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1
00:00:01,602 --> 00:00:04,138
Okay, Max, here are the paint
chips for our new dessert bar.
2
00:00:04,172 --> 00:00:06,240
Don't eat them.
This isn't your childhood.
3
00:00:06,274 --> 00:00:07,475
These are all pink.
4
00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:09,577
You want the walls
of our bar to be all pink?
5
00:00:09,610 --> 00:00:11,279
It'll be the first time
someone drinks
6
00:00:11,312 --> 00:00:14,548
after they enter a vagina.
7
00:00:14,582 --> 00:00:18,252
Oh, hey--
no vagina in the dina.
8
00:00:18,286 --> 00:00:22,423
Or your apartment.
Ever.
9
00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:24,125
You know,
this isn't Hooters.
10
00:00:24,158 --> 00:00:28,096
The v-bomb isn't usually batted
around the workplace.
11
00:00:28,129 --> 00:00:29,797
Speaking of batting
things around,
12
00:00:29,830 --> 00:00:33,534
our cat wants you
to come over again.
13
00:00:33,567 --> 00:00:34,702
Yesterday you said your cat
14
00:00:34,735 --> 00:00:38,839
was too cool to
hang out with me.
15
00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:40,374
So which is it?
16
00:00:40,408 --> 00:00:41,809
'Cause I am free tonight.
17
00:00:43,411 --> 00:00:45,613
(Peter Bjorn and John)
* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
18
00:00:45,646 --> 00:00:47,415
[cash register bell dings]
19
00:00:47,448 --> 00:00:53,554
* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
20
00:00:53,587 --> 00:00:56,724
Hey, everybody!
21
00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:02,563
You know what today is?
22
00:01:02,596 --> 00:01:03,831
I hope it ain't the 15th,
23
00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:07,235
'cause that means
I missed dialysis.
24
00:01:07,268 --> 00:01:09,770
No, I'm 20 weeks preggers.
25
00:01:09,803 --> 00:01:13,441
And it's time for Oleg and I
to choose the godparents.
26
00:01:13,474 --> 00:01:15,709
You know, it's
an old Polish tradition.
27
00:01:15,743 --> 00:01:19,079
Like pierogies
and public hangings.
28
00:01:20,214 --> 00:01:21,482
Godparents?
29
00:01:21,515 --> 00:01:23,817
God didn't even give me
parents-parents.
30
00:01:23,851 --> 00:01:26,454
He just gave me some lady that
took me home from the hospital
31
00:01:26,487 --> 00:01:29,190
in a Blockbuster Video bag.
32
00:01:29,223 --> 00:01:30,258
It's a big decision.
33
00:01:30,291 --> 00:01:32,593
You have to pick a couple who
would raise the child
34
00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:34,428
with your beliefs
and values.
35
00:01:34,462 --> 00:01:36,397
And Hugh Hefner
and whoever he's banging
36
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:38,732
already said no.
37
00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:41,202
Yeah, so I'm making a list.
38
00:01:41,235 --> 00:01:43,471
But Oleg doesn't
want anyone in prison.
39
00:01:43,504 --> 00:01:48,342
You know, so that knocks out
most of the women in my family.
40
00:01:48,376 --> 00:01:50,311
You know, you guys
could also have
41
00:01:50,344 --> 00:01:52,380
these conversations at home.
42
00:01:52,413 --> 00:01:55,683
But this counter is where
they made the baby.
43
00:01:57,551 --> 00:01:58,619
Hey, Earl.
44
00:01:58,652 --> 00:02:01,855
Oh, good, I need
somebody strong.
45
00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:05,826
Uh, would you carry
this over there,
46
00:02:05,859 --> 00:02:09,363
put some coffee in it,
47
00:02:09,397 --> 00:02:11,131
and bring it back to me?
48
00:02:14,502 --> 00:02:16,204
I'll hot this up
in a second.
49
00:02:16,237 --> 00:02:19,340
Just let me hot
this one up first.
50
00:02:23,411 --> 00:02:24,645
What're you doing here?
51
00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:26,314
I know you don't
like me to bother you
52
00:02:26,347 --> 00:02:28,749
during your free time,
53
00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:30,184
but I missed you.
54
00:02:30,218 --> 00:02:31,785
And I want to tell you
something in person.
55
00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:36,490
Well, whatever it is,
I probably have it too.
56
00:02:36,524 --> 00:02:39,360
And I probably had it first.
57
00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:40,794
It's not that.
58
00:02:40,828 --> 00:02:42,830
But now I'm worried.
59
00:02:42,863 --> 00:02:44,932
No, I met with this
law firm in Manhattan,
60
00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:46,567
and they want to
make me a partner.
61
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:47,935
They're making you a partner?
62
00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:51,972
Well, then they're
gonna catch it too.
63
00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:53,341
So, Randy,
64
00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:55,409
you really are a lawyer?
65
00:02:55,443 --> 00:02:59,313
I thought you just played
lawyers in gay porn.
66
00:03:01,415 --> 00:03:02,416
Thanks.
67
00:03:02,450 --> 00:03:04,518
I will tell my trainer.
68
00:03:04,552 --> 00:03:07,288
He was in gay porn.
69
00:03:07,321 --> 00:03:08,789
Hey, Buzz Lightyear,
70
00:03:08,822 --> 00:03:12,826
I'm still waiting
for that coffee.
71
00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:14,728
All right, well,
I'll be in my booth
72
00:03:14,762 --> 00:03:16,964
working on
my godparent list.
73
00:03:16,997 --> 00:03:19,800
And whoever we pick should be
like one of those
74
00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:24,272
perfect families on TV like,
well, the Brady's,
75
00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:25,639
and the Huxtables...
76
00:03:25,673 --> 00:03:28,776
Or, you know what?
Scratch that last one.
77
00:03:30,378 --> 00:03:32,413
Wow, if you're considering
moving to New York,
78
00:03:32,446 --> 00:03:33,781
it must be a pretty good job.
79
00:03:33,814 --> 00:03:36,016
Well, there's a couple
other reasons.
80
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:37,150
The bagels.
81
00:03:37,184 --> 00:03:40,921
I have tickets to
Hamilton in seven years.
82
00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:43,591
And there's this girl here
I kind of like.
83
00:03:43,624 --> 00:03:46,427
Who is she?
I'll kill her.
84
00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:49,830
So two of the partners want to
take me out tomorrow night
85
00:03:49,863 --> 00:03:52,900
to some fancy private dinner
at someplace called Beak.
86
00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:54,735
(gasps)
You're going to Beak?
87
00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:56,837
It's hidden away
in a private apartment,
88
00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:58,872
practically under
the Williamsburg Bridge,
89
00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:00,741
so you pretty much
have to walk.
90
00:04:00,774 --> 00:04:04,345
How awful
and chic is that?
91
00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:06,880
I read in Time Out that
that place is so exclusive,
92
00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:09,016
it's technically not
even a restaurant.
93
00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:10,150
Big deal.
94
00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:13,020
This diner gets called
"not a restaurant" all the time.
95
00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:14,855
Hey, did they tell you
to just bring Max,
96
00:04:14,888 --> 00:04:17,325
or was it more of
a "bring whoever"?
97
00:04:17,358 --> 00:04:20,060
-Um...
-I'll take that as a yes.
98
00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:22,663
I'd love to join you
at Beak tomorrow night.
99
00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:23,897
How could I say no to Beak?
100
00:04:23,931 --> 00:04:26,667
It's spring,
so that's peak Beak.
101
00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:27,901
(laughs)
102
00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:28,936
So you want to go?
103
00:04:28,969 --> 00:04:30,404
Want to be my date?
104
00:04:30,438 --> 00:04:31,872
Nah, pass.
105
00:04:31,905 --> 00:04:34,375
Fancy restaurants are one of
the three things I don't do.
106
00:04:34,408 --> 00:04:36,744
You know the other two.
107
00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:40,614
Didn't we blow past
those week one?
108
00:04:40,648 --> 00:04:42,716
Max, are you crazy?
109
00:04:42,750 --> 00:04:45,853
Why, is one of my pupils
getting all small?
110
00:04:45,886 --> 00:04:47,788
It happens now.
I don't know why.
111
00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:49,490
What was that out there?
112
00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:50,924
"Nah, pass."
113
00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:53,427
Randy's not just asking you
to dinner-dinner.
114
00:04:53,461 --> 00:04:54,662
This isn't about food.
115
00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:56,397
It's about your
future together.
116
00:04:56,430 --> 00:04:58,098
He's moving here for you.
117
00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:01,635
You just
"naw pass"-ed on Randy.
118
00:05:01,669 --> 00:05:03,971
Weird, I didn't love your
impression the first time,
119
00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:06,874
but I loved it the second.
120
00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:08,942
Randy's moving here
for a job.
121
00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:11,745
This dinner isn't about
some law partners.
122
00:05:11,779 --> 00:05:13,881
It's about you
and him as partners.
123
00:05:13,914 --> 00:05:16,384
Do you hear words I don't?
124
00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:19,420
You're going to that dinner,
young lady, end of discussion.
125
00:05:19,453 --> 00:05:22,790
Oh, that was so mom-ish!
126
00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:25,493
I wouldn't know.
I've never met one.
127
00:05:30,398 --> 00:05:33,333
(knocking)
128
00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:36,804
Oh, good, this is it.
129
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:38,406
We knocked on another
apartment door,
130
00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:41,409
but the only thing they
were cooking was meth.
131
00:05:41,442 --> 00:05:43,644
We walked across
a bridge for this?
132
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:48,482
This is basically my apartment,
except our wild birds are alive.
133
00:05:48,516 --> 00:05:50,117
Randy, you made it.
134
00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:53,821
And I mean, you made it
because you're eating at Beak.
135
00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:55,122
I mean, the wait list
here is longer
136
00:05:55,155 --> 00:05:58,058
than an episode
of HBO's Vinyl.
137
00:05:58,091 --> 00:06:00,494
Max, this is Marissa,
one of the partners.
138
00:06:00,528 --> 00:06:01,662
Marissa, this is Max.
139
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:02,663
She's my girlfriend.
140
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:03,897
Max?
Cute.
141
00:06:03,931 --> 00:06:05,132
Is that short for Maxine?
142
00:06:05,165 --> 00:06:08,802
Technically,
it's long for "meh."
143
00:06:08,836 --> 00:06:10,037
Sorry, I don't get it.
144
00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:11,905
Probably because
of the Klonopin I had to take
145
00:06:11,939 --> 00:06:14,942
when that homeless man tried
to talk to me on the way in.
146
00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:18,679
Uh, Max, this is Leila,
another partner at the firm,
147
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,481
and her wife, Lei.
148
00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:23,884
She's not just my wife.
She's also a star on Instagram.
149
00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:27,721
See? I talk about
your accomplishments.
150
00:06:27,755 --> 00:06:31,425
I put wigs on statues
151
00:06:31,459 --> 00:06:34,562
and then photograph them
from behind.
152
00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:37,631
That's it?
153
00:06:37,665 --> 00:06:39,099
That's it.
154
00:06:41,569 --> 00:06:42,536
LEILA: Max...
155
00:06:42,570 --> 00:06:43,971
are you a lawyer too?
156
00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:48,008
Uh, no, but I presided over
a food court or two in my day.
157
00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:49,977
Max and her partner, Caroline,
are in the process
158
00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:51,612
of opening a dessert bar.
159
00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:53,581
And I don't mean "partner"
in the romantic sense.
160
00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:55,816
I've got that
department covered.
161
00:06:55,849 --> 00:06:57,184
Well, welcome,
Randy and Max.
162
00:06:57,217 --> 00:06:58,919
You know, I've been
hoping to add another
163
00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:00,654
straight couple
to the law firm mix,
164
00:07:00,688 --> 00:07:04,592
but, you know, they're
so hard to find nowadays.
165
00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:05,893
Lei and I met on an
166
00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:08,896
Orange is the New Black
message board.
167
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:12,165
It's kind of become
the lesbian Tinder.
168
00:07:12,199 --> 00:07:14,535
Uh, Randy,
wasn't there rumor of a third?
169
00:07:14,568 --> 00:07:17,671
Oh, I keep pitching that,
but he "likes me too much."
170
00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:21,675
Again,
don't quite get it.
171
00:07:21,709 --> 00:07:23,076
Little hazy.
172
00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:25,012
Well, I'll have to tell
the chef he's preparing
173
00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:26,747
oyster foam for six.
174
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,916
I'm sorry, "oyster foam"?
175
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:30,951
Foam from an oyster?
176
00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:34,488
That sounds delicious.
177
00:07:34,522 --> 00:07:38,926
I know your idea of fine dining
is a ham and cheese Hot Pocket,
178
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,694
but I am really glad
you came.
179
00:07:40,728 --> 00:07:41,795
Oh, here's Lenin.
180
00:07:41,829 --> 00:07:43,897
Um, Randy, Max,
this is Lenin.
181
00:07:43,931 --> 00:07:47,034
He's the chef.
And my lover.
182
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:55,976
We have sex too.
183
00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:58,111
Lei and I are "post sex."
184
00:07:58,145 --> 00:08:01,114
All intimacy,
no penetration.
185
00:08:04,785 --> 00:08:08,055
I'll be serving a meal of
seven bird-themed courses,
186
00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:10,724
each one it's own unique
flight of fancy.
187
00:08:10,758 --> 00:08:14,127
Not my words, a very giggly
Anderson Cooper.
188
00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:15,896
Now, before we begin,
do either of you
189
00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:17,531
have any food allergies?
190
00:08:17,565 --> 00:08:21,001
Just one: birds.
191
00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:23,270
I don't get her, either.
192
00:08:23,303 --> 00:08:25,739
Let's all sit.
193
00:08:25,773 --> 00:08:26,707
Max.
194
00:08:28,609 --> 00:08:31,745
Why do you want me to
sit that far from the table?
195
00:08:31,779 --> 00:08:33,647
That's me being polite.
196
00:08:36,817 --> 00:08:38,919
You are in
for such a treat.
197
00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:41,154
Lenin is a real artist.
198
00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:43,724
He spends all day
making these teeny-tiny,
199
00:08:43,757 --> 00:08:47,595
delicate little meals,
which is why I pay our rent.
200
00:08:50,631 --> 00:08:52,766
Our first course
is a French delicacy.
201
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:56,069
The Ortolan Bunting bird,
roasted and eaten whole.
202
00:08:58,606 --> 00:09:02,109
Just grasp the bird by its head
and start eating at the feet.
203
00:09:02,142 --> 00:09:04,678
Enjoy.
Obviously.
204
00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:13,253
Can't wait to get that
bird foot in my mouth.
205
00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:22,362
How's the baby pigeon
and oyster foam, Max?
206
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:23,897
Oh, delicious.
207
00:09:23,931 --> 00:09:27,034
It's amazing how full
babies can make you.
208
00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:30,738
RANDY: No, Lei,
way too many photos
209
00:09:30,771 --> 00:09:32,673
of me eating foam.
210
00:09:32,706 --> 00:09:34,341
Like a rabid dog.
211
00:09:34,374 --> 00:09:37,210
(knocking)
212
00:09:38,378 --> 00:09:40,113
Oh, good.
This is it.
213
00:09:40,147 --> 00:09:41,982
The guy who opened
the other apartment door
214
00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:44,117
wasn't wearing pants.
215
00:09:44,151 --> 00:09:45,753
Or underwear.
216
00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:47,988
Or was circumcised.
217
00:09:48,021 --> 00:09:49,356
Hi!
I'm here.
218
00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:50,824
What did I miss?
219
00:09:50,858 --> 00:09:54,227
The point of literally every
movie we see together.
220
00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:56,897
Marissa, this is Caroline,
Max's business partner.
221
00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:58,231
She texted she was coming.
222
00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:01,234
She's usually not covered
in this much sweat.
223
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:03,236
Sorry, I had to run
across the bridge,
224
00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:05,873
'cause you need a credit card
for one of those city bikes.
225
00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:07,140
Um, if I had a credit card,
226
00:10:07,174 --> 00:10:10,110
why would I be riding
a damn bike?
227
00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:13,046
I'm at Beak.
I'm trendy again!
228
00:10:13,981 --> 00:10:15,282
Fifth course.
229
00:10:15,315 --> 00:10:18,251
Tiny poached noisy scrubbird
with fiddle ferns
230
00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:19,953
and fermented egg.
231
00:10:19,987 --> 00:10:23,090
Oh, that sounds so gross.
I bet it's great.
232
00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:27,260
Max, eat.
233
00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:28,729
I sure will.
234
00:10:28,762 --> 00:10:30,197
When I used to watch
Tweety Bird,
235
00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:34,334
all I could think was,
"God, that looks delicious."
236
00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:36,403
You're doing great.
237
00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:38,271
Who wants some more wine?
238
00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:40,007
I'm guessing Max.
239
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:41,441
I can't believe we're here,
240
00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:44,411
eating the finest--
what'd he say this was?
241
00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:46,013
Blue jay?
242
00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:47,815
Aren't you proud of me?
243
00:10:47,848 --> 00:10:49,282
I got through
the first four courses.
244
00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:52,419
That's more courses than
I finished in high school.
245
00:10:52,452 --> 00:10:55,723
Oh, look at this pretentious,
246
00:10:55,756 --> 00:10:58,258
deliberately relaxed
large napkin.
247
00:10:58,291 --> 00:11:01,695
Love it and hate it.
248
00:11:01,729 --> 00:11:02,963
What is that?
249
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:04,865
This first four courses!
250
00:11:04,898 --> 00:11:06,399
I cheated,
like in high school!
251
00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:08,435
I couldn't eat it;
it's gross.
252
00:11:08,468 --> 00:11:11,905
No, gross is when you
hand the guy at Del Taco
253
00:11:11,939 --> 00:11:15,075
65 cents and tell him
to surprise you.
254
00:11:15,108 --> 00:11:17,144
You are judging me
for not eating most of my
255
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:19,112
Saturday morning
cartoon lineup?
256
00:11:19,146 --> 00:11:21,414
You want to chomp down on
Foghorn Leghorn?
257
00:11:21,448 --> 00:11:25,318
When a great guy like Randy
is moving to New York for you,
258
00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:28,455
yes, you have to eat
your childhood favorites!
259
00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:31,825
Anyone like to come see
the de-spining
260
00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:33,426
of the tiny trumpeter bird?
261
00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:36,063
This could push me over
a million followers.
262
00:11:38,098 --> 00:11:40,000
I can't eat that, Caroline.
263
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:41,334
And I have nowhere to put it
264
00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:43,470
My bra is at crazy capacity.
265
00:11:43,503 --> 00:11:47,074
The fire marshal almost
kicked out my left boob.
266
00:11:47,107 --> 00:11:48,341
Why can't you just try it?
267
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:51,411
You've had worse things
in your mouth.
268
00:11:52,846 --> 00:11:54,915
He's moving here
to be with you.
269
00:11:54,948 --> 00:11:56,383
He's moving here for a job.
270
00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:58,786
Look, whatever comes next,
just put it in your mouth
271
00:11:58,819 --> 00:12:00,053
and eat it.
272
00:12:00,087 --> 00:12:02,222
Well, I did not know
the bird was gonna be alive.
273
00:12:02,255 --> 00:12:05,358
Worst part?
Making eye contact.
274
00:12:06,994 --> 00:12:09,496
Creamed kimchi
and pelican tongue
275
00:12:09,529 --> 00:12:11,799
with Asian pear.
276
00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:13,400
LENIN: Enjoy.
277
00:12:13,433 --> 00:12:16,369
The least you can do
is swallow a little tongue.
278
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:18,271
Tongue swallowing?
Foam?
279
00:12:18,305 --> 00:12:21,408
This isn't a restaurant;
it's a heroin overdose.
280
00:12:24,277 --> 00:12:25,245
I love you.
281
00:12:32,552 --> 00:12:34,321
Good for you, Max!
282
00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:36,523
This is real growth.
283
00:12:36,556 --> 00:12:40,460
Is it bad I feel like the
tongue is tasting me back?
284
00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:49,402
Max, you look sweaty.
285
00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:52,539
Like when you try
to do math.
286
00:12:53,841 --> 00:12:57,911
I think that tongue
is looking for an exit.
287
00:12:57,945 --> 00:13:00,814
Randy, we're really excited
for you to come work for us.
288
00:13:00,848 --> 00:13:02,115
How fast can you move
to New York?
289
00:13:02,149 --> 00:13:06,553
Not as fast as I have to
get to that bathroom.
290
00:13:06,586 --> 00:13:08,021
Excuse us,
291
00:13:08,055 --> 00:13:11,024
we have to go to the
little sparrow's room.
292
00:13:11,058 --> 00:13:12,893
Nope, it's cool,
false alarm.
293
00:13:12,926 --> 00:13:15,162
Nope, real alarm.
Very real alarm.
294
00:13:15,195 --> 00:13:17,430
-Should I come in with you?
-No!
295
00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:19,299
Even I don't want to
go in there!
296
00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:22,202
I doubt this door is
soundproof, so talk loud.
297
00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:24,037
Just start with
your normal volume,
298
00:13:24,071 --> 00:13:27,307
and then dial it
down a notch.
299
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:29,042
Oh, Marissa!
300
00:13:29,076 --> 00:13:35,582
You have to tell me where you
found these fabulous glasses.
301
00:13:35,615 --> 00:13:37,550
Restoration Hardware?
302
00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:40,888
Crate and Barrel?
303
00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:42,455
CAROLINE: Restoration Hardware
Modern?
304
00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:43,590
West Elm?
CB2?
305
00:13:43,623 --> 00:13:45,425
CB3?
Is there one of those yet?
306
00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:46,860
-(vomiting)
-You know what?
307
00:13:46,894 --> 00:13:47,995
Let's get some music going!
308
00:13:48,028 --> 00:13:49,462
Like some really loud dubstep,
309
00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:50,998
'cause I'm running
out of breath.
310
00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:52,933
Oh, there's no music
allowed here.
311
00:13:52,966 --> 00:13:57,070
It would get in the way of
hearing the symphony of taste.
312
00:13:57,104 --> 00:13:58,171
Not my words.
313
00:13:58,205 --> 00:14:00,607
Okay,
they were my words.
314
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,075
I think I'd like
to make a toast.
315
00:14:02,109 --> 00:14:03,576
Oh, no, please don't
make a toast.
316
00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:06,914
I've begun not to like you.
317
00:14:12,319 --> 00:14:13,386
Seriously, Lenin.
318
00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:15,022
Not even a little
light piano?
319
00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:17,590
You don't need to reinvent
the freaking wheel here.
320
00:14:17,624 --> 00:14:19,092
Hey, Caroline, please.
Just sit.
321
00:14:19,126 --> 00:14:20,994
You know what, I see if
I have another Klonopin.
322
00:14:21,028 --> 00:14:23,630
-I'm fine.
-It's not for you.
323
00:14:23,663 --> 00:14:25,365
Caroline.
324
00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:26,633
Should I go in there?
325
00:14:26,666 --> 00:14:28,335
'Cause I am not hearing
the standard
326
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:30,938
tinkle and a hand wash.
327
00:14:30,971 --> 00:14:32,372
No, don't move.
Stay there.
328
00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:35,275
That noise is just the pipes
backing up a little.
329
00:14:35,308 --> 00:14:36,276
Well, a lot.
330
00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:42,415
CAROLINE: Oh, Lord!
331
00:14:42,449 --> 00:14:43,450
They're young.
332
00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:45,585
(chuckles)
333
00:14:46,586 --> 00:14:49,456
My camera needs
to be in there.
334
00:14:49,489 --> 00:14:51,091
Enough with the camera!
335
00:14:51,124 --> 00:14:53,293
I'm alive!
336
00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:55,428
(knocking)
337
00:14:55,462 --> 00:14:57,564
Max.
338
00:14:57,597 --> 00:14:59,332
Where are you going?
339
00:14:59,366 --> 00:15:01,969
Anywhere but here!
340
00:15:02,002 --> 00:15:03,236
RANDY: Max, seriously!
341
00:15:03,270 --> 00:15:04,704
(knocking)
What's going on in there?
342
00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:06,406
CAROLINE:
Everything's okay in here!
343
00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:09,142
We'll be out in a minute.
344
00:15:09,176 --> 00:15:12,312
RANDY: If you're not gonna
let me in, at least--
345
00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:17,217
Max!
346
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:19,019
Wait up!
347
00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:21,488
You don't have to be
embarrassed in front of me.
348
00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:23,656
I've seen worse.
349
00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:25,692
Okay, no I haven't.
350
00:15:25,725 --> 00:15:27,060
Just go away!
351
00:15:27,094 --> 00:15:28,695
I can't take
that sad look.
352
00:15:28,728 --> 00:15:30,197
It's the same look
you gave Chestnut
353
00:15:30,230 --> 00:15:32,465
that time he crapped
on the couch.
354
00:15:32,499 --> 00:15:35,235
I'm fine alone;
you didn't have to leave.
355
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:36,336
No, I did.
356
00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:38,538
They couldn't possibly
think one person
357
00:15:38,571 --> 00:15:40,640
was responsible for all that.
358
00:15:40,673 --> 00:15:42,309
Plus, I don't want
to leave you.
359
00:15:42,342 --> 00:15:43,376
You're sick.
360
00:15:43,410 --> 00:15:45,378
I think it's beyond sick.
361
00:15:45,412 --> 00:15:48,048
I lost bone mass in there.
362
00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:51,051
My shoes are too big now.
363
00:15:51,084 --> 00:15:52,485
I'm so embarrassed!
364
00:15:52,519 --> 00:15:53,620
Hey, it happens.
365
00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:55,055
You got a stomach ache.
366
00:15:55,088 --> 00:15:56,756
You're just not
used to rich food.
367
00:15:56,789 --> 00:15:59,159
I'm not used to
rich anything.
368
00:15:59,192 --> 00:16:01,128
And if this is Randy's world--
369
00:16:01,161 --> 00:16:04,064
uh, bird bones
and pretentious people--
370
00:16:04,097 --> 00:16:08,535
then maybe my body is
telling me I can't take it.
371
00:16:08,568 --> 00:16:12,572
Max, if I got used to buying
earrings at the AMPM,
372
00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:15,542
you can get used to fancy food
and pretentious people.
373
00:16:15,575 --> 00:16:16,543
You don't get it!
374
00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:18,745
He is moving here for me.
375
00:16:18,778 --> 00:16:21,348
Oh, do you think so?
376
00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:22,282
I wish your best friend
377
00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:24,517
had been telling you that
for two days.
378
00:16:24,551 --> 00:16:26,119
He's moving his whole life.
379
00:16:26,153 --> 00:16:27,620
I don't know how
to do that.
380
00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:30,690
I didn't even know how to react
when he moved my chair for me.
381
00:16:30,723 --> 00:16:32,259
You were right,
it's not about the food;
382
00:16:32,292 --> 00:16:34,427
it's about our future,
and I just vomited
383
00:16:34,461 --> 00:16:37,630
all over our future.
384
00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:39,699
What?
385
00:16:39,732 --> 00:16:42,635
I hate to say this,
but you need a mint.
386
00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:45,538
Sorry, I love you,
but you need a mint.
387
00:16:45,572 --> 00:16:48,241
I need to disappear.
388
00:16:48,275 --> 00:16:51,178
What do you think
of the name Sheila Newman?
389
00:16:52,245 --> 00:16:53,213
Max!
390
00:16:53,246 --> 00:16:54,013
Randy.
391
00:16:54,047 --> 00:16:57,617
Great, just in time
to see me jump.
392
00:16:57,650 --> 00:16:58,785
What happened?
Where'd you go?
393
00:16:58,818 --> 00:17:00,553
Oh, I jumped on
that bike so fast,
394
00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:03,223
my man parts are no
longer talking to me.
395
00:17:03,256 --> 00:17:06,059
She didn't want to be
sick in front of you.
396
00:17:06,093 --> 00:17:08,128
You got sick?
397
00:17:08,161 --> 00:17:10,063
Okay, fine,
we all heard it.
398
00:17:10,097 --> 00:17:12,532
But why did you leave
without saying something?
399
00:17:12,565 --> 00:17:14,201
Because words were
the only thing
400
00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:17,470
not coming out
of my mouth.
401
00:17:17,504 --> 00:17:20,073
Max?
402
00:17:20,107 --> 00:17:21,641
You're not gonna
look at me?
403
00:17:21,674 --> 00:17:22,675
I can't.
404
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:24,644
Wait, here.
405
00:17:24,677 --> 00:17:26,646
Now she can.
406
00:17:26,679 --> 00:17:27,780
You better get back there.
407
00:17:27,814 --> 00:17:29,449
I don't want you
to lose that job.
408
00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:31,084
I don't want that job.
409
00:17:31,118 --> 00:17:32,585
I don't know how many more
pills Marissa took,
410
00:17:32,619 --> 00:17:35,722
but she passed out
in a pot of clam steam.
411
00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:37,757
I missed clam steam?
412
00:17:37,790 --> 00:17:40,093
I've been reading about
his clam steam.
413
00:17:40,127 --> 00:17:42,695
Please stop saying
"clam steam."
414
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:44,864
I can actually
smell the words.
415
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:46,233
Okay, Max.
416
00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:47,767
You are starting
to turn green again,
417
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:50,770
so why don't you hop on,
and I will ride you home
418
00:17:50,803 --> 00:17:52,639
on my bicycle
like a real man.
419
00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:54,174
I don't know, Randy.
420
00:17:54,207 --> 00:17:56,309
A lot of stuff came up
for me at that dinner.
421
00:17:56,343 --> 00:17:57,444
And I'm not just
talking about
422
00:17:57,477 --> 00:18:00,847
every single thing
I ate this year.
423
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:04,417
I mean, maybe I'm
not right for you.
424
00:18:04,451 --> 00:18:05,785
Hey.
425
00:18:05,818 --> 00:18:07,887
Don't be so hard on yourself
about tonight.
426
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:09,322
I mean, look at me.
427
00:18:09,356 --> 00:18:12,525
I'm not brave enough
to eat in that diner.
428
00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:14,361
Come here, you.
429
00:18:14,394 --> 00:18:19,132
Maybe wait another
60 seconds.
430
00:18:19,166 --> 00:18:21,234
I think we are different.
431
00:18:21,268 --> 00:18:22,869
But we kind of go together.
432
00:18:22,902 --> 00:18:27,474
Like peppered baby bird
bladder and pesto.
433
00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:28,475
Oh, no.
434
00:18:28,508 --> 00:18:30,210
Oh, my God.
435
00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:33,346
That's gonna do it!
436
00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:41,321
Wrong night to be
driving a convertible.
437
00:18:41,354 --> 00:18:44,457
Oh, wait--
no, no, no, no, no, no.
438
00:18:47,527 --> 00:18:50,497
(both laugh)
439
00:18:52,399 --> 00:18:55,502
So how's your first
diner burger?
440
00:18:55,535 --> 00:18:57,204
It's not bad.
441
00:18:57,237 --> 00:18:58,538
I'm getting
a little something.
442
00:18:58,571 --> 00:18:59,706
Um...mesquite?
443
00:18:59,739 --> 00:19:03,343
Yeah, they die in the fan
and then fall on the grill.
444
00:19:05,345 --> 00:19:08,881
I'll take mosquito burger
over pelican any day.
445
00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:10,483
Interesting, Randy.
446
00:19:10,517 --> 00:19:13,586
You get two waitresses
paying attention to you
447
00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:15,755
and most people get none.
448
00:19:15,788 --> 00:19:17,657
Like that one over there,
449
00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:19,926
over there,
and that gentleman over there
450
00:19:19,959 --> 00:19:22,295
who's just giving up
and leaving.
451
00:19:22,329 --> 00:19:24,531
Fine, Han, we will
go over to the counter
452
00:19:24,564 --> 00:19:25,565
and continue to talk.
453
00:19:28,801 --> 00:19:31,304
I know I say a lot
of stuff about you,
454
00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:32,839
especially to your face,
455
00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:34,607
but thank you for your
help last night.
456
00:19:34,641 --> 00:19:36,943
I know you would have done
the same thing for me.
457
00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:38,478
But if I ever get that sick,
458
00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:40,813
you have my permission
to kill me.
459
00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:43,450
I mean, when you went into that
toilet, looking for my earring,
460
00:19:43,483 --> 00:19:46,586
I knew I had found
my post-sex partner.
461
00:19:47,754 --> 00:19:50,323
SOPHIE: You did that for her?
462
00:19:50,357 --> 00:19:51,524
Wow!
463
00:19:51,558 --> 00:19:53,960
And all this time,
we've been looking for
464
00:19:53,993 --> 00:19:56,563
the perfect couple
to be godparents,
465
00:19:56,596 --> 00:19:59,699
and they're right
under our noses.
466
00:20:00,933 --> 00:20:03,436
Girl-on-girl godparents.
467
00:20:03,470 --> 00:20:04,504
I like it.
468
00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:07,907
You two girls are gonna
be great with the baby.
469
00:20:07,940 --> 00:20:09,442
SOPHIE: I mean, Caroline,
470
00:20:09,476 --> 00:20:12,779
you were elbow-deep
in Max's upchuck.
471
00:20:12,812 --> 00:20:15,315
I mean, I wouldn't even
do that for my own father
472
00:20:15,348 --> 00:20:18,017
when he swallowed
all those bees.
473
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:21,554
Wow, Sophie,
this is such a huge compliment.
474
00:20:21,588 --> 00:20:24,524
Tucked away in a terrible
personal memory.
475
00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:28,295
Well, if something would
ever happen to us,
476
00:20:28,328 --> 00:20:30,663
let Max do
the breast feeding.
477
00:20:30,697 --> 00:20:33,966
'Cause, yeah, I don't want
the kid to starve.
478
00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:36,035
This is exciting!
479
00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:38,871
Randy,
I'm gonna be a godfather.
480
00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:40,507
And equally as exciting,
481
00:20:40,540 --> 00:20:42,642
I'm gonna be climbing out
of that bathroom window
482
00:20:42,675 --> 00:20:45,645
in about two minutes.
483
00:20:46,879 --> 00:20:48,915
(cash register dings)
34450
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