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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:01:45,258 --> 00:01:46,388 THOMAS You know, they 4 00:01:46,388 --> 00:01:50,308 say with every life experience there's a lesson to be learned. 5 00:01:50,308 --> 00:01:52,278 And man, did I learn mine. 6 00:01:52,278 --> 00:01:53,658 See, that was me. 7 00:01:53,658 --> 00:01:56,328 Fantasizing about every woman I saw. 8 00:01:56,328 --> 00:01:58,828 See, I was what you might call a horn dog. 9 00:01:58,828 --> 00:02:02,248 A playboy, a gigolo. 10 00:02:02,248 --> 00:02:07,648 I'm what you ladies might call, well, a scumbag. 11 00:02:07,648 --> 00:02:09,718 See, I wasn't a bad guy. 12 00:02:09,718 --> 00:02:12,378 It's just that every girl I saw, I just, 13 00:02:12,378 --> 00:02:14,208 I just had to get into bed with. 14 00:02:14,208 --> 00:02:18,218 Oh yeah. 15 00:02:18,218 --> 00:02:20,658 Oh! 16 00:02:20,658 --> 00:02:22,168 Oh! 17 00:02:22,168 --> 00:02:23,278 Excuse me! 18 00:02:23,278 --> 00:02:25,768 Well, almost every girl I saw. 19 00:02:25,768 --> 00:02:28,478 Aah! 20 00:02:28,478 --> 00:02:30,198 THOMAS Anyway, I always want 21 00:02:30,198 --> 00:02:32,839 to get married, be a dad, have kids. 22 00:02:32,839 --> 00:02:34,068 But how could I do both? 23 00:02:34,068 --> 00:02:36,918 I mean, how could I keep on being with women 24 00:02:36,918 --> 00:02:39,038 and start a family? 25 00:02:39,038 --> 00:02:41,158 Then I had this brilliant idea. 26 00:02:41,158 --> 00:02:42,698 I need to find the girl that would 27 00:02:42,698 --> 00:02:44,648 be willing to bring other woman into bed with me. 28 00:02:44,648 --> 00:02:46,738 Well, what happened to Kelly? 29 00:02:46,738 --> 00:02:47,728 I broke up with her. 30 00:02:47,728 --> 00:02:49,438 Well, she broke up with me. 31 00:02:49,438 --> 00:02:51,228 Actually, she hit me over the head with a nine iron, 32 00:02:51,228 --> 00:02:52,178 then broke up with me. 33 00:02:52,178 --> 00:02:52,828 Ugh! 34 00:02:53,328 --> 00:02:55,358 She hit you over the head with a nine iron? 35 00:02:55,358 --> 00:02:57,318 Actually, it was a four iron, but who's counting? 36 00:02:57,318 --> 00:02:58,158 Ugh! 37 00:02:58,658 --> 00:02:59,998 Why? 38 00:02:59,998 --> 00:03:02,737 Because I was cheating on her. 39 00:03:02,737 --> 00:03:03,228 Oh. 40 00:03:03,228 --> 00:03:05,288 See, I have this wandering penis problem. 41 00:03:05,288 --> 00:03:06,698 It's like a vagining rod. 42 00:03:06,698 --> 00:03:07,288 All right. 43 00:03:07,288 --> 00:03:09,158 And she was upset with you, right Tom? 44 00:03:10,818 --> 00:03:11,737 Nah, I don't think so. 45 00:03:11,737 --> 00:03:12,717 Mm hmm. 46 00:03:12,717 --> 00:03:15,908 See, every time I see a new girl, I gotta get her. 47 00:03:15,908 --> 00:03:16,848 Acceptance. 48 00:03:16,848 --> 00:03:17,657 Acceptance? 49 00:03:17,657 --> 00:03:19,488 You can't say no, Thomas. 50 00:03:19,488 --> 00:03:22,028 You cheat because you want the constant love and approval 51 00:03:22,028 --> 00:03:23,778 from others, because you never got 52 00:03:23,778 --> 00:03:25,468 those things from your family. 53 00:03:25,468 --> 00:03:27,218 Your siblings ridiculed you. 54 00:03:27,218 --> 00:03:31,717 Your dad beat you, humiliated you, never accepted you. 55 00:03:31,717 --> 00:03:34,717 Well, not exactly. 56 00:03:34,717 --> 00:03:37,858 Doc, how can my penis have anything to do with the family? 57 00:03:37,858 --> 00:03:41,098 Then when you get these women to love you, 58 00:03:41,098 --> 00:03:42,727 you want to get rid of them. 59 00:03:42,727 --> 00:03:43,858 Why would I do that? 60 00:03:43,858 --> 00:03:45,428 You question their credibility if they 61 00:03:45,428 --> 00:03:47,687 could love a loser like yourself. 62 00:03:47,687 --> 00:03:48,948 I do? 63 00:03:48,948 --> 00:03:49,818 Yeah. 64 00:03:49,818 --> 00:03:52,258 Your family considered you a loser, Thomas. 65 00:03:52,258 --> 00:03:54,098 And that's why you seek the constant love and affection 66 00:03:54,098 --> 00:03:56,487 from others, to prove them wrong. 67 00:03:56,487 --> 00:03:58,348 Doc, couldn't it just be that I'm horny? 68 00:03:58,348 --> 00:04:00,098 Doubtful, Thomas. 69 00:04:00,098 --> 00:04:02,427 Look, you push people away who love you 70 00:04:02,427 --> 00:04:07,337 because you feel unworthy of love, happiness, self respect. 71 00:04:07,337 --> 00:04:08,487 And we're seeing these same things 72 00:04:08,487 --> 00:04:10,728 happen in your relationships. 73 00:04:10,728 --> 00:04:12,527 You try and create obstacles that'll keep you 74 00:04:12,527 --> 00:04:13,968 from having a happy relationship. 75 00:04:13,968 --> 00:04:16,627 For instance, remember Jasmine? 76 00:04:16,627 --> 00:04:17,417 Yeah. 77 00:04:17,417 --> 00:04:19,317 Well, you dumped her. 78 00:04:19,317 --> 00:04:20,637 She had hygiene problems. 79 00:04:20,637 --> 00:04:22,918 Her vagina was shaved like the Hitler mustache. 80 00:04:22,918 --> 00:04:25,247 Every time I went down on her, I thought of the Third Reich. 81 00:04:25,247 --> 00:04:26,267 - Well, what about Charlene? 82 00:04:26,267 --> 00:04:28,028 She had nine fingers! 83 00:04:28,028 --> 00:04:28,968 Well, Deborah? 84 00:04:28,968 --> 00:04:30,267 Please. 85 00:04:30,267 --> 00:04:31,477 Look, at least when I take a dump 86 00:04:31,477 --> 00:04:32,377 and there's people nearby-- 87 00:04:32,878 --> 00:04:34,748 I have the courtesy to flush to drown out the noise. 88 00:04:35,818 --> 00:04:40,177 No Thomas, don't you see you create these problems? 89 00:04:40,177 --> 00:04:41,048 What do you mean? 90 00:04:41,048 --> 00:04:44,227 Well, this one farts. 91 00:04:44,227 --> 00:04:45,868 This one has nine fingers. 92 00:04:45,868 --> 00:04:51,477 And this one has a funny looking hoo-ha. 93 00:04:51,477 --> 00:04:52,928 It's not that. 94 00:04:52,928 --> 00:04:54,427 I just need to find a woman that'll 95 00:04:54,427 --> 00:04:56,297 allow other women into bed with us. 96 00:04:56,297 --> 00:04:59,957 That Derek, is my idea of the perfect woman. 97 00:04:59,957 --> 00:05:05,347 Well, could be hard to find a woman that accommodating. 98 00:05:05,347 --> 00:05:14,257 Perhaps we should call her the hard to find woman. 99 00:05:14,257 --> 00:05:14,877 Sorry, Thomas. 100 00:05:14,877 --> 00:05:17,738 It's uh, time's up. 101 00:05:17,738 --> 00:05:18,547 Ugh. 102 00:05:18,547 --> 00:05:19,907 I'm telling you, man. 103 00:05:19,907 --> 00:05:20,758 I'm gonna find her. 104 00:05:20,758 --> 00:05:21,257 Good. 105 00:05:21,257 --> 00:05:22,997 I mean, there's gotta be a girl like that out there somewhere, 106 00:05:22,997 --> 00:05:23,177 right? - Right, right, right. 107 00:05:23,177 --> 00:05:23,897 right? - Right, right, right. - Right, right, right. We'll see you next week. 108 00:05:23,897 --> 00:05:24,447 Right, right, right. We'll see you next week. 109 00:05:24,447 --> 00:05:25,147 All right, man. 110 00:05:25,147 --> 00:05:25,648 See you, Derek. 111 00:05:25,648 --> 00:05:27,357 Right. 112 00:05:27,357 --> 00:05:29,827 What do you think of monogamy? 113 00:05:29,827 --> 00:05:31,877 Well, my father used to have a coffee 114 00:05:31,877 --> 00:05:33,717 table that was made out of that. 115 00:05:33,717 --> 00:05:34,307 No, no, no, no. 116 00:05:34,307 --> 00:05:36,247 Monogamy, not mahogany. 117 00:05:36,247 --> 00:05:37,167 Oh! 118 00:05:37,167 --> 00:05:39,277 Oh, it's absolutely horrible. 119 00:05:39,277 --> 00:05:40,507 It's so disgusting. 120 00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:42,997 You mean, you've never been in a serious relationship? 121 00:05:42,997 --> 00:05:45,457 Well, yeah of course! 122 00:05:45,457 --> 00:05:46,807 I love my boyfriend. 123 00:05:46,807 --> 00:05:47,377 Wait, wait wait. 124 00:05:47,377 --> 00:05:50,807 If you love your boyfriend, then why don't you like monogamy? 125 00:05:50,807 --> 00:05:52,967 Look, pay me for the dance. 126 00:05:59,687 --> 00:06:02,137 So why are you here? 127 00:06:02,137 --> 00:06:04,367 See, I figured if I found a woman who's already 128 00:06:04,367 --> 00:06:07,237 into being with women, well then I'm halfway there. 129 00:06:07,237 --> 00:06:09,097 Listen, asshole. 130 00:06:09,097 --> 00:06:12,077 The sight of a penis makes me gag. 131 00:06:18,017 --> 00:06:20,307 What? 132 00:06:20,307 --> 00:06:21,536 Yes, that's right. 133 00:06:21,536 --> 00:06:22,717 Single white male. 134 00:06:26,707 --> 00:06:27,207 33. 135 00:06:30,037 --> 00:06:31,877 Seeks bisexual woman. 136 00:06:31,877 --> 00:06:33,717 Just think, I could be having sex with you 137 00:06:33,717 --> 00:06:36,737 while the girl's having sex with you too. 138 00:06:36,737 --> 00:06:44,167 You're kidding, right? 139 00:06:44,167 --> 00:06:45,027 Eh. 140 00:06:45,027 --> 00:06:47,007 Who seeks relationships with man. 141 00:06:48,316 --> 00:06:50,216 I think we're a part of the earth, you know? 142 00:06:50,216 --> 00:06:53,396 We're born in the earth and we die in the earth. 143 00:06:53,396 --> 00:06:54,997 I love everybody. 144 00:06:54,997 --> 00:06:58,276 No, I love everything. 145 00:06:58,276 --> 00:07:00,877 They're are all so beautiful to me. 146 00:07:00,877 --> 00:07:02,847 Everything excites me. 147 00:07:02,847 --> 00:07:06,857 I-- do you look at people? 148 00:07:06,857 --> 00:07:10,627 Look at everyone. 149 00:07:10,627 --> 00:07:13,667 All people excite me! 150 00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:15,446 Oh! 151 00:07:15,446 --> 00:07:19,747 But allows man to have sex with other women with woman. 152 00:07:21,246 --> 00:07:23,006 Hey, do you want to see my impression of a monkey? 153 00:07:23,006 --> 00:07:24,966 Sure. 154 00:07:30,837 --> 00:07:31,767 Likes tennis. 155 00:07:33,567 --> 00:07:37,026 I have a hard time getting it up after doing that crap. 156 00:07:37,026 --> 00:07:37,677 Really? 157 00:07:37,677 --> 00:07:39,677 I dated a guy like that once. 158 00:07:39,677 --> 00:07:40,266 It was so funny. 159 00:07:40,266 --> 00:07:40,936 He was a real wacko. 160 00:07:40,936 --> 00:07:42,366 He used to punch himself in the head 161 00:07:42,366 --> 00:07:43,466 because he got so mad at himself. 162 00:07:43,466 --> 00:07:44,926 I got some wacky boyfriends. 163 00:07:44,926 --> 00:07:46,597 My last boyfriend drank all the milk from my tits 164 00:07:46,597 --> 00:07:47,497 in the middle of the night. 165 00:07:47,497 --> 00:07:48,866 My newborn was starving the next morning. 166 00:07:48,866 --> 00:07:50,046 I was forgiving, though. 167 00:07:50,046 --> 00:07:51,577 My father told me I'm a very forgiving person. 168 00:07:51,577 --> 00:07:52,946 In fact, right before he died, 169 00:07:52,946 --> 00:07:53,786 he told me I was his favorite child, 170 00:07:53,786 --> 00:07:54,707 which really pissed my sister off. 171 00:07:54,707 --> 00:07:55,926 She found out because I was telling my mother-- 172 00:07:55,926 --> 00:07:56,216 Whoa. 173 00:07:56,216 --> 00:07:57,356 And she was listening in the other room. 174 00:07:57,356 --> 00:07:58,256 The walls in our house were paper thin. 175 00:07:58,256 --> 00:07:59,976 Speaking of paper, did you read "The Post" this morning? 176 00:07:59,976 --> 00:08:00,587 I did. 177 00:08:00,587 --> 00:08:01,166 You . 178 00:08:01,166 --> 00:08:02,936 Had an article about a guy who made love to his dog! 179 00:08:02,936 --> 00:08:05,016 Speaking of which, my dog passed away when I was seven. 180 00:08:05,016 --> 00:08:05,517 Oh, really? 181 00:08:05,517 --> 00:08:06,206 I took it so hard. 182 00:08:06,206 --> 00:08:07,846 I think it affected me later in life. 183 00:08:07,846 --> 00:08:08,976 Now I can't deal with loss, which 184 00:08:08,976 --> 00:08:10,146 is why I won't go to Atlantic City. 185 00:08:12,956 --> 00:08:14,086 See, a part of me likes to gamble, 186 00:08:14,086 --> 00:08:15,587 but another part of me doesn't. 187 00:08:15,587 --> 00:08:19,176 Which part of you shuts the fuck up? 188 00:08:23,576 --> 00:08:28,517 Wouldn't it be great if we 189 00:08:28,517 --> 00:08:30,316 were with another girl right now? 190 00:08:30,316 --> 00:08:32,716 You would love it, wouldn't you, dirty girl? 191 00:08:32,716 --> 00:08:33,756 Come on, let me in! 192 00:08:33,756 --> 00:08:34,736 I was kidding! 193 00:08:34,736 --> 00:08:36,086 I was just kidding! 194 00:08:36,086 --> 00:08:37,316 Oh, great! 195 00:08:37,316 --> 00:08:38,156 OK, great! 196 00:08:41,556 --> 00:08:43,566 Gerald is bigger. 197 00:08:43,566 --> 00:08:46,336 No wonder you need a walker. 198 00:08:46,336 --> 00:08:49,056 Let me in! 199 00:08:49,056 --> 00:08:51,046 Ernie, I think I found my mission in life. 200 00:08:51,046 --> 00:08:53,456 So what's your big mission, to rob a bank? 201 00:08:53,456 --> 00:08:53,956 No. 202 00:08:53,956 --> 00:08:55,926 I think I figured out how to make this relationship thing 203 00:08:55,926 --> 00:08:56,426 work. 204 00:08:56,426 --> 00:08:58,365 Relationship thing? 205 00:08:58,365 --> 00:09:00,036 Dude, how many times I have to tell you? 206 00:09:00,036 --> 00:09:02,305 Bang prostitutes! 207 00:09:02,305 --> 00:09:03,706 For a few hundred bucks a night you'll 208 00:09:03,706 --> 00:09:05,395 save thousands on alimony! 209 00:09:05,395 --> 00:09:07,856 Yeah, and blow it on STD medications? 210 00:09:07,856 --> 00:09:08,355 Nah. 211 00:09:08,355 --> 00:09:10,716 Dude, what I need to do is find a girlfriend 212 00:09:10,716 --> 00:09:13,506 that would allow other women into bed with me. 213 00:09:13,506 --> 00:09:16,086 You got a better chance of robbing a bank. 214 00:09:16,086 --> 00:09:17,876 I gotta get something to eat. 215 00:09:17,876 --> 00:09:18,486 Again? 216 00:09:18,486 --> 00:09:18,986 Yeah. 217 00:09:18,986 --> 00:09:21,796 I'm fat. 218 00:09:21,796 --> 00:09:23,926 Want some peanuts, stutter monkey? 219 00:09:23,926 --> 00:09:25,756 Here you go! 220 00:09:25,756 --> 00:09:30,406 My mom says you guys are j-just jealous. 221 00:09:30,406 --> 00:09:32,546 The jealousy line never works. 222 00:09:32,546 --> 00:09:33,916 No. 223 00:09:33,916 --> 00:09:34,776 Yeah, stutter face. 224 00:09:34,776 --> 00:09:35,476 We're all jealous. 225 00:09:35,476 --> 00:09:38,716 We all want to be stuttering idiots. 226 00:09:38,716 --> 00:09:39,736 Hey kid, come here. 227 00:09:39,736 --> 00:09:40,986 Who are you? 228 00:09:40,986 --> 00:09:42,486 Who am I? 229 00:09:42,486 --> 00:09:43,456 You gonna tell him, Joey? 230 00:09:43,456 --> 00:09:45,976 Or should I? 231 00:09:45,976 --> 00:09:48,726 I'm a warlock. 232 00:09:48,726 --> 00:09:50,636 A male witch. 233 00:09:50,636 --> 00:09:53,345 And if you ever pick on Joey again, 234 00:09:53,345 --> 00:09:55,015 next time you're trying to go to sleep, 235 00:09:55,015 --> 00:09:57,496 I'll be in your room watching you. 236 00:09:57,496 --> 00:10:02,955 In the corner, in the closet, under the bed. 237 00:10:02,955 --> 00:10:05,806 And that night when you finally do get to sleep, 238 00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:08,295 you'll have the worst nightmare of your life. 239 00:10:08,295 --> 00:10:10,145 You may not even wake up. 240 00:10:10,145 --> 00:10:10,646 Come on. 241 00:10:10,646 --> 00:10:11,855 We don't believe in warlocks. 242 00:10:11,855 --> 00:10:13,566 Oh, you don't believe in warlocks. 243 00:10:13,566 --> 00:10:14,065 You? 244 00:10:14,065 --> 00:10:14,885 No. 245 00:10:14,885 --> 00:10:15,566 No? 246 00:10:15,566 --> 00:10:16,486 Well, watch this. 247 00:10:16,486 --> 00:10:17,426 You see that guy over there? 248 00:10:20,055 --> 00:10:20,815 Oh! 249 00:10:20,815 --> 00:10:22,115 Ugh! 250 00:10:22,115 --> 00:10:26,446 Oh! 251 00:10:34,245 --> 00:10:36,536 Now get out of here before I turn you into a bunch of frogs! 252 00:10:41,205 --> 00:10:44,145 Ah, what's up, Joey? 253 00:10:44,145 --> 00:10:44,765 Hey thanks. 254 00:10:44,765 --> 00:10:46,945 But now my only friends are gone. 255 00:10:46,945 --> 00:10:47,875 Friends? 256 00:10:47,875 --> 00:10:50,356 Joey, those kids ain't your friends, man. 257 00:10:50,356 --> 00:10:51,995 Let me tell you something. 258 00:10:51,995 --> 00:10:53,125 You'll be lucky in your whole life 259 00:10:53,125 --> 00:10:54,386 to have three great friends. 260 00:10:54,386 --> 00:10:56,225 And that's in your whole life. 261 00:10:56,225 --> 00:10:57,416 I only got one. 262 00:10:57,416 --> 00:10:59,785 Moms don't count, Ern. 263 00:10:59,785 --> 00:11:00,995 No, I'm serious, Joey. 264 00:11:00,995 --> 00:11:03,485 I mean, you need to find kids that share your interests, 265 00:11:03,485 --> 00:11:04,125 you know? 266 00:11:04,125 --> 00:11:07,105 Kids that you have something in common with. 267 00:11:07,105 --> 00:11:09,015 That's where you'll find a real friend. 268 00:11:09,015 --> 00:11:11,575 Thanks, Dr. fucking Phil. 269 00:11:15,725 --> 00:11:17,215 Oh! 270 00:11:17,215 --> 00:11:19,135 Oh, come on guys! 271 00:11:19,135 --> 00:11:20,095 Geez! 272 00:11:20,095 --> 00:11:21,535 I'm trying to sleep here! 273 00:11:23,935 --> 00:11:26,085 Even I can't last that long! 274 00:11:26,995 --> 00:11:29,405 Hang on, I'll be right there! 275 00:11:29,405 --> 00:11:30,855 Don't hang up! 276 00:11:34,575 --> 00:11:35,075 Hello? 277 00:11:35,075 --> 00:11:36,315 Thomas. 278 00:11:36,315 --> 00:11:37,555 Hey Johnny, what's up? 279 00:11:37,555 --> 00:11:39,875 Hey dude, I got some shit going on. 280 00:11:39,875 --> 00:11:40,375 Yeah? 281 00:11:40,375 --> 00:11:41,755 JOHNNY Fill in for me today? 282 00:11:41,755 --> 00:11:42,255 Shit. 283 00:11:42,255 --> 00:11:42,755 Again? 284 00:11:42,755 --> 00:11:43,575 Come on, Johnny. 285 00:11:43,575 --> 00:11:44,075 It's Saturday. 286 00:11:44,075 --> 00:11:45,234 I know. 287 00:11:45,234 --> 00:11:46,765 I know. 288 00:11:46,765 --> 00:11:47,945 Why can't you do it? 289 00:11:47,945 --> 00:11:49,214 JOHNNY I got a commercial. 290 00:11:49,214 --> 00:11:49,945 You got a commercial? 291 00:11:49,945 --> 00:11:51,345 JOHNNY Yeah, national. 292 00:11:51,345 --> 00:11:51,915 National? 293 00:11:51,915 --> 00:11:53,144 JOHNNY Guinness. 294 00:11:53,144 --> 00:11:54,025 Guinness? 295 00:11:54,025 --> 00:11:57,325 Oh, you lucky bastard! 296 00:11:57,325 --> 00:11:58,275 So then why you crying? 297 00:11:58,275 --> 00:12:00,325 My girl just left me, bro. 298 00:12:00,325 --> 00:12:01,715 You're crying because your girl left you? 299 00:12:01,715 --> 00:12:02,875 Are you kidding me? 300 00:12:02,875 --> 00:12:03,805 No, dude. 301 00:12:03,805 --> 00:12:05,535 I'd trade a chick for a national commercial any day 302 00:12:05,535 --> 00:12:06,255 of the week. 303 00:12:06,255 --> 00:12:07,925 Come on, there's a million other chicks out there! 304 00:12:07,925 --> 00:12:09,855 I don't think I could live without her. 305 00:12:09,855 --> 00:12:10,735 Aw, give me a break! 306 00:12:13,815 --> 00:12:15,064 Jesus Christ, Kent! 307 00:12:15,064 --> 00:12:16,585 What are you doing? 308 00:12:16,585 --> 00:12:17,084 Sorry! 309 00:12:17,084 --> 00:12:17,815 I need movie times! 310 00:12:17,815 --> 00:12:20,074 Haven't you ever heard of Moviefone? 311 00:12:20,575 --> 00:12:23,445 Oh god! 312 00:12:23,445 --> 00:12:23,944 Oh! 313 00:12:23,944 --> 00:12:25,194 JOHNNY What was that? 314 00:12:25,194 --> 00:12:25,944 Nothing. 315 00:12:25,944 --> 00:12:28,375 Kent's on a sexual rampage again. 316 00:12:28,375 --> 00:12:29,114 I should go gay. 317 00:12:29,114 --> 00:12:29,984 I'd get more ass that way. 318 00:12:29,984 --> 00:12:31,074 Come on, bro. 319 00:12:31,074 --> 00:12:31,845 All right, I'll do it. 320 00:12:31,845 --> 00:12:34,725 But you owe me! 321 00:12:34,725 --> 00:12:35,485 Hey kids! 322 00:12:35,485 --> 00:12:36,605 How are you doing? 323 00:12:36,605 --> 00:12:37,425 Come on over! 324 00:12:37,425 --> 00:12:39,084 Yay! 325 00:12:39,084 --> 00:12:40,425 How's everybody doing? 326 00:12:40,425 --> 00:12:41,325 Good! 327 00:12:41,325 --> 00:12:44,104 What's the difference between snot and spinach? 328 00:12:44,104 --> 00:12:45,375 What? 329 00:12:45,375 --> 00:12:46,934 Kids won't eat spinach! 330 00:12:49,195 --> 00:12:51,114 Hey, you guys want to see a trick? 331 00:12:51,114 --> 00:12:52,104 Yeah! 332 00:12:52,104 --> 00:12:53,904 Well, I'm gonna need an assistant. 333 00:12:53,904 --> 00:12:55,615 Who should I get over here? 334 00:12:55,615 --> 00:12:58,345 How about the birthday girl, Shelby? 335 00:12:58,345 --> 00:13:00,675 Shelby, I'm gonna pick you to volunteer. 336 00:13:00,675 --> 00:13:02,165 Well, how can she be a volunteer 337 00:13:02,165 --> 00:13:03,325 if you're picking her? 338 00:13:03,325 --> 00:13:04,714 Who are you, Judge Judy? 339 00:13:04,714 --> 00:13:06,104 What am I supposed to do? 340 00:13:06,104 --> 00:13:08,465 Well, why don't you come over here and hold this hat? 341 00:13:08,465 --> 00:13:10,435 Hey, get over here, you varmints! 342 00:13:10,435 --> 00:13:13,175 Shelby, give him his nose back! 343 00:13:13,175 --> 00:13:13,674 . 344 00:13:13,674 --> 00:13:14,804 I'm gonna get you! 345 00:13:16,054 --> 00:13:17,215 Get over here! 346 00:13:17,215 --> 00:13:17,714 You know what? 347 00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:18,864 You keep that one. 348 00:13:18,864 --> 00:13:19,365 I'll take his. 349 00:13:19,365 --> 00:13:21,355 Besides, his is funnier looking! 350 00:13:21,355 --> 00:13:22,784 Get over here! 351 00:13:22,784 --> 00:13:24,225 Gimme that nose! 352 00:13:25,175 --> 00:13:26,584 Gimme that nose! 353 00:13:30,165 --> 00:13:32,044 You got some great kids, man. 354 00:13:32,044 --> 00:13:32,574 Thanks. 355 00:13:32,574 --> 00:13:34,764 Yeah, I always wanted to be a dad someday. 356 00:13:34,764 --> 00:13:38,114 Is it hard? 357 00:13:38,114 --> 00:13:38,614 Nah man. 358 00:13:38,614 --> 00:13:40,155 Being a good dad is easy. 359 00:13:40,155 --> 00:13:41,295 It's being that good husband thing 360 00:13:41,295 --> 00:13:42,524 that gets a little tricky. 361 00:13:42,524 --> 00:13:43,454 I know, right? 362 00:13:43,454 --> 00:13:45,594 It's hard being faithful, isn't it? 363 00:13:45,594 --> 00:13:46,094 Well-- 364 00:13:46,914 --> 00:13:47,414 Nah. 365 00:13:47,414 --> 00:13:48,484 You know what? 366 00:13:48,484 --> 00:13:50,944 If you're really in love, you find the right girl. 367 00:13:50,944 --> 00:13:53,354 And after that, you don't even pay attention to other women. 368 00:13:53,354 --> 00:13:54,334 Oh my god! 369 00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:55,804 You have such a big cock! 370 00:13:55,804 --> 00:13:56,784 Oh Seamus! 371 00:13:56,784 --> 00:13:59,774 Seamus, pick up the phone! 372 00:13:59,774 --> 00:14:01,834 Hold on. 373 00:14:01,834 --> 00:14:02,944 Hello? 374 00:14:02,944 --> 00:14:04,024 Yeah, Edgar. 375 00:14:04,024 --> 00:14:05,564 Are you kidding me, Edgar? 376 00:14:05,564 --> 00:14:08,334 You're fucking leaving me for a cruise ship? 377 00:14:08,334 --> 00:14:10,384 Look, I know that you've done me a ton 378 00:14:10,384 --> 00:14:14,934 of favors-- mother fucker just put me on hold. 379 00:14:14,934 --> 00:14:15,664 What an asshole. 380 00:14:18,614 --> 00:14:20,534 Yeah, Edgar. 381 00:14:20,534 --> 00:14:22,174 Look, I'm sorry. 382 00:14:22,174 --> 00:14:23,774 But there's no way I can keep it available 383 00:14:23,774 --> 00:14:24,824 for you til you get back. 384 00:14:27,604 --> 00:14:29,154 Fine! 385 00:14:29,154 --> 00:14:30,434 Think Titanic. 386 00:14:30,434 --> 00:14:31,954 Bye. 387 00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:32,804 God damn! 388 00:14:36,114 --> 00:14:41,264 You know, my wife tells me you're a good actor. 389 00:14:41,264 --> 00:14:43,064 Hey thanks, man. 390 00:14:43,064 --> 00:14:45,054 You're great with the kids. 391 00:14:45,054 --> 00:14:47,724 You know, I'm a producer for "Vito and Valerie's Wedding." 392 00:14:47,724 --> 00:14:48,464 Really? 393 00:14:48,464 --> 00:14:49,174 Get out of here! 394 00:14:49,174 --> 00:14:50,094 I'm a big fan of that show! 395 00:14:50,094 --> 00:14:51,033 Big fan! 396 00:14:51,033 --> 00:14:52,184 Yeah, right. 397 00:14:52,184 --> 00:14:57,124 Anyway, what would you think about, just for a little while 398 00:14:57,124 --> 00:15:00,054 now, taking over the part of Danny, the best man? 399 00:15:00,054 --> 00:15:01,814 I would love to! 400 00:15:01,814 --> 00:15:03,814 Doesn't mean you're not gonna pay me for the party, does it? 401 00:15:04,714 --> 00:15:05,214 No, man. 402 00:15:05,214 --> 00:15:07,354 I, I'll still pay. 403 00:15:07,354 --> 00:15:10,674 But you gotta know, "Vito and Valerie's" is 404 00:15:10,674 --> 00:15:12,534 one weird place to be. 405 00:15:12,534 --> 00:15:13,853 What could be weirder than this? 406 00:15:13,853 --> 00:15:15,484 Vito, you can forget about it! 407 00:15:15,484 --> 00:15:17,204 Because I'm not marrying you! 408 00:15:17,204 --> 00:15:18,284 We're already married! 409 00:15:19,554 --> 00:15:20,054 Oh. 410 00:15:20,054 --> 00:15:22,574 Well now, we're officially unmarried! 411 00:15:22,574 --> 00:15:23,833 Now what we'd like you to do is talk 412 00:15:23,833 --> 00:15:25,084 to some of the actors who are gonna 413 00:15:25,084 --> 00:15:26,763 be the main characters in the show. 414 00:15:26,763 --> 00:15:29,654 Jillian plays Valerie. 415 00:15:29,654 --> 00:15:31,554 Paul plays Vito. 416 00:15:31,554 --> 00:15:34,334 Edgar, who you are replacing as Danny, 417 00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:38,484 and his show girlfriend, Natalie, played by Danielle. 418 00:15:38,484 --> 00:15:39,314 OK? 419 00:15:39,314 --> 00:15:40,544 OK. 420 00:15:40,544 --> 00:15:41,773 Great. 421 00:15:41,773 --> 00:15:43,743 Look, it's all about reality. 422 00:15:43,743 --> 00:15:45,074 Acting is about reality. 423 00:15:45,074 --> 00:15:45,783 Yeah, I know. 424 00:15:45,783 --> 00:15:46,843 I'm an actor. 425 00:15:46,843 --> 00:15:48,364 I don't know what you heard before. 426 00:15:48,364 --> 00:15:50,494 But acting is about reality. 427 00:15:50,494 --> 00:15:51,274 Yeah, dude I know. 428 00:15:51,274 --> 00:15:51,773 I'm an actor. 429 00:15:51,773 --> 00:15:53,673 I took acting lessons for years. 430 00:15:53,673 --> 00:15:54,853 You gotta be real. 431 00:15:54,853 --> 00:15:56,114 You have to be real. 432 00:15:56,114 --> 00:15:57,773 Do you understand? 433 00:15:57,773 --> 00:16:01,284 The moments, they need to be real. 434 00:16:01,284 --> 00:16:02,274 You'll be great. 435 00:16:02,274 --> 00:16:03,903 That's what acting is. 436 00:16:03,903 --> 00:16:06,304 It's based in-- 437 00:16:06,304 --> 00:16:08,304 Reality. 438 00:16:08,304 --> 00:16:11,184 It's about reality, isn't it? 439 00:16:11,184 --> 00:16:13,703 OK, Valerie is the star of the show. 440 00:16:13,703 --> 00:16:15,643 Danny is not the star of the show. 441 00:16:15,643 --> 00:16:16,463 OK? 442 00:16:16,463 --> 00:16:17,543 Danny's the best man. 443 00:16:17,543 --> 00:16:19,954 Now Valerie and Danny, they don't get along. 444 00:16:19,954 --> 00:16:22,623 Danny does best when he stays out of Valerie's way. 445 00:16:22,623 --> 00:16:23,284 OK. 446 00:16:23,284 --> 00:16:27,313 Danny deals drugs, sells stolen car stereos. 447 00:16:27,313 --> 00:16:31,763 But best of all, Danny gets to fuck around. 448 00:16:31,763 --> 00:16:32,623 What do you mean? 449 00:16:32,623 --> 00:16:35,283 You know, gets to flirt with the audience, talk 450 00:16:35,283 --> 00:16:37,433 about his you know, sexual escapades. 451 00:16:37,433 --> 00:16:39,213 In fact, Danny tells them one time 452 00:16:39,213 --> 00:16:41,413 he banged this blonde bimbo on the pool table 453 00:16:41,413 --> 00:16:43,343 at Mr. Angelino's club. 454 00:16:43,343 --> 00:16:43,913 Wow. 455 00:16:43,913 --> 00:16:44,413 Yeah. 456 00:16:44,413 --> 00:16:48,193 Shoved a pool cue straight up her ass. 457 00:16:48,193 --> 00:16:51,054 Think pig. 458 00:16:51,054 --> 00:16:52,094 Sounds good! 459 00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:54,914 Danny and Natalie have the best relationship. 460 00:16:54,914 --> 00:16:56,433 The most important thing to remember 461 00:16:56,433 --> 00:16:58,074 is that we are really in love. 462 00:16:58,074 --> 00:17:01,553 We believe that we have one of the best and most 463 00:17:01,553 --> 00:17:03,123 wonderful relationships in the show. 464 00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:05,063 I'm a little confused. 465 00:17:05,063 --> 00:17:07,904 Edgar told me that Danny gets to fool around all the time. 466 00:17:07,904 --> 00:17:08,583 What? 467 00:17:08,583 --> 00:17:09,083 Yeah. 468 00:17:09,083 --> 00:17:10,894 In fact, he told me he banged a girl at the pool table 469 00:17:10,894 --> 00:17:12,303 in Mr. Angelino's club. 470 00:17:12,303 --> 00:17:13,713 Are you kidding me? 471 00:17:13,713 --> 00:17:14,673 No. 472 00:17:14,673 --> 00:17:18,443 That motherfucker's cheating on me? 473 00:17:18,443 --> 00:17:21,063 Look, I don't know what he told you, 474 00:17:21,063 --> 00:17:25,223 but Danny is a faithful guy in a happy relationship! 475 00:17:25,223 --> 00:17:28,633 I won't even tell you what he did with the pool cue. 476 00:17:28,633 --> 00:17:30,243 I don't get it, Ern. 477 00:17:30,243 --> 00:17:33,373 There's like nobody attractive in the whole fricking play. 478 00:17:33,373 --> 00:17:36,363 You would think, with at least 20 some odd cast members, 479 00:17:36,363 --> 00:17:38,153 there'd be at least one that's my type. 480 00:17:38,153 --> 00:17:40,763 You mean to tell me not one guy was your type? 481 00:17:40,763 --> 00:17:43,083 Very funny. 482 00:17:44,443 --> 00:17:45,653 What do you care anyway? 483 00:17:45,653 --> 00:17:48,193 You got a legitimate acting job instead 484 00:17:48,193 --> 00:17:51,313 of playing a clown for some dopey kids. 485 00:17:51,313 --> 00:17:53,113 Yeah, I know. 486 00:17:53,113 --> 00:17:57,003 I just had the feeling I'd meet at least one decent chick 487 00:17:57,003 --> 00:17:59,193 in the whole play. 488 00:18:00,093 --> 00:18:01,163 I gotta get in shape. 489 00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:03,283 What do you think I should give up first? 490 00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:04,652 Drinking or smoking? 491 00:18:04,652 --> 00:18:05,593 How about eating? 492 00:18:08,943 --> 00:18:10,173 So why do you come to the gym anyway? 493 00:18:10,173 --> 00:18:11,893 For the chicks. 494 00:18:11,893 --> 00:18:16,323 Everybody knows the hottest chicks hang out at the gym. 495 00:18:16,323 --> 00:18:17,732 That's how they stay hot. 496 00:18:21,083 --> 00:18:23,253 199. 497 00:18:23,253 --> 00:18:25,203 Hey chicks! 498 00:18:25,203 --> 00:18:26,742 200. 499 00:18:26,742 --> 00:18:28,053 See me training for the Olympics? 500 00:18:28,053 --> 00:18:29,213 Really? 501 00:18:29,213 --> 00:18:30,113 So soon? 502 00:18:30,113 --> 00:18:31,933 I thought the Special Olympics didn't 503 00:18:31,933 --> 00:18:35,013 start until June. 504 00:18:46,293 --> 00:18:50,562 And now we have the wedding. 505 00:18:50,562 --> 00:18:53,263 These two loving hearts. 506 00:18:53,263 --> 00:18:58,113 They love one another. 507 00:18:58,113 --> 00:18:59,762 Uh, right-- nope. 508 00:18:59,762 --> 00:19:02,153 And now we have-- damn! 509 00:19:03,752 --> 00:19:04,933 Ow! 510 00:19:04,933 --> 00:19:05,432 God! 511 00:19:05,432 --> 00:19:08,093 Hi. 512 00:19:08,093 --> 00:19:09,392 Hi. 513 00:19:09,392 --> 00:19:12,242 I hear you went to NYU. 514 00:19:12,242 --> 00:19:14,043 Uh, yeah. 515 00:19:14,043 --> 00:19:15,592 Uh, er, so did I. 516 00:19:15,592 --> 00:19:17,742 Oh yeah, great. 517 00:19:17,742 --> 00:19:18,773 OK. 518 00:19:18,773 --> 00:19:22,602 Well, nice meeting you. 519 00:19:25,332 --> 00:19:27,552 Yeah, great. 520 00:19:27,552 --> 00:19:28,873 Oh man! 521 00:19:28,873 --> 00:19:29,953 What an asshole. 522 00:19:29,953 --> 00:19:31,052 Who does he think he is, De Niro? 523 00:19:38,943 --> 00:19:41,632 Everything looks fabulous. 524 00:19:41,632 --> 00:19:43,903 But where are the balloons? 525 00:19:43,903 --> 00:19:45,942 Jimmy, where are the balloons? 526 00:19:45,942 --> 00:19:48,873 Look Rocco, i-it's a long story, OK? 527 00:19:48,873 --> 00:19:50,212 Jimmy, where are the balloons? 528 00:19:50,212 --> 00:19:51,863 Look, yesterday I went over to Rocco, uh, 529 00:19:51,863 --> 00:19:54,232 and-- I'll go check the rectory. 530 00:19:54,232 --> 00:19:56,672 You check your rectum. 531 00:19:56,672 --> 00:19:58,713 God, where are the balloons? 532 00:19:58,713 --> 00:20:00,192 Don't worry about it, Rocco. 533 00:20:00,192 --> 00:20:01,182 You'll be fine. 534 00:20:01,182 --> 00:20:03,872 It's just balloons, all right? 535 00:20:03,872 --> 00:20:05,132 Look at Mrs. Jean. 536 00:20:05,132 --> 00:20:08,062 She said she lost 30 pounds for the wedding. 537 00:20:08,062 --> 00:20:13,032 It's like throwing a deck chair off "The Queen Mary." 538 00:20:13,032 --> 00:20:15,802 She's like Barney. I love you, 539 00:20:15,802 --> 00:20:20,652 I love you. 540 00:20:20,652 --> 00:20:22,082 Oh my god! 541 00:20:22,082 --> 00:20:25,602 It is so nice to finally meet you! 542 00:20:25,602 --> 00:20:29,022 You look just like that um, um, actress 543 00:20:29,022 --> 00:20:30,982 from the, "The Poseidon Adventure." 544 00:20:30,982 --> 00:20:33,062 Uh, oh, oh my god! 545 00:20:33,062 --> 00:20:33,962 What's her name? 546 00:20:33,962 --> 00:20:36,472 Um, uh oh yeah! 547 00:20:36,472 --> 00:20:40,601 Ernest Borgnine! 548 00:20:40,601 --> 00:20:42,581 You don't say? 549 00:20:42,581 --> 00:20:44,762 That's a really beautiful hat you're wearing. 550 00:20:44,762 --> 00:20:48,932 Well, I never! 551 00:20:48,932 --> 00:20:50,012 Hey, Andy! 552 00:20:50,012 --> 00:20:51,222 , how you doing? 553 00:20:51,222 --> 00:20:53,072 When'd you get out? 554 00:20:53,072 --> 00:20:54,132 How's the family? 555 00:20:54,132 --> 00:20:54,902 You got my money? 556 00:20:54,902 --> 00:21:01,322 We celebrate the wedding of Vito and Valerie. 557 00:21:01,322 --> 00:21:05,282 Ay, yi, yi, yi, yi, yi! 558 00:21:05,282 --> 00:21:06,762 Como esta? 559 00:21:06,762 --> 00:21:07,752 Brooklyn in the house! 560 00:21:07,752 --> 00:21:08,742 Ay! 561 00:21:08,742 --> 00:21:10,782 Dear brothers and sisters, we gather here today 562 00:21:10,782 --> 00:21:12,912 to celebrate the love of Vito and Valerie. 563 00:21:12,912 --> 00:21:17,882 And let's make it quickly, 564 00:21:17,882 --> 00:21:19,712 because I got a funeral at nine. 565 00:21:19,712 --> 00:21:22,962 Please, kiss the bride. 566 00:21:27,601 --> 00:21:30,301 So, how'd you feel about doing the show? 567 00:21:30,301 --> 00:21:33,202 I was a little nervous, man. 568 00:21:33,202 --> 00:21:34,291 OK, I guess. 569 00:21:34,291 --> 00:21:37,112 You had a better first day than Edgar. 570 00:21:37,112 --> 00:21:39,561 I think he pissed himself. 571 00:21:39,561 --> 00:21:41,012 Paul, I gotta ask a question. 572 00:21:41,012 --> 00:21:42,852 There's no hot chicks in this show. 573 00:21:42,852 --> 00:21:43,481 I mean, who casted? 574 00:21:43,481 --> 00:21:44,181 Rocco? 575 00:21:44,181 --> 00:21:47,311 Aw, there's a couple. 576 00:21:47,311 --> 00:21:49,042 Not Jillian. 577 00:21:49,042 --> 00:21:51,561 Danielle is a wacko. 578 00:21:51,561 --> 00:21:53,371 What about Jennifer? 579 00:21:53,371 --> 00:21:54,682 Jennifer. 580 00:21:54,682 --> 00:21:55,642 Who's Jennifer? 581 00:21:55,642 --> 00:21:57,151 The girl that plays Marilyn. 582 00:21:57,151 --> 00:21:58,151 You mean the ditz? 583 00:21:58,151 --> 00:21:59,231 Oh, come on! 584 00:21:59,231 --> 00:22:00,972 She's not that pretty. 585 00:22:00,972 --> 00:22:02,291 I don't know, man. 586 00:22:02,291 --> 00:22:04,922 Jennifer is one of the hottest girls in the show. 587 00:22:04,922 --> 00:22:06,531 Yeah, that's the chick that plays Marilyn, man. 588 00:22:06,531 --> 00:22:07,922 She's way too trashy looking. . 589 00:22:07,922 --> 00:22:08,431 OK, yeah. 590 00:22:08,431 --> 00:22:10,592 The trashy ditz, not so pretty. 591 00:22:10,592 --> 00:22:11,441 That's nice. 592 00:22:11,441 --> 00:22:12,602 I'm outta here. 593 00:22:12,602 --> 00:22:13,381 Yeah, all right. 594 00:22:13,381 --> 00:22:14,941 Wait, it's you! 595 00:22:14,941 --> 00:22:16,281 You're Marilyn? 596 00:22:16,281 --> 00:22:17,632 Oh my god, you were great! 597 00:22:17,632 --> 00:22:20,051 No, I'm Jennifer. The girl who plays Marilyn. 598 00:22:20,051 --> 00:22:21,622 Also the girl who tried to talk to you earlier. 599 00:22:21,622 --> 00:22:22,391 You kinda blew her off. 600 00:22:22,391 --> 00:22:23,521 Now I know why. 601 00:22:23,521 --> 00:22:24,772 Why? 602 00:22:24,772 --> 00:22:25,931 'Cause you're a jerk. 603 00:22:25,931 --> 00:22:26,991 Take care, Paul. 604 00:22:26,991 --> 00:22:27,562 Later, Jennifer. 605 00:22:27,562 --> 00:22:30,181 Yeah. 606 00:22:30,181 --> 00:22:30,901 Hey, wait! 607 00:22:30,901 --> 00:22:35,881 That was beautiful. 608 00:22:35,881 --> 00:22:36,841 Hi. 609 00:22:36,841 --> 00:22:37,592 Hey, how are you? 610 00:22:37,592 --> 00:22:38,371 Fine, how are you? 611 00:22:38,371 --> 00:22:38,981 I'm good. 612 00:22:38,981 --> 00:22:39,981 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! 613 00:22:39,981 --> 00:22:41,722 Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop! 614 00:22:41,722 --> 00:22:42,961 Please, please. 615 00:22:42,961 --> 00:22:44,171 That was you! 616 00:22:44,171 --> 00:22:46,361 You know, the guitar, the string, the eye. 617 00:22:46,361 --> 00:22:49,181 And then you were in character, you had the ditzy accent! 618 00:22:49,181 --> 00:22:49,682 Yeah. 619 00:22:49,682 --> 00:22:50,361 I was acting. 620 00:22:50,361 --> 00:22:51,351 And you were great. 621 00:22:51,351 --> 00:22:52,441 Big fan, big fan. 622 00:22:52,441 --> 00:22:53,441 Don't kiss up. 623 00:22:53,441 --> 00:22:55,991 Look, I'm sorry. 624 00:22:55,991 --> 00:22:58,191 Whatever. 625 00:22:58,191 --> 00:22:59,801 We are getting off to a bad start here. 626 00:22:59,801 --> 00:23:01,201 Can we start again, please? 627 00:23:01,201 --> 00:23:02,431 Can we start again please? 628 00:23:02,431 --> 00:23:05,991 Yeah. Could we start again please? 629 00:23:05,991 --> 00:23:08,881 Looks like you've made your point now! 630 00:23:08,881 --> 00:23:09,552 OK, I'm leaving. 631 00:23:09,552 --> 00:23:10,101 Oh, no, no, no! 632 00:23:10,101 --> 00:23:10,671 I'm just kidding. 633 00:23:10,671 --> 00:23:12,011 All right, I promise no more singing. 634 00:23:12,011 --> 00:23:13,241 But where 635 00:23:13,241 --> 00:23:16,051 are you going tonight, my little angel? 636 00:23:16,051 --> 00:23:18,241 OK, you're a wacko. 637 00:23:18,241 --> 00:23:19,391 I'm an idiot, actually. 638 00:23:19,391 --> 00:23:21,011 A little bit. 639 00:23:21,011 --> 00:23:21,721 He's the idiot. 640 00:23:21,721 --> 00:23:22,561 This guy's an asshole. 641 00:23:22,561 --> 00:23:24,771 I'm a good guy. 642 00:23:24,771 --> 00:23:26,241 So where are you going? 643 00:23:26,241 --> 00:23:27,611 Uh, oh god. 644 00:23:27,611 --> 00:23:28,801 A few of us from the cast are gonna 645 00:23:28,801 --> 00:23:30,751 try and get in a cigar party at Tattoo. 646 00:23:30,751 --> 00:23:31,991 Tattoo, are you kidding me? 647 00:23:31,991 --> 00:23:32,871 I know the bouncer there. 648 00:23:32,871 --> 00:23:33,811 I can get us on the list. 649 00:23:33,811 --> 00:23:34,311 No. 650 00:23:34,311 --> 00:23:36,271 Don't try and be nice now. 651 00:23:36,271 --> 00:23:37,261 I am nice! 652 00:23:37,261 --> 00:23:38,621 Just gotta get to know me. 653 00:23:38,621 --> 00:23:39,791 I grow on people. 654 00:23:39,791 --> 00:23:41,841 Like a fungus. 655 00:23:44,561 --> 00:23:46,871 Thanks for getting us in the club! 656 00:23:46,871 --> 00:23:49,271 No problem. 657 00:23:49,271 --> 00:23:50,861 So am I forgiven, or what? 658 00:23:50,861 --> 00:23:54,071 Um, almost. 659 00:23:54,071 --> 00:23:56,290 Well, how can I complete your act of forgiveness? 660 00:23:56,290 --> 00:23:58,651 Wow, this dance is uh, you know, not hurting. 661 00:23:58,651 --> 00:24:00,081 But uh, how about a drink? 662 00:24:00,081 --> 00:24:01,370 What do you want? 663 00:24:01,370 --> 00:24:02,521 Whiskey, baby. 664 00:24:02,521 --> 00:24:03,521 You got it. 665 00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:14,210 Can I get a whiskey, please? 666 00:24:17,921 --> 00:24:19,831 Trying to get this girl to like me. 667 00:24:19,831 --> 00:24:20,811 Want a tip? 668 00:24:20,811 --> 00:24:21,771 Sure. 669 00:24:21,771 --> 00:24:23,791 Stop dancing. 670 00:24:23,791 --> 00:24:24,691 Very funny. 671 00:24:29,380 --> 00:24:32,000 Excuse me, sir? 672 00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:33,380 'Scuse me. 673 00:24:33,380 --> 00:24:33,881 Sir? 674 00:24:37,441 --> 00:24:37,941 Excuse me-- 675 00:24:37,941 --> 00:24:40,310 Man, get away from me! 676 00:24:40,310 --> 00:24:42,350 Sir, if you don't mind, I'd like to cut in here. 677 00:24:42,350 --> 00:24:43,521 I mind. 678 00:24:43,521 --> 00:24:45,400 Now back off of me before I kick your ass. 679 00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:46,380 Oh, I see. 680 00:24:46,380 --> 00:24:48,970 Big mouth to compensate for tiny little penis. 681 00:24:48,970 --> 00:24:50,090 Excuse me, asshole. 682 00:24:50,090 --> 00:24:51,611 I mean sir. 683 00:24:51,611 --> 00:24:52,681 But I am with her. 684 00:24:52,681 --> 00:24:54,631 And if you don't take your stinking hands off her, 685 00:24:54,631 --> 00:24:56,501 I'm gonna kick your ass all over the dance floor. 686 00:24:56,501 --> 00:24:57,290 Oh, will you? 687 00:24:57,290 --> 00:24:57,791 Yes. 688 00:24:57,791 --> 00:24:59,280 I think. 689 00:24:59,781 --> 00:25:00,541 Oh! 690 00:25:01,060 --> 00:25:02,380 Uh, b-b-b-b-b-b-b. 691 00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:03,820 Oh! 692 00:25:07,561 --> 00:25:10,020 So am I forgiven? 693 00:25:10,020 --> 00:25:10,551 Yes. 694 00:25:12,290 --> 00:25:13,080 Thank you. 695 00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:14,651 JENNIFER 696 00:25:14,651 --> 00:25:16,621 So do you have a boyfriend? 697 00:25:16,621 --> 00:25:18,780 Oh, not really. 698 00:25:18,780 --> 00:25:20,810 Not really? 699 00:25:20,810 --> 00:25:23,070 Eh, we're kind of on the outs right now. 700 00:25:23,070 --> 00:25:23,571 Oh? 701 00:25:23,571 --> 00:25:25,320 How come? 702 00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:28,640 Uh, he treats me like a sex object. 703 00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:31,780 He you know, never listens to anything I say. 704 00:25:31,780 --> 00:25:33,740 He doesn't care about what I do or how I feel. 705 00:25:33,740 --> 00:25:36,900 I don't think he's heard a word I said in the last two years. 706 00:25:36,900 --> 00:25:38,401 And you? 707 00:25:38,401 --> 00:25:40,150 What? 708 00:25:40,150 --> 00:25:41,330 I'm kidding! 709 00:25:41,330 --> 00:25:42,690 I'm so kidding! 710 00:25:42,690 --> 00:25:43,820 Oh, ho, ho, ho. 711 00:25:43,820 --> 00:25:45,280 No, I just ended my relationship 712 00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:46,780 with my last girlfriend. 713 00:25:46,780 --> 00:25:47,950 Oh, I'm sorry. 714 00:25:47,950 --> 00:25:48,481 Oh, no, no, no. 715 00:25:48,481 --> 00:25:49,790 I cheated on her. 716 00:25:49,790 --> 00:25:52,680 Man, I meet all the winners. 717 00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:53,790 That's horrible. 718 00:25:53,790 --> 00:25:54,700 Yeah, I know. 719 00:25:54,700 --> 00:25:56,980 But she was never right for me anyway. 720 00:25:56,980 --> 00:25:58,660 Uh huh. 721 00:25:58,660 --> 00:26:00,440 French fries and brown gravy. 722 00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:01,480 Thank you. 723 00:26:04,670 --> 00:26:06,920 So you were saying? 724 00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:11,060 Well, never mind. 725 00:26:11,060 --> 00:26:11,820 No, come on. 726 00:26:11,820 --> 00:26:13,050 Say it. 727 00:26:13,050 --> 00:26:14,370 I just don't think I can be happy 728 00:26:14,370 --> 00:26:16,670 in a monogamous relationship. 729 00:26:16,670 --> 00:26:17,930 I mean, I'll never cheat or anything. 730 00:26:17,930 --> 00:26:19,940 I felt horrible after doing that. 731 00:26:19,940 --> 00:26:21,690 I'll, I'll never do it again. 732 00:26:21,690 --> 00:26:23,320 So what are you saying? 733 00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:26,340 Are you sure you won't think I'm a schmuck for saying this? 734 00:26:26,340 --> 00:26:27,570 I bet I will think you're a schmuck, 735 00:26:27,570 --> 00:26:29,289 but you should go ahead and say it. 736 00:26:29,289 --> 00:26:33,850 Well, in one second you might be needing this. 737 00:26:33,850 --> 00:26:38,100 See, in a perfect world, I would like my girlfriend 738 00:26:38,100 --> 00:26:40,460 to be with other women with me. 739 00:26:40,460 --> 00:26:43,790 There, I said it. 740 00:26:43,790 --> 00:26:46,650 I don't think that's that weird. 741 00:26:46,650 --> 00:26:48,149 You don't? 742 00:26:48,149 --> 00:26:50,430 No. 743 00:26:50,430 --> 00:26:52,119 Lots of girls have been with other women. 744 00:26:52,119 --> 00:26:55,179 Or, or at least, you know, thought about it. 745 00:26:55,179 --> 00:26:56,350 That's totally something I would do 746 00:26:56,350 --> 00:26:57,690 if I were in love with a guy. 747 00:26:57,690 --> 00:26:59,059 You would? 748 00:26:59,059 --> 00:27:00,059 Yeah. 749 00:27:00,059 --> 00:27:05,239 I mean, would you let the woman be with other men ? 750 00:27:05,239 --> 00:27:06,229 No way! 751 00:27:06,229 --> 00:27:07,760 Absolutely not! 752 00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:08,260 Oh god. 753 00:27:08,260 --> 00:27:09,780 First of all, I'm way too insecure. 754 00:27:09,780 --> 00:27:12,670 And the thought of touching another man's naked hairy ass 755 00:27:12,670 --> 00:27:13,740 would make me puke! 756 00:27:13,740 --> 00:27:15,440 And there's nothing I want more than a little muff 757 00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:17,600 in the morning! 758 00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:19,229 You want another steak to go? 759 00:27:19,229 --> 00:27:20,919 Uh no, that's OK. 760 00:27:20,919 --> 00:27:23,159 So have you ever been with a woman? 761 00:27:23,159 --> 00:27:24,069 Oh! 762 00:27:24,069 --> 00:27:25,420 Oh lordy! 763 00:27:25,420 --> 00:27:26,600 Could I have the check please? 764 00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:27,099 Thank you. 765 00:27:27,099 --> 00:27:28,029 That would be great. 766 00:27:31,310 --> 00:27:33,570 I have never been. 767 00:27:33,570 --> 00:27:36,690 But I don't know. 768 00:27:36,690 --> 00:27:38,490 I've fantasized about it. 769 00:27:38,490 --> 00:27:40,420 And when I was in ninth grade, I used 770 00:27:40,420 --> 00:27:41,470 to kiss my best girlfriend. 771 00:27:41,470 --> 00:27:44,979 I mean, we were preparing for when guys would kiss us. 772 00:27:45,540 --> 00:27:47,300 Oh my god! 773 00:27:47,300 --> 00:27:48,380 With tongue? 774 00:27:48,380 --> 00:27:51,869 No, with elbow. 775 00:27:51,869 --> 00:27:53,490 Wow! 776 00:27:53,490 --> 00:27:55,069 So I take that might be something 777 00:27:55,069 --> 00:27:56,260 you'd be interested in? 778 00:27:56,260 --> 00:27:59,179 Well, I don't know. 779 00:27:59,179 --> 00:28:04,440 I mean, I guess I think if two people love each other, 780 00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:08,099 then they shouldn't stop themselves from being happy. 781 00:28:08,099 --> 00:28:16,420 And if I knew the guy loved me, and I was number one with him, 782 00:28:16,420 --> 00:28:20,019 then yeah, I guess I would be OK with that. 783 00:28:20,019 --> 00:28:22,270 Oh my god, you are the perfect woman! 784 00:28:22,270 --> 00:28:25,839 I know. How's your eye? 785 00:28:25,839 --> 00:28:26,340 Eye? 786 00:28:26,340 --> 00:28:27,569 Uh huh. 787 00:28:27,569 --> 00:28:28,549 Oh, the eye! 788 00:28:28,549 --> 00:28:30,799 Uh huh. 789 00:28:30,799 --> 00:28:32,280 I feel like a moron with this on my face. 790 00:28:32,280 --> 00:28:33,059 - You look a little like a moron. - You want some? 791 00:28:33,059 --> 00:28:33,779 Here you go. 792 00:28:33,779 --> 00:28:34,280 No! 793 00:28:40,649 --> 00:28:42,719 So your parents ever come see the show? 794 00:28:42,719 --> 00:28:43,859 My dad did. 795 00:28:43,859 --> 00:28:46,019 My mom, ugh. 796 00:28:46,019 --> 00:28:46,549 Forget about it. 797 00:28:46,549 --> 00:28:48,409 I don't even know where she is, so. 798 00:28:48,409 --> 00:28:48,909 What is she? 799 00:28:48,909 --> 00:28:49,979 A flight attendant? 800 00:28:49,979 --> 00:28:52,979 Nope, a drug addict. 801 00:28:52,979 --> 00:28:54,749 Aw geez, I'm sorry. 802 00:28:54,749 --> 00:28:55,679 Yeah, you know. 803 00:28:55,679 --> 00:28:57,859 She was never really around when I was growing up. 804 00:28:57,859 --> 00:29:02,239 My dad divorced her when we were five, raised us on his own. 805 00:29:02,239 --> 00:29:03,169 Que sera, sera. 806 00:29:03,169 --> 00:29:05,379 Whatever will be will be. 807 00:29:05,379 --> 00:29:06,689 OK, you promised! 808 00:29:06,689 --> 00:29:08,029 I'm sorry! 809 00:29:08,029 --> 00:29:09,099 This is me. 810 00:29:09,099 --> 00:29:12,099 Well, I had a great time. 811 00:29:12,099 --> 00:29:12,799 Yeah, me too. 812 00:29:12,799 --> 00:29:13,889 I'm sorry about your eye. 813 00:29:13,889 --> 00:29:16,779 Aw, that's all right. 814 00:29:16,779 --> 00:29:22,339 Well, this is where I decide if I should kiss you or not. 815 00:29:22,339 --> 00:29:24,229 Would you like to kiss me? 816 00:29:24,229 --> 00:29:25,259 Would I like to? 817 00:29:25,259 --> 00:29:27,048 I would love to. 818 00:29:27,048 --> 00:29:30,639 Question is would you like to kiss me? 819 00:29:30,639 --> 00:29:32,799 I guess you're just gonna have to find out. 820 00:29:32,799 --> 00:29:34,219 Oh god. 821 00:29:34,219 --> 00:29:36,119 All right. 822 00:29:36,119 --> 00:29:36,619 Mmm. 823 00:29:40,088 --> 00:29:46,038 Mmm. 824 00:29:46,038 --> 00:29:47,569 You think maybe this is where I should 825 00:29:47,569 --> 00:29:49,289 ask for your phone number? 826 00:31:46,678 --> 00:31:47,438 I'm ready. 827 00:31:47,438 --> 00:31:48,438 All right. 828 00:31:48,438 --> 00:31:49,688 Hold on a second, I'll hurry. 829 00:31:49,688 --> 00:31:50,508 Oh! - No! 830 00:31:50,508 --> 00:31:51,009 No! 831 00:31:51,009 --> 00:31:51,848 No, not for that! 832 00:31:51,848 --> 00:31:53,268 Oh! 833 00:31:53,268 --> 00:31:54,218 Oh god. 834 00:31:54,218 --> 00:31:58,898 Oh! 835 00:32:06,838 --> 00:32:11,907 I meant to be with other women. 836 00:32:11,907 --> 00:32:13,508 What? 837 00:32:13,508 --> 00:32:14,328 Really? 838 00:32:14,328 --> 00:32:14,828 Yeah. 839 00:32:14,828 --> 00:32:16,808 Well, I mean I know it's gonna make you happy 840 00:32:16,808 --> 00:32:21,988 and I think we should talk about it. 841 00:32:21,988 --> 00:32:23,288 I don't want to do anything that you'd 842 00:32:23,288 --> 00:32:24,408 be uncomfortable doing. 843 00:32:24,408 --> 00:32:25,318 No, it's not that. 844 00:32:25,318 --> 00:32:27,328 I'm good with doing it. 845 00:32:27,328 --> 00:32:30,988 And you don't mind me uh, participating in it? 846 00:32:30,988 --> 00:32:33,688 No, not at all. 847 00:32:33,688 --> 00:32:34,288 All right, great. 848 00:32:34,288 --> 00:32:35,418 Well, I have a plan of attack on-- 849 00:32:35,418 --> 00:32:40,208 OK but, there're gonna be some rules. 850 00:32:40,208 --> 00:32:40,707 Rules? 851 00:32:40,707 --> 00:32:42,198 Rule number one. 852 00:32:42,198 --> 00:32:44,817 We can't be with somebody that we already know. 853 00:32:44,817 --> 00:32:45,618 No problem. 854 00:32:45,618 --> 00:32:47,568 Rule number two. 855 00:32:47,568 --> 00:32:49,238 We can't be with anybody at our place. 856 00:32:49,238 --> 00:32:52,098 'Cause I don't want these women to know where we live. 857 00:32:52,098 --> 00:32:53,038 OK. 858 00:32:53,038 --> 00:32:54,568 Rule number three. 859 00:32:54,568 --> 00:32:56,298 I understand you're gonna want to tell your friends. 860 00:32:56,298 --> 00:32:58,308 But only one friend and that's it. 861 00:32:58,308 --> 00:32:59,617 Why? 862 00:32:59,617 --> 00:33:02,058 Because I don't want my like, personal life 863 00:33:02,058 --> 00:33:04,408 hitting the gossip pages in the show! 864 00:33:04,408 --> 00:33:05,657 Wait, wait, wait, wait. 865 00:33:05,657 --> 00:33:08,058 I might have to draw the line there. 866 00:33:08,058 --> 00:33:11,288 What good is this shit if I can't brag about it? 867 00:33:11,288 --> 00:33:12,028 OK then. 868 00:33:12,028 --> 00:33:12,647 Forget about it. 869 00:33:12,647 --> 00:33:13,238 No, no. All right. 870 00:33:13,238 --> 00:33:14,507 Just kidding, just kidding. 871 00:33:14,507 --> 00:33:16,647 But psychologists aren't considered friends, right? 872 00:33:16,647 --> 00:33:17,178 What? 873 00:33:17,178 --> 00:33:17,677 No. 874 00:33:17,677 --> 00:33:19,118 Yeah, fine, fine. 875 00:33:19,118 --> 00:33:19,868 Great. 876 00:33:19,868 --> 00:33:20,948 Easy enough. 877 00:33:20,948 --> 00:33:23,487 And lastly, rule number four. 878 00:33:23,487 --> 00:33:27,407 Whoever we have sex with, we can never be with them again. 879 00:33:27,407 --> 00:33:31,497 You can never-- and I mean ever-- see that woman again, 880 00:33:31,497 --> 00:33:35,278 be it socially, business, whatever. 881 00:33:35,278 --> 00:33:37,397 Why? 882 00:33:37,397 --> 00:33:39,797 Because I don't want to have a relationship with these people. 883 00:33:39,797 --> 00:33:41,168 That would be weird! 884 00:33:41,168 --> 00:33:44,028 It would ruin the whole thing! 885 00:33:44,028 --> 00:33:44,597 OK. 886 00:33:44,597 --> 00:33:45,697 I guess I'll give you that. 887 00:33:45,697 --> 00:33:50,467 I bet you could. All right, where do we find her? 888 00:33:50,467 --> 00:33:51,217 Oh, I got a plan. 889 00:33:51,217 --> 00:33:54,237 I have a friend at uh, Make-A-Wish. 890 00:33:54,237 --> 00:33:57,187 Oh god! 891 00:34:13,427 --> 00:34:17,367 THOMAS Jenn, come on! 892 00:34:17,367 --> 00:34:18,918 Jenn, come on! 893 00:34:18,918 --> 00:34:19,798 Jenn! 894 00:34:19,798 --> 00:34:21,107 Come on. 895 00:34:21,107 --> 00:34:21,988 Jenn, I love you! 896 00:34:21,988 --> 00:34:23,818 Come on, that girl was next to you. 897 00:34:23,818 --> 00:34:25,818 You're so much hotter than her! 898 00:34:25,818 --> 00:34:26,317 Please. 899 00:34:26,317 --> 00:34:26,818 God. 900 00:34:26,818 --> 00:34:28,277 I don't think this is gonna work. 901 00:34:28,277 --> 00:34:30,287 Can't we just do each other? 902 00:34:30,287 --> 00:34:31,527 Jenn, I was just getting into it 903 00:34:31,527 --> 00:34:34,297 like I thought you would too. 904 00:34:34,297 --> 00:34:35,377 Come on, Jenn. 905 00:34:35,377 --> 00:34:36,517 You're the only one for me. 906 00:34:36,517 --> 00:34:37,617 I love you! 907 00:34:37,617 --> 00:34:41,977 Come on, this is just about sex, right? 908 00:34:41,977 --> 00:34:42,647 Right. 909 00:34:42,647 --> 00:34:43,877 Yes. 910 00:34:43,877 --> 00:34:46,507 I'm sorry. 911 00:34:46,507 --> 00:34:47,707 It's just the first time, OK? 912 00:34:47,707 --> 00:34:49,097 It's gonna take a little getting used to. 913 00:34:49,097 --> 00:34:51,768 All the guys in there staring! 914 00:34:51,768 --> 00:34:53,567 Can we just use a prostitute? 915 00:34:53,567 --> 00:34:56,297 That way it would just be the three of us, at least. 916 00:34:56,297 --> 00:34:58,177 You got it. 917 00:34:58,177 --> 00:35:00,217 I think I'm in love. 918 00:35:00,217 --> 00:35:02,487 It was wonderful! 919 00:35:02,487 --> 00:35:04,237 I'm in love, I can't believe it! 920 00:35:04,237 --> 00:35:05,597 Well Thomas, that's great. 921 00:35:05,597 --> 00:35:06,697 I mean, she's having a hard time 922 00:35:06,697 --> 00:35:08,337 getting into being with the other women thing. 923 00:35:08,337 --> 00:35:09,817 I mean, she wants to and all. 924 00:35:09,817 --> 00:35:13,117 I mean, we just gotta find the right situation. 925 00:35:13,117 --> 00:35:17,007 Well, you do realize that you're asking a lot? 926 00:35:17,007 --> 00:35:17,837 Well, yeah. 927 00:35:20,397 --> 00:35:22,097 And you know she loves you? 928 00:35:22,097 --> 00:35:23,087 Yeah. 929 00:35:23,087 --> 00:35:25,487 See Thomas, that's where I think 930 00:35:25,487 --> 00:35:28,207 we're having our little problem. 931 00:35:28,207 --> 00:35:29,447 What? 932 00:35:29,447 --> 00:35:32,897 Thomas, you don't really think she loves you. 933 00:35:32,897 --> 00:35:34,417 Doc, I know she loves me. 934 00:35:34,417 --> 00:35:36,506 Thomas, you never felt loved by your family, so 935 00:35:36,506 --> 00:35:39,217 how can you expect to feel love now? 936 00:35:39,217 --> 00:35:40,837 In fact, you are so scared of not 937 00:35:40,837 --> 00:35:42,596 being loved, you push people away 938 00:35:42,596 --> 00:35:44,757 before they have a chance to hurt you. 939 00:35:44,757 --> 00:35:47,927 I mean Kelly loved you, but you didn't think so. 940 00:35:47,927 --> 00:35:49,476 And now Jennifer loves you. 941 00:35:49,476 --> 00:35:53,947 In fact, she's willing to have sex with other women for you. 942 00:35:53,947 --> 00:35:56,406 Thomas, you have got to realize that your family 943 00:35:56,406 --> 00:35:58,857 through the eyes of you as a kid is no more. 944 00:35:58,857 --> 00:35:59,406 Yeah? 945 00:35:59,406 --> 00:36:01,807 Stop hearing all those negative things 946 00:36:01,807 --> 00:36:04,187 your family said to you and realize 947 00:36:04,187 --> 00:36:06,237 that when you were a kid, you digested 948 00:36:06,237 --> 00:36:09,777 the horrible negative thoughts and a part of you 949 00:36:09,777 --> 00:36:12,446 has made them your own thoughts. 950 00:36:12,446 --> 00:36:15,286 Basically Thomas, just realize that Jennifer is not 951 00:36:15,286 --> 00:36:17,787 your siblings or your father. 952 00:36:18,777 --> 00:36:21,246 Thomas. 953 00:36:21,246 --> 00:36:21,747 Thomas! 954 00:36:22,737 --> 00:36:23,586 Ah! 955 00:36:25,957 --> 00:36:26,596 Time's up. 956 00:36:28,276 --> 00:36:29,667 Wonder Burger! 957 00:36:29,667 --> 00:36:35,007 Wonder Burger. 958 00:36:35,007 --> 00:36:35,817 Hang on. 959 00:36:35,817 --> 00:36:37,226 You get these prostitutes. 960 00:36:37,226 --> 00:36:38,877 Where do you get them from? 961 00:36:38,877 --> 00:36:39,606 All right! 962 00:36:39,606 --> 00:36:42,877 I see Project Three-way's back up and running. 963 00:36:42,877 --> 00:36:46,096 Dude, what caliber of slut do you want? 964 00:36:46,096 --> 00:36:46,596 I don't know. 965 00:36:46,596 --> 00:36:47,356 Someone hot. 966 00:36:47,356 --> 00:36:49,566 Not any sleazy coke whore or anything. 967 00:36:49,566 --> 00:36:51,136 I know what you want, man. 968 00:36:51,136 --> 00:36:53,867 You want the Park Avenue variety, right? 969 00:36:53,867 --> 00:36:55,516 Dude. 970 00:36:55,516 --> 00:36:57,346 Whoa! 971 00:36:57,346 --> 00:36:58,917 How much? 972 00:36:58,917 --> 00:37:00,596 $700 a night. 973 00:37:00,596 --> 00:37:01,857 $700 a night? 974 00:37:01,857 --> 00:37:02,386 Are you kidding? 975 00:37:02,386 --> 00:37:03,757 I love you too, honey. 976 00:37:03,757 --> 00:37:04,637 I love you too, honey. 977 00:37:04,637 --> 00:37:06,837 Well, you want the best, don't you? 978 00:37:06,837 --> 00:37:08,286 You don't want to wind up with the sluts 979 00:37:08,286 --> 00:37:10,506 that I bang when I'm outta cash, do you? 980 00:37:10,506 --> 00:37:11,006 No. 981 00:37:11,006 --> 00:37:12,416 No, that's all right. 982 00:37:12,416 --> 00:37:14,797 Last one had more chest hair than me. 983 00:37:14,797 --> 00:37:16,896 Think her name was Louie. 984 00:37:16,896 --> 00:37:18,637 Thomas Burns? 985 00:37:18,637 --> 00:37:19,336 You're next. 986 00:37:19,336 --> 00:37:20,356 Oh! 987 00:37:20,356 --> 00:37:21,256 All right, see you later. 988 00:37:21,757 --> 00:37:23,106 I was here first. 989 00:37:23,106 --> 00:37:24,056 Hi. 990 00:37:24,056 --> 00:37:25,016 Hi. 991 00:37:28,846 --> 00:37:30,216 Hi guys. 992 00:37:30,216 --> 00:37:32,156 Thomas, this is Miranda. 993 00:37:32,156 --> 00:37:33,496 And this is Benjamin. 994 00:37:33,496 --> 00:37:35,026 Benhameen. 995 00:37:35,026 --> 00:37:36,086 Sorry. 996 00:37:36,086 --> 00:37:37,166 Hey, Benjamin. 997 00:37:37,166 --> 00:37:38,506 Benhameen. 998 00:37:38,506 --> 00:37:39,146 Oh sorry. 999 00:37:39,146 --> 00:37:40,346 How are you? 1000 00:37:40,346 --> 00:37:45,346 I want you to just slate your name for the camera. 1001 00:37:45,346 --> 00:37:46,816 OK, and just begin. 1002 00:37:46,816 --> 00:37:47,646 All right. 1003 00:37:47,646 --> 00:37:50,076 Hey look, there are two ways I could go with this, you know? 1004 00:37:50,076 --> 00:37:51,366 Is it OK if try them both? 1005 00:37:51,366 --> 00:37:53,386 I am sure that both of your choices 1006 00:37:53,386 --> 00:37:54,476 are going to be just so great. 1007 00:37:54,476 --> 00:37:56,146 But really, we have a lot of people to run. 1008 00:37:56,146 --> 00:37:58,436 So just do your favorite. 1009 00:37:58,436 --> 00:38:00,716 Thomas, just go with your gut. 1010 00:38:00,716 --> 00:38:02,646 I loved your cell phone commercial. 1011 00:38:02,646 --> 00:38:04,515 Yeah, upstaged by a monkey? 1012 00:38:04,515 --> 00:38:06,146 OK, can we get started please? 1013 00:38:06,146 --> 00:38:06,646 Thank you. 1014 00:38:06,646 --> 00:38:09,316 OK. 1015 00:38:11,465 --> 00:38:11,966 Hi. 1016 00:38:11,966 --> 00:38:12,866 My name is Thomas Burns. 1017 00:38:12,866 --> 00:38:14,966 My agent is Joseph Weiner. 1018 00:38:14,966 --> 00:38:16,696 Honey, where were you? 1019 00:38:16,696 --> 00:38:18,296 You know, I was driving home and I 1020 00:38:18,296 --> 00:38:19,956 was thinking of how much I loved you. 1021 00:38:19,956 --> 00:38:22,306 So I decided to bring you home a little surprise. 1022 00:38:22,306 --> 00:38:23,286 Flowers? 1023 00:38:23,286 --> 00:38:24,056 Better than that. 1024 00:38:24,056 --> 00:38:24,556 Diamonds! 1025 00:38:24,556 --> 00:38:25,976 Better than that! 1026 00:38:25,976 --> 00:38:27,126 A new car! 1027 00:38:27,126 --> 00:38:28,136 Even better than that! 1028 00:38:28,136 --> 00:38:29,816 Honey, what could it be? 1029 00:38:29,816 --> 00:38:31,096 Wonder Burgers! 1030 00:38:31,096 --> 00:38:32,636 Oh my god, Wonder Burgers. 1031 00:38:32,636 --> 00:38:33,776 I love you. 1032 00:38:33,776 --> 00:38:35,056 I love you too. 1033 00:38:35,056 --> 00:38:36,405 Now let's eat! 1034 00:38:36,405 --> 00:38:37,066 And cut. 1035 00:38:37,066 --> 00:38:37,986 Thank you. 1036 00:38:37,986 --> 00:38:38,616 How was I? 1037 00:38:38,616 --> 00:38:40,206 You were great. 1038 00:38:40,206 --> 00:38:41,876 Thanks, Benhaymeen. 1039 00:38:41,876 --> 00:38:46,016 Ben ha meen. 1040 00:38:46,016 --> 00:38:46,776 Sorry. 1041 00:38:46,776 --> 00:38:49,475 Take care. 1042 00:38:49,475 --> 00:38:50,606 How'd it go? 1043 00:38:50,606 --> 00:38:51,385 OK, I guess. 1044 00:38:51,385 --> 00:38:52,506 Well, you never know. 1045 00:38:52,506 --> 00:38:53,435 See ya. 1046 00:38:53,435 --> 00:38:54,706 Oh Ern, Ern. 1047 00:38:54,706 --> 00:38:55,676 I got a tip for you. 1048 00:38:55,676 --> 00:38:56,546 You know the guy in there? 1049 00:38:56,546 --> 00:38:58,285 He loves to be called by his first name. 1050 00:38:58,285 --> 00:38:59,986 Which, which is? 1051 00:38:59,986 --> 00:39:01,646 Benjamin. 1052 00:39:01,646 --> 00:39:02,345 Thanks, man. 1053 00:39:02,345 --> 00:39:03,076 All right, take care. 1054 00:39:03,076 --> 00:39:03,686 Good luck. 1055 00:39:03,686 --> 00:39:06,016 Benjamin. 1056 00:39:06,016 --> 00:39:10,175 Wonder Burger. 1057 00:39:14,746 --> 00:39:16,886 So where'd you get this hooker's number, huh? 1058 00:39:16,886 --> 00:39:18,986 Eh, it's the place Ernie always uses. 1059 00:39:18,986 --> 00:39:19,676 Ernie? 1060 00:39:19,676 --> 00:39:23,135 I don't want to have sex with someone Ernie's been with. 1061 00:39:23,135 --> 00:39:23,636 Why? 1062 00:39:23,636 --> 00:39:26,115 He's a normal upstanding citizen kind of guy. 1063 00:39:26,115 --> 00:39:26,836 Oh yeah, right. 1064 00:39:26,836 --> 00:39:28,035 He's with prostitutes! 1065 00:39:28,035 --> 00:39:28,536 Look. 1066 00:39:28,536 --> 00:39:30,375 Here, I got these numbers out of the Yellow Pages. 1067 00:39:30,375 --> 00:39:31,295 Pick one. 1068 00:39:31,295 --> 00:39:32,646 Oh, thank you, darling. 1069 00:39:32,646 --> 00:39:33,145 Mmm. 1070 00:39:33,145 --> 00:39:34,596 All right, fine. 1071 00:39:38,305 --> 00:39:39,025 Yeah, hi. 1072 00:39:39,025 --> 00:39:42,185 Could I get one of your best bodied prostitutes? 1073 00:39:42,185 --> 00:39:45,025 Escorts, sorry. 1074 00:39:45,025 --> 00:39:46,005 Yeah. 1075 00:39:46,005 --> 00:39:47,686 Hold on. 1076 00:39:47,686 --> 00:39:51,935 Do you want blond, brunette, black, white, Asian, Latina? 1077 00:39:51,935 --> 00:39:53,596 I don't care. 1078 00:39:53,596 --> 00:39:55,995 Well, well, I've never had Asian. 1079 00:39:55,995 --> 00:39:57,865 But Latina sounds scrumptious. 1080 00:39:57,865 --> 00:40:00,205 It's like you're ordering take out! 1081 00:40:00,205 --> 00:40:01,285 All right, you know what? 1082 00:40:01,285 --> 00:40:03,536 Whoever you can get here the quickest. 1083 00:40:03,536 --> 00:40:06,185 All right, you have a part time aerobics instructor? 1084 00:40:06,185 --> 00:40:06,915 Perfect! 1085 00:40:06,915 --> 00:40:09,865 Make sure they bring a dental dam. 1086 00:40:09,865 --> 00:40:10,586 H-hold on. 1087 00:40:10,586 --> 00:40:11,315 A what? 1088 00:40:11,315 --> 00:40:12,185 A dental dam! 1089 00:40:12,185 --> 00:40:14,985 I don't want to get diseases. 1090 00:40:14,985 --> 00:40:17,225 Could you bring a dental dam? 1091 00:40:17,225 --> 00:40:18,125 You don't have dental dams. 1092 00:40:18,125 --> 00:40:19,516 What would that be for? 1093 00:40:19,516 --> 00:40:20,155 OK, I get it. 1094 00:40:20,155 --> 00:40:20,655 I get it. 1095 00:40:20,655 --> 00:40:21,516 Ooh! 1096 00:40:21,516 --> 00:40:22,585 Wait, can you hold on a second? 1097 00:40:22,585 --> 00:40:23,395 What? 1098 00:40:23,395 --> 00:40:25,665 Ask her to bring Saran wrap. 1099 00:40:25,665 --> 00:40:26,265 Saran wrap? 1100 00:40:26,265 --> 00:40:26,765 Yes. 1101 00:40:26,765 --> 00:40:27,625 Are you kidding? 1102 00:40:27,625 --> 00:40:28,565 No! 1103 00:40:28,565 --> 00:40:29,765 Do it! 1104 00:40:29,765 --> 00:40:33,315 All right, could you pick up Saran wrap? 1105 00:40:33,315 --> 00:40:35,735 Look, I know you're not a grocery store. 1106 00:40:35,735 --> 00:40:38,945 I'll throw in an extra $50 if you bring Saran wrap. 1107 00:40:38,945 --> 00:40:39,615 Great. 1108 00:40:39,615 --> 00:40:41,215 OK, my credit card number is three-- 1109 00:40:41,715 --> 00:40:43,025 Oh my god, hold-- I'm so sorry. 1110 00:40:43,025 --> 00:40:44,396 Just hold on a second. 1111 00:40:44,396 --> 00:40:44,895 What? 1112 00:40:44,895 --> 00:40:46,765 And they're gonna know who we are! 1113 00:40:46,765 --> 00:40:47,845 Yeah? 1114 00:40:47,845 --> 00:40:49,615 So I don't want fuck me flyers coming 1115 00:40:49,615 --> 00:40:51,435 to my house for the rest of my natural life. 1116 00:40:51,435 --> 00:40:53,005 Fuck me flyers? 1117 00:40:53,005 --> 00:40:56,155 All right, uh, I'm just gonna pay cash. 1118 00:40:56,155 --> 00:40:58,955 Yes, the Edwards Hotel, room 1904. 1119 00:40:58,955 --> 00:41:00,195 Thank you. 1120 00:41:00,195 --> 00:41:01,405 Bye. 1121 00:41:01,405 --> 00:41:02,775 I can't believe I have a hook up 1122 00:41:02,775 --> 00:41:04,745 picking us up Saran wrap from a deli. 1123 00:41:04,745 --> 00:41:08,695 Honey, that weed has made me hungry. 1124 00:41:08,695 --> 00:41:10,885 Should I call her back and have her get some chicken cutlets 1125 00:41:10,885 --> 00:41:11,925 while she's there? 1126 00:41:11,925 --> 00:41:12,745 Mmm. 1127 00:41:13,565 --> 00:41:14,195 You're wasted. 1128 00:41:15,975 --> 00:41:18,955 All right. 1129 00:41:18,955 --> 00:41:21,274 OK. 1130 00:41:21,274 --> 00:41:23,455 I need $100 for a tip. 1131 00:41:30,685 --> 00:41:32,104 Keep the change, my friend. 1132 00:41:32,104 --> 00:41:33,065 I'm getting laid! 1133 00:41:33,065 --> 00:41:35,395 And you only give me seven? 1134 00:41:35,395 --> 00:41:38,045 Ha, very funny! 1135 00:41:38,045 --> 00:41:39,365 Hi, I'm Sally. 1136 00:41:39,365 --> 00:41:40,935 Anyone order Saran wrap? 1137 00:41:40,935 --> 00:41:42,335 H-hi. 1138 00:41:42,335 --> 00:41:43,074 I'm Jennifer. 1139 00:41:43,074 --> 00:41:44,044 And this is Thomas. 1140 00:41:44,044 --> 00:41:44,545 Hi, Sally. 1141 00:41:44,545 --> 00:41:45,465 - Hi. - So nice to meet you. 1142 00:41:45,465 --> 00:41:46,495 I'm sorry about the Saran wrap. 1143 00:41:46,495 --> 00:41:47,775 We've never done this before. 1144 00:41:47,775 --> 00:41:48,715 We're a little nervous. 1145 00:41:49,375 --> 00:41:52,745 Listen, your wife is completely gorgeous. 1146 00:41:52,745 --> 00:41:53,264 Relax. 1147 00:41:53,264 --> 00:41:54,655 This should be fun. 1148 00:41:54,655 --> 00:41:55,875 Would you like a drink? 1149 00:41:55,875 --> 00:41:56,375 Sure. 1150 00:41:56,375 --> 00:41:57,274 How's vodka and cranberry? 1151 00:41:57,274 --> 00:41:58,795 Sounds great. 1152 00:41:58,795 --> 00:42:01,485 So do I pay you the $500 up front or do I pay you later? 1153 00:42:01,485 --> 00:42:02,365 $500? 1154 00:42:02,365 --> 00:42:02,964 It's $800. 1155 00:42:03,705 --> 00:42:04,755 They told me $500. 1156 00:42:04,755 --> 00:42:06,375 Did they tell you that? 1157 00:42:06,375 --> 00:42:07,164 No. 1158 00:42:07,164 --> 00:42:09,024 $500 is for one person. 1159 00:42:09,024 --> 00:42:11,844 If there's two people, it's gonna be $800. 1160 00:42:11,844 --> 00:42:13,284 You gotta be kidding me. 1161 00:42:13,284 --> 00:42:13,785 All right. 1162 00:42:13,785 --> 00:42:17,555 Hold on, I'll be right back. 1163 00:42:17,555 --> 00:42:18,964 You still want this? 1164 00:42:25,615 --> 00:42:27,044 All right. 1165 00:42:27,044 --> 00:42:29,104 All right, she said $800. 1166 00:42:29,104 --> 00:42:31,475 I have $600. 1167 00:42:31,475 --> 00:42:34,214 Which means I need $200. 1168 00:42:34,214 --> 00:42:35,954 Oh, and then there's a tip! 1169 00:42:35,954 --> 00:42:38,495 Man, I'm so fricking wasted. 1170 00:42:38,495 --> 00:42:42,004 Well, for a few more dollars, I could be too. 1171 00:42:44,754 --> 00:42:47,425 So are you still seeing him? 1172 00:42:47,425 --> 00:42:48,574 No. 1173 00:42:48,574 --> 00:42:51,004 Haven't heard from him in weeks. 1174 00:42:51,004 --> 00:42:52,485 Do you think it was the job? 1175 00:42:52,485 --> 00:42:53,574 Nah. 1176 00:42:53,574 --> 00:42:55,455 It's how we met. 1177 00:42:55,455 --> 00:42:56,475 Never bothered him before. 1178 00:42:59,295 --> 00:42:59,794 Men. 1179 00:43:07,834 --> 00:43:09,734 OK, let's party! 1180 00:43:09,734 --> 00:43:10,235 Oh! 1181 00:43:10,235 --> 00:43:10,734 Whoa! 1182 00:43:10,734 --> 00:43:12,174 Hey, ho ho ho! 1183 00:43:12,174 --> 00:43:12,844 So now what? 1184 00:43:12,844 --> 00:43:13,424 Wow! 1185 00:43:13,424 --> 00:43:14,484 Well, now we get undressed. 1186 00:43:14,484 --> 00:43:16,484 We get undressed! 1187 00:43:16,484 --> 00:43:16,984 Oh! 1188 00:43:16,984 --> 00:43:19,484 It's OK. 1189 00:43:19,484 --> 00:43:20,614 What are you waiting for? 1190 00:43:20,614 --> 00:43:21,335 Come on, baby. 1191 00:43:21,335 --> 00:43:22,454 Give me kisses. 1192 00:43:22,454 --> 00:43:23,584 Mm. 1193 00:43:23,584 --> 00:43:24,484 Ahh. 1194 00:43:24,484 --> 00:43:25,794 Oh. 1195 00:43:25,794 --> 00:43:27,164 Oh, no tongue. 1196 00:43:27,164 --> 00:43:27,674 No tongue? 1197 00:43:27,674 --> 00:43:28,174 Really? 1198 00:43:28,174 --> 00:43:30,154 Yeah, safety reasons. 1199 00:43:30,154 --> 00:43:31,564 And going down on my girlfriend's OK? 1200 00:43:31,564 --> 00:43:32,414 Well, yes. 1201 00:43:32,414 --> 00:43:34,184 But the $800 doesn't include that. 1202 00:43:34,184 --> 00:43:35,255 What does it include? 1203 00:43:35,255 --> 00:43:39,404 Well kissing, touching, feeling, intercourse. 1204 00:43:39,404 --> 00:43:40,784 And no cunnilinguses? 1205 00:43:40,784 --> 00:43:41,944 Well, that would be extra. 1206 00:43:41,944 --> 00:43:43,944 What the fuck you think the Saran wrap was for? 1207 00:43:43,944 --> 00:43:44,764 I don't know! 1208 00:43:44,764 --> 00:43:45,294 Chicken cutlets? 1209 00:43:45,294 --> 00:43:46,334 Oh man! 1210 00:43:46,334 --> 00:43:46,834 You know what? 1211 00:43:46,834 --> 00:43:47,334 It's OK. 1212 00:43:47,334 --> 00:43:48,104 I don't need it. 1213 00:43:48,104 --> 00:43:48,904 No, no, no, no, no, no. 1214 00:43:48,904 --> 00:43:50,724 How much for everything? 1215 00:43:50,724 --> 00:43:52,424 $1,000 for everything. 1216 00:43:52,424 --> 00:43:53,954 $1,000! 1217 00:43:53,954 --> 00:43:54,634 All right, Jenn. 1218 00:43:54,634 --> 00:43:55,504 Just don't worry about it. 1219 00:43:55,504 --> 00:43:58,244 This whole experience can't be mired with restrictions. 1220 00:43:58,244 --> 00:43:59,113 That would suck. 1221 00:43:59,113 --> 00:44:00,954 I thought you'd be having sex with a traffic cop. 1222 00:44:00,954 --> 00:44:02,554 All right, I'll be right back. 1223 00:44:02,554 --> 00:44:03,264 Stay here. 1224 00:44:03,264 --> 00:44:04,194 Get more undressed! 1225 00:44:09,804 --> 00:44:10,864 This chick ain't a prostitute. 1226 00:44:10,864 --> 00:44:12,254 She's a fricking thief. 1227 00:44:12,754 --> 00:44:14,414 What's going on? 1228 00:44:14,414 --> 00:44:15,624 It's out of money? 1229 00:44:16,404 --> 00:44:17,924 You've gotta be kidding me! 1230 00:44:17,924 --> 00:44:19,814 This has gotta be some kind of mistake! 1231 00:44:19,814 --> 00:44:22,654 So was your outfit. 1232 00:44:22,654 --> 00:44:24,123 Oh, come on! 1233 00:44:24,123 --> 00:44:24,834 Come on! 1234 00:44:25,334 --> 00:44:25,923 All right. 1235 00:44:25,923 --> 00:44:27,604 I gotta go to another ATM. 1236 00:44:27,604 --> 00:44:28,434 All right. 1237 00:44:28,434 --> 00:44:31,704 Taxi! 1238 00:44:31,704 --> 00:44:33,294 Are you kidding me? 1239 00:44:33,294 --> 00:44:36,524 You dick! 1240 00:44:36,524 --> 00:44:37,023 Taxi! 1241 00:44:39,644 --> 00:44:40,144 Taxi! 1242 00:44:47,903 --> 00:44:50,073 Hope he gets here soon. 1243 00:44:50,073 --> 00:44:51,943 I have a bachelor party at 12:00. 1244 00:44:51,943 --> 00:44:52,504 Mm. 1245 00:44:52,504 --> 00:44:54,564 I wonder what's taking him so long? 1246 00:45:05,214 --> 00:45:06,554 What the world needs is love. 1247 00:45:06,554 --> 00:45:08,134 Lots more love. 1248 00:45:08,134 --> 00:45:10,063 It's like that Hendrix song. 1249 00:45:10,063 --> 00:45:10,783 The Hendrix. 1250 00:45:10,783 --> 00:45:11,853 Hendrix, Jimi Hendrix? 1251 00:45:11,853 --> 00:45:14,753 He said, let love rule. 1252 00:45:14,753 --> 00:45:16,204 That was Lenny Kravitz. 1253 00:45:16,204 --> 00:45:17,094 Right. 1254 00:45:17,094 --> 00:45:18,623 I'm just saying there's so much hatred. 1255 00:45:18,623 --> 00:45:19,923 We need love instead. 1256 00:45:19,923 --> 00:45:20,963 Who are you, John Lennon? 1257 00:45:20,963 --> 00:45:23,114 Nah, I don't even like the Stones. 1258 00:45:23,114 --> 00:45:24,254 He was in the Beatles! 1259 00:45:29,973 --> 00:45:31,883 Wake up! 1260 00:45:31,883 --> 00:45:32,384 Bush. 1261 00:45:32,384 --> 00:45:34,983 Bush is the one that brought in all the hatred. 1262 00:45:34,983 --> 00:45:36,184 You know what I'm saying? 1263 00:45:36,184 --> 00:45:38,573 He's the, he, he's the dumbest thing I ever saw in my life. 1264 00:45:38,573 --> 00:45:41,813 It's the first president we have that I think I'm smarter than. 1265 00:45:41,813 --> 00:45:43,823 I'm not saying I'm a genius, but I 1266 00:45:43,823 --> 00:45:45,903 could take this guy in a Scrabble game. 1267 00:45:45,903 --> 00:45:48,164 You know? 1268 00:45:49,194 --> 00:45:49,923 Take him in Scrabble? 1269 00:45:49,923 --> 00:45:52,314 You can't take me two blocks without falling asleep! 1270 00:45:52,314 --> 00:45:55,274 Bush is so money hungry and oil thirsty, 1271 00:45:55,274 --> 00:45:57,234 he's the one that's causing all these problems. 1272 00:45:57,234 --> 00:45:59,323 He really is. 1273 00:45:59,323 --> 00:46:00,703 All right, we're here. 1274 00:46:00,703 --> 00:46:01,273 All right. 1275 00:46:01,273 --> 00:46:02,573 Dude, can you wait here? 1276 00:46:02,573 --> 00:46:03,693 I'll be right back. 1277 00:46:03,693 --> 00:46:05,563 All right, but the meter's gonna keep running. 1278 00:46:05,563 --> 00:46:06,843 Yeah, not as much as your mouth. 1279 00:46:14,593 --> 00:46:15,094 Cabbie! 1280 00:46:15,094 --> 00:46:16,023 Yeah, I can't. 1281 00:46:16,023 --> 00:46:17,513 I'm waiting for the guy by the ATM. 1282 00:46:17,513 --> 00:46:18,203 Aw, come on, dude. 1283 00:46:18,203 --> 00:46:18,973 You have to hook me up. 1284 00:46:18,973 --> 00:46:19,963 How much is the meter? 1285 00:46:19,963 --> 00:46:21,393 It's $5, but I can't. 1286 00:46:21,393 --> 00:46:22,983 I'll give you twice as much if you let us in. 1287 00:46:22,983 --> 00:46:24,273 Come on, above the fare. 1288 00:46:24,273 --> 00:46:24,773 Nah. 1289 00:46:24,773 --> 00:46:25,603 I-it's wrong. 1290 00:46:25,603 --> 00:46:26,753 I'm, I'm waiting for the guy. 1291 00:46:26,753 --> 00:46:27,483 I can't. 1292 00:46:27,483 --> 00:46:27,983 Clark! 1293 00:46:27,983 --> 00:46:29,193 Aw come on, man. 1294 00:46:29,193 --> 00:46:30,723 I'm never gonna get a cab this late at night. 1295 00:46:30,723 --> 00:46:31,253 Do me a favor. 1296 00:46:31,253 --> 00:46:31,793 Hear me out. 1297 00:46:31,793 --> 00:46:33,293 I'll give you $20 before you start the meter. 1298 00:46:33,293 --> 00:46:34,373 How does that sound? - All right. 1299 00:46:34,373 --> 00:46:35,483 Get in, get in. 1300 00:46:35,483 --> 00:46:36,453 Go! 1301 00:46:38,893 --> 00:46:40,353 Hey! 1302 00:46:40,353 --> 00:46:42,783 What, are you kidding me? 1303 00:46:42,783 --> 00:46:44,733 Oh cabbie, wake up! 1304 00:46:44,733 --> 00:46:45,703 Wake up, cabbie! 1305 00:46:45,703 --> 00:46:46,203 Wake up! 1306 00:46:46,203 --> 00:46:50,863 What's the weirdest thing that's ever happened to you? 1307 00:46:50,863 --> 00:46:56,683 Mm, one time a guy asked me to shit on his head. 1308 00:46:56,683 --> 00:46:58,273 Yeah. 1309 00:46:58,273 --> 00:46:59,703 Oh! 1310 00:46:59,703 --> 00:47:00,603 Oh. 1311 00:47:01,503 --> 00:47:03,343 Oh god, how can you eat that? 1312 00:47:03,343 --> 00:47:06,213 That spicy food would have me running to the bathroom. 1313 00:47:06,213 --> 00:47:06,713 You kidding? 1314 00:47:06,713 --> 00:47:08,033 I got one of those cast iron stomachs. 1315 00:47:08,033 --> 00:47:09,803 Oh, you're lucky. 1316 00:47:09,803 --> 00:47:10,932 No, I'm a man, baby. 1317 00:47:10,932 --> 00:47:12,483 My stomach is built for war. 1318 00:47:12,483 --> 00:47:17,792 Oh, you're gonna be sorry. 1319 00:47:18,733 --> 00:47:20,373 Oh my god. 1320 00:47:20,373 --> 00:47:22,653 Oh god! 1321 00:47:22,653 --> 00:47:23,593 Oh! 1322 00:47:23,593 --> 00:47:25,053 Help! 1323 00:47:25,053 --> 00:47:25,742 Stop! 1324 00:47:25,742 --> 00:47:26,243 Help, help! 1325 00:47:26,243 --> 00:47:27,023 Oh! 1326 00:47:27,023 --> 00:47:27,523 Stop! 1327 00:47:27,523 --> 00:47:28,433 Let go! 1328 00:47:28,433 --> 00:47:29,433 Help! 1329 00:47:29,433 --> 00:47:30,413 Oh god! 1330 00:47:30,413 --> 00:47:31,413 This is horrible. 1331 00:47:31,413 --> 00:47:32,403 Let go! 1332 00:47:52,243 --> 00:47:54,722 Ooh! 1333 00:48:33,402 --> 00:48:37,163 Oh! 1334 00:48:37,163 --> 00:48:38,522 Wonder what she ate? 1335 00:48:41,153 --> 00:48:42,073 Oh no. 1336 00:48:45,482 --> 00:48:46,382 Holy shit! 1337 00:48:56,332 --> 00:48:57,312 Oh no! 1338 00:49:00,262 --> 00:49:01,262 Hello? 1339 00:49:01,262 --> 00:49:02,252 Excuse me. 1340 00:49:02,252 --> 00:49:03,953 I'll be out in a minute! 1341 00:49:09,282 --> 00:49:11,622 Ugh! 1342 00:49:11,622 --> 00:49:12,122 Sorry! 1343 00:49:12,122 --> 00:49:13,082 Wait a second! 1344 00:49:13,082 --> 00:49:14,422 You're not even in a wheelchair! 1345 00:49:14,422 --> 00:49:17,702 Ate some bad stuff. 1346 00:49:17,702 --> 00:49:19,272 WOMAN Come on, already! 1347 00:49:22,152 --> 00:49:23,092 Ah! 1348 00:49:23,092 --> 00:49:23,592 Shit! 1349 00:49:23,592 --> 00:49:25,462 Get out of there already! 1350 00:49:25,462 --> 00:49:28,802 I'll be right out! 1351 00:49:33,562 --> 00:49:34,062 Oh! 1352 00:49:34,062 --> 00:49:34,962 Come on! 1353 00:49:34,962 --> 00:49:36,022 Just gimme a break! 1354 00:49:39,902 --> 00:49:40,882 Come on! 1355 00:49:47,042 --> 00:49:47,962 Hello? 1356 00:49:52,252 --> 00:49:53,152 Come on! 1357 00:49:53,152 --> 00:49:55,012 I've gotta take a shit! 1358 00:49:57,452 --> 00:49:59,892 Oh! 1359 00:50:10,142 --> 00:50:13,132 I mean, do you ever think why the national debt 1360 00:50:13,132 --> 00:50:14,772 keeps getting higher? 1361 00:50:14,772 --> 00:50:16,512 Don't you think if the president just 1362 00:50:16,512 --> 00:50:21,472 taxed everybody another $1, we'd just wipe the whole thing out? 1363 00:50:21,472 --> 00:50:22,452 Hmm. 1364 00:50:36,441 --> 00:50:36,942 Hello. 1365 00:50:41,092 --> 00:50:43,792 Hello. 1366 00:50:43,792 --> 00:50:45,172 Hey dude, let me ask you something. 1367 00:50:45,172 --> 00:50:48,962 If I say hello, why can't you respond with hello? 1368 00:50:48,962 --> 00:50:50,962 Is that that fucking hard? 1369 00:50:50,962 --> 00:50:54,092 Is it gonna ruin your whole fricking night? 1370 00:50:54,092 --> 00:50:56,082 Hello. 1371 00:50:56,082 --> 00:50:57,262 There. 1372 00:50:57,262 --> 00:50:58,162 Did that hurt your tonsils? 1373 00:51:00,842 --> 00:51:02,551 You must be having a bad night. 1374 00:51:02,551 --> 00:51:03,391 Yes, I am! 1375 00:51:03,391 --> 00:51:04,762 You're very observant, Sherlock. 1376 00:51:04,762 --> 00:51:05,772 Aren't you? 1377 00:51:05,772 --> 00:51:07,042 Who's this, your partner? 1378 00:51:07,042 --> 00:51:07,621 Mute Watson? 1379 00:51:07,621 --> 00:51:09,152 Do you speak? 1380 00:51:09,152 --> 00:51:10,191 Do you? 1381 00:51:10,191 --> 00:51:11,491 Or do you communicate telepathically? 1382 00:51:11,491 --> 00:51:15,401 Because if you do, could you hear what I'm thinking now? 1383 00:51:19,221 --> 00:51:21,952 He says you can go fuck yourself too. 1384 00:51:21,952 --> 00:51:23,802 Now how the fuck did he know I was thinking that? 1385 00:51:34,361 --> 00:51:35,341 What's going on? 1386 00:51:35,341 --> 00:51:36,962 Honey, she's gotta leave. 1387 00:51:36,962 --> 00:51:37,481 I'm sorry. 1388 00:51:37,481 --> 00:51:38,111 You took too long. 1389 00:51:38,111 --> 00:51:39,011 What the fuck is this? 1390 00:51:39,011 --> 00:51:40,131 You know what? 1391 00:51:40,131 --> 00:51:40,631 It's really OK. 1392 00:51:40,631 --> 00:51:42,631 I'm getting kinda tired anyway. 1393 00:51:42,631 --> 00:51:43,281 What? 1394 00:51:43,281 --> 00:51:44,651 Just relax. 1395 00:51:44,651 --> 00:51:45,151 Relax? 1396 00:51:45,151 --> 00:51:46,912 I was just all over Manhattan getting cash! 1397 00:51:46,912 --> 00:51:48,401 Look, I gotta go. 1398 00:51:48,401 --> 00:51:49,621 I'm sorry. 1399 00:51:49,621 --> 00:51:51,111 Do you have my $500? 1400 00:51:51,111 --> 00:51:51,752 $500? 1401 00:51:51,752 --> 00:51:52,971 Are you kidding? 1402 00:51:52,971 --> 00:51:56,001 Hey, it's not my fault you didn't have the money. 1403 00:51:56,001 --> 00:51:57,431 Just pay her. 1404 00:51:57,431 --> 00:52:01,021 Oh my god! 1405 00:52:01,021 --> 00:52:01,772 Bye. 1406 00:52:01,772 --> 00:52:03,802 Be safe. 1407 00:52:03,802 --> 00:52:05,421 So that's it, huh? 1408 00:52:05,421 --> 00:52:06,151 You know what, honey? 1409 00:52:06,151 --> 00:52:07,281 It's OK. 1410 00:52:07,281 --> 00:52:09,011 We will do this another time. 1411 00:52:09,011 --> 00:52:09,881 Jesus Christ, this sucks! 1412 00:52:09,881 --> 00:52:11,441 Honey, it's kinda funny if you think about it. 1413 00:52:11,441 --> 00:52:12,091 It's kinda funny? 1414 00:52:12,091 --> 00:52:13,561 I just wiped my ass with $100! 1415 00:52:13,561 --> 00:52:15,171 I thought it was $500. 1416 00:52:15,171 --> 00:52:16,881 God damn ATMs only give you twenties. 1417 00:52:16,881 --> 00:52:18,881 Come on, cheer up. 1418 00:52:18,881 --> 00:52:20,911 We'll get this right one of these days. 1419 00:52:20,911 --> 00:52:22,361 Now come on, let's get crazy. 1420 00:52:22,361 --> 00:52:22,961 Oh yeah? 1421 00:52:22,961 --> 00:52:24,031 How much it gonna cost me? 1422 00:52:24,031 --> 00:52:26,361 Come on! 1423 00:52:37,771 --> 00:52:39,251 Mm. 1424 00:52:42,191 --> 00:52:43,651 I don't know, Thomas. 1425 00:52:43,651 --> 00:52:46,911 I've been thinking maybe I should settle down, start 1426 00:52:46,911 --> 00:52:47,791 a family. 1427 00:52:47,791 --> 00:52:48,921 A family? 1428 00:52:48,921 --> 00:52:50,931 Geez Ern, what brought this on? 1429 00:52:56,011 --> 00:52:56,941 Huh. 1430 00:52:56,941 --> 00:52:58,781 Yeah well, I don't know. 1431 00:52:58,781 --> 00:52:59,991 I'm not getting any younger. 1432 00:52:59,991 --> 00:53:02,211 My mom keeps bugging me to spawn. 1433 00:53:02,211 --> 00:53:04,480 Ernie, do you ever do anything that your mommy doesn't 1434 00:53:04,480 --> 00:53:05,480 tell you to do? 1435 00:53:06,751 --> 00:53:07,251 Hey! 1436 00:53:12,091 --> 00:53:13,311 Sure I do. 1437 00:53:13,311 --> 00:53:14,111 Like what? 1438 00:53:14,111 --> 00:53:14,711 I don't know. 1439 00:53:14,711 --> 00:53:17,881 She wanted me to be a doctor or a lawyer and I'm not. 1440 00:53:17,881 --> 00:53:19,871 That's 'cause you got a 400 on your SATs. 1441 00:53:19,871 --> 00:53:23,310 450, prick. 1442 00:53:23,310 --> 00:53:24,901 I got a big date tonight. 1443 00:53:24,901 --> 00:53:25,611 Oh yeah? 1444 00:53:25,611 --> 00:53:26,811 How much she charge? 1445 00:53:26,811 --> 00:53:27,881 Actually, it's not a real date. 1446 00:53:27,881 --> 00:53:30,340 It's one of those Jewish singles dating things. 1447 00:53:34,350 --> 00:53:35,101 What the fuck? 1448 00:53:35,101 --> 00:53:35,821 Whoa! 1449 00:53:37,911 --> 00:53:38,811 Let's just go by the hole. 1450 00:53:38,811 --> 00:53:40,380 She'll never hit it there. 1451 00:53:40,380 --> 00:53:42,711 Leave it to this cheap public golf course 1452 00:53:42,711 --> 00:53:45,170 to team us up with the ying yang twins. 1453 00:53:45,170 --> 00:53:46,510 Hey Ernie, Jennifer and I are gonna 1454 00:53:46,510 --> 00:53:47,781 go see Darla play tonight. 1455 00:53:47,781 --> 00:53:48,480 You want to come? 1456 00:53:48,480 --> 00:53:49,380 Nah, man. 1457 00:53:49,380 --> 00:53:51,510 I got this Jewish singles thing. 1458 00:53:52,011 --> 00:53:52,941 Aah! 1459 00:53:52,941 --> 00:53:54,961 Oh, Jesus Christ! 1460 00:54:01,360 --> 00:54:03,551 Hey, yell at me, I'll fucking [INTERPOSING VOICES]. 1461 00:54:03,551 --> 00:54:04,911 Calm down, Ernie. 1462 00:54:04,911 --> 00:54:05,410 Calm down! 1463 00:54:05,410 --> 00:54:08,400 Lunatic! 1464 00:54:08,400 --> 00:54:15,390 Nobody's gonna tell me how to make a new friend. 1465 00:54:19,380 --> 00:54:23,870 I'm on my own . 1466 00:54:34,850 --> 00:54:35,850 Thank you. 1467 00:54:35,850 --> 00:54:38,340 Have a good night. 1468 00:54:38,340 --> 00:54:40,090 Isn't she great? 1469 00:54:40,090 --> 00:54:41,430 Yeah, she was all right. 1470 00:54:41,430 --> 00:54:42,691 I'm just kidding. 1471 00:54:42,691 --> 00:54:43,370 She was great. 1472 00:54:43,370 --> 00:54:43,900 I need a drink. 1473 00:54:43,900 --> 00:54:45,160 Come on. 1474 00:54:45,160 --> 00:54:45,661 All right. 1475 00:54:52,470 --> 00:54:54,470 Hey man, you got a Guinness? 1476 00:54:54,470 --> 00:54:55,860 A Guinness. 1477 00:54:55,860 --> 00:54:59,820 Uh, uh, I don't-- Tom! 1478 00:54:59,820 --> 00:55:00,840 Tom Burns. 1479 00:55:00,840 --> 00:55:01,340 Yeah. 1480 00:55:01,340 --> 00:55:03,150 Yeah, it's me. 1481 00:55:03,150 --> 00:55:04,491 Dorman Howell. 1482 00:55:04,491 --> 00:55:05,190 Oh, Dorman Howell! 1483 00:55:05,190 --> 00:55:06,420 How you doing, man? 1484 00:55:06,420 --> 00:55:07,270 I'm good, man. How you doing? 1485 00:55:07,270 --> 00:55:08,230 - How's it going? - It's going good, man. 1486 00:55:08,230 --> 00:55:09,430 This is my girlfriend, Jennifer. 1487 00:55:09,430 --> 00:55:10,770 Hey there, nice to meet you. 1488 00:55:10,770 --> 00:55:11,900 Hey there, yourself. 1489 00:55:11,900 --> 00:55:13,370 You guys enjoy the show? 1490 00:55:13,370 --> 00:55:13,870 Yes. 1491 00:55:13,870 --> 00:55:14,420 Oh! 1492 00:55:14,420 --> 00:55:15,630 Yeah, she was great, man. 1493 00:55:15,630 --> 00:55:16,390 She's really good. 1494 00:55:16,390 --> 00:55:17,230 I dig, I dig it. 1495 00:55:17,230 --> 00:55:20,000 Hey, do you guys wanna, you guys wanna meet her? 1496 00:55:20,000 --> 00:55:21,290 I'm, I'm friends with her. 1497 00:55:21,290 --> 00:55:21,880 Get out of here! 1498 00:55:21,880 --> 00:55:22,650 No! 1499 00:55:22,650 --> 00:55:23,600 You're friends with her? 1500 00:55:23,600 --> 00:55:23,860 Yeah! 1501 00:55:23,860 --> 00:55:24,820 You have a friend? 1502 00:55:24,820 --> 00:55:26,140 I got one. 1503 00:55:26,140 --> 00:55:26,660 God! 1504 00:55:26,660 --> 00:55:28,160 He was hated in college. 1505 00:55:28,160 --> 00:55:29,940 He's gonna get us back stage! 1506 00:55:29,940 --> 00:55:30,880 Except for you. 1507 00:55:30,880 --> 00:55:31,800 Thanks for remembering. 1508 00:55:32,300 --> 00:55:33,340 You guys wanna get back stage? 1509 00:55:33,340 --> 00:55:33,840 Yeah. 1510 00:55:33,840 --> 00:55:34,680 Yeah! 1511 00:55:34,680 --> 00:55:35,520 Sure. 1512 00:55:35,520 --> 00:55:36,150 Well, come on. 1513 00:55:36,150 --> 00:55:36,780 I'll introduce you. 1514 00:55:36,780 --> 00:55:37,810 Oh my god! 1515 00:55:37,810 --> 00:55:38,780 Let's go. 1516 00:55:38,780 --> 00:55:40,330 See, you owe me for this. 1517 00:55:40,330 --> 00:55:41,300 I know! 1518 00:55:44,770 --> 00:55:45,750 Hey! 1519 00:55:48,230 --> 00:55:51,200 Hey, . 1520 00:55:51,200 --> 00:55:52,950 Darla, come here for one sec. 1521 00:55:52,950 --> 00:55:54,369 Darla, this is Jennifer and Tom. 1522 00:55:54,369 --> 00:55:55,279 They're friends of mine. 1523 00:55:55,279 --> 00:55:55,780 Hey. 1524 00:55:55,780 --> 00:55:56,379 Hi, Darla. 1525 00:55:56,379 --> 00:55:56,880 Hey. 1526 00:55:56,880 --> 00:55:58,249 Big fan. 1527 00:55:58,249 --> 00:55:59,190 Thank you. Thanks for coming. 1528 00:55:59,190 --> 00:56:00,399 Oh, it's wonderful to meet you. 1529 00:56:00,399 --> 00:56:01,379 Yeah, you too. 1530 00:56:01,379 --> 00:56:02,700 Thanks for coming. 1531 00:56:02,700 --> 00:56:04,960 Darla, Tom's an old college buddy of mine. 1532 00:56:04,960 --> 00:56:07,490 You might recognize him from the Sprint PCS commercials. 1533 00:56:07,490 --> 00:56:09,309 Yeah, I'm the guy that places a call to a monkey. 1534 00:56:09,309 --> 00:56:10,359 Oh, of course! 1535 00:56:10,359 --> 00:56:13,540 Yeah, like you saw it! 1536 00:56:13,540 --> 00:56:14,500 Not really. 1537 00:56:14,500 --> 00:56:15,620 I didn't think so! 1538 00:56:15,620 --> 00:56:16,460 I don't think so either. 1539 00:56:16,460 --> 00:56:16,960 Drinks? 1540 00:56:16,960 --> 00:56:18,680 You ladies like some drinks? 1541 00:56:18,680 --> 00:56:19,259 Oh yes. 1542 00:56:19,259 --> 00:56:19,760 We would. 1543 00:56:19,760 --> 00:56:20,530 You calling me a lady? 1544 00:56:20,530 --> 00:56:21,630 DORMAN I think I am. 1545 00:56:21,630 --> 00:56:22,500 Yeah, I'll have a beer. 1546 00:56:22,500 --> 00:56:23,000 You buying? 1547 00:56:23,000 --> 00:56:23,940 Oh, you are such a cheapo! 1548 00:56:23,940 --> 00:56:24,440 OK. 1549 00:56:24,440 --> 00:56:26,139 Oh good, good. 'Cause I have no money. 1550 00:56:26,139 --> 00:56:26,710 Oh god. 1551 00:56:26,710 --> 00:56:27,359 Wild Turkey. 1552 00:56:27,359 --> 00:56:28,029 Hello? 1553 00:56:28,029 --> 00:56:28,570 Oh uh, yeah. 1554 00:56:28,570 --> 00:56:29,710 What she's having. 1555 00:56:29,710 --> 00:56:30,680 Oh, well really? 1556 00:56:35,039 --> 00:56:38,860 I gotta tell you, you were really great tonight. 1557 00:56:38,860 --> 00:56:41,969 Thank you. 1558 00:56:41,969 --> 00:56:43,760 So how long you been with Thomas? 1559 00:56:43,760 --> 00:56:45,979 Oh, like six months. 1560 00:56:45,979 --> 00:56:46,999 Wow, six months. 1561 00:56:46,999 --> 00:56:47,500 Long time. 1562 00:56:48,630 --> 00:56:49,860 Good for you. 1563 00:56:49,860 --> 00:56:51,869 You faithful? 1564 00:56:51,869 --> 00:56:54,029 Well you know, we have an arrangement. 1565 00:56:54,029 --> 00:56:54,979 Sort of. 1566 00:56:54,979 --> 00:56:58,209 Really? What, so you're allowed to cheat? 1567 00:56:58,209 --> 00:56:59,009 No. 1568 00:56:59,009 --> 00:57:05,009 But uh, we, he, we are with other women. 1569 00:57:05,009 --> 00:57:05,919 DARLA 1570 00:57:05,919 --> 00:57:07,650 At least we would like to be. 1571 00:57:07,650 --> 00:57:10,530 Well, it sounds like a really good arrangement for him. 1572 00:57:10,530 --> 00:57:11,139 Mm. 1573 00:57:11,139 --> 00:57:13,490 I hope you get to be with other men too. 1574 00:57:13,490 --> 00:57:15,019 Uh well, not exactly. 1575 00:57:16,719 --> 00:57:18,759 Well, it sounds like he's got the better end of the deal 1576 00:57:18,759 --> 00:57:20,829 then, huh? 1577 00:57:20,829 --> 00:57:24,229 In fact, I know he's got the better end of the deal. 1578 00:57:40,669 --> 00:57:43,059 Wanna hear my impression of Yoda? 1579 00:57:43,059 --> 00:57:43,629 Mm hmm. 1580 00:57:43,629 --> 00:57:45,999 Mmm, a Jedi you are! 1581 00:57:47,410 --> 00:57:50,199 Wanna hear my impression of Grover from Sesame Street? 1582 00:57:50,199 --> 00:57:51,099 Uh huh. 1583 00:57:51,099 --> 00:57:52,699 Mmm, a Jedi you are! 1584 00:57:53,479 --> 00:57:53,979 You get it? 1585 00:57:53,979 --> 00:57:54,729 It's the same guy. 1586 00:57:54,729 --> 00:57:55,229 You get it? 1587 00:57:57,079 --> 00:57:59,879 Oh, I'm such an idiot. 1588 00:57:59,879 --> 00:58:00,979 Hey, Darla. 1589 00:58:00,979 --> 00:58:01,999 Hey. 1590 00:58:01,999 --> 00:58:03,370 Hey, when's your album coming out? 1591 00:58:03,370 --> 00:58:04,370 I don't know. 1592 00:58:04,370 --> 00:58:05,709 Couple months, I guess. 1593 00:58:05,709 --> 00:58:07,049 Oh, so exciting. 1594 00:58:07,049 --> 00:58:07,909 Yeah. 1595 00:58:07,909 --> 00:58:09,579 Yeah, I love that last song you did. 1596 00:58:09,579 --> 00:58:10,369 Ohh. 1597 00:58:10,369 --> 00:58:10,869 Thank you. 1598 00:58:10,869 --> 00:58:12,559 I think I could sing the chorus of it. 1599 00:58:12,559 --> 00:58:13,559 No! 1600 00:58:13,559 --> 00:58:14,439 No. 1601 00:58:15,999 --> 00:58:17,879 I always thought I was a good singer. 1602 00:58:17,879 --> 00:58:18,399 Oh come on. 1603 00:58:18,399 --> 00:58:19,199 You know what, you guys? 1604 00:58:19,199 --> 00:58:20,559 Let's get out of here. 1605 00:58:20,559 --> 00:58:24,009 You wanna come back to my place and get some drinks? 1606 00:58:24,009 --> 00:58:25,319 Huh. 1607 00:58:25,319 --> 00:58:25,819 Yeah. 1608 00:58:25,819 --> 00:58:26,509 Yeah, yeah. 1609 00:58:26,509 --> 00:58:27,009 Come on. 1610 00:58:27,009 --> 00:58:27,509 Let's go. 1611 00:58:31,749 --> 00:58:32,869 All right. 1612 00:58:32,869 --> 00:58:35,639 OK, so there's drinks over there. 1613 00:58:35,639 --> 00:58:37,269 There's joints on the coffee table. 1614 00:58:37,269 --> 00:58:38,699 And I'm gonna go clean up. 1615 00:58:38,699 --> 00:58:41,369 I'll be back. 1616 00:58:41,369 --> 00:58:42,769 Man, this is great! 1617 00:58:42,769 --> 00:58:46,029 Such a nice place. 1618 00:58:46,029 --> 00:58:48,429 God! 1619 00:58:48,429 --> 00:58:50,269 So how cool is this? 1620 00:58:50,269 --> 00:58:52,689 A Darla lighter. 1621 00:58:52,689 --> 00:58:54,279 I wonder how much I can get for this on eBay? 1622 00:58:54,279 --> 00:58:55,809 Thomas Burns, put that back! 1623 00:58:55,809 --> 00:58:57,138 Put that back! 1624 00:58:57,138 --> 00:58:58,469 Oh geez! 1625 00:58:58,469 --> 00:58:59,689 I guess we should smoke, huh? 1626 00:58:59,689 --> 00:59:02,439 If a gay guy gets a proctology exam, is that, I mean is, 1627 00:59:02,439 --> 00:59:03,529 i-is that foreplay? 1628 00:59:03,529 --> 00:59:05,509 It's good for . 1629 00:59:23,189 --> 00:59:27,319 So Thomas, Jennifer tells me of your little arrangement. 1630 00:59:30,209 --> 00:59:32,818 And it sounds pretty interesting. 1631 00:59:32,818 --> 00:59:34,349 Arrangement? 1632 00:59:34,349 --> 00:59:35,299 Yeah. 1633 00:59:35,299 --> 00:59:38,968 I mean, I've been wanting to fuck your girlfriend all night. 1634 00:59:38,968 --> 00:59:44,619 If that means I have to fuck you too, well, I'll take it. 1635 00:59:44,619 --> 00:59:45,619 Really? 1636 00:59:45,619 --> 00:59:47,279 You're serious? 1637 00:59:47,279 --> 00:59:48,259 Uh huh. 1638 00:59:51,189 --> 00:59:54,579 Do you want to watch me kiss her? 1639 00:59:54,579 --> 00:59:55,078 Fuck yeah. 1640 01:00:11,459 --> 01:00:12,449 Oh man! 1641 01:00:24,379 --> 01:00:24,878 Oh! 1642 01:00:30,838 --> 01:00:31,339 Whoa! 1643 01:00:50,229 --> 01:00:52,209 Oh my god! 1644 01:01:56,238 --> 01:01:58,098 Seven times. 1645 01:01:58,098 --> 01:01:59,558 It's gotta be some kind of record. 1646 01:02:02,418 --> 01:02:05,418 Seven times. 1647 01:02:05,418 --> 01:02:06,827 Man, that was great. 1648 01:02:06,827 --> 01:02:09,288 God, Darla's just so cute! 1649 01:02:09,288 --> 01:02:11,807 She's got that kick ass body! 1650 01:02:11,807 --> 01:02:13,927 Did I just say that out loud? 1651 01:02:13,927 --> 01:02:15,807 What an idiot! 1652 01:02:15,807 --> 01:02:17,398 Oh, TMI! 1653 01:02:17,398 --> 01:02:19,558 Did I just say TMI? 1654 01:02:19,558 --> 01:02:21,977 Oh, how gay am I? 1655 01:02:21,977 --> 01:02:23,448 Pull over. 1656 01:02:23,448 --> 01:02:24,857 What? 1657 01:02:24,857 --> 01:02:28,158 What is the matter? 1658 01:02:28,158 --> 01:02:30,697 Jenn, what's wrong? 1659 01:02:30,697 --> 01:02:33,587 Nothing. 1660 01:02:33,587 --> 01:02:34,478 What do you mean nothing? 1661 01:02:34,478 --> 01:02:35,388 Something's bothering you. 1662 01:02:35,388 --> 01:02:37,637 Tell me what it is. 1663 01:02:37,637 --> 01:02:38,957 You were all over her tonight. 1664 01:02:38,957 --> 01:02:41,058 I might as well not have even been there. 1665 01:02:41,058 --> 01:02:41,907 Oh, come on! 1666 01:02:41,907 --> 01:02:43,058 That was, that's ridiculous! 1667 01:02:43,058 --> 01:02:46,358 No now, now you're going on about how hot she is 1668 01:02:46,358 --> 01:02:48,517 and how perfect her body is! 1669 01:02:48,517 --> 01:02:49,937 Jenn, just perfect for us! 1670 01:02:49,937 --> 01:02:52,897 I mean, you know, for the first time we do this. 1671 01:02:52,897 --> 01:02:54,517 Come on, I mean you know, I was just saying-- 1672 01:02:54,517 --> 01:02:56,108 eh, uh I mean, how lucky did we get 1673 01:02:56,108 --> 01:02:57,308 to have the first girl be this cute? 1674 01:02:57,308 --> 01:02:58,038 That's all I'm saying. 1675 01:02:58,038 --> 01:02:59,108 Do you want to keep talking? 1676 01:02:59,108 --> 01:02:59,927 Really? 1677 01:02:59,927 --> 01:03:01,887 No, I'm just saying! 1678 01:03:01,887 --> 01:03:03,937 Look, I'm sorry. 1679 01:03:03,937 --> 01:03:05,118 I'm really sorry. 1680 01:03:05,118 --> 01:03:06,278 It was just the first time. 1681 01:03:06,278 --> 01:03:07,887 I got excited. 1682 01:03:07,887 --> 01:03:08,907 I'm an idiot. 1683 01:03:08,907 --> 01:03:11,138 I promise. 1684 01:03:11,138 --> 01:03:14,517 I, please don't make me beg you. 1685 01:03:14,517 --> 01:03:16,267 I love you. 1686 01:03:16,267 --> 01:03:17,767 I'm an idiot. 1687 01:03:17,767 --> 01:03:19,397 I promise, I'm a schmuck! 1688 01:03:19,397 --> 01:03:20,687 How do you say it in Jewish? 1689 01:03:20,687 --> 01:03:21,547 I'm a schmuck! 1690 01:03:21,547 --> 01:03:22,397 Please, help me out. 1691 01:03:22,397 --> 01:03:23,787 Shut up already. 1692 01:03:23,787 --> 01:03:24,928 All right, shut up! 1693 01:03:24,928 --> 01:03:26,357 So, are you and Jennifer 1694 01:03:26,357 --> 01:03:28,998 gonna to see Darla again? 1695 01:03:28,998 --> 01:03:30,797 We kinda have his rule that we're only 1696 01:03:30,797 --> 01:03:32,088 supposed to be with a girl once. 1697 01:03:32,088 --> 01:03:34,177 But Darla was great, man. 1698 01:03:34,177 --> 01:03:36,557 A regular pro. 1699 01:03:36,557 --> 01:03:38,517 I see. 1700 01:03:38,517 --> 01:03:39,467 How about you, Derek? 1701 01:03:39,467 --> 01:03:43,107 I mean, do you have a girlfriend? 1702 01:03:43,107 --> 01:03:45,607 Well, this isn't about me, Thomas. 1703 01:03:45,607 --> 01:03:52,487 But no, I haven't found that special someone as of late. 1704 01:04:01,447 --> 01:04:04,017 Well, it's getting to be about that time, so-- 1705 01:04:04,017 --> 01:04:07,377 Hey um, Darla called. 1706 01:04:07,377 --> 01:04:10,647 She wants to hang out tonight, maybe get some drinks? 1707 01:04:10,647 --> 01:04:11,977 Yes! 1708 01:04:11,977 --> 01:04:12,557 What? 1709 01:04:12,557 --> 01:04:13,687 Uh, uh nothing. 1710 01:04:13,687 --> 01:04:16,337 I'm just having, you know, some people in the gym over here. 1711 01:04:16,337 --> 01:04:17,737 Really? 1712 01:04:17,737 --> 01:04:20,127 I mean, I know it's breaking rule number one. 1713 01:04:20,127 --> 01:04:24,777 But um, I don't mind if you don't. 1714 01:04:24,777 --> 01:04:26,007 I don't have a problem with it. 1715 01:04:26,007 --> 01:04:27,347 Unless of course, you do? 1716 01:04:27,347 --> 01:04:28,617 No, I don't have a problem with it. 1717 01:04:28,617 --> 01:04:29,447 Oh! 1718 01:04:29,447 --> 01:04:31,527 I told Ernie I'd meet him for a few drinks. 1719 01:04:31,527 --> 01:04:32,187 Ohh. 1720 01:04:32,187 --> 01:04:33,746 Is it all right if he came for a little while? 1721 01:04:33,746 --> 01:04:34,877 Don't worry, he can't stay long. 1722 01:04:34,877 --> 01:04:35,377 Fine. 1723 01:04:41,217 --> 01:04:45,597 Yeah, it's been really hard to have some serious relationships 1724 01:04:45,597 --> 01:04:47,277 while I'm on the road. 1725 01:04:47,277 --> 01:04:49,177 Mm. 1726 01:04:49,177 --> 01:04:51,587 Who has better come on lines, men or women? 1727 01:04:54,247 --> 01:04:57,267 Well, I really wouldn't know 'cause 1728 01:04:57,267 --> 01:04:59,746 I'm too busy coming on to the women. 1729 01:05:02,696 --> 01:05:05,427 Cool, but what about the men? 1730 01:05:05,427 --> 01:05:05,977 The men? 1731 01:05:05,977 --> 01:05:07,247 Uh huh, uh uh. 1732 01:05:07,247 --> 01:05:10,187 Oh please, the men! 1733 01:05:10,187 --> 01:05:11,626 God, I don't think they really care 1734 01:05:11,626 --> 01:05:13,776 about anything else except their own penis. 1735 01:05:14,586 --> 01:05:15,756 Damn, that place was way too loud. 1736 01:05:15,756 --> 01:05:16,746 I couldn't even hear myself. 1737 01:05:16,746 --> 01:05:18,746 You know my father was deaf in his right ear, which is weird 1738 01:05:18,746 --> 01:05:20,676 because that's the ear he always wanted me to talk into. 1739 01:05:20,676 --> 01:05:21,546 I don't like loud music. 1740 01:05:21,546 --> 01:05:22,566 That's how you get tinnitus. 1741 01:05:22,566 --> 01:05:23,546 That's a constant ringing in your ears 1742 01:05:23,546 --> 01:05:25,377 that could lead to deafness, which would just be awful. 1743 01:05:25,377 --> 01:05:27,017 So how does one get this tinnitus? 1744 01:05:27,017 --> 01:05:27,967 Loud music. 1745 01:05:27,967 --> 01:05:28,716 I just told you that! 1746 01:05:28,716 --> 01:05:30,047 Aren't you listening to what I'm saying? 1747 01:05:30,047 --> 01:05:31,476 Don't worry, I'm not mad. I'm a very forgiving person. 1748 01:05:31,476 --> 01:05:33,847 My father told me I was a very forgiving person. 1749 01:05:33,847 --> 01:05:35,177 Hey, what's up? 1750 01:05:35,177 --> 01:05:35,927 Oh! 1751 01:05:35,927 --> 01:05:36,626 Hey, peep! 1752 01:05:36,626 --> 01:05:37,187 What's going on? 1753 01:05:38,396 --> 01:05:38,897 Mmm. 1754 01:05:38,897 --> 01:05:39,766 Am I late? 1755 01:05:39,766 --> 01:05:40,857 It's 10 o'clock. 1756 01:05:40,857 --> 01:05:41,726 No, no, no, no. 1757 01:05:41,726 --> 01:05:44,177 We, we got here early. 1758 01:05:44,177 --> 01:05:44,676 How early? 1759 01:05:44,676 --> 01:05:46,526 Two this afternoon? 1760 01:05:46,526 --> 01:05:47,446 Like 8:30. 1761 01:05:47,446 --> 01:05:49,546 She got out of rehearsal early. 1762 01:05:49,546 --> 01:05:50,147 Ah. 1763 01:05:50,147 --> 01:05:52,306 Hey Darla, this is my good friend Ernie. 1764 01:05:52,306 --> 01:05:53,276 Hi. 1765 01:05:53,276 --> 01:05:53,777 Hey. 1766 01:05:53,777 --> 01:05:54,276 Mm hmm. 1767 01:05:56,226 --> 01:05:57,097 I'm starved. 1768 01:05:57,097 --> 01:05:58,186 Can we get anything to eat? 1769 01:05:58,186 --> 01:06:00,376 Oh well, as to our conversation, 1770 01:06:00,376 --> 01:06:01,406 but their stomachs before that. 1771 01:06:02,837 --> 01:06:03,336 What? 1772 01:06:03,336 --> 01:06:04,286 Nothing, tiger. 1773 01:06:04,286 --> 01:06:04,787 No, no, no. 1774 01:06:04,787 --> 01:06:05,376 What? What? 1775 01:06:05,376 --> 01:06:06,326 You--no. I gotta go to the ladies room. 1776 01:06:06,326 --> 01:06:07,176 I really gotta go. 1777 01:06:07,176 --> 01:06:08,126 Oh, . 1778 01:06:08,126 --> 01:06:09,057 You wanna come? 1779 01:06:09,057 --> 01:06:09,847 - I'll come. - Oh, let's go. 1780 01:06:09,847 --> 01:06:10,516 See ya. . 1781 01:06:10,516 --> 01:06:12,506 All right, have fun. 1782 01:06:12,506 --> 01:06:18,326 I can't wait to show her Ernie, Jr. She's hot. 1783 01:06:18,326 --> 01:06:19,126 She is. 1784 01:06:19,126 --> 01:06:22,296 What's that look? 1785 01:06:22,296 --> 01:06:23,196 Nothing. 1786 01:06:23,196 --> 01:06:24,186 What? 1787 01:06:24,186 --> 01:06:25,897 That guy Ernie is pretty strange. 1788 01:06:25,897 --> 01:06:28,767 He keeps staring at me with this stupid smile on his face. 1789 01:06:31,466 --> 01:06:33,546 Get the fuck outta here. 1790 01:06:33,546 --> 01:06:34,436 That's right. 1791 01:06:34,436 --> 01:06:35,787 Gotta be kidding me! 1792 01:06:35,787 --> 01:06:37,516 Nope. 1793 01:06:37,516 --> 01:06:40,226 Jesus Christ, how'd you do that? 1794 01:06:40,226 --> 01:06:42,356 Don't ask. 1795 01:06:42,356 --> 01:06:44,226 That's every guy's fantasy, to bang 1796 01:06:44,226 --> 01:06:46,146 two chicks at the same time! 1797 01:06:46,146 --> 01:06:48,136 And with a celebrity, no less! 1798 01:06:48,136 --> 01:06:51,797 You lucky bastard! 1799 01:06:51,797 --> 01:06:52,486 No, Ern. 1800 01:06:52,486 --> 01:06:54,456 Skill, skill. 1801 01:06:54,456 --> 01:06:56,956 Dude, you gotta make me a video tape. 1802 01:06:56,956 --> 01:06:58,496 Get outta here! 1803 01:06:58,496 --> 01:07:00,096 And Jennifer doesn't mind that you're giving it 1804 01:07:00,096 --> 01:07:01,636 to some other chick at same time? 1805 01:07:01,636 --> 01:07:03,576 No, 'cause she having a good time too. 1806 01:07:03,576 --> 01:07:05,726 Wow! 1807 01:07:05,726 --> 01:07:06,916 I don't know what to say! 1808 01:07:06,916 --> 01:07:08,066 Well, there's a first. 1809 01:07:08,066 --> 01:07:09,756 Fucker! 1810 01:07:09,756 --> 01:07:11,136 Motherfucker! 1811 01:07:11,136 --> 01:07:11,926 So how you doing? 1812 01:07:11,926 --> 01:07:14,246 How's the prostitute parade going? 1813 01:07:14,246 --> 01:07:15,856 It's actually all right. 1814 01:07:15,856 --> 01:07:17,376 What, two for one sale? 1815 01:07:17,376 --> 01:07:19,886 I met a nice normal girl, actually. 1816 01:07:19,886 --> 01:07:20,916 Really, where? 1817 01:07:20,916 --> 01:07:23,506 At that Jewish singles thing. 1818 01:07:23,506 --> 01:07:24,496 Great! 1819 01:07:24,496 --> 01:07:26,615 What happened. 1820 01:07:26,615 --> 01:07:28,466 Well, they made everybody go up and give like, 1821 01:07:28,466 --> 01:07:29,926 a speech about themselves, you know? 1822 01:07:29,926 --> 01:07:31,416 So it's my turn to go up there. 1823 01:07:31,416 --> 01:07:33,436 I get up in front of the whole crowd, 1824 01:07:33,436 --> 01:07:36,026 I look over the fucking crowd and I say-- 1825 01:07:36,026 --> 01:07:38,016 Yeah uh, hi everybody. 1826 01:07:38,016 --> 01:07:39,086 My name's Ernest Weinberg. 1827 01:07:39,086 --> 01:07:40,956 And I got one question. 1828 01:07:40,956 --> 01:07:42,866 Where the fuck are the hot chicks at? 1829 01:07:42,866 --> 01:07:44,575 This place sucks! 1830 01:07:44,575 --> 01:07:48,485 I paid $99 to meet a bunch of old people and their parents? 1831 01:07:48,485 --> 01:07:52,116 Holy shit, I've seen younger faces on cash! 1832 01:07:52,116 --> 01:07:54,196 Oh, and guys, do you want a piece of advice? 1833 01:07:54,196 --> 01:07:55,336 You want to get laid? 1834 01:07:55,336 --> 01:07:57,696 Lose the fucking obnoxious beards! 1835 01:07:57,696 --> 01:07:59,146 This sucks! 1836 01:07:59,146 --> 01:08:00,495 I don't understand something then. 1837 01:08:00,495 --> 01:08:01,706 So where'd you meet the girl? 1838 01:08:01,706 --> 01:08:02,565 On the way out. 1839 01:08:02,565 --> 01:08:03,776 She's the coat check girl. 1840 01:08:03,776 --> 01:08:04,276 Sorry! 1841 01:08:09,756 --> 01:08:10,256 Hey. 1842 01:08:13,206 --> 01:08:15,605 You're pretty. 1843 01:08:15,605 --> 01:08:17,046 There's one problem. 1844 01:08:17,046 --> 01:08:18,846 She's got a job? 1845 01:08:18,846 --> 01:08:20,525 No. 1846 01:08:20,525 --> 01:08:21,146 Worse. 1847 01:08:21,146 --> 01:08:23,126 She's got a penis? 1848 01:08:23,126 --> 01:08:25,495 She's Catholic. 1849 01:08:25,495 --> 01:08:26,485 Yeah? 1850 01:08:26,485 --> 01:08:28,026 Yeah, I'm Jewish. 1851 01:08:28,026 --> 01:08:28,816 Yeah? 1852 01:08:28,816 --> 01:08:29,315 Yeah. 1853 01:08:29,315 --> 01:08:31,086 So I can't get serious with a Catholic girl. 1854 01:08:31,086 --> 01:08:33,315 It goes against every part of my religion. 1855 01:08:33,315 --> 01:08:35,515 What, and banging prostitutes doesn't? 1856 01:08:35,515 --> 01:08:37,046 I can't bring a Catholic girl home. 1857 01:08:37,046 --> 01:08:38,836 My mom will kill me! 1858 01:08:38,836 --> 01:08:39,676 Oh my god! 1859 01:08:39,676 --> 01:08:41,375 There you go with your mother again! 1860 01:08:41,375 --> 01:08:42,756 What, does she own your penis? 1861 01:08:42,756 --> 01:08:44,365 Yes! 1862 01:08:44,365 --> 01:08:47,265 Dude, being a Jew or a Catholic, 1863 01:08:47,265 --> 01:08:49,716 it's like being a Yankee or a Met fan. 1864 01:08:49,716 --> 01:08:52,075 The only difference is where a Yankee fan can recognize 1865 01:08:52,075 --> 01:08:54,806 a good player like Carlos Delgado playing for the Mets, 1866 01:08:54,806 --> 01:08:56,515 the Jews can't appreciate a good player 1867 01:08:56,515 --> 01:08:58,866 like Jesus playing for the Catholics. 1868 01:08:58,866 --> 01:08:59,365 Uh huh. 1869 01:08:59,365 --> 01:09:00,786 I mean, they must be jealous. 1870 01:09:00,786 --> 01:09:04,345 I mean, he's young, virile, swimmer's body, 1871 01:09:04,345 --> 01:09:06,215 the walking on water. 1872 01:09:06,215 --> 01:09:07,826 And you know what really pisses him off? 1873 01:09:07,826 --> 01:09:09,796 It's that he was once on their team. 1874 01:09:09,796 --> 01:09:12,816 It's kinda like when the Red Sox got rid of Babe Ruth. 1875 01:09:12,816 --> 01:09:15,325 Are you done? 1876 01:09:15,325 --> 01:09:18,726 Dude, do you really believe Moses parted the Red Sea? 1877 01:09:18,726 --> 01:09:19,606 Yes! 1878 01:09:19,606 --> 01:09:21,335 It was low tide. 1879 01:09:21,335 --> 01:09:22,815 You're going to hell. 1880 01:09:22,815 --> 01:09:24,195 No, I'm going over there. 1881 01:09:30,105 --> 01:09:30,606 Motherfucker! 1882 01:09:35,536 --> 01:09:43,495 Jennifer, where you going? 1883 01:09:43,495 --> 01:09:44,275 Jenn! 1884 01:09:44,275 --> 01:09:45,215 Wait up! 1885 01:09:45,215 --> 01:09:46,995 Where you going? 1886 01:09:46,995 --> 01:09:49,495 What's the matter? 1887 01:09:49,495 --> 01:09:50,855 Oh, here we go again. 1888 01:09:50,855 --> 01:09:52,245 Here we go again? 1889 01:09:52,245 --> 01:09:53,475 Now what is it? 1890 01:09:53,475 --> 01:09:55,085 This is bullshit! 1891 01:09:55,085 --> 01:09:56,546 You were all over her! 1892 01:09:56,546 --> 01:09:57,995 You don't care anything about me! 1893 01:09:57,995 --> 01:09:58,785 Oh come on, Jenn. 1894 01:09:58,785 --> 01:10:00,125 Not again with this. 1895 01:10:00,125 --> 01:10:02,265 You know what I think, Thomas? 1896 01:10:02,265 --> 01:10:04,805 Being loved just by me isn't good enough for you. 1897 01:10:04,805 --> 01:10:05,885 Jenn, of course it is! 1898 01:10:05,885 --> 01:10:08,105 Come on, will you stop it with this? 1899 01:10:08,105 --> 01:10:08,775 Ugh. 1900 01:10:08,775 --> 01:10:12,215 Look sweetums, I love you more than love itself. 1901 01:10:12,215 --> 01:10:16,215 This Darla chick is nothing more to me than a sperm receptacle. 1902 01:10:16,215 --> 01:10:16,845 Sperm receptacle? 1903 01:10:19,925 --> 01:10:21,665 You're an asshole. 1904 01:10:21,665 --> 01:10:22,315 Just kidding. 1905 01:10:22,315 --> 01:10:23,085 Figure of speech. 1906 01:10:23,085 --> 01:10:24,454 Poetic license. 1907 01:10:24,454 --> 01:10:26,414 Jenn, come on! 1908 01:10:26,414 --> 01:10:28,005 Listen Jenn, you wanted this too. 1909 01:10:28,005 --> 01:10:31,374 And as soon as I start enjoying myself, you gotta fuck it up! 1910 01:10:31,374 --> 01:10:32,755 Oh, here we go. 1911 01:10:32,755 --> 01:10:34,294 Everything has to be about you! 1912 01:10:34,294 --> 01:10:35,875 Oh, what are you talking about? 1913 01:10:35,875 --> 01:10:36,565 You know what, Jenn? 1914 01:10:36,565 --> 01:10:37,855 You are fricking nuts, totally nuts. 1915 01:10:38,354 --> 01:10:39,454 And now you're gonna leave. 1916 01:10:39,454 --> 01:10:40,095 How typical. 1917 01:10:40,095 --> 01:10:43,225 Just great, just great! 1918 01:10:43,225 --> 01:10:46,765 I hope one day you get what you want. 1919 01:10:46,765 --> 01:10:47,915 Come on, Jennifer! 1920 01:10:47,915 --> 01:10:49,284 Give me a break! 1921 01:10:49,284 --> 01:10:51,055 I love you. 1922 01:10:51,055 --> 01:10:52,294 I don't know, man. 1923 01:10:52,294 --> 01:10:53,135 I'm miserable. 1924 01:10:53,135 --> 01:10:54,095 I'm freaking out. 1925 01:10:54,095 --> 01:10:55,675 I mean, it's been a week! 1926 01:10:55,675 --> 01:10:57,374 I can't eat, I can't think. 1927 01:10:57,374 --> 01:11:00,595 Uh, em, I can't even jerk off! 1928 01:11:00,595 --> 01:11:02,565 Well, don't you see her in the show? 1929 01:11:02,565 --> 01:11:03,525 Nah. 1930 01:11:03,525 --> 01:11:04,945 Edgar's back from the cruise. 1931 01:11:04,945 --> 01:11:07,705 Unfortunately his boat didn't sink. 1932 01:11:07,705 --> 01:11:10,645 Well, why don't you stop by, say hi, work it out? 1933 01:11:10,645 --> 01:11:12,344 Because man, she's wrong. 1934 01:11:12,344 --> 01:11:14,775 I mean, she agreed to doing this. 1935 01:11:14,775 --> 01:11:15,735 Fuck! 1936 01:11:15,735 --> 01:11:19,314 You know, Thomas, you realize you ask a lot of her. 1937 01:11:19,314 --> 01:11:22,525 I mean, this threesome stuff is pretty tricky stuff. 1938 01:11:22,525 --> 01:11:23,835 Especially with someone you love. 1939 01:11:26,555 --> 01:11:28,254 Thomas, you do know that she did love you. 1940 01:11:28,254 --> 01:11:30,284 I mean, she does love you. 1941 01:11:30,284 --> 01:11:32,595 And maybe she just needs to be assured that you still 1942 01:11:32,595 --> 01:11:34,535 feel the same way about her. 1943 01:11:34,535 --> 01:11:37,194 Maybe it's time that you reach out to her. 1944 01:11:37,194 --> 01:11:39,114 I mean, do you still love her? 1945 01:11:39,114 --> 01:11:41,605 I love her more than anything. 1946 01:11:41,605 --> 01:11:44,595 And can you deal with just making love to her? 1947 01:11:48,244 --> 01:11:49,994 Thomas, don't let her go. 1948 01:11:49,994 --> 01:11:51,405 Find her. 1949 01:11:51,405 --> 01:11:53,984 Sex, it's temporary. 1950 01:11:53,984 --> 01:11:57,385 But love, real love? 1951 01:11:57,385 --> 01:11:58,794 It's pretty hard to find. 1952 01:12:03,024 --> 01:12:04,555 Hey Thomas! 1953 01:12:04,555 --> 01:12:05,794 You got a call back too! 1954 01:12:05,794 --> 01:12:06,794 Congratulations! 1955 01:12:06,794 --> 01:12:07,724 Yeah, same with you. 1956 01:12:07,724 --> 01:12:08,274 Great, man. 1957 01:12:08,274 --> 01:12:09,635 Hey dude, meet my new girlfriend. 1958 01:12:09,635 --> 01:12:10,635 It's Maria. 1959 01:12:10,635 --> 01:12:11,904 Hi. 1960 01:12:11,904 --> 01:12:12,814 Nice to meet you. 1961 01:12:16,515 --> 01:12:19,344 Nice to meet you. 1962 01:12:19,344 --> 01:12:21,564 Hey Thomas, you're next. 1963 01:12:21,564 --> 01:12:23,034 Great. 1964 01:12:23,034 --> 01:12:24,274 Wish me luck. 1965 01:12:24,274 --> 01:12:27,214 Dude, da da da da da da da. 1966 01:12:27,214 --> 01:12:28,784 Break a leg in there, man. 1967 01:12:28,784 --> 01:12:29,445 What do you think? 1968 01:12:29,445 --> 01:12:29,944 How? 1969 01:12:29,944 --> 01:12:31,024 She's a tomato, huh? 1970 01:12:31,024 --> 01:12:32,365 Yeah, she's great. 1971 01:12:32,365 --> 01:12:32,864 Yeah. 1972 01:12:32,864 --> 01:12:34,604 What happened to her eyes? 1973 01:12:34,604 --> 01:12:36,894 Umbrella accident. 1974 01:12:36,894 --> 01:12:37,644 How you doing, man? 1975 01:12:37,644 --> 01:12:38,804 You heard from Jennifer? 1976 01:12:38,804 --> 01:12:41,684 Nah, she's staying with Tracy. 1977 01:12:41,684 --> 01:12:46,764 Hey, what happened to your mom and her anti-Catholic position? 1978 01:12:46,764 --> 01:12:48,034 Fuck her. 1979 01:12:48,034 --> 01:12:49,004 Hey Tommy. 1980 01:12:49,004 --> 01:12:50,184 It's, it's, this is Johnny. 1981 01:12:50,184 --> 01:12:52,624 Look, I, I need you to do this clown thing for me one more 1982 01:12:52,624 --> 01:12:53,124 time. 1983 01:12:53,124 --> 01:12:54,154 One last time. 1984 01:12:54,154 --> 01:12:55,084 It's in Long Island. 1985 01:12:55,084 --> 01:12:56,844 I'll even let you borrow my father's car. 1986 01:12:56,844 --> 01:13:00,314 I, I just, I just gotta work this thing out with my girl. 1987 01:13:00,314 --> 01:13:00,814 Ugh! 1988 01:13:07,263 --> 01:13:08,263 Great. 1989 01:13:08,263 --> 01:13:09,824 Thanks for the job, Johnny. 1990 01:13:09,824 --> 01:13:11,714 I'm a fricking clown again. 1991 01:13:11,714 --> 01:13:14,154 Who says clowns ain't happy? 1992 01:13:14,154 --> 01:13:15,634 So fricking happy. 1993 01:13:15,634 --> 01:13:18,134 Yeah, that and $9 will get me a coffee at Starbucks. 1994 01:13:19,394 --> 01:13:21,474 Thomas, what are you fucking nuts? 1995 01:13:21,474 --> 01:13:22,163 Why you whining? 1996 01:13:22,163 --> 01:13:24,193 Who the hell are you? 1997 01:13:24,193 --> 01:13:25,203 I'm your better half. 1998 01:13:25,203 --> 01:13:28,153 Think of all the new you could get now. 1999 01:13:28,153 --> 01:13:29,364 Thomas, go back to her. 2000 01:13:29,364 --> 01:13:30,304 She loves you. 2001 01:13:30,304 --> 01:13:31,434 You love her. 2002 01:13:31,434 --> 01:13:31,934 Forget her. 2003 01:13:31,934 --> 01:13:33,294 You fucked her already. 2004 01:13:33,294 --> 01:13:34,754 Move on! 2005 01:13:34,754 --> 01:13:36,384 Thomas, think clearly. 2006 01:13:36,384 --> 01:13:37,844 Follow your heart. 2007 01:13:37,844 --> 01:13:39,334 Go back to her. 2008 01:13:39,334 --> 01:13:40,474 Don't listen to this faggot. 2009 01:13:40,474 --> 01:13:43,414 He wouldn't know a good piece of ass if it sat on his face. 2010 01:13:43,414 --> 01:13:45,043 His idea of a good time is playing 2011 01:13:45,043 --> 01:13:47,043 that fucking annoying harp all day. 2012 01:13:47,043 --> 01:13:50,223 And by the way, he's a horrible fucking harp player. 2013 01:13:50,223 --> 01:13:51,414 God had to buy earplugs. 2014 01:13:51,414 --> 01:13:54,344 Ooh, that smarts! 2015 01:13:54,344 --> 01:13:56,374 Thomas, think of Jennifer. 2016 01:13:56,374 --> 01:13:57,664 Think of you! 2017 01:13:57,664 --> 01:13:59,664 Shut up, you faggot. 2018 01:13:59,664 --> 01:14:02,294 Listen Thomas, if he had any pull, he'd be riding shotgun. 2019 01:14:02,294 --> 01:14:04,063 Thomas, think about it. 2020 01:14:04,063 --> 01:14:08,694 This one decision will be with you for the rest of your life! 2021 01:14:08,694 --> 01:14:09,544 Wait. 2022 01:14:09,544 --> 01:14:11,294 What am I thinking? 2023 01:14:11,294 --> 01:14:13,113 I miss Jennifer. 2024 01:14:13,113 --> 01:14:14,784 Jesus, I love her. 2025 01:14:14,784 --> 01:14:17,113 Who the heck needs this threesome crap? 2026 01:14:17,113 --> 01:14:20,883 You fucking cocksucker sucker bone smoking faggot homo 2027 01:14:20,883 --> 01:14:21,554 piece of shit! 2028 01:14:50,923 --> 01:14:51,424 Jenn? 2029 01:15:01,214 --> 01:15:02,693 Oh wow. 2030 01:15:02,693 --> 01:15:04,184 Oh god! 2031 01:15:04,184 --> 01:15:06,753 What the fuck is this? 2032 01:15:06,753 --> 01:15:09,023 What the fuck's going on here? 2033 01:15:09,023 --> 01:15:09,523 Tom? 2034 01:15:09,523 --> 01:15:10,153 Yeah Tom! 2035 01:15:10,153 --> 01:15:10,883 Don't mind me, Jenn. 2036 01:15:10,883 --> 01:15:12,073 Go ahead and let Darla finish! 2037 01:15:12,073 --> 01:15:13,783 Oh shit. 2038 01:15:13,783 --> 01:15:15,133 Jennifer, are you kidding me? 2039 01:15:15,133 --> 01:15:16,294 You're fucking cheating on me? 2040 01:15:16,294 --> 01:15:16,863 Cheating on you? 2041 01:15:16,863 --> 01:15:17,983 She broke up with you. 2042 01:15:17,983 --> 01:15:19,683 A week ago! 2043 01:15:19,683 --> 01:15:21,833 Jenn, one fucking week? 2044 01:15:21,833 --> 01:15:23,003 That's all it took to get over me? 2045 01:15:23,003 --> 01:15:24,123 One fucking week? 2046 01:15:24,123 --> 01:15:26,873 Look Tommy, I'm really sorry. 2047 01:15:26,873 --> 01:15:28,803 Can I talk to you about this later? 2048 01:15:28,803 --> 01:15:30,023 Can I maybe call you? 2049 01:15:30,023 --> 01:15:32,164 Can you call me? 2050 01:15:32,164 --> 01:15:33,903 You're sorry? 2051 01:15:33,903 --> 01:15:35,713 You're sorry. 2052 01:15:35,713 --> 01:15:37,783 Jenn, how can you do this to me? 2053 01:15:37,783 --> 01:15:40,843 What do you want me to say? 2054 01:15:40,843 --> 01:15:43,233 I like being with Darla. 2055 01:15:43,233 --> 01:15:45,513 She makes me feel good. 2056 01:15:45,513 --> 01:15:49,743 Jenn, this doesn't bother you in the least? 2057 01:15:49,743 --> 01:15:51,563 Are you that fucking heartless? 2058 01:15:51,563 --> 01:15:53,803 Heartless? 2059 01:15:53,803 --> 01:15:54,973 Gimme a break! 2060 01:15:54,973 --> 01:15:55,813 Give you a break? 2061 01:15:55,813 --> 01:15:57,923 How about all your fucking rules? 2062 01:15:57,923 --> 01:16:00,193 Don't be with the same woman twice. 2063 01:16:00,193 --> 01:16:01,893 Don't be with anyone we know. 2064 01:16:01,893 --> 01:16:02,963 Sound familiar, doesn't it Jenn? 2065 01:16:02,963 --> 01:16:05,783 You're fucking breaking the rules here, not me! 2066 01:16:05,783 --> 01:16:07,553 Tom, I think you should go. 2067 01:16:07,553 --> 01:16:08,673 You think I should go? 2068 01:16:08,673 --> 01:16:13,393 Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's what she said. 2069 01:16:13,393 --> 01:16:14,102 Want me to go? 2070 01:16:19,863 --> 01:16:21,853 Jenn, can't you see she's playing 2071 01:16:21,853 --> 01:16:23,883 some sick kind of fucking game? 2072 01:16:23,883 --> 01:16:26,643 I'm playing a game? 2073 01:16:26,643 --> 01:16:28,072 You're the one that wanted to share her 2074 01:16:28,072 --> 01:16:30,353 with any girl that was available. 2075 01:16:30,353 --> 01:16:33,603 You know, if I had her as a girlfriend, 2076 01:16:33,603 --> 01:16:36,693 I would never share her with anyone. 2077 01:16:36,693 --> 01:16:37,193 Ever. 2078 01:16:40,513 --> 01:16:41,942 Jenn. 2079 01:16:41,942 --> 01:16:44,822 This is it? 2080 01:16:44,822 --> 01:16:45,812 We're done? 2081 01:17:08,852 --> 01:17:09,353 Ooh. 2082 01:17:12,503 --> 01:17:15,343 Hey, T-T-Thomas. 2083 01:17:15,343 --> 01:17:19,812 Th- this is my friend Stephanie. 2084 01:17:19,812 --> 01:17:20,822 Hi, T-T-T-T-Thomas. 2085 01:17:23,552 --> 01:17:24,682 Hey guys. 2086 01:17:27,552 --> 01:17:28,343 Dad, that's him. 2087 01:17:28,343 --> 01:17:29,002 That's the guy! 2088 01:17:29,002 --> 01:17:29,502 Him? 2089 01:17:29,502 --> 01:17:30,043 Yeah! 2090 01:17:30,043 --> 01:17:31,932 Oh, you've gotta be kidding me. 2091 01:17:31,932 --> 01:17:33,742 Well look who it is! 2092 01:17:33,742 --> 01:17:34,492 What? 2093 01:17:34,492 --> 01:17:36,762 So where do you get off telling my kid that you're a warlock? 2094 01:17:36,762 --> 01:17:38,012 Scaring him half to death. 2095 01:17:38,012 --> 01:17:39,702 The kid can't sleep! 2096 01:17:39,702 --> 01:17:42,002 He's been sleeping in my room every night! 2097 01:17:42,002 --> 01:17:42,732 Look, I'm sorry. 2098 01:17:42,732 --> 01:17:44,412 But maybe if you teach your kid to stop 2099 01:17:44,412 --> 01:17:46,183 picking on kids with speech impediments, this never-- 2100 01:17:46,183 --> 01:17:47,053 Hey, look asshole. 2101 01:17:47,053 --> 01:17:49,033 Don't tell me how to raise my kid. 2102 01:17:49,033 --> 01:17:51,932 Dude, don't make me have to kick your ass again, all right? 2103 01:17:52,432 --> 01:17:52,932 Oh! 2104 01:17:53,432 --> 01:17:54,422 Damn! 2105 01:17:54,422 --> 01:18:00,592 Where are you? 2106 01:18:00,592 --> 01:18:04,332 Come on, I'll kick your ass! 2107 01:18:04,332 --> 01:18:07,332 Mmm, mmm, mmm. 2108 01:18:07,332 --> 01:18:08,812 Oh fuck! 2109 01:18:59,562 --> 01:19:01,102 THOMAS (ON ANSWERING MACHINE): This is Thomas. 2110 01:19:01,102 --> 01:19:02,312 JENNIFER (ON ANSWERING MACHINE): And Jennifer. 2111 01:19:02,312 --> 01:19:03,841 THOMAS (ON ANSWERING MACHINE): Leave a message 2112 01:19:03,841 --> 01:19:05,052 after the 2113 01:19:05,052 --> 01:19:06,512 ERNIE (ON ANSWERING MACHINE): Yo, Tommy boy! 2114 01:19:06,512 --> 01:19:07,302 It's Ernie. 2115 01:19:07,302 --> 01:19:08,901 You're not gonna believe this! 2116 01:19:08,901 --> 01:19:10,792 Dude, I got the commercial! 2117 01:19:10,792 --> 01:19:12,292 It's national! 2118 01:19:13,752 --> 01:19:17,052 Oh, uh, uh, I'm sorry you didn't get it, bro. 2119 01:19:17,052 --> 01:19:19,022 Oh, and I'm getting married. 2120 01:19:19,022 --> 01:19:20,362 Dude, call me. 2121 01:19:23,982 --> 01:19:25,642 THOMAS (ON ANSWERING MACHINE): This is Thomas. 2122 01:19:25,642 --> 01:19:26,472 JENNIFER (ON ANSWERING MACHINE): And Jennifer. 2123 01:19:26,472 --> 01:19:28,012 THOMAS (ON ANSWERING MACHINE): Leave a message 2124 01:19:28,012 --> 01:19:29,881 after the 2125 01:19:29,881 --> 01:19:31,711 SEAMUS Hey Thomas, it's Seamus. 2126 01:19:31,711 --> 01:19:35,222 Edgar has to leave for another cruise again, and-- what? 2127 01:19:35,222 --> 01:19:36,572 Oh, he isn't going? 2128 01:19:36,572 --> 01:19:37,681 Sorry Thomas. 2129 01:19:37,681 --> 01:19:39,442 Turns out he isn't leaving. 2130 01:19:39,442 --> 01:19:40,562 Hope all is well. 2131 01:19:57,892 --> 01:19:59,392 NEIGHBOR 1 Fondle it, fondle it! 2132 01:19:59,392 --> 01:20:00,641 NEIGHBOR 2 Oh, oh, . 2133 01:20:00,641 --> 01:20:01,671 Oh yes! 2134 01:20:01,671 --> 01:20:04,122 Oh . 2135 01:20:04,122 --> 01:20:05,611 NEIGHBOR 2 2136 01:20:05,611 --> 01:20:07,102 NEIGHBOR 1 Ooh, there it is! 2137 01:20:07,102 --> 01:20:09,092 NEIGHBOR 2 Smear it on your face. 2138 01:20:09,092 --> 01:20:10,082 Smear it on your face. 2139 01:20:10,581 --> 01:20:11,902 NEIGHBOR 1 Oh, oh yes! 2140 01:20:11,902 --> 01:20:13,062 NEIGHBOR 2 2141 01:20:13,062 --> 01:20:14,052 Yes! 2142 01:20:14,052 --> 01:20:14,551 Ooh! 2143 01:20:15,052 --> 01:20:17,042 NEIGHBOR 1 Oh my god! 2144 01:20:50,872 --> 01:20:53,731 Hi. 2145 01:20:53,731 --> 01:20:54,691 Oh my god, Derek! 2146 01:20:54,691 --> 01:20:55,541 Oh hi. 2147 01:20:55,541 --> 01:20:56,042 Uh. 2148 01:20:56,042 --> 01:20:57,401 What are you doing here? 2149 01:20:57,401 --> 01:20:59,641 . 2150 01:20:59,641 --> 01:21:01,882 Whoa! 2151 01:21:01,882 --> 01:21:03,301 That was weird. 2152 01:21:03,301 --> 01:21:04,691 You don't understand. 2153 01:21:06,091 --> 01:21:07,461 What's up? 2154 01:21:07,461 --> 01:21:08,822 Well, I've been trying to reach you, 2155 01:21:08,822 --> 01:21:10,952 but your phone's disconnected. 2156 01:21:10,952 --> 01:21:15,011 So your, your friend Ernie gave me your address, so I came by. 2157 01:21:15,011 --> 01:21:17,281 Oh, w-what's going on? 2158 01:21:17,281 --> 01:21:19,321 There's a commercial that you're perfect for. 2159 01:21:19,321 --> 01:21:22,911 So I was in the neighborhood, so I brought it by for you here. 2160 01:21:22,911 --> 01:21:23,802 Wow, thanks a lot! 2161 01:21:23,802 --> 01:21:27,021 That's really nice of you. 2162 01:21:27,021 --> 01:21:28,311 Ah, is this it? 2163 01:21:28,311 --> 01:21:29,581 Mm hmm. 2164 01:21:29,581 --> 01:21:31,591 Thanks a lot. 2165 01:21:31,591 --> 01:21:32,551 Cool. 2166 01:21:32,551 --> 01:21:34,461 All right, well take care. 2167 01:21:34,461 --> 01:21:36,591 Take care, Thomas. 2168 01:21:36,591 --> 01:21:42,101 Hey, do you want to get a cup of coffee or something with me? 2169 01:21:42,101 --> 01:21:44,181 You want to get a cup of coffee with me? 2170 01:21:44,181 --> 01:21:47,021 I, I, I haven't showered in like three days. 2171 01:21:47,021 --> 01:21:47,901 Three weeks. 2172 01:21:47,901 --> 01:21:48,730 Oh, come on. 2173 01:21:48,730 --> 01:21:50,501 I mean, it's, it's, it just isn't a good time. 2174 01:21:50,501 --> 01:21:52,551 Uh, er, you know. 2175 01:21:52,551 --> 01:21:53,861 Don't make me beg. 2176 01:21:53,861 --> 01:21:55,051 Don't make you beg? 2177 01:21:55,051 --> 01:21:56,921 No, I'm not gonna make you beg. 2178 01:21:56,921 --> 01:21:57,421 All right. 2179 01:22:03,141 --> 01:22:04,401 Don't you have a boyfriend? 2180 01:22:04,401 --> 01:22:04,901 I did. 2181 01:22:04,901 --> 01:22:06,541 I don't anymore. 2182 01:22:06,541 --> 01:22:09,321 He kept trying to get me to sleep with other women. 2183 01:22:09,321 --> 01:22:10,061 Really? 2184 01:22:10,061 --> 01:22:10,771 Really. 2185 01:22:10,771 --> 01:22:11,650 What an asshole. 2186 01:22:11,650 --> 01:22:14,041 I guess the moral of the story 2187 01:22:14,041 --> 01:22:18,741 is, if you love what you got and you got what you love, 2188 01:22:18,741 --> 01:22:20,111 don't fuck it up! 2189 01:22:23,411 --> 01:22:23,981 How can I-- 2190 01:22:23,981 --> 01:22:25,111 DIRECTOR . 2191 01:22:25,111 --> 01:22:26,171 I'm gonna forget it again. 2192 01:22:26,171 --> 01:22:27,271 DIRECTOR You're not! 2193 01:22:27,271 --> 01:22:28,291 And I did. 2194 01:22:28,291 --> 01:22:29,841 Thomas, think about it. 2195 01:22:29,841 --> 01:22:32,061 I just forgot my lines. 2196 01:22:35,151 --> 01:22:36,420 Excuse me, asshole. 2197 01:22:36,420 --> 01:22:37,811 I mean stir. 2198 01:22:37,811 --> 01:22:39,480 I means s-- I mean sir. 2199 01:22:39,480 --> 01:22:40,221 I meant sir. 2200 01:22:40,221 --> 01:22:41,011 I didn't mean stir. 2201 01:22:41,011 --> 01:22:41,881 Cut! 2202 01:22:41,881 --> 01:22:42,721 Come on, let me in! 2203 01:22:42,721 --> 01:22:44,201 I was kidding! 2204 01:22:44,201 --> 01:22:48,151 I was just kidding! 2205 01:22:48,151 --> 01:22:50,851 However we wind up having sex , we would-- 2206 01:22:50,851 --> 01:22:51,791 Whoo! 2207 01:22:51,791 --> 01:22:53,560 Cut! 2208 01:22:53,560 --> 01:22:55,330 Chick is nothing more to me than a sperm receptacle. 2209 01:22:55,330 --> 01:22:57,821 Sperm respect-- 2210 01:22:57,821 --> 01:22:59,310 Who's that? 2211 01:22:59,310 --> 01:23:02,051 $99 to meet a bunch of broads whose idea of a workout 2212 01:23:02,051 --> 01:23:03,400 is jogging up to the buffet? 2213 01:23:08,151 --> 01:23:09,891 Ah! 2214 01:23:09,891 --> 01:23:10,791 Don't! 2215 01:23:10,791 --> 01:23:12,320 I'm sorry. 2216 01:23:12,320 --> 01:23:13,530 I'm sliding all over my pants! 2217 01:23:13,530 --> 01:23:14,111 I'm sorry. 2218 01:23:14,111 --> 01:23:18,450 I mean, don't you think-- my earring fell off. 2219 01:23:18,450 --> 01:23:20,081 DIRECTOR It's OK, it's OK! 2220 01:23:20,081 --> 01:23:20,580 Keep rolling. 2221 01:23:20,580 --> 01:23:22,460 Not as much as your mouth. 2222 01:23:22,460 --> 01:23:24,520 All right, that's fine. 2223 01:23:24,520 --> 01:23:26,841 You fucking idiot. 2224 01:23:26,841 --> 01:23:29,941 You question their credibility, whether or not-- oh fuck. 2225 01:23:29,941 --> 01:23:31,110 No Tom. 2226 01:23:31,110 --> 01:23:32,821 You push-- aw shit, fuck. 2227 01:23:35,510 --> 01:23:39,160 You know, I'm not getting any younger. 2228 01:23:42,580 --> 01:23:44,741 Let's celebrate together again one more time. 2229 01:23:44,741 --> 01:23:46,370 And I fuck it up, so all just come back please. 2230 01:23:48,520 --> 01:23:52,160 Are you, you know, are you single right now? 2231 01:23:52,160 --> 01:23:53,490 Am I blowing anyone? 2232 01:23:53,490 --> 01:23:56,040 Uh, I don't really have time to blow anyone 2233 01:23:56,040 --> 01:23:59,040 because it's uh, that time and you know. 2234 01:23:59,040 --> 01:23:59,540 Yeah. 2235 01:23:59,540 --> 01:24:01,320 Have you had a time of the month? 2236 01:24:01,320 --> 01:24:01,821 I'll come. 2237 01:24:01,821 --> 01:24:02,751 You guys gonna take a dump? 2238 01:24:02,751 --> 01:24:03,250 Yeah. 2239 01:24:03,250 --> 01:24:04,390 Yeah, come on. 2240 01:24:04,390 --> 01:24:05,420 Don't pay any attention to him. 2241 01:24:05,420 --> 01:24:05,920 Good god. 2242 01:24:05,920 --> 01:24:06,420 Come on. 2243 01:24:06,420 --> 01:24:07,150 I'm gonna find her. 2244 01:24:07,150 --> 01:24:09,701 I mean, there's gotta be a girl like that-- uh fuck you! 2245 01:24:09,701 --> 01:24:11,170 Fuck me! 2246 01:24:11,170 --> 01:24:13,120 Fuck Jm! 2247 01:24:13,120 --> 01:24:15,560 Fuck everybody! 2248 01:24:15,560 --> 01:24:16,570 It's like fat broads. 2249 01:24:16,570 --> 01:24:19,440 Their idea, uh, you know. 2250 01:24:19,440 --> 01:24:20,280 Fuck. 2251 01:24:20,280 --> 01:24:23,790 So how, how can my penis mean anything ? 2252 01:24:23,790 --> 01:24:24,430 No! 2253 01:24:24,930 --> 01:24:25,490 So what now? 2254 01:24:25,490 --> 01:24:26,210 Whoo! 2255 01:24:26,210 --> 01:24:27,410 Um, now we get undressed. 2256 01:24:27,410 --> 01:24:28,560 Let's get undressed. 2257 01:24:28,560 --> 01:24:30,090 I bet you I'll beat you, Bellamy. 2258 01:24:30,090 --> 01:24:31,430 Oh fuck, I'm an idiot. 2259 01:24:32,150 --> 01:24:33,820 I once fucked a guy up the ass 2260 01:24:33,820 --> 01:24:35,490 and, and, and he had hemorrhoids. 2261 01:24:35,490 --> 01:24:36,890 It was like speed bumps to get in. 2262 01:24:36,890 --> 01:24:38,160 DEREK Oh, that is so hot. 2263 01:24:38,160 --> 01:24:39,820 I, I'm going to write down. 2264 01:24:39,820 --> 01:24:40,660 That's a real visual. 2265 01:24:40,660 --> 01:24:44,000 It's like throwing a deck chair off the-- excuse me. 2266 01:24:45,770 --> 01:24:49,130 Aah! 2267 01:24:51,410 --> 01:24:56,100 Dude, do you really believe Moses parted the Red Sea? 2268 01:24:56,100 --> 01:24:58,000 It was low tide! 2269 01:24:58,000 --> 01:24:59,730 You fucking idiot! 2270 01:24:59,730 --> 01:25:00,509 Mr. Ross just sneezed! 2271 01:25:00,509 --> 01:25:01,710 DIRECTOR We're rolling. 2272 01:25:01,710 --> 01:25:02,580 We're rolling . 2273 01:25:02,580 --> 01:25:04,240 Mr Ross just sneezed! 2274 01:25:04,740 --> 01:25:05,640 DIRECTOR We're rolling. 2275 01:25:05,640 --> 01:25:07,509 I'm allergic to your acting. 2276 01:25:11,429 --> 01:25:14,290 You try and you cre-- you, oh fuck. 2277 01:25:14,290 --> 01:25:18,650 Well, might be hard to find that woman that, aw fuck me! 2278 01:25:18,650 --> 01:25:24,010 Whose fucking cell phone is that? 2279 01:25:24,010 --> 01:25:25,140 DIRECTOR . 2280 01:25:25,140 --> 01:25:26,620 Uh, hi everybody. 2281 01:25:26,620 --> 01:25:30,560 Uh, my name is Ernest W-- 2282 01:25:30,560 --> 01:25:31,540 That was beautiful. 2283 01:25:31,540 --> 01:25:32,389 Hey wait! 2284 01:25:32,389 --> 01:25:34,680 Oh fuck! 2285 01:25:34,680 --> 01:25:35,180 Fuck. 2286 01:25:36,209 --> 01:25:37,110 There's a blooper. 2287 01:25:37,110 --> 01:25:38,000 That's a blooper. 2288 01:25:38,000 --> 01:25:38,770 We just got a blooper. 2289 01:25:38,770 --> 01:25:40,319 Hey, we got a blooper! 2290 01:25:42,209 --> 01:25:45,990 Wait, . 2291 01:25:45,990 --> 01:25:46,630 Is it hard? 2292 01:25:46,630 --> 01:25:47,369 I gotta ask that. 2293 01:25:47,369 --> 01:25:48,239 Ready? 2294 01:25:48,239 --> 01:25:49,900 I been thinking. 2295 01:25:49,900 --> 01:25:50,630 You know that's scary. 2296 01:25:50,630 --> 01:25:54,920 Last time I did that, I decided to end up 2297 01:25:54,920 --> 01:25:59,500 Dad, how can my-- Dad, how can my penis mean any-- aah! 2298 01:25:59,500 --> 01:26:00,920 DIRECTOR Say it again. 2299 01:26:00,920 --> 01:26:01,860 I can't remember it! 2300 01:26:01,860 --> 01:26:03,279 Cut! 2301 01:26:04,960 --> 01:26:07,690 Do you have a boyfriend? 2302 01:26:07,690 --> 01:26:08,229 I'm sorry. 2303 01:26:09,500 --> 01:26:10,560 Right. 2304 01:26:10,560 --> 01:26:11,429 Good for you. 2305 01:26:11,429 --> 01:26:12,959 You go home and watch "Three's Company" 2306 01:26:12,959 --> 01:26:13,860 and I'll talk to you later. 2307 01:26:13,860 --> 01:26:15,419 Oh, you know, I know girls, you know, 2308 01:26:15,419 --> 01:26:17,039 say it's like a beautiful flower. 2309 01:26:17,039 --> 01:26:18,399 But to me, it's like an artichoke. 2310 01:26:18,399 --> 01:26:20,319 I mean, there's all those flaps and shit. 2311 01:26:20,319 --> 01:26:21,979 I don't know if I should peel it or eat it. 2312 01:26:21,979 --> 01:26:24,710 Those kegel muscles are kicking in right now, let me tell you. 2313 01:26:24,710 --> 01:26:26,229 Mama works out for ya! 2314 01:26:26,229 --> 01:26:26,810 Yeah. 2315 01:26:26,810 --> 01:26:28,500 Ow! 2316 01:26:28,500 --> 01:26:31,029 We're really in love. 2317 01:26:31,029 --> 01:26:32,809 Shit, sorry. 2318 01:26:35,799 --> 01:26:37,789 DIRECTOR . 2319 01:26:37,789 --> 01:26:41,670 What, what, what happened to Deborah, Kelly? 2320 01:26:41,670 --> 01:26:42,769 You, you know, I always 2321 01:26:42,769 --> 01:26:44,189 hated "Too Close For Comfort." 2322 01:26:44,189 --> 01:26:48,580 DEREK Lydia, 2323 01:26:48,580 --> 01:26:50,049 Sarah 2324 01:26:57,949 --> 01:26:59,420 That's for the blooper reel! 2325 01:26:59,420 --> 01:27:01,389 DIRECTOR 138734