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¶ [SPOOKY THEME
MUSIC THROUGHOUT] ¶
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¶¶
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ROSIE: Bye-bye, Al.
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See you next time you're in
from the coast.
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AL: Sure you don't want to
come with me, Rosie?
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You got the looks to be a
movie star.
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ROSIE: Get outta here, you old
charmer you.
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AL: You're a stunner, Rosie...
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Yadda-yadda-yadda-yadda...
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AL: You belong in the movies.
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What an old line.
Gimme a break.
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ROSIE: See you next time, Al.
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ROSIE: How about that,
Ted, your buddy, Al,
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becomes a big time
casting agent and
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he still eats here
when he's in town.
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Al's either got no taste
buds, or he's very cheap.
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ROSIE: Thirty five cents?!
You call this a tip???!!!
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Well, that answers
that question.
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Oh, I know Al's a phony,
but that's because
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he's from Hollywood.
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Still, he said they're casting
for a bug spray commercial.
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You gotta agree. Who better to
be killed by a national
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brand name bug killer?
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Got one big problem. How do I
get to Hollywood?
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MAURICE: Practice,
practice, practice.
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But seriously, folks...
anyone here from outta town?
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Budda - boom!
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Oh no! Just the thought of
going to Hollywood and
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I go totally show biz.
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Totally glitz and glamour.
Totally no substance.
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Let's face it, folks...
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Show business is in my blood.
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And while I savor
that thought,
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here's our first Freaky Story.
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FLIGHT ATTENDANT: This is a true story.
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It happened to a friend of a friend of mine Fran
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...she's a flight attendant too.
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It started as an ordinary flight.
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Fran, is just serving drinks and getting people pillows.
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The Captain was one of those old-timers
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with, nerves of steel.
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But his co- pilot was straight out of the Academy.
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The kind of guy who falls to pieces the first time
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the oxygen masks pop down.
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So anyway, they're about an hour out of Istanbul
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on their way to Singapore when the co-pilot
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excused himself and headed for the facilities.
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[FART SOUNDS]
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But the thing is, the guy just didn't come back.
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He's gone twenty, thirty minutes and the pilot
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was getting ticked.
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So he called to Fran
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and asked her to go see what's keeping "Junior."
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But Fran can't because the drink cart was blocking
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the way. So the pilot decided to go check himself.
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He put the plane on auto-pilot,
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...and he heard the door shut behind him.
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But the click he heard was not the door shutting click.
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It's the door LOCKING click.
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Junior forgot to take the safety off before he left
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the flight deck.
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Now they're both locked out!
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Then some lady spotted the real pilot tugging at
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the cock-pit door, she let's out this huge scream:
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OOOH! No one's flying the plane!!!
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So now Fran got everyone back to their seats,
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tried to calm the most hysterical and started helping
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the Captain get back to the flight deck so he could
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steer the plane.
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The Captain and Fran tried putting a
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shoulder to the door.
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[THUD!]
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The big guy in the front row gave them a hand. No go.
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An old lady near the back got the idea of maybe
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taking the hinges off, but the tools were in the cock-pit.
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When they looked through the little peep hole,
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into the cockpit,
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what they saw up ahead was this huge mountain peak...
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and the plane was heading straight for it.
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All of a sudden this guy stood up and said that
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he could pick any lock going as long as someone
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let him out of these.
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But before you know it this criminal, who
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happened to be a safe cracker, was at the cockpit door,
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asking for something to pick the lock with.
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People were throwing him paperclips and nail files
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and a nun tossed him some bobby pins from her head gear,
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but everything was either too big or too small.
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And when the plane hit another air pocket,
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the kid who was air sick the whole time got tossed out
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into the aisle.
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That's when the safecracker spotted him...
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and his braces.
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They were one of those real serious sets of train tracks
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with the little cap on top and the wire sticking
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out across the front.
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[GRUNTS]
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The Captain and the safecracker pried one side of
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the front wire loose, while Fran kept the kid still.
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But they couldn't get the braces all off,
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so they had to hold the kid's face right up to the door.
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The safecracker wiggled the wire this way and that.
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The kid was really uncomfortable,
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but he was getting a lot of attention.
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Cool.
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Alarms were buzzing away.
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And just as everyone was saying their final prayers,
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the lock made a click noise and the door swung open.
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The Captain dove to the controls and pulled up just in time.
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And it was smooth sailing from there.
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And the co-pilot?
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His comb had fallen behind the toilet,
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and when he bent down to pick it up,
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his tie got caught down in that flappy thing
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at the bottom of the bowl.
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This is a true story.
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It happened to a friend of a friend of mine,
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who now always carries a spare set of keys..
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And that co-pilot?
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He's driving the number seven bus between
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Palmdale and Paquoima.
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Got to get to L.A....
somehow...
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I know! I could take a plane.
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My cousin, Elroy, he lives
at David's Caterers out
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at the airport. He's been to
England, France, Japan...
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six times.
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He always brings
me some sushi.
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Sushi...
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¶ I LOVE RAW FISHES WRAPPED IN
GRASS, SUSHI. SUSHI. ¶
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¶ EVEN THOUGH
IT GIVES ME GASS ¶
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¶ THAT'S THE PRICE I PAY. ¶
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¶ SUSHI EVERY DAY,
SUSHI EVERY NIGHT. ¶
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¶ I LEFT MY SUSHI
ON MY PLATE. ¶
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¶ SOMEBODY USED IT FOR BAIT. ¶
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Oh, good, you're still here.
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You have to take me with you.
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To Hollywood? Why?
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So I could be in
show business.
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[LARRY SIGHS]
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Express myself.
Reveal my talent.
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Which is?
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Uh, ah, uh...
[FARTS]
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I do impressions.
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Oh? Go ahead.
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See if I can guess who it is.
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Okay, ahem...
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Thank you, thank
you very much.
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Okay, who am I?
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Maurice.
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Who was I doing
an impression of?
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Beats me.
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Our next Freaky Story...
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How could you not know I was
doing Michael Bolton?
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Oh, yeah. Right.
I shoulda got it.
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Our next story... PLEASE!
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LONG TIME PAL: This is a true story.
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It happened to a friend of a friend of mine...
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When Herbie got his first set of wheels,
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a hand-me-down tricycle,
he was three.
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But he took care of that
trike as if it was an
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eighty thousand dollar Porsche.
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And when Herbie was growing up, he made money after school
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by washing cars.
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He always said, "Some day, I'm gonna get myself a Porsche."
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So you can imagine what happened the day he saw
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an ad in the local paper.
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"For sale, 1965 Porsche" --
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this was back in '67 so the car was practically new.
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And the real amazing part was the price,
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which was fifty dollars.
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That's right, fifty dollars for a Porsche
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that was worth thousands.
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Herbie figures it's some kind of typographical error.
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But still, he goes to the address in the ad.
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Parked in front of the house was the car.
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And it was a '65 Porsche all right.
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Looking like a jewel, ruby red and sparkling.
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Naturally Herbie assumed it was the price that
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was wrong in the ad.
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But the lady came out and said, "The ad's right.
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Fifty dollars is the price."
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Herbie gave her a good looking over,
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to see if she's flipped out in some way.
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He wanted the car alright,
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but he didn't want to take advantage of anyone.
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But she looked like she knew what she was doing.
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Even though Herbie was just sixteen,
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he knew a lot about cars.
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So he said he wanted to take the Porsche for a test drive.
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[VRRROOOOM!]
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As soon as he rounded the corner,
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out of the lady's sight, he stopped and popped the hood.
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00:09:06,914 --> 00:09:10,515
The engine looked like the car just came out of the showroom.
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According to the odometer, the car had been driven
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only eighty seven miles.
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He still drove the Porsche into a gas station and
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asked the mechanic to look at it.
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He practically took the car apart and found
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nothing wrong... except for some funny little rattle.
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"Aha!" said Herbie,
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"There is something wrong with the car."
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00:09:36,643 --> 00:09:40,779
The mechanic peeled the car all the way down.
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And you know what the mechanic found bouncing around
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in the frame?
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A ring... a man's wedding ringthat got lost in there somehow.
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Just an old wedding ring.
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00:09:53,860 --> 00:09:56,494
Other than that, the Porsche was in perfect condition.
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After he put the car back together,
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00:09:58,498 --> 00:10:00,565
Herbie went back and handed his fifty dollars
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00:10:00,567 --> 00:10:03,702
to the lady, but then he looked in her eyes --
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00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:06,905
what if the lady was a car thief?
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00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:09,407
Even though the lady looked innocent enough,
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00:10:09,409 --> 00:10:11,743
Herbie heard about con artists who took
214
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young innocent kids like him.
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00:10:14,348 --> 00:10:15,814
But not this lady.
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00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:18,550
She just handed over the ownership papers,
217
00:10:18,552 --> 00:10:21,786
making the sale legal and official.
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00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:25,490
But before he drove off,
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00:10:25,492 --> 00:10:27,993
Herbie remembered the wedding ring.
220
00:10:27,995 --> 00:10:30,929
He showed it to the lady, told her where it was found
221
00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:32,964
and said he figured it was hers.
222
00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:36,835
She told Herbie the ring belonged to her husband,
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00:10:36,837 --> 00:10:40,639
who probably slipped it off when he met the other woman.
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00:10:40,641 --> 00:10:44,309
And she said her husband, who was living with that...
225
00:10:44,311 --> 00:10:47,879
"other woman", told her to sell his car and send him
226
00:10:47,881 --> 00:10:49,481
all the money she got for it...
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00:10:49,483 --> 00:10:52,617
which was exactly fifty dollars.
228
00:10:53,553 --> 00:10:55,520
It's a true story.
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00:10:55,522 --> 00:10:58,023
It happened to a friend of a friend of mine.
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00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:03,094
Herbert has become a very successful antique car dealer.
231
00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:07,532
But he'll never part with the old '65 Porsche,
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00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:12,737
which he hand-washes and details every Sunday.
233
00:11:16,510 --> 00:11:19,811
That sleazo casting
guy said the star
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00:11:19,813 --> 00:11:22,480
of the bug commercial gets
a dressing room
235
00:11:22,482 --> 00:11:24,716
and all the garbage
scraps he can eat.
236
00:11:24,985 --> 00:11:28,787
Oh man, I gotta get
to that audition.
237
00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:30,922
ROSIE: Hey, Ted, look at what
just pulled up.
238
00:11:30,924 --> 00:11:33,892
A pink Cadillac with
California plates.
239
00:11:33,894 --> 00:11:36,961
Step aside. My ride
has arrived.
240
00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:39,531
ROSIE: Here, have a seat at
the counter.
241
00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:41,466
ROSIE: Saw your license plates.
242
00:11:41,468 --> 00:11:43,401
What part of
California you from?
243
00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:44,769
MAN: Malibu Beach.
244
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:48,640
Malibu! Home of the most
beautiful roaches.
245
00:11:48,642 --> 00:11:51,876
Oh, yeah, everyone's
beautiful out there.
246
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:54,379
Roaches, water
beetles, spiders...
247
00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:55,680
Maggots?
248
00:11:56,917 --> 00:11:59,384
What do you want?
249
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:01,753
Take me with you. Please!!!
250
00:12:01,755 --> 00:12:04,622
I heard they have designer
garbage in Malibu.
251
00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:08,526
Don't bother me now. I have
to get into that Cadillac.
252
00:12:08,762 --> 00:12:12,063
ROSIE: It's a pretty long
drive from here to Malibu.
253
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:14,966
MAN: I'm coming from Malibu.
I'm going to New Jersey.
254
00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:16,134
What???!!!
255
00:12:16,470 --> 00:12:18,287
New Jersey...
256
00:12:18,288 --> 00:12:20,105
I heard they have great
sewage in New Jersey.
257
00:12:20,107 --> 00:12:21,606
I'm gonna hitch me a ride.
258
00:12:23,744 --> 00:12:27,612
[CHUCKLES]
Roll another story.
259
00:12:31,118 --> 00:12:33,485
COMPANY PRESIDENT: This is a true story.
260
00:12:33,487 --> 00:12:35,920
It happened to a friend of a friend of mine...
261
00:12:36,189 --> 00:12:40,825
Ryan was in charge of designing integrated security system.
262
00:12:40,827 --> 00:12:42,894
His job was essentially, to keep what's "in",
263
00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:45,930
in and what's "out", out.
264
00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:50,535
But Ryan had another passion... fine automobiles.
265
00:12:50,537 --> 00:12:52,971
Actually, one car in particular. His.
266
00:12:54,641 --> 00:12:58,543
It was a 1934 Alphonso de Cradenza.
267
00:12:58,545 --> 00:13:00,612
A pre-war open roadster.
268
00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:02,947
Ryan discovered it while vacationing in Tuscany
269
00:13:02,949 --> 00:13:04,682
and had it shipped home.
270
00:13:04,985 --> 00:13:08,019
It took him years to do the meticulous restoration.
271
00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:10,688
When it was finished, it was one of a kind.
272
00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:15,794
The only existing Alphonso de Cradenza in the world.
273
00:13:16,029 --> 00:13:17,896
Ryan had it appraised.
274
00:13:17,898 --> 00:13:22,066
His 'hobby car' had become afine investment to be treasured
275
00:13:22,068 --> 00:13:26,538
and secured... and security is Ryan.
276
00:13:26,540 --> 00:13:29,040
He had the yard behind his home excavated
277
00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:30,842
and built "The Bunker".
278
00:13:30,844 --> 00:13:33,044
No windows, low to the ground.
279
00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:35,480
Concrete walls three feet thick.
280
00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:40,118
The whole thing was surroundedby a moat stocked with piranha.
281
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:43,087
Inside the Bunker, was the de Cradenza.
282
00:13:43,557 --> 00:13:46,825
Ryan always backed the car in.
283
00:13:46,827 --> 00:13:49,060
He thought it looked dramatic...
284
00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:52,630
sitting there, poised for a quick getaway.
285
00:13:52,632 --> 00:13:56,234
Then he placed clamps, made of tempered steel,
286
00:13:56,236 --> 00:13:58,002
through the wheels of the car and bolted them
287
00:13:58,004 --> 00:13:59,771
into the concrete.
288
00:13:59,773 --> 00:14:01,639
Ryan would enter the control room
289
00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:04,008
and activate his security system.
290
00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:06,711
First, he'd lower 'the cocoon, a bubble made
291
00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:11,082
of bulletproof plastic on a hydraulic lift.
292
00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:13,218
A pump would extract every molecule of air
293
00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:17,522
from the chamber, hermetically sealing the car inside.
294
00:14:17,891 --> 00:14:21,759
Ryan had created a grid of interlaced laser beams
295
00:14:21,761 --> 00:14:23,628
as an intruder detection system.
296
00:14:23,630 --> 00:14:25,563
If someone broke one of the beams,
297
00:14:25,565 --> 00:14:29,167
the computer would instantly triangulate his position.
298
00:14:29,169 --> 00:14:32,103
Then robotic dart guns would fire poisonous darts,
299
00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:34,873
paralyzing the intruder.
300
00:14:34,875 --> 00:14:38,176
And of course there was the security camera system
301
00:14:38,778 --> 00:14:40,979
Early one morning, Ryan decided to take
302
00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:43,281
the de Cradenza for a spin.
303
00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:46,317
He released the security measures,
304
00:14:46,319 --> 00:14:49,053
hopped in and drove it out of The Bunker.
305
00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:51,789
The car purred like a kitten.
306
00:14:51,791 --> 00:14:53,958
After giving the neighbors an eyeful,
307
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:56,060
he parked it safely back in The Bunker.
308
00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:59,597
Then he trotted off to catch the commuter train to work.
309
00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:01,900
Arriving home that afternoon,
310
00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:04,569
Ryan flipped on the security camera --
311
00:15:06,006 --> 00:15:07,639
[SCREAMS]
312
00:15:08,909 --> 00:15:10,875
He ran out the back door of the house
313
00:15:10,877 --> 00:15:13,745
and keyed the electric lock - the door hissed open.
314
00:15:13,747 --> 00:15:15,947
He was in!
315
00:15:15,948 --> 00:15:18,148
Then he froze - just a micro-millimeter
316
00:15:18,151 --> 00:15:19,651
from the laser-grid.
317
00:15:20,921 --> 00:15:23,988
One slip and he'd look like a slice of Swiss Cheese.
318
00:15:24,824 --> 00:15:28,092
He carefully made his way to the control room...
319
00:15:28,361 --> 00:15:30,361
The car was there.
320
00:15:30,363 --> 00:15:33,865
Bolted to the ground, sealed in the airtight cocoon,
321
00:15:33,867 --> 00:15:36,768
guarded by the dart firing cobras and the laser-grid...
322
00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:41,606
but it was backwards. Sitting nose in.
323
00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:46,978
Someone had moved HIS CAR!
324
00:15:48,214 --> 00:15:52,383
Ryan went over the de Cradenza with a fine tooth comb.
325
00:15:52,385 --> 00:15:57,055
And he found it in the ashtray. A tiny ball of paper.
326
00:15:57,290 --> 00:16:01,125
Almost hidden from sight. Ryan got a pair of tweezers -
327
00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:04,395
he didn't want to get fingerprints on the evidence.
328
00:16:04,397 --> 00:16:07,398
He carefully unrolled the paper.
329
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:11,069
The tiniest hand writing imaginable held the message
330
00:16:11,071 --> 00:16:13,738
that he'd been afraid of:
331
00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:17,108
"When we want it - we'll take it".
332
00:16:17,410 --> 00:16:19,410
This is a true story.
333
00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:21,813
It happened to a friend of a friend of mine.
334
00:16:22,082 --> 00:16:26,718
And Ryan? He was so shaken that he sold the de Cradenza
335
00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:28,853
and now he keeps his money in an old sock
336
00:16:28,855 --> 00:16:30,188
under the mattress.
337
00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:37,929
Well kiddies. I'm
off to Hollywood.
338
00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:41,899
Now let's see if I've got my
shades, my sun block...
339
00:16:42,235 --> 00:16:43,735
When do we leave?
340
00:16:43,737 --> 00:16:46,938
My shades, my sun block...
341
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:51,009
Please don't tell me
you're wearing my swimsuit.
342
00:16:51,011 --> 00:16:53,211
It's a little snug
in the crotch.
343
00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:55,947
I thought you were
going to New Jersey.
344
00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:58,049
They wouldn't let me in.
345
00:16:58,051 --> 00:16:59,250
Figures.
346
00:17:00,286 --> 00:17:02,754
Now, get out of my swimsuit
and get out of my life!
347
00:17:02,756 --> 00:17:03,888
I want you out of my sight!
348
00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:05,156
But... but, but...
349
00:17:05,158 --> 00:17:06,524
And take your butts with you.
350
00:17:10,330 --> 00:17:12,697
Are you sure you
want me to go?
351
00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:15,133
Go -- away.
352
00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:20,738
Finally. He's out of my life.
353
00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:24,409
And I'm off to Hollywood
for my audition.
354
00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:28,479
Oh, and here's another
Freaky Story for you.
355
00:17:33,453 --> 00:17:35,420
NOSEY NEIGHBOUR: This is a true story.
356
00:17:35,422 --> 00:17:37,488
It happened to a friend of a friend of mine,
357
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:41,893
Mimi. She's a neighbour. And we're very close.
358
00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:43,728
Five and a half feet close.
359
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:45,463
You see that's exactly how far Mimi's driveway
360
00:17:45,465 --> 00:17:47,165
is from my kitchen window.
361
00:17:48,468 --> 00:17:53,037
Mimi is young and vivacious and, well... attractive.
362
00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:56,841
But Leo, Mimi's husband, thinks all men,
363
00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:59,243
are very attracted to his wife.
364
00:17:59,813 --> 00:18:01,479
You'd think Leo would be happy...
365
00:18:01,481 --> 00:18:03,414
Attractive wife, a lovely home and a successful
366
00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:05,750
construction business.
367
00:18:06,052 --> 00:18:10,021
But poor Leo was uncontrollably jealous.
368
00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:12,790
He'd park down the street and watch the house
369
00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:14,626
with binoculars.
370
00:18:14,627 --> 00:18:16,461
He'd make surprise visits during the day.
371
00:18:16,463 --> 00:18:20,231
He asked her to phone him at work if she wanted to go out.
372
00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:23,868
One day, I saw Leo sitting across the street
373
00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:25,970
with his binoculars, when a silver
374
00:18:25,972 --> 00:18:29,006
Cadillac convertible pulled into the driveway.
375
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:31,409
Leo couldn't believe his eyes.
376
00:18:31,411 --> 00:18:33,945
Was this his worst nightmare coming true?
377
00:18:33,947 --> 00:18:35,813
He hoped that a woman would step out of the car.
378
00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:37,381
But no such luck.
379
00:18:37,383 --> 00:18:41,853
A tall, dark and handsome hunk of a man got out.
380
00:18:41,855 --> 00:18:43,354
Leo tore at his hair.
381
00:18:43,823 --> 00:18:45,823
Ding dong. The door opened.
382
00:18:45,825 --> 00:18:49,193
Mimi smiled. The man stepped into the house.
383
00:18:49,963 --> 00:18:51,462
The door closed.
384
00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:55,066
[STEAM WHISTLES]
385
00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:57,835
Just when Leo was about to bust a blood vessel,
386
00:18:57,837 --> 00:19:01,105
the front door opens and Mimi and the hunk stepped out,
387
00:19:01,107 --> 00:19:04,142
slipped into the Cadillac and drove away.
388
00:19:04,944 --> 00:19:07,912
You should have seen Leoscramble to start up his motor.
389
00:19:08,081 --> 00:19:10,515
Leo was sure Mimi was leaving him.
390
00:19:10,517 --> 00:19:13,117
But all they did was drive around the block.
391
00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:15,520
Mimi got out, and Mr. Stunning drove away.
392
00:19:17,123 --> 00:19:19,891
For the next two days Leo camped out in the bushes
393
00:19:19,893 --> 00:19:21,125
at the side of the house.
394
00:19:21,127 --> 00:19:24,328
And he decided, if the man in the Cadillac showed up
395
00:19:25,131 --> 00:19:26,864
...But nobody showed up.
396
00:19:28,201 --> 00:19:31,002
On the third day, Leo went out pretending to go to work.
397
00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:32,970
Smooch. Door closed.
398
00:19:33,173 --> 00:19:35,439
Leo drove a block, snuck back to his hiding spot
399
00:19:35,441 --> 00:19:38,242
in the bushes and before he could get the top off
400
00:19:38,244 --> 00:19:41,445
his thermos of coffee, Gorgeous George showed up.
401
00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:46,150
Leo had to crouch in order to peek in through the window.
402
00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:49,253
Mimi was sitting at the table,
403
00:19:49,254 --> 00:19:52,155
her back to the window and the hunk is standing close to her.
404
00:19:52,458 --> 00:19:55,860
Leo is not about to stand by and watch this fellow
405
00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:57,295
ruin his life!
406
00:19:58,565 --> 00:20:00,531
Fortunately, Leo knew he couldn't really hurt the guy.
407
00:20:00,934 --> 00:20:04,235
But he had a plan for doing the next best thing.
408
00:20:05,605 --> 00:20:09,307
Leo got back to his car anddrove to the construction site.
409
00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:13,110
Within minutes he was on his way back home,
410
00:20:13,112 --> 00:20:15,913
this time driving a huge cement truck.
411
00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:19,350
Leo laughed when he saw that the shiny new car
412
00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:20,651
was still in his driveway.
413
00:20:21,788 --> 00:20:24,288
He backed the cement truck into the driveway
414
00:20:24,290 --> 00:20:26,557
and aimed the cement spout into the front seat
415
00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:28,326
of that Cadillac.
416
00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:31,429
He felt pretty smug as he watched the entire car
417
00:20:31,431 --> 00:20:34,332
fill up with wet cement.
418
00:20:34,334 --> 00:20:36,667
Mimi and her handsome friend came racing out of the house
419
00:20:36,669 --> 00:20:39,170
and couldn't believe what Leo had done.
420
00:20:39,372 --> 00:20:41,105
Mimi started to cry.
421
00:20:42,408 --> 00:20:45,209
In Leo's mind there was only one thing wrong with the picture.
422
00:20:45,211 --> 00:20:47,245
It was the man who owned the Cadillac.
423
00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:49,447
He should have been outraged.
424
00:20:49,449 --> 00:20:51,315
Leo was ready for him to roll up his sleeves
425
00:20:51,317 --> 00:20:52,450
and have it out.
426
00:20:52,452 --> 00:20:55,219
But the man just stood there kind of casual,
427
00:20:56,990 --> 00:20:57,755
shaking his head.
428
00:20:57,756 --> 00:20:58,521
Mimi stopped crying long enough to say...
429
00:20:58,524 --> 00:21:00,291
"Happy Birthday!"
430
00:21:00,627 --> 00:21:03,027
and ran back into the house.
431
00:21:03,229 --> 00:21:06,597
The man explained he was a car salesman and Mimi
432
00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:09,267
had just purchased this car for her husband as
433
00:21:09,269 --> 00:21:11,469
a birthday surprise.
434
00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:13,938
He patted a fat envelope of thousand dollar bills
435
00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:16,073
inside his jacket and said goodbye.
436
00:21:16,509 --> 00:21:18,276
It's a true story.
437
00:21:18,277 --> 00:21:20,044
It happened to a friend of a friend of mine.
438
00:21:20,246 --> 00:21:23,948
As for Leo, by the time he recovered from the shock,
439
00:21:23,950 --> 00:21:26,651
the cement had hardened and the car,
440
00:21:26,653 --> 00:21:30,421
to this day, is the largest lawn ornament on the block.
441
00:21:33,293 --> 00:21:35,426
Oh yeah, uh...
442
00:21:35,595 --> 00:21:41,032
Now just think, the next time
you see me, it'll be on TV...
443
00:21:41,301 --> 00:21:43,434
ROSIE: Look, Ted,
Al left... the casting
444
00:21:43,436 --> 00:21:45,303
sheet for that Bug spray
commercial...
445
00:21:45,305 --> 00:21:48,005
It says they need a
roach and a maggot.
446
00:21:48,007 --> 00:21:49,273
Hey...
447
00:21:50,043 --> 00:21:51,676
A roach and a maggot?
448
00:21:52,045 --> 00:21:53,477
A roach and a maggot??!
449
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:56,514
ROSIE: Where do they expect to
find a pair like that?
450
00:21:57,383 --> 00:21:59,450
M-A-U-R-I-C-E!!!!!!
43139
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