All language subtitles for The.Camp.Host.2024.en

Oh, yeah, no,
it's stuck! It's-it's--

Put it away, you're
gonna break the zipper again.

No, baby, it's--
What?

I think I know
how to open a tent, okay?

Oh, apparently not.

Oh, yeah. Okay, yeah,
you're the zipper expert.

Oh my, oh my God!
Are you okay?

- You alright?
- No.

I'm sorry.

Shh. It's past quiet hours.

Oh, my God,
I thought we came here

to escape the rules of society?

We're 50 feet away
from flushing toilets

and quarter operated showers.

This is not exactly
backcountry life.

Yeah, no,
not with that attitude.

-Just saying.
-Oh, my God, babe,

did you see those stars
though, like

you can't
get that shit in the city

and the smell of the trees,
right?

And like that,
the sound of the crickets.

It's all just so wild.

Like everything here is buzzing
with life, you know?

Very poetic.

I'm serious, you know, like,

like, at any
given moment, you and I,

we could get mauled by a bear.

And, I'd be okay with it.

-Don't say that.
-I will, I'm totally--

-That's awful.
-It's not awful.

It's beautiful.

You know, like,

we would feed the bear

and then, like,

we would fuel the ecosystem.

And we'd be a part of nature,

you know, and-and-and-and
we would,

we would become a part of
something bigger than us.

You know what I'm saying?

I wanna get wild tonight,
like...

Let's get like,
fucking primitive, you know.

Okay, but you need to be quiet

and then I'm
going right to sleep.

I have work on the morning

so I can't stay all night

deconstructing nature with you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
that all, that all sounds good.

-Good.
-That sounds good.

Oh, my God. I thought
the tent was hard to get into.

Let me try.

Yeah, yeah. Okay.

Okay.

Wait, wait, wait, the fire.

Oh, that's okay.

The camp host said
that we have to extinguish

all the fires
and never leave them

-unattended.
-Unattended. No, I know.

She says
that bullshit to everybody.

I don't think the fire is gonna
jump out and bite us.

-You know what I mean?
-Oh, really.

What about your precious trees?

Fuck the trees, right?

-Is that a bear?
-No, shit.

Oh..

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, what, what does it want?

I don't know, food.

Oh, fuck. I left some food out.
I left some food out.

Uh...

Oh, ca-can you do something?

Are you crazy?
I'm not going out there.

What do we do?
What do we do? What do we do?

-You're Davy-Fucking-Crocket.
-Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. We're gonna die.
Oh, fuck, we're gonna die.

No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no.

Get out of here bear.

Get the hell out.

Huh, babe...

What was that you're saying
about being mauled?

Oh, you know,
I-I wasn't scared, so...

Oh, you weren't? Okay.

Yeah, like that'd be--

Oh, my God!

Oh, no! No! Don't!

Jen, stop! Stop it!

Oh, God! Oh, God!

Oh, God!

Look out!

-Oh, my God.
-What?

-What happened?
-You happened.

You almost hit that turtle.

You scream
bloody murder over a turtle?

Jesus Christ, Sadie,
you could have killed us.

I could have killed us?

Yeah, okay,
I hope that that text message

you sent was worth all of our
lives, Meeka included.

No.

Not Meeka's.

Can you ever
just pay attention?

- You wanna drive?
- What?

Miss out on the opportunity
to tell you what to do?

Not a chance.

It's your van, too.

Most people our ages
own a house.

Gross.

Equity, appreciation,
investments.

You know, real adult stuff.

Instead, we bought a used van.

Technically,
the bank bought the van.

-We just make payments.
-Don't you want to have a house?

You know, something
that you can call your own?

No. We just spent
the last two and a half years

trapped inside the house.

The last thing
I want to do is be...

committed to the same four walls
for the rest of my adult life.

I mean, look at this,
I've got a road

to endless possibilities
and experiences in front of me,

and I'm not gonna
miss out on that.

Yeah, what else
could a guy need?

Gee, I don't know. Besides for
you to stop texting for once.

Hey, I'm not
even texting, baby.

I'm looking for our song.

All right, fine.
Maybe this was worth dying for.

...human remains
consistent with the description

of a missing Florida couple,
who were last seen,

camping in the Upper
Peninsula.

No foul play has been detected

as evidence shows
that they were likely

victims to a bear attack.

Man, internet sleuths have been
tracking these guys for weeks.

America loves
a missing white people story.

Actually, you know,
remember that one about

the Mexican girl
who was kidnapped

while camping with her parents?

-No.
-Exactly.

Oh, the campsite's
coming up on the right here.

I'm so happy
we're not camping in Michigan.

Bears and yoopers,
can you imagine?

There's the Camp Host.

- She's pretty.
- Hm.

Wow, California.

Well, you're
a long way from home.

Yeah, tell me about it. We've
been on the road for a while.

Feels like it's been a year.

It's been three weeks.

This drama queen over here
is my husband, Ed

and I'm Sadie.

Still, three weeks is a long
time to take off work.

Yeah, I-I work remotely,

and she...

I, uh, I'm...

Well, I'm sort of
between things right now.

You know, it's,
it's complicated, you know.

But I'm figuring it out. Yeah.

Hey, I get it.
It's early retirement.

That seems to be
the trend with you kids now.

- Really?
- Well, sure.

And I don't blame you either.

I mean,
the whole world's crumbling.

Who wants to work?

Nothing matters anymore.

And who wants to be
the band on the Titanic?

Exactly.

See, that's why we packed up

and, you know,
and decided to...

Fly north.

You coming back home?

Unplug and get back to nature.

Where are you from, baby bird?

Um, the...

San Fernando Valley. .

Oh. City life making you
a bit crabby.

-Pardon?
-You know what I mean.

Where are you really from?

I could smell
the thunderstorm in you.

That actually might be Meeka.

He got skunked
a few states back.

I'm from Hawaii. You ever been?

So, you two want a campsite?

I think I got a couple to spare.

We don't get many campers
this time of year.

What do you think.

20 bucks?

I'll throw in a couple
of bundles of firewood.

Really?

That's a deal.

- Hop on out here.
- What are you doing?

-I don't know.
-Help me with the wood,

and I'll give you
the law of the land.

They're pit toilets.
There's nothing fancy.

And there's no running water,
so don't put anything in them

that you would
not put in the ground.

What's in the bowl?

Gratitude stones.

They're for you
to keep on your person.

Put one in your pocket
and it'll remind you

to be grateful
for everything around you.

Nice.

This is your site.

Cute dog.

I like pets.
I have one myself.

Really? What kind?

My kind.

Keep the pup on a leash

and keep your eye
on him at all times.

He's adorable
and he will want to roam.

But to many
of the critters around here,

he is also very tasty.

We've had
a few bear sightings recently,

so you've got
to watch out for predators.

Oh, sweet. Bear sightings.
That's awesome.

Maybe we can end up in the news
like that Florida couple.

That's why I got bear spray
bagged with me.

Oh, that's good. Just in case
you wanna season yourself

before the bear eats you.

-Seriously?
-That stuff doesn't do diddly.

If you see or hear anything
suspicious, you come to me.

I keep a loaded revolver
in my camper at all times.

That does not
make me feel any better.

There's no bars.

Did you hear what I just said?

You said something.

Never leave
your fires unattended,

and always extinguish them
when you're done.

Do not burn my forest down.

It's gonna be here
a lot longer than you two.

Been three days, and I
frickin' can't get this thing...

Oh, that's Frank.

He came in here
a couple of days ago.

Good storyteller
if you get him going.

Freaking thing!

He's kind of cute, right?

Hey, you need a hand?

-What?
-Such a social butterfly.

Dude's struggling.

-Do you need a hand?
-What?

Maybe we could
try smoke signals.

Do you need a hand?!

Jesus Christ, Ed,
just let it go.

Leave me alone!

You're right. He is kind of
cute. I like him.

Jeez Louise.

I don't get it, man.

Like the sun's supposed to give
dudes hella energy,

but I'm just getting
more fucking tired.

Like, what is going on?

Yeah, that's because
it's not the real sun.

The real shit died
a long time ago.

You know you said
that out loud, right?

- Mm-hmm.
- Quiet hours begin at 10:00 p.m.

I can already tell I'm gonna
have a problem

with these knuckleheads.

You can let it rip
until 10:00 p.m.

But if I hear you when the clock
strikes witching hour,

you are breaking the rules.

Don't blame me, man.

I ain't NASA.

Hey, man, pick up your trash.

Everything you bring into this
campsite, you take out.

You dispose of
your waste properly.

Leave no trace.

Pack in, pack out. Got it.

You've got it, Thunderbird.
I think you've done this before.

Looks like you got
a promotion, Thunderbird.

Any questions?

Yeah, what about reception?

Ed.

Your best option
is over by the bathrooms.

Everywhere else
is pretty much a dead zone.

Great.

What are you, uh...

What are
you working on over here?

Oh, that's silly.

I paint Native American art
in my free time.

Native American, huh?

Yeah,
my great grandma was Blackfoot,

so the ancestors
run through me, too.

You know, I can hear their
voices when I'm painting.

Well, okay.

Thank you so much
for getting us set in. I, uh...

don't think I caught your name.

I'm the Camp Host.

-Right, but your-your name--
-You know what?

I don't usually do this,

but I feel this amazing
connection with you

and I would be a fool
not to nurture that energy.

Right.

How would you like...

to see the most spectacular

swimming hole
you have ever seen?

It is so hidden,

you have to wade
through a river to find it.

Isn't it a little cold
for swimming?

Even if you don't take a dip,
there is so much

to discover over there.

It is your
own private paradise.

It's totally off the grid,

and the only people who know
about it are you and me.

-Mm.
-And if you go now,

you'll be able to get there.
There's still enough light.

-I--
-I mean, I'd take you myself,

but I have got
some duties around here.

Oh, oh, you can't go?

Oh, damn.

It sucks. Uh...

How far is it?

Okay, but you have
to keep this a secret.

Uh-huh. Yeah, scout's honor.

Seriously,
you cannot tell a soul.

Hold up.

- Oh.
- Breaking all the rules.

Yeah, what are you gonna do?
Tell the camp host?

Yeah, just don't blame me
if he becomes bear bait.

I got to pee.

Don't you think...

she's a little nutty?

A little? That lady did one
too many drugs in the 70s.

- She hasn't come down yet.
- Right?

I mean, what was up with
that thunderstorm stuff anyway?

Yeah, that was weird. It's like
she knew you were native

and she was trying
to impress you or something.

No, that's not it.

Well, don't let it bother you.
It's just...

one night, and then
this place is in our rear view.

She was being reductive.
You didn't see it.

I grew up with entitled people
like her telling me who I am

and where I do and don't belong.

-Mm-mm.
-She was challenging me.

Challenging you at what?

No, you wouldn't understand.

An art contest?

Don't even get me started on
that fucking art.

What if we just left today,

hmm?

After the swimming hole.

I could book us
another place to stay.

Yeah, like another rest stop

with more
dispersed camping and,

oh, a bathroom without water.

Sweet.

-She makes me uncomfortable, Ed.
-Mm-hmm.

I swear, I don't like
being around her.

We don't even know her name.
I mean, isn't that a red flag?

Sadie, she is
a kooky old white lady.

She's doing exactly
what she's supposed to do.

-I'm being serious.
-So am I.

She's harmless.
Plus, she's just a camp host.

What's the worst she can do,
kick us out?

We live in a van.

She's whatever.
Don't let it bother you, okay?

Don't let it take your energy.
It is just one night.

And you can
survive one night, can't you?

-Why don't you just, um...
-I guess.

relax and...

enjoy the view?

I'm enjoying it right now.

I'm enjoying the view.

I swear to God, Ed,
don't you dare.

Hmm. Babe.

-Don't you dare. Don't take it.
-But...

Come on, Thunderbird.

Ah! Ow!

-Give me that.
-Don't you dare.

-Come and get it if you want.
-You get back here with that.

-Yeah. I know.
-Let's go.

-It's going in the water.
-Meeka, come on.

-Sadie get back here.
-I don't care.

Give me my phone.

She said it was
gonna be amazing, I swear.

She seemed pretty convinced.

All right, this is where
we're supposed to enter.

Wait, through there?

-Uh-huh.
-This time of year? No.

What? Don't you wanna see
what paradise looks like?

Not if it means I see
what hypothermia looks like.

Well, you know...

you don't have to go in, but...

me and your, uh, phone.

God damn it.

- No.
- We'll be in the water.

Okay. Okay.
Careful with that, that's...

No. Okay.

There's got to be a better way
to get to paradise.

Yeah.

Let's go, Meeka.

Wow.

- Oh, my God.
- Whoo.

It's perfect.

Yeah, it's all right.
It's, you know...

Get some water,

rocks, basic nature shit.

God, you're such a dick.

Kidding. It's amazing.

I'm so glad we're not in there
'cause I would definitely

get a brain eating nematode.

No, we'll be fine.

Probably bottle that
and sell it at Gelson's

for like, six bucks.

Oh, I miss Gelson's.

You know, it's places like this
that make me think

God might actually exist.

-Yeah.
-Hmm.

Guess that camp host
wasn't so bad after all.

Very cute. Very cute.

-Come here, Meeka. Come here.
-What are you doing?

Mm...

All showing off for the likes.

Let's get
the whole family here.

Get it. Get it, get it, get it.

- Okay.
- There.

- Posting to your account.
- What are you doing?

Supposed
to be a secret Thunderbird.

Fuck the rules!

Whoo!

-Now give me my phone back.
-Oh, yeah, okay.

You earned it.

I feel like
I'm inRed Dead Redemption.

Okay, what does that even mean

when you say stuff like that,
by the way?

- Video game.
- Oh, video game.

All right.
What do you think, babe?

We cooking tonight or what?

I think I could
live off beef jerky

and tequila
for the rest of my life.

Oh, that's great.
But what about me?

Oh, get out of here with that.

Okay, you know what?
How about...

you go make this a fire, and...

I'll at least make sure that
we get our basic nutrients in.

And tequila.

Yeah, tequila.

- Too flat.
- Jesus H. Christ!

It's too spread out.

Hey, get that shit
out of my face, would you?

Oh, so, were talking now?

You wanna build a teepee
not a cabin.

Go on. Scoot over, kid.

You see,

fire wants to burn.

Air wants to rise.

So you build a ladder

and the fire will climb.

Now, that sounds like a nursery
rhyme.

Yeah, it's something
my wife always used to say.

That wife of yours teach you
how to build tents too?

Mm-hmm.

Ha ha. Huh?

Your wife know that
you cheat at campfires?

Are you always like this?

-Like what?
-Relentless.

I mean,
who are you performing for?

Truth is...

my wife passed last year.

Cancer.

Damn. I'm sorry, man.

But no, she didn't know.

All she knew was

I lit the fires
and she could depend on me.

You know,
this will burn all night

if you just
give it a little attention.

Just keep
stacking sticks and logs

in that upright formation.
Like--

Like a teepee.

Like a teepee.

You know, I've been
carrying something like this

around with me for 20 years.

The fires never went out.

And, hey...

maybe ease off
on the sarcasm, too.

It's exhausting.

You're not a kid anymore, kid.

Hey, you wanna join us?

Settle.

Sir!

What are you barking at, huh?

There's nothing out there.

See?

Oh, hey.

You guys having
a party without me?

Hey, check it out.

- Nice fire, baby.
- I made this all by myself.

Just me.

No help.

You doing all right over there?

Yeah, man, I'm, I am good.

Ready to party!

Just relax, man.
Try to enjoy yourself, okay?

And check out
these dope ass stars.

It's all a simulation.
None of this matters.

What are you going on
about now?

Nothing. I just, I...

I just wish we had some girls
here is all, you know?

And like a couple
of dudes for you.

Yeah, you wouldn't know
what to do with yourself

if we had some girls right now.

Sure I would.
Are you kidding me?

Blake the snake, man.

I'll go like this.

All right, all right, dude,
you don't have to do all that.

Fuck off.
Don't tell me what to do.

What is wrong with you, dude?

Why can't
you just go one minute

without destroying something?

You don't even know
what you're mad at.

I'm pissed because
all your John Mayer ass

wants to do
when I'm finally single

is sit around
playing show tunes

when we could
be fucking something, man.

That's not
why you're mad, dude.

She didn't even give me
a chance to change.

Would you have?

-Ah, damn it.
-Oh, Wow.

You're such a shitty person
sometimes, you know that?

Fuck you, man.

Look, I'm not the one
that broke up with you remember?

-I'm trying to help you.
-Yeah, well, I loved her.

You cheated on her.

All right? Man up
and own your mistakes.

Hey.

Hey, Blake.
Where are you going?

I've gotta shit.

I appreciate you, Terance.

That's what I thought.

Man, I'm drunk.

Ah, just leave me alone, T,

I-I don't care anymore.

Ohh...

Nope, na-uh.

Get outta here, you monster!

What, you're trying to
following me to the crapper?

You tryna fuck?!

'Cause I'd do it.

You know I would.

God damn it, Blake.

You know, Debbie used to
love cooking around a campfire.

I think
planning these camping trips

got her through
most of the chemo.

Well, until the...

You know...

You must
really love camping too.

You kidding me?

I hate it.

Then why do you do it?

Well, it beats dying alone
in my own house.

And I guess I get
to meet people like you two.

And that camp host.

You know,
I'm pretty sure she likes you.

-No.
-Yeah.

-Really?
-Yeah.

Hey.

Y'all talking
about the camp host?

What is the deal
with that broad anyway?

And all her rules.

"Don't say the camp host's name

five times
in front of the mirror."

This guy!

-What is her name anyways?
-It's a mystery.

Doesn't matter.
She is a cop.

Not like, a, a real cop,

but, you know, like,
cop adjacent.

- I hate cops.
- Blake!

Oh, God.

I'm so sorry, guys. Please
excuse my friend here, okay?

He's just been
going through some--

Booze! You got any?

-Come on, man.
-Lots.

Gracias.

Um, I'm Terance.

There's a reason
for her rules, you know.

She never tell you
about Yellowstone?

Oh, my God, I hate that show.

Wow. Okay. Awkward.

-What happened in Yellowstone?
-Yeah.

Maybe now's not the right time.

Lame.

Hey, uh...

you know where I can, uh,

-go poopoo?
-Just that way.

-I'll meet you back at camp.
-Just shut up your mouth, cop.

I do what I want
and I'm going home.

Come on, man, stop playing.
Hey, stop playing, man.

I'm sorry.
Please continue.

Well, then..

It was years ago.

She worked as
a camp host in Montana.

She met
a couple of girls who...

were celebrating their wedding.

And you know,
they were real dumb,

stupid kids, you know?

Yeah. Excited about everything.

But the, the host
dug their energy.

She took a real liking to them.

So, she wanted to do

something special
for their wedding.

She told them about this

beautiful natural hot springs
in the area that

that only the locals use.

-Told them to keep it a--
-Secret?

Yeah, yeah, that's right.

Ah, smells like poop in here.

I think I found you.

Fuck you, Terance.

I'm not shitty. I'm awesome.

I'm awesome.

Occupied. Ah...

Well, the kids go for a soak,

but this is where
it gets weird.

See, the host had told them
to watch out for signs

and warnings around the pools

on account that some of the
pools were geothermal

and they were acidic.

Scalding hot.

But the kids being kids, well,

they didn't listen.

Yeah.

The fuck...

is this hippie shit?

Hey, someone's in here.

That newlywed

watched her bride
boil to death.

She-she tried to help,

but it was too hot.

So she ran to get help,

but by the time they got back,
it was too late.

There was no sign of her.

Her whole body

had completely dissolved.

The only thing that remained

was her day pack

and the warning signs
that they'd neglected.

Should have listened to her.

Hey!

I think
I've read about this online.

Yeah, a lot of people did.

Locals,
they suspected foul play.

She is acquitted
of all the charges, but...

that didn't
clear her conscience.

That poor woman,

she blames herself
for the accident.

Can you imagine what that kind
of guilt would do to a person?

She must be haunted

by that one brief moment

every single day of her life.

Uh...

She never resumed
her camp host duties...

until now.

Jesus.

Toilet paper. Toilet paper.

Like a mummy.

All right, that's it.

You want to fight, asshole?

Goddammit, Terance.

What the fuck!

Those poor kids.

I mean, how does something
like that even happen?

Um, I should probably
head back to camp

and see how Blake's doing.

Thanks, uh, for the nightmares.

-Hey.
-Hm. Hey.

-Thank for hosting me, kiddo.
-Ah, you bet.

Of course.

Well, goodbye.

Hey, Frank.

Yeah?

Do you really hate camping?

No, I'm...

I'm just not very good at it.

It doesn't come as easy to me

as it did to Debbie.

You know, this trip I'm on now,

she was planning
in the hospital.

I think it was her way
of ignoring death.

Well, maybe she just
wanted to make sure that

you weren't gonna
ignore life after she was gone.

Yeah.

I must admit, I do feel
closer to her out here.

Yeah.

I just wish
I'd paid more attention.

Oh.

Well, at least I can
set up my own tent, huh?

I swear to God,
that woman is haunting me.

Frank, your tent fell over.

Yeah, I know.

Frank.

Yeah, I know, kid.

Your tent, man.

Yeah, I know!

You are a very patient woman.

You know, you left
your fire unattended.

You-know-who's
gonna be on your ass.

Well, maybe
she'll punish me, huh?

Okay. Goodnight, Frank.

-Goodnight.
-Gone.

Hey,

I wanted to give this to you.

It'll be our little secret.

Huh?

Keep the fires burning.

Thanks, man.

And hey...

don't screw this up.

Hmm?

All right.
Have a good night, Ed.

Night, Frank.

Yo, what is withAbout Schmidt

over there always telling me
what to do?

Yeah, no one gets it when you
say stuff like that, by the way.

What do you mean?
Old man lost in America.

Jack Nicholson.

-He's-he's lonely.
-Yeah, that one.

No, no, I'm talking about Frank.

I don't care
about your nerd shit.

Okay, can we talk about
that camp host story?

-I mean--
-Yeah, that was weird.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

I just got to go
to the bathroom first.

Can we talk
about it in a minute?

-You mean 45?
-Yeah, exactly.

This stinks.

Fuck.

How about no.

Fuck!

What died in here?

Live your life, Frank.

Ed never does that.

What the fuck?

Hey.

Hey.

Knock it off.

What the fuck?

The fuck!

Sadie! Sadie! Help me!

In the bathroom!
Sadie, help me. Sadie.

Sadie!

No...

- Oh, he feels guilty.
- No...

Woah!

Open the fucking bathroom!
Sadie! Help me, Sadie!

Sadie! Help me, Sadie! Help me!

Fucking help me!

No! No! No!

Ah!

I'll be right back, Meeka.

-Hey.
-Hey!

-Sadie.
-Oh, Ed. Oh!

-Are you okay?
-I thought that you were dead.

-I have to tell you something.
-Me too.

-There's a demon the bathroom.
-Camp Host just killed Frank.

-What?
-What?

-Okay, you go first.
-Shh...

Okay, just listen
for a second, Ed.

The camp host

just killed Frank.

Why would
the camp host kill Frank?

I don't know. I think she...

Because he left
his fire unattended.

I think she kills...

people who
don't follow her rules.

She lit his body on fire, Ed.

Don't look at me like that.

Okay, okay, okay.
What about your toilet demon?

-Oh, so you did hear that?
-How could I not?

There was
a demon in the bathroom

under, under, under,
where the stuff is.

Unbelievable.

Oh, so, now
you don't believe me?

I-I mean...

A spooky toilet, Ed? Really?

-You don't know what I saw.
-What you saw?

Could you be more
of a hypocrite right now?

I'm telling you
that there was--

Blake!

Oh, my God.

Christ!

Okay, we have to go now.

Good evening, campers.

It is well past 10 o'clock

which means quiet time
has come into effect.

Witching hour.

It's 10:04.

She's making
more noise than we are.

You are disobeying
the rules of my camp

by polluting these grounds
with your unsolicited chatter.

Your blatant disregard

for quiet hours

is disrespectful
not only to me,

but to every other camper here.

This will be your first
and last warning.

Please try your best
to be courteous

and respectful
of your surroundings.

Just listen.

How can you hear the voices

if you never stop talking?

-She's insane, Ed.
-Where are we supposed to go?

She's caught us
in her death ray.

Can you hear me?

I think she's talking to us.

Uh, yea-yeah.

Yeah, yeah, we can,
we can hear.

Do I have to come over there?

Uh, no, no.
We're good. Thank you.

We got it.

All good.

Okay.

Will you please

drop the whole
bruised ego thing

and give me
the benefit of the doubt

for once by acknowledging

that that lady
is a psycho killer?

Fine.

There was a demon
in the bathroom.

That's great, babe.

That's great.

Okay, come on,
come on, come on.

I got it.

-I should drive.
-I got it.

Slow down. Slow down.

- Kill the lights.
- Kill the lights. Really? Why?

Because we have
to get through that.

No, not locked.

She's challenging us.

Go slow.

- I'll go.
- No.

You have to be ready
to peel out. I'll go.

I can do both.
I promise. Sadie!

Lift and do this.

Yes!

Bad girl!

You spit,
back in your cage!

What was that?!

Come, come, come.

Come on.

Packing out already?

-Come on, come on.
-Drive!

You're in neutral!

Do it in drive!

Ed, come on, come on!
Faster!

- What the fuck?!
- Holy shit!

-Faster! Faster!
-It's as a fast as it goes.

Oh, my God.
No, she's gaining on us.

Thump it, Ed!

-Oh, shit!
-Oh, God.

She's gonna catch us!

She's gone. We did it.

Oh, God.

Hey, uh...

Let's never go
back there again, okay?

Deal.

-You okay?
-Yeah. Yeah. Good.

-You?
-Yeah. No, I'm good. I'm good.

Where's Meeka?

What do you mean?

He's not in the back.

Of course he's in the back...

Why is he not in the back,
Sadie?

I don't know. I, I locked him

in the van
when I went to find you.

-Did you?
-Yes.

Yes, I remember. I-I locked the
van. I-I locked the doors.

I... Whoa! Whoa!
Why, why are you still driving?

-We-we have to go back.
-Fuck, we do.

What? Oh my God.
Of course we do!

This isn't negotiable, Ed.
We have to turn around.

Sadie, you are crazy
if you think I'm taking us back

to where that lunatic is.

Someone needs
to protect this family.

Meeka is our family.

Oh my God. Okay, just stop
driving for one second

and just, just simply listen to
me. Please, Ed. For once!

-Please, just look at me.
-No way.

How is this even
a conversation

-right now?
-It's not!

I swear to God, Ed,

I will leave you before I ever

leave Meeka behind!

We have to go back!

She could be anywhere.

You just keep driving.

Maybe she's gone.

Maybe that's what she
wants us to think.

Forget something?

Huh, I found it in the lot.

Boy, you must have
been in a hurry, huh?

But look at you two.

You came back because you
remembered the camp rules.

Pack in, pack out.

Is she fucking joking?

Sadie, don't do it.

We're looking
for our dog Meeka.

-You lost your dog?
-No, he was in the van.

-In your van, with you?
-What?

You were with him, right?

You wouldn't have left
him alone, unleashed,

unattended, would you?

Of course not.

No, 'cause he was inourvan.

Why wasn't hewithyou?

Well, it doesn't matter now.

We have to think
about baby Meeka.

Good news is, he's a survivor.

What happened
to that leg anyway?

Was that also on your watch?

All right, playtime is over.

Sadie.

- Stay in the van.
- Sadie.

Sadie.

You got the wrong bitch.

You know, just 'cause you're
older than the constitution

doesn't make you safe
from an ass whoopin'.

I am so sick of you
talking backwards

to me with your low-key,
diet-racist bullshit.

Fuck your gun.
Fuck your judgmental looks.

Fuck your whole crazy killer
camp shit you got going on.

And fuck you.

You don't fucking
phase me, bitch.

Now get thefuckout
of my way

so I can get my fucking dog
and go home.

Where is home again?

What'd you do with those
girls up in Yellowstone anyway?

Hmm?

Would you kill them
like you did Frank?

Oh, dear.

Sadie!

Ed, no!

Ed!

Ow.

You can't beat me, Ed.

You're weak.

Oh, you're crazier
than I thought.

So, why was Sadie the first one
to take action

and get out of the van?

- She told me to stay.
- Like a dog?

Is that what you do, Ed?
You do what you're told?

Woof.

You really are a mess,
Thunderbird.

So much crap in that city
trap of yours.

No wonder you're in such
a hurry to escape.

What's she saying?!
What's going on?

Just leave us alone.

I have a new set
of rules for you.

Get back in your trash can

with that garbage husband
of yours

and park it on your site.

Shut up and go to sleep.

Come daybreak, you're gonna play
like happy little campers.

And that means no going
off the reservation this time.

Don't talk to anybody.

No notes, no signs, no signals,
no gestures. Nothing.

And why the fuck
would we do that?

Follow my rules,
and maybe your gib mutt

will come back in one piece.

Well, whatever is left.

I mean, he is already
missing one leg.

Do you think
he can walk on two?

What do we even
do to hurt you?

We're good people. It doesn't
make any sense. What the hell?!

You'll give him back.

My camp, my rules.

We got a long day ahead of us.

-Why don't we have a gun?
-What?!

Shh...

I said why don't we have a gun?

You didn't want one, remember?

You said it was too dangerous.
Only meant for one thing.

Yeah, that's the point.

Oh, oh, God.

-What's the sound?
-What? What sound?

What?

Oh, I'm not gonna get
any sleep tonight.

You should probably
get some sleep tonight.

-I'm not even tired.
-Ed...

Meeka!

Meeka. Oh!

Come here, boy.

Oh. Hear me.
Come here, come here.

Meeka?

Oh.

Meeka.

Meeka.

Oh, Meeka.

Meeka. Oh.

Oh.

Oh, come on, mommy's here.

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Sadie. Oh!

Hey, you're in the van.
You're just in the van.

You're having a nightmare.

-We have to go find Meeka.
-Yeah, but we can't leave.

Oh, no, no, we can't leave
the camp ground.

I just, I don't think
it's smart to go out there.

Hmm, okay.

- Of course you don't.
- What's that supposed to mean?

Forget it.

No, no, don't do that.

You, uh, go ahead and play
on your phone.

I'm not the bad guy
here, Sadie.

-Where were you?
-What?

When I went looking for you.

Oh, you mean when
you lost the dog?

I, I locked the van.

Did you? Or are you just
trying to convince

yourself that you did?

I mean, what do you even
care, huh?

You were gonna leave
him behind.

I was trying to protect us.

You were trying
to protect yourself.

That's not true.

We should have left when
the camp host was being racist.

But, but no,
you didn't listen to me!

You never listened to me, Ed!

Oh, no, you had to wait until
she went ahead and murdered

someone to finally
take me seriously!

And now...

Now we're all gonna die!

Sadie, she's not gonna kill us.

She's just trying
to screw with us.

-Oh, my God, Ed!
-No, think about it.

No, she had plenty
of opportunities to kill us

last night, but she didn't.
We're gonna be fine.

Just because she wants
to hurt us first

doesn't mean
she isn't going to kill us!

-This is personal to her, okay?
-What is personal?

I don't know, 'cause she thinks
she knows me.

Does she?!

Better than you do?
Probably, yeah.

Jesus Christ.
What do you want from me?

For you to do better.

God, are you kidding me
right now?

Oh, great.

The answers are probably
on the Internet!

I was trying to call the cops.

What is it with you
and that thing, anyways, huh?

I mean, you are so concerned
with work

and what your friends are doing.

Like, I'm right here.

But you could give
a damn how I feel.

You know, I would,
I would actually kill...

to have you pay
half as much attention to me

as you do
to your stupid phone.

-Say what you really mean.
-This is all your fault!

I did not do anything!

Yeah, that's the problem, Ed.

You never do anything.

You never show the fuck up.

You know what I really think?

Oh, God,
we don't have time for this.

No, no, no, listen to me.

I think you never
wanted a husband.

No, no, no.

You just wanted somebody
to pay for the van

and to blame
so you could figure out

what to do
with the rest of your life.

Oh, grow up.

If I was missing right now

would you come back for me?

Would you be half as worried

as you are right now?!

Because I don't think
you would.

I don't think you would.

The truth is, I don't think
you like me very much.

I don't.

Not right now!

Wait, what-what-what're
you doing?!

You know, I could be there
for you, Sadie, if you just...

if you gave me something
to hold on to.

Okay, just-just get back
in the van, Ed.

No, I'm gonna go to paradise.
I'm gonna call the cops.

Maybe I'll find Meeka
on the way.

Okay, all right.
I'm coming with you.

No. What if Meeka
comes back?

-He's with the camp host.
-We don't know that.

Ed, would you just
stop messing around?

Would you just trust me, okay?

I wanna do this. I wanna help.

You're gonna get
yourself killed.

You're not the victim here, Ed.

I'm not the bad guy either.
We already have one of those.

Wha--

Meeka, come!

Meeka.

Meeka, come!

Meeka!

Here, boy!

Meeka...

Sadie, right?

Hey, are you...
You okay?

I fell.

Um... you haven't seen
Blake, have you?

I've been looking
for him since last night

and I'm officially worried.

I'm not supposed to talk to you.

Your dude's
the jealous type or...

Camp host.

Well, um...

You don't have to worry
about her 'cause I saw her

wandering into
the woods this morning.

She said the last time she saw
Blake, he was in the bathroom.

Have you, uh, have you seen him?

You know, maybe he
tried to go home

but he would not make it
three feet in his condition.

Maybe he's dead.

Yeah.

I said some things to him
that I didn't mean

out of out of frustration.

I just, I want to apologize,
you know?

God, I really fucking
hate these things.

Where are you going?

I'm gonna go kill the camp host.

Camping is a fucking trip, man.

Hello.

Anyone in here?

Meeka...

And they called
us uncivilized.

That's a lot of sage.

These are all your victims.

Meeka.

Meeka.

Mommy's here.

Fucking...

No, no.

No, no, come on.

Come on.

Fuckin' A.

Yes. Fuckin' yes!

Yes.

Fuck.

911. What's your emergency?

Yeah, it's just fucked up over
here. There's bodies everywhere.

You got fucking helicopters
and police and guns.

We need it all.
There's fucking lots of murder.

Is this Ed Williams?

Yeah, yeah. You got
to get here quick. She's on one.

What's the address?

It's, uh...

I need to
know where you are, sir.

Yeah, it's, uh...

Okay, my wife does
all the navigating.

She does all the,
all the planning,

so I-I guess,
I guess she'd probably

know this information but...

I drive. I do drive, so I help.

You don't know where you are?

No. She's at the campground.
She's looking for our dog.

I understand, sir.

You're at a campground?

No, I'm where she stores
all the fucking bodies!

- Your wife?
- No, the camp host.

You're not listening.

I need an address.

Are you able to read me

a street sign or give

me a landmark?

Can't you see me on a computer?
You know my name.

You're telling me you don't,
you can't fucking look

me up on the
fucking Internet?!

It doesn't
always work like that, sir.

Especially in rural areas.

Well, it's a secret
swimming hole. Look that up.

It's-It's-It's, uh...

- Hello?
- I'm here.

Okay, it's a se...

Oh, snap!
It's-it's on my social.

I took a picture of it.
Look it up.

My account is @=MC2.

Okay.
Please hold.

Hello?

Hello?

Okay, sir, I'm back.

Are you or anyone
with you hurt?

Yes.

Oh, hi, honey. Hi.

Are you okay?

Have you seen my mama?

I-is this camp host, your mom?

I'm Sadie. What's your name?

I'm not supposed
to talk to you.

What? Uh...

How-how-how come?

- The rules.
- The-the rules?

T-tell-tell me about
the, about the rules.

She says it's nature's law.

If I don't follow the rules,
she'll cut out my tongue.

I see you've met Meeka.

- Mee-ka?
- Yeah.

Oh, he loves you.

-I can tell. Yeah.
-Yeah.

Uh, what-what-what else
did camp host say

before she left?

If I make any noise,
she'll kill me.

She said that to you?

That's awful.

Why-why would she say that?

She wants to protect nature.

From what?
How does that protect nature?

From us.

We're not
supposed to be here.

But we are a part of nature.

I've never thought
about it that way before.

We are nature.

Yeah. We're-we're nature.

Oh, okay. Let's,
let's just get you out of here.

Uh, does-does-does camp host
have a key?

No, sh-sh-she puts
it in the drawer.

Like over here.

- Okay, let's see. Uh...
- I'm Tikaani, by the way.

Tikaani. Oh, that's a great
name, Tikaani.

Drawer. Uh, uh..

Keys, keys, okay.
Uh, uh...

Uh, oh, that's not sage.

It's a trap.

I picked up this ulu
when I was living in Alaska.

The Inupiaq used
it to live off the land,

way back when there was
an actual relationship

between the people
and the natural world.

I believe the ancestors stored
their knowledge inside of it.

Passing it down
through the generations.

I can hear them right now.

They still use
the ulu in Alaska.

Especially during
those pregnant summers

when the rivers are flushed
with salmon.

Only problem is...

the last time I visited...

there were no salmon.

But there were plenty
of big ships,

and big oil spills
and even bigger nets

and a lot of starving animals.

It makes you wonder exactly...

what we're doing here.

Besides ruining
the only hope we have.

We don't know
how to take care of the things

that we need the most.

Like you two
and your constant bitching.

How are you supposed
to take care of the planet

if you can't even
take care of each other?

You know, there was
a time during lockdown...

when we were all in our cages

and the natural world
actually came back to life.

Dolphins swam
in the canals in Venice.

Sheep grazed on golf courses.

Deer populated
the major cities.

And the salmon came back!

And it was magnificent!

And then you came.

I, I didn't break
any of your rules, okay.

Just let me go. Just let me go.

With your tents and your vans!

And your need
to get back to nature.

All because
of one little scare.

Nature actually bit back
and you couldn't handle it.

So you fled from your homes and
you scattered like cockroaches!

Disrespecting my land.

Disobeying my rules.

Very simple rules. Yeah?

It was supposed to be a secret.

You and your cunt wife,
were not supposed to tell

a soul about paradise!

Shut the fuck up!

- Ah, okay...
- I don't feel too good.

Okay, no, no. No, I'm
gonna get you out of here, okay?

-Silver one.
-Silver, uh... Oh, okay!

Oh, oh, I got it.

Ah! Oh, I got it.

Good job. Okay.

Hi, boy. Hi. Hi.

We got to find a
way out of here.

What else can you tell me?

What else did camp host
say where she left?

She s-s-said
she was going hunting.

Hunting?

For...for what, uh?

Animal?

A man.

Ah, okay, okay we got to go.

Come on, I'll get you out of
here. Let's go. Come on.

All right.

Ah! Ah...

Oh, you're kidding.

Fuck!

Lady.

Lady!

Never mind the painting.

You're so fucking exhausting!

Do you really believe that whole

Kill For The World spiel?

You're off your rocker, lady.

You wanna kill people, just say
you wanna fucking kill people.

They're gonna think
you're crazy regardless.

Talking to me about
polluting the planet?

Bitch, you drive a fucking RV!

I use toilet paper
made out of bamboo!

I drive a plug in hybrid!

I read my comic
books on an iPad!

I went paperless years ago!

And my van, you don't even know
that shit's got solar.

It's fucking dope! I do my part!

Did it ever occur to you that
this whole great-outdoors trend

might actually be redefining
everybody's relationship

with nature and it's possibly
a good thing?!

I think people are starting
to reconnect with the world,

and that's pretty damn cool!

But here you are,

scaring them
away by demonizing the woods

and perverting
spiritual beliefs

with your fucking weird
scare tactics

and weird fucking attacks!

Get a life,
you fucking culture vulture!

I know you could
kill me at any time,

'cause I'm bleeding out...

but you ever talk shit about
my wife again...

I will take that weird
fucking wizard knife

out of your creaky old
bitch hands...

and I will gut you
like a fucking salmon.

Oh, God damn it, Frank!

[gunshot

You ever baby sat?

Okay, boy.
Find your dad.

Ed!

I guess you didn't see that one
coming through all the smoke.

Stupid fucking...

Oh, uh, pardon.

I said, fuck!

They're screaming!
Can you hear them?!

I can.

What are they saying?

They're laughing at you.

Oh!

Oh, oh, Ed...

I'm so sorry.

Thunderbird, where
are you really from?

Sherman Oaks, bitch.

It's okay, okay?

Thank God, I found you.

Oh, good. See?

Okay, okay. I gotta put
you down here, okay?

-Okay. Okay.
-Whoa.

Okay. Okay.

Okay.

No, no, no.

You came back for me.

Yeah. Of course.

Of course I did.

This is the most beautiful
place I've ever seen.

Did you get through
to the police?

- Uh, no.
- No, it's okay.

- It's okay.
- They put me on hold.

And then
she pitched my phone.

Oh, shit.

We'll get you a new one, okay?

- Mm. I'm good.
- Get you a nice one.

I'm sorry
for being such a dick.

-No.
-Oh, yeah.

-I was checked out.
-Oh, no, no, no. Shh...

Don't say sorry.

Don't say sorry.

Do you...

Do you know what a moose
sounds like when it calls?

No.

Me neither.

You know, I, you know, I heard

there's this one place in Maine
where the bats

circle you so close it feels
just like you're levitating.

You know, I've... never
been to the east coast before

but, uh... I've heard
that the trees are bigger...

more ancient.

And, uh, there's this, this
other place in Iceland

where... you can kayak
under the aurora borealis

while the whales feed
on krill below you.

I mean, can you imagine?

Just electric skies
and we both...

breaching giants down below.

Imagine being
a part of that, Ed.

You feels so...

So insignificant and so
wonderful at the same time.

I wanna do all
of those things.

- Hmm.
- Yeah.

I don't wanna do them alone.
I wanna do them...

I wanna do them with you.

I can't do them alone.

I can't do them alone.

That's why I wanted
to buy the van.

Uh, I wanna know what a moose
sounds like when it calls, too.

- I love you.
- I love you.

How are we gonna drive
to Iceland?

Shh...
You know what I mean.

It means
we're getting a boat.

Yeah. Yeah, let's get a boat.

Just one little boat.

-I think I'm dying here.
-No!

-No, you can't die.
-You wanna bet?

No. That's just
paper cut, Ed.

Don't be so dramatic.

You're not gonna die. Mm-mm.

- What? What?
- They found us.

You got through to them?

-I guess.
-Oh, God.

You, you remembered
where we were?

Yeah.

It wasn't a problem.

Oh!

Oh, yeah?

It's past quiet hours!

All right, the campsite
should be coming up

in a couple miles,
just on the left.

- Or...
- Or? Or?

Or we can stay on the road
a couple hours longer

and head up to Bangor where...

Stephen King's house is.

You're such a nerd, baby.

I wanna sell him
our life rights!

He writes fiction.

Yeah, well, it's not like
anyone believed us anyway.

God, I still can't believe that
they found the wrong body.

Yeah, I thought we weren't
gonna talk about her.

Unless, unless
you wanna talk about her.

No, no.

She's not ruining our trip.
Not this time.

- What are you doing?
- Going to Bangor.

But we're
not leaving the state

until I get to see my bats.

Let's do it.

I spot
with my little eyes

something that's yellow.

You can see the yellow.

Ooh, I think
I know what it is.

Minnesota.

What brings you
all the way out here?

Thought we'd take
a field trip.

Teach the kids a little
American history firsthand.

Oh, so cute.

Yeah, I just want to eat some
lobster and get back to nature.

So, you want a campsite?

I might have one to spare.

What do you say, 20 bucks?

I'll throw in a couple
of bundles of firewood.

Really?
That's super nice of you.

Hop on out here and I'll give
you the law of the land.