All language subtitles for 2.Broke.Girls.S04E18.And.the.Taste.Test.1080p.AMZN.WEBRip.DD5.1.x264-CasStudio_track3_[eng]

Oleg, the people at table two

want to know
what's in the veggie burger.

No. They don't.

Eh. That's fine.

They wanted refills,
so I'm probably not

gonna go back there anyway.

Where's Max?

This plate has been
here so long,

the salmon is turning into
salmonella.

She took a break
with the new dishwasher.

Max, I thought you slipped out
the back.

He did for a minute,
but I popped him back in.

This just in,
work is so much more fun

when you're sleeping
with a co-worker.

Max, that was good.

It was five hail Marys good.

I think we made
these dishes dirtier.

Max, he's cute, but how can you
even stay hard with that accent?

"Come here, Max.
I wanna hump ya a wee bit".

What can I say,
i always had a thing

for the guy on the box
of lucky charms.

(peter bjorn and John)
* ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

[cash register bell dings]

* ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh *

hey, everybody.

Look, I got me a fitbit.

13, 14, 15...

Only 200,000 more steps
before I get a bit more fit

for my wedding.

That's impressive.

I couldn't even make it
through 12 steps.

Hey, Max.

How's my maid of honor?

Hey, Caroline.

How's my run-of-the-mill
wedding guest?

I'm doing great.
Did that sound convincing?

'Cause I've been practicing
it in the bathroom mirror

for an hour every morning.

I know, I've got to stop
sitting on the toilet

while you do that.

Max, let's talk
bridesmaid dresses.

I don't care,
I'll wear anything.

I wore a greyhound bus driver's
uniform to my prom.

I was coming straight from work.

Well, I have decided to wear

grandma kuchenski's
wedding gown.

Yeah, all of the women
in my family wore it.

Everyone except
aunts svetti and letti,

'cause, well, they're attached
at the abdomen.

There she is.

The hot sauce
for my huevos mancheros.

Hey, Sophie, baby,
i got you what you want.

Oleg, no one wants hepatitis.

It's official.

Our wedding's gonna be
in the times.

Oleg, how are you gonna be
in the times?

The times tends to be picky

and you tend to be more
"picky your nose."

You know, my second wedding
made the times.

'Cause my first wife showed up
and shot me in the leg.

[Phone dings]

That's vlanka, my sister.

She's my other bridesmaid.

Yeah, we're not that close,
but I feel bad for her

'cause she's one of those adults
with freckles.

Max, you're going to be
in the times!

In th times, wearing god knows
what Sophie will pick.

I mean, she has a drawer full
of diamond tiaras for the gym.

Hello, what are you two
talking about?

Deciding which tables to ignore?

We're talking about
Sophie's taste.

Oh, bitch, please.
Come on.

My morning fiber cookie
has better taste than Sophie.

Girls, vlanka's out.

She has an attitude
and freckles.

Yeah. I mean,
that's too far.

So, Caroline, congratulations!

You're my new bridesmaid!

Okay, I found a bridesmaid's
dress that I like.

But the only way we can afford
it is if I sell you

to that Armenian guy
on craigslist.

No way.

I get sick of hummus
after four bites.

Max, we have to
take charge of this.

Because whatever bridesmaid's
dress Sophie picks

is like a Tyler Perry movie.

I don't have to see it
to know it's gonna be awful.

We'll find something
classy, and beautiful,

and just shove it
down her throat.

Who's shoving what down whom?

And if you don't
have a story, I do.

John, Max and I got roped
into being bridesmaids.

Stop.

You had me at rope.

You lost me at bridesmaids.

I'll be at the hostess stand,
looking at dresses

and silently wishing
for an asteroid

to wipe us off the planet.

If wishes made things happen,
we'd been in the middle

of a zombie apocalypse
right now.

Hey, girls.

My dress just arrived
from Poland

and I'm bustin'
for you to see it.

See it while I eat
one of your $14 puddings.

Sophie, I've been looking
at color choices,

and how would you feel
about us in a nude?

Max could go nude but you don't
have the rack to pull it off.

Does anyone have a knife?

Max, why do you have
a switchblade

to work in a dessert bar?

My mother always told me
to carry protection.

Wait 'til you see
grandma kuchenski's dress.

They don't make them
like they used to.

You know, forced
gypsy labor is illegal now.

Here we go.

- Oh.
- Uh...

Sophie, was your grandma
the crypt keeper?

What's going on out here?

What's all that white powder
in the air?

I'm trying to run a restaurant,
not an 80's disco.

Oh, put a sock in it.

I'm buying one of your freaking
overpriced puddings.

I'd get mad but I'm mildly
attracted to you right now.

Just mildly?

I mean, now I'm getting mad.

Sorry.
Wedding drama.

Her dress just fell
completely to pieces...

Like I'm assuming
I'll do in the near future.

Whatever you need anything
bridal,

go to rosenfeld's in Brooklyn.

That's where I got my dress
when I was broke and straight.

So you weren't always
into women?

Of course I was.

Except those three years
in scientology.

Well, it looks like
the three of us

are going to go
dress shopping now.

Yeah. And you know,
i got to go wash my hands

'cause they're covered
in old lady DNA.

Well, that's that.

Shopping with Sophie
is like when I worked

in a thai massage parlor.

We are going down.

Not if we go before Sophie

and hide every ugly bridesmaid's
dress that Sophie would like.

If she can't see them,
she can't make us wear them.

How did you come up
with that so fast?

It's the same plan
i used in 2010

when I was a bridesmaid
for Chelsea Clinton.

Bad dress and then her father
followed me into the coat room.

Oh, wow.

Look at this place.

It reminds me of that movie.

- Bridesmaids?
- No, nightmare on elm street.

I don't know what you're worried
about, Caroline.

I think they're
all quite lovely.

Nash, please.

You're a poor person
from Ireland.

I'll ask your opinion when
i need to know where to go

to get free leg braces.

You were right, Max.

She can be a real "b" sometimes.

I'm sorry, but I don't even know
why he's here.

Bonin' o'brien here...

Is gonna distract the sales lady

while we hide the ugly dresses.

Hello, ladies.

Same plan.

Who's the lucky bride?

Or should I say,
who's the lucky cradle robber?

Don't mind me.

It's just my crazy sense
of humor.

Oh, the ladies here love it.

The call me "crazy Carl."

[Raspy voice]
"Did you hear
what crazy Carl said?"

They just love it.

I'm Caroline.

This is Max
and he isn't the groom.

No, no, no.

He's single and gay.
Yes.

So gay, he got kicked out
of one direction.

Why don't you two walk off
somewhere

and share poignant
coming-out stories.

Go.

- But Max...
- Oh, you heard the women, go.

Can do.

Ladies, look around,
we'll be back...

In about a month.

Tahiti anyone?

I'm just crazy Carl.

The ladies love it.

Bridesmaid's dresses should be
called what they are.

Really expensive donations
to goodwill.

Is this one bad?

No. That's a Vera wang.

But this is a very wrong.

Hide it.

Ew. And it's evil twin.

Oh, I didn't know Hazmat suits
came with feathers.

Oh my god.

This the worst thing
I've ever seen.

And I've seen a prostitute
change her tampon

on the sidewalk.

Who are you calling
a prostitute?

This, we've got to hide.

I can't get this dress off.

Just tell it you work at Google

and you're thinking
of settling down.

Lift it up. Lift it up.
Dump it back there.

Stop!

You put butterscotch Betty down.

Oh, we were just looking
for a price tag.

I know what's going on here.

You're hiding the good dresses

to make sure no one else
can get them

at our annual half-off
sale tomorrow.

Yeah, that's what we're doing.

We're hiding the good dresses.

In fact, I just caught another
sneaky sue.

Oh, I'm Sophie.

Oh, wow, wow, wow.

Oh, look at the color.

That's not color.
That's radiation.

That dress is a one of a kind.

Meaning there's only one?

No, we have two.

And I have two bridesmaids!

I love it when life works out
perfect like this.

[Indistinct chatter]

(Public address announcement)
Ladies, our half off sale will
begin in a minute.

Look at this place.

There are more desperate women
crammed in here

than the splash zone
at a Kenny Chesney concert.

I know. It's like black Friday
at Walmart

and like black Friday, hopefully
someone will trample me.

Cause thanks to these dresses,
my life is over.

Max, did you hear me?

My life is over.

You said that
when the Chinese food place

forgot the duck sauce.

Well, I'm sorry, but I had
a whole other scenario planned

for my return to the times.

"Entrepreneur rises
from the ashes."

Now, I'm just going to be
in the times,

looking like a stupid ash.

Shoot, girl,
just push on through.

I'm pushing, girl.
I am pushing.

(Both)
Excuse us.

Excuse us.

Excuse us.

Just go, girl.

I don't want anybody else
to get those

two yellow dresses.

Max, did you hear that?

Someone has worst taste
than Sophie.

Now we just have to
hang back here

and let them get
to those dresses first.

Yay!
My life is good again.

Max, Caroline, up here.

What was that, like, a second?

I saved you a space upfront.

Come on.

Well, it's over.

As soon as they cut that ribbon,

Sophie's going to
marshawn lynch everyone who

gets in the way
of us and those dresses.

There's only one way out
of this.

And you called it earlier.

You have to let them
trample you.

I'm serious.

I'm not about to be trampled
on purpose.

See if you still feel that way

after I say
these next few words:

"Pictured from left,
Caroline Channing."

Try to fend off any heels
you see heading for my eyes.

Attention, ladies.

As you see,
i have the big scissors,

which can only mean it's time...

To trim some nose hairs!

[Laughter]

That Carl is crazy.

The annual bridal sale...

- Is now...
- Max, hold my hand.

Open!

[All shouting]

Ladies, ladies, one at a time.

Oh!

Well, I may be limping down
the aisle,

but at least I won't be limping
in something swiffer might sell

to dust off ceiling fans.

[Woman screaming]

Oh, my god, girl!
Here she comes!

Here she comes.

My girl, Rhonda,
had that dress first.

Oh, your girl is gonna have to

pry it out of my cold,
dead hands.

Hey, Max, Caroline!

Try it on!

Follow me to the changing room.

(Caroline)
I'm never coming out
in this dress, I'm scared.

(Max)
So on the count of one, two...

Maybe it's not that bad.

(Both)
It's bad.

Okay.
So you're telling me,

versace got murdered,

but no one's taken out
whoever made these?

I know.

I feel like tweety bird
is gonna sue us

for copyright infringement.

I feel like we should have giant
toilet paper rolls under here.

Well, maybe
we'll like these better

when we're out of
this bright light.

Max, we are the bright light.

Ladies, you forgot
the matching hats.

There's more?

Oh, if anyone finds a Xanax,
it's mine.

It was knocked out of my hand
by two women duking it out

over a chintz mermaid dress.

Oh, now it looks good.

There's Xanax on the loose
and I'm just standing here?

At least if I was high, I'd have
an excuse to be wearing this.

Here pilly, pilly.

Here pilly, pilly, pilly.

Girl, for real,
you look like straight up crap

in that dress.

For real.

You white girls can't pull
that color off.

That's a waste of poppin'
lemon yellow.

I know.

I am way too white for this.

She's also too white to say
"turnt up" all the time,

but that hasn't stopped her.

This dress was not my choice.

I hate everything about it.

This is a disaster.

This is "dressageddon."

Yeah, but in a good way.

You two don't want
to wear the dresses.

You don't have to.

But I thought you wanted us
to match

the balloons and the ducks.

Max, she said we don't have to
wear the dress.

Don't question her!

That's like questioning
a prison guard

when he says you're free to go.

Sophie, are you sure
you don't care?

Oh, yeah.
Sure.

Yeah, they're all yours,
destiny's child.

This is ten pounds of ugly junk.

Reminds me of this bartender,
Pete, I used to date.

Come to think of it,
that made me gag, too.

Okay. Done.

[Woman crying]

Listen, crying
in a women's dressing room?

Whoever it is, girl,
big butts are in.

[Crying continues]

That's Sophie's cry.

I know, 'cause
i hear it through the vent

when she watches Nashville.

Sophie?

(Sophie)
No.

Are you okay?

(Sophie)
It's not me,
but I'm okay.

[Sobbing continues]

Sophie, why are you crying?

When I heard what you said
about the dresses...

It's just...

It's almost, kind of like,

you think I have bad taste
or something.

No.

Caroline thinks
you have great taste.

She does?

Well, then she should say so.

Now.

Well, Sophie, I think you have
your own unique style.

And I think...

That I didn't hear
the words "great" or "taste."

Sophie, what do you even care
what I think?

Just say it!

Sophie, I think
you have great taste.

You do?

[Sophie laughs]

Then, what are we doing
sitting here?

Let's go and get those
dresses back!

Come on.
Help me!

Those other girls
already took them.

What?

Well, at least we don't have to
wear those ugly,

yellow bridesmaid dresses
at the wedding.

Yup.
Now, you only have to wear

ugly, yellow dresses here,
every night.

This is the best thing
that's happened to me

since I realized that weird mole
on my arm was just a grape-nut

and not cancer.

Girls, great news.

You stuffed han in the microwave

and you're ready to hit power?

Come on. We've tried.

You know he doesn't fit.

The one thing he's too big for.

No, I got ilia jorbich to be
our wedding photographer.

He's the best photographer
at the Warsaw times.

Well, he's the only one
who still has both arms.

Wait, it's the Warsaw times?

All this time,
I've been thinking

it was the New York times.

New York times?

This is much more exclusive.

You can only get it
in two places.

Poland and the deli in
New Jersey that sells missiles.

This is amazing.

My comeback in
the New York times

has been preserved.

Max, I'm gonna go ahead
and smile.

My life is good again.

Don't smile yet,
'cause Sophie told me

that because you said
she had such good taste,

she's designing our dresses
herself.

What was that, like a second?

Yup. You just went
from the best of times

to the Warsaw times.