All language subtitles for Freaky Stories - 1x05 - Designer Tales_Legendas01.ENG

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MUSIC THROUGHOUT] ¶

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LARRY: Hey! How're ya doin'?

We've got some real
Freaky Stories for you.

They're what you
could call snazzy...

which is how some people look.

Ah - Here comes an example
about which I am talking.

ROSIE: Hey Babs! Sit.
Take a load off.

Love your hat.

BABS: Thanks. Hats
are coming back.

Everything comes
back. Pity, huh?

See what I mean?

Fashion.

The dumbest thing ever
invented by you-know-who --

right, man.

The same man that
invented atomic waste,

oat meal and disco
music, also invented

spike heels and the bolo tie.

And now they want you to look
like those super models --

oh man . . .

if they're so super, how
come they can't afford

a decent meal? Huh?

I hate fashion.

I want you to give
me a makeover.

[LAUGHS]

Who could resist
the challenge?

Right after this Freaky Story.

A MOM: This is a true story.

It happened to a friend of
a friend of mine.

I was Miss Alabaster 1943,

my grandmother was Miss Swanee
1918 and all of my girls

hold crowns too.

But this girl, Anne-Marie took
the whole thing to an extreme.

It takes a lot to make a
runway champion.

Hard work, good grooming,
excellent smiles and

good, old-fashioned
desire to win.

And Anne-Marie had
all this and more.

She tripped another
toddler to grab

Miss Tiny Toddle Tots '83.

She stole another girl's gown
to win Miss Junior Missy '88.

She'd do anything to get
the satin sash.

But mostly, she'd diet.

Beauty queens tend to be on
the slim-side, that's true.

But Anne-Marie'd nearly
starve herself to death.

She'd eat half a
grape for breakfast

and smell a
tuna-melt for lunch.

Anne-Marie insisted she
needed to lose at least

another five pounds
for the Pageant.

So Anne-Marie did what any
mother warned against

and started popping
diet pills.

And not just any
diet pills, mind you.

These were the real
black market kind.

You know, lose ten
pounds in ten days!

No exercise! No dieting!

Each pill was a
weird yellow capsule

the size of your thumb.

It was kind of squooshy,
with little holes in it,

but Anne-Marie didn't care.

She'd win the crown if it
killed her.

She started on three pills a day
and followed the instructions,

which said not to
drink any liquids.

In four days she lost the five
pounds she'd wanted

and hardly felt sick.

Oh sure, she was thirsty,
but so what.

If she lost another five she'd
be a shoo-in, right?

She started popping
the pills ten at a time...

and not a drop to drink.

She was weak with
sickness by pageant day.

Everybody around her
offered her food and water,

but she refused.

Her knees were wobbly and her
head felt like she'd

just been in a centrifuge.

But once she hit the lights
and saw the crowd,

Anne-Marie walked the
walk like a trooper.

She was gorgeous and
slim... really slim.

Her mouth felt like
the Sahara Desert,

but all she had to do was
hold on until she won.

The whole audience roared in a
unanimous decision.

They rose in a standing
ovation as she donned

the crown and strolled
down the runway.

Anne-Marie was half-way
through her victory walk

when her nerves finally
got the best of her and

she started to hiccup.

One of the judges ran
out with a cup of water.

But Anne-Marie was not
about to give in now.

And as they were reading off
all the prizes she won,

the hiccupping got
worse and worse.

Anne-Marie had to try a sip of
water, no matter what

the instructions on the
pill bottle said.

But one taste of the water and
all resistance was gone.

Anne-Marie gulped down cup
after cup after cup.

Too bad black market
pills don't have to

list their ingredients.

If they did, this bottle
would have said the

diet pills were actually
microbe sponges.

And you know what sponges do
when they soak up water.

Anne-Marie blew up
like a balloon...

a water balloon.

Everything popped --

her dress zipper, every clasp
and every button gave way

as the tiny sponges inside her
body soaked up the water.

The embarrassed Miss Total
Universe managed

a few waddles, and then rolled
the rest of the way

into the wings.

Yes, it was a true story.

It happened to a friend of
a friend of mine.

Anne-Marie still tours the
pageants but now

she hits the gym instead
of the pharmacy.

She's pumping up to be

the Next Miss Mighty Muscles.

Ready? Here we go.

Our first makeover candidate --

I feel so Sally Jessie Rafael.

Here's Maurice!

[CHEWING]
Yum ... that was yummy!

Roll it in, boys.
Okay ... that's just fine.

Wow! This is great.

We're gonna start your
makeover with the hair.

I don't have any hair.

You coulda fooled me. Duh!

Now I want you
to stick that...

that... that...

Face?

If that's what you call it --

right here.

Thank-you,
thank-you very much.

Next.

Too much hair.

No ... too little hair.

'too little'hair, what
do you mean?

It's not covering your face.

Bada-boom!

Next!

I look like a floor mat.

That would be an improvement.

Next!

This I like. I
think this works.

Nothing works.
You're too disgusting.

You think?

[HACKS UP PHLEGM]

BABS: Okay, Rosie,
I'll have the diet special,

I have to lose six pounds
before Saturday.

We're gonna put you on a diet.

You're not gonna
want to miss this.

HIGH SCHOOL SENIOR:
This is a true story.

It happened to a friend of a
friend of mine.

Her name was Cindy.

Not only was she head
cheerleader, Class of '63,

dating the captain of
the football team,

and the prettiest girl
at Smalltown High;

she had the biggest,
blondest, baddest Beehive

Hairdo anyone had ever seen!

And every other girl
at Smalltown High

was green with envy.

Yeah, Cindy's life was
pretty much perfect.

Or, so everyone thought.

You see keeping a Beehive
looking perfect was hard work.

But the real problem was
that Cindy was lazy.

Instead of washing her hair
and resetting it from scratch.

She'd just shellac it with a
complicated mixture

of Plutonium
Hydroxide and Glue.

Then sealed it with
a little hairspray.

Her mother had warned
her of the consequences

of not washing her hair.

But Cindy didn't listen.

All that mattered to Cindy was
that nobody could tell

the difference.

Even after her hair began to
take on the properties

of tempered steel.

Everything seemed fine until
Cindy's senior year.

When she began to get
these... headaches.

These throbbing, PULSING,
POUNDING HEADACHES!!!

But -- they would always pass.

Besides, no headache
was going to interfere

with the goal Cindy
had worked towards,

her entire high
school career...

to be crowned Miss
Teen Queen 1963...

at the Smalltown High Prom.

Soon the most important night
of Cindy's life had arrived.

There she stood on the
gymnasium stage,

all eyes on her, as the Miss
Teen Queen '63 crown

was lowered onto that
golden spire of hers.

A hush fell over the crowd,

as Cindy stepped up
to the microphone.

Mmm-hmm!

[CHOKING]

[SCREEEEEAAAAM!]

Her headache had returned.

And this time...
more painful than ever!

She fell to the floor,
writhing in agony,

clawing and pounding
at her Beehive.

Screaming, "Help! Make it
stop! Make it stop!"

Paramedics raced to
the scene, but were

unable to relieve the
hysterical girl.

Without a moment to spare, they
rushed Cindy to the Hospital.

There, her Beehive was
immediately X-Rayed

to locate the problem.

But to no avail. The Rays
couldn't penetrate that "do".

"We've got to get inside that
'Do!" the doctor exclaimed.

Regular surgical instruments
just wouldn't cut it.

Cindy's Beehive had become
an impenetrable block.

Heat resistant and
shatterproof.

[CLANG!]

The doctor could see that
Cindy couldn't take much more.

So, as a last resort, he
called for the experimental,

high speed, diamond tipped,
XP- 9000 Surgical Saw.

"Stand Back!" he yelled, as
the saw sliced through

that Beehive, like a hot
knife through butter.

Her solidified tresses
crashed to the floor.

Cindy's Beehive was
completely hollow!

The surgical team peered in
for a closer look.

And what they saw then, made
their blood run cold.

A sight so horrific,
so terrifying,

that it is etched in their
memories to this very day!

Crawling out from the hollow
center of Cindy's Beehive

were spiders!

Hundreds of big, black,
UGLY, HAIRY, SPIDERS!

[SCREEEEAAM!]

Hey. It's a true story.

It happened to a friend
of a friend of mine.

Oh, you still see
Cindy around.

She's easy to recognize. She's
the one with the brushcut.

Hey Folks...

Let's see how Maurice
is doing on his diet...

[SLOVENLY CHEWING]

Oh Maurice...
Can't you cut down on food?

Larry you know I tried.
I really tried.

You know how smokers use the

nicotine patch to stop.

You tried a food patch?

That's right. I taped a piece
of pork rind to my side.

Did it reduce your
craving to eat?

Oh yeah. Sure did...

after I ate it.

We'll have to go with a sauna.

We have a sauna?

Oh yah... go on and we have a

pastrami steamer.

Well you just go. Go on!

And I'll let you know
when you're done!

[LAUGHS]
Right after this!

BUTLER JEEVES:
This is a true story.

It happened to a friend of a
friend of mine, Godfrey.

He's the butler at the other
mansion on Snob Hill.

Miss Emily, returning
for a weekend holiday,

brought with her,
torn blue jeans,

chewing gum and a young man.

Yes, correct, a young man.

I understand Madam... that
would be Emily's mother,

was obliged to
take to her room,

feeling faint and disoriented.

Emily's father called his
physician to have his

blood pressure checked,

fearing an impending
apoplectic fit.

You see, the young man,
named Charles,

had absolutely no
pedigree at all.

And he was quite aware
of the consternation

he had wrought upon
the folks on Snob Hill.

Graciously, he
offered to leave.

But Miss Emily insisted
he stay, fully convinced

Charles could fit right
in, if he really tried.

So the chap placed a phone
call to inform his parents

of his plans.

They were not home, so
he left a message on their

answer machine.

If his parents had been at
home, Charles would have been

spared the most embarrassing
experience of his young life.

Well, this Charles
fellow, was quite

infatuated with Miss Emily.

He would do just about anything
to impress her parents.

And Miss Emily was determined
to have the young man

overcome the objections
of her family.

Unbeknownst to her
parents, she slipped

into their quarters and
took one her father's

dinner jackets.

And, Charles did
look quite presentable,

except his fly was open.

As they all entered
the dining room,

Godfrey stood his
post by the door.

And upon spying the undone
zipper, he attempted to

signal the young man.

He raised an eyebrow and
lowered his eyes.

Charles assumed Godfrey
was being friendly.

So he wiggled his eyebrows,

thinking he was
returning the greeting.

The dinner chat seemed
to move along without

any major disturbance.

Charles was questioned
about his future,

which had something to do
with saving rain forests

and so on.

He was asked about his
family and its lineage.

His story had something to
do with his ancestors

coming to the country on a
freight boat and working hard

and other things with
which Miss Emily's family

was not familiar.

Godfrey was impressed with
the young man's spunk and

fortitude, enduring
the questioning

and never faltering.

So Godfrey, simply trying
to be helpful mind you,

seized an opportunity
to tell Charles about

the zipper problem while he
was dispensing the soup.

He leaned over, wielding the
ladle and taurine in a most

professional manner, yet able
to whisper in Charles' ear,

"Your fly, sir, is open."

And with the most subtle
of moves Charles managed

to zip up his fly without
anyone at the table noticing.

And as the meal wound down
to its conclusion,

and the creme brulee was
being served by Cook,

Godfrey informed Charles he
had a phone call.

His mother, having received
his message, was on the line.

Charles excused himself,
rose from the table

and started toward the
dining room doors,

taking the tablecloth with him.
And with the table cloth,

all the china, silverware and
crystal, not to mention,

the creme brulee.

The young man,
much to his chagrin,

had caught the table
cloth in his zipper.

Creme brulee here,
creme brulee there,

creme brulee everywhere.

That was a true story.

It happened to a friend of
a friend of mine.

And Charles has never
returned to Snob Hill,

even though all his pants
these days have a button fly.

Tick-tock, tick-tock,
won't be long...

[MAURICE GROANS]

I was in the steamer, taking
a nap on the pastrami,

when Ted decides he needs
it finished right away.

Oh, no! He didn't! Not --

The MICROWAVE.

You were zapped?

Twelve minutes on high.

But you look... okay,
considering you're you.

Oh yah ... you
think I look okay?

Yeah.

Watch this.

BABS: Hey, Rosie...

ROSIE: It happens
when Ted uses

the electric fryer and hair
dryer at the same time.

LARRY: Maurice, you
look better already.

And folks, if you think
this is freaky?

Just take a look at
our next Freaky Story.

CLUELESS OBSERVER:
This is a true story.

It happened to a friend of
a friend of mine. Janice.

She's so cool... and
she loovvves clothes.

She had different outfits
for different classes,

lounge wear for study hall,

cruise wear for school trips,

and her Paris collection
for French class.

Nobody could keep
up with her wardrobe.

Until Tessa showed
up at school.

Tessa had even more
clothes than Janice.

It didn't take long for
the clothes rivalry

to be established.

Kids waited every day to see
what each of them was wearing.

And one day they
both showed up at school

wearing the same outfit!

Their eyes locked
they just stared.

And then they
walked towards each other,

like gunfighters in a
cowboy movie.

Only much better dressed.

One of them was going to pay.

Tessa reached out and pulled a
loose thread off Janice's top.

And then Janice reached
over, and pulled

a loose thread off
Tessa's top and said,

"nice outfit".

And Tessa said, "nice outfit".

And they just walked past each
other like nothing happened.

Things were different
from that day on.

It was now an all
out fashion battle.

It was blouses, vests,
tank tops, bell bottoms,

high heels, low heels,
strapless, backless,

thigh high, ankle length war.

But that was nothing compared
to what happened the day

one of those TV fashion shows
was coming to our school

to do a story about high
school fashion.

Janice was going to go to a
dressmaker and have

a special gown made,
practically the night before.

No chance that something like
that could get copied.

And it was a great plan, too.

Except Tessa had
the same plan.

The day before the TV
crew showed up,

she ended up at the same
dressmaker who was just

basting Janice's dress.

When Tessa saw that
dress, she had to have it.

She offered the dressmaker
more than five times what

Janice paid, so naturally,
the dressmaker took it.

She didn't know anything about
Tessa and Janice's feud.

The poor dressmaker got
back to basting the dress,

when Janice came in and
snatched it away from her.

She begged Janice to
give her another hour,

because she still
had to sew it.

No way.

By that time Tessa would have
stepped before the camera

and Janice wasn't going to
allow herself to be scooped.

Not on TV, that's for sure.

So there was the whole
school in the auditorium.

The TV crew showed up.

Lights, camera, a reporter
all ready to go.

The reporter called
out "roll tape!"

Suddenly, from the rear
entrance, Janice emerged.

And at the exact same time,
Tessa came in from the hall.

Both girls were wearing coats.

Step by step, inch by inch,

until they were standing
nose to nose in the

centre of the stage.

As if on cue, each
unbuttoned her coat,

and with a lightning fast
movement, they were off.

A gasp went through the crowd.

They were both
wearing the same dress.

It was clear, that
something had to give.

Would they scratch each other's
eyes out on national TV?

Then, as if on cue,

Tessa reached over
to Janice's shoulder,

and Janice reached
for Tessa's.

It was going to get physical.

But no.

Each simply grabbed
at a loose thread

hanging off each
other's dress.

Still smiling, they each
said, "nice outfit",

and tugged at the thread.

And with that casual pull, the
stitches in both dresses

unravelled, and Tessa and
Janice were left

holding long pieces of thread
--

while their dresses lay in
pieces on the floor.

This is a true story.

Happened to friends
of a friend of mine,

Tessa and Janice.

You know, the grungers who
wear the same overalls

and shirts to
school every day.

Ahhh...
[KISS]

Fortunately, I myself don't
need any improvement.

I mean ...
oh...Look at those eyes, ah?

I mean -- exquisite.

And that nose.

A classic.

Yep! All in all, I am really

quite...

AHHH! Uggggh!!

UGLY!

[CHUCKLES]