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1
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Eli: Two types of creatures
in the wild kingdom...
2
00:00:52,486 --> 00:00:54,486
The predators and the prey.
3
00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:56,488
When we decide to predate...
4
00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:58,791
they had better pray.
5
00:01:00,327 --> 00:01:03,095
Whatever.
6
00:01:03,097 --> 00:01:05,731
You see, life was simple
for David and me.
7
00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:07,733
We were captains
of our own ships.
8
00:01:07,735 --> 00:01:10,636
We decided
when the periscope goes up.
9
00:01:10,638 --> 00:01:12,471
And when the periscope
goes down,
10
00:01:12,473 --> 00:01:16,375
when to fire the torpedoes
and who was under attack.
11
00:01:16,377 --> 00:01:19,812
And then David ventured
foolishly.
12
00:01:19,814 --> 00:01:21,814
Into uncharted waters.
13
00:01:21,816 --> 00:01:25,851
♪ The purpose of a man
is to love a woman ♪
14
00:01:25,853 --> 00:01:30,289
♪ the purpose of a woman
is to love a man ♪
15
00:01:30,291 --> 00:01:32,458
♪ so come on, baby,
let's start today ♪
16
00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:34,293
♪ come on, baby, let's play ♪
17
00:01:34,295 --> 00:01:35,861
♪ the game of love ♪
18
00:01:38,332 --> 00:01:40,399
♪ the game of love ♪
19
00:01:43,304 --> 00:01:45,604
♪ come on, baby,
'cause the time is right ♪
20
00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:47,840
♪ come on, baby,
'cause the time is right ♪
21
00:01:47,842 --> 00:01:49,842
♪ love your daddy
with all your might ♪
22
00:01:49,844 --> 00:01:51,844
♪ love your daddy
with all your might ♪
23
00:01:51,846 --> 00:01:53,846
♪ put your arms around me
and hold me tight ♪
24
00:01:53,848 --> 00:01:56,615
♪ put your arms around me
and hold me tight ♪
25
00:01:58,352 --> 00:02:00,886
♪ play the game of love ♪
26
00:02:00,888 --> 00:02:04,890
♪ the purpose of a man
is to love a woman ♪
27
00:02:04,892 --> 00:02:09,228
♪ the purpose of a woman
is to love a man ♪
28
00:02:09,230 --> 00:02:11,597
♪ so come on, baby,
let's start today ♪
29
00:02:11,599 --> 00:02:12,898
♪ come on, baby, let's play ♪
30
00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:15,140
Ow! ♪ The game of love ♪
31
00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:21,773
It's not polite to spy.
32
00:02:21,775 --> 00:02:24,710
I wasn't spying. I was leering.
33
00:02:24,712 --> 00:02:27,312
You know, this thing
reinforces bad viewing habits.
34
00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:29,481
You should learn to look
at a woman as a whole.
35
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,700
Hey, listen.
36
00:02:31,701 --> 00:02:33,918
I'm way too enlightened
to look at women like that.
37
00:02:33,921 --> 00:02:35,821
I meant as opposed to just half.
38
00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:39,892
It's a periscope in a bar.
Lighten up.
39
00:02:39,894 --> 00:02:41,527
You just shouldn't look
at women as objects.
40
00:02:41,529 --> 00:02:45,731
Oh, no. You see, I was looking
at women objectively.
41
00:02:45,733 --> 00:02:48,267
You know,
I don't care for semantics.
42
00:02:48,269 --> 00:02:51,236
Hmm. Too bad. I'm Jewish.
43
00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:54,866
Hey, can I buy you a drink?
44
00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:57,776
I don't think so.
45
00:02:57,778 --> 00:02:59,611
The... the whole you?
46
00:03:01,815 --> 00:03:02,881
Ow.
47
00:03:04,451 --> 00:03:05,617
Excuse me.
48
00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:07,219
I'm sorry.
49
00:03:07,922 --> 00:03:09,254
Trouble, skipper?
50
00:03:09,256 --> 00:03:12,558
Uh, flesh wound.
51
00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:14,226
There we go.
52
00:03:14,228 --> 00:03:15,894
That's much better.
53
00:03:15,896 --> 00:03:17,396
Mm-hmm. Thank you.
54
00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:18,864
Medicinal purposes.
55
00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:23,402
Hi!
56
00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:25,404
Hey. Oh, you look great.
I've never seen this.
57
00:03:25,406 --> 00:03:27,940
Yes. Well, I can hide
a small child in this.
58
00:03:27,942 --> 00:03:31,310
So you should go for it.
Little dimples, little ass.
59
00:03:31,312 --> 00:03:32,644
Little potential.
60
00:03:32,646 --> 00:03:34,646
You and your potential quotient.
61
00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:37,916
Have you got some sort of
potential-calculator device in your head?
62
00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:38,884
I mean, how do you know?
63
00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:41,553
Zoe, I know the type.
64
00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:46,959
I am in love with that girl.
65
00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:51,330
David, that girl intended
66
00:03:51,332 --> 00:03:53,332
and inflicted bodily injury
on you.
67
00:03:53,334 --> 00:03:54,866
You don't marry girls like that.
68
00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:56,735
You file restraining orders
against them.
69
00:03:57,905 --> 00:03:59,605
Ho. Spider sense tingling.
70
00:03:59,607 --> 00:04:00,606
Where?
71
00:04:00,608 --> 00:04:02,374
Don't look. 3:00.
72
00:04:02,376 --> 00:04:04,009
Don't look!
73
00:04:04,011 --> 00:04:06,011
I'm sensing a Germanic accent.
74
00:04:06,013 --> 00:04:08,247
Swedish. Stewardesses, maybe.
75
00:04:08,249 --> 00:04:09,514
Uh, secretaries.
76
00:04:09,516 --> 00:04:11,350
German bank upstairs. Ah.
77
00:04:11,352 --> 00:04:12,818
Two Beck's. Two Beck's.
78
00:04:12,820 --> 00:04:15,060
Cover me. I'm going in.
79
00:04:17,491 --> 00:04:19,825
One more furtive glance
between you two,
80
00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:22,861
and I will spew piña colada.
81
00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:27,599
He is cute.
82
00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:30,902
Eli: I was sitting
down the end of the bar,
83
00:04:30,904 --> 00:04:32,721
and I was thinking, "jeez.
84
00:04:32,722 --> 00:04:34,539
I've never met a European woman
who didn't like beer."
85
00:04:34,541 --> 00:04:36,541
I've got two.
Is this perfect?
86
00:04:36,543 --> 00:04:37,876
One for you and one for you.
87
00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:39,878
Now, if you don't like beer,
that's fine.
88
00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:44,449
Could be now is a good time
for beer.
89
00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:49,921
For all you know, he may be
the sweetest, most sensitive,
90
00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:51,490
evolved guy on the planet.
91
00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:57,796
I like dark beer, actually.
92
00:04:57,798 --> 00:05:00,158
Hanna, Marta, this is my, uh,
good friend David.
93
00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:02,901
Then again...
94
00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:04,803
Let's go.
95
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:07,873
So, uh, you're both secretaries.
96
00:05:07,875 --> 00:05:10,409
No... tellers. Munchen Bank.
97
00:05:10,411 --> 00:05:11,910
I bank there. Yeah.
98
00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:13,712
Bye. Carrie: Bye. Last week.
99
00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:17,354
I, uh, you broke a Deutschemark for me.
Do... do you remember?
100
00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:19,651
No. Mnh-mnh.
101
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:22,921
So, here it is, Friday night.
Early Friday night.
102
00:05:22,923 --> 00:05:24,589
And I'm sure
it's only a matter of time
103
00:05:24,591 --> 00:05:26,842
before you revert
to shelter mentality
104
00:05:26,843 --> 00:05:29,094
and say something like... I'm so tired.
I just want to go home.
105
00:05:29,096 --> 00:05:30,796
Exactly.
106
00:05:30,798 --> 00:05:33,865
Zoe, any guy you meet in a bar
picks up women in bars.
107
00:05:33,867 --> 00:05:36,034
Therefore, I can safely
rule out that guy,
108
00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:38,937
as cute as he may have been,
just based on the general theory
109
00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:40,806
of guilt
by geographic association.
110
00:05:40,808 --> 00:05:44,676
Then I have to ask you,
what were we doing in the bar?
111
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:47,512
We were having a drink.
112
00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:50,415
Okay. We were spending
some time together.
113
00:05:50,417 --> 00:05:51,750
We live together.
114
00:05:51,752 --> 00:05:53,585
All right, Zoe. Okay.
115
00:05:53,586 --> 00:05:55,419
We were scoping and scamming,
just like everybody else.
116
00:05:55,422 --> 00:05:56,555
Are you happy?
117
00:05:56,557 --> 00:05:57,923
Was that so hard?
118
00:05:57,925 --> 00:05:59,658
Oh.
119
00:05:59,660 --> 00:06:02,828
Driver: Red line outbound.
Next stop, Harvard square.
120
00:06:04,064 --> 00:06:05,597
Eli: Oh, perfect.
121
00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:07,799
Ten of my favorite pickup lines,
122
00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:11,403
25 bucks worth of drinks,
a whole lot of wasted charm
123
00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:13,805
only to find out that
Hanna and Marta were lovers.
124
00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:14,973
I hate that.
125
00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:16,458
Yeah. Go figure.
126
00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:17,942
Well, the night's not
a total wash, huh?
127
00:06:17,945 --> 00:06:20,112
We'll go catch a little Joe
down at the Cantab Lounge.
128
00:06:20,114 --> 00:06:21,847
What do you say?
Oh, great. Great.
129
00:06:21,849 --> 00:06:25,550
Oh, please tell me you've
gotten over the finger crusher.
130
00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:27,652
Yeah, well...
131
00:06:27,654 --> 00:06:29,121
The memory lingers a bit, yeah.
132
00:06:29,123 --> 00:06:30,822
Mm-hmm.
133
00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:32,824
But you've got the answer
for that, don't you?
134
00:06:32,826 --> 00:06:34,893
Sure, I do.
135
00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:36,961
We erase that memory
by staying out all night,
136
00:06:36,964 --> 00:06:38,897
destroying our brain cells
with alcohol
137
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,165
and sociopathic behavior.
138
00:06:40,167 --> 00:06:43,702
Easy solutions
to life's difficult problems.
139
00:06:43,704 --> 00:06:46,104
I feel better.
140
00:06:46,106 --> 00:06:47,773
Of course you do.
141
00:06:47,775 --> 00:06:50,976
So we stayed out all night
and drank Tequila,
142
00:06:50,978 --> 00:06:52,978
and neither one of us scored.
143
00:06:52,980 --> 00:06:54,913
I, uh, of course, succeeded
144
00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:58,483
in the research-and-development
department.
145
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,820
Andrea. Mm-hmm.
146
00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:04,656
652-94...
147
00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:07,492
I don't remember Andrea.
148
00:07:07,494 --> 00:07:08,827
Aha.
149
00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:11,663
Yeah. Mimi. Mimi, I remember.
150
00:07:11,665 --> 00:07:15,000
627-43...
151
00:07:15,002 --> 00:07:17,669
I don't remember Mimi.
152
00:07:17,671 --> 00:07:20,639
That's the problem with Tequila.
153
00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:22,107
Mimi.
154
00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:26,978
♪ Take me out to the ball game ♪
155
00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:31,216
♪ take me out with the crowd ♪
156
00:07:31,218 --> 00:07:35,053
♪ buy me some peanuts
and cracker Jack ♪
157
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:39,591
oh, he is too darling.
I love him.
158
00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:42,594
That is an MVP ass.
159
00:07:42,596 --> 00:07:44,696
No. It's entirely too small.
160
00:07:44,698 --> 00:07:45,964
No! No!
161
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:48,486
I'm telling you, it's too small.
162
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:50,802
There.
163
00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:52,304
Whoa. Big enough for you?
164
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:54,065
Now, that's better.
165
00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:03,982
Vendor: Peanuts!
Get your peanuts!
166
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:05,917
Yeah! All right! Here!
167
00:08:05,919 --> 00:08:07,886
Comin' at ya! Here you go.
Honey!
168
00:08:07,888 --> 00:08:09,120
Peanuts!
169
00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:12,591
Peanuts!
170
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,962
Beer here. Beer.
171
00:08:16,964 --> 00:08:18,663
Yo. Two beers.
172
00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:19,898
Light?
173
00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:20,899
What?
174
00:08:20,901 --> 00:08:22,767
Light beer?
175
00:08:22,769 --> 00:08:24,836
Do I look like a pussy?
176
00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:30,041
Here you go.
177
00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:31,209
Thanks, pal.
178
00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:33,211
Beer here.
179
00:08:33,213 --> 00:08:35,113
Spider sense tingling.
180
00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:36,915
Oh, your spider sense is fucked.
181
00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:38,517
No, I wish.
182
00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:41,019
Red hair, blue top.
183
00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:42,820
It's Winnie the Pooh and
Tigger, too, from last night.
184
00:08:42,823 --> 00:08:44,890
No.
185
00:08:44,891 --> 00:08:46,958
Yes. How many chicks have
the joker's hair?
186
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:48,960
Joker has green hair, asshole.
Cracker Jacks here. Cracker Jacks.
187
00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:51,229
What did I say? Garcon!
188
00:08:51,231 --> 00:08:53,598
Cracker Jacks. Cracker Jacks. Um, yeah.
Cracker Jack here.
189
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:55,767
All right. Hey, cracker
Jacks, everybody.
190
00:08:55,769 --> 00:08:57,202
Peanuts, cracker Jacks a buck.
191
00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:58,737
You got any cracker Jack?
192
00:08:58,739 --> 00:08:59,905
Give me a minute here.
Plenty of cracker Jacks.
193
00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:03,108
Anybody for peanuts
and cracker Jacks?
194
00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:06,111
Yeah. Yeah!
195
00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:09,581
All right. Now, listen.
Do me a favor.
196
00:09:09,583 --> 00:09:12,918
Bring this down, please,
to that lady in blue.
197
00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:14,819
What do I look like,
a freakin' mailman?
198
00:09:14,821 --> 00:09:16,821
Here. Look.
199
00:09:16,823 --> 00:09:17,956
Buy yourself a beer.
200
00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:20,325
Hey. Special delivery.
201
00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:23,061
Look. They're not even
watching the game.
202
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:26,598
It looks like they're checking
out Bruno's back. Look.
203
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,066
Man: Come on, batter!
204
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,768
Woman: Play ball!
205
00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:32,237
Okay. I bet she goes
for the toy surprise first.
206
00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:33,838
What's this?
207
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:36,240
What do I know? Secret admirer.
208
00:09:37,844 --> 00:09:39,010
Secret admirer.
209
00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:40,845
Wow!
210
00:09:40,847 --> 00:09:42,347
Come on!
211
00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:44,182
Come on!
212
00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:50,021
That's hysterical!
213
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:01,666
They're back.
214
00:10:01,668 --> 00:10:04,002
And they're really
dorky-looking.
215
00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:06,004
And they're right behind you.
How about that, huh?
216
00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:08,273
Oh, you know, you really
shouldn't look at men like this.
217
00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:11,710
It's demeaning.
Visual dismemberment, remember?
218
00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:12,877
All right, lighten up.
219
00:10:12,879 --> 00:10:14,813
It's just a day
at the ball park.
220
00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:16,915
I think I'm gonna have to
give the nod to Mattingly
221
00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:18,683
for the best seat in the majors.
222
00:10:18,685 --> 00:10:20,852
Are you nuts? What about Bo?
223
00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:22,988
I mean, are we talking size
or shape here?
224
00:10:22,990 --> 00:10:25,724
I think I'm secure enough
in my own sexuality
225
00:10:25,726 --> 00:10:28,693
to say that Mattingly's ass
kicks ass on any other ass.
226
00:10:28,695 --> 00:10:30,862
You are so enlightened.
227
00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:32,230
Uh, I'm David.
228
00:10:32,232 --> 00:10:33,798
Carrie.
229
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:34,966
Eli Mattingly.
230
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:36,835
Hi. I'm Zoe.
231
00:10:36,837 --> 00:10:37,836
How are you?
232
00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:39,137
I see you brought a glove.
233
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:40,939
Um, it's Zoe's.
234
00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:43,108
We could tell.
It kind of matches her hair.
235
00:10:43,110 --> 00:10:44,175
Oh!
236
00:10:44,177 --> 00:10:45,877
Well, if it were skin tone,
237
00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:48,013
I guess I could say
the same thing about you.
238
00:10:48,015 --> 00:10:50,248
Ouch. A hair-loss joke.
Very good.
239
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:52,083
Luckily for me,
240
00:10:52,084 --> 00:10:53,917
women are very attracted
to a receding hairline.
241
00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:55,754
Oh, I don't think so.
242
00:10:55,756 --> 00:10:57,222
I said "women."
243
00:10:57,224 --> 00:11:00,191
You know, if you're gonna make
the catch, um,
244
00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:02,961
it's easier if you do it
like this.
245
00:11:02,963 --> 00:11:03,928
Yeah. There you go.
246
00:11:03,930 --> 00:11:05,263
Okay. Thank you.
247
00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:06,931
Sure.
248
00:11:06,933 --> 00:11:09,100
Course, I don't think
there's gonna be any homers
249
00:11:09,102 --> 00:11:10,769
with the wind blowing in.
250
00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:18,977
Great grab.
251
00:11:18,979 --> 00:11:21,846
Of course, when you hit it
that hard, you know,
252
00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:24,082
cuts right through that wind.
253
00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:26,851
Throw it back! Throw it back!
254
00:11:26,853 --> 00:11:28,486
Throw it back!
255
00:11:28,487 --> 00:11:30,120
House rules...
Bleacher etiquette dictates
256
00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:33,024
that you got to throw back
a homer by the opposition.
257
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:36,728
Throw it back! Throw it back!
Throw it back!
258
00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:37,896
Yes!
259
00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:40,365
A woman after my own heart.
260
00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:42,867
So, um, how about an autograph
261
00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:45,203
and, uh, phone number?
262
00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:46,871
It was on the ball.
263
00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:49,774
No. Yeah.
264
00:11:50,777 --> 00:11:52,310
No!
265
00:11:55,849 --> 00:11:57,982
Ah, chill, babe. It ain't over.
266
00:11:57,984 --> 00:11:59,150
It's over.
267
00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:01,219
No, it isn't. Lick me.
268
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:03,755
What are we, Siegfried and Roy?
269
00:12:07,828 --> 00:12:09,127
And?
270
00:12:10,797 --> 00:12:13,264
Voilà.
271
00:12:14,935 --> 00:12:17,402
So I give the number
on the tattoo to Eli.
272
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:18,903
I thought it would be a laugh.
273
00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:21,506
And what happens?
David calls Carrie.
274
00:12:21,508 --> 00:12:23,341
Carrie blows up at me.
275
00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:26,411
See, she thinks David
is hugely unimpressive.
276
00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:27,946
So I go, "fine.
277
00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:29,914
"If David
is so hugely unimpressive,
278
00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:32,784
why have you accepted
his invitation to the movies?"
279
00:12:32,786 --> 00:12:35,320
So she goes, "well,
I felt sorry for the guy.
280
00:12:35,322 --> 00:12:37,021
He sounded so desperate."
281
00:12:37,023 --> 00:12:38,990
Then she locks herself
in the bathroom
282
00:12:38,992 --> 00:12:42,160
and removes
all superfluous body hair.
283
00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:44,329
I'm worried.
284
00:12:49,069 --> 00:12:50,969
The three F’s of dating...
285
00:12:50,971 --> 00:12:53,037
One... film, two... food,
286
00:12:53,039 --> 00:12:54,372
three... fuck.
287
00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:55,940
Can you write that down?
288
00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:57,942
You'll remember.
You're gonna be fine.
289
00:12:57,944 --> 00:12:59,911
And you're gonna need this.
290
00:12:59,913 --> 00:13:01,863
What's that?
291
00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:03,814
Remember how Batman had
a utility belt? Yeah.
292
00:13:03,817 --> 00:13:04,949
Yeah, well, he should've had
one of these.
293
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:06,317
He would've done a lot better.
294
00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:09,053
I got everything you need
for the date, all right?
295
00:13:09,055 --> 00:13:11,055
I got a tongue depressor
in here.
296
00:13:11,057 --> 00:13:13,892
I got a little dental dam here for you.
What is that?
297
00:13:13,894 --> 00:13:16,394
Safe sex includes
our dear friend fellatio.
298
00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:17,862
Hiya. Hi.
299
00:13:17,863 --> 00:13:19,329
Where do you get this stuff?
300
00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:21,800
Remember the dental hygienist
I was dating?
301
00:13:21,802 --> 00:13:24,436
Kept a few samples.
302
00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:27,071
Now, the condoms are from
my own personal stock, huh?
303
00:13:27,073 --> 00:13:28,439
The good stuff.
304
00:13:29,843 --> 00:13:31,976
Eli, look, it's...
It's a first date.
305
00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:35,046
It's, well, my future wife.
306
00:13:35,048 --> 00:13:37,549
We have film? Yes.
307
00:13:37,551 --> 00:13:40,018
Food? Probably.
308
00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:42,020
Anything else after that,
I can't really say.
309
00:13:42,022 --> 00:13:44,189
All right.
310
00:13:44,190 --> 00:13:46,670
Worst comes to worst,
you make balloon animals.
311
00:13:48,461 --> 00:13:51,296
So I haven't been to a movie
...So, what do you, uh...
312
00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:53,298
So, uh... I'm sorry.
313
00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:54,999
No, sorry. What?
314
00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:57,135
No, just... you haven't been
to a movie, or...
315
00:13:57,137 --> 00:13:58,903
No, what were you gonna say?
316
00:13:58,905 --> 00:14:02,106
Um, uh, what... what do you do?
317
00:14:02,108 --> 00:14:03,274
That, actually.
318
00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:05,577
Mm. I work for the mayor.
319
00:14:05,579 --> 00:14:07,512
Our mayor?
320
00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:09,981
Your mayor.
I-i work in his office.
321
00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:11,616
I mean, for his office.
322
00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:14,085
Hey.
323
00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:16,187
Sounds... sounds impressive.
324
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:18,223
It's not.
325
00:14:18,225 --> 00:14:19,991
Well, I'm impressed.
326
00:14:19,993 --> 00:14:21,459
Yeah?
327
00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:24,462
Well, you're easily impressed.
I like that in a man.
328
00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:27,432
I'll remember that.
329
00:14:32,072 --> 00:14:34,572
This guy is kicking my seat.
330
00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:35,907
Oh, I hate that.
331
00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:39,577
Hey, could you
just knock it off?
332
00:14:39,579 --> 00:14:41,112
Knock what off?
333
00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:43,281
Well, anyway, you see
that guy there? Yeah.
334
00:14:43,283 --> 00:14:46,050
Are they bothering you?
335
00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:47,018
Do you want to move?
336
00:14:47,020 --> 00:14:49,387
No.
337
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:50,388
Hey.
338
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:52,156
Why bother whispering?
339
00:14:58,431 --> 00:15:00,098
♪ Oh, darling... ♪
340
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:02,567
talk about violence
in the movies.
341
00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:05,003
Boy, your eye is really swollen.
342
00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:08,072
You know, you should've told me.
We wouldn't have stayed.
343
00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:10,074
No, no, no.
It's... glancing blow.
344
00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:11,943
I wanted you to see the movie.
345
00:15:11,945 --> 00:15:13,544
Oh, that's very thoughtful
of you.
346
00:15:13,546 --> 00:15:15,046
Ooh.
347
00:15:15,048 --> 00:15:16,047
Is that better?
348
00:15:16,049 --> 00:15:17,916
Considerably.
349
00:15:17,918 --> 00:15:19,550
Thanks.
350
00:15:24,925 --> 00:15:29,093
So, um...
What are you gonna have?
351
00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:30,962
Uh...
352
00:15:30,964 --> 00:15:32,297
Strudel sounds good.
353
00:15:32,299 --> 00:15:34,966
Oh, no. No.
You never order the strudel.
354
00:15:34,968 --> 00:15:36,968
See, restaurants
always are out of it,
355
00:15:36,970 --> 00:15:38,970
so they try and push
the cheesecake on you
356
00:15:38,972 --> 00:15:40,438
'cause they have too much
of that.
357
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,440
You ready?
358
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:44,976
Uh, yeah.
I'm gonna have the strudel.
359
00:15:44,978 --> 00:15:46,010
We're out.
360
00:15:46,012 --> 00:15:48,346
Well, gee,
what do you recommend?
361
00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:51,115
Cheesecake is good.
362
00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:52,450
Soup. Soup.
363
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:53,651
Large bowl?
364
00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:55,019
Two spoons.
365
00:15:55,021 --> 00:15:56,621
Hmm. How romantic.
366
00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:59,223
I'm charging you
for the extra spoon.
367
00:15:59,225 --> 00:16:00,625
I'll splurge.
368
00:16:03,063 --> 00:16:06,631
So, what did you call
those things in the soup?
369
00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:08,466
You're not Jewish, are you?
370
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:09,467
No.
371
00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:11,135
I'm from Wellesley,
372
00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:15,206
a suburb rivaled only by green
acres in ethnic diversity.
373
00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:16,641
Okay. All right.
374
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:18,710
Well, the little round things
are called matzo balls,
375
00:16:18,712 --> 00:16:21,179
or knaidlach,
called by my people.
376
00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:24,215
Um, little ravioli things
are called kreplach,
377
00:16:24,217 --> 00:16:26,751
invented while we were wandering in the
desert and needed something to eat
378
00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:28,720
after throwing all the
knaidlach at our enemies.
379
00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:32,991
I knew that.
380
00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:36,394
Well, thanks for seeing
my movie.
381
00:16:36,396 --> 00:16:38,062
Sure. Did you like it?
382
00:16:40,367 --> 00:16:42,533
I-i liked you.
383
00:16:42,535 --> 00:16:46,070
The way that you laughed
at all the wrong stuff.
384
00:16:46,072 --> 00:16:49,173
And cried with her.
385
00:16:50,777 --> 00:16:53,277
You're not cynical.
386
00:16:55,048 --> 00:16:58,149
You surrendered yourself
to the story.
387
00:16:59,319 --> 00:17:01,686
I like that.
388
00:17:11,264 --> 00:17:13,681
Um, you know, David,
389
00:17:13,682 --> 00:17:16,099
i-i don't think that we should
get into anything physical.
390
00:17:17,103 --> 00:17:19,604
Ooh. That hurts.
391
00:17:19,606 --> 00:17:20,772
That's one of those cliché lines.
392
00:17:20,774 --> 00:17:22,306
They teach them to say
in "Cosmo,"
393
00:17:22,308 --> 00:17:23,641
and she just fired it
right at him.
394
00:17:23,643 --> 00:17:25,927
Real nice.
395
00:17:25,928 --> 00:17:28,212
I mean, the guy just wanted
a kiss, not "The Story of O."
396
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:31,382
I-i didn't...
397
00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:33,451
Could you please repeat that?
398
00:17:34,754 --> 00:17:37,555
I just don't think
we should rush into anything.
399
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:41,726
What changed your mind?
400
00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:43,127
I started kissing you.
401
00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:49,200
What was that? The lamp.
402
00:17:52,372 --> 00:17:54,072
What was that? Cat.
403
00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:02,447
Haagen-dazs?
404
00:18:02,449 --> 00:18:04,115
Don't panic, dude.
405
00:18:04,117 --> 00:18:07,785
We're like hell's angels.
We share everything.
406
00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:29,307
Oh, I'm sorry.
407
00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:31,175
M-maybe we can fix it
or something.
408
00:18:31,177 --> 00:18:33,111
That's my parents'
wedding picture.
409
00:18:33,113 --> 00:18:34,412
It's 35 years old.
410
00:18:34,414 --> 00:18:36,347
Shit.
411
00:18:36,349 --> 00:18:40,485
Well, maybe we can glue it
or... something.
412
00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:41,619
I'll be right back.
413
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:47,692
Keep away
from my precious daughter.
414
00:18:47,694 --> 00:18:50,194
Kenneth, they're just necking.
415
00:18:50,196 --> 00:18:51,546
Oh, yes?
416
00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:52,897
Well, maybe we better check
the contents
417
00:18:52,899 --> 00:18:55,366
of his bat utility belt.
418
00:18:55,368 --> 00:18:59,237
With all due respect, sir,
we are consenting adults.
419
00:18:59,239 --> 00:19:02,840
Carrie is an adult,
and you are consenting.
420
00:19:02,842 --> 00:19:05,143
My daughter is not going to be
421
00:19:05,145 --> 00:19:06,811
another one of your
little conquests.
422
00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:08,679
Do you hear me, young man?
423
00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:09,847
Kenneth.
424
00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:11,649
Carrie:
David, I'm sorry, but, um...
425
00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:16,220
It's late, and I have to be
at aerobics at 5:30.
426
00:19:16,222 --> 00:19:17,388
A.M.?
427
00:19:17,390 --> 00:19:19,557
Bryant Gumbel sleeps later
than that.
428
00:19:21,227 --> 00:19:22,894
No. I-i understand.
429
00:19:22,896 --> 00:19:24,228
It's...
430
00:19:24,230 --> 00:19:25,730
Um, here.
431
00:19:25,732 --> 00:19:28,566
Thanks.
432
00:19:28,568 --> 00:19:30,801
I'm kind of tired myself.
433
00:19:33,573 --> 00:19:34,238
Good night.
434
00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:35,306
Good night.
435
00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:43,814
Gentlemen, we came, we saw,
we kicked pomboose.
436
00:19:43,816 --> 00:19:47,351
Ah. Next week, try 5:00, 5:30.
Any questions?
437
00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:50,221
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Crown's date
...Uh, recap, inning by inning.
438
00:19:50,223 --> 00:19:51,722
We lucked out
in this market, babe.
439
00:19:51,724 --> 00:19:53,391
Oh, we got duffed.
440
00:19:53,393 --> 00:19:56,594
Suffice to say, I haven't seen
any balloon-animal giraffes
441
00:19:56,596 --> 00:19:58,362
roaming the streets
of our fair town.
442
00:19:58,364 --> 00:19:59,830
This Carrie chick...
What does she do?
443
00:19:59,832 --> 00:20:01,699
Uh, mayor's office.
444
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,534
Uh, speech-writing, fund-raising,
445
00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:05,536
staff work for the mayor. Hey,
can she fix my parking tickets?
446
00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:06,737
Can she fix me up.
447
00:20:06,739 --> 00:20:08,706
Ooh. You should see
this chick, man.
448
00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:11,375
Brunette, baby blues. Hey.
449
00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:12,877
Titties? Nice.
450
00:20:14,214 --> 00:20:15,546
Very nice.
451
00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:17,448
Perhaps the perfect woman.
452
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:20,384
Eli, gentlemen. Uh-huh.
453
00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:22,620
Now, the perfect woman
454
00:20:22,621 --> 00:20:24,855
is more than simply a genetically
desirable combination
455
00:20:24,857 --> 00:20:26,224
of tits and ass.
456
00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:28,859
Oh, at last... a real man.
457
00:20:28,861 --> 00:20:32,630
She's also rich, cooks,
and pees standing up.
458
00:20:32,632 --> 00:20:33,931
Pigs.
459
00:20:38,271 --> 00:20:40,271
I feel terrible about this.
460
00:20:40,273 --> 00:20:42,306
I mean, you suppose Carrie
and her friends
461
00:20:42,308 --> 00:20:44,008
are sitting around,
schmoozing like this?
462
00:20:44,010 --> 00:20:45,910
What, do you think
she's a cheerleader?
463
00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:48,813
She's not sitting around like Olivia
Newton-John in "grease," pal.
464
00:20:48,815 --> 00:20:50,881
♪ Tell me more, tell me more ♪
465
00:20:50,883 --> 00:20:52,883
♪ was it love at first sight? ♪
466
00:20:58,524 --> 00:21:00,625
Man on television: Solid shot
on the left-hand Lane.
467
00:21:00,627 --> 00:21:01,993
So Ferraro, who's playing
a little...
468
00:21:01,995 --> 00:21:03,894
You gonna call her?
469
00:21:03,896 --> 00:21:04,895
Hmm?
470
00:21:04,897 --> 00:21:06,264
Carrie chick.
471
00:21:06,266 --> 00:21:08,432
Maybe.
472
00:21:08,434 --> 00:21:09,934
Just maybe.
473
00:21:12,038 --> 00:21:13,571
You know, care,
474
00:21:13,573 --> 00:21:15,773
there's no rule that says
you can't call him.
475
00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:18,909
You realize, of course,
there's only two scenarios here.
476
00:21:18,911 --> 00:21:22,280
If you got laid, there's
no reason to call her again.
477
00:21:22,282 --> 00:21:25,583
And if you didn't,
no reason to call her again.
478
00:21:25,585 --> 00:21:28,819
The beach master is the most
respected and exalted.
479
00:21:28,821 --> 00:21:31,255
Of all the males.
480
00:21:31,256 --> 00:21:33,690
But notice when the female
enters his focuses,
481
00:21:33,693 --> 00:21:36,460
even the revered beach master
is struck.
482
00:21:36,462 --> 00:21:38,963
By innate awkwardness.
483
00:21:38,965 --> 00:21:42,400
All he does now
is lie there, inert,
484
00:21:42,402 --> 00:21:44,902
like a giant bowl of marmalade,
485
00:21:44,904 --> 00:21:48,572
while she waits... and waits...
486
00:21:48,574 --> 00:21:49,907
And waits.
487
00:21:49,909 --> 00:21:52,543
The female understands
this ritual.
488
00:21:52,545 --> 00:21:55,346
But that does not make it
any easier for her.
489
00:21:55,348 --> 00:21:59,383
As the beach master feigns
supposed indifferences,
490
00:21:59,385 --> 00:22:01,719
this stalemate
can only be broken.
491
00:22:01,721 --> 00:22:06,490
If he and she leave
their respective fields.
492
00:22:06,492 --> 00:22:08,326
And meet in a neutral area,
493
00:22:08,328 --> 00:22:12,930
perhaps here, in the ocean's
icy depths, to frolic.
494
00:22:17,970 --> 00:22:20,338
One of my favorites.
495
00:22:20,340 --> 00:22:21,839
Yeah, me too.
496
00:22:21,841 --> 00:22:23,341
Its colors, right?
497
00:22:23,343 --> 00:22:24,508
No, no.
498
00:22:24,510 --> 00:22:26,477
It's just that whenever
I've been scalped
499
00:22:26,479 --> 00:22:28,112
with a particularly
treacherous haircut,
500
00:22:28,114 --> 00:22:29,947
Check out the Vin-Man's do.
501
00:22:29,949 --> 00:22:32,817
Come on. The guy could
care less about appearances.
502
00:22:32,819 --> 00:22:35,486
I mean, the way he perceived
the world in his mind,
503
00:22:35,488 --> 00:22:36,654
he... he was a genius.
504
00:22:36,656 --> 00:22:39,056
Yeah, agreed,
albeit a sick, nutty genius.
505
00:22:39,058 --> 00:22:40,925
This is a guy
who lopped off his ear
506
00:22:40,927 --> 00:22:43,247
and federal-expressed it
to his honey.
507
00:22:46,532 --> 00:22:49,967
Vinny, babe,
what were you thinking, huh?
508
00:22:49,969 --> 00:22:51,836
Walk with me. Talk to me.
509
00:22:51,838 --> 00:22:53,904
You don't cut off anything
for anybody.
510
00:22:53,906 --> 00:22:55,639
Not above the waist, not below.
511
00:22:55,641 --> 00:22:56,941
It ain't worth it.
512
00:22:56,943 --> 00:23:00,111
Do you remember Samson at all?
513
00:23:00,113 --> 00:23:02,480
I don't care
if Michelle fucking Pfeiffer
514
00:23:02,482 --> 00:23:04,582
and Madonna want to give you
a pedicure and a trim.
515
00:23:04,584 --> 00:23:07,451
The answer is no. No can do.
516
00:23:07,453 --> 00:23:09,620
Carrie: Yeah. O-okay.
[ Telephone ringing ]
517
00:23:09,622 --> 00:23:12,423
Look, I really don't think
it's a mistake on our part.
518
00:23:12,425 --> 00:23:15,126
But if it is, you can be sure
I'll get to the bottom of it.
519
00:23:17,463 --> 00:23:21,465
Yeah, zoning law
passed on July 14, 1973.
520
00:23:21,467 --> 00:23:23,134
Next time you don't do
your homework,
521
00:23:23,136 --> 00:23:25,536
bring a note from your mother.
522
00:23:26,038 --> 00:23:28,038
All right. Terrific.
523
00:23:29,041 --> 00:23:30,608
Fax me.
524
00:23:30,610 --> 00:23:32,727
All right. I want a Turkey
on whole wheat.
525
00:23:32,728 --> 00:23:34,845
Tell Linda whatever you want. We'll go
through the north end as we eat, okay?
526
00:23:34,847 --> 00:23:36,180
Hey, David.
527
00:23:36,182 --> 00:23:38,015
I thought I'd take you out
to lunch.
528
00:23:38,017 --> 00:23:39,183
Oh, I'm sorry.
529
00:23:39,185 --> 00:23:40,885
Adam, did you meet David?
530
00:23:40,887 --> 00:23:42,019
No.
531
00:23:42,922 --> 00:23:44,889
Nice to meet you. How are you?
532
00:23:44,891 --> 00:23:46,891
I would love to,
but I got so much to do, hon.
533
00:23:46,893 --> 00:23:48,893
Why don't you go ahead?
I'll take care of it.
534
00:23:48,895 --> 00:23:50,194
No, no. It's okay.
535
00:23:50,196 --> 00:23:51,896
I-i understand.
536
00:23:51,898 --> 00:23:53,731
Okay.
537
00:23:53,733 --> 00:23:54,932
Sorry.
538
00:23:57,703 --> 00:24:00,504
Hey, how about a movie tonight?
539
00:24:00,506 --> 00:24:01,672
Is Adam coming?
540
00:24:01,674 --> 00:24:02,973
He'd love to,
541
00:24:02,975 --> 00:24:05,576
but Thursday nights
is his gay-rights meeting.
542
00:24:05,578 --> 00:24:06,877
Really?
543
00:24:06,879 --> 00:24:08,012
No.
544
00:24:08,014 --> 00:24:10,448
But I thought
it'd make you feel better.
545
00:24:20,059 --> 00:24:21,992
Coffee? That's all? Coffee?
546
00:24:21,994 --> 00:24:23,411
Yes, coffee.
547
00:24:23,412 --> 00:24:24,829
The stuff from Brazil? In a cup?
548
00:24:24,831 --> 00:24:27,131
You know,
I'd also like to have the...
549
00:24:27,133 --> 00:24:28,833
Never mind.
550
00:24:28,835 --> 00:24:30,968
There's a $2.50 minimum
per person.
551
00:24:30,970 --> 00:24:33,571
We understand and accept
your conditions.
552
00:24:34,974 --> 00:24:36,474
I never liked you.
553
00:24:36,476 --> 00:24:39,009
Yes, we know that.
And that's okay.
554
00:24:41,881 --> 00:24:44,915
Why didn't you let me order?
555
00:24:49,822 --> 00:24:51,522
Strudel!
556
00:24:51,524 --> 00:24:52,690
Your own recipe?
557
00:24:52,692 --> 00:24:54,225
Entenmann's.
558
00:24:59,232 --> 00:25:01,112
New lamp. Oh.
559
00:25:03,836 --> 00:25:05,002
David: Same cat?
560
00:25:12,178 --> 00:25:14,011
Wait. No roommate?
561
00:25:14,013 --> 00:25:16,013
Zoe's gone the whole weekend.
562
00:25:16,015 --> 00:25:18,749
Let's get the Haagen-dazs.
563
00:25:26,893 --> 00:25:28,025
Here.
564
00:25:28,027 --> 00:25:29,026
Where?
565
00:25:29,028 --> 00:25:30,027
There.
566
00:25:31,731 --> 00:25:33,564
And this is
supposed to prove...?
567
00:25:33,566 --> 00:25:35,733
How gullible you are
after great sex.
568
00:25:35,735 --> 00:25:37,568
Yeah? And you need proof?
569
00:25:37,570 --> 00:25:39,837
Actually, the melting point
will determine
570
00:25:39,839 --> 00:25:41,839
the hottest part of your body...
571
00:25:41,841 --> 00:25:43,874
And, thus, the most susceptible.
572
00:25:43,876 --> 00:25:45,009
Oh, come on! It's running!
573
00:25:45,011 --> 00:25:46,210
The most sensitive.
574
00:25:46,212 --> 00:25:48,012
David, these are new sheets.
575
00:25:48,014 --> 00:25:50,714
The most erogenous.
576
00:25:50,716 --> 00:25:53,717
This is like some bizarre
checkup from Mr. freeze.
577
00:25:53,719 --> 00:25:55,853
Wait till you see my bill.
578
00:25:55,855 --> 00:25:59,990
Eli: If you fuck her,
she will come.
579
00:26:02,862 --> 00:26:04,028
Stop.
580
00:26:04,030 --> 00:26:05,863
Stop.
581
00:26:05,865 --> 00:26:09,199
Eli: If you fuck her,
she will come.
582
00:26:11,203 --> 00:26:12,736
Psst.
583
00:26:12,738 --> 00:26:15,739
Psst. David! Listen up.
584
00:26:15,741 --> 00:26:17,374
Champ, you looked good.
585
00:26:17,375 --> 00:26:19,008
You looked good.
It was great, wonderful.
586
00:26:19,009 --> 00:26:20,642
Right now you're in the grips
of her hormonal madness,
587
00:26:20,643 --> 00:26:22,276
which is good. Don't get me wrong.
It's a lot of fun to watch.
588
00:26:22,281 --> 00:26:24,982
Just don't get carried away
here, okay? This is business.
589
00:26:24,984 --> 00:26:27,284
All right? Stick and move.
Stick and move.
590
00:26:27,286 --> 00:26:30,054
I mean, don't let your emotions
get the better of you here.
591
00:26:30,056 --> 00:26:31,589
Very important.
592
00:26:31,591 --> 00:26:32,856
And, David...
593
00:26:32,858 --> 00:26:34,325
Whatever you do, do not...
594
00:26:34,327 --> 00:26:37,595
I repeat...
Do not spend the night.
595
00:26:40,866 --> 00:26:43,000
Either I've developed
a horrible scalp problem
596
00:26:43,002 --> 00:26:45,903
or I have rum raisin
all in my hair.
597
00:26:45,905 --> 00:26:47,938
Oh, here. Let me do it.
598
00:26:47,940 --> 00:26:49,073
You don't have to.
599
00:26:49,075 --> 00:26:50,674
I want to.
600
00:26:54,947 --> 00:26:56,046
How's that?
601
00:26:57,116 --> 00:27:00,117
Oh, you like that?
602
00:27:05,124 --> 00:27:08,826
I remember when I was little...
603
00:27:08,828 --> 00:27:12,663
My dad used to do this for me
when I couldn't sleep.
604
00:27:12,665 --> 00:27:15,399
Would you do this for me
every night?
605
00:27:15,401 --> 00:27:18,235
Comb her hair every night?
What am I, nuts?
606
00:27:18,237 --> 00:27:23,240
The implication of that question
is downright unnerving.
607
00:27:23,242 --> 00:27:27,978
But you know, sometimes
you... just can't help yourself.
608
00:27:29,048 --> 00:27:32,916
I mean, you got to say
what you feel.
609
00:27:32,918 --> 00:27:35,953
Sometimes
it... it just comes out.
610
00:27:43,029 --> 00:27:45,029
Absolutely.
611
00:27:45,031 --> 00:27:48,198
I would do this for you
every night.
612
00:27:58,878 --> 00:28:00,861
That's right.
613
00:28:00,862 --> 00:28:02,845
We call the following stage
in this new relationship
614
00:28:02,848 --> 00:28:05,983
"the sickening phase,"
during which he doesn't care
615
00:28:05,985 --> 00:28:09,219
if she window-shops
for 3 1/2 hours nonstop
616
00:28:09,221 --> 00:28:12,189
and she suddenly loves
to measure the firing gap
617
00:28:12,191 --> 00:28:13,724
in his spark plugs.
618
00:28:13,726 --> 00:28:16,310
And they feed each other
619
00:28:16,311 --> 00:28:18,895
and basically stroll together
with these "Kumbaya" smiles,
620
00:28:18,898 --> 00:28:22,933
and when they do actually speak,
it's that baby talk.
621
00:28:22,935 --> 00:28:26,904
You know the baby talk you share
only with your loved one,
622
00:28:26,906 --> 00:28:30,441
'cause you know that shit don't
fly at work with your buddies.
623
00:28:30,443 --> 00:28:33,911
Man on television: The rigors
of courtship completed,
624
00:28:33,913 --> 00:28:36,814
all animals enjoy
a period of bliss.
625
00:28:36,816 --> 00:28:38,449
Known as "the sickening phase."
626
00:28:38,451 --> 00:28:41,885
Here are the zebra, the penguin,
627
00:28:41,887 --> 00:28:43,387
the ape.
628
00:28:43,389 --> 00:28:46,890
But perhaps the most intriguing
species to observe.
629
00:28:46,892 --> 00:28:49,860
During this phase
is the human being.
630
00:28:49,862 --> 00:28:51,912
The couple.
631
00:28:51,913 --> 00:28:53,963
Here we see them
deriving mutual pleasures.
632
00:28:53,966 --> 00:28:55,466
From feeding ducks.
633
00:28:55,468 --> 00:28:57,618
Oops.
634
00:28:57,619 --> 00:28:59,819
They have sensed
our camera's presence.
635
00:29:00,740 --> 00:29:03,307
They have decided to move on.
636
00:29:03,309 --> 00:29:07,044
Here we see them walking
arm in arm down a path,
637
00:29:07,046 --> 00:29:09,847
and... no. W-we are scientists.
638
00:29:09,849 --> 00:29:11,315
We are from nature films!
639
00:29:11,317 --> 00:29:12,783
We... oh! I'm s...
640
00:29:12,785 --> 00:29:13,984
Oh, shit! Mad!
641
00:29:13,986 --> 00:29:15,919
Oh, god! Philippe!
642
00:29:15,921 --> 00:29:17,971
Cut.
643
00:29:17,972 --> 00:29:20,022
Another salient characteristic
of this phase...
644
00:29:20,025 --> 00:29:22,159
The loyal friends
of the afflicted couple
645
00:29:22,161 --> 00:29:24,394
may as well drop off the planet.
646
00:29:24,396 --> 00:29:26,997
I mean, forget midnight pig-outs
647
00:29:26,999 --> 00:29:28,966
when the only thing that kept
you from joining a convent
648
00:29:28,968 --> 00:29:31,835
was four bags of garlic potato
chips and your best friend.
649
00:29:31,837 --> 00:29:33,270
Forget your best friend.
650
00:29:33,272 --> 00:29:36,974
I mean, she's a Siamese twin,
and three's a crowd.
651
00:29:37,877 --> 00:29:41,411
Of course, she still has to meet
his friends.
652
00:29:45,384 --> 00:29:48,218
So, how long have
you known David?
653
00:29:48,220 --> 00:29:50,053
Oh, David?
654
00:29:50,055 --> 00:29:52,156
Uh, David's one of my oldest
and closest friends.
655
00:29:52,158 --> 00:29:55,459
I mean, he's a really,
really great guy.
656
00:29:55,461 --> 00:29:58,195
I mean, you're really lucky
to have snagged him.
657
00:29:58,197 --> 00:30:00,297
I mean, he's a great guy,
really.
658
00:30:00,299 --> 00:30:01,999
Yeah, I know.
659
00:30:02,001 --> 00:30:05,836
Good friend, great guy.
I mean it.
660
00:30:05,838 --> 00:30:07,888
I believe you.
661
00:30:07,889 --> 00:30:09,939
That's why it hurts me so much
that I have to ask you out.
662
00:30:09,942 --> 00:30:11,625
Excuse me?
663
00:30:11,626 --> 00:30:13,309
Well, I mean, normally,
I would think twice about,
664
00:30:13,312 --> 00:30:15,479
you know, hitting on
a friend's chick like this,
665
00:30:15,481 --> 00:30:19,183
but, Carrie, you're just
too awesome to let go.
666
00:30:21,287 --> 00:30:22,986
Let go.
667
00:30:27,927 --> 00:30:29,493
Mm, what do you got there?
668
00:30:29,495 --> 00:30:30,494
Drop dead.
669
00:30:30,496 --> 00:30:32,563
♪ You know I like it ♪
670
00:30:32,565 --> 00:30:35,933
♪ I like it, I like it ♪
671
00:30:35,935 --> 00:30:38,335
♪ you know I like it ♪
672
00:30:38,337 --> 00:30:41,071
♪ I like it, and I love you so ♪
673
00:30:41,073 --> 00:30:42,406
what are you doing?
674
00:30:42,408 --> 00:30:44,975
Oh, I gotta judge
the perfect-breast competition.
675
00:30:44,977 --> 00:30:46,543
What do you think?
676
00:30:46,545 --> 00:30:49,446
Well, I don't think
that there, um...
677
00:30:49,448 --> 00:30:51,114
Should be
chocolate-chip cookies.
678
00:30:51,116 --> 00:30:52,449
You're right. They're too small.
679
00:30:52,451 --> 00:30:55,085
Hey, can I get a couple
cupcakes down here?!
680
00:30:55,087 --> 00:30:57,554
♪ Feel it, feel it ♪
681
00:30:57,556 --> 00:31:00,357
♪ baby, let me feel it ♪
682
00:31:00,359 --> 00:31:03,026
♪ feel it, feel it ♪
683
00:31:03,028 --> 00:31:05,395
♪ in my soul ♪
684
00:31:05,397 --> 00:31:07,464
friendly face at last.
685
00:31:07,466 --> 00:31:10,300
♪ Feel it in my soul ♪ hiya.
686
00:31:10,302 --> 00:31:12,302
Hey, well, what are you making?
687
00:31:12,304 --> 00:31:15,005
Well, you know, they have their
perfect-breast competition,
688
00:31:15,007 --> 00:31:17,241
so I thought I'd sculpt
the perfect penis.
689
00:31:17,243 --> 00:31:19,443
Isn't it a dream come true?
690
00:31:19,445 --> 00:31:20,644
Hey!
691
00:31:20,646 --> 00:31:22,279
♪ You know I like it ♪
692
00:31:22,281 --> 00:31:23,914
♪ I like it ♪
693
00:31:23,916 --> 00:31:25,249
fellas!
694
00:31:25,251 --> 00:31:26,383
Look!
695
00:31:26,385 --> 00:31:28,485
Looks like something
out of "dune."
696
00:31:28,487 --> 00:31:29,920
Nice job, Zoe.
697
00:31:29,922 --> 00:31:31,154
Hey, you. No.
698
00:31:31,156 --> 00:31:33,557
No. Yes. We need more
bodies for strip twister.
699
00:31:33,559 --> 00:31:34,892
Zoe! Yes!
700
00:31:36,095 --> 00:31:38,028
So jealous.
701
00:31:38,898 --> 00:31:41,899
Hey, wait for me!
I'm double-jointed!
702
00:31:41,901 --> 00:31:44,234
Wait! I can do amazing things!
703
00:31:44,236 --> 00:31:47,938
Zoe: Right hand, blue.
Left hand, yellow.
704
00:31:47,940 --> 00:31:50,574
Eli: Very nice.
705
00:31:50,575 --> 00:31:53,209
Babies. You see, I'm a guy
who knows a lot about babies.
706
00:31:53,212 --> 00:31:56,013
♪ I want to love somebody ♪
707
00:31:56,015 --> 00:31:59,216
I'm not having a good time.
708
00:31:59,218 --> 00:32:02,185
Oh, was Eli cheating again?
709
00:32:02,187 --> 00:32:04,588
You know, you cannot
trust that guy
710
00:32:04,590 --> 00:32:07,124
to call a clean round
of strip twister.
711
00:32:07,126 --> 00:32:09,026
Yeah, he made up the colors.
712
00:32:09,028 --> 00:32:11,628
Well, you see, he's color-blind
like a, you know...
713
00:32:11,630 --> 00:32:13,797
Like a schnauzer.
714
00:32:13,798 --> 00:32:15,965
And then he brings over
this cooler full of ice water
715
00:32:15,968 --> 00:32:17,434
and... dumps it on me.
716
00:32:17,436 --> 00:32:20,037
See, you gotta hose down
the board between games.
717
00:32:20,039 --> 00:32:22,639
Otherwise, it gets all gritty.
718
00:32:22,641 --> 00:32:24,508
And, David... yeah?
719
00:32:24,510 --> 00:32:26,510
One of your friends
keeps hitting on me.
720
00:32:26,512 --> 00:32:28,245
What? Who is it?
721
00:32:28,247 --> 00:32:30,013
Point him out.
722
00:32:31,016 --> 00:32:32,582
There. That guy.
723
00:32:32,584 --> 00:32:34,017
George?
724
00:32:34,019 --> 00:32:35,419
George!
725
00:32:35,421 --> 00:32:37,254
Hey, George, over here!
726
00:32:37,256 --> 00:32:38,322
Me?
727
00:32:38,324 --> 00:32:40,284
Yeah. All right, don't move.
728
00:32:42,695 --> 00:32:45,362
George, you're hitting
on my girlfriend?
729
00:32:45,364 --> 00:32:48,398
Yeah, absolutely.
She's really awesome, David.
730
00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:50,667
Yeah, she is, isn't she?
731
00:32:50,669 --> 00:32:54,371
Hey, look, George, please
don't do it anymore, okay?
732
00:32:54,373 --> 00:32:55,739
I'll try.
733
00:32:55,741 --> 00:32:57,341
Thanks.
734
00:33:00,079 --> 00:33:02,579
Look, so, my friends
don't sit around
735
00:33:02,581 --> 00:33:04,314
discussing Susan Sontag.
736
00:33:04,316 --> 00:33:07,551
Face it, David... your friends
couldn't discuss Dr. Seuss.
737
00:33:07,553 --> 00:33:09,186
They're normal people, Carrie.
738
00:33:09,188 --> 00:33:12,522
Is it normal for George
to proposition me?
739
00:33:12,524 --> 00:33:14,391
George propositions everyone.
740
00:33:14,393 --> 00:33:15,776
Terrific.
741
00:33:15,777 --> 00:33:17,160
And what about Eli
railroading me
742
00:33:17,162 --> 00:33:19,062
into that degrading beach game?
743
00:33:21,133 --> 00:33:23,433
David, if... if it's
pop psychology you want...
744
00:33:23,435 --> 00:33:25,769
"I'm okay, you're okay"...
745
00:33:25,771 --> 00:33:27,537
Your friends are dickheads.
746
00:33:47,159 --> 00:33:48,692
Excuse me.
747
00:33:50,496 --> 00:33:52,796
Charles, have you
seen, uh, Carrie?
748
00:33:52,798 --> 00:33:55,665
I believe Lizbeth is showing
the new China pattern.
749
00:33:55,667 --> 00:33:58,201
Come on, come on, join us.
We're playing charades.
750
00:33:58,203 --> 00:33:59,770
Charades. Charades. Charades.
751
00:33:59,772 --> 00:34:02,639
Oh, I just love charades.
752
00:34:02,641 --> 00:34:04,374
That's right,
we're playing charades.
753
00:34:04,376 --> 00:34:06,676
Come on, everybody, charades.
Buffy, Jody, sissy.
754
00:34:06,678 --> 00:34:09,146
Brian, Keith, you play, too.
755
00:34:09,148 --> 00:34:10,514
Okay.
756
00:34:10,516 --> 00:34:12,215
I go first.
757
00:34:12,217 --> 00:34:14,317
You always go first.
758
00:34:14,319 --> 00:34:15,819
Chipper's host. He's got dibs.
759
00:34:17,256 --> 00:34:18,755
All right.
760
00:34:20,793 --> 00:34:22,292
It's a movie.
761
00:34:22,294 --> 00:34:23,660
"Fatal attraction."
762
00:34:27,099 --> 00:34:28,131
Lucky guess.
763
00:34:28,133 --> 00:34:30,467
Okay.
764
00:34:30,469 --> 00:34:32,469
I get to go again.
765
00:34:34,206 --> 00:34:36,139
All right.
766
00:34:37,609 --> 00:34:38,775
A book.
767
00:34:38,777 --> 00:34:41,278
"Bonfire of the vanities."
768
00:34:47,853 --> 00:34:50,787
Perhaps we should play
some other game.
769
00:34:52,691 --> 00:34:55,592
I meant to tell you. Oh, yeah.
770
00:34:59,865 --> 00:35:02,566
Hi. I'm, uh...
771
00:35:05,703 --> 00:35:07,603
Welcome to "Thirtysomething."
Can I get you some brie?
772
00:35:07,606 --> 00:35:09,639
Uhh... you got any bean dip?
773
00:35:09,641 --> 00:35:11,108
Thank god.
774
00:35:11,110 --> 00:35:12,409
So, what are you doing here?
775
00:35:12,411 --> 00:35:14,111
Zoe said it was cool.
776
00:35:14,113 --> 00:35:15,879
She's not here.
She knew better.
777
00:35:15,881 --> 00:35:17,347
Bitch!
778
00:35:17,349 --> 00:35:18,849
I've been had.
779
00:35:18,851 --> 00:35:20,350
Oh!
780
00:35:23,755 --> 00:35:26,156
Of course,
the view is awfully nice.
781
00:35:26,158 --> 00:35:28,258
Interesting food, stocked bar.
782
00:35:28,260 --> 00:35:29,826
I'm staying.
783
00:35:31,463 --> 00:35:33,296
Carrie, darling.
784
00:35:33,298 --> 00:35:35,298
So good to see you. Kisses.
785
00:35:40,906 --> 00:35:43,807
That ice looks cold. Is it?
786
00:35:43,809 --> 00:35:46,643
Eli, this is my... this is Charles.
787
00:35:46,645 --> 00:35:48,278
Charles, my friend Eli.
788
00:35:48,280 --> 00:35:50,247
Honest to god pleasure
to meet you, Chas.
789
00:35:50,249 --> 00:35:51,815
May I call you Chas?
790
00:35:51,817 --> 00:35:53,817
Actually, I prefer
"chipper." "Chipper" it is.
791
00:35:53,819 --> 00:35:55,685
Help yourself to a drink.
792
00:35:55,687 --> 00:35:57,187
Pictionary later.
793
00:36:02,861 --> 00:36:04,628
Let me freshen that for you.
794
00:36:04,630 --> 00:36:06,796
What is that?
A vodka and bourbon?
795
00:36:08,267 --> 00:36:10,901
No, I'm a doctor. Now, listen.
796
00:36:10,903 --> 00:36:13,336
He's pawing my friends.
797
00:36:13,338 --> 00:36:15,405
I think she wants to be pawed.
798
00:36:15,407 --> 00:36:19,342
No, she's just getting over a divorce.
She's very vulnerable.
799
00:36:20,345 --> 00:36:21,811
And I don't think that Eli...
800
00:36:21,813 --> 00:36:23,747
Eli is what... not good enough?
801
00:36:23,749 --> 00:36:25,949
Y-you don't think my friends
are good enough?
802
00:36:25,951 --> 00:36:27,918
Is that what you're trying
to say? Huh, huh, huh?
803
00:36:27,920 --> 00:36:29,886
Is aware that his fly is open.
804
00:36:32,491 --> 00:36:34,191
Eli!
805
00:36:35,227 --> 00:36:36,793
Yeah.
806
00:36:42,301 --> 00:36:43,700
I tried.
807
00:36:43,702 --> 00:36:45,669
Well, what about
your friend chipper?
808
00:36:45,671 --> 00:36:47,837
He was following me
from room to room.
809
00:36:47,839 --> 00:36:51,508
"Excuse me, David, but what
exactly kind of Jew are you?
810
00:36:51,510 --> 00:36:54,844
Are you an assimilated Jew
or are you a committed Jew?"
811
00:36:54,846 --> 00:36:57,480
Chipper's minor
was comparative religion.
812
00:36:57,482 --> 00:37:00,884
At least he didn't rip off
your bathing suit.
813
00:37:00,886 --> 00:37:02,619
And spray ice water on you.
814
00:37:02,621 --> 00:37:06,856
Eli is absolutely right.
You just have no sense of humor.
815
00:37:08,227 --> 00:37:10,827
And yet
their relationship survived.
816
00:37:10,829 --> 00:37:12,796
I mean, I've heard
that love is blind,
817
00:37:12,798 --> 00:37:14,564
but I guess
it's also deaf, dumb,
818
00:37:14,566 --> 00:37:17,300
and undauntingly tolerant
of all prejudices,
819
00:37:17,302 --> 00:37:18,802
personal or external.
820
00:37:18,804 --> 00:37:20,804
There just might be
something to it.
821
00:37:20,806 --> 00:37:22,505
I'm not sure.
822
00:37:22,507 --> 00:37:23,940
Gather 'round, children.
Gather 'round.
823
00:37:23,942 --> 00:37:26,343
Yo, yo, yo, quiet now.
No flashing. No flashing.
824
00:37:26,345 --> 00:37:27,978
I'll send you people home.
I'll do it.
825
00:37:27,980 --> 00:37:30,513
Construction of the statehouse
826
00:37:30,515 --> 00:37:34,284
was completed under budget
and on time in 1782.
827
00:37:34,286 --> 00:37:36,526
Guess they didn't have
a union then. Ha ha ha.
828
00:37:37,923 --> 00:37:40,957
Anyways, if you notice
the beautiful rococo tile...
829
00:37:40,959 --> 00:37:43,293
Isn't is beautiful?
Can you say "rococo"?
830
00:37:43,295 --> 00:37:44,461
Rococo. Rococo. Rococo.
831
00:37:44,463 --> 00:37:45,795
Very good. Very good.
832
00:37:45,797 --> 00:37:47,831
So, this is where
it all happens...
833
00:37:47,833 --> 00:37:50,934
Discussion, or discourse,
between the governor...
834
00:37:50,936 --> 00:37:53,803
Can the governor park his car
anywhere he wants?
835
00:37:53,805 --> 00:37:55,772
What happens in there?
836
00:37:55,774 --> 00:37:57,507
I'll check.
837
00:38:03,548 --> 00:38:05,999
Whoo!
838
00:38:06,000 --> 00:38:08,451
That's what we like to call
a gubernatorial aide
839
00:38:08,453 --> 00:38:11,788
and her gentleman friend,
and they are, uh...
840
00:38:11,790 --> 00:38:13,456
Photocopying.
841
00:38:16,862 --> 00:38:19,796
Are they facilitating
state government?
842
00:38:19,798 --> 00:38:21,798
W-well, what's good
for the people
843
00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:23,300
is good for the state.
844
00:38:23,302 --> 00:38:25,535
Alexander Hamilton said that.
845
00:38:25,537 --> 00:38:27,437
Actually, this is my lunch hour.
846
00:38:27,439 --> 00:38:28,838
And you spend it with him?
847
00:38:30,042 --> 00:38:33,643
I'm... in love with this woman.
848
00:38:33,645 --> 00:38:36,079
And she's in love with me.
849
00:38:36,081 --> 00:38:38,048
Right?
850
00:38:38,050 --> 00:38:39,950
Yes, I am.
851
00:38:39,951 --> 00:38:41,851
But aren't you afraid
of being caught?
852
00:38:41,853 --> 00:38:44,354
Why not save it
for later... at home?
853
00:38:44,356 --> 00:38:46,556
Well, see,
we work different hours,
854
00:38:46,558 --> 00:38:49,359
and h-her apartment's
really very far away, so...
855
00:38:49,361 --> 00:38:51,094
Wait... you two
don't live together?
856
00:38:51,096 --> 00:38:52,662
They don't have to.
857
00:38:52,664 --> 00:38:54,497
Puh-lease, Bobby.
858
00:38:54,499 --> 00:38:58,335
If you and I were sharing conjugal
relations on a laser copier...
859
00:38:58,337 --> 00:38:59,536
Fat chance!
860
00:38:59,538 --> 00:39:02,189
We'd be living together,
861
00:39:02,190 --> 00:39:05,310
especially if I kept clothes and
stuff and shampoo at your place.
862
00:39:05,977 --> 00:39:07,877
You do keep shampoo there?
863
00:39:07,879 --> 00:39:09,612
And conditioner.
864
00:39:09,614 --> 00:39:12,916
Look, you either move in
or move on.
865
00:39:12,918 --> 00:39:16,052
Face it, dude.
The writing's on the wall.
866
00:39:16,888 --> 00:39:21,591
You know, they call it
"living in sin" for a reason.
867
00:39:21,593 --> 00:39:23,927
Whatever. They did it.
She moved in, yeah.
868
00:39:23,929 --> 00:39:26,930
"Stop by our apartment,"
David says the other day to me.
869
00:39:26,932 --> 00:39:28,732
"Our apartment?" Excuse me?
870
00:39:28,734 --> 00:39:30,400
She moves into his apartment,
871
00:39:30,402 --> 00:39:33,136
and suddenly
it's "our apartment."
872
00:39:33,138 --> 00:39:34,771
I don't know.
873
00:39:34,773 --> 00:39:36,940
Maybe I'm taking this too hard.
I don't know.
874
00:39:36,942 --> 00:39:39,509
W-w-what... I should bring them
a housewarming gift
875
00:39:39,511 --> 00:39:41,578
for their apartment?
876
00:39:41,580 --> 00:39:43,113
You tell me. I don't know.
877
00:39:43,115 --> 00:39:46,883
What's the perfect
housewarming gift for them?
878
00:39:46,885 --> 00:39:48,852
Brought you a little
housewarming gift.
879
00:39:48,854 --> 00:39:50,120
Oh, Eli.
880
00:39:50,122 --> 00:39:51,988
You didn't have to.
881
00:39:51,990 --> 00:39:54,090
They'll come in handy.
Don't kid yourself.
882
00:39:54,092 --> 00:39:55,725
Where's Carrie?
883
00:39:55,727 --> 00:39:57,827
Um, she's out
getting some more plants.
884
00:39:57,829 --> 00:39:59,095
More plants?
885
00:39:59,097 --> 00:40:00,663
Well, that's good.
886
00:40:00,665 --> 00:40:03,733
It's kind of phase one
of the master plan, isn't it?
887
00:40:03,735 --> 00:40:05,068
Plants need a lot of watering,
888
00:40:05,070 --> 00:40:06,870
a lot of feeding,
a lot of attention.
889
00:40:06,872 --> 00:40:10,440
It softens you up a little bit
for phase two...
890
00:40:10,442 --> 00:40:11,841
Babies.
891
00:40:11,843 --> 00:40:14,544
You're getting
a little paranoid.
892
00:40:14,546 --> 00:40:16,012
Paranoid. Who said I'm paranoid?
893
00:40:16,014 --> 00:40:18,548
If I told you once,
I told you a million times...
894
00:40:18,550 --> 00:40:21,451
If you let a babe infiltrate
the home base,
895
00:40:21,453 --> 00:40:25,622
eventually she'll eradicate every
trace of the essential you.
896
00:40:26,958 --> 00:40:28,958
Oh, what's this? What's what?
897
00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:31,127
This... colors and bad frame.
898
00:40:31,129 --> 00:40:33,763
Oh, I don't know.
Carrie likes it.
899
00:40:33,765 --> 00:40:36,205
Carrie likes it? Yeah,
yeah, I like it, too.
900
00:40:36,868 --> 00:40:38,752
Aah.
901
00:40:38,753 --> 00:40:40,637
You think Carrie's different,
don't you?
902
00:40:40,639 --> 00:40:43,873
Yes. Yes. You don't think
she's gonna make demands...
903
00:40:43,875 --> 00:40:45,508
Move you to the suburbs
904
00:40:45,510 --> 00:40:47,911
and load you down
with babies and barbecue.
905
00:40:47,913 --> 00:40:50,146
Y-you know something?
I think Carrie's right.
906
00:40:50,148 --> 00:40:51,848
You're a little afraid of women.
907
00:40:51,850 --> 00:40:53,583
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, wait.
908
00:40:53,585 --> 00:40:54,884
You talk to Carrie about me?
909
00:40:54,886 --> 00:40:57,187
Eli, we live together.
Of course I talk to her.
910
00:40:57,189 --> 00:40:58,922
I talk to her about everything.
911
00:40:58,924 --> 00:41:00,590
W-what'd you tell her?
912
00:41:00,592 --> 00:41:01,791
Nothing.
913
00:41:01,793 --> 00:41:03,860
You know, it's just...
For the first time,
914
00:41:03,862 --> 00:41:06,229
I'm looking at things
from another side.
915
00:41:07,833 --> 00:41:09,532
There is no other side.
916
00:41:09,534 --> 00:41:11,134
There's them and there's us.
917
00:41:11,136 --> 00:41:12,936
Exactly. You're right.
918
00:41:12,938 --> 00:41:15,572
And sometimes
we're a little disgusting.
919
00:41:15,574 --> 00:41:17,574
Okay? So, let's drop it.
920
00:41:17,576 --> 00:41:18,975
Yes, we're disgusting!
921
00:41:18,977 --> 00:41:21,811
We're men. We're idiots.
It's the law.
922
00:41:21,813 --> 00:41:24,948
Eli, remember at college
your definition of a lesbian?
923
00:41:24,950 --> 00:41:26,616
Any girl who wouldn't put out.
924
00:41:26,618 --> 00:41:27,851
Right. Exactly.
925
00:41:27,853 --> 00:41:30,220
Well, you know,
I no longer agree.
926
00:41:30,222 --> 00:41:32,622
All right, all right.
Do me a favor, okay?
927
00:41:32,624 --> 00:41:34,824
In a couple of months
when you get some time,
928
00:41:34,826 --> 00:41:36,893
fax me your balls,
'cause you don't need 'em.
929
00:41:36,895 --> 00:41:39,162
You ever have one of those dreams
where you're in the water,
930
00:41:39,164 --> 00:41:40,830
you're trying to save someone
from drowning,
931
00:41:40,832 --> 00:41:42,198
and you can't quite reach him?
932
00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:43,733
You're about a fingertip away,
933
00:41:43,735 --> 00:41:45,168
but the current keeps
pulling him
934
00:41:45,170 --> 00:41:46,769
further and further out to sea,
935
00:41:46,771 --> 00:41:49,772
and there's nothing you can do
but watch.
936
00:41:49,774 --> 00:41:52,108
How do I save him
from slipping away?
937
00:41:52,110 --> 00:41:55,078
How do I bring him
back to shore?
938
00:41:57,516 --> 00:41:58,882
Hi, this is David.
939
00:41:58,884 --> 00:42:00,784
Carrie and I aren't here
right now,
940
00:42:00,785 --> 00:42:02,685
[ David and Carrie giggling ]
But you can leave a message,
941
00:42:02,687 --> 00:42:03,853
and we'll get back to you later.
942
00:42:03,855 --> 00:42:04,821
Bye-bye. [ Beep ]
943
00:42:04,823 --> 00:42:07,690
Hi, care. Hello, David.
944
00:42:07,692 --> 00:42:09,759
Three weeks now,
945
00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:11,827
and my period is already in sync
with Oprah Winfrey.
946
00:42:11,830 --> 00:42:13,930
Just thought you'd like to know.
947
00:42:15,733 --> 00:42:17,533
David, sweetheart,
this is your mother.
948
00:42:18,904 --> 00:42:20,870
I have two questions...
949
00:42:20,872 --> 00:42:23,873
Number one, why don't you call?
950
00:42:23,875 --> 00:42:27,844
And number two,
is Carrie a boy or a girl?
951
00:42:27,846 --> 00:42:30,113
Shit! I knew I
forgot to call someone!
952
00:42:36,721 --> 00:42:40,089
I'm telling you,
everything's gonna be fine.
953
00:42:43,261 --> 00:42:44,727
Freida: Oh!
954
00:42:44,729 --> 00:42:46,596
There's a Cohen brothers shoes.
955
00:42:46,598 --> 00:42:48,097
Yeah, of course, on beacon.
956
00:42:48,099 --> 00:42:51,935
No, no, no, further east,
next to the Indian restaurant.
957
00:42:51,937 --> 00:42:53,736
You got it. Okay, Bobby.
958
00:42:53,738 --> 00:42:55,972
Well, it was nice talking
to you, too, hon.
959
00:42:55,974 --> 00:42:58,875
Good luck. Yeah. Bye-bye.
960
00:43:00,612 --> 00:43:03,980
Wrong number, hm.
961
00:43:03,982 --> 00:43:05,582
Don't worry.
962
00:43:05,584 --> 00:43:07,784
Brisket is coming,
963
00:43:07,786 --> 00:43:09,085
but first...
964
00:43:09,087 --> 00:43:11,721
A little soup with knaidlach.
965
00:43:11,723 --> 00:43:13,590
Oh, I've had those.
966
00:43:13,592 --> 00:43:14,924
Not like these.
967
00:43:14,926 --> 00:43:16,326
This is the tough part.
968
00:43:16,328 --> 00:43:19,228
See, Mrs. C makes this
killer brisket... world-class.
969
00:43:19,230 --> 00:43:20,930
But before you can eat any,
970
00:43:20,932 --> 00:43:22,999
you gotta survive
the interrogation...
971
00:43:23,001 --> 00:43:26,269
Survive the interrogation...
972
00:43:33,178 --> 00:43:36,913
So, Carrie, tell us
a little bit about yourself.
973
00:43:36,915 --> 00:43:39,849
I was... I was born and raised
here... I mean, Wellesley.
974
00:43:39,851 --> 00:43:40,917
Date of birth?
975
00:43:40,919 --> 00:43:42,919
June 6, 1963.
976
00:43:42,921 --> 00:43:45,088
Earlier,
I thought you said July!
977
00:43:45,090 --> 00:43:46,789
July. I-i meant July.
978
00:43:46,791 --> 00:43:49,325
Aha. Do I make you nervous,
Carrie?
979
00:43:49,327 --> 00:43:50,893
You're my guest.
980
00:43:50,895 --> 00:43:52,128
Eat!
981
00:43:56,901 --> 00:43:58,034
Oh, that's good.
982
00:43:58,036 --> 00:43:59,669
I mean, that was excellent!
983
00:43:59,671 --> 00:44:01,371
It was the best knaidlach
I've ever had!
984
00:44:01,373 --> 00:44:03,906
Have you ever seen
this man before?
985
00:44:05,777 --> 00:44:07,377
Uh, i-i don't think so.
986
00:44:07,379 --> 00:44:08,845
You don't think so?!
987
00:44:08,847 --> 00:44:09,912
Think!
988
00:44:09,914 --> 00:44:11,381
Uh, no, I'm sure.
989
00:44:11,383 --> 00:44:15,818
And where was your father
during world war ii?
990
00:44:15,820 --> 00:44:18,021
Um, college, uh, uh,
medical school...
991
00:44:18,023 --> 00:44:20,323
Uh, Dartmouth university.
I went there, also.
992
00:44:24,929 --> 00:44:26,696
She made it! Yes!
993
00:44:26,698 --> 00:44:31,000
My David could have gone
to B.U.... Harvard, even.
994
00:44:31,002 --> 00:44:33,036
He had the S.A.T.S,
995
00:44:33,038 --> 00:44:35,238
but he wanted to go away
from home.
996
00:44:35,240 --> 00:44:37,907
Go figure.
997
00:44:39,077 --> 00:44:41,944
Dear, my husband
is a very proud man.
998
00:44:41,946 --> 00:44:43,880
He doesn't like to lose,
999
00:44:43,882 --> 00:44:46,315
so if you could just ease up
a bit on your serve.
1000
00:44:46,317 --> 00:44:48,985
You want me to throw the game?
Kenneth: Come on, come on, come on.
1001
00:44:48,987 --> 00:44:50,319
Powwow's over.
1002
00:44:50,321 --> 00:44:53,222
No strategy's gonna beat
my little care bear and I.
1003
00:44:57,896 --> 00:44:59,395
Please, dear?
1004
00:44:59,397 --> 00:45:02,031
It's in your own best interest.
1005
00:45:08,840 --> 00:45:10,206
Out!
1006
00:45:10,208 --> 00:45:12,241
With a smile.
1007
00:45:12,243 --> 00:45:14,477
By a mile.
1008
00:45:15,980 --> 00:45:17,847
I don't know.
1009
00:45:17,849 --> 00:45:20,049
I mean, to swallow your pride
in one gulp?
1010
00:45:20,051 --> 00:45:22,251
David must be...
1011
00:45:22,253 --> 00:45:23,886
In love.
1012
00:45:23,888 --> 00:45:25,755
I don't know.
1013
00:45:26,491 --> 00:45:29,125
I do know you won't see me
sucking up like that,
1014
00:45:29,127 --> 00:45:31,127
selling out
to Kenneth and Giselle
1015
00:45:31,129 --> 00:45:33,930
for a few free drinks
and convenient court time.
1016
00:45:33,932 --> 00:45:36,733
Hey, do you think that's why
I've never been asked back?
1017
00:45:44,809 --> 00:45:45,975
David, man-to-man,
1018
00:45:45,977 --> 00:45:48,177
you had a pretty fair
game going there,
1019
00:45:48,179 --> 00:45:51,047
but then you lost the scent
and screwed the pooch.
1020
00:45:51,049 --> 00:45:53,750
Killer instinct wins matches.
1021
00:45:53,752 --> 00:45:55,885
K.I.... close the deal.
1022
00:45:55,887 --> 00:45:57,120
You read trump?
1023
00:45:57,122 --> 00:45:58,888
I'm waiting for the movie.
1024
00:45:58,890 --> 00:46:00,423
Consistency. Follow-through.
1025
00:46:00,425 --> 00:46:02,325
Like I tell
my lovely wife, Giselle,
1026
00:46:02,327 --> 00:46:03,993
tennis, proctology...
1027
00:46:03,995 --> 00:46:06,529
It's all in the follow-through.
1028
00:46:06,531 --> 00:46:09,932
Well, not... not many people
enjoy your consistency, sir.
1029
00:46:09,934 --> 00:46:13,836
Hell, you can smoke a pipe and
play tennis at the same time.
1030
00:46:13,838 --> 00:46:15,104
Grace under pressure.
1031
00:46:15,106 --> 00:46:16,973
I learned that during the war.
1032
00:46:16,975 --> 00:46:19,008
Uh, Korea? No, no, no, no.
1033
00:46:19,010 --> 00:46:22,011
Carter administration...
Four years of economic hell.
1034
00:46:22,013 --> 00:46:23,980
Crown. Crown.
1035
00:46:23,982 --> 00:46:26,449
Should I know that name?
What's the old man do?
1036
00:46:26,451 --> 00:46:28,284
Oh, eat... sleep... complain.
1037
00:46:28,286 --> 00:46:29,919
What?
1038
00:46:29,921 --> 00:46:31,888
I'll tell you
what the old man doesn't do.
1039
00:46:31,890 --> 00:46:33,389
He doesn't collect animal heads,
1040
00:46:33,391 --> 00:46:35,792
he doesn't say things like
"screw the pooch,"
1041
00:46:35,794 --> 00:46:37,894
and he doesn't call
Ronald Reagan "the Gipper."
1042
00:46:37,896 --> 00:46:41,864
He calls him "that bad
actor from the chimp movies." Oy!
1043
00:46:41,866 --> 00:46:44,967
You like guns, David? Well, uh,
to tell you the truth, sir, I...
1044
00:46:44,969 --> 00:46:47,069
This is a beauty...
12 Gauge over-and-under.
1045
00:46:47,071 --> 00:46:49,238
Here, take ahold of it.
Go on, take it. Take it!
1046
00:46:51,309 --> 00:46:53,176
It's not loaded
or anything, is it?
1047
00:46:53,178 --> 00:46:54,577
Oh, let's see.
1048
00:46:56,414 --> 00:46:58,281
Ah. No, it isn't.
1049
00:47:03,254 --> 00:47:04,453
Now it is.
1050
00:47:04,455 --> 00:47:06,022
Here, put this on your shoulder.
1051
00:47:06,024 --> 00:47:07,890
There. Now grab ahold
of the stock there.
1052
00:47:07,892 --> 00:47:09,992
And put this hand up there.
There you go.
1053
00:47:09,994 --> 00:47:13,462
Now, lean into it. Lean into it.
1054
00:47:15,066 --> 00:47:17,133
How's that feel, son?
It feels good, sir.
1055
00:47:17,135 --> 00:47:19,202
It feels... you know,
it makes you feel like a man.
1056
00:47:24,008 --> 00:47:25,048
Lunch.
1057
00:47:29,614 --> 00:47:31,414
David:
If you really want to know,
1058
00:47:31,416 --> 00:47:34,550
the real expert on the subject
was a girl that Eli knew.
1059
00:47:34,552 --> 00:47:36,085
Yeah? Yeah.
1060
00:47:36,087 --> 00:47:37,353
Shock me.
1061
00:47:37,355 --> 00:47:40,489
She's a nurse... nutritionist.
1062
00:47:40,491 --> 00:47:45,428
She said that guys are, like,
you know... pure protein.
1063
00:47:48,967 --> 00:47:52,068
Of course, that's it... protein.
1064
00:47:52,070 --> 00:47:53,603
And... and... and you guys
1065
00:47:53,605 --> 00:47:55,938
are just
the surgeon generals of love
1066
00:47:55,940 --> 00:47:59,108
just sharing this with us
f-for our own well-being.
1067
00:48:00,478 --> 00:48:02,612
Oh, come on, David,
can you honestly say
1068
00:48:02,614 --> 00:48:04,180
that if you were in my position,
1069
00:48:04,182 --> 00:48:05,915
you'd feel any differently?
1070
00:48:05,917 --> 00:48:09,352
Hon, if Eli and I were shipwrecked
on a deserted island,
1071
00:48:09,354 --> 00:48:11,254
and the only way to survive
1072
00:48:11,256 --> 00:48:13,956
was, you know,
the nutrients involved,
1073
00:48:13,958 --> 00:48:15,391
then, yes, yes!
1074
00:48:15,393 --> 00:48:18,094
We'd be going down on each
other every five minutes.
1075
00:48:18,096 --> 00:48:21,330
I'd kill myself and then him.
1076
00:48:32,911 --> 00:48:34,377
Hello?
1077
00:48:34,379 --> 00:48:36,112
Eli.
1078
00:48:36,114 --> 00:48:38,014
What's up?
1079
00:48:38,016 --> 00:48:41,450
David, get down here right now. I'm telling you.
1080
00:48:41,452 --> 00:48:44,453
The planets are lined up tonight
or something, I don't know,
1081
00:48:44,455 --> 00:48:46,989
but the chicks here tonight
are not to be missed.
1082
00:48:46,991 --> 00:48:48,324
Now, huh?
1083
00:48:49,560 --> 00:48:52,295
You don't have to touch.
You can just look.
1084
00:48:52,297 --> 00:48:53,629
Yeah, Eli,
1085
00:48:53,631 --> 00:48:57,033
look, I can't come down now.
It's, uh...
1086
00:48:57,035 --> 00:48:59,235
Carrie's not feeling real well,
1087
00:48:59,237 --> 00:49:02,505
and I just... I just can't.
It's not a good time.
1088
00:49:02,507 --> 00:49:04,273
What about Friday?
1089
00:49:04,275 --> 00:49:06,042
Friday... uh, yeah, Friday...
1090
00:49:06,044 --> 00:49:07,677
Friday night, definitely.
1091
00:49:07,679 --> 00:49:09,712
No, dinner with
Charles and Lizbeth.
1092
00:49:09,714 --> 00:49:11,681
Really? Mm-hmm.
1093
00:49:11,683 --> 00:49:15,251
Uh... Eli, um,
I'll call you tomorrow?
1094
00:49:15,253 --> 00:49:18,020
Oh, man, I hope she's worth it.
1095
00:49:18,022 --> 00:49:21,590
I'm telling you, you're
missing out big-time, pal.
1096
00:49:21,592 --> 00:49:23,125
Big-time.
1097
00:49:31,602 --> 00:49:33,602
Mm. You know what?
1098
00:49:33,604 --> 00:49:35,237
I'm gonna go take a bath.
1099
00:49:47,986 --> 00:49:49,618
Missing out.
1100
00:49:52,757 --> 00:49:57,760
Two words that have haunted me
my entire life.
1101
00:49:57,762 --> 00:50:00,596
Why can't I just be happy
with where I am
1102
00:50:00,598 --> 00:50:02,531
and with what I've got?
1103
00:50:04,002 --> 00:50:07,203
Why do I keep thinking about
where I could be
1104
00:50:07,205 --> 00:50:09,138
and what I could get?
1105
00:50:12,777 --> 00:50:14,276
Christ.
1106
00:50:14,278 --> 00:50:16,078
My scoping days are over.
1107
00:50:16,080 --> 00:50:18,347
I mean, I'm different.
1108
00:50:18,349 --> 00:50:20,082
I'm in love.
1109
00:50:21,786 --> 00:50:25,087
Why can't I just be happy
with what I've got?
1110
00:50:27,125 --> 00:50:28,724
I just don't know who David is.
1111
00:50:28,726 --> 00:50:31,627
I mean, sometimes i-i feel like
I'm living with three men...
1112
00:50:31,629 --> 00:50:34,330
Mrs. crown's little boy,
the one who throws a tantrum
1113
00:50:34,332 --> 00:50:36,198
every time he runs out
of shampoo,
1114
00:50:36,200 --> 00:50:37,767
um, Eli's best buddy,
1115
00:50:37,769 --> 00:50:42,238
the one who pulls back
when things get too intimate...
1116
00:50:42,240 --> 00:50:45,041
And then there's my David.
1117
00:50:45,043 --> 00:50:46,542
He's funny...
1118
00:50:46,544 --> 00:50:49,078
He's sensitive...
1119
00:50:49,080 --> 00:50:50,813
And considerate.
1120
00:50:50,815 --> 00:50:53,416
He's the one I moved in with.
1121
00:50:54,552 --> 00:50:57,386
How'd I end up
with the other two?
1122
00:51:00,058 --> 00:51:02,058
Missing out.
1123
00:51:02,794 --> 00:51:04,126
Missing out,
1124
00:51:04,128 --> 00:51:05,795
like Eli's really
doing something
1125
00:51:05,797 --> 00:51:08,297
that I want to be a part of.
1126
00:51:12,070 --> 00:51:13,736
Excuse me, mister.
1127
00:51:13,738 --> 00:51:15,838
We were just coming back
from our cheerleading meet.
1128
00:51:15,840 --> 00:51:18,574
We're all virgins,
but for some reason...
1129
00:51:18,576 --> 00:51:20,676
Maybe it's
the planet alignment...
1130
00:51:20,678 --> 00:51:24,814
Well, we all decided that
tonight was the night to...
1131
00:51:24,816 --> 00:51:27,450
Well...
1132
00:51:27,452 --> 00:51:29,718
You know...
1133
00:51:29,720 --> 00:51:31,320
Go all the way.
1134
00:51:31,322 --> 00:51:34,723
So, perhaps you and your friend
could help us out...
1135
00:51:34,725 --> 00:51:38,260
You know, take us around
the city, ply us with liquor,
1136
00:51:38,262 --> 00:51:40,529
and then take us back
to your place?
1137
00:51:40,531 --> 00:51:42,832
Well, I'd be delighted, uh...
1138
00:51:42,834 --> 00:51:44,867
Of course, it's just
gonna have to be me.
1139
00:51:44,869 --> 00:51:48,270
See, all my friends
are busy tonight or too tired
1140
00:51:48,272 --> 00:51:51,574
or home with
their live-in girlfriends.
1141
00:51:53,177 --> 00:51:55,311
Well...
1142
00:51:55,313 --> 00:51:59,882
Do you think maybe you could
handle us all by yourself?
1143
00:52:02,153 --> 00:52:05,387
Yes. Yes, I do.
1144
00:52:07,758 --> 00:52:09,725
David.
1145
00:52:09,727 --> 00:52:11,460
David. Listen to me.
1146
00:52:11,462 --> 00:52:12,828
What?
1147
00:52:14,332 --> 00:52:15,664
Sorry.
1148
00:52:15,666 --> 00:52:17,399
Uh, what?
1149
00:52:18,769 --> 00:52:20,769
You're bored with this
relationship, is that it?
1150
00:52:20,771 --> 00:52:23,873
No, no, god, no.
1151
00:52:23,875 --> 00:52:26,275
No, you see, it's just that...
1152
00:52:28,513 --> 00:52:30,679
Listen...
1153
00:52:30,681 --> 00:52:33,916
Pizza is my favorite food...
1154
00:52:33,918 --> 00:52:36,318
Pepperoni and sausage, right?
1155
00:52:37,755 --> 00:52:40,556
W-w-what's your favorite food?
1156
00:52:40,558 --> 00:52:41,891
What?
1157
00:52:43,528 --> 00:52:45,261
Linguine and clam sauce.
1158
00:52:45,263 --> 00:52:48,564
An excellent choice...
Linguine and clam sauce.
1159
00:52:48,566 --> 00:52:50,900
It's great. You love it
more than anything else.
1160
00:52:50,902 --> 00:52:53,169
You could probably have it
almost every night.
1161
00:52:54,172 --> 00:52:55,604
Almost every night,
1162
00:52:55,606 --> 00:52:57,506
but you... you wouldn't want to.
1163
00:52:57,508 --> 00:53:00,476
You'd want to try something new,
something different.
1164
00:53:00,478 --> 00:53:01,810
You know what?
1165
00:53:01,812 --> 00:53:04,780
Your little analogy's
starting to piss me off.
1166
00:53:04,782 --> 00:53:08,250
Okay. Okay.
Let's... let's forget it.
1167
00:53:08,252 --> 00:53:09,818
Good.
1168
00:53:14,825 --> 00:53:16,825
Let's just...
1169
00:53:20,264 --> 00:53:22,598
...go to sleep.
1170
00:53:39,884 --> 00:53:41,850
Where were you?
1171
00:53:41,852 --> 00:53:43,819
I was out.
1172
00:53:45,756 --> 00:53:47,790
With Eli.
1173
00:53:47,792 --> 00:53:49,658
You could have called.
1174
00:53:49,660 --> 00:53:51,660
Am I on a leash?
1175
00:53:52,797 --> 00:53:54,964
Can't I have a good time
without you?
1176
00:53:54,966 --> 00:53:57,206
Can't you have a good time
with me?
1177
00:53:57,835 --> 00:53:59,802
Would it be so bad
to... to invite me along?
1178
00:53:59,804 --> 00:54:02,404
You know, you used to think
I was pretty good company.
1179
00:54:02,406 --> 00:54:05,274
Oh, hon, you know,
when... when Eli and I go out,
1180
00:54:05,276 --> 00:54:07,576
you know, it's a...
It's a guy thing.
1181
00:54:07,578 --> 00:54:10,312
Eli... David and Eli.
1182
00:54:10,314 --> 00:54:12,881
David, you're not
married to Eli.
1183
00:54:12,883 --> 00:54:15,951
Well, I'm not married
to you, either.
1184
00:54:24,929 --> 00:54:26,695
David, wait.
1185
00:54:27,965 --> 00:54:29,531
What's wrong?
1186
00:54:29,533 --> 00:54:31,533
A phone call costs 20 cents.
1187
00:54:31,535 --> 00:54:34,637
Hello, mommy, can I stay out and play?
1188
00:54:34,639 --> 00:54:36,339
Oh, grow up!
1189
00:54:36,340 --> 00:54:38,040
All right, you fellas, give me
a little help here, please.
1190
00:54:38,042 --> 00:54:40,809
Can I have a show of hands...
All of you who agree with me
1191
00:54:40,811 --> 00:54:42,778
that a relationship
is a fine place to sleep,
1192
00:54:42,780 --> 00:54:44,747
but you wouldn't want
to live there.
1193
00:54:44,749 --> 00:54:47,750
Ah! See? Clear majority.
1194
00:54:47,752 --> 00:54:50,086
Four guys?
1195
00:54:50,087 --> 00:54:52,421
What do you want from me? They're
surrounded by the enemy.
1196
00:54:58,629 --> 00:54:59,962
What?
1197
00:55:01,666 --> 00:55:02,965
W-we're not talking.
1198
00:55:02,967 --> 00:55:04,767
We're eating.
1199
00:55:04,769 --> 00:55:07,603
We used to talk when we ate.
1200
00:55:10,875 --> 00:55:12,941
What do you want to talk about?
1201
00:55:13,944 --> 00:55:16,745
I don't know. Anything.
1202
00:55:21,085 --> 00:55:24,687
Can we just enjoy our dinner?
1203
00:55:24,689 --> 00:55:26,955
Fine. Yeah.
1204
00:55:31,862 --> 00:55:35,431
I can't enjoy my dinner.
1205
00:55:35,433 --> 00:55:38,434
Something's happened.
I-i just...
1206
00:55:38,436 --> 00:55:41,470
I don't feel connected
to you anymore.
1207
00:55:41,472 --> 00:55:43,339
Do you feel connected to me?
1208
00:55:43,341 --> 00:55:45,741
Oh, please don't give me
that look, okay?
1209
00:55:45,743 --> 00:55:48,077
And please don't say,
"oh, Jesus, Carrie."
1210
00:55:48,079 --> 00:55:49,978
Okay.
1211
00:55:51,015 --> 00:55:53,849
What do you want from me?
1212
00:55:57,922 --> 00:56:00,923
We're in trouble, and I just
want to talk to you about it.
1213
00:56:02,560 --> 00:56:04,660
Why do you want
to talk about it?
1214
00:56:04,662 --> 00:56:06,061
When you hit a rough spot,
1215
00:56:06,063 --> 00:56:09,565
sometimes the best thing to do
is just ride through it.
1216
00:56:10,901 --> 00:56:12,901
Sometimes
talking makes it worse.
1217
00:56:12,903 --> 00:56:14,603
Let it go.
1218
00:56:14,605 --> 00:56:15,904
I can't let it go.
1219
00:56:15,906 --> 00:56:18,073
We have to deal with this now.
1220
00:56:18,075 --> 00:56:20,442
There's nothing to deal with.
1221
00:56:20,444 --> 00:56:21,910
You know, Eli's right.
1222
00:56:21,912 --> 00:56:24,847
Sometimes you just
over-analyze everything.
1223
00:56:24,849 --> 00:56:26,949
What, you and Eli sit around
talking about me?
1224
00:56:26,951 --> 00:56:28,917
What do you... what do you
say to Eli about me?
1225
00:56:30,388 --> 00:56:32,788
Eli's my friend.
We talk about things.
1226
00:56:32,790 --> 00:56:34,890
Look, can... can...
Can we not do this?
1227
00:56:34,892 --> 00:56:37,926
Let... let's stop this
before it turns into a fight.
1228
00:56:37,928 --> 00:56:39,428
It is a fight.
1229
00:56:41,832 --> 00:56:43,065
Look at me, David.
1230
00:56:43,067 --> 00:56:44,967
Wouldn't you rather someone else
1231
00:56:44,969 --> 00:56:46,702
be sitting here right now?
1232
00:56:46,704 --> 00:56:48,871
No, I wouldn't.
1233
00:56:48,873 --> 00:56:51,573
Be honest... wouldn't you be
having a better time
1234
00:56:51,575 --> 00:56:53,876
if someone else was here
and not me?
1235
00:56:54,879 --> 00:56:58,013
No. No one else.
1236
00:56:58,816 --> 00:57:00,416
I don't believe you.
1237
00:57:01,485 --> 00:57:02,751
Yeah, okay, all right.
1238
00:57:02,753 --> 00:57:05,421
I-i-i can imagine
another woman here with me.
1239
00:57:05,423 --> 00:57:07,139
You know what?
1240
00:57:07,140 --> 00:57:08,856
And you're right...
I'm having a better time.
1241
00:57:08,859 --> 00:57:10,409
Want to know why?
1242
00:57:10,410 --> 00:57:11,960
Because she doesn't
tell me what I'm thinking.
1243
00:57:11,962 --> 00:57:13,662
And lead me around on a leash,
1244
00:57:13,664 --> 00:57:15,664
and she doesn't hang
Hockneys on my wall.
1245
00:57:15,666 --> 00:57:17,900
And she doesn't
drive me crazy with bullshit
1246
00:57:17,902 --> 00:57:19,668
while I'm eating!
1247
00:57:21,572 --> 00:57:23,806
Carrie!
1248
00:57:23,808 --> 00:57:26,208
Let me in!
1249
00:57:41,459 --> 00:57:45,494
Wilma!!
1250
00:57:45,496 --> 00:57:48,163
Aw! Hate to see that happen.
1251
00:57:50,067 --> 00:57:53,769
I'll go make up the couch.
1252
00:57:53,771 --> 00:57:57,906
So, she locked you
out of your own apartment.
1253
00:57:57,908 --> 00:57:58,941
Our apartment.
1254
00:58:00,144 --> 00:58:02,644
Well...
1255
00:58:02,646 --> 00:58:06,482
I say let her stay there.
1256
00:58:06,484 --> 00:58:08,917
Let her sit in the apartment
with her plants
1257
00:58:08,919 --> 00:58:11,520
and her rolled-up socks
and her Hockster paintings.
1258
00:58:11,522 --> 00:58:12,855
Hockney.
1259
00:58:12,857 --> 00:58:14,122
Eli...
1260
00:58:14,124 --> 00:58:17,926
Whatever it is, it's hers.
She can have it.
1261
00:58:17,928 --> 00:58:21,230
I've got the old David back,
don't I?
1262
00:58:21,232 --> 00:58:22,698
Yeah.
1263
00:58:22,700 --> 00:58:23,966
Yeah.
1264
00:58:23,968 --> 00:58:27,002
Y-you do remember
the old David, don't you?
1265
00:58:27,004 --> 00:58:29,204
Come on, quick... the three F’s.
1266
00:58:29,206 --> 00:58:31,073
F... what are they?
1267
00:58:31,075 --> 00:58:32,708
F... film.
1268
00:58:32,710 --> 00:58:34,910
Yeah. F... food.
1269
00:58:34,912 --> 00:58:37,813
Yes! Film, food, fuck. Yes!
1270
00:58:37,815 --> 00:58:40,055
Welcome back, David.
1271
00:58:41,852 --> 00:58:43,919
So, why did we break up?
1272
00:58:43,921 --> 00:58:46,288
Why does anybody break up?
1273
00:58:46,290 --> 00:58:48,857
Her friends don't like
your friends.
1274
00:58:48,859 --> 00:58:50,592
Her mother doesn't like you.
1275
00:58:50,594 --> 00:58:53,896
She's a prude.
You're an inconsiderate slob.
1276
00:58:53,898 --> 00:58:56,064
She forgets to cap
the toothpaste.
1277
00:58:56,066 --> 00:58:58,901
You like to sleep
with the window open.
1278
00:58:58,903 --> 00:59:01,870
Is that what it's all about?
1279
00:59:01,872 --> 00:59:04,907
Or is being with somebody
like...
1280
00:59:04,909 --> 00:59:06,608
Getting too close to the sun?
1281
00:59:06,610 --> 00:59:07,976
Y-y-you gotta jump back
1282
00:59:07,978 --> 00:59:10,612
or you're gonna get burned
or go blind.
1283
00:59:14,184 --> 00:59:15,951
Carrie: Hi, you've reached
the apartment.
1284
00:59:15,953 --> 00:59:17,819
Of Carrie and Mr. shit.
1285
00:59:17,821 --> 00:59:20,656
We're not here right now,
and if he were, I wouldn't be.
1286
00:59:20,658 --> 00:59:21,690
Bye.
1287
00:59:28,599 --> 00:59:31,233
...earn 1 1/2 times our income
for the same fucking job,
1288
00:59:31,235 --> 00:59:33,035
nut-scratching, beer-belching,
1289
00:59:33,037 --> 00:59:34,970
"was it good for you?"
Like he really cares,
1290
00:59:34,972 --> 00:59:36,905
belligerent,
"hey, what's on cable?"
1291
00:59:36,907 --> 00:59:38,440
Only own three pairs of shoes
1292
00:59:38,441 --> 00:59:39,974
and pay half of what you do
for formal wear
1293
00:59:39,977 --> 00:59:41,610
and then can wear it again,
1294
00:59:41,612 --> 00:59:43,278
sports-obsessed,
genetically inferior,
1295
00:59:43,280 --> 00:59:45,781
orally fixated,
perpetually adolescent...
1296
00:59:45,783 --> 00:59:48,016
Left, left, left, right, left.
1297
00:59:48,018 --> 00:59:50,152
Left.
1298
00:59:50,153 --> 00:59:52,287
I think my friend David
needs a refresher course.
1299
00:59:52,289 --> 00:59:53,956
Back to basics.
1300
00:59:53,958 --> 00:59:55,958
Lights!
1301
00:59:58,829 --> 01:00:00,696
You really think
this is necessary?
1302
01:00:00,698 --> 01:00:02,030
It's very dark in a bar.
1303
01:00:02,032 --> 01:00:04,166
You're not spider-man, okay?
1304
01:00:04,168 --> 01:00:07,069
Being able to identify a woman
by silhouette
1305
01:00:07,071 --> 01:00:10,072
proves to be both necessary
and cost-effective.
1306
01:00:10,074 --> 01:00:12,441
[ Scoffs ] Look, David,
1307
01:00:12,442 --> 01:00:14,809
no one can afford to buy a drink
for every ugly woman in a bar...
1308
01:00:14,812 --> 01:00:17,079
Not you, not me, not
the brothers Shearson Lehman.
1309
01:00:17,081 --> 01:00:18,614
Eli, come on.
1310
01:00:18,616 --> 01:00:20,649
Okay.
You're gonna like this, huh?
1311
01:00:20,651 --> 01:00:22,985
This'll be good for you.
1312
01:00:22,987 --> 01:00:25,120
Babe or troll?
1313
01:00:25,122 --> 01:00:26,355
Babe.
1314
01:00:26,357 --> 01:00:27,656
Eh...
1315
01:00:27,658 --> 01:00:30,626
Yes. Very nice. Nicely done.
1316
01:00:30,628 --> 01:00:31,927
And next.
1317
01:00:31,929 --> 01:00:33,295
Babe...
1318
01:00:33,297 --> 01:00:34,963
Or troll?
1319
01:00:34,965 --> 01:00:37,933
Eli, I... can't really...
1320
01:00:37,935 --> 01:00:39,668
Yes, you can.
1321
01:00:39,670 --> 01:00:42,190
Think. Come on. You've got time.
1322
01:00:42,940 --> 01:00:44,306
Babe.
1323
01:00:47,111 --> 01:00:48,777
Yes!
1324
01:00:48,779 --> 01:00:50,412
Yes, Claudia.
1325
01:00:50,414 --> 01:00:52,214
Mmm, Claudia.
1326
01:00:52,216 --> 01:00:55,017
Buy a drink for Claudia?
Mnh-mnh. I don't think so.
1327
01:00:55,019 --> 01:00:56,318
Buy a condo for Claudia.
1328
01:00:56,320 --> 01:00:59,087
Uh, okay, Eli,
this is all very well and good,
1329
01:00:59,089 --> 01:01:01,857
but does intelligence
factor into this at all?
1330
01:01:01,859 --> 01:01:04,893
You want brains,
fuck Margaret Thatcher.
1331
01:01:04,895 --> 01:01:06,028
Next.
1332
01:01:07,698 --> 01:01:08,997
Babe or troll?
1333
01:01:08,999 --> 01:01:11,166
Oh, babe, definitely.
1334
01:01:11,168 --> 01:01:14,970
Oh, that's a shame.
1335
01:01:14,972 --> 01:01:16,004
Hmm?
1336
01:01:16,006 --> 01:01:20,809
You've chosen Marge Simpson...
1337
01:01:20,811 --> 01:01:23,345
An animated cartoon
of a hausfrau
1338
01:01:23,347 --> 01:01:24,946
to turn your crank.
1339
01:01:24,948 --> 01:01:26,314
You must be very pleased.
1340
01:01:26,316 --> 01:01:27,916
Jessica rabbit,
I could understand.
1341
01:01:27,918 --> 01:01:30,886
Even myself, I've thought on
occasion, "yes," but Marge?
1342
01:01:30,888 --> 01:01:32,538
I don't think so.
1343
01:01:32,539 --> 01:01:34,189
We've had enough for today, though.
Let's go out and have some fun.
1344
01:01:34,191 --> 01:01:35,223
Okay.
1345
01:01:35,225 --> 01:01:37,426
He's ready. I can feel it.
1346
01:01:37,428 --> 01:01:40,896
He's ready to re-enter society
a reformed man.
1347
01:01:40,898 --> 01:01:43,065
Sure, sure, I gotta worry
about a relapse,
1348
01:01:43,067 --> 01:01:45,767
but I got two words
that should do the trick...
1349
01:01:45,769 --> 01:01:47,402
"Tracy Seymour,."
1350
01:01:47,404 --> 01:01:51,873
A.K.A.
"Let's 'see more' Tracy"...
1351
01:01:51,875 --> 01:01:54,342
A sure thing.
1352
01:02:04,054 --> 01:02:06,221
Eli: Ping-pong balls?
1353
01:02:06,223 --> 01:02:08,457
I thought you wanted
king Kong's balls.
1354
01:02:08,459 --> 01:02:11,059
Oh, that is a great joke!
1355
01:02:12,062 --> 01:02:14,930
That's very funny.
1356
01:02:14,932 --> 01:02:17,833
It's funny because the guy
wanted... right?...
1357
01:02:17,835 --> 01:02:20,302
To play ping-pong,
and then structurally,
1358
01:02:20,304 --> 01:02:22,938
it's a funny joke because he
wants... let's get out of here.
1359
01:02:22,940 --> 01:02:25,006
The guy wants ping-pong balls, right?
Come on.
1360
01:02:25,008 --> 01:02:26,975
And the store owner thinks
literally that he...
1361
01:02:26,977 --> 01:02:29,978
Like, if you wanted potato salad
and you asked for coleslaw,
1362
01:02:29,980 --> 01:02:32,247
so you ask for potato salad,
and the guy says,
1363
01:02:32,249 --> 01:02:34,516
"I have, uh... coleslaw for you,
1364
01:02:34,518 --> 01:02:36,384
and why not give me, uh..."
1365
01:02:36,386 --> 01:02:38,987
But in this case, you asked
for ping-pong balls
1366
01:02:38,989 --> 01:02:40,088
and you got huge gorilla balls!
1367
01:02:40,090 --> 01:02:42,457
That's very funny.
1368
01:02:48,198 --> 01:02:50,098
David.
1369
01:02:56,907 --> 01:02:59,875
Tracy, I can't make love to you.
1370
01:02:59,877 --> 01:03:01,877
I'm sorry. What?
1371
01:03:01,879 --> 01:03:05,013
Tracy, I can't make love to you.
1372
01:03:05,015 --> 01:03:06,882
One more time, please.
1373
01:03:06,884 --> 01:03:08,316
I can't make love to you.
1374
01:03:08,318 --> 01:03:11,052
Oh, i-i thought
that's what he said.
1375
01:03:12,189 --> 01:03:13,989
Fine.
1376
01:03:13,991 --> 01:03:15,891
I'll walk you home.
1377
01:03:15,893 --> 01:03:18,193
No. I'll be fine.
1378
01:03:30,507 --> 01:03:31,973
Carrie: Hello?
1379
01:03:31,975 --> 01:03:33,275
Carrie, it's me.
1380
01:03:35,078 --> 01:03:37,579
Really need to talk to you.
1381
01:03:44,121 --> 01:03:47,022
You fuckin' pussy.
1382
01:03:50,194 --> 01:03:53,895
It's like when you finally meet
the right person.
1383
01:03:53,897 --> 01:03:56,498
I mean, the most important
thing to me is commitment.
1384
01:03:56,500 --> 01:03:58,934
I mean, we're all afraid
to trust.
1385
01:03:58,936 --> 01:04:01,303
And I don't just mean
trust each other...
1386
01:04:01,305 --> 01:04:05,273
I mean trust ourselves,
trust our feelings.
1387
01:04:05,275 --> 01:04:07,475
And share those feelings.
1388
01:04:07,477 --> 01:04:10,445
I mean, what are you
supposed to do... read my mind?
1389
01:04:10,447 --> 01:04:14,049
No. Men and women have to tell
each other what they want.
1390
01:04:14,051 --> 01:04:15,917
I can tell you what I want,
Carrie.
1391
01:04:15,919 --> 01:04:20,555
I want a relationship
based on honesty, trust,
1392
01:04:20,557 --> 01:04:22,424
and continual communication,
1393
01:04:22,426 --> 01:04:24,359
And... oh.
1394
01:04:24,361 --> 01:04:27,062
Oh, I gotta take that.
Excuse me.
1395
01:04:27,064 --> 01:04:30,532
Could I get you anything else?
1396
01:04:33,871 --> 01:04:36,071
How's the cheesecake?
1397
01:04:37,941 --> 01:04:41,042
The only thing worse
than not getting what you want
1398
01:04:41,044 --> 01:04:43,144
is getting what you want.
1399
01:04:43,146 --> 01:04:46,982
Oscar Wilde. He knew.
1400
01:04:47,651 --> 01:04:49,318
Man on television:
...Cubic zirconia.
1401
01:04:49,319 --> 01:04:50,986
Nice matching rubies,
vibrant color,
1402
01:04:50,988 --> 01:04:53,455
the gemstone of the souls,
as it's been called.
1403
01:04:53,457 --> 01:04:56,291
Only $35.
1404
01:04:56,293 --> 01:04:58,226
♪ I am such a funny clown ♪
1405
01:04:58,228 --> 01:05:00,161
♪ I like to travel
'round and 'round ♪
1406
01:05:00,163 --> 01:05:02,163
♪ the circus is my home ♪
1407
01:05:02,165 --> 01:05:04,065
♪ I always sleep alone ♪
1408
01:05:27,925 --> 01:05:29,958
Ohh! Make up or break up!
1409
01:05:29,960 --> 01:05:32,294
This stalemate has got to end.
1410
01:05:32,296 --> 01:05:34,229
You know,
for once, I agree with her.
1411
01:05:34,231 --> 01:05:35,931
I do. I don't care what happens.
1412
01:05:35,933 --> 01:05:38,500
I just want my couch back.
1413
01:05:38,502 --> 01:05:41,970
He's not calling her.
She's not calling him.
1414
01:05:41,972 --> 01:05:44,172
Can someone help this couple?
1415
01:05:45,709 --> 01:05:50,445
Good evening.
I'm Ted Koppel, and this...
1416
01:05:50,447 --> 01:05:52,247
Is "Nightline."
1417
01:05:52,249 --> 01:05:55,050
Tonight, "love on the rocks"...
1418
01:05:55,052 --> 01:05:57,319
Crown versus Davenport.
1419
01:05:57,321 --> 01:06:01,456
You'd have to be living
in a vacuum the past week.
1420
01:06:01,458 --> 01:06:03,358
Not to notice the friction.
1421
01:06:03,360 --> 01:06:06,261
Between young lovers David crown.
1422
01:06:06,263 --> 01:06:08,430
And Carrie Davenport.
1423
01:06:08,432 --> 01:06:12,567
Standing by
in our Boston affiliate,
1424
01:06:12,569 --> 01:06:15,337
the principals.
1425
01:06:15,339 --> 01:06:18,406
David,
is there a case to be made.
1426
01:06:18,408 --> 01:06:20,308
That the final blowup
1427
01:06:20,310 --> 01:06:26,247
was only symptomatic
of much deeper problems?
1428
01:06:26,249 --> 01:06:29,084
Deeper problems?
1429
01:06:29,086 --> 01:06:30,452
What do you mean?
1430
01:06:30,454 --> 01:06:33,989
David, I'm referring to
this "missing out" feeling,
1431
01:06:33,991 --> 01:06:37,993
which, as you put it,
has, and I quote,
1432
01:06:37,995 --> 01:06:41,229
"haunted me my entire life."
1433
01:06:41,231 --> 01:06:43,398
Phew! Who does your research?
1434
01:06:43,400 --> 01:06:47,235
Why do you worry about what
you might be missing, David,
1435
01:06:47,237 --> 01:06:50,672
outside of your relationship
with miss Davenport,
1436
01:06:50,674 --> 01:06:52,741
instead of concentrating
on creating
1437
01:06:52,743 --> 01:06:56,611
a deeper, more meaningful
relationship with her?
1438
01:06:56,613 --> 01:06:58,747
It's not that I don't love her.
1439
01:06:58,749 --> 01:07:02,017
I-i do. I-i love her
with all my heart.
1440
01:07:02,019 --> 01:07:04,352
I-i just...
1441
01:07:04,354 --> 01:07:07,655
I don't know.
Sometimes i-i feel trapped.
1442
01:07:07,657 --> 01:07:10,058
But why, David? I'm not
trying to trap you.
1443
01:07:10,060 --> 01:07:12,327
Yeah, I know that, hon.
I just... um...
1444
01:07:12,329 --> 01:07:18,066
Carrie, David is simply expressing
a general fear of commitment.
1445
01:07:18,068 --> 01:07:22,470
Let me see if I can
give you an example.
1446
01:07:24,074 --> 01:07:25,673
What's your favorite food?
1447
01:07:25,675 --> 01:07:27,175
No, Ted, shh!
1448
01:07:27,177 --> 01:07:30,045
Look, we're trying to reach
an accord here, okay?
1449
01:07:31,782 --> 01:07:34,482
Carrie?
1450
01:07:34,484 --> 01:07:39,554
I will do everything
in my power to change...
1451
01:07:39,556 --> 01:07:45,293
Because... i-i love you...
1452
01:07:45,295 --> 01:07:47,162
And I need you.
1453
01:07:48,331 --> 01:07:50,799
And...
1454
01:07:50,801 --> 01:07:53,168
I want to come home.
1455
01:07:56,606 --> 01:07:59,507
Ted, how do we get out
of these boxes?
1456
01:08:21,798 --> 01:08:24,265
Linguine and clam sauce.
1457
01:08:24,267 --> 01:08:26,234
Your favorite.
1458
01:08:26,236 --> 01:08:28,269
That's very sweet of you.
1459
01:08:28,271 --> 01:08:30,405
It is.
1460
01:08:30,407 --> 01:08:32,207
But, um...
1461
01:08:32,209 --> 01:08:35,577
Why don't we try
something just...
1462
01:08:35,579 --> 01:08:37,112
A little different?
1463
01:08:45,455 --> 01:08:47,122
That's it... drive it.
Foul! That's a foul!
1464
01:08:47,124 --> 01:08:48,507
Where's the call?!
1465
01:08:48,508 --> 01:08:49,891
Where's the fucking call?!
Oh, man!
1466
01:08:49,893 --> 01:08:52,527
There should be... David,
do you believe this shit?
1467
01:08:52,529 --> 01:08:55,130
This liver's great.
What? What happened?
1468
01:08:55,132 --> 01:08:57,632
Bird brings it in, around-the-back
pass to Lewis, right?
1469
01:08:57,634 --> 01:09:00,902
Sweet baseline move, and then
Laimbeer and Rodman mug him.
1470
01:09:00,904 --> 01:09:02,904
No, no, they rape him,
like in prison!
1471
01:09:02,906 --> 01:09:04,506
The pistons aren't a team.
1472
01:09:04,508 --> 01:09:06,808
They're the Manson family in shorts.
Here.
1473
01:09:06,810 --> 01:09:09,410
You liked that... the liver, right?
It's great.
1474
01:09:09,412 --> 01:09:11,546
Okay, now try the pasta salad
with peppers.
1475
01:09:11,548 --> 01:09:13,748
Give me a "T" here.
Do I like this?
1476
01:09:13,750 --> 01:09:15,783
Hold on, folks.
1477
01:09:15,785 --> 01:09:18,620
I can't believe
what I've just heard.
1478
01:09:18,622 --> 01:09:20,822
"Do I like this?" What?
1479
01:09:20,824 --> 01:09:22,190
You all right?
1480
01:09:22,192 --> 01:09:24,259
Did I hear you correctly?
1481
01:09:24,261 --> 01:09:27,629
Did you ask her if you
liked a particular food?
1482
01:09:27,631 --> 01:09:29,297
So? So?
1483
01:09:29,299 --> 01:09:30,665
So?!
1484
01:09:30,667 --> 01:09:32,634
That's a question
that an old man
1485
01:09:32,636 --> 01:09:34,335
asks his wife at a salad bar...
1486
01:09:34,337 --> 01:09:36,804
Couples who have been married
thousands of years.
1487
01:09:36,806 --> 01:09:40,441
Men who no longer own
their own prostate.
1488
01:09:40,443 --> 01:09:44,312
Men who have no free will
ask that question.
1489
01:09:44,314 --> 01:09:46,414
It's beyond pathetic.
1490
01:09:46,416 --> 01:09:48,650
I have a radio in my car.
1491
01:09:48,652 --> 01:09:50,652
Oh, guys! Zoe, wait.
1492
01:09:50,654 --> 01:09:51,886
Eli, it's the fourth quarter.
1493
01:09:51,888 --> 01:09:53,621
They're turning into
the Reagans.
1494
01:09:53,623 --> 01:09:54,789
Do I hate this?
1495
01:09:54,791 --> 01:09:57,292
1:37 in the ballgame.
1496
01:09:58,762 --> 01:10:00,428
Carrie.
1497
01:10:05,368 --> 01:10:06,701
Eli.
1498
01:10:06,703 --> 01:10:07,802
Yes, David?
1499
01:10:07,804 --> 01:10:09,204
Where's Carrie?
1500
01:10:09,206 --> 01:10:11,806
Oh, well, I'd rather...
1501
01:10:11,808 --> 01:10:13,808
I know you think I'm pussy-whipped,
but tell me where she is.
1502
01:10:13,810 --> 01:10:15,143
I won't.
1503
01:10:15,144 --> 01:10:16,477
You know where she is.
Tell me where she is.
1504
01:10:16,479 --> 01:10:17,879
I'd really rather not say.
1505
01:10:17,881 --> 01:10:19,614
Please, Eli,
tell me where she is.
1506
01:10:19,616 --> 01:10:21,816
You're not going to like it, David.
Where is she?
1507
01:10:21,818 --> 01:10:24,219
She got tired of waiting
for you to commit.
1508
01:10:24,221 --> 01:10:26,854
Where's Carrie? Where is she?!
Where is she?!
1509
01:10:26,856 --> 01:10:29,857
She's about to marry
a proctologist!
1510
01:10:29,859 --> 01:10:31,492
Taxi! Taxi! Oof!
1511
01:10:39,769 --> 01:10:42,337
I know. I know.
1512
01:10:42,339 --> 01:10:45,974
A dream is your subconscious
trying to get through.
1513
01:10:45,976 --> 01:10:47,575
But, you know,
1514
01:10:47,577 --> 01:10:50,712
it's like a bad connection
to Wabash, Australia.
1515
01:10:50,714 --> 01:10:53,514
You miss every other word,
and nothing makes sense.
1516
01:10:57,254 --> 01:10:58,586
Somehow you know
1517
01:10:58,588 --> 01:11:01,022
it's the most important call
of your life.
1518
01:11:02,959 --> 01:11:04,726
So, what do you do?
1519
01:11:04,728 --> 01:11:06,828
I mean, if you can't be sure?
1520
01:11:06,830 --> 01:11:08,696
If you can only guess?
1521
01:11:09,866 --> 01:11:13,301
When it's your turn to talk,
what do you say?
1522
01:11:17,941 --> 01:11:19,941
Excuse me.
1523
01:11:59,716 --> 01:12:03,718
♪ While there is time ♪
1524
01:12:03,720 --> 01:12:05,019
♪ let's go out... ♪
1525
01:12:05,021 --> 01:12:06,654
Carrie Davenport...
1526
01:12:08,525 --> 01:12:09,824
♪ If you hold me ♪
1527
01:12:09,826 --> 01:12:12,060
will you marry me?
1528
01:12:12,062 --> 01:12:15,863
♪ I will let you
into my dreams ♪
1529
01:12:15,865 --> 01:12:18,399
♪ for time is a river ♪
1530
01:12:18,401 --> 01:12:19,901
I will.
1531
01:12:19,903 --> 01:12:21,736
♪ Roll... ♪
1532
01:12:29,813 --> 01:12:34,082
I will. I will. I will.
1533
01:12:34,084 --> 01:12:37,685
Reactions were... varied.
1534
01:12:37,687 --> 01:12:38,953
Shiksa.
1535
01:12:38,955 --> 01:12:40,455
Oh, god!
1536
01:12:41,458 --> 01:12:43,858
Married. March.
1537
01:12:43,860 --> 01:12:46,594
Lovely wife Giselle,
are we in town then?
1538
01:12:46,596 --> 01:12:47,862
We nailed one!
1539
01:12:49,065 --> 01:12:52,133
Hey, guys, man overboard!
Man overboard!
1540
01:12:52,135 --> 01:12:54,435
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
1541
01:12:54,437 --> 01:12:56,804
This means we get to throw
a bachelor party, right?
1542
01:12:56,806 --> 01:12:59,474
Yeah! Whoo! Yeah! Yeah!
1543
01:13:20,130 --> 01:13:24,065
Love's latest victim,
David crown.
1544
01:13:24,067 --> 01:13:27,769
David, from your best man...
1545
01:13:27,771 --> 01:13:30,037
To his best friend.
1546
01:13:32,842 --> 01:13:34,876
The key to my hotel room
1547
01:13:34,878 --> 01:13:36,944
and to the city...
1548
01:13:36,946 --> 01:13:39,013
Are yours.
1549
01:13:39,015 --> 01:13:40,415
David?
1550
01:13:40,417 --> 01:13:41,449
Hey, David.
1551
01:13:42,786 --> 01:13:43,918
Hi!
1552
01:13:43,920 --> 01:13:46,087
David. David. Hello!
1553
01:13:49,759 --> 01:13:50,992
You're the best man, son.
1554
01:13:50,994 --> 01:13:53,494
You should know
where he is at all times.
1555
01:13:53,496 --> 01:13:55,196
So, uh, where is she, Zoe?
1556
01:13:55,198 --> 01:13:56,864
And why is she there?
1557
01:13:56,866 --> 01:13:58,533
Well, I'm not sure.
1558
01:13:58,535 --> 01:14:00,535
But I'm sure this is
the happiest day of her life.
1559
01:14:00,537 --> 01:14:01,869
It better be.
1560
01:14:01,871 --> 01:14:03,671
The natives are
getting restless.
1561
01:14:03,673 --> 01:14:05,039
No shit. We need
some entertainment.
1562
01:14:05,041 --> 01:14:06,607
Do you play the piano, sir?
1563
01:14:06,609 --> 01:14:07,775
No!
1564
01:14:07,777 --> 01:14:11,179
But my lovely wife,
Giselle, does.
1565
01:14:11,181 --> 01:14:12,980
Find him!
1566
01:14:31,901 --> 01:14:33,534
Hi.
1567
01:14:34,003 --> 01:14:36,037
Hiya.
1568
01:14:49,185 --> 01:14:51,519
How's David?
1569
01:14:51,521 --> 01:14:53,588
It was hard to tell.
1570
01:14:54,591 --> 01:14:56,924
Zoe, you're my best friend.
1571
01:14:56,926 --> 01:14:59,627
What's gonna happen to us
if I get married?
1572
01:15:00,630 --> 01:15:02,597
Nothing.
1573
01:15:03,066 --> 01:15:06,000
What's gonna happen to me
if I get married?
1574
01:15:07,170 --> 01:15:09,036
What do you mean?
1575
01:15:10,874 --> 01:15:13,508
Remember what you said to me
at my party...
1576
01:15:13,510 --> 01:15:15,176
About me losing my identity?
1577
01:15:15,178 --> 01:15:17,945
I know you were kidding...
1578
01:15:17,947 --> 01:15:20,248
But I don't know...
I think you might be right.
1579
01:15:21,784 --> 01:15:23,618
Well, I was right.
1580
01:15:23,620 --> 01:15:25,653
I mean, you will lose
your identity,
1581
01:15:25,655 --> 01:15:29,857
but only to find...
A new identity.
1582
01:15:29,859 --> 01:15:32,159
And no offense...
Maybe a better one.
1583
01:15:32,161 --> 01:15:34,028
As a wife?
1584
01:15:34,030 --> 01:15:36,163
As a wife...
1585
01:15:36,165 --> 01:15:37,932
As a mother...
1586
01:15:37,934 --> 01:15:40,001
As a grandmother.
1587
01:15:41,304 --> 01:15:44,772
Boy, can you imagine me
as a grandmother?
1588
01:15:44,774 --> 01:15:46,607
Sure!
1589
01:15:50,079 --> 01:15:52,847
Zoe, can I rely on him?
1590
01:15:54,250 --> 01:15:57,585
Can I rely on... on me?
1591
01:16:00,723 --> 01:16:03,024
Do you love him?
1592
01:16:05,828 --> 01:16:07,128
Yes.
1593
01:16:08,298 --> 01:16:11,198
Would you rather go back
to living with me?
1594
01:16:12,769 --> 01:16:14,569
I love you, too, but...
1595
01:16:16,739 --> 01:16:18,873
Then let's go get married.
1596
01:16:21,044 --> 01:16:23,010
Okay. Okay.
1597
01:16:49,038 --> 01:16:50,871
Hey, you're in my seat.
1598
01:16:50,873 --> 01:16:53,307
How'd you know I'd be here?
1599
01:16:54,978 --> 01:16:56,243
Come on.
1600
01:16:56,245 --> 01:16:58,685
We've been coming here
since we were 6.
1601
01:17:00,016 --> 01:17:02,850
Oh, by the way,
Kenneth is, uh...
1602
01:17:02,852 --> 01:17:04,852
Muy pissed.
1603
01:17:04,854 --> 01:17:07,355
How about Carrie?
1604
01:17:07,357 --> 01:17:11,692
She, uh... didn't say.
1605
01:17:17,400 --> 01:17:21,068
Everything is always right here.
1606
01:17:22,405 --> 01:17:24,772
Life is perfect
under the green monster.
1607
01:17:24,774 --> 01:17:26,307
You ever notice that?
1608
01:17:27,777 --> 01:17:29,877
I'm usually too drunk
by the sixth inning,
1609
01:17:29,879 --> 01:17:32,213
but... yeah.
1610
01:17:35,952 --> 01:17:37,852
I don't think anything
in my marriage
1611
01:17:37,854 --> 01:17:40,988
is ever gonna be
as... perfect as that.
1612
01:17:40,990 --> 01:17:42,957
Oh, it won't be.
1613
01:17:42,959 --> 01:17:44,291
Thank you.
1614
01:17:44,293 --> 01:17:47,662
I'm sorry, David,
but it won't be.
1615
01:17:47,664 --> 01:17:48,863
Why not?
1616
01:17:48,865 --> 01:17:52,299
Because marriage
isn't baseball, man.
1617
01:17:52,301 --> 01:17:55,670
It isn't a game. It's very real.
1618
01:17:55,672 --> 01:17:58,072
Besides,
there's a lot less spitting.
1619
01:17:59,442 --> 01:18:01,842
So why am I doing this?
1620
01:18:01,844 --> 01:18:04,311
Because you want to.
1621
01:18:04,313 --> 01:18:06,947
Because I want to... eventually.
1622
01:18:09,052 --> 01:18:11,986
You never really liked Carrie,
did you?
1623
01:18:13,056 --> 01:18:17,124
You know, when I first met her,
I thought, "Carrie."
1624
01:18:17,126 --> 01:18:19,894
You know...
Stephen king's "Carrie."
1625
01:18:21,030 --> 01:18:24,865
But I got to know her,
and, uh...
1626
01:18:24,867 --> 01:18:28,969
She's okay. She's all right.
She's... she's good.
1627
01:18:30,773 --> 01:18:34,108
I'm gonna marry
Carrie Davenport.
1628
01:18:43,786 --> 01:18:47,088
You know, someday...
Not too soon, but someday...
1629
01:18:47,090 --> 01:18:48,456
We're gonna come out here,
1630
01:18:48,458 --> 01:18:50,825
and you-know-who is gonna be
sitting right between us,
1631
01:18:50,827 --> 01:18:52,026
sucking on a frosty malt.
1632
01:18:52,028 --> 01:18:53,761
Who?
1633
01:18:53,763 --> 01:18:55,329
Your kid! "Who?"
1634
01:18:55,331 --> 01:18:56,897
You think?
1635
01:18:56,899 --> 01:18:58,199
Come on, the first thing.
1636
01:18:58,201 --> 01:19:00,735
Uncle Eli teaches
the little sperm in Reeboks
1637
01:19:00,737 --> 01:19:03,504
is how to sneak into the park.
1638
01:19:03,506 --> 01:19:04,505
I love you.
1639
01:19:04,507 --> 01:19:05,940
I love you, too.
1640
01:19:16,085 --> 01:19:18,886
I never asked you...
What do you do for a living?
1641
01:19:18,888 --> 01:19:20,321
I'm an accountant.
1642
01:19:20,323 --> 01:19:22,056
And do you, Carrie,
1643
01:19:22,058 --> 01:19:25,526
take this man, David, to be
your lawfully wedded husband,
1644
01:19:25,528 --> 01:19:30,965
in sickness and in health
till death do you part?
1645
01:19:30,967 --> 01:19:32,166
I do.
1646
01:19:32,168 --> 01:19:33,901
And do you, David,
1647
01:19:33,903 --> 01:19:37,037
take this woman, Carrie,
to be your lawfully wedded wife
1648
01:19:37,039 --> 01:19:38,939
in sickness and in health,
1649
01:19:38,941 --> 01:19:41,876
to love, honor, and respect her
till death do you part?
1650
01:19:41,878 --> 01:19:43,844
I do.
1651
01:19:43,846 --> 01:19:46,781
Then if there is no one here
who objects to this union...
1652
01:19:46,783 --> 01:19:49,316
Then by the powers
vested in me... And me.
1653
01:19:49,318 --> 01:19:51,552
...and by the covenant
of Moses and Abraham...
1654
01:19:51,554 --> 01:19:53,988
By god and the state
of Massachusetts.
1655
01:19:53,990 --> 01:19:55,556
...by the state of Israel,
1656
01:19:55,558 --> 01:19:58,425
together: We now pronounce you
husband and wife.
1657
01:19:58,427 --> 01:20:00,027
You may kiss the bride.
1658
01:20:01,063 --> 01:20:03,030
Wait! Wait! Wait!
1659
01:20:03,031 --> 01:20:04,998
We're not done, huh?
That's it? This is it? What?
1660
01:20:05,001 --> 01:20:07,201
Talk to me about rules.
Talk to me about love.
1661
01:20:07,203 --> 01:20:09,170
All right,
it's a 4-letter word, huh?
1662
01:20:09,172 --> 01:20:13,073
All right, when King Kong grabbed Fay
Wray, that was love, was it not?
1663
01:20:13,075 --> 01:20:14,909
Sweet love, absolutely, yeah.
1664
01:20:14,911 --> 01:20:16,944
But afterwards, boom!
Dead monkey.
1665
01:20:16,946 --> 01:20:19,446
What the hell's that? Just
tell me it was worth it, okay?
1666
01:20:19,448 --> 01:20:21,382
You're goddamn right
it was worth it!
1667
01:20:21,384 --> 01:20:22,883
They knew it
the minute they met.
1668
01:20:22,885 --> 01:20:24,451
I knew it.
1669
01:20:24,453 --> 01:20:26,487
Even you knew it,
although that didn't stop you.
1670
01:20:26,489 --> 01:20:28,489
From torturing them
every step of the way,
1671
01:20:28,491 --> 01:20:29,990
did it, studmuffins?
1672
01:20:29,992 --> 01:20:32,059
Uh, eh...
W-what are best friends for?
1673
01:20:32,061 --> 01:20:35,062
I mean, I had to be sure
he was sure.
1674
01:20:35,064 --> 01:20:36,096
Really?
1675
01:20:36,098 --> 01:20:37,364
Yes.
1676
01:20:37,366 --> 01:20:40,167
Well, that's very sweet.
1677
01:20:40,169 --> 01:20:42,136
I may have misjudged you.
1678
01:20:42,138 --> 01:20:43,938
What are you saying?
1679
01:20:43,940 --> 01:20:47,174
Well, you want to go
to a movie sometime?
1680
01:20:47,176 --> 01:20:48,943
What... you and me?
1681
01:20:48,945 --> 01:20:49,977
Yeah.
1682
01:20:49,979 --> 01:20:51,846
Dutch, no strudel,
1683
01:20:51,848 --> 01:20:53,280
no Haagen sex,
1684
01:20:53,282 --> 01:20:56,250
although I know
you desperately want me.
1685
01:20:56,252 --> 01:20:59,019
Just a movie.
1686
01:21:01,958 --> 01:21:02,990
You may kiss the bride.
1687
01:21:02,992 --> 01:21:04,892
Not so fast, padre.
1688
01:21:04,894 --> 01:21:07,428
The ceremonial breaking
of the glass.
1689
01:21:10,967 --> 01:21:13,267
Mazel tov! Mazel tov! Mazel tov!
1690
01:21:13,269 --> 01:21:15,102
Mazel tov!
1691
01:21:24,547 --> 01:21:27,081
Roll credits.
120648
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