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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,305 --> 00:00:08,241 [LAUGHING] 2 00:00:08,308 --> 00:00:10,844 [WHIRRING] 3 00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:17,517 CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP 4 00:00:17,584 --> 00:00:19,953 - IT'S ALIVE! 5 00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:39,773 - HA HA HA! 6 00:00:39,839 --> 00:00:40,974 OH, YEAH! 7 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:43,276 I'M WEALTHY AND SUCCESSFUL. 8 00:00:43,343 --> 00:00:44,811 FANTASTIC! 9 00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,079 [BUZZER] 10 00:00:46,146 --> 00:00:47,180 - [SNORTING] 11 00:00:47,247 --> 00:00:48,481 READY FOR THIS? 12 00:00:48,548 --> 00:00:50,183 - YOU'RE GOING DOWN, DEVIL. 13 00:00:50,250 --> 00:00:53,052 - SEACREST, OUT. 14 00:01:02,328 --> 00:01:04,931 - HA HA HA! 15 00:01:04,998 --> 00:01:05,799 - HA HA HA. 16 00:01:05,865 --> 00:01:07,767 YOU GOTTA LOVE BEING A STAY-AT-HOME DAD. 17 00:01:07,834 --> 00:01:10,136 BUT SOME DAYS ARE TOUGHER THAN OTHERS. 18 00:01:10,203 --> 00:01:11,204 - DON'T WORRY, DAD. 19 00:01:11,271 --> 00:01:13,039 SENOR CLEAN IS ON THE JOB. 20 00:01:13,106 --> 00:01:15,942 - ♪ SENOR CLEAN, SENOR CLEAN ♪ 21 00:01:16,009 --> 00:01:18,745 - NEED A LITTLE HELP? 22 00:01:21,014 --> 00:01:22,615 - THANKS, SENOR CLEAN! 23 00:01:22,682 --> 00:01:26,419 - OH, NO. I NO FINISHED YET. 24 00:01:26,486 --> 00:01:27,253 - HA HA. WHAT? 25 00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:29,722 - GO SEE A MOVIE, KIDS. 26 00:01:29,789 --> 00:01:31,357 - YAY! 27 00:01:31,424 --> 00:01:32,725 - MY WIFE WILL BE HOME SOON. 28 00:01:32,792 --> 00:01:36,229 - NOW WITH HER BRAKE LINES CUT, SHE WON'T! 29 00:01:36,295 --> 00:01:39,232 - ♪ SENOR CLEAN GETS IT DONE ♪ 30 00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:42,936 - SOMETIMES WITH MY PENIS! 31 00:01:44,137 --> 00:01:46,439 - SEACREST, OUT! 32 00:01:47,473 --> 00:01:49,275 - AAH! 33 00:01:49,342 --> 00:01:51,444 HMM. 34 00:01:57,884 --> 00:02:00,587 - WELL, IT IS SCIENTIFICALLY POSSIBLE 35 00:02:00,653 --> 00:02:04,390 TO FLY A CREW OF MEN TO THE ASTEROID AND DESTROY IT, 36 00:02:04,457 --> 00:02:05,525 SAVING OUR PLANET. 37 00:02:05,592 --> 00:02:09,863 HOWEVER, IT WILL COST 80,000 TRILLION DOLLARS. 38 00:02:09,929 --> 00:02:12,765 - SIR, IS THAT A MADE-UP NUMBER? 39 00:02:12,832 --> 00:02:13,466 - YES. 40 00:02:13,533 --> 00:02:15,802 - [REPORTERS CLAMORING] 41 00:02:16,269 --> 00:02:18,704 - THE FINE CITIZENS OF THIS COUNTRY 42 00:02:18,771 --> 00:02:21,608 ARE RELUCTANT TO SUPPORT ANOTHER TAX INCREASE. 43 00:02:21,674 --> 00:02:27,614 THEREFORE, CONGRESS IS AMERICA TO VOTE ON WHO GOES INTO SPACE. 44 00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:30,283 - DON'T WE HAVE HIGHLY TRAINED ASTRONAUTS? 45 00:02:30,350 --> 00:02:33,152 - OH, THAT'S SOMETHING OF A MYTH. 46 00:02:33,219 --> 00:02:34,153 - AND HOW CAN PEOPLE VOTE? 47 00:02:34,220 --> 00:02:36,356 - THEY CAN CALL OUR SPECIAL 800 NUMBER. 48 00:02:36,422 --> 00:02:38,691 YOU CAN VOTE AS MANY TIMES AS YOU LIKE. 49 00:02:38,758 --> 00:02:41,094 BUT EACH CALL COSTS YOU $30,000. 50 00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:42,529 KIDS, GET YOUR PARENTS' PERMISSION. 51 00:02:42,595 --> 00:02:45,598 - AS YOUR LEADER, I WOULD BE HONORED IF AMERICA SELECTED ME 52 00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:49,102 TO LEAD A DANGEROUS SUICIDE MISSION INTO OUTER SPACE. 53 00:02:49,168 --> 00:02:52,505 BUT THIS LETTER FROM MY DADDY SAYS I DON'T GOT TO GO. 54 00:02:52,572 --> 00:02:54,607 ♪ NA NA NA NA NA ♪ 55 00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:56,843 ZOOM, ZOOM, ZOOM! 56 00:02:57,677 --> 00:02:59,045 ZOOM, ZOOM, ZOOM! 57 00:02:59,112 --> 00:03:00,280 - THE RESULTS ARE IN. 58 00:03:00,346 --> 00:03:03,616 AND THE MEN AMERICANS HAVE CHOSEN TO LEAD THE METEOR MISSION 59 00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:04,684 IS HARRISON FORD. 60 00:03:04,751 --> 00:03:07,787 FORD HAS STARRED IN MORE TOP-GROSSING MOTION PICTURES 61 00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:08,888 THAN ANY OTHER ACTOR ALIVE. 62 00:03:08,955 --> 00:03:13,059 AND NOW THE FATE OF THE WORLD IS IN HIS CAPABLE HANDS. 63 00:03:13,126 --> 00:03:16,462 - LISTEN, I'M 62-YEARS-OLD. 64 00:03:16,529 --> 00:03:17,329 I'M JUST AN ACTOR. 65 00:03:17,397 --> 00:03:19,232 YOU PEOPLE ARE ALL INSANE. 66 00:03:19,299 --> 00:03:20,667 - GO GET HIM, HANS SOLO! 67 00:03:20,733 --> 00:03:22,569 - I'D LIKE TO MEET THE TEAM OF ENGINEERS 68 00:03:22,635 --> 00:03:24,404 WHO WILL ACCOMPANY ME ON THIS MISSION. 69 00:03:24,470 --> 00:03:26,806 - ACTUALLY, THE REMAINING 5 SPOTS ON THE FLIGHT 70 00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:28,975 WILL BY FILLED BY AEROSMITH. 71 00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:32,111 WE NEED A COOL THEME SONG FOR THIS MISSION. 72 00:03:32,178 --> 00:03:34,147 - I'M READY TO ROCK! 73 00:03:34,213 --> 00:03:35,248 [RETCH] 74 00:03:35,315 --> 00:03:38,117 - MY GOD. DID YOU JUST GET OFF THE CENTRIFUGE TRAINER? 75 00:03:38,184 --> 00:03:42,055 - NO, I JUST SHOT SMACK INTO BOTH MY EYEBALLS. 76 00:03:42,121 --> 00:03:43,489 YOW! 77 00:03:43,555 --> 00:03:44,390 - THAT'S TERRIBLE! 78 00:03:44,457 --> 00:03:47,260 AW, STEVEN TYLER'S BEEN CLEAN FOR YEARS. 79 00:03:47,327 --> 00:03:49,495 I HAVE TO WRITE AN ANGRY LETTER. 80 00:03:49,562 --> 00:03:51,264 "DEAR ASSFACES..." 81 00:03:51,331 --> 00:03:53,399 - LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I GATHERED YOU HERE TODAY 82 00:03:53,466 --> 00:03:58,204 TO VOLUNTEER MY SERVICES TO GO BLOW UP THAT METEOR. 83 00:03:58,271 --> 00:03:59,305 I MEAN, COME ON, 84 00:03:59,372 --> 00:04:01,874 I BLEW UP THE FRIGGING DEATH STAR WITH MY EYES CLOSED. 85 00:04:01,941 --> 00:04:03,309 HA. NO PROBLEM. 86 00:04:03,376 --> 00:04:05,678 - THAT WAS JUST A MOVIE, DUDE. 87 00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:12,852 - 4, 3, 2, 1, 0. LIFTOFF. 88 00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:13,853 LIFTOFF. 89 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:17,423 - YEAH! [RETCHING] 90 00:04:19,625 --> 00:04:21,226 - ALL RIGHT, THIS IS IT, PEOPLE. 91 00:04:21,293 --> 00:04:23,529 WE'VE GOTTA MAKE A PERFECT 3 POINT LANDING 92 00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:24,864 ON THE SURFACE OF A CHUNK OF ROCK 93 00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:27,300 TRAVELING 14,000 KILOMETERS AN HOUR 94 00:04:27,367 --> 00:04:28,968 AND USE OUR POSITIONING SOFTWARE 95 00:04:29,035 --> 00:04:30,737 TO DETERMINE THE EXACT LOCATIONS 96 00:04:30,803 --> 00:04:32,305 IN WHICH TO DETONATE OUR CHARGES, 97 00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:34,040 FRACTURING THE METEORITE INTO SMALL ENOUGH PIECES 98 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:37,176 THAT WILL BURN UP HARMLESSLY IN THE EARTH'S ATMOSPHERE. 99 00:04:37,243 --> 00:04:39,912 THEN WE GOTTA TURN THIS PUPPY AROUND 100 00:04:39,979 --> 00:04:41,581 AND GET HOME IN ONE PIECE. 101 00:04:41,648 --> 00:04:43,049 CAN WE DO THIS? 102 00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,050 - YEAH! 103 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,551 - ARE YOU WITH ME? 104 00:04:45,618 --> 00:04:46,753 - YEAH! 105 00:04:46,819 --> 00:04:52,091 U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! 106 00:04:52,158 --> 00:04:55,294 U.S.A.! U.S.A.! 107 00:04:55,361 --> 00:04:56,562 - [BLEEP] 108 00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:57,430 - [BLEEP] 109 00:04:57,497 --> 00:05:00,967 - NOW, THAT SUCKS DONKEY DUNG. 110 00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:27,460 - GOTTA LAY LOW FOR A WHILE. 111 00:05:27,527 --> 00:05:30,296 AH, THIS LOOKS LIKE A GOOD SPOT. 112 00:05:30,363 --> 00:05:33,099 ONCE I GET MY BODY BACK AND REVERSE THE GYPSY CURSE, 113 00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,068 OR WHATEVER THE HELL MY ORIGIN IS, 114 00:05:35,134 --> 00:05:38,805 I WON'T BE HANGING OUT IN ANY LETTUCE PATCHES. 115 00:05:38,871 --> 00:05:40,940 HA HA HA HA HA! 116 00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:42,108 HUH? WHO'S THERE? 117 00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:44,343 COME AND GET SOME! 118 00:05:49,916 --> 00:05:51,451 WHAT ARE YOU? 119 00:05:51,517 --> 00:05:52,585 ZOMBIES? 120 00:05:52,652 --> 00:05:54,220 - WE HAVE NO SOULS. 121 00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:55,221 - WE FEEL NO PAIN. 122 00:05:55,288 --> 00:05:58,491 - WITH YOUR SOUL, WE CAN FINALLY FREE OURSELVES 123 00:05:58,558 --> 00:06:00,860 FROM THIS WRETCHED LETTUCE PATCH. 124 00:06:00,927 --> 00:06:02,695 - [MOANING AND GROANING] 125 00:06:02,762 --> 00:06:05,164 - SOUL, GIMME YOUR SOUL. 126 00:06:05,231 --> 00:06:07,233 - ♪ SOUL ♪ 127 00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:09,502 - [MOANING] 128 00:06:09,569 --> 00:06:12,705 - AAH! 129 00:06:13,072 --> 00:06:15,007 - SOUL! SOUL! - SOUL! 130 00:06:15,074 --> 00:06:15,675 - AAH! 131 00:06:15,742 --> 00:06:18,845 - GIMME YOUR SOUL. YOUR SOUL! 132 00:06:18,911 --> 00:06:21,881 - AAH! - AAH! 133 00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:23,049 - WITH THEIR NEW SOULS, 134 00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:25,818 NOTHING COULD STOP THE LETTUCE HEAD KIDS. 135 00:06:25,885 --> 00:06:28,221 THAT'S WHERE I COME IN. I'M BUFFY. 136 00:06:28,287 --> 00:06:30,690 I FIGHT EVIL. IT'S WHAT I DO. 137 00:06:30,757 --> 00:06:33,626 AND THAT'S HOW SEASON 8 WOULD'VE STARTED. 138 00:06:33,693 --> 00:06:36,562 - [BLEEP] NO WONDER YOU QUIT. 139 00:06:36,996 --> 00:06:39,732 - GIVE ME THE BOOBIES! 140 00:06:41,267 --> 00:06:43,202 - SEACREST, OUT. 141 00:06:43,269 --> 00:06:46,005 - AND WELCOME TO THE FOURTH ANNUAL WINTER PET GAMES 142 00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:48,040 DOWNHILL SKIING COMPETITION. 143 00:06:48,107 --> 00:06:50,376 - LET'S HEAR FROM SOME OF THOSE PET OWNERS. 144 00:06:50,443 --> 00:06:51,778 - MUFFIN WAS BORN TO SKI. 145 00:06:51,844 --> 00:06:54,847 - THIS IS FLOPSY'S DECISION, NOT MINE. 146 00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:56,315 I COULDN'T KEEP HIM OFF THE SLOPE, 147 00:06:56,382 --> 00:06:58,117 EVEN IF I WANTED TO. 148 00:06:58,183 --> 00:06:58,885 AND I DON'T. 149 00:06:58,951 --> 00:07:01,087 - MR. MUGGS DIDN'T CHOOSE SKIING. 150 00:07:01,154 --> 00:07:03,289 SKIING CHOSE MR. MUGGS. 151 00:07:03,356 --> 00:07:04,257 - [YOWLING] 152 00:07:04,323 --> 00:07:05,691 - ALWAYS NICE TO HEAR FROM THOSE PET-O-PHILES. 153 00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:08,861 - HOO-HOO, THEY REALLY HATE IT WHEN YOU CALL THEM THAT. 154 00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:09,762 - AND THEY'RE OFF! 155 00:07:09,829 --> 00:07:11,130 - YOU'VE REALLY GOTTA QUESTION THE WISDOM 156 00:07:11,197 --> 00:07:13,833 OF SENDING ALL THE RACERS DOWN THE HILL AT ONCE. 157 00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:18,037 - YOU SURE DO... IF YOU'RE A COMMUNIST, MAYBE! 158 00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:19,071 - [YOWL] 159 00:07:19,138 --> 00:07:20,072 - PART OF BEING COLORBLIND 160 00:07:20,139 --> 00:07:23,943 IS NOT BEING ABLE TO SEE THOSE RED WARNING FLAGS. 161 00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:25,645 - OH, THERE GOES FLOPSY. 162 00:07:25,711 --> 00:07:29,448 HE WON THE CANADIAN NATIONALS EARLIER THIS YEAR. 163 00:07:29,515 --> 00:07:31,951 - OH, CANADA! 164 00:07:34,487 --> 00:07:37,623 - OH, THE AGONY OF DEFEAT. 165 00:07:42,228 --> 00:07:47,133 - IT'S MR. MUGGS! MR. MUGGS IS LEADING THE PACK. 166 00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:52,872 MR. MUGGS WINS IT! 167 00:07:52,939 --> 00:07:57,143 - WHAT A GREAT DAY FOR ANIMAL SPORTS. 168 00:08:02,348 --> 00:08:03,015 - OOH! 169 00:08:03,082 --> 00:08:04,150 [MOANING AND GROANING] 170 00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:05,351 - GROSS. EWW. 171 00:08:05,418 --> 00:08:08,421 - WE NOW RETURN TO "BEHIND THE MUSIC PRESENTS... 172 00:08:08,487 --> 00:08:09,522 ELECTRIC MAYHEM." 173 00:08:09,589 --> 00:08:12,959 TIMES WERE GOOD FOR DR. TEETH AND HIS ELECTRIC MAYHEM. 174 00:08:13,025 --> 00:08:16,462 THE BAND LANDED A STEADY GIG WITH THE MUPPET THEATER 175 00:08:16,529 --> 00:08:18,064 AND THE PAY WAS RELIABLE. 176 00:08:18,130 --> 00:08:20,900 BUT THE GOOD TIMES WERE NOT TO LAST. 177 00:08:20,967 --> 00:08:22,602 AFTER A 5 YEAR RUN, 178 00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:24,203 ELECTRIC MAYHEM GOT THE PINK SLIP 179 00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:26,639 THAT WOULD CHANGE THEIR LIVES FOREVER. 180 00:08:26,706 --> 00:08:29,942 - "THE MUPPET SHOW" WAS A GOOD GIG WHILE IT LASTED. 181 00:08:30,009 --> 00:08:32,378 GOT A LOT OF TAIL WITH THAT KIND OF EXPOSURE. 182 00:08:32,445 --> 00:08:35,381 I EVEN GOT TO SLEEP WITH JOSIE OF THE PUSSYCATS, 183 00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:36,582 BACK WHEN THAT MEANT SOMETHING. 184 00:08:36,649 --> 00:08:39,885 BUT KERMIT JUST COULDN'T KEEP UP THE RENT ON THE THEATER, 185 00:08:39,952 --> 00:08:43,655 AND WELL, THE MOB SHUT US DOWN. 186 00:08:43,722 --> 00:08:45,758 - WITH THEIR STEADY PAYCHECK SUDDENLY GONE, 187 00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:47,460 THE BAND DID WHAT THEY COULD-- 188 00:08:47,526 --> 00:08:49,695 KIDS' PARTIES, BAR MITZVAHS, 189 00:08:49,762 --> 00:08:52,031 AND EVEN OFFERING CHILDREN PIANO LESSONS. 190 00:08:52,098 --> 00:08:55,468 - OH, HOLY [BLEEP]. YOU MAKE ME WANNA PEE MYSELF. 191 00:08:55,534 --> 00:08:56,602 THAT WAS TERRIBLE. 192 00:08:56,669 --> 00:08:59,338 - THE BAND'S WOES WEREN'T LIMITED TO FINANCIAL TROUBLE. 193 00:08:59,405 --> 00:09:01,974 - COME ON, TOMMY LEE'S RICH, GOOD-LOOKING. 194 00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:03,142 COULDN'T HAVE BEEN THAT BAD. 195 00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:06,145 - LIKE, HE GAVE ME HEPATITIS "C". 196 00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:09,115 I ONLY HAVE 5 YEARS TO LIVE. 197 00:09:09,181 --> 00:09:10,182 - ARE YOU GONNA SHOW ME THOSE BOOBS? 198 00:09:10,249 --> 00:09:12,385 - [BLEEP] YOU, HOWARD. I'M DYING! 199 00:09:12,451 --> 00:09:14,420 - THE BAND PINNED THEIR COMEBACK HOPES 200 00:09:14,487 --> 00:09:15,888 ON THEIR "STAR SEARCH" SPECIAL. 201 00:09:15,955 --> 00:09:18,324 BUT NO ONE COULD FORESEE THE CONSEQUENCES 202 00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:21,060 FOR THE BAND'S MOST BELOVED MEMBER. 203 00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:22,995 - OH, HO HO. DID YOU SEE THAT? 204 00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:27,633 THE DRUMMER LOOKS LIKE AN EPILEPTIC RAG DOLL. 205 00:09:27,700 --> 00:09:28,701 HO HO HO! 206 00:09:28,768 --> 00:09:29,402 - AAH! 207 00:09:29,468 --> 00:09:30,770 - GET OFF ME! HA HA HO! 208 00:09:30,836 --> 00:09:31,837 HELP! WHERE'S JOHNNY? 209 00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:34,540 - AFTER A LONG HISTORY OF BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS, 210 00:09:34,607 --> 00:09:38,110 THE ON-AIR ATTACK OF ED McMAHON WAS THE LAST STRAW. 211 00:09:38,177 --> 00:09:41,280 THE COURT'S RULED THAT THE BAND'S DRUMMER ANIMAL 212 00:09:41,347 --> 00:09:42,648 BE PUT DOWN. 213 00:09:42,715 --> 00:09:48,521 - AAH! AAH! RAH. RAH. RAH. 214 00:09:48,587 --> 00:09:51,790 - OH, NO! OH, NO! 215 00:09:51,857 --> 00:09:54,593 - A REUNION? NOW? NO. 216 00:09:54,660 --> 00:09:55,861 NOT HAPPENING, BROTHER. 217 00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:57,430 CHECK IT, MY MAN. 218 00:09:57,496 --> 00:09:58,531 ANIMAL'S DEAD. 219 00:09:58,597 --> 00:10:01,534 AND ZOOT? I HAVEN'T ZOOT IN YEARS. 220 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:03,202 NOT SINCE HE WAS PICKED UP IN TOKYO 221 00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:06,105 WITH 37 POUNDS OF HASH IN HIS BAG. 222 00:10:06,172 --> 00:10:09,008 - TODAY, ELECTRIC MAYHEM IS NO MORE. 223 00:10:09,075 --> 00:10:13,279 FOR THESE AGED ROCKERS, THERE ARE NO REGRETS. 224 00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:14,447 - HEY, THAT'S LIFE, MAN. 225 00:10:14,513 --> 00:10:16,048 IT TOOK ME THIS LONG TO REALIZE 226 00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:17,883 THAT FAME ISN'T WHAT'S IMPORTANT. 227 00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:21,253 IT'S GOOD FRIENDS AND GOOD HEALTH. 228 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:23,456 - [COUGH COUGH] 229 00:10:27,626 --> 00:10:30,329 CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP 230 00:10:30,396 --> 00:10:34,200 CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org-- 231 00:10:34,266 --> 00:10:36,969 [CHICKENS CLUCKING] 232 00:10:44,944 --> 00:10:45,945 [MONKEY CHATTERING] 233 00:10:46,012 --> 00:10:48,647 - STUPID MONKEY. 15117

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