All language subtitles for 2.Broke.Girls.S04E12.And.the.Knock.Off.Knockout.1080p.AMZN.WEBRip.DD5.1.x264-CasStudio_track3_[eng]
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1
00:00:02,136 --> 00:00:07,041
Here's your check, Mr. zz
and Mr. top.
2
00:00:07,075 --> 00:00:08,409
Would you like a to-go box,
3
00:00:08,442 --> 00:00:09,410
or are you just gonna put it
in your beard
4
00:00:09,443 --> 00:00:12,446
with the rest of your sandwich?
5
00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:13,781
We're in a beard-growing
contest.
6
00:00:13,814 --> 00:00:14,824
They happen all over
the country.
7
00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:16,250
It's a pretty big deal.
8
00:00:16,284 --> 00:00:17,251
What's first prize?
9
00:00:17,285 --> 00:00:20,388
Blindfold for your girlfriends?
10
00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:23,257
I'm kidding, I know you don't
have girlfriends.
11
00:00:23,291 --> 00:00:25,293
Actually, this level
of hair-art
12
00:00:25,326 --> 00:00:27,428
takes months of hard work
and commitment.
13
00:00:27,461 --> 00:00:32,333
Well, quack, quack,
duck dynasty.
14
00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:36,137
My left armpit
could beat you both.
15
00:00:36,170 --> 00:00:38,439
Let me tell you something
on behalf of women everywhere.
16
00:00:38,472 --> 00:00:41,275
We. Don't. Like. Beards.
17
00:00:41,309 --> 00:00:43,177
Caroline?
Beards?
18
00:00:43,211 --> 00:00:46,280
(Caroline)
I never liked being one.
19
00:00:46,314 --> 00:00:51,285
Ladies, if his name is trace,
get the hell out of there.
20
00:00:51,319 --> 00:00:53,421
See?
So, shave losers.
21
00:00:53,454 --> 00:00:56,624
If you're chinless
or chin-plentiful,
22
00:00:56,657 --> 00:00:58,859
it's better than
what you've got going on.
23
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:02,530
There's your tip,
be generous with mine.
24
00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:05,199
You actually insult people
and then expect them
25
00:01:05,233 --> 00:01:06,500
to give you money?
26
00:01:06,534 --> 00:01:10,104
That's how it works
with you and me.
27
00:01:10,138 --> 00:01:12,206
(peter bjorn and John)
* ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
28
00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:13,741
[cash register bell dings]
29
00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:17,378
* ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh *
30
00:01:22,883 --> 00:01:24,452
thanks.
31
00:01:24,485 --> 00:01:26,587
Everyone's loving our new
cupcake t-shirts.
32
00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:28,456
I've sold four in the last hour.
33
00:01:28,489 --> 00:01:32,593
Three more and we can afford
that towel we've had our eye on.
34
00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:33,861
These t-shirts keep selling.
35
00:01:33,894 --> 00:01:35,429
That means more money.
36
00:01:35,463 --> 00:01:38,166
Mo' means mo' success.
37
00:01:38,199 --> 00:01:39,567
Mo' success?
38
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:43,304
I think I dated his cousin, les.
39
00:01:43,337 --> 00:01:46,240
Hey, everybody.
40
00:01:46,274 --> 00:01:48,242
Mind if I stop for a breather?
41
00:01:48,276 --> 00:01:52,213
I've been "briding" my ass off.
42
00:01:52,246 --> 00:01:54,482
Sophie, are those all your
bridal magazines?
43
00:01:54,515 --> 00:01:55,783
That's only half.
44
00:01:55,816 --> 00:01:57,851
Come on, Oleg!
45
00:01:57,885 --> 00:02:00,654
Look, if those are too heavy,
how are you going to be able
46
00:02:00,688 --> 00:02:05,326
to push the wedding donkey
down the aisle?
47
00:02:05,359 --> 00:02:06,827
Wedding donkey?
48
00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:09,630
My excitement level for this
wedding just skyrocketed.
49
00:02:09,663 --> 00:02:11,365
Relax, Sophie.
50
00:02:11,399 --> 00:02:14,402
If I know how to do anything,
it's how to move an ass.
51
00:02:14,435 --> 00:02:16,937
That's true.
Yeah.
52
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:21,375
Wow, you're carrying more heavy
issues than Amanda bynes.
53
00:02:21,409 --> 00:02:23,544
Look at all these.
Beautiful bride,
54
00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:25,346
modern bride, city bride?
55
00:02:25,379 --> 00:02:28,582
And do you really need
African American bride?
56
00:02:28,616 --> 00:02:31,785
Well, I haven't ruled out
cornrows.
57
00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:33,821
Cornrows and a donkey?
58
00:02:33,854 --> 00:02:38,292
Rsvp yes.
59
00:02:38,326 --> 00:02:39,293
Oh, yeah.
60
00:02:39,327 --> 00:02:42,896
This one's hot.
61
00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:45,233
Save that one for later.
62
00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:47,735
Oh, I forgot I'm getting
married.
63
00:02:47,768 --> 00:02:49,237
Keep her.
64
00:02:49,270 --> 00:02:52,640
I might need a Tuesday off.
65
00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:54,818
Sophie, why don't you get some
help from your maid of honor?
66
00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:55,809
I will kill you.
67
00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:57,645
Or a wedding planner?
68
00:02:57,678 --> 00:03:02,816
Oh, Sophie, my cousin, Svetlana,
is a wedding planner.
69
00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:06,420
Okay, but she better be good.
70
00:03:06,454 --> 00:03:11,459
Because I want everything
to be perfect on my big day.
71
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,395
Our big day.
72
00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:20,301
Yeah. Sure.
73
00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:22,303
I can't believe this.
74
00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:23,713
They're getting married and
i don't have a wedding donkey
75
00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:26,940
anywhere on my horizon.
76
00:03:26,974 --> 00:03:29,843
OMG, you sell these t-shirts?
77
00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:31,712
I just bought one.
78
00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:33,981
Did I jut sell you that shirt
and already forgot?
79
00:03:34,014 --> 00:03:35,449
I knew that nine-cent deodorant
80
00:03:35,483 --> 00:03:38,586
was going to give me
brain lesions.
81
00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:40,554
Well, the label did have
a picture of a brain
82
00:03:40,588 --> 00:03:44,325
with "no bueno" written on it.
83
00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:46,460
No, I bought it at a store
in Manhattan
84
00:03:46,494 --> 00:03:48,329
on east ninth and Broadway.
85
00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:50,564
I know because I'm ocd
and it was 67 steps
86
00:03:50,598 --> 00:03:54,302
and 14 sidewalk cracks
from the corner.
87
00:03:54,335 --> 00:03:56,570
Max, someone else is selling
our shirts.
88
00:03:56,604 --> 00:03:57,971
I know.
89
00:03:58,005 --> 00:04:01,642
We're getting hosed
by some other hoes.
90
00:04:04,512 --> 00:04:06,647
I can't believe they stole
our shirt.
91
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:09,783
The one thing we made that
people actually wanted to buy.
92
00:04:09,817 --> 00:04:11,952
I feel like MySpace.
93
00:04:11,985 --> 00:04:14,422
I haven't seen anything
this upsetting in a window
94
00:04:14,455 --> 00:04:16,400
since that time I accidentally
caught a reflection
95
00:04:16,424 --> 00:04:21,028
of myself in my
waitress uniform.
96
00:04:21,061 --> 00:04:22,496
We need to talk to someone
97
00:04:22,530 --> 00:04:23,807
about those damn shirts
you jacked.
98
00:04:23,831 --> 00:04:25,299
We about to rumble.
99
00:04:25,333 --> 00:04:27,301
What she means is,
we wish to speak to someone
100
00:04:27,335 --> 00:04:29,503
about the adorable
cupcake t-shirts in the window.
101
00:04:29,537 --> 00:04:32,506
Or, we will be about to rumble.
102
00:04:32,540 --> 00:04:34,508
I'm just working here
till I get my phd
103
00:04:34,542 --> 00:04:37,945
in the eco-social dynamics
of western civilization.
104
00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:39,980
So, forever?
105
00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:41,682
Those t-shirts are our design
106
00:04:41,715 --> 00:04:42,959
and we need to know why
they're here
107
00:04:42,983 --> 00:04:44,818
and who knocked them off.
108
00:04:44,852 --> 00:04:46,796
It's the granddaughter
of the woman who owns this shop.
109
00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:49,590
She's kind of a monster
and she's walking in right now.
110
00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:51,459
Hi, kemberly and ashlin.
111
00:04:51,492 --> 00:04:53,102
These ladies are interested
in your t-shirts.
112
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:54,462
Aren't they cute?
113
00:04:54,495 --> 00:04:55,463
So cute.
114
00:04:55,496 --> 00:04:57,064
Yeah, super cute.
115
00:04:57,097 --> 00:04:58,332
We designed them.
116
00:04:58,366 --> 00:05:00,668
Yeah, we designed them.
117
00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:01,669
What?
118
00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:03,437
Yeah, what?
119
00:05:03,471 --> 00:05:05,473
Ashlin and Kimberly, is it?
120
00:05:05,506 --> 00:05:07,441
It's kemberly, with an "e."
121
00:05:07,475 --> 00:05:09,710
I changed it myself
'cause I'm original.
122
00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:12,380
Yeah, she's an original.
123
00:05:12,413 --> 00:05:14,482
You know what's not original?
124
00:05:14,515 --> 00:05:16,817
Those shirts.
You stole them from us.
125
00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:18,652
We did not steal your idea.
126
00:05:18,686 --> 00:05:20,954
Yeah, we did not steal
your idea.
127
00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:25,493
We copied it from this lame
cupcake shop in Brooklyn.
128
00:05:25,526 --> 00:05:27,895
Wait a minute...
129
00:05:27,928 --> 00:05:31,999
We have a lame cupcake shop
in Brooklyn.
130
00:05:32,032 --> 00:05:34,868
Ashlin, you talk too much.
131
00:05:34,902 --> 00:05:36,937
This is why everyone knows
about my lap-band.
132
00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:39,082
I think they know about it
because you lost 200 pounds
133
00:05:39,106 --> 00:05:41,875
over spring break.
134
00:05:41,909 --> 00:05:45,446
It's hard to believe she was
once twice this obnoxious.
135
00:05:45,479 --> 00:05:46,856
If you don't stop selling
our t-shirts,
136
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:48,716
we're gonna have to get
our lawyer involved.
137
00:05:48,749 --> 00:05:51,719
Yeah, we're gonna have to get
our lawyer involved.
138
00:05:51,752 --> 00:05:54,755
And he's gonna kill you.
139
00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:57,591
I don't know what lawyers do.
140
00:05:57,625 --> 00:05:59,860
We're totally not
doing this for us.
141
00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:00,861
We're rich.
142
00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:02,730
Yeah, we're rich.
143
00:06:02,763 --> 00:06:04,874
A percentage of every shirt
that we sell goes to charity.
144
00:06:04,898 --> 00:06:07,635
Yeah, it goes to charity.
145
00:06:07,668 --> 00:06:11,705
We are the charity
that it needs to go to.
146
00:06:11,739 --> 00:06:13,474
You're old and desperate
for money.
147
00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:15,108
And I totally get it.
148
00:06:15,142 --> 00:06:17,020
My aunt's one of the
real housewives of New York.
149
00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:19,012
But, sorry.
150
00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:24,452
It's the one without the leg.
151
00:06:24,485 --> 00:06:25,919
What just happened here?
152
00:06:25,953 --> 00:06:27,455
That girl just called you old.
153
00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:37,064
Earl, I don't think I'm going
to be buying you that pinky ring
154
00:06:37,097 --> 00:06:40,934
you wanted any time soon.
155
00:06:40,968 --> 00:06:43,203
No rush Max,
you got plenty of time.
156
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:48,909
I got like, six or seven months
before I turn to dust.
157
00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:50,911
It's 'cause our t-shirts
got ripped off
158
00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:53,146
by a couple of prep school
girls in Manhattan.
159
00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:55,949
It's like a bad 80's movie.
160
00:06:55,983 --> 00:06:57,851
I don't know whether to
date James spader
161
00:06:57,885 --> 00:07:03,457
or teach this town how to dance.
162
00:07:03,491 --> 00:07:04,892
This is so unfair.
163
00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:06,627
Those girls can't just steal
from us.
164
00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:09,763
This isn't 7-Eleven.
165
00:07:09,797 --> 00:07:12,666
Max, I can't believe
your naiveté.
166
00:07:12,700 --> 00:07:16,637
What does my body spray
have to do with anything?
167
00:07:16,670 --> 00:07:18,872
Look, there is no reason
to be so upset
168
00:07:18,906 --> 00:07:20,508
about those two girls.
169
00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:22,118
They're not going
to affect our business.
170
00:07:22,142 --> 00:07:24,244
Plus, they have to live
with themselves.
171
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:26,013
And Karma is a bitch.
172
00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:31,585
I mean, I littered once
and look what happened to me.
173
00:07:31,619 --> 00:07:35,589
Hey, everybody.
174
00:07:35,623 --> 00:07:40,561
I'm up to my nuts
in bridal junk.
175
00:07:40,594 --> 00:07:41,562
[Bell dings]
176
00:07:41,595 --> 00:07:42,630
There she is.
177
00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:43,897
The love of my life.
178
00:07:43,931 --> 00:07:45,499
The yin to my Yang.
179
00:07:45,533 --> 00:07:49,670
The zing to my wang.
180
00:07:49,703 --> 00:07:53,641
Save that gold for the vows.
181
00:07:53,674 --> 00:07:55,976
I am Svetlana, Oleg's cousin.
182
00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:57,711
Well, darling,
it could be worse.
183
00:07:57,745 --> 00:08:00,714
You could be his sister.
184
00:08:00,748 --> 00:08:02,716
Svetty!
185
00:08:02,750 --> 00:08:05,653
And you must be Sophie.
186
00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:07,120
Yeah.
187
00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:10,558
No.
188
00:08:10,591 --> 00:08:13,126
But you haven't even heard
any ideas.
189
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:16,864
Caroline.
190
00:08:16,897 --> 00:08:18,732
Sophie, why did you
just say my name?
191
00:08:18,766 --> 00:08:21,702
Oh, it's Oleg's
and my safe word.
192
00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:29,610
Yeah.
It means no.
193
00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:34,615
It's the one word we both agreed
we would never say during sex.
194
00:08:36,283 --> 00:08:37,951
Are you sure?
195
00:08:37,985 --> 00:08:42,756
Because I give free oil change
with every wedding.
196
00:08:42,790 --> 00:08:47,027
Caroline.
197
00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:52,099
All right, well,
I'll be in my booth.
198
00:08:52,132 --> 00:08:55,769
You know, this wedding planner
thing is as crappy as the movie
199
00:08:55,803 --> 00:08:59,640
of the same name.
200
00:08:59,673 --> 00:09:01,942
Girls, I forgot to tell you,
201
00:09:01,975 --> 00:09:04,778
a man came by today
with this letter for you.
202
00:09:04,812 --> 00:09:10,217
This reminds me of when
i was a young, hot-shot courier.
203
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:13,086
I was a young, hot-shot courier
once, too.
204
00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:17,791
I used to deliver drugs to my
mother at work on my tricycle.
205
00:09:17,825 --> 00:09:19,927
Oh, my god, Max,
you're not gonna believe this,
206
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:23,196
but those two girls have issued
a cease and desist order.
207
00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:24,197
Those bitches.
208
00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:26,133
What's that?
209
00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:29,136
They're saying we have to stop
selling our t-shirts.
210
00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:30,847
That's what I told them
we were going to do.
211
00:09:30,871 --> 00:09:32,740
They even copied this idea.
212
00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:34,608
We need to get a lawyer.
213
00:09:34,642 --> 00:09:38,612
How? We can't even afford
law & order on iTunes.
214
00:09:38,646 --> 00:09:39,823
Hey, do you think we could
afford that lawyer
215
00:09:39,847 --> 00:09:41,381
on the subway billboards?
216
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:45,619
The one who has a gavel in one
hand and a chicken in the other?
217
00:09:45,653 --> 00:09:50,123
I think he just does acidentes.
218
00:09:50,157 --> 00:09:51,825
What is going on here?
219
00:09:51,859 --> 00:09:53,293
There's food waiting
in the window,
220
00:09:53,326 --> 00:09:55,362
periodicals strewn about.
221
00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:58,632
Someone's on his periodical.
222
00:09:58,666 --> 00:10:00,033
Han, we just got served.
223
00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:04,271
At least someone
in the diner has.
224
00:10:04,304 --> 00:10:06,707
You're lucky your boss
is so chill.
225
00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:11,144
Of course you're chill, you're
one of Mr. popper's penguins.
226
00:10:15,783 --> 00:10:17,184
How about this?
227
00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:19,753
We'll do the jobs
you already pay us for
228
00:10:19,787 --> 00:10:22,022
if you agree to pretend
to be our lawyer.
229
00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:23,256
You have a suit, right?
230
00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:24,858
Why would I pretend
to be a lawyer?
231
00:10:24,892 --> 00:10:29,396
You can't even pretend
to be waitresses.
232
00:10:29,429 --> 00:10:32,733
No one's gonna believe
han's our lawyer, anyway.
233
00:10:32,766 --> 00:10:37,404
He can't pass the bar,
he can barely see over one.
234
00:10:37,437 --> 00:10:40,407
That's it! I've had it with you
two and your non-work ethic.
235
00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:42,175
And this area is for customers.
236
00:10:42,209 --> 00:10:44,044
I want these out of here!
237
00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:48,415
(Max)
Ow!
238
00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:49,817
Uh-oh.
239
00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:52,886
Max?
240
00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:56,056
I suppose I could dig up a suit
if that could, somehow,
241
00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:59,259
make this boss striking
his employee thing go away.
242
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:07,868
Max, of course these girls
go to dalby hall,
243
00:11:07,901 --> 00:11:09,436
all my archenemies did.
244
00:11:09,469 --> 00:11:13,006
I guess lady gaga won
in the end, though.
245
00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:17,010
In other news,
i kind of like this eye-patch.
246
00:11:17,044 --> 00:11:18,846
I know you do,
you were pretending to be
247
00:11:18,879 --> 00:11:21,414
the pirate queen of the subway.
248
00:11:21,448 --> 00:11:25,418
Well, no one arrrrrgued with us.
249
00:11:25,452 --> 00:11:28,055
How long did the eye doctor
say you have to keep it on?
250
00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:30,290
And by eye doctor, I mean
that first-year med student
251
00:11:30,323 --> 00:11:32,926
we gave the free dessert to.
252
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,195
A few days, which is a bummer,
'cause only seeing half
253
00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:39,466
of how sad we are
is kind of a blessing.
254
00:11:39,499 --> 00:11:41,134
How are we gonna find them?
255
00:11:41,168 --> 00:11:44,805
Follow the scent of our decaying
t-shirts business?
256
00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:47,407
According to instagram,
they're in the cafeteria, see?
257
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,910
Ashlin just posted a pic
of a mini-pizza.
258
00:11:49,943 --> 00:11:53,513
♪ Thatpizzalife
259
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:56,216
they have mini-pizzas
here?
260
00:11:56,249 --> 00:11:59,820
My high school
didn't even have heat.
261
00:11:59,853 --> 00:12:01,364
Sorry I'm late.
I had to pick up a suit
262
00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:02,990
at the men's warehouse.
263
00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:07,260
Don't you mean
the not quite a man's warehouse?
264
00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:10,463
Han, I love your lawyer costume.
So authentic.
265
00:12:10,497 --> 00:12:13,500
Only thing missing is the hole
where your soul should be.
266
00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:16,003
Well, as I always say, if you're
going to do something...
267
00:12:16,036 --> 00:12:21,975
Do it with your left hand so it
will feel like someone else?
268
00:12:22,009 --> 00:12:25,378
No, if you're going to do
something, do it right.
269
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:28,849
Last Halloween, I went as sprout
from the green giant commercial
270
00:12:28,882 --> 00:12:33,086
and I even put pea pods
over my pee-pee.
271
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:35,956
You laugh, but I won $500.
272
00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:38,425
Okay, I created my own
cease and desist order.
273
00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:40,360
Where did you get this?
274
00:12:40,393 --> 00:12:41,995
Same place Max printed
out that fake,
275
00:12:42,029 --> 00:12:44,264
"i don't have herpes"
doctor certificate.
276
00:12:44,297 --> 00:12:46,366
It works.
277
00:12:46,399 --> 00:12:49,136
And here's your business card.
278
00:12:49,169 --> 00:12:50,503
Where?
Where is it?
279
00:12:50,537 --> 00:12:53,506
I can't see.
280
00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:57,210
Here. And han, I hope
you're a better actor than Max.
281
00:12:57,244 --> 00:13:01,581
Dwayne "the rock" Johnson
is a better actor than Max.
282
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:02,916
Mr. lu su?
283
00:13:02,950 --> 00:13:03,917
That's what you came up with?
284
00:13:03,951 --> 00:13:06,019
Mr. lu su?
285
00:13:06,053 --> 00:13:11,191
Well, you're a lawyer, so the
"su" part is totally on point.
286
00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:12,525
But lu su?
287
00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:14,928
No Asian was ever named that.
288
00:13:14,962 --> 00:13:17,230
Maybe not in this galaxy,
289
00:13:17,264 --> 00:13:23,070
but might I remind you
of a Mr. sulu.
290
00:13:23,103 --> 00:13:27,240
Oh, yeah. I mixed it up.
Genius!
291
00:13:27,274 --> 00:13:29,042
Han, you don't have to
use the cards.
292
00:13:29,076 --> 00:13:30,410
I can make it work.
293
00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:32,279
Two halloweens ago,
i was an ewok
294
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:36,183
and turned an orange bath-towel
into a turban.
295
00:13:36,216 --> 00:13:38,919
Second place. $250.
296
00:13:38,952 --> 00:13:39,920
And next Halloween,
you can wear that
297
00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:43,056
and goes as a lesbian minister.
298
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:48,896
Okay, so the plan is,
we go in there
299
00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:50,931
and calmly confront them
with our attorney.
300
00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:52,299
I'll do the talking.
301
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:54,401
Han, you stand there
and try to look smart.
302
00:13:54,434 --> 00:14:00,007
Ah. I'm already Asian.
So, done.
303
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:03,010
[Indistinct chatter]
304
00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:05,946
Wow, this brings me back.
305
00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:08,615
I had a seat at the popular
table, the debate team table,
306
00:14:08,648 --> 00:14:10,083
the student council table,
307
00:14:10,117 --> 00:14:12,052
and the waiting for marriage
table.
308
00:14:12,085 --> 00:14:13,329
But that table
kind of fell apart
309
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:15,622
when everybody
got pregnant but me.
310
00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:19,492
I ate in the school
parking lot with a wino.
311
00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:22,629
He was so nice to me,
i thought he might be my dad.
312
00:14:22,662 --> 00:14:24,231
But then he never made
a move on me,
313
00:14:24,264 --> 00:14:26,366
so I guess he wasn't.
314
00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:28,501
(Kemberly)
Attention everyone, attention.
315
00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:31,571
Yeah, attention everyone,
attention.
316
00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:34,641
Ashlin and I are here today
to sell our t-shirts
317
00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:38,045
and to talk about bullying
and how it's not cool.
318
00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:39,379
It's so not cool.
319
00:14:39,412 --> 00:14:41,381
I was talking, ash.
320
00:14:41,414 --> 00:14:44,517
Yeah, she was talking.
321
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:47,087
Their charity is bullying?
322
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:52,259
That's like kanye west trying
to raise money for laying low.
323
00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:55,262
A $3 donation will be made
to our anti-bullying fund
324
00:14:55,295 --> 00:14:58,265
with each purchase of one
of our super, super cute tees.
325
00:14:58,298 --> 00:15:01,001
Super, super cute tees.
326
00:15:01,034 --> 00:15:03,070
My super cute tee!
327
00:15:03,103 --> 00:15:04,671
Best idea I ever had.
328
00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:06,940
Right up there with the bong
with a chin strap
329
00:15:06,974 --> 00:15:10,443
so you could be hands-free
to change the channel.
330
00:15:10,477 --> 00:15:13,180
So buy a shirt right now
and then we'll be back later
331
00:15:13,213 --> 00:15:15,415
for the rest of the anti-bully
talk.
332
00:15:15,448 --> 00:15:17,450
Yeah, buy them
or my dad won't pay
333
00:15:17,484 --> 00:15:20,053
for the lacrosse
equipment this year.
334
00:15:24,091 --> 00:15:26,426
Let's go.
They are making a fortune on us.
335
00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:30,497
And if I'm gonna get screwed,
it better be by someone over 21
336
00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:33,733
yeah, that sounds like a job
with a two drink minimum.
337
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:38,038
Han, don't mess this up or
you'll be eating those glasses.
338
00:15:38,071 --> 00:15:41,641
Might I interest you
in an anti-bullying pamphlet?
339
00:15:41,674 --> 00:15:44,577
Might I interest you in a seat
on my finger?
340
00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:47,247
Hey, how did you two
get in here?
341
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,616
The school pays guards out front
to keep out the homeless.
342
00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:51,518
Yeah, well, jokes on you.
343
00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:54,721
'Cause they just let us walk in.
344
00:15:54,754 --> 00:15:57,257
Hello, girls.
You can "cease and desist"
345
00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:59,292
selling our t-shirts as of now.
346
00:15:59,326 --> 00:16:01,261
This is our attorney, Mr....
347
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:02,729
Lu su.
348
00:16:02,762 --> 00:16:05,065
And he is holding our
cease and desist
349
00:16:05,098 --> 00:16:08,535
to counter your
cease and desist.
350
00:16:08,568 --> 00:16:10,737
Okay, well, first,
your lawyer looks like a teacher
351
00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:13,406
on a Disney show.
352
00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:16,476
Is that a bad thing?
353
00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:17,786
And if you have anything
further to say,
354
00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:20,180
you can take it up
with my lawyer. Her dad.
355
00:16:20,213 --> 00:16:21,781
And he's real good.
356
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:25,385
He got that ceo guy who admitted
he killed his whole family
357
00:16:25,418 --> 00:16:27,787
out on a technicality.
358
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:29,722
I forgot how mean girls can be.
359
00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:32,625
How? I'm your roommate.
360
00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:35,395
Thank you, kemberly.
Thank you, ashlin.
361
00:16:39,099 --> 00:16:40,099
A little help.
362
00:16:46,206 --> 00:16:49,576
Hello, girls,
you all look very nice.
363
00:16:49,609 --> 00:16:51,511
What is he doing?
364
00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:55,282
Hopefully a tight ten and then
he'll bring up the headliner.
365
00:16:55,315 --> 00:16:57,250
This may be hard to believe,
looking at me
366
00:16:57,284 --> 00:16:59,152
in this totally awesome suit,
367
00:16:59,186 --> 00:17:02,155
but I know a little something
about being bullied.
368
00:17:02,189 --> 00:17:03,490
As a little child...
369
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:06,259
And as a slightly bigger adult.
370
00:17:06,293 --> 00:17:09,496
Seriously? In the middle of his
bullying speech, your bullying?
371
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:12,832
Kind of surprised even myself.
372
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:14,834
I have someone who bullies me.
373
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:17,770
Okay, let's get out
of here while I can.
374
00:17:17,804 --> 00:17:20,440
It's not just the hitting
and the name-calling.
375
00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:23,543
Although, not gonna lie,
that's a real bummer.
376
00:17:23,576 --> 00:17:26,679
You see, girls, the bad thing
about being bullied
377
00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:30,717
is that every time it happens,
it steals a little piece
378
00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:32,385
of who you are.
379
00:17:32,419 --> 00:17:36,289
And then, if it happens enough,
little by little,
380
00:17:36,323 --> 00:17:41,194
you become just a little less
of who you were meant to be.
381
00:17:41,228 --> 00:17:42,795
And that's not cool.
382
00:17:42,829 --> 00:17:45,132
And these two girls up here,
without knowing it, I'm sure,
383
00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:48,535
stole a little piece
of Max and Caroline.
384
00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:51,304
When they stole
their little idea.
385
00:17:51,338 --> 00:17:53,706
And that's so not cool.
386
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:56,843
Yeah, that's so not cool.
387
00:17:56,876 --> 00:17:59,612
Max, Caroline,
we'll stop making the shirts.
388
00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:01,248
Ash, I never said that.
389
00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:03,750
Ah, no, kemberly.
I did.
390
00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:06,653
And I liked you more
before the lap-band.
391
00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:09,256
When you were still Kimberly
with an "i."
392
00:18:09,289 --> 00:18:11,224
[Gasping]
393
00:18:12,725 --> 00:18:15,662
[Cheering]
394
00:18:21,168 --> 00:18:24,404
Max, did han just save us?
395
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:26,206
I wasn't listening,
i was putting mini-pizzas
396
00:18:26,239 --> 00:18:27,640
in my pocket.
397
00:18:36,183 --> 00:18:39,186
Girls, your shift started
40 minutes ago.
398
00:18:39,219 --> 00:18:43,356
What are you doing here
so early?
399
00:18:43,390 --> 00:18:46,226
Earl, good news.
We are now the sole owners
400
00:18:46,259 --> 00:18:48,361
of all those cupcake t-shirts.
401
00:18:48,395 --> 00:18:51,331
And, literally, nothing else.
402
00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:53,433
Maybe I could rent a parrot
and pick up some shifts
403
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:55,768
at long John silver's.
404
00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:57,337
Hey, girls.
405
00:18:57,370 --> 00:18:59,372
I'm about to meet
another wedding planner.
406
00:18:59,406 --> 00:19:01,474
And this one's gonna be good!
407
00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:04,611
He's gay.
408
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,513
Sophie kuchenski?
409
00:19:06,546 --> 00:19:08,748
Yes, god!
410
00:19:08,781 --> 00:19:11,184
From the second I walked
in here, I said to myself,
411
00:19:11,218 --> 00:19:13,586
"that has to be her."
And I can see it.
412
00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:18,925
We're going to make
magic together.
413
00:19:18,958 --> 00:19:23,630
Yeah, what's gay for no?
414
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:27,267
Okay.
415
00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:31,304
Wow, I think we just survived
a "torgaydo."
416
00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:36,943
Where am I gonna find another
gay wedding planner
417
00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:41,681
in New York now?
418
00:19:41,714 --> 00:19:43,292
Just throw a tantrum
in a crate & barrel,
419
00:19:43,316 --> 00:19:48,555
and five of them
will come running.
420
00:19:48,588 --> 00:19:51,424
Hey, nice legal work today.
421
00:19:51,458 --> 00:19:55,228
You should be on the
little people's court.
422
00:19:55,262 --> 00:19:59,432
Yeah, from now on,
I'm calling you "hanny Cochran."
423
00:19:59,466 --> 00:20:01,568
Okay.
Next time you want to thank me,
424
00:20:01,601 --> 00:20:03,836
just send me
an edible arrangement.
425
00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:07,440
I don't know many times
i have to drop that hint.
426
00:20:07,474 --> 00:20:12,912
But that's just, like,
a two-inch drop.
427
00:20:12,945 --> 00:20:15,448
Sorry.
I can't help myself.
428
00:20:15,482 --> 00:20:18,418
But I'm going to try because
i know I was the bully
429
00:20:18,451 --> 00:20:20,720
you were talking about
in that speech.
430
00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:24,557
What? I was talking about
the doorwoman in my building.
431
00:20:24,591 --> 00:20:25,668
I have to submit
to a purple-nurple
432
00:20:25,692 --> 00:20:29,529
just to get my mail.
433
00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:31,698
There's another woman?
434
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:35,402
Max, I think han
has a side bully.
435
00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:37,570
Well, I'll just have
to try harder.
436
00:20:37,604 --> 00:20:40,340
Because if anyone is gonna
mercilessly nurple you
437
00:20:40,373 --> 00:20:44,577
into an early grave,
it's got to be me.
438
00:20:44,611 --> 00:20:47,013
I'd like to think so, Max.
439
00:20:47,046 --> 00:20:51,718
You'd also like to ride
in a car facing forwards.
440
00:20:53,653 --> 00:20:54,721
Back to normal.
32613