All language subtitles for 2.Broke.Girls.S05E10.And.the.No.New.Friends.1080p.AMZN.WEBRip.DD5.1.x264-CasStudio_track3_[eng]

Welcome to
the Williamsburg Diner.

Your lifespan
just decreased by one meal.

[dramatic music]

*

Would you like to order now or
after that galaxy is destroyed?

[glass shattering]

Oh, dude, I can hold up
one finger, too,

and trust me;
it won't be that one.

Booth one is all yours.

If I wanted to deal
with a guy

who won't even
acknowledge my existence,

I'd track down
my father.

(man)
Makeup needs to complement
the personality.

Sorry,
I wasn't listening.

Mr. Eye Queen's about to show me
how to pluck my eyebrows.

Finally.

I've been telling you for a year
you need to get plucked.

[bell dings]

Pick up.
Fried egg over easy.

[woman moaning]

Correction:
make that over hard.

Max,
that's Earl's order.

Can you?

You know, I could just check out

and phone in
this job, too,

but I promised myself

I'd never grow up
to be my gynecologist.

Earl, I know
you remember a time

where people
still made eye contact

and get the fact
that I was totally dissing them.

It's a damn shame, Max.

Thank you, Earl.

The Mets are down
in the bottom of the sixth.

Now you have one?

Earl,
three months ago,

you thought T-Mobile
was a rapper.

Max,
I want to talk to you.

Well, why not?

Everyone else is listening

to something tiny
and made in Asia.

I just heard the funniest joke.

A guy is driving a car up a hill
and he sees a pig in the road.

Wait.
Oh yes, I forgot.

It's raining.

It's raining,
and there is a pig.

[jazzy music]

I'm listening.

And then the pig
is in the car--

no, the pig
is in the road,

and--I'll be right back.

(Peter Bjorn and John)
* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

[cash register bell dings]

* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

Thank you.
Come again.

Hey, what do you want
to do after work tonight?

Maybe we could go to
that trendy new ice cream place

that only sells juice.

Nah, I'm too tired.

I've been on my feet
since 2003.

Hi, can I get a red velvet--
oh, my God, Max Black?

Oh, my God, Becky White?

Holy crap.
How long has it been?

Let's see.
When was I on "Intervention"?

Well, your hair's grown back
on the right side,

so I'd say five years.

Hi, I'm Caroline.

I'd wait for Max
to introduce me,

but she usually
tells people

I'm Taylor Swift's
slow cousin Randi.

Nice to meet you.

Max, I did not think
you would still be alive.

I owe you $10.

Becky's an actress.

I just saw her
in "Law and Order."

She owned "deli worker
who barely knew the victim."

Yeah, I've done three
"Law and Orders."

Pretty easy work.

They usually find me
in a trunk.

How do you two
know each other?

Max and I waited
tables together.

Well, mostly stood around
and got drunk,

but they paid us.

Nice shop.

Looks like you guys
have a business together too.

Too?

You two too?

We invented an Uber
just for women.

Boober.

It would've been awesome,

except we didn't have
an app...or a car.

Hey, forget about
this cupcake.

I just got paid.

How about drinks on me?

And by drinks,
I mean one PBR each.

I guess I could do drinks.

Do you mind closing up?
Thanks.

I'll meet you out front.

Awesome.

Nice meeting you, Brandi.

It's Randi!

[rock music]

Hey, Earl, what's shaking?

Max, I'm pushing 80.

The easier question is,
"What isn't shaking?"

Max, where were you last night?

I had to watch "Carson Daly"
alone and say,

"This show's still on?"
to no one.

I crashed on Becky's couch,

of which--
you're not gonna believe this--

she is the first owner.

So did you guys
have fun last night,

or was it weird because
you've grown apart?

Let's just say
we're gonna be in not one,

but two wedding albums.

Becky can dance her some hora.

Fun.

That's so fun
that you had fun.

Uh, what's happening here?

I guess I just
thought we were...

Forget it.

Oh, no, please.

It's like watching a bird
fly into a window

in slow motion.

Well, you know,
I thought we were exclusive,

for lack of a better word.

What, like monogamous?

You thought we were
in a monogamous friendship?

I'm not even monogamous with
the people I'm monogamous with.

What is the big deal?

You had friends before
we were friends.

Bunch of rich bitches.

You guys talking about
that show, "Friends"?

People always say,
"Why was there no black friend?"

Because no reasonable black man

would hang out
with those people.

He's been waiting to get
that off his chest

since the mid-'90s.

You know
what I just realized?

I've never tried to make friends
as a not-rich person.

You made friends with me.

Against my will,
but still.

Guess what I'm doing?

Motivating me to look at resumes
on monster.com?

I'm gonna make a friend
right now.

There's a girl in my section
with clean-ish looking hair.

Speaking of hair,
pick up.

[bell dings]
Cobb salad.

Max, how's this
for my friend-making smile?

Do you have more teeth than me?

Here's you salad.
Dressing on the side.

I'm sort of a "DOS" gal myself.

[chuckles]

Okay.

Thanks.

Maybe we should, I don't know,
grab a couple salads sometime.

The Yelp review
specifically said

I would be ignored
by the waitstaff.

There's hair in your salad.

Excuse me.

The water's supposed
to be that color.

No, no.

I just think it's cool
how brave you were

to put yourself
out there like that.

I haven't been called cool
since I had a black card

and owned 3/4 of an island.

I'm Rachel.
This is Kathy.

I'm Caroline,

and you have no idea
how brave I am.

You should see where I shower.

[both laugh]

She should come
to our party.

She just moved to Williamsburg,

and we're having
a party tomorrow.

- You should come.
- Oh, you know what?

I'm busy tomorrow night because
I'm going to your party!

[laughter]

I've seen people with podcasts
less desperate for approval.

*

Max, I had the most
amazing night.

Me too.
Becky just left.

She has to get up
early tomorrow.

Not to brag,
but she's playing a dead hooker

on "Blue Bloods."

Oh, so she came here
for research.

Anyways, my new friends
Rachel and Kathy

and everybody there
were so warm and positive.

Uh-huh.

It was so refreshing
to be around people

who were super driven
and focused.

Uh-huh.

And we had such interesting
conversations.

Honestly,
after talking to them,

I felt like anything
is possible.

Oh, you guys did molly?

Now I'm jealous.

These people
don't need drugs to be happy.

Oh, so it's a cult.

How did you get cult
from that?

You think the only way
I can make friends

is by joining a cult?

No.

You could also always have gum.

In fact,
they're so nice,

they invited you
to come for the weekend.

- Uh-uh.
- Fresh country air.

- No thanks.
- Gorgeous views.

- Not for me.
- Free food and booze.

I could be in a cult
for the weekend.

[rock music]

*

[Caroline gasps]

This place is amazing.

I know.
Fancy.

And that was
the first bus I've been on

where I didn't see
an under-the-blanket handy.

I'm Topher.
From the bus.

You were throwing
sunflower seeds in my hair.

This is Lady Marmalade.

People named Topher
shouldn't be allowed

to name other living things.

Please don't make fun of her.

She has seasonal depression.

We both do.

Hey, Caroline,
I'm so glad you could come.

And you must be...

Starving.

Just give me the tray.

[laughs]

This is Max.

Thank you so much
for inviting us.

Yeah, the last invitation we got
was to audition for porn.

Less of an invitation;

more of a shout
from a convertible.

"You girls want to do porn?"

Well, Elaine will
be out in a minute,

so in the meantime,
just be your awesome self.

Isn't she great?

So see?
It's nice here.

And you thought it was a cult.

I also thought peanuts never
touched the eggs at the diner,

but then that lady died.

Welcome, everyone.

(all)
Hi, Elaine.

There are only two rules
in this house:

love one another

and don't talk to the neighbors.

I hate them.

I'm so glad
you all could make it.

Oh, except Jerry.

He's getting Lasik.

He should've listened.
I told him to eat more kale.

Kale is good for the eyes.

[laughing]
Okay.

Now make yourselves at home.

You mean don't pay our rent

and hide every time
we hear someone in the hall?

Elaine,
this is Caroline,

our new friend.

Hello, Caroline.

I've heard
so many wonderful things.

And you are?

Looking for
some dipping sauces.

I'm Max.

A lady who knows what she wants.
I like that.

My ex-husband
knew what he wanted:

to be a woman.

And now he is.

I miss her.

And all my shoes.

I hear you, sister.

But seriously, something
like a honey mustard

or really anything
in the Dijon world.

Whoo, she's a tough nut.

My favorite kind.

Except for cashews.

Max, Elaine is amazing.

Look around.

This is my new
social circle.

This is the saddest
circle I've seen

since my mom peed
on the floor at Wal-Mart.

Can you just admit
it's not a cult?

Everyone gather 'round.

Let's have some
mutual eye contact.

That's nice.
That's just being a person.

Look to the person
next to you,

and open the door to them
with your eyes.

Bitch, that door is locked.

Nicely done.

All right, everyone.

I'd like us
to recite our mantra.

My best is my best,
and that's why I'm blessed.

(all)
My best is my best,

and that's why I'm blessed.

Don't mumble, Connie.

(all)
My best is my best,

and that's why I'm blessed.

Okay, it's a cult.

Little bit.

(all)
My best is my best,

and that's why I'm blessed.

*

All right, everyone.

Let the sound of the bowls
wash over you,

cleansing you
from head to toe

and everywhere
in-between.

These bowls got their work
cut out for them.

Everyone, close your eyes
and quiet the mind,

and receive
the healing vibrations.

Sound bathe us, Eugene.

[bowls ringing]

When you feel called
to join the bowls,

begin with a soft...

[hums]

[all humming]

I usually begin
with a soft hummer.

[laughs]

[mimicking humming]
How are we gonna

get out of this?

Let's just call it what it is:

a cult.

[mimicking humming]
I'm not going anywhere

until I see
what's in those bowls.

I'm hoping
for fettuccini.

I hope it's not fettuccini

because I really don't like
cream-based sauces.

Do you mind?

This is important
for Lady Marmalade.

She has fibromyalgia.

Fibromyalgia
and seasonal depression?

You really won
the dog lottery.

All right, everyone.

You may gently
bring your energy

back into the room

whenever you feel ready.

[gong clangs]

We got to get out of here.

What are we gonna do?
We're in the middle of nowhere.

You know what would
save the day right now?

Boober.

- Caroline.
- Hmm?

Did anything come up for you
during the sound bath?

A little bit of the chicken
satay, but all good.

Max, how are you?

Were you touched at all?

In high school,
I was touched by an angel.

Well, technically,
his name was...

[in Spanish accent]
Angel.

Oh-ho.

I know this probably
all seems like a lot of hooey,

but I assure you you'll wake up
feeling refreshed.

And Eugene makes
a hell of a pancake breakfast.

He uses ricotta.

We're staying.

I mean, ricotta?
We gotta.

I guess so.

It'll be like
staying at a B and B

run by a lame
Ron Hubbard.

Goodnight, everyone.

Rachel has your
room assignments.

Caroline, you're
sharing a room with me.

Yay.

Max, you're sharing a room
with Topher and Lady Marmalade.

[scoffs]

Can I ever get
a good roommate?

And do not fear.

Before the night is over,
each of you will have a chance

to make love with me.

And the rest of the satay
just came up.

Before the sunrise,
our moons will unite.

Well, I'm guessing
her moon's not waxed.

*

[whispering]
Caroline.

Caroline.

Caroline,
where are you?

Caroline?

[knocking]

I thought you were
gonna be Elaine...

and I'm not drunk enough
for that!

By the way, the piglet's
popping the snout out.

[knocking]

Oh, I thought you
were gonna be Elaine.

And I thought
I was gonna be dead at 14,

but you can't always
get what you want.

Max!

Max, oh, my God.
Are you okay?

Please tell me Elaine
didn't get to you.

I could never live with myself.

Or you.

[Elaine chuckles]

I'm sorry it took me so long
to climax.

I know I was almost there
for quite some time.

Max, Caroline,
what are you doing out here?

We were just
anxiously awaiting

intercourse with you.

Really?

'Cause unless that bag's
full of marital aids,

it looks like you're trying
to sneak out.

Look, Elaine,

this is all a lot,
and no offense,

but you can't
be the first person

I have sex with this year.

I understand that you're both
feeling a little overwhelmed,

but before you go, why don't we
discuss this as a group

in a healing way?

All right, Eugene,
stay where you are.

You need some rest.

Maybe a little protein.

*

So you know what?
We're just gonna go.

You can tell
that guy at the door

he can just step aside
so we can, you know,

start running.

Caroline, you are
free to go at any time.

So we can go right now?

No.

Caroline, why don't you
sit here, and Rachel,

bring Max over by the gong.

Siri, remind me
to patent a gong bong.

Also remind me
to get a phone with Siri.

Now, I know some of you have not
yet laid with me tonight...

But it's come to my attention

that we have an N.N.
in our midst.

[all gasp]

- What?
- Who?

Quick Q on the N.N.

Do either of those Ns
stand for nachos?

N.N. stands for Negative Nelly.

Negative Nancy
was already trademarked

by another group
run by my ex-husband, Nancy.

Caroline, do you have any idea
who this N.N. could be?

I believe it's "whom"
and no, I don't.

Caroline, are you
where you want to be in life?

Oh, God, no.

And would you say there's
someone holding you back?

Well, I do feel like

hearing about Amy Schumer
every day

makes me feel
a little "less than."

Caroline,
is there someone in this room

who you brought
with brown hair

whose Negative Nelly-ness

is blocking you
in ways you don't even realize?

Wait a minute.

I'm starting to think
this is about me.

Just having spent
a few short hours with Max

and recording
all your conversations...

It's pretty clear

that she is undermining
your path to success

with her wisecracks
and wordplay.

Look.

Max might seem negative,
because she is,

but you would be, too,
if you were her.

She's been neglected, rejected,
knocked down, and spat on.

Some of that was consensual.

See?

That was positive.

So you will give up all these
potential connections

just for her?

Caroline, I used to
live in Jersey City,

and now I live in a better
part of New Jersey.

Elaine, I thought I needed
to make new friends,

and that's how I wound up here,

but turns out
all I needed was Max.

I'll take my chances with her.

[chuckles]
Huge mistake.

Huge.

Well, then you're free to go.

Just need to settle up
your bill.

This weekend is only free
for friends.

Rachel.

I ate $700 worth
of shrimp?

That seems about right.

We can't pay that.

Is there a ship we can scrub?

Or a gay celebrity
we can marry?

Don't worry.
I'll settle up with Elaine.

Do you accept
nature's credit card?

Get out.

*

(Caroline)
I can't believe the only way
I can make a friend

is to join a cult.

(Max)
Well, you made friends with me,
and I'm not in a cult...

anymore.

(Caroline)
Max, are you and I gonna be like
you and Becky someday?

(Max)
Not unless one of us gets
really, really,

I mean, so much cooler.

(Caroline)
I'm serious.

Am I gonna be just some waitress
you used to know?

'Cause that would kill me.

[Max sighs]

(Max)
I don't think of you
that way at all.

- Aww.
- I mean as a waitress.

(Max)
Look, yes,
Becky and I worked together,

and yes, we had kind of
a business dream, too,

but you and I have so much more
than that.

You and I are about to die
in the woods.

Look.

(Caroline)
We are getting in that car

even if this guy
has a hook for a hand.

(Oleg)
Wazzup?

(Sophie)
Hey, girls.

(Caroline)
I never thought
I'd be happy to see Oleg

on a dark road at night.

Sophie, what are you guys
doing here?

Oh, well, Max texted me
her location.

Said if I didn't
hear back from her,

you'd been abducted by the cult
and to come rescue you.

I was in a cult once.

It's called Avon.

So you were so certain
I couldn't make a normal friend

you had an escape plan?

Hey, sometimes
my negativity pays off.

Sometimes it gets me
in mall jail.

*