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1
00:00:01,635 --> 00:00:03,104
It's payday!
2
00:00:03,137 --> 00:00:04,614
And I'm not talking
about the delicious
3
00:00:04,638 --> 00:00:06,807
little treat with nuts.
4
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:10,611
Han, not cool to brag
about yourself.
5
00:00:10,644 --> 00:00:15,683
Here, Max, maybe you can use
the money to buy a new attitude.
6
00:00:15,716 --> 00:00:17,251
"New attitude"?
7
00:00:17,285 --> 00:00:21,622
Isn't that the name
of the boy band you're in?
8
00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:23,657
And Oleg, you'll notice
i docked your pay
9
00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:25,826
'cause you didn't even come
in yesterday.
10
00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:29,463
I told you,
i was working from home.
11
00:00:29,497 --> 00:00:32,500
There you go, Earl.
Don't spend it all in one place.
12
00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:36,404
You think you pay me enough
to spend it in two places?
13
00:00:36,437 --> 00:00:41,709
Oh, my god, this is less than
it cost me to get here today.
14
00:00:41,742 --> 00:00:44,312
And i walked.
15
00:00:44,345 --> 00:00:45,346
I know.
16
00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:46,847
That's all i made?
17
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:49,483
What is this,
"12 years a waitress"?
18
00:00:49,517 --> 00:00:54,422
With you it's more like
"12 beers a shift."
19
00:00:54,455 --> 00:00:59,393
So many words,
so little everything else.
20
00:00:59,427 --> 00:01:01,695
(peter bjorn and John)
* ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
21
00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:03,131
[cash register bell dings]
22
00:01:03,164 --> 00:01:06,500
* ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh *
23
00:01:15,643 --> 00:01:16,710
[thud]
Man: Whoa!
24
00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:18,179
[Caroline gasps]
Not the face!
25
00:01:18,212 --> 00:01:20,348
Not my beautiful face!
26
00:01:20,381 --> 00:01:21,615
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
27
00:01:21,649 --> 00:01:24,418
I warn you,
i was in the nutcracker suite.
28
00:01:24,452 --> 00:01:25,853
What's that mean?
This!
29
00:01:25,886 --> 00:01:26,886
[Groans]
30
00:01:28,389 --> 00:01:30,124
Don't worry Max, i handled it.
31
00:01:30,158 --> 00:01:35,196
Yeah, i just handled it too.
That's my Booty call.
32
00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:37,531
Are you telling me you know him?
33
00:01:37,565 --> 00:01:38,866
No, i don't know him.
34
00:01:38,899 --> 00:01:42,270
He just comes over for sex
on Tuesday nights.
35
00:01:42,303 --> 00:01:43,537
Do you need help up?
36
00:01:43,571 --> 00:01:46,240
Not yet, I'm still crying
a little.
37
00:01:47,408 --> 00:01:48,509
Okay, up you go.
38
00:01:48,542 --> 00:01:49,577
Walk it off.
39
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:50,578
[Groans]
40
00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:52,713
Yeah, i bet that hurts.
41
00:01:52,746 --> 00:01:56,350
Nice going Caroline.
You ruined the best part.
42
00:01:56,384 --> 00:01:59,620
Hi, I'm Caroline, the roommate
and prima ballerina.
43
00:01:59,653 --> 00:02:02,223
Sorry about your sugar plums.
44
00:02:02,256 --> 00:02:03,224
Sebastian.
45
00:02:03,257 --> 00:02:04,892
Ba-ba-ba!
No names! No names!
46
00:02:04,925 --> 00:02:06,927
Uh, Caroline, you want a soda?
47
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:10,364
We have soda?
48
00:02:10,398 --> 00:02:12,200
No, we don't have soda!
49
00:02:12,233 --> 00:02:14,168
Why are you asking him his name?
50
00:02:14,202 --> 00:02:16,246
He doesn't wanna know my name
and i don't wanna know his.
51
00:02:16,270 --> 00:02:18,606
Hey, mind if i use
your bathroom?
52
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,808
I need to check on the boys.
53
00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:22,810
See if they're girls.
54
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:28,482
How do you not know the name
of the guy you're intimate with?
55
00:02:28,516 --> 00:02:30,551
"Intimate"?
56
00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:31,961
Max, there are certain things
you have to know
57
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:35,756
about the guy you're engaging
in sexual congress with.
58
00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:39,260
Only you can make sex boring.
59
00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:42,896
Well, not too bad.
60
00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:45,633
One's okay and the other one
left on crutches.
61
00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:46,800
Later.
62
00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:48,302
Sebastian, wait.
63
00:02:48,336 --> 00:02:49,670
This is Max black.
64
00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:51,505
Max, this is Sebastian.
65
00:02:51,539 --> 00:02:52,940
Nice to meet you, Max.
66
00:02:52,973 --> 00:02:55,343
Yeah, nice to meet you too.
67
00:02:55,376 --> 00:02:58,279
And you can just call me
what you usually do.
68
00:02:58,312 --> 00:03:00,381
"Oh, god."
69
00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:07,355
Hey is that a new shirt, Earl?
70
00:03:07,388 --> 00:03:12,660
Why, yes it is, Max.
I just got it in 1987.
71
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:15,663
[Text message ding]
72
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,465
Oh, great!
Look at this text.
73
00:03:17,498 --> 00:03:21,535
It's from the guy
whose sperm count you lowered.
74
00:03:21,569 --> 00:03:23,871
His name is Sebastian.
75
00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:26,006
Oh, he's inviting you
to come see him dj.
76
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:28,509
Oh, damn it! I told you
i didn't wanna know anything
77
00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:31,945
about him,
and now i know he's a dj.
78
00:03:31,979 --> 00:03:36,417
Which means he unemployed,
so points for that.
79
00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:38,519
So what are you gonna text
him back?
80
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:39,720
Nothing!
81
00:03:39,753 --> 00:03:41,265
The only back-and-forth
i want from this guy
82
00:03:41,289 --> 00:03:44,458
is on his back
and for the fourth time.
83
00:03:44,492 --> 00:03:46,360
The best sex is secret sex.
84
00:03:46,394 --> 00:03:50,364
Then maybe don't talk
about it while I'm eating.
85
00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:54,568
Well, i have a sexy secret.
86
00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:56,304
A crush on a girl.
87
00:03:56,337 --> 00:03:57,805
Oleg, we all know it's me.
88
00:03:57,838 --> 00:04:01,742
That sweat-pant salute
never lies.
89
00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:03,877
Not you.
Don't kid yourself.
90
00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:06,914
You couldn't handle
this beast in the sheets.
91
00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:10,318
I could totally handle you
in the sheets, Oleg.
92
00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:12,920
What are you fighting for,
Caroline?
93
00:04:14,555 --> 00:04:19,026
Hey, everybody!
94
00:04:19,059 --> 00:04:20,794
All right, weather report:
95
00:04:20,828 --> 00:04:25,466
I just came back from a date and
it's raining losers out there.
96
00:04:25,499 --> 00:04:29,002
There's my sexy, sexy,
secret crush.
97
00:04:29,036 --> 00:04:31,572
Who, Sophie?
Not so secret.
98
00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:36,043
You two have already done it in
every public space in Brooklyn.
99
00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:39,780
Yeah, and your apartment, twice.
100
00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:42,750
What?
We didn't even wake you!
101
00:04:46,354 --> 00:04:48,556
Sophie, baby,
102
00:04:48,589 --> 00:04:50,558
I've been looking
for the perfect woman
103
00:04:50,591 --> 00:04:54,828
and it turns out, what i want
is in my own back door.
104
00:04:54,862 --> 00:04:56,997
Backyard.
105
00:04:57,030 --> 00:05:00,734
I think you're both right.
106
00:05:00,768 --> 00:05:02,770
I hear your truck pull up.
107
00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:07,875
But I'm not sure i wanna sign
for your package anymore.
108
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:09,810
I knew you were going
to say that.
109
00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:12,746
So as a reminder,
I've created a sizzle reel
110
00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:15,449
of our best sex.
111
00:05:15,483 --> 00:05:19,687
So it's an stdvd?
112
00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:21,722
It's the extended version.
113
00:05:21,755 --> 00:05:24,091
Uncut, as you know.
114
00:05:24,124 --> 00:05:29,430
That's it, cancel my brownie!
115
00:05:29,463 --> 00:05:30,464
Sizzle reel?
116
00:05:30,498 --> 00:05:34,935
I'll watch it tonight
while i eat my fajitas.
117
00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:36,970
[Text message dings]
118
00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:39,106
Max, you just got another text
from Sebastian.
119
00:05:39,139 --> 00:05:41,008
Who?
120
00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:43,777
Please, can we go to the club
to see him dj, Max?
121
00:05:43,811 --> 00:05:44,912
I wanna dance.
122
00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:46,089
The last time i shook my Booty
123
00:05:46,113 --> 00:05:48,949
was when we ran out
of toilet paper.
124
00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:56,023
Max, thank you so much
for taking me dancing.
125
00:05:56,056 --> 00:05:58,025
Well, you signed that paper
that said if i did,
126
00:05:58,058 --> 00:06:00,594
you'd do the side work
for the next six months.
127
00:06:00,628 --> 00:06:02,029
Are you sure this is the address
128
00:06:02,062 --> 00:06:03,997
of the club Sebastian gave you?
129
00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:05,866
Who?
130
00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:07,167
Sebastian!
131
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:10,471
This can't be the address.
It's a whole foods.
132
00:06:10,504 --> 00:06:11,605
I know what it is.
133
00:06:11,639 --> 00:06:14,141
I can smell the cage-free
body odor.
134
00:06:14,174 --> 00:06:17,144
Let's just go in, ask someone
if they know where the club is,
135
00:06:17,177 --> 00:06:20,581
and maybe rip a grape off
a stem... I'm starving.
136
00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:24,985
Whole foods, wow.
137
00:06:25,018 --> 00:06:28,489
Reminds me of when
i was a whole person.
138
00:06:28,522 --> 00:06:32,159
Max, we can start looking
for the club.
139
00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:34,194
All right, all right.
140
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:38,566
I'm gonna lay down some beats
while you check out our beets.
141
00:06:38,599 --> 00:06:40,033
Organic!
142
00:06:41,969 --> 00:06:43,170
See?
143
00:06:43,203 --> 00:06:45,506
This is why i didn't want
to know anything!
144
00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:47,708
You ask a guy his name
and you find out
145
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:51,011
he's dj'ing next to radishes.
146
00:06:51,044 --> 00:06:54,114
And what kind of loser
comes here to dance?
147
00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:57,585
*
148
00:06:57,618 --> 00:06:59,052
Woot! Woot!
149
00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:00,921
Holla!
150
00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:03,957
And i don't mean
the kosher bread!
151
00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:11,499
Oh, no.
How did you find me here?
152
00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:15,002
Whole foods is my sexy secret.
153
00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:16,937
You know what's not a secret?
154
00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:20,007
The organic preparation h
in that basket.
155
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:23,677
Whole foods is where i come
to get my groove on.
156
00:07:23,711 --> 00:07:27,247
Why?
Is Chuck E. Cheese closed?
157
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:30,050
As much as I'd love to see
what else you're gonna buy
158
00:07:30,083 --> 00:07:32,820
to rub on your butt,
we're leaving
159
00:07:32,853 --> 00:07:34,221
before that dj sees me.
160
00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:37,758
You mean
dj fresh-and-local?
161
00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:42,830
The music be bumpin'
and we buyin' pumpkins!
162
00:07:42,863 --> 00:07:46,600
Let's go. I can't believe
i wore these for this.
163
00:07:53,874 --> 00:07:55,008
Wake up.
164
00:07:55,042 --> 00:07:58,879
It's Tuesday, and the dj
didn't come.
165
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:03,250
Maybe he just drank too much.
166
00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:05,519
No! He didn't show at all.
167
00:08:05,553 --> 00:08:10,758
There's no dj fresh-and-local
in my ones and twos.
168
00:08:10,791 --> 00:08:12,125
Well, what did you expect?
169
00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:13,994
You ran out of there without
even saying "hi."
170
00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:16,263
We should've stayed at the club.
171
00:08:16,296 --> 00:08:19,833
Stop calling it a club!
172
00:08:19,867 --> 00:08:22,736
He DJs at a supermarket,
173
00:08:22,770 --> 00:08:25,606
which is the lamest thing
I've ever seen,
174
00:08:25,639 --> 00:08:26,974
not counting the time
175
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:28,709
you tried to bring back
the phrase
176
00:08:28,742 --> 00:08:30,878
"oh, no, you didn't."
177
00:08:30,911 --> 00:08:33,681
I'm surprised at you.
178
00:08:33,714 --> 00:08:35,816
What if i judged you
for some of your jobs?
179
00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:38,285
Uh, bar-back slash captain
of a shrimp boat
180
00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:42,022
in the Gulf of Mexico
isn't the bomb?
181
00:08:42,055 --> 00:08:44,658
What about when you worked
at the gap?
182
00:08:44,692 --> 00:08:47,828
Who told you about the gap?
183
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:51,632
You, that time you were drunk,
folding a sweater,
184
00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:53,276
and you tried to help me
"spring into summer"
185
00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:55,903
with cargo shorts.
186
00:08:55,936 --> 00:09:00,741
Fine! I fell into the gap.
I needed the money.
187
00:09:00,774 --> 00:09:03,076
Maybe Sebastian needs
the money, too.
188
00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:04,311
Who?
189
00:09:04,344 --> 00:09:07,047
[Knock at door]
190
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:09,182
And if you ever tell anyone
about the gap,
191
00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:11,819
you will have a gap
between your neck
192
00:09:11,852 --> 00:09:13,887
and where your head used to be.
193
00:09:13,921 --> 00:09:16,890
"Oh, no you didn't."
194
00:09:19,126 --> 00:09:22,896
Hey, i wasn't sure
if it was too late to come by
195
00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:27,801
but the ouija board said,
"go ahead, the girls are up!"
196
00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:30,704
You use that?
197
00:09:30,738 --> 00:09:32,973
The only spirit i listen
to is 2-buck-Chuck,
198
00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:36,176
and he mostly tells me
to take my top off.
199
00:09:36,209 --> 00:09:39,012
Yeah, ouija helps me make
all my big decisions.
200
00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:44,351
Like coming to America,
adopting a Chinese orphan,
201
00:09:44,384 --> 00:09:48,088
and leaving a Chinese orphan
at the fire station.
202
00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:51,224
Those boards are creepy.
203
00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:52,826
You never know what you're
inviting in.
204
00:09:52,860 --> 00:09:55,162
I mean, what if we open
a hellmouth?
205
00:09:55,195 --> 00:09:57,798
Aw, come on, girls, look around.
206
00:09:57,831 --> 00:10:00,000
I mean, you already have.
207
00:10:01,835 --> 00:10:05,338
Okay, now shh.
Okay...
208
00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:07,708
Ouija,
209
00:10:07,741 --> 00:10:10,911
should i take Oleg back?
210
00:10:16,216 --> 00:10:18,085
Yes?
211
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:19,820
Oh, now, see, that is creepy
212
00:10:19,853 --> 00:10:24,725
because i was shoving
it to "no".
213
00:10:24,758 --> 00:10:26,827
Do you want to get back
with him?
214
00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:28,829
Well, I'm torn.
215
00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:30,964
And also,
i don't know what to do.
216
00:10:32,399 --> 00:10:35,435
[Dance music plays]
217
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:39,740
Throw your hands in the air
like you just don't Kale.
218
00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:41,274
*
219
00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:43,744
Max, I'm proud of you
for overlooking his job
220
00:10:43,777 --> 00:10:45,779
and giving this guy a chance.
221
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,382
He's making a dj face.
I'm out.
222
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:53,821
Oh, my god, Dylan.
223
00:10:53,854 --> 00:10:55,455
No, we can't leave now.
224
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,991
I just saw this girl,
and she is the last person
225
00:10:58,025 --> 00:10:59,226
i want to see.
226
00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:00,360
What is the problem?
227
00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:01,862
It's hilary waldare.
228
00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:02,906
We went to wharton together.
229
00:11:02,930 --> 00:11:04,164
So competitive with me.
230
00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:06,166
Loved it when i lost
all my money.
231
00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:07,376
She even threw a party
to celebrate
232
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:10,871
and then had the nerve
to invite me.
233
00:11:10,904 --> 00:11:13,040
Worst party ever, by the way.
234
00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:16,343
Uh, worse than being
at a dance club
235
00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:18,411
that has a price club?
236
00:11:18,445 --> 00:11:21,949
Max black in the house of grain.
237
00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:25,919
And now he saw me.
238
00:11:25,953 --> 00:11:28,055
Well, I'm gonna go hide
before she sees me.
239
00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:31,191
I'll be in tom's shoes.
Nobody's ever over there.
240
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:38,231
I'm bustin' out some free range
electronic dance music.
241
00:11:38,265 --> 00:11:39,199
That's right!
242
00:11:39,232 --> 00:11:41,368
I'm bringing it in my own bag.
243
00:11:41,401 --> 00:11:44,337
*
244
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:45,806
Uh, okay, we good?
245
00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:47,007
See you next Tuesday.
246
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,176
Come on, stay.
What's your hurry?
247
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:52,746
I can't watch any more people
dance-shop.
248
00:11:52,780 --> 00:11:53,857
Max, come on.
Get in front of me.
249
00:11:53,881 --> 00:11:55,215
See what you can do.
250
00:11:55,248 --> 00:11:59,019
Oh, you're behind me
this time... that's new.
251
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:00,487
All right, everybody,
252
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:03,857
frisee, 'cause we got
a special guest dj
253
00:12:03,891 --> 00:12:05,092
in the hizzay
254
00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:08,161
who's so hot it's radicchio.
255
00:12:09,830 --> 00:12:11,498
Go on.
256
00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:13,867
Bob, I'd like to bid $1.00.
257
00:12:13,901 --> 00:12:16,236
$1.00, Bob, $1.00.
258
00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:18,939
Have your pets
spayed or neutered.
259
00:12:18,972 --> 00:12:22,275
Speaking of neutered pets,
here comes han.
260
00:12:22,309 --> 00:12:25,278
Still counts
as a dj shout-out.
261
00:12:25,312 --> 00:12:27,314
Hey, why wait till Tuesday?
262
00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:30,117
Why don't i take a break
and we can go in the back.
263
00:12:30,150 --> 00:12:32,252
I just need to find someone
to cover me.
264
00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:35,288
Someone bogarted
all the nut butter.
265
00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:39,292
How about half of someone?
266
00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:50,938
Can i help you, miss?
267
00:12:50,971 --> 00:12:52,272
Max?
268
00:12:52,305 --> 00:12:54,007
What are you doing?
269
00:12:54,041 --> 00:12:57,144
I'm thirsty, broke, and they
cut me off at the free lemonade.
270
00:12:57,177 --> 00:12:58,411
What are you doing?
271
00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:00,113
Well, two dudes
were getting it on
272
00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:02,916
in the family restroom, so...
273
00:13:02,950 --> 00:13:04,484
Where's Sebastian?
274
00:13:04,517 --> 00:13:05,318
Who?
275
00:13:05,352 --> 00:13:07,387
Oh, milk.
Bottom shelf.
276
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:12,492
What's up?
277
00:13:15,863 --> 00:13:18,298
You're not doing it
in the dairy case!
278
00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:22,069
Uh, no I'm not,
'cause you won't go away.
279
00:13:22,102 --> 00:13:24,537
Do you have to ruin sex
everywhere?
280
00:13:24,571 --> 00:13:27,307
Well, Max,
if i wasn't lactose intolerant
281
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:30,243
before, i am now.
282
00:13:31,578 --> 00:13:35,215
Oh, my god, Caroline Channing!
283
00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:37,885
Hi!
It's hilary waldare.
284
00:13:37,918 --> 00:13:40,553
Oh, my god! Hi!
Hi!
285
00:13:40,587 --> 00:13:43,290
I haven't seen you
since your party.
286
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:46,526
Someone said you left crying.
How are you?
287
00:13:46,559 --> 00:13:49,596
I'm great! I mean,
I'm shopping at whole foods,
288
00:13:49,629 --> 00:13:53,033
buying some organic fuel
that I'll probably take
289
00:13:53,066 --> 00:13:57,070
a couple sips of in spin class
and then throw away, so...
290
00:13:57,104 --> 00:13:59,572
Oh, good, 'cause i heard
you were still poor
291
00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:02,542
and that you were working
as a waitress.
292
00:14:02,575 --> 00:14:04,878
A waitress?
293
00:14:04,912 --> 00:14:06,579
That is insane.
294
00:14:06,613 --> 00:14:11,985
That is so insane it should be
in an ice tub in an asylum.
295
00:14:12,019 --> 00:14:14,955
I'm so glad you're great,
because when i saw you
296
00:14:14,988 --> 00:14:19,626
in those three-year-old
Louboutins, i got worried.
297
00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:22,329
Also, you have
an orange juice mustache.
298
00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:30,637
Oh. Where's Max?
299
00:14:30,670 --> 00:14:32,272
Milk.
300
00:14:33,273 --> 00:14:35,508
Max, listen...
Busy!
301
00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:37,510
Hilary's still here.
302
00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:39,980
And she called me a waitress.
How dare her.
303
00:14:40,013 --> 00:14:42,282
She humiliated me,
and i didn't even get
304
00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:45,618
a party this time.
I'm going home.
305
00:14:45,652 --> 00:14:48,588
(Store manager)
Hilary waldare, report
to register three.
306
00:14:48,621 --> 00:14:50,623
Oh, my god!
Did he just say...
307
00:14:50,657 --> 00:14:53,226
(store manager)
Hilary waldare.
Register three.
308
00:14:53,260 --> 00:14:55,195
He did!
Oh, my god! Max!
309
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:56,563
Busy!
310
00:14:58,265 --> 00:15:00,133
What?
Do you wanna just join us?
311
00:15:00,167 --> 00:15:04,237
Hilary waldare works here,
as a cashier!
312
00:15:04,271 --> 00:15:05,538
So i win!
313
00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:07,941
Everyone knows on the job
humiliation chain,
314
00:15:07,975 --> 00:15:11,979
it goes:
Prostitute, hostess, waitress,
315
00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:15,682
cashier, Princess Jasmine in the
Disney electric light parade.
316
00:15:15,715 --> 00:15:17,384
What happened
to not looking down
317
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:20,020
on other people
with crappy jobs?
318
00:15:20,053 --> 00:15:21,521
Oh please, this is real.
319
00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:24,657
Now if you'll excuse me,
i have got $14
320
00:15:24,691 --> 00:15:26,493
burning a second hole
in my pocket,
321
00:15:26,526 --> 00:15:29,329
and I'm gonna spend it here
at register three.
322
00:15:30,397 --> 00:15:33,300
[Sebastian moans]
323
00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:34,701
Whoo!
324
00:15:34,734 --> 00:15:38,038
What, you couldn't wait for me?
325
00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:51,084
This goes out to Kelly
in prepared foods.
326
00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:52,619
The Kelly with the cystic acne,
327
00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:56,223
not the Kelly
with the bald spot.
328
00:15:56,256 --> 00:15:59,359
Now, where my Adele-heads at?
329
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:05,098
I'm glad you have no line,
'cause i have an exclusive
330
00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:06,342
private yoga class to get to...
331
00:16:06,366 --> 00:16:09,069
Oh, hilary!
332
00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:10,337
Yes, Caroline.
333
00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:12,339
I am a cashier.
334
00:16:12,372 --> 00:16:14,174
I'm sorry, a what?
335
00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:16,043
I'm a cashier.
336
00:16:16,076 --> 00:16:18,778
Yeah, turns out things
aren't great.
337
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:22,415
My husband left me for my dad.
338
00:16:22,449 --> 00:16:25,252
And they didn't even cut me
in on the lifetime movie rights.
339
00:16:25,285 --> 00:16:30,190
It's on in January...
Father is the bride.
340
00:16:30,223 --> 00:16:32,092
Let me just weigh your salad.
341
00:16:32,125 --> 00:16:35,028
Well, I'm sure you'll pull
yourself together like i did.
342
00:16:35,062 --> 00:16:38,498
'Cause I'm kind of killing it,
life-wise.
343
00:16:38,531 --> 00:16:42,202
That'll be $28.
344
00:16:42,235 --> 00:16:44,371
There's only $14 here.
345
00:16:44,404 --> 00:16:47,707
$28 for a salad?
346
00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:50,410
Well, that's dinosaur Kale.
347
00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:51,778
Oh! Mistake.
348
00:16:51,811 --> 00:16:53,646
Didn't want the dinosaur Kale.
349
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,782
Never liked dinosaurs
and really don't like them
350
00:16:55,815 --> 00:16:57,384
in my Kale.
351
00:16:57,417 --> 00:16:59,386
Dinosaur Kale gone.
352
00:16:59,419 --> 00:17:02,422
You're just putting it
on the counter?
353
00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:06,226
Oh, i don't usually shop
for myself.
354
00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:09,462
Is that not how it's done?
355
00:17:09,496 --> 00:17:13,433
Caroline, do you not have
enough money?
356
00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:18,705
No, hilary, i have enough money.
357
00:17:18,738 --> 00:17:23,042
I just don't know why
i have so many eggs.
358
00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:29,182
Here. You're holding up
the line.
359
00:17:29,216 --> 00:17:30,656
You obviously don't have
enough money
360
00:17:30,683 --> 00:17:33,486
to pay for your salad.
361
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:34,854
Sad.
362
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:37,224
I don't know what
you're implying.
363
00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:40,860
Oh! Here is my very successful
business partner.
364
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:44,097
Sorry it took so long.
I couldn't find my pants.
365
00:17:44,131 --> 00:17:47,700
I don't know how they made it
all the way to the loading dock.
366
00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:49,802
Face it Caroline,
you came here to humiliate me
367
00:17:49,836 --> 00:17:51,838
and you can't even afford
that egg.
368
00:17:51,871 --> 00:17:54,607
On your face.
369
00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:59,512
Miss, did you drop
this $20 bill?
370
00:17:59,546 --> 00:18:01,648
Yes! Yes i did!
371
00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:04,151
I dropped some money, too.
372
00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:06,386
Don't push it.
373
00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:07,596
Thank you, sir.
This is very kind of you
374
00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:09,756
and i really appreciate it.
375
00:18:09,789 --> 00:18:11,558
Anything for my favorite
waitress.
376
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:12,792
[Gasps]
377
00:18:12,825 --> 00:18:17,297
Oh, i knew you were a waitress.
378
00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:19,766
Your store sucks!
379
00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:22,635
I just had sex
in your dairy department.
380
00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:25,605
Keep the change.
381
00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:28,107
And buy your dad-husband
a wedding gift.
382
00:18:36,416 --> 00:18:38,885
Okay, one more time.
383
00:18:38,918 --> 00:18:41,854
Ouija, should i be with Oleg?
384
00:18:44,724 --> 00:18:46,759
15 out of 15 yeses.
385
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:50,197
That's still unclear.
386
00:18:50,230 --> 00:18:51,130
Sophie, this is silly.
387
00:18:51,164 --> 00:18:53,566
You know you two wanna
get back together.
388
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:57,270
Caroline, we already have
the ouija board.
389
00:18:57,304 --> 00:18:59,572
We don't need another thing
around here that's flat
390
00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:03,443
and wrong all the time.
391
00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:08,515
Fine. Sophie, if it's not me,
after all I've offered you, go.
392
00:19:08,548 --> 00:19:13,286
Ask the spirits who the man
you are supposed to be with is.
393
00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:17,924
Ouija, please spell out
the name of the man
394
00:19:17,957 --> 00:19:21,628
that I'm supposed to be with.
395
00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:24,664
Oh, look, it's moving.
396
00:19:24,697 --> 00:19:30,303
"V," "a," "n,"...
397
00:19:30,337 --> 00:19:33,940
This is what the world
was like before the Internet.
398
00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:37,977
"K," "o."
399
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,546
"Vanko."
400
00:19:39,579 --> 00:19:41,948
Vanko?
Yeah, that sounds cute.
401
00:19:41,981 --> 00:19:44,251
Yeah, i like it...
I'm sorry, Oleg.
402
00:19:44,284 --> 00:19:45,818
The spirits have spoken.
403
00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:48,721
I'm supposed to be with someone
named vanko.
404
00:19:48,755 --> 00:19:50,823
And they know the best.
405
00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:53,660
So you're supposed to be with
someone named vanko?
406
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:56,596
Mm-hmm.
407
00:20:02,635 --> 00:20:07,740
"Vanko Oleg golishevsky"?
408
00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:12,579
I go by my middle name
'cause there were seven other
409
00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:16,516
vankos in my family.
410
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:20,453
But i didn't even know that.
411
00:20:20,487 --> 00:20:23,990
Yeah, that means the ouija is...
412
00:20:24,023 --> 00:20:26,726
Oh, uh...
413
00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:29,896
Ohh... Yeah...
414
00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:32,799
Oh, no, no, vanko.
No!
415
00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:34,734
I...
No, i...
416
00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:37,337
We can... you and i can get back
together, okay?
417
00:20:37,370 --> 00:20:40,473
But i just can't be here
right now.
418
00:20:40,507 --> 00:20:43,009
No, i mean,
this is just too damn spooky!
419
00:20:43,042 --> 00:20:44,877
[Shrieks]
420
00:20:47,013 --> 00:20:48,648
I can't wait
to tell my brothers,
421
00:20:48,681 --> 00:20:50,917
vanko and vanko, about this.
422
00:20:52,452 --> 00:20:54,487
Ah, ah, ah...
423
00:20:54,521 --> 00:20:58,425
Word on the street is
you've been talking some smack
424
00:20:58,458 --> 00:21:00,360
about cashiers.
30150
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