All language subtitles for 2.Broke.Girls.S05E13.And.the.Lost.Baggage.1080p.AMZN.WEBRip.DD5.1.x264-CasStudio_track3_[eng]

(Max)
Hey, Earl.

You girls are back
from Hollywood already?

Time sure does move fast.

We haven't left yet.

Time sure does move slow,

especially when you are as high
as I am right now.

There's a car waiting out front
to take us to the airport.

The only thing better
than a town car

is a getting-out-of-town car.

And I came in to say

there's a car waiting for me
out front,

and it's not a police car!

Ha!

I knew you two
weren't going to LA.

I knew you were just
pulling my chain.

You know,
when I pull your chain,

you go,
"Whoo-hoo-hoo."

No studio would fly you two
cross-country

just to discuss a movie
about Caroline

losing all her money.

That's almost as funny
as that time Caroline said

she reported the diner
to the health department.

Which reminds me, Han,
there's something here for you

from the health department.

Han, we really are
going to LA.

In fact, they're already talking
to the Keebler Elf

about playing you in my movie.

It's between him
and the Asian daughter

from "Modern Family."

Ha!

This is almost as funny
as that time Max said

she registered me as a sex
offender down at city hall.

Han, there's also something here
for you from city hall.

Girls, what happened?

Are you on the no-fly list too?

You hide a six-pack
of batteries in your junk once,

and you're grounded for life.

Let's just go
and never look back.

(Peter Bjorn and John)
* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

[cash register bell dings]

* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

*

[Caroline gasps]

Oh, my God.

(Max)
This can't be our room.

This is so sweet.

Is that why they call it that?

Terrace!
Terrace!

Staircase! Staircase!
Oh, my God.

Take a picture before they
realize there's been a mistake

and put me back in coach.

These are the only 12 steps
anyone's gonna get me to take.

Now me. Now me.
Terrace. Terrace.

[gasps]
The view.

Oh, I need to get a picture
of me with the view.

This is so awesome.

Our view at home
is just a painting of a view

in the neighbor's apartment.

[camera shutter clicking]

Oops, careful
of that railing.

Three out-of-work actresses
"slipped and fell"

from there last pilot season.

One fall is an accident,
three an epidemic.

Ooh, look.
We each get a pet.

Well, I'm Lawrence,
the hotel's general manager.

I upgraded you.

You were supposed to be
in a room with two queens--

well, three
if I was in it.

[laughter]

Thank you so much,
Lawrence.

That's really amazing of you.

But why would you upgrade us?

[scoffs]
Are you nuts?

That's like asking a teacher
if there's weekend homework.

Well, I heard you were in LA
for a movie meeting,

and, well, keep me in mind.

Absolutely.

For what?

A part.

I'm also an actor.

I'm very versatile.

I can play a gay dad,
a gay executive,

a gay priest.

Is there any other kind?

I can also play straight.

Just ask my ex-wife Beth.

But she really
should have suspected.

We would get into such
knockdowns about the pesto.

- Lawrence, I'm confused.
- About what?

Gay guys care a lot
about pesto.

Aren't you the hotel's
general manager?

Yep, for the last 20 years,
until I get my big break.

So keep me in mind.

Also, Ms. Black,
your luggage is still lost,

like me in my early
f--thirties.

[phone chiming]

Enjoy the place.
It's all yours.

This is Lawrence.

(both)
The place is all ours!

The place is all ours!

Hi. You have to get out...

For about an hour.

Go eat.
It's almost dinnertime.

I'll put your name on the list
at our restaurant.

And I'm sorry about this.

It's just that I have
an A-list movie star

who wants to have an "impromptu
private meeting" here.

Is this like a Travolta masseuse
kind of thing?

I said "A-list."

[Peter Bjorn and John's
"Second Chance"]

*

Lawrence said we were on a list,

so why are we still
stuck out here?

And don't blame my smelly shirt,
because Johnny Depp,

who's sitting over there,
smells way worse.

Why are you two
still at the bar?

Didn't you speak to Claude?

Which snotty gay guy is he?

Look, not everyone in this hotel
is gay.

But Claude is
hands-down-my-pants the gayest.

I also came to apologize
for asking you for a part...

without showing you my reel.

Come with me.

The Wi-Fi's better
by that fountain

that Whoopi Goldberg peed in.

I'll be right back,
Max

I have a feeling his reel
is real short.

- Ooh, Claude? Are you Claude?
- Mm.

I'm sorry you had to be a baby
named Claude.

I'm on the list.

- Name?
- Max Black.

No.

Yes,
Max Black.

Uh, no.

Yep, that's me,
Caroline Channing.

I'm with her.
We're here together.

No.

Dude, don't make me
hit you.

Max.

Max Black.
Max, over here.

Claude,
she's with me.

Very good.

Just so you know,
I'm not a hooker.

Oh, I know.

Prostitutes don't have
such a tough time

getting past the maГ®tre d' here.

I'm Randy.

Sit?

And what makes you think
I would need to hire

a hooker to have dinner with?

Oh, I didn't think
you were a john.

I thought you were a pimp.

- Not a pimp.
- Uh, not buying it.

Who else would wear
five silver rings?

Every straight guy in LA
over 40?

Wow, not a pimp,
not gay.

You're really putting it all
right out there.

You have to be from New York.

No, Brooklyn,

New York City's
trashy little cousin with hep C.

Wow, hooker, hep C.

You're really putting it
all out there.

Can I buy you a drink?

A house?

There you are.

Hi. I'm Caroline.
I'm--

- Leaving.
- What?

Go.
I just got bumped up to first.

[phone chiming]

Livin' in LA
and lovin' my life.

Hi, Sophie.
How are you?

Oh, not too good.

Yeah, I thought
I called Max's phone.

Is that the adoption agency?

Did you tell them
we liked that couple

who didn't plan on a 14th?

No, it's not the agency.

I called to talk to Max,
but I got Caroline's

"my life doesn't suck anymore"
podcast.

Well, Sophie, Max isn't here.

She met this really cute guy...

Max already got laid!

[applause]

That's why I love LA.

Hey, way back in the day,
I was all up and down the Strip.

Now I'm excited if I get
up and down the step.

Sophie, Max didn't
come home last night,

but we don't know
that she got laid.

Oh, she did...

By a lawyer.

And the verdict is in:
hot.

Hey, Max,
how hung was his jury?

Sophie, I have to go.

We have a meeting
at the movie studio.

Call you later, Max.

I want details.

Helmet or turtleneck?

- Oh, my God.
I'm exhausted.

From all the sex?

No, we went on a hike
this morning.

LA hookups are so healthy.

You exercised?
Outside?

Oh, you must
really like this guy.

Well, I've never had sex
with a lawyer

that wasn't court-appointed.

I'm so happy for you.

And he's a lawyer?

What, like,
an entertainment lawyer?

Yep, he handles Bradley Cooper,
Nicole Kidman,

George Clooney, and...
my clooney.

[knock at door]

Morning.
Got news about your luggage.

- It's here?
- No.

Like a young me,
it's stuck in Detroit.

*

[telephone rings]

Perry Tyler's office.
This is Quan.

Oh, hi.

Yes, absolutely,
set in stone.

We're so excited.

So not happening.

But our meeting with Mr. Tyler

that was scheduled
for 20 minutes ago,

that's still happening,
right?

Absolutely. Set in stone.
We're so excited.

[phone chimes]

- Ooh, I got a text.
- No, it's me.

Oh.

[gasps]
Max, I can't believe it.

You're hoping the lawyer calls.

I've never seen you hope
for anything.

I thought he'd call.

I kind of liked him.

I went outside in the daytime.

Nina's on her way in.

You know, she's the executive
who discovered me

at that storytelling show.

I'm running behind,
so you need to order me lunch.

I want a kale salad
with a side of kale

and a kale shake, and tomorrow
better book me a kale-onic.

Caroline,
what are you doing?

You're dressed
all wrong.

Yours is a "riches to rags"
story,

a story we'll never sell
if you go in there wearing that.

I have a huge hole
near the crotch

in my panty hose,
if that helps.

It doesn't.

You need to look broke,
busted, discarded from society.

Put on what she's wearing.

Fine,

as long as I don't have to wear
that stupid nurse cape.

*

That dress looks cute on you,
all three of you.

I know.
Ugh, look at this.

It's like my first day
of kindergarten.

Hi.

It's been two hours.
Is he maybe ready yet?

Absolutely.
We're so excited.

Fine, but these
are about to blow.

So don't come crying to me when
you're blinded by boob buttons.

Something in your shirt
is itching me.

Why is there a joint
in your shirt?

I think that's obvious.

It fell down from my hair.

Good thing you found it
and not those TSA party poopers.

[phone ringing]

My phone.
Where? Where it it?

Oh, I put it here
in your front pocket.

Oh, cool, there's never
room there when I wear it.

See, Max,
I knew he'd call you.

- Well, he said he would.
- And he will.

But right now,
this is Sophie.

Hi, Sophie.

How's the adoption going?

Did you find a 16-year-old
who really let her parents down?

Hey, Earl,
where is Oleg right now?

He just went to the men's room

with the bra ads
from today's paper.

Okay,
I have 45 minutes.

But the thing is,

I still want the baby
to look like me.

Well you can put hair extensions
on anything.

Are you saying
that I shouldn't adopt

and I should keep trying to have
my own baby?

Ohh, I've got go Sophie,
our 4:00 2:00 meeting is on.

That's a wrap for today,
Quan.

Wait, he's just
gonna leave

and not acknowledge
our existence?

I can't believe this.

They're treating me
like they know who I am.

Mr. Tyler.

Hi, Caroline Channing.

We were supposed to have
a meeting.

Quick refresher:
lost my billions

but not my plucky can-do
attitude against all odds.

I'm Max.
I'm the odds.

Oh, yeah, you're the sad,
dejected, destitute girl.

That's me,
the destitute girl.

So sorry.
Today got away from me.

Ryan Murphy can talk.

I'll have my office
call you tomorrow.

Call her?

Call her?

Why don't you just
tell her the truth,

that she's never gonna
hear from you,

the movie's never gonna happen,
and like every other man

in this town, you're full of
crap and silver jewelry.

Well, okay then.

So sorry to have
kept you waiting.

Quan, set them up with another
appointment tomorrow.

And this is platinum.

He's really gonna
meet with us, right?

Absolutely. Set in stone.
We're so excited.

So never gonna happen.

What do we do now?

Well, as I said on my first day
of kindergarten...

it's recess.

There you are.

Drinking alone at a bar
in the morning.

Did we switch bodies
when we switched clothes?

It's 5:00 somewhere.

Oh, my God.
Maybe we have.

I just needed a few sips
to calm myself down.

Look, I'm really sorry
I lost it on that studio guy.

And I guess running behind
his car and begging didn't work.

Wow, even apologizing in LA
is healthy.

There's still a chance; Nina's
meeting with Perry right now.

Maybe she'll smooth
everything over,

like everybody does here
with their faces.

Oh, Claude, hi,
Caroline Channing.

Lawrence put me on the list
for a table.

And I'm Max Black,
your worst nightmare.

One moment.

So aggressive.
What is the problem?

I'm guessing
low self-esteem.

Not him.
I'm talking about you.

I'm guessing low self-esteem.

Nina, hi.

I didn't realize your meeting
with Perry was here.

God, it's like everyone
in Hollywood is here.

Yes, for about another month.

Then this place
will be as empty

as Keira Knightley's
refrigerator.

So I just talked to Perry,
and looks like

he was really offended
by you yesterday.

Uh, I'm sure people have said
worse things to that man.

I mean, his license plate says,
"Makin' Movies."

Max, you can't have
an attitude like that

and not get buried
in Hollywood.

Nina.

Just ask Claude.

He used to run Paramount.

It's over?

I came all this way
to be disappointed

by a rich guy
in Hollywood?

I could have just seen
a Kevin Hart movie.

I'm sorry.

I better go sign for these
drinks while they're still free.

Claude, Claude, look,

I know you and I
haven't gotten along,

but quick fave.

I need to fix something
for my friend.

Can I just go over there
and talk to that guy, please?

Are you on the list?

I've never been on the list.

I can do this all day,
sweetheart.

I'm a gay rumba champion.

Hi, I'm Max.
I'll be your server.

Today's soup is
"please don't ruin

my friend Caroline's chance,
it's all my fault."

And, of course,
it's vegan, no dairy.

What's going on here?

Sir,
I really screwed up,

and as I screamed
into your muffler yesterday,

I am here to beg
your forgiveness.

I wasn't talking about you.

I meant,
why is there bread on my table?

Give her another chance.

This is the first good thing
to happen to her

since she lost all her money,

aside from the time
the Red Cross gave us coffee.

At least meet with her,

so you can hear
how amazing her story is.

It's a story of someone
not being defined

by all the bad things that have
happened to them in the past

and just moving on.

I'd buy a ticket
to that.

Perry, what's happening here?

Why is there bread
on your table?

This girl keeps trying
to convince me

to have a meeting
with her friend.

I haven't seen a waitress
this desperate

since Shannen Doherty slipped me
her head shot last night.

Well, as your lawyer,

I recommend you give her
exactly what she wants.

You won't be sorry.

I wasn't.

Come back
tomorrow at 11:00.

You guys may have to wait,
but I'll squeeze you in.

Oh, my--
thank you so much.

Now, I have to go
find my friend

before she accidently slips
and falls off the terrace.

Max, hold up.

That was really cool of you.

I'm not even upset anymore
that you didn't call me.

I didn't want to come on
too strong.

Should I not have taken
dating advice from David Spade?

Ooh,
I got to take this.

Of course you do.

[phone rings]

Hello?

Hey, it's me.

Can I see you tonight?

Did you get that
from David Spade?

That's all Stamos, baby.

*

And you're sure it's not
another fake meeting?

Because Quan called me
to confirm,

and that makes me nervous.

Randy says the meeting's legit.

And turns out

you may have an LA
BF.

Um, he is not my BF.

Because B stands for "boy,"
and that guy is a ma-an.

[knock at door]

Good news about your luggage.

Like a young me, it arrived
in Los Angeles in one piece...

with a few holes in it.

This is you, right?

Sure looks like me.

Max, you packed
your waitress uniform?

The weird thing is,
I didn't.

I guess I'm never getting
away from that life.

Yes, you will.
We're in Hollywood.

Anything can happen.

Oh, Lawrence,
how did your audition go?

I didn't get it.

Oh, well, maybe it wasn't
the right role for you.

What was it?

The Filipino gay general manager
of a hotel

who used to be straight.

Next one.
You'll get the next one.

Well, now that your movie's
back on, keep me in mind.

I really am a good actor.

Like right now, I'm acting
like I'm not depressed.

Let's go out.

Let's do Hollywood stuff.

Let's go to the Observatory or
see where Biggie got murdered.

[gasps]
Okay!

Let me just grab
something to wear.

[knock at door]

Oh, my God.
I hope that isn't Lawrence

saying that he needs the place
for an hour

because Ben Affleck
is here with a nanny...

Jude Law is here
with a nanny...

Gavin Rossdale is here
with a nanny.

Hi, girls.

Hey, we've got a lady
that looks like you at home.

Wow, nice room.

Sophie,
what are you doing here?

Well, after Max
talked me into

not adopting...

- I did?
- You did.

Well, I did a little research
on my Barnes and Noble Nook.

Do you want one?

I guess they're just
giving them away right now.

No, thanks.

I prefer to lie about
the books I've read

the old-fashioned way.

Well, it turns out
all of these Hollywood actresses

that are having babies over 40,
like Geena Davis,

Jane Seymour,
Neil Patrick Harris,

well, they're all going to this
big-shot healer out here,

so here I am.

It's cool if I stay with you,
right?

- Absolutely.
- Set in stone.

(both)
We're so excited.