All language subtitles for Freaky Stories - 1x10 - Oops!_Legendas01.ENG

¶ [SPOOKY THEME
MUSIC THROUGHOUT] ¶

¶¶

MAURICE: Woooooooooops!!!

LARRY: Hey, Maurice,
watch out!

We don't need no accidents
around here, especially today.

It's National Accident
Prevention Week.

Can't you read? The notice
is up in the kitchen.

Hey, Hey, Hey.

I know I'm only a maggot,
but in this place?

Even I try to avoid
the kitchen.

I don't blame you.

Ah, look Maurice, I'm getting
a little hungry here.

I'd kinda like to check those
waffles out in the kitchen.

You know what I mean. I'd
like you to tell the

folks back home about
the first Freaky Story.

Thanks alot.

Okay. This is one of our
freakier Freaky Stories...

Oh, no!!! I forgot to mention

Larry! Watch out for the
butter I left on the...

Whaaaa!!!
[HUGE CRASH!]

Larry? Larry? Are you okay?

Ooo-ooo-ah-ooo...look
at my arm.

I think it's busted.

I'm sorry. I feel so bad.
Is there

anything I can do to help?

Ahhh!! Don't touch me!
Don't touch me!

Roll the story.
Would ya please?

GARDEN CLUB MEMBER:
This is a true story.

It happened to a friend of a
friend of mine.

Edna. From the
Horticultural Society.

Yes, that Edna.

Poor Edna. All
she wants to do,

more than anything in this
life is to become a member

of the Horticultural Society.

Last year Edna's membership
submission was,

are you sitting down?

A dandelion.

Now, it's true, eight foot
dandelions are fairly rare,

but really, how would it look
accepting a new member

on the basis of a
large yellow weed.

Well, finally the
committee had to tell her,

that unless she could find
something very unique,

we wouldn't consider any
further applications from her.

So Edna decided to
console herself with a little

vacation, and flew off to
Mexico to look at the flowers.

One day, the hotel manager
told her that he knew of

a very rare specimen.

If the Senora was up
for a challenge,

and didn't mind a burro ride,

he would take her to
this very rare plant.

[EDNA GIGGLES WITH JOY]

Unfortunately, she danced
right on the manager's

little chihuahua. Poor Edna.

Well the next day,
they arrived at a dusty,

windswept plateau
above the clouds.

There was nothing there except
a grizzled little cactus with

tiny red speckles.

The hotel manager pointed
proudly to his discovery.

Edna just stared at the cactus
and was very disappointed.

But soon she thought she
saw it actually moving,

and she realized she had found

something very rare.

So Edna transplanted it
and took it home.

Edna lovingly tended
the little cactus

and my, how it thrived!

This was a cactus that was
guaranteed to make her

the talk of the
Horticultural Society.

She thanked the
manager profusely,

hugging him and
falling to her knees,

which was where his
new chihuahua puppy

had been sleeping.

Oh, well.

Back home, when the
delivery van arrived why, the

cactus was four times the size
from when she left Mexico.

Large, and green, and
the little red speckles

were practically
blinking at her.

Edna called the president of
the Horticultural Society,

and insisted that the new
members committee come

to her house for a big
surprise.

The next morning, she awoke
to find the cactus

had practically taken over
the entire living room.

And underneath its prickly
skin, the cactus was rippling.

Well, thought Edna,

the last laugh is on the
Horticultural Society.

Because now, my
magnificent cactus will

make me a member for sure.

Why, I wouldn't be
surprised if they

wanted to make me president.

[CACLKLES]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

There was the entire
membership committee,

dressed in hats, and pearls.

The fake politeness and
insincere small talk stopped

as the ladies caught sight of
the giant cactus, undulating,

the red speckles
blinking madly.

They stared in
stunned disbelief.

It would be impossible to
keep Edna out of the

Horticultural Society now.

And Edna marched in from
the kitchen with a large

tray of party sandwiches.

She placed them on a table
just in front of the cactus,

and with a smug smile said,

"Ladies, is there anything
you wish to say?"

The smell of food
aroused the cactus.

Before any of the ladies
could yell "Look out",

one of the cactus' arms
reached out and grabbed Edna.

[SCREAMS OF TERROR]

And as the entire
membership committee of

the Horticultural
Society watched in horror,

the cactus burst wide open!

And from its innards spewed
forth thousands of long,

wiggly, squirmy snakes!

All with blinking red eyes!

This is a true story.

It happened to a friend of
a friend of mine.

Poor Edna.

You know her. The crazy lady
who walks up and down

the Botanical Gardens offering
party sandwiches

to the rhododendrons.

You know, I feel responsible.

Well maybe that's because
you are responsible.

I wish there was some way
I could make it up to you?

You could get me
some of that waffle.

Okay Chief!

Okay Maurice.

And not too much
maple syrup!

[LAUGHS]

Ah, don't worry --
I won't be too hard on him.

[LARRY GROANS] Maurice --

Am I supposed to eat a waffle
with NOTHING to drink?

Huh?

What am I, not speaking
English here?

I'm in pain. I'm suffering.

Get me something
to drink. Will you?

Oh, okay.

Make it a fruit juice!

MAURICE: Okay...

Not apple.

No No No...

Or orange.

Ah Okay!...

And a piece of
chocolate cake for dessert.

Cake got it!

I would do the same
for him, you know ...

Wouldn't I?
[LAUGHS]

PSYCHOANALYST:
This is a true story.

It happened to a friend of a
friend of mine.

A doctor, actually. A doctor
with a few problems,

psychoanalytically speaking.

In layman's terms, he
was a fruit cake.

This doctor, we shall call him
Helmsley, was married to

a very successful
lawyer, Evelyn.

Together, they made quite the
cosmopolitan couple.

One night they had
tickets to the opening of

a new "important" play.

But as was common
with these folks,

on the night of the play, each
of them was in one of

his and her whirlwinds.

Helmsley had a full slate
of patients,

running from exam
room to exam room,

here a prescription,
there a lab test.

Evelyn dashed from court,

a joust with the press,
depositions, meetings...

the usual.

They both arrived home with
all the intention of

mounting themselves
appropriately for the occasion.

But Helmsley's tuxedo
hadn't been cleaned.

Evelyn couldn't choose a gown.

Helmsley lost his cuff links.

Evelyn despised
her alligator purse.

Eventually, they did get
off to the theater

and they did arrive before
the curtain rose...

barely.

Evelyn showed up in
the power suit she

wowed the jury in earlier.

And Helmsley wore the
comfortable tweed jacket

he'd worn all day.

So there they were, in their
third row center seats,

when Evelyn started
wiggling around.

Helmsley made eye
contact with Evelyn...

someone was emitting a
horrifyingly foul odor.

And the usher was eyeing
them suspiciously.

Evelyn spotted two empty
seats way over at the side of

the theatre, and circumstances
dictated that they move.

The star of the play
was on the stage,

delivering a soliloquy about
the meaning of life,

while Evelyn and Helmsley
were doing that annoying

"Excuse me", "Beg
your pardon" thing,

climbing over laps and coats.

The suspicious usher followed
them, sniffing as they went.

Eventually, they made it to
the two side seats.

They sat back and relaxed and
watched the play.

The drama unfolded on stage,

but the actors were all
holding hankies to their faces

and the men were
covering their noses,

trying not to
inhale the stench.

The ushers were pointing
accusingly at the doctor

and the lawyer.

Evelyn, unaware, thought
they should stop the play, find

the person who was contaminating
the air and evict him.

Evelyn and Helmsley
decided they had a better

chance of survival if they
would simply stand in the back

of the theatre.

So they made their way out...

by then they were getting
better at it and did not

squash so many toes.

Fortunately, the play was
nearing the end of the act

and the entire audience
assumed they could

hold their breath for
a few more minutes.

But one of the
ushers couldn't.

And the poor fellow
fainted dead away.

The stage manager came
out and apologized.

Everybody in the audience was
thankful to get out of there.

There was a stampede to the
door and some fresh air.

It was when Evelyn and
Helmsley were going home

that the revelation occurred.

You see, the same
offensive odor was

right there in the
car with them.

What with all the
rushing around,

Helmsley forgot he
had a fecal specimen

he was supposed to
drop off at the lab.

That's a true story.

It happened to a friend of a
friend of mine...

the good doctor and his wife.

Oh, they still race
around like fruit cakes.

But now, since they've
become my patients,

they blame it all on their
early toilet training.

Oh, man, am I'm getting stiff.

MAURICE: Oh, Larry...

[GASPS & GRUNTS]

Did I just see what
I thought I saw?

[NERVOUS LAUGHTER]
Heh-heh... What?

Oh, nothing. I think. I'll
just be running along now.

[MAURICE HUMS]

Oh, that was close.

I think I just
twisted my back.

[GRUNTS & GROANS]

MAURICE: Larry...

Oh oh, I got to
get back in here.

¶¶

[CHUCKLES]

Who does he think
he's playing with here?

Maurice is such an amateur.

Hey, here's a Freaky Story...

A fun one. Yeah.

PJ'S PAL:
This is a true story.

It happened to a friend
of a friend of mine.

The coolest kid
in school, P.J.

The babes, went wild for him.

Basically, PJ
could get any girl,

he wanted until Wendy
came to the school.

Wendy wasn't like
the other girls.

She was really into school.

I mean all she did
was study, and spend

her free time in the library.

But she was really a babe.

Although, I'm not so
sure she knew that.

Because she never
seemed interested in boys.

How do I know this?

Well, the first day she
came to the school,

she walked right past PJ.

And didn't even trip.
Or stumble. Or drool.

PJ was stunned. But then
he figured she was

probably just a robot.

She had to be some android
that the principal had built

to spy on the kids.

But in the cafeteria, PJ
accidentally "bumped" into her

and as they reached for the
macaroni and cheese salad

at the same time,
their hands touched.

And... that was it.

She took the salad
plate and moved along.

PJ had lost it.
The king was dead.

But he bet us that he'd be
kissing her by dinnertime.

He followed her home from
school that day, and sat

across the street watching
as she played with

her little dog Sparky.

She was trying to train him.

Sit, Wendy would say.

And Sparky would pee.

Heel, Wendy would say,

and Sparky would pee...

on her shoe.

PJ made his move.

He strolled
past Wendy's house.

As he saw the dog, he
called out, "here, boy."

Sparky bounded over to PJ.

PJ told the dog to
sit, and the dog sat.

Wendy's heart instantly thawed.

The babemeister was back!

She asked PJ how he did that.

And PJ told her it was easy
to teach a dog tricks.

In fact, he could teach
her how to get Sparky

to do just about anything.

"Even fetch?" asked Wendy.

PJ nodded.

Wendy asked if PJ
would show her how.

He found a ball, and got
Sparky to chase it

as far as he could throw
it, and bring it back.

Soon, Sparky was
running over hedges,

under fences,
through the bushes.

Anywhere to get that ball.

Wendy invited PJ into the
house for a drink of lemonade.

She asked him if he wanted a
tour of her new place.

So, off they went,
Wendy and PJ and Sparky.

Through the first floor,
through the second floor,

and finally up to the attic.

As Wendy looked out the
open window at her

new neighbourhood, PJ took up
a position on an old couch.

And so did Sparky.
Right beside him.

PJ quickly shoved
Sparky off the couch,

and called Wendy over
to come sit.

And she did.

And so did Sparky.

He moved Sparky off the
couch, faked a yawn and

got his arm almost around
Wendy's shoulder.

She told PJ that she wished
she could thank him

for helping her with Sparky.

Unfortunately for PJ,
Sparky heard his name,

and was right there on his lap
with his wet ball.

PJ dumped Sparky
off the couch.

Wendy leaned forward.
And PJ leaned forward.

And he found himself sitting
on Sparky's stupid wet ball.

As he went to put his
arm around Wendy,

PJ took the ball and tossed it
over his shoulder.

It bounced on the floor and
they both looked up at

the same time as they watched
Sparky leap for the ball...

just as it bounced
right out the window!

This is a true story.

It happened to a friend
of a friend of mine.

Guy named PJ. Used
to be really cool.

But now, all he does is
wander the streets mumbling

"Here Sparky. Here Sparky."

I'm not as dumb as I look.

Actually, nobody's as
dumb as I look.

Watch this.

FIRE!!! FIRE!!! FIRE!!!

What, What? Where???

Whe... Where's the fire?
Where's the fire?

Well, well, well what do we
have to say for yourself?

Ouch!

Ha! Well folks the next
story's really freaky...

it's my favorite kind.

Maurice, you're not
buying this are you?

MRS. OXENBOURG:
This is a true story.

It happened to a friend of
a friend of mine...

Uncle Dimitri had gone
off many years ago

to seek his fortune
in the new world.

And even though he had
indeed found his fortune,

Uncle Dimitri
never forgot his roots.

While he lived in the
glittering cities of America,

his heart belonged
to the people in

his little village of Oshek.

He was a generous man
and his relatives often

received parcels
containing gifts.

It was always a joyous
occasion in the little

village of Oshek when a package
arrived from Uncle Dimitri.

Sometimes he sent gifts.
Sometimes he sent clothing.

And so one day, Mama received
a parcel from Uncle Dimitri.

All the little brothers and
sisters gathered 'round

as Mama carefully opened the
brown wrapping paper.

She was careful in this
regard because she liked

to save the paper
for future use.

But while Mama' back was
turned away from the table,

one of the goats from the
pasture leaned in the window

and snatched the letter
that Uncle Dimitri had sent

with his gift!

But at least the gift
was safe on the table.

It was a jar, a
big one mind you,

filled with a brown powder.

Mama unscrewed the lid.

It smelled good.

She moistened a
finger, dipped it in the jar

and tasted the powder.

Mmmmm. Spicy!

Uncle Dimitri had sent the
family a gift of cooking spice.

This was another fine day in
the little village of Oshek.

Mama bought a chicken
to cook for supper.

She first boiled the
chicken to make soup.

Then she rubbed the chicken with
some of the Spice from America

mixed with a little garlic,

and set it in the
oven to roast.

Neighbours, even from as far
away as the next village came

to marvel at Uncle Dimitri's
wonderful Spice from America.

Mama's friends begged to
have some of this spice

for their family dinners.

So Mama, reluctantly,
began to measure it out:

One-half glass per family.

And soon the whole valley was
filled with the rich aroma

of spicy chicken.

And so it went, until one day
near the holiday season,

at long last the big
jar finally ran dry.

They took the last remaining
crumbs of the Spice

and spread it over
their holiday roast.

The sweet smell
filled the air,

bringing tears
to everyone's eye.

And that's when Hugo
the eldest son made

his great suggestion.

Why didn't Mama simply
write to Uncle Dimitri

and ask him to send more of
this wonderful spice?

Surely, Uncle Dimitri would
be proud that his gift

was enjoyed by
the whole village.

So Mama wrote about how
much his gift had meant

to the entire
village of Oshek.

And would it be
possible for him to send

another jar of the
spice? Maybe even two?

And that's when
the miracle happened.

At the very instant that Mama
finished writing her letter

to Uncle Dimitri, Carl
the Postman arrived.

With a parcel. From America!

Family and
friends gathered 'round.

They held their breath as
the final papers came away.

But this was no
spice-filled jar.

It was an even greater gift...

an urn - fashioned out
of solid gold.

Mama unscrewed the top and
looked inside...

There was a note - from
Uncle Dimitri's son Leon...

It seems that Uncle
Dimitri had passed away.

And his dying wish was that he
be cremated and his ashes

sent home to his beloved
village of Oshek.

Leon had sent Uncle Dimiti
on ahead -

a couple of weeks ago...
in a large jar...

Hey it's a true story.

It happened to a friend
of a friend of mine.

And now, when a
package arrives in

the little village of Oshek...

they read the instructions
very carefully.

Come on little pal. Huh?

Old buddy --

I'm not your buddy.

Okay -- Look, old...

Maggot.

You are my friend...

[MAURICE LAUGHS SADLY]

I don't express my true
feeling easily here.

I took care of you...

Well, if anything happened
to you, don't you think

I would take care of you? Huh?

You would?

I'm hurt you even ask.

Now,

please go, I'm getting
all choked up here.

I'm sorry. I know
you'd take care of me.

[SOBBING & KISSES]

Oh, now you done it, ya big
lug... Get outta here!

[PHONY SOBS]

Well, guys, see you next time.

And maybe we'll have some more

Freaky Stories...

MAURICE: Aaaaaghhhh!!!

[CRASH!]

Help me! I can't move!

Me and my big mouth.

All right coming.

And bring a juice.

What kind of juice?

Oh surprise me !

Ugh... Coming!