Original subtitles

Oh, come on, Van, please.

I really want you to go with me to the soup kitchen.

Cheyenne, I'm going to the park,

and I'm playing football with my friends.

They're not homeless,

but Clarence does live in his parents' garage.

Do you think you're too good to hang out with homeless people?

[chuckles]

Yeah. Kinda.

Plus, I'm kind of busy, honey.

That's why we make such a great team.

See, you...

are selfless.

Me... selfish.

I don't sell fish.

But wouldn't it be funny if I sold fish?

Fine, Van, go to your stupid football game.

But you're always saying how you want me to include you

in this part of my life,

and, every time I try to, you don't want anything to do with it.

I only said that so you'd let me finish watching the game.

Have fun with your hobos.

[door opens, closes]

Oh, hey, Cheyenne.

I'm off to St. Louis.

Yeah, take my husband with you and leave him in that stupid arch.

- Stupid? - [door closes]

She thinks the Arch is stupid?

It is one of the seven wonders of the world.

It is not.

It's one of the seven wonders of my world, Reba.

Now, anyway,

while I'm off enjoying the Bowling Hall of Fame

and the nation's best live banjo music,

I'm gonna need you to do some things for me around the house.

Oily rags and a match? Got it.

[laughs]

Gosh, you are funny.

[fake laugh]

Why are you still single, huh?

[babbling]

Okay, here's my key.

And, uh, I just need you to bring in the mail and water my plants.

And, most importantly,

feed and walk my husband three times a day.

What?

Well, I can't just leave food out.

He'll eat it all in the first day,

and then he'll go hungry the rest of the week.

Anyway, Brock's on this all-spinach diet, so it's gonna be real easy.

I'm not taking care of Brock.

I didn't even like taking care of him when I owned him.

Baby doll, you better get a move on.

You're gonna miss your flight.

Oh, they'll wait.

I used to date the pilot. [chuckles]

I was a flight attendant for three months.

[imitates static] Now boarding, Barbra Jean.

[laughs]

[theme song playing]

[Reba] Hey, hey.

♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪

♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪

♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪

♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪

♪ With gentle hands ♪

♪ And the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪

Ah, the best thing about Barbra Jean being out of town,

I don't have to lock the front door.

[laughs]

Hey, Reba.

Crap.

Trust me, I don't want to be here any more than you want me here.

That's impossible.

Listen, I, I just need to borrow your hot-water bottle.

I've told you a million times.

You can't use that thing as a whoopee cushion.

Right. Yeah. No, it's for my back.

It just... It's...

It feels a little off.

- Yeah, you look kind of funny. - I do?

Yeah, I didn't wanna say anything,

'cause you always look funny.

[laughs]

[laughs, groans]

Are you laughing?

'Cause that really wasn't one of my better zingers.

[groans]

No. No, I'm not laughing.

Oh, God, it hurts.

- Oh. - You're serious.

Come on, I'm gonna get you to the doctor.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, that's not necessary.

No, this'll pass.

Oh. [groans]

Oh, okay. All right.

All right, come on, get in the car.

Bad enough that I ignored her plants.

Barbra Jean will kill me if you croak.

Oh, excuse me, could you help me?

Well, sure.

- You know, you remind me of my first wife. - Aww.

Except she was really ugly.

Oh, thank you. Okey dokey.

[chuckles]

See, I'm, I'm volunteering here today, and I was just wondering who to talk to.

Well, don't talk to Spittin' Sammy.

I think the reason is self-evident.

Hello there. Can I help you?

Oh, hi, yes. I'm Cheyenne Montgomery.

I'm here giving of my time.

I wanted my husband to come, but he's selfish. Yeah.

He doesn't sell fish.

Sorry. I'm nervous.

I just start rambling.

Oh, that's okay, I wasn't listening.

Anyway.

It's just, uh,

it's just real important that I get rid of my anger, you know.

It's important that I look happy.

These people have led miserable, difficult, terrible lives,

and my smile may be the only positive thing they'll see all day,

perhaps in their lifetime.

Hi. Welcome to the shelter.

Hi, Sammy.

Okay.

So, what can I do?

I could serve soup, or I could talk to the men,

or I could just be seen. [chuckles]

Oh, no, dear. That's my job.

[chuckles]

You can start washing dishes.

When that's done, you can clean the toilets.

What?

See, I was,

I was just hoping for something a little more out front.

Well, you can clean up the vomit in the doorway.

- Is the kitchen that way? - Uh-huh.

- Okay. - Smile.

Oh, you poor thing.

You, you look terrible.

I do?

Oh, horrible.

How long have you been on the street?

Well, actually, I was in the park.

Oh, so young.

Such a shame.

Are you hungry?

Yes. I'm starving.

- Oh. - I'm always starving.

Well, I'm gonna get you something to eat.

You come sit right here.

I'll get you something and I'll be right back.

Oh.

This place is awesome.

I'm surprised more people don't come here.

You remind me of my first wife.

Back off, pal, I'm married.

- Van? - Hey, honey.

You look like the lunch lady.

What are you doing here?

Well, I, I thought about what you said, and I felt guilty,

so I came down here to see if there's anything I could do to help.

Here you go.

Oh.

Thank you.

Hey, do you have any crackers?

Van.

Don't eat that soup. That soup is for the hobos.

- You know each other? - That's my husband.

- What? The fish seller? - [Van clears throat]

- Come on in. - [grunts]

Oh.

Dad, what's wrong?

Honey, the doctor said your dad has a kidney stone.

Now, it's not dangerous, and it will go away by itself,

but in the meantime...

[giggles softly] it's incredibly painful.

Did you just giggle?

No, I didn't.

- Why would he eat kidney stones? - Oh, honey.

He didn't eat 'em.

It's just that he got 'em by eating way too much spinach.

I knew it!

Vegetables are evil.

Jake, spinach is still good for you.

You just don't want to eat too much of it,

'cause the minerals build up, and it...

turns into glass that you pass through your--

- Brock! - ...Wiener.

[groans]

[exhales]

Wow, Dad.

Spinach does that?

Yeah, there's an episode of Popeye you'll never see.

[groans]

Well, I guess I'll, uh...

I'll head home.

But there's nobody there.

I'm no doctor,

but I think you need someone around

when you shoot glass through your wiener.

I'll be fine, buddy.

[groans] Whoa!

I'm going with him.

No, you're not.

But he needs help.

I know, that's why he's staying here.

Brock, you're sick.

And you're gonna stay right here until you get to feeling better.

I don't care how long it takes.

- Come on. - Wait.

Are you just saying this

because you're looking forward to seeing me in pain?

[scoffs]

No.

Although it is a perk.

Come on.

Thanks, buddy.

[groans] Oh, gosh.

Barbra Jean, have you boarded your flight yet?

Yeah, yeah, I know. You can't hurry 'em up.

Yes, I'm sure if you had a gun, they'd move a lot faster,

but you shouldn't say stuff like that out loud.

Hello?

Oh, yes, sir, Officer.

Yes.

I understand.

By all means, question her.

Well, Barbra Jean's gonna be a little late.

Possibly three to five years late.

So it looks like our happy little weekend's gonna be

a little bit longer than we thought.

[groans] Oh. Oh, here it comes again.

[groans]

Mother of Mercy, nothing feels like this.

Oh, Brock, please. I delivered three children.

Not through a straw, babe.

[groans]

Oh.

[shudders]

You okay?

Yeah, for the time being.

You want something to eat?

Oh, God, I can't even think about food right now.

Not even grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup?

Reba's famous grilled cheese sandwich.

[chuckles] You still make it with mayo?

Of course.

What am I, an animal?

All right.

I'll see your three cans,

and I'll raise you one left shoe.

What have you got?

Hepatitis "C."

Oh.

And a full house.

[shouts]

Again?

You're, like, the luckiest guy ever, Homeless Joe.

Ew. Ew. Oh. Oh.

[gags]

[yelps] Oh.

Incoming.

Excuse me, when can I take a break?

When everyone has a home.

"When everyone has a home."

Oh, God, homeless stuff.

Oh. Oh.

Hey, Cheyenne, you got any cans?

If I don't start winning soon, we're gonna be homeless.

[laughs]

I hear that, John Doe.

Tito.

[laughs] What the hell is that?

Van, can I speak with you?

All right. [clears throat]

Guys, I'll, I'll be back in one minute, but remember...

if you need to take a bathroom break,

use a bathroom, okay?

Look, Van.

I am glad that you're having so much fun with the residentially challenged,

but I am not, okay?

For people who are supposedly starving,

they sure do leave a lot of food on their plates.

Honey, what you're doing is important work,

although you do have a piece of corn

- on your eyebrow. - Oh.

Well, I'm sorry, Van,

but I've been stuck back in that hellhole for two days straight,

cleaning up other people's messes.

I was supposed to be out front, not back in the kitchen,

where nobody could see all the good work I'm doing.

Well, isn't it enough that you know you're doing a good thing?

I thought it would be, Van,

but, no, it's not.

I want everyone to know.

I want to be showered with praise.

I want them to lift me up on their shoulders,

or at least name a damn soup after me.

Well, I don't think volunteering works that way.

Well, maybe if it did, more people would do it.

I just thought people would, like, at least,

pat me on the back or something.

Honey, sit down.

I know you feel like what you're doing isn't important

and it doesn't matter.

But without you and other people like you

who do all the hard, dirty work,

these people wouldn't have a decent meal,

have a, have a clean place to go

or one moment of the day, to feel safe,

where they can forget about all their problems.

What you do matters.

Believe me, I know.

I was once mistaken for a homeless person.

Well.

Honey,

that's so sweet. [chuckles]

Maybe you could, um, buy me some flowers or something,

you know, as, like, a symbolic gesture.

- You got it. - Aww. [chuckles]

I'll do even better.

I'll help you clean the dishes.

[gasps] Really?

Aww.

I'm next with the blonde.

Don't worry, don't worry.

He hit on me too.

Okay, Dad.

I see you and Cheyenne and Kyra.

When did we have a big red dog?

Oh.

- [chuckles] - That's not a dog, Son.

That's your mom's hair.

[laughs]

Yeah.

It was huge!

- Yes. - Yeah.

Okay, if we're pointing out funny hairdos...

look at this.

That's what your dad was up to.

Jake, have you ever heard of a mullet?

That is not a mullet.

It is too a mullet.

And you had a Duran Duran T-shirt on.

That's a double whammy.

[laughs]

You guys are laughing in all these pictures.

[both] Yeah.

[sighs] So, how you feelin'?

Uh, pretty good actually. Pretty good.

You feel like something to eat?

Hey, listen, why don't you sit down?

I'll go make us something for a change.

Nah, I got it.

And I'll fill up your water bottle while I'm at it.

- Okay? - All right. Thanks.

See, Son, here's the deal with a mullet:

business in the front,

party in the back.

Yeah.

Sweet!

[grunts]

Yeah.

What are you doing?

Making poker chips.

I am deep in the hole.

[grunts]

Mr. H is still here.

That's nice of you.

No, not really.

You know, I thought he was really gonna bug me, but...

actually, it's been kind of fun.

To tell you the truth,

I'm gonna be a little sad when he passes that stone

and has to leave.

Yeah!

That's gonna be something when he passes that stone.

[grunts]

Hey, Mrs. H.

Ask me what's so funny.

What's so funny, Van?

He passed the stone yesterday.

[laughs]

What?

Well, I figure it's okay to tell you,

'cause you're getting along with him so well.

Anyway, I better get to the shelter.

It's beef stroganoff night,

and I want to get in line before Spittin' Sammy.

[mumbles]

[Brock] Hey, Reba.

Why don't we watch Jeopardy? It's about to start.

[laughs]

Right. It's about to start.

[indistinct]

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.

Hey, Jake, why don't you go upstairs and let your dad rest?

He's in a lot of pain.

No, not right now.

Soon though.

I'll see you later, bud.

You know, I was just in the kitchen talkin' about ya.

Were your ears burning?

Oh. Oh. Ow. Reba, whoa, whoa.

- That hurts. Ow. - Ah.

As much as your kidney stone did when you passed it yesterday?

Oh, wait, did I forget to tell you about that?

How can you be so selfish?

I made you soup.

I made you a grilled cheese sandwich.

I was nice to you!

Yes.

Yes, you were, and that was the problem.

What the heck does that mean?

You know how whenever I'm over here,

we're always throwing little digs at each other?

Yeah.

Because you're an idiot.

Okay, fine, I'm an idiot.

But when I got sick, those little digs stopped.

It's like you said, you were nice to me.

I was nice to you. We laughed.

Yeah, but when we were laughing and being nice,

you were lying.

Yeah, okay. Fine.

Look, that was wrong. That was wrong.

But look, Reba, just hear me out for a second here, okay?

I realize

that we failed as husband and wife.

Okay, I get that.

I accept it.

But the thing I miss the most...

is our friendship.

And for the last few days, it's like we had that back again.

I know.

I miss it too.

You know, it's weird.

What's stopping us from moving on and being friends again?

[door opens]

I'm back.

Yeah. Right.

- Oh, Brock. - Hi.

Thank goodness you're alive.

Unlike my plants.

Thank you very much, Reba.

Well, Barbra Jean, I had to make a choice:

save your plants or save Brock.

Sorry, I blew it.

That's okay.

And just to show you that there's no hard feelings,

I'm gonna let you run the projector

at my, "Meet Me in St. Louis," slide show extravaganza.

It's tomorrow night, 7:00 to midnight.

- Oh. - [laughs]

Good deal!

I'll bring you a big ol' bowl of spinach.

- Oh. - [laughs]

[doorbell rings]

- Okay. - Excuse me.

Pardon me.

Are you Reba?

Yes.

I just won this house in a poker game.

[slide projector clicking]

[Barbra Jean] Welcome to Barbra Jean's slide show extravaganza.

Here we are, pulling into Houston Intercontinental Airport,

or, as some of you may know it, George Bush Intercontinental Airport.

I thought we were supposed to park in this lot,

but we were actually supposed to park in this lot.

Three tickets to St. Louis, please.

Silly me. Forgot to take off the lens cap.

Lens cap. Lens cap. Lens cap.

[Cheyenne] Barbra Jean, that's beautiful.

[Barbra Jean] Isn't it?

It's a picture of the postcard I saw in the airport.

Now, as some of you may know,

St. Louis was once the shoe manufacturing center of the world.

So I thought it might be fun to take some pictures of our trip

from the point of view of our feet.

Here we are on the banks of the mighty Mississippi.

Hoofing it to the Gateway Arch.

Three tickets to the Arch, please.

[Brock] Reba's trying to leave.

[Reba] I am not. I was going to the bathroom.

[Barbra Jean] There will be plenty of time for bathroom breaks

during the first intermission.

[Reba] You are so dead, Brock.

[Barbra Jean] Oh, this is a homeless guy I met.

Lens cap again.

Hello there.

Who's this happy fella?

The St. Louis squirrels were very friendly.

I thought this one looked like a young Bobby De Niro.

Are you looking at me?

[laughs]

Are you looking at me?

[closing theme music playing]

Acme! [coughing]