All language subtitles for Freaky Stories - 1x03 - Animal Maggotism_Legendas01.ENG

¶ [SPOOKY THEME
MUSIC THROUGHOUT] ¶

¶¶

LARRY:
Hey. How're you doin'?

This episode of Freaky
Stories is about animals.

P.T. Barnum did great
things with animals.

But who did the most was
Siegfried and Roy.

Who used to be known as
Siegfried and Roy and Larry.

ROSIE: Hey-Hey-Hey!
No dogs allowed!

MAN: C'mon, he's cute.

LARRY: I hate dogs,
'cause dogs are dumb.

[DOG WHIMPERS]

ROSIE: Get him outta here!

Now, where was I...

[MAURICE FARTS]

Gee....I wonder who
that could be.

Oh...so how's it goin'?

I'm gonna give you a
little taste of my old act.

And make Maurice disappear.

Wow...how are you
going to do that?

¶ [SPOOKY MUSIC] ¶

GET OUTTA HERE!!!

[MAURICE SCREAMS]

Eh? Eh?
Hahaha!!

Okay. Tonight,
I'm gonna present

the greatest animal
act ever seen...

right after this. Like on those

Hot Edition and Inside
Story kind of shows.

"Right after this" means,
"At the very, very end."

TEENAGE GIRL:
This is like a true story.

It happened to a friend of a
friend of mine at school.

Her name is Lizzie and she's
like the most popular girl

in the ninth grade and she's
like one of my best friends

even though I don't hang
around her all that much

'cause I'm waaay too busy.

Lizzie and some of her
other friends spend

most of their time kinda
standing around giggling

and talking about boys and all

the parties they go to and
the cool clothes they wear.

But Lizzie can't talk to them
once she gets home 'cause

she like has no phone
of her own.

Her parents said if she wanted
her own phone she was

going to have to work
to pay for it. Ugh!

So, anyways, one day I hear
that Lizzie has to babysit.

What ever! And the kid she
has to take care of is my

next door neighbor, the
little monster, Jeffrey.

(I would have had the job
except I'm waaaaaay too busy.)

So, okay, like the night comes
and Lizzie goes over

to their house.

She rings the doorbell and

Jeffrey's dad
answers the door.

All of a sudden this big dog
comes running up to

Lizzie and starts
slobbering all over

her new babysitting outfit.

Jeffrey's dad is apologizing
and saying he hopes

Lizzie doesn't mind dogs.
"Oh, no!" says Lizzie.

"I love animals...
especially dogs --

and don't worry, I don't mind
if Mookie drools all over me,

it's just saliva,
it'll wash out."

Boy, she must really
want that phone!

So, then Jeffrey's mom tells
Lizzie that little Jeffy is

asleep upstairs.

And they leave.

As soon as the
door closes, bam!

Lizzie is on the phone with
her best friend, Marcia,

and they're like gossiping and
exchanging hair-do hints.

So, here's Lizzie, talking on
the phone to Marcia,

while every five seconds
Mookie the dog jumps up

and slobbers all over her.

Marcia gets bored with
the all the phone talk.

So Lizzie turns on
an old movie,

a really sad one and she's
balling her eyes out

while Mookie, el doggo
slobberino, is running

in and out of the doggie door.

Suddenly, Lizzie looks
over and sees Mookie,

standing in a corner,
shaking a stuffed animal.

He's like really going
at it... in the corner...

next to an empty rabbit cage.

Funny, she never noticed that

EMPTY RABBIT CAGE!!!

It's not a stuffed animal
in Mookie's mouth,

but like a real live rabbit!

Okay, a dead rabbit.

Lizzie is like really upset.

"This is awful!"

But Lizzie
doesn't panic.

She has an idea.

"Give me the rabbit, Mookie."

But he's like still
shaking the bunny,

saliva and rabbit fur
going everywhere.

Lizzie takes a box of dog
biscuits and empties it

on the floor in front of
Mookie who drops the rabbit

and starts gobbling.

Lizzie can't let anyone know
she let the stupid dog

eat their rabbit...

it was probably little
Jeffy's Easter Bunny.

So she grabs the dead thing --

eeeeuuuwww, disgusting,

and washes it up really good.

A little hair dryer action,
a once- over with

a teasing comb and, the bunny
looks almost like new.

Well, except for the
one missing FOOT.

Oh well, I guess that rabbit's
foot wasn't so lucky!

Lizzie puts the rabbit back
in THE CAGE like nothing

ever happened and she starts

rehearsing what
she's going to say...

"I was just sitting
there on the couch

reading a book when I heard
the bunny keel over.

Plop! Poor little creature
died peacefully in its sleep."

Just then Jeffrey's
mom and dad walk in.

"How did everything go
tonight, Lizzie?" they ask.

"Oh, good,

except for like one little
thing..." says Lizzie.

And just then...

[SCREAM!]

Turns out, Fluffy...

that's the rabbit's name,
died the week before

and they buried it
in their backyard.

[SOBBING]

This is a true story....

It happened to a friend
of a friend of mine.

Oh Lizzy? She got her phone.

Made the money working
in a pet store...

grooming animals.

Oh yeah, I know,

I probably insulted all
you dog lovers out there.

But lemme tell you something
-- cat lovers are even worse...

What the... !!!

This is exactly what
I'm talking about.

This mouse here it's a TOY!

Your cat is so dumb,
it thinks it's REAL!

Hey! What is that smell?

And another
thing about cats...

Ooo... I like you.
Yah, I really-

really do like you.

[LARRY GIGGLES]

I loaded the mouse
with roach-nip...

Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh...

We'll be back after this
next Freaky Story.

COMPANY EXECUTIVE:
This is a true story.

It happened to a friend of a
friend of mine.

Peterson, in Dutroniun sales.

He happened to
take off a few days

with his family to one of
the new tourist areas

on Rigal 6.

Me, give me a week
baking on Mars.

That's my idea of a vacation.

This Rigal 6 place is so new,

it's barely on the
interplanetary map.

So the Petersons, their two
kids, Jr. and Melody,

and their mutt, Fifi, which
they take everywhere --

caught a charter to Rigal 6.

Nobody knew all that much
about the Rigellians.

But from what I heard,

they weren't like other
extraterrestrials.

They had a single compound eye
and oversized skulls.

But their cuisine was getting
known all over the galaxy.

Peterson takes his rental pod,
piles his brood inside,

and heads out for Chez Rigal.

Well, when they get
to the door,

the maitre d' tells them that
they're more than welcome,

but that old Fifi just isn't
allowed into the restaurant.

So, it seems poor Peterson and

his clan are going to have to
leave without eating.

Just as they're walking out,
the maitre d' runs after them.

It seems he'd felt
badly for his guests,

and he offered to let them
have dinner at the restaurant.

Peterson was mighty grateful,
because the kids were

starting to get cranky, and
he really didn't want

to drive around a
strange planet looking

for a restaurant at
this time of night.

But what about old Fifi?

Well, says the maitre d',

because you've
come from so far,

and you did have a
reservation, I'll have some of

the kitchen staff look after
him while you eat.

The kids weren't so sure, but
Peterson was starving,

so he said fine by
me, and handed

the leash over to the maitre
d' who led Fifi

back to the kitchen.

The Peterson clan poured
over this huge menu,

but the waiter
insisted they try the

specialty of the house.

The kids would have like a
Rigelburger,

but Mrs. Peterson, said what
the heck, when on Rigel

do what the Rigellians do.

Peterson was a bit suspicious,

and wanted to know
what was in it.

A secret, said the waiter, but
he promised it would be

very fresh, very very fresh.

After complimentary hors
d'oeuvres,

the waiter wheeled in a large
covered tureen,

and whisked off the lid
revealing a bubbling blue stew.

Even though it looked pretty
odd, everybody had to admit

it smelled very tasty.

Mrs. Peterson was dying
to know what was in it.

Our chef's secret ingredient,

was all the waiter said.

And with that he ladled out a
bowlful to each Peterson.

The blue stuff bubbled away
in their bowls with

chunks of... something...

occasionally rising to the
surface.

Finally, Peterson dipped his
spoon into the stew

and took a tentative taste.

Then another. Then another.

And then he dove into it.

And the others decided
to give it a try.

They snorfled, and guzzled.

And it wasn't long before they
all were clambering for more.

Mr. Peterson dipped the ladle
into the tureen and began to

serve another bowl to Junior.

This time, there was
a strange clunk

as the stew hit the bowl.

Junior dipped his spoon into
the bowl and fished out

a long blue strip of meat.

He started to gnaw on it, but
it was tough as leather.

And it wasn't blue
anymore. It was red.

Red leather. Just
like Fifi's collar!

And it had a name tag
on it. -- "Fifi"!

How did that get
into the stew?

The Petersons looked at
the collar, hanging

out of Jr's mouth.

They all gagged, ran
for the door,

and sped away into the night.

In the kitchen, Nigel and the
maitre d' shook their heads.

A waiter came rushing in,

asking for the house specialty.

Sorry, said the chef, no more
secret ingredient left.

Then he saw a paw sticking out
from under a table.

He pulled it.

And there was Fifi!

I don't suppose you
have anymore of

that red leather,
said the chef.

Fifi just looked up and gave
the chef a big slobbery lick

on his one eyebrow.

That is a true story.

Happened to a friend of

a friend of mine.
Peterson in sales.

And now when his
family vacations

they take their own food.

And leave the dog at home.

I haven't felt like this

since I did that bug
spray commercial.

ROSIE: No -- dogs -- allowed.

What's wrong with you?

MAN: Aw, but he's hungry.

ROSIE: So feed
him... OUTSIDE!!!

Dogs! What do they
give you besides

ticks and carpet stains?

Oh, yeah...right...love.

If anybody else slobbered
their discusting spit

all over the...

place.

If you think that's
discusting then

wait till you see
our next story.

And don't forget
coming right up...

my unbelievable animal act.

OUTDOORSMAN JACK:
This is a true story.

It happened to a friend of
a friend of mine.

His name was Bud and he was
one of those big game

hunters, you know?

Some people think
that sorta thing's cruel,

but I tell ya...

Bud'd stare the biggest polar
bear down, face to face.

He'd wrestle
alligators just for fun.

Why he'd wander into a den of
lions and not even flinch.

But when it came to the
smallest little spider,

he'd turn into a quivering
mould of Jello.

[WHIMPERS]

Now Bud was on safari in
Africa, in the thickest jungle.

He'd been trailing a white
tiger all day with

nothing but a Bowy knife when
he set up camp for the night.

He was just drifting
off, lying right

on the African dirt,

when the ugliest, hairiest
little beetle kind of bug

crawled right up the
side of his head and

gnawed its way into
his left ear.

Bud went balmy.

He was running all over camp
jamming his finger in his ear

trying to get the bug out.

Bud could feel the earwig
pincing away at his eardrum.

By the time they got
him to the clinic in

the nearby village,

Bud's eyes were
spinning round in his head.

The doctor took one look in
his ear and shook his head.

There was nothing he could do.

The bug'd got in too far.

Any attempt to extract
it could lead to

permanent brain damage.

Bud might just have to live
with it scurrying round

in there for the
rest of his life.

Unless....

There was this old
witch doctor at the

edge of the jungle.

Bud's hunter friends

dragged him to a little hut down
the end of a dark dirt road.

The witch doctor
was standing in the

door of his weird old shack.

He was ready to go to work
and he looked like he was

going to enjoy it.

He started by getting Bud's
buddies to tie him down

on this bamboo bed.

They bound his arms and legs
and strapped his head still,

one ear facing up, while the
witch doctor mashed up a

bunch of bug larva he'd poured
out of a rusty old tin can.

Bud cringed as the witch
doctor added little bits of

dead moth wings and
ground caterpillars.

The old man started spooning
the stuff right into his ear.

Bud could feel the mashed
stuff oozing down in there,

all cold and slimy filling
every nook and cranny

right up to his brain.

The witch doctor said the
smell of the dead insects

would FLUSH the
earwig out of there.

But it didn't work.

The witch doctor was about
ready to give up.

Maybe the bug ought
to just stay inside....

But Bud wouldn't hear of it.

He didn't care what the old
man had to try next,

he'd go with it.

So the witch doctor started
searching around

the dirt floor of his hut
until he found

what he was looking for.

The biggest, meanest
male African earwig

anyone had ever seen.

The witch doctor tied this
long piece of hair round

the earwig's head and then
carried him to Bud's ear.

Bud yelled and
squirmed around.

The witch doctor held on to
the little thread til

he felt the male earwig stop,
waited til he found his mate,

then pulled the thread
with all his might.

Bud shrieked in agony as the
male earwig came catapulting

out of his ear...

holding the female earwig in
his long creepy legs.

[SHRIEK OF PAIN]

Bud was relieved, ready to go,

ready to forget about the bugs
and get on with his hunting

when suddenly he remembered.

The earwig had
crawled into his left ear

and was yanked
out of his right.

The witch doctor
shrugged with a smile.

That always happened
with the females.

They like to burrow
right deep inside the head

to lay their eggs
in the brain.

This is a true story.

It happened to a friend
of a friend of mine.

Oh, Bud survived, his
hearing improved and, yes,

if he stands sideways, you can
see right through his head.

Coming right up
really-really soon,

my incredible animal
act. But first...

What?

Well Larry...

Yes?

Why do you have to use
a stranger? Use me.

What kind of tricks
can you do?

[MAURICE BELCHES]

Besides that.

Well trust me. Okay?
Introduce me.

Alright.

Alright, here we go
-- And now I present

Maurice.

Ta-daaaa...

Uh... Maurice, sit.

I am sitting.

Can you beg?

Well I can, but its
not very dignified.

Maurice you are... fired!

No. Please, please Larry don't
fire me, see I'm begging.

Get out of here, go on.

BEAUTY SHOP STYLIST:
This is a true story.

It happened to a friend
of a friend of mine.

Tuesday at two.

That's what I called
her 'cause that's when

she'd come in to see me,
for her wash and set.

Now Tuesday at Two
didn't have much of a life.

I could tell by the way she
dragged herself around

and talked about her husband's
ailments and medications.

And unhappy people
are not big tippers.

So, one Tuesday, she
was on her way here,

when she heard a tiny
noise and noticed

the cutest little kitten.

Tuesday at Two felt sorry for
the little thing

so she scooped it up.

The kitten snuggled up to her
and started to purr

so Tuesday decided to keep it.

She and her husband, they
took this little kitty in

and loved it to bits.

I mean who doesn't
love a kitty?

And this little fella
was adorable.

But he didn't have
much of a tail,

just this little bobbed thing.

So they decided to
call him Bob!

Bob changed Tuesday's
life I can tell you that!

She came in here laughing with
a real spring in her step.

She even got me to put a
little colour in her hair!

She chattered on and on
about Bob and how cute

he was and how he liked to
sleep on her pillow, and

jump in the laundry basket
when she was folding clothes.

She told me that her
grumpy old husband

had fallen in love
with the kitty too!

I wish I could say they all
lived happily after,

but I'd be telling you a fib.

Here's what happened.

Well the kitty started
exploring and managed

to get himself stuck up in a
big old tree where

Mr. and Mrs.
Tuesday couldn't reach him.

They tried to tempt Bob with
kitty treats but the kitty

just climbed
higher and higher.

Now Mr. and Mrs.
Tuesday at Two

weren't going to climb a tree!

No sir, they put a high value
on their bones!

Tuesday was just about to call
911 when her hubby

said he had an idea and ran
off to get some rope.

I admit, it was a
pretty good idea.

They were going to try to
lasso the end of the branch

where the kitten was sleeping,

and pull it down
towards the ground.

That way Bob would easily be
within their reach!

After a few tries,

the lasso finally got around
the branch.

The old dears had to pull and
pull on the rope

with all of their might in
order to make it move.

Bit by bit

the branch came closer and
closer to the ground.

The plan was
definitely going to work!

But their strength ran out
at the exact moment Bob

was in reach.

They both let go of that rope
at the same time!

That branch snapped back with
all the force of nature

behind it and the cat was
catapulted, through the air!

It soared way out of sight.

And once more Tuesday's
life was changed,

but this time for the worse.

She stopped smiling.

She even stopped
getting her hair done.

Now this next part you're
not going to believe.

But you'd better, because
like I said, it's true.

Stay with me now...

A few weeks later when
Tuesday at Two was in

the grocery store doing
a little shopping,

she found herself roaming

up and down the catfood
aisle thinking about

the good times and that's
where she bumped into Doris,

a friend of hers, who
lived out in the country.

Tuesday didn't see much
of her since she moved

from the neighbourhood.

Nothing spectacular I admit,
except that Doris was

buying cat food and as far
as Tuesday knew

Doris didn't have a cat!

"Doris, " she said,
"you don't have a cat."

"I do now, " Doris answered.

And she proceeded to tell
Tuesday at Two the story

of how she came to own a cat.

One afternoon she was
in her garden,

doing a little pruning and
snipping some roses.

When the most beautiful little
kitten fell right from the sky

into her basket!

"I call him Mr. Stubbs
because he doesn't have

much of a tail".

It was such a shock to
Tuesday at Two that she

staggered backwards and fell
right into a big pyramid

of kitty litter knocking the
whole display over.

[CRASH!]

Oh she didn't die or anything,

not that she didn't want to.

Mr. Stubbs and Bob were
one and the same cat

and Tuesday knew it!

It's a true story.

It happened to a friend of
a friend of mine.

Tuesday at Two'll be
here any minute,

you can ask her yourself!

Ladies and gentlemen, and
children of all ages,

feast your eyes on Larry's
World Famous Flea Circus.

Drum roll, please.

[DRUM ROLL]

Luther and Augustus will
perform on the high wire.

Go ahead, boys.

¶ [CIRCUS MUSIC] ¶

Amazing.

And now, Ernesto will leap
in the air and onto

the cracker and launch
Marguerite aloft.

ROSIE: That's it.
I'm calling the cops.

LARRY: Hey!!! This is a
diner. People eat here.

ROSIE: Next time I see that
dog, I'm turning it into

a door mat.

Marguerite, are you --

[GASP!]
Marguerite!!!

She's gone! They're all gone!

My act!!!

The dog!!! They left
me for the dog!

The dog stole my act!

Hey! Pooch...come
back with my act...