Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:05,305 --> 00:00:08,241
[LAUGHING]
2
00:00:08,308 --> 00:00:10,844
[WHIRRING]
3
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:17,517
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP
4
00:00:17,584 --> 00:00:19,953
- IT'S ALIVE!
5
00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:39,773
- HA HA HA!
6
00:00:39,839 --> 00:00:40,974
OH, YEAH!
7
00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:43,276
I'M WEALTHY AND SUCCESSFUL.
8
00:00:43,343 --> 00:00:44,811
FANTASTIC!
9
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,079
[BUZZER]
10
00:00:46,146 --> 00:00:47,180
- [SNORTING]
11
00:00:47,247 --> 00:00:48,481
READY FOR THIS?
12
00:00:48,548 --> 00:00:50,183
- YOU'RE GOING DOWN, DEVIL.
13
00:00:50,250 --> 00:00:53,052
- SEACREST, OUT.
14
00:01:02,328 --> 00:01:04,931
- HA HA HA!
15
00:01:04,998 --> 00:01:05,799
- HA HA HA.
16
00:01:05,865 --> 00:01:07,767
YOU GOTTA LOVE BEING
A STAY-AT-HOME DAD.
17
00:01:07,834 --> 00:01:10,136
BUT SOME DAYS ARE TOUGHER
THAN OTHERS.
18
00:01:10,203 --> 00:01:11,204
- DON'T WORRY, DAD.
19
00:01:11,271 --> 00:01:13,039
SENOR CLEAN IS ON THE JOB.
20
00:01:13,106 --> 00:01:15,942
- ♪ SENOR CLEAN, SENOR CLEAN ♪
21
00:01:16,009 --> 00:01:18,745
- NEED A LITTLE HELP?
22
00:01:21,014 --> 00:01:22,615
- THANKS, SENOR CLEAN!
23
00:01:22,682 --> 00:01:26,419
- OH, NO.
I NO FINISHED YET.
24
00:01:26,486 --> 00:01:27,253
- HA HA. WHAT?
25
00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:29,722
- GO SEE A MOVIE, KIDS.
26
00:01:29,789 --> 00:01:31,357
- YAY!
27
00:01:31,424 --> 00:01:32,725
- MY WIFE WILL BE HOME SOON.
28
00:01:32,792 --> 00:01:36,229
- NOW WITH HER BRAKE LINES CUT,
SHE WON'T!
29
00:01:36,295 --> 00:01:39,232
- ♪ SENOR CLEAN GETS IT DONE ♪
30
00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:42,936
- SOMETIMES WITH MY PENIS!
31
00:01:44,137 --> 00:01:46,439
- SEACREST, OUT!
32
00:01:47,473 --> 00:01:49,275
- AAH!
33
00:01:49,342 --> 00:01:51,444
HMM.
34
00:01:57,884 --> 00:02:00,587
- WELL, IT IS
SCIENTIFICALLY POSSIBLE
35
00:02:00,653 --> 00:02:04,390
TO FLY A CREW OF MEN TO
THE ASTEROID AND DESTROY IT,
36
00:02:04,457 --> 00:02:05,525
SAVING OUR PLANET.
37
00:02:05,592 --> 00:02:09,863
HOWEVER, IT WILL COST
80,000 TRILLION DOLLARS.
38
00:02:09,929 --> 00:02:12,765
- SIR, IS THAT A MADE-UP NUMBER?
39
00:02:12,832 --> 00:02:13,466
- YES.
40
00:02:13,533 --> 00:02:15,802
- [REPORTERS CLAMORING]
41
00:02:16,269 --> 00:02:18,704
- THE FINE CITIZENS
OF THIS COUNTRY
42
00:02:18,771 --> 00:02:21,608
ARE RELUCTANT TO SUPPORT
ANOTHER TAX INCREASE.
43
00:02:21,674 --> 00:02:27,614
THEREFORE, CONGRESS IS AMERICA
TO VOTE ON WHO GOES INTO SPACE.
44
00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:30,283
- DON'T WE HAVE
HIGHLY TRAINED ASTRONAUTS?
45
00:02:30,350 --> 00:02:33,152
- OH, THAT'S SOMETHING
OF A MYTH.
46
00:02:33,219 --> 00:02:34,153
- AND HOW CAN PEOPLE VOTE?
47
00:02:34,220 --> 00:02:36,356
- THEY CAN CALL
OUR SPECIAL 800 NUMBER.
48
00:02:36,422 --> 00:02:38,691
YOU CAN VOTE AS MANY TIMES
AS YOU LIKE.
49
00:02:38,758 --> 00:02:41,094
BUT EACH CALL COSTS YOU $30,000.
50
00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:42,529
KIDS, GET YOUR
PARENTS' PERMISSION.
51
00:02:42,595 --> 00:02:45,598
- AS YOUR LEADER, I WOULD BE
HONORED IF AMERICA SELECTED ME
52
00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:49,102
TO LEAD A DANGEROUS SUICIDE
MISSION INTO OUTER SPACE.
53
00:02:49,168 --> 00:02:52,505
BUT THIS LETTER FROM MY DADDY
SAYS I DON'T GOT TO GO.
54
00:02:52,572 --> 00:02:54,607
♪ NA NA NA NA NA ♪
55
00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:56,843
ZOOM, ZOOM, ZOOM!
56
00:02:57,677 --> 00:02:59,045
ZOOM, ZOOM, ZOOM!
57
00:02:59,112 --> 00:03:00,280
- THE RESULTS ARE IN.
58
00:03:00,346 --> 00:03:03,616
AND THE MEN AMERICANS
HAVE CHOSEN TO LEAD
THE METEOR MISSION
59
00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:04,684
IS HARRISON FORD.
60
00:03:04,751 --> 00:03:07,787
FORD HAS STARRED IN MORE
TOP-GROSSING MOTION PICTURES
61
00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:08,888
THAN ANY OTHER ACTOR ALIVE.
62
00:03:08,955 --> 00:03:13,059
AND NOW THE FATE OF THE WORLD
IS IN HIS CAPABLE HANDS.
63
00:03:13,126 --> 00:03:16,462
- LISTEN, I'M 62-YEARS-OLD.
64
00:03:16,529 --> 00:03:17,329
I'M JUST AN ACTOR.
65
00:03:17,397 --> 00:03:19,232
YOU PEOPLE ARE ALL INSANE.
66
00:03:19,299 --> 00:03:20,667
- GO GET HIM, HANS SOLO!
67
00:03:20,733 --> 00:03:22,569
- I'D LIKE TO MEET
THE TEAM OF ENGINEERS
68
00:03:22,635 --> 00:03:24,404
WHO WILL ACCOMPANY ME
ON THIS MISSION.
69
00:03:24,470 --> 00:03:26,806
- ACTUALLY, THE REMAINING
5 SPOTS ON THE FLIGHT
70
00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:28,975
WILL BY FILLED BY AEROSMITH.
71
00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:32,111
WE NEED A COOL THEME SONG
FOR THIS MISSION.
72
00:03:32,178 --> 00:03:34,147
- I'M READY TO ROCK!
73
00:03:34,213 --> 00:03:35,248
[RETCH]
74
00:03:35,315 --> 00:03:38,117
- MY GOD. DID YOU JUST GET OFF
THE CENTRIFUGE TRAINER?
75
00:03:38,184 --> 00:03:42,055
- NO, I JUST SHOT SMACK
INTO BOTH MY EYEBALLS.
76
00:03:42,121 --> 00:03:43,489
YOW!
77
00:03:43,555 --> 00:03:44,390
- THAT'S TERRIBLE!
78
00:03:44,457 --> 00:03:47,260
AW, STEVEN TYLER'S
BEEN CLEAN FOR YEARS.
79
00:03:47,327 --> 00:03:49,495
I HAVE TO WRITE AN ANGRY LETTER.
80
00:03:49,562 --> 00:03:51,264
"DEAR ASSFACES..."
81
00:03:51,331 --> 00:03:53,399
- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
I GATHERED YOU HERE TODAY
82
00:03:53,466 --> 00:03:58,204
TO VOLUNTEER MY SERVICES
TO GO BLOW UP THAT METEOR.
83
00:03:58,271 --> 00:03:59,305
I MEAN, COME ON,
84
00:03:59,372 --> 00:04:01,874
I BLEW UP THE FRIGGING
DEATH STAR WITH MY EYES CLOSED.
85
00:04:01,941 --> 00:04:03,309
HA. NO PROBLEM.
86
00:04:03,376 --> 00:04:05,678
- THAT WAS JUST A MOVIE, DUDE.
87
00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:12,852
- 4, 3, 2, 1, 0.
LIFTOFF.
88
00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:13,853
LIFTOFF.
89
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:17,423
- YEAH! [RETCHING]
90
00:04:19,625 --> 00:04:21,226
- ALL RIGHT,
THIS IS IT, PEOPLE.
91
00:04:21,293 --> 00:04:23,529
WE'VE GOTTA MAKE A PERFECT
3 POINT LANDING
92
00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:24,864
ON THE SURFACE OF
A CHUNK OF ROCK
93
00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:27,300
TRAVELING 14,000
KILOMETERS AN HOUR
94
00:04:27,367 --> 00:04:28,968
AND USE OUR POSITIONING SOFTWARE
95
00:04:29,035 --> 00:04:30,737
TO DETERMINE THE EXACT LOCATIONS
96
00:04:30,803 --> 00:04:32,305
IN WHICH TO DETONATE
OUR CHARGES,
97
00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:34,040
FRACTURING THE METEORITE
INTO SMALL ENOUGH PIECES
98
00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:37,176
THAT WILL BURN UP HARMLESSLY
IN THE EARTH'S ATMOSPHERE.
99
00:04:37,243 --> 00:04:39,912
THEN WE GOTTA TURN
THIS PUPPY AROUND
100
00:04:39,979 --> 00:04:41,581
AND GET HOME IN ONE PIECE.
101
00:04:41,648 --> 00:04:43,049
CAN WE DO THIS?
102
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,050
- YEAH!
103
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,551
- ARE YOU WITH ME?
104
00:04:45,618 --> 00:04:46,753
- YEAH!
105
00:04:46,819 --> 00:04:52,091
U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
106
00:04:52,158 --> 00:04:55,294
U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
107
00:04:55,361 --> 00:04:56,562
- [BLEEP]
108
00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:57,430
- [BLEEP]
109
00:04:57,497 --> 00:05:00,967
- NOW, THAT SUCKS DONKEY DUNG.
110
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:27,460
- GOTTA LAY LOW FOR A WHILE.
111
00:05:27,527 --> 00:05:30,296
AH, THIS LOOKS
LIKE A GOOD SPOT.
112
00:05:30,363 --> 00:05:33,099
ONCE I GET MY BODY BACK
AND REVERSE THE GYPSY CURSE,
113
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,068
OR WHATEVER THE HELL
MY ORIGIN IS,
114
00:05:35,134 --> 00:05:38,805
I WON'T BE HANGING OUT
IN ANY LETTUCE PATCHES.
115
00:05:38,871 --> 00:05:40,940
HA HA HA HA HA!
116
00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:42,108
HUH? WHO'S THERE?
117
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:44,343
COME AND GET SOME!
118
00:05:49,916 --> 00:05:51,451
WHAT ARE YOU?
119
00:05:51,517 --> 00:05:52,585
ZOMBIES?
120
00:05:52,652 --> 00:05:54,220
- WE HAVE NO SOULS.
121
00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:55,221
- WE FEEL NO PAIN.
122
00:05:55,288 --> 00:05:58,491
- WITH YOUR SOUL,
WE CAN FINALLY FREE OURSELVES
123
00:05:58,558 --> 00:06:00,860
FROM THIS WRETCHED
LETTUCE PATCH.
124
00:06:00,927 --> 00:06:02,695
- [MOANING AND GROANING]
125
00:06:02,762 --> 00:06:05,164
- SOUL, GIMME YOUR SOUL.
126
00:06:05,231 --> 00:06:07,233
- ♪ SOUL ♪
127
00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:09,502
- [MOANING]
128
00:06:09,569 --> 00:06:12,705
- AAH!
129
00:06:13,072 --> 00:06:15,007
- SOUL! SOUL!
- SOUL!
130
00:06:15,074 --> 00:06:15,675
- AAH!
131
00:06:15,742 --> 00:06:18,845
- GIMME YOUR SOUL.
YOUR SOUL!
132
00:06:18,911 --> 00:06:21,881
- AAH!
- AAH!
133
00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:23,049
- WITH THEIR NEW SOULS,
134
00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:25,818
NOTHING COULD STOP
THE LETTUCE HEAD KIDS.
135
00:06:25,885 --> 00:06:28,221
THAT'S WHERE I COME IN.
I'M BUFFY.
136
00:06:28,287 --> 00:06:30,690
I FIGHT EVIL.
IT'S WHAT I DO.
137
00:06:30,757 --> 00:06:33,626
AND THAT'S HOW SEASON 8
WOULD'VE STARTED.
138
00:06:33,693 --> 00:06:36,562
- [BLEEP] NO WONDER YOU QUIT.
139
00:06:36,996 --> 00:06:39,732
- GIVE ME THE BOOBIES!
140
00:06:41,267 --> 00:06:43,202
- SEACREST, OUT.
141
00:06:43,269 --> 00:06:46,005
- AND WELCOME TO THE FOURTH
ANNUAL WINTER PET GAMES
142
00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:48,040
DOWNHILL SKIING COMPETITION.
143
00:06:48,107 --> 00:06:50,376
- LET'S HEAR FROM SOME
OF THOSE PET OWNERS.
144
00:06:50,443 --> 00:06:51,778
- MUFFIN WAS BORN TO SKI.
145
00:06:51,844 --> 00:06:54,847
- THIS IS FLOPSY'S DECISION,
NOT MINE.
146
00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:56,315
I COULDN'T KEEP HIM
OFF THE SLOPE,
147
00:06:56,382 --> 00:06:58,117
EVEN IF I WANTED TO.
148
00:06:58,183 --> 00:06:58,885
AND I DON'T.
149
00:06:58,951 --> 00:07:01,087
- MR. MUGGS DIDN'T
CHOOSE SKIING.
150
00:07:01,154 --> 00:07:03,289
SKIING CHOSE MR. MUGGS.
151
00:07:03,356 --> 00:07:04,257
- [YOWLING]
152
00:07:04,323 --> 00:07:05,691
- ALWAYS NICE TO HEAR
FROM THOSE PET-O-PHILES.
153
00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:08,861
- HOO-HOO, THEY REALLY HATE IT
WHEN YOU CALL THEM THAT.
154
00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:09,762
- AND THEY'RE OFF!
155
00:07:09,829 --> 00:07:11,130
- YOU'VE REALLY GOTTA
QUESTION THE WISDOM
156
00:07:11,197 --> 00:07:13,833
OF SENDING ALL THE RACERS
DOWN THE HILL AT ONCE.
157
00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:18,037
- YOU SURE DO...
IF YOU'RE A COMMUNIST, MAYBE!
158
00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:19,071
- [YOWL]
159
00:07:19,138 --> 00:07:20,072
- PART OF BEING COLORBLIND
160
00:07:20,139 --> 00:07:23,943
IS NOT BEING ABLE TO SEE
THOSE RED WARNING FLAGS.
161
00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:25,645
- OH, THERE GOES FLOPSY.
162
00:07:25,711 --> 00:07:29,448
HE WON THE CANADIAN NATIONALS
EARLIER THIS YEAR.
163
00:07:29,515 --> 00:07:31,951
- OH, CANADA!
164
00:07:34,487 --> 00:07:37,623
- OH, THE AGONY OF DEFEAT.
165
00:07:42,228 --> 00:07:47,133
- IT'S MR. MUGGS!
MR. MUGGS IS LEADING THE PACK.
166
00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:52,872
MR. MUGGS WINS IT!
167
00:07:52,939 --> 00:07:57,143
- WHAT A GREAT DAY
FOR ANIMAL SPORTS.
168
00:08:02,348 --> 00:08:03,015
- OOH!
169
00:08:03,082 --> 00:08:04,150
[MOANING AND GROANING]
170
00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:05,351
- GROSS. EWW.
171
00:08:05,418 --> 00:08:08,421
- WE NOW RETURN TO
"BEHIND THE MUSIC PRESENTS...
172
00:08:08,487 --> 00:08:09,522
ELECTRIC MAYHEM."
173
00:08:09,589 --> 00:08:12,959
TIMES WERE GOOD FOR DR. TEETH
AND HIS ELECTRIC MAYHEM.
174
00:08:13,025 --> 00:08:16,462
THE BAND LANDED A STEADY GIG
WITH THE MUPPET THEATER
175
00:08:16,529 --> 00:08:18,064
AND THE PAY WAS RELIABLE.
176
00:08:18,130 --> 00:08:20,900
BUT THE GOOD TIMES
WERE NOT TO LAST.
177
00:08:20,967 --> 00:08:22,602
AFTER A 5 YEAR RUN,
178
00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:24,203
ELECTRIC MAYHEM
GOT THE PINK SLIP
179
00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:26,639
THAT WOULD CHANGE
THEIR LIVES FOREVER.
180
00:08:26,706 --> 00:08:29,942
- "THE MUPPET SHOW" WAS
A GOOD GIG WHILE IT LASTED.
181
00:08:30,009 --> 00:08:32,378
GOT A LOT OF TAIL WITH
THAT KIND OF EXPOSURE.
182
00:08:32,445 --> 00:08:35,381
I EVEN GOT TO SLEEP WITH JOSIE
OF THE PUSSYCATS,
183
00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:36,582
BACK WHEN THAT MEANT SOMETHING.
184
00:08:36,649 --> 00:08:39,885
BUT KERMIT JUST COULDN'T KEEP UP
THE RENT ON THE THEATER,
185
00:08:39,952 --> 00:08:43,655
AND WELL, THE MOB SHUT US DOWN.
186
00:08:43,722 --> 00:08:45,758
- WITH THEIR STEADY PAYCHECK
SUDDENLY GONE,
187
00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:47,460
THE BAND DID WHAT THEY COULD--
188
00:08:47,526 --> 00:08:49,695
KIDS' PARTIES, BAR MITZVAHS,
189
00:08:49,762 --> 00:08:52,031
AND EVEN OFFERING CHILDREN
PIANO LESSONS.
190
00:08:52,098 --> 00:08:55,468
- OH, HOLY [BLEEP].
YOU MAKE ME WANNA PEE MYSELF.
191
00:08:55,534 --> 00:08:56,602
THAT WAS TERRIBLE.
192
00:08:56,669 --> 00:08:59,338
- THE BAND'S WOES WEREN'T
LIMITED TO FINANCIAL TROUBLE.
193
00:08:59,405 --> 00:09:01,974
- COME ON, TOMMY LEE'S
RICH, GOOD-LOOKING.
194
00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:03,142
COULDN'T HAVE BEEN THAT BAD.
195
00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:06,145
- LIKE, HE GAVE
ME HEPATITIS "C".
196
00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:09,115
I ONLY HAVE 5 YEARS TO LIVE.
197
00:09:09,181 --> 00:09:10,182
- ARE YOU GONNA SHOW ME
THOSE BOOBS?
198
00:09:10,249 --> 00:09:12,385
- [BLEEP] YOU, HOWARD.
I'M DYING!
199
00:09:12,451 --> 00:09:14,420
- THE BAND PINNED
THEIR COMEBACK HOPES
200
00:09:14,487 --> 00:09:15,888
ON THEIR "STAR SEARCH" SPECIAL.
201
00:09:15,955 --> 00:09:18,324
BUT NO ONE COULD FORESEE
THE CONSEQUENCES
202
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:21,060
FOR THE BAND'S
MOST BELOVED MEMBER.
203
00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:22,995
- OH, HO HO.
DID YOU SEE THAT?
204
00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:27,633
THE DRUMMER LOOKS LIKE
AN EPILEPTIC RAG DOLL.
205
00:09:27,700 --> 00:09:28,701
HO HO HO!
206
00:09:28,768 --> 00:09:29,402
- AAH!
207
00:09:29,468 --> 00:09:30,770
- GET OFF ME! HA HA HO!
208
00:09:30,836 --> 00:09:31,837
HELP! WHERE'S JOHNNY?
209
00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:34,540
- AFTER A LONG HISTORY
OF BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS,
210
00:09:34,607 --> 00:09:38,110
THE ON-AIR ATTACK OF ED McMAHON
WAS THE LAST STRAW.
211
00:09:38,177 --> 00:09:41,280
THE COURT'S RULED THAT
THE BAND'S DRUMMER ANIMAL
212
00:09:41,347 --> 00:09:42,648
BE PUT DOWN.
213
00:09:42,715 --> 00:09:48,521
- AAH! AAH!
RAH. RAH. RAH.
214
00:09:48,587 --> 00:09:51,790
- OH, NO! OH, NO!
215
00:09:51,857 --> 00:09:54,593
- A REUNION? NOW? NO.
216
00:09:54,660 --> 00:09:55,861
NOT HAPPENING, BROTHER.
217
00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:57,430
CHECK IT, MY MAN.
218
00:09:57,496 --> 00:09:58,531
ANIMAL'S DEAD.
219
00:09:58,597 --> 00:10:01,534
AND ZOOT?
I HAVEN'T ZOOT IN YEARS.
220
00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:03,202
NOT SINCE HE WAS
PICKED UP IN TOKYO
221
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:06,105
WITH 37 POUNDS OF HASH
IN HIS BAG.
222
00:10:06,172 --> 00:10:09,008
- TODAY, ELECTRIC MAYHEM
IS NO MORE.
223
00:10:09,075 --> 00:10:13,279
FOR THESE AGED ROCKERS,
THERE ARE NO REGRETS.
224
00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:14,447
- HEY, THAT'S LIFE, MAN.
225
00:10:14,513 --> 00:10:16,048
IT TOOK ME THIS LONG
TO REALIZE
226
00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:17,883
THAT FAME
ISN'T WHAT'S IMPORTANT.
227
00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:21,253
IT'S GOOD FRIENDS
AND GOOD HEALTH.
228
00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:23,456
- [COUGH COUGH]
229
00:10:27,626 --> 00:10:30,329
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP
230
00:10:30,396 --> 00:10:34,200
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
--www.ncicap.org--
231
00:10:34,266 --> 00:10:36,969
[CHICKENS CLUCKING]
232
00:10:44,944 --> 00:10:45,945
[MONKEY CHATTERING]
233
00:10:46,012 --> 00:10:48,647
- STUPID MONKEY.
15117
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.