All language subtitles for 2.Broke.Girls.S05E07.And.the.Coming.Out.Party.1080p.AMZN.WEBRip.DD5.1.x264-CasStudio_track3_[eng]

Listen up, everybody.

Something strange is afoot.

Don't be hard
on yourself, Han.

You're taller than a foot.

What's wrong? Somebody rub
your belly for luck again?

No, I think I might
be losing my memory.

According to Netflix,
last night I watched

half the "Taken"s and
all the "Insidious"es-es.

All of them!

Relax. You probably
just sleep-watched them.

And you probably also
sleep-ordered

28 boxes of tampons
on Amazon.

Max, you hacked into
my accounts?

That's illegal!

And beyond what I thought you
were intellectually capable of!

Not much of a hack when
the password is "Hanstoppable."

That's a breach
of trust, girls.

Did you order me
those shoes?

Dammit! I should have gone
with "Han Golden Pond."

(Peter Bjorn and John)
* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

[cash register bell dings]

* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

[cell phone chimes]

Oh, this is weird.

There's a message
from Bernard,

my grandmother's butler.

Why would he
be calling me?

Maybe he butler-dialed you.

(Bernard)
Caroline, hello.

I'm calling on behalf
of your grandmother.

Wait, she abandons me after
four years with no explanation

and now she reaches out?

Now?
[scoffs]

There is no excuse for that.

(Bernard)
She's been in a coma.

Okay, there's one excuse
for that.

But she's awake now
and wants to see you.

Max, she wants to see me.
I'm going to go call him.

She didn't shun me,
she was just practically dead!

Max, can I ask your opinion
about something?

If Sophie and I
want to get pregnant,

she needs to be
on drugs.

Oh, to have sex with you?
I get that.

No, fertility drugs.

I haven't paid this much for sex
since Orgy Cruise '08.

So I'm going to ask Han
for a raise.

What do you think?

I think that'll be
fun to watch.

Well, I've come up
with a new password

that none of you
will ever guess.

Han-ah Montana?

Dammit!

Lookin' good, Han.

Have you been shopping
at Men's Wearhouse?

'Cause I like
the way you look.

You know I exclusively
shop at T.J. Maxx.

They've been helping me spring
into summer for years.

Hey, everybody!

Oleg, what happened?

Did you ask that little
Korean girl for a raise?

Max, my grandmother wants me
to come and see her tomorrow!

This is so exciting.

Someone in my family is alive
and not in federal prison.

That is exciting.

How much money do you
think we're getting?

She's rich, right?

I can't believe all
this time she was in a coma.

I can't believe
you knew someone in a coma

and I didn't get to
draw a mustache on them.

Hello, Caroline.

Your grandmother's
place is fancy.

I'm just gonna say it.

I don't think anybody
has ever peed in there.

(Caroline)
Bernard!

You haven't aged at all.

Thank you.

She hasn't been awake
to guard her creams.

Oh, this brings back
so many childhood memories.

Right here is where we had
our 14-foot Christmas tree.

And then right here is where
she'd give me her yearly hug.

Well, Caroline, have you
bounced back from the scandal?

If you count working at a diner,
sleeping in a wall,

and clothes shopping at CVS,
then she's real bouncy.

And is this
your same-sex partner?

I will be if that
gets me in the will.

Bernard, this is Max.
She's my roommate.

Yes, that's what we called them
back in the day.

[bell rings]

Oh, she's found the bell.

Lucky me.

But that was just
a single dingle.

A warning dingle.

[bell rings]

Double dingle.
Mayday.

Grammy Astrid, it's Caroline!

I know, darling.
I'm old, not blind.

I've missed you so much.

Careful.
Don't get her overexcited.

Crack a window.
Smells like Ass-trid in here.

I suppose I should
conserve my energy

for the luncheon
you're going to throw me.

What luncheon now?

The one you're
going to throw

to re-introduce
her to society,

a sort of
coming out party.

Isn't that more
your turf?

Grammy, I'd be happy
to throw you a luncheon

but I can't afford--

Gah!
[clears throat]

Sorry. Caroline,
never mind all that.

Introductions
are in order.

Oh, Grammy.
This is my friend, Max.

Hey, uh, I guess,
welcome back.

You haven't changed
a bit, Caroline.

Always making friends
with the help.

Maria, was it?

I'll take a tall glass
of agua, por favor.

Hoping there's
a Maria behind me.

Caroline,
how have you been?

Are you running
Wall Street yet?

No, but I did cut my hair,
which was scary but rewarding.

Grammy, a lot has changed
since I lost all my--

Gah!

Seriously, dude,
get an x-ray.

Outside. Now.

And still waiting
on that agua, Maria.

Ay, yi yi.

Okay, Bernard,
what's with the "gahs"?

You interrupted what
I was saying so often,

it's like we're
a married couple.

I was trying to stop you

from mentioning
your father's scandal.

Oh, I thought that's just
how British people fart.

Your grandmother has
no memory of what happened.

When I attempted to tell
her the bad news,

she had a stroke
and slipped into a coma.

I said, "Your son
might be in some trouble,"

and that was it;
she was out.

She doesn't know
I lost all my money?

I know.
It's terrible.

And what's worse is you have
to tell her she's lost all hers.

She's broke?

Then why did I get her
that water?

Hey, girls.
Buckle up.

Oleg's gonna ask Han
for a raise again.

Hot stuff,
coming through.

Oh look, it's Chef
Boy-Are-You-Gross.

Nice hat, right?

He wears it in the bedroom
when we role-play.

I'm the fussy customer,

and he slathers butter
on my biscuit.

This isn't the whole costume.

I also wear a drumstick
paper frill around my penis.

Boner appГ©tit.

Oh, here comes Han.

It's showtime, baby.

Well, I have a new password

that no one will ever get.

"Straight Outta
Compt-han"?

Dammit!

Mmm!
This food is so good.

My compliments to the man
who hired the chef.

Oleg, you're not getting a raise
just because Sophie can act

like your food is yummy
in her tummy.

Would you change your mind if
I did it in a different accent?

I used to act in Poland.
I can do a whole bunch.

[Southern accent]
Mmm! My word.

I just love this
tasty tortellini.

Mm-hmm!

Thank you for
tonight's nightmare.

Uh, table for one?

Not for this one, thank you.

Bernard, hi.
What are you doing here?

I could ask the same
of you and follow up

with a series of questions
about that hideous uniform.

Looks like mustard
and ketchup had a fight

and everyone lost.

What up, B-nard?
You look even paler here.

And you look perfect here.

Now, something to wear
for tomorrow's luncheon.

One of your grandmother's
Chanel suits.

Here's her guest list.

I'm afraid only
one guest RSVP'd "yes."

All the rest of her
friends RSVP'd "dead."

Bernard, I really do wish
I could give

my Grammy what she wants,
but I don't have the money

for a real fancy luncheon.

Or even real milk,
for that matter.

We drink "milk drink."

I don't think she can take
much more disappointment.

This morning I had to
tell her all about

her favorite athlete,
Bruce Jenner.

This is so sad.

Grammy's whole world is gone

and she has no idea.

Max, I have to give her
the one thing that she wants.

A major rollback
on civil rights?

No, the luncheon.

She deserves one last hurrah

before I tell her
she's lost everything.

I wish someone
had done that for me

before my life
came crashing down.

Okay, I'll help you.

I mean, Maria will,
if she can find a babysitter.

You are the only person
I'll wear this for.

You know, without
the $300 up front.

Thank God Sophie
had that maid outfit.

I think this is gonna work.

As long as you don't
turn around.

(Astrid)
Caroline, is that you?

Oh, she's coming.
Quick.

Behind the screen.
Put the suit on over that.

You want me to change into a
Chanel suit behind this screen?

Oh, there's room.
I've done it numerous times.

Oh, did the rest of
our staff arrive yet?

Yes, if you can call them that.

Where did you find them anyway?

Um, around.

Just push me into the room!

I'm doing
the best I can!

These pants are
five sizes too big!

Bernard, next time,
don't hire a child butler.

And you, don't they have
wheelchairs in China?

I'm from Korea!

I don't think so.

Tell Caroline she owes me.

Who knows what STD I'm catching
from Oleg's butler costume?

And why does
he even have this?

It's from when they play
"Going Downtown Abbey."

Maria, I need help
with my hair.

See what you can do.

Um, no, I'm not
really good at that.

Maria, just do it.
Go.

Okay.

You get one of those,
and that was it.

Oh, there's my girl.
You look wonderful.

I forgot how good Chanel
feels against my skin.

It's like coming home,

but the house
is made of silk and hope.

How's this?
A little too Princess Leia?

On top!
I like it up on top.

Whoa!

Whoa, Grammy.
Keep it PG.

[elevator dings]

Where am I?

Oh, it's Gertrude Goolsby.

Your first and only
guest has arrived.

Astrid! Oh!

Oh, have to--oh.

Sneaks up on you.

Good luck with all this.

I'll be in the kitchen,
studying the Chipotle menu.

For my next job.

Don't you look smashing, Astrid.

I'm assuming.
I can't see anymore.

Well, I bet
you and Grammy have

a lot of fun stuff
to catch up on.

How is Gordon?

He has face cancer.

Or the weather
is also a subject.

We'd like the first course,
pronto.

Maria!
Look alive.

You're one to talk.

[bell dinging]

And she gets one of those
and that was it.

Dear, may I ask you
a question?

Where am I?

Oh, and where
is our sommelier?

At your service.

Some wine?

Um...

My bad.
This one's empty.

I got bored.

And what about you, ma'am?

White, red,

or maybe you prefer
a chocolate brown?

I must be in New Orleans.

Here we go.

It's from
the Bordeaux region.

More like the Costco region.

Maria!

That's me.

Why are these forks
not laid out correctly?

Maria, forks, now.

Glad you like that outfit,

'cause you're gonna
be buried in it.

I think I'm gonna let this one
breathe in the kitchen.

Caroline, I'd like
to meet the chef.

Oh, of course.
Chef!

Booyah!

I'm Chef Oleg.

Gordon Ramsay once put
me in a headlock.

Please enjoy the first course
of my first course:

a tasty tortellini.

Caroline, this sauce
is delicious!

Oh, I'm so glad you like it.

This is the kind of luncheon
that makes you feel

like you can handle
anything that comes along.

Pity there aren't
more guests to enjoy it.

[elevator dings]

[posh accent]
Darling!

Well, I hope I'm not late
for the luncheon!

Mmm!

[posh accent]
This crГЁme brГ»lГ©e
is just divine!

Don't mind
if I don't mind.

[normal voice]
Uh, excuse me.
I have to tinkle.

Where's your john?

Oh, I forgot!

Yes, um...

[posh accent]
Pardon me, yes.

Could you direct me to your...

Jonathan?

Astrid, darling,

I wasn't sure what to expect
from one of your lunches,

you know, since the scandal,

since you lost all of your--

Gah!

I mean, uh...

Lunch is over.
Gertrude is leaving.

Scandal? What scandal?

Oh, you know.

The horror of
you not having any more--

Mayday!
Double dingle!

Maria, do something.

(Gertrude)
Oh.

So you mean she doesn't
want to talk about the fact

that she's lost all her mon--

[glass shatters]

Oh, it's crystal
that broke.

I thought it was
one of Astrid's bones.

I'll replace it.
I mean, I can't,

but it's the right thing
to say right now.

Maria,
that's my good crystal.

And it's not replaceable,
unlike you.

- Now go!
- Fine.

I'll go.
To wherever Maria lives.

But just know your granddaughter

worked really hard
to make this lunch all nice.

No, you don't
have to go.

Oh, can I go?

Maybe I should go too.

Would anyone buy
that I had plans?

No one is going.

I'm just gonna
pick up the broken crystal

and we'll just continue to
have the best luncheon ever.

Caroline!
Let the help do that.

Get up off of that floor!

You are not one of them.

Actually, yes, I am.

Grammy, you may have
been in a coma,

but I feel like it's me
that just woke up.

For the past five years,

I have been really missing
all of this,

but it's not good crystal
that makes a life.

It's good people.
People like them.

And they are not "the help,"

but they did
come here to help me.

'Cause you and I
might be related,

but these people
are my family now.

And also, I should tell you,

I don't work on Wall Street.

I work in Brooklyn,
in a diner.

See?
I'm a waitress.

That's debatable.

I don't understand.

You're a Channing.
How could you be a waitress?

Because she lost all her money

when you lost all
your money.

[heart monitor beats faster]

- Caroline, what is she saying?
- Nothing, she's saying nothing.

I'm saying,

you're poor.

[heart monitor beats increase]

[gasping]

[heart monitor flatlines]

Oh, I leave for two minutes

and the party really
goes downhill!

I'm sorry again about
your grandma, darlin'.

Thanks, Earl.

Well, she did die
doing what she loved:

being rich and
yelling at the help.

[crying]

I'm gonna miss her so much!

Sophie, you knew her
for three courses.

I know; I didn't win that Polish
daytime Emmy for nothing!

You know, Caroline,
you did the right thing

throwing that luncheon.

And I pulled a glute

pushing your lovely
racist grandmother around.

I really appreciate you guys
helping me with the luncheon.

And, Oleg, I tried the food,
and it wasn't gross.

You hear that, Han?
Wasn't. Gross.

After being a servant
for a few hours,

I get how much you all
have to put up with.

So, I'm giving
you all a raise!

Thank you so much, Han!

Everyone?

They don't need
drug money for a baby.

No, but we need drug money
for a 27-year-old woman.