All language subtitles for Freaky Stories - 1x11 - Gotcha!_Legendas01.ENG

¶ [SPOOKY THEME
MUSIC THROUGHOUT] ¶

¶¶

JOE: Great pie, Rosie.

I mean, really
really great pie.

What, did you bring it in here
from another diner?

Have a nice day, Rosie.

ROSIE: Yeah... and don't
take any wooden nickels.

[MAURICE LAUGHS]

What?

Who'd be dumb enough to
take wooden nickels?

Oh, people get
fooled all the time.

Well I'm just glad
I'm not people.

Right. Like you
can't get fooled.

Nobody can fool me.

Oh yeah! Anybody can fool you.

Oh, yeah? Go ahead, try.

[LARRY LAUGHS]

Shh! Don't tell anybody
how dumb he is.

Don't you tell anybody any...

Need I say more?

I wasn't ready.

You weren't ready
NOT to be fooled.

That's right.

[LARRY LAUGHS]

Well now I'm ready.

Watch out! Incoming!

Ha! Can't fool me twice.

Ah--
[SPLAT!]

Maurice, Maurice!!

Anybody want a flat maggot?

Nah, I don't blame you.

Okay. Let's get this
show on the road.

Here's our first Freaky Story.

OLLIE'S BUD:
This is a true story.

It happened to a friend of a
friend of mine. Ollie.

He was the kind of guy who
knew exactly which wine

to order with chopped liver,
or how long your tie should be

so it didn't get
caught in your fly.

Oh, the girls were
pretty sweet on Ollie.

Heads turned whenever he
came down the street.

Now it just so happened that
Ollie was between adventures,

female that is,
when Imelda strolled by.

Now, by all accounts,
Imelda was one of the

classiest dishes in town.

You might say she was the
mayonnaise in the

tuna sandwich of life.

Ollie, jumped in
front of Imelda.

And he said, "Dinner. Tonight.

La Frite Francaise.
Eight o'clock".

Imelda paused and then she
smiled that smile she had.

And down the street
she strolled,

not looking back even once.

Ollie wanted everything to go
right with the evening,

so he figured to show up early
at La Frite Francaise,

the fanciest
restaurant in town.

Ollie demanded the
best table in the house,

and fresh flowers,
and a tablecloth.

And, are you ready
for this, clean cutlery.

Ollie was starting to
get up the nose

of the Maitre d' -- Max.

Y'see, Max was
also the owner, chef,

and dishwasher at
Le Frite Francais,

and nobody ever went to bed
hungry being nice to Max.

But Ollie didn't know that.

Ollie told him that tonight
was a very special night

for him and a very special
lady, and that tonight,

business as usual just wasn't
going to be good enough.

Max was just going to have
to do a little bit better.

Max thought for a moment,
and then very calmly,

very serenely, very graciously

told Ollie that he was a fool

for not realizing Ollie
was a man of the world.

A man for whom the best is
just regular fare.

If Ollie would allow him, he'd
prepare something special

to delight and amaze Ollie
and his lady fair.

Max whisked off the old table
cloth, applied a fresh one,

lit the candle stuck
in the wine bottle,

and produced a basket
of breadsticks.

Ollie smiled appreciatively as
Max dashed into the kitchen.

Just then, Imelda entered.

She was a vision
in parachute silk!

Imelda looked around and
recognized Ollie instantly,

the bread sticks stuffed up
his nose were a dead giveaway.

She laughed at
his little joke,

hoping those weren't the only
bread sticks at the table.

Meanwhile, Max was busy
dumping old dish water,

the grotty stuff from
the sink drain,

and some coffee grounds into
his special soup.

Yes, Max had something
very special planned for

his surly customer and
his important date.

Then he snorted, and hacked
and horked up just the thing.

He gobbed it right into
the centre of the soup.

A loogie the size
of a matzouhball

bobbed in the bowl.

He took a twist of
parsely for garnish,

and called for a waiter.

Gleefully, he peered through
the door of the kitchen

watching as Ollie, and his young
date enjoyed the first course.

When he saw Ollie look
up and wave to him,

Max couldn't resist going over

to enjoy the moment
more completely.

But if you thought Max was
stunned when Ollie told him

it was the best soup
he'd ever tasted,

you should have seen his face
when Imelda looked up

from her bowl and said,

"Daddy, this soup
is delicious!"

This is a true story.

It happened to a friend of
a friend of mine.

Ollie and his father
in law, Max,

the ones who run that very
successful restaurant,

"It's Snot Just Soup. "

Whoa! After that, you know
who can't be far behind.

Oh Larry, you've got
to try to fool me...

Just excuse me.
This'll take a second.

Okay Maurice, uh...

See if you can guess the
number I'm thinking of.

Okay good one. Good one. Um,

wait a minute you
can 't fool me.

There are a lot of numbers.

Oh gee. Tell you what.

I'll think of a
number between one and ten.

Think.

I am thinking.

Not everyone has to close
their eyes to think.

Really?

I thought of a number. Go on.

Uhhh--

Wrong.

Oh...

[LARRY LAUGHS]

Here's another
even freakier story...

and that's the truth.

- Nine!
- Wrong.

- Six!
- Wrong.

- Four!
- Wrong...

AIRPORT PAL:
This is a true story,

it happened to a friend
of a friend of mine...

Oscar, a baggage handler
who didn't have many friends.

Not just because
nobody likes the way

the baggage handlers
handle baggage.

But also, when something
went wrong, Oscar

would become a basket case.

But the story actually
started with Emily,

this nice lady who had a
St. Bernard named Mozart,

a very appropriate name since
both the dog and the composer

were dead.

It was a sad day when
Mozart passed on to

the big fire hydrant
in the sky.

Emily decided to bury Mozart

in the old family
plot back home,

way across the country.

So she put him in an airline
doggie shipping container,

sent it off with the baggage

and she boarded the plane.

Now, Oscar was doing
what he always did,

which was tossing
luggage around.

But when the doggie
container containing

one dead St. Bernard came down
the conveyor belt,

Oscar didn't toss
quite far enough.

The container fell short,
crashing to the floor.

Oscar panicked.

The other baggage handlers
huddled around the container,

thinking that Oscar
had killed the dog.

So the baggage handlers made
up some fake problem to

delay the plane from taking off

to give Oscar time to
replace the dead dog.

But where do you
get a St. Bernard?

Oscar unhooked the car from
the front of the baggage tram,

raced into town and
desperately searched for

a live St. Bernard.

Oscar ran up one
street and down another --

a poodle here, a terrier there,

cocker spaniels everywhere.

But not a St. Bernard
in sight.

Oscar tried the city
pound, opening pens,

desperately looking for
a St. Bernard.

Oscar was totally
out of control.

He tried to put a
leash on a sheep,

but it still looked
like a sheep.

Oscar was exhausted.
Out of ideas.

And out of luck.

But then, he spotted
the little boy standing

in a driveway, crying and
holding onto a St. Bernard.

It seems the boy's family was
moving and he couldn't

take the big old dog with him.

A St. Bernard who
looked just like

the one Oscar had
killed... almost.

The dog in the container had a
black spot on his nose,

the boy's dog didn't.

But Oscar took the dog anyway.

He picked up a black
magic marker on the way

to the airport and made
the St. Bernard look

just like Mozart...

the dog, that is.

And off flew,
Mozart the Second,

on the way to his new owner.

The St. Bernard was sure
going to be surprised.

So would his new owner.

Picture this. There was Emily,
with her sweet mom and dad.

They were pretty sad, prepared
to plant old, dead Mozart.

Then here came the
doggie container.

It was moving. Something
inside was shuffling around.

Emily opened the container
and out leaped...

Mozart???

Emily fainted dead away.

Mom and dad thought their
daughter had gone bonkers,

imagining poor
Mozart was dead.

And when Emily came to, she
convinced herself Mozart dying

was all a bad dream.

What else could it have been?

This is a true story.

It happened to a friend
of a friend of mine.

And Emily is happy her
Mozart is alive and looking

better than ever, especially
since his bath when

the black mark on
his nose disappeared.

Hi, Slick, how're you doin'?

Rosie, you look
gorgeous today.

Atta boy, Slick.
You are my idol.

ROSIE: Oh, Slick, honey,

I sure wish I could
believe anything you say.

I just figured out
that you tricked me.

Well, that was
the whole point.

Okay, this time, I'll
think of a number

and you have to guess it.

-Okay, got it.
-Four!

[MAURICE GASPS]

That's amazing!!

Later!

How does he do it?

SLICK: Yeah, I been runnin' the
shell game down on Maple Street.

You know, the mark has
to guess which shell the pea,

or whatever, is under,
only there are peas under

all the shells, so when the
guy says it's under one,

I show him it's under another.

MAURICE: Heh-heh-heh...

Hey Maurice. What's going on?

Oh, I'm just surprised you
didn't try something like...

oh, I don't know... the shell
game,on me ... you know ...

to fool me.

You won't give up, will you?

Afraid you can't fool me?

Okay. You want the shell game?

I'll give you the shell game.

Be right back,
after this story.

He wants the shell game...
Hahaha

PRISONER VINNIE:
This is a true story.

It happened to a friend
of a friend of mine,

a guy named Frank.

Now, Frank ain't whatcha call
a rocket scientist.

You could say, he was a couple
of clowns short of a circus.

So one day, Frank's wife had
an urge for a navel orange.

She was pregnant again and
had all kinds of urges.

She asked him to
go to the store

and get her an orange
and some other stuff.

Okay, so there's Frank,
standin' in the cereal aisle

of the store reading
labels on boxes.

Frank's wife told him to
make sure he checked the

salt content of every
cereal 'cause if there was

too much salt
she'd retain water.

Frank didn't know
exactly what that meant,

but it sounded ugly.

He was concentrating
so hard that he almost

didn't see the little
old lady next to him.

"Would you be a dear and read
this for me, sonny? "

she asked. "My eyes aren't
what they used to be.

"So Frank read the label for
her. "You're such a nice boy."

She told him. Then she stared
at him at him and said,

"Thank you for your help,"
and was gone.

A few minutes later Frank
was in the produce section

looking for a good melon.

Frank was knocking
on this cantaloup

to test for freshness.

"Excuse me. "

He couldn't believe it!
The melon was talking to him.

He was so shocked he dropped
it on the floor. SPLAT!

Frank was really embarrassed

and he turned around to see
if anyone was looking.

And there was that
old lady again.

"I'm sorry if I
startled you," she said.

"Oh, it was you!"
Frank was relieved

he wasn't hearing melons.

The old lady was
just staring at Frank.

"Do I have something on
my face or something? "

"No, no, no,... it's just...

Never mind, sorry
I bothered you. "

she said, and quickly
wheeled her cart away.

Next aisle over, Frank was
trying to choose toilet paper.

Two ply? Or not two ply?

He was really getting confused
when, there she was...

Staring at him.

Frank was really getting the
creeps, so he quickly

steered his shopping cart
around a display of pretzels,

and made for the
frozen food section.

He figured he'd be safe
'cause it was way too cold

for her old bones,

but there she was again!
Giving him that stare!

Frank pulled his cart into
the check out line,

but the old lady
got there first...

"Pardon my staring... "
the old lady said.

"You staring?
I didn't notice."

Franky was trying to be cool.
But then she started crying.

"You look exactly like
my long lost son.

"Phew. She was just
a sad old lady.

"It's okay, lady.
I understand.

"She kept on crying,
and crying.

"You look exactly like him!"

"Would you mind doing a
poor old lady a favour? "

"Anything!" Frank said.

This was really embarassing.

She asked Frank if he'd say
"Good bye, Mom," to her

as she left the store.

"It would make me feel so
much better," she said.

Frank felt so sorry for
the old lady.

So he yelled out,
"Good bye, Ma!See ya later!"

The "see-ya later" was
his own idea.

The cashier finished
totaling Frank's bill.

"That'll be two hundred ten
dollars and sixty-five cents."

Frank said there must
be some mistake.

The only thing in his cart
was a box of cereal and

an orange with a
funny dent in it.

"Your mother said you'd be
paying for hers, too. "

This is a true story.

It happened to a friend of
a friend of mine.

And Frank's wife doesn't send
him out food shopping anymore.

They can't afford it.

Okay, Maurice, you
got the shell game.

Well this looks like it's
going to be easy to fool me.

[THEY BOTH SNICKER]

Okay, now look at this
I cover the grain of rice.

See that there,
with the shell.

Okay, watch closely.

Wait, wait.
I'll be right back.

Huh?

Reading glasses!

Okay, watch closely.

[SHELLS SIFTING AROUND]

Okay Maurice,
where's the rice grain?

Um, let me think
-- the middle one.

The middle one. Are you sure?

It's under the middle one.

Alright, here we go.

But... Slick... said --

Show me the other shells.

What?

I want to look under
the other two shells.

Are you sure?

Let me see!

There. There.

But, but, there's supposed
to be a rice grain

under all the shells.
Slick said so.

Which is why the
moral of the story is,

never believe a
guy named Slick.

Alright. Fine ha,
ha you fooled me,

You fooled me this time.

But I'm going to get you next
time because a cockroach

ain't been born that canout
wit this maggot.

There's one born every minute.

Hey you know what,
let's have another story.

CLUB KID ARMANDO:
This is a true story.

It happened to a friend
of a friend of mine...

Jaxx loved the party
scene. He was a club kid.

Boy, that guy could
party. He was a legend.

He had a day job during the
week - bicycle courier.

I guess he had to pay for
the partying somehow.

There was an
added benefit, though.

With all that biking,
he was in great shape.

And I'll tell ya,

the guy was always checking
his look in the mirror.

Genetically Bio-sculpted.

Ya know? Never a
hair out of place.

And know what? It
paid off big time...

the girls were all over him.

He'd left a string of broken
hearted secretaries across

the entire East side.

Use 'em and lose em.
That was his motto.

Which I guess, brings
us to our story...

Jaxx caught wind
of the non-stop party

up on the colony. New Macao.

Word had it that 'Macao was
the place to be.

So he buzzed Willie and The
Troll and they hopped

the big bird to
'Party-Central'!

Jaxx & Co. hit the club
district like a house on fire.

They were hot and
they knew it.

People were calling to them
from the doorways.

Y'know? Like "Hey
youse guys! C'mon in!"

The big debate was,

which club would they honour
with their presence?

And so that's when
Jaxx saw her --

she was watching a sucker's
wallet being lightened

outside this little
ex- patriot place.

She was a hot
little blonde number.

Hmmm.

She'd do...

Jaxx slid up to her
in the crowd.

"What's a nice girl like you
doin' in a place like this?"

"That's original... "
she said cracking a funny

crooked smile at him.

He was hooked.

"Hmmm. You'll do. C'mon... "

She danced her way past
the gen-engineered

gorilla doormen - with
Jaxx in hot pursuit.

He stood in the
doorway of the club.

Now where'd she go?

Then he saw her in
the tangled mass

of club kids and Jack-wiring -

halfway across
the dance floor.

She was waiting for him.

Swaying with the crowd and
smiling that smile.

He found some free
earphones dangling from

the overhead array.
They plugged in.

The op-soma filled his head.

He glanced back
across the room.

Willie was getting chummy with
a club girl and The Troll... ?

Haha... Well, The Troll was
comparing her tattoos with

one of the gorillas
at the door.

Then Jaxx saw
that the blonde was

trying to tell him something.

He couldn't hear her
over the op-soma so

he took the phones off.

She led him to a
listening console and

handed him another
set of phones.

Then she took a CD out of
her purse and slid it

into the console tray.

"Why don't you try this?
- sang it myself."

Karioke Op-soma was the
big thing on New Macao.

The opera music
filled his head.

She adjusted his
volume control...

turned it way
up... And then...

[ZZZZT!]

everything went black...

Jaxx didn't know how
long he'd been out.

The pounding pain in
his head woke him.

Then the door of the filthy
hotel room came crashing open.

Willie and The Troll had been
scouring New Macao

looking for him, for
the last two days.

[SHE SCREAMS]

Her eyes rolled up in her
head and she passed out.

Jaxx looked down at what
she was pointing at.

[HE SCREAMS]

His body was gone!

The blonde was a body snatcher.

She'd stolen his body to
sell for transplant parts

and left him a prisoner.

Alive on a portable
life support unit.

Hey. It's a true story.

Happened to a friend
of a friend of mine.

And Jaxx?

He's given up the party life...

He's taken a desk job...

Shhhhh...

Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha!

Later.