All language subtitles for Freaky Stories - 1x08 - Law & Disorder_Legendas01.ENG

¶ [SPOOKY THEME
MUSIC THROUGHOUT] ¶

¶¶

ROSIE: This is the
worst part of the job --

Ya know, I hate cleaning.

Yeah, I know, I know...

...the Health Inspector's
coming tomorrow.

Good thing he doesn't
come every day.

I love that Rosie.

I make Ted's Diner my home
'cause she's no clean freak...

if you get my drift.

ROSIE: There enough cleaning.

I don't want to turn
into a clean freak.

LARRY: That's my Rosie.

And this... this is my
favorite part of the day.

Dinner time.

So while I enjoy
this sugar cube...

as you know, it's one of my
four essential food groups...

you can watch
some Freaky Stories.

We're gonna have some
crime stories, which,

thank goodness, is something
we don't have around here.

MAN: Hey, Rosie, sorry, I
knocked over the maple syrup.

Hmmm... maple syrup.

Hey! Why don't I give
myself a nice treat

and top this off.

Be right back.

Oh! Meanwhile, here's an
appetizing crime story.

AGENT X-42:
This is a true story.

It happened to a friend of
a friend of mine.

He's working under deep cover.

For the purpose of this story
we'll use his cover name, Joe.

Joe was on a counter
intelligence mission,

investigating the
Ambassador from a country

whose name I can't tell you.

Joe assumed the identity of a
travelling salesman.

But his sample case
was really a sixty amp,

high frequency receiver.

His garment bag was retro
fitted with scope microphones,

compact transmitters and an
assortment of antennas.

Of course, we hid all of these
items inside of normal,

every-day stuff, like coat
hangers, fountain pens

and wrist watches...
like we always do.

Joe knew you have to
counter the other side's

surveillance devices...

and Joe was the Agency's
best "bug sniffer".

CROWD:
Huh?

Once Joe found a bug
hidden in a raisin that was

part of a rice pudding
at an embassy buffet.

Not to attract attention,
Joe ate the rice pudding

raisin and the other country's
agents spent the night

eavesdropping on Joe's stomach
acid reflux sounds.

Now, for this mission,

Joe donned his travelling
salesman disguise --

a flashy sportscoat, a
tacky tie and a smile.

So Joe checked into a
Hotel in the heart of

Washington, D. C. --

the hotel where the
delegates to the

International Conference
were staying.

Joe slipped the desk
clerk a couple of bucks

and got himself a room next
to the Ambassador.

Before he went about
setting up his devices,

he checked out his
surroundings to be sure he

wasn't being spied on.

Like I said, this
was Joe's "thing".

He looked behind pictures,
under lamps, in drawers,

closets, even in
the toilet bowl.

In less than an hour,
he came up with two

micro transmitters, one
body heat sensor and two mini

video cameras, one of
which was hidden in the

complimentary toothpaste tube.

Just when Joe figured
the room was "clean",

he stepped on something...

something under the carpet.

Pretty sneaky, but not sneaky
enough to fool Joe.

He pulled back the carpet,
which required moving

the dresser and the mini bar.

And right there, in the
center of the bare floor

was the head of a bolt that
was not entirely counter-sunk

into the wood.

Joe chuckled to himself.

No self-respecting agent would
leave such an obvious bug.

Well, Joe got out his mini
tools, which, of course,

were hidden in his
electric shaver.

And he went about
"neutralizing" the bug.

Using his carbon steel
sparrow-beak wrench,

he tried to undo the bug bolt.

But it was practically
fused in place.

So Joe opted for
the motorized wrench

which was hidden in
the heel of his left

wing-tipped cordovan.

Sure enough, the
bolt came undone.

And then Joe could set
out his own devices.

But minutes after he started,
there was a knock at the door.

Again Joe chuckled.

Are they kidding? He smiled.

Are they trying to
pull the oldest trick

in the spy handbook?

The room service trick...

you know, the food cart
with a listening device

under the pate de foie gras?

Joe opened the door.

But instead of the room
service waiter,

there was the hotel manager,
who seemed pretty upset.

"You idiot!" he
blasted at Joe.

"You just unscrewed the
chandelier in the room

below you, the
Honeymoon Suite. "

And that's a true story.

It happened to a friend
of a friend of mine.

[CRASH!]

The couple in the Honeymoon
Suite were not hurt.

The chandelier just crushed
one of their suitcases...

which contained her bridal
gown, his tuxedo

and an infra-red
night scope with

high-frequency audio sensors.

No more spilled
maple syrup. UH?

Well maybe Rosie
cleaned it up.

Or maybe not.

Mmm-mm!

Maple syrup goes with anything.

Yeah, like here with my --

What the heck happened
to my dinner?

I've been robbed!

Oh? What did they take?

I waited all day. I
Looked forward to this.

And now... now --

Who is low enough and
brainless enough to

steal my dinner?

A-HA!!!

Huh?

You stole my dinner!

J'accuse!!!

Is that a French song?

¶ FRERE J'ACCUSE
FRERE J'ACCUSE, ¶

¶ DORME VOUS, DORME -- ¶

What's with Maurice today?

Whatever.

I'm going to find the
thief who stole my dinner

if it takes till the
end of this show...

Which it probably will.

Like any mystery, you'll get
the answer on the last page...

which here is before
the last commercial.

Meanwhile, here's
another Freaky Story.

FAMILY FRIEND:
This is a true story.

It happened to a friend
of a friend of mine...

Doris and her kids, Michael
and Amanda who had this

real ugly rat they
kept as a pet--

kids today huh?

Well, George that's
the rat, died.

He was chasing a Doberman --

if you knew George, you could
see how he could scare

the bark out of any dog.

[TRUCK HONKS HORN]

[SPLAT!]

Michael and Amanda,
loved their pet.

And they were kind of upset
when George got squooshed.

So they convinced their mom to
give George the respectable

burial he deserved, at
a nearby pet cemetery.

The kids dug out a shopping
bag, placed George inside,

climbed into the station wagon
and drove to the cemetery.

It was Doris who suggested
they find something better

than an old shopping bag for
the pet that gave them

so much pleasure.

She pulled the wagon into the
parking lot of the mall

and went to the
ritziest boutique.

There, they bought a gift box.

Embossed silver foil.

They laid squooshed George
inside and tied the box

with a lovely red bow.

They got back to the car
and put the box

on top so they could
open the hatch.

That's when Doris remembered
she left her credit card

in the store. So she
went back to get it.

The kids, Amanda and
Michael, got bored,

so they started playing tag,
running all over the place.

No one gave a thought to
the fact that George,

in his fancy box, was sitting
out there on top of the car,

no one that is, but
Sonny the Swipe.

He's the guy who had all
those little problems

with the police when
he was a teenager.

How could Sonny resist?
There, on top of the car,

was this beautiful gift
box, inside of which,

Sonny figured, was some
very expensive gift.

So Sonny took off and on a
dead run, flew past the car

and snapped up the gift box.

The box had some heft to
it, and he smiled.

Uh-uh, there's something
really worth a lot in here.

Now, racing in
between the cars,

were Michael and
Amanda playing tag,

and Sonny running with
the stolen box.

And the inevitable happened.

[OOF!! AH!]

Everybody went down.

But the first one
up was Sonny.

He ducked into the men's room,
still clutching his loot.

And he was all alone.

A perfect opportunity to see

what he'd gone through
all the trouble for.

He slowly took off the bow --

savoring every moment of
excitement and expectation.

He lifted the lid. He
reached into the box and...

[OOF!]

Sonny leaped ten
feet into the air.

And he came down
with a big thump.

The next guy to come in
saw Sonny laying there

and called an ambulance.

By the time the
ambulance showed up,

Amanda and Michael had
given up the hunt.

But they were attracted by the
crowd around the men's room.

When they got over there, the
paramedics were hauling Sonny

out on a stretcher.

The kids recognized him
as the thief,

but there was no sign
of the box.

All they could do now was
think happy thoughts

about their big ugly pet rat.

But back at the mall,
the man who found Sonny,

spotted the gift box on the
floor of the men's room.

He ran out with the box.

"Poor fellow don't want
him to worry

about losing his present."

And he placed it
on Sonny's chest

just as he was being loaded
into the ambulance.

"This way it will be the first
thing he sees when he awakens."

This is a true story.

It happened to a friend
of a friend of mine.

As for Sonny, he got a job
at the pet cemetery

where he can give furry
creatures, even the big ugly

squooshed ones, the
respect they deserve.

Come along, my dear Watson.

MAURICE: Huh?

I am using my deductive powers
to ascertain the villain

who absconded with my dinner.

Could you just speak English.

Haven't you ever heard of
Sherlock Holmes?

I've heard of retirement
homes, old age homes and...

¶ HOMES, HOMES ON
THE RANGE... ¶

[RIMSHOT]

Will you please!

I'm on today.

Hey, are you gonna
help me or not?

I'm looking for clues. Here!

You should look in
the clues closet.

[RIMSHOT]

Hey, what's going on?

Oh it's my cousin, Shecky,
he's visiting this week.

Well yeah, I'm gonna take care
of your cousin Shecky.

But first... grab the
sugar cube here.

Now listen Maurice I want
you to keep your eye on

this here sugar cube.

But I thought it was, keep
your eye on the ball.

Well, now the ball is a cube.

That's going to make
it hard to dribble.

[RIMSHOT]

Look! You are on
a stakeout here.

I'll take mine medium rare.

[RIMSHOT]

Excuse me. I have some
drumsticks to break.

Oh! Here's another
Freaky Story.

Yo! Shecky... can we talk?

SIDNEY THE SNITCH:
This is a true story.

It happened to a friend
of a friend of mine.

Murray, the guy with
the hat. And the nose.

And the beat up
'75 junk-yard special.

Yeah, Murray the Moocher.

Why did they call him
Murray the Moocher?

If you ever had breakfast with
him down at Ted's Diner,

You could sit there till the
toast turned into penicillin

before Murray would
reach for the check.

When the bill came, he always
had to go to the bathroom.

Or he had to make a phone call.

Or he couldn't break a fifty.

You'd get stuck with the
tab, and Murray got stuck

with the nickname.

Murray never liked to buy gas.

And Murray's car guzzled more
gas than Murray drank

free sodas at Paddy the
Thumb's funeral.

Murray always carried around a
long piece of garden hose,

and when that old rust-bucket
of his was running on fumes,

he'd pull up
beside another car.

Then he'd hop out, take
the end of the hose,

stuff it in the gas tank
of the other car

and start sucking.

Now, you had to do this just
right, or else you'd end up

with a mouth full of high
octane unleaded mouthwash.

But just as the gas was
through the tube,

Murray'd pop the end he'd been
sucking into his heap's

gas tank and syphon
off all the gas from

the other car.

One night Murray found
himself out on a dark stretch

of highway, when his car
began making its

familiar coughing sound.

But in his headlights Murray
could just make out

the silhouette of
something parked off

to the side of the
road up ahead.

A relieved smile crept
across Murray's face

as his beloved jalopy
coasted quietly to a stop.

Murray silently hopped
out of his car

and went to look at
his "victim"...

a huge mobile home.

Murray sneaked up quietly
to the gas tank cover.

Without a sound he opened it,
and stuck the hose in.

Then, with the practiced flair
of a concert saxophonist,

he placed the hose in
his mouth, adjusted

his embouchure,
and began to suck.

And... nothing.

Murray jiggled the hose
around, and tried again.

He took a big breath
and sucked on that hose

for all he was worth.

The hose filled.

But because Murray had
sucked so hard,

he wasn't prepared
for the sudden gush

that filled his mouth.

Yechhh! It was a taste so bad,
he thought he'd die.

And what's worse, it didn't
even taste like gas.

Murray ran around
spitting and gagging,

trying to get the taste
out of his mouth.

He ran back to his car,
looking for mouthwash,

anti-freeze, anything.

Desperate, Murray grabbed
the pine tree deodorizer

hanging from his rear-view
mirror and sucked on that.

But all that noise
had causeda commotion,

and the door of
the camper opened.

A guy popped his head
out and asked Murray

if anything was wrong.

Well, Murray was still
out of gas,

so he says I've seemed
to have run out of gas.

I don't suppose you
could help me out.

The guy in the camper,
realizing he was Murray's

only hope said sure,
I've got plenty.

But it's all in my gas tank.

I don't suppose you
know how to syphon gas?

A gentle smile washed over
Murray the Moocher's face.

Well, he said, I've heard
about how you do it.

Murray grabbed his trusty
hose and walked over

to the gas tank, where
he had just been.

He was about to put
the hose in when the

camper owner stopped him.

"On these vehicles, the
gas tank is over here.

Where you're standing is the
holding tank for my toilet.

And you sure wouldn't want
to suck on that!"

This is a true story.

Happened to a friend
of a friend of mine.

Murray the Moocher.

You know who I mean.

The guy who now brushes his
teeth maybe fifty times a day.

Hey! What happened???!!!

I was belly surfing in this
big glob of slimy, thick,

green, gooie...

You were dreaming!

Oh yeah, it's a
recurring dream.

You want to know what the
thick, green, gooie stuff was?

Some body, Somebody
stole my dinner...

AGAIN!

Actually, I'm not
sure exactly what it is,

but you know that trucker from
Alabama, he coughed it up.

You were supposed to keep an
eye on the sugar cube.

I love Southern food.

Nice try... Mau-rice!
But I know you did it.

You were the only one
on this counter top.

I didn't do it!

You were the only one stupid
enough to do it

with everybody out there...

...watching.

Gee, that would be stupid --

it does sound like me.

I'm going to
prove you did it...

Oh! You dirty coppers.

I'm not talking.
Get me my lawyer.

You stole my sugar! Admit it!

I can't take this any more --

I'm... thirsty...

Say you did it!

Anything to drink...
anything...

You don't get a drop
till you say it! See.

I'm too... thirsty... to
dry... I need a... drink...

ROSIE: Look at this mess.

Someone spilled the pail I was
using to mop the floor.

Ah! Water!

I know what. I'll get
another piece of sugar

and I'll watch it and I'll catch
him in the act. [LAUGHS]

Oh yeah, here's
another Freaky Story.

MUDDY RIVERS:
This is a true story.

It happened to a friend.

Of a friend -
Of a friend of mine.

¶¶

It was back in sixty-three.
And if you ask me.

It was a very, Very
dangerous time.

'Cause love was blind.

¶ [50s DOO WOP MUSIC] ¶

¶ The boy's name was Frankie.
His true love was Annette. ¶

¶ It happened on
a Friday night. ¶

¶ They were parked
in his Corvette ¶

¶ Out at Lover's Leap. The
place was jammed with cars. ¶

¶ A hundred
moon-struck teenagers ¶

¶ were gazing at the stars. ¶

¶ Frankie and his baby they
were so much in love ¶

¶ Hugging and smoochin'
under those stars above ¶

¶ The radio played softly;
"The Late-Night Lovers Bash" ¶

¶ Then suddenly
the DJ said -- ¶

DJ: We interrupt for
this news flash.

A man has escaped
from the Prison

for The Criminally Insane.

When apprehended
late last year,

he had a fridge full
of pickled brain.

He's a homicidal killer who
hunts on lovers lane.

Before they
caught him last time

twenty terrorized
teens were slain.

This maniac is running wild
and he has scary look

Where his right hand
it ought to be

he's got a razor sharp hook

So if you're at the Sub races
or riding on that night train

Get home while the
gettin's good because

¶ The Hook is right deranged. ¶

¶ Watch out for The Hook ¶

¶ Watch out for The Hook ¶

¶ Watch out for The Hook ¶

¶ Watch out for The Hook ¶

¶ Annette she quaked
and Frankie sneered ¶

¶ as the cars all squealed
away. ¶

¶ She said "Let's go I'm
scared, Frankie. ¶

¶ He said; "Come on baby stay"
¶

¶ The night is young,
I'm big and strong ¶

¶ so you don't have to fear ¶

¶ Besides by now
The Hook must be

a hundred miles from here. ¶

¶ She looked into
his big brown eyes ¶

¶ and she could not resist. ¶

¶ She threw her
arms around him ¶

¶ and they kissed
and kissed and kissed ¶

¶ Then suddenly
a twig snapped. ¶

¶ Annette said
"What was that?" ¶

¶ And Frankie said ¶

"It's nothing a dog,
a coon or cat. " ¶

¶ But Annette
glanced in the mirror ¶

¶ and some thing
caught her eye. ¶

¶ A glint of moon on
metal that made her

scream and cry. ¶

¶ "Get me out of here right
now!I'm not kidding 'round. ¶

¶ Move it Frankie, move it
fast, take me back to town!" ¶

¶ Frankie cranked the car ¶

¶ peeled his tires
cross the lot ¶

¶ And grumbled all
the way to town. ¶

¶ Their evening
has been shot. ¶

¶ But when they got to her place
and he went to her car door. ¶

¶ Frankie's face went ghostly
white ¶

¶ like it had
never been before. ¶

¶ And Annette said ¶

¶ "Frankie, you OK?
You look really shook." ¶

¶ Then he fainted dead away so
she got out to take a look ¶

¶ But as she
opened up her door ¶

¶ she heard a
clanking sound ¶

¶ She looked down
at the door handle

¶ and this is
what she found. ¶

[SCREAMS!]

¶ A Hook. A Hook. ¶

¶ There she found a Hook. ¶

¶ A Hook. A Hook. ¶

¶ There she found a Hook. ¶

¶ A Hook, Hook, Hook, ¶

¶ Watch out for The Hook! ¶

Shhhhhhh...

This time I'll get him...

As soon as he comes out to--

ROSIE: What's going on, Ted?

I keep cleaning off this
table and somebody keeps

putting sugar back on it.

Here --

Hm... does this mean I have
to apologize to Maurice?

I don't think so.

Now, to close out this show
about crime, a little joke.

Get ready, Shecky.

What do you get when you
cross a dog with a chicken?

Pooched eggs!

Ha, Ha.

You see what
I did there?

Mm...

Ha, Ha.