All language subtitles for Freaky Stories - 1x09 - Not the Waltons_Legendas01.ENG

¶ [SPOOKY THEME
MUSIC THROUGHOUT] ¶

¶¶

LARRY: Never trust a maggot.

How could I forget that rule?

There was a whole cookie.
Right there and...

Maurice, how did you take
a whole cookie?

I had help.

Who would help you? A maggot?

Other maggots, of course.

You mean... ?

That's right. My family.

Oh it is great to have a
family. Right Larry?

The only one I keep in touch
with is my cousin, Barry.

Actually, Sir Barry.
He's English.

He is very debonair, very
suave, very sophisticated.

Like me.

[HE LAUGHS...]

[and LAUGHS...]

[and LAUGHS]

What? I don't have
to take this.

Hey Larry! Come back!

Who's going to
introduce the show?

BARRY:
I say, old thing.

What? What manner
of creature are you?

You must be Larry's
cousin, Barry.

Sir Barry.

Sir! I never met a
real Sir before.

Of course you haven't.

Wow, are you snooty.

And deservedly so. Now,
where is my cousin, Larry?

I don't know. But I'll
help you find him.

Watch this story...
we'll be back.

STREET BOY: This
is a true story.

It happened to a friend of a
friend of mine.

We called him Bopper.

Now first off, Bopper
was a tennis champ.

Honest, him and his sister,
Maria, they won the

All City Mixed Doubles a
couple of years ago.

They beat the kid of this
big corporate honcho

called Philip and his partner,
squishy-face, Hillary.

Yeah, they were winning the
competition for years

'til the City Rec Department
started giving tennis lessons

to us regular people.

Bopper had a secret weapon...
his sister Maria.

Philip had a really hard time
keepin' his eye on the ball

with Maria playing on the
other side of the net.

Ol' squishy-face Hillary, she
was beside herself, man,

but Philip was tripping
over his sneaker laces

to hop the net to pay
homage to the victors.

[CRASH!]

That and to ask Maria if she
would be interested in

taking a turn in his
Jag some night.

But Bopper stepped in.
"Nobody takes my little sister

for no turn without first he
meets my grandmother

and gets approval."

So, that's how come the next
Saturday afternoon

Philip was lost deep in
our neighborhood,

looking for Maria's place.

He was driving up one alley
and down the next,

and figuring he was
gonna miss lunch.

But just then, he saw Bopper
in front of a bungalow working

on his motorcycle.

He had the engine
all over the driveway.

Philip slid out of
his Jag and said,

"Yo, trouble with
your wheels, man?"

Bopper looked at him like
he was a bug and said,

"Giving her a carburetor job."

Philip mumbled something
about spark plugs and he

rushed to the front door
where Maria's dad stood

with an ugly look on his face.

He didn't even say, like,
"You're late," he just said,

"We started without you".

He pointed Philip at the
dining room and kept

fightin' with Bopper, who
didn't want to stop

workin' on his ride.

Philip walked down the hall
and into a dining room feelin'

very out of place, especially
when he saw the fifteen

family members around the
table, hunched over huge

steaming bowls of
thick black bean soup.

Philip turned on all his
charm as he apologized

for bein' late and shoved
a bouquet of flowers

into Grandma's face.

Then he played his
trump card, saying,

"As soon as I stepped in this
house, my mouth started

watering for that
wonderful soup."

The grandmother, said Maria
made the soup herself.

Maria was about to head for
the kitchen to serve Philip

a bowl when he said,

"Oh, don't get up,
Maria. I already feel like

a member of the family

so let me serve myself."

Oh-oh!

There on the stove were two pots
full of black bubbling liquid.

So, he sniffed one pot and the
stuff smelled terrible.

And then he smelled the
other and it stank too.

See, that was the problem
when you get brought up

a household where garlic is
like some exotic thing.

But Philip
remembered his father's

corporate-type advice;

"It doesn't matter what
decision you make,

so long as you make it fast
and pretend it's right

no matter what."

So, Philip, filled his bowl
with the stuff from pot one

and came back to the dining
room just as Papa came in,

dragging Bopper by the lip and
demanding that he eat.

Bopper picked up his bowl and
headed for the kitchen.

Philip sat down,
smiled at Grandma and

began to eat and say;

"Mmmmmmm, this is so good
Maria," or something like that

and at the same time trying to
keep from throwing up

'cause the soup tasted like
something you'd lick off

the end of a gas pump.

Anyway, Philip kept on smiling
and slurpin' and almost

finished his bowl by the time
Bopper came back,

and man, he was burning'.

"Hey", he yelled, "What
happened to the cleaning fluid

my carburetor was soaking in?

[SCREAMS]

This is a true story.

It happened to a friend of a
friend of mine.

They rushed Philip to the
hospital and Maria

came everyday to visit.

And the marriage was a big
hit even though Maria

had to swear to never
make black bean soup.

I can't find Larry.

I wonder where he could be.

What the devil
is that... that...

Slime?

If you will. Yes.

Ah, it's slime.

Where can I find
my dear cousin?

He wouldn't go far...

You see, I've
got this cookie...

[LAUGHS]

It is urgent that I find him.

You see, there is a
family secret we share.

One which we must address
immediately.

A family secret!

I'll look for him myself.

Can you believe that sweet,
polite, sophisticated roach

is related to...

LARRY: Hey, let's keep
this show moving.

Let's roll another
Freaky Story.

HAM HARRISON:
This is a true story.

It happened to a friend of a
friend of mine...

actually two friends,
Charlton and Belinda.

They were affectionately
known at Harvard as

Chip and Bunny.

When Chip and Bunny tied
the knot, they searched

to find the perfect home.

In the perfect neighborhood.

With the perfect neighbours.

Something perhaps in
Kennebunkport --

lots of tradition and history.

And they found just what
they were looking for,

a charming old house with tons
and tons of character.

On the rocky cliffs
overlooking the sea,

the house displayed its old
world Victorian charm by day,

yet appeared strangely
eerie by the light of the moon.

Chip and Bunny were told the
house was once owned

by a whaling boat captain, a
cantankerous old salt who,

after one of many
rousing spats with his wife,

set sail in 1902...
and never returned.

It was said that the
house was haunted

by the ghost of
the old captain.

But Chip and Bunny scoffed.

Perhaps folks with less
sophistication than they had,

would be alarmed by
such ghost stories,

but Chip and Bunny would
have no part of that.

However, on their first
night in the house...

[A HUGE CRASH!]

Chip, with trusty
squash racket in hand,

made his way
downstairs to investigate.

He found one of the old
basement walls had collapsed,

revealing several
weathered, oak wine casks,

with wine still inside them.

Chip ventured to taste the
contents of one of the casks.

Awful stuff it was but
being thorough,

Chip tried them all.

To his surprise one of the
casks seemed to hold

a rich red wine, robust,
with a haughty bouquet

and piquant character...

the most delicious wine Chip
had ever tasted.

Since the supply of this
wondrous wine was limited,

Chip and Bunny decided to
keep it for themselves.

On their subsequent
wedding anniversaries,

they would each savor one
glass from their secret cache.

Chip and Bunny went about
having their basement

converted into a proper
wine cellar.

The precious wine in
that big old cask,

would only improve with age.

Every year, on
their anniversary,

whether they were off to
a soiree at the club

or a "do" at mumzie's
country home, Chip and Bunny

would toast their good fortune
with the delicious claret.

On their seventh anniversary,

they picnicked in the basement
and shared their wine

on a blanket spread
over the cement floor.

For their twelfth anniversary,
Chip and Bunny took

a small decanter of
the wine on a cruise

and sipped it in the
privacy of their state room.

And on their
seventeenth anniversary,

the couple enjoyed their
private wine in the gondola

of a hot air balloon wafting
over the majestic Alps...

for by now, Chip was a
successful attorney and

Bunny ran a noted magazine.

It was their twenty
second anniversary

when the cask ran dry.

Chip turned the tap and only
three drops trickled out.

Taking this disappointment
in stride,

they bid a fond adieu and
moved on with their lives.

The next day, Chip went about
the task of removing

the old, empty cask
from the basement.

But he couldn't lift
it off its trestle.

Could there be something in
the cask?

He pried off the lid
and looked inside.

Staring back at him was the
old sea captain...

who had either gone to sea and
returned in a wine cask,

or had not made it out
to sea after the last

spat with his wife.

This is a true story.

It happened to a friend
of a friend of mine.

And these days, on their
anniversary, Chip and Bunny,

now devout teetotalers,
toast each other with

strawberry milk-shakes.

What? What?

It's just that your cousin...

he's so nice
and you're, well...

My cousin? Here? No way.

Way -- I was just
talking to him.

What does this guy look like?

This guy who says
he's my cousin?

Oh, well he's about uhh...

Oh, and he's got, uh...
Uh....

He looks
exactly like you.

That's Barry all right.
What's he doing here?

He said something about
a family secret.

Oh no! Not the secret! Oh no!

I gotta find him.

I can't seem to
locate my cousin.

Oh yeah, he got pretty upset
when I told him about...

... the secret.

Oh, dear. Oh dear,
oh dear, oh dear...

[LARRY PANTING]

Your cousin was just here.

I better find him, quick.

Uhhh.... You know what to do!

No really, I don't
know what to do ...

Oh, uh . . . here's
another Freaky Story.

NICE OLD LADY:
This is a true story.

It happened to a friend of a
friend of mine, Gertrude.

Like the rest of us,
she was getting on a bit.

Still spry, but
with hubby gone

and the kids with
kids of their own...

Let's just say Gertrude
had seen better years.

But the best was
yet to come...

One day Gertrude
had just hopped off

the cross-town bus and
was waiting

for another one
to take her home

when nature called, if
you know what I mean.

She'd been at a tea social
most of the afternoon.

She was not in the more
fashionable part of town

and there wasn't a gas
station in sight.

Gertrude slipped into one of
those snooty little dress shops

to see if she could find an
understanding sales clerk.

The place was filled
with the uppercrust,

the kind of place where if you
have to ask how much,

you can't afford it.

Gertrude discretely whispered
to the wealthiest looking

sales girl she'd ever
seen, asking if she

might use the facilities.

The woman noticed
Gertrude's discount shoes

and announced the washrooms were
reserved for customers only.

All the rich ladies stared
at her and Gertrude

high-tailed it out of there.

She felt like the biggest
loser in the world

and would have liked to have
crawled on home,

but when you have to go...

So she kept on looking.

She tried the big video store
across the street

and things looked
good at first.

But when Gertrude mentioned
her problem, the teenage

clerks just spouted a long
list of rules and regulations.

And she had no more luck
at the cafe next door

or the variety store on the
corner or the laundromat.

By this time things were
getting pretty desperate.

A terrible accident was a
distinct possibility.

But suddenly,
across the street,

Gertrude spotted a
funeral parlour.

She knew it was terrible, but
she was forced to pose as

friend or family and get
to the lady's room

before it was too late.

Instead of robotic
teenagers, there was a pair

of creepy funeral directors
waiting right inside

the front door.

They smiled solemn
I'm-so-sad-for-you smiles

and Gertrude nodded her
thanks for their sympathy.

And just when she thought
the worst was over,

the creepier of the two
pulled out a guest book

and insisted that she sign.

So Gertrude signed.

She felt awful about it,

but she put her whole name
down even though she

never heard of the
dearly departed.

And finally, after
all her troubles and

all her humiliation, the
lady was free to go.

She slipped down the corridor
to the powder room and

the problem was solved.

But on her way out of the
little-girl's room,

she saw the undertakers spying
on her and thought she'd better

pay her last respects before
making her get-away.

So she went into the parlour.

There was no one there besides
the poor dead soul himself.

There were all these empty
chairs and the biggest,

most expensive casket
you ever saw.

But not one mourner.

So Gertrude made her way up to
the coffin and peered in.

The man inside was old,
really old, and he looked

as stern as could be.

But Gertrude could see
a mischievous crinkle

around his eyes.

And she felt sorry for him all
alone there with

no one to say good-bye.

So she just whispered,

"Thanks a lot. You really
saved my life."

And she caught the
next bus home.

A week or so later, Gertrude
was just dusting

round her tiny apartment,

when the mail came and
there was a letter from

some lawyer she
had never heard of.

Seems the old man at the
funeral home had been

stinking rich but had fought
with every single member

of his family.

So he made up this will
leaving all his money to

anybody who bothered to show
up at his funeral.

They checked the guest book,

and Gertrude's was the only
name there.

This is a true story.

It happened to a friend of a
friend of mine.

And the first thing Gertrude
did with all that loot

was buy that fancy boutique and

boot the snooty sales
lady right out the door.

How about that?

Barry and Larry shares
a deep, dark secret.

I have to find out what it is.
But I'll have to be clever!

So did you see him?

Oh, yes.

And uh . . . did he...
tell you anything?

You know.

The secret? He told
you the secret?

Uh-huh.

We shouldn't have done it.

[deep sigh]

It was terrible how...

Just thinking about it --

Yeah?

I can't...

Yeah?

I can't go on...

Drats!
I came so close!

[FART]

Oh hi! You just missed Larry.

He told me the family secret.

Did he now.

Yup. The whole thing.
Beginning to end.

But he did leave
out a few things.

Very well, old chap.

I suspect I can supply you with
all the dirty little details.

Dirty little details.
I love it!

But I must have a moment to
gather my thoughts.

No problem.

After this story
we'll be back...

With Larry's family secret.
[LAUGHS]

FAMILY HISTORIAN:
This is a true story.

It happened to friends of a
friend of mine. Yan and Stosh.

Two cousins from
the old country.

They came to America in a boat.

Hiding in a hold full of pigs.

When the boat docked, Yan and
Stosh were met by their

Uncle Blatz who had made it big
in the fertilizer business.

Which is why he barely
noticed that Yan and Stosh

had spent two weeks with pigs.

He told them they were
like a breath of fresh air

from back home.

Now, Yan could fix
just about anything.

So Uncle Blatz loaned him
money to start a small

shoe repair business.

And Stosh was good
with his hands too.

He could break anything.

So Uncle Blatz gave him a job
collecting bad debts.

After Stosh's reputation got
around, people would pay and

not even insist on
delivery of fertilizer.

Unfortunately, Yan often
spent too long fixing

one pair of shoes.

And before long he was in deep
financial trouble.

Uncle Blatz wanted his
loan back and sent

Stosh to see him.

Yan offered to make Uncle
Blatz a new pair of shoes.

But Stosh said that
wouldn't be enough.

So Yan graciously told Stosh
to go ahead and do his job,

because that's what he
was supposed to do.

So...
[CRACK!]

While he was recovering,

Yan whittled a
beautiful wooden cane.

His skill caught the eye of
his Uncle's business partner's

daughter Drindle.

Pretty soon Yan and Drindle
became an item.

It was only a matter of time
until they planned to wed.

Yan was already
practicing the Glitzmar Leap,

the centerpiece of the
wedding ceremony.

Because only a perfect
execution of the intricate

dance step could
consummate the marriage,

and Yan was worried about how
his bad leg would hold up.

Unfortunately, Uncle Blatz
could not allow the wedding

to take place.

He and his partner had an
agreement,

that family and business were
like cow poop and sheep poop.

They could never mix.

So, Uncle Blatz decided to
send Stosh to talk some sense

to his fool cousin.

And Stosh broke Yan's
good leg this time.

[CRACK!]

Yan busied himself whittling
another fine cane.

His skill at making
canes was beginning

to develop a reputation.

And Stosh, began leaving
Yan's business card

when he broke a customer's leg.

So, all and all the cousins
were doing okay by each other.

They were closer than ever,

which is why Stosh insisted
that Yan be his best man

at his wedding.

Stosh had fallen in love with
Drindle, and after breaking

Drindle's father's legs, the
silly rule about family not

marrying into the business
was set aside.

The day of the ceremony,

Yan selected his two
finest canes to help him

hobble down the aisle.

He stood proudly at the alter
watching first his own

beloved Drindle stroll down
the aisle in a dress

she made herself out of
fertilizer bags.

Then came his cousin
Stosh, resplendent in

satin and burlap.

Yan lay his canes on
the floor and sat,

as the priest invoked
the sacred vows

and called on Stosh to
execute the Glitzmar Leap.

But his feet got caught
in Yan's canes.

Stosh fell down the steps,
crying in agony as both legs,

tangled in Yan's
canes, snapped.

Yan stood up, and to
everybody's surprise,

executed a perfect
Glitzmar Leap,

and the priest, having
no other choice,

pronounced Yan and
Drindle man and wife.

This is a true story.

It happened to friends of a
friend of mine. Yan and Stosh.

You know, the ones who can't
agree on anything.

And who could blame them.

Neither one has
a leg to stand on.

Okay, Sir Barry,
let's have it.

What's your family secret?

Ah, we live in such a
mercenary age.

Huh?

Everything today seems
to be worth something.

Well, your family secret
is worth... what?

What do you have?

A whole cookie.

Oh?

Ooh? Haha!

Okay. Let's have it.
What's your family secret?

You see, my dear
boy, the secret is...

I GOT NO FAMILY SECRET!

Huh?

It's me, you dodo!

Where's Sir Barry?

I'm Sir Barry.

Hahaha --
Uh-uh. You're Larry.

That's the secret.

The secret is,
there is no secret.

Bahahaha! You get it?
Hahaha!

No.

Excuse me. I got a
date with a cookie.

See ya soon.

Hahaha...

Some day I'll find out what
that family secret is.

[SIGH]