All language subtitles for 2.Broke.Girls.S05E22.And.the.Big.Gamble.1080p.AMZN.WEBRip.DD5.1.x264-CasStudio_track3_[eng]
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1
00:00:00,801 --> 00:00:02,536
(rock music)
2
00:00:03,237 --> 00:00:04,738
Here's your grilled cheese.
3
00:00:04,772 --> 00:00:06,240
No crust.
4
00:00:06,274 --> 00:00:07,575
Cool.
5
00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:08,642
And can you just move
6
00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:12,046
your coloring materials, sir?
7
00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:13,381
Look.
8
00:00:13,414 --> 00:00:16,250
Pretty.
9
00:00:16,284 --> 00:00:18,786
I was born during
the Great Depression,
10
00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:21,289
and I never saw anything
as depressing
11
00:00:21,322 --> 00:00:25,659
as that grown-ass
white boy coloring
12
00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:29,230
in the damn coloring book.
13
00:00:29,263 --> 00:00:32,366
I was born during a
Def Leppard concert...
14
00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:38,206
And that is the most
depressing thing I've ever seen.
15
00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:39,407
I'm gonna go school him.
16
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:41,742
Or, in his case,
pre-school him.
17
00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:43,311
Max, be gentle.
18
00:00:43,344 --> 00:00:47,181
I think he's in the middle
of his terrible 32s.
19
00:00:47,215 --> 00:00:50,451
Excuse me,
OshKosh B'gosh.
20
00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:53,454
I have a question about
your coloring book.
21
00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:55,089
Why?
22
00:00:55,123 --> 00:00:56,524
Oh, they're for adults.
23
00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:57,625
Super Zen.
24
00:00:57,658 --> 00:00:59,093
Super meditative.
25
00:00:59,127 --> 00:01:00,294
Helps with stress.
26
00:01:00,328 --> 00:01:02,263
You know what else
helps with stress?
27
00:01:02,296 --> 00:01:05,099
Sex.
28
00:01:05,133 --> 00:01:06,667
And even if someone
could get past
29
00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:09,303
those
boner-killing overalls...
30
00:01:09,337 --> 00:01:11,339
you ain't gonna have
any of that if you keep this up.
31
00:01:11,372 --> 00:01:13,274
Not to mention,
how stressful can your life
32
00:01:13,307 --> 00:01:16,577
really be if you are carefully
shading a unicorn's ass
33
00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:19,847
at 3:00 p.m. on a Tuesday?
34
00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:22,316
(Peter Bjorn and John)
* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
35
00:01:22,350 --> 00:01:23,884
(cash register bell dings)
36
00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:28,489
* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
37
00:01:32,660 --> 00:01:33,261
(bell dinging)
38
00:01:33,294 --> 00:01:35,663
OLEG: Pickup. Veggie wrap.
39
00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:41,569
Oh, my God,
he's having sex.
40
00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:45,906
SOPHIE: Oh, Caroline,
don't be such a prude.
41
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:47,608
Oh, good,
it's Sophie.
42
00:01:47,641 --> 00:01:52,580
I was worried he was
at that bagel again.
43
00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:55,549
Who says that a pregnant woman
can't have sex
44
00:01:55,583 --> 00:01:59,287
on the kitchen floor
of a diner?
45
00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:02,556
The Health Department, Sophie.
46
00:02:02,590 --> 00:02:05,693
Oh boy,
sex makes me thirsty.
47
00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:11,665
She just blew
right past those cups.
48
00:02:13,434 --> 00:02:15,936
Sophie, having sex
with you pregnant
49
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:20,508
is even hotter than having sex
when you had the bird flu.
50
00:02:20,541 --> 00:02:23,377
Yeah, well, you know,
I'm just as sweaty,
51
00:02:23,411 --> 00:02:26,714
but I sneeze less.
52
00:02:26,747 --> 00:02:28,549
Sophie, you're really
not letting
53
00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:30,384
this pregnancy
slow you down.
54
00:02:30,418 --> 00:02:32,420
You've already had
more sex just today
55
00:02:32,453 --> 00:02:36,657
than Caroline's
had all year.
56
00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:38,692
You're not even in
maternity clothes.
57
00:02:38,726 --> 00:02:39,960
Yeah.
58
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:45,299
Well, I don't need to wear one
of those frumpy potato sacks.
59
00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:48,436
Yeah, because
I'm a hot potato!
60
00:02:51,539 --> 00:02:54,475
Oh.
61
00:02:56,444 --> 00:02:57,978
Earl, what are you
looking at?
62
00:02:58,011 --> 00:03:01,315
I have no idea.
63
00:03:03,551 --> 00:03:04,852
RANDY: All right, Max...
64
00:03:04,885 --> 00:03:06,254
It's time to have that
65
00:03:06,287 --> 00:03:08,256
uncomfortable
conversation again.
66
00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:09,990
Okay, but I thought you said
it was a hard no
67
00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:13,561
on having sex in front of
the Today Sh window?
68
00:03:13,594 --> 00:03:14,895
Oh, come on.
69
00:03:14,928 --> 00:03:16,497
My month here is almost up.
70
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:19,700
I have to get back to L.A.,
and we need a plan.
71
00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:21,502
We have a plan.
72
00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:25,806
I use the NuvaRing I found at
the Burlington Coat Factory.
73
00:03:25,839 --> 00:03:29,877
They really are more
than great coats.
74
00:03:29,910 --> 00:03:31,445
Max, let's get real.
75
00:03:31,479 --> 00:03:33,314
Max doesn't like to
talk about reality
76
00:03:33,347 --> 00:03:34,715
unless it's reality TV.
77
00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:38,419
Like the Cops New Orleans
episode she was on.
78
00:03:38,452 --> 00:03:41,689
It's the only time Fox
has ever aired a nipple.
79
00:03:45,493 --> 00:03:48,596
Uh, who ordered
the Korean boy band?
80
00:03:51,632 --> 00:03:53,434
Uh, can I help you?
81
00:03:53,467 --> 00:03:54,802
Yeah, hi.
82
00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:56,304
I'm looking for Han Lee.
83
00:03:56,337 --> 00:03:58,005
'Bout yay big.
84
00:03:58,038 --> 00:04:02,343
'Bout yay stupid.
85
00:04:02,376 --> 00:04:03,677
You're looking for Han?
86
00:04:03,711 --> 00:04:07,047
Just Han, or are you trying
to collect the whole set?
87
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:10,884
You kind of look like this
Korean pop star named Bong.
88
00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:14,388
Well, my bong is from Korea.
89
00:04:14,422 --> 00:04:15,856
Uh, Han is not here.
90
00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:19,527
Well, if you see him, just tell
him Hwang came to say,
91
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:22,763
if he doesn't call me back,
he's got three strikes
92
00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:25,466
and no balls.
93
00:04:25,499 --> 00:04:27,601
Oh, he knows that.
94
00:04:30,037 --> 00:04:31,372
Oh, my God,
do you think Han
95
00:04:31,405 --> 00:04:32,773
may be in some
sort of trouble?
96
00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:33,974
I'm really worried.
97
00:04:34,007 --> 00:04:35,343
(phone beeps)
98
00:04:35,376 --> 00:04:37,511
Oh, J. Crew sale!
99
00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:41,915
(rock music)
100
00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:44,985
So, after we pay the painters,
the electrician, the plumber,
101
00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:47,788
and, of course,
the bribes to the inspectors,
102
00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:50,324
we have just enough money left
for what I like to call
103
00:04:50,358 --> 00:04:51,992
a little "cash cush."
104
00:04:52,025 --> 00:04:56,464
If that's cash we use for kush,
I'm excited about it.
105
00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:58,432
We can't spend that money,
so pretend it's not there,
106
00:04:58,466 --> 00:05:00,934
like you do
with recycling bins.
107
00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:01,869
(crashing)
108
00:05:01,902 --> 00:05:02,970
Oh, no!
109
00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:06,640
The rats are using our tarp
as their Superdome again!
110
00:05:06,674 --> 00:05:09,443
I'll get the rat mallet!
111
00:05:09,477 --> 00:05:13,581
HAN: No, don't get
the rat mallet!
112
00:05:13,614 --> 00:05:15,783
It's a talking one,
get the gun.
113
00:05:17,685 --> 00:05:20,788
Well, if it isn't
Crouching Loser, Hidden Virgin.
114
00:05:23,557 --> 00:05:26,927
Girls, I'm in a bit
of hot water.
115
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:30,664
What happened, you fell into
a tea cup again?
116
00:05:30,698 --> 00:05:33,901
No, I'm in deep trouble!
117
00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:37,070
You've never been
in deep anything.
118
00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:39,473
Well, wait, is that why those
scary-looking guys
119
00:05:39,507 --> 00:05:41,074
came into the diner
looking for you
120
00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:42,643
and made some threats?
121
00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:46,113
I remember something about
a strike and no balls.
122
00:05:46,146 --> 00:05:48,616
Something about no balls?
123
00:05:48,649 --> 00:05:50,684
You monsters didn't get
the precise wording
124
00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:53,554
on a threat to my life?
125
00:05:53,587 --> 00:05:56,089
I was a little
distracted, Han.
126
00:05:56,123 --> 00:05:59,159
J. Crew claimed to have
a 50% off sale,
127
00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:03,564
but then I clicked on the link,
and it was an "up to" 50% sale.
128
00:06:03,597 --> 00:06:05,866
Mostly on men's suiting.
129
00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:08,636
Oh, do send me the link
so I can select the suit
130
00:06:08,669 --> 00:06:12,540
I'll be buried in!
131
00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:15,876
Because you two can't
take a damn message!
132
00:06:15,909 --> 00:06:18,045
All right, Han,
what is going on?
133
00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:19,447
Are you really in trouble?
134
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:20,180
(car backfiring)
135
00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:22,082
(screams)
136
00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:23,016
Hey!
137
00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:25,152
What was that?
138
00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:28,522
Help me, strong,
big man!
139
00:06:28,556 --> 00:06:29,990
That wasn't gunshots, Han,
140
00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:32,159
it was just a car
backfiring.
141
00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:33,861
What's going on?
142
00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:37,097
Well, there's no
easy way to say it.
143
00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:42,603
I have a pretty substantial
gambling problem.
144
00:06:42,636 --> 00:06:46,774
But Han, that's
almost interesting.
145
00:06:46,807 --> 00:06:50,878
Yeah,
and I'm almost history!
146
00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:52,613
In case you
weren't following,
147
00:06:52,646 --> 00:06:54,615
I'm in a lot of debt!
148
00:06:54,648 --> 00:06:55,916
*
149
00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:02,189
Han, my man,
I'm here for you.
150
00:07:02,222 --> 00:07:03,557
Tell us what it is.
151
00:07:03,591 --> 00:07:06,727
Poker, ponies, football?
152
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,696
It's...
153
00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:13,166
ladies tennis.
154
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:15,769
Ladies tennis?
155
00:07:15,803 --> 00:07:18,672
I didn't even know
you played tennis.
156
00:07:18,706 --> 00:07:20,541
Yeah, well,
it's a vicious sport.
157
00:07:20,574 --> 00:07:24,077
And I lost most of my money on
those Williams sisters.
158
00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:27,447
Never trust a big butt
and a smile.
159
00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:30,884
You're telling me!
160
00:07:30,918 --> 00:07:34,087
I thought the bad one
was the good one.
161
00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:35,789
How much do you owe
these people?
162
00:07:35,823 --> 00:07:38,025
Well, with the initial debt
and the interest,
163
00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:39,827
I'm told it's
in the neighborhood
164
00:07:39,860 --> 00:07:42,830
of a black market kidney.
165
00:07:42,863 --> 00:07:44,765
Those are pretty pricey.
166
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:48,168
I know,
I have two of them.
167
00:07:48,201 --> 00:07:52,105
Han, that's fascinating,
yet disturbing.
168
00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:56,243
Like when you use a black light
at a Red Roof Inn.
169
00:07:56,276 --> 00:07:58,045
You're like an enigma.
170
00:07:58,078 --> 00:08:01,682
Enigma, please.
171
00:08:01,715 --> 00:08:05,018
(rock music)
172
00:08:05,052 --> 00:08:07,755
Han, how dangerous
can Hwang be?
173
00:08:07,788 --> 00:08:09,790
His office is in
a karaoke bar.
174
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:10,991
The only thing
he's gonna murder
175
00:08:11,024 --> 00:08:13,827
is the Hall and Oates
catalogue.
176
00:08:13,861 --> 00:08:16,129
Han, you have to
face this bully.
177
00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:19,533
And this is coming from
your biggest bully.
178
00:08:19,567 --> 00:08:23,671
Now come on, do what I say,
or I'll beat you up.
179
00:08:23,704 --> 00:08:25,005
Here we go.
180
00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:28,642
Oh, I just remembered--
I need to get my sweater.
181
00:08:28,676 --> 00:08:30,043
From my home.
182
00:08:30,077 --> 00:08:33,046
In Korea.
183
00:08:34,882 --> 00:08:37,317
* Hey I just met you
184
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,286
* And this is crazy
185
00:08:39,319 --> 00:08:40,921
* So here's my number
186
00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:42,923
* Oh, so call me maybe
187
00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:45,626
* And all the other girls
188
00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:47,294
* Try to chase me
189
00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:49,096
* But here's my number
190
00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:50,698
* So call me maybe
191
00:08:50,731 --> 00:08:51,865
Boom.
192
00:08:51,899 --> 00:08:53,634
(hooting)
193
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,869
(applause)
194
00:08:55,903 --> 00:08:56,970
He looks busy.
195
00:08:57,004 --> 00:09:00,040
Let's revisit this
in September.
196
00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:02,843
HWANG: Oh, I see
we have company.
197
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:06,313
Come in, sit down,
give me my money.
198
00:09:06,346 --> 00:09:07,447
Look, Mr. Hwang.
199
00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:11,051
We understand Han has a weakness
for pleated white skirts
200
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:12,686
and over-developed thighs.
201
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,187
Slow down,
let me handle this.
202
00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:16,924
I have experience
with hardened criminals.
203
00:09:16,957 --> 00:09:21,228
First off,
killer Carly Rae Jeps.
204
00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:25,332
Um, do you mind if a sister
does, like, five shots?
205
00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:26,900
Look, Mr. Hwang.
206
00:09:26,934 --> 00:09:29,970
Call me by my first name:
Hwang.
207
00:09:30,003 --> 00:09:33,807
Your names is Hwang Hwang?
208
00:09:33,841 --> 00:09:36,376
Oh, you think that's funny?
209
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:37,811
So did Kim.
210
00:09:37,845 --> 00:09:42,182
Kim, show them
your mangled genitals.
211
00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:46,053
We're all set,
mangled genitals-wise.
212
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:50,323
Speak for yourself, I'd take a
peek at them mangled gennies.
213
00:09:50,357 --> 00:09:53,661
Uh, perhaps we could put an
installment plan in place
214
00:09:53,694 --> 00:09:54,828
for the money Han owes you?
215
00:09:54,862 --> 00:09:56,229
How much is it, exactly?
216
00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:57,965
$30,000.
217
00:09:57,998 --> 00:10:01,902
BOTH: On ladies tennis?
218
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:04,071
I'm sure we can
figure this out.
219
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:08,175
Yeah, I have a free pass
to any AMC Theatre.
220
00:10:12,412 --> 00:10:16,349
I should warn you, though,
it does exclude the IMAX.
221
00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:18,051
Keep it, Han.
222
00:10:18,085 --> 00:10:20,654
I've decided to give you a
little time to pay me back.
223
00:10:20,688 --> 00:10:22,690
MAX: That is so cool of you.
224
00:10:22,723 --> 00:10:23,724
How much time?
225
00:10:23,757 --> 00:10:25,759
Uh, one song.
226
00:10:25,793 --> 00:10:27,360
Right now.
227
00:10:27,394 --> 00:10:28,095
And Han?
228
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:30,330
You better make it
a toe-tapper.
229
00:10:30,363 --> 00:10:32,265
'Cause when you're done,
230
00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:36,069
you'll have one less toe
to tap.
231
00:10:36,103 --> 00:10:39,106
You're not really gonna
take off his toes.
232
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:43,443
Kim, show him
your missing toes.
233
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:45,378
Come on, Han,
it's show time.
234
00:10:45,412 --> 00:10:47,347
I mean, "toe time."
235
00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:52,886
Oh, my God, this is like
when they make people sing
236
00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:56,423
on American Idol after
they've been voted off.
237
00:10:56,456 --> 00:11:00,728
Hwang, what are you gonna do
with another toe?
238
00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:02,329
I mean, you think
you need another one,
239
00:11:02,362 --> 00:11:04,431
and then they just
sit on the shelf.
240
00:11:04,464 --> 00:11:07,400
If I don't take his toes,
then I'm known as the guy
241
00:11:07,434 --> 00:11:12,039
who says he's gonna take toes
and then doesn't take toes.
242
00:11:12,072 --> 00:11:14,875
Uh, can I peruse
a song book?
243
00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:18,912
It might take a while,
I'm very picky.
244
00:11:18,946 --> 00:11:21,949
ABBA...
245
00:11:21,982 --> 00:11:25,418
AC/DC...
246
00:11:25,452 --> 00:11:28,889
Adele...
247
00:11:28,922 --> 00:11:32,059
I already
picked you a song.
248
00:11:32,092 --> 00:11:35,062
"Last Dance" by Donna Summer.
249
00:11:35,095 --> 00:11:37,297
HWANG: 'Cause when
that toe is gone,
250
00:11:37,330 --> 00:11:39,366
it'll be the last time
you dance.
251
00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:40,400
Sing.
252
00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:42,502
(Donna Summer's
"Last Dance" playing)
253
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:47,040
* Oh
254
00:11:47,074 --> 00:11:49,309
*
255
00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:53,513
* Oh
256
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:57,050
*
257
00:11:57,084 --> 00:12:01,154
* Last dance
258
00:12:01,188 --> 00:12:06,293
* Last chance for love
259
00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:10,297
*
260
00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:14,034
* Yes it's my last chance
261
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,837
* For romance
262
00:12:16,870 --> 00:12:19,873
* Tonight
263
00:12:19,907 --> 00:12:24,845
*
264
00:12:24,878 --> 00:12:27,380
* I need you
265
00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:30,517
* By me
266
00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:32,853
* Beside me
267
00:12:32,886 --> 00:12:34,187
* To guide me
268
00:12:34,221 --> 00:12:35,555
What are we gonna do?
269
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:37,024
You heard Han.
270
00:12:37,057 --> 00:12:41,394
He needs us by him,
beside him, to guide him!
271
00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:43,030
Should we go
and get the cops?
272
00:12:43,063 --> 00:12:44,397
No, by the time
they get back,
273
00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:48,135
Han will have one less toe,
if Hwang even stops there.
274
00:12:48,168 --> 00:12:49,402
What if he takes
his whole foot?
275
00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:53,340
Han needs all the height
he can get.
276
00:12:53,373 --> 00:12:56,143
Didn't you say something about
us having a money cushion?
277
00:12:56,176 --> 00:12:57,878
We can't use the cushion.
278
00:12:57,911 --> 00:13:00,814
We need it for the dessert bar
in case we have a slow start.
279
00:13:00,848 --> 00:13:04,284
Like we have had with every
business we've started before.
280
00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:07,520
You sure?
'Cause...
281
00:13:07,554 --> 00:13:10,523
* Don't leave
282
00:13:10,557 --> 00:13:13,560
* Scold me
283
00:13:13,593 --> 00:13:16,029
* 'Cause when I'm bad
284
00:13:16,063 --> 00:13:20,433
* I'm so so bad
285
00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:27,507
Leaning towards helping.
286
00:13:27,540 --> 00:13:31,511
Han is annoying, nerdy,
bad at sports,
287
00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:34,314
but he gave us a cushion when
we didn't have anything.
288
00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:37,484
Max, I want to help Han,
but I also don't want us
289
00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:38,919
to wind up with nothing.
290
00:13:38,952 --> 00:13:40,487
Again.
291
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:43,223
Let me see him
one more time.
292
00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:46,593
* So let's dance
293
00:13:46,626 --> 00:13:48,295
* Let's dance
294
00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:50,063
HAN: * Let's dance
295
00:13:50,097 --> 00:13:51,498
* The last dance
296
00:13:51,531 --> 00:13:52,966
Can I start over?
297
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:56,937
I had a bubble in my throat.
298
00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:59,106
(rock music)
299
00:13:59,139 --> 00:14:01,074
Chestnut,
we have big news.
300
00:14:01,108 --> 00:14:03,510
And something called mochi.
301
00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:04,878
RANDY: In here.
302
00:14:04,912 --> 00:14:06,880
I let myself in.
303
00:14:06,914 --> 00:14:08,949
Chestnut can talk?
304
00:14:08,982 --> 00:14:11,084
Thank you, God!
305
00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:15,923
What's up,
good looking?
306
00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:17,157
CAROLINE: I still can't believe
307
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:19,059
you're dating someone
who looks like that,
308
00:14:19,092 --> 00:14:21,261
and can read.
309
00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:24,998
Randy, you will
not believe what we did.
310
00:14:25,032 --> 00:14:26,566
We saved Han's life.
311
00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:29,436
Well, not his life,
so much as his toe,
312
00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:33,373
but still an amazing
gesture on our part.
313
00:14:33,406 --> 00:14:34,041
Well...
314
00:14:34,074 --> 00:14:37,610
long story
about a short guy,
315
00:14:37,644 --> 00:14:42,082
we bought the diner.
316
00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:43,350
I had to get
something out of it.
317
00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:45,685
I mean,
I'm not Mother Teresa.
318
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:47,620
You bought the diner?
319
00:14:47,654 --> 00:14:50,123
The diner that doesn't
show up on Google Maps
320
00:14:50,157 --> 00:14:51,524
for legal reasons?
321
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:53,260
That diner?
322
00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:54,995
Why would you do that?
323
00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:56,663
Well, not bought, exactly.
324
00:14:56,696 --> 00:14:59,532
We got Han out of debt in
exchange for part ownership.
325
00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:02,669
It's like, we spend five years
trying to get out of hell,
326
00:15:02,702 --> 00:15:06,006
and then...
we bought hell!
327
00:15:06,039 --> 00:15:07,140
Crazy, right?
328
00:15:07,174 --> 00:15:09,442
Yeah, no, real crazy.
329
00:15:09,476 --> 00:15:11,945
When I think of impulse buys,
I think of Altoids
330
00:15:11,979 --> 00:15:14,047
or a flashlight keychain.
331
00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:17,217
Well, I guess
congratulations.
332
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:18,651
Wait, what is that look
on your face?
333
00:15:18,685 --> 00:15:20,553
I've never seen it before.
334
00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,555
Are you mad?
335
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:24,157
Just surprised
you didn't think
336
00:15:24,191 --> 00:15:26,026
to talk to me
about it first.
337
00:15:26,059 --> 00:15:30,697
What, every time I buy a diner,
I have to tell you?
338
00:15:30,730 --> 00:15:33,566
I go back to L.A.
in three days.
339
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,202
You couldn't make
a plan for that,
340
00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:37,570
but you bought the diner?
341
00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:39,606
That's a commitment.
342
00:15:39,639 --> 00:15:41,608
Now it's done.
343
00:15:44,211 --> 00:15:47,514
I should go tell Chestnut
what we did.
344
00:15:47,547 --> 00:15:50,650
'Cause he is gonna laugh.
345
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:56,589
I know what'll
make this all okay.
346
00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:59,026
Some jug snugs?
347
00:15:59,059 --> 00:16:01,995
Yours, not mine.
348
00:16:02,029 --> 00:16:03,596
Nothing?
349
00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:05,065
Well, if we're not
gonna do it,
350
00:16:05,098 --> 00:16:06,133
at least put on a shirt.
351
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:08,468
I am human.
352
00:16:08,501 --> 00:16:10,337
You really think you're
gonna have time for us?
353
00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:13,473
Starting a new business
and owning the diner?
354
00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:14,541
Yes!
355
00:16:14,574 --> 00:16:16,409
I had four jobs
in sixth grade,
356
00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:20,013
and I still had time to follow
Smash Mouth around the country.
357
00:16:20,047 --> 00:16:24,351
Not the band, a meth head
my mom really liked.
358
00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:28,088
Chestnut had a big reaction to
the news, as well.
359
00:16:28,121 --> 00:16:30,090
Where's the poop shovel?
360
00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:31,324
(rock music)
361
00:16:34,794 --> 00:16:37,097
Hey, boss ladies,
congratulations!
362
00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:39,566
I heard that you own
the diner now.
363
00:16:39,599 --> 00:16:42,702
Which is why I am
doing double doobies.
364
00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:46,506
Part!
Part owners!
365
00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:47,607
I'm still the boss.
366
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:48,608
Put that away!
367
00:16:48,641 --> 00:16:51,611
Doobie continued.
368
00:16:51,644 --> 00:16:55,248
Who's the boss,
Tiny Danza?
369
00:16:55,282 --> 00:16:58,251
Well, I will be again,
as soon as I scrape up
370
00:16:58,285 --> 00:16:59,786
the money to pay you back.
371
00:16:59,819 --> 00:17:01,354
But don't worry,
from now on,
372
00:17:01,388 --> 00:17:04,657
I'm not gambling on anything
but lunch at Chipotle.
373
00:17:06,593 --> 00:17:10,263
Hey, everybody!
374
00:17:10,297 --> 00:17:13,200
Sophie's back
and better than ever!
375
00:17:13,233 --> 00:17:16,669
Like racism in America.
376
00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:19,239
I heard that.
377
00:17:19,272 --> 00:17:21,408
Wow, Sophie,
that is some dress.
378
00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:25,378
And there must be one
very cold leopard out there.
379
00:17:25,412 --> 00:17:28,648
Oh, I like your style, baby.
380
00:17:28,681 --> 00:17:30,383
SOPHIE: I realized
381
00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:34,821
I don't need to wear those
basic bitch maternity clothes.
382
00:17:34,854 --> 00:17:39,326
I can be maternal without
losing that little whisper
383
00:17:39,359 --> 00:17:42,329
that says, "I'm doable."
384
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:45,865
Yes, you are.
385
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:49,302
She also made a maternity item
for the bedroom.
386
00:17:49,336 --> 00:17:52,639
It's called "The PregligГ©."
387
00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:53,773
Hey, Oleg.
388
00:17:53,806 --> 00:17:57,110
Meet me in the bathroom.
389
00:18:01,481 --> 00:18:03,250
Hey, Earl,
I'm heading out.
390
00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:05,485
I guess we'll never get to do
that Lethal Weapon reboot
391
00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:07,420
we talked about.
392
00:18:07,454 --> 00:18:12,225
That's all right, I'm doing
a Rush Hour reboot with Han.
393
00:18:12,259 --> 00:18:13,826
What're you doing
with that luggage?
394
00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:16,329
Did I get you kicked out
of another hotel?
395
00:18:16,363 --> 00:18:18,398
No, I changed my ticket.
396
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:20,667
Going back to L.A. today.
397
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:22,335
But that's today.
398
00:18:22,369 --> 00:18:25,605
And that is a ticket
to Los Angeles.
399
00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:29,609
Use it whenever you want
and I'll be there.
400
00:18:29,642 --> 00:18:30,877
This is empty.
401
00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:34,614
Yeah, everything's
done online now.
402
00:18:34,647 --> 00:18:37,350
I just did that
for effect.
403
00:18:37,384 --> 00:18:39,252
You'll get an email.
404
00:18:39,286 --> 00:18:42,522
Good luck with your dessert bar
and the diner.
405
00:18:42,555 --> 00:18:44,357
I'm gonna see you.
406
00:18:44,391 --> 00:18:46,359
Yeah.
407
00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:56,236
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
408
00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:58,405
Why are you being
so good-bye-y?
409
00:18:58,438 --> 00:19:01,374
I'm gonna visit as soon as
things get settled here.
410
00:19:01,408 --> 00:19:02,775
And we'll talk every day.
411
00:19:02,809 --> 00:19:05,645
I'm even better at phone sex
than I am at real sex.
412
00:19:05,678 --> 00:19:07,247
I find that
hard to believe.
413
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:10,650
It's the only thing on
my resumГ© that's not a lie.
414
00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:14,521
I'll figure it out.
We'll make a plan.
415
00:19:14,554 --> 00:19:16,189
I know you think that.
416
00:19:16,223 --> 00:19:18,325
But I think I was right
the first time.
417
00:19:18,358 --> 00:19:21,261
Long-distance relationships
don't work.
418
00:19:21,294 --> 00:19:23,796
And I think the real
distance between us
419
00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:25,965
is where we are
in our lives.
420
00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:26,933
What distance?
421
00:19:26,966 --> 00:19:30,303
I'm three inches away
from you.
422
00:19:31,771 --> 00:19:34,574
You better get back
to your diner.
423
00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:36,709
I love you, Max.
424
00:19:38,645 --> 00:19:40,747
I love you, too.
425
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:48,788
Okay, that felt
really good-bye-y.
426
00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:57,830
I'm okay, Earl.
427
00:19:57,864 --> 00:20:00,967
This is for me.
428
00:20:02,569 --> 00:20:05,905
I know this is really hard,
but you don't know where
429
00:20:05,938 --> 00:20:07,407
this all is gonna end up.
430
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:10,710
Like you, when you ride
the subway on ecstasy.
431
00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:14,514
Are you okay?
432
00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:16,916
I am the opposite of okay.
433
00:20:18,885 --> 00:20:22,855
You know, as the boss,
I could let you take a break.
434
00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:24,657
I mean, ten minutes, tops.
435
00:20:24,691 --> 00:20:26,259
If I give you more
than ten minutes,
436
00:20:26,293 --> 00:20:27,894
then I'll be known
as the girl who says
437
00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:29,329
she's gonna give
ten minutes,
438
00:20:29,362 --> 00:20:32,599
then doesn't give
ten minutes.
439
00:20:32,632 --> 00:20:34,334
I need to talk
to the owner.
440
00:20:34,367 --> 00:20:35,468
BOTH: That's me!
441
00:20:35,502 --> 00:20:39,639
Oh, that was really painful.
442
00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:42,809
And probably worse
than losing a toe.
443
00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:46,746
(rock music)
444
00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:48,881
(cash register bell dings)
30612
