Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,472 --> 00:00:06,474
- Max, the guy is coming
right now.
2
00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:08,142
- That's the first time
anyone's ever been polite enough
3
00:00:08,176 --> 00:00:10,778
to announce that to me.
4
00:00:10,811 --> 00:00:12,213
- Yeah, hilarious,
sex is messy.
5
00:00:12,246 --> 00:00:13,581
Now hurry!
6
00:00:13,614 --> 00:00:15,149
Let's get these cupcakes
to the window
7
00:00:15,183 --> 00:00:17,385
before that guy gets here,
and when he does, Max,
8
00:00:17,418 --> 00:00:19,087
don't turn around.
9
00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:20,654
- What?
- You know why.
10
00:00:25,426 --> 00:00:28,396
[upbeat music]
11
00:00:28,429 --> 00:00:35,403
*
12
00:00:35,436 --> 00:00:37,638
- And here we are
on the much traveled
13
00:00:37,671 --> 00:00:39,840
Bedford Street
right in the very heart
14
00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:42,210
of historic Williamsburg.
15
00:00:42,243 --> 00:00:44,245
- This guy is so boring.
16
00:00:44,278 --> 00:00:48,216
He's like a roofy
with a little flag.
17
00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:51,319
- During the 1830s,
German and Austrian capitalists
18
00:00:51,352 --> 00:00:53,154
established their businesses
19
00:00:53,187 --> 00:00:56,190
here in historic
Williamsburg Brooklyn.
20
00:00:56,224 --> 00:00:58,126
- And, in honor
of those German and Austrian
21
00:00:58,159 --> 00:01:00,828
founding fathers,
here we have our
22
00:01:00,861 --> 00:01:03,597
Williamsburg
beer-batter cupcake.
23
00:01:03,631 --> 00:01:08,436
Oof-yah, beer batter!
It's good!
24
00:01:08,469 --> 00:01:10,671
- Wow, you're pushing harder
than I was
25
00:01:10,704 --> 00:01:13,707
after I ate that whole
brick of cheese.
26
00:01:15,743 --> 00:01:18,512
- Soon, docks, shipyards,
refineries, mills,
27
00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:20,748
and other booming
businesses opened
28
00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:22,250
along the growing waterfront.
29
00:01:22,283 --> 00:01:25,286
- Businesses just like
Max's Homemade Cupcakes.
30
00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:27,288
See, made in Williamsburg.
31
00:01:27,321 --> 00:01:29,457
Only 12.95, 100% cotton.
32
00:01:29,490 --> 00:01:35,729
- And I'm guessing cotton
oof-ya, ees good!
33
00:01:35,763 --> 00:01:40,534
- Actually, I was referencing
booming Williamsburg businesses.
34
00:01:40,568 --> 00:01:43,271
This is one of those
small Williamsburg businesses
35
00:01:43,304 --> 00:01:45,473
that won't be here much longer.
36
00:01:45,506 --> 00:01:48,276
Follow me.
37
00:01:48,309 --> 00:01:52,413
Oh, sir, no, a free dessert
comes with your end-of-tour meal
38
00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:55,749
at the Ye Olde Williamsburg
Watering Hole Restaurant.
39
00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:58,152
Don't waste your Euros.
40
00:02:01,255 --> 00:02:04,392
- How dare he tell those people
our business won't be here.
41
00:02:04,425 --> 00:02:06,160
I haven't been this speechless
since the first time
42
00:02:06,194 --> 00:02:08,362
I saw your toe nails.
43
00:02:08,396 --> 00:02:10,698
- Who cares what he thinks?
44
00:02:10,731 --> 00:02:12,400
We had such a good month,
I had enough cash
45
00:02:12,433 --> 00:02:15,203
to buy my own box
of s'mores Pop-Tarts,
46
00:02:15,236 --> 00:02:18,339
a goal I've had
since I was 11.
47
00:02:18,372 --> 00:02:20,641
My other goal
was making it to 12.
48
00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:21,875
By the way,
you heard I referenced
49
00:02:21,909 --> 00:02:25,213
the Pop-Tarts
as "my own box," right?
50
00:02:25,246 --> 00:02:27,348
- Max, I'm not interested
in your box.
51
00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:31,385
- Well, not for another ten
years when we're still single.
52
00:02:38,426 --> 00:02:40,594
- I can't believe
that tour guide
53
00:02:40,628 --> 00:02:41,895
is telling people
that our cupcake business
54
00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:43,464
is gonna fail.
55
00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:45,233
- I mean, it's one thing
for you, me,
56
00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:48,302
and Time Out New York
to say it, but...
57
00:02:48,336 --> 00:02:50,504
- I just hate that tour guy.
58
00:02:50,538 --> 00:02:53,807
- I hate that tour guy too!
59
00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:55,476
- Han, oh, my God!
60
00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:57,478
It took us five years,
but we finally have something
61
00:02:57,511 --> 00:02:59,647
in common.
62
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:03,951
- That's not true.
Aren't you both an A-cup?
63
00:03:03,984 --> 00:03:05,886
- Can you believe he's telling
his entire tour
64
00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:07,721
that our cupcake business
is gonna fail?
65
00:03:07,755 --> 00:03:09,757
- Just to play devil's advocate,
maybe he has
66
00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:12,860
the most basic understanding
of supply and demand.
67
00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:18,766
- Han, don't blow this,
it might be our only connection
68
00:03:18,799 --> 00:03:20,000
ever.
69
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:23,237
- Who the hell does that
dickweed think he is?
70
00:03:23,271 --> 00:03:24,438
- Exactly.
71
00:03:24,472 --> 00:03:25,773
- And I hate him
because that tour never eats
72
00:03:25,806 --> 00:03:26,907
in here.
73
00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:28,776
He just keeps pushing his stupid
74
00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:30,744
Ye Olde Williamsburg
Watering Hole.
75
00:03:30,778 --> 00:03:33,847
I don't want to hear anymore
about that guy's hole!
76
00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:36,717
- Until ten years from now
when you're still single.
77
00:03:38,286 --> 00:03:40,288
- Hey, everybody!
78
00:03:44,325 --> 00:03:45,859
Well, it happened.
79
00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:49,530
- Ryan Seacrest came out?
80
00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:52,966
- Oh, Max,
don't be silly.
81
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,602
No, I'm pretty sure
that happened
82
00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:56,904
a couple of years ago.
83
00:03:56,937 --> 00:04:00,040
My biggest dream has come true.
84
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:01,375
- Kentucky Fried Chicken
now comes
85
00:04:01,409 --> 00:04:03,477
with free hair extensions?
86
00:04:03,511 --> 00:04:07,915
- Okay, my second biggest dream.
87
00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:10,318
I'm pregnant.
88
00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:11,819
- Oh, no everyone
just thinks that
89
00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:14,788
after they'd had
the chicken parmesan here.
90
00:04:14,822 --> 00:04:17,625
- It's not official.
I haven't peed on a stick yet,
91
00:04:17,658 --> 00:04:20,494
but my boobs
are really, really sore.
92
00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:24,698
- That could be
my handy-work, baby.
93
00:04:24,732 --> 00:04:27,901
- Well, we're about
to find out in a minute
94
00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:31,872
'cause I'm about to
go pee like a race whore.
95
00:04:31,905 --> 00:04:34,408
- Sophie, the phrase
is "race horse."
96
00:04:34,442 --> 00:04:37,978
- Uh, not in Poland.
97
00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:40,348
See, I got a whole bunch
of these things
98
00:04:40,381 --> 00:04:43,751
'cause, uh, my aim
isn't very good.
99
00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:45,953
Yeah, I have
what the doctors call
100
00:04:45,986 --> 00:04:50,591
"a forked stream."
101
00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:53,861
- Well, whichever of those
you don't use, I'll take.
102
00:04:53,894 --> 00:04:55,329
It'll be nice not
to throw myself
103
00:04:55,363 --> 00:04:57,431
down a flight of stairs
every time I have a hunch.
104
00:04:57,465 --> 00:04:59,400
- Oh, all right, well.
105
00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:00,668
Wish me luck, girls.
106
00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:02,936
- Oh, wait up, Sophie!
107
00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:06,039
I'll hold the stick under you
while you urinate.
108
00:05:06,073 --> 00:05:11,311
- Oleg, you're gonna make
a great father.
109
00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:19,953
- Is it even possible
for Sophie to have a baby?
110
00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:21,922
I mean, didn't that window close
around the same time
111
00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:24,392
Blockbuster Video did?
112
00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:28,762
- Well, we don't know
how old she is.
113
00:05:28,796 --> 00:05:31,098
Sophie's ageless,
like a unicorn
114
00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:33,967
or...Anderson Cooper.
115
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:37,371
- Caroline,
I found a city website
116
00:05:37,405 --> 00:05:39,440
where we can complain
about that tour guide.
117
00:05:39,473 --> 00:05:40,841
- Why, what'd he do to you?
118
00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:42,510
Confuse you with
a historic Williamsburg
119
00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:44,612
fire hydrant?
120
00:05:44,645 --> 00:05:47,515
Up top!
121
00:05:47,548 --> 00:05:49,049
- Um, things have changed.
122
00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:50,551
I'm kind of all about
the Han and me connection
123
00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:52,686
right now.
124
00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:55,723
- Sorry, Max, you're out.
125
00:05:55,756 --> 00:05:57,525
- Han, complaining online
doesn't work.
126
00:05:57,558 --> 00:05:58,892
- True, if it did,
they would have replaced
127
00:05:58,926 --> 00:06:01,094
my faulty Legos by now.
128
00:06:01,128 --> 00:06:04,031
- I say we gotta find him
and knock some sense into him.
129
00:06:04,064 --> 00:06:05,733
- I'm in.
130
00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:09,437
- That's the first time Han
has ever said that to a woman.
131
00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:13,073
All right, can I just come?
132
00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:23,617
- That tour guide
keeps going on and on
133
00:06:23,651 --> 00:06:26,119
into his mic in front of
that bunch of Euro trash.
134
00:06:26,153 --> 00:06:28,956
It's like Madonna on tour.
135
00:06:28,989 --> 00:06:31,492
- Forget this
Ye Olde Williamsburg place.
136
00:06:31,525 --> 00:06:33,994
Those people should be
having desserts at my diner!
137
00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:36,430
- Yeah, if they wanted
Ye Olde Desserts,
138
00:06:36,464 --> 00:06:38,165
they should have come to us.
139
00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:40,734
We've got lady fingers so old,
they have arthritis.
140
00:06:40,768 --> 00:06:43,136
- Ooh, okay, here he comes.
Get ready!
141
00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:45,673
- Oh, who am I kidding?
I can't do this!
142
00:06:45,706 --> 00:06:48,576
I'm not a violent person,
and full disclosure,
143
00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:50,811
this is a Nerf bat.
144
00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:52,480
Sorry, Caroline, I hope
this doesn't affect
145
00:06:52,513 --> 00:06:54,081
our budding friendship/
you never know,
146
00:06:54,114 --> 00:06:57,084
possible romance.
147
00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:58,952
- Never gonna happen.
148
00:06:58,986 --> 00:07:01,154
Okay, Han's dead to me.
It's back to me and you.
149
00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:03,190
- Thank God.
Those couple of hours were hell.
150
00:07:03,223 --> 00:07:05,593
- For me too.
151
00:07:05,626 --> 00:07:07,227
Hi, we need to talk to you.
152
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:09,530
I'm Caroline
from Max's Homemade Cupcakes.
153
00:07:09,563 --> 00:07:11,565
- Oh, yeah, right.
154
00:07:11,599 --> 00:07:13,601
I didn't recognize you
without...
155
00:07:13,634 --> 00:07:17,204
the worst German accent
I ever heard.
156
00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:18,739
- And you are?
157
00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:20,173
- Dannon.
158
00:07:20,207 --> 00:07:22,510
- Like the yogurt?
159
00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:23,944
- It's a family name.
160
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:26,246
- Listen, Yoplait.
161
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:28,549
I personally don't give a crap
what you think,
162
00:07:28,582 --> 00:07:30,484
but you bad-mouthing
our business
163
00:07:30,518 --> 00:07:32,119
is upsetting my girl here.
164
00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:34,187
You got that, Activia?
165
00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:38,258
- Look, girls, I'm not just
talking about your business.
166
00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:40,193
All the businesses
on that block are gonna close.
167
00:07:40,227 --> 00:07:43,130
It's getting plowed
for an IMAX theatre.
168
00:07:45,599 --> 00:07:47,100
- Oh, my God.
169
00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:48,602
- I know.
170
00:07:48,636 --> 00:07:52,072
Another Max is getting
plowed on our block?
171
00:07:56,944 --> 00:07:58,946
- Morning.
- Yeah.
172
00:07:58,979 --> 00:07:59,980
I can't believe
they're replacing us
173
00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:01,815
with an IMAX.
174
00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:04,818
That subway psychic told me
my business would skyrocket.
175
00:08:04,852 --> 00:08:06,219
I guess this also means
I won't be a contestant
176
00:08:06,253 --> 00:08:08,622
on "The Voice."
177
00:08:08,656 --> 00:08:11,792
- That psychic had food
all down her blouse.
178
00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:13,126
She couldn't predict
her mouth opening,
179
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,295
let alone your life.
180
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:17,264
- I'm e-mailing all
the neighborhood business owners
181
00:08:17,297 --> 00:08:19,967
to attend an emergency meeting
tonight at the diner.
182
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,101
I've contacted
pretty much everyone
183
00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:23,003
except that
medical marijuana store.
184
00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:26,239
You know, Joint Custody.
185
00:08:26,273 --> 00:08:28,942
- I'll call them.
They're on my speed dial.
186
00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:33,714
* Pop my tarts
pop my tarts *
187
00:08:33,747 --> 00:08:35,683
* Pop-Tarts, Pop-Tarts,
Pop-Tarts *
188
00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:37,985
* A boppa-boppa boppa-tarts--
189
00:08:43,824 --> 00:08:46,827
[keys clacking]
190
00:08:49,897 --> 00:08:52,299
- Yes, it was me.
I stress ate them.
191
00:08:52,332 --> 00:08:56,036
- You ate my PPTs?
192
00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:59,039
Personal Pop-Tarts.
193
00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:00,808
- You gave them a cute name?
194
00:09:00,841 --> 00:09:03,744
- Of course, I've been dreaming
about them my whole life.
195
00:09:03,777 --> 00:09:07,781
I can't believe you ate the last
of my s'mores Pop-Tarts.
196
00:09:07,815 --> 00:09:09,917
- Fine, I'll go out
and buy you another box
197
00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:12,953
with the money I was saving
for a Wet n Wild lip liner.
198
00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:14,788
[knocking at door]
199
00:09:14,822 --> 00:09:16,824
Well, we know that's not
opportunity knocking.
200
00:09:16,857 --> 00:09:19,059
He lost my address
when I moved in here.
201
00:09:21,862 --> 00:09:23,597
- Hi, girls.
202
00:09:23,631 --> 00:09:25,666
I'm out of sugar,
and can one of you read
203
00:09:25,699 --> 00:09:28,769
my morning pee stick?
204
00:09:28,802 --> 00:09:30,904
I can't read
this little window thing
205
00:09:30,938 --> 00:09:34,775
and I lost my cheaters
and Oleg's not upstairs.
206
00:09:34,808 --> 00:09:37,945
- So you lot both your cheaters.
207
00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:40,614
- Yeah, see Max?
208
00:09:40,648 --> 00:09:42,750
That kind of joke
is no longer funny
209
00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:44,918
now that we're
gonna be parents.
210
00:09:44,952 --> 00:09:47,320
So no more that!
211
00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:55,929
- It's just not my morning.
212
00:09:55,963 --> 00:09:58,298
- Caroline,
why don't you read it?
213
00:09:58,331 --> 00:09:59,967
Might be nice to here
some good news
214
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:03,003
come out of your sad mouth
for a change.
215
00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:07,274
- Oh, just take it.
216
00:10:07,307 --> 00:10:10,878
I'm pretty sure
I got the worst of it.
217
00:10:10,911 --> 00:10:14,682
- Okay, now everybody hold hands
and get ready to cry
218
00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:19,820
'cause I feel really,
really, really pregnant.
219
00:10:19,853 --> 00:10:20,954
- It's negative.
220
00:10:20,988 --> 00:10:24,191
- You're negative!
221
00:10:24,224 --> 00:10:26,293
- Sophie, I understand
you're disappointed,
222
00:10:26,326 --> 00:10:29,429
but maybe you should manage
your expectations.
223
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:33,266
- Oh, man I really thought
I was pregnant.
224
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:36,003
I mean, my period's real late.
225
00:10:40,908 --> 00:10:43,744
- How late is late?
226
00:10:43,777 --> 00:10:47,280
Hashtag,
just asking for a friend.
227
00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:50,017
- Well, I don't know.
228
00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:52,986
Six months?
229
00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:55,823
A year, tops.
230
00:10:55,856 --> 00:11:00,127
- Well, I mean, at your age--
- Oh, careful now.
231
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:03,831
Don't be too dead
to get my new Pop-Tarts.
232
00:11:03,864 --> 00:11:07,134
- Exactly how old
do you think I am?
233
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:08,435
- Well...
234
00:11:08,468 --> 00:11:10,303
- If you open your mouth
and say an age,
235
00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:14,307
any age, there's no coming back
from that.
236
00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:18,411
- How old?
237
00:11:18,445 --> 00:11:20,447
- Well...
238
00:11:26,253 --> 00:11:28,121
- Oh.
239
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:36,797
- [scoffs]
[laughs]
240
00:11:36,830 --> 00:11:39,933
- Final offer.
241
00:11:39,967 --> 00:11:41,468
- Well, I don't know
how old she is,
242
00:11:41,501 --> 00:11:43,937
but I've aged
since this started.
243
00:11:48,008 --> 00:11:51,178
- Okay, next,
Cathy's Crystal Shop.
244
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:55,348
- Present and accounted for,
thank the goddess.
245
00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:58,085
- Garboni Funeral Home?
246
00:11:58,118 --> 00:12:00,353
Thanks for coming.
247
00:12:03,957 --> 00:12:06,960
- No thanks,
I'm having my head frozen.
248
00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:11,498
- Bedford Methadone
and Drug Clinic?
249
00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:13,233
Oh.
250
00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:16,069
- Do you have a card?
251
00:12:18,305 --> 00:12:19,907
- We'll just wait for
one more business to arrive
252
00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:21,241
before we start.
253
00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:22,810
Oh, and thank you all
for coming.
254
00:12:22,843 --> 00:12:24,277
- Oh, and thank you
255
00:12:24,311 --> 00:12:27,380
for closing the diner tonight
for this meeting.
256
00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:30,450
- Oh, we're not closed.
257
00:12:30,483 --> 00:12:33,186
- Nope,
this is a busy Thursday for us.
258
00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:36,790
- Oh, hi,
are you here for the meeting?
259
00:12:36,824 --> 00:12:39,827
- Yeah,
we're Smiley Time Daycare.
260
00:12:41,561 --> 00:12:44,764
- Well, if Sophie has a baby,
I think we found our nanny.
261
00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:48,836
- Okay, tonight's call to arms
262
00:12:48,869 --> 00:12:50,570
is really about
each and every one of us
263
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,472
and our dreams.
264
00:12:52,505 --> 00:12:55,075
Small businesses are
and have always been
265
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,977
the backbone of Williamsburg.
266
00:12:57,010 --> 00:13:00,347
- But this is about
so much more than business.
267
00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:01,882
Let me help.
268
00:13:01,915 --> 00:13:03,851
I took a class in
motivational speaking.
269
00:13:03,884 --> 00:13:05,185
- Well motivate your ass
back down.
270
00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:07,220
I got this.
271
00:13:07,254 --> 00:13:08,856
- Do you?
You're losing this crowd
272
00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:11,524
faster than I'm going
to lose my diner.
273
00:13:11,558 --> 00:13:13,193
- He's right, move it along.
274
00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:15,328
You make that boring crock guy
look like a sweeps episode
275
00:13:15,362 --> 00:13:17,064
of "Empire."
276
00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:18,231
- That was just my opening.
277
00:13:18,265 --> 00:13:21,434
- And your closing.
Thanks, Caroline.
278
00:13:24,337 --> 00:13:28,208
Yes, I said yes, folks.
279
00:13:28,241 --> 00:13:30,510
Yes, we are all businesses,
280
00:13:30,543 --> 00:13:33,580
but we are one hell of a lot
more than that!
281
00:13:33,613 --> 00:13:35,949
- Impressive.
It's like Tony Robbins
282
00:13:35,983 --> 00:13:39,519
and a pine nut had a baby.
283
00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:42,255
- We are a family,
284
00:13:42,289 --> 00:13:44,591
and the only way--
the only way out of this crap
285
00:13:44,624 --> 00:13:46,193
is each other.
286
00:13:46,226 --> 00:13:47,194
- Can I get a "what-what?"
287
00:13:47,227 --> 00:13:48,328
all: What-what!
288
00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:49,562
- Can I get a high-five?
289
00:13:49,596 --> 00:13:51,264
all: High-five!
290
00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:52,765
- All right!
- High-five!
291
00:13:56,636 --> 00:13:58,138
- I'm so jealous.
292
00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:00,373
I've been dying
to do that for years.
293
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:05,578
- And tomorrow, we need you,
294
00:14:05,612 --> 00:14:08,949
and I mean every one of you,
295
00:14:08,982 --> 00:14:12,052
to join my diner family
at that public hearing
296
00:14:12,085 --> 00:14:14,187
down at the Brooklyn Courthouse
297
00:14:14,221 --> 00:14:16,056
and we are going to tell them
298
00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:18,291
they can keep
their stinking buyout money.
299
00:14:18,325 --> 00:14:20,027
- Yeah!
300
00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:21,261
- There isn't enough money
in the world
301
00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:25,132
to buyout our leases.
- Yeah.
302
00:14:25,165 --> 00:14:27,000
Han, I don't--
- Wait, they want to buy us out?
303
00:14:27,034 --> 00:14:29,669
- Not 20,000, not 30,000--
304
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:32,339
- Dollars?
I could live in India.
305
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:36,143
I wouldn't have to sell
these dumb crystals anymore.
306
00:14:36,176 --> 00:14:38,311
- But we are a family!
307
00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:41,014
- Yeah, we're a family.
308
00:14:42,950 --> 00:14:45,685
[indistinct murmuring]
309
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:48,121
- Might just be us tomorrow.
310
00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:56,263
- With the addition of the IMAX,
311
00:14:56,296 --> 00:14:58,298
I predict that the net worth
312
00:14:58,331 --> 00:15:01,268
of this now dilapidated
group of businesses
313
00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:03,336
will at least quadruple.
314
00:15:03,370 --> 00:15:05,305
And commissioner,
you don't know me,
315
00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:06,439
but when it comes to finance,
316
00:15:06,473 --> 00:15:09,576
when it comes
to most things really,
317
00:15:09,609 --> 00:15:12,212
I'm very hands on.
318
00:15:14,281 --> 00:15:17,985
- And also a douche.
319
00:15:18,018 --> 00:15:19,419
- We'll take a break
and then hear arguments
320
00:15:19,452 --> 00:15:21,454
from the opposing side.
321
00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:23,623
- Max, I'm gonna ask you
a serious question
322
00:15:23,656 --> 00:15:25,425
and I want the truth.
323
00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:27,995
- Is it, "Can you smell
that onion bagel on my breath,"
324
00:15:28,028 --> 00:15:30,497
'cause yes.
325
00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:32,299
- Do you think
our business dream
326
00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:34,634
is as far-fetched
as Sophie's baby dream?
327
00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:37,570
- You know Sophie's right there,
right?
328
00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:39,339
Don't get her mad.
329
00:15:39,372 --> 00:15:41,508
I once saw her
open up a can of paint
330
00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:44,744
with her knees.
331
00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:47,747
- I mean,
aren't all dreams kind of crazy?
332
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:49,449
Isn't that why
they're called dreams,
333
00:15:49,482 --> 00:15:51,418
'cause they're not real?
334
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:52,752
At some point,
you have to wake up and pee,
335
00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:54,554
right?
336
00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:59,492
- Sometimes five times a night.
337
00:15:59,526 --> 00:16:02,029
- Well, at least you won't have
to listen to that annoying
338
00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:05,065
tour guide's speech
twice a day anymore.
339
00:16:05,098 --> 00:16:07,200
- Right, if you look
to your left,
340
00:16:07,234 --> 00:16:08,601
you'll see
a failing cupcake shop
341
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:12,139
with two completely deluded
shop owners.
342
00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:14,441
- In fact,
the only redeeming feature
343
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:17,344
in this waste of architecture
are the historic Tiffany windows
344
00:16:17,377 --> 00:16:20,380
right next to those two bitches.
345
00:16:20,413 --> 00:16:21,714
- Wait, what about the windows?
346
00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:23,516
He says that?
I totally missed that?
347
00:16:23,550 --> 00:16:27,354
- Yeah, because you're too busy
sprechen the cupcakes.
348
00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:29,756
- Oh, my God,
those Tiffany windows
349
00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:31,324
might be old enough
to qualify us
350
00:16:31,358 --> 00:16:33,326
as a historic landmark building.
351
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:35,228
Oh, oh, my God,
I'll be right back.
352
00:16:35,262 --> 00:16:36,463
- Where are you going?
353
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:37,597
- Down to the city archives.
354
00:16:37,630 --> 00:16:39,366
I need proof that those windows
are legit.
355
00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:41,468
If I'm not back
when it's our turn to speak,
356
00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:43,170
stall them.
Fill time.
357
00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:44,737
Just go on an on
talking about nothing.
358
00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:47,474
- Got it.
Pretend I'm you.
359
00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:50,743
But you would need a miracle
to find that proof in time.
360
00:16:50,777 --> 00:16:53,713
- Psst, Max, you got a tampon?
361
00:16:53,746 --> 00:16:55,615
I just got my period.
362
00:16:55,648 --> 00:16:59,052
Either that,
or I've been shot.
363
00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:02,389
- Sophie can still
have a baby!
364
00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:04,457
See, miracles can happen!
365
00:17:04,491 --> 00:17:07,094
- The woman is right there.
366
00:17:10,197 --> 00:17:12,799
And like I've already
said twice, Your Honor,
367
00:17:12,832 --> 00:17:16,503
I've worked at that diner
since 1989,
368
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:19,439
so, peace out.
369
00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:21,341
- She's still not back.
Keep going.
370
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,510
- Your Honor,
I've been working at that diner
371
00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:26,179
since 1989.
372
00:17:26,213 --> 00:17:28,681
- I think we've heard everything
this gentlemen has to say
373
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:31,651
about the building in question,
including, for some reason,
374
00:17:31,684 --> 00:17:36,423
of his brief affair with
comedian Nipsy Russell's wife.
375
00:17:36,456 --> 00:17:37,757
- She was from Brooklyn!
376
00:17:37,790 --> 00:17:40,693
I thought it was pertinent,
Your Honor.
377
00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:42,229
- If there
are no other witnesses--
378
00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:43,463
- Han, go, go, go, go.
379
00:17:43,496 --> 00:17:45,498
- No, I already blew this once.
380
00:17:45,532 --> 00:17:47,234
- Finally, you admit
you blew something
381
00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:49,436
when I can't enjoy it.
382
00:17:49,469 --> 00:17:51,104
Oleg, you go.
383
00:17:51,138 --> 00:17:52,739
- I can't.
The judge knows me
384
00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:56,376
from a sort of
"Eyes Wide Shut" situation.
385
00:17:57,577 --> 00:17:58,778
You go.
386
00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:00,613
- No, nothing good
ever happened to me
387
00:18:00,647 --> 00:18:02,549
in a courtroom.
388
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:05,685
Every single time, they just
gave me back to my mother.
389
00:18:05,718 --> 00:18:07,454
- I'll go.
390
00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:09,322
Yeah, I've got something to say.
391
00:18:09,356 --> 00:18:11,191
You're a lady judge.
392
00:18:11,224 --> 00:18:14,227
You got any Midol?
393
00:18:14,261 --> 00:18:16,129
- Well, if there are
no further witnesses...
394
00:18:16,163 --> 00:18:17,530
- Damn it, yo!
395
00:18:17,564 --> 00:18:19,632
I guess I have
something to say.
396
00:18:19,666 --> 00:18:21,634
- Wonderful.
397
00:18:21,668 --> 00:18:24,504
Carmella, we just lost
our lunch table.
398
00:18:26,573 --> 00:18:28,475
- Nice model you got there,
399
00:18:28,508 --> 00:18:31,311
except IMAXs are supposed
to be big.
400
00:18:31,344 --> 00:18:35,148
[laughs]
That's kind of the point.
401
00:18:35,182 --> 00:18:37,684
- Miss, if you don't have
anything pertinent--
402
00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:40,553
- Stop, you can't
tear our building down!
403
00:18:40,587 --> 00:18:43,390
So excited, I feel like
I'm in "Legally Blonde."
404
00:18:44,924 --> 00:18:47,427
Those Tiffany windows
are over 100 years old,
405
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:49,896
making it a historic,
landmark building.
406
00:18:49,929 --> 00:18:51,664
- Do you have
documented proof of this?
407
00:18:51,698 --> 00:18:53,533
- Yes, I do, your honor.
408
00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:56,303
- So dramatic.
I'm loving it.
409
00:18:56,336 --> 00:18:59,239
- Living, breathing,
boring proof.
410
00:18:59,272 --> 00:19:01,708
Your Honor, this gentlemen
is an expert
411
00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:03,476
on historic Williamsburg.
412
00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:05,412
Dannon, tell them
about the windows.
413
00:19:05,445 --> 00:19:06,779
- First say it.
414
00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:09,482
Say it in the eyes of the court,
or no deal.
415
00:19:09,516 --> 00:19:12,619
- I will never
do a German accent again.
416
00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:14,887
- The building's windows
were created by Tiffany Studios
417
00:19:14,921 --> 00:19:17,524
in a playful fish motif
for the original Williamsburg
418
00:19:17,557 --> 00:19:19,426
fish market,
opened at that location
419
00:19:19,459 --> 00:19:21,661
in June, 1901.
420
00:19:21,694 --> 00:19:23,630
- Well, that qualifies
as a landmark.
421
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:25,265
- Yes!
422
00:19:25,298 --> 00:19:28,301
- Yah, dis is vuunderbar!
423
00:19:31,704 --> 00:19:34,207
Well, I never
promised you anything.
424
00:19:36,376 --> 00:19:37,677
- How do you like that, Max?
425
00:19:37,710 --> 00:19:39,546
These cute little fishies
from the fish market
426
00:19:39,579 --> 00:19:41,648
saved our business
and the diner.
427
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,983
- It's weird I'd wind up
working in a former fish market.
428
00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:45,818
- Dannon told me
the market was also a front
429
00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:47,654
for a whore house.
430
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:49,622
- Yeah, that's more like it.
431
00:19:49,656 --> 00:19:51,624
Now I have a serious question
for you
432
00:19:51,658 --> 00:19:53,660
and I want you
to tell me the truth.
433
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,562
Would it have been
smarter for us
434
00:19:55,595 --> 00:19:56,829
to take whatever
of that buyout money
435
00:19:56,863 --> 00:20:00,633
we would have forced Han
to give us and quit?
436
00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:02,835
- Probably.
437
00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:04,304
but Max, I've wanted
my own business
438
00:20:04,337 --> 00:20:05,705
since I was little.
439
00:20:05,738 --> 00:20:07,340
It's purely emotional.
440
00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:08,841
I can't really explain it.
441
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:11,544
- I can.
It's your PPT.
442
00:20:11,578 --> 00:20:14,381
Your personal Pop-Tart.
443
00:20:14,414 --> 00:20:17,484
- It is.
It's my PPT.
444
00:20:17,517 --> 00:20:19,719
- Then I totally get it.
445
00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:22,855
- Yeah, you do, Max.
You always do.
446
00:20:24,291 --> 00:20:25,825
- Well, girls,
it's official.
447
00:20:25,858 --> 00:20:27,660
- You're still short?
448
00:20:27,694 --> 00:20:28,895
- We won!
449
00:20:28,928 --> 00:20:30,963
The entire neighborhood
has just been notified
450
00:20:30,997 --> 00:20:33,600
there is no IMAX buyout.
451
00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:35,735
- Yep, and they do not
look happy.
452
00:20:35,768 --> 00:20:37,036
Here they come.
453
00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:40,373
- Hey, you!
Yeah, you!
454
00:20:40,407 --> 00:20:43,543
[crowd chattering]
455
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:47,046
- Open up!
They have sticks!
456
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:49,416
- Can't leave him out there,
can we?
457
00:20:51,451 --> 00:20:52,852
- Aah!
- Oh, God!
458
00:20:52,885 --> 00:20:54,954
- Oh!
459
00:20:59,692 --> 00:21:02,662
[upbeat music]
460
00:21:02,695 --> 00:21:10,703
*
33357
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.