00:29:42,740 --> 00:29:44,020
Well, why didn't you say so?
589
00:29:44,220 --> 00:29:46,240
That would explain it.
590
00:30:04,740 --> 00:30:05,780
Did you get it?
591
00:30:05,980 --> 00:30:07,660
Sandy, can we pick up?
592
00:30:10,060 --> 00:30:12,900
That was quite extraordinary,
wasn't it, children?
593
00:30:13,100 --> 00:30:15,540
Welcome home, Pete.
It's good to have you back.
594
00:30:15,740 --> 00:30:20,100
I'm afraid this parrot
is being seized as evidence.
595
00:30:20,300 --> 00:30:23,220
Cowardly custard.
596
00:30:23,420 --> 00:30:26,180
Excellent work.
597
00:30:26,380 --> 00:30:29,980
We can hardly force a statement
out of him.
598
00:30:30,180 --> 00:30:32,260
Perhaps, perhaps
he needs reminding
599
00:30:32,460 --> 00:30:34,760
of his previous statement.
600
00:30:40,480 --> 00:30:42,700
"Dead women tell no tales.
601
00:30:42,900 --> 00:30:44,260
Cowardly custard."
602
00:30:44,460 --> 00:30:46,380
Dead women.
603
00:30:46,580 --> 00:30:49,340
Dead women tell no tales.
604
00:30:49,540 --> 00:30:52,100
Cowardly Custard. No room.
605
00:30:52,300 --> 00:30:55,340
Jump, walk, jump, walk.
606
00:30:55,540 --> 00:30:57,460
Dead women tell no tales.
607
00:30:57,660 --> 00:31:00,940
Aghghghghghg.
608
00:31:01,140 --> 00:31:02,660
What was that?
609
00:31:02,860 --> 00:31:07,020
Aghghghghghg.
610
00:31:07,220 --> 00:31:09,060
I fear those were
the last moments
611
00:31:09,260 --> 00:31:11,380
of Dinah Morgan.
612
00:31:11,580 --> 00:31:13,980
Just a shame it's meaningless.
613
00:31:14,180 --> 00:31:15,630
I suppose it would have been
a bit optimistic
614
00:31:15,660 --> 00:31:17,580
to expect him
to name the killer.
615
00:31:17,780 --> 00:31:20,060
A complete waste of time,
in other words.
616
00:31:20,260 --> 00:31:22,660
Au contraire. Pete may be
a disappointing witness
617
00:31:22,860 --> 00:31:24,380
but is living evidence.
618
00:31:24,580 --> 00:31:25,830
During the fight
with his attacker,
619
00:31:25,860 --> 00:31:28,540
there will have been
an exchange.
620
00:31:28,740 --> 00:31:32,020
Although it looks like any
examination will have to wait.
621
00:31:37,420 --> 00:31:39,460
I've spoke to the Controller.
622
00:31:39,660 --> 00:31:40,940
We're to finish up
the road show,
623
00:31:41,140 --> 00:31:42,740
and then they're
going to "take a view."
624
00:31:42,940 --> 00:31:44,780
Sounds ominous.
625
00:31:44,980 --> 00:31:47,780
They weren't best pleased
with our wine making Nuns.
626
00:31:47,980 --> 00:31:49,700
We could do a feature.
627
00:31:49,900 --> 00:31:52,180
"Today we'll see what happened
when Poopdeck Pete
628
00:31:52,380 --> 00:31:54,740
and Barnacle Bill
got taken into Police custody."
629
00:31:54,940 --> 00:31:58,340
This isn't funny.
630
00:31:58,540 --> 00:32:01,980
We have no choice
but to go ahead with the stunt.
631
00:32:02,180 --> 00:32:04,180
- Did you talk to my agent?
- Yes.
632
00:32:04,380 --> 00:32:07,120
And you are
contractually obliged.
633
00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:10,580
I've hired a safety advisor.
634
00:32:10,780 --> 00:32:12,390
The equipment's been checked
and double-checked,
635
00:32:12,420 --> 00:32:14,320
so nothing will go wrong
this time.
636
00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:19,760
Are you in?
637
00:32:38,940 --> 00:32:41,140
Avast, Pete.
638
00:32:41,340 --> 00:32:46,540
You and I are going to be
the best of chums.
639
00:32:50,660 --> 00:32:52,260
Friendly Pete.
640
00:32:52,460 --> 00:32:55,980
Friendly, affable Pete.
641
00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:07,660
All right, our kid?
642
00:33:07,860 --> 00:33:09,620
You're looking a bit green
'round the gills.
643
00:33:09,820 --> 00:33:11,220
I'm fine.
644
00:33:11,420 --> 00:33:13,190
If I didn't know better,
I'd think you were yeller.
645
00:33:13,220 --> 00:33:14,780
Shut up, Lemo...
646
00:33:20,720 --> 00:33:22,500
Sister.
647
00:33:25,020 --> 00:33:28,220
Behold the spoils of victory.
648
00:33:28,420 --> 00:33:29,940
If you are the victor,
649
00:33:30,140 --> 00:33:32,380
I would hate to think what you'd
look like as the loser.
650
00:33:32,580 --> 00:33:35,260
Yes, well, Pete and I got off
to a rocky start,
651
00:33:35,460 --> 00:33:38,060
but, erm...
652
00:33:38,260 --> 00:33:40,540
we're the best of friends
now, aren't we, Pete?
653
00:33:40,740 --> 00:33:42,740
Who's a good boy?
Rapscallion.
654
00:33:42,940 --> 00:33:44,420
Scabby sea bass.
655
00:33:44,620 --> 00:33:46,700
- Send him up whisky beaten.
- Shh.
656
00:33:46,900 --> 00:33:51,180
Cleaver her to the brisket!
657
00:33:51,380 --> 00:33:53,500
Yes, well,
Locard's principle prevailed.
658
00:33:53,700 --> 00:33:55,740
Human hair,
wrapped 'round his claw.
659
00:33:55,940 --> 00:33:57,420
Dyed.
But judging by the colour
660
00:33:57,620 --> 00:34:00,020
and length of the hair
closer to the root,
661
00:34:00,220 --> 00:34:02,420
I'd say we've found
our murderer.
662
00:34:02,620 --> 00:34:05,620
Although, erm...
663
00:34:05,820 --> 00:34:07,420
Although?
664
00:34:07,620 --> 00:34:09,420
It makes absolutely no sense.
665
00:34:14,140 --> 00:34:16,900
This isn't a good time.
Can you not see that I'm ill?
666
00:34:17,100 --> 00:34:18,980
Yes, well, I suppose
that would be predictable
667
00:34:19,100 --> 00:34:20,220
under the circumstances.
668
00:34:20,420 --> 00:34:23,540
You might want to check
the pockets.
669
00:34:23,740 --> 00:34:25,020
What are you doing?
670
00:34:25,220 --> 00:34:26,630
The effect would have been
instantaneous
671
00:34:26,660 --> 00:34:27,820
so must have been ingested
672
00:34:28,020 --> 00:34:29,580
shortly before
the symptoms presented.
673
00:34:29,780 --> 00:34:33,380
My guess would be some sort of
carapichea ipecacuanha compound,
674
00:34:33,580 --> 00:34:37,260
more commonly known as Ipecac.
675
00:34:37,460 --> 00:34:38,780
John Hardy, I'm arresting you
676
00:34:38,980 --> 00:34:41,260
on suspicion of the murder
of Dinah Morgan.
677
00:34:41,460 --> 00:34:42,980
You are not obliged
to say anything,
678
00:34:43,180 --> 00:34:45,380
but anything you do say
may be put into writing
679
00:34:45,580 --> 00:34:48,700
and given in evidence.
680
00:34:48,900 --> 00:34:51,260
You had no intention
of doing this stunt.
681
00:34:51,460 --> 00:34:53,580
We found iron filings
on the victim's shoe
682
00:34:53,780 --> 00:34:56,220
that matched your carabiner.
683
00:34:56,420 --> 00:34:58,540
I think Dinah caught you
in the act of sabotaging it,
684
00:34:58,740 --> 00:35:00,860
- and you killed her.
- Preposterous.
685
00:35:01,060 --> 00:35:03,340
You hoped a near-fatal accident
would stop the stunt.
686
00:35:03,540 --> 00:35:06,180
And when that failed, you took
an emetic to fake illness.
687
00:35:06,380 --> 00:35:09,500
Anything to avoid
jumping off that tower.
688
00:35:09,700 --> 00:35:12,380
This is fantasy.
689
00:35:12,580 --> 00:35:14,700
You haven't got
a shred of proof.
690
00:35:14,900 --> 00:35:16,660
We have a witness.
691
00:35:16,860 --> 00:35:18,460
Poopdeck Pete.
692
00:35:18,660 --> 00:35:21,500
Whom you tried to dispatch
with homemade chlorine gas.
693
00:35:21,700 --> 00:35:23,740
But Pete fought back.
It was quite a tussle.
694
00:35:23,940 --> 00:35:27,020
We found hairs wrapped around
his claw dyed with Grecian 2000.
695
00:35:27,220 --> 00:35:29,500
That is the hair colouring
you use?
696
00:35:29,700 --> 00:35:31,700
It's really very effective.
697
00:35:31,900 --> 00:35:33,460
Is this a joke?
698
00:35:33,660 --> 00:35:35,220
Oh, think of it as a compliment.
699
00:35:35,420 --> 00:35:37,700
One would never guess
you'd gone prematurely grey.
700
00:35:37,900 --> 00:35:40,150
I meant you're not seriously
going to charge me with murder
701
00:35:40,180 --> 00:35:42,980
based on the testimony
of a parrot?
702
00:35:43,180 --> 00:35:45,860
He was surprisingly
illuminating.
703
00:35:46,060 --> 00:35:47,660
Sergeant, will you
do the honours?
704
00:35:47,860 --> 00:35:51,220
Cowardly custard,
no room, jump walk,
705
00:35:51,420 --> 00:35:52,780
dead women tell no tales.
706
00:35:52,980 --> 00:35:54,580
It's a shred of gobbledygook.
707
00:35:54,780 --> 00:35:57,220
Actually,
it makes perfect sense.
708
00:35:57,420 --> 00:36:00,140
I spoke to Colonel Prentice,
your ex-CO.
709
00:36:00,340 --> 00:36:02,380
He told me about the accident
710
00:36:02,580 --> 00:36:04,420
and the real reason
for your medical discharge.
711
00:36:04,460 --> 00:36:06,960
It was not an accident!
712
00:36:14,120 --> 00:36:16,040
It wasn't an accident.
713
00:36:20,240 --> 00:36:23,760
We were short on equipment,
and a belay snapped.
714
00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:27,200
Three of my men...
715
00:36:29,920 --> 00:36:34,340
my friends, fell 500 feet
to their deaths.
716
00:36:34,540 --> 00:36:36,150
And the only reason
I didn't join them was cos
717
00:36:36,180 --> 00:36:39,080
I was at the top of the rope
and managed to cut it in time.
718
00:36:43,360 --> 00:36:45,320
I was left dangling
on that rock face for two days
719
00:36:45,500 --> 00:36:48,220
before they got a chopper out
to rescue me.
720
00:36:48,420 --> 00:36:51,780
After which you suffered
a nervous breakdown
721
00:36:51,980 --> 00:36:54,260
and spent nine months in
a military psychiatric hospital
722
00:36:54,460 --> 00:36:57,060
before you were
medically discharged.
723
00:36:57,260 --> 00:36:59,900
They were "decent" enough to
leave it off my permanent record
724
00:37:00,100 --> 00:37:02,060
because career prospects
for an ex-soldier
725
00:37:02,260 --> 00:37:04,780
with shell shock are limited.
726
00:37:04,980 --> 00:37:07,180
They left another thing
off your record...
727
00:37:07,380 --> 00:37:09,230
The reason why you couldn't
continue your career
728
00:37:09,260 --> 00:37:10,540
in the marines.
729
00:37:10,740 --> 00:37:13,740
A morbid fear of heights.
730
00:37:13,940 --> 00:37:15,760
I tried to tell her.
731
00:37:18,760 --> 00:37:20,980
I tried.
732
00:37:21,180 --> 00:37:24,660
She just... wouldn't listen.
733
00:37:24,860 --> 00:37:27,060
I told her everything,
734
00:37:27,260 --> 00:37:30,740
why I couldn't do it,
and do you know what she said?
735
00:37:40,940 --> 00:37:44,100
Oh, for goodness sake.
736
00:37:44,300 --> 00:37:45,780
Who's there?
737
00:37:50,780 --> 00:37:52,300
What are you doing?
738
00:37:56,580 --> 00:37:58,140
I can explain.
739
00:37:58,340 --> 00:38:00,540
I think I can see
what's in front of my own eyes.
740
00:38:00,740 --> 00:38:02,510
What on earth are you thinking?
741
00:38:02,540 --> 00:38:05,100
This stunt is madness.
742
00:38:05,300 --> 00:38:07,020
We have to stop
before someone gets killed.
743
00:38:07,220 --> 00:38:10,340
- Fiddlesticks.
- I know what I'm talking about!
744
00:38:10,540 --> 00:38:12,460
Dear boy, the only reason
I hired you
745
00:38:12,660 --> 00:38:14,020
was to play action man.
746
00:38:14,220 --> 00:38:15,740
Yeah, driving tanks
and racing cars.
747
00:38:15,940 --> 00:38:17,780
Not this!
748
00:38:17,980 --> 00:38:19,260
It's your choice.
749
00:38:19,460 --> 00:38:21,860
Jump or walk the plank.
750
00:38:22,060 --> 00:38:23,510
Unless you want everyone
to think of you
751
00:38:23,540 --> 00:38:25,180
as a cowardly custard.
752
00:38:25,380 --> 00:38:27,060
Cowardly custard.
753
00:38:27,260 --> 00:38:28,580
Cowardly custard.
754
00:38:32,820 --> 00:38:34,300
Cowardly custard.
755
00:38:35,820 --> 00:38:37,460
Cowardly.
756
00:38:37,660 --> 00:38:39,460
Cowardly custard. Cowardly.
757
00:38:39,660 --> 00:38:42,260
Aah!
758
00:38:44,980 --> 00:38:46,460
Cowardly custard.
759
00:38:46,660 --> 00:38:48,980
Uh-oh. No. Uh-oh. No.
760
00:38:54,900 --> 00:38:57,140
Dead women tell no tales.
761
00:39:05,780 --> 00:39:07,480
It was me.
762
00:39:10,080 --> 00:39:12,880
But it... it wasn't me.
763
00:39:15,320 --> 00:39:17,630
I can't explain it. It was like
I was watching somebody else.
764
00:39:17,660 --> 00:39:19,760
And when I came to,
she was dead.
765
00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:25,960
I've killed countless people.
766
00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:39,140
But this is the first one
767
00:39:39,340 --> 00:39:40,820
I actually deserve
to be punished for,
768
00:39:40,900 --> 00:39:44,620
so you might as well
get it over with.
769
00:39:44,820 --> 00:39:46,820
Sometimes the worst battle scars
770
00:39:47,020 --> 00:39:50,020
are the ones that are invisible.
771
00:39:50,220 --> 00:39:52,220
I'm obliged to charge you.
772
00:39:52,420 --> 00:39:54,660
However...
773
00:39:54,860 --> 00:39:56,380
I'll be recommending
774
00:39:56,580 --> 00:39:59,580
that you have
a full psychiatric evaluation.
775
00:40:04,300 --> 00:40:07,980
So, that's all
the safety checks performed,
776
00:40:08,180 --> 00:40:10,520
which means it's time to...
777
00:40:13,800 --> 00:40:15,420
Okay, then.
778
00:40:15,620 --> 00:40:17,160
Wish me luck.
779
00:40:24,120 --> 00:40:25,620
- Cut camera.
- Sorry.
780
00:40:25,820 --> 00:40:27,420
It's okay, Danny.
781
00:40:27,620 --> 00:40:29,500
It's okay, Danny. It's okay.
782
00:40:29,700 --> 00:40:31,000
I'm sorry. I...
783
00:40:36,380 --> 00:40:40,740
And now I'm abseiling
down Broadway Tower.
784
00:40:40,940 --> 00:40:43,020
Whoo-hoo!
785
00:40:43,220 --> 00:40:45,260
We're back on in 10.9...
786
00:40:45,460 --> 00:40:46,740
Thank you, sir.
787
00:40:46,940 --> 00:40:49,620
She's completely fearless.
Up for anything.
788
00:40:49,820 --> 00:40:52,380
Said she'll scale Nelson's
column without a harness.
789
00:40:52,580 --> 00:40:55,140
And if that wasn't
exciting enough,
790
00:40:55,340 --> 00:40:58,540
later, you'll see
how Poopdeck Pete was rescued
791
00:40:58,740 --> 00:41:01,140
by a local bird ventriloquist.
792
00:41:01,340 --> 00:41:03,380
But before we leave
Great Slaughter,
793
00:41:03,580 --> 00:41:05,420
Sister Boniface has agreed
to come here
794
00:41:05,620 --> 00:41:08,760
and show you
how stink bombs are made.
795
00:41:12,160 --> 00:41:13,500
Hello.
796
00:41:13,700 --> 00:41:16,220
I'm Sister Boniface.
797
00:41:16,420 --> 00:41:19,060
Today, I'm going to make
stink bombs
798
00:41:19,260 --> 00:41:23,860
with the help of my trusty
assistant, Sister Peter.
799
00:41:24,060 --> 00:41:26,420
Sister Peter?
800
00:41:26,620 --> 00:41:29,380
- Sister?
- Hello.
801
00:41:29,580 --> 00:41:33,940
And here are the ingredients
we'll be using.
802
00:41:34,140 --> 00:41:36,600
It's going awfully well,
isn't it?
803
00:41:39,920 --> 00:41:43,340
Now all that remains
is to add ammonium sulphide
804
00:41:43,540 --> 00:41:46,540
which will react
with moisture, hydrolyzes,
805
00:41:46,740 --> 00:41:49,980
and a mixture of hydrogen
sulphide to release ammonia.
806
00:41:50,180 --> 00:41:51,880
If Sister Peter
could do the honours.
807
00:41:56,200 --> 00:41:57,900
No! Not that one, Sister!
808
00:41:58,100 --> 00:42:00,020
That isn't ammonium sulphide!
809
00:42:02,740 --> 00:42:04,300
Oh, dear.
810
00:42:09,860 --> 00:42:11,460
And remember, children.
811
00:42:11,660 --> 00:42:13,780
- Don't try this at home.
- Don't try this at home.
58911
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