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1
00:00:02,770 --> 00:00:04,405
♪♪
2
00:00:04,438 --> 00:00:07,007
This is the last
of the sausage rolls.
3
00:00:07,041 --> 00:00:10,010
I know it's against your nature,
but try chewing this time.
4
00:00:10,044 --> 00:00:11,412
[Chuckles]
5
00:00:11,445 --> 00:00:13,481
I will decline in anticipation
6
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:16,284
of the cupcakes you hid
in the pots and pans drawer.
7
00:00:17,685 --> 00:00:19,563
So how long is Mary staying
with you? Louise: About a month.
8
00:00:19,587 --> 00:00:21,955
She's splitting her time
between us and her grandmother
9
00:00:21,989 --> 00:00:24,958
till DJ gets back
from visiting Geena in Germany.
10
00:00:24,992 --> 00:00:26,236
Yeah, having a spouse
in the military,
11
00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:28,028
that's gotta be hard
on a marriage.
12
00:00:28,062 --> 00:00:30,431
Right up there with
hiding cupcakes. Call.
13
00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:32,866
Yo!
Ah!
14
00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:34,635
Suck it, losers!
Full house!
15
00:00:34,668 --> 00:00:39,240
Oh! Damn it. Haven't won
a game in 150 hands.
16
00:00:40,574 --> 00:00:43,177
Maybe not, but you
are lucky in love.
17
00:00:43,211 --> 00:00:45,879
Yeah, yeah, love don't buy
mama no Soda Stream!
18
00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:49,617
[Cellphone rings]
19
00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:54,021
Ugh. The coroner.
That's a big "no."
20
00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:55,823
Why is the coroner calling you?
21
00:00:55,856 --> 00:00:57,858
When they find someone
in a forest preserve
22
00:00:57,891 --> 00:00:59,160
that's been chewed up,
23
00:00:59,193 --> 00:01:00,794
they want me to
identify the animal
24
00:01:00,828 --> 00:01:02,963
by the bite or claw marks.
25
00:01:02,996 --> 00:01:05,333
It's always a bear.
[Chuckles]
26
00:01:05,366 --> 00:01:07,835
I will call them back
in the morning.
27
00:01:07,868 --> 00:01:09,012
How can you be sure it's a bear?
28
00:01:09,036 --> 00:01:10,647
Because if something
has ripped the head off,
29
00:01:10,671 --> 00:01:12,072
it's probably not a raccoon.
30
00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:16,510
[Cellphone rings]
31
00:01:16,544 --> 00:01:20,981
Neville, they are really
trying to get a hold of you.
32
00:01:21,014 --> 00:01:24,385
Neville Goldufsky. DVM.
What do you got?
33
00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,120
What?
34
00:01:26,154 --> 00:01:27,655
Oh, my God.
35
00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:30,291
Uh, yes.
I'll be right down.
36
00:01:30,324 --> 00:01:32,360
Thank you.
I-I mean, I-I appreciate it.
37
00:01:32,393 --> 00:01:33,627
Thank you.
38
00:01:33,661 --> 00:01:35,563
What?
39
00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:37,231
Our brother Aaron's dead.
40
00:01:37,265 --> 00:01:39,400
Jackie: [Gasps]
Oh, my God.
41
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:41,902
Oh. I'm so sorry.
42
00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:54,782
♪♪
43
00:01:56,484 --> 00:02:03,491
♪♪
44
00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:08,496
Captions by VITA...
45
00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:09,797
"The Conners" is filmed
46
00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:12,700
in front of
a live studio audience.
47
00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:15,303
Come on. You're up.
You can stare at it forever,
48
00:02:15,336 --> 00:02:17,037
but you gotta pick
a utility bill to pay.
49
00:02:18,439 --> 00:02:20,808
Alright.
You feeling lucky?
50
00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:22,419
Every day when I wake up
in the basement.
51
00:02:22,443 --> 00:02:24,312
[Sighs]
52
00:02:24,345 --> 00:02:26,514
Okay, the dryer's
been broken for a month.
53
00:02:26,547 --> 00:02:28,949
Let's go... gas bill!
54
00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:33,621
Damn it!
Electric bill.
55
00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:35,323
Ah, yes!
56
00:02:35,356 --> 00:02:38,359
I've been running my space
heater every night for free.
57
00:02:38,392 --> 00:02:40,294
Hey, don't get cocky.
58
00:02:40,328 --> 00:02:42,863
The cellphone bill is still
coiled up in there like a cobra.
59
00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:47,801
Hey. Isn't your grandma
coming in?
60
00:02:47,835 --> 00:02:51,905
No, she says she's too old to be
exposed to this "filthy house."
61
00:02:51,939 --> 00:02:54,942
Last time she came in
for coffee, she got pinkeye.
62
00:02:56,544 --> 00:02:58,178
Yeah, I guess
if you didn't grow up here,
63
00:02:58,212 --> 00:03:01,282
you don't build up an immunity
to our filth.
64
00:03:01,315 --> 00:03:05,152
So, tonight we're gonna do
all your favorite stuff!
65
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:07,888
We're gonna make s'mores
and hot chocolate,
66
00:03:07,921 --> 00:03:09,790
and after we're all twitchy
from the sugar
67
00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:11,325
we'll play Operation.
68
00:03:11,359 --> 00:03:13,026
Mnh... ehr!
69
00:03:15,062 --> 00:03:17,130
No, thanks.
I'm kinda tired.
70
00:03:17,164 --> 00:03:19,404
I'm just gonna hang out in
my room and go to sleep early.
71
00:03:21,735 --> 00:03:23,571
Something's going on with Mary.
72
00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:26,039
The last few weeks she's been
here, she's spent all her time
73
00:03:26,073 --> 00:03:28,041
in her room
with the door locked.
74
00:03:28,075 --> 00:03:30,411
And now she doesn't even want
to mainline sugar with you
75
00:03:30,444 --> 00:03:32,480
and play her favorite game?
76
00:03:32,513 --> 00:03:33,714
You're right.
77
00:03:33,747 --> 00:03:35,549
She's antisocial,
she's lethargic,
78
00:03:35,583 --> 00:03:37,651
hates fun.
79
00:03:37,685 --> 00:03:41,489
If she stops caring
how she dresses, she's you!
80
00:03:41,522 --> 00:03:44,625
Yeah, she's me at 14.
She's depressed.
81
00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:45,993
With all the pressure to fit in,
82
00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:48,629
14 is brutal for a girl anyway.
83
00:03:48,662 --> 00:03:49,897
Even for me, and I was
84
00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:52,666
exceptionally popular
and pretty.
85
00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:54,568
DJ is traveling all the time,
86
00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:56,404
her mom is still
stationed overseas,
87
00:03:56,437 --> 00:03:59,072
she's being shuttled back
and forth between two homes.
88
00:03:59,106 --> 00:04:01,642
I mean, what if she's in,
like, a really dark place?
89
00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:03,977
I-I'm gonna talk to her
and help her get through this.
90
00:04:04,011 --> 00:04:06,547
Just because you're depressed
doesn't make you an expert.
91
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,549
I'm a Psych major.
92
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:10,551
I'm being trained to
handle people in crisis.
93
00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:12,286
I'll talk to her.
94
00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:14,520
Why don't you stick to
addiction? That's your specialty.
95
00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:18,292
When she's guzzling cough syrup
through a crazy straw
96
00:04:18,326 --> 00:04:20,994
out of her pencil bag,
you're up.
97
00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:22,830
Fine.
We'll both talk to her.
98
00:04:24,432 --> 00:04:26,300
Feeling lucky?
99
00:04:26,334 --> 00:04:28,736
Alright. Come on...
100
00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:30,338
Senior Lifeline basic cable.
101
00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:32,806
No Whammies!
102
00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:34,842
Yes! Cable!
103
00:04:36,677 --> 00:04:39,880
Uh... Dad ordered
the Sunday NFL Ticket.
104
00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:41,315
Damn it!
105
00:04:41,349 --> 00:04:43,684
♪♪
106
00:04:43,717 --> 00:04:44,718
Hey.
107
00:04:46,887 --> 00:04:48,288
Oh, God.
You read my journal.
108
00:04:48,322 --> 00:04:51,959
I didn't do any of those things.
I-I'm writing a screenplay.
109
00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:53,461
No.
110
00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:56,196
Louise and Neville's brother
had a heart attack and died.
111
00:04:56,229 --> 00:04:59,333
Neville and Jackie are
bringing his son, Caleb, over.
112
00:04:59,367 --> 00:05:01,969
I'm sorry. I didn't even know
you guys had a brother.
113
00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:04,638
It's okay.
We weren't close.
114
00:05:04,672 --> 00:05:08,141
Aaron was a drunken,
lying degenerate that destroyed
115
00:05:08,175 --> 00:05:10,911
everything he touched
and drove us all away.
116
00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:13,246
God rest his soul.
117
00:05:15,015 --> 00:05:17,385
You can do all that
and still get to God.
118
00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:20,153
That changes my plans.
119
00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:23,824
Caleb is obviously a troubled
kid growing up with my brother,
120
00:05:23,857 --> 00:05:27,027
but he's only 17, and they're
gonna put him in a foster home
121
00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:28,629
if he doesn't come live
with me and Dan
122
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:30,364
or Jackie and Neville.
123
00:05:30,398 --> 00:05:32,638
[Sarcastically] Oh, great.
We're taking in an angry teen!
124
00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:38,038
Normally we make 'em here
and ship 'em out.
125
00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:41,041
Are you sure this is a better
environment than a foster home?
126
00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:42,352
The criminals
who come to live here
127
00:05:42,376 --> 00:05:44,177
just become better criminals.
128
00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:49,016
Well, it's only a year.
You know, when he's 18,
129
00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:51,151
he's gonna want
to go out on his own.
130
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:54,488
I submit to the court
exhibits A and B!
131
00:05:54,522 --> 00:05:55,856
[Door opens]
132
00:05:55,889 --> 00:05:57,725
Hey!
Look who's here!
133
00:05:57,758 --> 00:06:00,494
Hey, everybody.
We're home with Caleb.
134
00:06:00,528 --> 00:06:04,031
Caleb, this is your family,
who all love you very much.
135
00:06:04,064 --> 00:06:05,999
Very, very much!
136
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,537
And I love you...
137
00:06:09,570 --> 00:06:10,704
ancient guy,
138
00:06:10,738 --> 00:06:12,873
hot old lady, blondie...
139
00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:14,408
flannel dude.
140
00:06:15,509 --> 00:06:16,844
You forgot me.
141
00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:18,946
No I didn't...
Backwoods Jessica Rabbit.
142
00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:23,283
Maybe we're all
coming on too strong.
143
00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:25,018
Let's start over.
144
00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:26,687
I'm your Aunt Louise.
145
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:30,691
We know you're hurting and that
all of this is very awkward,
146
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:33,126
but we just felt
that we owed you
147
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:36,730
the option of being able
to live with family.
148
00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:39,032
This is your cousin, Darlene.
149
00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:41,001
Come on.
Give him a hug.
150
00:06:44,104 --> 00:06:45,973
Sorry about your dad.
151
00:06:46,006 --> 00:06:48,375
[Sighs] Not as sorry
as the whiskey industry.
152
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,378
I'd like my hug back.
153
00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:54,982
Hey.
I'm cousin Becky.
154
00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:56,383
I'm only hugging you
155
00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:59,553
because you called my sister
"flannel dude."
156
00:06:59,587 --> 00:07:03,491
And this is my husband,
your Uncle Dan. Oh.
157
00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:04,658
You're with him?
[Scoffs]
158
00:07:04,692 --> 00:07:06,193
He must have a ton
of life insurance.
159
00:07:06,226 --> 00:07:08,195
[Louise scoffs]
160
00:07:08,228 --> 00:07:11,031
He thinks I have life insurance.
That's... That's funny.
161
00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:14,001
Where should I put my stuff?
162
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:15,335
We're all booked up on rooms,
163
00:07:15,368 --> 00:07:18,539
so tonight you can sleep
in the empty trailer out back.
164
00:07:18,572 --> 00:07:22,175
Ah. Nothing says welcome to the
family like sleeping outside.
165
00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:25,345
Is that where you hillbillies
keep the moonshine?
166
00:07:25,378 --> 00:07:27,715
That's an unfair stereotype!
167
00:07:27,748 --> 00:07:28,882
You can't miss it.
168
00:07:28,916 --> 00:07:30,450
It's right through the kitchen
169
00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:32,185
and then turn left
at the chicken coop.
170
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:40,360
Oh, can we keep him?
Please, please, please?
171
00:07:40,393 --> 00:07:43,163
I want him so bad!
172
00:07:43,196 --> 00:07:44,331
Louise: Wow.
173
00:07:44,364 --> 00:07:45,733
I know he's been through a lot,
174
00:07:45,766 --> 00:07:47,300
but what does he have
against us?
175
00:07:47,334 --> 00:07:50,571
Well, as Lanford's leading
life coach, I don't know.
176
00:07:50,604 --> 00:07:54,307
But... as the child
of a monster
177
00:07:54,341 --> 00:07:57,711
who somehow managed to be
both abusive and negligent,
178
00:07:57,745 --> 00:08:00,313
I'm pretty sure he's got
some major trust issues.
179
00:08:00,347 --> 00:08:02,282
Mm-hmm. Harris,
he seems to like you.
180
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,817
Why don't you go talk to him?
181
00:08:03,851 --> 00:08:05,886
Find out why he's being
so hostile towards us.
182
00:08:05,919 --> 00:08:08,221
Great, yeah.
He's angry and creepy.
183
00:08:08,255 --> 00:08:10,558
I would love to go into
a tiny trailer with him.
184
00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:14,361
If I don't come back,
burn my journal.
185
00:08:14,394 --> 00:08:15,563
It's not a screenplay.
186
00:08:19,432 --> 00:08:22,002
Hey, Mary, could you
come down here for a minute?!
187
00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:23,871
Remember, when she comes down,
188
00:08:23,904 --> 00:08:27,541
we are here to listen,
not to judge or lecture.
189
00:08:27,575 --> 00:08:30,143
Don't patronize me,
Sister Golden Hair.
190
00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:33,681
You don't know half of what I do
about crippling sadness.
191
00:08:33,714 --> 00:08:36,884
Ah, that's two out of two.
Nice shootin'.
192
00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:39,052
Hey, Mary, we just want to
talk to you for a second.
193
00:08:39,086 --> 00:08:41,154
Sure. What's up?
194
00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:44,792
Uh, Aunt Darlene and I have
noticed a few things
195
00:08:44,825 --> 00:08:46,002
that we want to
talk to you about.
196
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,494
Like?
197
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,730
Well, you don't seen to want
to be around anyone lately.
198
00:08:49,763 --> 00:08:51,207
I mean, I think it goes
without saying
199
00:08:51,231 --> 00:08:52,709
that none of us
really wants to be here,
200
00:08:52,733 --> 00:08:55,736
but it does seem
out of character for you.
201
00:08:55,769 --> 00:08:57,537
We're just worried.
202
00:08:57,571 --> 00:09:01,008
Withdrawing from people,
sleeping a lot,
203
00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:03,376
losing interest
in things you used to enjoy
204
00:09:03,410 --> 00:09:06,279
are all signs of depression.
205
00:09:06,313 --> 00:09:09,216
Okay. I knew I couldn't
hide this from you.
206
00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:12,019
Yes.
I'm depressed.
207
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:14,855
I'm sure it's just a phase
and I'll feel better soon.
208
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:16,323
Love you. Thanks!
209
00:09:18,425 --> 00:09:21,561
Mary?
Yeah?
210
00:09:21,595 --> 00:09:24,064
You know, depression
feels endless,
211
00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:25,733
not like a passing phase.
212
00:09:25,766 --> 00:09:27,034
Well, I'm new at it.
213
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:29,469
I'm sure it'll feel
endless soon. Thanks.
214
00:09:29,502 --> 00:09:31,805
Wait.
Wait, wait, wait.
215
00:09:31,839 --> 00:09:34,708
Is that... that a new dress
you're wearing?
216
00:09:34,742 --> 00:09:36,677
I think it is,
and I love how her nails
217
00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:38,846
match her lipstick, don't you?
218
00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:39,947
[Cellphone buzzing]
219
00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:42,215
And somebody's
blowing up your phone.
220
00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:44,293
I don't think you're depressed,
I think you got a boyfriend.
221
00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:46,887
No.
I'm super miserable.
222
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:49,657
Mary, no depressed person
puts on a dress,
223
00:09:49,690 --> 00:09:52,125
nail polish, and lipstick.
224
00:09:52,159 --> 00:09:54,161
A depressed person
looks like this.
225
00:09:56,496 --> 00:09:59,566
Okay, fine.
I have a boyfriend.
226
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:00,968
Why didn't you just tell us?
227
00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:03,236
Because you'll embarrass me
just like Grandma Rose did
228
00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:04,337
with your boyfriends.
229
00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:05,839
Uh, no, you're lucky it's us.
230
00:10:05,873 --> 00:10:07,708
She would have already
shown him the video
231
00:10:07,741 --> 00:10:09,218
of you falling down
in the kiddie pool
232
00:10:09,242 --> 00:10:12,012
'cause your diaper
was too full to stand up.
233
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:13,380
Here's the deal.
234
00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:14,882
We're not gonna embarrass you,
235
00:10:14,915 --> 00:10:17,851
but we can't let you go out
with somebody we don't know.
236
00:10:17,885 --> 00:10:18,962
We're gonna have to meet him.
237
00:10:18,986 --> 00:10:20,688
Fine.
238
00:10:20,721 --> 00:10:22,322
Just be nice, okay?
239
00:10:23,490 --> 00:10:24,892
"Be nice." Ha ha!
[Chuckles]
240
00:10:26,493 --> 00:10:28,996
Hey.
Hey. What's up?
241
00:10:29,029 --> 00:10:32,365
Well, Mary has been
sneaking around with some boy,
242
00:10:32,399 --> 00:10:34,534
so we told her
she had to bring him over.
243
00:10:34,567 --> 00:10:36,036
So what do you need?
244
00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:39,039
Should I be sitting shirtless on
the couch sharpening my knives,
245
00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:41,408
or would you prefer me
sitting at the table
246
00:10:41,441 --> 00:10:44,712
in the dark cleaning a gun?
247
00:10:44,745 --> 00:10:47,715
Well, as effective as
those were at driving us
248
00:10:47,748 --> 00:10:50,784
into the arms of the wrong men,
we think we got this.
249
00:10:50,818 --> 00:10:53,286
You got me all worked up
to scare a kid.
250
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:54,888
Holler if you need me.
251
00:10:54,922 --> 00:10:56,890
♪♪
252
00:10:56,924 --> 00:10:58,391
[Door opens]
253
00:11:05,532 --> 00:11:07,200
To screwed-up families.
254
00:11:07,234 --> 00:11:08,435
[Bottles clink]
255
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:12,740
Sorry about your dad.
256
00:11:12,773 --> 00:11:14,250
I mean, even though you guys
didn't get along,
257
00:11:14,274 --> 00:11:16,476
it still must be rough.
258
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:18,746
It is rough.
I'm hurting bad.
259
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:22,149
I'm just gonna go ahead and ask.
260
00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:23,583
Ever had orphan sex?
261
00:11:24,985 --> 00:11:26,619
Not happening.
262
00:11:26,653 --> 00:11:28,789
I'm just here to find out
what the beef is
263
00:11:28,822 --> 00:11:31,158
with Neville and Louise.
[Scoffs lightly]
264
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:33,827
They avoided my dad because
they knew he was a nightmare.
265
00:11:33,861 --> 00:11:36,229
But they didn't care
I had to live with him.
266
00:11:36,263 --> 00:11:39,066
It's not always easy to take
a kid away from a parent,
267
00:11:39,099 --> 00:11:40,667
no matter how bad they are.
268
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,369
They had their chance.
269
00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:44,004
When I was 9, he went to jail,
270
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:46,874
and they called them
to come get me.
271
00:11:46,907 --> 00:11:48,141
No one showed up.
272
00:11:48,175 --> 00:11:50,878
I had to live on my own
for three months
273
00:11:50,911 --> 00:11:53,380
until child services
dropped a net over me.
274
00:11:54,647 --> 00:11:56,616
That's weird.
275
00:11:56,649 --> 00:11:59,386
I mean, Neville and Louise
are good people.
276
00:11:59,419 --> 00:12:01,621
Once, I saw Neville
put eczema cream
277
00:12:01,654 --> 00:12:03,356
on the little feet
of a naked mole rat.
278
00:12:04,892 --> 00:12:06,359
Well, that's super creepy.
279
00:12:08,028 --> 00:12:10,864
Anyway, that was the end of me
hoping someone would rescue me.
280
00:12:10,898 --> 00:12:12,966
Now I feel like I'd rather do
the foster-care thing
281
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:16,336
than live with people
who bailed on a 9-year-old.
282
00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:18,171
I'm sorry you had to
go through that.
283
00:12:19,672 --> 00:12:22,142
It all just hurts so bad.
284
00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:24,845
[Sighs]
285
00:12:24,878 --> 00:12:26,856
There's only one person
who can save me from the pain.
286
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:29,817
You know what? I'm just
gonna stop you right there.
287
00:12:29,850 --> 00:12:33,153
Save it for hitting
on your future foster mom.
288
00:12:33,186 --> 00:12:36,056
♪♪
289
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:39,059
So when his dad called you,
neither of you guys came to get him.
290
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:41,461
I feel horrible.
291
00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:44,231
Aaron lied so many times
about needing bail money,
292
00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:46,967
I just assumed the bastard
was lying again.
293
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,636
It sounds like you've got
a hole in your heart
294
00:12:49,669 --> 00:12:51,704
that only taking him
into your home would fill.
295
00:12:53,006 --> 00:12:54,774
Yeah, well,
you guys fight it out.
296
00:12:54,808 --> 00:12:57,177
But if he's gonna stay here,
I have to hide my stash better
297
00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:58,521
because I have a feeling
he won't hesitate
298
00:12:58,545 --> 00:13:01,114
to look in a tampon box
for weed.
299
00:13:01,148 --> 00:13:03,650
Which is where it was
until right now.
300
00:13:03,683 --> 00:13:05,819
Oh, no.
301
00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:08,889
I guess we should talk
about Caleb living here.
302
00:13:08,922 --> 00:13:11,524
We could put him on a cot in the
hallway like a field hospital.
303
00:13:11,558 --> 00:13:13,193
It'll be fun.
Ohh.
304
00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:15,228
Well, let's be honest here.
305
00:13:15,262 --> 00:13:16,796
Neither one of you guys
want him.
306
00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:18,165
You're feeling guilty,
307
00:13:18,198 --> 00:13:20,868
and you're some kind
of weird child hoarder.
308
00:13:22,569 --> 00:13:24,671
The best person
to take him is me.
309
00:13:24,704 --> 00:13:26,473
What?
310
00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:29,609
When you say "me,"
you mean "we."
311
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,945
I don't understand why
you would want to do this.
312
00:13:31,979 --> 00:13:33,346
Louise was beating herself up
313
00:13:33,380 --> 00:13:35,315
about not being there
for the kid.
314
00:13:35,348 --> 00:13:38,485
Let's help her finish the job.
315
00:13:38,518 --> 00:13:39,996
Look, I know it's weird,
but I just feel
316
00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:41,955
a connection with the kid.
317
00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:43,466
And I know you're not
thrilled about this,
318
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:46,226
but you'd rather
have him live with us
319
00:13:46,259 --> 00:13:48,761
than live with strangers...
right?
320
00:13:51,064 --> 00:13:52,632
Y-Yes.
321
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:55,235
I-I want...
I do... him...
322
00:13:55,268 --> 00:13:57,170
...him to live with us.
...us.
323
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:01,374
Thank you.
324
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:06,446
Oh, crap.
I just remembered.
325
00:14:06,479 --> 00:14:08,982
The only thing that Harris
is gonna find in that tampon box
326
00:14:09,016 --> 00:14:11,318
is tampons.
327
00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:13,153
That's why I shouldn't be a mom.
328
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:15,188
I steal drugs from children.
329
00:14:19,426 --> 00:14:21,661
I hope you left room
for some fresh baked cookies.
330
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:23,897
They're LL Cool J's favorite.
331
00:14:23,931 --> 00:14:27,334
"Mama Said Knock You Out"
for a chocolate-chip scotchie.
332
00:14:28,501 --> 00:14:30,670
I'm still leaning
towards foster home,
333
00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:32,239
but keep the bribes comin'.
334
00:14:33,406 --> 00:14:35,475
Damn it.
335
00:14:35,508 --> 00:14:36,809
Oh, no.
336
00:14:36,843 --> 00:14:39,279
I'm pushing too hard, aren't I?
337
00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:41,949
I think letting him have
our bed to sleep in tonight
338
00:14:41,982 --> 00:14:43,483
is a little much.
339
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:46,686
His dad treated him like crap.
340
00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:49,656
I want him to feel special,
not like my mother.
341
00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:51,224
When I wanted to sleep
in her bed,
342
00:14:51,258 --> 00:14:52,993
she said it made
the bed smell like me
343
00:14:53,026 --> 00:14:55,162
and she didn't need
that constant reminder.
344
00:14:57,330 --> 00:14:59,299
You do leave a scent,
but I love it.
345
00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:02,535
Aww!
That's why I love you.
346
00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:04,504
Because you remind me
that I do matter.
347
00:15:04,537 --> 00:15:05,939
And that's what I want for him.
348
00:15:05,973 --> 00:15:07,374
Mm.
349
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:09,209
Can you run down
to the convenience store?
350
00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:10,686
We're almost out of milk
for breakfast.
351
00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:12,179
Yeah, sure.
352
00:15:13,046 --> 00:15:14,681
Thank you, my love.
353
00:15:14,714 --> 00:15:16,816
Aww. Hey. Have... Have you
seen my watch?
354
00:15:16,849 --> 00:15:19,619
Hunh-unh.
Should be right there. No?
355
00:15:19,652 --> 00:15:23,156
Oh, duh. No, I dropped it off
at the shop for cleaning.
356
00:15:23,190 --> 00:15:24,624
Oh. Yeah.
357
00:15:24,657 --> 00:15:26,326
That calf was coming so fast,
358
00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:27,836
I really didn't have time
to take it off.
359
00:15:27,860 --> 00:15:30,230
Yeah. [Chuckles]
360
00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:31,498
[Chuckles]
361
00:15:31,531 --> 00:15:33,500
Caleb.
362
00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:34,801
Yeah?
363
00:15:34,834 --> 00:15:37,704
I think you might have
mistakenly taken
364
00:15:37,737 --> 00:15:40,140
Neville's watch
when you were, you know,
365
00:15:40,173 --> 00:15:43,176
looking for something to steal.
366
00:15:43,210 --> 00:15:44,653
You shouldn't leave stuff
laying around
367
00:15:44,677 --> 00:15:46,779
if you don't want it stolen.
368
00:15:46,813 --> 00:15:49,282
You don't need a watch.
You need a plan.
369
00:15:49,316 --> 00:15:50,693
I had a plan
until you took the watch!
370
00:15:50,717 --> 00:15:52,685
Sit down.
371
00:15:52,719 --> 00:15:54,563
You know, a foster family would
have called the cops on you,
372
00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:56,156
and that's not
gonna happen here.
373
00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:58,058
You're stealing because
you feel worthless.
374
00:15:58,091 --> 00:16:00,293
Because you think that
that's all you can do.
375
00:16:00,327 --> 00:16:01,528
I know what that feels like.
376
00:16:01,561 --> 00:16:04,331
That's why you
have to live here.
377
00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:06,533
Why do you care so much?
You're not even my real aunt.
378
00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:09,102
Oh, we're related
in a different way.
379
00:16:10,737 --> 00:16:14,507
You and I are both members
of the horrible parents club,
380
00:16:14,541 --> 00:16:17,610
and nobody who's not been
through that can understand us.
381
00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:20,280
You know the password
to get into the clubhouse?
382
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:22,015
"You're the reason I drink"?
383
00:16:22,049 --> 00:16:24,384
Ohh!
That's like a hug.
384
00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:25,718
[Scoffs]
385
00:16:25,752 --> 00:16:28,555
We can't let their bitterness
define who we are.
386
00:16:28,588 --> 00:16:30,990
Anything you want to be or do,
you can do that now.
387
00:16:31,024 --> 00:16:32,392
There's nobody to tell you
388
00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:34,694
that you're not good enough
or smart enough.
389
00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:36,796
See, you're lucky
that your dad's dead
390
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:41,234
because that's gonna shave years
off this whole process.
391
00:16:41,268 --> 00:16:43,170
Well, then I'm glad
I killed him.
392
00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:50,310
Oh, wow. Okay. Wow.
393
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:54,214
Um, okay, well, I mean, I'm...
394
00:16:54,247 --> 00:16:56,449
sure he deserved it.
395
00:16:56,483 --> 00:16:58,351
[Scoffs]
God, no. I'm kidding.
396
00:16:58,385 --> 00:17:01,654
Oh, oka... [Laughing] Okay!
397
00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:06,093
Well, now you know what kind
of love you're gonna get here.
398
00:17:09,929 --> 00:17:12,365
Brayton, this is my
Aunt Darlene and Aunt Becky.
399
00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:13,966
Brayton:
Great to meet you.
400
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:16,169
Mary told me how much
she looks up to you both.
401
00:17:16,203 --> 00:17:18,638
Oh, aren't you
a little smoothie?
402
00:17:18,671 --> 00:17:20,773
Alright. Tell us
about yourself.
403
00:17:20,807 --> 00:17:23,176
Interests, life goals,
how many kids you have,
404
00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:25,478
your favorite movies.
405
00:17:25,512 --> 00:17:28,481
No kids yet. I'd like to
get out of middle school first.
406
00:17:30,016 --> 00:17:31,384
Um, my favorite movie
is "Ant-Man,"
407
00:17:31,418 --> 00:17:33,320
and I'm really good
at math and science,
408
00:17:33,353 --> 00:17:36,356
so I'm hoping to get a job at
a private spaceflight company.
409
00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:38,391
So do you believe young people
going into space
410
00:17:38,425 --> 00:17:39,868
should have sex
before they get married?
411
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:41,027
Aunt Becky!
412
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:45,064
I don't know.
I never really thought about it.
413
00:17:45,098 --> 00:17:48,335
Oh. Come on, Brayton. That's
all teenage boys think about.
414
00:17:48,368 --> 00:17:50,470
And you better think twice
before you pressure
415
00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:52,839
a sweet, naive young girl
into having sex.
416
00:17:52,872 --> 00:17:53,973
Okay.
We're gonna go.
417
00:17:54,006 --> 00:17:56,276
Hold on. Hold on.
418
00:17:56,309 --> 00:17:59,112
Look, Brayton, we don't know
much about you,
419
00:17:59,146 --> 00:18:00,813
but you are her first boyfriend.
420
00:18:00,847 --> 00:18:01,847
Third.
Third?!
421
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,518
We love Mary,
and we want to make sure
422
00:18:05,552 --> 00:18:08,388
you treat her right
and with respect.
423
00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:09,889
He does, and he will
424
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:12,024
because he knows
what he'll get if he doesn't.
425
00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:13,560
Come on, Brayton.
We're going.
426
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:14,894
Can I finish my cookie?
427
00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:16,929
Are we gonna have a good day
or a bad day?
428
00:18:20,667 --> 00:18:22,969
Apparently the Conner
alpha lady gene
429
00:18:23,002 --> 00:18:25,872
is getting stronger with
each generation. [Door closes]
430
00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:27,106
We were worried about her,
431
00:18:27,140 --> 00:18:29,476
but now I'm kinda worried
about Brayton.
432
00:18:29,509 --> 00:18:31,778
♪♪
433
00:18:31,811 --> 00:18:33,012
Oh, hey.
Hey.
434
00:18:33,045 --> 00:18:34,781
Hey, we're just bringing
some of my clothes
435
00:18:34,814 --> 00:18:36,649
back here to store them again
436
00:18:36,683 --> 00:18:39,152
because I'm hoping I might
be able to make some room
437
00:18:39,186 --> 00:18:41,388
in one of my closets for you.
438
00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:42,655
Can we talk?
439
00:18:42,689 --> 00:18:44,056
Sure.
As much as you want.
440
00:18:45,825 --> 00:18:49,229
So... I've decided.
No foster home.
441
00:18:49,262 --> 00:18:50,997
I want you and Neville
to be my guardians.
442
00:18:51,030 --> 00:18:52,832
Oh, my God!
443
00:18:52,865 --> 00:18:55,202
Oh, my God!
This is great!
444
00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:57,136
We gotta start looking
at colleges right now.
445
00:18:57,170 --> 00:18:59,839
You can get in anywhere.
You can get in.
446
00:18:59,872 --> 00:19:02,975
You're an angry
abandoned orphan?
447
00:19:03,009 --> 00:19:06,546
Easiest essay ever!
448
00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:08,615
Okay, so, you know
how you told me
449
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:11,451
I could do or be anything
I want to now? Yes, I do.
450
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:13,820
And that I should forget
everything my dad ever told me?
451
00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:15,355
Absolutely.
So what are we thinking?
452
00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:17,023
Doctor? Lawyer?
453
00:19:17,056 --> 00:19:18,791
I don't want to sway you,
454
00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:21,294
but this... this family
could use a good lawyer.
455
00:19:21,328 --> 00:19:25,232
Maybe somebody who
specializes in, um,
456
00:19:25,265 --> 00:19:27,567
tax evasion?
457
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,502
Um. Marine.
458
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:32,505
Biologist?
459
00:19:32,539 --> 00:19:34,106
No, the other Marine.
460
00:19:34,140 --> 00:19:35,975
I just thought,
for once, it'd be nice
461
00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:37,710
to be someone
that people look up to.
462
00:19:37,744 --> 00:19:40,347
But my dad always told me
the Marines don't take losers.
463
00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:42,024
So this morning I went down
to the recruiting office
464
00:19:42,048 --> 00:19:43,216
and I signed up.
465
00:19:43,250 --> 00:19:45,885
The only thing is, I'm 17,
466
00:19:45,918 --> 00:19:48,054
so I need you to sign this
so I can enlist.
467
00:19:48,087 --> 00:19:51,123
Well, hold on. What...
What about you living with us?
468
00:19:51,157 --> 00:19:53,526
What about you going to college?
469
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:54,961
I wanted to help you.
470
00:19:54,994 --> 00:19:56,796
You already did.
471
00:19:56,829 --> 00:19:58,898
But I wanted it to take longer.
472
00:20:01,901 --> 00:20:03,336
Hey. What's up?
473
00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:06,473
I told Caleb he could do
anything, and now he's doing it.
474
00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:09,442
I mean, I want
what's best for him,
475
00:20:09,476 --> 00:20:12,845
but he says he... he thinks
he wants to join the military,
476
00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:14,781
like, right away, and so...
477
00:20:14,814 --> 00:20:16,383
Okay! I thought
you'd probably w...
478
00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:20,052
Kid's got a good head on
his shoulders. I support him.
479
00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:23,390
...take a few minutes to...
Ohh.
480
00:20:23,423 --> 00:20:25,458
This isn't fair.
481
00:20:25,492 --> 00:20:27,827
I just got you.
482
00:20:27,860 --> 00:20:31,964
I'll send you a bumper sticker
that says "My Son is a Marine."
483
00:20:31,998 --> 00:20:34,367
Well.
484
00:20:34,401 --> 00:20:37,003
That would make me proud.
485
00:20:37,036 --> 00:20:38,505
Thank you!
Yeah.
486
00:20:38,538 --> 00:20:40,907
I'm gonna get this down
to the recruiting office now.
487
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:44,611
[Door opens and closes]
Oh...
488
00:20:44,644 --> 00:20:47,914
You only had a day, but you
did a great job raising him. Yeah.
489
00:20:50,417 --> 00:20:52,452
By the way, did you
take my wedding ring
490
00:20:52,485 --> 00:20:53,920
to the jewelers, too?
491
00:20:54,854 --> 00:20:57,223
[Chuckles]
Son of a bitch.
492
00:21:01,694 --> 00:21:03,463
Call!
Let's see 'em!
493
00:21:03,496 --> 00:21:04,331
Alright. I've been
waiting for this moment.
494
00:21:04,364 --> 00:21:05,532
Read 'em and
495
00:21:05,565 --> 00:21:08,701
weep... the hell?!
496
00:21:08,735 --> 00:21:11,371
You know, Becky, it's not enough
to pull a bill out of the jar.
497
00:21:11,404 --> 00:21:12,705
You have to pay it, too.
498
00:21:12,739 --> 00:21:15,775
I put it back in the jar
so somebody else would pull it.
499
00:21:15,808 --> 00:21:16,943
Let's just call it a night.
500
00:21:16,976 --> 00:21:19,145
No, no! Guys! Guys!
No! Come here! Hey!
501
00:21:19,178 --> 00:21:22,114
Hey. Look. I got a-a...
I got a light on my phone!
502
00:21:22,148 --> 00:21:23,282
I got a light! See?
503
00:21:23,316 --> 00:21:24,617
Guys, come on!
504
00:21:24,651 --> 00:21:26,185
I got four kings!
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